WEBVTT - Should I Hook Up With My Neighbor?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, there, I do Part two.

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<v Speaker 2>It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.

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<v Speaker 1>Into our hotline, and if you have any.

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<v Speaker 2>Questions, you can always call us at eight four four

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<v Speaker 2>four four three six seven six' three and leave a,

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<v Speaker 2>comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>incoming voicemails asking for some.

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<v Speaker 1>Advice so Today i'm going.

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<v Speaker 2>To dive in and give you an honest perspective from

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<v Speaker 2>a single male divorce.

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<v Speaker 1>Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.

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<v Speaker 2>Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive

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<v Speaker 2>right into our first.

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<v Speaker 1>VOICEMAIL i have a.

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<v Speaker 3>QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's

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<v Speaker 3>so one. Great my husband has a really good best

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<v Speaker 3>friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out

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<v Speaker 3>one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like

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<v Speaker 3>ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love,

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<v Speaker 3>her BUT i also have always had this feeling that

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<v Speaker 3>she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted.

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<v Speaker 3>On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?

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<v Speaker 4>Here thank you so, Much so.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a really good, question AND i guess the

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<v Speaker 2>first thing is was that relationship there when you started?

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<v Speaker 2>Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself?

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<v Speaker 2>Into and you, know was this relationship present when you

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<v Speaker 2>started dating and falling in? Love and then did it

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<v Speaker 2>then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know

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<v Speaker 2>you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's

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<v Speaker 2>the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand

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<v Speaker 2>that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice.

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<v Speaker 2>Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the

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<v Speaker 2>way that it feels when you see somebody else with

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<v Speaker 2>your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy

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<v Speaker 2>whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and

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<v Speaker 2>that's one of those things can start to fester and get,

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<v Speaker 2>complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get.

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<v Speaker 2>Worse so, YES i think that you know that your

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<v Speaker 2>old friendships do and should change and respect the new,

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<v Speaker 2>relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have

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<v Speaker 2>to be honest about. It you have to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about that with your you, know with your significant.

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<v Speaker 2>Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you,

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<v Speaker 2>know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about

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<v Speaker 2>or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about.

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<v Speaker 2>It but you, know at this part especially we're talking

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<v Speaker 2>chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything

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<v Speaker 2>so talk about, it all?

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<v Speaker 1>Right what do you?

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<v Speaker 2>Think we go into our next voicemail and start to

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<v Speaker 2>listen a little bit about talking about dating after.

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<v Speaker 1>Divorce, Hi so.

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<v Speaker 5>WHAT i want to know is when did you feel

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<v Speaker 5>comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW

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<v Speaker 5>i put so much emotion and so much everything into

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<v Speaker 5>my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a

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<v Speaker 5>whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel

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<v Speaker 5>comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when

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<v Speaker 5>did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?

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<v Speaker 2>Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you,

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<v Speaker 2>know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you,

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<v Speaker 2>know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the

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<v Speaker 2>table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough

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<v Speaker 2>especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time

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<v Speaker 2>and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex

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<v Speaker 2>across the, table and you, know so it took a.

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<v Speaker 2>While and the way THAT i kind of got used

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<v Speaker 2>to it was going out with a group of people

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<v Speaker 2>and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in

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<v Speaker 2>a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND

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<v Speaker 2>i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i

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<v Speaker 2>could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't

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<v Speaker 2>back off when you're on a one in one, date

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<v Speaker 2>but you're just another person because it's just you, know

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<v Speaker 2>obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it

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<v Speaker 2>was a little bit like dipping my toe in the

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<v Speaker 2>water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over.

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<v Speaker 2>Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks

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<v Speaker 2>or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but

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<v Speaker 2>the more that you get out, there the more you

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<v Speaker 2>put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you,

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<v Speaker 2>know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get,

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<v Speaker 2>easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately

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<v Speaker 2>and you just have to kind of feel your way

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<v Speaker 2>through and do it feels right to. You but that first,

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<v Speaker 2>date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect,

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<v Speaker 2>that get used to, it get ready for. It but

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<v Speaker 2>it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next

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<v Speaker 2>voicemail coming in from another.

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<v Speaker 6>Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel

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<v Speaker 6>like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this?

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<v Speaker 6>Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not

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<v Speaker 6>take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?

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<v Speaker 2>Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if

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<v Speaker 2>you know you haven't been married before and, you're you,

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<v Speaker 2>know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to

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<v Speaker 2>naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and

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<v Speaker 2>to complain it about an x and to compare to

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<v Speaker 2>an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag

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<v Speaker 2>but here's another situation which you just need to communicate

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<v Speaker 2>that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you

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<v Speaker 2>know this other person that you're dating that's been married,

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<v Speaker 2>before that might be all that they know for a long,

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<v Speaker 2>time and so that's what they're comparing you to to

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<v Speaker 2>something that is known to, them that is comfortable to

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<v Speaker 2>them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work.

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<v Speaker 2>Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative

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<v Speaker 2>it could be comparisons for the things that that person

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<v Speaker 2>found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on

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<v Speaker 2>the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying

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<v Speaker 2>some of the things that they didn't like about that.

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<v Speaker 2>Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable

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<v Speaker 2>if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think

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<v Speaker 2>it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey

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<v Speaker 2>you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's

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<v Speaker 2>okay to you, know to have learned from your past,

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<v Speaker 2>relationships but at some point you have to move on

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<v Speaker 2>and be the best version of you you can be for.

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<v Speaker 2>Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it

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<v Speaker 2>makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right

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<v Speaker 2>we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so

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<v Speaker 2>let's roll that.

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<v Speaker 1>Voicemail.

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<v Speaker 7>Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and

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<v Speaker 7>starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor

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<v Speaker 7>who moved in across the street meems to be. Single

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<v Speaker 7>SHOULD i even attempt to date.

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<v Speaker 5>Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?

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<v Speaker 7>Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK

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<v Speaker 7>i should?

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<v Speaker 8>Do thank you so.

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<v Speaker 1>Much dating the.

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<v Speaker 2>Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very.

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<v Speaker 2>Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High

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<v Speaker 2>the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality,

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<v Speaker 2>show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the

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<v Speaker 2>old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep

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<v Speaker 2>and this old adage or this new ad, is you

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to date where you sleep because in the

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<v Speaker 2>event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know

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<v Speaker 2>if you look.

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<v Speaker 1>At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to have.

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<v Speaker 2>That person watching who goes in and out of your

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<v Speaker 2>house and in and out of your driveway or in

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<v Speaker 2>and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know,

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<v Speaker 2>again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to.

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<v Speaker 2>Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried.

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<v Speaker 2>ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a.

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<v Speaker 2>Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for.

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<v Speaker 2>COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open

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<v Speaker 2>your door and see that person that you tried to

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<v Speaker 2>date it didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.

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<v Speaker 2>Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person

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<v Speaker 2>lives down the street or across, town or near your

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<v Speaker 2>coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's.

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<v Speaker 2>Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them

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<v Speaker 2>you might, not but it's going to be kind of an.

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<v Speaker 2>Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment

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<v Speaker 2>building and that person is right across.

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<v Speaker 1>The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.

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<v Speaker 2>It SO i don't think that there's a there's a

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<v Speaker 2>rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough

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<v Speaker 2>away that you, know.

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<v Speaker 1>If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.

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<v Speaker 2>Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like

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<v Speaker 2>dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources

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<v Speaker 2>File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because,

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<v Speaker 2>inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong

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<v Speaker 2>it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you,

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<v Speaker 2>know just like you're walking into an office every day

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<v Speaker 2>and seeing that same, person if you live across the

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<v Speaker 2>street or next door in close proximity to that, person.

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<v Speaker 1>It's gonna be kind of the same.

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<v Speaker 2>Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance

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<v Speaker 2>across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake

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<v Speaker 2>it's very very convenient to you, know for a you,

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<v Speaker 2>know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close

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<v Speaker 2>by to.

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<v Speaker 1>You but just think of the.

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<v Speaker 2>Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the

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<v Speaker 2>next time you show, up you, know at your at

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<v Speaker 2>your the door to your house and you've got somebody else,

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<v Speaker 2>there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.

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<v Speaker 1>Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.

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<v Speaker 2>Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience

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<v Speaker 2>WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office

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<v Speaker 2>romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it

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<v Speaker 2>lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get

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<v Speaker 2>into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third.

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<v Speaker 2>Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were

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<v Speaker 2>in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing

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<v Speaker 2>showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we

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<v Speaker 2>were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward

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<v Speaker 2>it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit

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<v Speaker 2>but it could have been. Worse don't make it.

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<v Speaker 9>Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee.

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<v Speaker 9>Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one

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<v Speaker 9>the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.

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<v Speaker 3>Done it really felt like it was one of those

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<v Speaker 3>situations where you literally do or.

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<v Speaker 9>Die monica stared down shame and came out the other,

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<v Speaker 9>side and she is here to change what you thought you.

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<v Speaker 10>Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.

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<v Speaker 9>A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting.

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<v Speaker 9>Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple,

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<v Speaker 9>podcasts or wherever you get your.

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<v Speaker 2>Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail

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<v Speaker 2>of the.

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<v Speaker 1>Afternoon take it.

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<v Speaker 11>Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized

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<v Speaker 11>last week and it's been a long time.

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<v Speaker 12>Coming i'm ready to.

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<v Speaker 11>Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as

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<v Speaker 11>someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the,

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<v Speaker 11>raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them.

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<v Speaker 11>AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced

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<v Speaker 11>but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel

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<v Speaker 11>LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't

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<v Speaker 11>want to give him too much info on our first.

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<v Speaker 1>Date what do you?

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<v Speaker 6>Think let me?

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<v Speaker 12>Know thank?

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<v Speaker 2>You SO i will say that all of my, Advice

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<v Speaker 2>my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships

0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:21.560
<v Speaker 2>especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be,

0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:26.200
<v Speaker 2>honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said,

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.160
<v Speaker 2>that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS

0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 2>i think that you should be honest whether you, know

0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:33.880
<v Speaker 2>if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and

0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:37.079
<v Speaker 2>that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.360
<v Speaker 2>share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know

0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:45.000
<v Speaker 2>what your past relationship history is and reasons why you

0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:49.480
<v Speaker 2>might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that,

0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.440
<v Speaker 2>yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have

0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 2>to go diving into it right on the first, date

0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.640
<v Speaker 2>before you know this is someone you're going to see

0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:00.560
<v Speaker 2>for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever.

0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:05.240
<v Speaker 2>Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think

0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:09.160
<v Speaker 2>that you want to be as clear and open and

0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:13.080
<v Speaker 2>honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.240
<v Speaker 2>a relationship and it starts to develop more and.

0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:18.560
<v Speaker 1>More you owe it to that. Person that person owes

0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:19.080
<v Speaker 1>it to you as.

0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:22.319
<v Speaker 2>Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from

0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.720
<v Speaker 2>a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you

0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:27.560
<v Speaker 2>need to make sure that other person knows it so

0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:31.600
<v Speaker 2>they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't

0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:34.920
<v Speaker 2>know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you,

0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.439
<v Speaker 2>know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a

0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.840
<v Speaker 2>story that that they just grew, apart a story about

0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.360
<v Speaker 2>them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when

0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:49.480
<v Speaker 2>someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person

0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.840
<v Speaker 2>cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of,

0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.920
<v Speaker 2>those all of those those damaging things that can cause a.

0:13:56.000 --> 0:14:00.360
<v Speaker 2>Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna

0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.320
<v Speaker 2>be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying

0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.079
<v Speaker 2>some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:07.079
<v Speaker 2>to get, through and you're gonna need that person that

0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.960
<v Speaker 2>you're dating to help you get through that over. Time

0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:13.760
<v Speaker 2>and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know

0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.240
<v Speaker 2>what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be,

0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.920
<v Speaker 2>sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately

0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:22.520
<v Speaker 2>you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be,

0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:25.480
<v Speaker 2>honest be. Open you don't have to start off right

0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:30.800
<v Speaker 2>away with all of the delicate, details but you, know

0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:32.560
<v Speaker 2>if you want to let somebody, in you have to

0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:35.480
<v Speaker 2>let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've

0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.160
<v Speaker 2>got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.

0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.880
<v Speaker 13>Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you

0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.680
<v Speaker 13>being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split

0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 13>about three years, ago and now she's saying a much

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.400
<v Speaker 13>younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF

0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:51.760
<v Speaker 13>i need to be friends with him so he can

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.200
<v Speaker 13>be around my son a, lot or if this is

0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 13>something THAT i should just push off to the side.

0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:57.200
<v Speaker 1>And let happen.

0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.440
<v Speaker 13>Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get

0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:02.440
<v Speaker 13>a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know

0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.040
<v Speaker 13>just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.

0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:05.320
<v Speaker 12>Insight.

0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:08.480
<v Speaker 2>Thanks, well this is a great question and a great

0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:13.160
<v Speaker 2>perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is

0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.520
<v Speaker 2>a you, know a large likelihood that you are going

0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:20.040
<v Speaker 2>to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going

0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.600
<v Speaker 2>to find that your ex is going to date somebody

0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.200
<v Speaker 2>that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with

0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.680
<v Speaker 2>whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when

0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 2>not only to introduce the new love of your life

0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:39.160
<v Speaker 2>to your, kids also when is it time to introduce

0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.040
<v Speaker 2>the love of your life to the you, know the

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:47.000
<v Speaker 2>father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's

0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.120
<v Speaker 2>it's a really case dependent because of, course when you

0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.720
<v Speaker 2>sit back and think about. It you want to, have you,

0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:56.400
<v Speaker 2>know a very modern family type of relationship where you

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.720
<v Speaker 2>have the ex and then you know husband or wife

0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:05.360
<v Speaker 2>and new love and you are all you know, together co,

0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:09.480
<v Speaker 2>parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a

0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:12.400
<v Speaker 2>lot of times there are complications to. It there might

0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.400
<v Speaker 2>be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a

0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:20.160
<v Speaker 2>lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind

0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.960
<v Speaker 2>of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate

0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:29.400
<v Speaker 2>SO i think it's important to be willing to meet

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:34.360
<v Speaker 2>your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though

0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.480
<v Speaker 2>because you know you want to make sure that that

0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.320
<v Speaker 2>person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes,

0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:42.520
<v Speaker 2>organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't

0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:44.880
<v Speaker 2>want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know

0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.640
<v Speaker 2>that there is going to be somebody else in your

0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 2>child's life at some. Point but at what point do

0:16:51.760 --> 0:16:54.280
<v Speaker 2>you want to then invest yourself and your time and

0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:57.440
<v Speaker 2>your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think

0:16:57.440 --> 0:16:59.040
<v Speaker 2>it's something that has to happen right out of the.

0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.360
<v Speaker 2>GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon

0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:04.240
<v Speaker 2>BUT i think you want to understand who that person

0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:07.960
<v Speaker 2>is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare

0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.840
<v Speaker 2>of your, child but you want to you, know you

0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:12.480
<v Speaker 2>want to know what kind of people are going to

0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:13.000
<v Speaker 2>be around your.

0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:14.720
<v Speaker 1>Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do

0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:16.000
<v Speaker 1>you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.

0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.960
<v Speaker 2>So BUT i think that you want to make sure

0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:23.600
<v Speaker 2>that you're aware of who is around your. Child who

0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.720
<v Speaker 2>could be you, know that next person that's filling in

0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:31.520
<v Speaker 2>some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but

0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:35.000
<v Speaker 2>just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically

0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.280
<v Speaker 2>to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your

0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.200
<v Speaker 2>responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child

0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.040
<v Speaker 2>and your child's welfare is taken care.

0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:50.760
<v Speaker 8>Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your

0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:54.560
<v Speaker 8>ex and your new significant other to be hanging out

0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:55.840
<v Speaker 8>without you?

0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:57.679
<v Speaker 1>Involved so this is SOMETHING i.

0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.600
<v Speaker 2>HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a

0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.280
<v Speaker 2>very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what

0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:07.760
<v Speaker 2>is the right time to start introducing or being around

0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:11.679
<v Speaker 2>a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we

0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:14.440
<v Speaker 2>both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested

0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:16.720
<v Speaker 2>because you don't want your, kids you, know having a

0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:20.399
<v Speaker 2>revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and

0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.720
<v Speaker 2>out because they're not going to know when to invest

0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:29.560
<v Speaker 2>themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.879
<v Speaker 2>at any point that my kids would be around a

0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:37.119
<v Speaker 2>new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.

0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.320
<v Speaker 1>Does it is probably the most difficult.

0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:44.480
<v Speaker 2>Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that

0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:47.840
<v Speaker 2>there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my,

0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:52.879
<v Speaker 2>child that's going to be having an experience, travel you,

0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:55.679
<v Speaker 2>know even something as simple as you know as a

0:18:55.760 --> 0:19:00.399
<v Speaker 2>dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing

0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:03.200
<v Speaker 2>about being divorced is being away from your kids at,

0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.040
<v Speaker 2>All but then supplement in somebody.

0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.400
<v Speaker 1>Else is there when you're not. There so.

0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:12.280
<v Speaker 2>You, know in a perfect, world you know you would

0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.600
<v Speaker 2>you would always be able to be around your, Children

0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:18.080
<v Speaker 2>but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That

0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.840
<v Speaker 2>it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving

0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:24.679
<v Speaker 2>on and the only way that you can make it

0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:29.200
<v Speaker 2>any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever

0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:33.080
<v Speaker 2>it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting

0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:38.000
<v Speaker 2>to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.

0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:38.719
<v Speaker 1>History through their.

0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:41.040
<v Speaker 2>Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully

0:19:41.080 --> 0:19:45.160
<v Speaker 2>build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never

0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:47.119
<v Speaker 2>be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that

0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:50.680
<v Speaker 2>but for the sake of the kids and the sake

0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:53.440
<v Speaker 2>of your your ex and moving, on.

0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:58.479
<v Speaker 1>You have to come to grips with. It you have

0:19:58.560 --> 0:19:59.800
<v Speaker 1>to find some piece in.

0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.240
<v Speaker 2>It and the way That i've found piece in it

0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:06.719
<v Speaker 2>is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character,

0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:11.560
<v Speaker 2>is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part

0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:15.240
<v Speaker 2>go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you,

0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:17.720
<v Speaker 2>know five days with my boys down at the, beach you,

0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.080
<v Speaker 2>KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my.

0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:24.959
<v Speaker 2>Ex and that's even that in and of itself is

0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.399
<v Speaker 2>really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a.

0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Break you've been single datting for for a week and

0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:30.199
<v Speaker 2>now you get, to you, know get a.

0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:31.040
<v Speaker 1>Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.

0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:34.280
<v Speaker 2>Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a

0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:38.119
<v Speaker 2>release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of,

0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:40.920
<v Speaker 2>LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing

0:20:41.920 --> 0:20:44.760
<v Speaker 2>and you know it has to happen at some. Point

0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.520
<v Speaker 2>there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make

0:20:47.520 --> 0:20:47.760
<v Speaker 2>it any.

0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:59.280
<v Speaker 10>Easier dancing with The stars is looking for a new,

0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:02.280
<v Speaker 10>pro and since last SEASON i came in eighth, Place

0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:03.400
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0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Expert easy.

0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:07.399
<v Speaker 14>There i've spent my entire life in the, ballroom so

0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:08.439
<v Speaker 14>maybe you could use some.

0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:12.040
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0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:14.800
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0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:17.520
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0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:19.760
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0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:20.640
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<v Speaker 10>Season i'll be asking the questions every fan is, thinking.

0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:26.159
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0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:28.520
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0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.640
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0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:34.639
<v Speaker 14>Guests it's time to crown a New dancing with The stars.

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<v Speaker 14>Pro so let us be your guys to this once

0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:37.480
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0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:39.120
<v Speaker 10>Opportunity do you THINK i could?

0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:39.360
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0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:42.880
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0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.000
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<v Speaker 1>Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:53.119
<v Speaker 12>Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and

0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:56.320
<v Speaker 12>trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single.

0:21:56.440 --> 0:22:00.000
<v Speaker 12>Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis

0:22:00.600 --> 0:22:04.040
<v Speaker 12>who are the mother of their. Kids my question is

0:22:04.119 --> 0:22:06.440
<v Speaker 12>it up to me as the new girlfriend to help

0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:07.080
<v Speaker 12>them bridge that?

0:22:07.119 --> 0:22:09.120
<v Speaker 1>Gap, yeah this is a difficult.

0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:13.800
<v Speaker 2>Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's

0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:16.800
<v Speaker 2>let's take a step back here even before talking, about you,

0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:20.440
<v Speaker 2>know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into

0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.640
<v Speaker 2>a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced

0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:27.560
<v Speaker 2>there is a natural kind of i don't, know like

0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.639
<v Speaker 2>a caution flag that goes up if they don't have

0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:33.560
<v Speaker 2>a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have

0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:35.879
<v Speaker 2>a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really

0:22:35.960 --> 0:22:38.280
<v Speaker 2>all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's?

0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:41.400
<v Speaker 2>Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility

0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:45.480
<v Speaker 2>so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous

0:22:45.520 --> 0:22:48.680
<v Speaker 2>AND i will have some red flags start to poke

0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:49.240
<v Speaker 2>up a little.

0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:54.679
<v Speaker 1>Bit and you, know you want someone that you.

0:22:54.680 --> 0:22:56.840
<v Speaker 2>Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a

0:22:56.880 --> 0:23:01.840
<v Speaker 2>decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co,

0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:05.199
<v Speaker 2>parent to be able to put the child, first And

0:23:05.240 --> 0:23:09.159
<v Speaker 2>i've heard horror stories where again that the child is

0:23:09.760 --> 0:23:12.919
<v Speaker 2>kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used

0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:18.119
<v Speaker 2>as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent,

0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:22.439
<v Speaker 2>now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or,

0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:26.840
<v Speaker 2>pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or,

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:31.000
<v Speaker 2>helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really

0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:33.679
<v Speaker 2>it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know

0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:37.240
<v Speaker 2>for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah

0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:41.199
<v Speaker 2>had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know

0:23:41.240 --> 0:23:44.359
<v Speaker 2>should she be trying to step in and help out

0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:47.720
<v Speaker 2>and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a,

0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:49.639
<v Speaker 2>partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know

0:23:49.680 --> 0:23:52.040
<v Speaker 2>in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know.

0:23:52.200 --> 0:23:56.240
<v Speaker 2>Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject

0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:00.960
<v Speaker 2>how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child

0:24:01.040 --> 0:24:05.600
<v Speaker 2>how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i

0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:09.040
<v Speaker 2>would be cautious about trying to step in too much

0:24:09.119 --> 0:24:09.679
<v Speaker 2>and giving your.

0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:12.600
<v Speaker 1>Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.

0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:14.439
<v Speaker 2>You want to give you, know as much you, know

0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:17.359
<v Speaker 2>guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful

0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:21.639
<v Speaker 2>about not being seen as meddling too much because you

0:24:21.680 --> 0:24:25.880
<v Speaker 2>know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately

0:24:26.000 --> 0:24:29.400
<v Speaker 2>ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar,

0:24:29.520 --> 0:24:33.320
<v Speaker 2>tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you,

0:24:33.359 --> 0:24:36.760
<v Speaker 2>know a lot of history that you may not be familiar,

0:24:36.800 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 2>with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best,

0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:45.280
<v Speaker 2>intentions even because you just want to, help you might

0:24:45.480 --> 0:24:47.239
<v Speaker 2>end up really making it.

0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:50.480
<v Speaker 1>Worse and this is A this.

0:24:50.480 --> 0:24:52.280
<v Speaker 2>Is one of those times when you almost have to

0:24:52.359 --> 0:24:55.840
<v Speaker 2>kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step,

0:24:55.880 --> 0:24:59.239
<v Speaker 2>in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all

0:24:59.280 --> 0:24:59.800
<v Speaker 2>you want to do is.

0:24:59.800 --> 0:25:01.439
<v Speaker 1>Help, okay that was.

0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:05.040
<v Speaker 2>A great question and we're now to our final voicemail

0:25:05.440 --> 0:25:05.639
<v Speaker 2>of the.

0:25:05.720 --> 0:25:07.360
<v Speaker 5>Day SO i just.

0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:10.000
<v Speaker 4>Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid

0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:12.679
<v Speaker 4>like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more

0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:15.480
<v Speaker 4>of a private. Person but he's weird about his.

0:25:15.640 --> 0:25:18.520
<v Speaker 5>Phone like we'll be driving.

0:25:18.160 --> 0:25:21.639
<v Speaker 4>And i'll like be asking him for his phone password

0:25:21.720 --> 0:25:25.080
<v Speaker 4>to put on some music or, whatever and he gave

0:25:25.119 --> 0:25:28.439
<v Speaker 4>it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched

0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:28.840
<v Speaker 4>his phone.

0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:30.359
<v Speaker 6>Password like SHOULD i be?

0:25:30.480 --> 0:25:31.480
<v Speaker 5>Concerned why is.

0:25:31.480 --> 0:25:33.240
<v Speaker 4>He being so weird and secretive about his?

0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:35.919
<v Speaker 2>Phone and this is a really really great question and

0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:39.440
<v Speaker 2>a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which

0:25:39.480 --> 0:25:39.760
<v Speaker 2>is the.

0:25:39.800 --> 0:25:43.200
<v Speaker 1>Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.

0:25:43.480 --> 0:25:48.159
<v Speaker 2>A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating

0:25:48.240 --> 0:25:51.560
<v Speaker 2>lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time

0:25:51.720 --> 0:25:54.200
<v Speaker 2>you know someone who used to hide a diary under

0:25:54.240 --> 0:25:57.040
<v Speaker 2>the bed or something like, That but now all your

0:25:57.080 --> 0:26:00.560
<v Speaker 2>secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking,

0:26:00.600 --> 0:26:04.320
<v Speaker 2>to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:06.280
<v Speaker 2>do you? Like all these all this stuff that is

0:26:06.320 --> 0:26:10.400
<v Speaker 2>really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and

0:26:11.560 --> 0:26:13.960
<v Speaker 2>the expectation is this is just you know that that's.

0:26:14.040 --> 0:26:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one

0:26:17.320 --> 0:26:19.240
<v Speaker 2>that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone

0:26:20.000 --> 0:26:22.040
<v Speaker 2>but as you get in a, relationship of course you're

0:26:22.040 --> 0:26:23.919
<v Speaker 2>gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are

0:26:23.960 --> 0:26:26.480
<v Speaker 2>you looking? At who are you talking? To are you

0:26:26.560 --> 0:26:28.480
<v Speaker 2>talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?

0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:29.399
<v Speaker 1>Know are you you?

0:26:29.440 --> 0:26:34.800
<v Speaker 2>Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost

0:26:34.840 --> 0:26:40.280
<v Speaker 2>impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share.

0:26:40.320 --> 0:26:44.080
<v Speaker 2>That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy

0:26:44.800 --> 0:26:48.320
<v Speaker 2>versus where does it become you're just right to know

0:26:49.080 --> 0:26:52.200
<v Speaker 2>what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and

0:26:52.240 --> 0:26:56.159
<v Speaker 2>where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like

0:26:56.200 --> 0:27:01.600
<v Speaker 2>I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a.

0:27:01.600 --> 0:27:05.520
<v Speaker 2>Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to

0:27:05.720 --> 0:27:09.080
<v Speaker 2>share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking,

0:27:09.119 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 2>to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you,

0:27:13.320 --> 0:27:16.720
<v Speaker 2>know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear,

0:27:16.800 --> 0:27:20.240
<v Speaker 2>codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should

0:27:20.240 --> 0:27:21.600
<v Speaker 2>be hiding from their significant.

0:27:21.600 --> 0:27:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Other.

0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:23.960
<v Speaker 2>NOW i get it if you're in the early stages

0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:27.240
<v Speaker 2>of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each,

0:27:27.280 --> 0:27:29.480
<v Speaker 2>other and you should probably think there's probably a high

0:27:29.600 --> 0:27:32.639
<v Speaker 2>likelihood that there are other people in his life or

0:27:32.680 --> 0:27:36.000
<v Speaker 2>her life that they haven't let go. Of but if

0:27:36.080 --> 0:27:38.200
<v Speaker 2>you've been dating for a, while if you are moving

0:27:38.240 --> 0:27:41.840
<v Speaker 2>on to those next logical steps of a relationship of

0:27:41.880 --> 0:27:45.719
<v Speaker 2>moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together,

0:27:46.359 --> 0:27:51.199
<v Speaker 2>yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you

0:27:51.240 --> 0:27:53.360
<v Speaker 2>should know who they're talking, to you should know where

0:27:53.359 --> 0:27:59.000
<v Speaker 2>they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you,

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:02.360
<v Speaker 2>know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.

0:28:02.440 --> 0:28:05.440
<v Speaker 1>Up dissolving and falls.

0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:09.199
<v Speaker 2>Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is

0:28:09.240 --> 0:28:11.879
<v Speaker 2>so important that they're unwilling to share a password and

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:12.959
<v Speaker 2>let you know what they've been up.

0:28:12.960 --> 0:28:14.800
<v Speaker 1>To, well thanks for all those.

0:28:14.880 --> 0:28:17.400
<v Speaker 2>Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it

0:28:17.560 --> 0:28:21.640
<v Speaker 2>need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce,

0:28:21.760 --> 0:28:24.399
<v Speaker 2>process you can send us an email or leave us

0:28:24.400 --> 0:28:27.320
<v Speaker 2>a voicemail and all you got to do is call

0:28:27.440 --> 0:28:33.440
<v Speaker 2>us at eight four four four four three six seven six,

0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:34.639
<v Speaker 2>three leave us a.

0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:36.240
<v Speaker 1>Voicemail we'll listen to.

0:28:36.240 --> 0:28:38.120
<v Speaker 2>It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and

0:28:38.680 --> 0:28:41.560
<v Speaker 2>hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I,

0:28:41.720 --> 0:28:46.320
<v Speaker 2>Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in

0:28:46.400 --> 0:28:48.080
<v Speaker 2>love is the main.

0:28:48.160 --> 0:28:48.680
<v Speaker 1>Objective