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Speaker 1: Contrary to popular belief, I don't like working out. That's

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Speaker 1: hard to believe, like dead ass, And contrary to popular belief,

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily like living with somebody who was a

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Speaker 1: trainer as dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass is the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing. But it were about to

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Speaker 1: take pillow talk to our whole new level. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: starts right now. I'm gonna take this back to a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. By the time y'all see this,

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Speaker 1: the video will have already come out. I'm in super

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Speaker 1: husband trained mode. I'm getting ready to go back to

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Speaker 1: film Sister season five. Wife. He is coming off of

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Speaker 1: her postpartum uh journey with with weight loss the first

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Speaker 1: six to eight weeks, and she's not feeling like yo,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm, I'm ready to go because she already knows

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Speaker 1: when I start training up, it's a different animal, but

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Speaker 1: the same beast. You feel me right, So now I

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Speaker 1: got her outside, were running the hills, We got the

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Speaker 1: medicine ball, throwing the medicine ball, she lifting weighs, dead lift,

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Speaker 1: hand clean, She's getting her speed training in. But in

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Speaker 1: this particular day, Matt and Josh we're here the film

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Speaker 1: and it started, and we were trying to get some content,

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Speaker 1: you know, so people can see that Codeine really gets

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Speaker 1: it in, Like this is not a thing where she

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Speaker 1: just be putting on workout clothes to get brand partnerships

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Speaker 1: and putting on makeup to look cute. No, Couldin really

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Speaker 1: be working out. So I had an idea because typically

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Speaker 1: Codein and I run out, We run in the front.

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Speaker 1: We have the medicine balls about thirty pounds, and we

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Speaker 1: walked down the hill with the medicine ball and we

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Speaker 1: walked back up with the medicine ball over our heads.

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Speaker 1: So in my mind, I could just put the treadmill

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Speaker 1: on the incline and we can walk on the treadmill

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Speaker 1: and hold the ball up and we can swap back

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Speaker 1: and forth. So I'm in full train of mode. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm talking. I'm trying to inspire. I'm saying every

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Speaker 1: quote knowing the man and trying to get K to

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Speaker 1: be inspired. And Codin is not inspired, right, and she

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Speaker 1: just like she dragged, and she dragged. I'm like, let's go.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that, don't hurt tell yourself,

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Speaker 1: I don't hurt you. Know what I'm saying, hold the

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Speaker 1: ball overhead. I got you. I got you. So while

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Speaker 1: I'm saying I got you, I looked down at the treadmill.

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Speaker 1: She's holding the ball over her head, and I looked

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Speaker 1: down at the treadmill to see what the speed was,

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Speaker 1: and all I heard was, oh God. And when I

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Speaker 1: look up, K has dropped the medicine ball on her forehead.

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Speaker 1: But she caught it. She caught it, right. So I

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Speaker 1: literally look at her forehead and she got the tired

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Speaker 1: tracks from the medicine ball on her forehead like she

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Speaker 1: just got run over by a four by four. And

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Speaker 1: She's like, dw it hurts. I'm like, that's just pain

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Speaker 1: leaving the body. Like I'm trying to distract her, right,

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Speaker 1: and I see a little blood starting to come off

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Speaker 1: forehead right. She's like, am I bleeding? Bleeding? And I'm like, nah,

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Speaker 1: it's people got blood, sweat and tears when they lose weight.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, am I bleeding? Matt? So Matt looks

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Speaker 1: right at her forehead and then he looks at me,

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Speaker 1: and I look at Matt like Matt looking at foreheads, like, nah,

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Speaker 1: you're good me while she's bleeding right, like she had

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Speaker 1: the thorns that Jesus had on when he was going

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Speaker 1: to the cross. That's what forehead looks like. And I

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Speaker 1: just I just kept going. So I got the ball back.

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Speaker 1: And when I got the ball back, it had makeup

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Speaker 1: on it, which at first, when I saw it, I

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Speaker 1: thought it was part of Cadine's face because it was

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Speaker 1: the same color. It looked like skin on the ball,

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Speaker 1: and I kind of got shocked. I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: I got her forehead on the ball. But you know

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Speaker 1: what I didn't do. I didn't panic, and we didn't stop.

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Speaker 1: She finished the whole workout. Burns seven calories that day,

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Speaker 1: because that's how the elliss do literal blood, sweat, tears,

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Speaker 1: makeup on the mid ball every day and runs and

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Speaker 1: rug burns on your forehead. But that ain't the first

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Speaker 1: time she had rug bars on for before. All right,

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Speaker 1: let's close this, but that's a different type of workout.

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Speaker 1: And that's that's that for one and two and three

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Speaker 1: and four, And get them syms right and tuck your

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Speaker 1: tongue any time and do your just like this, get

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Speaker 1: head stop, get up check. Do y'all know what song

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Speaker 1: that is? He's workout thanks to Devil's workout plan on

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Speaker 1: the envy of all my friends. That's gonna be k

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Speaker 1: awesoone oh someone, allR y'all. Let's take a break and

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Speaker 1: come back, and I'm gonna tell you all my version

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Speaker 1: of the the story is time you guys, Thankfully I live

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Speaker 1: to see another day. We'll be back, all right, y'all,

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Speaker 1: So about that story. Time, My head's okay. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's a little sword to the touch still, you know

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Speaker 1: I was able to camouflage a bit, you know. Um

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Speaker 1: for me, it was Cassy that said, Mommy, what happened

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Speaker 1: to your head? I was happened to your head? What

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Speaker 1: what happened to your head. I was like, Cassie, you know,

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Speaker 1: Daddy and I were in the gym. The balls fell,

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Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh the balls fell. Good thing.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't know what ball. It could have been other balls,

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Speaker 1: so you know, I'm saying it could have been other walls.

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Speaker 1: But he said, you know, but anyway back, challenge challenge.

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Speaker 1: You know, hey, you know, stranger things have happened in

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Speaker 1: that this household. But seriously, in that moment, I was

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Speaker 1: on the treadmill and I'm like, why Devo, Like that's

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Speaker 1: the first thing I'm thinking, why Devout? I still have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of residual clumsy left in my bones

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Speaker 1: after having the baby, because that's the thing whenever you

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Speaker 1: get bringing into clumsy, right, so the clumsy has not

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Speaker 1: fully left my body. Um So, the minute I saw

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Speaker 1: him turn that treadmill on and then we're super setting

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Speaker 1: it so we're taking turns, actually going back and forth.

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Speaker 1: So DEVI has to understand that ain't going the same

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Speaker 1: speed he going. You know what I'm saying, you gotta

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Speaker 1: alter it a little bit for me. Um But once

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Speaker 1: I saw the treadmill going, and then it's just so

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Speaker 1: many things you have to keep in mind because it's

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Speaker 1: like your freet have to move. Then you have to

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Speaker 1: have your arms up above your head. You got to

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Speaker 1: squeeze your core. You gotta think, you gotta you gotta

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Speaker 1: breathe because that's something I forget to do all the

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Speaker 1: time so you don't pass out. And then I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize in that moment that I forgot to wash my

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Speaker 1: face when we worked out, so I had makeup dripping

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Speaker 1: down my face, which I hate because I never worked

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Speaker 1: out with makeup one And I don't know what happened.

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Speaker 1: It was like the sweat that was like building up

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Speaker 1: in my body. My hands were, my palms were sweaty.

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Speaker 1: And then the ball just had no traction on it anymore,

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Speaker 1: and it just it just hit me right in the face.

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Speaker 1: And the first thing I could think of was my mom.

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Speaker 1: The first thing I got thinking of was my mom

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Speaker 1: looking at me in horror, like, oh my god, being

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Speaker 1: your messr face? Your face? Are you gonna be on

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Speaker 1: TV with your face like that? Is it gonna scar? Like?

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Speaker 1: That's all I could hear, you know, And then she

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Speaker 1: would have came for you, which you intricate asked workouts,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I looked over at Matt Matt gave

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Speaker 1: me the head not of reassurance, which I come to

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Speaker 1: find out now Matthew ellis, I might have to kick

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Speaker 1: you out the family for that one, because he told

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Speaker 1: me was just like, now you good, cay you good.

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Speaker 1: You know, but I appreciate the support. I know that's

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Speaker 1: what he was going for. And um, you know, the

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Speaker 1: cameras kept rolling and I kept walking and you finished.

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Speaker 1: And that's the point and more love the story as

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Speaker 1: I finished, and you did high and Klin runs you

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Speaker 1: after that. You did high Clin sprunt you after that.

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Speaker 1: So the more the story is when you fall, you

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Speaker 1: get back. We fall down, but we get up exactly.

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Speaker 1: You gotta get back up. You do get back up.

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Speaker 1: Remember that time Cairo fell off the treadmill. Yes, Cayro

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Speaker 1: fell off the treadmill. That kid right there can give

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Speaker 1: me a whole heart attack one of these days. He

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Speaker 1: tries to come into the gym with me for motivation

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Speaker 1: as well, because we'll talk about motivation and all that

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Speaker 1: on this episode. But I am never more motivated than

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Speaker 1: anybody but my five year old five year old Cairo,

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Speaker 1: who ya know, is a beast in the gym and

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Speaker 1: everything athletic like totally takes the initiative to go work

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Speaker 1: out by himself. So usually when I'm in the gym

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Speaker 1: or I'm going to work out, it's really cute when

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Speaker 1: you come along and he'll be like, it's okay, mommy,

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Speaker 1: I'll work out with you. You You want me training today,

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Speaker 1: And then hearing him say the things that you say

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Speaker 1: to them regularly in the gym, he was like, come on, mommy,

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Speaker 1: hard work beats talent. Hard work beats talent. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: who is this talking? This kid is like understands the

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Speaker 1: mentality I'm explaining to you. Like my sound bite, I

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Speaker 1: don't like working out. I got bad sciatica, So if

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Speaker 1: I don't work out, my back starts to hurt, my

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Speaker 1: legs start to hurt. So I have to work out

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Speaker 1: consistently or my sacietica is going to continuously flare up

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be walking like an old man in

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Speaker 1: my thirties. And I just won't let that happen because

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Speaker 1: I was doing that a lot in my late twenties

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't as consistent with my workouts. Number two,

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Speaker 1: working out to me is like the most consistent form

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Speaker 1: of testing your will. You know, like everything in life

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Speaker 1: is based on on will power and do you have

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Speaker 1: the mental fortitude to get through this when it gets hard.

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Speaker 1: When you practice testing your will on a daily basis

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Speaker 1: to working out, whether it be push ups, burpees, pull ups,

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Speaker 1: running a mile, or something like that, you're teaching your

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Speaker 1: mind and your body to constantly keep going when you

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Speaker 1: don't want to. So to a lot of people, it

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Speaker 1: looks like, oh, if I just loves working out, it's

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Speaker 1: really not that I love working out. I would love

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Speaker 1: to to have a six pack and v apps that

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Speaker 1: my wife admires so much by doing nothing. But that's

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Speaker 1: just not the case. I have poor eating habits, right.

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Speaker 1: I snack at night after I smoke, I get the munchies.

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Speaker 1: I love candy, I love cakes, cadeans and others. So like,

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Speaker 1: if I don't work, if I don't work out, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna I'm not gonna be healthy, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So for me, it's it's a measure of will. Plus

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Speaker 1: it's also me being disciplined to say, you know what,

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Speaker 1: you don't have the best eating happens. Keep your body

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Speaker 1: moving so that you can be here and available to

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Speaker 1: your family. Because heart disease, diabetes, um, what else? Mentally,

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Speaker 1: what was the other one? Alzheimer's all running my family

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Speaker 1: and all of those can be held back or held at,

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Speaker 1: babe by drinking water, getting sleep, and working up absolutely well.

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Speaker 1: Will is something I am at a deficit four all right, y'all.

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Speaker 1: Will is something that I am working on. Will is

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Speaker 1: one of those things that I have to will myself

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Speaker 1: to have because historically I don't have the best relationship

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Speaker 1: with workout, actually working out. I actually have a very

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Speaker 1: poor relationship with working out. It's one of those things

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Speaker 1: that I just never felt the need to want to

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Speaker 1: make time for. It's something that I did and I

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Speaker 1: do because you have a partner who's active, who's going

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Speaker 1: to the gym, that looks at you and it's just like,

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Speaker 1: did you go to the gym today? Are you going

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Speaker 1: to go today? Not because he wants me to look

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Speaker 1: a certain kind of way, but because I will usually

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Speaker 1: be in his air about things that I want to do,

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Speaker 1: things that I want to accomplish. He come analysis, He's

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Speaker 1: usually in my air reminding me of the things that

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Speaker 1: I want to do. Thank you want to accomplish? Look

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Speaker 1: at Cadine having accountability the y'all, what no you are

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Speaker 1: have an account of baby, but also holding other people accountable.

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Speaker 1: Pop Like, why did I be pushing Codeine so hard?

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Speaker 1: When Codein says she want to look a certain way,

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Speaker 1: or she want to wear certain clothes, or she wants

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Speaker 1: certain roles on TV and they require her to be

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Speaker 1: a certain way, I am accountable for helping her reach

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Speaker 1: her goal. It ain't me doing it because I want

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Speaker 1: my That's it just pisses me off from people be

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Speaker 1: like why she why he gotta push her to look

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Speaker 1: a certain way? And it don't beat me push she

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Speaker 1: want to push herself. Can I not be a partner

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Speaker 1: in helping her push? But that's in a whole nother podcast.

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Speaker 1: And damn tell him how you really feel, baby, No,

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Speaker 1: because in his the sad truth though, you you can't

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Speaker 1: even in this day and age, empower and and root

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Speaker 1: for your wife to do anything. People find for in

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Speaker 1: everything you do. Absolutely nobody, nobody asked me how I

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Speaker 1: felt about it. You know, they're just uh, pretty much

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Speaker 1: imposing their ideas and their thoughts on that. Yeah I do.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, what what, I can't even support

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Speaker 1: you and motivate you and just show people that I

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Speaker 1: do that just because that's just what we do, you know.

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Speaker 1: So he's absolutely right. A lot of the times, there

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Speaker 1: are things that I want to do, things that I

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Speaker 1: want to accomplish, that require me to look a certain

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Speaker 1: way and to feel a certain way about myself. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's not even how you look, because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people will say to you, hey, you look fine. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, you don't look like you had four kids,

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Speaker 1: you just had a baby four months ago. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you look great. None of that matters, None of that

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Speaker 1: ship betters, because then said person, as in me or

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Speaker 1: that mom who might have just had a baby, is

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Speaker 1: looking at herself every morning, picking apart every single thing

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Speaker 1: that she's unhappy. I watched you do it all the time,

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Speaker 1: and not and not for nothing, guys. That's that's why

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Speaker 1: I'm so hard on Cadeine. Because when you watch the

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Speaker 1: woman you love wake up every morning right and stand

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Speaker 1: in the mirror naked and pinch and prod and turn

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Speaker 1: and then grimace in her face. When you when you

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Speaker 1: enjoy and admire the way she is, there's something and

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Speaker 1: you just like, like, I wish I could take that

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Speaker 1: from you, because I I know for a fact, I

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Speaker 1: don't mind going to work out every day. If I

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Speaker 1: had to take on the thirty pounds while you were pregnant,

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Speaker 1: I would take it on because I'm like, fine, I'll

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Speaker 1: take it on and then once the baby come out,

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Speaker 1: I'll just I'll bust my ass to lose it. But

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Speaker 1: I can't. So when I got to watch you like

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Speaker 1: do all of that, it's bothersome to me. I'm like, dang,

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Speaker 1: I feel so bad. So when you say you want

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Speaker 1: to get back, I'm like, let's go. Let's let's do this.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate having that partner in you for that reason.

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Speaker 1: And you know, everyone says, give yourself grace, give yourself grace, um,

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Speaker 1: which I tried to do, But there's also to the

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Speaker 1: desire to just feel like yourself again. So honestly, feel

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Speaker 1: like women should be able to exist in the duality

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Speaker 1: of feeling grateful and thankful that their bodies are able

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Speaker 1: to bring forth life. Right, we are this divine portal

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Speaker 1: between two dimensions, right between in utero and earthside. So

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Speaker 1: I can celebrate that and I can be happy for that,

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Speaker 1: and I can say, you know what, girl, go you

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Speaker 1: you grew and nurtured and how's this human for nine

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Speaker 1: ten months? Um? And then you have to get back.

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Speaker 1: Then you're nursing this baby for months or years after,

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Speaker 1: depending on the person. But I can also be like,

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Speaker 1: but I'm over it, and I want to be back

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Speaker 1: to whoever the funk I was before, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? I want to be Codean who I was before.

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Speaker 1: I want to be the better version of who Codein

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Speaker 1: was prior to this baby. Um. And there's always this

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Speaker 1: pressure in this stigma around the whole, like snack back culture,

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Speaker 1: snap back culture and what that looks like. Um, And

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Speaker 1: I think it's just it can be a little bit

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Speaker 1: hairy because some people will look at it as a

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Speaker 1: positive thing, like hey girl, you snap back, And then

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Speaker 1: I think it's the time frame that's more so the issue,

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Speaker 1: like how long it takes for somebody to snap back,

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Speaker 1: people taking longer, or some people taking you know, a

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Speaker 1: short amount of time, or people getting assistance to do that.

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Speaker 1: It looks different for everybody. So I feel like we

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Speaker 1: just in general need to just not judge or shame

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Speaker 1: people for that. What I've been seeing on social media is,

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Speaker 1: you know, for a woman is working hard to get back,

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Speaker 1: I'll see some other women being like, girl, you need

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Speaker 1: to go sit down and take care of your baby.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if that's just then projecting the

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Speaker 1: fact that they had a baby years ago and still

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Speaker 1: haven't got lost the weight, so now they don't want

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Speaker 1: other people yet. You get those type of comments. But

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Speaker 1: those sound like projections, you know what I'm saying, Like

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Speaker 1: it sounds like projections from people who may not be

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Speaker 1: comfortable in their own skin and they don't want to

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Speaker 1: see someone else get back fast. Or I'll see comments

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Speaker 1: like um, like for example, oh, she she got work done,

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Speaker 1: you know, so it's like, okay, so I for a

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Speaker 1: woman works hard to get back, you have a problem

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Speaker 1: with that because you should be taking care of the baby.

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Speaker 1: But if a woman goes and gets work done, you

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Speaker 1: have a problem with that because she found a shortcut,

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Speaker 1: so maybe she didn't have to take as much time

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Speaker 1: to spend away from a baby because she got work done.

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Speaker 1: It's like it seems almost as if other people don't

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Speaker 1: want to see that woman happy. And it comes from women,

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Speaker 1: and it does come from some men too, because sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'll be looking at be like, dude, why are you

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Speaker 1: even comment on a one? Why are you invested a

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Speaker 1: woman's to getting back? Like I don't understand men who

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Speaker 1: comment on anything that has to do a woman choosing

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Speaker 1: to do on her body, whether it's having a baby,

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Speaker 1: not having a baby, or trying to get back from babe.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'll never understand that because I'll even have some

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Speaker 1: men say to me like, oh, your your wife trying

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Speaker 1: to get back already, Like why don't you whoa? Why

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Speaker 1: don't I want? Why? Why don't I want? Why? Why

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Speaker 1: are you following my wife? If it bothers you that much?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I'll never understand. It is

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Speaker 1: really an individual thing wholeheartedly, because I just knew this

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Speaker 1: time around after having Dakota, and it wasn't the same

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Speaker 1: for the other boys. Something other boys, I took my

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Speaker 1: time and was like, yeah, I'm not just not in

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Speaker 1: the mood with cats. It was that back to back

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Speaker 1: having the baby that I was like, bro, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: take every bit of this year to slowly just figure

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Speaker 1: things out. And it really is an individual, case by

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Speaker 1: case scenario. But for me with Dakota, I had already

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Speaker 1: had my mind made up that I was like, listen,

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Speaker 1: I am on the road to making sure that I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be the best version of myself. The biggest

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Speaker 1: scare from me this time around was having the episode

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Speaker 1: with the postpartum preclampsh it, because that was an indicator

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Speaker 1: for me to let me know, oh man, my body

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Speaker 1: had was under stressed clearly, because they say pregnancy is

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Speaker 1: like that many stress tests, or is actually a major

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Speaker 1: stress test that your body goes under. And if this

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Speaker 1: is an indicator that I may potentially develop hypertension in

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Speaker 1: the future, which is not far off, knowing my family history,

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Speaker 1: now is the time for me to invest in myself,

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Speaker 1: not just for the vanity of looking good on the outside,

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Speaker 1: but the inside. If there are things that I can

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Speaker 1: control and the whole this runs in your family situation

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Speaker 1: that I can avoid by just diet and exercise. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to freaking do that, and that will power that

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Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily have before. And the discipline that I

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Speaker 1: didn't necessarily you know, tap into before is something that

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Speaker 1: I'm making a conscious effort to do now. So it's

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Speaker 1: funny this time around because when I said to Develo

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Speaker 1: and I said to like my sister, and I said

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Speaker 1: to my mom, and I was like, I'm not at

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Speaker 1: with you all this time, Like I am totally invested

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Speaker 1: in getting back and working out. If I laughed at

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Speaker 1: me and my sister laughed at me, and they only

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Speaker 1: laughed at me because they know historically codem will be

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Speaker 1: going hard for two or three weeks, and then CADE

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Speaker 1: will do in the role, you know, Homer Simpson in

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Speaker 1: the bushes, that'd be me after a while in the

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Speaker 1: gym and um, and then I'll betch and moan when

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Speaker 1: something's coming up and I'm like, damn, I got a

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Speaker 1: month before we gotta do this, or damn I gotta

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Speaker 1: film that, and I'm mad at I'm good in this outfit. Um.

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Speaker 1: That's usually my track record, but I'm happy to say

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Speaker 1: y'all this time around, I really have been sticking it out.

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Speaker 1: Like our podcast crew can attest to it. I was

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Speaker 1: ordering pizza, pasta, all sources of stuff in here, and

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Speaker 1: your girl was not. I was thinking to my meal

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Speaker 1: prepped items. I was in the gym if it meant

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Speaker 1: that I had to be in there after midnight, because

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Speaker 1: that's just the time I had. I've been doing it,

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Speaker 1: so I'm proud of me. It does help that you, Um,

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Speaker 1: we made a decision that we're not gonna have any

395
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Speaker 1: more kids, so it's easier to say, hey, I'm gonna

396
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Speaker 1: get back because you're not thinking I'm gonna get back

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Speaker 1: just to get pregnant again. I know that that's extremely

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Speaker 1: difficult for a lot of women, and this is a

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Speaker 1: Devours truth moment that we have a lot of these.

400
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Speaker 1: When we first got married and you're like, I was,

401
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: so I've always been in love with your body, the

402
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Speaker 1: shape of your body, and I was just like, man,

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Speaker 1: once we have kids, I wonder what's gonna happen to

404
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Speaker 1: her body after she has kids? Like that that was

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Speaker 1: the thought of mine. Now, of course I was younger,

406
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 1: but um, I also knew that you didn't like working out,

407
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 1: and I was just like, you know, like Coatina, I

408
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 1: don't know what's gonna happen after we have these kids.

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Speaker 1: If Kadinian is gonna be like fuck it, Like this

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Speaker 1: is what it is, what we're gonna work to get back.

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Speaker 1: But after Jackson you got better than you were before Jackson,

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Speaker 1: and then after Cairo you was on your roll back,

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Speaker 1: and then you got pregnant again and then you game

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Speaker 1: more rate. But then after Cats you got back and

415
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: you were better than you were after Jackson. So I

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00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 1: already know, yeah, this time after Dakota is about to

417
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 1: be because you've gained ten pounds in all the right

418
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 1: places after each child. When I met you, you were

419
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 1: about a hundred and fifteen pounds, and then when we

420
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: got married, you at one thirty five. And after Jackson

421
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: you kind of settled around one kirne kas they came together,

422
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: you settled around one fifty five. Lecture weight and muscle, y'all.

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Speaker 1: It's nice, it's really really good. But but I want

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00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 1: to talk a little bit about some of the facts

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00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 1: and stats. Some facts and stats. Exercise UM has the

426
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: following benefits, particularly for postpartum within him. So I'm just

427
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: gonna tap into this until and then we'll talk about

428
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: and then after this we're actually gonna get into what

429
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: I work our routines are because you can get some tips.

430
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: But so real quick, Um, if anyone is dealing with

431
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: postpartum right now, UM, it helps to strengthen and tone

432
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 1: the ad muscles, because that's very important. They get all

433
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: stretched the hell out and pelvic floor be thrashed. Okay,

434
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 1: holding your bladder sometimes it's not existent. I've had one

435
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 1: or two moments. UM. It helps to boost energy, It

436
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: may help prevent postpartum depression promotes better sleep, not more

437
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 1: maybe better. Um, it relieves stress, and they can help

438
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: you lose the extra weight that you may have gained

439
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 1: during pregnancy. So pretty straightforward. So this is what people

440
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 1: need to understand about working out right. Working out is

441
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: not like you you can't cram a workout. People think

442
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: if you go to the gym one time and you're

443
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 1: in the gym for nine hours, you come out the

444
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: next day you look like you put in years of work.

445
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: That's not the way it works. You need to start

446
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: with consistently going to the gym and just walking for

447
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: twenty minutes every day. That's a good twenty minute walk

448
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 1: every day. You'll lose more weight and do more and

449
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 1: see more results than an inconsistent person going to the

450
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 1: gym five and six hours. Right. I told Cadenus once

451
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 1: she was pregnant that, UM, when you're doing a stress test,

452
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: they typically put you on a treadmill for twenty minutes

453
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: and they asked you to walk, and it may increase

454
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 1: the speed up and down slightly to see how your

455
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 1: heart responds. But part of the reason that happens is

456
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: because a twenty minute walk is the bare minimum. A

457
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: humans should be doing every single day. Vast majority of

458
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: people in America do not even walk twenty minutes every day,

459
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: which is sad. Consistent twenty minutes not I walked five,

460
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: I walked three, and then you tally it up. Consistent

461
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 1: twenty minutes and and and this is this is why

462
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 1: this is important, right. This has nothing to do with

463
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: pregnancy or women or advantage. So this is why exercise

464
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: is good for every everyone. People who don't regularly exercise

465
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,919
Speaker 1: me lose up to of their muscle, of their muscle

466
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 1: strength by the age of sixty five. That means your

467
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: muscles atrophy. Atrophy means when you don't you when you

468
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: don't use them, you lose them. That's why our generation

469
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 1: we live sedentary lifestyles where we're behind desks, we're on

470
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 1: the computer all the time. Now that we had the pandemic,

471
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: everyone's at home so they zoom everything. So people aren't

472
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: even leaving to walk to the train to get to

473
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: work anymore. So people are starting to lose You ever

474
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: seen that movie Wally where it took place right in

475
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: like two thousand and something, But the robots created a

476
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 1: world that was so easy for humans that humans lost

477
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: all of their musculature and their bone masks. So they

478
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: were just big blobs. That is a reality that can

479
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: happen to people if you continuously live life the way

480
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: we're living now, where everything is so comfortable, and we

481
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: don't we don't walk, we don't move because we're we're

482
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 1: beings made to move. We're supposed to lift and run

483
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 1: and jump. But when we don't do that, those uses

484
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: for those bodies they disappear. So that's why it's good

485
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: for everyone. Regular exercise helps lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels,

486
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:51,479
Speaker 1: two major risks for heart disease we notice my family

487
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 1: as well, and diabetes. Like exercise can help you with that.

488
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: Circulation helps with that. Exercise keeps your metabolism elevated even

489
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: after your workout and continues to burn calories as you rest.

490
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: This is a fact. This is why I tend to

491
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: lift weights and not just run. You burn a ton

492
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: of calories when you lift weights. Ladies, this is for you.

493
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 1: You go to train of training is I want you

494
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: start lifting some weights. I ain't a football playing I

495
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: don't want to lift weights. I don't want to be

496
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: big in bowky ma'am. You do not pump out testosterone

497
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: you could lift the same amount of weights as a

498
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 1: man and you will never get as big in bowky

499
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 1: as a man will get. But when you lift weights,

500
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: you tear apart that muscle fiber in it that needs

501
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: to grow. And what does it used to grow? It

502
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: utilizes the fat inside of your body to feed those

503
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 1: muscles and needs more proteins. So as you're sleeping and resting,

504
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 1: your body is continuously burning calories and burning fat. So

505
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: the best way to actually carve out your body to

506
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 1: look leaner is to lift weights, not to just run

507
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: on the treadmill. That does not work. Studies also indicate

508
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: that children's physical activity levels correlate closely with those to

509
00:25:54,200 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: their parents, which means, thank you, Cairo Jackson, kas in

510
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: Dakota will be what they see. They will be exactly

511
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: what they see. The only reason why they go to

512
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,479
Speaker 1: the gym every day is because when they look up

513
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: and they see you and I in the gym, mail like,

514
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: I guess this is just what we do. So they're

515
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: always in the gym, they're always looking to be active

516
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: and that that will help them even in their minds.

517
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: Because I even told Jackson. Jackson asked, men, well, I

518
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: gotta work out every day, And I said, you don't

519
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 1: have to work out every day. You can do what

520
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 1: you want to do. But sometimes in life you have

521
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: to do the things you don't want to do so

522
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: that you can live the way you want to live.

523
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: So what I did with Jackson was I told him

524
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,439
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna you know we've talked about before, I'm

525
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: not gonna give you money or give you an allowance

526
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,959
Speaker 1: to do chores stuff that you have to do every day.

527
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 1: Like if you have your own house, you gotta make

528
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: up your bed, you gotta clean your bathroom, you gotta

529
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 1: wash up and shower. I'm not giving you money to

530
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 1: do that. But working out, it's something that you don't

531
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: have to do. If you're going to gym and you

532
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: put the same workout in the gym that you do

533
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: with your school work every day, with your basketball, with

534
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: your holding class, I'll pay you for these workouts. This

535
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: way he'll learn that thing. I can be rewarded for

536
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: doing the things that I don't want to do later

537
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 1: in life. So for me, working out is also a

538
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 1: way to teach my children how to be disciplined. And

539
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: you scipped one right here. Improve your mental health and

540
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: mood with an exercise routine. So Kadein and I talked

541
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: about this all the time. Um, your body has endorphins

542
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,199
Speaker 1: and your body also has um oxytocin, which helps you

543
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: feel better. People don't realize that when you work out,

544
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: your body gets pumped with endorphins and oxytocin. That's why

545
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 1: after a workout you always feel so much better. It's

546
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: it's not that I feel good because I worked out. No,

547
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: your body chemically is being pushed with all the things

548
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: you need to rejuvenate itself. So you'll feel tired, but

549
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: you'll be in a better mood. That is true. I

550
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: noticed that because usually for me, at least for me,

551
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: the hardest part is getting started right. It's the mustering

552
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: up the strength some days, having to talk myself into it,

553
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: having to look at myself and say, okay, Kadeine, you

554
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: know who is this person that you would love for

555
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 1: your body to look like? Like? Those are the things

556
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: that try to get me into the gym. And then

557
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 1: once the workout is over, I'm usually like, I'm so

558
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,719
Speaker 1: glad I did that because I feel that much better now.

559
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that because it's important for what

560
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 1: I'm about to read next. Remember when I told you, guys,

561
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 1: I had that sports performance company called a Lead Prototype Athletics.

562
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: All of these stats and I am about to point

563
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: out I can tell you are true based on ten

564
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 1: years and over a thousand kids. Right. Studies show that

565
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: kids who work out do better in school. Regular physical

566
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: activity can help kids build empathy and leadership skills. The

567
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: University of Florida reports that participation in sports help children

568
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: develop self esteem and that girls who participate in sports

569
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: develop increased confidence and have a healthier body image than

570
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: girls who don't participate in sports. As we transition from

571
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 1: doing just football to football, basketball, softball, volleyball, track and

572
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: field for both boys and girls, we noticed that all

573
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: of our athletes who started with us had an increased

574
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: g p A by the time they finished with us,

575
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: all of them everything even were required to be in

576
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: the programs. Absolutely we did in port car checks every

577
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: third Friday in the month or the end of every

578
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: semester or trimester for the younger kids. But what we

579
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: noticed was even the younger athletes who had a d

580
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: h D issues or a d D issues who were

581
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 1: on medication, after they started routinely coming to Prototype their

582
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: parents who said, you know, we took him off the

583
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: medication because he just showed so much greater focus. A

584
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: lot more students performed better when they have workouts, either

585
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: early in the morning or during school. But they took

586
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: Jim out of the classroom and parents don't have any

587
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: time in the morning to train their kids. Are they

588
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: still getting recess consistently. I know sometimes they do, sometimes

589
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: they don't, depending on whether and stuff. But some kids,

590
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,239
Speaker 1: kids have to get up and move absolutely like they

591
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: have to get the wiggles out. Well, I know a

592
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: lot of school, especially in Brooklyn U recess was not

593
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: a part of the school program anymore, and neither was Jim.

594
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: It wasn't mandatory, and it was kind of counterproductive because

595
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: I know some some of the education people in education

596
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: I talked to the border that said they took Jim

597
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: out of schools because the competition. They felt like the

598
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 1: competition was hurting kids self esteem if you're always the

599
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: last person in gym. But I'm like, you're taking away

600
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: life lessons when you do that. You can't eliminate competition

601
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: from children, and then as they become adults, try to

602
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: hold them to a standard that you expect them the

603
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: whole that it's not used that they're not used to.

604
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: So for me, I feel like competition and physical activity

605
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: teaches kids that if I'm not good at this, I

606
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: can routinely work at it to be better. Better. See

607
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is giving them a benchmark to be

608
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: able to move or you know, to assess that um,

609
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 1: at least when it comes to their peers too, for sure,

610
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 1: And when it came to young women, my track girls

611
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: and my volleyball girls, when I tell you, they definitely

612
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: had higher self esteems. They walked around mainly because they

613
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 1: felt better. They were were talking about track athletes and

614
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: volleyball affrics like that's how I like to train, to

615
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: train a track and field athlete, to be honest, Because

616
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: I noticed that they're lean, right, not usually not super bulky. Um,

617
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: they're lean, you know. The posterior chain is typically built

618
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: up and developed. Yes, the legs, you know. So that's

619
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: what I'm I'm working on now. What I also noticed, too,

620
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: was the camaraderie. We hear so much about how young

621
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,479
Speaker 1: women are jealous and caddy and all this other stuff.

622
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: These young ladies on these teams were like a family,

623
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: true and every team has their riff. I don't want

624
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: to make it seem like they were perfect, because even

625
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: the football teams got their riffs and the basketball teams.

626
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 1: But these young ladies were a group. They came to

627
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: the gym together, they traveled together, they brought in their

628
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 1: report cards together, they competed together, they won together, they

629
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: lost together. But I did see them all develop these

630
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: leadership qualities from from fourteen to eight team. When they

631
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 1: graduated and then went off to college, I felt proud

632
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: to watch them go off to college confidently you know

633
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: about who they are as people, and they just I

634
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: feel like sports and especially training and working out helps

635
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: everyone with them. Oh goodness. Aside from just the track

636
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: and field and the teams that we had in there,

637
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: we ran a program collectively married to the gym, where

638
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: they were for adults for a lot of the moms

639
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: who were in programs and stuff, and we developed really close.

640
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: I mean, two of the moms from that program are

641
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: cats godmother godmothers now. Because we developed such a camaraderie

642
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: and a and a closeness and a bond where it

643
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 1: was just women mom even dads were exactly and we

644
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: would just motivate each other and keep going, and having

645
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: that group atmosphere was so so so beneficial, just not

646
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 1: not only just for us to get through the workouts,

647
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: but just to hold each other accountable, you know, having

648
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: someone to help you push to get through that last rep,

649
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: that last set. Um, those were some of the best

650
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: times that we had together, for sure. For sure. So

651
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: let's move and get into nutrition, which is probably the

652
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: bigger part of this family fitness that we're doing here.

653
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: As the Vols sits back and says nutrition because he

654
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 1: wants to his gummy beers and his cheese puffs at night. Yeah,

655
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: man's it can't even lie. Yeah. But one thing developed

656
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: to tell me, he said, you can afford to eat

657
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: certain things and enjoy the things that you like in

658
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 1: moderation if you work out hard, because the body is

659
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: still burning that workout. For me, though, if I'm looking

660
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 1: to um, shed fat, build muscle, lose weight. UM, I

661
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: don't look at the scale much whenever I am starting

662
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: my journey. Stop looking at the scale, ladies and gentlemen.

663
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: Scale is much like the devil a lie and um,

664
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 1: I'm just not in the business of doing that. It's better,

665
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 1: if anything, to measure inches and then see how you're

666
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: losing inches. So sometimes for me, it may be that jumpsuit,

667
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: for example, that I want to get back into or

668
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: to wear, and I'll just put it on and say,

669
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: all right, this is this machine even getting past my

670
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: hips today, and then noticing, okay, it's past my hips

671
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: now can it zip? Can't quite zip? And then maybe

672
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 1: another two or three weeks, Hi, she's zipping up. This

673
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 1: a little puff and bulged, but she's zipping, and then

674
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,959
Speaker 1: eventually I know that I'll be able to wear this

675
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 1: confidently outside. Um. But typically trying to wake up in

676
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: the morning generally I'm not a big morning person when

677
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 1: it comes to eating, but I know that within the

678
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: first hour of waking up you should try to consume something.

679
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: So getting up in the morning preparing my breakfast, UM,

680
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: I'm trying something different this time. It's carb cycling. So

681
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: I'm going like, for example, for the first six weeks,

682
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:35,320
Speaker 1: um eating medium carbs and medium carbs meaning better carbs.

683
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: So I'm not eating the white rice, which I greatly

684
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: creakly miss in my rice and peas um, but not

685
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: really eating the white starches, dose breads, flour, things like that,

686
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 1: and kind of replacing that with things like you know,

687
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 1: a sweet potato or quenoa or um oatmeal, things like that,

688
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: and then still because I'm breastfeeding, oatmeal is also really

689
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 1: good to have in the mornings for breast milk production UM,

690
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 1: and I can't severely cut too many of my carbs

691
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 1: now because of that, because I'm still trying to UM

692
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,360
Speaker 1: produce milk. So I know, once I'm done breastfeeding and

693
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 1: once cold it gives me a break, then I can

694
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 1: do it a little bit more strict if I needed to. UM.

695
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: But my problem is that I never want to have

696
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 1: to worry about doing a fat diet or cutting and

697
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 1: crashing and doing things for like you know, four to

698
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: eight weeks and then reacclimating to life and enjoying the

699
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 1: things that I want to eat, and then the way

700
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 1: it just comes back. So eating five to six times

701
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 1: a day UM is super important. So the way I

702
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: try to space out my meals, which is difficult for

703
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: me because I'm just not a heavy eater like that.

704
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 1: So I'll get to the end of the day and

705
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: be like, damn, I still have like a snack and

706
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,839
Speaker 1: a meal that I have to consume that I just

707
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: don't want because I'm not hungry, but the body needs

708
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 1: this replenishment in order to build that muscle, particularly in

709
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,759
Speaker 1: the protein department. So I'm eating. For example, I'll give

710
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: you an example in the in the morning for breakfast,

711
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: I'll have you know, uh, five eggs worth of egg whites.

712
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: So I'll just kind of separate my eggs and my

713
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: egg whites. UM, throw some spinach up in a bit,

714
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 1: you know, put a little onion bell peppers to make

715
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: it taste good. Then drowned it in like sugar free

716
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 1: catchup and saracha, just to get it down. Some days

717
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: because it's hard, um, with a side bowl of maybe

718
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 1: say oatmeal, um, and then some berries on top. You know,

719
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: that'll be and it's actually not that bad. It's not

720
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,760
Speaker 1: that bad. Or some days it will be turkey bacon

721
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: with you know, um, eggs and stuff. I just try

722
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 1: not to eat anything super processed too much if I

723
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: can avoid it. UM. The key to it is trying

724
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're getting those protein sources from

725
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: actual food. I do, though, if I'm in a rush,

726
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: we'll grab a quick protein bar or after a workout.

727
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: Devo has told me taught me that a protein shake

728
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: is pretty good because it gets to the body and

729
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: the bloodstream quicker than if I had to wait for

730
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: the food to be digested in the system. Um, so

731
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: that's what I have for breakfast. I may have the

732
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: protein bar or shake as a snack, or you know

733
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: something a little thing of fruit, you know some you know,

734
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 1: cold cuts, with a little salad or al tune in salad.

735
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 1: Then I have my lunch, which is like a sensible meal.

736
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: So just make sure I have again heavy amounts of protein,

737
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: having my vegetable, and then a minimal amount of starch

738
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 1: or sometimes no starch. If I'm just not doing a

739
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: car right in the morning, You'll make me some waffles

740
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: are drizzle in syrup. And I think about that and

741
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: just be like, I'll just oh, I'll just do two

742
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: letter see see, sometimes I might no work like that

743
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,399
Speaker 1: because me and the two hundred birthies ain't seen each other.

744
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know, a girl, you know you're

745
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 1: not about to go do the burpies, so go ahead

746
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: and put that doughnut down. That's why. And I have

747
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: the willpower to do that more than I have to

748
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 1: do the burpies some days. So hey, everybody has to

749
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 1: know what works for that exactly one little trick that

750
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: I've been doing though that the kids have not picked

751
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: up on yet, y'all. And I feel like this is

752
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 1: a mom like put a badge on me hack, because

753
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, always finding ways to make sure that

754
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: my children are not consuming too much sugar, but also

755
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: trying to find the balance where they can live as kids,

756
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: because I know my uncle usuld take me to the

757
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 1: candy store back of the day and I would clear out,

758
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm trying to balance between them enjoying

759
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 1: themselves as kids having a little bit of sugar and

760
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: not I recently found a really good sugar freeze theyrup

761
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: so I told my mom was like, Okay, in the

762
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: mornings with the kids, let's see if they don't know

763
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 1: the difference if we swapped out the syrups. I know,

764
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: I know who who noticed. They did not notice, not

765
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 1: even one child that would have noticed, cas because I

766
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: tried cats with the sugar free catchup Jackson, actually all

767
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: three of them, Jackson and Cairo ate their catch up

768
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: with with whatever they had it with, and they completely

769
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: did not know the difference. Kaz looked at me and

770
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: he was like, Mommy, I don't like this kitchu. Mommy,

771
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: this is not the right catchup. Of course it's the

772
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: right catchup show. I showed him like the Hinds bottle,

773
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: and he literally looked at me. It was just like,

774
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 1: I bit if you say so, but I'm not about

775
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: to eat this ketchup. And cats, who normally will be

776
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 1: scraping his plate for ketchup, had a whole globy ketchup

777
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: still on his plate. So I was like, he's gonna

778
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: be a tough one. My father tried that with us

779
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: with the eater flakes. Back in the day. We got

780
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 1: getter flakes one time, right, and we used to They

781
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 1: used to take the frosted flakes and put it in

782
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 1: the cereal container with the plastic joint. So one day

783
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: he brought out these ga flakes. It was in the

784
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 1: gitta box, right, and we like gitta flakes. What is this?

785
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: So we went to eat it and it was not good.

786
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: It just it didn't have no sugar. It was just

787
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 1: was terrible. So my father was like yeah. I was like, yo,

788
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: this is nasty, and he was just like the same,

789
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: don't eat it. Don't eat it. So then the next

790
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: day you know that he got so mad, right because

791
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 1: he told my mom. He told my mom that we

792
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 1: wouldn't notice. The next day he tried to be slick,

793
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: took it out the gitta box and put it into

794
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 1: the plastic game. Right. So we're eating it and we're like, yo,

795
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 1: this is the ga flakes. He's like, it's not. No,

796
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: it's not. This guy went in far has to go

797
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: get a frosted flake box. As he lookes from the

798
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 1: frosted flakes, I said, school, that's an old frosted flame box.

799
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 1: Bro that was downstairs. And the cycles you're not you're

800
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 1: not low. You'll do whatever you complete. People don't have.

801
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: I was like, the people who have don't have seal

802
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: don't want to the flakes neither. That part that's like

803
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,359
Speaker 1: going to that's that's time. We went to the all

804
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,280
Speaker 1: inclusive resort in Mexico and they kept refilling the Appleton

805
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 1: bottle with fakes and I knew it was not Appleton,

806
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like, y'all giving me this fake ass, cheap

807
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: ass room and I know that's not that. Bring me

808
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: the bottle of Appleton. Let me see because I know

809
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: my Appleton. That's one thing I'm gonna do, is no

810
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 1: my run. What did that bottom look like? That bottle

811
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 1: look like it was vintage, back from about nineteen sixty two,

812
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 1: and they had that bottle they kept, they kept refilling

813
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: that joint. I don't even think I've ever seen that

814
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: label appletons on an appleton bottom ever in life. And

815
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: I'm you know the tender age of thirty something is

816
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,760
Speaker 1: and I have never seen that before. So that's exactly

817
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: what Coop did. The problem that scooped. He had y'all

818
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: see the flakes. To begin with, I didn't even let

819
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: them kids see the bottle at all, because once you have,

820
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: once you put that in their mind that they know

821
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 1: that there's a bottle that's different, they're already gonna say

822
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: that sugar. Here's the truth, man, I do think I

823
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: have a sugar addiction. Like it's not really an addiction

824
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 1: because when I have to go film and I cut

825
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 1: my sugar, and can cut my sugar for three to

826
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 1: four weeks, which means it's not an addiction. But I love, Yes,

827
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: I do have will power, but I love sugar, and

828
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 1: it's bad that in my mind I'll be like, all right,

829
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 1: I'll eat this pack of sour patch kids. But I'm

830
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 1: a drink half a gallon of water or I'm gonna

831
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: go run. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's what

832
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: I tell myself. I know for a fact that that's

833
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: not the best for my insides. Like I know that

834
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: I shouldn't eat this much salt and eat this much sugar.

835
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: I know that. Okay, So for people who going to

836
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: be like, wait, wait about your heart, what about this?

837
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 1: I know that. That's why I work out so hard

838
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 1: to help my body be able to defend those things.

839
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 1: But I also I have a great wife who tends

840
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 1: to shop in the direction of my health. She notices

841
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 1: that I'm eating too much sugar and stuff. I'll notice.

842
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 1: I'd be like, your ways the cookies, and she'd be like,

843
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: you ain't getting no o cake m h. And that's

844
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 1: accountable too, Like the same way he wants to hold

845
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: me accountable. When I say, Babe, I want to look

846
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 1: like x y Z, He's like, Yeo, I gotta go film.

847
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a sex scene. I'm gonna have to

848
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: have my shirt off whatever it is. And I'm like, well,

849
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,439
Speaker 1: you're gonna look the best that you're about to look

850
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: in this sex scene. Like that's what's gonna happen because

851
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 1: I'm not about to have to send you out there

852
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: looking at it as a reflection of me like him.

853
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: You see the gud love handles that loving like, No,

854
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: I mean, you're gonna look the best version of yourself

855
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: if I have something to say about it. And I

856
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: appreciate you saying that, because, um, I do want to

857
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: look good for you, like you know what I'm saying,

858
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,239
Speaker 1: Like I I want to come out the shower and

859
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 1: have an eight pack, And have you been like, oh,

860
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: there goes my husband. You know what I'm saying, Like

861
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: for me, for me, that that's part of marriage, right.

862
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: Part of marriage is not only dating your spouse, but

863
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: continuing to be the best version of your spouse, and

864
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 1: your spouse can continuously be intrigued with who you are.

865
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, As much as my children

866
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: need me as my my husband needs me as the

867
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: woman that he fell in love with, it as his girlfriend,

868
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to be girlfriend status life. And And

869
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 1: the thing is, I appreciate you saying that because there's

870
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 1: also a narrative that's saying, you know, you love me

871
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 1: as I am, even if I choose not to do

872
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: my best to be the best version of myself. Love

873
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: me and this self loathing. That's not fair to your partner, right, Like,

874
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 1: like you can't self loath, let yourself go whether you're

875
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: a man or a woman, and just be like you

876
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: have a responsibility to love me this way? Like who

877
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: wants to live with somebody like that? What? People? We

878
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 1: all want to be of service to each other. Yes,

879
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: I don't mind being of service to you, but I

880
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: also want you to try your hardest to be the

881
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 1: best version of yourself so we can live the longest,

882
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: happiest life together. Me and cone I got to an

883
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,399
Speaker 1: argument with Cadee while she was pregnant. I didn't ask

884
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: her to lift no weights and ask her to run.

885
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: I said, can you just walk for twenty minutes every

886
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 1: single day? And she was like why did I why

887
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 1: not to walk? And I was like, because be doing

888
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: life together and if you die, I'm gonna fuck you

889
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: up because we're supposed to do this together, which means

890
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 1: we have a responsibility to each other to help each

891
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: other live as long as possible. One of my aunts

892
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 1: lost her lost, my my uncle passed away. My aunt Diane,

893
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: my my uncle Dewey died in sleep and he was

894
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: on heart medication. And one morning she woke up and

895
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: I remember getting a phone call from my aunt from

896
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: from my mom. We were in the basements. She was like,

897
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,760
Speaker 1: you know, uncle, do we passed away? So we drove

898
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 1: over to Aunt Diane's house, and all my Aunt Dianne

899
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 1: kept saying was I'm so mad at you do. You

900
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: promised not to leave me. And that stuck with me.

901
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying because I was I was nineteen,

902
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 1: I believe, and all I remember her was crying, was saying,

903
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: you promised not to leave me. You promised, And to

904
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: be fair, he did what most black men do. We

905
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 1: we listened to our women, but we're not when it

906
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: comes to medicine and it comes to doctors. We don't

907
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: trust doctors. We don't like going to hospitals. And we

908
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 1: feel like we can self cure and heal everything, and

909
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: sometimes we can't. You know, the best thing for us

910
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: sometimes it's to go to the doctor. But you you

911
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: can self cure and heal if you just work out continuously.

912
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: So I told myself, I want to be here for

913
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: my kids. I don't want my my kids to ever

914
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: get that phone call that their dad is going. You know,

915
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 1: I had a couple of friends in college. You know,

916
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: we were in school playing football, and you get a

917
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: phone call someone so his dad passed away. A couple

918
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,359
Speaker 1: of my prototype kids, they're in middle school. You know,

919
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 1: they come in. You know what I'm saying, It was

920
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 1: the matter with you. Oh my dad died, And sometimes

921
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: we were hearing stories of it being earlier, like forties.

922
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 1: We lost a prototype mom to a heart attack in

923
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 1: her early forties. She woke up one morning, was on

924
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: her way to work, was walking up the platform and

925
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 1: get to the trains that she wasn't feeling well, so

926
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 1: she decided to go back home. She called in to

927
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,439
Speaker 1: work and said, hey, I'm gonna just head back home.

928
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: Went back home, said she's gonna take a nap. Her

929
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: son walks in. Thirteen years old, son walks in, sees

930
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 1: his mom sleeping on the couch. I didn't think nothing

931
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 1: of it, Hey mom, no, no. I went to do

932
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: his homework, went to get something that he came back,

933
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 1: she was still sitting there. He felt like something was wrong.

934
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 1: Went to touch his mom and she was cold. And

935
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 1: I'm thinking to myself, I don't want my sons to

936
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: ever have that feeling, and I don't want to have

937
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: that feeling. You know, wake up one morning and Codeine

938
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: is not here anymore, you know. So we're constantly Codin

939
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: and I are constantly on each other to be healthy,

940
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: not just vain, but healthy so that we can be

941
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,399
Speaker 1: together as long as possible and live life. Yeah, that's

942
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: I feel like that's something that's in our control. So

943
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: why not right how we're living. Other things we can't control.

944
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: But if you can control at least moving that twenty

945
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: minutes a day, move, y'all move the same way we're

946
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 1: gonna move into this break. Wait, wait, before we do

947
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,359
Speaker 1: the break, Before we do the break, let me tell

948
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 1: them real quick. Codeine and I don't train traditionally. When

949
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: I'm in the gym, I'm not in the gym no

950
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 1: longer than an hour. When I trained Candin, she's not

951
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 1: in the gym no longer than an hour. Everything we

952
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 1: do is high intensity interval training. We super set, we

953
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 1: do weights, and the cardio we do was more sprints

954
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 1: than running. So, for example, if Codeine gets on the treadmill,

955
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: she'll do She'll set the treadmill to maybe nine miles

956
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 1: per hour. She'll do twenty seconds on forty seconds off

957
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 1: for ten minutes. Then she'll put it up to ten

958
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,880
Speaker 1: miles per hour and go for ten seconds on fifty

959
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: seconds off. This way she can sprint that weight off

960
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: as opposed to just jogging on the treadmill for half

961
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 1: an hour to an hour, because that doesn't really help

962
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: what she wants to build. We you know it's black.

963
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 1: She wants, but hamstrings, calves, quad She wants to be

964
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 1: thick but lean. You can't be thick and lean by

965
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: running an hour a day. You have to do it

966
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 1: the same way sprinters do it by lifting weights and

967
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 1: doing sprints. I do the same thing, not because I'm

968
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 1: looking to be thick and lean, but as a as

969
00:47:55,719 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 1: an athlete, I know that um explosive movements help me

970
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 1: buke up while being leaned. So thirty seven years old,

971
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to be under the bench press doing

972
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 1: to fifteen times like I'm playing football. It's bad for

973
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,359
Speaker 1: your joints. So I do my pushups, my pull ups,

974
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 1: my medicine ball throws, I do a ton of sprinting,

975
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: and I play basketball. I try my best to move

976
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:21,439
Speaker 1: every single day, even if my on my off days.

977
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 1: On my off days, I'll get on there and do

978
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 1: some striders for twenty minutes. I'll get on a bike

979
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: for twenty minutes, or I'll go play basketball for a

980
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: half an hour an hour. But there's no day that

981
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,440
Speaker 1: goes by where I just sit on my ass and

982
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 1: I tell Codeine, same thing got to be for you,

983
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: even if it's not your workout day because you don't

984
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: get on the bike, or she'll go out there and

985
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,760
Speaker 1: do a high incline walk on the treadmill for twenty minutes.

986
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: So I just want to make you make it clear

987
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 1: to people exactly what we do. So when y'all see us,

988
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: just say that's why they're so in shape. We're not

989
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: a cyclical in shape family where we work out for

990
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: three months and stop for three months. This is a

991
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,799
Speaker 1: lifestyle for us. It's a lifestyle and we were doing

992
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: it before we had it in home Jim situations. So

993
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 1: it's me. I'll have seen that video with me in

994
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 1: the staircase in our apartment back in Brooklyn after I

995
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 1: had Cairo, so that's almost six years ago now, where

996
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 1: I got my checkup, I was cleared by my doctor,

997
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 1: that worked out again, and my ass was up and

998
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: down the stairs in the apartment building we had six

999
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 1: floors and devoured weight where we were on level four

1000
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 1: and I would just be going up and down, up

1001
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 1: and down, up and down, up and down the hallway.

1002
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: So it's not down the hallways if you don't feel

1003
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 1: like you have it accessively in your house, so you

1004
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: have the place that you know is just right at

1005
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: your fingertips. Just find a way to move. And during

1006
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 1: a pandemic, we got a jump rope and before we

1007
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,719
Speaker 1: even had the treadmill in the in the house in

1008
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 1: l A, we was in the backyard jumping rope, doing

1009
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: push up some purpose. It cost nothing. Find a way

1010
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 1: to move for twenty minutes today, ladies and gentlemen, can

1011
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 1: we move now into the break? We can move down

1012
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: to the that's that we can move into the break.

1013
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,479
Speaker 1: He likes breaks. That's just even in workouts, the minute

1014
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 1: before we even started the how long before we get

1015
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 1: a breath? Listen, you're gonna tell me my whole workout.

1016
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: Don't be trying to surprise me midway through and tell

1017
00:49:57,960 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: me I don't know how many reps you have. Tell

1018
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 1: me my whole workout so I can mentally prepare myself.

1019
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 1: That's my process. Don't knock me for it. My job

1020
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 1: gets okay, Okay, all right, y'all, we'll be back. All right,

1021
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: we're back with listen to letters. Um, all right, do

1022
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 1: you want to go first? I will thank you so

1023
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: much first. I love you, guys, Black Live at its finest.

1024
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,359
Speaker 1: Thank you both for being so transparent, sharing life and

1025
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 1: love with us. Appreciate you. Thank you. Okay. So, my

1026
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: daughters are eleven years old. Her dad is seven years

1027
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: older than I am. We started dating when I was

1028
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: nineteen and he was twenty six. Long story short, it

1029
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,680
Speaker 1: didn't work out. We dated a little over a year

1030
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 1: and then it ended for various reasons cheating, immaturity, lying,

1031
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: et cetera, but mostly because I wanted more and he didn't. Well.

1032
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 1: About two weeks after the breakup, I found out I

1033
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: was pregnant. I told him, right, I told him, and

1034
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby.

1035
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: I raised my daughter pretty much alone, with him only

1036
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,839
Speaker 1: making appearances for birthdays and special occasions up until like

1037
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 1: four years ago. For the last two years we've gotten

1038
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: closer and really developed a beautiful co parenting relationship and friendship.

1039
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: There's always been attraction and chemistry there, but we've always

1040
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: been We've always both been in other relationships, were now

1041
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: both single and decided to date to see where it goes.

1042
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 1: I was very hesitant because of my reasons. Can I

1043
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 1: trust him? Can I forgive him for leaving us? Will

1044
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 1: he leave again? We have been dating for almost three

1045
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 1: months and I love him, but I don't feel the

1046
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 1: spark or butterflies. I don't feel like I'm going to

1047
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 1: fall in love. I feel like we're better just as

1048
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 1: friends and co parents. But I also wonder if I'm

1049
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 1: just scared to commit to him after we've been through

1050
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 1: so much, or should I really listen to my gut.

1051
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: I feel like if I was truly where I wanted

1052
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,880
Speaker 1: to be, then I wouldn't know by now. Also, I

1053
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,240
Speaker 1: don't know how to tell him we should just be friends.

1054
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy, but I don't want to hurt him.

1055
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 1: I know that he really cares for me and now

1056
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 1: wants to be with me. I don't want to lead

1057
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: him on what should I do? First of all, it

1058
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: says thank you for a well written paragraph that I

1059
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 1: was able to read with stations and stops, because I

1060
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: feel like it got the gist of the story you

1061
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 1: read this season. There, go ahead, I love that girl.

1062
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: Go with your guts. If it ain't there, it ain't there.

1063
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: One thing I have learned is that there's certain things,

1064
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,280
Speaker 1: particularly when it comes to relationships, that you just cannot

1065
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 1: will yourself into feeling. And if your gut is telling

1066
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: you this, now, I say, go with your gut. You

1067
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: may just be comfortable with that parenting, the co parenting

1068
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 1: situation and stuff like that, because that's just where you are.

1069
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 1: You he's coming around now, but you've already left. It's

1070
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: okay that that has happened, you know. Um, But I

1071
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: am not one for forcing things when it comes to love.

1072
00:52:55,880 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: If it I gotta be honest. Um. I hate telling

1073
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:03,319
Speaker 1: people like to not not try, so I want to

1074
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 1: say try. But one thing I will say about Codeine

1075
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: and I I don't have to try to have a

1076
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: spark with k Like I just love her, Like she

1077
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 1: just walks by and I'm like hello, you know, like,

1078
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 1: like who who is that? I've seen her all day

1079
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 1: and the minute she walks by, It's like yes. So

1080
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 1: I I hope that everyone in life can find that

1081
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: person that does that for them, And even even when

1082
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: we're not getting along like and I'm not talking about

1083
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 1: a a lustful Hey, who is that a spark? Like

1084
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 1: that's my girl, you know, like cause because even when

1085
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: she's pregnant, when she's being a pain in the asked,

1086
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 1: when we're not talking, which is never too long, but

1087
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 1: even when she walks by, I just want to grab

1088
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 1: her and hug her up. So that, to me, is

1089
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 1: is what's the difference. You know, when people say to me, like,

1090
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 1: what is it with you? And codein to me, there's

1091
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 1: there's nothing in me that says maybe I want to

1092
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 1: be somewhere else. I know where I want to be.

1093
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:05,919
Speaker 1: Sometimes we can't agree on us being at the same

1094
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: point at the same time, or the level of which

1095
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 1: we're both engaged at that moment, But when I see her,

1096
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 1: it's just like, that's my person, Like I don't I

1097
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:16,360
Speaker 1: don't want that. I don't want her to be with

1098
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: nobody else, and I want to be everything for her.

1099
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: So if you don't feel that, you can't force that.

1100
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: There's no litigating that, there's no amount of therapy that

1101
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:30,240
Speaker 1: can make you feel that about someone. That spark is important,

1102
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:32,320
Speaker 1: that it's so important, and that's something you just cannot

1103
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: like will and muster up. Like I literally say every time,

1104
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: if that that that moment when people first meet, that

1105
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: first couple of months and everyone's just like so in love.

1106
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 1: I'm like that feeling. If you can bottle that up,

1107
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 1: that spark, you know, it will be nice to have

1108
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: to take a swig of every now and again as

1109
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,279
Speaker 1: your relationships continues. But that it's not It's not like that.

1110
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 1: And also, let let this be not a warning, but

1111
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: put us on notice for dudes like you have a

1112
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 1: good girl and you you love her, but you're not prepared,

1113
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 1: or you're not ready, and you treat her bad, or

1114
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 1: you do something to her those things that she don't forget.

1115
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,479
Speaker 1: You know. So now as you mature and you're like, wow,

1116
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:07,960
Speaker 1: that perfect girl that I had, the one that I

1117
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,480
Speaker 1: want to be with, let me go back to her.

1118
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 1: All the things that you've done are now a stain

1119
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 1: on her heart and her spirit. And it may be

1120
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: easy for you to say, well, let's move forward, but

1121
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 1: it may not be easy for her. And the thing,

1122
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 1: the spark may now be out because of his behavior,

1123
00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So let this be a

1124
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 1: lesson to anybody who thinks they might have found the one,

1125
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: but they hadn't found the right time. You know, time

1126
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 1: doesn't heal all wounds. Some wounds become tattoos, and now

1127
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 1: you're stuck with it because that person will never forget it.

1128
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 1: So now absolutely good luck to you since I hope

1129
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: you guys find a way to figure things out. Number two. Hello,

1130
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 1: I'm a happily divorced women with two sons seventeen and twelve.

1131
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 1: I got married super young, and things happened, and now

1132
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 1: we are divorced. My ex husband was and still is

1133
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 1: a great dad to our two sons. We cope well.

1134
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 1: No courts are involved, just us in our agreements. My

1135
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 1: ex husband cheated, but I can admit I mentally left

1136
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 1: the relationship before he stepped out. He talked all of that.

1137
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,320
Speaker 1: We talked all of that out and we are over that.

1138
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 1: My problem is I found out my ex husband was

1139
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 1: talking bad about me till my now seventeen year old

1140
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,799
Speaker 1: for years. Wow. My ex husband gave my son a

1141
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:22,439
Speaker 1: negative view of me based on my two year old self.

1142
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:25,279
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight. Now me and my son are not

1143
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: as close as we should be. My son talks to

1144
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,879
Speaker 1: his dad more and he feels like he can't tell

1145
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: me things because, as his dad told him, your mom

1146
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:35,440
Speaker 1: blows up at everything. Question for K, how do you

1147
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: maintain individual bonds with your three children? Question for the

1148
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:41,560
Speaker 1: vow why did my ex husband do that? I do

1149
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 1: not talk bad about him to our sons. What can

1150
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 1: I build? Um? How can I build a bond with

1151
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 1: my son to break the view my husband painted of me? Okay,

1152
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 1: well I can answer first. So yeah, I'm very deliberate

1153
00:56:56,080 --> 00:57:00,800
Speaker 1: about having individual relationships with my boys. Um. It's easy

1154
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 1: to think, oh, you have four boys, now they're boys,

1155
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 1: you can just kind of lump them together and do

1156
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 1: everything together. But I'm very deliberate about taking time throughout

1157
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 1: the day. So this is a daily thing that I

1158
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: practice daily throughout the day. I make sure that I

1159
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 1: take a moment with these child and it could be

1160
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: something as simple as having a quick conversation about what

1161
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: happened in school today, or just pulling them aside to say,

1162
00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: hey baby, mommy loves you, give me kiss, or hey,

1163
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: I have you know two minutes I'm in my bed,

1164
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 1: I'll pull one of them in the bed with me

1165
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: and we'll just sit there for a couple of minutes

1166
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 1: and maybe watch a show like They're just those moments

1167
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 1: that have to happen for me every single day with

1168
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 1: each child, and I think those moments in itself at

1169
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 1: least just let them know that Mommy is checked into

1170
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:46,120
Speaker 1: you alone and not just you and all the brothers.

1171
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: Then one thing the Devil and I have done recently

1172
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 1: is that now that if I say recently, because I'm

1173
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 1: re acclimating to life now having a new born and

1174
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 1: having another son, but I try to plan, at least,

1175
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: if not every month, every other just a designated time

1176
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 1: to take each child out, so, knowing what their interest is,

1177
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 1: taking the time to take them out, and I say out,

1178
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 1: because sometimes it's hard when you're in the house with

1179
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,640
Speaker 1: other boys to just have that quiet time alone where

1180
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:15,160
Speaker 1: you're cut aside, you know, from everybody else, and you

1181
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 1: can just tap into each other one on one. If

1182
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 1: I can take them out to do something that they enjoy,

1183
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: I'll ask them, Hey, Mommy and Cayro date, what do

1184
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 1: you want to do? Where do you want to go?

1185
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 1: Mommy and Jackson time? What's up next? What are we doing?

1186
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 1: You know, I don't play basketball, but I'll shoot some

1187
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 1: hoops with you outside, if that's what it means, or

1188
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 1: if it's just taking him to practice sometimes just to

1189
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 1: sit and watch practice, so that they feel like that

1190
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 1: mom is invested in each of their lives and in

1191
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 1: each of the things that they're invested in. Because I

1192
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: always want to try to stay connected. I know, as

1193
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: I get older and as they get older, and as

1194
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 1: even technology advances, there may be things that I can't

1195
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:47,919
Speaker 1: keep up with. But um I need to make sure

1196
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 1: that they understand that Mommy is tapped into the things

1197
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 1: that they're interested in. And I just genuinely want to

1198
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: learn more about my children. So and that's the way

1199
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: also to keep the lines of communication open and having

1200
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 1: them feel like, Okay, mommy. You know, she's gets on

1201
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 1: my back about you know, making my bed and sweeping

1202
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: the floors and doing my chores and being a you know,

1203
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: good young man. But she also too just cares about

1204
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: who I am as a person. So and that's important

1205
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 1: for boys and their moms because we talk about this,

1206
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 1: um my mom growing up in our house, like me

1207
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 1: and my brother, though my mother was a lunatic, Like

1208
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:20,240
Speaker 1: we just thought she was crazy because she was being

1209
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:22,520
Speaker 1: a mom. But also moms have a different type of

1210
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:26,919
Speaker 1: worried moms have they just handle things differently, especially when

1211
00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 1: it comes to their sons, and Kenninian says this all

1212
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 1: the time. Sometimes she has to lean on me because

1213
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 1: she's like, I've never been a boy, so I don't

1214
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 1: know what these kids are thinking. So when she's ready

1215
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: to lose it, she sometimes think like, let me just yeah,

1216
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 1: I've had to learn that recently. Yeah, but that brings

1217
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: me to her question. She asked, you know, why did

1218
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,400
Speaker 1: my husband tell my son bad things about me? This

1219
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,960
Speaker 1: is this is number one. Just because you don't like

1220
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 1: the things that he said, you have to ask yourself

1221
00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 1: if there is truth in that. And if y'all are

1222
00:59:57,040 --> 00:59:59,480
Speaker 1: co parenting and not living in the same house, he

1223
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 1: made be trying to explain to his son how to

1224
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 1: deal with you, and he can only do that based

1225
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 1: on what he's been through. So if y'all have been

1226
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:10,000
Speaker 1: through some things, he only knows how to tell us

1227
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: on how to deal with you the way you were

1228
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 1: because that's when y'all were together. He doesn't live in

1229
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 1: the house at this point. And the truth of the

1230
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 1: matter is we as parents dads sometimes explain to our

1231
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 1: sons how their mom is right and it's not always okay.

1232
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 1: For example, when Jackson was going through with school and

1233
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 1: used to come down and like spas on him with school, right,

1234
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: I used to say to him, like, Yo, you know

1235
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 1: your mom's is gonna spass, so why would you do

1236
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,920
Speaker 1: x y Z. I'm not saying that you're you know,

1237
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 1: you have no reason to spas or trying to talk

1238
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 1: bad about you. But you know what, the truth of

1239
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 1: the matter is, your mom is not as patient as

1240
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:50,919
Speaker 1: me when it comes to certain things. She's constantly telling

1241
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 1: you the same thing over and over again. If you

1242
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 1: do it again, this is what's gonna happen. And sometimes

1243
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 1: for moms, they don't want to hear that the ad

1244
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,920
Speaker 1: has said that, but sometimes we have to tell our

1245
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 1: son is the truth. Your mom may be in a

1246
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: bad mood and she makes walk in the house in

1247
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 1: a bad mood, and you may do something that she

1248
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 1: don't like, and she's going to take that out on you.

1249
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: That's not always a you problem, that's her problem. You

1250
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, because as a mom, I can

1251
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: redmen times that I'm guilty of that sometimes and I'm

1252
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 1: just like or my approach may not be the right approach,

1253
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:26,960
Speaker 1: or the approach may not be received well. Even though

1254
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: the message is just a simple message. But but the

1255
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 1: thing is, we're all human, so we all have flaws,

1256
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes moms fel up set like why

1257
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: did my husband point out my flaws? Well, your sons

1258
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 1: have to live with you, and I can't always just

1259
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 1: validate your behavior if your behavior is not always good.

1260
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 1: As a dad, sometimes I have to let my son know, hey,

1261
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:50,840
Speaker 1: you're not crazy for feeling like this. Your mom might

1262
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,800
Speaker 1: have blown up for that small thing, but let me

1263
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 1: walk you through the process. And when this happens, and

1264
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: a lot of times I think moms take it personally

1265
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,480
Speaker 1: and like why why would he say? Why will you

1266
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 1: do that? Because if you behave that way, I have

1267
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 1: to explain to my son why this happens. You know,

1268
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:08,760
Speaker 1: I remember growing up in my house and me and

1269
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:10,880
Speaker 1: my brother thinking like, why is my mom like this

1270
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:14,400
Speaker 1: who goes into the closet, takes the plastic bag of

1271
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 1: clothes out, whips them open, throws them on the floor,

1272
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,840
Speaker 1: and says, now clean this up, Like like why would

1273
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: a mom do that? But then as you get older,

1274
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 1: like my my father did when we got to be

1275
01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:30,000
Speaker 1: of age fifteen sixteen, and say listen, listen, your mom

1276
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 1: deals with stuff and processes things differently than you and

1277
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:36,680
Speaker 1: I and sometimes she's not going to be the kindest.

1278
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 1: But you have to learn to listen or regardless because

1279
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 1: that's your mother. And as a young boy, it's kind

1280
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: of like, so she's crazy, is what you're saying, And

1281
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 1: I gotta deal with it because I live here, and

1282
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:53,440
Speaker 1: sometimes it's a dad you like, yes, especially if I

1283
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:56,600
Speaker 1: like if you live here, like I've I've told Jackson this, Yes,

1284
01:02:56,640 --> 01:03:01,480
Speaker 1: your mom crazy. I've definitely told You're mom is crazy.

1285
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,440
Speaker 1: So and I totally you meet me, it's crazy too.

1286
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 1: You met me, it's crazy too. But you know what

1287
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,919
Speaker 1: drives them crazy when they have to repeat things over

1288
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 1: and over again because you don't listen the first time.

1289
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 1: We can we can eliminate all of the crazy if

1290
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,000
Speaker 1: you would just listen the first time. Very true, but

1291
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:22,919
Speaker 1: kids never exactly and sometimes moms act out because y'all

1292
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 1: want boys. Why would he do that? Like, like that's

1293
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: what you always ask me? Why meet me? Will be like, dude, stoves,

1294
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:32,360
Speaker 1: why why are you walking the room? And I'm just

1295
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 1: like mom with the boys. That mom, I would say,

1296
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 1: take your time, build a relationship with your boys. Understand

1297
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 1: that they're not gonna like you at all times, the

1298
01:03:46,760 --> 01:03:49,040
Speaker 1: same way they're not going to like their father at

1299
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 1: all times. And it's definitely gonna be ways. Yes, there's

1300
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 1: there's gonna be ways, especially when they get in that

1301
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:59,479
Speaker 1: late teenage age. I've realized this. All teenagers hate, would

1302
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:03,439
Speaker 1: you ever parents is parenting in that moment, So don't

1303
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:06,160
Speaker 1: take your personal mom. Whatever dad said and you said,

1304
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,200
Speaker 1: if y'all y'all a co parenting willing get it. Whatever

1305
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:10,760
Speaker 1: he said was probably trying to justify an action. And

1306
01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you don't realize that. You you probably

1307
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,720
Speaker 1: do the same thing. You know, you know your father crazy.

1308
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 1: I know Codeine has told the boys on plenty occasion.

1309
01:04:18,040 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 1: I might not want to do that because if your

1310
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 1: father come home and and the boys no, I have

1311
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 1: my character floors too. We were at the basketball practice

1312
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 1: and his coach goes, hey, Jackson, what's your sizes? He's like, oh,

1313
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:32,920
Speaker 1: my dad knows my side. He's like, all right, I

1314
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 1: find out for me that. Jackson goes no, no no, no, no, no,

1315
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 1: don't don't call my dad. Call my mom. And he's

1316
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:40,720
Speaker 1: like it goes like, why why I call your mom?

1317
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 1: He's like, my Dad's gonna forget. He just dot that's

1318
01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:48,040
Speaker 1: the character floor like I don't, I'm gonna forget. And

1319
01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,200
Speaker 1: if you tell me something, I'll put it off for later.

1320
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:53,080
Speaker 1: If if I don't think it's important, and I know,

1321
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:54,920
Speaker 1: Kay will tell the boys, like you want to do

1322
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:57,560
Speaker 1: that for real to bring that to me. Don't even

1323
01:04:57,600 --> 01:04:59,680
Speaker 1: tell your fault about that. I don't take it as

1324
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 1: a je I'll tell you it as hey, that's just

1325
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 1: something that I gotta learn to be better at or

1326
01:05:04,960 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 1: you just don't have to deal with because you got

1327
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 1: me right, right. But the thing is they they co parenting,

1328
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 1: so when she's in the house by herself, she has

1329
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:14,240
Speaker 1: to deal with all of that the difference between us,

1330
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:16,320
Speaker 1: and that means that we're here together so they can

1331
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:19,280
Speaker 1: bounce back and forth. So I mean, also she feels

1332
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,480
Speaker 1: like her son is a mature seventh is she's seventeen now?

1333
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,880
Speaker 1: She said, if he's a mature seventeen where you feel

1334
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 1: like you can actually sit down and chat with him

1335
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,400
Speaker 1: and say, hey, you know, something's happened between you and

1336
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 1: my dad, my dad and myself, your dad and myself

1337
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 1: rather um. But I was twenty two and I was

1338
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:36,240
Speaker 1: still trying to figure things out. Like, imagine you five

1339
01:05:36,320 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 1: years from now having a challenge trying to figure things out,

1340
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 1: Like that's how I felt in that moment. So I

1341
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 1: just really don't want that too, you know, continue to

1342
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:47,080
Speaker 1: be a burden in our relationship because I was young

1343
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:48,919
Speaker 1: and I was learning and I was figuring things out,

1344
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:51,440
Speaker 1: you know. So good luck to you, sis, because I

1345
01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 1: know what it's like wanting to have that relationship with

1346
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: your baby boys. I just wish. I wonder if she

1347
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 1: could have told us what he said exactly, because it's

1348
01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 1: hard for me to say why he say that if

1349
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,200
Speaker 1: I don't know what you know, she said he talked

1350
01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:05,840
Speaker 1: badly about me. But talking badly could be your mom

1351
01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,720
Speaker 1: blows up at everything. Yeah, you know, like but I

1352
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,080
Speaker 1: mean talking badly, your mom blows up at everything? Could

1353
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: be affect or it could be you know, your mom

1354
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 1: is a fucking bitch, don't like everything. But meanwhile he

1355
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 1: was like having a whole affair or something like why

1356
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 1: blow up? I want to know what was said so

1357
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 1: that I can get for better advice. But hopefully girl

1358
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 1: send us a Part two sends a part to all right, y'all,

1359
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:30,640
Speaker 1: if you want to be featured as one of our

1360
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 1: listener letters. Be sure to email us at dead ask

1361
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:36,640
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. That's d e A d

1362
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 1: A s s A d v I c E. You know,

1363
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 1: I v v I c to whole thing. Let me

1364
01:06:42,960 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 1: try to again to one. D e A d A

1365
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:52,720
Speaker 1: s A. Right, I got it. D e A d

1366
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 1: A s s A d v I c E at

1367
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,439
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Thank you, all right, Moment of truth time.

1368
01:06:58,360 --> 01:07:00,600
Speaker 1: Moment of truth time. This is gonna be for my lady's.

1369
01:07:01,520 --> 01:07:04,080
Speaker 1: Do not let anybody dictate how you should look and

1370
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:08,440
Speaker 1: feel about yourself. Don't let them do it. You deserve,

1371
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,520
Speaker 1: whether you've had a baby or not, to be comfortable

1372
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 1: in the skin that you're in. Just make sure that

1373
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 1: you're considering the fact that you want to be healthy

1374
01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 1: first and foremost from the inside out. So whatever that

1375
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,280
Speaker 1: looks like for you, whatever regiment that you can develop

1376
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:24,320
Speaker 1: to be able to stay on top of that, do it.

1377
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,840
Speaker 1: Everybody else what they have to say. If you don't

1378
01:07:26,840 --> 01:07:30,000
Speaker 1: like that little, you know, little piece of roll or

1379
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,240
Speaker 1: that little fat, work it out. If working out and

1380
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 1: working for you, lipul suction that bitch, do what you

1381
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 1: gotta do to make yourself feel good. Because The way

1382
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:39,840
Speaker 1: you feel about yourself is the way the world will

1383
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:42,840
Speaker 1: receive you because that energy, it's something that you can't fake.

1384
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,480
Speaker 1: All right, So do what works for you, says whatever

1385
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:51,720
Speaker 1: that is, just do it safely. Literally do what you

1386
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 1: gotta do. You know what I'm saying. Oh, I'm an

1387
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:58,400
Speaker 1: advocate of people doing what makes them happy. I feel

1388
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:01,480
Speaker 1: I feel you. Um. My moment of truth is this

1389
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:05,800
Speaker 1: working out doesn't benefit you only outwardly. You know, people

1390
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:08,919
Speaker 1: think that people who are just working out just want

1391
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:10,760
Speaker 1: to look good, to have six backs. Note, I want

1392
01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 1: to feel good. Um. I want to constantly test myself

1393
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,880
Speaker 1: and I want to instill discipline in myself and my

1394
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 1: entire family. Like I want to build a team around

1395
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:22,680
Speaker 1: me with the people I live with that if we

1396
01:08:22,760 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 1: got to go to war, I know I can trust

1397
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 1: these people. And you know you can trust people when

1398
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:30,760
Speaker 1: you work out together. So I just I just employ you.

1399
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:33,559
Speaker 1: If you are a husband or a wife and you

1400
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:37,280
Speaker 1: have a family, get the whole family up together, the kids,

1401
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:40,880
Speaker 1: the spouse, get moving work together because you'll be surprised

1402
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:45,920
Speaker 1: the camaraderie you built. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

1403
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:49,400
Speaker 1: I love that because stuff that was so poetic nice

1404
01:08:49,479 --> 01:08:52,519
Speaker 1: ending to the episode today, But before we let you go,

1405
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:55,439
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media, take your

1406
01:08:55,439 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 1: phones out, do what you gotta do. If you're not

1407
01:08:57,200 --> 01:09:00,760
Speaker 1: following dead as the podcast yet, please do so. And

1408
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:03,479
Speaker 1: Cadine I am and I am devout, And if you're

1409
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:08,800
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcast, be sure to wait, review, and

1410
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:15,200
Speaker 1: subscribe and get your ass moving. Dead as dead Ass

1411
01:09:15,280 --> 01:09:17,800
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

1412
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:21,599
Speaker 1: is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on

1413
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:24,360
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the Podcasts and never miss

1414
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:24,639
Speaker 1: a Thing