WEBVTT - 12 Years Ago Today, She Stepped Into A Van, Pulled Out Her Breast, And Here We Are 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:06.560 Hey, folks, it is Wednesday, October first, and on this day, 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:11.120 twelve years ago, Amy Robot stepped onto a van, pulled 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:15.920 out her breast, and life changed forever. Welcome to this 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:20.600 episode of Amy and TJ. This is an anniversary robes 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:26.200 of your life starting in a different direction. You look 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:32.879 at it as what reflective, happy anniversary, said anniversary what? 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:36.599 It's not sad because this was the day that changed 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:39.280 my life. This is the day that actually made today 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:45.200 possible and the reason why I actually celebrate it and 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:50.400 don't mind and actually appreciate talking about it because this day, 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:53.360 October first, is the first day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.640 and because of that, I was asked on assignment to 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.960 have my first mammogram in a Mamma van in the 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.040 middle of Times Square on live national television. And I 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:05.880 didn't want to do it, and I actually said no 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:10.760 multiple times before eventually saying yes. Because I had no 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:15.320 family history of breast cancer. I truly believed that it 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.679 couldn't happen to me, and so I didn't feel like 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.600 I needed to get a mammogram At the time. The 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:24.480 recommendations were that if you had no family history, you 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:27.440 could wait until you were fifty, So at forty, why 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:30.440 would I walk into a Mamma van and have a mammogram. 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.520 I didn't want to do it, but thankfully I did 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.800 because that was the day that led to my diagnosis 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.959 at the end of this month where I was ultimately 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:42.080 diagnosed with stage two invasive bast CAN. 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:43.880 But again go back to October first. You look at 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.880 it as what I know, people talk about cancer versors, 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:47.600 they talk about other stuff. October first, for. 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:51.960 You is what it was a liberation day because I 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:56.280 was finally by going ahead and going through with this mammogram, 0:01:56.320 --> 0:02:01.160 I got information that I needed to then set out 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:05.120 on a path where I could save my own life. Literally, 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.840 the power was mine to have only if I knew 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:10.520 what I was dealing with. And I think a lot 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:14.240 of women don't make their appointments. They don't go in 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.680 for their mammograms because number one, they don't think it 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.880 can happen to them, and number two, they're afraid of 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.560 what they might find out. They don't want to know. 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:25.400 Ignorance is bliss, right. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:26.680 When was your next mammogram? 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:30.519 Well, I had been given a prescription at the age 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:33.040 of thirty nine by my obgyn and said you know what, 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.680 maybe you should think about doing this. You're coming up 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:38.320 on the age where look, it's disputed as to when 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:40.240 you should go in, but you're around that age. And 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.679 I thought, okay, I took that I had a prescription. 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:45.799 I threw it in my purse and it it went 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:48.040 around in there for about, I don't know a few months. 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.160 I eventually threw it away and forgot about it. So 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.120 I wasn't going to get a mammogram for ten years, Like, 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.960 I was not planning on having a test that I 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.520 didn't technically need to have, at least according to what 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.720 I was hearing recommendations. So why would I get something 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:07.680 that could be painful and definitely would seem annoying if 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:08.360 I didn't have to. 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.280 What decisions have you made in your life after that 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:15.000 diagnosis that you think would have been different had you 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:16.560 never been diagnosed with cancer? 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.880 Oh my goodness, I don't think i'd be sitting here 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:20.200 with you. 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:21.520 I don't. 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.760 I know that I wouldn't have run a marathon. I 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.160 wouldn't have climbed the mountains I've climbed. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:28.240 I wouldn't have. 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:34.560 So many things, just how I've reacted to things, friends, 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:35.640 I've chosen to. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:38.800 Actually let go, and. 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:43.320 Decisions I've made about my time and who I spend 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:47.920 it with. All of that has been significantly impacted by 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:49.720 my cancer Diagnosis's. 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:53.840 Friend's decisions factor into that, has a decision about who's 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:58.360 around you factor into you walking into a van twelve 0:03:58.440 --> 0:03:59.040 years ago. 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:02.560 Today, cus I think so often we all take for 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:06.080 granted that we have tomorrow. We don't think about time 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:09.080 as our most precious gift and as a commodity that 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:12.880 we should actually value and really take. 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:15.040 Seriously. 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:18.120 So I think a lot of times I would say 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:21.120 yes to things, yes to people, yes to events, yes 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:26.120 to time spent with folks. So I didn't really enjoy 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.480 being around And a lot of it was duty driven 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:33.760 or obligations. 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:34.240 Or I made decisions out of guilt. 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.120 But I didn't value my time and I do now 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.280 and who, most importantly, who I spend it with, and 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.960 how I spend it that and just even just my 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:49.160 overall attitude about the small stuff that can weigh us 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:49.480 all down. 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:55.320 You remember the first time you laughed about something after 0:04:56.600 --> 0:05:00.560 your diagnosis. It took a while, you know, the first 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:02.960 time you genuinely laughed about something. 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.200 I don't know what time when I genuinely laughed. But 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:11.280 I can tell you when I genuinely felt some joy, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.360 and you're gonna laugh when I tell you what it was. 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:18.640 I think you'll get it. I think you'll understand. So 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:22.839 when I came finally was released from the hospital after 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:26.320 my double mastectomy, this was in mid November or something 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:30.240 like that, my brother surprised me by showing up at 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:33.320 my apartment when I got back from the hospital, and 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.800 it just so happened that when he got there, And 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:38.200 this is one of the few things we share in 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.640 terms of our likes. The Conjuring. I had not seen 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:45.800 it came to streaming services, and so I remember all 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:48.960 bandaged up, in significant pain and definitely still on a 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:53.200 little bit of drugs. Eric and I watched the Conjuring together, 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:55.320 and I could get emotional thinking about it because I 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:59.400 remember feeling I laughed, I jumped, I screamed, I forgot, 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:03.680 and for those I don't know, that hour and a half, 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:07.760 however long it runs, I forgot. I didn't think about 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:09.640 what I had just been through and what I was 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:12.800 still facing because chemo was obviously looming ahead of me, 0:06:12.920 --> 0:06:16.640 and all sorts of other uncertainties and unknowns. But in 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.919 that moment, I was able to just exist and enjoy 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:24.240 the fact that someone else was having a tougher day 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.760 than me. They were possessed by demons and I was 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:28.080 just dealing with a medical issue. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.680 Oh no, I mean, if you gave me a choice, 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.160 which one demonic possession. 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:35.560 Or breast cancer. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:39.280 I mean. I have seen them exercise people before the 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:40.480 demon was gone forever. 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.840 Oftentimes they don't go well though. It was just it 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.200 was a moment where I got to It sounds crazy, 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.960 but I in that you know, fear and jump scares 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:51.479 and all of that, and not knowing what's going to happen. 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:57.280 I was taken out of my own horrific reality and 0:06:57.480 --> 0:07:00.000 able to actually enjoy another one that was complete. 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:00.960 Make believe you know what. 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:03.760 I would have been looking into doing some science on 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:07.000 horror movies. Okay, just hit on something in particular where 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:10.880 people like to now direct whatever their fear and anxiety 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.080 is about life in one direction that's right in front 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.960 of them. Whatever that horror movie is, it's all directed there, 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:20.160 and then when it's over there's some sense of relief. Actually, 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:24.720 there's actually folks that argue you can feel better because 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:26.880 you go up, up, up, anxiety and you know it's 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:27.360 going to end. 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.200 That ends in your more relaxed and you feel a 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:31.200 little bit of euphoria. 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.680 So that was actually the first time I felt joy 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:38.520 since my diagnosis was the day I came home and 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.680 I watched the Conjuring. So the Conjuring I love regardless, 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.520 but it has a special place in my heart in 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.240 my breast cancer journey, if that makes any sense. 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.000 What are you going to tell your daughters about when 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:49.840 they should be screened? 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:54.640 So my oncologist told me that whenever I was diagnosed, 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:56.640 which for me was at the age of forty, although 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:58.800 they do they did say for sure because mine was 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:00.560 a slower growing cancer that I had had it for 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:03.560 a couple of years. But on average, you should have 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:07.120 your daughters be screened ten years before the date of 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:10.680 your diagnosis. So my daughters will have their baseline mammogram 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:11.679 at the age of thirty. 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.840 What do they think of what they said to you 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:18.640 about it. 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.640 They are on board with that, and actually we're asking 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:23.520 if they could get it sooner. I think there's a 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:27.120 huge level of fear obviously knowing that their mother had 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:32.679 premenopausal breast cancer with no family history, and I did 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.520 not test positive for the Brakawan and bracket two genes, 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:37.640 which is a good thing. But they've been tested as 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:40.680 well and they don't have the gene either, so that's 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.720 a little bit of relief, But still there's concern. And clearly, 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.079 if you have someone as close as your mother or 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.160 your sister or your sibling have breast cancer, you certainly 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:50.000 are at higher risk. 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:50.480 Period. 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.400 So they are all on board with being preventative, and 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.640 I know that they're taking their health more seriously, at 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:57.400 least as they get older. 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.080 Ava's almost twenty three now. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.480 She's sending me pictures of her running every day and 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.360 she's keto like we are now, so you know, I 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:09.320 think she's starting to realize just the power she has 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.679 in terms of her level of exercise, her nutrition, all 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:14.960 of that. And I think analyse will come around eventually. 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.240 She's working out, she likes her hot yoga. But I 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.959 do think that it's absolutely impacted their decisions, and it 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.719 will more so the older they get, the more they're 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:27.520 able to understand what we do know and what we 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.640 don't know, and what we can do to prevent something 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:30.920 like this. 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:35.440 Make the connection between walking onto a van twelve years 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:38.160 ago to where you sit now. 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:45.120 Well, I am a completely different person, and I would 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:47.160 even go so far as to say I was arrogant 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:50.839 about my health. I had at that time all my 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.280 grandparents still alive, which is fairly remarkable. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:55.400 My mom is one of nine, my dad is one 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:55.800 of six. 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:59.600 And to have looked at all of my family members 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:01.199 at that point, and I don't even know how many 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:05.160 first cousins I have, but it's in the dozens and dozens. Yeah, 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:08.959 you've got these German Catholic families who were trying to 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:11.760 follow the Pope's example at least a few generations ago, 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:16.640 a few generations ago. Yes, that's what happens when you 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.120 aren't on birth control. So I have a lot of 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.160 family members to compare my situation to, and I just 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:27.680 felt I felt like I couldn't actually have cancer because 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.719 I didn't know anyone at that time who did in 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:34.120 my family. And that was an arrogance that I obviously 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.920 no longer carry with me, and I think we all 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:39.760 have that. You know, when you're young, you feel invincible. 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.760 I felt like I was a runner, and I relatively 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:46.520 took good care of myself. I just felt invincible, and 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:50.559 I certainly don't know, I absolutely understand. I have a 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:55.679 humility about myself. I'm vulnerable in ways that I think 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:58.599 are healthy, because when you recognize that there is no 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:01.920 such thing as security, you act and behave differently. 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:08.040 No question, again, how did I get you to today? 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:13.880 What twists and turns? And how is your life different? 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:16.320 That's what I was asking and making a connection between 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:20.040 walking onto a van today and where your life has 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:20.640 landed you. 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:25.480 I think all of the decisions, and especially maybe the 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.040 little ones fall through the cracks, but the bigger decisions 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:32.839 in my life all now go through the lens of 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:36.480 humility and vulnerability and the fact that I am so 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:42.120 significantly aware that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.679 will tell you this is something that a lot of 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.319 folks don't realize. There are certain kinds of cancers, and 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.520 breast cancer is certainly among them. Where you live under 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.920 a constant threat of recurrence. When you have a tumor 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:59.640 based cancer, especially a hormonally charged cancer, you recognize that 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.319 it could come back. And I received mine. It's called 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.719 an ANCA score, and it's your They give you a 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.760 number literally that gives you your chance of recurrence low, 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:13.439 medium or high, and mine came in in the higher 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.800 echelons of medium, and I remember that day I was 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.640 actually at Good Morning America. That was the second most 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:23.280 devastating piece of news. I got past the fact that 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.720 I had breast cancer because when I got that ANCA score, 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:28.880 chemo was guaranteed, I knew I had to have six 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:29.400 rounds of it. 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:32.440 And then now I have to live under this cloud, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:33.720 this dark cloud. 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.600 That is I actually I know it's figurative, but sometimes 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:38.959 I actually feel like I can see it hanging over 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.160 my head, knowing that my cancer could come back. And 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.480 so every time you go back for your diagnostics, whether 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.240 it's a blood test or just being checked out your 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.240 lymph nodes, etc. By your oncologists, you live with this fear, 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.760 in this threat that maybe this is the time where 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:57.280 I get the news that I am metastatic. And around 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:01.120 thirty percent of all early stage breast cancer patients become metastatic, 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:02.000 and they can't. 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.640 Necessarily know who is going to be. 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:05.959 They can tell you or at a higher risk, but 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:09.040 ultimately they can't tell you it's gonna come back or 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:10.680 it's not going to It can come back in five years, 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:12.240 ten years, twenty years, thirty years. 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:13.680 Look at Olivia Newton John. 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.280 So every time you hear these stories of these women 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.560 who have survived, and then fifteen years later it's back, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.640 twenty years later, it's back. And so that fear was 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:28.760 initially absolutely paralyzing, but then eventually it became motivating. 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:33.160 And I chose a lot of things, but I chose 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:35.160 us through that lens. 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.960 I ask myself sometimes, if I knew my cancer was back, 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.640 if I knew I had X amount of years left, 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:45.560 what would I decide then? And if it's different than 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.559 what I think I want to do, But when I 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:50.319 look it through that lens, if I have a different answer, 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.719 that's the right answer. Because life is short. We're not 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.880 here to please other people or to make other people 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:02.360 feel good about our decisions. We're here to love, to learn, 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:10.079 and to value first of our relationship with ourselves and 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:12.120 then with the people who we choose to be around. 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.720 I just I don't think I didn't have my priorities straight. 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:17.600 You gotta know. 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.160 More so than I did before. And I'm always I'm 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.720 a work in progress. Always, I think that's the big thing. 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:26.960 I'm always trying to do. 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:27.880 Better and be better. 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.080 And I recognize in how many ways I still have 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:34.080 to grow. But that's I think that humility I'm I'm 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.480 still working through and working with. But it came to 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.760 me it was a gift that I received from cancer 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:39.640 without a doubt. 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:42.120 All right. Well, the question I certainly have, and I'm 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.040 gonna ask when we come back, is there ever ever 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:59.000 such thing as a good cancer joke? All right, folks, 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:04.000 A lot of a lot laughs in this episode, But 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:08.360 there is a such thing I have seen I've heard before, 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:12.440 cancer humor. Yes, as we continue here on this twelve 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.480 year anniversary of robots stepping onto that Mamma Van and 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:18.720 getting that mammogram that led to her diagnosis and really 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.160 a change in her life, in the direction of her life, 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.680 but robes along the way. I mean you, obviously you 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.720 have to laugh to keep them crying. Yes, And obviously 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:30.960 folks who've been diagnosed and their families aren't all walking 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:34.000 around in terrible moods all the time. You find places 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.960 for humor. But is there a such thing, first of all, 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:39.440 as cancer humor? 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:46.040 Yes, and I highly suggest it. Here's the deal, here's 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.600 the caveat. Only the person who actually has had the 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.960 cancer can make the joke. No one else should make 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.520 a joke. If you haven't walked to that road, if 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:57.120 you haven't walked on that path, if you are not 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:00.840 a cancer survivor, slash Thriver, please don't attempt cancer humor. 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:06.160 Now close we are Nope, you leave it, Nope, leave 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.200 it to us. Okay, now the next part of that, 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.720 if we leave it to you, then how do we 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.040 know how much or even if we can laugh? 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.120 You can totally let Actually, you know what, this is 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.640 so funny. I'm hoping maybe in the next month or 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.120 two to bring on someone who I was able to meet. 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.680 Her name is Rachel and she's a stand up comedian 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.240 and she became a stand up comedian while dealing with 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.560 metastatic cancer. And she gets up on a stage like 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.760 once a week and makes cancer jokes. And she said, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:36.760 it's true, people don't know if they can laugh. And 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.800 she makes it very clear, Please I need you to laugh. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:42.120 Laugh with me, not at me. But if I'm making 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.360 the jokes, it's okay to laugh. I mean you and 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:47.040 I not that this is exactly similar, but you and 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:51.520 I went to that movie American History, Oh yeah, and 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:55.880 there were a lot of jokes that were being made 0:16:56.280 --> 0:17:02.520 in jest around Rachel shoes. Yeah, we we were in 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.119 the movie theater. You were the only black person a 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.080 lot of white folks, and people weren't laughing because they 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.920 were afraid to laugh. But I remember thinking, well, I 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:14.800 can laugh because you aren't gonna judge me because it 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.159 is funny. But it's one of those things like I 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.240 had to look at you, like can I laugh, and 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:20.360 that people around us. 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.280 Couldn't laugh because they didn't know you well enough to 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:23.520 look at you. Can we laugh? 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:28.520 It's similar, Yes, yes, and so yes, it is intentional, 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:31.280 and I do think that's an important part of healing. 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:33.280 They say laughter is the best medicine, and I do 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.000 think that we have to be able to laugh. We 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.600 have to be able to poke fun at some of 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.159 the shit that's handed our way. I mean, we do 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:44.760 that about so many things in life. It's just you know, 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.120 you can say you can't say anything about my mother, 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:48.840 but I can't. You know, it's the same, It's the 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.720 same rule applies. And I do think that it's helpful 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.879 if we can get some perspective and have moments of 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:59.879 levity in the face of really awful moment. 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.320 I can't think of what would be a good cancer joke. Like, 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:05.359 I can't see what what what do you poke fun of? 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:06.879 I don't know if you've heard some I'm not putting 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.080 you on the spot to remember, but I don't know. 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:15.359 It seems so awkward to think of anything surrounding cancer 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:19.320 to be funny. I know folks can find. 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.399 I mean, I think it's I think it's those moments 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:23.280 where like, Okay, my hair is gone, but you know, 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:25.280 you're making a joke about your hair loss, or you're 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:27.000 you know, the fact that you don't have you know, 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:29.240 all of it, like or sorry, excuse me while I 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:32.200 go puke right now, you know, or you know, chemo 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:34.359 brain like you know, Actually it was great because I 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.240 would blame stuff on my chemo brain, which actually was legit. 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.720 But at a certain point I remember telling the girls, 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:43.720 like telling them to stop fighting, like I'm in the 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.560 middle of it and you're gonna actually and they would say, Mom, 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.760 how long are you going to pull the cancer card? 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:51.399 And I was like forever? And then we'd all laugh, like, you. 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:54.920 Know, you just have moments of levity where you're trying 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:58.000 to just acknowledge that this shit is hard, but can 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.159 we at least laugh at the absurdity of whatever it 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:04.800 is we were all dealing with or having to work through, 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.000 and I think it's actually extremely helpful to. 0:19:08.040 --> 0:19:08.680 Be able to do so. 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:10.160 You still use a cancer card. 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:11.280 Why wouldn't I? 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:12.920 I mean it's a hell of a house here. You 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:14.960 got the cancer card, I got the black card. We 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:18.280 just smacking each other the cards all day long. 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:21.399 Oh really, well I got one for you. Yes, we 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.040 can one off each other. The suffering Olympics. 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:32.160 Well, blank anniversary, I don't know, happy anniversary, but reflective anniversary, 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:37.320 but valuable anniversary and always worth noting. I ever want 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:39.320 to skip over into these moments. 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:40.240 It's worth noting. 0:19:40.320 --> 0:19:44.560 I've always been a big believer in acknowledging anniversaries, even 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.200 tough ones, even hard ones, because you can look and 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:49.760 see how far you've come. You can take a moment 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:53.359 to look back at, even if it's something that's devastating 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:56.040 or difficult, the lessons you learned, I mean, those are 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:58.320 all so valuable. There's no point in going through pain 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:01.680 if you can't come out on the other side with wisdom. 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:07.040 And I do think that we look this is so true. 0:20:08.359 --> 0:20:10.800 I know you might not know a lot of cancer survivors, 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.159 but you know a couple of them. Are they not 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.400 some of the most joyful, grateful people you've ever met. 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:18.400 As soon as you said I was trying to think 0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:19.960 of a I didn't have to think of the ones. 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:20.159 I know. 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.040 I'm trying to think of an outlier. I'm trying to 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:23.040 think of somebody. 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:27.400 Who's there's always an outlier. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:33.040 Yeah, but predominantly, I would say ninety five percent of 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:36.399 anyone who any of you know listening who has been 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.439 through cancer is going through cancer. Yes, of course there 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.639 are dark moments. Yes, of course there are tough times, 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.560