WEBVTT - Quite The Dilemma 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:05.760 This is how men think? And Gavin and I heard 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:10.840 radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. We appreciate you 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:14.320 guys tuning in. We're here for how men think. My 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:17.240 name is Brooks, like and I'm sitting here. He's already smiling. 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:20.360 I love it. I can't even get to you and 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.200 you're already laughing by my my gracious co host, Mr 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:26.680 Gavin de Gros. Good to be here. So we have 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.600 a new topic we want to discuss here. Uh Dmitri 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.760 is gonna tee it up for you guys listening. Okay, 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:35.839 so um, the other night over the weekend, I went 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:38.120 out with my family and another family. So it was 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:41.040 you know, my wife, myself and the kids, and then 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.599 another couple and their kids. And we went to this 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:49.320 restaurant and the guy, the other husband, when the waitress 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.080 came around, he ordered. First he just jumped. She's like, oh, 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:53.880 are you guys read already? Goes yeah, yeah, I'll take 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:57.120 uh and then he ordered. And then when the food 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.280 was placed on the time like to me that I was. 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.720 I was raised kind of old fashioned. My father was 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:03.800 a gentleman. It's like. And then when the food came 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.120 and they put it on the table, he reached over 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:06.920 and grabbed it. He ate before the kids, that he 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.560 ate before the like and then wait and so at 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:11.520 that point my senses were heightened. And then when we 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:14.000 left the restaurant, he walked out the door first, like, 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:15.880 didn't hold the door for the women or for the kid. 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.160 To me, as a guy, as a guy, as a dude, 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:22.080 that's a deal breaker. Man, Like I don't there's few 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.720 things that that men are supposed to that I think 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:27.120 they have to do, and I think they have to 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.360 be somewhat of a gentleman with with women and with kids. 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.760 And the fact that this guy just started doing everything first, 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.120 it's like, to me, I've lost all respect for you. 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:38.200 Have you? How long have you known this guy? A while? 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:42.240 But probably I don't know, close to ten years. Wow, 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:44.520 So it would he like be somewhat of a friend 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:46.360 that you would hang out with quite often. Is this 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.480 her first time out for supper with this guy? He's 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:50.480 done it before, but I feel like it's gotten worse. 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:53.560 And and to me, it's like, my schedule is so 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:54.880 busy and the kids and like, I don't have a 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:57.680 lot of time to hang out in general, so when 0:01:57.720 --> 0:01:59.559 I do, I wanted to be people with I feel 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.920 comfortable it that are that are funny that I respect, 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:03.400 And now it's like I don't even want to hang 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.440 out with this dude because he don't. He's rude to 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:08.880 the waitress, Like the waitress comes over and goes, um, sir, 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.120 can I get you another? Can I get you another beer? No? 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.280 I'm driving? And it's like, okay, hey, you're not driving. 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:17.520 I know that your wife drove, and b It's like 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:19.919 she's just that's she's doing her job, Like why why 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:22.960 you like you're condemning her for asking you if you 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:24.200 that's her job is to ask you if you want 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:26.000 another drink? And if she didn't do that, then you'd 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.200 be like, I can't believe she didn't ask if I 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:30.440 want another drink? Like, what's the problem? So can I 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.480 ask you a question? So I I agree with you. 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:36.160 I don't find his behavior acceptable. What is it about 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:40.119 his behavior that really irritates you that it's a lack 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:42.480 of respect, it's a lack that he puts himself before 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.560 his family? What is it? Mainly that's that's like you're 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.040 not gonna hang Clearly you're not gonna hang out with 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.880 this guy again. Yeah. I mean I feel like, like 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:53.200 I said, my father raised me a certain way, and 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.080 I feel like it's it's you have as a as 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:59.400 a guy, you have a responsibility to be a gentleman. 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.280 And when you're doing that, I feel like you're taking 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:03.840 advantage of other people, and I feel like you're just 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.000 trying to put yourself first. And I think the world 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.240 is crazy enough. I think there's a lot of bad 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:10.320 people in the world. I think, what does it take 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.440 to put someone first? What is it? What is it? Like? 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:14.960 Why is that a big deal? Why? Like, he's gonna 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:17.480 get his food, You're gonna get your order in? Like, 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:18.840 why do you have to do it first? Why are 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.240 you only thinking about yourself for some reason? This is 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:23.480 a pet peeve of mine and it makes me. It 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:25.920 drives me nuts to see stuff like that happen. Can 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.280 I jump in? I got a devil's advocate for you. Okay. 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.359 I've done both, by the way of the things you're 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.839 talking about. Not every meal obviously, um, but I've done 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:37.400 the gentleman thing and I've done the non gentleman thing. 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.280 And sometimes when I order first, it's when everybody looks 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.200 confused about what to do. So I jump in. I go, hey, 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.440 I'll do it because I know what I want that 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:50.320 I'll give everybody a minute to think this and that. 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.360 And that was not that I have an outward very open. 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:56.520 I'm very like forward in general. I'm socially aggressive right 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.960 as you know. So so while other people are thinking 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:01.760 and wondering what I'm going to order, I'll go, hey, 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.040 I'll just you know, you guys cool, vible, you know 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:05.840 what I mean. But you at least preface that not 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.880 the case, though this is preface. This was hey, you guys, 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:12.320 right to order. Yeah, I'll take the burgers. So I 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.120 get that totally. But also that isn't learned. That is 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:17.920 a learned behavior, you know, if you're not brought up 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:20.400 with that sort of thing around you. Let's say you 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.080 didn't grow up going out to dinner where you're where 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:26.000 your father would or your mother would teach you that 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:28.720 there's a pecking order involved in that regard or there 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:33.400 is a certain thing, some form of chivalrous behavior at 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.800 the dinner table, you know what I mean. Like I didn't, 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:37.480 I didn't go out to a whole lot of dinners 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:40.040 growing up, you know what I'm saying. So, so some 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.039 people that's there for there the first generation of of 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:47.479 spending money. So they haven't even learned that behavior yet, 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.840 so it may seem archaic to people who grew up 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.520 with more money in their pocket. Right, I'm just, I'm just, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.400 and I get what you're saying. But I think that 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.640 that makes that makes sense. But I I to me, 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:01.240 I don't think it's I guess I referenced how I 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:03.560 was brought up in the said to me, it's just 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:07.320 a matter of putting yourself first. I don't disagree with 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:10.320 you at all. And I think that whatever that behavior was, 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.359 obviously he certainly sees himself as the most important person 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.159 person in the room, probably everywhere he goes. Right, yeah, 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:20.160 so and so and and I mean that's a whole 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.800 another personality type. Rick, what you got on this one? 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:25.200 You have, you have a wife and kids. I think 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:31.560 he sounds like a dick. Do not hang out with 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:36.239 that guy again, the guy, not you, Dmitri or Gavin, 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:42.640 But yeah, completely disrespectful to his family, to his wife, 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:45.000 to his kids, and to his guests, or to you 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.279 and and the other people that are at the dinner table. 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.880 I think that's completely disrespectful and to the waitress and 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.560 the restaurant that you went to. I mean she's or 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:57.000 he is the waitress is they're working their ass off, 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.680 trying to make a living, you know. And I think 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.800 whether it's somebody that's at McDonald's or Wendy's or at 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.840 the finest restaurant in Paris, you treat that person in 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.640 the exact same way. And I agree with you. I 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:10.360 don't think there are I think there are a lot 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:14.920 of people out there that are putting themselves first now, um, 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.000 because they think they can for some reason. I don't know, 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.600 like I've always kind of uh, you know, experienced similar, 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:25.200 similar situation, but it's it's just it's wrong. Would you 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:28.880 like to come to are we? Are we going tonight? 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:31.680 Wait till you reach for a chicken wing before everybody else. 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:40.080 Demitri's gonna rip your hat off. Howey you get in 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:44.120 the car we're leaving. Yeah. I agree with what you 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.280 guys said. I agree exactly. I'm not gonna say much 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:48.640 more in it. I think as a as a husband 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.520 to my wife, I want her to feel safe and 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:53.560 protected at all times, and that I put her first. 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.760 Go ahead, you know, I was gonna say, I mean, 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.880 our responsibilities as parents or adults when there are children around, 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.679 to teach them the right way. And obviously it sounds 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.600 like your parents and your dad specifically taught you that 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.240 that way. And and if we're at a dinner table 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.520 and my kids are there or with other families and 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:13.440 and that kid's doing you know, the dad's grabbing the food, 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:15.520 you know, I definitely don't want my children to think 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.760 that that's normal. And I have three daughters and one son, 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:19.760 and I don't want him to think, yeah, you know, 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.120 I want him to to understand that. And it's not 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.280 just a chivalry thing. It's not just men and women. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.880 It's not just adults and kids. How about just think 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.480 of someone else before you think yourself. I've been on 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:31.880 some vacations with some friends and family and and there 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:36.320 are times when my kids food comes and somebody in 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:40.120 the party goes and grabs the French fight or the 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:42.600 or the chicken wing or whatever off of their plate 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:46.200 before my kid can even like, go, it's my kids food. 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.040 And they're in there swooping up to grab the French 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:53.800 fries or swooping up to grab the It's like, absolutely not. No. 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:57.520 I also do think on this, if we Honestly, if 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:01.840 you see somebody doing something that's in a pro for it, um, 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:03.840 it's on us to also step in and change that. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.160 Otherwise we're just enabling it. So I'm yeah, like if 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:17.760 sting with the four and clearly clearly here you were 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:20.040 an alpha when the check came, were you? You know 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:25.960 what I'm saying, So here you go. So true, he's driving, 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:30.800 so we should just drink. But I agree, I've I've 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.079 I've been on teams where I've played with some guys 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:36.480 that aren't that polite, and it's I can't just you know, 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:39.800 you can't enable that behavior and maybe it causes riff. 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.439 But hey, like you need wrestle, Yeah, this arm wrestle 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:46.000 right here under the games jump jump over the table. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.800 But you can't say that time you didn't know? You 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:55.760 could say, you could say, now you know Mr Manners 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:00.439 last names? Would you say something? Would you say something? 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:02.960 If it's if it's really like if it's just a 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:04.800 small little thing that you notice and you just catch 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:06.880 wind of it once or something, Okay, maybe not, But 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:09.280 if it's if it's blatant and this guy is being 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.679 ignorant and you can see on the person that it's affecting, 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:15.360 you know, like then you have to step in or 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:17.840 you you say something to that the person that it's affecting, Like, 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.040 I apologize for him. That's not the way we are. 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.480 I have done that. So what's a hard scenario to 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:26.280 being You gotta get you to the dinner. You know, 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.000 you may have to see them again in the neighborhood. 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:32.040 You want to check them obviously verbally, but there's a 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:33.880 way to do it. I mean, the guy live in 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:36.600 your town, You're gonna bump in on him, he'll see 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:40.439 him again. What if you saw a husband being inappropriate 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.880 to his wife, would you say something that's a tough 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:48.080 one to Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't be aggressive about 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.240 it because I think men someone aggressive towards the many 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:53.840 they're aggressive back. But I think it's like, hey, come on, man, 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:57.520 like that's it a little strong? Yeah. And also things 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.840 bothered me a lot. You're saying he's being obnoxious to 0:09:59.880 --> 0:10:03.560 the server. That pisces me off to no end. You 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.760 know what I mean. I've worked, I have worked. I 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:12.160 have worked in restaurants before, and man, I mean you know, 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.920 I mean I remember I served a guy he was 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.080 being such a douche to me. I was twenty one 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.720 years old. I just moved to New York City. I'm 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:24.400 wearing my ridiculous, you know, waiting tables uniform that I 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:27.240 had to wear. And the guy was being such an 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:30.120 absolute douche to me. Right it was him and his girl, 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.000 and I just stopped. Finally, I just stopped because he 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:37.360 was being so disrespectful to me. And I said, hey, man, 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.160 is this your first date? And he said what I said, 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.280 is this your first date? And he was like, I 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:47.400 shall ask your date? Is this your first date? And 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.920 she said, yes, it is. I said, I just wanted 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.480 to let you know, and I looked at the guy. 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:55.000 I said that my uniform comes off. That's all I'm 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:59.080 gonna tell you. And it was just a soor rate 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:01.760 you or what I mean, because he was just he 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.680 was just stepping on the person that he thought he 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.640 could step on in that scenario, you know, And there's 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:11.400 nothing there's no smaller person than the person who takes 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:13.679 the opportunity to just step on the one person they 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:15.440 think that they can in the room. Now do you 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.640 think he's behavior? Do you think you thought you were 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.520 suggesting a three ways? Is this your first day? This 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:24.720 uniform comes totally. I started with my bill start kicking 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:30.319 off the boots by the way. Okay, okay, we're getting 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.040 out of this one. Okay, let's get into some questions. Here. 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:36.520 We have our producer, Danielle is going to ask us 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.120 our first question, what you got? The first question is 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:42.680 from Hope and she needs some advice. She has been 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.880 together with her now husband for nine years. Two of 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:48.920 those years they've been married, and for those past two 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.160 years her husband has been sleeping on the couch. What 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.240 should she do? So we're assuming this guy sleeps on 0:11:55.360 --> 0:12:00.439 overnight on the couch, and she said he didn't before 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.680 they got married. He didn't do that. Well, so she 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.480 says they've been gathered for nine years, almost two of 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.400 them married, but for the past two years. So it 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.040 sounds like so as soon as they got married, he 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:13.080 started sleeping on the couch. Yeah, that that doesn't sound 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:14.880 like a healthy relationship. Ever heard of the BB King 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:22.199 song the Thrill Is Gone? Do tell elaborate for us? Buddy? 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:25.719 That's the only line you need to know. I mean, 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.560 I guess the obvious question for me other than if 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.520 he've heard that song, uh, is how big is the 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:35.000 TV in the bedroom? Or is there no TV in 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:38.160 the bedroom? What what are you going tobe like to 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:44.480 watch TV? Maybe he's watching maybe he needs a little 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:49.800 bit light on or something. Maybe here's my thought. Is 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:52.840 it possible so many people put pressure on marriage? They 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.600 were they were together for seven years, no problem, And 0:12:55.640 --> 0:12:57.600 when you get married, the first thing everyone says is 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:02.120 how's it different? How's everything different? So maybe he got 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.640 nervous that things were going to change when they got married, 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:06.840 and so he's felt all this pressure. Now he's like, 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:08.880 and now he feels like things have changed and it's 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.320 not fun anymore. And I it's too bad she's not 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.920 a caller if you're listening, calling, because I'd be curious 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.320 to know if has she gone out there and like 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:20.280 lay it on the couch with him? Have before this 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:22.520 were they were they being intimate and now they're not, 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:24.920 Like she could and I'm not saying this is on her, 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.160 but she could go out there and they could mix 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:28.520 it up a little bit. Maybe he's like, if I 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:30.600 just go in the bedroom, we're gonna get into bed, 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.200 we're gonna have sex and then and then and it's 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.240 gonna feel a very repetitive. And this is this what 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.400 married life is like, so maybe if they mix it up. 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:39.120 Maybe if she went out there and they you know, 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.839 they cuddled, had sex whatever, on the couch and mix 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.600 things up a little bit. I'm not a couch in 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:52.680 the bedroom in the living room. What are those pollouts 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:57.800 that college kids have? Um, are you guys just avoiding 0:13:57.840 --> 0:13:59.920 that something is not right? That's what I was going to. 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.400 There's definitely something not right there. I mean, if you 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.439 marry somebody, if you were somebody for nine years and 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:07.880 you're married for two, there should you should have an 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.520 attraction to want to go to bed with that person, 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:13.720 to fall asleep with that person. Um, certainly to be 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.560 intimate with that person, to fall asleep with that person 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.680 and wake up next to that person. And if there, 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:21.560 if he's resisting that and fighting for let me sleep 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.960 on the couch. I mean, that's a pretty cold relationship 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.760 in my opinion. But it's weird that it started almost 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:30.640 to the tea of when they got married, Like, I mean, 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:33.760 what really, nothing changes besides paperwork when you get married 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.200 if you've been together that long. So something triggered that 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.520 that it's almost to the tea, almost to the day 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:42.440 of when they got married. So I don't know. Is 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:43.840 he is he? Is he having an affair and he 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.760 doesn't want to be he doesn't want it sex with 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.720 her anymore. I don't know. But there's something that's strange 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.280 to me that had happened as soon as they got married. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:55.120 So what does she do? Well, see that you can 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:57.240 answer that one way, But I also don't think it's 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:01.320 just on her. So the the thing to say would be, well, 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:04.120 she can try and entice him. She can be and 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:06.760 both partners need to do that. So she can try that. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.480 She could try and entice him with some lingerie or 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:12.640 some candles, or not allowing him even to turn a 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.680 TV on, like put some music on and connect do something. 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.600 She could try that. I believe it's on both partners 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:22.680 to try things when partners aren't connecting. But also from 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:24.720 his from the dude standpoint, I mean, he's got to 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:27.320 put in some effort. Let's be real, like you, that's 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:30.040 that's disrespectful to your partner. Imagine if she was sleeping 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.080 on the couch and you were in bed, Like, how 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.880 would that make you feel? He wouldn't be happy with that. 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:36.720 So that's a good point. This This can't make her 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.920 obviously she's reached out. This can't make her feel good 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.360 just in general, like that will affect her. Next day 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.040 she gets up, she's like, my husband doesn't want to 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.880 get into bed with me like that, that's that's feeling. Yeah, 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:49.120 I have a question, what about the old school relationships 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:50.720 you here about or some of the husbands and the 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:55.920 wives they sleep in different rooms. Even maybe she smells 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:59.600 good once again, but he listened to her first couple podcast, 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:03.440 I love of your hypotheticals. Like I basically I got 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.560 into the brush your teeth before bid and he doesn't 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:11.240 want to her mouth beating on him. Uh this idea. See, 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:13.120 I got stretched. I got into up doing like I 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.000 signed up to do these podcasts, to join the show, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.720 to like impact and serve people and have some laughs 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:22.560 and and grow and like learn myself. But now it's 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:26.040 changed to just hearing hypotheticals come out of yours are important. 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:30.960 If you've displayed that, thank you very much. I don't 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:32.440 I don't know what the answer to this is, but 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:36.120 I think he needs to make an effort otherwise that 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:37.880 that marriage is not hidden in the right direction. And 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.120 I think the question is has she like has she 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:43.840 said listen what's wrong, what's happening here? But yeah, it 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:45.560 sounds she has I agree. I mean, I think it 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:47.440 all starts with a conversation. You need to find out 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:49.680 what where they are in their marriage, you know, and 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:51.920 where they are in life. Like maybe he's bummed out 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.920 and he's sitting on the couch and he doesn't want 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:55.640 to interact because if he opens up to her, then 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:57.880 maybe he has to tell her how how bad work 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.400 is or how bad his you know, his childhood was 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.120 or whatever that is. And he's trying to figure this 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.439 out right now. And maybe he feels stuck in a 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.639 situation where he got married and maybe he wants to 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:09.959 get out of it, but he doesn't know what to do, 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:12.920 and so he's trying to show it in another way 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.679 without having a conversation. So he's basically sitting on the 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:18.520 couch blowing her off, which is not the right thing 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.560 to do, and avoiding it at all costs, not saying 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.719 that's the right thing, but that is some ways that 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.040 people do interact and want to try to get their 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:31.040 point across. I have a follow up question to this question, Um, 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.040 do you guys have a TV in the bedroom and 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:37.600 do you believe it's right or proper or okay to 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:43.240 have a TV in your bedroom. Mann's got one in 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.960 every room in the house. You probably have one in 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:52.480 the bathroom. No, I mean bedroom bedroom TV. Uh yeah, man, 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.080 I mean it depends. I mean, but I I have 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:58.000 stayed places extended periods of time where there was no 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:00.959 TV in the bedroom, and I would sleep on the 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.320 couch just because I you know, I was having a 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.520 hard time fall asleep and leave the TV on. He 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.000 kind of wake up and you know, don't wake up. 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:12.640 I have a very very uncomfortable sleep schedule, so I wouldn't. 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:15.160 It's hard for me to weigh in and have anybody 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.520 understand my sleep schedule because I'm in different time zones 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:22.960 every other day. Um, sometimes I'm working late at night. 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:24.720 You do a show, you won't be sleeping for another 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.800 eight hours just because you're wired. You know, if you've 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.440 done that. I actually I listened to the ice hockey thing, 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:32.520 but I was different. I actually had a way because 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:34.360 that was that's an issue, right if you big time, 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:37.480 big time issue? So how I dealt with that, Like 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.399 if you're a performer, you're performing in the evening and 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:43.119 it finished, game finishes at ten thirty at night or whatever. 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:47.200 I would continue. I would work out after games because 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:49.520 you're so ramped up, like you're saying, you do a show, 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.159 You're ramped up, crowds, fired up, your intensity is going, 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.920 your adrenaline is going, and then the show ends or 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.280 the game ends like that? What do you do with 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:59.639 all of that energy? Still if you don't do anything, 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:01.639 I would, so I learned in my career I'd go 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:04.640 work out for thirty forty hour, hour and a half 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:06.639 sometimes after a game to get the rest of that 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.400 out so I could go home and just pass right out. Yeah, 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:11.600 that's an issue for me. The other thing is, I 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:16.639 have another question about the guy because since since the job, 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:18.520 the type of job that I that I've got, you 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:22.359 have um has to do with being around people all 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:25.240 the time. When I get that opportunity to be alone, 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:29.280 even if I'm dating somebody, I'll just want to be 0:19:29.320 --> 0:19:31.439 by myself for hours, you know what I mean? I 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:34.640 need some alone time. I made a decompressed because throughout 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.240 the day, you had a great day, but you're you're 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.040 mingling with people, you're working, you're seeing your team, You're 0:19:40.040 --> 0:19:43.680 spending your day with your band, your crew, your fans, right, 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.880 and you need that sort of at least I do. 0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.000 I need that hermit time. So if I was to say, 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:51.280 not even a plan, like I want to sleep on 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:53.840 the couch just because I kind of just I need 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:56.520 to be just watch the TV and zone out, you 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:58.200 know what I mean, that wouldn't be a reflection on 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.280 the person I'm with. It would have to do more 0:20:00.359 --> 0:20:03.040 like I need some alone time. But after two years 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:06.280 of doing it. Yeah, that's tough. That's that's a real problem. 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.960 That's an issue. Yeah, that's the thrill is going. So 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:14.240 let's let's go. I do uh, I do have a 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:15.840 comment on the TV. I do have a comment on 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:18.520 the TV in the in the bedroom. So I used 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:20.800 to have a TV in the bedroom. We recently did 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:22.760 some stuff to our house and we do not have 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.160 a TV in the bedroom. We did put the plugs 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:27.639 in area to have a TV in the bedroom, but 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:29.399 we decided not to put a TV in the bedroom 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.920 because it Hey, we have our phones or our devices 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:36.960 and iPad, iPhone or whatever, but we it actually brings 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.240 or gives that opportunity to be intimate or to have 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:42.920 a conversation. So if you walk in and your wife 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:45.679 or I'm watching Sports Center and my wife's watching news 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:49.080 or whatever. It like it immediately like takes away from 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:51.000 any sort of that, oh, hey, how is your day? 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:53.000 What's going on? You know, how is work? Or how 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:55.360 was in Los Angeles? Or how was wherever? And so 0:20:55.920 --> 0:21:00.000 to me. And we've sort of decided recently that hey, 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:01.959 we get the TV and it's like, you know what, 0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:03.399 we kind of like how it is right now? You know, 0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:06.560 it's it's it's good. You know. We actually have more conversations. 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:08.840 I mean, don't get me wrong, Like on a Sunday 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:12.200 when the kids are downstairs watching you know, cartoons or whatever, 0:21:12.280 --> 0:21:14.240 a movie, I definitely want to come up and catch 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.399 The Masters or whatever. But you know I can watch 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:21.000 that on my phone. Um. But in terms of relating 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:23.719 to my wife or as significant other or whatnot, I 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:26.080 feel like not having a TV in the bedroom actually 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:27.959 does a lot of good. Have you never been intimate 0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:33.040 to an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I'm I'm 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:35.880 a TV. I have TVs in a lot of rooms. 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:38.200 I definitely have a TV in the bedroom. Um, and 0:21:38.240 --> 0:21:40.959 we will more times than that we will put it on, 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:44.000 and um, it's usually I can't fall asleep if I'm 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:46.639 watching something new. So I can't put on like you know, 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.119 something new that I'm following, a new a movie that 0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:50.760 I haven't seen. It has to be like an old 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:53.000 episode or something, and I can mindless that I can 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:56.080 hear it and fall asleep. Um. And and my wife 0:21:56.920 --> 0:21:58.720 likes that too, she watched We don't always have it on, 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.439 but we will often it on. Um And there are 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:04.000 times well where where we won't and we'll talk and whatever. 0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:07.520 But it become it became a habit where we would 0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:08.840 turn it on and just leave it on for a while. 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:10.240 And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:11.840 the night and realize it's still on and turn it off. 0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:13.959 And that kind of bugged me a little bit. But 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:16.320 I don't know. It's a comfort for us all we 0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:18.840 don't have one. I have never had a TV in 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:22.400 my bedroom my entire life. UM, So for me, that's 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:26.240 a hard no. My my thought on a bedroom, it's 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:30.359 for two things. It's one where it's going to go on. 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:35.720 Look at me, like I got three heads described on 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:40.720 where we're gonna have some fun as a couple. Buddy TV. 0:22:44.880 --> 0:22:47.560 I've never done that with an old episode of something. 0:22:47.600 --> 0:22:52.800 No recommended. Um, So it's it's for it's for being intimate, 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:56.400 or it's for sleeping, you know. And I even have personally, 0:22:56.400 --> 0:22:57.720 we even like my wife and I even said a 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:00.960 rule that there's no emails or in agram or social media. 0:23:00.960 --> 0:23:04.040 When you walk in the bedroom door, your phone is off. 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:07.280 You're not doing work. Um, and that's kind of our 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:10.200 sacred no work, no whatever. That's a connection, a place 0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:12.040 for connection, because it's very easy for it to go 0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:14.560 us to go to our devices or to a TV 0:23:14.760 --> 0:23:18.240 and to have that that connection or that intimacy fizzle 0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:21.520 even just a little bit, year after year after year, 0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:24.240 until you're just very separate people sleeping in the same 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:27.520 room or as Amy you said, sleeping in different rooms. 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:30.960 I sleep very little. I go to sleep at like eleven. 0:23:31.600 --> 0:23:33.879 Between eleven and twelve is when I fall asleep, and 0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:36.480 I'll wake up around five. When I first met my wife, 0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:39.040 I was, I'm like you, Rick, I'm early to bed, 0:23:39.040 --> 0:23:41.919 early to rise, fish like hell and makeup lies, right, 0:23:42.040 --> 0:23:44.800 you know what I'm talking about? Total Yeah, Um, but 0:23:44.840 --> 0:23:46.520 I'm an early to bad guy. We'd have to get 0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:50.600 up early and practice workout, perform So for me and 0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:52.639 we should do a whole episode on this because people 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:56.960 struggle mightily with sleep. For me, rest is a weapon. 0:23:57.800 --> 0:24:00.240 Rest is a weapon. It's the number one thinging that 0:24:00.320 --> 0:24:05.200 I prioritize in my life, more than fitness, more than nutrition. 0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:09.080 I prioritize sleep. So if I don't get proper sleep 0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:12.239 the night before the next night, it's high priority I 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:14.000 have to have. And I try and get nine hours 0:24:14.000 --> 0:24:16.320 a night. I don't have kids. We don't have kids, 0:24:16.640 --> 0:24:19.200 so I can do that. I'm in control of my sleep. 0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:22.200 But nine hours a night, um, and then the next 0:24:22.280 --> 0:24:24.520 day I don't miss if I get nine hours. If 0:24:24.520 --> 0:24:27.280 I get anything less than seven, it starts to shift. 0:24:27.280 --> 0:24:30.159 And they've actually done studies on I think m I 0:24:30.160 --> 0:24:32.800 T did a study. UM. They had a group of 0:24:32.800 --> 0:24:35.399 people they deprived sleep deprived. They had a group of 0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:37.600 people that they fed fast food too, and they had 0:24:37.600 --> 0:24:39.920 a group of people that they could not exercise, and 0:24:39.960 --> 0:24:42.560 they tested these people over a duration of time and 0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:44.359 I think it was after one week of being sleep 0:24:44.720 --> 0:24:50.879 deprived that group became pre diabetic. It's incredible what sleep 0:24:51.040 --> 0:24:53.720 does to your body, how it helps you perform, and 0:24:53.760 --> 0:24:56.800 how it limits your performance. Sleep. Like I said, rest 0:24:57.040 --> 0:24:59.800 is a weapon, and I will tell you I'm saying, 0:25:00.000 --> 0:25:02.440 and I sleep, and maybe it sounded like I was 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:05.440 giving a hard time. I don't sleep well. I don't 0:25:05.480 --> 0:25:07.240 necessarily get five hours sleep because I want to. I 0:25:07.240 --> 0:25:09.239 don't sleep well. And if I go away and I'm 0:25:09.280 --> 0:25:10.960 in a hotel room, if I'm out of town for 0:25:11.040 --> 0:25:12.679 work and I have a hotel room myself, you think, oh, 0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:15.439 this is it, I'm gonna sleep in. I don't. I 0:25:15.520 --> 0:25:17.919 just for some reason, I wake up a lot and 0:25:17.960 --> 0:25:20.760 I and so I would that would be very interested 0:25:21.080 --> 0:25:23.879 in figuring out how to get better sleep. But I 0:25:23.920 --> 0:25:25.800 know the first thing everything can say, get the TV 0:25:25.840 --> 0:25:33.399 out of your bedroom. Cash for sure. Um, But I 0:25:33.400 --> 0:25:35.320 think we should dive into especially to you, buddy, if 0:25:35.320 --> 0:25:38.840 you have trouble sleeping time, If sleep is in line, 0:25:38.920 --> 0:25:42.159 you are rested, you will make better nutrition choices you 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:45.160 will make, You're more likely to be active and work out. 0:25:45.440 --> 0:25:48.520 And also your cognition level, your thought process at work 0:25:48.880 --> 0:25:50.119 is going to be a lot better, and you're probably 0:25:50.119 --> 0:25:52.040 a lot better around your family. Well. The funny thing 0:25:52.119 --> 0:25:57.760 is I always slept great in school, just great in 0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:01.800 school in school, man, I went not it was amazing. 0:26:02.320 --> 0:26:04.280 I don't see well at all. I see I I 0:26:05.040 --> 0:26:09.359 have my mind right, it has a hard time relaxing, 0:26:10.480 --> 0:26:14.399 um and so I it's not anxiety. I just have 0:26:14.920 --> 0:26:18.440 like a ton of ideas at all times, um and 0:26:18.520 --> 0:26:22.640 so and so I I have it's hard to shut off, 0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:26.680 you know, um and um, I don't know. Actually no, 0:26:26.960 --> 0:26:29.080 that's what I'm like, Like I when I get to bed, 0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:33.240 and it's just just constantly constant ideas. But when you 0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:35.920 get to bed, is is do you not focus any 0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:39.040 like attention on? I need to shut this system down, 0:26:39.119 --> 0:26:41.639 power this system down so it can perform again tomorrow. 0:26:41.680 --> 0:26:45.280 It's really hard for me because I I basically go 0:26:45.440 --> 0:26:49.360 until I can't. Essentially, I'll go until I can't stay 0:26:49.400 --> 0:26:52.920 awake anymore. And that's just kind of how I how 0:26:53.000 --> 0:26:57.200 I I live. And UM like, I'll stay awake until 0:26:57.240 --> 0:26:59.560 my eyes are just watering, you know what I mean, 0:27:00.040 --> 0:27:01.560 and then I go, okay, I'll probably be able to 0:27:01.560 --> 0:27:05.359 fall asleep. Now have you ever tried reading? That's a 0:27:05.440 --> 0:27:09.520 terrible idea. I mean, you can do picture books because 0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:14.040 it doesn't have to be actually you have anything with crayons. 0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:17.800 You can see what Yogi bear is doing before before 0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:19.879 we get down the rabbit hole, there we got the 0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:24.080 welcome back to how man think. My name is Brooks, 0:27:24.080 --> 0:27:28.600 and I've got Gavin eating Gavin's eating an organic nutrition 0:27:28.640 --> 0:27:33.879 bar slash. We got Dmitri and Rick, and we have 0:27:33.960 --> 0:27:36.200 Amy and Danielle. Here are producers. We have East and 0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:37.960 our engineer, and they're going to tee us up for 0:27:38.040 --> 0:27:40.359 something that we do not know what's coming. This is 0:27:40.359 --> 0:27:43.240 off the cuff. This happens quite often. I'll put on 0:27:43.240 --> 0:27:46.840 an outfit and I'll say, how does this look fantastic? 0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:51.760 Standard good? Or does it look good? Good? It looks good, 0:27:52.200 --> 0:27:56.600 and I'm like, okay, sod over top of it. So 0:28:00.160 --> 0:28:01.959 let me go with this because this is something for 0:28:02.080 --> 0:28:05.199 dudes listening. This is something that I learned because I 0:28:05.240 --> 0:28:07.560 was that guy. I was that guys like, yeah, it 0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:11.200 looks good. Like I never thought, how's my hair great? 0:28:11.280 --> 0:28:14.080 That's awesome. I never gave a lot of that stuff. 0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:19.320 Thought that it matters to my wife what my input is, 0:28:19.359 --> 0:28:22.520 because to me, it doesn't. If I put on a 0:28:22.560 --> 0:28:24.399 suit or something or sure or something like how does 0:28:24.400 --> 0:28:26.080 this look? She says that it's good, I'm like, great, 0:28:26.200 --> 0:28:29.520 let's rock and roll. Um. But I have learned and 0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:32.240 been educated on that it does matter, that our words 0:28:32.320 --> 0:28:35.080 do matter, and also how we say them, how the 0:28:35.119 --> 0:28:38.560 intonation and the emotion behind it matters. So if she 0:28:38.680 --> 0:28:41.240 puts something on she says, how does this look? Love it? Baby, 0:28:41.360 --> 0:28:45.360 you look dynamite, she feels an immense sense of confidence 0:28:45.400 --> 0:28:48.680 and appreciation and like she is seen and that the 0:28:48.680 --> 0:28:51.600 effort she has put in has been noticed. And that's 0:28:51.600 --> 0:28:54.640 something I've had to learn. I was not naturally that way, 0:28:54.640 --> 0:28:56.560 but I have learned that. And I'm probably the married 0:28:56.600 --> 0:28:59.080 guys here can attest to that. The single guy he 0:28:59.120 --> 0:29:02.120 has not learned. I haven't. I have not gotten to 0:29:02.160 --> 0:29:04.200 that point where I'm like a dynamite and this and that. 0:29:04.440 --> 0:29:06.560 But I have noticed, and this may be a selfish 0:29:06.560 --> 0:29:07.800 point of view, but I have noticed. If we need 0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:09.440 to get out of the house, and and I'm honest 0:29:09.480 --> 0:29:11.160 with my answers, but if we need to get out 0:29:11.200 --> 0:29:13.160 of the house, and she asked me how do I look? 0:29:13.480 --> 0:29:15.520 And I say you look good? I realized that she's 0:29:15.520 --> 0:29:17.800 going to go back in and change. If I say 0:29:17.920 --> 0:29:19.680 that looks really good, I like that, then I know 0:29:19.760 --> 0:29:22.160 we can leave. So if I, obviously I don't want 0:29:22.200 --> 0:29:24.600 to go out and have her be uncomfortable, or being 0:29:24.680 --> 0:29:27.920 something that doesn't look good. But if I I realized 0:29:27.960 --> 0:29:29.239 that there's a difference in how you say and if 0:29:29.240 --> 0:29:30.760 I say that looks really good, I like that, then 0:29:30.800 --> 0:29:32.560 I know she's gonna be comfortable, and then she'll be 0:29:32.560 --> 0:29:33.840 she won't think about it the rest of the night. 0:29:33.880 --> 0:29:35.960 And I think that's to your point. I think that's 0:29:35.960 --> 0:29:38.120 a nice thing to do, is to give a little 0:29:38.120 --> 0:29:40.280 bit more than just that that one canned answer of 0:29:40.320 --> 0:29:42.680 it looks good, let's go. I also feel like it's 0:29:42.720 --> 0:29:45.120 some sometimes a set up, you know, like if they're saying, hey, 0:29:45.200 --> 0:29:48.120 you look good or how do I look? And then 0:29:48.160 --> 0:29:50.800 you say, uh, you know, I really like that other jest, 0:29:50.840 --> 0:29:53.560 then it's like you're all like then it comes back 0:29:53.560 --> 0:29:55.440 to you to bite you no matter what's going on 0:29:55.480 --> 0:29:58.320 the whole entire night, like you are screwed. I don't 0:29:58.320 --> 0:30:02.280 know if you're if you hold on. I want to 0:30:02.280 --> 0:30:04.160 touch on this because I actually just had this conversation 0:30:04.200 --> 0:30:08.040 with my brother in law about this thing. So he said, 0:30:08.760 --> 0:30:11.719 and our female listeners are the women listening, you can 0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:16.000 weigh in on this. But he said that, um, his wife, 0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:19.160 So my sister loves to be told what to wear, 0:30:19.520 --> 0:30:21.640 so he'll like lay out a red dress. He's like, Babe, 0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:23.840 can you put that red dress on tonight for this day? 0:30:23.880 --> 0:30:27.320 Because you look sexy as hell in that dress. And 0:30:27.400 --> 0:30:29.480 she'll put that thing on, put some pumps on, like 0:30:29.520 --> 0:30:31.680 she's looking good. When they go out, it's gonna be 0:30:31.760 --> 0:30:35.040 a great night. So I think for guys, you can 0:30:35.360 --> 0:30:38.360 instill confidence into him, like when my wife will put 0:30:38.400 --> 0:30:40.240 something on Rick. She'll put something on him, like, Babe, 0:30:40.400 --> 0:30:42.560 put that other green one back on that was sexiest, 0:30:43.760 --> 0:30:45.920 Like throw that on. But if you do that and 0:30:45.920 --> 0:30:48.360 then she goes, I don't really feel like that wearing that, 0:30:48.680 --> 0:30:52.239 and she doesn't wear it, then okay, But then it's like, 0:30:52.440 --> 0:30:54.080 well I gave it, and now I tried and it 0:30:54.080 --> 0:30:56.200 didn't work, and now she wants and then and then 0:30:56.360 --> 0:30:58.440 the energy is off after well. And I think the 0:30:58.440 --> 0:31:02.080 other thing to add also to what makes them feel good? Right, 0:31:02.280 --> 0:31:04.120 what dress makes them feel good? If it's the red 0:31:04.240 --> 0:31:06.280 dress or the green dress. You know, like you may 0:31:06.360 --> 0:31:08.120 want the green dress, but when she puts that green 0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:10.600 dress on and she's like, oh god, you know the 0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:15.040 green dre it's just not vibing, you know, And then 0:31:15.160 --> 0:31:17.080 right there she's going to make a decision herself. But 0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:19.320 you can also offer reassurance right there, like no like 0:31:19.360 --> 0:31:20.920 because my wife does it to me. I'd put on 0:31:21.000 --> 0:31:23.000 like a suit or something, go to hockey game and 0:31:23.040 --> 0:31:24.920 she's like, I don't think that one looks put and 0:31:24.960 --> 0:31:27.680 then I'll put on different ties like boom gold Babe, 0:31:27.720 --> 0:31:30.000 that is dynamite. I'm like, all right, let's rock and roll. 0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:33.120 So like, the significant other can offer a lot of 0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:36.200 reassurance and don't be afraid to say no, I like 0:31:36.320 --> 0:31:39.240 this one better or that one better. Um, it helps direction, 0:31:39.280 --> 0:31:43.760 I believe help alright, Jen, it's got another question from Athena. 0:31:43.840 --> 0:31:46.720 Athena wants to know one day I want to get married, 0:31:46.760 --> 0:31:50.120 but I don't want to change my last name. Most 0:31:50.160 --> 0:31:52.480 men would never change their last name after marriage, but 0:31:52.480 --> 0:31:55.240 expect their wife to change hers. I've heard guys say 0:31:55.240 --> 0:31:58.400 it's disrespectful not to take your husband's name. I don't 0:31:58.400 --> 0:32:00.320 believe that's true at all. How do you guys feel 0:32:00.320 --> 0:32:05.240 about this subject? You guys are both married, Yeah, Um, 0:32:05.280 --> 0:32:07.880 to be honest, when we got married, I left it 0:32:07.920 --> 0:32:09.880 up to my wife. I deep down I really wanted 0:32:09.880 --> 0:32:12.520 her to take my name. Um, but I left it 0:32:12.600 --> 0:32:14.040 up to her I didn't put any presure on around. 0:32:14.040 --> 0:32:16.760 I said listen. Actually I didn't even say listen. I 0:32:16.800 --> 0:32:18.520 just let it go and see and decided to see 0:32:18.520 --> 0:32:20.520 what she would think. Um. She did bring up at 0:32:20.520 --> 0:32:24.040 one point, you know, you could take my name, and 0:32:24.720 --> 0:32:29.280 you know that I was not on board when she 0:32:29.400 --> 0:32:32.080 wasn't expecting it. But she I mean she was semi serious, 0:32:32.080 --> 0:32:35.800 but she wasn't so um, And I was like, well, 0:32:35.880 --> 0:32:38.920 here's the thing I said to me, being a guy, 0:32:39.000 --> 0:32:42.200 I feel like I have I had a close relationship 0:32:42.200 --> 0:32:43.520 with my dad, and I feel like I would kind 0:32:43.520 --> 0:32:46.080 of be turning my back on the family and the 0:32:46.160 --> 0:32:48.280 legacy that we have. So I was not up for that. 0:32:48.600 --> 0:32:50.080 But I did not put pressure on her to take 0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:51.880 my name, even though that's what I really wanted. And 0:32:51.920 --> 0:32:56.320 she ended up doing that. She come back and say, well, 0:32:56.360 --> 0:32:59.280 I had a powerful, strong relationship with my father, so 0:32:59.280 --> 0:33:02.680 why can I not on her his last name? By No, 0:33:02.880 --> 0:33:07.080 she didn't. No, she didn't. Um, But I mean if 0:33:07.120 --> 0:33:08.920 she did, then I would have been I guess I 0:33:08.920 --> 0:33:12.480 would have been understanding of that. Um. You know what, Okay, 0:33:12.480 --> 0:33:14.720 go ahead, you know what some people do. Some people 0:33:15.040 --> 0:33:18.360 nowadays have been taking parts of both names. Oh, yeah, 0:33:18.400 --> 0:33:20.920 I have friends have done I have friends have done that. Yeah, 0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:22.680 that's I mean. I have a trouble coming up with 0:33:22.680 --> 0:33:24.200 screen names for Twitter and stuff. I don't need to 0:33:24.200 --> 0:33:27.960 be concocting last name. Carlos and Alexa Pena Vega do 0:33:27.960 --> 0:33:31.320 you know them? They're very cool. Yeah. So Carlos Penya 0:33:31.440 --> 0:33:33.920 was in Big Time Rush and Alexa Vega is an 0:33:33.920 --> 0:33:36.440 actress and was from Spike Kids. And they're fantastic and 0:33:36.480 --> 0:33:38.600 I'm super used to their last name being Penia Vega. 0:33:38.600 --> 0:33:44.680 Now would you ever do like Dash Huff? I would 0:33:44.680 --> 0:33:49.400 probably not. No. Um. So the question was do we 0:33:49.440 --> 0:33:52.760 find it disrespectful not to take your husband's last name. 0:33:52.800 --> 0:33:55.520 So right now, my wife, Julianne Huff does not have 0:33:55.720 --> 0:33:59.080 my last name, So all her legal documents, her passport, 0:33:59.160 --> 0:34:03.440 her driver's license, everything just say Huff and everybody still 0:34:03.480 --> 0:34:08.280 refers to her as Julie Anne Huff. Um. I initially 0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:11.239 to be honest, fully transparent. When we first mad and 0:34:11.280 --> 0:34:14.640 we're got engaged and stuff, we had this conversation and 0:34:14.680 --> 0:34:17.319 I was like, I want you to take my last name. 0:34:17.400 --> 0:34:21.239 I said that, like I it was important to me. Um, 0:34:21.360 --> 0:34:24.120 And just over time of talking about it and what 0:34:24.360 --> 0:34:26.520 and what have you. I don't think we ever before 0:34:26.520 --> 0:34:29.680 we got married, we resolved the issue was was she 0:34:29.760 --> 0:34:32.200 gonna take my last name or not? And then we 0:34:32.280 --> 0:34:34.440 got married and to me right now, it's not that 0:34:34.480 --> 0:34:36.719 big of an issue. So my wife does not have 0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:38.680 my last name. We don't have any kids right now, 0:34:39.080 --> 0:34:41.000 but she doesn't have my last name, and to me, 0:34:41.080 --> 0:34:45.000 it's not that big of an issue. UM, I will 0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:49.120 say I didn't think that initially. I figured it would 0:34:49.120 --> 0:34:51.480 be an issue, but I'm surprised for myself now that 0:34:51.520 --> 0:34:53.840 it's not an issue. Um, but it'll be interesting to 0:34:53.880 --> 0:34:58.160 see when we have kids. When we have children, UM, 0:34:58.200 --> 0:35:00.600 I would want them to have my I last name, 0:35:00.680 --> 0:35:02.799 our last name. Do you think that she would want 0:35:02.840 --> 0:35:08.239 them to have huff? I don't know, maybe hyphen. I'm 0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:10.160 not sure. You know what's fun about that? Huff? Like 0:35:10.360 --> 0:35:12.879 it sounds like like eight is h it's kind of tough, 0:35:12.920 --> 0:35:16.239 like huh, Mike is like, uh, it's kind of a 0:35:18.840 --> 0:35:21.600 I don't know. We I don't like one syllable last 0:35:21.680 --> 0:35:24.600 names either. I don't know why I don't like one syllable. 0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:26.719 My last name is a one syllable last name. But 0:35:26.920 --> 0:35:28.759 this could be the this could be the stars of 0:35:28.760 --> 0:35:31.120 a line. Do you get help? Like, I don't know 0:35:31.160 --> 0:35:33.000 what else is fun about you guys, both of you 0:35:33.040 --> 0:35:34.759 this time, I knew you were meant to be. Both 0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:37.120 of you have names that are pronounced differently than they're spelled. 0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:40.520 Huff and like if you just read them, you're prenout. 0:35:40.560 --> 0:35:43.360 You're saying how or whatever? And what about rough like 0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:48.279 like to r O U g h h h mind 0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:51.480 blown there it is, I just blew your mind so 0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:53.560 well we did. But we took my wife's maiden name 0:35:53.600 --> 0:35:56.319 and gave it to my oldest daughter as a middle name, 0:35:56.880 --> 0:35:59.400 so that kind of okay. Yeah, I don't know. I 0:35:59.440 --> 0:36:02.480 would to be To be fully honest, I would like 0:36:02.640 --> 0:36:05.439 my wife to have my last name, whether it's now 0:36:05.719 --> 0:36:08.600 or sometime in the near future or far future. But 0:36:08.719 --> 0:36:12.560 like I would I refer to the house is like 0:36:12.600 --> 0:36:15.319 the like household. Welcome to the like household is what 0:36:15.360 --> 0:36:17.400 I would say to somebody that comes in or something. 0:36:17.480 --> 0:36:21.799 Because she always did she yell from the back room huff, no, no, no, no, 0:36:21.920 --> 0:36:24.880 it's it's oddly. I'm actually kind of surprised that it 0:36:25.080 --> 0:36:28.920 hasn't become an issue in our relationship. Because I do 0:36:29.360 --> 0:36:31.399 as a man, I take pride in the last name 0:36:31.400 --> 0:36:35.840 and being having that last name as the family name. UM, 0:36:35.920 --> 0:36:38.360 and especially when we have kids, I think that will amplify. 0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:40.279 I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming it 0:36:40.360 --> 0:36:43.560 might amplify for me. But I think it will always 0:36:43.600 --> 0:36:46.080 being ongoing discussion. And listen, I'm not going to make 0:36:46.120 --> 0:36:48.600 my wife change her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable. 0:36:48.640 --> 0:36:52.279 But I don't think that creates a division within our relationship. 0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:56.839 So to Athena's question, I don't find it disrespectful. I'm 0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:59.000 obviously open to it, but at the start, yeah, it 0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:01.600 was a little jarring for me. So I said that, 0:37:02.080 --> 0:37:04.080 UM that I didn't put any pressure on and I didn't, 0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:07.160 you know, ask had she decided not to, I think 0:37:07.200 --> 0:37:09.440 I would not have felt disrespected, but I would have 0:37:09.440 --> 0:37:12.960 been probably severely disappointed, not in her, but in the 0:37:12.960 --> 0:37:15.160 fact that was because I'm like you, I would have 0:37:15.200 --> 0:37:17.000 I liked that to be You're a unit, you know 0:37:17.000 --> 0:37:19.440 what I mean, family unit, And when people have different 0:37:19.480 --> 0:37:21.680 last names to me, that just something feels a little off. 0:37:21.840 --> 0:37:24.960 It's not disrespect, but it's off to me. Yeah, I said, 0:37:25.120 --> 0:37:27.360 it was always just understood. There was never a conversation. 0:37:27.400 --> 0:37:31.760 It just was this is what you do. Ye drives 0:37:31.800 --> 0:37:34.399 me insane though. I have an apostrophe in my last name, 0:37:34.440 --> 0:37:37.319 and whenever my wife is on the phone with the 0:37:37.440 --> 0:37:42.640 cable company or any telemarketer or anyone, anyone, she doesn't 0:37:43.160 --> 0:37:46.040 say when she spells the last name, the apostrophe. And 0:37:46.239 --> 0:37:49.600 I'm always in the background yelling there's an apost like 0:37:50.040 --> 0:37:52.799 that would drives and it would probably drive me and 0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:55.000 say too, because it's your name. You want your name honored. 0:37:55.120 --> 0:37:57.080 And then and when they see with that the apostrophe, 0:37:57.160 --> 0:37:59.560 they think it's the most bizarre name. But the apostrophe 0:37:59.600 --> 0:38:03.200 separate the letters. It's easier to read. Just use the apostrophe. 0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:05.319 I have one thing I do want to say, and 0:38:05.320 --> 0:38:06.920 it's something that came to me just while I was 0:38:06.960 --> 0:38:11.520 traveling looking at the success of the last couple of episodes, 0:38:11.640 --> 0:38:15.160 the Intimacy X episode with my wife, these kinds I 0:38:15.200 --> 0:38:18.680 want to acknowledge, just the fact that we have female 0:38:18.760 --> 0:38:26.040 producers running our show. So that's you, Amy Tori, that's Danielle, 0:38:26.040 --> 0:38:29.680 that's Hanna um And and Easton is the only male 0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:33.040 aside from the panel that's involved with this show, and 0:38:33.400 --> 0:38:38.799 our show would not even be remotely as successful without 0:38:38.840 --> 0:38:43.040 the female producers that we have. Would we, gentlemen, have 0:38:43.120 --> 0:38:47.959 ever picked intimacy as a topic to discuss. No, never, never. 0:38:48.200 --> 0:38:52.120 And then the amount of like feedback and emails and 0:38:52.239 --> 0:38:56.240 comments and insight we've received from the listeners has been 0:38:56.280 --> 0:38:59.080 incredible with how that's touched their lives and shape their lives. 0:38:59.280 --> 0:39:01.160 And that is a testament to you, Amy, and to 0:39:01.160 --> 0:39:04.840 you Danielle and Tori and Hannah. So thank you guys 0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:07.080 for making this show better because we wouldn't even be 0:39:07.280 --> 0:39:10.560 close to this without female producers. And you know, it's 0:39:10.560 --> 0:39:13.080 that old saying that behind every successful man is a 0:39:13.200 --> 0:39:15.480 you know, a strong woman or successful woman, And I 0:39:15.520 --> 0:39:18.439 think that's gone away because there's so many successful women 0:39:18.440 --> 0:39:20.520 that people don't use that phrase anymore. But if you 0:39:20.560 --> 0:39:22.600 were to look at it, I think women can do 0:39:22.719 --> 0:39:25.080 way better on their own and be successful and strong, 0:39:25.480 --> 0:39:28.320 and men still do this. This is a prime example 0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:31.839 we still do need, you know, women behind us kind 0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:35.359 of you know, giving us that that ability. I mean, 0:39:35.400 --> 0:39:37.560 like you said, would we be sitting here doing this 0:39:37.640 --> 0:39:40.440 talking about these things and be headed in the direction 0:39:40.480 --> 0:39:43.480 that we're headed, which I think is this is doing well? Right? Yeah? Okay, 0:39:44.960 --> 0:39:47.839 so I mean without them, so I mean it's You're 0:39:47.880 --> 0:39:50.799 exactly right. Yeah, I'm I'm blown away. I would have 0:39:50.840 --> 0:39:53.160 never got there. I have no idea what we'd be 0:39:53.160 --> 0:39:55.480 talking about, but I would have never got to something 0:39:55.560 --> 0:39:57.719 like that could be that, that could be that powerful 0:39:58.120 --> 0:40:00.799 without um amy you propos is that? So it's your 0:40:01.200 --> 0:40:03.960 The kudos goes to you, so um But yeah, I 0:40:03.960 --> 0:40:05.680 just want to say thank you. That was really an 0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:07.760 insightful thing that came to me while I was traveling, 0:40:07.760 --> 0:40:09.080 and I just wanted to say thank you to the 0:40:09.440 --> 0:40:11.520 to the ladies that are involved in the making of 0:40:11.560 --> 0:40:14.080 this show. That means a lot. Thank you. Can I 0:40:14.120 --> 0:40:17.080 tell you something I've been thinking about the test that 0:40:17.160 --> 0:40:21.200 you and Julianne took a lot since the podcast, and 0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:25.600 I can't get over how when you are intimate, you're 0:40:25.640 --> 0:40:28.640 not going through a checklist. When you know these are 0:40:28.680 --> 0:40:31.800 like the seven things that get out of your head, 0:40:32.680 --> 0:40:35.399 you gotta be going through it. Well, technically, when you're 0:40:35.680 --> 0:40:38.920 are you talking about getting intimate, like sexually intimate, Technically 0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:41.279 all that blood flow shouldn't be going to your head. 0:40:41.280 --> 0:40:43.440 It should be going to somewhere you know, these are 0:40:43.440 --> 0:40:47.120 the seven things that the results have yielded. I'm thinking, 0:40:47.120 --> 0:40:51.880 like George Costanza, here is like counterclockwise the swirl motion 0:40:52.080 --> 0:40:56.000 like this, that she's going to come on with us, 0:40:56.000 --> 0:40:58.600 and I think we make Ryan our guinea pig and 0:40:58.640 --> 0:41:02.399 you have to do the test. Would Mrs Ryan come 0:41:02.400 --> 0:41:06.160 on with us? Maybe? Will you ask her? Sure? I'm 0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:09.279 concerned that Ryan can't get Brooks and Julianne's checklist out 0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:13.560 of his head. Now are you a were you a 0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:18.319 coachable kid? I don't know when you played sports. Did 0:41:18.400 --> 0:41:20.359 if a coach said I just want you to do this? 0:41:20.480 --> 0:41:23.200 Did you just like I'm kind of like, are you 0:41:23.320 --> 0:41:26.160 just a soldier? If somebody just says just do this? 0:41:26.280 --> 0:41:30.160 You will just follow? So this up that applies here. 0:41:30.200 --> 0:41:34.000 If you read something, do you have to strictly apply it? No, 0:41:34.200 --> 0:41:36.319 you still have the choice to decide does this work 0:41:36.320 --> 0:41:37.799 for me? Do I agree with this? And do I 0:41:37.880 --> 0:41:40.400 choose to apply this? Yeah? But but we're to me. 0:41:41.440 --> 0:41:43.880 The conversation that we had when Julianne was here was 0:41:43.960 --> 0:41:47.759 that you admitted that one of the things you want 0:41:47.800 --> 0:41:51.080 most is to please You want her to feel satisfied. 0:41:51.560 --> 0:41:56.400 So when you know the seven things that satisfy her most. 0:41:56.840 --> 0:42:03.040 Then it's not that you're some like soldier who's who's 0:42:03.080 --> 0:42:06.960 a robot? You you get pleasure out of her pleasure, 0:42:07.000 --> 0:42:10.040 and therefore you are presumably gonna do the things that 0:42:10.120 --> 0:42:13.520 she loves most. So that's what I'm asking is are 0:42:13.560 --> 0:42:16.400 you not thinking about those things that you've found from 0:42:16.400 --> 0:42:19.000 the test throughout the time of your being intimate. But 0:42:19.040 --> 0:42:21.439 it's fine if your wife, Ryan, if your wife has 0:42:21.480 --> 0:42:23.279 this dish that she really loves to eat, and you 0:42:23.320 --> 0:42:25.440 have the recipe of how she likes it best, will 0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:27.799 you only follow that recipe or will you just cook 0:42:27.840 --> 0:42:32.920 it up? Sometimes that's a various student analogy. That's actually 0:42:32.920 --> 0:42:36.120 I was going food with this too. Yeah, and when 0:42:36.160 --> 0:42:37.360 I get the word of stute out of you, I 0:42:37.360 --> 0:42:40.719 feel like I wanted. No, it's it's gonna it's gonna 0:42:40.800 --> 0:42:44.360 contain the main ingredients, but maybe I might throw some 0:42:44.480 --> 0:42:47.359 human in there. But are you thinking, oh my gosh, 0:42:47.400 --> 0:42:49.319 I'm oh my gosh, I'm going off the recipe. This 0:42:49.400 --> 0:42:51.680 is so crazy. No, that's an interesting because I don't 0:42:51.719 --> 0:42:53.520 like to follow a recipe because then I'm like, then 0:42:53.520 --> 0:42:55.360 it's just the recipe. This is what everyone else does like, 0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:57.840 I'm gonna put my signal just answered your own question 0:42:57.840 --> 0:43:00.480 instead of checklist, Let's call it a sexual recipe. How 0:43:00.640 --> 0:43:05.200 robotic is your sex life? Are you like just tell 0:43:05.280 --> 0:43:07.719 us like, are you like thinking or are you just know? 0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:10.279 Not at all? But I've never done that test, Like, 0:43:10.880 --> 0:43:13.120 I don't know what what the specific things that you 0:43:13.200 --> 0:43:14.959 found out from the test st are. So maybe it's 0:43:15.280 --> 0:43:20.120 more ambiguous things tuned everybody, let's put can we put 0:43:20.200 --> 0:43:23.719 Ryan through the test? And can we see that test? 0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:26.760 Because I want to see what's on his checklist? Sorry, recipe? 0:43:28.280 --> 0:43:29.960 All right, I know we're running at a time. I 0:43:30.040 --> 0:43:32.799 have one last thing. I want to just quickly get 0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:36.480 your guys thoughts on UM really because so many people 0:43:36.480 --> 0:43:39.400 have reached out to us on Instagram and to our 0:43:39.440 --> 0:43:44.080 email h with respect to Brooks and and myself telling 0:43:44.080 --> 0:43:48.440 our own IVF stories. And I have a friend, UM, 0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:50.040 a good friend who just went through something that I 0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:54.600 think was really really complex and dynamic and interesting that 0:43:54.760 --> 0:43:56.840 I'm curious what you guys think about this. So basically, 0:43:57.200 --> 0:44:02.319 he's recently married his current wife uh is is divorced, 0:44:02.480 --> 0:44:06.440 and uh the two of them desperately want to have children. 0:44:06.480 --> 0:44:09.560 Now they have gone through two rounds of IVF together 0:44:09.760 --> 0:44:13.400 my buddy and his his now wife UM and have 0:44:13.560 --> 0:44:17.800 been unsuccessful in all of the pregnancies up until today. 0:44:17.840 --> 0:44:20.960 So just recently she said to him, Look, we've gone 0:44:20.960 --> 0:44:23.640 through two more rounds of IVF. I'm getting older. I 0:44:23.680 --> 0:44:27.920 don't know that biologically and physiologically the car it's in 0:44:27.920 --> 0:44:30.920 the cards for us. But I really want to have 0:44:31.000 --> 0:44:33.720 a kid. And I want to know if you're okay 0:44:33.800 --> 0:44:36.759 with the following. My ex husband and I went through 0:44:36.760 --> 0:44:41.400 IVF as well. We have four embryos on ice that 0:44:41.480 --> 0:44:48.319 are fertilized, very strong embryos. Are you okay with me 0:44:48.680 --> 0:44:53.520 implanting one of those viable, strong embryos, coming to term 0:44:53.600 --> 0:44:58.480 and us raising this baby together. I really want to 0:44:58.520 --> 0:45:02.080 do that and this currently is the only way for us. 0:45:02.239 --> 0:45:05.320 We've we've given it a good try. We've failed two times. 0:45:06.680 --> 0:45:11.040 What do you think now? My buddy is just his 0:45:11.120 --> 0:45:15.560 head is spinning because he despises her ex and there 0:45:15.600 --> 0:45:18.719 are reasons for despising the accent And is he going 0:45:18.760 --> 0:45:22.640 to be um? Is he he going to feel as 0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:25.480 if every time he sees this child he sees her 0:45:25.480 --> 0:45:29.719 ex husband and on the on the flip side, it's 0:45:29.760 --> 0:45:31.319 he really wants to have a kid himself, and he 0:45:31.360 --> 0:45:33.800 wants to do right by his wife who really wants 0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:37.840 to have her own child, biological child. But what do 0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:40.680 you do? I mean, I think it that's the point. 0:45:41.160 --> 0:45:44.000 I think at that point you consider adopting and finding 0:45:44.000 --> 0:45:46.319 a child that needs a good home. If he has 0:45:46.480 --> 0:45:51.359 resentment towards the x um, I don't know that, Like, 0:45:51.800 --> 0:45:54.600 I don't know, can he can he shake that? Can? 0:45:55.800 --> 0:46:00.640 What about you? Could I if I had sentiment towards 0:46:00.680 --> 0:46:03.279 my wife's ex and then we I mean, here's the thing. 0:46:04.600 --> 0:46:06.399 I guess maybe not because I was gonna say yes, 0:46:06.440 --> 0:46:08.680 probably I would have a problem with that. But here's 0:46:08.680 --> 0:46:10.839 the thing. If you were a stepfather, if this wasn't 0:46:10.880 --> 0:46:15.160 from birth right, if you married someone that had a 0:46:15.280 --> 0:46:19.000 child with somebody else and that husband or her ex 0:46:19.200 --> 0:46:21.480 was a jerk, would I have a problem with a 0:46:21.480 --> 0:46:24.560 step child or you know? Or I probably wouldn't call it. 0:46:24.560 --> 0:46:26.719 I wouldn't contential you know what I mean? Um No, 0:46:26.800 --> 0:46:28.720 I would not. So, but you didn't have a choice 0:46:28.719 --> 0:46:31.799 in that, you know this one, I wouldn't. I don't 0:46:31.800 --> 0:46:32.880 know that I would be able to open up that 0:46:32.920 --> 0:46:35.879 kind of worms. I think there's so many babies out 0:46:35.920 --> 0:46:38.680 there that need a home, but could you argue that 0:46:38.719 --> 0:46:43.239 they have four babies and embryos on ice? Right? We 0:46:43.280 --> 0:46:46.840 need a lawyer because isn't the child technically the ex 0:46:47.080 --> 0:46:55.120 husband's child. Unless you sign before you go through I 0:46:55.239 --> 0:46:58.600 v F, you sign away, you basically have to. They 0:46:58.760 --> 0:47:00.719 lay out to you, these are all the areas. Whether 0:47:00.760 --> 0:47:03.360 it's divorce, this is what's going to happen with the embros. 0:47:03.440 --> 0:47:07.839 If it's one of the two parties is uh dies tragically? 0:47:08.760 --> 0:47:14.040 You are you allowing the other half to have that child? 0:47:14.080 --> 0:47:19.000 Are you discarding them all? Completely destroying? We had to 0:47:19.040 --> 0:47:20.440 do that. And the third option is or do you 0:47:20.520 --> 0:47:23.680 donate it to science? Like everything? I mean, it's a 0:47:23.800 --> 0:47:26.279 twenty page document that you have to go through. And 0:47:26.320 --> 0:47:27.960 the other thing that that I'm you know, and I 0:47:27.960 --> 0:47:29.560 said that the other thing that I'm missing here is 0:47:29.560 --> 0:47:32.160 that this the wife, your buddy's wife, could feel very 0:47:32.160 --> 0:47:35.200 strongly about well why not that she wouldn't want to 0:47:35.200 --> 0:47:37.319 adopt the child in need. But she's saying, I have 0:47:37.520 --> 0:47:40.680 I can have a biological connection to this child. You 0:47:40.719 --> 0:47:43.880 won't but I can't. So then you're telling her that 0:47:43.960 --> 0:47:45.600 you don't want that to That's a tough one, man. 0:47:45.960 --> 0:47:47.480 That's what I was going to talk about too. So 0:47:48.560 --> 0:47:53.239 because how you guys both have children. I don't how 0:47:53.280 --> 0:47:56.680 rewarding is it to see a reflection of the love 0:47:56.719 --> 0:47:59.759 of your life in a child, like elements of your 0:47:59.800 --> 0:48:02.960 wife in your child must be just UNRENDI I hope, 0:48:03.000 --> 0:48:07.360 like I can't wait to see that someday with my wife. Um. 0:48:07.400 --> 0:48:11.480 But then also the thought of the X who you 0:48:11.520 --> 0:48:15.080 said he has resentment and a problem with to see 0:48:15.120 --> 0:48:19.759 that too. That's honestly, man, that's a super heavy one. Like, 0:48:19.840 --> 0:48:24.480 that's a heavy, heavy life decision that I don't know 0:48:24.520 --> 0:48:26.279 if I I don't know if I could get there. 0:48:27.120 --> 0:48:28.879 And I agree with you, Dmitri. I think there's many 0:48:28.960 --> 0:48:31.080 kids in the world, so many kids in the world 0:48:31.120 --> 0:48:34.400 that could be adopted. I don't know if I could 0:48:34.520 --> 0:48:37.000 personally get there to say yes, use one of those 0:48:37.040 --> 0:48:40.360 other embryos. Um. But this is I love this topic. 0:48:40.440 --> 0:48:43.799 This is heavy, and I think it needs more time. 0:48:43.840 --> 0:48:45.759 I'd love to, like, I mean, we pick this up 0:48:45.760 --> 0:48:49.640 on another episode next week, We're going to keep this going. Yeah, 0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:53.120 this is this is heavy. So, um, if what are 0:48:53.160 --> 0:48:55.120 your thoughts on it? Please give. We're gonna touch based 0:48:55.120 --> 0:48:57.800 on this again coming up, so send us your thoughts 0:48:57.840 --> 0:49:01.040 Men at I Heart radio dot com. This is How 0:49:01.080 --> 0:49:03.879 Men Think Podcast. We want to get into topics like these. 0:49:03.920 --> 0:49:05.759 We want to help you guys, and and in the 0:49:05.840 --> 0:49:09.799 in the process ourselves learn and share things. So men 0:49:09.920 --> 0:49:12.279 at I Heart radio dot com do you believe that? 0:49:12.400 --> 0:49:14.960 Or if it was your relationship, could you go ahead 0:49:15.280 --> 0:49:21.320 with now the embryo from an X or would you not? Um? Also, 0:49:21.360 --> 0:49:24.120 you can hit us up on Instagram at how Men 0:49:24.200 --> 0:49:26.960 Think Podcasts send us your comments there as well. Uh, 0:49:27.080 --> 0:49:29.280 that's it for today. We'll pick this topic up again 0:49:29.480 --> 0:49:33.160 until next week. Take care of one another, Love one another. 0:49:33.400 --> 0:49:35.759 This is How Men Think. Hey guys, it's Brooks and 0:49:35.880 --> 0:49:38.200 one last thing before you take off. We want to 0:49:38.239 --> 0:49:42.719 know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on 0:49:42.760 --> 0:49:45.560 this show. Send us an email at men at I 0:49:45.640 --> 0:49:47.960 heart radio dot com and follow along with us on 0:49:48.040 --> 0:49:51.640 Instagram at how Men Think podcast and we'll see you 0:49:51.719 --> 0:49:54.080 back right here next week for the next episode.