00:00:08 Speaker 1: But I invited you. Hear Gonta made myself perfectly clear. 00:00:17 Speaker 2: But you're a. 00:00:17 Speaker 1: Guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty and I said, no, guess, you're presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to survey? 00:00:38 Speaker 3: Mean, we're at the beginning of the podcast. You just listened to the theme song. You want the show to start. I need to announce the live show. This may have already been spoiled for you. You might already know we're having a live show because we've begun running ads. I blame you for that. I take no responsibility, but I just want to officially announce the first live I said, no gifts. It will be taking place June twenty sixth at Dynasty Typewriter at seven thirty pm. Seven thirty pm is a perfect time for a live show. You can get dinner at say five forty five, which is a little early, and then be there for the show without feeling hungry. You'll feel perfect, and you're going to feel great during the show because we're going to have some incredible guests. We're going to have some surprises, live games. 00:01:35 Speaker 2: You know. 00:01:36 Speaker 3: I've been given over two hundred items on this podcast. I can't keep all of them forever, so you know, I might be looking for an excuse to give some of those things away. Who knows what you're going to walk away with. I can't make any promises, but there will be some gift giveaways. And you know it's just a live show, so anything could happen. I could get in a fight with an audience member. You've got to be there for that. Who knows. Be there, dynastytypewriter dot com. For tickets or the live stream. Yes, there's a live stream, so you can watch it if you can't make it here, or you can do the live stream on your phone from the audience. That would be distracting, but I expect you to be there regardless. Do what you have to do. If you're not there, I'm going to wig out. I am hanging by a thread at all times. I need you to be there, Dynasty typewriter dot com. I think I've told you everything I need to tell you. It's time for the podcast. Let's get into the show. Welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. We're in the backyard. You're here, I'm here. I did find the expensive lipbomb that I mentioned on the last episode. So maybe I am a good enough person for nice lipbomb. We'll see. I'm going to try to hang on to it. I'm keeping it in a little pouch in my bag. Now, we'll see if that helps. And I also fixed the garage door. It's a big week for me. And then okay, well, look I'm about to cross a huge ethical line. The decision about today's guest is it was not taken lightly four years of you know, trying to fight it off, but enough listeners asked and enough harassment came from the other side that I think it's probably time to get into the podcast. Today's guest is quite a person. It's Jimmy Smagoola. Jim, welcome to I said no gifts. 00:03:33 Speaker 2: I have never felt more live. My entire bodily body is tingling from the tip of my head to the tip of my toes. It has been years of pitching you and the exactly right media group to be on this pie. I've been rejected thousands of times. Pitch is formal pitches. I've submitted email. 00:03:58 Speaker 3: I would say it's been a very uh ricky and lucy dynamic. You ever cooking up schemes to get on the podcast. 00:04:06 Speaker 2: Why have you refused me for so for three years? 00:04:10 Speaker 3: Already explained it you did oude. 00:04:14 Speaker 2: Oh, it's only going to get worse listeners. This is the episode you've been waiting for. This is going to be like a truth serum for you. We're going to really title this episode behind the Curtain. I said no gifts. 00:04:28 Speaker 3: I think we should. If this is somebody's first time, we should be clear. I should point out just full disclosure. You are my granddaughter, yes, and so that you know I did not want. 00:04:41 Speaker 2: To me every night anyway when he tucks me in with my one freshly baked warm cookie and a glass of milk. 00:04:49 Speaker 3: Now you have been hounding me for a long time. 00:04:52 Speaker 2: Well, you have this very successful podcast. We have celebrity after celebrity coming to our house. I mean I was at a Starbucks. You know when when Bridger records the podcast, I get out of here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to see the people. I'm not allowed to see the people. I've been told very very strongly by Bridger to get out. So I leave the house, I leave the property, and but I will see the ring you know, we have a ring doorbell, video doorbell. And so I was at Starbucks and I got a thing. You know, your ring is binging and bonging, and I pushed the button and there's poor Drew Carrey just on our stoop, looking around, no one to help it. 00:05:30 Speaker 3: My phone was on do not disturb. 00:05:32 Speaker 2: Well, you've got to be aware of your guests. You can't just invite people. 00:05:35 Speaker 3: Over to this podcast to just criticize them. 00:05:39 Speaker 2: This is just I have bullet points I've written down here. 00:05:42 Speaker 3: You've had four years to think about it. I hope you have something. 00:05:45 Speaker 2: I've got a lot of notes. I've got a lot of notes. Nine and a half years with this America's Sweetheart Bridger, Elizabeth Wineger, and it's been an interesting ride. How are you doing. I'm doing great. I'm just back, as you know, from six months on Broadway and spam a lot. I think it took me becoming a Broadway star for you to finally have me on the podcast. 00:06:10 Speaker 3: But the show closed and I really had to say can he come on now? 00:06:15 Speaker 2: Yeah, just you, you know, just to lift me ULDs. Yeah, I know, I've been just depressed. I've been great. I'm not depressed. I'm I'm happy I did the show. It was wonderful. I've made lifelong friends with so many people in the show. It was just a wonderful way to kind of return. It had been twelve years in between Broadway shows, and that was something you and I talked about a lot. It was like, you know, you said, I'd love to see you in a Broadway show. Yeah, someday. So all of our dreams came to. 00:06:45 Speaker 3: And then yet for the last hour, you've basically been blaming me for throwing away your jury duties have received throw it away? 00:06:52 Speaker 2: You've missed. This is the thing, is my text? 00:06:56 Speaker 3: Where's my jury duty summons? I wouldn't have thrown it away. 00:06:58 Speaker 2: That's exactly what I said. I would not never throw it away. You misplace my stuff. You see my name on something and you decide you want to hide it or throw it away. It's happened because you leave everything else. Well, I don't care where I leave it. You need to ask my permission before you move it. I mean losing my am. I gonna wind up in jail. I've called the hotline, now what five times? No one answers, no one helps you. I don't know what to do. I have to check it. 00:07:27 Speaker 3: You can just ignore it. I truly, god, I truly think you can just People do this all the time. They just don't show up. 00:07:33 Speaker 2: I'm gonna be in the La County prison. 00:07:35 Speaker 3: There's nothing that I've missed jury duty. 00:07:38 Speaker 2: I know, but I just want to do it and get it over. 00:07:40 Speaker 3: Well. 00:07:41 Speaker 2: You know, well, I don't know what to do. 00:07:44 Speaker 3: You're on the phone up until like five minutes before we were recovering, just dressing me. 00:07:48 Speaker 2: Yet I know, I've got to try again when we're done, but they close at four thirty, so we got to wrap this up quickly. But we've I've got about ten more minutes before I got to call the jury duty people. It's very concerning. It's very anxiety producing. 00:08:01 Speaker 3: You. 00:08:01 Speaker 2: I don't want to screw with the justice. Have you done before I did it in New York City? Did you actually get I did not. I went to the courthouse, though I was called down downtown. You go way downtown where they shoot law and order on these big steps, you know, and uh, the judge came out to all of us and he made this incredible speech about the justice system and you are a part of the justice system of this country, and it was so inspiring. And then I never even got called to go into the box to be it was a bariatric surgery gone awry. The man who had the gastric sleeve or the bariatric surgery wasn't happy with his result, and he was suing the. 00:08:50 Speaker 3: Doctoring the doctor. 00:08:51 Speaker 2: But I never even got called to answer any question. 00:08:54 Speaker 3: I didn't ask you your opinion, No, no, I never got maybe, oh you did, and what did you say? 00:08:59 Speaker 2: What were the question? 00:09:00 Speaker 3: My case was a giant bummer, so we probably shouldn't talk about the details, but the questions were in regards to the giant drag of what was going on, and every potential juror had the exact same answer. So the criminal must have known he was in hot water. 00:09:15 Speaker 2: Oh boy, and he should have taken a deal. 00:09:17 Speaker 3: He did take a deal. 00:09:18 Speaker 2: Oh there you got. 00:09:19 Speaker 3: Event after three or four days he crumbled. I think his lawyer was just like, have you heard every single person talking? Oh, you're going to get. 00:09:26 Speaker 2: Such a lot of law and order. I love SVU, particularly because I love Mariska, and it's interesting. The very last show of spam Alot, the final show, who was there but Mariska, Mariska Hargertay, her husband Peter Benson and I. I don't know. They had twelve Peter Benson, he was on SVU and he's an actor. 00:09:51 Speaker 3: Never heard of him. 00:09:52 Speaker 2: Beautiful guys about seven feet tall. And it was wonderful. And they have all kinds of kids running around. And I just love Mariska Harkta. I love it. 00:10:01 Speaker 3: You got to meet her. 00:10:02 Speaker 2: Oh I sent you that you didn't see the photos. I have photos. We'll post a photo on the I said, no gifts Instagram. I want a single card, single grid photo just of me and Mariska on the. 00:10:16 Speaker 3: On the Instagram from the listeners. 00:10:18 Speaker 2: Will charge exactly right. Media. I want to get in touch with them to get my photo with Mariska. Let's have her as a guest. She's wonderful, She's so fun. She is the nicest woman in Drisco. Reach out, Mariska, come over. We gotta do zoom. We'll dozoom. You're going to do a zoomer. 00:10:36 Speaker 3: Riska's got a land here. 00:10:38 Speaker 2: I will host that episode and I will do a zoom with Mariska. We're getting her on this podcast. She is a dream come true. Let me say when I shot my episode of SVU in two thousand and two, it was feb It's great February outside in the East village. I had two lines. So it was just begetting my extensive television career and you can look it up on IMDb and hundreds of credits. And she said to me, why don't we sit in Why don't you come and sit in the car with me because we were outside, she said, and you'll be warm. She invited me, you had two lines, to sit in the car with her and be warm. And then she said, what do you do when you don't do two lines on Law and Order? I said, I'm currently in Man of La Mantra with Brian Sakes Mitchell on Broadway. She said, we're coming this weekend. I brought them backstage. She's so nice. I love you, Mariska reach out. 00:11:34 Speaker 3: It's Bingo night. 00:11:35 Speaker 2: Tonight is bingo. I know. See. Here's the thing, though, I don't like that you do this on this podcast. I just want to say, you tell people all like but Maria Bamford said, oh, I love found cop. 00:11:49 Speaker 3: I love I know. But now. 00:11:52 Speaker 2: But now they're going to go there looking for you. 00:11:54 Speaker 3: Well, I hope so I want to drive business to Found. 00:11:57 Speaker 2: You are a bit of a celebrity. I have to say, God, are you you get recognized a lot. 00:12:02 Speaker 3: Of I want to drive business to Found Coffee. 00:12:05 Speaker 2: If you blow up your spot, you're going to be mad. 00:12:09 Speaker 3: I don't care. 00:12:09 Speaker 2: You're gonna have to wait twenty. 00:12:10 Speaker 3: More more successful. There's no chance that I am going to drive that much business to Found Coffee. That'll probably would get half a new customer. 00:12:19 Speaker 2: You're very good to the listener. You're very good to the listener, so I can say you're better than I am on my podcast baby Mouth. 00:12:26 Speaker 3: If you go with a self promotion for editing, we're gonna beep that being that you were not. You're just going to Starbucks all the time. 00:12:35 Speaker 2: I love a Starbucks and I like a reserve. 00:12:37 Speaker 3: Rounded actually good, nice little coffee shots the same price. 00:12:42 Speaker 2: I like the shaken espresso with oat milk, no classical. 00:12:45 Speaker 3: I hate that order. I hate when you say it. 00:12:46 Speaker 2: I'm always four espresso shots. 00:12:49 Speaker 3: I just I know I can feel the burista just being like this guy is irritating. 00:12:53 Speaker 2: You always say to me, you should get coffee from a place where the people care about the coffee they make. Yes, and I agree. They are great places in New York where i'd go La Cabra. 00:13:02 Speaker 3: I also think a coffee order shouldn't be more than four words long. Well, when you just had like a three cent people like. 00:13:09 Speaker 2: Oat, milk, almond, milk, no. 00:13:11 Speaker 3: Sugar, these keywords. 00:13:14 Speaker 2: Like this Starbucks order. It's fun and I like the reserve. They have comfy seats. 00:13:20 Speaker 3: It feels like an airport lounge. 00:13:21 Speaker 2: Nice WiFi. You know what you're getting. I mean, it's the McDonald's of coffee. You know exactly how it's gonna taste every shore and if it doesn't taste right, they'll make it again. And I like that. 00:13:33 Speaker 3: Do you complain about your coffee? 00:13:34 Speaker 2: No, but a few times I have a few times it's tasted like shit and I've said, hey, hello, this tastes like shit and I need a new coffee, and they'll make me a coffee that takets better. 00:13:44 Speaker 3: What could they have possibly done to make it taste. 00:13:46 Speaker 2: Maybe the milk was sour or I don't know something, but you know, sometimes it doesn't taste right. 00:13:52 Speaker 3: What did you think we were going to talk about on this podcast? 00:13:54 Speaker 2: I have no idea. Years and years well, I don't know my career. We're not talking. I made my Broadway debut when I was twenty four. 00:14:02 Speaker 3: I haven't We never talk about anyone's career. 00:14:05 Speaker 2: No, we shouldn't talk about my career. You're right, I don't know. You're the house. You've got to drive this babe. Get behind the wheel and hit the gas. It's not up to me. Did I'm a guest? 00:14:13 Speaker 3: Did you talk to your mom on the phone today? 00:14:15 Speaker 2: No, I didn't speak. Yeah, I did speak to Lois today. She didn't have much to offer. You know, Lois is a big part of my podcast, Baby. 00:14:23 Speaker 3: Beep, and. 00:14:26 Speaker 2: He doesn't like that I have my own podcast. But she didn't have a lot to offer today. 00:14:31 Speaker 1: You know. 00:14:32 Speaker 2: Sometimes they went they went to the doctor and got their blood work done, which is good because she didn't really go to the doctor for the first time until she was about sixty five. Then on the phone she goes and then I almost died. So it was a good thing she didn't almost die. I was like, what the hell is she talking about? Almost died today? She almost died when the first time she didn't. It's just that she had diabetes and didn't know it. 00:14:54 Speaker 3: H you call your mom every single day almost. 00:14:57 Speaker 2: I try to call my mom every single day, and if I don't call her in two days, I will get a voicemail and say, haven't heard from you. She's a real character. But I love my twin sister, twin sister named Rody, who is very very funny and very very opinionated, and they are complete opposites. They're fraternal twins. As my mother says, two eggs, one sack. So that's the fraternal twins. You got two eggs, one sack. Very interesting people actually listen. 00:15:34 Speaker 4: To this podcast. Listenership is dropping. I don't have anything interesting. It's incredible that people listen to this because. 00:15:44 Speaker 3: You have absolutely nothing to say. I thought you were going to be overflowing with there's nothing does. 00:15:52 Speaker 2: This is a harassment. This is why I have low self esteem. 00:15:56 Speaker 3: This is the opposite of the rest of our lives together, when you won't stop talking to me. 00:16:00 Speaker 2: I'm talking, but I'm just boring. I'm boring myself. I'm exhausted, I'm I'm ready to take a nap. This is so bored. 00:16:06 Speaker 3: I'm ready to take a nap because you woke me up this morning looking at Instagram. What were you about to watch? When I woke out, there. 00:16:13 Speaker 2: Was an Instagram post by a woman who I met in an airplane, believe it or not, and she directs animation. She's a voiceover animation director named Serena Earl. 00:16:22 Speaker 3: That's enough details. So you were trying to listen to one of her things, and that was more important. 00:16:25 Speaker 2: I went to like a post, but there was a blaring SpongeBob. I don't know what she's directed. There was some cartoon music. 00:16:33 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no. 00:16:33 Speaker 2: No, and I hit the like. But when you hit the like, the music came on and it blared, and Bridger said, what time is it? And I ignore it. I just laid still. 00:16:50 Speaker 3: No, you said early. 00:16:51 Speaker 2: No. No, First I laid still thought I was going to do what did you were just going to fall back asleep. And then twenty seconds went by and then he said what time? And I said early. I mean, it's a nightmare, people, it's a nightmare. I know you think it's a sweet little man in his backyard. Ah, the birds are chirping. We're in the backyard. Oh, I fixed the garage door. I had half a sandwich. I know you think that's what it is. 00:17:23 Speaker 3: This is the first time you're impersonating me. I thought this was the. 00:17:28 Speaker 2: It's a complete voice match. It is the It is a personality that he has devised for the podcast that doesn't This is a mean little man that I live with. So I just want the listeners to know, you know, it's not all that it seems to be. The podcast is certainly an exaggerated part of a very small part of his personality. Most of the time is a mean little man running around the house telling me all the things wrong that I've done. Recently, he's mad that I've been making hot coffee in the morning. 00:18:04 Speaker 3: I'm not mad about that. I'm mad that you don't. I have to empty the pot. I have to do all of the clean up. 00:18:09 Speaker 2: Well, these are the things you do when you're in a relationship. 00:18:12 Speaker 3: Everything. 00:18:13 Speaker 2: No, you don't do everything. I do the trash, you do everything else. But I do the garbage. You do everything else. 00:18:20 Speaker 3: Every single morning I have had to clean out the coffee pot. 00:18:23 Speaker 2: We had the weird coffee pot. 00:18:25 Speaker 3: That's wonderful. Pour over, pour over. It makes great coffee. I like. 00:18:31 Speaker 2: I miss my coffee pot in New York. He just put the grind grinds in and the grounds in the grinds of the grounds, the ground, the grounds, and there's a little basket in there already, and then you do it. It's so easy. This is a whole pour over steaming and you have to put the water in just at the level number four and I then I take the pot out and it's too hot. And he doesn't like it. He watches me. He watches me like a hawk in the morning. Every watches me go from the coffee pot to the sink. He watches what is he pouring any coffee? He's wasting the coffee. Don't put cold water in the pot and I'll break. I mean, it's every morning. It's something different. 00:19:12 Speaker 3: It's because it's like having a wild animal. 00:19:14 Speaker 2: No, you're just you. Oh, it's constant oversight. How would you like somebody in your life that is a constant oversight. It's like a ghost, but they're alive. That's how I would describe Bridger. It's like someone It would be like what a ghost would enjoy doing, but you enjoy doing it because you know the other person can't see you. Bridger doesn't give a shit. He doesn't care that I can see and hear him. He's just giving me complete oversight every moment of the day. That constantly telling me the things I'm doing wrong. That is never telling me the things I'm doing right. 00:19:51 Speaker 3: That is completely incorrect. 00:19:53 Speaker 2: I mean the shoes for having asking a bizarre shoe issue. 00:19:58 Speaker 3: We have a shoe rack holds only a certain amount of shoes, and every time I go back there, you've stuffed one of your pairs. Why can't I just stuff a shoe on because it's horrible? 00:20:06 Speaker 2: But who's who's looking at it? 00:20:09 Speaker 3: I live here. 00:20:09 Speaker 2: He treats the house like it's gonna be photographed every day, like no one's coming to fun. Just stuff some shoes in there. 00:20:16 Speaker 3: I want my living space to look pleasant. 00:20:18 Speaker 2: Oh man, So now I got shoes under the bed, which and I have to bend all the way over, get on my knees to get a pair of fucking shoes under the bed. Just leave them on the rack or put them next to the wreck. Why can't they be on the ground next. 00:20:31 Speaker 3: To the ring, because then what's the point of the rack? 00:20:32 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, maybe you have to get another rack. 00:20:34 Speaker 3: I'm not going to have two shoe racks in the hole. 00:20:36 Speaker 2: How many pair of shoes do you own? That's the question. Ballpark. 00:20:42 Speaker 3: Ten to twelve pairs. 00:20:44 Speaker 2: Of shoes, I think about twenty, and how many DoLS. 00:20:48 Speaker 3: I mean a lot of them have holes. 00:20:49 Speaker 2: And you will wear shoes that literally have holes on the tops and. 00:20:52 Speaker 3: Bottoms because there I like them, I. 00:20:54 Speaker 2: Know, but I don't think you should wear shoes with holes in them. Just get a new brand of that shoe without. 00:21:00 Speaker 3: My left foot is slightly bigger than my right foot. 00:21:03 Speaker 2: And how did you find that out? 00:21:05 Speaker 3: Because I get a hole at the front of my left foot front shoe. 00:21:09 Speaker 2: In front of my left tack your left foot. 00:21:11 Speaker 3: No, it's at the front. Why would that dragon? 00:21:14 Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know anything about that I have. 00:21:15 Speaker 3: I have a few, but you have probably the same amount of shoes, and your shoes are twice as big as mine. 00:21:19 Speaker 2: I don't have ten to twelve pairs of shoes. Actually, like to counter, I have five pairs of shoes. 00:21:23 Speaker 3: Listen to that bird, my very. 00:21:25 Speaker 2: Loud loud animals back here. Now. We've also had a snake problem recently, and I should left. I should have said this at the top of this podcast. But if I see a snake, the podcast is over. I will be in the house and I will not return. 00:21:42 Speaker 3: I did. I was on the Do You Need to Write? Podcast? We talked about this the snake that I saw. I've seen two snakes and our neighbor has confirmed that they're not dangerous. But one of them has. 00:21:53 Speaker 2: Our neighbor who directs animation. I mean, what is he know about snakes? 00:21:57 Speaker 3: Everything is from Florida. Oh, this is what happened. And listener, this is a you know, this is kind of a graphic image, so you might involving lizards in snakes, so you might want to just tune out for one moment. But this snake had swallowed a lizard tail first, and so it looked like a lizard was wearing a snake costume. 00:22:15 Speaker 2: But also we were going out to dinner. And as we're going out, I'm going down to my car, which was parked in the back of the driveway, and I hear Bridger go booooooooo, which is his danger signal that means danger boooooo. I was scared, right, And I thought, uh oh, and I think I said, and you said, there's. 00:22:38 Speaker 5: A snake, Jam, Jam, there's a snake with a lizard in its mouth eating a lizard. 00:22:45 Speaker 2: And I was like, I jumped into my car just jumped. 00:22:48 Speaker 3: In, and then you're googling ways to kill snakes. Almost ameniate. 00:22:51 Speaker 2: They heard these tennis balls that you can buy, not tennis balls, but they're in the shape of a tennis ball. They're green, and you put them twenty feet apart all over your property and they repel the snakes. They don't kill them, but they say hell them, Hey, snake, don't come over here. 00:23:05 Speaker 3: So Bridger said, but then that allows all of the other things. The snakes are a natural predator and they keep the ecosystem in check. 00:23:11 Speaker 2: Well, I made a huge mistake. I made a huge mistake in this initial conversation because I said to him, I want to get these balls, but I wonder if the snakes are coming, because there are mice and rats around now. Once that was a fatal mistake, because once I said that, Bridger's mind went. 00:23:30 Speaker 3: Mice and rats. 00:23:31 Speaker 2: Wow, And now he will not let me get rid of the snakes. He's hoping that the snakes return because he thinks they're eating mice and rats. So then he said to me. 00:23:42 Speaker 3: I don't think they are, but if there's the chance they are, if we were to get rid of the snakes, the mice and rats will be the kings. 00:23:48 Speaker 2: So now he said, I will call a mice and rat person to come over and make sure that we don't have any mice and rats. And I said, you have two days to do this before I buy my balls for the snake repellent balls. There's like sixteen bucks on Amazon whatever. 00:24:04 Speaker 3: It's not the price. 00:24:05 Speaker 2: A week and a half, it's been a week and a half of him telling me I can't buy these balls, and every night I go to sleep hoping that I'm not going to wake up with a snake around my neck. I mean, I am basically living in a wildlife preserve. 00:24:22 Speaker 3: We're moving past us. There's something else we've got to talk about. Oh no, Jim, I was not looking forward to having you on the podcast. 00:24:28 Speaker 2: That's clear. 00:24:29 Speaker 3: I think that idil to keep you away from the show. I finally relent. The podcast is called I said no gifts. I wasn't surprised to see you coming into the backyard. Anytime I ask you to do anything, I get the opposite answer and stick. 00:24:51 Speaker 2: It just goes, doesn't It just go on and on? Listener every show, it just gets longer. Soon he's just going to be starting at the top of the podcast. Guar Murray Bamford. The name of this podcast is I said no gifts, and I was shocked and dismayed and disheartened to see you. Oh, go ahead, do the stick, go ahead. 00:25:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, you brought a large gift. First of all, again four years. In the last few days you've been absolutely panicking about thinking of what. You waited into the very last minute to think of a gift. Yesterday you say you're going to target. I say, please, don't spend a lot of money. You come back and wrap the thing. 00:25:27 Speaker 2: It is massive, it's it's the biggest gift you've ever gotten on this podcast. That's my hope. 00:25:33 Speaker 3: I think we've actually gotten a bigger gift. I think there have been a couple like we got these bad Minton net poles. Those were very low. This is one of the biggests. This is certainly one. 00:25:47 Speaker 2: Of there's a puppy in there. 00:25:48 Speaker 3: There's not a puppy in there. Do you want me to open it here on the podcast? 00:25:52 Speaker 2: Please open it on the pod. Okay, you can open it now. 00:25:55 Speaker 3: This is probably half my size. 00:25:57 Speaker 2: Oh, it's very large, and it's beautifully wrapped. 00:26:00 Speaker 3: It kind of my moral Oh, I'm so annoyed. I'm so this is this is just a gift for you. This is how much did this cost? It's a vacuum. I bought a vacuum a few years ago. Target dot Com had a malfunction on their website where you could get anything you wanted for seventy five percent off. So I went a little crazy and I bought a vacuum and a blender and a lamp and a bunch of other things for seventy five percent off, and I got a nice vacuum. The vacuum functions absolutely fine. It sucks everything up, it has a bare floor setting. You can do whatever you want with this thing. I'm the only person that uses it. And every nine months, the vacuum and say this doesn't work, and I'll say it's because you don't know how to use it. Okay, okay, so but you've given me a vacuum, yourself a vacuum. 00:26:58 Speaker 2: The vacuum that we currently own is very old. It has traveled with us for six years. Fine, it does not work. 00:27:09 Speaker 3: I listened to a podcast about vacuums. 00:27:11 Speaker 2: Reach, so now you're gonna have the was on sale. 00:27:14 Speaker 3: The best part of do you know how to vacuum. Okay, the best way, it's vacuum insulting vacuum. The real vacuuming happens when you're pulling it backwards, okay, And I never insulted. 00:27:27 Speaker 2: I'm going to unhook my microphone. 00:27:30 Speaker 3: This no, no, this has excellent reviews. 00:27:36 Speaker 2: Is that there's a dog picture on and our dog died and we're very sensitive about it. And it's called the swivel pet, but it's really great. It's the Biscle clean View Swivel Pet vacuum cleaner, powerful pet hair pick up with triple action brush roll and scatter free tech. You just go to Target. 00:27:54 Speaker 3: Was this on your mind? 00:27:55 Speaker 1: I went, I. 00:27:56 Speaker 2: Googled, I did the research, researched. I saw this one was on sale for how you're not going to know the price. 00:28:03 Speaker 3: I think we need to know. 00:28:04 Speaker 2: No, you're not going to know. 00:28:05 Speaker 3: Yes, this is this podcast is about. 00:28:08 Speaker 2: Six dollars and six dollars vacuum that's actually not bad for fifty to eighty three hundred dollars. 00:28:13 Speaker 3: Now I'm worried this was cheap. My vacuum was about forty dollars, but that was actually savings. 00:28:18 Speaker 2: And your vacuum doesn't work anymore. It's disgusting. It's it looks discussing. There's all kinds of crap. 00:28:25 Speaker 3: That's what a vacuum. Of course, this crap, that's what a vacuum does. Suck things up off the floor. You don't suck up pearls. 00:28:30 Speaker 2: This is gorgeous and new. 00:28:32 Speaker 3: It's going to be gorgeous and a week. 00:28:34 Speaker 2: Say thank you, Jim, thank you Jim for the this is vcuum. 00:28:39 Speaker 3: This is the thing I begged you. I've demanded you not buy because vacuum. 00:28:43 Speaker 2: You need a new vacuum. 00:28:44 Speaker 3: It's I need to see this is You're already saying to me that I'm going to be using it. Of course, she's like a husband in the fifties giving his wife used that you love money. Here's your vacuum. 00:28:55 Speaker 2: We are going to vacuum our beautiful house together. And also, yeah, this has a double handle. And also they give a little bit of money to their pet. They have like a pet fund for like rescue pets. 00:29:11 Speaker 3: So we. 00:29:13 Speaker 2: Did it and here's there's a rescue pet on the side of the thing. Here adorable. 00:29:19 Speaker 3: When you so you did all this research? Were you researching pet vacuums? 00:29:24 Speaker 2: No, no, I just what I put in first was best vacuum. And then I looked and looked and looked, and you know, there's all kinds of lists and things, and this was a very very highly rated, highly regarded, highly recording to all kinds of many many different sources, and people love this vacuum. I'm very excited. I'm so excited to put our old vacuum on the curb. We'll put that picture next to Mariska and me on the grid. And I love this vacuum. This is a great look. It was either this or a puppy, and you didn't want to puppy. We're not ready for a puppy yet. So we got that. We got a vacuum or wedding ring. That was my third. 00:30:02 Speaker 3: That would have been the end of the show. I would have asked you to leave for good, for. 00:30:09 Speaker 2: Not only the podcast but your life. Jam leave my life. 00:30:15 Speaker 3: There's no chance. 00:30:17 Speaker 2: That's so rude. Do not cut that out. That is rude. I want that on record for the divorce Court of California. Ten years, we become common law and I do everything you have made. Look it up, babe. A few more months and I get half your nightmare. Just your nightmare. This is great. Aren't you excited to use it? Oh my god, it's so rude, so rude. 00:30:49 Speaker 3: I want you to return. 00:30:50 Speaker 2: I'm not that's Bridger. You should you should actually cut that out. 00:30:54 Speaker 3: Absolutely not rude. I want. 00:30:58 Speaker 2: Rude. Thank you. But I have one hundred dollars and this is going to be great. It's going to change our vacuuming life. 00:31:04 Speaker 3: Are you going to use it? 00:31:06 Speaker 2: Yeah? I use it well because the one that we currently have it takes about four or five times to go over something before it picks. It's not true, Well, it is true. I think you're just doing a job and I think this. I'll use this later on tonight. There's a little dust under your seat where you sit every morning where I have to sit in silence while he reads. If anyone out there is seen the Phantom Thread with Daniel day Lewis, you'll recall a scene where he's having breakfast with a few other people at the table and one of the gals at the table starts stirring her coffee, simply stirring it, and he slams the table and says, too much noise. That is what it's like to be with Bridge or wineger in the morning. 00:31:49 Speaker 3: This is the actual thing that's happening. There's a tired person trying to wake up for the day, quietly minding their own business, reading a thing that requires concentration. And then there's this noisy figure doing all kinds of things, saying whatever comes to mind, watching YouTube videos, watching Instagram's true badgering the reader. You'll be kicked out of a library. 00:32:11 Speaker 2: I like to talk to you. 00:32:13 Speaker 3: Well, there's the rest of the day for that. 00:32:16 Speaker 2: Well, I've learned. 00:32:17 Speaker 3: You have learned very after being probably all that six years. 00:32:20 Speaker 2: At least six years, but I've really become a morning person since. 00:32:25 Speaker 3: Moving to a morning person. 00:32:27 Speaker 2: Not in New York. I wasn't, but here and even in New York. Now it's like, as I got older, I'm a morning person, but you are not. This morning, you were giving the performance of a lifetime. I don't know what was I said, boy, this performance is rich. I don't know what was going on this wall because I woke you up. No, No, it's because I woke you up. Yes, because I wanted to make sure that I knew I were exhausted. Because I woke you up at seven fifteen. It wasn't three fifteen. 00:32:58 Speaker 3: I was seeing fifteen dreaming at the time, So that means you really what you disrupted? Good sleep? 00:33:04 Speaker 2: He kind of yelped, and you know, it's just like, come on, man, he is very precious when he sleeps. 00:33:12 Speaker 3: When was the first time he used a vacuum? I bet it wasn't until we lived together. 00:33:18 Speaker 2: I don't know. My mother did everything for me when I was kid. I didn't know how to leave a bed. I don't know how to do laundry. I didn't know you separated laundry until I went to college. I did nothing. But you have three siblings, so you had to do it yourself, you know what I mean. Your mom would just spend twelve hours a day making beds and doing well. 00:33:37 Speaker 3: My mom did a lot. Yeah, but we also, you know, there was some expectation of doing any She. 00:33:43 Speaker 2: Didn't let us. You know, it wasn't I mean, I probably enjoyed learning how to do laundry. That could be an exciting thing as a fifteen year old. Fear like to show me how to do it. I didn't know how to make a bed, and he has a very special way of making a bed. He should be perfec It has to all be tucked in so that ten minutes later I can untuck. 00:34:04 Speaker 3: It all That's what making a bed. 00:34:06 Speaker 2: It's a Mormon way, that is a Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints' way of making a bed, tucking it all in. I've never heard that do you tuck in your Do you make your bed? First of all? Do you make your bed? I do make my bed, tuck it all in underneath. 00:34:22 Speaker 3: It depends on the type of cover I i how to. 00:34:25 Speaker 6: If I did, I will concede. If I knew how to do it, I probably would. 00:34:29 Speaker 3: But I do not know. 00:34:31 Speaker 6: You don't know how to tuck in well, meaning like you know, like I don't use a like a hospital. I kind of make my bed like a bachelor. I just have a duvet with the cover. 00:34:41 Speaker 5: Yeah. 00:34:41 Speaker 6: I don't have like a top sheet underneath it. So I just kind of, like, you know, make it look decent. I think that's and that's it. I don't think we need to tuck in well our make our bed every day. 00:34:50 Speaker 3: The thing on our bed needs to be tucked in. It's a different type of cover. It's not a duvet. I love it sloppy. 00:34:56 Speaker 2: The one thing I will say about Bridger is that he's an excellent interior designer. He gets colors and a vibe, and he has great taste in furniture. 00:35:08 Speaker 3: Look nice. 00:35:08 Speaker 2: If the podcast thing doesn't work out, you can always go into interiors. 00:35:12 Speaker 3: I guess I should. 00:35:13 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a big failure. He gets recognized. You know, William Met he said, I'm a writer. I'm a writer. Now he's an actor. He's auditioning for TV. She does TV shows. Now he's a podcast. His face is ever a billboard and all this shit. I'm supposed to be the star all of a sudden, now I'm married to a star. I don't want to be married to I'm I'm the star. Okay, people should be com getting well whatever it is. Yeah, you are definitely Lucy. 00:35:42 Speaker 3: I wish I was. 00:35:45 Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be the star, not you. I was sold a bill of goods. I was sold a bill of goods and I've stuck with it even though it's been hell. 00:36:00 Speaker 3: Well, I guess. I mean, we've got this vacuum, which this is great. 00:36:03 Speaker 2: Tell the truth. Aren't you a little happy about it? Be honest, I'm. 00:36:06 Speaker 3: Going to be completely honest. I think our vacuum's fine boy, there's nothing. 00:36:12 Speaker 2: Six years for one hundred bucks. This is great. 00:36:15 Speaker 3: I think we should test it. 00:36:16 Speaker 2: What's gonna happen now is just gonna use it once and go jab. Yeah the one was better. Just gonna yell well. 00:36:23 Speaker 3: I want to look at this box. I want to have something called scatter free technology technology. The dog they rescued, the suction indicator light, a washable filter, they have the turbo eraser tool multi side. The more things they have, the more possibility of breaking. 00:36:43 Speaker 2: It's an easy, empty dirt bin. Bridger five adjustable height settings. That's good for you because you're a tiny little man. 00:36:51 Speaker 3: It looks small. 00:36:52 Speaker 2: I don't think it's smart. I think it's gonna be great. I think you're gonna love it. I saw it on the display in Target. There was only one left. There was the only order, and here it is. It's gorgeous. Any other person would be thrilled with this gift. 00:37:06 Speaker 3: I don't think that's true. 00:37:08 Speaker 2: Oh who doesn't. Right into I said no gifts dot com. 00:37:11 Speaker 3: Flood gifts dot com. 00:37:14 Speaker 2: I said no gifts at g at gmail dot com. I said no gifts at gmail dot com. And Bridger's personal email, which is I'm just kidding. Send it into I said, no gifts at gmail dot com. Flood the in box people. I want this to be the episode of the entire podcast series, and I want Bridger to know that you would be happy. Maybe we'll do a poll. Would you be happy getting a vacuum cleaner as a gift? Is a gift? Yes, it's wonderful and this will last you another six years at least, bridg Er be nice? Does it? Does it take so much energy to be a nice person? 00:37:56 Speaker 3: Oh, I'm trying to be. I just think we have a decent vegeu hard enough. I think we have a decent vacuum, and I think that this is a waste of. 00:38:03 Speaker 2: Your decent vacuum. 00:38:04 Speaker 3: That looks disgusting, but it's because you know, old, old type vacuums with the bag. It never looked disgusting because it was in the bag. 00:38:13 Speaker 2: I don't think they use a bag anymore. 00:38:14 Speaker 3: Oh they do. I listened to that podcast vacuums. 00:38:17 Speaker 2: You know the things here that that's spin around in the front. I don't think those brushes even work on that one anymore. 00:38:23 Speaker 3: That might be true. 00:38:24 Speaker 2: Okay, thank you. So it's time. It's been time for a new vacuum fer. I've been asking you for many years. 00:38:31 Speaker 3: And now you've moved on to an air fryer. 00:38:33 Speaker 2: Oh, I want an air fry so I can make chicken nuggets with American cheese and put it on a roll. Would not be delicious? Well, some frozen chicken nuggets, a frozen Ilios pizza? Do they still make Ilio's pizza? You're going to delash. 00:38:51 Speaker 3: You're going to make chicken nuggets and an air fryer with cheese on top. 00:38:54 Speaker 2: When I was a kid, we had no money, and having an Ilio, my mother would say, tonight we're having Ilios. It's French bread. Like this was class beyond what we should even expect in our house. It's a French bread pizza, and I love these French bread pa bagel bites you have. 00:39:16 Speaker 3: My mom would go buy a French bread loaf at Albertson's and then turn it into a pizza. 00:39:20 Speaker 2: Delicious. 00:39:20 Speaker 3: What about baker liking it? We never had bagel bytes. 00:39:24 Speaker 2: Can you make that an air force probably chicken palm I could do. 00:39:28 Speaker 3: We're not going to use it. 00:39:30 Speaker 2: There's normally one hundred and fifty bucks. 00:39:33 Speaker 3: Yeah, but then it just sits on the counter. 00:39:34 Speaker 2: The thing that we have that we never use is a crock pot. 00:39:39 Speaker 3: We don't own a crockpot. 00:39:41 Speaker 2: What do we own? 00:39:42 Speaker 3: We have an instant pot? 00:39:43 Speaker 2: Instant pot? What is the difference? 00:39:45 Speaker 3: A crockpot is a It takes a very long time to cook. So it's like if you want you put a roast in there and set it and forget it. Oh boy, instant pot takes a few minutes or it takes a much shorter time because it's a compression device. And we used it a lot during Lockdown. 00:40:02 Speaker 2: A lot. 00:40:03 Speaker 5: Yeah. 00:40:03 Speaker 3: I made soups, I made stew. 00:40:06 Speaker 2: I made a lot of STU was delicious? Was that with a wine? What was the recipe? Was there a little red wine in there? 00:40:13 Speaker 3: It's very fancy. 00:40:14 Speaker 2: Oh it was good. That's stew. But I think you used it maybe five times. I wouldn't say a lot. A lot is misleading the listeners. Listener, I'm on your side. I just want you to know. 00:40:25 Speaker 3: That the listener's on my side. 00:40:27 Speaker 2: Well maybe not after this episode. The truth will set you free, listener. I think we should get an air fray. I think we'd use it, and I'd like to start having some more meals at home. 00:40:41 Speaker 3: But what you just said was chicken nuggets with American cheese. 00:40:44 Speaker 2: The lunch, some chips, dorrito's, some doritos. 00:40:50 Speaker 3: Do you actually say dorito's or is that delic You never say doritos. 00:40:56 Speaker 2: Doritos is how I say it. But with you, I. 00:40:58 Speaker 3: Said it is a late life to you. I say, because you do have some interesting pronunciations. 00:41:05 Speaker 2: Oh, let's you don't want to go there? Not something you want to edit out. You say walk, but in New Jersey I would say walk. 00:41:16 Speaker 3: In New Jersey, I think the rest of the world would say. 00:41:19 Speaker 2: I wouldn't say walk like cook food in a walk? Yes, okay and w A l K are two different words. You wouldn't say I'm gonna take a walk. 00:41:30 Speaker 3: Yes, you want to take a walk. At least what would you say? 00:41:32 Speaker 2: How do you say it? I have to think I'm gonna take a whalle I'm gonna take a walk. Walk. Now say I'm gonna cook food in a walk. I'm gonna cook food in a walk. Different. 00:41:41 Speaker 3: What's happening right now is hyper aware of the way they're pronouncing walk. 00:41:45 Speaker 2: No, yes, absolutely, they're doing a wonderful job. 00:41:50 Speaker 3: There are homophones that's the right word, right. Homophones they sound the same. 00:41:55 Speaker 2: Well homo probably home of homo phones. That should be my drag name phone homophones. 00:42:01 Speaker 3: They're homophonophones. Walk walk yes. 00:42:05 Speaker 2: Walk walk No. Nevada Nevada. You say Nevada, I say. 00:42:09 Speaker 3: Nevada, Nevada, Nevada or not homophone? 00:42:11 Speaker 2: Do you say Colorado or Colorado? 00:42:13 Speaker 3: Colorado? 00:42:14 Speaker 2: I say Colorado. 00:42:16 Speaker 3: That doesn't mean it's correct. 00:42:18 Speaker 2: It's correct the way I say it is. 00:42:20 Speaker 3: It's perfectly fine. But most people, especially from the western part of the country where Colorado is, say Colorado. 00:42:26 Speaker 2: Interesting. This is a very interesting I don't really know what they say. What would you say on lease Colorado or Colorado? 00:42:32 Speaker 6: I was raised in that state, and we do say Colorado Colorado. 00:42:36 Speaker 2: Interesting. 00:42:38 Speaker 3: I mean, we've talked about the song podcast, of course you're not. 00:42:42 Speaker 2: How about Seattle. I'm just kidding Seattle, Seattle. There's a great video that I'll also post on the grid on the I said no gifts instagram of my aunt Roady. My aunt Roady Rosemary who calls herself Roady and has a diamond necklace that's Roady in diamonds that she wears. But she was mad because she she met somebody named Diana. 00:43:09 Speaker 3: No, she met somebody named Diana. 00:43:10 Speaker 2: Right, well, she met somebody that she that introduced themselves as Diana, and she was mad because their name is to her Diana. So there's this whole video that I secretly took of her at the dinner table and Thanksgiving, her saying d I A and A Diana, Diana. Oh it's Diana. She's so up. 00:43:31 Speaker 3: This is exactly how you sound about the last ten minutes. 00:43:34 Speaker 2: No walk, walk and walk are two different words. 00:43:38 Speaker 3: Your mom is not a twin with Rody. She's a triplet. You're the triplet. You're the well people, you are exactly your mom. 00:43:44 Speaker 2: Oh good, that's it's a compliment and incredible, exactly your mom exactly. We call him Debbie Junior, little Debbie. Here they come his mother. 00:43:59 Speaker 3: One said to me, my mom's a wonderful person. 00:44:02 Speaker 2: Oh, I love your mom. Your family is wonderful. Your mom said to me my other son, I mean they are they really are lovely person. She once said to me in a hushed tone, beware the red hair, and then walked out of the room. And you know what, she was right, She was right. People. This man you've come to love is not the man you think he is. It's got in the house in vacuum. We we're gonna play gift Master, a gift for a curse. Let's do gift for a curse. 00:44:38 Speaker 3: Running the show, Let's. 00:44:39 Speaker 2: Do gift to a curse. Gift Masters sold out, isn't it. It's sold out, people. You gotta buy more gift Masters. I'm gonna come up with a We're gonna put it on the I said no gifts Grid. I'm gonna come up with a. 00:44:52 Speaker 3: New game developing a case. 00:44:57 Speaker 2: I know that because you asked me my advice and then I get no money. 00:45:00 Speaker 3: From But hopefully that'll be on sale soon. You and I did a trial. 00:45:05 Speaker 2: Its a little work. 00:45:07 Speaker 3: That's why we did the trial. 00:45:08 Speaker 2: And I'm saying, well, yeah, we figure it out for the people. We don't just do it once. No, this is this is and I'm saying we this is good for the courts because if this game explodes and I get zero money as I've gotten for nine years of my input on pilots and auditions and podcasts and graphics and guests and lists and zero, it's. 00:45:33 Speaker 3: An exchange for me vacuuming everything This is. 00:45:35 Speaker 2: Great for the court of law when I take you to judge Judy. 00:45:38 Speaker 3: But I would love to go Gift a Curse I judge Judy with you. 00:45:43 Speaker 2: Yeah, she's I think she's. 00:45:44 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's interesting. She's a billionaire, and so that's always a problem. 00:45:47 Speaker 2: Yeah, politically not for me. 00:45:49 Speaker 3: It's always a problem. I enjoy how but Gift Masters now sold on. Maybe we'll circle back to that. 00:45:53 Speaker 2: Game is sold out, So that wonderful. 00:45:56 Speaker 3: Okay, we're playing Gift to a Curse. I need a number between one and ten from you. You want to tell you the Have you ever listened to this podcast? 00:46:02 Speaker 2: Six? I'm gonna promote my own god. 00:46:07 Speaker 3: To do some light calculating right now. You can do whatever you want. You can recommend something which I suggest. You can promote something which you can also do, but have some class and also recommend something. 00:46:19 Speaker 2: Let me tell you all the things about Bridger that you don't know. Take this time to tell you. Now, what can I recommend to you? There's some wonderful Broadway shows. If you're in New York. You're going to New York, it's a great time go see a Broadway show. Spam Alot, the show that I just was in is closed because no one came to see it, But you should go see a wonderful Broadway show. And my podcast baby Mouth is still up on all platforms. I haven't done a new one in a long time because I've been busy, but you know, I'm thinking about getting back in the game and doing some more podcasts. It's a podcast where a guest brings me a food every week that I've never eaten before. And I had Cola Scola and Melissa for Mari and Rosie O'Donnell and a lot of my friends, and I tried sushi for the first time in cottage cheese and all kinds of fun things. And Bridger was on it. Our episode What did I Eat for the first sum of euro a heo. It was such a great episode, so much fun. 00:47:13 Speaker 3: It's a very fun show. I mean, I did say recommend something, and then you said there are a lot of great Broadway shows, and then you recommended the one you were in. 00:47:20 Speaker 2: No, no, I said, I'm not in it anymore. 00:47:21 Speaker 3: I mean, so you didn't mention anything else specifically. Well, I'm recommending that you Broadway in Jeneral. 00:47:27 Speaker 2: You should get on the ball because you missed a great show called Spam a lot starring me. 00:47:31 Speaker 3: Name one specific thing not involving you that you can read. 00:47:34 Speaker 2: Stereophonic is wonderful Outsiders the musical suffs about the Suffragettes. 00:47:40 Speaker 3: You haven't seen that on the stage. 00:47:43 Speaker 2: Okay, Cola Skull is starring and Oh Mary, the hit of the season moving to Broadway. 00:47:49 Speaker 3: You haven't seen O Mary. I haven't. I can recommend that that's the funniest thing I've seen in fifty years. 00:47:54 Speaker 2: Yeah, recommend, Oh Mary? 00:47:56 Speaker 3: Okay, Well you know I had to drag it out of you. Oh my, this is how we play gift You're a curse because you've obviously never heard my podcast. 00:48:03 Speaker 2: Here we go. 00:48:03 Speaker 3: I'm gonna name three things. You're going to tell me if there're a gift or a curse and why, and then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answer. 00:48:12 Speaker 2: Don't change your answer just to. 00:48:14 Speaker 3: Be I'm not going to change my answer. 00:48:16 Speaker 2: All right, because I feel like I know you pretty well. I'm gonna I'm gonna guess this. 00:48:23 Speaker 3: Win my respect. 00:48:25 Speaker 2: Wow, that's something I haven't added for nine and a half years. 00:48:30 Speaker 3: Rodney, danger for. 00:48:31 Speaker 2: You take my wife, please okay't take her. She's vacuuming with a new vacuum in the living room. 00:48:39 Speaker 3: Okay, this is how I've already told you. 00:48:41 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:48:42 Speaker 3: Number one this is from a listener named Meghan Gift. You're a curse. 00:48:45 Speaker 2: It's Meghan. See he says, Meghan. That's how you say name Meghan. It's an valum. 00:48:50 Speaker 3: That's you're going way too far in the Meghan, Meghan, Meghan in between. Well, go back and listen again. 00:48:58 Speaker 2: Push the fifteen second back button and you'll hear him say, Megan, it's not how you pronounce that name, But go ahead, please. 00:49:06 Speaker 3: Gift or a curse posing a question to yourself only to then go on to answer it. And then there's an example. It says, Meredith does this a lot in Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, which we watch love example. Do I trust Jen? No, of course I don't trust Jen. I need to see actions over time for that to happen. 00:49:25 Speaker 2: Oh, asking a question out loud to yourself. 00:49:28 Speaker 3: And then answering it saying oh, and this is interesting. This person says they just learned this as a type of speech pattern called hippophora, so that something hypophora, hypo hippo homophora. 00:49:40 Speaker 2: Okay, um, so what's the question again? 00:49:47 Speaker 3: Posing a question to yourself and then answering it. Am I having a horrible timeles gym here on the podcast? Of course I have. 00:49:53 Speaker 2: Oh, that's definitely a gift. You do this a lot in your scripts. I think I've read some of your pilots that you've done this with your you know, is the house about to fall down? Who can say if you love that, you love that, you love this phone hypophone, Well, I'll show you. It's one of yours that I probably contributed to for free. But I would say you definitely think this is a gift. And by the way, if any of the Salt Like housewives are listening, you got to come on the podcast, come on over. 00:50:22 Speaker 3: I think we tried to get Heather on because I know someone who knows Heather. 00:50:25 Speaker 2: And responds radio silence. Well, Meredith, I love Lisa Bila. 00:50:30 Speaker 3: I would have any of the gals on. It's an open invitation to the house. 00:50:34 Speaker 2: And Sean I have a little Instagram DM relationship. 00:50:37 Speaker 3: That's true. You were you were supporting Jen into the very end, which was so scary. 00:50:42 Speaker 2: We all make mistakes. 00:50:43 Speaker 3: You were only supporting her because she was messaging back to you. Some criminal develops a relationship with you, suddenly they're innocent. 00:50:49 Speaker 2: She's gone radio silence since going into the clink, and she's going to get back into in the clink, I hope. So when she gets out five. 00:50:55 Speaker 3: Years, well, you're right, it is a gift. See, I love that, I know, Meredith says Meredith. I'm completely on board with Mary. 00:51:03 Speaker 2: Remember when she what did she say? 00:51:05 Speaker 3: She was d the nastiness. 00:51:10 Speaker 2: Oh, we love them. Come on back, girl, it's going to be weird with that. 00:51:13 Speaker 3: That other lady, Monica. Monica and her mother Linda. 00:51:19 Speaker 2: Who is the person behind reality Reality Tease Reality. 00:51:30 Speaker 3: We have to minimize the housewives talk a lot of the time. I think, oh my god, the listener seventy percent of people don't care about this language. 00:51:38 Speaker 2: People. 00:51:39 Speaker 3: I just try to be aware of how much people want to hear about the house. 00:51:43 Speaker 2: The numbers for this episode are not exceptional. I'm going to be very upset, like I want them to be double whatever the numbers for Drew Carrey were. 00:51:53 Speaker 3: Every listener has got to recommend this to every single person in their life. 00:51:56 Speaker 2: I mean, what are you doing if you the only way to make me happy is for you to recommend this podcast to your friends, and specifically this episode, because you've never heard an episode of a podcast like this before. 00:52:10 Speaker 3: I really do have to again. I know I apologize about this at the beginning of the podcast, but I'm apologizing again. I do not like when a gay couple does anything. Just in general. I don't think gay couples should be allowed to do things, but in public even more so when they you know, these I don't want to name any specific. 00:52:30 Speaker 2: Marge Taylor Green to the podcast. I mean, Jesus Bridger. 00:52:36 Speaker 3: This is mind It very annoying when they're like these, these guys who have like a joint Instagram account and they're doing some annoying thing together. This is bordering on it, and I want to I want the listener to know that this is as far. 00:52:50 Speaker 2: As guests on your podcast because I am an extremely successful actor. That's the only reason I happen to live in the same house. But that's okay. 00:53:01 Speaker 3: Number two, this is from a listener named Shane Shane Gift or a curse the seventh grade. 00:53:07 Speaker 2: Hmm, Now, I pooped my pants in a basketball game on seventh grade, So for me. You know, I was forced to play all sports, even though all I wanted to do was play the piano, the clarinet and take tap class. But my dad, who is a very blue collar, wonderful guy, he forced me to play all sports. And basketball was one of those sports. And I wasn't feeling well and I was on the court. We're playing the town next to us, and the stands were filled in the gymnasium. I'm wearing my little uniform, my little white shorts, and the coach, mister Carroll, was very mean. He was mean. He was yelling smogola, smogola, and my stomach was churning, churning, smogola. Hands up on defense, hands up on defense. And I could never remember if defense was when you had the ball or defense when was when you didn't have the ball. I couldn't remember. So I just had my hands up for the whole game. And then as we're getting close to halftime, he's saying, I put my hands down because it gets tiring keeping your hands up, you know, for an entire thing, and he's yelling again, smogola. What did I say, smagola? Hands up? And I put my hands up and I put my hands up and I stretched them into the air and I just pooped my pants. I just center court stop. I bent my knees and it all just came streaming out into my white shorts. I ran out of the gym. I ran all the way home to my mom. I rang the front doorbell and she was like, what are you doing? And she saw me, and she goes. 00:54:51 Speaker 5: Going that back and take it off and use the house. 00:54:55 Speaker 2: Do not come into the house. So I hosed myself off naked in the backyard. She brought me a towel, and I think I probably resigned from the basketball. 00:55:09 Speaker 3: Do other people know what had happened? 00:55:10 Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, of course. 00:55:12 Speaker 3: What were the people not know? Well, maybe we're strong. 00:55:16 Speaker 2: There were no repercussions. Everybody was silent about it. 00:55:21 Speaker 3: That's almost worse. Actually we went on with you almost want people to comment and just get it out there. 00:55:26 Speaker 2: No, no, it's just this. I may the next day off of school, and that's heartbreaking. So seventh grade for me was a curse. But I hmm, it's a toss up because I got to get into your little brain. I would imagine you would also say seventh grade is a curse. 00:55:48 Speaker 3: You're correct, for me to argue that it's easily. I think it is easily the worst possible grade you. I mean, I think it depends though, because for me, sixth grade was the end of elementary school. Seventh grade was the beginning of middle school. So you went from being the king of the school to being in this weird stage of puberty. I had braces, you know. I was so small. You're small, You're figuring things out. It's a horrible time. I don't remember anything good happening in the seventh grade. 00:56:21 Speaker 2: I had a great teacher. We did a lot of math, and I ship my pants to the center court in the basketball game. 00:56:28 Speaker 3: Okay, it's a curse. Curse, Okay, so you've gotten two rights. Frank God, I was hoping this would go a different way, so rude. Finally this is true, no respect. Finally. A listener named Stephanie has suggested gift or a curse finger writing on a dirty car windshield. Are you familiar with this? 00:56:49 Speaker 2: Of course? Wash me with the little sad face. Oh wow, you're so clever. No one's ever done that before. I'm going curse just out of my own East Coast genetically wired anger, wash me sad things. Wow, you should be a writer. You're so funny. Yeah right, wash me on somebody's dirty car. Maybe they're trying to save the environment. Anybody ever say think about that instead of going and get your car washed. 00:57:21 Speaker 3: Every car washed. 00:57:23 Speaker 2: I love a car wash, but you know what I don't like. I don't like the car washes where you go through it and you have to vacuum your own car. That's what I go to, I know, and that's what you recommend it to me. And suddenly on my hands and knees to I don't need to pay to use a vacuum. I want to stay. 00:57:38 Speaker 3: I don't pay car. I pay nine dollars for the basic wash. 00:57:41 Speaker 2: It's ridiculous. 00:57:41 Speaker 3: And then I get free vacuum use. 00:57:43 Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a we have a vacuum right here. 00:57:46 Speaker 3: I'm not vacuuming the car with the house. 00:57:47 Speaker 2: Well, we can use the old vacuum. It works so well. We can keep the old vacuum outside for cars and keep the new vacuum inside for the. 00:57:54 Speaker 3: Floor vacuum just sitting in the front. 00:57:56 Speaker 2: My point is, I don't want to do anything. I want to give you the keys and in fifteen minutes I want to get into my beautiful, clean car. 00:58:05 Speaker 3: How much does that cost? 00:58:07 Speaker 2: I think it's fourteen ninety nine. You go to the Early Bird Special in Glendale. It's great. My answer to you is, curse. 00:58:17 Speaker 3: Well, Jim, you're wrong. It's a gift. It's a little nice thing you can do. You're making lemonade out of lemons. There's the dirty windshield. What else are you gonna do with it? It's a nice little opportunity to play with the windshields that I can tell you're furious. 00:58:33 Speaker 2: Have you done that in your life? 00:58:36 Speaker 3: I've never done it. 00:58:37 Speaker 5: You right wash me. 00:58:38 Speaker 3: I've never done it. 00:58:39 Speaker 5: Look at this, mom, I'm gonna put wash me. I'm hysteric. 00:58:46 Speaker 3: I've never met in the world. I've never done it. 00:58:50 Speaker 1: But I. 00:58:52 Speaker 2: So irritating. Literally, what's more irritating than a person who would right wash me on a dirty windshield? Get a life, get a clue. 00:59:02 Speaker 3: Well, you don't have to write wash me. You can write a threat. What are you? 00:59:05 Speaker 2: Whatever? 00:59:06 Speaker 3: You want the serious message? 00:59:09 Speaker 2: Give me a break, Leave people alone, Leave their cars alone. It's a federal offense to defame. Somebody. 00:59:17 Speaker 3: Didn't win the game. You got two out of three? 00:59:19 Speaker 2: Well, I think you changed that last answer or not. 00:59:23 Speaker 3: No one will ever know. 00:59:25 Speaker 2: O interesting, I've poked a hole in gift or a curse. I will not. I wonder if this will actually air. You're probably you're probably. 00:59:33 Speaker 3: Debating that may we may need to delete. 00:59:37 Speaker 2: This might just be a friends and family episode if people come over. You know, I'm not that comfortable with what I've said today. Either. This is that release that I signed? Is that etched in stone? Can I get out of that? 00:59:49 Speaker 3: You cannot get out? 00:59:50 Speaker 2: All right? 00:59:51 Speaker 3: We can do whatever we want with the audio. This is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails people write. I said no gift, said Gmail dot. 01:00:01 Speaker 2: I said no gifts at Gmail. 01:00:02 Speaker 3: Now you're acting like you've never listened to the truly happen part. 01:00:05 Speaker 2: The listener questions Maria Bamford didn't even know she had to do that. She was ready to leave and you begged her to stay. She said this has been great, and you were like, no, no, no, and she goes, oh god, I'm exhausted. I listened to all the episodes. 01:00:18 Speaker 3: You listen to one. 01:00:19 Speaker 2: It's not true. 01:00:20 Speaker 3: No, that's you have listened to a lot you I'll give you you. 01:00:23 Speaker 2: Know how many season two baby Mouth episodes. He's listened to zero. 01:00:27 Speaker 3: The amount of self promotion that's happening baby Mouth unprecedented. They're right into the email address begging for answers. Will you hope me answer a question? 01:00:36 Speaker 2: Please? 01:00:36 Speaker 3: I'd love to this, says dear Bridger, an illustrious guest. 01:00:40 Speaker 2: Oh I am. It means I'm lit up. 01:00:42 Speaker 3: I need your help. Oh boy, my lifelong best friend is getting married in a small ceremony in a few weeks, and I have and I've been procrastinating buying the gift for over a year. 01:00:53 Speaker 2: Oh. 01:00:53 Speaker 3: My friend is extremely thoughtful and always gives the perfect gift for every occasion. I also adore her husband to be. He is hilarious and charming and perfect for her. 01:01:03 Speaker 2: Hmm okay. 01:01:05 Speaker 3: They both love to travel and enjoy the finer things in life, and recently moved from San Diego to take over her grandmother's vacation rental business in Vermont. I need a gift that is personal, thoughtful, and meaningful. It are all essentially the same thing in the two hundred dollars range. I am at a loss and am counting on you to help me not let them down forever indebted just signed r R Echa Randy Rudolph. 01:01:33 Speaker 2: Great the Red Nose Reindeer. 01:01:36 Speaker 3: Okay, so I think it's a little obvious that she's in love with the now husband. I think, yeah, we almost just have to put that aside. It's such a clearly what's going on. 01:01:46 Speaker 2: We don't want to talk about that. 01:01:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, so we have to just assume that she's not trying to break up this marriage, that she wants it to keep going. She's not jealous of her friend, and that's why she's been putting off this painful decision. Yes, she's been actual thinking thoughtfully about these people who are moving from San Diego to Vermont to well, heavy coat aggressive? What is that? A hostile takeover of the grandma's rental? 01:02:12 Speaker 2: Hostile takeover a heavy coat would be good for him because they're gone from San Diego to fucking Vermont. I would you know? I have to say, as you read this to me, I thought to myself, some of the best gifts I've ever gotten were those that were made for me by somebody. So why don't you make I mean, if they're crafty, if the letter are is crafty. 01:02:34 Speaker 3: I've made a lot of gifts for you. 01:02:35 Speaker 2: You you are. I have to tell the listener, you are a wonderful gift giver. You're so thoughtful. You have given me so many wonderful gifts that just they they You really are a great gift giver. It's probably the best thing that you do. 01:02:53 Speaker 3: It's a pretty good thing. 01:02:54 Speaker 2: It's a great thing, very thoughtful, very very personal and fun gifts. But I think if you can make them something to put up in the Airbnb. What are they doing about ben. 01:03:07 Speaker 3: Hundred dollar picture of San Diego? 01:03:10 Speaker 2: Oh that's nice. 01:03:12 Speaker 3: Everyone wants a picture of sand. 01:03:14 Speaker 2: A little something with some sand from San Diego. Glue some sand onto a piece of cardboard. I have no idea. I'm the worst gift giver in the world. I don't know what you do. I don't sleep with the husband, which is what it sounds like. 01:03:28 Speaker 3: You wanted, gunning for him. She's gonna rent one of these property. 01:03:31 Speaker 2: I want to do is sleep with the guy. 01:03:32 Speaker 3: She's renting one of grandma's properties and inviting the husband. 01:03:35 Speaker 2: Let's not do that. 01:03:36 Speaker 3: Oh, the shower's not working, can you fix it? 01:03:39 Speaker 2: Or alive? 01:03:40 Speaker 3: That is grandma? 01:03:42 Speaker 2: Grandma's retiring or she retired. 01:03:44 Speaker 3: Sounds like grandma's out of the game, but we. 01:03:46 Speaker 2: Don't know if she's out of the game or if she's. 01:03:48 Speaker 3: Out of the Let's assume grandma has moved on to another career. 01:03:52 Speaker 2: Which could be in heaven. 01:03:55 Speaker 3: If this person's grandma actually died, this is going to be leaking. 01:04:00 Speaker 2: Were of the Vermont couple whose grandma's died? 01:04:05 Speaker 3: Of the numbers? The Vermont numbers for I reading comprehension is very there's no. 01:04:11 Speaker 2: Listeners in Vermont. They're too busy tapping those trees to get some maple syrup to send on down for some pancakes and some extra crispy baking. 01:04:21 Speaker 3: Do you know what would be a good gift is a tortilla maker, because they're going to get to Vermont and want Mexican food, and I guarantee there's not a lot of good Mexican. 01:04:30 Speaker 2: That's great, that's a great, great idea. 01:04:33 Speaker 3: And you could get two different types of tortilla makers, one for corn tortillas and one for flour. 01:04:38 Speaker 2: Were making flower remember no flower, Sonora, flowers, Sonora, you know, like to make a really authentic tortilla. You were making tortillas during the They were very good. He was making all different kinds of tacos, but it was all with the same meat. The meatballs. 01:05:01 Speaker 3: The tacos were not part of the meatballs I made. 01:05:03 Speaker 2: I created a song. It's the same turkey meatballs with different sauce. I mean, balls will blow your meatballs every night. Every night was a different meatball, but it was the same ball, just a little different sauce to Japanese meatballs. Same ball, a little twist on the sauce. Same turkey meatballs with different sauce. My meatballs will blow your mind. Those are my lyrics, copyright myself. Don't steal them. 01:05:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we answered the question first. I think make them something, make something of San Diego. 01:05:49 Speaker 2: And put a little sand from the beach on there. But a tortilla maker is a great idea, because you're right, if they like mex maybe they hate Mexican foods food every single meal, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But some people might might not like Mexican food. 01:06:05 Speaker 3: So I think that's a very rare type of person. 01:06:08 Speaker 2: I didn't eat Mexican food. 01:06:09 Speaker 3: You didn't eat it, But that doesn't mean I like it love it. Everyone likes Mexican. 01:06:13 Speaker 2: Bean and cheese burrito Mexican food's delicious, so good. 01:06:17 Speaker 3: So the tortilla maker is what our should send along and uh, you know, kind of how much pull them into get some nice ones go to Williams Sonoma two. I don't know how I feel like a tortilla maker. 01:06:29 Speaker 2: Is not that except seventy five bucks. 01:06:31 Speaker 3: No, I mean, they're kind of just very simple tools. I don't know. All right, maybe a gift card to go along. 01:06:40 Speaker 2: With Oh, a tortilla maker and a gift card. That's fine. 01:06:45 Speaker 3: We answered the question part, did we absolutely? 01:06:48 Speaker 2: I don't feel like I really I did. 01:06:49 Speaker 3: I think I'll take all of the credit. 01:06:51 Speaker 2: Well, are we going to go open this vacuum? Oh my god, I can't wait to start it up. I can't wait to see your little hands on it, damn sucking everything. Sure, Jim, you were right. It's wonderful. Look for the picture of Marie and Mariska. 01:07:07 Speaker 3: There is not coming to look. 01:07:11 Speaker 2: For the picture of me and Marisco Hargatee on the grid. On the I said no gifts Instagra. If you don't follow the I said no gifts Instagram, now is the time push a little button and wonderful. You do a lot of polls on it, but look for me and Mariska on the grid and I said, no gifts. She's a wonderful person. Mariska please come on the podcast, and if she does, I want to be on the podcast to that day. Can I come back as. 01:07:37 Speaker 3: A returning Maybe we'll wait four years. 01:07:40 Speaker 2: We got to reach out to Mariska. We'll see she loves me. Jim Bridge or I don't even know if podcast is it a good episode? 01:07:48 Speaker 3: We'll have onalas give a nice objective answer. 01:07:50 Speaker 2: I'm worried on Aalise, what what do you think? Because I feel like I was boring. 01:07:55 Speaker 6: Well, first of all, I want to say personally, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. But I'm also the very concerned about what happens after. 01:08:02 Speaker 2: I leave. 01:08:05 Speaker 3: On the spot. Again, it doesn't matter what they actually think because they can't say the more. 01:08:09 Speaker 2: Notes coming here come the notes. I mean, I get notes from Bridger after dinner with friends. Sometimes the car door will close and he goes. Jim, you know when you ask Marie because sometimes say that I'm not offensive. I just have no filter. 01:08:26 Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes you have to pull back. 01:08:27 Speaker 2: Sometimes I don't think about what I say, but I would say in general, A lot of people love me. 01:08:33 Speaker 3: People love me, yeah, and I want them to continue loving and. 01:08:36 Speaker 2: They do well. I'm forty eight years old and I make friends. Every day I make a new friend. I can't I can't get rid of people. I just keep amassing friends. So you're the only person that has a problem with me in the world. Everyone else A door on a leash. Do you adore me? You would say, the world again? A door? 01:08:55 Speaker 3: A door? This is making me say, do me, Jim. The podcast is over. 01:08:59 Speaker 2: Oh, thank you for getting so much more to say. Thank you for being here, Risca. 01:09:05 Speaker 3: We truly have to respect the listener's time. 01:09:08 Speaker 2: Listener, I love you for the vacuum. Oh, I hope. Thank you for saying thank you, Thank you for being good for you to say that it's been a time. This really was the day, the day I've been waiting for for four years. 01:09:21 Speaker 3: Could you sing a really high note? No, just sing a decent note. Let's hear your voice. 01:09:27 Speaker 2: What should I sing? 01:09:27 Speaker 3: I don't know. Just you can't sing a copyright and Sunny's over, It's time to call. Is that a real song? 01:09:35 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's from bells are Ringing. Look at it. 01:09:38 Speaker 3: You might be able to put that on if we comment on it. 01:09:40 Speaker 2: Oh, it's only four bars, bells are ringing, people are not coming after you. They're all dead. It was written in like nineteen forty. Love you, listener, listener, Riska. 01:09:50 Speaker 3: The podcast is mercifully over. We're releasing you. Get on with your day, try to recover and heal from whatever you've just been through. I love you, goodbye. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts? 01:10:37 Speaker 1: And I invit, did you hear? Funa man myself perfectly clear, But you're a guess to you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no gifts, your presences presence And I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?