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Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another week of Casual Chaos.

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Speaker 1: This week, I have a very exciting guest bought Cheva Hart.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Casual Chaos.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you so much for having me. I'm

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Speaker 2: so excited to be here.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you to be here. I feel

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Speaker 1: like you have such an interesting life and I cannot

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Speaker 1: wait to dive into it. Let's get into it. So

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Speaker 1: you're based in Miami, but you've been all over the map.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're living your best life right now.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I'm trying my best. So it's in Europe

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Speaker 2: for a month. I do like I'm a snowbird at

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Speaker 2: thirty two, you know, I do Miami winter, New York summer.

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Speaker 1: So okay, so you're back in a minute. Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 1: Do you have a place in New York and then

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Speaker 1: a place in my I pay.

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Speaker 2: Rent in Miami, so I'm a Florida resident taxes. And

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Speaker 2: then when I'm in New York, I stayed by my mom,

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Speaker 2: so I have like a room there with all of

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Speaker 2: my like leave a set of clothing and skincare makeup,

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Speaker 2: so it feels like my own little apartment, which is nice.

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Speaker 1: That's what I that's what I do again my dad. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because my dad lives in the Bahamas. Okay, so I

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Speaker 1: leave like a set of stuff there so I don't

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Speaker 1: constantly need to bring it back and forth exactly.

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Speaker 2: Whenever I like get at Newburgh to the airport, when

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Speaker 2: I'm leaving Miami to New York, They're all like, no luggage.

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Speaker 2: I was like, no, just my handbag, just bringing myself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I love that. Easy travel, easy travel. What

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Speaker 1: are the odds?

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Speaker 2: And now they look at me and they're like, you

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Speaker 2: don't look like someone who doesn't bring the leggage. And

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Speaker 2: I was like, you don't know what I have in

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Speaker 2: New York, but thank you.

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Speaker 1: So how many siblings do you have?

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Speaker 2: I have three younger siblings okay, all girls, oldest. I

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Speaker 2: have one sister and two brothers.

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Speaker 1: Oh I love that. Yeah, so it's two and two,

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Speaker 1: two and two. I love that. I always said, if

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Speaker 1: I you know, I don't think I'm going to get

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Speaker 1: to four kids. I'm one of four. I have four sisters,

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Speaker 1: and I am forever grateful for my sisters. They're you're

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Speaker 1: built in best friends. But it's a lot. It is

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Speaker 1: a lot on the parents, a lot on my mom.

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Speaker 1: It just it's a lot.

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Speaker 2: And how old was your mom when she had you?

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Speaker 1: When my mom, when my mom had me, she was

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Speaker 1: twenty yeah nine, okay, because she got married at twenty eight. Okay.

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Speaker 1: My dad was thirty thirty one okay, yeah, my.

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Speaker 2: Mom was twenty one, so she was like a baby

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Speaker 2: when she Wow. I always think that because I'm like

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Speaker 2: so close in age with my mom that I'm like,

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Speaker 2: because your mom now she's fifty four, okay, but yeah,

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Speaker 2: mom's fifty three, okay, okay, it makes sense with three ages.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Wow, that's super young. That reminds you kind

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Speaker 1: of like of my grandparents. But yeah, they did it

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Speaker 1: even younger, because in Italy it was crazy. My dad's

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Speaker 1: mom got married at thirteen. Yeah, thirteen, thirteen or fourteen.

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Speaker 2: I got married at nineteen, So I think that's really

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Speaker 2: I'm talkingry, but I think we got into all of

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Speaker 2: that that thirteen.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god's crazy. How just like the times have evolved.

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Speaker 1: I feel like now people are like, get married in

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Speaker 1: your thirties for a minute, have kids in like your

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Speaker 1: mid thirties. Like it's just so much more relaxed. Even

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Speaker 1: in Italy, like marriage there is happening so much later,

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Speaker 1: which is crazy because it used to happen so young, right,

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Speaker 1: So just like the transformation lived so.

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Speaker 2: Long now, so it makes sense that it's getting pushed off.

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Speaker 1: A little bit. No, take care of your hope. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So you had careers in both cities, Miami and New York.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel like they differ?

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Speaker 2: I think so I do social media, so like I

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Speaker 2: can work remotely as long as I have my phone

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Speaker 2: or a camera, and I would say New York they

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Speaker 2: are like so many more events. I was like constantly

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Speaker 2: I was going to like two to three events a night,

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Speaker 2: and then in Miami, I feel like it's way more

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Speaker 2: spread out, Like there are events, but to me they

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Speaker 2: feel a little more special because it's not like back

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Speaker 2: to back to back.

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Speaker 1: They feel like New York events every night every night.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love that. And then I was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: like I'm ready for a change of pace. So it's

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Speaker 2: nice when I'm back here, I get to like experience

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Speaker 2: it a little bit more. But then when I go

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Speaker 2: back to Miami, it's like a little more zen and chill.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So you've been super open on your social media, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and on your podcast Heart to heart about dating in

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Speaker 1: both cities, So give us a rundown Miami first, New York.

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Speaker 1: What is your opinion?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well New York there are way more men,

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Speaker 2: Like there's so many men, So I would say, like

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Speaker 2: the nice part about that is like I never, like,

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Speaker 2: you know how sometimes you can like date within a

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Speaker 2: friend group, Like I never had that experience because there's

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Speaker 2: just so many friend groups. So I never had like

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Speaker 2: any crossover that I had to worry about or like

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Speaker 2: fear if like you're going on a date somewhere that

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Speaker 2: you're going to like maybe bump into someone that you've

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Speaker 2: also dated, whereas in Miami it's like super small. In

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Speaker 2: my opinion, like the dating world is very like ancestual,

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Speaker 2: not like in the family thing, but more just like

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Speaker 2: I went on a date, probably my friend went on

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Speaker 2: a date with him, or I dated his friend.

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Speaker 1: Everyone knows everyone.

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Speaker 2: Everyone knows everyone if you're running in the same circles.

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Speaker 2: But I will say they're like way more like entrepreneurs.

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Speaker 2: Living in Miami. There's more people who have a similar

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Speaker 2: lifestyle to me where they're like Miami New York or

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Speaker 2: they work remotely, So I think that aspect I really

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Speaker 2: like whereas New York is very like finance in the office,

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Speaker 2: you don't have as much flexibility, so I think like

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Speaker 2: both places have their perks. But I did just download

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Speaker 2: hinge like last week. I haven't been on the apps

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Speaker 2: in forever, and I like, in Miami, I don't touch it,

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Speaker 2: like it doesn't it's not you get out there. But

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Speaker 2: in New York I was like whoa, yeah, like where

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Speaker 2: are you men from? There must have been like a

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Speaker 2: breakup season in the past two months because these are all.

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Speaker 1: Everyone loves to break up before the summer.

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Speaker 2: I get it, and thank you.

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Speaker 1: No. I know a couple of my girlfriends, you know,

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Speaker 1: they're on the dating apps, and I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: fun to just kind of download it and see what's

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Speaker 1: out there, but then to actually execute it is a

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Speaker 1: whole nother thing.

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Speaker 2: Oh for sure. Like that's why I was so oftome,

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Speaker 2: like I'm over them. And I do think like I

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Speaker 2: had a phase where I called it like my hinge

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Speaker 2: Hoo phase, and I just like went on a million

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Speaker 2: dates with people because I was like newly single and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, let me live my life, when.

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Speaker 1: Me meet ever you want.

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Speaker 2: It was so good and I wasn't like in this.

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Speaker 1: Innocent there in dates, you're it's almost like you're speed dating.

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Speaker 1: You're just getting to know the person and seeing if

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Speaker 1: there's a connection exactly.

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Speaker 2: And I was just like loving meeting new people. I

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Speaker 2: was like very emotionally unavailable, so it was like a

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Speaker 2: fun experience. And now that I'm more intentional about it,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, Like do I want to spend my

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Speaker 2: nay with you?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I started asking for FaceTime check ins before. That's actually

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Speaker 2: smart to know if they're catfish or not. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: or if they're just weird or like if they say

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Speaker 2: something off putting in the first five minutes, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I'm good, Yeah, we don't need I'm actually busy on

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Speaker 2: that day, so I won't be able to make it.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's be in touch. That's honestly good. That's a

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Speaker 1: good safety thing that you're doing. Which city do you

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Speaker 1: think is the easiest to date in or easier to

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Speaker 1: date in New York? New York there's just more people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so like your chances of connecting with someone are easier.

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Speaker 2: I will say I think Miami is a little more social,

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Speaker 2: Like meeting people out is a little easier because the

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Speaker 2: crowds are smaller, and I feel like people are traveling

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Speaker 2: there or their transplants, so everyone's just more open to

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Speaker 2: talking as opposed to New York. I feel like people

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Speaker 2: are like in their circle in their head, they're not

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Speaker 2: really looking to branch out.

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Speaker 1: So give me some of your green flags and red flags.

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Speaker 2: For men, Okay, good sense of humor, green flag makes

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Speaker 2: a plan follows through love that you know, pre forty

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Speaker 2: eight hour mark. That's that's a muss. Like if you

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Speaker 2: want to text me the morning of like, oh, this

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Speaker 2: is what we're doing, like, that doesn't really work for

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Speaker 2: me because in my head, like you're not showing up

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Speaker 2: and I'm busy, so plan ahead. Sense of humor kind hmmm, ambitious.

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Speaker 2: Like I always ask guys are you happy with what

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Speaker 2: you're doing? Like, and a lot of times I get no,

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Speaker 2: But it's a paycheck, and I'm like, that's not.

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Speaker 1: Gonna work for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, dreamer, all those things are.

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Speaker 1: I think that's the biggest turn on for a guy.

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Speaker 1: Is there work ethic and ambition. Yeah, if my guy

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Speaker 1: doesn't have work ethic or ambition, like I, I can't

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Speaker 1: relate to No, I can't either, And I just you

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Speaker 1: have to have drive for yourself and also have that

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Speaker 1: ambition to like want to strive and have you know,

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Speaker 1: a healthy family and work for your family and support

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Speaker 1: your family. And I think that's just kind of how

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Speaker 1: I grew up, so seeing that visually and also how

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Speaker 1: I am. I want my man to meet me where

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Speaker 1: I'm at or exceed work exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like if you're less on, that's just not it's

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Speaker 2: not gonna work. And that's why when it's like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like a good paycheck, like maybe down like no

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Speaker 2: like find with yeah, do it now? Yeah, like what

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Speaker 2: are you what are we waiting for? Like you have

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Speaker 2: no responsibilities?

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Speaker 1: This is the time exactly. And then some of your

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Speaker 1: red flags.

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Speaker 2: Okay, red flags like does respectful or rude, no emotional

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Speaker 2: intelligence like if you're can have like a real conversation

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Speaker 2: with me, or like you're very evasive, avoidant personalities. I

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Speaker 2: don't like people who are late, so that would bother

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Speaker 2: me because I'm such an on time person, so I

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Speaker 2: don't think I could handle someone who's like a little

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Speaker 2: it is fine, but like perpetual. Yeah, like some of

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Speaker 2: my like my best friends, a lot of them are

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Speaker 2: super late. Yeah, like they're my friends and I could

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Speaker 2: like and it's okay, yeah, but to live with someone

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Speaker 2: like that that would be really hard for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So definitely those things. So what do you look

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Speaker 1: for in a man? What do I look for.

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Speaker 2: Now? I'm looking for someone who wants to build with

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Speaker 2: me and lettle down and make a family and all

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Speaker 2: those things. So like a little bit past the stage

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Speaker 2: of like figuring themselves out, like I want them to

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Speaker 2: have figured out also, like hopefully you have some relationship

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Speaker 2: history that you've like figured it out with someone else

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Speaker 2: how to show up in a relationship, So because I've

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Speaker 2: already done that stuff, So I'm like, I really hope

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Speaker 2: someone else trained you and then I can reap those

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Speaker 2: benefits because I trained someone else, Like they get to

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Speaker 2: reap the benefits of whoever I dated. So that's like

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Speaker 2: my ideal, Like they've experienced relationship before at least a year,

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Speaker 2: and that's like my minimum.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean, because you don't want to go

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Speaker 1: through those experience all over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I get it, like everyone has a learning

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Speaker 2: curve in a relationship, like how to be mindful of

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Speaker 2: another person's time or think about their feelings.

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Speaker 1: You're obviously going to learn something about a new person

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Speaker 1: going to a new relationship. But at least if you've

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Speaker 1: had some prior experiences, you know, the bare minimum. Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't do this to a woman.

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Speaker 2: Maybe, yeah, maybe do this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just little things. I totally get that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, knows how to communicate, like share your feelings with

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Speaker 2: me or therapist.

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Speaker 1: I mean communication is so key in that relationship. Communication

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Speaker 1: and trust. If you don't have those two things in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, it's pretty hard to build a stable and

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Speaker 1: healthy one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm like so blunt with like how I'm feeling,

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Speaker 2: So I need someone who can like match me. They

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Speaker 2: don't have to be as blunt as I am, but

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Speaker 2: at least like be able to like share what's going on,

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Speaker 2: because that's just so natural. I was gonna say, I

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Speaker 2: feel like we're very similar like that, you just like

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Speaker 2: speak your mind. I've learned sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Get in trouble. Yeah, it does.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like some people respect it. Sometimes people think

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Speaker 1: I'm too much, and that's fair. Sometimes I think I'm

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Speaker 1: too much as well. So it's you know, finding your

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Speaker 1: happy media exactly.

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Speaker 2: Like we all have things to learn, but that's important

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Speaker 2: because I feel like, you know, you need to be

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Speaker 2: able to like meet me there. And also something that's

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Speaker 2: really important is remote like that they have flexibility, not

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Speaker 2: one undred percent remote, like I can be a little

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Speaker 2: okay on that, but I do love my current setup

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Speaker 2: that I have, and I would love for someone to

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Speaker 2: be able to travel with me.

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Speaker 1: And go with you. Yeah, but still works. Yeah, of

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Speaker 1: course experience life with you a little bit. What kind

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Speaker 1: of energy or traits do you think women give off

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Speaker 1: that attract those kinds of men.

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Speaker 2: I've actually been really working on being more feminine, like

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Speaker 2: in my feminine energy, because I'm way more like masculine

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Speaker 2: in terms of like I see a guy that I

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Speaker 2: think is cute, like I'm gonna go say hi, but which.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I feel like so many women don't do that,

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Speaker 1: and that's also so respected. It's like a new thing

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Speaker 1: for women, Yeah, because I feel like women were so

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Speaker 1: scared to go up to men and show that they're interested, yes,

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Speaker 1: and show that they're interested in men. But I feel

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Speaker 1: like now women are doing that more so than men

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Speaker 1: because now the men are scared to Yeah they're women.

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Speaker 2: They're such I don't know for allow, but like babies,

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Whatever you want to leave out, but

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Speaker 2: like they just like don't have the balls. I don't

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Speaker 2: know what I'm on saying this podcast, so like they

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Speaker 2: can't do it you want. I feel like that, But

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Speaker 2: I will say, like I think there's a medium. Months ago,

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Speaker 2: my like therapist was like, you don't know how to

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Speaker 2: be pursued, Like you're way too masculine when it comes

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Speaker 2: to dating and the tape of guy you want to

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Speaker 2: be with like is going to have those trades. So

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Speaker 2: like let's like just like try to like let people

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Speaker 2: come to you a little bit more, but like keep

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Speaker 2: your energy open. So I think that there's like a

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Speaker 2: balance between the two. Like I think making eye contact

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Speaker 2: with someone smiling like but holding their smile and their

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Speaker 2: gaze let them know like you have a green light,

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Speaker 2: come talk to me. I'm interested. Little hints like waving

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Speaker 2: at them, just like showing your interest with And I

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Speaker 2: also don't think there's anything wrong with walking. Like I've

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Speaker 2: walked up to men all the time with like my

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Speaker 2: number on a napkin and like walked away and like

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Speaker 2: wrote single question mark and then like I've gotten dates

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Speaker 2: like that, I've sent cookies to guys. I've like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I've dropped my number whenever I can. I've had friends

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Speaker 2: walk over, so I don't mind those things. But I

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Speaker 2: think there's like a balance that like you can give

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Speaker 2: the guy the green light and then let him yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then like let him follow through a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I agree. I am in a relationship now. But

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Speaker 1: for my single girls out there, what's the biggest excuse

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Speaker 1: you've heard from a guy who didn't want to commit? Oh?

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Speaker 1: All the excuses, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I want to preface this by saying that I do

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Speaker 2: think that there is something about you that you need

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Speaker 2: to look at if you if you keep on attracting

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Speaker 2: unavailable men, like for the past I now a year

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Speaker 2: and a half, I like would get to the stage

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Speaker 2: I had like three different guys that I was interested in,

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Speaker 2: and then it would get to the like are we

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Speaker 2: dating or not moment, and I would get the same

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Speaker 2: like I actually realize that I'm not ready for anything,

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Speaker 2: and like, and they're always very respectful, like no, I've

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Speaker 2: never been like let on in any way. And I

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Speaker 2: do think that there are a lot of men out

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Speaker 2: there that will just like be with a girl until

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Speaker 2: she asks for something more. And these guys were just like,

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Speaker 2: we know where this is heading and we don't think

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Speaker 2: we can get there.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think in general, if you are with a

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Speaker 1: mature girl, m Okay, you meet, you're out, you go home.

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Speaker 1: After doing that so many times, it comes to a

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Speaker 1: point where you're like, okay, what are we doing? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and what the next step would be to like to

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Speaker 1: seriously start talking, going on dates and really building a

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Speaker 1: genuine connection. But that's the next step, right if the

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Speaker 1: if the guy's not ready for that, then you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a constant cycle of just receiving this exactly. You're

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Speaker 1: kind of let down in a way. You know. Each

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Speaker 1: time that that happened.

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Speaker 2: Oh, for sure, I was very like, but after it

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Speaker 2: happened to me like three times in a row, I

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Speaker 2: was like, Okay, I need to look internally because like

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Speaker 2: obviously I'm I think, like you know, it goes both ways,

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Speaker 2: but I do think women sometimes like need to look internally.

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Speaker 2: It's like, Okay, what am I putting out there? That's

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Speaker 2: letting that I keep on attracting these guys because I

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Speaker 2: would describe them as like forward facing, want a relationship

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Speaker 2: with them when it comes down to it, aren't ready

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Speaker 2: to take the next step. And then I went to therapy,

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Speaker 2: big advocate for your mental health everyone. And I realized

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Speaker 2: that like I had like some trauma from my divorce

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Speaker 2: that I was so scared of like actually letting myself

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Speaker 2: care for someone because I was scared of getting hurt.

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Speaker 2: And once I work through that, like I the past,

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Speaker 2: like two guys I've like been a little interested in

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Speaker 2: have been like the opposite. They're like, no, like let's

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Speaker 2: like continue this, and I'm like, I don't know, like

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Speaker 2: let's take it slow, let me take it, let me yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: So I feel like I have changed, Like the type

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Speaker 2: of guys that I'm just naturally attracting now are like

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Speaker 2: way more emotion even though they're like younger than some

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Speaker 2: of the other guys. It doesn't really matter. It's just

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Speaker 2: like what are what are energy? Are you putting out?

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Speaker 2: So I think, women, do you need to like energy?

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Speaker 1: Did you switch? I think I feel like a lot

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Speaker 1: of my friends are in this position. So I'm going

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Speaker 1: to tell them to come listen, yeah to this podcast.

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Speaker 2: Definitely come listen.

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Speaker 1: I think they're, you know, because they're ready for relationships.

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Speaker 1: But the guys that they're gravitating towards obviously have all

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Speaker 1: of the physical attributes. They're hot, they're outgoing, you know,

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Speaker 1: they you know, they're a good time. But then when

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Speaker 1: it comes down to the relationship aspect, they're too immature, right,

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Speaker 1: and they are not ready for it. They rather instead

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Speaker 1: of having this girl that's right in front of them

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Speaker 1: that's ready for a relationship and ready for the next step,

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Speaker 1: they rather go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, someone new to the young end.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they rather go to like, yeah, the girls that

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Speaker 1: just turn twenty one and have a good time. So

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Speaker 1: I feel like, especially in the bar scene down at

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Speaker 1: the Jersey Shore, it's summer. You're getting a lot of

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Speaker 1: these good looking guys, but it's also summer. They want

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Speaker 1: to have fun. They're not looking for a relationship. But

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Speaker 1: how would you say you switched that to gravitate more

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Speaker 1: towards men that we're ready versus not ready.

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Speaker 2: I think that it's like in the beginning, like the

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Speaker 2: first second date moment, it's like, how are they showing

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Speaker 2: up for you? Instead of like, yes, maybe they're attractive,

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Speaker 2: they're taking you to a nice dinner. They're like saying like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we you know, like when guys do that, they like

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Speaker 2: future you when you're like this is our first day,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't believe you. Yeah, so I've got I

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Speaker 2: think guys who do that too much are like unavailable,

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Speaker 2: and they're just because otherwise, someone who's like really intentional

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Speaker 2: about getting to know you isn't going to put that

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Speaker 2: label like say a wee, or we should do this,

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Speaker 2: like you know, I'm going to take you to my

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Speaker 2: hometown and show you this place. Like they're not going

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Speaker 2: to do that because that seems way too intense for

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Speaker 2: them because they know they'll follow through. So I think

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Speaker 2: like not love bombing, but like a little love bomby,

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Speaker 2: like if they're coming on really strong, like a lot

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Speaker 2: of times it's a game for them and it's exciting

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Speaker 2: and they love the chase, but then they don't love

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Speaker 2: the like consistent showing up for you. So I think

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Speaker 2: like that's one thing. Like I feel like your listeners

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00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,399
Speaker 2: are probably like in their twenties. Like if you do

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Speaker 2: hook up with someone and have a sleepover, like are

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Speaker 2: they staying over and having coffee with you in the morning,

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Speaker 2: or are they like rushing out like someone who wants

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Speaker 2: to get to know you and spend time with you,

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Speaker 2: like unless they have a meeting, like they want to

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Speaker 2: see you in the daylight and have coffy with you

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Speaker 2: in the morning and not be like that was fun,

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Speaker 2: like I'll you know, call you even though they're gonna

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Speaker 2: ask you on another date. It's just like that energy

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Speaker 2: of like building more interests with you. So I think

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Speaker 2: it's like those first like I don't know, one to

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Speaker 2: three dates. How you see are they showing up for

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Speaker 2: you in that way that feels like more consistent, maybe

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Speaker 2: not as passionate but real because I think they'll like

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Speaker 2: excitement and like the stomach flips. That's fun, but it's

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Speaker 2: not longevity.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not long lasting exactly a lot of people

419
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Speaker 1: know you from the Netflix show My Unorthodox Life that

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Speaker 1: showed a really personal and powerful part of your story.

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Speaker 1: How was that when your family's journey was out of

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Speaker 1: that show?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I know that you can relate, like

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Speaker 2: it's a lot to share so much.

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Speaker 1: I will see how many seasons was it too? Okay?

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Speaker 2: So I mean it's like filmed like a year and

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Speaker 2: it comes out a year later, So I think, like you're.

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Speaker 1: Row so much within that year. I feel like even now,

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Speaker 1: my I have a new show on Bravo that just

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Speaker 1: came out this year, Next Gen m I see, and

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Speaker 1: we filmed this a year ago, so it's crazy just

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Speaker 1: to see yourself a year ago and where you are

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Speaker 1: now and you're like, wow, I really grew so much

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Speaker 1: within this year exactly.

435
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 2: And also like what maybe you were like was really

436
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 2: sensitive to you at that time, Like it's been so

437
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,360
Speaker 2: long you don't feel the same emotion. So I think

438
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 2: that's nice. Like I think being able to like be

439
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 2: mentally prepared for it to be shared and not to

440
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 2: feel as like triggered in whatever is happening makes a

441
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 2: big difference. But it was really wonderful, Like I love

442
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,880
Speaker 2: being able to work with my family and let's spend

443
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 2: the time doing that with them. And also like I

444
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 2: feel like my family story is so empowering and it's

445
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 2: been nice to share and like really help other people

446
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 2: like break out of their communities or find their happiness,

447
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,239
Speaker 2: know that they can dream and live new lives and

448
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 2: like still be you know, And how was that first

449
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,199
Speaker 2: step breaking out of the community. So my mom was

450
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 2: the one who like pioneered it all, and then I

451
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 2: was already married at the time, so I think my

452
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 2: like leaving the community was a little more gradual because

453
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 2: I did it with my ex husband, so like everything

454
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 2: was like what do we want to do together? But

455
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have like been like I wouldn't be sitting

456
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 2: here with you if my mom hadn't taken those steps

457
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 2: to leave because I was brought up in such like

458
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,679
Speaker 2: a tiny little bubble of a community. I didn't even

459
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 2: really have like access or knowledge of how to like

460
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 2: live in the regular secular world.

461
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 1: Always out there. Yeah, and so when your dad is

462
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: he was did he support your mom leaving the community?

463
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,640
Speaker 2: I would say, I mean my parents got divorced. Yeah,

464
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,119
Speaker 2: so but he's remarried now. I love his wife.

465
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: Is he in the community still.

466
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, not as like intense, he's more like modern Orthodox now.

467
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 2: But he's always been like super supportive of like family,

468
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 2: like we would do like Thanksgiving together and holidays. Like

469
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: my parents have like the ideal, in my opinion, divorce

470
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: situation because they get along really well.

471
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 1: My parents have that it's relationship. It's so much better

472
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 1: for the kids. It also transition and it's easy, it's easier,

473
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: I think.

474
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like my parents were always like family first. We

475
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: want our kids to have their both their parents and

476
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,199
Speaker 2: their lives and to not have to choose sides and

477
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 2: like I really admire them for that because I'm sure

478
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 2: and like your parents as well, Like I can't imagine

479
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 2: it's easy, but like their priority was always us, and

480
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 2: I've been really thankful.

481
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's amazing. And what ways did your mom explain

482
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,400
Speaker 1: your religion to you growing up?

483
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 2: I mean, like religion was just like how it was,

484
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 2: how it was brought into the world, so I didn't

485
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 2: really know anything else. It was just like, this is

486
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 2: how we.

487
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: Live our lives.

488
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 2: This is what you're supposed to do. You follow this

489
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 2: guidebook and these laws, and if you don't, then you're bad.

490
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 2: So when my mom kind of like flip the switch

491
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 2: essentially and was like, no, I don't believe that anymore,

492
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: it definitely took me time to.

493
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: Like your mom grow up in the Orthodox religion as well.

494
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, so my mom.

495
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: Just kind of came to the conclusion.

496
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 2: That she, yeah, she like grew up like less religious

497
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 2: when she was like in her early early like childhood,

498
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 2: like pre sixth grade maybe, so like maybe she had

499
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 2: a taste of it, but she didn't really know anything.

500
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 2: Like she was as any of her adult years. She

501
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 2: was very much in the religious world, and she just

502
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 2: started like educating herself with like books and I guess

503
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 2: TV and things like that, and that's how she learned

504
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 2: a little bit enough for her to like feel confident

505
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: to leave.

506
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 1: But did she get married at a young age as well?

507
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, my mom got married at nineteen. My like, my

508
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 2: sister is twenty five, and she's like the first like

509
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 2: girl out of like I don't know how many generations

510
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 2: to not be a teenage bride because I got married

511
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 2: in nineteen, My mom got married in nineteen. My grandmother

512
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 2: I think got married at like seventeen, and I don't know,

513
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 2: I'm sure earlier before then.

514
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: So it's really crazy. So she didn't put that much

515
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 1: pressure on you.

516
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 2: She kind of just it was like kind of, you know,

517
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 2: what was expected. It was like the next you graduate

518
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 2: high school, like you get married. So it wasn't really

519
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 2: like I didn't feel like there was any other options.

520
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: It was just kind of what you what you do? Yeah, exactly. Wow.

521
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,959
Speaker 1: So how did they experience shape the way you approach life,

522
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 1: love and your independence today?

523
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm on my fourth life now because

524
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 2: I had my like growing up religious life, and then

525
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 2: I had my married life, and then I had my

526
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 2: like post divorce trying to figure out how to be

527
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 2: an adult like in this world. And now I feel

528
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 2: only in the past like month or two, and I

529
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 2: this new independent person who like know who I am,

530
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 2: I know what I want. I feel like I've finally

531
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: done all the like healing that I need to do

532
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 2: for a relationship, and now I'm like this, I'm excited

533
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 2: all new things that are happening.

534
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, for you back, now, do you feel like there

535
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,159
Speaker 1: are still some parts of the past that influence you today?

536
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: So I don't. I don't keep Shabbat anymore, which is

537
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 2: basically like the day of rest in their Jewish culture,

538
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 2: where growing up I didn't use like any like you.

539
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 2: I mean, you have lights on, but you don't cook,

540
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 2: you don't watch TV, you don't get in a car.

541
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 2: So I don't celebrate Shabbat. But in my I celebrate

542
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 2: my day of rest where you don't post on social

543
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 2: media for Shabbat, And that's like just something that I

544
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 2: feel like is great for my mental health and I

545
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 2: hope to.

546
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: Always keep that up.

547
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 2: So that would be like the only thing that I

548
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 2: technically still celebrate or like integrate into my life beyond.

549
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: That one day of a resell.

550
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly my day of rest. But that's and it's beautiful. Yeah,

551
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 2: that is healthy even for anybody. Yes, exactly, like that

552
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 2: is I do that.

553
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: It's important. You need to do that every once in

554
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 1: a while. It's just good for the it's good for

555
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:57,360
Speaker 1: your mind.

556
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, it's I don't think of it as

557
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 2: a religion thing, but it was like influenced by religion,

558
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: and like now I'm just very like proud of my

559
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 2: Jewish culture.

560
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: Your mom decided to leave the ultra Orthodox community, When

561
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 1: did she decide she wanted to leave? And how has

562
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: her life changed since then?

563
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: I mean, my mom is like a totally She was

564
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom like when I was growing up,

565
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 2: and then she left when I was like nineteen twenty.

566
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: So right after you got my.

567
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: Right up, Yeah, I was kind of like my daughter's married,

568
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 2: my son, my brother was like five at the time.

569
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 2: My son's in school, my youngest is in school, and

570
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 2: she's like I'm forty two years old, Like now what,

571
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 2: Like I'm so young, this whole life ahead of me.

572
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 2: I'm not busy like taking care of my kids.

573
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: Get divorced.

574
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 2: They only got divorced, like I don't know, eight years later,

575
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 2: they just like stayed married legally for my brother's stay. Okay, Okay,

576
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 2: they wanted to wait till he was like a little older.

577
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: They they left the Unity together and married, so.

578
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 2: No, like my mom left and they were just like married,

579
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: but they weren't together.

580
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: Okay.

581
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 2: It was kind of like they just legally they were.

582
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: In my head, they were divorced, but like legally they

583
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 2: didn't get married until right before my mom got remarried,

584
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: so they just like waited. It was like all like

585
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 2: the technicalities of doing custody and things like that, so

586
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,119
Speaker 2: they just waited. But in my head, my parents split

587
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 2: when I was twenty got so okay, it was like

588
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: an earlier on thing. So like my dad has always

589
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: like remained religious, and my mom obviously decided she wanted

590
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 2: a different path. So they just like technically were living.

591
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 1: Their own lives but while legally married, which I feel

592
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 1: like a lot of people do, a lot of people do. Yeah,

593
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: and so what does your mom's life look like to that?

594
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 2: And my mom went from being she right when she

595
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 2: left the community, she started a shoe brand called Julia

596
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 2: Hart and it was like a really big success that

597
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 2: she did a collaboration with La Perla, which was a

598
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 2: lingerie brand at the time, and she did a shoe

599
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,400
Speaker 2: line for them that was really successful. They hired her

600
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: to be the creative director of La Perla and she

601
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 2: did like Ready to Wear, She dressed Kendall Jenner for

602
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 2: the Metala. She like did all those things, and then

603
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 2: she became the CEO of Elite Model World, which was

604
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: also like she's my mom's a boss, Like yeah, I

605
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: feel like similar to your mom.

606
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: Like, so she's very creative.

607
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: Very creative, has a super talented, super brilliant and just

608
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 2: like a boss she taught me.

609
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: So now she runs an agency, has an agency.

610
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: And then she also has a shape or a brand

611
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: called plus Body by Julia Hart.

612
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that go off. Yeah, she's a good turn.

613
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 2: She definitely took a turn. That's why she's my inspiration.

614
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 1: Like say, it's probably so inspirational watching her career and

615
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: also accomplish all these things at forty two. Exactly, that

616
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 1: was the start of her career forty two years old,

617
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: and she has made it. Like yeah, exactly, that's incredible.

618
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 1: Kudos to your mom.

619
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love her. She's like, you can do anything

620
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 2: at any age. You're never too old to dream.

621
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 1: Does she regret leaving the community so late.

622
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think like to her it

623
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 2: was like every yeah, like she did it when she

624
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: was ready to do it. I feel like that's with

625
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 2: like also relationships, it's like a lot of times you

626
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 2: know you should do it earlier, but like you're not

627
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: able to like fully follow through.

628
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: So it makes sense when you do leave and it

629
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: all happens. Yeah, it's supposed to. Do you ever feel

630
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: pressure from anyone in your extended family to join the

631
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: ultra Orthodox community?

632
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 2: Again, I don't, like, I don't get peer pressure, so

633
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: even like family pressure, I'm kind of like I do

634
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 2: my own thing. I think because I had to leave

635
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 2: something and it took so many steps, like within the

636
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: religious community, community and my marriage, I'm like, I do

637
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: what's best for me. So like no one feels like

638
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't exude energy where you can

639
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 2: like try to change my mind. Yeah, Like I try

640
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 2: to be respectful, and you know, hope they're respectful of

641
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 2: my choices.

642
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: You got married at nineteen years old. When did the

643
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: two of you get divorced?

644
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 2: We got divorced at twenty eight, so we were together

645
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 2: for a long time. Wow, yeah, you recently just got

646
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 2: divorced four years ago. Yeah, almost four years. Yeah, we

647
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 2: met when we were seventeen. We got married at nineteen,

648
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 2: which was like the natural progression of like like saved

649
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: ourselves for marriage.

650
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: Happened pretty quickly.

651
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like he was definitely.

652
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,959
Speaker 1: My Like, so did you date prior or he was

653
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: your friend? Yeah?

654
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, we dated, but like more in secret, because you're

655
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 2: not supposed to have boyfriends, okay, like you're supposed to

656
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: save you know, they want to like protect you so

657
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 2: that you don't God forbid have sex before marriage. So

658
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 2: like they tried to. I went to an all girls

659
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 2: high school. I didn't like have my first kiss until

660
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 2: I was seventeen, and like me rebelling out of high

661
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 2: school with like a boy like a family friend, but

662
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 2: like we both saved ourselves for marriage and then.

663
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 1: But he was your first boyfriend.

664
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't even know if I would consider him

665
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 2: a boyfriend, like I consider my first boyfriend, like the

666
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 2: guy I dated after my divorce, I just consider him

667
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: my husband. It kind of like feels like it was just.

668
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: But he is like your first person, like.

669
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: Also was saying, okay, and then like he was definitely

670
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: like my soul like one of my soulmates. Like we

671
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 2: were meant to be together, like, and I feel so

672
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 2: blessed that I experienced a marriage with him. But like

673
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: I just think choosing your forever partner at nineteen is

674
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 2: really young. Like we both like grew so much, and

675
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 2: I realized, like I don't want to live this life anymore.

676
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: And even though we were growing very much like at

677
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: the same rate more modern, like I realized when it

678
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: came to like how to raise a family and what

679
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: kind of like you know, kids, and all those things,

680
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 2: like we didn't see eye to eye and like religion anymore,

681
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 2: and how we wanted to live our lives. And because

682
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 2: we got married too young and we had like such

683
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 2: a beautiful friendship, I think we decided, like, let's not

684
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 2: risk Like.

685
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: Did he want to take the orthodox route.

686
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, like he wanted to still I don't know how

687
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 2: he feels now, but like at the time, he still

688
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 2: wanted like a religious home and things that I just

689
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: like wasn't willing to change my mind on, and I

690
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 2: didn't want to like convince him to change his mind.

691
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 2: So I think we like both decided that it was best,

692
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 2: Like we had like as amicable of a split as

693
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 2: you could, because we also had like such a deep

694
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 2: rooted friendship that existed that I think like that was

695
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: even harder for me because there was nothing wrong. You

696
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 2: didn't do anything. Like people like were trying to find

697
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 2: the tea and I'm like, there is no tea.

698
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: You guys kind of just grew up.

699
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, Like nineteen is just really young to get married.

700
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: But it was also real life stuff, you know that

701
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: you were looking at for the future exactly, and those

702
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: types of things. If you disagree on them, it's.

703
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's core values, like you can't you can't come

704
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 2: back from in my opinion.

705
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: For sure, do you regret getting married so young or

706
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: do you feel like everything happens for a reason and

707
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,239
Speaker 1: you were supposed to experience.

708
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 2: That exactly, Like I don't like to have regrets in anything.

709
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 2: I do think, like I would not want my child

710
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 2: to get married at nineteen, But I'm like thankful for

711
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 2: like the life I live now, because I don't think

712
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 2: like I think he was like my rock through all

713
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,479
Speaker 2: the changes that my family he went through and just

714
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 2: like finding myself, like I'm so thankful that he was

715
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 2: my person throughout that time, so.

716
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: As your family was leaving the community, though I know

717
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: you said that he wanted to still hold that religious

718
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: that religious practice in your household. How did he feel

719
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: leaving the community? Then? Did he leave with you?

720
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it was more like he grew up like

721
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 2: a little more modern than I did. Like he his

722
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 2: family was more open minded than mine was. So it

723
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: was more like we just gradually became like more modernized together,

724
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: and it was very much like we would talk everything through,

725
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 2: but then when it got to a point where like

726
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: we didn't see eye to eye on how we were

727
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 2: going to live. He was very respectful of like my choices,

728
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 2: and I was respectful of his. But ultimately I think,

729
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 2: like when you want to have kids, you should be

730
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 2: on like the same wavelength that leavest. Like we weren't

731
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 2: in the same chapter anymore. So it was fine when

732
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 2: it was just me and him because we were both

733
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 2: very respectful of each other's choices.

734
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: You do social media with you.

735
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: He was on it, yeah, definitely, Like I wouldn't say

736
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: it was like his thing, but he definitely was involved,

737
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: and like I loved having him on, like I hope

738
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: my next not I hope my next partner will definitely

739
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 2: be like open to it.

740
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's even like the little Tetok.

741
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 1: Yeah with that exactly. Are you still in contact with

742
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:15,360
Speaker 1: him today?

743
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 2: We're not, Like, we're not in contact. I would say

744
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 2: if I needed something like I would reach out to him,

745
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 2: but we don't. We're not friends and if I bumped

746
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,280
Speaker 2: into him, like it would be nice to catch up exactly.

747
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, so after your divorce you decided to leave the

748
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: religious lifestyle completely. What does your life look like now?

749
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: And how long did it take you to feel comfortable

750
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: getting back into the dating pool.

751
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,839
Speaker 2: So I would say, my life looks so different now.

752
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 2: I think like being able. I think everyone should experience

753
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,240
Speaker 2: like being single in their life because especially as an adult,

754
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 2: because you get to like make choices that aren't influenced

755
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,959
Speaker 2: by anybody else Whereas I feel like in relationships, which

756
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 2: is supernatural and also really beautiful, like everything is like

757
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 2: how do you feel? How do I feel like? This

758
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 2: is what I want to do? How do you feel

759
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,879
Speaker 2: about it? And I think those are like wonderful experiences

760
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 2: to have. But I do think being able to make

761
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 2: my own decisions for myself without having anyone's like thoughts

762
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,919
Speaker 2: in my head about how they're going to feel about

763
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 2: it has been really empowering and exciting, and that's why

764
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,760
Speaker 2: I feel like I did have like one relationship after

765
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 2: my divorce, and that was like huge learning lesson. But

766
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 2: I think it took me Like I'm experiencing all the

767
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 2: things that most people have in their twenties, like in

768
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 2: my thirties.

769
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: You started your experience at twenty eight.

770
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, like and I was almost twenty ninety. So yeah,

771
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't feel like I've been single that long,

772
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 2: Whereas like when I'm around people and they're like, oh,

773
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: you're thirty two, and I'm like, yeah, I am thirty two. Yeah,

774
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 2: but I feel like there's so many like things that

775
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 2: I learned about myself along the way that have been

776
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 2: really wonderful. So I'm like so thankful for.

777
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: I also feel like people are saying you're the new

778
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: twenties or in your thirties. Yeah, so you are more

779
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 1: than fine. Girl, live your life experience, have fun with it, yeah,

780
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 1: and just embrace it because the fact that you're even

781
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: experiencing that now is a blessing.

782
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so thankful.

783
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 1: How was it from going being so modest and conservative

784
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 1: to I mean you look you look fire or thank you? Like,

785
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: how was that transition? Was it fun? It probably felt

786
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: like you were having a whole new wardrobe. Yeah, and

787
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: just the shopping must have been.

788
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: It was like it was like a mix. Like part

789
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 2: of it was like it was I felt very insecure,

790
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 2: like showing anything off or feeling comfortable in my body.

791
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 2: And I remember just like looking at people like in

792
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 2: bikinis and being like, oh my god, like how do

793
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 2: you do that?

794
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: Like that's so you know.

795
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 2: But now I feel like the sense of freedom that

796
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 2: I'm able to like make my own decisions for myself

797
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 2: and like if something feels comfortable on me, then like

798
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: I'm happy to wear it, or sometimes I'll push my limits.

799
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: And when did that transition start? Did it start when

800
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: you left the community at each at nineteen or no?

801
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 2: I would say like maybe when I was like twenty two,

802
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: I like gradually started being less modest, and then like

803
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 2: when I hit maybe like twenty seven was the first

804
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 2: time I wore pants, and then like we're you know,

805
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:10,240
Speaker 2: within that twenty seven twenty eight started wearing like sleeveless

806
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 2: tank tops. Like I was very everything was very very gradual.

807
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 2: So that's why I feel like so many things are

808
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 2: still new to me because I didn't experience them growing

809
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: up like at a normal age.

810
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 1: So how quickly did you get back into the other dating?

811
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say.

812
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 1: Because you said you had one relationship after Yeah.

813
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,399
Speaker 2: Well I first like dated a lot, like a lot,

814
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 2: a lot I had like both my ex boyfriend was

815
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,799
Speaker 2: my ninetieth date, like guy that I had gone out

816
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 2: with like in a year.

817
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 1: And a half. No way, I don't know what the.

818
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 2: Averages, Like I would go on like two dates tonight,

819
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 2: I was like wild. I was just out there meeting

820
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 2: so many people, which I think was really necessary for

821
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 2: me at the time.

822
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: It's not like you kissed every person.

823
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 2: No, definitely not, but it was just like fun. I

824
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 2: think I learned a lot about what I liked and

825
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 2: didn't like from going out with all different kinds of people,

826
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 2: which is amazing, which I think.

827
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 1: Is that you have that experience.

828
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 2: Never had that experience. I didn't know anything. I also

829
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: was like, I think there's two stages, Like people can

830
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,320
Speaker 2: go out on dates like I was going out for fun,

831
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 2: and then there's different points in my time where I'm

832
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 2: like when I'm more intentionally dating. I'm not going out

833
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 2: as much, but I think I was always very like

834
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,320
Speaker 2: straightforward on the date, like I just got out of something.

835
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,359
Speaker 2: I'm not like looking, but I'm open. That was kind

836
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 2: of my statement to guys when they would be like,

837
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 2: so what are you looking for? Because I think they

838
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,359
Speaker 2: could sense on me that I was so unavailable, But

839
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 2: I'm like, guys, they're attracted to that sometimes too, like

840
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 2: I want to lock you down. I'm like, no, don't

841
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 2: hold my hand please.

842
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: Like that's so scary.

843
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 2: So I think it would wait what oh, I would say,

844
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 2: like took me maybe three months to go on a date,

845
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: and then it kind of like once I like rip

846
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 2: the band aid off, I was like I was out there,

847
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 2: but I was still really unavailable.

848
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: I mean, but that's like so fun the fact that

849
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 1: you went on over ninety dates and you've really just

850
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: explored all your options and it probably just taught you

851
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 1: what you wanted, what you didn't want, and it was

852
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: like almost like an experimental.

853
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 2: Oh, it was just fun meeting people like I learned

854
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 2: about I tried out so many different restaurants and bars,

855
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,919
Speaker 2: and I met people from like all over different backgrounds,

856
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 2: learned a lot about like different careers or things that

857
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 2: I could like be interested in, like I found dating.

858
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 2: I think like the best mindset is to just go

859
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: into a first date, just like being open to learning

860
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 2: something new as opposed to like is this my husband,

861
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 2: because then it makes it more enjoyable when you're like, oh,

862
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 2: I'm trying a new restaurant, Like cool, even if I

863
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 2: don't like him, at least I'm gonna have a good meal.

864
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 2: Like I'm all about like spinning everything for the positive.

865
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 2: So like try to find like the nice things about

866
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 2: experiencing dating instead of being like it's annoying.

867
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 1: Is your sister or brother still heavily involved in the

868
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: religious community.

869
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 2: So my youngest brother is like ultra ult or religious

870
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: even more than I grew up. Love him. Whatever floats

871
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 2: his boat makes him happy. My other two siblings are

872
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 2: not religious or like way similar to me, whereas like

873
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,800
Speaker 2: very proud of our Jewish identity.

874
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 1: To your youngest brothers, I think, like his older siblings yeah,

875
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: and are not involved in the community.

876
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 2: I think like he he was brought up in it

877
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 2: a little bit and then he kind of just like

878
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: explored it because I have like very religious aunts and

879
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 2: uncles and cousins. So he was still in the community

880
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,760
Speaker 2: because my dad was like with him most of the time,

881
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 2: So he was still in that world and he just

882
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 2: decided to like veer more of that direction than the

883
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: other direction. And then I guess he found that he

884
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 2: loved it, so he went even deeper. Wow, And how

885
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 2: old are each one of yourselves? So my youngest brother

886
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 2: is nineteen so and I'm thirty two, and then I

887
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 2: have a sister's twenty five and a brother is twenty nine. Okay, wow, yeah,

888
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 2: so there's like we're all spread out.

889
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,879
Speaker 1: Is your brother married yet? Your youngest brother no, Oh

890
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 1: my god.

891
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 2: Oh the young one under me twenty nine. Now he's single. Ladies,

892
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 2: you want to check him out on Instagram. And then

893
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,240
Speaker 2: my youngest brother, I hope he doesn't get married.

894
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: I hope he waits. So your sister had come out

895
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: as bisexual. How was that with her.

896
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 2: Coming out even like within the religious world. Yeah, I

897
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,279
Speaker 2: think like when she first told me, I was like,

898
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 2: was like, okay, I didn't really like know how to

899
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 2: respond to it because I wasn't like I just had

900
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 2: an experience that with anyone. But I think that she

901
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 2: was like already like out of the community at that point,

902
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 2: so she felt like comfortable doing that, and like, my

903
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: family has been like super supportive. My dad was also

904
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 2: like even though he's religious, like super supportive. So my

905
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 2: family has always been like whatever makes you happy, like

906
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 2: that's what you should do. And it's been like really amazing.

907
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 2: Like I like, I think that takes so much courage

908
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 2: for her to do that, coming out of such a

909
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 2: religious background where you're taught that that is bad. But

910
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 2: I'm thankful that my family is like so open minded

911
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 2: and supportive of like do what makes you happy, Like

912
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 2: everyone deserves to like choose how they want to live

913
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 2: their life and experience the world.

914
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: Well that's yeah, honestly, just the fact that your family,

915
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: you know, some of you did decide to fully leave

916
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 1: the community, some of you decided to stay keep some

917
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: of your religious values. But the fact that each one

918
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 1: of you found what makes you happy and what each

919
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 1: one of you wanted to do to you know, better

920
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: your lives and make you guys more happy, is really

921
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: really amazing.

922
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like like really thanks to my parents because they

923
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,320
Speaker 2: just like instilled that like be like the best version

924
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,800
Speaker 2: of you, however that looks, and they just like always

925
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 2: wanted us to be close.

926
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,760
Speaker 1: Is there a part of your life that people totally

927
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,320
Speaker 1: misunderstand just watching clips or scrolling from your feed.

928
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 2: I feel like I guess, like my divorce, but I

929
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: never like care enough to explain to people because it's

930
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,400
Speaker 2: like a personal thing. But I think, like going back

931
00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 2: to what I said earlier is like just because nothing

932
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 2: things wrong doesn't mean it's right. And I feel like

933
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 2: a lot of people will stay in relationships because like

934
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 2: there's nothing technically wrong, but they know that they deep

935
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 2: down that they could be happier in a different lifestyle

936
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,719
Speaker 2: with a different partner. And I feel like people try

937
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 2: to like you're still single, like why did you leave

938
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 2: that marriage where you looked really happy? And I'm like,

939
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 2: I would never change that decision, Like it was the

940
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: best decision for me and him, and like I wish

941
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 2: him all the best and hope he finds the happiness

942
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 2: and I know that I will as well, And I'm

943
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 2: like very thankful that I took that step for myself.

944
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 1: You've really built such a strong online community, especially with women,

945
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 1: and your family has probably just inspired so many people

946
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: in the Orthodox community to leave and really express themselves

947
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: and be who they want to be in this life.

948
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: So how did you decide what parts of your life

949
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: that you wanted to share?

950
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think like having the show really helped because

951
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 2: pre show I didn't really like share anything personal, even

952
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,879
Speaker 2: about my religious journey. I was like very closed off,

953
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 2: like I didn't want anyone's opinions because I know whatever

954
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 2: you post online you're gonna get opinions, which you know,

955
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 2: and it's hard, like building that thick skin to not

956
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 2: let people's comments or opinions of you matter took me

957
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,439
Speaker 2: a long time. But then I think once the show

958
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:26,280
Speaker 2: came out, I felt way more comfortable having a voice,

959
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 2: and I'm like, okay, a lot of my like life

960
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 2: is out there anyway, people have opinions already, like let

961
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 2: me just share more. And I found that sharing like

962
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 2: my divorce and being single and finding myself has been

963
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 2: like yeah, and it's nice. And it's also like nice

964
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 2: to connect with so many women who have experienced similar

965
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 2: things or hear how like me, sharing has inspired them

966
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 2: to like take a chance on themselves or and their

967
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 2: situationship or leave a Really not that I, you know,

968
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 2: am telling people to leave relationships. I just support like

969
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 2: living your best life and like not feeling like one

970
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 2: person dick takes your feet. So I feel like those

971
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,879
Speaker 2: things have been really wonderful to connect and I found

972
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 2: that it can be intent sometimes, Like I know, whatever

973
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 2: I share people are going to have no one's going

974
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: to agree with that. Not everyone's going to agree with

975
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 2: me always, and they're never going to agree with me.

976
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 1: So no matter what, whatever you post online, you're going

977
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 1: to exactly people that agree with you with their full

978
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 1: heart and people who completely disagree with you. And that's

979
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 1: just kind of what you got for being a part

980
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: of online.

981
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is what it is, and I love it,

982
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 2: like and I'm so thankful, Like there's so many more

983
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 2: like beautiful things on social media than the negative, so

984
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,359
Speaker 2: I try to always focus on that.

985
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: One d P. So what are you up to know?

986
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 2: I also have a podcast, Hard to Heart where I

987
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 2: talk a lot about dating, and I did launch a

988
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 2: course called The Beginning of the End how to Know

989
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:52,399
Speaker 2: One to Leave, And it's just like a five video

990
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 2: course with like worksheets and like journal prompts and all

991
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 2: these things like information that I wish I had that

992
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 2: someone would ask me when I was debating, like if

993
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 2: I wanted to leave my marriage, and even like leave

994
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: my you know, and things with my ex boyfriend. So

995
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:09,919
Speaker 2: I tried to like take all the things that I've

996
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,280
Speaker 2: learned and like what helped me process making that decision

997
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 2: and put it out there to share with other women.

998
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 2: So that's something that I'm promoting now as well.

999
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:20,839
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. If you guys want to hear

1000
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: more about Sheba's life and her advice, make sure to

1001
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,399
Speaker 1: go look at her course the Beginning of the end

1002
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 1: and listen to her podcast Hard to Heart. Thank you

1003
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 1: so much for coming on Casual Chaos. You have definitely

1004
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 1: inspired so many women and family, so you should be

1005
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: really proud of that.

1006
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 2: Thank you so great to meet, so nice to Thanks

1007
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:42,879
Speaker 2: for having me you guys,