Speaker 1: This is Conversations with Olivia Jade and I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, everybody,
Speaker 1: welcome back to conversations with your host A Ka me A,
Speaker 1: k Olivia Jade. You guys, today, I have my favorite
Speaker 1: person in the planet. Um did I say in the planet?
Speaker 1: I meant to say on the planet. My favorite person
Speaker 1: on the planet my best friend, my big sister. If
Speaker 1: you guys have been following me for a while, you
Speaker 1: know Bella from my YouTube channel and we used to
Speaker 1: post a lot of stuff on there when we were
Speaker 1: in our like early teenage years to mid teenage years,
Speaker 1: and now we're both in our early twenties and I
Speaker 1: don't think you guys have really seen or heard from
Speaker 1: my sister in a few years. So with all of
Speaker 1: that being said, please welcome my big sister, Bella said
Speaker 1: was up was a big guys. Bella is a year
Speaker 1: older than me. We're twelve months twelve days apart to
Speaker 1: the tea, and I think before we jump into this conversation,
Speaker 1: we kind of talked about certain things we want to
Speaker 1: touch on and uh, things we want to be open
Speaker 1: with you guys about, and just some things that I
Speaker 1: think you guys can relate to and Also, I did
Speaker 1: a little Instagram pole and asked you guys to ask
Speaker 1: us some questions. So we're going to do some of
Speaker 1: those as well. But I first want to introduce Bela
Speaker 1: and so you guys get to know her a little
Speaker 1: bit and what she's been up to the last few years.
Speaker 1: You started writing a script with her really great friend Jamie,
Speaker 1: who went to n y U for theater, right, And
Speaker 1: I think from kind of what like we've talked about,
Speaker 1: Bella basically started journaling I would say, like two and
Speaker 1: a half years ago, right when we really went through
Speaker 1: our family stuff. I think that was kind of her
Speaker 1: outlet to like express her emotions basically, And so I
Speaker 1: think it started with you journaling and kind of getting
Speaker 1: back into writing, especially because we hadn't been in school
Speaker 1: for quite some time, so it's not like we had
Speaker 1: to do papers anymore. So I think you kind of
Speaker 1: got back into writing by like starting with your emotions.
Speaker 1: And then I think you thought, you know, even though
Speaker 1: everything that had happened, and we can touch on this
Speaker 1: in a little bit too, but you kind of felt
Speaker 1: like this was a new passion or maybe an old
Speaker 1: passion that was like re sparked from an emotional like
Speaker 1: journaling standpoint, and then you guys got into script writing
Speaker 1: right sort of kind of yeah, pretty much, but it
Speaker 1: really was Jamie coming back to l A and being like,
Speaker 1: I want to just try and write something, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm down to write it with you. And
Speaker 1: since we were in she's been my best friend since
Speaker 1: I was five and since we were in high school,
Speaker 1: we always talked about how but it would be to
Speaker 1: create a show kind of based on growing up in
Speaker 1: l A, but more accurate than nine O two and
Speaker 1: No was because nine O two and No is a
Speaker 1: very well, it's like a cub show that very scripted,
Speaker 1: but it's not. This show is scripted too, but it's
Speaker 1: just not The teenagers don't talk like teenagers do, and
Speaker 1: they don't because it's written by grown men, so they
Speaker 1: don't have the same experiences to girls growing up in
Speaker 1: l A and actually understanding the ins and outs of
Speaker 1: l A. So we just decided to start writing that
Speaker 1: and it kind of it was almost a joke at first,
Speaker 1: and then it kind of took off and we both
Speaker 1: enjoyed it so much. And then we have a friend
Speaker 1: who's a writer and he helped us because we neither
Speaker 1: of us have taken screenwriting classes or anything, and he
Speaker 1: kind of helped us formulate the script and learned that
Speaker 1: he gave us like a mini master class on writing.
Speaker 1: So he helped us like create the ideas and make
Speaker 1: them flow together and actually be able to tell a story.
Speaker 1: And we started just writing about loosely based off of
Speaker 1: things we've been through, and the idea of the story
Speaker 1: is to touch upon how although that problems are relative
Speaker 1: and I the thing I love about acting and storytelling
Speaker 1: itself is that you get to play a character and
Speaker 1: you get to learn about them and their ins and outs,
Speaker 1: and you can play There's just a wide range and
Speaker 1: there's a wide range of people on this earth. So
Speaker 1: being able to write a story on something that like
Speaker 1: we've been we've gone through ourselves was very cool and
Speaker 1: it also kind of taught me a lot about myself
Speaker 1: and everything too, because we were able to access these
Speaker 1: emotions and create scenes around things that we were feeling
Speaker 1: at the time, and boys and like we do a
Speaker 1: scene from elementary school when we're like twelve, and we
Speaker 1: do all these different things and it was funny. We
Speaker 1: got to reminisce on the past and then we also
Speaker 1: got to like it's very cathartic. We got to work
Speaker 1: through our own and our favorite thing about story writing
Speaker 1: and storytelling is you get to create your own endings.
Speaker 1: It happens the way you wanted to happen, like the
Speaker 1: perfect version in your head. You get to put that
Speaker 1: on paper, and even though it doesn't happen in real life,
Speaker 1: there's something fun knowing that that story lives on in
Speaker 1: a different world, different world completely Um Okay, Well, I
Speaker 1: think that gives you guys like a unroll idea of
Speaker 1: what the script is sort of about. But basically, like
Speaker 1: I've read it, it's really really good. I hope it
Speaker 1: gets picked up and you guys can actually work on
Speaker 1: this and make this and this audience will for sure
Speaker 1: tune in once that happens. But that's down the line.
Speaker 1: But I just wanted to give you guys a little
Speaker 1: bit of a background backstory on what Bella has been
Speaker 1: up to. So she is an acting school. You said
Speaker 1: you didn't take screenwriting class, but she's been taking theater
Speaker 1: in a conservatory for like a year and a half,
Speaker 1: almost two years. But you also have been acting since
Speaker 1: you were like fifteen, Because I remember we used to
Speaker 1: do this young acting academy called Cynthia Baines's studio, and
Speaker 1: I quit after like a week of being there because
Speaker 1: they gave you. They gave her a scene from Oh No,
Speaker 1: I'm forgetting what the Matt Damon and Ben Affle like movie?
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I just don't. How about them apples?
Speaker 1: Good Will Hunting? They gave you the scene from good
Speaker 1: Will Hunting and it scared you and you never came back.
Speaker 1: I was I was like fourteen or fifteen, maybe sixteen,
Speaker 1: and you were fifteen and I was sixteen. No, we
Speaker 1: were fourteen and fifteen because we couldn't drive yet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but anyway, I was not down for that scene. It's
Speaker 1: like a very sexual, romantic scene with the other guy
Speaker 1: in the class, and I just after that, I was like,
Speaker 1: this is not for me. I cannot put myself into
Speaker 1: that type of character. And that was kind of the
Speaker 1: end of my acting days. But Bell has been really
Speaker 1: into it for quite some time, and so it's been
Speaker 1: really cool seeing you, like the last few years, like
Speaker 1: really dive into it and put yourself kind of like
Speaker 1: fully into that acting mode. Following a mom's footsteps. Um,
Speaker 1: so I kind of want to segue because when I
Speaker 1: asked on Instagram, a lot of the questions or topics
Speaker 1: that people ask just about where everything that's happened, you know,
Speaker 1: in the last few years in our family, And I
Speaker 1: just wanna start by saying, I think the promise I've
Speaker 1: made to myself is I really want to be open
Speaker 1: on this podcast. I want to be vulnerable. I think
Speaker 1: that really helps people, whether we're in completely different situations
Speaker 1: or you can relate to a certain piece of what
Speaker 1: we're talking about. Um, I think it's just really important
Speaker 1: that I am honest. But I don't want my honesty
Speaker 1: to be mistaken as me ever trying to victimize us
Speaker 1: or what happened in the last few years, because I
Speaker 1: think with so much time and so much thought and um,
Speaker 1: everything that's happened, like we both have a really clear
Speaker 1: perspective on that, like we were are, like this situation was,
Speaker 1: like we can just say that we're in the wrong,
Speaker 1: And so I don't want that to ever be no
Speaker 1: matter what the details are, what people do and don't know, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't want that generic kind of topic to be
Speaker 1: twisted that I'm sitting here asking about like mental health
Speaker 1: and what we went through the last few years and
Speaker 1: people saying like, are they seriously like complaining about this? Like,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, I don't think it would be.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to phrase this because I don't
Speaker 1: want to take away other people's thoughts. But if you
Speaker 1: really think about it in a grand scheme of life
Speaker 1: type thing, it's not complaining. It's using the experience as
Speaker 1: we have. You only live one life, you only get
Speaker 1: a certain path yourself. You can't put yourself in someone
Speaker 1: else's shoes, so you have to take what you've been
Speaker 1: through and learn from that. And that's what talking about
Speaker 1: it and working through it does. And we this is
Speaker 1: the situation. These are the cards we were dealt, So
Speaker 1: to just not talk about it seems wrong in a
Speaker 1: way because it has made us. But it's definitely affected
Speaker 1: us a lot. It's affected us, and it's also taught
Speaker 1: us different things and opened our eyes to new like
Speaker 1: perspectives and things we didn't even think about before. And
Speaker 1: it's we're not talking about it to garner pity or
Speaker 1: be the victims in a situation, but it is really
Speaker 1: life and what we went through, so it would be
Speaker 1: weird to just not talk about it at all. So
Speaker 1: a lot of fans were messaging and just asking, you know,
Speaker 1: like what the last few years have looked like and
Speaker 1: how it's been going through everything that happened in our family.
Speaker 1: And I also want to say that there's a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff that I wish, like, especially now that because
Speaker 1: we haven't done any like interviews together, like this is
Speaker 1: our first time, like me and you just talking and
Speaker 1: like just being open and UM, there's so much I
Speaker 1: would like to say and clear up and go through
Speaker 1: every single thing that's ever been written imposed about us
Speaker 1: and be like that's not true or this came from that,
Speaker 1: or um, just explain like quote unquote, like I don't
Speaker 1: know how to put this, but just like at the time,
Speaker 1: what like we thought was going on or stuff like that.
Speaker 1: But we literally can't because it is a federal case
Speaker 1: and I don't feel like messing with the government. So
Speaker 1: I want to kind of focus on where we've been
Speaker 1: mental health wise and kind of taking care of that
Speaker 1: and how it's affected us. Because I also think besides
Speaker 1: just the legal side of things, like that's something that
Speaker 1: I know a lot of young girls and boys and
Speaker 1: people listening can relate to, um, whether like regardless of
Speaker 1: your situation. I know that everybody, like a lot of
Speaker 1: people go through mental health, and I think for me,
Speaker 1: mine was very situational. What about for you, I know,
Speaker 1: well I know all of this, but like you've always
Speaker 1: struggled a little bit with like anxiety. Yeah, I've always
Speaker 1: had a bit of anxiety. Um ironically enough, I realized
Speaker 1: it when I was going to college. I remember the
Speaker 1: first night before I left to go move into the dorms.
Speaker 1: I was mom and dad were out at dinner and
Speaker 1: it was me, you and your high school boyfriend. And
Speaker 1: then I remember I was trying to fall asleep, like
Speaker 1: get a good night's sleep. I had moved in day
Speaker 1: the next day, and like I woke up like hyperventilating
Speaker 1: and my heart was beating really fast, and I ran
Speaker 1: downstairs to you and Tie and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm having a heart attack. I'm having a heart atack.
Speaker 1: I'm having a heart attack, and Tyler was like, no,
Speaker 1: you're not, You're not, You're not. I'm like, I just
Speaker 1: I looked it up web MD said it I'm having
Speaker 1: a heart attack, Like I need to go to the
Speaker 1: hospital right now. And it turned out I was just
Speaker 1: having like a really bad panic attack and it's the
Speaker 1: same exact um symptoms as not symptoms. I don't know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, a heart attack. And that's
Speaker 1: when I realized it. And I remember when I would
Speaker 1: even like sleep in the dorms, I would be like
Speaker 1: falling asleep and then I would wake up hyperventilating and
Speaker 1: like freaking out for I was asleep, Like I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I guess like that's when my anxiety like manifested most.
Speaker 1: Is like right as I was falling to sleep, I
Speaker 1: would like come up like gas spring for air and
Speaker 1: kind of I've always been like a little ball of anxiety.
Speaker 1: Even when I was younger, like I didn't speak a lot,
Speaker 1: I was very shy just because I was so scared.
Speaker 1: I've grown out of it, I guess kind of with
Speaker 1: everything that's also happened, I realized, like you can't like
Speaker 1: let anxiety rule your life. But I remember that was
Speaker 1: there was a lot of it was hard to like
Speaker 1: talk and you were always like super talkative and like
Speaker 1: you were like the social, outgoing one, and I was
Speaker 1: like always just like standing there like behind not saying
Speaker 1: anything because I was scared. Yeah, well that's so normal.
Speaker 1: And I know so many people can definitely relate to that,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, you know, what's funny, I think
Speaker 1: for me, I had and I mean I never really
Speaker 1: had anxiety growing up, because I even remember, ironically, when
Speaker 1: I got to college and I said to one of
Speaker 1: my really good friends there, Olivia, who's still like a
Speaker 1: sister and best friend to this day, but I was
Speaker 1: and she has anxiety too, like most people, and so
Speaker 1: I was talking to her and she was like, how
Speaker 1: anxiety about something? And I was like, what does that
Speaker 1: feel like? Like? What is that? Cut to literally six
Speaker 1: months later, everything erupted and exploded and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is what she was talking about six months ago,
Speaker 1: and it kind of started to make sense to me.
Speaker 1: But I feel lucky that I didn't have it like
Speaker 1: growing up, and I got to really have like a clear,
Speaker 1: I feel like understanding of who I was without letting
Speaker 1: that like kind of fuzz myself at a younger age.
Speaker 1: But now I know that it's like almost hard for
Speaker 1: me to escape it. And that's why my last episode
Speaker 1: on the podcast, I had like that life coach Possibilitarian
Speaker 1: is what she called herself, where she just used the
Speaker 1: world as like anything as possible um come in because
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm very stressed and I need somebody
Speaker 1: that has like actual skills to come break it down
Speaker 1: for me, because I literally never thought I would get
Speaker 1: to this point where I have alopecia, which is an
Speaker 1: autoimmune disease when your head or when your hair falls
Speaker 1: head falls off, when your hair falls out, and it's
Speaker 1: just like shown physically on me. So now I really
Speaker 1: understand it. I feel like I have a question for
Speaker 1: you that I've always kind of wondered. I don't think
Speaker 1: we've really talked about it well for the viewers. The
Speaker 1: first for you when everything was happening, like when we
Speaker 1: were going through the whole thingy thing with our family,
Speaker 1: the thing imaging, what were you feeling, Because I almost wondered,
Speaker 1: not that at the time it was nice being it
Speaker 1: was quite the opposite. It was never like fun or
Speaker 1: enjoyable seeing my name in the headline. And I think
Speaker 1: if I was younger, I would have been like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, that's so cool, not the context of what
Speaker 1: was being said, but me being talked about that much,
Speaker 1: I would have been like, wow, like this is amazing.
Speaker 1: But given what it was, and it was also negative,
Speaker 1: and it was very heavily focused on Mom and I.
Speaker 1: What were you kind of feeling like during that time,
Speaker 1: Like did you almost feel like your experience was under
Speaker 1: my mind? Or were you happy to be like out
Speaker 1: of that public like I and you didn't have to
Speaker 1: deal with I mean you had to deal with it,
Speaker 1: but not as on a big of a scale. I
Speaker 1: would say, like the hatred and uh stuff like that. Um,
Speaker 1: there was times where like certain things were going on
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't feel like what's happening
Speaker 1: to me is being necessarily heard or acknowledged on the
Speaker 1: scale that it should be, just because there was something
Speaker 1: bigger going on at the time. But I think just
Speaker 1: the hardest part of this entire thing was watching how
Speaker 1: horrible or reading and seeing how horrible the media was
Speaker 1: to both you and Mom and actually knowing you guys,
Speaker 1: and knowing Mom has the biggest heart. And can I
Speaker 1: tell my story? My teacher told me, yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: like this is just an example of who our mom is.
Speaker 1: And this story comes from literally last week. I was
Speaker 1: I'm doing a play right now, and the director and
Speaker 1: my teacher pulled me aside after class and he's like, hey,
Speaker 1: can I chat with you for a second, and I
Speaker 1: was like, of course, I thought we were going to
Speaker 1: be discussing the play and my work, but he was like,
Speaker 1: your mom's Laurie Laughlin. And I was like, and sometimes
Speaker 1: that now nowadays that scares me because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: oh no, what was what opinion do you have? You know, like,
Speaker 1: and he was like, I just wanted to let you know,
Speaker 1: like one of my first jobs as a young actor
Speaker 1: was on Full House and that cast all of them
Speaker 1: were so so nice, but your mom specifically made sure
Speaker 1: that I felt welcomed, made me comfortable, like made sure
Speaker 1: that I was as comfortable in a new space that
Speaker 1: I can be. And he was telling me that now
Speaker 1: when he works and he does other shows and whatnot,
Speaker 1: when he's a series regular, a guest or whatever, he
Speaker 1: told me that he took what mom taught him that
Speaker 1: day and emulates it on every single set he's on
Speaker 1: to make sure that whoever is there with him feels
Speaker 1: welcomed in that situation. And he said for a young actor,
Speaker 1: he was so scared to even just go and be
Speaker 1: on such a big sitcom at the time, like it
Speaker 1: was huge for him and he was only in a
Speaker 1: few scenes and Mom made him feel so comfortable and
Speaker 1: at home, and it's resonated with him for the last
Speaker 1: thirty years, to the point where he pulled me aside
Speaker 1: and told me, and of course like, I'm like crying
Speaker 1: as he's telling me something that's so sweet. And he
Speaker 1: was even saying like he has other friends in the
Speaker 1: industry who have done guest spots and been on different
Speaker 1: shows that Mom has been on, and across the board
Speaker 1: not I don't think one person who's ever worked with
Speaker 1: Mom can say something bad about her, because she's genuinely
Speaker 1: the nicest person alive. Yeah, I agree. I think that
Speaker 1: was hard for me to like seeing. And this is
Speaker 1: what I was kind of talking about in the beginning,
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I'm not trying to justify or excuse
Speaker 1: behavior or throw a pity party, or because I get
Speaker 1: so nervous and I know this is my podcast and
Speaker 1: I'm not in an interview, and I can be open
Speaker 1: and vulnerable, especially with these guests that are listening, and
Speaker 1: I so appreciate that. But the guests that are listening,
Speaker 1: I did I say the guests. I meant the listeners
Speaker 1: that are listening. Audience, audience, Um, I almost said the
Speaker 1: viewers after that, which also wouldn't have made much sense. Um,
Speaker 1: but I do, I do very heavily relate to like
Speaker 1: those feelings that you were just kind of saying about Mom,
Speaker 1: and um, I think for me, even though I also
Speaker 1: is getting dragged negatively, it like didn't nearly affect me
Speaker 1: as much as like seeing Mom getting first of all,
Speaker 1: having all this throne on her, and I think that
Speaker 1: we can talk about this. I think I want to
Speaker 1: talk about this that um, she really took this whole
Speaker 1: thing and on her back and solely you know, like
Speaker 1: there are a lot of people that were in this case,
Speaker 1: and a lot of other parents, and I do not
Speaker 1: know one other person's name, and I think that for
Speaker 1: being her kid, and you know, all drag myself and
Speaker 1: all rose myself, and I won't forgive myself forever, probably
Speaker 1: and I will always, you know, have that as my
Speaker 1: defense mechanism and partly a little bit of truth. But
Speaker 1: when you see her mom, who's raised you and who's
Speaker 1: been like nothing but a ghost, like the most incredible
Speaker 1: mother in the world, and also just like the kindest heart,
Speaker 1: and like knowing what you know and knowing like how
Speaker 1: much we know about her and how well we know her.
Speaker 1: Obviously we are both directly out of her womb, so
Speaker 1: we know or proudy damn well, pretty damn well. But
Speaker 1: I think that was really hard for me, and UM,
Speaker 1: it was frustrating and it caused a lot of like
Speaker 1: anger within me when I would read stuff about her.
Speaker 1: And I just think it's interesting that when I would
Speaker 1: read stuff about myself, I just didn't really I mean,
Speaker 1: it affected me, I cared, but it didn't nearly affect
Speaker 1: me the same way that UM if I read it
Speaker 1: about our own mom. You know. I also think with
Speaker 1: the media specifically, if you just watch the pattern of
Speaker 1: tabloids in general, they always pick a woman and they
Speaker 1: take her down. I agree. I think women definitely are
Speaker 1: dragged in the media quite often. And I also think
Speaker 1: that besides just women being dragged in the media, I
Speaker 1: think that the media, in my opinion, and I could
Speaker 1: talk about this for ages and I didn't know when
Speaker 1: I would end up talking about this publicly. But I
Speaker 1: feel like the perfect guest to talk about it with
Speaker 1: is my sister, because she's heard a lot of it,
Speaker 1: be she's kind of been through it with me and
Speaker 1: with herself, and I feel like we also just both
Speaker 1: have a lot of opinions on this, and I think
Speaker 1: it would be interesting to touch on um. But for me,
Speaker 1: I just feel like the media is extremely hypocritical, I think,
Speaker 1: regardless of our situation, forget us, I just think in general,
Speaker 1: it's all about preaching this anti bullying, uh, non bandwagon
Speaker 1: effect and how everybody should be so understanding of one another.
Speaker 1: And then you have people like let's say, Megan markele right,
Speaker 1: who's gotten dragged through the media for living basically for
Speaker 1: dating guys exactly, and just we could list a million examples,
Speaker 1: but I do feel like they preach this, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: like we are so on it, we are so not
Speaker 1: for bullying, We're so against bullying, and and then you
Speaker 1: see the next thing. You know, it's like, even after
Speaker 1: the Oprah interview that Megan Markel did is what I
Speaker 1: had in mind, and I watched that and I had
Speaker 1: sympathy for her, you know, like I was like, that
Speaker 1: sounds like a very traumatic time to go through. And
Speaker 1: I then was reading articles throughout like the next week
Speaker 1: that would show up on my phone or whatever it was,
Speaker 1: and they were all still so terribly negative, and I
Speaker 1: was like it's almost like no one just listened to
Speaker 1: anything she just said, Like those are regardless, if you relate, regardless,
Speaker 1: if she's in a way way bigger position of privilege
Speaker 1: and success and overwhelming wealth and all the things that
Speaker 1: so many people dream of, it's still like, for some
Speaker 1: reason people then negate her feelings and act like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: she's lying, and we're still going to drag her through
Speaker 1: the mud and screw this because it's one person verse
Speaker 1: a bunch of money and a bunch of clicks for
Speaker 1: these media outlets. And that gets me so freaking angry.
Speaker 1: And also I think this is my own theory, but
Speaker 1: in specifically our society today with social media, with the
Speaker 1: access to your d m s for example, and what not,
Speaker 1: people think they know you now or and with TikTok
Speaker 1: and like people even like you're you, you're you, you're
Speaker 1: a YouTuber. You let people into your life to a
Speaker 1: certain degree. Reality TV shows let people into their lives
Speaker 1: to a certain degree. And so now the general consensus
Speaker 1: of the world is anyone who is in the public eye,
Speaker 1: you can pry into their personal life. And there's something
Speaker 1: special about being able to keep your own life private,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't need You don't owe it to anyone
Speaker 1: else to explain who you're dating, what you're feeling, what's
Speaker 1: going on in your life. And everyone thinks they have
Speaker 1: this right to just be inside your head and know
Speaker 1: what's going on and who you're seeing, and what's this
Speaker 1: and what's that, and and I think that's just natural
Speaker 1: human like instinct is to be nosy, is to be curious,
Speaker 1: and to be nosy. But I think social media has
Speaker 1: heightened that and almost made it a little bit like
Speaker 1: unacceptable to the point of like what we're prying for,
Speaker 1: or the degree that like paparazzi and people like go
Speaker 1: to get these answers to these questions that are floating around.
Speaker 1: And I know for myself, I've almost been in like
Speaker 1: quite a few car accidents running my fro. When I
Speaker 1: was coming to you, what time are you coming to me?
Speaker 1: I remember I was leaving I guess I can say
Speaker 1: Udine because we don't live there anymore. When I was
Speaker 1: leaving Udine to meet you Malibu and that girl, I okay,
Speaker 1: context for you guys um for March two December kind
Speaker 1: of COVID hit and then like the paparazzi were no
Speaker 1: longer outside of our house, but from March to October
Speaker 1: November December ish, it was there were there a lot,
Speaker 1: and there was every day at least three cars outside
Speaker 1: of our house waiting for one of us to leave.
Speaker 1: And Olivia luckily had her own escape. She wasn't really
Speaker 1: around at the house, but any time I would leave
Speaker 1: the house, the second you pull out of that driveway,
Speaker 1: there's a car literally at the ass of your car.
Speaker 1: I don't have to explain it, bumper to bumper there
Speaker 1: right behind you, and God forbid, you have to slam
Speaker 1: on your brakes. You're done. You are getting in a
Speaker 1: car accident there so close to you. They're writing your
Speaker 1: tail and it's one so invasive too, super dangerous, super
Speaker 1: legal and dangerous. They're like, I remember one time there
Speaker 1: was a woman driving behind me and she had her
Speaker 1: camera out while she was driving, and I was like, Yo,
Speaker 1: you can't even text and drive and you're recording me
Speaker 1: as you drive your car right now. This is so
Speaker 1: dangerous and they will go to all extremes. They don't
Speaker 1: care who they will harm in the way. It seems
Speaker 1: like they just want to get the photo. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: those answers is kind of like how we got into this.
Speaker 1: It's like I get it too, especially like for me,
Speaker 1: I feel like I made myself public on YouTube before
Speaker 1: all of this happened, so then when it was happening,
Speaker 1: I was like, I kind of signed up for it,
Speaker 1: Like I did post videos talking about things that I
Speaker 1: very much regret, and I was very open about my life,
Speaker 1: and I showed our homes growing not like actually like
Speaker 1: cow stores or anything, but you know, it would be
Speaker 1: in the background of mom would ever let you do that. Never,
Speaker 1: but when like in the background of the videos, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And so I feel like I
Speaker 1: almost felt like I was more deserving of it because
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I did sign up to be
Speaker 1: a public figure, but for you leaving the house, like,
Speaker 1: who's very much never tried to be. I mean, your
Speaker 1: Instagram is public, but you're not posting like you post
Speaker 1: you know what you're posting on there, And I would
Speaker 1: say it kind of accidentally became public. It wasn't something
Speaker 1: you like tried to do and like establish a career
Speaker 1: from or be online. So I know that was definitely
Speaker 1: like weird for you too, because you were trying to
Speaker 1: live like a private life in your like late teens,
Speaker 1: young twenties, and you had a lot of people following
Speaker 1: you and looking at you, and it's just like a
Speaker 1: really unnatural situation, and um so I just, yeah, I
Speaker 1: kind of like feel for you a little bit. But
Speaker 1: the paparazzi are definitely like and I'm not trying to paths,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to sound like but like, it wasn't real.
Speaker 1: That was actually what was happening. It's not to be
Speaker 1: like you. I wish they weren't there. Yeah, same, but
Speaker 1: it definitely was like a real time. But I just
Speaker 1: remember almost getting into like quite a few car accidents
Speaker 1: just because they're so reckless. And I even remember one
Speaker 1: time Bella and I were in a CVS. I think
Speaker 1: this is just a story I was. I think I
Speaker 1: had like something I was either on my period or
Speaker 1: I had like a U T I or something that
Speaker 1: was like very girly and personal. And I was nineteen
Speaker 1: and now we'll talk about it twenty two. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I feel like years have passed. I'm very open, like
Speaker 1: it's we're human beings, it's just life. But I think
Speaker 1: I was getting some medication or a box of tampons
Speaker 1: or whatever it was, and we're in this drug store
Speaker 1: and I kid, you know, I look around. There's seven
Speaker 1: paparazzi inside, illegal inside the drug store, all filming me
Speaker 1: grabbing this like personal like medicine care or whatever it was.
Speaker 1: And I remember Bella got really into like big sister
Speaker 1: protective mode and went up to one of the crying.
Speaker 1: I know because I was so when you started crying.
Speaker 1: So I I was like, m and I walked up
Speaker 1: to the paparazzi and I was like, excuse me, sir,
Speaker 1: you actually cannot be inside here taking photos. This is illegal.
Speaker 1: You can't be this is it's not private property, but
Speaker 1: you can't be. Like paparazzi are allowed to stand outside
Speaker 1: of a writer or cvs and take photos, but they're
Speaker 1: not allowed to directly come inside. And I walked up
Speaker 1: to him, calmly at first, and I was like, first
Speaker 1: ward here and I was like, you can't be. You
Speaker 1: can't be taking these photos in here? Can you please leave?
Speaker 1: And he was like what's it to you? And he's
Speaker 1: sassing me back. So so Bella is a very sarcastic, sassy,
Speaker 1: very powerful woman. I would say, did not take I
Speaker 1: was now out of the bathroom, kind of like hiding
Speaker 1: behind an aisle watching Bella. Just I'm absolutely slaughter this
Speaker 1: man with words. I'm not giving up. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: cannot be here. This is illegal. Like I will call
Speaker 1: the police. Do you want to get into this? I
Speaker 1: won't leave. I'll stay here and I'll wait for the
Speaker 1: police to come. Do you want to go because I'll wait,
Speaker 1: and like, I'm like fighting with this man. Meanwhile, the
Speaker 1: fight is slowly escalating. We're like now in the middle
Speaker 1: of CVS screaming at each other and I'm yelling at
Speaker 1: this guy, being like, just get out, leave the CVS
Speaker 1: and he's like and then the security from the CVS
Speaker 1: comes erm and he's like, what's wrong? And I was like,
Speaker 1: this man is taking photos of us. This is an
Speaker 1: invasion of our space. He is not allowed to be
Speaker 1: in the store. That security cards like, she's right, so
Speaker 1: you have to leave. Meanwhile, they're like Papa Razzi everywhere
Speaker 1: record to pull up this video, but it's somewhere online.
Speaker 1: I don't think you can hear the audio, but you
Speaker 1: can see my hands like flying all over the place.
Speaker 1: And then this was the craziest part. We're getting in
Speaker 1: the elevator because the CVS. The parking lot was located
Speaker 1: like by an elevator, and I'm oh, this is the
Speaker 1: best part. I'm like, give me your give me your
Speaker 1: SIM card. And he's like I'm not giving I'm like,
Speaker 1: give me your SIM card. And we're like arguing. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want your SIM card, give me your SIM card
Speaker 1: right now. And he's like, I'm not giving you my
Speaker 1: SIM card. I'm like, you're giving me your SIM card.
Speaker 1: We're like, I'm like screaming at him, like give me
Speaker 1: the SIM card, and he won't give me the SIM
Speaker 1: card and then give you SIM. I thought that if
Speaker 1: I pushed it enough, maybe he would and then or
Speaker 1: I was like and then I was like, fine, if
Speaker 1: you're not gonna give it to me, I want to
Speaker 1: watch you to leave the photos. I want to watch
Speaker 1: you delete these photos. This is illegal. You cannot be
Speaker 1: by the way, these photos all came out online. Um
Speaker 1: they there was no deleting happening. They didn't. He heleted them,
Speaker 1: and then he had there's a thing on a camera
Speaker 1: where you can get back the deleted photos. So this
Speaker 1: sneak he deleted them and then as okay, keep in
Speaker 1: mind I was yelling at this man. Finally, Olivia is like, okay,
Speaker 1: can we just go, like please, you don't need to
Speaker 1: engage in this anymore. I was like fine, and we're
Speaker 1: like leaving, And as we're leaving, I see him go
Speaker 1: up to the guy who works the counter at CVS
Speaker 1: and he's like, how much do I have to pay you?
Speaker 1: The elevator hasn't been called yet, and he's like, how
Speaker 1: much do I have to pay you to get the
Speaker 1: security footage of the camera above us? And I looked
Speaker 1: at the guy who was like working behind the desk,
Speaker 1: and the guy was like, I'm so sorry, sort of
Speaker 1: like I don't want to lose my job. I'm not
Speaker 1: giving this to you. I don't know what guy asked
Speaker 1: for security footage of me yelling at him, and the
Speaker 1: guy behind the desk was like, first off, these are
Speaker 1: two very young girls. What you just did was highly inappropriate.
Speaker 1: Second off, no, I'm not giving you the footage. You
Speaker 1: came into the store took photos of them, hurt like
Speaker 1: I was like, borderline tears. I'm screaming at this man,
Speaker 1: and the guy was like I'm not. He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not losing my job for you to get me like sorry,
Speaker 1: and the guy was like, how much do I have
Speaker 1: to pay you to get security? But this guys like leave,
Speaker 1: actually leave the store, and then he had to leave
Speaker 1: the store to security, and security escorted a few of
Speaker 1: them out, and then I remember walking out of CVS
Speaker 1: and that same dude that you were in the fight
Speaker 1: with came up with his oh my god, both his
Speaker 1: arms up like in our face, like yelling like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna help you. See I'm hoping, I'm hoping, I'm nice going,
Speaker 1: I'm hoping, And I was just like, dude, I swear
Speaker 1: to God, right now, I'm gonna like take this little
Speaker 1: bag that I have from CDs and hit you right
Speaker 1: upside your face. Remember you get out of my personal bubble,
Speaker 1: Like this was enough. You already took photos of me
Speaker 1: buying something that at the time I felt very ashamed
Speaker 1: and embarrassed about. I was crying, I'm not leaving the store.
Speaker 1: Now you're all up in my face with your arms
Speaker 1: like waving in front of me, saying like you're a
Speaker 1: good guy and you're trying to help me. Like it
Speaker 1: was so bizarre. But anyway, I guess that's just a
Speaker 1: story that I tangent a weird tangent, but a story
Speaker 1: of just like I think, and that's where I was
Speaker 1: kind of bring it back to the idea that the
Speaker 1: media like people, I want to see and expect so
Speaker 1: much from you, but like something as simple as a
Speaker 1: U T. I like, y'all don't need to know about that,
Speaker 1: Like as I talked about it, Let the nineteen year
Speaker 1: old deal with it in her the privacy of being
Speaker 1: a nineteen year old, you know, like that's it's just
Speaker 1: so wrong. And I think also with the way back
Speaker 1: then when like people were getting paparazzi and stuff, there
Speaker 1: was a different culture around it. Even in the early nineties,
Speaker 1: it was a different culture because there wasn't social media.
Speaker 1: There weren't reality TV stars really necessarily. It was like
Speaker 1: a very different thing where it's like you saw people
Speaker 1: when they were going to their movie premieres or their
Speaker 1: concerts or like sometimes at restaurants, but it wasn't so
Speaker 1: much in your face of like daily life, daily life.
Speaker 1: And then over time and with I think it was
Speaker 1: kind of the creation of reality TV in my opinion,
Speaker 1: that people started to think any celebrity across the board something,
Speaker 1: but it's they're not reality TV stars, they're actors, they're singers,
Speaker 1: they're they'll drop an album and like release their and
Speaker 1: the Also, not all reality TV stars want that attention either.
Speaker 1: That's why I like, although they're they're famous for showing
Speaker 1: their life, that doesn't mean they need to show every
Speaker 1: single part of their life. That's why it's their show
Speaker 1: and they get to curate what goes out publicly, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's just a very big I feel like, speaking
Speaker 1: from experience, it's a super traumatic, especially at a young age.
Speaker 1: And b it's just it's just wrong. It feels wrong,
Speaker 1: and that's that period. Moving on from the paparazzi, how
Speaker 1: do you think everything that's happened affected our relationship? Bella also,
Speaker 1: and let me just preface, bell and I have also
Speaker 1: like grown up super super close. Like we're as I
Speaker 1: said in the beginning, we're only a year apart, like
Speaker 1: we've always been back to our mom does call it
Speaker 1: built and best friends, um, but we've always been like
Speaker 1: super super close. But I do think for me, it
Speaker 1: was like us getting closer as I could confide in
Speaker 1: you because we were going through the exact same thing.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's something that you know, I
Speaker 1: had amazing friends and an amazing support system that like
Speaker 1: we're there for me. But I feel like, um, you
Speaker 1: were the only person that like genuinely understood what and
Speaker 1: just how scary it all felt at the time, like
Speaker 1: being so like kind of like, yeah, we really like
Speaker 1: when all this happened, like we really didn't know what
Speaker 1: was going on or what was going to happen, and
Speaker 1: we were both out of town and we both had
Speaker 1: to come home obviously and like see what was going on,
Speaker 1: and so I think there were just like a lot
Speaker 1: of unknowns that caused a lot of fear and anxiety
Speaker 1: for me, and that was just really the start of it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's I think like for me, we got
Speaker 1: really really close because we could really relate to each
Speaker 1: other and then of course you just always being like
Speaker 1: my best friend and big sister. But I also feel like,
Speaker 1: do you feel like we got closer during that time?
Speaker 1: I think that was like the catalyst for how close
Speaker 1: we are now. Because in high school we were obviously
Speaker 1: really close, but on Fridays and Saturdays, like you'd go
Speaker 1: to your thing with your girls, I'd be with my girls,
Speaker 1: like we'd be with the people in our grade, and
Speaker 1: we never really there were some nights we crossed over
Speaker 1: and that was always really really fun, but there wasn't
Speaker 1: a lot of crossover in high school. And then I
Speaker 1: think when all of this went down, there was like
Speaker 1: a three month time period where we couldn't leave the house.
Speaker 1: We just had to stay inside because it was a
Speaker 1: mess if we left, and it was insane. And so
Speaker 1: I think that is one thing that brought us closer together.
Speaker 1: And then it kind of are in a way, are
Speaker 1: two circles meshed into one, because now we go out together,
Speaker 1: we get dinners together with all of our friends, and
Speaker 1: there's not a divide as much as there kind of
Speaker 1: once was, which was like the high school. Just like
Speaker 1: I think also that had to do with us both
Speaker 1: being out of school. Now it's like there weren't grades,
Speaker 1: but when obviously we were in high school and even
Speaker 1: in college in the beginning, like I had my grade,
Speaker 1: you had it. And then obviously when we were both
Speaker 1: done with that, we shared a lot of the same
Speaker 1: friends that I had graduated that weren't in school anymore,
Speaker 1: and we all just kind of became like a big
Speaker 1: mesh together group like childhood friends and just really reunited again. Um,
Speaker 1: I want to talk about a little bit. We don't
Speaker 1: have to get like two into it if you don't
Speaker 1: want to, But I do think let's chat. I saw
Speaker 1: a lot of questions about boys and breakups and how
Speaker 1: to deal with that and how to deal with heartbreak,
Speaker 1: and I think you can give them like a really
Speaker 1: good perspective on heartbreak, especially it just ties into everything
Speaker 1: we're also talking about with the situation, because I'll give
Speaker 1: them like a little backstory, if that's fine. Bella basically
Speaker 1: was dating this boy for a year, basically a year
Speaker 1: or so, and um, yeah, you guys were very much
Speaker 1: like happy, and I thought, like very much in love
Speaker 1: and it was I thought the same thing. It was
Speaker 1: all very positive, cute whatever. Um. And then when this
Speaker 1: all came out in the media, I mean we found
Speaker 1: out with his world and the world about what was
Speaker 1: going on. And uh, I think that, well, I know
Speaker 1: that just a few days after it all came out,
Speaker 1: he called you and broke up with you. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: what was like going through your mind back then? I
Speaker 1: mean that was it was hard because on top of
Speaker 1: being heartbroken, I was dealing with whatever it was that
Speaker 1: was going on in our life. And that was and
Speaker 1: it was so early on at that point, like it
Speaker 1: was we found out, world found out March twelve. I
Speaker 1: got dumped March sixteen, four days later. So at that
Speaker 1: point I didn't I hadn't even been a week yet,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't, I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 1: It was we were literally taking life minute by minute
Speaker 1: those days, and we didn't know what the future had
Speaker 1: in store. And I remember I was like beating myself
Speaker 1: up about it at one point because like I remember
Speaker 1: when it first all happened, I was like talking to
Speaker 1: him and then I was like, oh did I like
Speaker 1: because you know, when you go through a break up
Speaker 1: at first, it's like you blame yourself for the entire
Speaker 1: or breakup when you get dune, So I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: did I put too much on him? Like did I
Speaker 1: scare him from like all this? And then I look
Speaker 1: back on it and no, I was doing what you
Speaker 1: do when you have a boyfriend and you talk to
Speaker 1: them when you're scared and sad and you don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on. And it was really hard because it
Speaker 1: was so the what had happened was so fresh, then
Speaker 1: the breakup was so fresh, and then I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: both things at once. And this was like my first
Speaker 1: real heartbreak, so like it was like the first boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure if you've ever been like your first
Speaker 1: real heart like I remember, you cried yourself to sleep
Speaker 1: for months on end, and there was nothing else on
Speaker 1: top of it. So it was really hard to go
Speaker 1: through a breakup and then also have something even bigger
Speaker 1: and honestly more important on top of it, because all
Speaker 1: I wanted to do was like cry and more in
Speaker 1: my relationship, and I couldn't. I mean, I finished all
Speaker 1: of Game of Thrones in a month. I the break diet,
Speaker 1: like I literally couldn't eat, which was and I remember
Speaker 1: Bella dropped like twenty pounds in a week. I kid
Speaker 1: you know, I literally got so skinny, and it was
Speaker 1: so scary terrifying because and it wasn't. I wasn't by choice.
Speaker 1: I Like I remember our friend Olivia, who already kind
Speaker 1: of talked about earlier. She would come over every single
Speaker 1: night with just plain grilled chicken because she was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong with you. And she'd be like,
Speaker 1: can you just eat the chicken? And I'd be like
Speaker 1: I can't, and like each night I would have like
Speaker 1: one bite of chicken, and then the next night she'd
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, can we have two bites of chicken?
Speaker 1: And like she was literally just trying to feed me
Speaker 1: because I couldn't eat, but it was hard. But the thing,
Speaker 1: the cheesiest thing that I will say is the only
Speaker 1: thing that helps you through or any like not helps
Speaker 1: you through. But the only thing that really is the
Speaker 1: kealer is time. I knew you were going to say that,
Speaker 1: and and like with in my situation, it was I
Speaker 1: kid you not because he was like can we face
Speaker 1: to him today? And I when I got the text,
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I know it's coming. I'm not
Speaker 1: an idiot, like we he wasn't speaking to me for
Speaker 1: like two days before and then like I even I
Speaker 1: don't know if I should be getting into this or not,
Speaker 1: but I even remember I sent a text being like, hey,
Speaker 1: it's like you're not feeling good about this right now,
Speaker 1: Like can you just let me know because I'm like
Speaker 1: really stressed out and like there's a lot of unknowns
Speaker 1: in my life and like this is adding so much
Speaker 1: more stress onto me right now, and I just I'm
Speaker 1: giving you a clean out if you want out, like
Speaker 1: take it please, and you like respond like no calls immediately.
Speaker 1: I love you. I would never be cut. Two two
Speaker 1: days later, can we talk? And I was like alright,
Speaker 1: and he's like can we FaceTime? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: you can call me. I'm not I don't want to
Speaker 1: do this over FaceTime, like I'm sad, I'm already going
Speaker 1: to be a mess. And he called me and he
Speaker 1: was like I don't know if I can quote him,
Speaker 1: but like he's like, you don't understand how hard this
Speaker 1: is for me. And I was like on the and
Speaker 1: I was like how hard this is for you and
Speaker 1: like but it was like a five minute phone call
Speaker 1: and I was like fine, whatever, and I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: a kind of a freak and also like a believer
Speaker 1: in I'm not it takes a lot to get a
Speaker 1: second chance for me. And in that situation, I remember
Speaker 1: the last thing I said to him on the phone
Speaker 1: was I was like, if this is your decision, this
Speaker 1: is your decision, like you will never hear from me again.
Speaker 1: And I've stuck to it and I was like, you
Speaker 1: will never hear from me again. And that was it
Speaker 1: and it ended, and There's was something about it that
Speaker 1: was so now looking back on it I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: for because I learned that, at least for me in
Speaker 1: a situation, that closure is somewhat overrated and you don't
Speaker 1: actually need closure in like when you're broken up. You're
Speaker 1: broken up. Closures an excuse to see them again or
Speaker 1: talk to them again or whatever and whatnot. I think
Speaker 1: it's so dependent on the person and they're like history
Speaker 1: and their relationship to obviously, because like for a divorce
Speaker 1: or something, but that's different that. But I'm saying like
Speaker 1: the baseline of like the closure, you're just saying from
Speaker 1: personal experience, like you never had to have that closure talking,
Speaker 1: so now I definitely moved on and you're okay and
Speaker 1: had boyfriends since and you've liked new boys and and
Speaker 1: we promise if anybody can relate to this obviously not
Speaker 1: the exact same situation, but just like heartbreak in general
Speaker 1: and that first love and you're just feeling like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, my life is so over and oh the
Speaker 1: part where you like wake up and you're dreaming about them,
Speaker 1: and that morning you wake up and you're the worst,
Speaker 1: hyper ventilating out of your sleep, out of your dream.
Speaker 1: You're like, is this real? Is this happening, Like that's
Speaker 1: all such a real like thing from a heartbreak. But
Speaker 1: I think what Bell is saying is like in those
Speaker 1: times too. I think a lot of us sometimes feel like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: we still need to have that last conversation to explain
Speaker 1: why we broke up and how we're gonna move forward
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah blah blah, and like how we're
Speaker 1: going to deal with this and whatnot. And like I remember,
Speaker 1: I avoided a friend group for two years. I would
Speaker 1: not get near them. I was terrified. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not I ain't doing this, Like what cross paths
Speaker 1: would not speak, would like see each other across the room,
Speaker 1: would not talk, like all these like weird things, and
Speaker 1: it's so bizarre because you're so close with someone for
Speaker 1: so long. And then I think that's like the hardest
Speaker 1: thing about heartbreak in general, is like you don't just
Speaker 1: like miss somebody and like miss like the aspect. It's
Speaker 1: like they really are also like your best friend at
Speaker 1: the same time, and they know so much about you,
Speaker 1: So it kind of feels like a death because it's
Speaker 1: not one of those I mean, in certain situations, you
Speaker 1: can become friends down the line, but like it's not
Speaker 1: one of those situations where it's like, Okay, now we
Speaker 1: can just go back to being best friends how it started,
Speaker 1: Like it never really is the same. And I saw
Speaker 1: a lot of people like asking to like about uh,
Speaker 1: like toxic relationships and how to get out of them,
Speaker 1: or like what to do if a boy doesn't like
Speaker 1: you back? And I think my like umbrella answer to
Speaker 1: all of those would just be like no, you're worth
Speaker 1: and no, like if a guy is playing mind games
Speaker 1: with you and you're really hopeful he's going to change
Speaker 1: his mind, like John, but like if you're really hopeful
Speaker 1: about somebody like changing their entire personality for you, or
Speaker 1: like you being this like once in a lifetime sometimes
Speaker 1: it is true, but like it really is rare. And
Speaker 1: I think for me, if I if I had a
Speaker 1: younger sister, I would say to them, which I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of my audience younger older, I feel
Speaker 1: like we're like siblings, and like I can tell you,
Speaker 1: like I would say, you got to move forward and
Speaker 1: move on. And if if they come back around and
Speaker 1: they're really fighting for you, like I think that's a
Speaker 1: different story. But like the games, the mind games, the
Speaker 1: the everything in between that you can think of that
Speaker 1: just like your classic f boy kind of like starter
Speaker 1: Pack does. Like it's just not going to change. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they have to grow up a lot. The only way
Speaker 1: someone is going to change is if then they want
Speaker 1: to change theirselves. It's you will never be able to
Speaker 1: change someone. And then I think, on top of the
Speaker 1: knowing you're worth part, I remember reading some quote somewhere
Speaker 1: where it's essentially covered this idea that before you get
Speaker 1: into a relationship or before you pretty much a relationship
Speaker 1: or anything, you have to be okay with yourself because
Speaker 1: a boy coming into your life isn't gonna make you happier.
Speaker 1: It's not going to fix your who you are inside.
Speaker 1: You need to be able to be or it could temporarily,
Speaker 1: but when they leave, it's still that empty feeling or
Speaker 1: if you leave them. Yeah, but yeah, that's true. But
Speaker 1: I think there's just something so important about becoming your
Speaker 1: own best friend, Like you are stuck with you until
Speaker 1: you die, Like there's and you you have your family
Speaker 1: and whatever, but truthfully, you are with you, so you
Speaker 1: have you've got to love you. You gotta. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I always say, like, if you're confident enough to
Speaker 1: go have a meal alone. You are capable of kind
Speaker 1: of doing anything, because that's so baller to be able
Speaker 1: to just go sit and eat and do your work,
Speaker 1: listen to music, listen to a podcast, and don't you
Speaker 1: worry about like people, like not care what other people think.
Speaker 1: It's like you're hanging out with yourself for the day.
Speaker 1: You need to have someone else around, like you're stuck
Speaker 1: with you, So learn to love yourself. Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 1: It's so so true. You have to learn to love yourself.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's kind of how you got through
Speaker 1: like your heartbreak too. It's like you really just became
Speaker 1: very independent and like did everything kind of alone. And
Speaker 1: besides I hanging with your friends on a normal basis,
Speaker 1: but like you really did have to like re teach
Speaker 1: yourself how to like not be dependent on somebody or
Speaker 1: to like text somebody first thing in the morning or
Speaker 1: check in on somebody. And I think that really like
Speaker 1: healed you way faster than I thought you were going
Speaker 1: to heal to be honest, I think also, this is
Speaker 1: just a tip and trick for you lads and lassies
Speaker 1: out there when you go through a heartbreak. I remember
Speaker 1: telling you this somewhat recently, but I was like, find
Speaker 1: this is the craziest thing ever. Find a TV show,
Speaker 1: Find like a trilogy, find like a movie series, Find
Speaker 1: an actor you love, just watch all their ship I
Speaker 1: kid you not. There's something so special about when you
Speaker 1: get locked into something that you really want to watch,
Speaker 1: that you really like, like mine, for examples, Game of Thrones.
Speaker 1: You don't think about what's going on in the moment
Speaker 1: because you're so focused on this story that's happening in
Speaker 1: front of you, and it in a way helps time pass.
Speaker 1: And of course, like you have jobs and all of
Speaker 1: that stuff, but when you're sitting alone and you're in
Speaker 1: your own thoughts and you're breaking out, as everyone does
Speaker 1: when they're going through a breakup, if you're able to
Speaker 1: put your attention onto something else and take it away
Speaker 1: from yourself in that situation, it helps speed up the time,
Speaker 1: and it helps you want to learn to love yourself,
Speaker 1: teaches you like new things about yourself in a way.
Speaker 1: And also it's a really good distraction because what's going
Speaker 1: on in your actual situation. Yeah, and I think like
Speaker 1: the last thing I'll say before you wrap up this
Speaker 1: episode is like for the last my last podcast, episode
Speaker 1: with Shari that possibilitary and life coach. I think this
Speaker 1: is just really fitting for what we're talking about. She
Speaker 1: very much has this mindset of like, and this could
Speaker 1: go for heartbreak, losing a friendship, losing somebody you love, uh,
Speaker 1: COVID being really tough, like whatever. It is just any
Speaker 1: sort of negative that's kind of taking over your mind
Speaker 1: and in your life, and it's really really hard for
Speaker 1: you to kind of see the positive. She gave me
Speaker 1: just like a really great perspective on trying to focus
Speaker 1: on like shifting your mindset and shifting the equation so
Speaker 1: it would be like, Okay, COVID's really bad and I
Speaker 1: lost my job and this is really really terrible and
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. And I know this
Speaker 1: is way easier said than done, especially given a terrible
Speaker 1: time where somebody probably actually you know, has nothing and
Speaker 1: really lost their job and really feels frantic. But um,
Speaker 1: I think that trying to change that perspective and being like,
Speaker 1: I know I lost this right now, you know what.
Speaker 1: I feel like I can't even speak on the COVID
Speaker 1: job thing because I haven't been there and I don't know,
Speaker 1: and I just don't know how that feels like. But
Speaker 1: I'll say with heartbreak, this is the worse thing that's
Speaker 1: ever happened. I'm losing this person forever, Like how could
Speaker 1: this be happening? If you change that mindset into being
Speaker 1: like I'm losing this person for sure. Yes, I'm allowed
Speaker 1: to feel sad. Yes I'm acknowledging my feelings and being
Speaker 1: patient with myself, but like why did I lose them? Oh?
Speaker 1: Maybe something else could be better for me that's out there.
Speaker 1: Maybe something is like brewing that's like more possible and
Speaker 1: like a better future for myself, whether that's a person,
Speaker 1: whether you're getting a new job because you let go
Speaker 1: of this guy or girl in your life that was
Speaker 1: maybe distracting you from focusing on yourself and focusing on
Speaker 1: your work. Or I think, for me, what she really
Speaker 1: just taught me in that last episode and she phrases
Speaker 1: it way better, So I highly encourage you. Listen. It's
Speaker 1: just you switch that equation in your head so you
Speaker 1: don't think of it as like such a negative. And
Speaker 1: I did this yesterday. I was in the car and
Speaker 1: I was really really frustrated about something, and I felt
Speaker 1: like this anger and like this like sadness and stress,
Speaker 1: and I kind of just sat there and I was like,
Speaker 1: but if I had been I The background to this
Speaker 1: is I forgot I had something that I needed to
Speaker 1: do and it was very important and I totally missed
Speaker 1: it and now I had drive there like three hours later,
Speaker 1: and I was just very tired. I had a five
Speaker 1: am day yesterday. I was just like white and I
Speaker 1: was sitting there angry driving my car, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: but what if I kind of just changed my perspective?
Speaker 1: And I was like, what if I went at the
Speaker 1: right time and I got in a car crash and
Speaker 1: something bad happened to me, Like maybe this is a
Speaker 1: sign that I'm supposed to be doing it later. Like
Speaker 1: I was really beating myself up for being late like
Speaker 1: all this stuff. So I think it's just changing and
Speaker 1: shifting your mindset, and that can go for anything that
Speaker 1: was such a big ramble. I'm wrapping it up there. Um,
Speaker 1: we've been talking for a while, but they're gonna have
Speaker 1: to cut a lot, you know. I am, yeah, Oh
Speaker 1: the dog looked over here because we nailing alright. Guy
Speaker 1: is thank you so much for listening. And I feel
Speaker 1: like I also want to say one last thing, and
Speaker 1: it's just Bella will have a different perspective, but I
Speaker 1: always feel like I'm thinking about stuff like this, and
Speaker 1: it's just that, um, everything we've talked about, I just
Speaker 1: or maybe you won't have a different perspective, but I
Speaker 1: feel like everything we talked about, please take it just
Speaker 1: like knowing that this was like our personal experience. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that like we're I've said this a
Speaker 1: million times, but I get so nervous, but like I
Speaker 1: just feel like I don't want this to be taken
Speaker 1: the wrong way. We're now we're sitting here to very
Speaker 1: blessed humans, like complaining about something, because that's just not
Speaker 1: what I feel like I'm trying to do. I just
Speaker 1: want to be open and share like the reality of
Speaker 1: what did happen the last few years and how it
Speaker 1: did like affect our mental health and the situations we
Speaker 1: had gone through that we're really challenging for us. But
Speaker 1: that's not to take away from somebody else's situation that's
Speaker 1: ten times harder, or to discredit somebody's situation that's ten
Speaker 1: times easier, you know what I mean. It's just like,
Speaker 1: as Bella said, her kind of uh movie or TV
Speaker 1: show is going to be about it's just relative to
Speaker 1: situation sations, and I just want people to take it
Speaker 1: with a grain of salt because obviously we know how
Speaker 1: fortunate we are. We are so lucky, we are so blessed.
Speaker 1: And I think something we also learned from the situation
Speaker 1: on a more positive note, since we were a little
Speaker 1: bit more like open and vulnerable, we didn't really get
Speaker 1: into like the highlights of what we've learned. And I
Speaker 1: just think for me personally, it's like I will never
Speaker 1: be the same human after the situation. I will always, always,
Speaker 1: always fight to give back, whether it's tutoring children or
Speaker 1: you know, I had a student I was working with
Speaker 1: for a really long time that I was tutoring that
Speaker 1: I actually don't know if I've ever talked about this,
Speaker 1: but you know, helping with her tuition, sponsorship money, trying
Speaker 1: to send people to school, just learning from a mistake
Speaker 1: that you know, I wasn't really in our control, but
Speaker 1: something that now we have to grow from. And I
Speaker 1: don't want people to get it twisted, so period. And
Speaker 1: also can I say one thing, Yeah, you can cut
Speaker 1: this if you don't like it. But the show is
Speaker 1: called Conversations, with Olivia Jade, and this is a conversation
Speaker 1: with Olivia, and sometimes like conversations are a real thing.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna we can't talk about things that we
Speaker 1: don't know about. That would be insane, you know. It's
Speaker 1: like and it's not. The conversation isn't too get anything
Speaker 1: out of it. It's just a conversation. And it's it's
Speaker 1: like essentially, you guys are if you were to be
Speaker 1: sitting in the room with us chatting on a day
Speaker 1: to day we're not. We don't talk about stuff, and
Speaker 1: we're like, om man, pity me here, I'm a victim. Here,
Speaker 1: I'm this thing. Like we just talk like it's that's life.
Speaker 1: You don't talk like I don't know how to say
Speaker 1: this in like a proper way, but you don't have
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone to try and affect their emotions
Speaker 1: and change them and do all this stuff. You just
Speaker 1: talk to them and it's not too oh you're saying
Speaker 1: like when I say stuff like wait, don't take it
Speaker 1: this way. You're saying, but it's it's a conversation. It's
Speaker 1: people can take it however they want to take it,
Speaker 1: but it's not it's not my responsibility to like, worry
Speaker 1: if I'm hurting everybody's feelings, are saying the right or
Speaker 1: wrong thing. I'm just talking and you can listen. Are
Speaker 1: you don't have to, I think is what she's kind
Speaker 1: of trying it, Yeah, and advise me on Yeah. And
Speaker 1: it's also I don't know. I don't know how to
Speaker 1: say this because I also I don't want to offend anyone,
Speaker 1: and I don't want it to They're gonna cut it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Um, I don't want to offend anyone.
Speaker 1: But I think that the the idea of a conversation
Speaker 1: and being able to have a podcast and be open
Speaker 1: and vulnerable is to be able to talk about what
Speaker 1: actually has gone on in your life and not having
Speaker 1: to justify every single thing that you've said because you're
Speaker 1: talking about something that's coming from a personal experience rather
Speaker 1: than I just I don't know. Think about it. When
Speaker 1: you're having a conversation with someone, you're not asking them
Speaker 1: for pity the entire time you're talking to them. You're
Speaker 1: just talking to them. You're not asking these people for pay.
Speaker 1: But that's what I'm saying. But you you phrase everything
Speaker 1: with I'm not asking you for pity. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, you don't know. I'm not even
Speaker 1: saying that. I'm just saying I don't want people to
Speaker 1: get it twisted. Like I know, but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: People stop getting it twisted, you know, Like it's a conversation.
Speaker 1: So this is something Bella has an opinion on. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think that we're all humans, like we're
Speaker 1: allowed to chat, we're allowed to have our own opinions.
Speaker 1: Were not, it'd be crazy if we all thought the
Speaker 1: exact same way and believe the exact same thing into
Speaker 1: the exact same whatever. I don't know, No, I get
Speaker 1: what you're saying. That's all. I just think that everything
Speaker 1: that is said, take it with a grain of salt.
Speaker 1: If you enjoy it, you enjoy it. If you don't,
Speaker 1: you don't. It doesn't It doesn't need to be any
Speaker 1: deeper or bigger than that. And sometimes people try and
Speaker 1: twist things and make them bigger and deeper than what
Speaker 1: they actually are when it's truthfully just a conversation with
Speaker 1: all of you. Jade m alright, guys, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening. Bells, Sweet Sustra, Sister, big Sis, Doggie Dog.
Speaker 1: Thank you, don't snoop no. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming on and being on this episode. I would never
Speaker 1: have felt comfortable to talk about anything that's openly with
Speaker 1: literally any other guest. So I love you, and I
Speaker 1: know the listeners will also greatly appreciate it, because I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever been this open in my entire life.
Speaker 1: So and I love you. I love you too. Thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for tuning in today. I hope
Speaker 1: you guys enjoyed this podcast with my big sister Bella.
Speaker 1: Do you want like an Instagram plug or you don't care,
Speaker 1: like maybe follow on Instagram at Bella. So in like
Speaker 1: a year or two when the show was made, you
Speaker 1: guys finally know where to find it. Um. But other
Speaker 1: than that, thank you guys, and I will chat with
Speaker 1: you next week. Bye bye bye