1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 2: It's time for the almost Famous podcast. We have almost 4 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 2: good Advice. This is a really great little segment that 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 2: we get to do where we can get questions from you, 6 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 2: the listeners, probably people listening right now to this podcast, 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,960 Speaker 2: at least I hope so, because you're the ones that 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 2: wrote us into the questions and we get to just 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 2: talk through it. Can't promise any great answers, We can't 10 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 2: promise any one hundred percent truth, but what we can 11 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 2: do is going to talk through how we would talk 12 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 2: through it if these situations came into our lives. Actually, 13 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 2: we're gonna start with Shelby. I'll read the first one here. 14 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 2: I'm twenty four, my husband is twenty nine. We've been 15 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 2: married for four years, and I'm pregnant with our fourth baby. 16 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 3: Girl. Goodness gracious congratulations. 17 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 4: Yeah, goodness gracious is exactly what I thought when I 18 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 4: read this too. 19 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 2: Keys seemed awfu lately and I'm figured something was up. 20 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 2: So I went through his phone, and just like my 21 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 2: last pregnancy, I found pictures of a girl from Instagram. 22 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 2: On his recently deleted photos. There was a video of 23 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 2: her in her underwear arching her back. However, I searched 24 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,400 Speaker 2: her up and found nothing. My guess is she's an 25 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 2: OnlyFans girl. This happens every time he gets me pregnant. 26 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 2: Then I follow my doctor's orders and stay on bedrest. 27 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 2: He turns to kick me out if I tell him 28 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:28,119 Speaker 2: I'm hurting. He claims that I don't know what pain is. 29 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 2: Then I find those videos and it just makes me 30 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,039 Speaker 2: feel so much worse. He did lead to his internet 31 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 2: history before we went to bed last night, and I 32 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 2: guess it was so I wouldn't know where he got 33 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 2: the video. 34 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 3: Any advice. I'm so upset, but I feel I may 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 3: be overreacting because of my hormones. 36 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 4: No, no, you're not overreacting because of your hormones. Your 37 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 4: husband has a pattern of going to OnlyFans when you're pregnant. 38 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 4: That's pretty gross. I'm sorry, and I and then he 39 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 4: says that your doctor recommended bed rest is fake pain. 40 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 4: I'm really concerned about you having four children with this man. 41 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 4: I feel a lot of sympathy for you. You seem like 42 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:23,799 Speaker 4: you deserve better. I can I laugh a little bit 43 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,519 Speaker 4: because I feel very insecure pregnant about my body image. 44 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 4: I am not one of those pregnant women who feel 45 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,799 Speaker 4: like like my body is beautiful. Now, I just it 46 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 4: goes beyond the fact that I feel like my face 47 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 4: looks different, Like I don't feel like my body is 48 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 4: sexy at all. 49 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 5: Like I don't know. 50 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 4: I don't think Jared, you know, I don't understand like 51 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 4: being attracted to that, even though like it's very healthy 52 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 4: and wonderful that so many men do. And I think 53 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 4: that's great, but I don't but your husband going to 54 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 4: get during pregnancy, specifically, he goes to other, like more 55 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 4: pornographic sources, and that has got to be just a 56 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 4: really bad feeling for you, and I just feel bad 57 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 4: for you. I don't know that I have advice because 58 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 4: I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband. 59 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 4: But I don't know that I like him. 60 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we take leaving off the table right 61 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 2: now because we don't you know, obviously we don't know 62 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: them personally. 63 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 3: But I don't like them either. I'll say that, Ashley. 64 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 2: If you don't want to answer this, that's fine, But 65 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 2: there I think her husband is not good. I don't 66 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 2: like him. I don't like what he's saying to her. 67 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 2: I don't like that he's not treating her with respect 68 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: as she's carrying another child, as she's on beddress. But 69 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 2: I guess if you had advice, theres two ways I 70 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 2: want to go about this. One is advice on confrontation 71 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 2: within relationships, because there has to be a confrontation here 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 2: where she has to stand up for herself. But the 73 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 2: big thing here is he has to love her enough 74 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 2: to want to respond well, and it found sounds like 75 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 2: right now he's just a jerk and he's hiding a lot. 76 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 2: The second piece of this is intimacy while you're pregnant 77 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: with your spouse. I would love for you to talk 78 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 2: about that, like, how do you and Jared's say intimate 79 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 2: because also here I'm sure there's some level of Hey, 80 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 2: you're not feeling attractive, you're you know, you're on beddress. 81 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 3: Are you two still connecting in some way physically? 82 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 5: Yeah? Okay. 83 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 4: First off, I want to like not shame the fact 84 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 4: that the husband like that, maybe like a husband's gotta 85 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 4: watch porn. 86 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm talking about. 87 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 4: Only fans here, which it's more of like a personal relationship. 88 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 4: It seems like he's having a person more of an 89 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 4: interactive relationship. 90 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 2: Well, I don't you know, I specifically don't think that 91 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 2: porn is like a healthy choice. 92 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, I'm not like, let's like not get. 93 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 3: To say is. 94 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 2: I also would imagine that if it was a something 95 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 2: that you did in your life, your spouse should maybe 96 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 2: know about it, right, Like, if you're going to be 97 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 2: doing it, maybe they're okay with it. If they're not 98 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 2: okay with it, then that's a conversation you guys should 99 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 2: have as a couple. 100 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, this feels like I know that watching porn can 101 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 4: be interpreted to some people as cheating, but this but 102 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:24,360 Speaker 4: with only fans and with girls, like with pictures being deleted. Yeah, 103 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 4: seems like there's a more interpersonal relationship going on. 104 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,719 Speaker 5: So that feels particularly cheaty. 105 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 4: But yeah, uh, intimacy will in pregnancy. It's not the 106 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 4: greatest for us, uh talk to We even talked about 107 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:41,599 Speaker 4: this last night. 108 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:42,160 Speaker 5: I was like. 109 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 4: Just letting you know, probably in a few weeks, you 110 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 4: just really won't look at me. 111 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 5: You're just not gonna You're. 112 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 6: Just not gonna, you know. 113 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 5: So, so we have a couple of weeks here. It's exactly, 114 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 5: so if you feel like it, let me know. You're 115 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 5: on the clock. 116 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 4: It's kind of how it is, but we definitely could 117 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 4: be more intimate and other and just like snuggling on 118 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 4: the couch and stuff like that to make up for it. 119 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 4: And it's interesting that we had this conversation literally last night. 120 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 4: I was like, well, if we're not when we're not 121 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 4: going to do that, like we have to be closer 122 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,360 Speaker 4: in some other physical way because I need that physical 123 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,040 Speaker 4: touch even though I'm not feeling like my sexiest. So 124 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,919 Speaker 4: it's like, you don't have to just need to be close. 125 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be necessarily like the sexiest. 126 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think here's the point. 127 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 2: Thanks for sharing, because I'm sure that's a question a 128 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 2: lot of people have, is like how in the world 129 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 2: do we stay intimate at any level while like. 130 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,359 Speaker 4: And I'll tell you that it was non existent with 131 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 4: Dawson because I was so sick and like it just 132 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 4: no like that because I was I was throwing up 133 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 4: until thirty weeks and then at thirty weeks I was like, hey, 134 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,280 Speaker 4: I put on some laundry and then he was like 135 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 4: I know you, like, you know, then here's like an actual, 136 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 4: like viable human being in there, and you're. 137 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 2: Just like, we'll figure this out later. But here's the point. 138 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: I think that the undertone here with Shelby. Shelby again 139 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 2: to answer, go back. 140 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 3: To your question. 141 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 2: You're not overreacting by any means. You might be underreacting 142 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 2: at some level in my opinion, But in healthy relationships 143 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 2: you have an example like Jared and Ashley there where 144 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 2: they're able to talk it out and be like, hey, 145 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 2: like I just want to let you know, like, this 146 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 2: is what I'm feeling, this is what's going on. 147 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 3: What are you needing, what are you wanting, what are 148 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 3: you desiring? Like, how can we both be there for 149 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 3: each other? Ashley needs physical touch. 150 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 2: I'm sure Jared has his own love languages that he 151 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: needs as well. 152 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 3: But you talk it out. 153 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,920 Speaker 2: And the two of you come to a consensus because 154 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,119 Speaker 2: you are a team and you're walking through this process together. 155 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 3: Yes, you are carrying the child. 156 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 2: You are carrying the way and so my opinion, the 157 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 2: husband then steps in as a support system to encourage 158 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 2: to be there, to care, to love because your wife 159 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 2: is carrying your baby, Shoulby, you're carrying the fourth child here. 160 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 2: But in healthy relationships, you have the ability to talk 161 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 2: these things out so that there's not these things being 162 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 2: hidden and that you're kind of caught off by surprise. 163 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: I'm sure if Jared is like, hey, Ashley, I am 164 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 2: you know, starting to look at something like that's a 165 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 2: conversation the two of you would have. It want to 166 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 2: be easy. It's not like a conversation that you would 167 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 2: want to have, but as a couple, you. 168 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 3: Would have it. 169 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 4: Yes, definitely, And I'm interested to see how he treats you. 170 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 5: When you're not pregnant. 171 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 3: That's a good question. 172 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 4: Because if this is a pattern of him just possibly 173 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 4: not being attracted to you while you're pregnant, maybe he 174 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,960 Speaker 4: just doesn't you know. But it's really when you threw 175 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 4: in that comment that he says that you don't know 176 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 4: what pain is when you're on bed rest, it makes 177 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 4: us like in general, make us judge this man. 178 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 3: It's ridiculous. 179 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 2: Trust me, I just got a lesson on delivery from you, 180 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 2: what two. 181 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 3: Weeks ago on this podcast. 182 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 2: I have no doubt that it is painful, and I 183 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 2: have no doubt that you know what pain is. 184 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 3: You've had three children, it hurts. I'm sure. 185 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, well we're thinking about you. 186 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, So the advice would be to try to have 187 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:32,079 Speaker 2: a healthy conversation with your spouse to explain that you 188 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 2: have I don't even know if you need to explain 189 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: it to hermind that you have carried now four of 190 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 2: his children, that he needs to step up as a husband, 191 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:45,439 Speaker 2: but also offer the space to allow him to speak 192 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 2: into kind of what he's feeling and where he's why 193 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 2: he's doing what he's doing, so that maybe you guys 194 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 2: can come to a better understanding and build that healthy 195 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 2: kind of communication channel. Not going to be easy, it's 196 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 2: not fun, but it's you guys can do it because 197 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 2: you are our team still. 198 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 3: But he needs to step up. 199 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 6: I don't like him. 200 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 3: Beth has a question. 201 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: She goes, my teens do not want to move again? 202 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 2: We have already moved them once in elementary and middle 203 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 2: school and then back. My husband would like to take 204 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 2: a job that would be really great for his career. 205 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 2: I do not think it is fair to move my 206 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 2: kids again, especially in high school. Terrible idea. Right, We've 207 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,719 Speaker 2: been married for twenty years. I don't want to turn 208 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 2: I don't want him to turn down this opportunity and 209 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 2: forever regret it. However, I don't want him to separate, 210 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 2: and God forbid we meet someone else. He will have 211 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,679 Speaker 2: to travel here to the East Coast at least once 212 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 2: a month, and I could travel there some too. Any 213 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 2: advice on living on separate coasts, So. 214 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 5: I'm all, I'm not all. 215 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 4: I would be more understanding of this him having to 216 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 4: commute situation if it weren't separate coasts. I think that 217 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 4: really puts a detriment on it because this is not 218 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 4: like he could come home for like three day weekends. 219 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 4: This is not like you can come home every weekend. 220 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 4: This is like really life apart. And maybe this is 221 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 4: ironic that I'm saying this considering I was saying that, 222 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 4: like that Gary and Theresa could do this long distance 223 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 4: marriage if they wanted to. But this is different because 224 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 4: I think you're in the point of your you know, 225 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 4: you're probably in your thirties or forties. You you're just 226 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 4: like at that point you're raising kids together. You want 227 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 4: to have the father in the house with the kids 228 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 4: if you can. I don't know what to do. I 229 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 4: do like your mentality where we've moved the kids too much. 230 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,320 Speaker 4: Like I was even saying in our Headlines episode this 231 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 4: week that Jared and I want to figure out by 232 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 4: like mid elements entry school, where we're going to like, 233 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 4: really raise the kids because we don't want to take 234 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 4: them and change their schools a whole bunch of times. 235 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 4: I think it's particularly difficult, of course, when you're in 236 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 4: high school. I think this is going to have to 237 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 4: be a conversation with that you and your husband work out. 238 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 4: Like I know that he'd like to take this job. 239 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 4: It'd be great for his career, you say, but is 240 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 4: it worth it? Like how much more money is he 241 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,599 Speaker 4: going to take? How big of a step is he 242 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,839 Speaker 4: going to take it? Could he take this step if 243 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 4: he stays where he is a little bit longer, it's 244 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 4: really going to be a balance. And how does he 245 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 4: feel about the kids having to change schools? 246 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 5: These are my lingering questions. 247 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 2: I mean, I think my advice would be more to 248 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 2: the husband. It would be really hard to move in 249 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,559 Speaker 2: high school. You lose great friendships. I have still friends 250 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 2: from my high school that are my best friends in 251 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 2: the world. Yeah, and are they're friends of mine because 252 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 2: we did high school together at some levels middle school together, 253 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 2: And so it would be really hard to move in 254 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 2: high school. 255 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 3: And I don't think that's fair to the kids. 256 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 2: If I'm talking about like my family unit that I 257 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 2: hope to have one day. I think once they get 258 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 2: into high school, it's like, you're going to finish at 259 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,079 Speaker 2: this high school. Do whatever you can for you to 260 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 2: finish at this high school. Unless you know, some really 261 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 2: difficult thing happens and we have to move. That have 262 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 2: to would be the only scenario where you would be moving. 263 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,840 Speaker 2: And then I go to the husband and say, if 264 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 2: you pull one hundred people in their eighties, you ask 265 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 2: them some of their biggest regrets in life, they would 266 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 2: say the pursuit of money at some level that would 267 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 2: be the pursuit of a career at advancement, and the 268 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 2: lack of time I spent with my fame. 269 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 3: Those are the two highest poll categories. And so I 270 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 3: think here you would have to say, am I going 271 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 3: to regret this one day? Right now? I don't feel 272 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 3: like I would. Right now. 273 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 2: This feels really good. Right now, it feels like I'm 274 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 2: getting everything I ever wanted. But actually, when it comes 275 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 2: down to it, what is important to you? Is it 276 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 2: seeing your kids, you know, soccer games, is it going 277 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,199 Speaker 2: to their graduation, is it going to their plays? Is 278 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 2: it them coming home from school and telling you about 279 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 2: their their you know, be on a test that would 280 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 2: be my upbringing and being very excited about it. But 281 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 2: ultimately I think the question here is for the husband, 282 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 2: do you really want to be away? And and what 283 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 2: and to what you were saying, at what value can 284 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 2: you put on this one opportunity you have in life 285 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 2: to see your kids turn into young adults. Do you 286 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 2: want to be away for that or do you want 287 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: to be there because it sounds like you saw have 288 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 2: the option to stay. 289 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 6: Where you're at. 290 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 5: I think that was absolutely perfectly. 291 00:14:49,960 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 2: But final question which Mononymous says, this that some of 292 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 2: our best friends have become super flaky since we had 293 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 2: a kid. My wife and I have been friends with 294 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 2: another couple for the past several years. We honestly considered 295 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 2: them our best friends because of how reliable, friendly, and 296 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 2: helpful they were and having several shared interests. Then a 297 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 2: year ago we had a kid. Of course, that shakes 298 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 2: schedules up a bit, but we've still been able to 299 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,560 Speaker 2: meet up with them a handful of times, once for 300 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 2: dinner out, a couple dog play dates, and ones hosting 301 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 2: at our house. 302 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 3: But over the last four months it becomes super flaky 303 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 3: with us. 304 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 2: We'll get texted, we'll text them to make plans but 305 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 2: then the last minute they they got to the point 306 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,760 Speaker 2: where we weren't surprised when they canceled. Most recently, we 307 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 2: had plans then they decided to take a spontaneous international trip, 308 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 2: so we made plans to hang out when they got back, 309 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 2: but then they got sick when they returned and canceled again. Fine, 310 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 2: but they didn't even offer to reschedule again. We can't 311 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 2: imagine that us having a kid, it has ruined the 312 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 2: friendship for them. When my wife was pregnant, we were like, 313 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 2: I hope we still have time to hang out, they 314 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 2: would say, and they were saying and they would respond, oh, yeah, 315 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 2: I have a kid and we'll still see them. 316 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 3: At this point, it's. 317 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 2: Been months since we've tried making aidends with them, because 318 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 2: we're kind of gauging their commitment to our friendship. Since 319 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 2: having a kid, it's always us that takes an issue 320 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 2: to make plans or reschedule when they fall through, and 321 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 2: even if they're trying to be considerate to let us 322 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 2: initiate since our schedule is well obviously more hectic, but 323 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 2: there hasn't even been anything like, hey, we're free for 324 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 2: the next three weekends if you guys want to hang out. 325 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 2: Neither of them are very confrontational people, so we're hesitant 326 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 2: to just blatantly be like, guys, what's up, thoughts advice? 327 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 2: We don't want to burn the bridge because we aren't 328 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 2: mad at. 329 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 4: Them, just confused, okay, so we can relate a little bit. 330 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 4: We just feel like it's harder in general to make 331 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 4: plans with people since having a kid. Sometimes there's a 332 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 4: relatability thing going on with people who. 333 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 5: Have kids or don't have kids. 334 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 4: So maybe you are talking about your kid a ton 335 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,399 Speaker 4: and they're like, all right, well, I'm listening to you 336 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 4: talk about your kid, but you're not talking about the 337 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 4: stuff that used to interest us. 338 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 5: Also just feel like. 339 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:28,640 Speaker 4: You mentioned that they wanted to have kids, and then 340 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: you guys got pregnant first. Uh, maybe there's a little 341 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 4: sensitivity there. 342 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 5: Who knows. 343 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 4: I can't say that if you guys may have said 344 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 4: something that turned them off. But I do think in general, 345 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 4: just friendships can sort of change when you're in two 346 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 4: different places in life and they said, you know, I 347 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 4: hope we still have time to hang out when the 348 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:57,360 Speaker 4: kid is here. Yeah, like they probably did, but then 349 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 4: maybe like they just realized that you guys are a 350 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 4: different place is in life right now. 351 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't think that they hate you. 352 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 5: I think it's a sad situation. 353 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 4: You know. It sucks when you have people that you 354 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 4: love hanging out with and then all of a sudden, 355 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 4: like it just doesn't seem like there's a mutual ambition 356 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 4: to hang out. Any advice, Yeah, I don't know, Like 357 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 4: you can just kind of be upfront with them and 358 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 4: just say, hey, like, we we really miss being able 359 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 4: to see you. 360 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 5: Guys more often. Is this something we could work on? 361 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 2: My advice would one hundred percent be confront this. There's 362 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:40,120 Speaker 2: obviously miss communication going on and maybe they have something 363 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 2: they want to tell you. May but you have to 364 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 2: also be prepared for them to come back and be like, hey, 365 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 2: I like you too. You guys are great, You're still 366 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,679 Speaker 2: great as parents, but we aren't like we are interested 367 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 2: in like spending time with people. It's such a different 368 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,959 Speaker 2: season of life than us. I don't think that's fair, 369 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 2: but it could be the case, and you have to 370 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,479 Speaker 2: be willing to hear it. But there's a difference between 371 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,200 Speaker 2: being a confrontational person or non confrontational person and then 372 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 2: just having a really honest conversation. It doesn't need to 373 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 2: be angsy, It doesn't need to be angry. It's a hey, 374 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 2: we miss seeing you guys. We really love seeing you guys. 375 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,919 Speaker 2: We consider you too some of our best friends in 376 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,439 Speaker 2: the world, and we haven't seen you as much as 377 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 2: we'd like to. Is there something we could do to 378 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 2: be more accessible to you? Is there something that you 379 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 2: haven't told us that you want the opportunity to be 380 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 2: able to tell us? But we miss you, And that's 381 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 2: simply it. That could be the conversation and allow them 382 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 2: then the space to speak to it. But it doesn't 383 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,880 Speaker 2: have to be a hey, you guys are being bad friends. 384 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 2: I'm sure that some level they probably already know that 385 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 2: if they're bailing so much. 386 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,879 Speaker 4: There's also the odds that, like they this is all 387 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 4: coincidence and things really have just come up. 388 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 2: And they got sick and they wanted to go to 389 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: Italy for a couple of days, and you guys have just. 390 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,120 Speaker 3: Been a bad like stretch of planning. I get it. 391 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 2: Or it is the other side. They could just be 392 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 2: like really not designing to hang out. I mean, like 393 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 2: Jess and I, we love time at home and it 394 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,680 Speaker 2: is very often that it's no, not because we don't 395 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 2: want to hang out with anybody. It's just because we 396 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 2: want to be home, and so we say no to 397 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 2: all plans, like completely all plans. It doesn't mean we 398 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 2: don't like these people. 399 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 4: When you have kids and you do kind of crave 400 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 4: interaction with adults even more in that case because because exactly, Ben, 401 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 4: I feel like when you don't have kids, I could 402 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,679 Speaker 4: get more into like a hobbit mode, but when I 403 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 4: want but but after as being a mom, I find 404 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,919 Speaker 4: myself wanting to be more social because I need the 405 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,880 Speaker 4: more adult connection. And I think it can seem more 406 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 4: offensive when you're when like you keep getting bailed on 407 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 4: because you look forward to those moments together more. 408 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 2: That's fair. I guess I get that. I mean I don't. 409 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 2: I don't get it like you got it. 410 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 3: Understand it. Yeah, I get it. 411 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 5: Parents, And that is a thing. 412 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 2: My advice would be the only way to solve this, 413 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 2: unless you want this relationship to kind of flounder, would 414 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 2: be just to have that conversation, say you miss him, 415 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 2: say you want to see him more, maybe even kind 416 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,400 Speaker 2: of like fall on the sword a little bit and say, hey, 417 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,479 Speaker 2: I know that our lives have changed quite a bit 418 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 2: since having a kid, but we want to find space 419 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 2: to still see friends again. Is there something we could 420 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 2: do because we miss you and just leave it there? 421 00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 2: That's the I think the best path forward and the 422 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 2: best conversation to have. And typically in my life, tough 423 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 2: conversations with friends have always ended up in a better 424 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:39,200 Speaker 2: place afterwards, So you know, it's it's always been when 425 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 2: you've had the conversation with friends that I care about. Uh, 426 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:47,159 Speaker 2: there's typically that the after effects are really positive. So 427 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 2: don't be afraid to step into a tough conversation, I 428 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 2: guess would be my advice. 429 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good advice. All right, Well that's good. That's 430 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 4: almost good advice. I mean Ben's was good advice, but 431 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 4: the episode was almost good advice. So thank you guys 432 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 4: so much for joining us. Send us your questions. I 433 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 4: can't believe these are real questions. Sometimes our listeners are 434 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 4: going through it out there, so please email those stories 435 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 4: to Ben and Ashley at iHeartMedia dot com. 436 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:16,959 Speaker 3: We want to hear from you. 437 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 2: We're excited too, So until next time, I've been Ben, 438 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 2: I've been Ashley. 439 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,040 Speaker 5: Bye, guys. 440 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts. On iHeartRadio, 441 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.