WEBVTT - Mid-Week Mom Chat: Why diets and eating disorders don’t work for me. 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:03.880 Hey, Hey, Hey, it's me Caroline Hobby and I am 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:07.000 back with another middle of the week mom chat. This 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:09.959 is not directed a mom's This just was inspired. This 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:14.200 topic was inspired to me because I've been pregnant recently 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:18.079 for the past ten months nine months um, and just 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:20.480 had a baby, and so I have been living through 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.880 a lot of different bodies that I am not used to. 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:25.920 I have you hear that rattling. It's my dog Sugar 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:30.360 if she's running around house. Um, I'm used to being 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:33.839 able to keep a consistent size, I guess is the 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:38.360 way to phrase it, because gin really eat about the 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:43.240 same amount of food and work out about the same 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:47.880 amount weekly. Before I got pregnant, I was doing hot 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:52.080 yoga probably two or three times a week, and then 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.760 I was doing training camp, which is like a boot camp. 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:59.720 I was doing that, um a couple of times a week, 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:04.640 or doing a long walk, and so I was always 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.600 doing exercise probably let's be real, probably like four times 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.040 four or five times a week. And I was able 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:14.360 to just kind of maintain um my body type and 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:17.080 I felt good. I didn't feel like super super stick skinny, 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:21.440 but I felt really healthy and um great. I just 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:23.160 felt good in my skin, I guess is how to 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:25.360 describe it. Like, and I wasn't worried about weight or anything, 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.600 which is a first, because when I was younger, all 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:33.920 the way up until my late twenties, I was obsessed 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:37.720 with like being skinny. Like I just thought that I 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:40.600 needed to be skinny, and I put a lot of 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.760 pressure on my body and I did a lot of 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:45.199 things that were unhealthy for my body, Like I tried 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:49.600 every freaking crash diet in the world. Um, I did 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.680 the Atkins diet, and that just I mean, that can 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:56.320 work for a second, but then it completely backfires because 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.840 the second you eat carbs, you gain like five or 0:01:59.880 --> 0:02:03.240 too in pounds back, and then you're depriving yourself of 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:05.800 this huge food group which is like every carb and 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.840 like healthy carbs, fruit and some vegetables. And you can't 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:12.639 have any bread, even like whole grain bread or sprouted 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.400 bread or anything like that, and so you can't have 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.760 like Greek yogurt or anything like that. So you're just 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:21.920 eating meat and things that have no carbs in them, 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:23.800 which are high and fat. So that's so bad for 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:25.640 your body to eat all that high fat. It's not 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:28.680 balanced anyway. These are just my opinions. This is not 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.320 nothing medical. I have no medical background. I'm just telling you, 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.480 based on my own experience with diets what happened. Why. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.639 I don't think diets work, So I don't think the 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:39.880 Atkins work because it backfires. It makes you gain a 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.040 lot of weight back, and I just personally, for me, 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:44.639 it was not sustainable. I didn't feel like that was 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:47.240 something I could keep up because I enjoy food too 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.959 much and I want to experience food and I don't 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:52.600 want to be scared of food groups and Adkins kind 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.640 of made me afraid of carbs and there's just a 0:02:55.639 --> 0:03:00.679 lot so that one didn't work for me um when 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:03.639 I was younger. I also, I'm just going to hit 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:05.600 this up because I feel like I need to talk 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:08.840 about it, even though I feel like shame talking about it, 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:10.560 because I feel like I should just block it out 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:13.120 of my life because now I don't struggle with this 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:15.400 at all, and it's kind of like shameful. But I 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:19.519 did struggle with light like I twittered around with bolimia 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:24.160 when I was in high school in college and I 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:26.240 was I wouldn't say it was like a full blown 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.639 thing for me, but I definitely like if I over eate. 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:31.240 I would make myself throw up, and I hate saying that. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:33.440 It's like really embarrassing to say that out loud, to 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.840 be honest with you, But my podcast is called Get Real, 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:39.360 And if I'm not going to get real with you guys, 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.080 then why would anyone want to get real with me? 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.200 I learned that from Carissa Coliner, She's the host of 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:49.080 e UM The Daily Pop, And she said that she 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:53.040 was like, why would people share vulnerable stuff with me 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:54.840 if I'm not going to share my story with you? 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:58.040 So that's my truth, Like I didn't know how to 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.240 quite get a grip on diet and wait all that 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.800 when I was in high school and college, and so 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:04.800 sometimes I would over eat and then I'd bring myself 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:07.760 through up. It never worked though, because honestly, it just 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:12.240 makes you bloated. It inflames your body, like your poor body, 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:14.440 Like how sad this body that works so hard for 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.719 you all day, walks you around, keeps you healthy, like 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:24.599 pumps your blood. I'll let you Breathe allows you to 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:28.080 see here, get around this world. Like in your stomach 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:31.200 that digests your food and takes care of you and 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:35.120 gives you nutrients, Like how awful that you're just like 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.840 making yourself throw up and hurting yourself and hurting your 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.160 body in that way and having no appreciation for what 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:42.960 your body is doing for you. And to me, that 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:45.599 was just very juvenile, a juvenile way of thinking. And 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.479 I was just looking for a quick fix, and I 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.280 was focused on all the wrong things because I was 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.720 not focused on health. I was not focused on respecting 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:57.640 my body and appreciating my body and trying to give 0:04:57.680 --> 0:04:59.760 love to my body and nourish it. I was only 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:03.680 for gus on physical appearance. And to me, I didn't 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.960 really think about all that was happening withinside of myself. 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.160 I just was only looking at the external. And I 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:12.040 was like, the external isn't pleasing to my eye, then 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:14.560 how can I quickly try to make it pleasing to 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.200 my eye while not taking care of myself. And I 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:20.480 wasn't respecting food. I was just I would like overeat 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:22.800 and gorge because I didn't. I just didn't have a balance. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:24.880 I had an unhealthy relationship with junk food, and so 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.080 when I would eat junk food, I would end up 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.440 eating too much of it, and I would because I 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.360 felt like it's like the you know, like a dog 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.279 that a stray dog like stumbles upon like say a 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:37.480 steak in an alley, and it would just like scarf 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.600 it down as fast as it could, even if it 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:42.840 felt sick and ate too much. That would be a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.520 junk food. I would just kind of like overeat it 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:45.840 because I just thought like, oh my god, what if 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:47.640 I never get it again? Kind of like a just 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.040 a straight dog. And I just had to work through 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:55.720 that and learn that food is not scary and so okay. 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.800 That was another thing I dealt was so mild mild 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.000 teetering with bulimia. It makes me a cringe saying it 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:04.560 out loud because I'm so ashamed of it. But it's 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:06.159 not shameful. I know a lot of us deal with that, 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:07.800 and so I'm just being honest. That was part of 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:11.320 my journey. Um. Then I kind of got into like 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:14.560 I would sort of I would take diet pills for 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:19.960 a little while, like prescription diet pills, and that would 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:22.200 make me not hungry, but it would also make me 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:28.560 like intense, like almost like this intense person who um, 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:32.960 I just was so focused, so mechanical, just had a 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.760 million things to do, moving really fast, like just like 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:40.360 very very intense lost a lot of my human um feelings. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.560 I didn't have a lot of empathy. I was kind 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:45.600 of just like really black and white and like automission. 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:48.719 And so I would kind of take diet pills and 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:52.479 then I would exercise a lot, like over exercise, like 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:54.760 do a really hard workout class, and then take a 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:56.960 diet pill and then not really eat very much. And 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:01.520 um that just yeah, that one kind of like it 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:04.120 could work for a little while. All these can work 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.320 for a little while, but you can't maintain that, and 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:10.720 who wants to stay in that mindset? Like I literally 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.440 was not enjoying my life because all I was doing 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:19.320 was thinking about how do I get my physical appearance 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:21.640 the way that I wanted it to look, And so 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:24.880 that was my only thought, and I wasn't enjoying anything 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:28.760 else because I'm taking this pill that makes my mind 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:33.440 completely and like neurotic and just so focused and misses 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:35.960 all the color of life. It just like sucks all 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:38.160 the joy out of life because you're just this machine, 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.760 like I said, and dinner, you're just like thinking about 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:44.720 how you can burn as many calories as you can 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:48.640 on some sort of exercise machine or class, and it's 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.840 all for the wrong reasons, and so like, yes, maybe 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:54.800 you can get a body that like is a desirable 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.680 result of what you're going for, But are you even 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:00.240 enjoying yourself. You're like stressed out about every you think 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.840 you put in your body. You are stressed out about 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.360 getting to the gym to get a workout class in 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.360 to make sure you burn a certain amount of calories. 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.840 You're stressed out about not eating too much. You want 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:13.080 to kind of stay hungry, which is miserable to stay hungry, 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:15.920 Like it just is misery, to be honest with you, 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.320 and it's just all for the wrong reasons. And so 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.320 I did that for a while in my late twenties, 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.600 and I finally hit a point where I was like, 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.240 I'm tired of this, and I had tried other diets 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:31.760 to like in the meantime, I had tried, um uh, 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.080 what I mean, what other diets are there? There's like 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.160 the no car that was always my go to was 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.000 no card. I would do like fast, you know where 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.199 you do like a juice fast for a week, And 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:43.200 in my mind I was like, I'm gonna kick start 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.280 a diet plan and that can really work for a 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.720 lot of people, like people who are really healthy and 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:49.920 just want to cleanse their body and like give their 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.199 body a break. I do think the juice cleans is 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:54.080 great because I think it's nice to give your body 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:56.560 a break every now and then, just to like reset. 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.560 But it only if your intentions are right. If you're 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:01.720 doing it to give your body a break because you're like, 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:03.520 my body has been working hard for me, I'm gonna 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:05.560 let it just like power down for a little while, 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.640 give my organs a little bit of a rest. That's great. 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.599 But if you are doing it because you're trying to 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.480 get skinny and starve yourself, I think it backfires because 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:17.840 you can't sustain that. Anything that you do because you're 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:21.520 trying to get skinny and lose weight and have a 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.440 certain look. Anything that you do that is manipulating your 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:28.120 body and like not respecting your body or just having 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:30.320 good intentions for why you're doing it, it's not going 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:33.480 to be sustainable. It really isn't. And so that leads 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:35.920 me to why I feel like I have been my 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:41.520 happiest and my healthiest while I was pregnant and while 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.400 post body, like post baby body, which is crazy because 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:47.920 most people are very terrified of being pregnant. I have 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:49.800 to say I was scared of getting pregnant for a 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:52.200 little while that like what if I could never recover? 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:53.960 What if I can't bounce back? What if I gain 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:55.960 a hundred pounds and I can't ever lose it? Like, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:58.600 I'm just being honest. I'm telling on my honest journey 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.280 and this is just the thoughts that were going through 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:05.400 my head and I'm only speaking for myself, like I 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.160 I just want to share my journey with you because 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.520 this is my honest, my honest truth, and so here 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:12.520 here it is. I mean, y'all might think this is 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.320 so stupid that I'm even sharing this, but I just 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:19.160 feel called to speak all my truth and talk about 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.640 topics that I think about. And so this has been 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.240 one that I've struggled with my whole life, and it's 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:25.960 just been kind of a revelation for me that I 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:29.400 haven't been struggling with it lately since I've been pregnant 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:32.880 and post baby, when my body has completely changed the 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.559 most it ever has in my life. And I was 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.360 like analyzing why that is. And sorry, y'all, I'm a 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:43.280 rambler me talking by myself alone auto mike with no 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:47.000 one to like keep me moving forward is dangerous, So 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:48.840 thank you, we're hanging on with me. I'm hoping that 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:52.920 it all makes sense that I'm not just rambling. UM. 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:55.680 But I think I've been the most happy pregnant and 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:59.720 post pregnancy because I was doing it for a bigger 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:04.120 purpose this um. I had so much appreciation for my body. 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:07.560 Because anyone who's followed along, like with me and my 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:11.320 pregnancy journey and have listened to my podcast, you all 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.840 will know that, like it was a journey to get pregnant. 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:15.880 It took about almost a year for us to get pregnant. 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.200 We did have a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy, and 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.200 it was it was sad, Like that was a really 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:24.200 hard season for me. And I really wanted to have 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.720 a baby more than anything, and it's hard when it 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.839 doesn't work for you and you feel like maybe your 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.920 body is letting you down, and like why can't you 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.040 hold a baby and all these things and it's just 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:38.640 a lot. I think women feel it more than men. 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:40.600 I do think men feel it too, Like it's like 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.200 losing a child and not being able to get have 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:47.200 a pregnancy with your wife or spouse or whatever or partner. 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.480 I know that's hard for the men too, but it's 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:51.360 really hard for the woman because it's actually going on 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:55.960 in your body. And I struggled with that, I struggled 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:59.400 with loss, and it was just a really hard season. 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:04.760 And so I think because of all that, I let 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.920 go of so much of my other stress that I 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:10.000 used to carry about, like body image and trying to 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:13.880 have a perfection perfect body image, and I let all 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:17.000 that go. So when I got pregnant, the joy I 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:22.040 felt and the gratefulness that I felt for being able 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:25.120 to have a baby and carry a child, and that 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:29.440 my body was working with me and like doing such 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.800 amazing things for me and holding this child for me. 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:34.760 Like I know this sounds hippie dippy, but like druly, 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:39.120 this is how I felt. I just felt so privileged 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:43.000 and so honored, and I felt so connected to God, 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.320 and I felt so connected to this miracle of a 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.760 child that was growing inside of me that I don't 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:52.560 know it just my mind was not about how I looked. 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:57.839 My mind was about the magic and the magnitude of 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:01.160 the blessing and the miracle that was happening inside of me. 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:05.480 Because I had experienced the opposite for so long that 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.080 to act of not being able to get pregnant or 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.480 hold the pregnancy and experience that growth of a child. 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.160 Like I don't know, a lot of women just really 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.200 want experience that Some women don't create that experience, but 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:21.680 I know for me, it was so deep within me 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:26.480 that I wanted to experience pregnancy and growing a child 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.520 and having a baby like I just had that desire, 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:31.400 And so when it wasn't happening or working, it was 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:35.600 really emotional because it was a true desire that I 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:38.439 wanted for my life. And when I finally got it, 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:42.120 I just felt so grateful. And I didn't care about 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:48.520 my body image. The crazy thing is, I gained forty 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:53.280 five pounds in my pregnancy and it I wasn't really 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.240 stressed about it. Yes, I did have moments where I 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:57.920 would have revert back to fear, like, oh shoot, what 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.400 if this never comes off? Oh shoot, you know what, 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.440 my body changes forever like oh shoot. Like I had 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.160 like a few little slip ups where I like would 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.480 revert back to some of my old habits of thinking 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:12.199 about body image perfection. But for the most part, I 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:16.000 loved being pregnant. It was so fun, it felt so cool. 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.160 I always was aware that there's a little human being 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.960 inside of me, and just watching my body grow and 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:26.280 change was just marvelous. It was spectacular. I felt like 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:29.880 this was the greatest joy and gift and adventure you 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.880 could ever experience. And so I just was kind of 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.600 in awe of the whole thing. And then once I 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:42.640 had Sonny, I literally was so in all of the 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:45.560 miracle of her and like the birth experience, which if 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:49.280 y'all to know about my birth experience, listened to UM 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:52.080 the Middle of the week mom chat that I did 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.040 last week because I talked about my birth experience, but 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:59.720 I was so in awe of the birth experience, UM 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:03.400 the that I just I didn't care again about my body, 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.840 Like I was like, my body just did so much 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:09.480 work for me, Like wow, like we just we did it, body, 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:13.360 We just made a human Like, holy cow, here she is. 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:16.920 This is insane, Like how did we do this? I 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:19.240 know I sound crazy, but this is literally how I feel. 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:23.080 It's like, body, like you freaking rocked, Like how did 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:26.480 we make this happen? And so to see this human 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:31.600 being come out of my body, I was It's just wow, 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.400 whoa what started off as nothing is now a human 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.160 in my body out now coming out of my outside 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.800 of me, and I'm just like, it's just it's just 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:44.760 such so spectacular. I just keep you you know, I 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:46.760 used that already, but I'm gonna loss for words. It 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:51.280 was just this incredible event and in my life, in 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:55.040 Michael's life, and I don't know if anything could ever 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.240 compare to it. And so why on earth would I 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:03.400 sit around and stress about up getting my body back immediately? 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:07.560 That just did not feel like one thing I wanted 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:09.520 to think about, because all I wanted to do was 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:13.600 enjoy my phone's going off. I was enjoyed this season 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:15.960 in my life because I experienced the greatest thing I'm 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.120 ever going to experience my life. So like, I'm not 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.480 gonna worry about getting my body back. I knew that 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:23.480 over time I was going to slowly get back to 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:28.840 myself because I like feeling a certain way. And after 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:33.560 trying all those diets and having eating disorders and running 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.400 the gamut of always putting myself through something to try 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.600 to get this desired physical result, and I realized that 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:42.720 didn't work, and so and then I enjoyed myself during pregnancy, 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.880 and I was just like, my body knows where it 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:48.640 feels good like, and I know the weight and the 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:50.600 size that feels good, and it's not even a number 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.480 on a scale, it's just a feeling. Like I know 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:54.280 when I feel good in my clothes, I know when 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:56.880 I feel good in my body. I know what over 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.080 eating feels like now, and I don't like the way 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.680 I feel when I over eat. And so I just 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:06.320 pretty much new that if I don't overeat, if I 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.800 start working out again, because I love to work out, 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:10.959 not because I want to get skinny, but because I 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:13.640 love the feeling I get when I work out, if 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:16.280 I start just eating to the point where I'm not 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.840 gorging myself, just enjoying whatever I'm feeling like I want 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:24.040 that day, just enjoying my meal, working out slowly, working 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:27.040 out again, bringing we got a peloton, so working in 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:29.119 when I have time in between Sunny's naps and I 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.240 don't feel exhausted from not sleeping, I'm gonna peloton. But 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.240 I'm also not going to put pressure on myself like 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:35.639 I don't have to do it every day. I'm just 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.919 gonna do it when I feel energized to do it, 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:41.120 and hopefully, over time, once I get more rested, I'll 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.640 do it more often, but for now, I'm just gonna 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.640 do it as best that feels, as best I can 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.040 for what feels right to me now. And that's just 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:50.720 how I'm living my life. And slowly but surely, I'm 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:55.000 just I am feeling like myself again and I'm not 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:59.360 stressed about it because my main goal is just being 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.520 with Sunny and taking care of her. And I don't know. 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:06.040 So that's my opinion why eating disorders don't work because 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:09.240 I think you don't enjoy yourself. I think that you're 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:13.119 stressed out about trying to treat achieve a certain body image, 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.560 and so you completely disrespect your body. You have no 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:18.560 appreciation for what your body is doing for you. You 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:24.160 have no appreciation for like just literally like the miracle 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:29.000 of breathing, of seeing, of your organs, processing food, of 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.680 being able to walk, of being able to feel things, 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.600 of being able to hear, of being able to enjoy. 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:39.439 Like you completely just disrespect your entire body and everything 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:40.639 it does for you, and the only thing you care 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.959 about is physical appearance, and you miss your life. And 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:45.720 I that's why I think diets don't work. I think 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:50.200 truly you should eat whatever you feel like eating. Don't 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:55.640 gorge yourself, enjoy yourself. Stop when you're full, give thanks 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:59.000 for your meal that you're getting to enjoy, because what 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.880 a blessing that you get to enjoy this meal, and 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:04.680 some life was given for you to eat it, either 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:07.600 a plant life or an animal life. And I know, 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.879 like I struggle with not being a vegetarian because I 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:16.280 really struggle with the meat industry. But you know, I 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:21.120 try to eat good quality meat of animals that I 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.800 feel like we're more humanely treated. But you know, I 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:28.199 just there's so much to stress out about. So I 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:30.560 just feel like I try to give thanks for everything 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.920 that I'm putting in my body and I really try 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:37.720 to appreciate it, and then I just don't worry. And 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.800 I'm telling you it's been a relief and coming from 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:43.879 someone who worried a long time the majority of my life, 0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:46.560 all the way through my twenties, and now I'm feeling 0:19:46.640 --> 0:19:48.560 better than ever. I just wanted to share that I 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.640 hope this has felt helpful and not rambling. It's really 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:54.399 hard for me to have a microphone by myself and 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:56.320 just talking by myself because I know I go on 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:59.720 rabbit trails. But anyway, that is this topic. So that 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.600 is my opinion on why eating disorders don't work. Let 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:06.800 me see if you'll have some questions for me. Um, 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:10.520 let's see what's the fine line between eating enough and overeating. 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:13.840 I just think that's I think that that is you 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:17.480 have to just feel that with yourself. Like I think now, 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:20.080 I have experienced both sides like I have. I know 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.320 what overeating feels like because I feel sick, I feel full. 0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:25.080 I feel like I need a bed in my pants. 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:27.080 I feel bloated. I feel like I don't want to 0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:28.680 go out and do anything else. I feel like I 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:32.920 want to go to bed. I feel tired. Um, I 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:37.560 feel yuck, yucky. I just feel like, oh god, I 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:40.639 just want to get through this feeling. But when I 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.359 don't overeat, when I enjoy my meal or enjoy food, 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:48.880 I feel I might feel a little full, like I 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:52.600 got little full, like a kind of uncomfortable, a tiny bit, 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:56.160 but still feel good in my clothes. I don't feel bloated, 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:58.399