Speaker 1: Contrary to popular belief, I don't like working out. That's
Speaker 1: hard to believe, like dead ass, And contrary to popular belief,
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily like living with somebody who was a
Speaker 1: trainer as dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: ass is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing. But it were about to
Speaker 1: take pillow talk to our whole new level. Dead ass
Speaker 1: starts right now. I'm gonna take this back to a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. By the time y'all see this,
Speaker 1: the video will have already come out. I'm in super
Speaker 1: husband trained mode. I'm getting ready to go back to
Speaker 1: film Sister season five. Wife. He is coming off of
Speaker 1: her postpartum uh journey with with weight loss the first
Speaker 1: six to eight weeks, and she's not feeling like yo,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm, I'm ready to go because she already knows
Speaker 1: when I start training up, it's a different animal, but
Speaker 1: the same beast. You feel me right, So now I
Speaker 1: got her outside, were running the hills, We got the
Speaker 1: medicine ball, throwing the medicine ball, she lifting weighs, dead lift,
Speaker 1: hand clean, She's getting her speed training in. But in
Speaker 1: this particular day, Matt and Josh we're here the film
Speaker 1: and it started, and we were trying to get some content,
Speaker 1: you know, so people can see that Codeine really gets
Speaker 1: it in, Like this is not a thing where she
Speaker 1: just be putting on workout clothes to get brand partnerships
Speaker 1: and putting on makeup to look cute. No, Couldin really
Speaker 1: be working out. So I had an idea because typically
Speaker 1: Codein and I run out, We run in the front.
Speaker 1: We have the medicine balls about thirty pounds, and we
Speaker 1: walked down the hill with the medicine ball and we
Speaker 1: walked back up with the medicine ball over our heads.
Speaker 1: So in my mind, I could just put the treadmill
Speaker 1: on the incline and we can walk on the treadmill
Speaker 1: and hold the ball up and we can swap back
Speaker 1: and forth. So I'm in full train of mode. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm talking. I'm trying to inspire. I'm saying every
Speaker 1: quote knowing the man and trying to get K to
Speaker 1: be inspired. And Codin is not inspired, right, and she
Speaker 1: just like she dragged, and she dragged. I'm like, let's go.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that, don't hurt tell yourself,
Speaker 1: I don't hurt you. Know what I'm saying, hold the
Speaker 1: ball overhead. I got you. I got you. So while
Speaker 1: I'm saying I got you, I looked down at the treadmill.
Speaker 1: She's holding the ball over her head, and I looked
Speaker 1: down at the treadmill to see what the speed was,
Speaker 1: and all I heard was, oh God. And when I
Speaker 1: look up, K has dropped the medicine ball on her forehead.
Speaker 1: But she caught it. She caught it, right. So I
Speaker 1: literally look at her forehead and she got the tired
Speaker 1: tracks from the medicine ball on her forehead like she
Speaker 1: just got run over by a four by four. And
Speaker 1: She's like, dw it hurts. I'm like, that's just pain
Speaker 1: leaving the body. Like I'm trying to distract her, right,
Speaker 1: and I see a little blood starting to come off
Speaker 1: forehead right. She's like, am I bleeding? Bleeding? And I'm like, nah,
Speaker 1: it's people got blood, sweat and tears when they lose weight.
Speaker 1: And she's like, am I bleeding? Matt? So Matt looks
Speaker 1: right at her forehead and then he looks at me,
Speaker 1: and I look at Matt like Matt looking at foreheads, like, nah,
Speaker 1: you're good me while she's bleeding right, like she had
Speaker 1: the thorns that Jesus had on when he was going
Speaker 1: to the cross. That's what forehead looks like. And I
Speaker 1: just I just kept going. So I got the ball back.
Speaker 1: And when I got the ball back, it had makeup
Speaker 1: on it, which at first, when I saw it, I
Speaker 1: thought it was part of Cadine's face because it was
Speaker 1: the same color. It looked like skin on the ball,
Speaker 1: and I kind of got shocked. I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I got her forehead on the ball. But you know
Speaker 1: what I didn't do. I didn't panic, and we didn't stop.
Speaker 1: She finished the whole workout. Burns seven calories that day,
Speaker 1: because that's how the elliss do literal blood, sweat, tears,
Speaker 1: makeup on the mid ball every day and runs and
Speaker 1: rug burns on your forehead. But that ain't the first
Speaker 1: time she had rug bars on for before. All right,
Speaker 1: let's close this, but that's a different type of workout.
Speaker 1: And that's that's that for one and two and three
Speaker 1: and four, And get them syms right and tuck your
Speaker 1: tongue any time and do your just like this, get
Speaker 1: head stop, get up check. Do y'all know what song
Speaker 1: that is? He's workout thanks to Devil's workout plan on
Speaker 1: the envy of all my friends. That's gonna be k
Speaker 1: awesoone oh someone, allR y'all. Let's take a break and
Speaker 1: come back, and I'm gonna tell you all my version
Speaker 1: of the the story is time you guys, Thankfully I live
Speaker 1: to see another day. We'll be back, all right, y'all,
Speaker 1: So about that story. Time, My head's okay. You know,
Speaker 1: it's a little sword to the touch still, you know
Speaker 1: I was able to camouflage a bit, you know. Um
Speaker 1: for me, it was Cassy that said, Mommy, what happened
Speaker 1: to your head? I was happened to your head? What
Speaker 1: what happened to your head. I was like, Cassie, you know,
Speaker 1: Daddy and I were in the gym. The balls fell,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh the balls fell. Good thing.
Speaker 1: He doesn't know what ball. It could have been other balls,
Speaker 1: so you know, I'm saying it could have been other walls.
Speaker 1: But he said, you know, but anyway back, challenge challenge.
Speaker 1: You know, hey, you know, stranger things have happened in
Speaker 1: that this household. But seriously, in that moment, I was
Speaker 1: on the treadmill and I'm like, why Devo, Like that's
Speaker 1: the first thing I'm thinking, why Devout? I still have
Speaker 1: a little bit of residual clumsy left in my bones
Speaker 1: after having the baby, because that's the thing whenever you
Speaker 1: get bringing into clumsy, right, so the clumsy has not
Speaker 1: fully left my body. Um So, the minute I saw
Speaker 1: him turn that treadmill on and then we're super setting
Speaker 1: it so we're taking turns, actually going back and forth.
Speaker 1: So DEVI has to understand that ain't going the same
Speaker 1: speed he going. You know what I'm saying, you gotta
Speaker 1: alter it a little bit for me. Um But once
Speaker 1: I saw the treadmill going, and then it's just so
Speaker 1: many things you have to keep in mind because it's
Speaker 1: like your freet have to move. Then you have to
Speaker 1: have your arms up above your head. You got to
Speaker 1: squeeze your core. You gotta think, you gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: breathe because that's something I forget to do all the
Speaker 1: time so you don't pass out. And then I didn't
Speaker 1: realize in that moment that I forgot to wash my
Speaker 1: face when we worked out, so I had makeup dripping
Speaker 1: down my face, which I hate because I never worked
Speaker 1: out with makeup one And I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1: It was like the sweat that was like building up
Speaker 1: in my body. My hands were, my palms were sweaty.
Speaker 1: And then the ball just had no traction on it anymore,
Speaker 1: and it just it just hit me right in the face.
Speaker 1: And the first thing I could think of was my mom.
Speaker 1: The first thing I got thinking of was my mom
Speaker 1: looking at me in horror, like, oh my god, being
Speaker 1: your messr face? Your face? Are you gonna be on
Speaker 1: TV with your face like that? Is it gonna scar? Like?
Speaker 1: That's all I could hear, you know, And then she
Speaker 1: would have came for you, which you intricate asked workouts,
Speaker 1: but you know, I looked over at Matt Matt gave
Speaker 1: me the head not of reassurance, which I come to
Speaker 1: find out now Matthew ellis, I might have to kick
Speaker 1: you out the family for that one, because he told
Speaker 1: me was just like, now you good, cay you good.
Speaker 1: You know, but I appreciate the support. I know that's
Speaker 1: what he was going for. And um, you know, the
Speaker 1: cameras kept rolling and I kept walking and you finished.
Speaker 1: And that's the point and more love the story as
Speaker 1: I finished, and you did high and Klin runs you
Speaker 1: after that. You did high Clin sprunt you after that.
Speaker 1: So the more the story is when you fall, you
Speaker 1: get back. We fall down, but we get up exactly.
Speaker 1: You gotta get back up. You do get back up.
Speaker 1: Remember that time Cairo fell off the treadmill. Yes, Cayro
Speaker 1: fell off the treadmill. That kid right there can give
Speaker 1: me a whole heart attack one of these days. He
Speaker 1: tries to come into the gym with me for motivation
Speaker 1: as well, because we'll talk about motivation and all that
Speaker 1: on this episode. But I am never more motivated than
Speaker 1: anybody but my five year old five year old Cairo,
Speaker 1: who ya know, is a beast in the gym and
Speaker 1: everything athletic like totally takes the initiative to go work
Speaker 1: out by himself. So usually when I'm in the gym
Speaker 1: or I'm going to work out, it's really cute when
Speaker 1: you come along and he'll be like, it's okay, mommy,
Speaker 1: I'll work out with you. You You want me training today,
Speaker 1: And then hearing him say the things that you say
Speaker 1: to them regularly in the gym, he was like, come on, mommy,
Speaker 1: hard work beats talent. Hard work beats talent. I'm like,
Speaker 1: who is this talking? This kid is like understands the
Speaker 1: mentality I'm explaining to you. Like my sound bite, I
Speaker 1: don't like working out. I got bad sciatica, So if
Speaker 1: I don't work out, my back starts to hurt, my
Speaker 1: legs start to hurt. So I have to work out
Speaker 1: consistently or my sacietica is going to continuously flare up
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be walking like an old man in
Speaker 1: my thirties. And I just won't let that happen because
Speaker 1: I was doing that a lot in my late twenties
Speaker 1: because I wasn't as consistent with my workouts. Number two,
Speaker 1: working out to me is like the most consistent form
Speaker 1: of testing your will. You know, like everything in life
Speaker 1: is based on on will power and do you have
Speaker 1: the mental fortitude to get through this when it gets hard.
Speaker 1: When you practice testing your will on a daily basis
Speaker 1: to working out, whether it be push ups, burpees, pull ups,
Speaker 1: running a mile, or something like that, you're teaching your
Speaker 1: mind and your body to constantly keep going when you
Speaker 1: don't want to. So to a lot of people, it
Speaker 1: looks like, oh, if I just loves working out, it's
Speaker 1: really not that I love working out. I would love
Speaker 1: to to have a six pack and v apps that
Speaker 1: my wife admires so much by doing nothing. But that's
Speaker 1: just not the case. I have poor eating habits, right.
Speaker 1: I snack at night after I smoke, I get the munchies.
Speaker 1: I love candy, I love cakes, cadeans and others. So like,
Speaker 1: if I don't work, if I don't work out, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm not gonna be healthy, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So for me, it's it's a measure of will. Plus
Speaker 1: it's also me being disciplined to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: you don't have the best eating happens. Keep your body
Speaker 1: moving so that you can be here and available to
Speaker 1: your family. Because heart disease, diabetes, um, what else? Mentally,
Speaker 1: what was the other one? Alzheimer's all running my family
Speaker 1: and all of those can be held back or held at,
Speaker 1: babe by drinking water, getting sleep, and working up absolutely well.
Speaker 1: Will is something I am at a deficit four all right, y'all.
Speaker 1: Will is something that I am working on. Will is
Speaker 1: one of those things that I have to will myself
Speaker 1: to have because historically I don't have the best relationship
Speaker 1: with workout, actually working out. I actually have a very
Speaker 1: poor relationship with working out. It's one of those things
Speaker 1: that I just never felt the need to want to
Speaker 1: make time for. It's something that I did and I
Speaker 1: do because you have a partner who's active, who's going
Speaker 1: to the gym, that looks at you and it's just like,
Speaker 1: did you go to the gym today? Are you going
Speaker 1: to go today? Not because he wants me to look
Speaker 1: a certain kind of way, but because I will usually
Speaker 1: be in his air about things that I want to do,
Speaker 1: things that I want to accomplish. He come analysis, He's
Speaker 1: usually in my air reminding me of the things that
Speaker 1: I want to do. Thank you want to accomplish? Look
Speaker 1: at Cadine having accountability the y'all, what no you are
Speaker 1: have an account of baby, but also holding other people accountable.
Speaker 1: Pop Like, why did I be pushing Codeine so hard?
Speaker 1: When Codein says she want to look a certain way,
Speaker 1: or she want to wear certain clothes, or she wants
Speaker 1: certain roles on TV and they require her to be
Speaker 1: a certain way, I am accountable for helping her reach
Speaker 1: her goal. It ain't me doing it because I want
Speaker 1: my That's it just pisses me off from people be
Speaker 1: like why she why he gotta push her to look
Speaker 1: a certain way? And it don't beat me push she
Speaker 1: want to push herself. Can I not be a partner
Speaker 1: in helping her push? But that's in a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 1: And damn tell him how you really feel, baby, No,
Speaker 1: because in his the sad truth though, you you can't
Speaker 1: even in this day and age, empower and and root
Speaker 1: for your wife to do anything. People find for in
Speaker 1: everything you do. Absolutely nobody, nobody asked me how I
Speaker 1: felt about it. You know, they're just uh, pretty much
Speaker 1: imposing their ideas and their thoughts on that. Yeah I do.
Speaker 1: I was just like, what what, I can't even support
Speaker 1: you and motivate you and just show people that I
Speaker 1: do that just because that's just what we do, you know.
Speaker 1: So he's absolutely right. A lot of the times, there
Speaker 1: are things that I want to do, things that I
Speaker 1: want to accomplish, that require me to look a certain
Speaker 1: way and to feel a certain way about myself. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's not even how you look, because a lot of
Speaker 1: people will say to you, hey, you look fine. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you don't look like you had four kids,
Speaker 1: you just had a baby four months ago. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you look great. None of that matters, None of that
Speaker 1: ship betters, because then said person, as in me or
Speaker 1: that mom who might have just had a baby, is
Speaker 1: looking at herself every morning, picking apart every single thing
Speaker 1: that she's unhappy. I watched you do it all the time,
Speaker 1: and not and not for nothing, guys. That's that's why
Speaker 1: I'm so hard on Cadeine. Because when you watch the
Speaker 1: woman you love wake up every morning right and stand
Speaker 1: in the mirror naked and pinch and prod and turn
Speaker 1: and then grimace in her face. When you when you
Speaker 1: enjoy and admire the way she is, there's something and
Speaker 1: you just like, like, I wish I could take that
Speaker 1: from you, because I I know for a fact, I
Speaker 1: don't mind going to work out every day. If I
Speaker 1: had to take on the thirty pounds while you were pregnant,
Speaker 1: I would take it on because I'm like, fine, I'll
Speaker 1: take it on and then once the baby come out,
Speaker 1: I'll just I'll bust my ass to lose it. But
Speaker 1: I can't. So when I got to watch you like
Speaker 1: do all of that, it's bothersome to me. I'm like, dang,
Speaker 1: I feel so bad. So when you say you want
Speaker 1: to get back, I'm like, let's go. Let's let's do this.
Speaker 1: I appreciate having that partner in you for that reason.
Speaker 1: And you know, everyone says, give yourself grace, give yourself grace, um,
Speaker 1: which I tried to do, But there's also to the
Speaker 1: desire to just feel like yourself again. So honestly, feel
Speaker 1: like women should be able to exist in the duality
Speaker 1: of feeling grateful and thankful that their bodies are able
Speaker 1: to bring forth life. Right, we are this divine portal
Speaker 1: between two dimensions, right between in utero and earthside. So
Speaker 1: I can celebrate that and I can be happy for that,
Speaker 1: and I can say, you know what, girl, go you
Speaker 1: you grew and nurtured and how's this human for nine
Speaker 1: ten months? Um? And then you have to get back.
Speaker 1: Then you're nursing this baby for months or years after,
Speaker 1: depending on the person. But I can also be like,
Speaker 1: but I'm over it, and I want to be back
Speaker 1: to whoever the funk I was before, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? I want to be Codean who I was before.
Speaker 1: I want to be the better version of who Codein
Speaker 1: was prior to this baby. Um. And there's always this
Speaker 1: pressure in this stigma around the whole, like snack back culture,
Speaker 1: snap back culture and what that looks like. Um, And
Speaker 1: I think it's just it can be a little bit
Speaker 1: hairy because some people will look at it as a
Speaker 1: positive thing, like hey girl, you snap back, And then
Speaker 1: I think it's the time frame that's more so the issue,
Speaker 1: like how long it takes for somebody to snap back,
Speaker 1: people taking longer, or some people taking you know, a
Speaker 1: short amount of time, or people getting assistance to do that.
Speaker 1: It looks different for everybody. So I feel like we
Speaker 1: just in general need to just not judge or shame
Speaker 1: people for that. What I've been seeing on social media is,
Speaker 1: you know, for a woman is working hard to get back,
Speaker 1: I'll see some other women being like, girl, you need
Speaker 1: to go sit down and take care of your baby.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's just then projecting the
Speaker 1: fact that they had a baby years ago and still
Speaker 1: haven't got lost the weight, so now they don't want
Speaker 1: other people yet. You get those type of comments. But
Speaker 1: those sound like projections, you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: it sounds like projections from people who may not be
Speaker 1: comfortable in their own skin and they don't want to
Speaker 1: see someone else get back fast. Or I'll see comments
Speaker 1: like um, like for example, oh, she she got work done,
Speaker 1: you know, so it's like, okay, so I for a
Speaker 1: woman works hard to get back, you have a problem
Speaker 1: with that because you should be taking care of the baby.
Speaker 1: But if a woman goes and gets work done, you
Speaker 1: have a problem with that because she found a shortcut,
Speaker 1: so maybe she didn't have to take as much time
Speaker 1: to spend away from a baby because she got work done.
Speaker 1: It's like it seems almost as if other people don't
Speaker 1: want to see that woman happy. And it comes from women,
Speaker 1: and it does come from some men too, because sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll be looking at be like, dude, why are you
Speaker 1: even comment on a one? Why are you invested a
Speaker 1: woman's to getting back? Like I don't understand men who
Speaker 1: comment on anything that has to do a woman choosing
Speaker 1: to do on her body, whether it's having a baby,
Speaker 1: not having a baby, or trying to get back from babe.
Speaker 1: I'm I'll never understand that because I'll even have some
Speaker 1: men say to me like, oh, your your wife trying
Speaker 1: to get back already, Like why don't you whoa? Why
Speaker 1: don't I want? Why? Why don't I want? Why? Why
Speaker 1: are you following my wife? If it bothers you that much?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I'll never understand. It is
Speaker 1: really an individual thing wholeheartedly, because I just knew this
Speaker 1: time around after having Dakota, and it wasn't the same
Speaker 1: for the other boys. Something other boys, I took my
Speaker 1: time and was like, yeah, I'm not just not in
Speaker 1: the mood with cats. It was that back to back
Speaker 1: having the baby that I was like, bro, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take every bit of this year to slowly just figure
Speaker 1: things out. And it really is an individual, case by
Speaker 1: case scenario. But for me with Dakota, I had already
Speaker 1: had my mind made up that I was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I am on the road to making sure that I'm
Speaker 1: going to be the best version of myself. The biggest
Speaker 1: scare from me this time around was having the episode
Speaker 1: with the postpartum preclampsh it, because that was an indicator
Speaker 1: for me to let me know, oh man, my body
Speaker 1: had was under stressed clearly, because they say pregnancy is
Speaker 1: like that many stress tests, or is actually a major
Speaker 1: stress test that your body goes under. And if this
Speaker 1: is an indicator that I may potentially develop hypertension in
Speaker 1: the future, which is not far off, knowing my family history,
Speaker 1: now is the time for me to invest in myself,
Speaker 1: not just for the vanity of looking good on the outside,
Speaker 1: but the inside. If there are things that I can
Speaker 1: control and the whole this runs in your family situation
Speaker 1: that I can avoid by just diet and exercise. I'm
Speaker 1: going to freaking do that, and that will power that
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily have before. And the discipline that I
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily you know, tap into before is something that
Speaker 1: I'm making a conscious effort to do now. So it's
Speaker 1: funny this time around because when I said to Develo
Speaker 1: and I said to like my sister, and I said
Speaker 1: to my mom, and I was like, I'm not at
Speaker 1: with you all this time, Like I am totally invested
Speaker 1: in getting back and working out. If I laughed at
Speaker 1: me and my sister laughed at me, and they only
Speaker 1: laughed at me because they know historically codem will be
Speaker 1: going hard for two or three weeks, and then CADE
Speaker 1: will do in the role, you know, Homer Simpson in
Speaker 1: the bushes, that'd be me after a while in the
Speaker 1: gym and um, and then I'll betch and moan when
Speaker 1: something's coming up and I'm like, damn, I got a
Speaker 1: month before we gotta do this, or damn I gotta
Speaker 1: film that, and I'm mad at I'm good in this outfit. Um.
Speaker 1: That's usually my track record, but I'm happy to say
Speaker 1: y'all this time around, I really have been sticking it out.
Speaker 1: Like our podcast crew can attest to it. I was
Speaker 1: ordering pizza, pasta, all sources of stuff in here, and
Speaker 1: your girl was not. I was thinking to my meal
Speaker 1: prepped items. I was in the gym if it meant
Speaker 1: that I had to be in there after midnight, because
Speaker 1: that's just the time I had. I've been doing it,
Speaker 1: so I'm proud of me. It does help that you, Um,
Speaker 1: we made a decision that we're not gonna have any
Speaker 1: more kids, so it's easier to say, hey, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get back because you're not thinking I'm gonna get back
Speaker 1: just to get pregnant again. I know that that's extremely
Speaker 1: difficult for a lot of women, and this is a
Speaker 1: Devours truth moment that we have a lot of these.
Speaker 1: When we first got married and you're like, I was,
Speaker 1: so I've always been in love with your body, the
Speaker 1: shape of your body, and I was just like, man,
Speaker 1: once we have kids, I wonder what's gonna happen to
Speaker 1: her body after she has kids? Like that that was
Speaker 1: the thought of mine. Now, of course I was younger,
Speaker 1: but um, I also knew that you didn't like working out,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, you know, like Coatina, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's gonna happen after we have these kids.
Speaker 1: If Kadinian is gonna be like fuck it, Like this
Speaker 1: is what it is, what we're gonna work to get back.
Speaker 1: But after Jackson you got better than you were before Jackson,
Speaker 1: and then after Cairo you was on your roll back,
Speaker 1: and then you got pregnant again and then you game
Speaker 1: more rate. But then after Cats you got back and
Speaker 1: you were better than you were after Jackson. So I
Speaker 1: already know, yeah, this time after Dakota is about to
Speaker 1: be because you've gained ten pounds in all the right
Speaker 1: places after each child. When I met you, you were
Speaker 1: about a hundred and fifteen pounds, and then when we
Speaker 1: got married, you at one thirty five. And after Jackson
Speaker 1: you kind of settled around one kirne kas they came together,
Speaker 1: you settled around one fifty five. Lecture weight and muscle, y'all.
Speaker 1: It's nice, it's really really good. But but I want
Speaker 1: to talk a little bit about some of the facts
Speaker 1: and stats. Some facts and stats. Exercise UM has the
Speaker 1: following benefits, particularly for postpartum within him. So I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna tap into this until and then we'll talk about
Speaker 1: and then after this we're actually gonna get into what
Speaker 1: I work our routines are because you can get some tips.
Speaker 1: But so real quick, Um, if anyone is dealing with
Speaker 1: postpartum right now, UM, it helps to strengthen and tone
Speaker 1: the ad muscles, because that's very important. They get all
Speaker 1: stretched the hell out and pelvic floor be thrashed. Okay,
Speaker 1: holding your bladder sometimes it's not existent. I've had one
Speaker 1: or two moments. UM. It helps to boost energy, It
Speaker 1: may help prevent postpartum depression promotes better sleep, not more
Speaker 1: maybe better. Um, it relieves stress, and they can help
Speaker 1: you lose the extra weight that you may have gained
Speaker 1: during pregnancy. So pretty straightforward. So this is what people
Speaker 1: need to understand about working out right. Working out is
Speaker 1: not like you you can't cram a workout. People think
Speaker 1: if you go to the gym one time and you're
Speaker 1: in the gym for nine hours, you come out the
Speaker 1: next day you look like you put in years of work.
Speaker 1: That's not the way it works. You need to start
Speaker 1: with consistently going to the gym and just walking for
Speaker 1: twenty minutes every day. That's a good twenty minute walk
Speaker 1: every day. You'll lose more weight and do more and
Speaker 1: see more results than an inconsistent person going to the
Speaker 1: gym five and six hours. Right. I told Cadenus once
Speaker 1: she was pregnant that, UM, when you're doing a stress test,
Speaker 1: they typically put you on a treadmill for twenty minutes
Speaker 1: and they asked you to walk, and it may increase
Speaker 1: the speed up and down slightly to see how your
Speaker 1: heart responds. But part of the reason that happens is
Speaker 1: because a twenty minute walk is the bare minimum. A
Speaker 1: humans should be doing every single day. Vast majority of
Speaker 1: people in America do not even walk twenty minutes every day,
Speaker 1: which is sad. Consistent twenty minutes not I walked five,
Speaker 1: I walked three, and then you tally it up. Consistent
Speaker 1: twenty minutes and and and this is this is why
Speaker 1: this is important, right. This has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: pregnancy or women or advantage. So this is why exercise
Speaker 1: is good for every everyone. People who don't regularly exercise
Speaker 1: me lose up to of their muscle, of their muscle
Speaker 1: strength by the age of sixty five. That means your
Speaker 1: muscles atrophy. Atrophy means when you don't you when you
Speaker 1: don't use them, you lose them. That's why our generation
Speaker 1: we live sedentary lifestyles where we're behind desks, we're on
Speaker 1: the computer all the time. Now that we had the pandemic,
Speaker 1: everyone's at home so they zoom everything. So people aren't
Speaker 1: even leaving to walk to the train to get to
Speaker 1: work anymore. So people are starting to lose You ever
Speaker 1: seen that movie Wally where it took place right in
Speaker 1: like two thousand and something, But the robots created a
Speaker 1: world that was so easy for humans that humans lost
Speaker 1: all of their musculature and their bone masks. So they
Speaker 1: were just big blobs. That is a reality that can
Speaker 1: happen to people if you continuously live life the way
Speaker 1: we're living now, where everything is so comfortable, and we
Speaker 1: don't we don't walk, we don't move because we're we're
Speaker 1: beings made to move. We're supposed to lift and run
Speaker 1: and jump. But when we don't do that, those uses
Speaker 1: for those bodies they disappear. So that's why it's good
Speaker 1: for everyone. Regular exercise helps lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels,
Speaker 1: two major risks for heart disease we notice my family
Speaker 1: as well, and diabetes. Like exercise can help you with that.
Speaker 1: Circulation helps with that. Exercise keeps your metabolism elevated even
Speaker 1: after your workout and continues to burn calories as you rest.
Speaker 1: This is a fact. This is why I tend to
Speaker 1: lift weights and not just run. You burn a ton
Speaker 1: of calories when you lift weights. Ladies, this is for you.
Speaker 1: You go to train of training is I want you
Speaker 1: start lifting some weights. I ain't a football playing I
Speaker 1: don't want to lift weights. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: big in bowky ma'am. You do not pump out testosterone
Speaker 1: you could lift the same amount of weights as a
Speaker 1: man and you will never get as big in bowky
Speaker 1: as a man will get. But when you lift weights,
Speaker 1: you tear apart that muscle fiber in it that needs
Speaker 1: to grow. And what does it used to grow? It
Speaker 1: utilizes the fat inside of your body to feed those
Speaker 1: muscles and needs more proteins. So as you're sleeping and resting,
Speaker 1: your body is continuously burning calories and burning fat. So
Speaker 1: the best way to actually carve out your body to
Speaker 1: look leaner is to lift weights, not to just run
Speaker 1: on the treadmill. That does not work. Studies also indicate
Speaker 1: that children's physical activity levels correlate closely with those to
Speaker 1: their parents, which means, thank you, Cairo Jackson, kas in
Speaker 1: Dakota will be what they see. They will be exactly
Speaker 1: what they see. The only reason why they go to
Speaker 1: the gym every day is because when they look up
Speaker 1: and they see you and I in the gym, mail like,
Speaker 1: I guess this is just what we do. So they're
Speaker 1: always in the gym, they're always looking to be active
Speaker 1: and that that will help them even in their minds.
Speaker 1: Because I even told Jackson. Jackson asked, men, well, I
Speaker 1: gotta work out every day, And I said, you don't
Speaker 1: have to work out every day. You can do what
Speaker 1: you want to do. But sometimes in life you have
Speaker 1: to do the things you don't want to do so
Speaker 1: that you can live the way you want to live.
Speaker 1: So what I did with Jackson was I told him
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna you know we've talked about before, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna give you money or give you an allowance
Speaker 1: to do chores stuff that you have to do every day.
Speaker 1: Like if you have your own house, you gotta make
Speaker 1: up your bed, you gotta clean your bathroom, you gotta
Speaker 1: wash up and shower. I'm not giving you money to
Speaker 1: do that. But working out, it's something that you don't
Speaker 1: have to do. If you're going to gym and you
Speaker 1: put the same workout in the gym that you do
Speaker 1: with your school work every day, with your basketball, with
Speaker 1: your holding class, I'll pay you for these workouts. This
Speaker 1: way he'll learn that thing. I can be rewarded for
Speaker 1: doing the things that I don't want to do later
Speaker 1: in life. So for me, working out is also a
Speaker 1: way to teach my children how to be disciplined. And
Speaker 1: you scipped one right here. Improve your mental health and
Speaker 1: mood with an exercise routine. So Kadein and I talked
Speaker 1: about this all the time. Um, your body has endorphins
Speaker 1: and your body also has um oxytocin, which helps you
Speaker 1: feel better. People don't realize that when you work out,
Speaker 1: your body gets pumped with endorphins and oxytocin. That's why
Speaker 1: after a workout you always feel so much better. It's
Speaker 1: it's not that I feel good because I worked out. No,
Speaker 1: your body chemically is being pushed with all the things
Speaker 1: you need to rejuvenate itself. So you'll feel tired, but
Speaker 1: you'll be in a better mood. That is true. I
Speaker 1: noticed that because usually for me, at least for me,
Speaker 1: the hardest part is getting started right. It's the mustering
Speaker 1: up the strength some days, having to talk myself into it,
Speaker 1: having to look at myself and say, okay, Kadeine, you
Speaker 1: know who is this person that you would love for
Speaker 1: your body to look like? Like? Those are the things
Speaker 1: that try to get me into the gym. And then
Speaker 1: once the workout is over, I'm usually like, I'm so
Speaker 1: glad I did that because I feel that much better now.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that because it's important for what
Speaker 1: I'm about to read next. Remember when I told you, guys,
Speaker 1: I had that sports performance company called a Lead Prototype Athletics.
Speaker 1: All of these stats and I am about to point
Speaker 1: out I can tell you are true based on ten
Speaker 1: years and over a thousand kids. Right. Studies show that
Speaker 1: kids who work out do better in school. Regular physical
Speaker 1: activity can help kids build empathy and leadership skills. The
Speaker 1: University of Florida reports that participation in sports help children
Speaker 1: develop self esteem and that girls who participate in sports
Speaker 1: develop increased confidence and have a healthier body image than
Speaker 1: girls who don't participate in sports. As we transition from
Speaker 1: doing just football to football, basketball, softball, volleyball, track and
Speaker 1: field for both boys and girls, we noticed that all
Speaker 1: of our athletes who started with us had an increased
Speaker 1: g p A by the time they finished with us,
Speaker 1: all of them everything even were required to be in
Speaker 1: the programs. Absolutely we did in port car checks every
Speaker 1: third Friday in the month or the end of every
Speaker 1: semester or trimester for the younger kids. But what we
Speaker 1: noticed was even the younger athletes who had a d
Speaker 1: h D issues or a d D issues who were
Speaker 1: on medication, after they started routinely coming to Prototype their
Speaker 1: parents who said, you know, we took him off the
Speaker 1: medication because he just showed so much greater focus. A
Speaker 1: lot more students performed better when they have workouts, either
Speaker 1: early in the morning or during school. But they took
Speaker 1: Jim out of the classroom and parents don't have any
Speaker 1: time in the morning to train their kids. Are they
Speaker 1: still getting recess consistently. I know sometimes they do, sometimes
Speaker 1: they don't, depending on whether and stuff. But some kids,
Speaker 1: kids have to get up and move absolutely like they
Speaker 1: have to get the wiggles out. Well, I know a
Speaker 1: lot of school, especially in Brooklyn U recess was not
Speaker 1: a part of the school program anymore, and neither was Jim.
Speaker 1: It wasn't mandatory, and it was kind of counterproductive because
Speaker 1: I know some some of the education people in education
Speaker 1: I talked to the border that said they took Jim
Speaker 1: out of schools because the competition. They felt like the
Speaker 1: competition was hurting kids self esteem if you're always the
Speaker 1: last person in gym. But I'm like, you're taking away
Speaker 1: life lessons when you do that. You can't eliminate competition
Speaker 1: from children, and then as they become adults, try to
Speaker 1: hold them to a standard that you expect them the
Speaker 1: whole that it's not used that they're not used to.
Speaker 1: So for me, I feel like competition and physical activity
Speaker 1: teaches kids that if I'm not good at this, I
Speaker 1: can routinely work at it to be better. Better. See
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is giving them a benchmark to be
Speaker 1: able to move or you know, to assess that um,
Speaker 1: at least when it comes to their peers too, for sure,
Speaker 1: And when it came to young women, my track girls
Speaker 1: and my volleyball girls, when I tell you, they definitely
Speaker 1: had higher self esteems. They walked around mainly because they
Speaker 1: felt better. They were were talking about track athletes and
Speaker 1: volleyball affrics like that's how I like to train, to
Speaker 1: train a track and field athlete, to be honest, Because
Speaker 1: I noticed that they're lean, right, not usually not super bulky. Um,
Speaker 1: they're lean, you know. The posterior chain is typically built
Speaker 1: up and developed. Yes, the legs, you know. So that's
Speaker 1: what I'm I'm working on now. What I also noticed, too,
Speaker 1: was the camaraderie. We hear so much about how young
Speaker 1: women are jealous and caddy and all this other stuff.
Speaker 1: These young ladies on these teams were like a family,
Speaker 1: true and every team has their riff. I don't want
Speaker 1: to make it seem like they were perfect, because even
Speaker 1: the football teams got their riffs and the basketball teams.
Speaker 1: But these young ladies were a group. They came to
Speaker 1: the gym together, they traveled together, they brought in their
Speaker 1: report cards together, they competed together, they won together, they
Speaker 1: lost together. But I did see them all develop these
Speaker 1: leadership qualities from from fourteen to eight team. When they
Speaker 1: graduated and then went off to college, I felt proud
Speaker 1: to watch them go off to college confidently you know
Speaker 1: about who they are as people, and they just I
Speaker 1: feel like sports and especially training and working out helps
Speaker 1: everyone with them. Oh goodness. Aside from just the track
Speaker 1: and field and the teams that we had in there,
Speaker 1: we ran a program collectively married to the gym, where
Speaker 1: they were for adults for a lot of the moms
Speaker 1: who were in programs and stuff, and we developed really close.
Speaker 1: I mean, two of the moms from that program are
Speaker 1: cats godmother godmothers now. Because we developed such a camaraderie
Speaker 1: and a and a closeness and a bond where it
Speaker 1: was just women mom even dads were exactly and we
Speaker 1: would just motivate each other and keep going, and having
Speaker 1: that group atmosphere was so so so beneficial, just not
Speaker 1: not only just for us to get through the workouts,
Speaker 1: but just to hold each other accountable, you know, having
Speaker 1: someone to help you push to get through that last rep,
Speaker 1: that last set. Um, those were some of the best
Speaker 1: times that we had together, for sure. For sure. So
Speaker 1: let's move and get into nutrition, which is probably the
Speaker 1: bigger part of this family fitness that we're doing here.
Speaker 1: As the Vols sits back and says nutrition because he
Speaker 1: wants to his gummy beers and his cheese puffs at night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: man's it can't even lie. Yeah. But one thing developed
Speaker 1: to tell me, he said, you can afford to eat
Speaker 1: certain things and enjoy the things that you like in
Speaker 1: moderation if you work out hard, because the body is
Speaker 1: still burning that workout. For me, though, if I'm looking
Speaker 1: to um, shed fat, build muscle, lose weight. UM, I
Speaker 1: don't look at the scale much whenever I am starting
Speaker 1: my journey. Stop looking at the scale, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1: Scale is much like the devil a lie and um,
Speaker 1: I'm just not in the business of doing that. It's better,
Speaker 1: if anything, to measure inches and then see how you're
Speaker 1: losing inches. So sometimes for me, it may be that jumpsuit,
Speaker 1: for example, that I want to get back into or
Speaker 1: to wear, and I'll just put it on and say,
Speaker 1: all right, this is this machine even getting past my
Speaker 1: hips today, and then noticing, okay, it's past my hips
Speaker 1: now can it zip? Can't quite zip? And then maybe
Speaker 1: another two or three weeks, Hi, she's zipping up. This
Speaker 1: a little puff and bulged, but she's zipping, and then
Speaker 1: eventually I know that I'll be able to wear this
Speaker 1: confidently outside. Um. But typically trying to wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning generally I'm not a big morning person when
Speaker 1: it comes to eating, but I know that within the
Speaker 1: first hour of waking up you should try to consume something.
Speaker 1: So getting up in the morning preparing my breakfast, UM,
Speaker 1: I'm trying something different this time. It's carb cycling. So
Speaker 1: I'm going like, for example, for the first six weeks,
Speaker 1: um eating medium carbs and medium carbs meaning better carbs.
Speaker 1: So I'm not eating the white rice, which I greatly
Speaker 1: creakly miss in my rice and peas um, but not
Speaker 1: really eating the white starches, dose breads, flour, things like that,
Speaker 1: and kind of replacing that with things like you know,
Speaker 1: a sweet potato or quenoa or um oatmeal, things like that,
Speaker 1: and then still because I'm breastfeeding, oatmeal is also really
Speaker 1: good to have in the mornings for breast milk production UM,
Speaker 1: and I can't severely cut too many of my carbs
Speaker 1: now because of that, because I'm still trying to UM
Speaker 1: produce milk. So I know, once I'm done breastfeeding and
Speaker 1: once cold it gives me a break, then I can
Speaker 1: do it a little bit more strict if I needed to. UM.
Speaker 1: But my problem is that I never want to have
Speaker 1: to worry about doing a fat diet or cutting and
Speaker 1: crashing and doing things for like you know, four to
Speaker 1: eight weeks and then reacclimating to life and enjoying the
Speaker 1: things that I want to eat, and then the way
Speaker 1: it just comes back. So eating five to six times
Speaker 1: a day UM is super important. So the way I
Speaker 1: try to space out my meals, which is difficult for
Speaker 1: me because I'm just not a heavy eater like that.
Speaker 1: So I'll get to the end of the day and
Speaker 1: be like, damn, I still have like a snack and
Speaker 1: a meal that I have to consume that I just
Speaker 1: don't want because I'm not hungry, but the body needs
Speaker 1: this replenishment in order to build that muscle, particularly in
Speaker 1: the protein department. So I'm eating. For example, I'll give
Speaker 1: you an example in the in the morning for breakfast,
Speaker 1: I'll have you know, uh, five eggs worth of egg whites.
Speaker 1: So I'll just kind of separate my eggs and my
Speaker 1: egg whites. UM, throw some spinach up in a bit,
Speaker 1: you know, put a little onion bell peppers to make
Speaker 1: it taste good. Then drowned it in like sugar free
Speaker 1: catchup and saracha, just to get it down. Some days
Speaker 1: because it's hard, um, with a side bowl of maybe
Speaker 1: say oatmeal, um, and then some berries on top. You know,
Speaker 1: that'll be and it's actually not that bad. It's not
Speaker 1: that bad. Or some days it will be turkey bacon
Speaker 1: with you know, um, eggs and stuff. I just try
Speaker 1: not to eat anything super processed too much if I
Speaker 1: can avoid it. UM. The key to it is trying
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're getting those protein sources from
Speaker 1: actual food. I do, though, if I'm in a rush,
Speaker 1: we'll grab a quick protein bar or after a workout.
Speaker 1: Devo has told me taught me that a protein shake
Speaker 1: is pretty good because it gets to the body and
Speaker 1: the bloodstream quicker than if I had to wait for
Speaker 1: the food to be digested in the system. Um, so
Speaker 1: that's what I have for breakfast. I may have the
Speaker 1: protein bar or shake as a snack, or you know
Speaker 1: something a little thing of fruit, you know some you know,
Speaker 1: cold cuts, with a little salad or al tune in salad.
Speaker 1: Then I have my lunch, which is like a sensible meal.
Speaker 1: So just make sure I have again heavy amounts of protein,
Speaker 1: having my vegetable, and then a minimal amount of starch
Speaker 1: or sometimes no starch. If I'm just not doing a
Speaker 1: car right in the morning, You'll make me some waffles
Speaker 1: are drizzle in syrup. And I think about that and
Speaker 1: just be like, I'll just oh, I'll just do two
Speaker 1: letter see see, sometimes I might no work like that
Speaker 1: because me and the two hundred birthies ain't seen each other.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know, a girl, you know you're
Speaker 1: not about to go do the burpies, so go ahead
Speaker 1: and put that doughnut down. That's why. And I have
Speaker 1: the willpower to do that more than I have to
Speaker 1: do the burpies some days. So hey, everybody has to
Speaker 1: know what works for that exactly one little trick that
Speaker 1: I've been doing though that the kids have not picked
Speaker 1: up on yet, y'all. And I feel like this is
Speaker 1: a mom like put a badge on me hack, because
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, always finding ways to make sure that
Speaker 1: my children are not consuming too much sugar, but also
Speaker 1: trying to find the balance where they can live as kids,
Speaker 1: because I know my uncle usuld take me to the
Speaker 1: candy store back of the day and I would clear out,
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm trying to balance between them enjoying
Speaker 1: themselves as kids having a little bit of sugar and
Speaker 1: not I recently found a really good sugar freeze theyrup
Speaker 1: so I told my mom was like, Okay, in the
Speaker 1: mornings with the kids, let's see if they don't know
Speaker 1: the difference if we swapped out the syrups. I know,
Speaker 1: I know who who noticed. They did not notice, not
Speaker 1: even one child that would have noticed, cas because I
Speaker 1: tried cats with the sugar free catchup Jackson, actually all
Speaker 1: three of them, Jackson and Cairo ate their catch up
Speaker 1: with with whatever they had it with, and they completely
Speaker 1: did not know the difference. Kaz looked at me and
Speaker 1: he was like, Mommy, I don't like this kitchu. Mommy,
Speaker 1: this is not the right catchup. Of course it's the
Speaker 1: right catchup show. I showed him like the Hinds bottle,
Speaker 1: and he literally looked at me. It was just like,
Speaker 1: I bit if you say so, but I'm not about
Speaker 1: to eat this ketchup. And cats, who normally will be
Speaker 1: scraping his plate for ketchup, had a whole globy ketchup
Speaker 1: still on his plate. So I was like, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be a tough one. My father tried that with us
Speaker 1: with the eater flakes. Back in the day. We got
Speaker 1: getter flakes one time, right, and we used to They
Speaker 1: used to take the frosted flakes and put it in
Speaker 1: the cereal container with the plastic joint. So one day
Speaker 1: he brought out these ga flakes. It was in the
Speaker 1: gitta box, right, and we like gitta flakes. What is this?
Speaker 1: So we went to eat it and it was not good.
Speaker 1: It just it didn't have no sugar. It was just
Speaker 1: was terrible. So my father was like yeah. I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: this is nasty, and he was just like the same,
Speaker 1: don't eat it. Don't eat it. So then the next
Speaker 1: day you know that he got so mad, right because
Speaker 1: he told my mom. He told my mom that we
Speaker 1: wouldn't notice. The next day he tried to be slick,
Speaker 1: took it out the gitta box and put it into
Speaker 1: the plastic game. Right. So we're eating it and we're like, yo,
Speaker 1: this is the ga flakes. He's like, it's not. No,
Speaker 1: it's not. This guy went in far has to go
Speaker 1: get a frosted flake box. As he lookes from the
Speaker 1: frosted flakes, I said, school, that's an old frosted flame box.
Speaker 1: Bro that was downstairs. And the cycles you're not you're
Speaker 1: not low. You'll do whatever you complete. People don't have.
Speaker 1: I was like, the people who have don't have seal
Speaker 1: don't want to the flakes neither. That part that's like
Speaker 1: going to that's that's time. We went to the all
Speaker 1: inclusive resort in Mexico and they kept refilling the Appleton
Speaker 1: bottle with fakes and I knew it was not Appleton,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, y'all giving me this fake ass, cheap
Speaker 1: ass room and I know that's not that. Bring me
Speaker 1: the bottle of Appleton. Let me see because I know
Speaker 1: my Appleton. That's one thing I'm gonna do, is no
Speaker 1: my run. What did that bottom look like? That bottle
Speaker 1: look like it was vintage, back from about nineteen sixty two,
Speaker 1: and they had that bottle they kept, they kept refilling
Speaker 1: that joint. I don't even think I've ever seen that
Speaker 1: label appletons on an appleton bottom ever in life. And
Speaker 1: I'm you know the tender age of thirty something is
Speaker 1: and I have never seen that before. So that's exactly
Speaker 1: what Coop did. The problem that scooped. He had y'all
Speaker 1: see the flakes. To begin with, I didn't even let
Speaker 1: them kids see the bottle at all, because once you have,
Speaker 1: once you put that in their mind that they know
Speaker 1: that there's a bottle that's different, they're already gonna say
Speaker 1: that sugar. Here's the truth, man, I do think I
Speaker 1: have a sugar addiction. Like it's not really an addiction
Speaker 1: because when I have to go film and I cut
Speaker 1: my sugar, and can cut my sugar for three to
Speaker 1: four weeks, which means it's not an addiction. But I love, Yes,
Speaker 1: I do have will power, but I love sugar, and
Speaker 1: it's bad that in my mind I'll be like, all right,
Speaker 1: I'll eat this pack of sour patch kids. But I'm
Speaker 1: a drink half a gallon of water or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go run. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's what
Speaker 1: I tell myself. I know for a fact that that's
Speaker 1: not the best for my insides. Like I know that
Speaker 1: I shouldn't eat this much salt and eat this much sugar.
Speaker 1: I know that. Okay, So for people who going to
Speaker 1: be like, wait, wait about your heart, what about this?
Speaker 1: I know that. That's why I work out so hard
Speaker 1: to help my body be able to defend those things.
Speaker 1: But I also I have a great wife who tends
Speaker 1: to shop in the direction of my health. She notices
Speaker 1: that I'm eating too much sugar and stuff. I'll notice.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, your ways the cookies, and she'd be like,
Speaker 1: you ain't getting no o cake m h. And that's
Speaker 1: accountable too, Like the same way he wants to hold
Speaker 1: me accountable. When I say, Babe, I want to look
Speaker 1: like x y Z, He's like, Yeo, I gotta go film.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a sex scene. I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: have my shirt off whatever it is. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: you're gonna look the best that you're about to look
Speaker 1: in this sex scene. Like that's what's gonna happen because
Speaker 1: I'm not about to have to send you out there
Speaker 1: looking at it as a reflection of me like him.
Speaker 1: You see the gud love handles that loving like, No,
Speaker 1: I mean, you're gonna look the best version of yourself
Speaker 1: if I have something to say about it. And I
Speaker 1: appreciate you saying that, because, um, I do want to
Speaker 1: look good for you, like you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like I I want to come out the shower and
Speaker 1: have an eight pack, And have you been like, oh,
Speaker 1: there goes my husband. You know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: for me, for me, that that's part of marriage, right.
Speaker 1: Part of marriage is not only dating your spouse, but
Speaker 1: continuing to be the best version of your spouse, and
Speaker 1: your spouse can continuously be intrigued with who you are.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, As much as my children
Speaker 1: need me as my my husband needs me as the
Speaker 1: woman that he fell in love with, it as his girlfriend,
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to be girlfriend status life. And And
Speaker 1: the thing is, I appreciate you saying that because there's
Speaker 1: also a narrative that's saying, you know, you love me
Speaker 1: as I am, even if I choose not to do
Speaker 1: my best to be the best version of myself. Love
Speaker 1: me and this self loathing. That's not fair to your partner, right, Like,
Speaker 1: like you can't self loath, let yourself go whether you're
Speaker 1: a man or a woman, and just be like you
Speaker 1: have a responsibility to love me this way? Like who
Speaker 1: wants to live with somebody like that? What? People? We
Speaker 1: all want to be of service to each other. Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't mind being of service to you, but I
Speaker 1: also want you to try your hardest to be the
Speaker 1: best version of yourself so we can live the longest,
Speaker 1: happiest life together. Me and cone I got to an
Speaker 1: argument with Cadee while she was pregnant. I didn't ask
Speaker 1: her to lift no weights and ask her to run.
Speaker 1: I said, can you just walk for twenty minutes every
Speaker 1: single day? And she was like why did I why
Speaker 1: not to walk? And I was like, because be doing
Speaker 1: life together and if you die, I'm gonna fuck you
Speaker 1: up because we're supposed to do this together, which means
Speaker 1: we have a responsibility to each other to help each
Speaker 1: other live as long as possible. One of my aunts
Speaker 1: lost her lost, my my uncle passed away. My aunt Diane,
Speaker 1: my my uncle Dewey died in sleep and he was
Speaker 1: on heart medication. And one morning she woke up and
Speaker 1: I remember getting a phone call from my aunt from
Speaker 1: from my mom. We were in the basements. She was like,
Speaker 1: you know, uncle, do we passed away? So we drove
Speaker 1: over to Aunt Diane's house, and all my Aunt Dianne
Speaker 1: kept saying was I'm so mad at you do. You
Speaker 1: promised not to leave me. And that stuck with me.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying because I was I was nineteen,
Speaker 1: I believe, and all I remember her was crying, was saying,
Speaker 1: you promised not to leave me. You promised, And to
Speaker 1: be fair, he did what most black men do. We
Speaker 1: we listened to our women, but we're not when it
Speaker 1: comes to medicine and it comes to doctors. We don't
Speaker 1: trust doctors. We don't like going to hospitals. And we
Speaker 1: feel like we can self cure and heal everything, and
Speaker 1: sometimes we can't. You know, the best thing for us
Speaker 1: sometimes it's to go to the doctor. But you you
Speaker 1: can self cure and heal if you just work out continuously.
Speaker 1: So I told myself, I want to be here for
Speaker 1: my kids. I don't want my my kids to ever
Speaker 1: get that phone call that their dad is going. You know,
Speaker 1: I had a couple of friends in college. You know,
Speaker 1: we were in school playing football, and you get a
Speaker 1: phone call someone so his dad passed away. A couple
Speaker 1: of my prototype kids, they're in middle school. You know,
Speaker 1: they come in. You know what I'm saying, It was
Speaker 1: the matter with you. Oh my dad died, And sometimes
Speaker 1: we were hearing stories of it being earlier, like forties.
Speaker 1: We lost a prototype mom to a heart attack in
Speaker 1: her early forties. She woke up one morning, was on
Speaker 1: her way to work, was walking up the platform and
Speaker 1: get to the trains that she wasn't feeling well, so
Speaker 1: she decided to go back home. She called in to
Speaker 1: work and said, hey, I'm gonna just head back home.
Speaker 1: Went back home, said she's gonna take a nap. Her
Speaker 1: son walks in. Thirteen years old, son walks in, sees
Speaker 1: his mom sleeping on the couch. I didn't think nothing
Speaker 1: of it, Hey mom, no, no. I went to do
Speaker 1: his homework, went to get something that he came back,
Speaker 1: she was still sitting there. He felt like something was wrong.
Speaker 1: Went to touch his mom and she was cold. And
Speaker 1: I'm thinking to myself, I don't want my sons to
Speaker 1: ever have that feeling, and I don't want to have
Speaker 1: that feeling. You know, wake up one morning and Codeine
Speaker 1: is not here anymore, you know. So we're constantly Codin
Speaker 1: and I are constantly on each other to be healthy,
Speaker 1: not just vain, but healthy so that we can be
Speaker 1: together as long as possible and live life. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: I feel like that's something that's in our control. So
Speaker 1: why not right how we're living. Other things we can't control.
Speaker 1: But if you can control at least moving that twenty
Speaker 1: minutes a day, move, y'all move the same way we're
Speaker 1: gonna move into this break. Wait, wait, before we do
Speaker 1: the break, Before we do the break, let me tell
Speaker 1: them real quick. Codeine and I don't train traditionally. When
Speaker 1: I'm in the gym, I'm not in the gym no
Speaker 1: longer than an hour. When I trained Candin, she's not
Speaker 1: in the gym no longer than an hour. Everything we
Speaker 1: do is high intensity interval training. We super set, we
Speaker 1: do weights, and the cardio we do was more sprints
Speaker 1: than running. So, for example, if Codeine gets on the treadmill,
Speaker 1: she'll do She'll set the treadmill to maybe nine miles
Speaker 1: per hour. She'll do twenty seconds on forty seconds off
Speaker 1: for ten minutes. Then she'll put it up to ten
Speaker 1: miles per hour and go for ten seconds on fifty
Speaker 1: seconds off. This way she can sprint that weight off
Speaker 1: as opposed to just jogging on the treadmill for half
Speaker 1: an hour to an hour, because that doesn't really help
Speaker 1: what she wants to build. We you know it's black.
Speaker 1: She wants, but hamstrings, calves, quad She wants to be
Speaker 1: thick but lean. You can't be thick and lean by
Speaker 1: running an hour a day. You have to do it
Speaker 1: the same way sprinters do it by lifting weights and
Speaker 1: doing sprints. I do the same thing, not because I'm
Speaker 1: looking to be thick and lean, but as a as
Speaker 1: an athlete, I know that um explosive movements help me
Speaker 1: buke up while being leaned. So thirty seven years old,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be under the bench press doing
Speaker 1: to fifteen times like I'm playing football. It's bad for
Speaker 1: your joints. So I do my pushups, my pull ups,
Speaker 1: my medicine ball throws, I do a ton of sprinting,
Speaker 1: and I play basketball. I try my best to move
Speaker 1: every single day, even if my on my off days.
Speaker 1: On my off days, I'll get on there and do
Speaker 1: some striders for twenty minutes. I'll get on a bike
Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, or I'll go play basketball for a
Speaker 1: half an hour an hour. But there's no day that
Speaker 1: goes by where I just sit on my ass and
Speaker 1: I tell Codeine, same thing got to be for you,
Speaker 1: even if it's not your workout day because you don't
Speaker 1: get on the bike, or she'll go out there and
Speaker 1: do a high incline walk on the treadmill for twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: So I just want to make you make it clear
Speaker 1: to people exactly what we do. So when y'all see us,
Speaker 1: just say that's why they're so in shape. We're not
Speaker 1: a cyclical in shape family where we work out for
Speaker 1: three months and stop for three months. This is a
Speaker 1: lifestyle for us. It's a lifestyle and we were doing
Speaker 1: it before we had it in home Jim situations. So
Speaker 1: it's me. I'll have seen that video with me in
Speaker 1: the staircase in our apartment back in Brooklyn after I
Speaker 1: had Cairo, so that's almost six years ago now, where
Speaker 1: I got my checkup, I was cleared by my doctor,
Speaker 1: that worked out again, and my ass was up and
Speaker 1: down the stairs in the apartment building we had six
Speaker 1: floors and devoured weight where we were on level four
Speaker 1: and I would just be going up and down, up
Speaker 1: and down, up and down, up and down the hallway.
Speaker 1: So it's not down the hallways if you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you have it accessively in your house, so you
Speaker 1: have the place that you know is just right at
Speaker 1: your fingertips. Just find a way to move. And during
Speaker 1: a pandemic, we got a jump rope and before we
Speaker 1: even had the treadmill in the in the house in
Speaker 1: l A, we was in the backyard jumping rope, doing
Speaker 1: push up some purpose. It cost nothing. Find a way
Speaker 1: to move for twenty minutes today, ladies and gentlemen, can
Speaker 1: we move now into the break? We can move down
Speaker 1: to the that's that we can move into the break.
Speaker 1: He likes breaks. That's just even in workouts, the minute
Speaker 1: before we even started the how long before we get
Speaker 1: a breath? Listen, you're gonna tell me my whole workout.
Speaker 1: Don't be trying to surprise me midway through and tell
Speaker 1: me I don't know how many reps you have. Tell
Speaker 1: me my whole workout so I can mentally prepare myself.
Speaker 1: That's my process. Don't knock me for it. My job
Speaker 1: gets okay, Okay, all right, y'all, we'll be back. All right,
Speaker 1: we're back with listen to letters. Um, all right, do
Speaker 1: you want to go first? I will thank you so
Speaker 1: much first. I love you, guys, Black Live at its finest.
Speaker 1: Thank you both for being so transparent, sharing life and
Speaker 1: love with us. Appreciate you. Thank you. Okay. So, my
Speaker 1: daughters are eleven years old. Her dad is seven years
Speaker 1: older than I am. We started dating when I was
Speaker 1: nineteen and he was twenty six. Long story short, it
Speaker 1: didn't work out. We dated a little over a year
Speaker 1: and then it ended for various reasons cheating, immaturity, lying,
Speaker 1: et cetera, but mostly because I wanted more and he didn't. Well.
Speaker 1: About two weeks after the breakup, I found out I
Speaker 1: was pregnant. I told him, right, I told him, and
Speaker 1: he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.
Speaker 1: I raised my daughter pretty much alone, with him only
Speaker 1: making appearances for birthdays and special occasions up until like
Speaker 1: four years ago. For the last two years we've gotten
Speaker 1: closer and really developed a beautiful co parenting relationship and friendship.
Speaker 1: There's always been attraction and chemistry there, but we've always
Speaker 1: been We've always both been in other relationships, were now
Speaker 1: both single and decided to date to see where it goes.
Speaker 1: I was very hesitant because of my reasons. Can I
Speaker 1: trust him? Can I forgive him for leaving us? Will
Speaker 1: he leave again? We have been dating for almost three
Speaker 1: months and I love him, but I don't feel the
Speaker 1: spark or butterflies. I don't feel like I'm going to
Speaker 1: fall in love. I feel like we're better just as
Speaker 1: friends and co parents. But I also wonder if I'm
Speaker 1: just scared to commit to him after we've been through
Speaker 1: so much, or should I really listen to my gut.
Speaker 1: I feel like if I was truly where I wanted
Speaker 1: to be, then I wouldn't know by now. Also, I
Speaker 1: don't know how to tell him we should just be friends.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy, but I don't want to hurt him.
Speaker 1: I know that he really cares for me and now
Speaker 1: wants to be with me. I don't want to lead
Speaker 1: him on what should I do? First of all, it
Speaker 1: says thank you for a well written paragraph that I
Speaker 1: was able to read with stations and stops, because I
Speaker 1: feel like it got the gist of the story you
Speaker 1: read this season. There, go ahead, I love that girl.
Speaker 1: Go with your guts. If it ain't there, it ain't there.
Speaker 1: One thing I have learned is that there's certain things,
Speaker 1: particularly when it comes to relationships, that you just cannot
Speaker 1: will yourself into feeling. And if your gut is telling
Speaker 1: you this, now, I say, go with your gut. You
Speaker 1: may just be comfortable with that parenting, the co parenting
Speaker 1: situation and stuff like that, because that's just where you are.
Speaker 1: You he's coming around now, but you've already left. It's
Speaker 1: okay that that has happened, you know. Um, But I
Speaker 1: am not one for forcing things when it comes to love.
Speaker 1: If it I gotta be honest. Um. I hate telling
Speaker 1: people like to not not try, so I want to
Speaker 1: say try. But one thing I will say about Codeine
Speaker 1: and I I don't have to try to have a
Speaker 1: spark with k Like I just love her, Like she
Speaker 1: just walks by and I'm like hello, you know, like,
Speaker 1: like who who is that? I've seen her all day
Speaker 1: and the minute she walks by, It's like yes. So
Speaker 1: I I hope that everyone in life can find that
Speaker 1: person that does that for them, And even even when
Speaker 1: we're not getting along like and I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: a a lustful Hey, who is that a spark? Like
Speaker 1: that's my girl, you know, like cause because even when
Speaker 1: she's pregnant, when she's being a pain in the asked,
Speaker 1: when we're not talking, which is never too long, but
Speaker 1: even when she walks by, I just want to grab
Speaker 1: her and hug her up. So that, to me, is
Speaker 1: is what's the difference. You know, when people say to me, like,
Speaker 1: what is it with you? And codein to me, there's
Speaker 1: there's nothing in me that says maybe I want to
Speaker 1: be somewhere else. I know where I want to be.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we can't agree on us being at the same
Speaker 1: point at the same time, or the level of which
Speaker 1: we're both engaged at that moment, But when I see her,
Speaker 1: it's just like, that's my person, Like I don't I
Speaker 1: don't want that. I don't want her to be with
Speaker 1: nobody else, and I want to be everything for her.
Speaker 1: So if you don't feel that, you can't force that.
Speaker 1: There's no litigating that, there's no amount of therapy that
Speaker 1: can make you feel that about someone. That spark is important,
Speaker 1: that it's so important, and that's something you just cannot
Speaker 1: like will and muster up. Like I literally say every time,
Speaker 1: if that that that moment when people first meet, that
Speaker 1: first couple of months and everyone's just like so in love.
Speaker 1: I'm like that feeling. If you can bottle that up,
Speaker 1: that spark, you know, it will be nice to have
Speaker 1: to take a swig of every now and again as
Speaker 1: your relationships continues. But that it's not It's not like that.
Speaker 1: And also, let let this be not a warning, but
Speaker 1: put us on notice for dudes like you have a
Speaker 1: good girl and you you love her, but you're not prepared,
Speaker 1: or you're not ready, and you treat her bad, or
Speaker 1: you do something to her those things that she don't forget.
Speaker 1: You know. So now as you mature and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: that perfect girl that I had, the one that I
Speaker 1: want to be with, let me go back to her.
Speaker 1: All the things that you've done are now a stain
Speaker 1: on her heart and her spirit. And it may be
Speaker 1: easy for you to say, well, let's move forward, but
Speaker 1: it may not be easy for her. And the thing,
Speaker 1: the spark may now be out because of his behavior,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So let this be a
Speaker 1: lesson to anybody who thinks they might have found the one,
Speaker 1: but they hadn't found the right time. You know, time
Speaker 1: doesn't heal all wounds. Some wounds become tattoos, and now
Speaker 1: you're stuck with it because that person will never forget it.
Speaker 1: So now absolutely good luck to you since I hope
Speaker 1: you guys find a way to figure things out. Number two. Hello,
Speaker 1: I'm a happily divorced women with two sons seventeen and twelve.
Speaker 1: I got married super young, and things happened, and now
Speaker 1: we are divorced. My ex husband was and still is
Speaker 1: a great dad to our two sons. We cope well.
Speaker 1: No courts are involved, just us in our agreements. My
Speaker 1: ex husband cheated, but I can admit I mentally left
Speaker 1: the relationship before he stepped out. He talked all of that.
Speaker 1: We talked all of that out and we are over that.
Speaker 1: My problem is I found out my ex husband was
Speaker 1: talking bad about me till my now seventeen year old
Speaker 1: for years. Wow. My ex husband gave my son a
Speaker 1: negative view of me based on my two year old self.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight. Now me and my son are not
Speaker 1: as close as we should be. My son talks to
Speaker 1: his dad more and he feels like he can't tell
Speaker 1: me things because, as his dad told him, your mom
Speaker 1: blows up at everything. Question for K, how do you
Speaker 1: maintain individual bonds with your three children? Question for the
Speaker 1: vow why did my ex husband do that? I do
Speaker 1: not talk bad about him to our sons. What can
Speaker 1: I build? Um? How can I build a bond with
Speaker 1: my son to break the view my husband painted of me? Okay,
Speaker 1: well I can answer first. So yeah, I'm very deliberate
Speaker 1: about having individual relationships with my boys. Um. It's easy
Speaker 1: to think, oh, you have four boys, now they're boys,
Speaker 1: you can just kind of lump them together and do
Speaker 1: everything together. But I'm very deliberate about taking time throughout
Speaker 1: the day. So this is a daily thing that I
Speaker 1: practice daily throughout the day. I make sure that I
Speaker 1: take a moment with these child and it could be
Speaker 1: something as simple as having a quick conversation about what
Speaker 1: happened in school today, or just pulling them aside to say,
Speaker 1: hey baby, mommy loves you, give me kiss, or hey,
Speaker 1: I have you know two minutes I'm in my bed,
Speaker 1: I'll pull one of them in the bed with me
Speaker 1: and we'll just sit there for a couple of minutes
Speaker 1: and maybe watch a show like They're just those moments
Speaker 1: that have to happen for me every single day with
Speaker 1: each child, and I think those moments in itself at
Speaker 1: least just let them know that Mommy is checked into
Speaker 1: you alone and not just you and all the brothers.
Speaker 1: Then one thing the Devil and I have done recently
Speaker 1: is that now that if I say recently, because I'm
Speaker 1: re acclimating to life now having a new born and
Speaker 1: having another son, but I try to plan, at least,
Speaker 1: if not every month, every other just a designated time
Speaker 1: to take each child out, so, knowing what their interest is,
Speaker 1: taking the time to take them out, and I say out,
Speaker 1: because sometimes it's hard when you're in the house with
Speaker 1: other boys to just have that quiet time alone where
Speaker 1: you're cut aside, you know, from everybody else, and you
Speaker 1: can just tap into each other one on one. If
Speaker 1: I can take them out to do something that they enjoy,
Speaker 1: I'll ask them, Hey, Mommy and Cayro date, what do
Speaker 1: you want to do? Where do you want to go?
Speaker 1: Mommy and Jackson time? What's up next? What are we doing?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't play basketball, but I'll shoot some
Speaker 1: hoops with you outside, if that's what it means, or
Speaker 1: if it's just taking him to practice sometimes just to
Speaker 1: sit and watch practice, so that they feel like that
Speaker 1: mom is invested in each of their lives and in
Speaker 1: each of the things that they're invested in. Because I
Speaker 1: always want to try to stay connected. I know, as
Speaker 1: I get older and as they get older, and as
Speaker 1: even technology advances, there may be things that I can't
Speaker 1: keep up with. But um I need to make sure
Speaker 1: that they understand that Mommy is tapped into the things
Speaker 1: that they're interested in. And I just genuinely want to
Speaker 1: learn more about my children. So and that's the way
Speaker 1: also to keep the lines of communication open and having
Speaker 1: them feel like, Okay, mommy. You know, she's gets on
Speaker 1: my back about you know, making my bed and sweeping
Speaker 1: the floors and doing my chores and being a you know,
Speaker 1: good young man. But she also too just cares about
Speaker 1: who I am as a person. So and that's important
Speaker 1: for boys and their moms because we talk about this,
Speaker 1: um my mom growing up in our house, like me
Speaker 1: and my brother, though my mother was a lunatic, Like
Speaker 1: we just thought she was crazy because she was being
Speaker 1: a mom. But also moms have a different type of
Speaker 1: worried moms have they just handle things differently, especially when
Speaker 1: it comes to their sons, and Kenninian says this all
Speaker 1: the time. Sometimes she has to lean on me because
Speaker 1: she's like, I've never been a boy, so I don't
Speaker 1: know what these kids are thinking. So when she's ready
Speaker 1: to lose it, she sometimes think like, let me just yeah,
Speaker 1: I've had to learn that recently. Yeah, but that brings
Speaker 1: me to her question. She asked, you know, why did
Speaker 1: my husband tell my son bad things about me? This
Speaker 1: is this is number one. Just because you don't like
Speaker 1: the things that he said, you have to ask yourself
Speaker 1: if there is truth in that. And if y'all are
Speaker 1: co parenting and not living in the same house, he
Speaker 1: made be trying to explain to his son how to
Speaker 1: deal with you, and he can only do that based
Speaker 1: on what he's been through. So if y'all have been
Speaker 1: through some things, he only knows how to tell us
Speaker 1: on how to deal with you the way you were
Speaker 1: because that's when y'all were together. He doesn't live in
Speaker 1: the house at this point. And the truth of the
Speaker 1: matter is we as parents dads sometimes explain to our
Speaker 1: sons how their mom is right and it's not always okay.
Speaker 1: For example, when Jackson was going through with school and
Speaker 1: used to come down and like spas on him with school, right,
Speaker 1: I used to say to him, like, Yo, you know
Speaker 1: your mom's is gonna spass, so why would you do
Speaker 1: x y Z. I'm not saying that you're you know,
Speaker 1: you have no reason to spas or trying to talk
Speaker 1: bad about you. But you know what, the truth of
Speaker 1: the matter is, your mom is not as patient as
Speaker 1: me when it comes to certain things. She's constantly telling
Speaker 1: you the same thing over and over again. If you
Speaker 1: do it again, this is what's gonna happen. And sometimes
Speaker 1: for moms, they don't want to hear that the ad
Speaker 1: has said that, but sometimes we have to tell our
Speaker 1: son is the truth. Your mom may be in a
Speaker 1: bad mood and she makes walk in the house in
Speaker 1: a bad mood, and you may do something that she
Speaker 1: don't like, and she's going to take that out on you.
Speaker 1: That's not always a you problem, that's her problem. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, because as a mom, I can
Speaker 1: redmen times that I'm guilty of that sometimes and I'm
Speaker 1: just like or my approach may not be the right approach,
Speaker 1: or the approach may not be received well. Even though
Speaker 1: the message is just a simple message. But but the
Speaker 1: thing is, we're all human, so we all have flaws,
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes moms fel up set like why
Speaker 1: did my husband point out my flaws? Well, your sons
Speaker 1: have to live with you, and I can't always just
Speaker 1: validate your behavior if your behavior is not always good.
Speaker 1: As a dad, sometimes I have to let my son know, hey,
Speaker 1: you're not crazy for feeling like this. Your mom might
Speaker 1: have blown up for that small thing, but let me
Speaker 1: walk you through the process. And when this happens, and
Speaker 1: a lot of times I think moms take it personally
Speaker 1: and like why why would he say? Why will you
Speaker 1: do that? Because if you behave that way, I have
Speaker 1: to explain to my son why this happens. You know,
Speaker 1: I remember growing up in my house and me and
Speaker 1: my brother thinking like, why is my mom like this
Speaker 1: who goes into the closet, takes the plastic bag of
Speaker 1: clothes out, whips them open, throws them on the floor,
Speaker 1: and says, now clean this up, Like like why would
Speaker 1: a mom do that? But then as you get older,
Speaker 1: like my my father did when we got to be
Speaker 1: of age fifteen sixteen, and say listen, listen, your mom
Speaker 1: deals with stuff and processes things differently than you and
Speaker 1: I and sometimes she's not going to be the kindest.
Speaker 1: But you have to learn to listen or regardless because
Speaker 1: that's your mother. And as a young boy, it's kind
Speaker 1: of like, so she's crazy, is what you're saying, And
Speaker 1: I gotta deal with it because I live here, and
Speaker 1: sometimes it's a dad you like, yes, especially if I
Speaker 1: like if you live here, like I've I've told Jackson this, Yes,
Speaker 1: your mom crazy. I've definitely told You're mom is crazy.
Speaker 1: So and I totally you meet me, it's crazy too.
Speaker 1: You met me, it's crazy too. But you know what
Speaker 1: drives them crazy when they have to repeat things over
Speaker 1: and over again because you don't listen the first time.
Speaker 1: We can we can eliminate all of the crazy if
Speaker 1: you would just listen the first time. Very true, but
Speaker 1: kids never exactly and sometimes moms act out because y'all
Speaker 1: want boys. Why would he do that? Like, like that's
Speaker 1: what you always ask me? Why meet me? Will be like, dude, stoves,
Speaker 1: why why are you walking the room? And I'm just
Speaker 1: like mom with the boys. That mom, I would say,
Speaker 1: take your time, build a relationship with your boys. Understand
Speaker 1: that they're not gonna like you at all times, the
Speaker 1: same way they're not going to like their father at
Speaker 1: all times. And it's definitely gonna be ways. Yes, there's
Speaker 1: there's gonna be ways, especially when they get in that
Speaker 1: late teenage age. I've realized this. All teenagers hate, would
Speaker 1: you ever parents is parenting in that moment, So don't
Speaker 1: take your personal mom. Whatever dad said and you said,
Speaker 1: if y'all y'all a co parenting willing get it. Whatever
Speaker 1: he said was probably trying to justify an action. And
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you don't realize that. You you probably
Speaker 1: do the same thing. You know, you know your father crazy.
Speaker 1: I know Codeine has told the boys on plenty occasion.
Speaker 1: I might not want to do that because if your
Speaker 1: father come home and and the boys no, I have
Speaker 1: my character floors too. We were at the basketball practice
Speaker 1: and his coach goes, hey, Jackson, what's your sizes? He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: my dad knows my side. He's like, all right, I
Speaker 1: find out for me that. Jackson goes no, no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: don't don't call my dad. Call my mom. And he's
Speaker 1: like it goes like, why why I call your mom?
Speaker 1: He's like, my Dad's gonna forget. He just dot that's
Speaker 1: the character floor like I don't, I'm gonna forget. And
Speaker 1: if you tell me something, I'll put it off for later.
Speaker 1: If if I don't think it's important, and I know,
Speaker 1: Kay will tell the boys, like you want to do
Speaker 1: that for real to bring that to me. Don't even
Speaker 1: tell your fault about that. I don't take it as
Speaker 1: a je I'll tell you it as hey, that's just
Speaker 1: something that I gotta learn to be better at or
Speaker 1: you just don't have to deal with because you got
Speaker 1: me right, right. But the thing is they they co parenting,
Speaker 1: so when she's in the house by herself, she has
Speaker 1: to deal with all of that the difference between us,
Speaker 1: and that means that we're here together so they can
Speaker 1: bounce back and forth. So I mean, also she feels
Speaker 1: like her son is a mature seventh is she's seventeen now?
Speaker 1: She said, if he's a mature seventeen where you feel
Speaker 1: like you can actually sit down and chat with him
Speaker 1: and say, hey, you know, something's happened between you and
Speaker 1: my dad, my dad and myself, your dad and myself
Speaker 1: rather um. But I was twenty two and I was
Speaker 1: still trying to figure things out. Like, imagine you five
Speaker 1: years from now having a challenge trying to figure things out,
Speaker 1: Like that's how I felt in that moment. So I
Speaker 1: just really don't want that too, you know, continue to
Speaker 1: be a burden in our relationship because I was young
Speaker 1: and I was learning and I was figuring things out,
Speaker 1: you know. So good luck to you, sis, because I
Speaker 1: know what it's like wanting to have that relationship with
Speaker 1: your baby boys. I just wish. I wonder if she
Speaker 1: could have told us what he said exactly, because it's
Speaker 1: hard for me to say why he say that if
Speaker 1: I don't know what you know, she said he talked
Speaker 1: badly about me. But talking badly could be your mom
Speaker 1: blows up at everything. Yeah, you know, like but I
Speaker 1: mean talking badly, your mom blows up at everything? Could
Speaker 1: be affect or it could be you know, your mom
Speaker 1: is a fucking bitch, don't like everything. But meanwhile he
Speaker 1: was like having a whole affair or something like why
Speaker 1: blow up? I want to know what was said so
Speaker 1: that I can get for better advice. But hopefully girl
Speaker 1: send us a Part two sends a part to all right, y'all,
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured as one of our
Speaker 1: listener letters. Be sure to email us at dead ask
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. That's d e A d
Speaker 1: A s s A d v I c E. You know,
Speaker 1: I v v I c to whole thing. Let me
Speaker 1: try to again to one. D e A d A
Speaker 1: s A. Right, I got it. D e A d
Speaker 1: A s s A d v I c E at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Thank you, all right, Moment of truth time.
Speaker 1: Moment of truth time. This is gonna be for my lady's.
Speaker 1: Do not let anybody dictate how you should look and
Speaker 1: feel about yourself. Don't let them do it. You deserve,
Speaker 1: whether you've had a baby or not, to be comfortable
Speaker 1: in the skin that you're in. Just make sure that
Speaker 1: you're considering the fact that you want to be healthy
Speaker 1: first and foremost from the inside out. So whatever that
Speaker 1: looks like for you, whatever regiment that you can develop
Speaker 1: to be able to stay on top of that, do it.
Speaker 1: Everybody else what they have to say. If you don't
Speaker 1: like that little, you know, little piece of roll or
Speaker 1: that little fat, work it out. If working out and
Speaker 1: working for you, lipul suction that bitch, do what you
Speaker 1: gotta do to make yourself feel good. Because The way
Speaker 1: you feel about yourself is the way the world will
Speaker 1: receive you because that energy, it's something that you can't fake.
Speaker 1: All right, So do what works for you, says whatever
Speaker 1: that is, just do it safely. Literally do what you
Speaker 1: gotta do. You know what I'm saying. Oh, I'm an
Speaker 1: advocate of people doing what makes them happy. I feel
Speaker 1: I feel you. Um. My moment of truth is this
Speaker 1: working out doesn't benefit you only outwardly. You know, people
Speaker 1: think that people who are just working out just want
Speaker 1: to look good, to have six backs. Note, I want
Speaker 1: to feel good. Um. I want to constantly test myself
Speaker 1: and I want to instill discipline in myself and my
Speaker 1: entire family. Like I want to build a team around
Speaker 1: me with the people I live with that if we
Speaker 1: got to go to war, I know I can trust
Speaker 1: these people. And you know you can trust people when
Speaker 1: you work out together. So I just I just employ you.
Speaker 1: If you are a husband or a wife and you
Speaker 1: have a family, get the whole family up together, the kids,
Speaker 1: the spouse, get moving work together because you'll be surprised
Speaker 1: the camaraderie you built. Because teamwork makes the dream work.
Speaker 1: I love that because stuff that was so poetic nice
Speaker 1: ending to the episode today, But before we let you go,
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media, take your
Speaker 1: phones out, do what you gotta do. If you're not
Speaker 1: following dead as the podcast yet, please do so. And
Speaker 1: Cadine I am and I am devout, And if you're
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcast, be sure to wait, review, and
Speaker 1: subscribe and get your ass moving. Dead as dead Ass
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and
Speaker 1: is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss
Speaker 1: a Thing