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Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do Part two.

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Speaker 2: It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and

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Speaker 2: I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.

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Speaker 1: Into our hotline, and if you have any.

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Speaker 2: Questions, you can always call us at eight four four

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Speaker 2: four four three six seven six' three and leave a,

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Speaker 2: comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of

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Speaker 2: incoming voicemails asking for some.

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Speaker 1: Advice so Today i'm going.

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Speaker 2: To dive in and give you an honest perspective from

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Speaker 2: a single male divorce.

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Speaker 1: Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.

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Speaker 2: Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive

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Speaker 2: right into our first.

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Speaker 1: VOICEMAIL i have a.

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Speaker 3: QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's

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Speaker 3: so one. Great my husband has a really good best

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Speaker 3: friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out

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Speaker 3: one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like

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Speaker 3: ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love,

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Speaker 3: her BUT i also have always had this feeling that

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Speaker 3: she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted.

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Speaker 3: On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?

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Speaker 4: Here thank you so, Much so.

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Speaker 2: This is a really good, question AND i guess the

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Speaker 2: first thing is was that relationship there when you started?

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Speaker 2: Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself?

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Speaker 2: Into and you, know was this relationship present when you

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Speaker 2: started dating and falling in? Love and then did it

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Speaker 2: then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know

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Speaker 2: you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's

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Speaker 2: the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand

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Speaker 2: that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice.

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Speaker 2: Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the

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Speaker 2: way that it feels when you see somebody else with

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Speaker 2: your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy

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Speaker 2: whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and

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Speaker 2: that's one of those things can start to fester and get,

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Speaker 2: complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get.

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Speaker 2: Worse so, YES i think that you know that your

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Speaker 2: old friendships do and should change and respect the new,

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Speaker 2: relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have

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Speaker 2: to be honest about. It you have to be able

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Speaker 2: to talk about that with your you, know with your significant.

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Speaker 2: Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you,

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Speaker 2: know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about

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Speaker 2: or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about.

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Speaker 2: It but you, know at this part especially we're talking

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Speaker 2: chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything

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Speaker 2: so talk about, it all?

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Speaker 1: Right what do you?

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Speaker 2: Think we go into our next voicemail and start to

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Speaker 2: listen a little bit about talking about dating after.

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Speaker 1: Divorce, Hi so.

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Speaker 5: WHAT i want to know is when did you feel

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Speaker 5: comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW

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Speaker 5: i put so much emotion and so much everything into

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Speaker 5: my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a

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Speaker 5: whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel

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Speaker 5: comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when

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Speaker 5: did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?

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Speaker 2: Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you,

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Speaker 2: know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you,

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Speaker 2: know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the

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Speaker 2: table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough

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Speaker 2: especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time

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Speaker 2: and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex

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Speaker 2: across the, table and you, know so it took a.

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Speaker 2: While and the way THAT i kind of got used

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Speaker 2: to it was going out with a group of people

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Speaker 2: and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in

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Speaker 2: a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND

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Speaker 2: i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i

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Speaker 2: could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't

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Speaker 2: back off when you're on a one in one, date

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Speaker 2: but you're just another person because it's just you, know

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Speaker 2: obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it

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Speaker 2: was a little bit like dipping my toe in the

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Speaker 2: water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over.

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Speaker 2: Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks

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Speaker 2: or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but

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Speaker 2: the more that you get out, there the more you

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Speaker 2: put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you,

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Speaker 2: know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get,

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Speaker 2: easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately

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Speaker 2: and you just have to kind of feel your way

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Speaker 2: through and do it feels right to. You but that first,

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Speaker 2: date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect,

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Speaker 2: that get used to, it get ready for. It but

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Speaker 2: it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next

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Speaker 2: voicemail coming in from another.

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Speaker 6: Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel

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Speaker 6: like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this?

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Speaker 6: Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not

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Speaker 6: take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?

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Speaker 2: Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if

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Speaker 2: you know you haven't been married before and, you're you,

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Speaker 2: know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to

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Speaker 2: naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and

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Speaker 2: to complain it about an x and to compare to

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Speaker 2: an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag

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Speaker 2: but here's another situation which you just need to communicate

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Speaker 2: that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you

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Speaker 2: know this other person that you're dating that's been married,

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Speaker 2: before that might be all that they know for a long,

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Speaker 2: time and so that's what they're comparing you to to

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Speaker 2: something that is known to, them that is comfortable to

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Speaker 2: them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work.

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Speaker 2: Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative

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Speaker 2: it could be comparisons for the things that that person

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Speaker 2: found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on

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Speaker 2: the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying

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Speaker 2: some of the things that they didn't like about that.

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Speaker 2: Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable

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Speaker 2: if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think

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Speaker 2: it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey

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Speaker 2: you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's

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Speaker 2: okay to you, know to have learned from your past,

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Speaker 2: relationships but at some point you have to move on

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Speaker 2: and be the best version of you you can be for.

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Speaker 2: Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it

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Speaker 2: makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right

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Speaker 2: we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so

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Speaker 2: let's roll that.

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Speaker 1: Voicemail.

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Speaker 7: Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and

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Speaker 7: starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor

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Speaker 7: who moved in across the street meems to be. Single

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Speaker 7: SHOULD i even attempt to date.

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Speaker 5: Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?

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Speaker 7: Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK

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Speaker 7: i should?

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Speaker 8: Do thank you so.

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Speaker 1: Much dating the.

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Speaker 2: Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very.

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Speaker 2: Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High

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Speaker 2: the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality,

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Speaker 2: show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the

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Speaker 2: old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep

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Speaker 2: and this old adage or this new ad, is you

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Speaker 2: don't want to date where you sleep because in the

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Speaker 2: event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know

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Speaker 2: if you look.

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Speaker 1: At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on

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Speaker 1: you're going to have.

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Speaker 2: That person watching who goes in and out of your

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Speaker 2: house and in and out of your driveway or in

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Speaker 2: and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know,

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Speaker 2: again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to.

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Speaker 2: Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried.

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Speaker 2: ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a.

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Speaker 2: Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for.

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Speaker 2: COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open

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Speaker 2: your door and see that person that you tried to

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Speaker 2: date it didn't.

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Speaker 1: Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.

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Speaker 2: Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person

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Speaker 2: lives down the street or across, town or near your

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Speaker 2: coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's.

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Speaker 2: Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them

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Speaker 2: you might, not but it's going to be kind of an.

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Speaker 2: Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment

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Speaker 2: building and that person is right across.

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Speaker 1: The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.

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Speaker 2: It SO i don't think that there's a there's a

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Speaker 2: rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough

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Speaker 2: away that you, know.

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Speaker 1: If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.

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Speaker 2: Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like

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Speaker 2: dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources

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Speaker 2: File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because,

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Speaker 2: inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong

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Speaker 2: it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you,

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Speaker 2: know just like you're walking into an office every day

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Speaker 2: and seeing that same, person if you live across the

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Speaker 2: street or next door in close proximity to that, person.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be kind of the same.

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Speaker 2: Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance

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Speaker 2: across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake

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Speaker 2: it's very very convenient to you, know for a you,

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Speaker 2: know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close

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Speaker 2: by to.

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Speaker 1: You but just think of the.

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Speaker 2: Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the

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Speaker 2: next time you show, up you, know at your at

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Speaker 2: your the door to your house and you've got somebody else,

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Speaker 2: there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.

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Speaker 1: Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.

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Speaker 2: Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience

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Speaker 2: WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office

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Speaker 2: romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it

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Speaker 2: lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get

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Speaker 2: into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third.

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Speaker 2: Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were

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Speaker 2: in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing

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Speaker 2: showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we

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Speaker 2: were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward

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Speaker 2: it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit

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Speaker 2: but it could have been. Worse don't make it.

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Speaker 9: Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee.

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Speaker 9: Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one

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Speaker 9: the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.

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Speaker 3: Done it really felt like it was one of those

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Speaker 3: situations where you literally do or.

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Speaker 9: Die monica stared down shame and came out the other,

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Speaker 9: side and she is here to change what you thought you.

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Speaker 10: Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.

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Speaker 9: A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting.

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Speaker 9: Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple,

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Speaker 9: podcasts or wherever you get your.

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Speaker 2: Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail

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Speaker 2: of the.

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Speaker 1: Afternoon take it.

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Speaker 11: Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized

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Speaker 11: last week and it's been a long time.

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Speaker 12: Coming i'm ready to.

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Speaker 11: Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as

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Speaker 11: someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the,

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Speaker 11: raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them.

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Speaker 11: AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced

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Speaker 11: but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel

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Speaker 11: LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't

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Speaker 11: want to give him too much info on our first.

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Speaker 1: Date what do you?

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Speaker 6: Think let me?

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Speaker 12: Know thank?

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Speaker 2: You SO i will say that all of my, Advice

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Speaker 2: my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships

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Speaker 2: especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be,

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Speaker 2: honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said,

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Speaker 2: that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS

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Speaker 2: i think that you should be honest whether you, know

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Speaker 2: if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and

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00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,079
Speaker 2: that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should

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Speaker 2: share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know

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Speaker 2: what your past relationship history is and reasons why you

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Speaker 2: might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that,

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Speaker 2: yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have

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00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,400
Speaker 2: to go diving into it right on the first, date

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Speaker 2: before you know this is someone you're going to see

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Speaker 2: for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever.

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Speaker 2: Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think

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Speaker 2: that you want to be as clear and open and

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Speaker 2: honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through

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Speaker 2: a relationship and it starts to develop more and.

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Speaker 1: More you owe it to that. Person that person owes

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Speaker 1: it to you as.

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Speaker 2: Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from

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Speaker 2: a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you

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00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,560
Speaker 2: need to make sure that other person knows it so

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Speaker 2: they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't

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Speaker 2: know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you,

253
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Speaker 2: know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a

254
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,840
Speaker 2: story that that they just grew, apart a story about

255
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Speaker 2: them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when

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Speaker 2: someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person

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Speaker 2: cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of,

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Speaker 2: those all of those those damaging things that can cause a.

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Speaker 2: Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna

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Speaker 2: be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying

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Speaker 2: some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while

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Speaker 2: to get, through and you're gonna need that person that

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Speaker 2: you're dating to help you get through that over. Time

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Speaker 2: and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know

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Speaker 2: what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be,

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Speaker 2: sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately

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Speaker 2: you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be,

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Speaker 2: honest be. Open you don't have to start off right

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Speaker 2: away with all of the delicate, details but you, know

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Speaker 2: if you want to let somebody, in you have to

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Speaker 2: let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've

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Speaker 2: got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.

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Speaker 13: Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you

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Speaker 13: being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split

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Speaker 13: about three years, ago and now she's saying a much

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Speaker 13: younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF

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Speaker 13: i need to be friends with him so he can

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00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,200
Speaker 13: be around my son a, lot or if this is

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Speaker 13: something THAT i should just push off to the side.

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Speaker 1: And let happen.

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Speaker 13: Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get

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Speaker 13: a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know

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Speaker 13: just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.

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Speaker 12: Insight.

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Speaker 2: Thanks, well this is a great question and a great

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Speaker 2: perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is

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00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,520
Speaker 2: a you, know a large likelihood that you are going

288
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,040
Speaker 2: to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going

289
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 2: to find that your ex is going to date somebody

290
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,200
Speaker 2: that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with

291
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,680
Speaker 2: whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when

292
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,760
Speaker 2: not only to introduce the new love of your life

293
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Speaker 2: to your, kids also when is it time to introduce

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Speaker 2: the love of your life to the you, know the

295
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Speaker 2: father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's

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Speaker 2: it's a really case dependent because of, course when you

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00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 2: sit back and think about. It you want to, have you,

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00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:56,400
Speaker 2: know a very modern family type of relationship where you

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00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 2: have the ex and then you know husband or wife

300
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:05,360
Speaker 2: and new love and you are all you know, together co,

301
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 2: parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a

302
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 2: lot of times there are complications to. It there might

303
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,400
Speaker 2: be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a

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00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:20,160
Speaker 2: lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind

305
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 2: of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate

306
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,400
Speaker 2: SO i think it's important to be willing to meet

307
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:34,360
Speaker 2: your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though

308
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 2: because you know you want to make sure that that

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00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 2: person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes,

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00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,520
Speaker 2: organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't

311
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,880
Speaker 2: want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know

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00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 2: that there is going to be somebody else in your

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Speaker 2: child's life at some. Point but at what point do

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00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 2: you want to then invest yourself and your time and

315
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 2: your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think

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00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 2: it's something that has to happen right out of the.

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Speaker 2: GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon

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00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,240
Speaker 2: BUT i think you want to understand who that person

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00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,960
Speaker 2: is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare

320
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 2: of your, child but you want to you, know you

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00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 2: want to know what kind of people are going to

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00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,000
Speaker 2: be around your.

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00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 1: Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do

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00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 1: you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.

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Speaker 2: So BUT i think that you want to make sure

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00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 2: that you're aware of who is around your. Child who

327
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,720
Speaker 2: could be you, know that next person that's filling in

328
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:31,520
Speaker 2: some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but

329
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,000
Speaker 2: just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically

330
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,280
Speaker 2: to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your

331
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,200
Speaker 2: responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child

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Speaker 2: and your child's welfare is taken care.

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Speaker 8: Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your

334
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 8: ex and your new significant other to be hanging out

335
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 8: without you?

336
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 1: Involved so this is SOMETHING i.

337
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 2: HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a

338
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 2: very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what

339
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 2: is the right time to start introducing or being around

340
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,679
Speaker 2: a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we

341
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,440
Speaker 2: both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested

342
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 2: because you don't want your, kids you, know having a

343
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,399
Speaker 2: revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and

344
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 2: out because they're not going to know when to invest

345
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:29,560
Speaker 2: themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think

346
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,879
Speaker 2: at any point that my kids would be around a

347
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:37,119
Speaker 2: new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.

348
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 1: Does it is probably the most difficult.

349
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 2: Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that

350
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,840
Speaker 2: there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my,

351
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,879
Speaker 2: child that's going to be having an experience, travel you,

352
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,679
Speaker 2: know even something as simple as you know as a

353
00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:00,399
Speaker 2: dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing

354
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 2: about being divorced is being away from your kids at,

355
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 2: All but then supplement in somebody.

356
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,400
Speaker 1: Else is there when you're not. There so.

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00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 2: You, know in a perfect, world you know you would

358
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 2: you would always be able to be around your, Children

359
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 2: but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That

360
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,840
Speaker 2: it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving

361
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,679
Speaker 2: on and the only way that you can make it

362
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,200
Speaker 2: any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever

363
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 2: it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting

364
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 2: to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.

365
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:38,719
Speaker 1: History through their.

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00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 2: Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully

367
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:45,160
Speaker 2: build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never

368
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,119
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that

369
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,680
Speaker 2: but for the sake of the kids and the sake

370
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 2: of your your ex and moving, on.

371
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,479
Speaker 1: You have to come to grips with. It you have

372
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: to find some piece in.

373
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 2: It and the way That i've found piece in it

374
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,719
Speaker 2: is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character,

375
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 2: is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part

376
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 2: go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you,

377
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 2: know five days with my boys down at the, beach you,

378
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 2: KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my.

379
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,959
Speaker 2: Ex and that's even that in and of itself is

380
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 2: really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a.

381
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: Break you've been single datting for for a week and

382
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,199
Speaker 2: now you get, to you, know get a.

383
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 1: Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.

384
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 2: Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a

385
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 2: release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of,

386
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,920
Speaker 2: LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing

387
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 2: and you know it has to happen at some. Point

388
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 2: there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make

389
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 2: it any.

390
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 10: Easier dancing with The stars is looking for a new,

391
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 10: pro and since last SEASON i came in eighth, Place

392
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 10: i'm basically an.

393
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 1: Expert easy.

394
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 14: There i've spent my entire life in the, ballroom so

395
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,439
Speaker 14: maybe you could use some.

396
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 10: Help i'm Daniel fisher And I'm, bouchmerkovsky and we have

397
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 10: a new podcast Called stepping On toes With danielle AND.

398
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 14: Vow every week we're breaking Down dancing with The stars

399
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 14: the next pro to find out Who i'll be sharing

400
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:20,640
Speaker 14: the ballroom with next.

401
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 10: Season i'll be asking the questions every fan is, thinking.

402
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,159
Speaker 14: And i'll take you behind the choreography and judging the

403
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 14: performances and what it takes to compete in front of.

404
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 10: Millions Plus we'll be joined by some very special.

405
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,639
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406
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 14: Pro so let us be your guys to this once

407
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408
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 10: Opportunity do you THINK i could?

409
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:39,360
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410
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 10: No listen To stepping On toes on The iHeartRadio, App

411
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 10: Apple podcasts or wherever you get your.

412
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Speaker 1: Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.

413
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 12: Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and

414
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 12: trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single.

415
00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 12: Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis

416
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 12: who are the mother of their. Kids my question is

417
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 12: it up to me as the new girlfriend to help

418
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 12: them bridge that?

419
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 1: Gap, yeah this is a difficult.

420
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 2: Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's

421
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 2: let's take a step back here even before talking, about you,

422
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,440
Speaker 2: know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into

423
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 2: a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced

424
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 2: there is a natural kind of i don't, know like

425
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 2: a caution flag that goes up if they don't have

426
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 2: a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have

427
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 2: a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really

428
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 2: all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's?

429
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 2: Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility

430
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 2: so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous

431
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 2: AND i will have some red flags start to poke

432
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 2: up a little.

433
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 1: Bit and you, know you want someone that you.

434
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,840
Speaker 2: Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a

435
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 2: decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co,

436
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 2: parent to be able to put the child, first And

437
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 2: i've heard horror stories where again that the child is

438
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 2: kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used

439
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 2: as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent,

440
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 2: now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or,

441
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 2: pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or,

442
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 2: helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really

443
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,679
Speaker 2: it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know

444
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah

445
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:41,199
Speaker 2: had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know

446
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 2: should she be trying to step in and help out

447
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a,

448
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 2: partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know

449
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 2: in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know.

450
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 2: Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject

451
00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 2: how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child

452
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i

453
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 2: would be cautious about trying to step in too much

454
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:09,679
Speaker 2: and giving your.

455
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.

456
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 2: You want to give you, know as much you, know

457
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful

458
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 2: about not being seen as meddling too much because you

459
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 2: know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately

460
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 2: ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar,

461
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 2: tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you,

462
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: know a lot of history that you may not be familiar,

463
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 2: with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best,

464
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 2: intentions even because you just want to, help you might

465
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,239
Speaker 2: end up really making it.

466
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: Worse and this is A this.

467
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 2: Is one of those times when you almost have to

468
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 2: kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step,

469
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,239
Speaker 2: in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all

470
00:24:59,280 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 2: you want to do is.

471
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 1: Help, okay that was.

472
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 2: A great question and we're now to our final voicemail

473
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 2: of the.

474
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 5: Day SO i just.

475
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 4: Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid

476
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,679
Speaker 4: like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more

477
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 4: of a private. Person but he's weird about his.

478
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 5: Phone like we'll be driving.

479
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 4: And i'll like be asking him for his phone password

480
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 4: to put on some music or, whatever and he gave

481
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,439
Speaker 4: it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched

482
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 4: his phone.

483
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 6: Password like SHOULD i be?

484
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 5: Concerned why is.

485
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 4: He being so weird and secretive about his?

486
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 2: Phone and this is a really really great question and

487
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 2: a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which

488
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 2: is the.

489
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 1: Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.

490
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 2: A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating

491
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 2: lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time

492
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 2: you know someone who used to hide a diary under

493
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: the bed or something like, That but now all your

494
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 2: secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking,

495
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures

496
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 2: do you? Like all these all this stuff that is

497
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 2: really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and

498
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 2: the expectation is this is just you know that that's.

499
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 2: Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one

500
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 2: that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone

501
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: but as you get in a, relationship of course you're

502
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 2: gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are

503
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: you looking? At who are you talking? To are you

504
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 2: talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?

505
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 1: Know are you you?

506
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 2: Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost

507
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 2: impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share.

508
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy

509
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 2: versus where does it become you're just right to know

510
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 2: what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and

511
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 2: where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like

512
00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 2: I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a.

513
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to

514
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking,

515
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you,

516
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 2: know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear,

517
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 2: codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should

518
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 2: be hiding from their significant.

519
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: Other.

520
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 2: NOW i get it if you're in the early stages

521
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 2: of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each,

522
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 2: other and you should probably think there's probably a high

523
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 2: likelihood that there are other people in his life or

524
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 2: her life that they haven't let go. Of but if

525
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 2: you've been dating for a, while if you are moving

526
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 2: on to those next logical steps of a relationship of

527
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,719
Speaker 2: moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together,

528
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 2: yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you

529
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 2: should know who they're talking, to you should know where

530
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 2: they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you,

531
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 2: know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.

532
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 1: Up dissolving and falls.

533
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 2: Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is

534
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,879
Speaker 2: so important that they're unwilling to share a password and

535
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:12,959
Speaker 2: let you know what they've been up.

536
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 1: To, well thanks for all those.

537
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 2: Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it

538
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 2: need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce,

539
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 2: process you can send us an email or leave us

540
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 2: a voicemail and all you got to do is call

541
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 2: us at eight four four four four three six seven six,

542
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 2: three leave us a.

543
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: Voicemail we'll listen to.

544
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 2: It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and

545
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I,

546
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 2: Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in

547
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 2: love is the main.

548
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: Objective