1 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: You sit down at a restaurant and and they come 2 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: up to you to order drinks, and you look at it. 3 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: What do you get it? What the fund do you care? 4 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,080 Speaker 1: When I'm getting what does that have to do? I'm 5 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: getting arsenic and soda with a line like it's like, 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: it's so weird if I get water, now you have 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: to get water. You can't get wine. If you want wine, 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:28,600 Speaker 1: get wine? Do you not know what? You want to 9 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: get a margarita? I live your own life. If I 10 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: get a margarita? Is that going to make it taste 11 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,239 Speaker 1: different to you? I never understand it. It's like what 12 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,480 Speaker 1: are you what are you wearing tonight? A scuba suit? 13 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 1: And and like you know, you saw, you know where 14 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: we're going, you know the invitation. It's just like interesting, 15 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: what I understand? What are you getting in food? Because 16 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: what are you getting indicates we could possibly have a 17 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: little deal here where we share, where there's some tasting 18 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: going back and forth. But we're not like slopping. You know, 19 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: we're not swapping spit with our drinks, and you're certainly're 20 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: not wearing half of my clothes, so it doesn't necessarily matter. 21 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: And I know it's like because you don't want to 22 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: feel overdressed underdressed, But I don't think what the other 23 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 1: person next to you was wearing has anything to do 24 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: with if you're underdressed or overdressed. Has to do with 25 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: where you're going. And by the way, everywhere everything goes. 26 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: Now it's so funny. Unless you're a black tie event 27 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 1: wearing jeans, it feels like everything goes. But I just 28 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: think I always laughed at someone's like, wait, what are 29 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,040 Speaker 1: you getting? And then we have the same menu and 30 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't know, I'm getting a BlackBerry 31 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,320 Speaker 1: mescal margarita. What are you go? Okay, I'll get that too. 32 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: It's hysterical. It doesn't make any sense. My number one 33 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: goal guest is Anna wint Or just want to say 34 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: it out loud. I just I think she's at the 35 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: top of my list. I'm reading the book Anna, a 36 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: woman named Amy O'Dell wrote it, and I hesitate to 37 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: say this because there have been other people in business 38 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 1: that I see similarities two in myself, and it's not 39 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: always positive the other person. I'll tell you another time, 40 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: but I saw many similarities in the way that Anna 41 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: thinks about an approach is work in her work ethic 42 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: in her being the first one there and the last 43 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: one working, in the way she thinks about things, and 44 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: that she's not that big on small talk. It's just 45 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: it is what it is. It's very clear cut to her. 46 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: So I um, I want nothing from her. I can 47 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: benefit not whatsoever from her. I just want to meet her. 48 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 1: I really do. I just and I don't say that 49 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: about anybody. I know so many celebrities, and I turned 50 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: down lunches and dinners and vacations, and I just don't care. 51 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: I cared. I just I think Anna Wintour is kind 52 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: of the HB I C of all the h B 53 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: I C s. I honestly do. Also New Year maybe 54 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: same us. UM. I want to talk about noise because 55 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 1: noise is really something many people deal with. People deal 56 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 1: with food noise. I was good, I didn't eat, I 57 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: was bad. I ate, or I feel fat or I 58 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: don't look in these pants or all of that is 59 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: related to food. I was binging is food noise, and 60 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: that's it's just something you're gonna have to learn how 61 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: to turn to a food voice. And that happens later 62 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: with life. If you can jump on it earlier, it's wonderful. 63 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 1: That's why I wrote the book Naturally Thin, which was 64 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: so successful because it really it really handled and dealt 65 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 1: with people's food noise, people with exercise noise, money noise, 66 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: money noise. I bought that shouldn' about that? I feel guilty. 67 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: Do I have enough? I'm counting how much I have? 68 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: How much do I owe? What am I making? Like? 69 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,639 Speaker 1: You can't enjoy, you can't be present, you can't have it, 70 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,600 Speaker 1: you can't be in a in a nice relationship with that. 71 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: And family noise like you you you you're noisy about 72 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: your family, either you're embarrassed or you're around them and 73 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: they trigger you and you can't have a voice about it. 74 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: It's just something to start thinking about this year, because 75 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: many areas are noisy for many people, and it's great 76 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: to get a handle on where you're the most noisy 77 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 1: and work at that. Let me tell you something very 78 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 1: respected in business, and it's the opposite of what you 79 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 1: would think. I like when people tell me that they 80 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to 81 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: do about this. I have no experience in this. I 82 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: don't know what this is. People are inclined to pretend 83 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: that they know everything because they're afraid that if they 84 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 1: don't know something, it seems like they're incompetent. You know what, 85 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: I'm afraid of somebody who is disloyal, who cannot be trusted, 86 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: and who doesn't work hard. That's what I'm afraid of. 87 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: I'm not afraid of someone not knowing something. Someone who 88 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: can be trusted, who is loyal, and who works hard, 89 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: saying to me, I don't know, but I'll figure it out. 90 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: Then you know that somebody knows what they don't know. 91 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: Because what I've had happened. I've had people. I kind 92 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 1: of was in the beginning of this monetizing reality TV space, 93 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:51,159 Speaker 1: in the beginning of agencies representing people that had a 94 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: whole new revenue stream that wasn't being an actor and 95 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: author a writer. It was this new revenue stream of 96 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,599 Speaker 1: brands being involved with someone for being a personality, for 97 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: have a platform on reality television. It was a new space, 98 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: and I remember having an agent that was very into me, 99 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,359 Speaker 1: you know, very very good and worked hard and great. 100 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 1: But because we were dealing with new things, new deals, 101 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: new thing new business concepts that no one had ever 102 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: dealt with before. Because we were creating new case law 103 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,559 Speaker 1: in a new area of business, and he was really green. 104 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: He wanted me to think so I wouldn't leave him, 105 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: you know, because I was very in demand and successful. 106 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: He wanted me to think. And many agents and many 107 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: lawyers are like this. They wanted me to think that 108 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: he knew it all. And whenever I get into business 109 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 1: with people, I always say, it's okay if you don't know, 110 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: just tell me you don't know. If I think you're 111 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: a hard worker and you're smart, we'll figure that together. 112 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 1: But if we if we don't know, we can say, okay, 113 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: well this seems interesting, and then we came massage it 114 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: and talk about it and crowdsourced and worked the problem. 115 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: But someone acting like they know too much and they 116 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: actually don't is really damaging because you're going in the 117 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 1: wrong direction and you don't know. You think you're driving 118 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: in a car with someone who knows where the fun 119 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: they're going. I'd rather be like, Okay, let's stop, we 120 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: don't know where we're going, let's look at the map, 121 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 1: let's call someone, let's put the you know, the GPS on, 122 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: and we will figure it out together. But someone just 123 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 1: getting in the I got it driving in the wrong 124 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: direction is not helping anybody. So it's okay to know 125 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,720 Speaker 1: what you don't know and to convey that in a confident, 126 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: positive and constructive manner. I think over the holidays, this 127 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: made me think of something that people might find familiar. 128 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: I had an issue with a friend over the holidays 129 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: where historically I've tolerated something from them that I just 130 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 1: will not tolerate now. And it scares people. For you 131 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: to stand your ground and stick up for yourself around 132 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: people when you have never done it, it's jarring for them. 133 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 1: So someone spoke to me in a way that was 134 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: completely disrespectful and demoralizing, and I this this person lashes out, 135 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: and this is part of their personality that when they 136 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: feel challenging any way, if you don't like something they've done, 137 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: or you just rationally say I don't like what you 138 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: just said, they go to the mattresses like they go 139 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 1: to the mattress and say something nasty. There are people 140 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: on Housewives that have that same switch. I grew up 141 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 1: in a house with that switch existed. The switches like 142 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: you say to someone, you know what, I really am 143 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: not comfortable with you speaking to me that way, and 144 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: they're like, really, blah blah that you and they go 145 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: they go below the belt immediately and people do this 146 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: who drink, and I've experienced this on and off television, 147 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: so over the holidays. I did not accept that. Not 148 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: only did I say it's not acceptable where you're speaking 149 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: to me, but then when the lash out, the snap, 150 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: the switch one off, I I left the dynamic. I 151 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: I really said, I don't want to do this anymore. 152 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: And I don't know that I'll never be have a 153 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: relationship this person anymore. But I basically just stood up 154 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: for myself. And the first thought that I had was 155 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: being proud of myself just because I didn't get hysterical. 156 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: I wasn't rude. I don't go to the mats. It's 157 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: funny because I talk about people on social media, um 158 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: and I don't talk about their physical appearance. And I 159 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: don't go to the I don't go to the mattresses. 160 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: I will just say what I feel and people will say, oh, 161 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 1: you bully Megan. I've never bullied Megan. I said she 162 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: could screw U, direct dream and crime a river. That 163 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: is not That is my summation of an event that 164 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 1: is not attacking someone's physical appearance. Or character and I'm 165 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: very literally I hate when people It's why I did 166 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: well in the house was when people miss characterize something. 167 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: It drives me nut. It's like, yah, know, that's not bullying. 168 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: You better get the definition book out of bullying because 169 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: that's a misdiagnosed bullying. So anyway, I was proud of 170 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: myself because I just rationally and in a straightforward way, 171 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 1: I said this is I'm not accepting this and then said, 172 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: what you doing that has more to do with you 173 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 1: than me. And it's what I tell my daughter. Look 174 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: in the mirror. You should not be looking over here. 175 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: And there's nothing I have to say. I'm clean, and 176 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 1: I felt good. When you handle a situation clean, you 177 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: feel good. And it made me realize that it's called 178 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: it's dynamics. You have dynamics with family members. They've always 179 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: been the same, and you say, oh, they're just like that, 180 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: or they're negative, or this person is unhappy or they 181 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: don't feel well or they're in a bad marriage or 182 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: whatever the situation is. And you accept behavior that you 183 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: shouldn't be accepting. And there's a way to do it, 184 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: not fighting and lashing out. And I should have told 185 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 1: you this in November twenty before Thanksgiving and Christmas. But 186 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: it's a new year, so it's a good resolution. It's 187 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: basically just to not accept less than what you deserve, 188 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 1: and the means by which you convey that is just yeah, no, 189 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: that is not an acceptable way to speak. And I'm 190 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: extricating myself in the situation. On this conversation, you'd be 191 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: shocked by how freaked out people get. It makes them 192 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: turn the mirror right on themselves. They just they just 193 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: become so uncomfortable. If you start lashing out and responding 194 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: and reacting, that will be different. But if you just 195 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:59,199 Speaker 1: do not accept the same dynamics in relationships with families 196 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: and friendships, you'll be shocked at how well that works. 197 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: M