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Speaker 1: Choking when the rents passed you in the carbell start

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Speaker 1: with me? When the only sponsors like broken hard. We're

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Speaker 1: hanging on this janky stream.

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Speaker 2: Two weird voices in the glow of a stream.

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Speaker 1: If the worm who say to let it laugh?

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Speaker 2: We welcome back. It's a brand new episode. This has

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Speaker 2: left me. The podcast with Jeremy Friday Happy Hour, I'm

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Speaker 2: your home.

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Speaker 1: Jeremy stares at the stats, hands shaken over takeout boxes.

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Speaker 1: Johnny's already mapping hotels on a napkin with crazy crosses.

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Speaker 1: They quit jobs a kind of hate it tell their

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Speaker 1: losses catch the show. Boss just shrugs, Oh, it's funny,

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Speaker 1: Johnny grants.

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Speaker 2: You'll never know it's j O. Welcome to the Friday

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Speaker 2: Happy Hour. We are looking to end the week strung.

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Speaker 2: Note that's because we're cracking open an ice cold beer

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Speaker 2: and discussing the week that was, which you know, as

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Speaker 2: I put on my shirt today, it really made me

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Speaker 2: reflect on the week that was. The shirts. It's a

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Speaker 2: red long sleeve like like an athletic shirt. And I'll

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Speaker 2: tell you I got the shirt for free. Back in

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Speaker 2: the day, I would do like a like five k's

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Speaker 2: and not a lot and I wasn't a I wasn't

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Speaker 2: one of those guys that ran, like trained or anything.

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Speaker 2: This was for work. So I did a five k

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Speaker 2: and I walked most of it, I think, But the

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Speaker 2: shirt on the front says run now. This shirt used

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Speaker 2: to hang on me. It's a size large. It used

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Speaker 2: to hang on me, was very comfortable. So I threw

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Speaker 2: it on, thinking this will be a nice comfortable shirt

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Speaker 2: wear inside and the air conditioning, because outside it's like

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Speaker 2: a hundred degrees like it's just nasty out, Like this

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Speaker 2: is good. This is gonna be real nice. Except it's

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Speaker 2: real tight now, so it's one of those eye openers.

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Speaker 2: And then it made me think back on the week,

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Speaker 2: like did you do any exercise this week? Closer? Getting

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Speaker 2: tighter man, Like I've already started to. When I buy

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Speaker 2: a new shirt or sweatshirt or anything, I get an

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Speaker 2: Excel Like that's just done deal. And I could even

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Speaker 2: get a too Xcel and it's a little big, but

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Speaker 2: it's comfortable. And so I don't know what I was

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Speaker 2: thinking when I was like, well, this is gonna be

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Speaker 2: real nice. It always, you know, just kind of loose,

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Speaker 2: kind of a light shirt. Throw it on, man, baby,

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Speaker 2: This thing's tight. I don't think I did much exercise

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Speaker 2: in this week, a few walks here and there. My

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Speaker 2: back's still killing me. If you're not all caught up

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Speaker 2: on Laugh with Me episodes, I all off the skateboard.

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Speaker 2: I do believe I broke my back, and then I

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Speaker 2: went to a concert where I thought it was a

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Speaker 2: good idea to live in the pit and I did

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Speaker 2: fall immediately and landed on my back. So that's that's

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Speaker 2: where I'm at. I think I reaggravated it just a

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Speaker 2: little bit because it is very sore, and it's one

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Speaker 2: of those things where I don't think I broke any

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Speaker 2: If I didn't break anything, I certainly have got some

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Speaker 2: inflamed muscles, you know, going on in the back, because

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Speaker 2: man is it's sore and it's starting to get difficult

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Speaker 2: to roll in bed again. But I'm not complaining, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm just out here living my life. I'm just telling

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Speaker 2: you I wore a tight shirt today and it it

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Speaker 2: just got me thinking Johnny. Now, Johnny will wear tight

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Speaker 2: shirts on purpose because he runs and he works out

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Speaker 2: a little bit, so he's just, you know, he's just

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Speaker 2: trying to flex on the people. Whereas I'm not so much.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm getting to the point where my stomach

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Speaker 2: is sitting out a little further than my chest. So

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Speaker 2: like I wear a tight shirt, you know, and it's

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Speaker 2: just exposing that your boy might be having a few

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Speaker 2: too many of those Friday happy hour beers. That's all.

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Speaker 2: That's all I'm saying about the tight shirt. I got

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Speaker 2: nothing against people who do wear tight shirts. In fact,

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Speaker 2: if I could pull off tight pants, i'd probably wear

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Speaker 2: tight pants. But the last that's just not in the

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Speaker 2: cards for old j ol.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's how I started the day, but not

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Speaker 2: really what we want to talk about today. What I

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Speaker 2: really wanted to get into a couple of things. We're

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Speaker 2: gonna have a laugh with me news report coming up

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Speaker 2: in just a little bit. But before we get to that,

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Speaker 2: I do have to tell you about this experience I

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Speaker 2: had at the grocery store the other day. In fact,

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Speaker 2: two days ago, I rano the store was going to

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Speaker 2: buy a few groceries for the week. You know, no

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Speaker 2: big deal. Wasn't a massive grocery shopping trip, but it

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Speaker 2: was a grocery shopping trip nonetheless. So I get my

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Speaker 2: cart and I'm flying through getting getting the oldest shopped

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Speaker 2: and I get to the back of the store, and

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Speaker 2: I will tell you this was at a Walmart, so

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Speaker 2: it's a large store, okay. And I'm at the back

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Speaker 2: of Walmart with my full grocery cart and you know me,

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Speaker 2: I've got the Crohn's disease. Okay. Sometimes when the moment

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Speaker 2: hits you, baby, you gotta go. And uh, I'm in

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Speaker 2: the back, and that moment hits me to the point

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Speaker 2: where I'm starting to wonder if if I'm even gonna

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Speaker 2: make it to the restroom up front, do I Because

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Speaker 2: my instant thought was, oh, great, I need to go

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Speaker 2: so that way I can get home, because everybody loves

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Speaker 2: a home game. But I was starting to think this

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Speaker 2: was gonna be a situation where it was certainly going

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Speaker 2: to be a road trip. So I instantly start moving

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Speaker 2: towards the front of the store so that I could, uh,

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Speaker 2: you know, try to maybe walk it off. I don't

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Speaker 2: know this has happened before. I have walked off that

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Speaker 2: urge before. But the the issue today is that I

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Speaker 2: am am a full week. Yeah I'm a I'm just

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Speaker 2: about a full week off of steroids. So my body is,

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Speaker 2: you know, getting clear of any of the steroid that

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Speaker 2: was helping me kind of keep things, keep things going.

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Speaker 2: So my body's kind of, you know, figuring all that out.

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Speaker 2: And as it's figuring that out, sometimes you get the urge.

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Speaker 2: That's where we're today. We're at the Walmart. So now

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna just I'm gonna give it to you right now,

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Speaker 2: else you don't think I'm gonna get to the end

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Speaker 2: of the story, and freaking Jeremy's gonna shot himself. No,

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Speaker 2: I did not. I did, in fact make it to

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Speaker 2: the toilet. But what I want to tell you is

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Speaker 2: my story along the way because this didn't, this isn't

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Speaker 2: has never happened to me. I usually have pretty good

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Speaker 2: awareness of everything around me, and so I'm rushing to

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Speaker 2: the front of the store right and I decide this

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Speaker 2: is happening. There's no way I'm gonna make it home.

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Speaker 2: So I'm gonna park the cart, I'm gonna run into

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Speaker 2: the into the restroom, which was awesome because I walked

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Speaker 2: into a fully clean, fully empty restroom, which is great

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Speaker 2: because you don't always get both of those things. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: you won't even get one of those things. So I

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Speaker 2: get I get both, and I feel like this is

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Speaker 2: gonna be fantastic. This is gonna be an in and

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Speaker 2: out situation. So I roll up, find the first ball,

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Speaker 2: hop in and uh. The one of the other good

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Speaker 2: things about the Walmart restroom that you don't find in

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Speaker 2: other places, Like I'm gonna compare it now to Barnes

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Speaker 2: and Nobles. They do not have. Barnes and Nobles does

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Speaker 2: not have the music playing, you know, the music playing

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Speaker 2: in the restrooms, which anybody who has to sit down

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Speaker 2: really wants that music. It's going to take away some

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Speaker 2: of the attention of the sounds coming from any particular stall.

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Speaker 2: So if you don't have the single restrooms with This

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Speaker 2: is for all business owners. If you don't have a

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Speaker 2: single stall restroom it has a lock, then you need

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Speaker 2: to have music in there just to help your boy out. Okay, Now,

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Speaker 2: Walmart did have the music going, which was fantastic, and

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Speaker 2: I was feeling pretty comfortable because I was in there

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Speaker 2: alone and I don't quite remember what song was playing.

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Speaker 2: It was like an eighties song and I'm very much

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Speaker 2: into eighties jams. So I started singing along because I

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Speaker 2: hadn't heard it in a while. I'm like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: So I start singing along and I'm doing my business

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Speaker 2: and this stall, I mean tell you, between the music

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Speaker 2: and me singing and everything else going on, this stall

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Speaker 2: was rocking, and uh, I'm done. I grabbed the toilet paper.

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Speaker 2: When I reached over to the toilet paper, I noticed

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Speaker 2: in the stall next to me shoes, So I was

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Speaker 2: not alone and in my state of mind walking in

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Speaker 2: immediately seeing nobody. It's just in there, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: just open. I just hopped in the first stall, and

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Speaker 2: I just assumed I must have been in the zone

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Speaker 2: because normally I am very aware, very aware of my surroundings.

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Speaker 2: Somehow I let this one. Yeah, there's some guy sitting

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Speaker 2: in the stall next to me, and I can't even

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Speaker 2: imagine what he was thinking. I can't even imagine. I know,

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Speaker 2: like people, you know, I've had people in the stalls

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Speaker 2: next to you and they're playing, uh YouTube videos, so

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Speaker 2: they're on the phone speakerphone, you know. I don't know

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Speaker 2: that I've ever sat down or already been sitting and

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Speaker 2: somebody sits down and they're just a singing while while

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Speaker 2: bombs are dropping over Bagdad Like, I don't think I've

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Speaker 2: ever experienced that. So this, I don't know what this

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Speaker 2: guy was thinking they Actually I got out of there

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Speaker 2: fairly quickly without encountering anybody, thankfully. But in hindsight, I

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Speaker 2: kind of wonder what was going through his mind as

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Speaker 2: all of this is going on, because I was just

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Speaker 2: having the time of my line apparently. But I got

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Speaker 2: I got out of there, got my groceries, UH made

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Speaker 2: at home. But man, that was that was a potential

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Speaker 2: incident that turned into uh, just a just an odd one.

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Speaker 2: And everybody's everybody's safe. So that's, uh, that's really all

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Speaker 2: that matters, right guys. I mean, that's everybody went home safely.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna be right back with some more Friday Happy Hour.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to laugh with Me and the Friday Happy Hour.

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Speaker 2: I got. Here's the thing, this is something I get.

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Speaker 2: These news reports they come across my desk, okay, and

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Speaker 2: a lot of times and anymore in twenty twenty six,

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Speaker 2: you gotta really dig in to make sure something's legit.

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Speaker 2: Like some of this stuff, these headlines, I mean, there's

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Speaker 2: no way they're real, Like they have to be made

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Speaker 2: up and they're just satire or parody or something like

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Speaker 2: they're just fake. But then you see something like this

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Speaker 2: and you instantly think it's fake, but you it's it's

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Speaker 2: odd enough that you do your due diligence only to

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Speaker 2: find out that it's real and it's spectacular. In China, okay,

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Speaker 2: the police stations have started welcoming stray cats and giving

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Speaker 2: them new purpose. As you guessed at police cats. Okay,

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Speaker 2: they even have little vasts they chase rodents away. It

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Speaker 2: gives cats a new home. I mean, they are training

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Speaker 2: these cats to become little policemen. Isn't that wild? It's

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Speaker 2: wild and there's so much more to the story. So

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Speaker 2: that made me think that it was time, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to get this out here before it became an

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Speaker 2: all my lives matter situation because the last thing we

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Speaker 2: wanted was to be behind on this new story. So

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Speaker 2: with that being said, it's time for a laugh with

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Speaker 2: Me news report. Now here it laugh with Me news.

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Speaker 2: We take everything very seriously and we do our hardest

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Speaker 2: to find the biggest news stories the internet has. In fact,

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Speaker 2: we want all those stories where you just think yourself,

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Speaker 2: there's no way that's real, ianing to find out, yeah,

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Speaker 2: somehow it is.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 2: Today's storycus of China, where police departments have apparently looked

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Speaker 2: at K nine units and said, you know what, dogs

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Speaker 2: are expensive? What can mister whiskers do. I mean, there's

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Speaker 2: so many stray cats out there that there's there's ample

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Speaker 2: opportunity to grow the police unit without without costing you

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Speaker 2: a dime. So China has started training police cats. Now

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Speaker 2: before you picture a fluffy orange cat, navier sunglasses, kicking indoors,

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Speaker 2: yelling nobody move. Now, let's set the expectations. Okay, these

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Speaker 2: cats aren't leading swat raids. That's just not possible. They're

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Speaker 2: mainly being trained to sniff out contraband, patrol certain areas,

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Speaker 2: and use their natural agility to get into places that

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Speaker 2: dogs simply can't, which sounds impressive until you remember, guys,

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Speaker 2: they're still cats. Imagine trying to brief a police cat

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Speaker 2: before a mission. All right, officer mittens, we have intelligence

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Speaker 2: that there's illegal narcotics inside that warehouse. The cat just

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Speaker 2: slowly knocks your coffee off the desk. Mission accomplished or

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Speaker 2: mission accepted. Cats don't obey commands. They negotiate. Police dog, sit, stay,

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Speaker 2: attack done, police cat, Hey, come here, nothing, I've got tuna, nothing,

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Speaker 2: I'm serious. Come on, cat. The cat's already asleep inside

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Speaker 2: the evidence locker, And honestly, I don't know if I

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Speaker 2: trust a species that makes direct eye contact while ignoring

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Speaker 2: every word you say, Like dogs want to impress you.

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Speaker 2: Cats want to know what authority you have. Can you

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Speaker 2: imagine getting arrested by a cat? I don't even know.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even know it was utter of investigation. No,

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Speaker 2: you've actually been under surveillance for six months by who

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Speaker 2: the tabby that's been sitting outside your apartment pretending to

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Speaker 2: watch birds? Oh? I thought he just hated me. Oh

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Speaker 2: he does now. The report says they're using these cats

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Speaker 2: because they're stealthy, fast, and could squeeze into tiny spaces,

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Speaker 2: which actually that makes a lot of sense, which is

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Speaker 2: exactly what every criminal wants to hear. So howd the

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Speaker 2: police find the stash? Well, the cat climbed through an

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Speaker 2: air vent because someone left a cardboard box nearby. Of

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Speaker 2: course he did. You know what the biggest problem is

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Speaker 2: going to be corruption, Not from the officers, No, no, no,

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Speaker 2: from the cat. You think somebody couldn't bribe a cat

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Speaker 2: one can of premium salmon and suddenly the entire investigation disappears.

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Speaker 2: Offser whiskers, Did you see the suspect Licks's paw. We'll

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Speaker 2: take that as a no. And let's be honest. The

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Speaker 2: first time one of these cats catches a laser pointer

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Speaker 2: instead of a criminal, the whole department is gonna have

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Speaker 2: some questions. The police chief, where's officer Snowball? Well, he's

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Speaker 2: been chasing the reflection off Carl's watch for forty five minutes.

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Speaker 2: Excellent dedication. Here's what I love. Though, somewhere in China

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Speaker 2: there's probably a rookie officer who's taken this completely seriously. Sir,

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Speaker 2: my partner isn't responding, Well, have you tried shaking the

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Speaker 2: treat bag? No rookie mistake. Meanwhile, imagine the paperwork. Causes

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Speaker 2: of delay might be suspect fled, officer became distracted by pigeon.

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Speaker 2: Officer climbed a tree, Officer refused to come down. Unlike

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Speaker 2: police dogs, you know what, police cat is absolutely judging

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Speaker 2: everyone involved the crime scene, judged victim, judge detectives, judged

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Speaker 2: the medical examiner. Oh, definitely judge. If they ever expand

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Speaker 2: this program worldwide, America is going to take it too far.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we'll just ramp it up another level.

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Speaker 2: We'll have police cats with tiny tactical vests, little body cameras,

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Speaker 2: minis your badges, and every news station will spend fifteen

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Speaker 2: minutes talking about how brave Officer Beans is while Officer

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Speaker 2: Beans is in the background just locking himself during a

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Speaker 2: press conference. No shame, no professionalism, just you know, commitment

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Speaker 2: to being a cat. But I will say this, if

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Speaker 2: a criminal gets caught by a cat, I mean you

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Speaker 2: can't even be mad. You have to just sit in

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Speaker 2: jail knowing your criminal empire was dismantled by an animal

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Speaker 2: whose biggest life goal is knocking your glass of water

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Speaker 2: off the nightstand. I mean, that's gotta be humbling. And that,

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Speaker 2: ladies and gentlemen, is your laugh with me news report.

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Speaker 2: We'll be right back. Man. If we had police cats

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Speaker 2: here in the States at some point, I mean you

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Speaker 2: could you would figure the criminals could just get one

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Speaker 2: of those laser pointers and then you know, distract the

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Speaker 2: officer officer whiskers with a little right laser. I mean

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Speaker 2: you would think that would work. I don't think it

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Speaker 2: would be very difficult to distract these little cats. And

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Speaker 2: then you know, you just you're gonna have these little

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Speaker 2: boxes just all over town just who the city is there,

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Speaker 2: janitorial budget's going to have to climb because they're just

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Speaker 2: gonna be going around town all day empty and and

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Speaker 2: sorting through litter boxes for these officers. I mean, I

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Speaker 2: don't know. Now, this is more I think about it.

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Speaker 2: This may not be very cost effective for cities, but

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Speaker 2: we'll see how China does. Maybe maybe this is the

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Speaker 2: wave of the future. Canines be Gone kittens, when.

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Speaker 1: The rents passed to in the carball star with by,

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Speaker 1: when the only.

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Speaker 2: Sponsors my broken heart.

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Speaker 1: We're hanging on.

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Speaker 2: This shanky stream.

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Speaker 1: Two weird voices in the glow of a stream.

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Speaker 2: If the world woe to let it laugh,