Speaker 1: This is how men think? And Gavin and I heard
Speaker 1: radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. We appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys tuning in. We're here for how men think. My
Speaker 1: name is Brooks, like and I'm sitting here. He's already smiling.
Speaker 1: I love it. I can't even get to you and
Speaker 1: you're already laughing by my my gracious co host, Mr
Speaker 1: Gavin de Gros. Good to be here. So we have
Speaker 1: a new topic we want to discuss here. Uh Dmitri
Speaker 1: is gonna tee it up for you guys listening. Okay,
Speaker 1: so um, the other night over the weekend, I went
Speaker 1: out with my family and another family. So it was
Speaker 1: you know, my wife, myself and the kids, and then
Speaker 1: another couple and their kids. And we went to this
Speaker 1: restaurant and the guy, the other husband, when the waitress
Speaker 1: came around, he ordered. First he just jumped. She's like, oh,
Speaker 1: are you guys read already? Goes yeah, yeah, I'll take
Speaker 1: uh and then he ordered. And then when the food
Speaker 1: was placed on the time like to me that I was.
Speaker 1: I was raised kind of old fashioned. My father was
Speaker 1: a gentleman. It's like. And then when the food came
Speaker 1: and they put it on the table, he reached over
Speaker 1: and grabbed it. He ate before the kids, that he
Speaker 1: ate before the like and then wait and so at
Speaker 1: that point my senses were heightened. And then when we
Speaker 1: left the restaurant, he walked out the door first, like,
Speaker 1: didn't hold the door for the women or for the kid.
Speaker 1: To me, as a guy, as a guy, as a dude,
Speaker 1: that's a deal breaker. Man, Like I don't there's few
Speaker 1: things that that men are supposed to that I think
Speaker 1: they have to do, and I think they have to
Speaker 1: be somewhat of a gentleman with with women and with kids.
Speaker 1: And the fact that this guy just started doing everything first,
Speaker 1: it's like, to me, I've lost all respect for you.
Speaker 1: Have you? How long have you known this guy? A while?
Speaker 1: But probably I don't know, close to ten years. Wow,
Speaker 1: So it would he like be somewhat of a friend
Speaker 1: that you would hang out with quite often. Is this
Speaker 1: her first time out for supper with this guy? He's
Speaker 1: done it before, but I feel like it's gotten worse.
Speaker 1: And and to me, it's like, my schedule is so
Speaker 1: busy and the kids and like, I don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of time to hang out in general, so when
Speaker 1: I do, I wanted to be people with I feel
Speaker 1: comfortable it that are that are funny that I respect,
Speaker 1: And now it's like I don't even want to hang
Speaker 1: out with this dude because he don't. He's rude to
Speaker 1: the waitress, Like the waitress comes over and goes, um, sir,
Speaker 1: can I get you another? Can I get you another beer? No?
Speaker 1: I'm driving? And it's like, okay, hey, you're not driving.
Speaker 1: I know that your wife drove, and b It's like
Speaker 1: she's just that's she's doing her job, Like why why
Speaker 1: you like you're condemning her for asking you if you
Speaker 1: that's her job is to ask you if you want
Speaker 1: another drink? And if she didn't do that, then you'd
Speaker 1: be like, I can't believe she didn't ask if I
Speaker 1: want another drink? Like, what's the problem? So can I
Speaker 1: ask you a question? So I I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I don't find his behavior acceptable. What is it about
Speaker 1: his behavior that really irritates you that it's a lack
Speaker 1: of respect, it's a lack that he puts himself before
Speaker 1: his family? What is it? Mainly that's that's like you're
Speaker 1: not gonna hang Clearly you're not gonna hang out with
Speaker 1: this guy again. Yeah. I mean I feel like, like
Speaker 1: I said, my father raised me a certain way, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it's it's you have as a as
Speaker 1: a guy, you have a responsibility to be a gentleman.
Speaker 1: And when you're doing that, I feel like you're taking
Speaker 1: advantage of other people, and I feel like you're just
Speaker 1: trying to put yourself first. And I think the world
Speaker 1: is crazy enough. I think there's a lot of bad
Speaker 1: people in the world. I think, what does it take
Speaker 1: to put someone first? What is it? What is it? Like?
Speaker 1: Why is that a big deal? Why? Like, he's gonna
Speaker 1: get his food, You're gonna get your order in? Like,
Speaker 1: why do you have to do it first? Why are
Speaker 1: you only thinking about yourself for some reason? This is
Speaker 1: a pet peeve of mine and it makes me. It
Speaker 1: drives me nuts to see stuff like that happen. Can
Speaker 1: I jump in? I got a devil's advocate for you. Okay.
Speaker 1: I've done both, by the way of the things you're
Speaker 1: talking about. Not every meal obviously, um, but I've done
Speaker 1: the gentleman thing and I've done the non gentleman thing.
Speaker 1: And sometimes when I order first, it's when everybody looks
Speaker 1: confused about what to do. So I jump in. I go, hey,
Speaker 1: I'll do it because I know what I want that
Speaker 1: I'll give everybody a minute to think this and that.
Speaker 1: And that was not that I have an outward very open.
Speaker 1: I'm very like forward in general. I'm socially aggressive right
Speaker 1: as you know. So so while other people are thinking
Speaker 1: and wondering what I'm going to order, I'll go, hey,
Speaker 1: I'll just you know, you guys cool, vible, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. But you at least preface that not
Speaker 1: the case, though this is preface. This was hey, you guys,
Speaker 1: right to order. Yeah, I'll take the burgers. So I
Speaker 1: get that totally. But also that isn't learned. That is
Speaker 1: a learned behavior, you know, if you're not brought up
Speaker 1: with that sort of thing around you. Let's say you
Speaker 1: didn't grow up going out to dinner where you're where
Speaker 1: your father would or your mother would teach you that
Speaker 1: there's a pecking order involved in that regard or there
Speaker 1: is a certain thing, some form of chivalrous behavior at
Speaker 1: the dinner table, you know what I mean. Like I didn't,
Speaker 1: I didn't go out to a whole lot of dinners
Speaker 1: growing up, you know what I'm saying. So, so some
Speaker 1: people that's there for there the first generation of of
Speaker 1: spending money. So they haven't even learned that behavior yet,
Speaker 1: so it may seem archaic to people who grew up
Speaker 1: with more money in their pocket. Right, I'm just, I'm just,
Speaker 1: and I get what you're saying. But I think that
Speaker 1: that makes that makes sense. But I I to me,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's I guess I referenced how I
Speaker 1: was brought up in the said to me, it's just
Speaker 1: a matter of putting yourself first. I don't disagree with
Speaker 1: you at all. And I think that whatever that behavior was,
Speaker 1: obviously he certainly sees himself as the most important person
Speaker 1: person in the room, probably everywhere he goes. Right, yeah,
Speaker 1: so and so and and I mean that's a whole
Speaker 1: another personality type. Rick, what you got on this one?
Speaker 1: You have, you have a wife and kids. I think
Speaker 1: he sounds like a dick. Do not hang out with
Speaker 1: that guy again, the guy, not you, Dmitri or Gavin,
Speaker 1: But yeah, completely disrespectful to his family, to his wife,
Speaker 1: to his kids, and to his guests, or to you
Speaker 1: and and the other people that are at the dinner table.
Speaker 1: I think that's completely disrespectful and to the waitress and
Speaker 1: the restaurant that you went to. I mean she's or
Speaker 1: he is the waitress is they're working their ass off,
Speaker 1: trying to make a living, you know. And I think
Speaker 1: whether it's somebody that's at McDonald's or Wendy's or at
Speaker 1: the finest restaurant in Paris, you treat that person in
Speaker 1: the exact same way. And I agree with you. I
Speaker 1: don't think there are I think there are a lot
Speaker 1: of people out there that are putting themselves first now, um,
Speaker 1: because they think they can for some reason. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I've always kind of uh, you know, experienced similar,
Speaker 1: similar situation, but it's it's just it's wrong. Would you
Speaker 1: like to come to are we? Are we going tonight?
Speaker 1: Wait till you reach for a chicken wing before everybody else.
Speaker 1: Demitri's gonna rip your hat off. Howey you get in
Speaker 1: the car we're leaving. Yeah. I agree with what you
Speaker 1: guys said. I agree exactly. I'm not gonna say much
Speaker 1: more in it. I think as a as a husband
Speaker 1: to my wife, I want her to feel safe and
Speaker 1: protected at all times, and that I put her first.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, you know, I was gonna say, I mean,
Speaker 1: our responsibilities as parents or adults when there are children around,
Speaker 1: to teach them the right way. And obviously it sounds
Speaker 1: like your parents and your dad specifically taught you that
Speaker 1: that way. And and if we're at a dinner table
Speaker 1: and my kids are there or with other families and
Speaker 1: and that kid's doing you know, the dad's grabbing the food,
Speaker 1: you know, I definitely don't want my children to think
Speaker 1: that that's normal. And I have three daughters and one son,
Speaker 1: and I don't want him to think, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I want him to to understand that. And it's not
Speaker 1: just a chivalry thing. It's not just men and women.
Speaker 1: It's not just adults and kids. How about just think
Speaker 1: of someone else before you think yourself. I've been on
Speaker 1: some vacations with some friends and family and and there
Speaker 1: are times when my kids food comes and somebody in
Speaker 1: the party goes and grabs the French fight or the
Speaker 1: or the chicken wing or whatever off of their plate
Speaker 1: before my kid can even like, go, it's my kids food.
Speaker 1: And they're in there swooping up to grab the French
Speaker 1: fries or swooping up to grab the It's like, absolutely not. No.
Speaker 1: I also do think on this, if we Honestly, if
Speaker 1: you see somebody doing something that's in a pro for it, um,
Speaker 1: it's on us to also step in and change that.
Speaker 1: Otherwise we're just enabling it. So I'm yeah, like if
Speaker 1: sting with the four and clearly clearly here you were
Speaker 1: an alpha when the check came, were you? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, So here you go. So true, he's driving,
Speaker 1: so we should just drink. But I agree, I've I've
Speaker 1: I've been on teams where I've played with some guys
Speaker 1: that aren't that polite, and it's I can't just you know,
Speaker 1: you can't enable that behavior and maybe it causes riff.
Speaker 1: But hey, like you need wrestle, Yeah, this arm wrestle
Speaker 1: right here under the games jump jump over the table.
Speaker 1: But you can't say that time you didn't know? You
Speaker 1: could say, you could say, now you know Mr Manners
Speaker 1: last names? Would you say something? Would you say something?
Speaker 1: If it's if it's really like if it's just a
Speaker 1: small little thing that you notice and you just catch
Speaker 1: wind of it once or something, Okay, maybe not, But
Speaker 1: if it's if it's blatant and this guy is being
Speaker 1: ignorant and you can see on the person that it's affecting,
Speaker 1: you know, like then you have to step in or
Speaker 1: you you say something to that the person that it's affecting, Like,
Speaker 1: I apologize for him. That's not the way we are.
Speaker 1: I have done that. So what's a hard scenario to
Speaker 1: being You gotta get you to the dinner. You know,
Speaker 1: you may have to see them again in the neighborhood.
Speaker 1: You want to check them obviously verbally, but there's a
Speaker 1: way to do it. I mean, the guy live in
Speaker 1: your town, You're gonna bump in on him, he'll see
Speaker 1: him again. What if you saw a husband being inappropriate
Speaker 1: to his wife, would you say something that's a tough
Speaker 1: one to Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't be aggressive about
Speaker 1: it because I think men someone aggressive towards the many
Speaker 1: they're aggressive back. But I think it's like, hey, come on, man,
Speaker 1: like that's it a little strong? Yeah. And also things
Speaker 1: bothered me a lot. You're saying he's being obnoxious to
Speaker 1: the server. That pisces me off to no end. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I've worked, I have worked. I
Speaker 1: have worked in restaurants before, and man, I mean you know,
Speaker 1: I mean I remember I served a guy he was
Speaker 1: being such a douche to me. I was twenty one
Speaker 1: years old. I just moved to New York City. I'm
Speaker 1: wearing my ridiculous, you know, waiting tables uniform that I
Speaker 1: had to wear. And the guy was being such an
Speaker 1: absolute douche to me. Right it was him and his girl,
Speaker 1: and I just stopped. Finally, I just stopped because he
Speaker 1: was being so disrespectful to me. And I said, hey, man,
Speaker 1: is this your first date? And he said what I said,
Speaker 1: is this your first date? And he was like, I
Speaker 1: shall ask your date? Is this your first date? And
Speaker 1: she said, yes, it is. I said, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to let you know, and I looked at the guy.
Speaker 1: I said that my uniform comes off. That's all I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you. And it was just a soor rate
Speaker 1: you or what I mean, because he was just he
Speaker 1: was just stepping on the person that he thought he
Speaker 1: could step on in that scenario, you know, And there's
Speaker 1: nothing there's no smaller person than the person who takes
Speaker 1: the opportunity to just step on the one person they
Speaker 1: think that they can in the room. Now do you
Speaker 1: think he's behavior? Do you think you thought you were
Speaker 1: suggesting a three ways? Is this your first day? This
Speaker 1: uniform comes totally. I started with my bill start kicking
Speaker 1: off the boots by the way. Okay, okay, we're getting
Speaker 1: out of this one. Okay, let's get into some questions. Here.
Speaker 1: We have our producer, Danielle is going to ask us
Speaker 1: our first question, what you got? The first question is
Speaker 1: from Hope and she needs some advice. She has been
Speaker 1: together with her now husband for nine years. Two of
Speaker 1: those years they've been married, and for those past two
Speaker 1: years her husband has been sleeping on the couch. What
Speaker 1: should she do? So we're assuming this guy sleeps on
Speaker 1: overnight on the couch, and she said he didn't before
Speaker 1: they got married. He didn't do that. Well, so she
Speaker 1: says they've been gathered for nine years, almost two of
Speaker 1: them married, but for the past two years. So it
Speaker 1: sounds like so as soon as they got married, he
Speaker 1: started sleeping on the couch. Yeah, that that doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like a healthy relationship. Ever heard of the BB King
Speaker 1: song the Thrill Is Gone? Do tell elaborate for us? Buddy?
Speaker 1: That's the only line you need to know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess the obvious question for me other than if
Speaker 1: he've heard that song, uh, is how big is the
Speaker 1: TV in the bedroom? Or is there no TV in
Speaker 1: the bedroom? What what are you going tobe like to
Speaker 1: watch TV? Maybe he's watching maybe he needs a little
Speaker 1: bit light on or something. Maybe here's my thought. Is
Speaker 1: it possible so many people put pressure on marriage? They
Speaker 1: were they were together for seven years, no problem, And
Speaker 1: when you get married, the first thing everyone says is
Speaker 1: how's it different? How's everything different? So maybe he got
Speaker 1: nervous that things were going to change when they got married,
Speaker 1: and so he's felt all this pressure. Now he's like,
Speaker 1: and now he feels like things have changed and it's
Speaker 1: not fun anymore. And I it's too bad she's not
Speaker 1: a caller if you're listening, calling, because I'd be curious
Speaker 1: to know if has she gone out there and like
Speaker 1: lay it on the couch with him? Have before this
Speaker 1: were they were they being intimate and now they're not,
Speaker 1: Like she could and I'm not saying this is on her,
Speaker 1: but she could go out there and they could mix
Speaker 1: it up a little bit. Maybe he's like, if I
Speaker 1: just go in the bedroom, we're gonna get into bed,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex and then and then and it's
Speaker 1: gonna feel a very repetitive. And this is this what
Speaker 1: married life is like, so maybe if they mix it up.
Speaker 1: Maybe if she went out there and they you know,
Speaker 1: they cuddled, had sex whatever, on the couch and mix
Speaker 1: things up a little bit. I'm not a couch in
Speaker 1: the bedroom in the living room. What are those pollouts
Speaker 1: that college kids have? Um, are you guys just avoiding
Speaker 1: that something is not right? That's what I was going to.
Speaker 1: There's definitely something not right there. I mean, if you
Speaker 1: marry somebody, if you were somebody for nine years and
Speaker 1: you're married for two, there should you should have an
Speaker 1: attraction to want to go to bed with that person,
Speaker 1: to fall asleep with that person. Um, certainly to be
Speaker 1: intimate with that person, to fall asleep with that person
Speaker 1: and wake up next to that person. And if there,
Speaker 1: if he's resisting that and fighting for let me sleep
Speaker 1: on the couch. I mean, that's a pretty cold relationship
Speaker 1: in my opinion. But it's weird that it started almost
Speaker 1: to the tea of when they got married, Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: what really, nothing changes besides paperwork when you get married
Speaker 1: if you've been together that long. So something triggered that
Speaker 1: that it's almost to the tea, almost to the day
Speaker 1: of when they got married. So I don't know. Is
Speaker 1: he is he? Is he having an affair and he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be he doesn't want it sex with
Speaker 1: her anymore. I don't know. But there's something that's strange
Speaker 1: to me that had happened as soon as they got married.
Speaker 1: So what does she do? Well, see that you can
Speaker 1: answer that one way, But I also don't think it's
Speaker 1: just on her. So the the thing to say would be, well,
Speaker 1: she can try and entice him. She can be and
Speaker 1: both partners need to do that. So she can try that.
Speaker 1: She could try and entice him with some lingerie or
Speaker 1: some candles, or not allowing him even to turn a
Speaker 1: TV on, like put some music on and connect do something.
Speaker 1: She could try that. I believe it's on both partners
Speaker 1: to try things when partners aren't connecting. But also from
Speaker 1: his from the dude standpoint, I mean, he's got to
Speaker 1: put in some effort. Let's be real, like you, that's
Speaker 1: that's disrespectful to your partner. Imagine if she was sleeping
Speaker 1: on the couch and you were in bed, Like, how
Speaker 1: would that make you feel? He wouldn't be happy with that.
Speaker 1: So that's a good point. This This can't make her
Speaker 1: obviously she's reached out. This can't make her feel good
Speaker 1: just in general, like that will affect her. Next day
Speaker 1: she gets up, she's like, my husband doesn't want to
Speaker 1: get into bed with me like that, that's that's feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have a question, what about the old school relationships
Speaker 1: you here about or some of the husbands and the
Speaker 1: wives they sleep in different rooms. Even maybe she smells
Speaker 1: good once again, but he listened to her first couple podcast,
Speaker 1: I love of your hypotheticals. Like I basically I got
Speaker 1: into the brush your teeth before bid and he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to her mouth beating on him. Uh this idea. See,
Speaker 1: I got stretched. I got into up doing like I
Speaker 1: signed up to do these podcasts, to join the show,
Speaker 1: to like impact and serve people and have some laughs
Speaker 1: and and grow and like learn myself. But now it's
Speaker 1: changed to just hearing hypotheticals come out of yours are important.
Speaker 1: If you've displayed that, thank you very much. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know what the answer to this is, but
Speaker 1: I think he needs to make an effort otherwise that
Speaker 1: that marriage is not hidden in the right direction. And
Speaker 1: I think the question is has she like has she
Speaker 1: said listen what's wrong, what's happening here? But yeah, it
Speaker 1: sounds she has I agree. I mean, I think it
Speaker 1: all starts with a conversation. You need to find out
Speaker 1: what where they are in their marriage, you know, and
Speaker 1: where they are in life. Like maybe he's bummed out
Speaker 1: and he's sitting on the couch and he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to interact because if he opens up to her, then
Speaker 1: maybe he has to tell her how how bad work
Speaker 1: is or how bad his you know, his childhood was
Speaker 1: or whatever that is. And he's trying to figure this
Speaker 1: out right now. And maybe he feels stuck in a
Speaker 1: situation where he got married and maybe he wants to
Speaker 1: get out of it, but he doesn't know what to do,
Speaker 1: and so he's trying to show it in another way
Speaker 1: without having a conversation. So he's basically sitting on the
Speaker 1: couch blowing her off, which is not the right thing
Speaker 1: to do, and avoiding it at all costs, not saying
Speaker 1: that's the right thing, but that is some ways that
Speaker 1: people do interact and want to try to get their
Speaker 1: point across. I have a follow up question to this question, Um,
Speaker 1: do you guys have a TV in the bedroom and
Speaker 1: do you believe it's right or proper or okay to
Speaker 1: have a TV in your bedroom. Mann's got one in
Speaker 1: every room in the house. You probably have one in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. No, I mean bedroom bedroom TV. Uh yeah, man,
Speaker 1: I mean it depends. I mean, but I I have
Speaker 1: stayed places extended periods of time where there was no
Speaker 1: TV in the bedroom, and I would sleep on the
Speaker 1: couch just because I you know, I was having a
Speaker 1: hard time fall asleep and leave the TV on. He
Speaker 1: kind of wake up and you know, don't wake up.
Speaker 1: I have a very very uncomfortable sleep schedule, so I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: It's hard for me to weigh in and have anybody
Speaker 1: understand my sleep schedule because I'm in different time zones
Speaker 1: every other day. Um, sometimes I'm working late at night.
Speaker 1: You do a show, you won't be sleeping for another
Speaker 1: eight hours just because you're wired. You know, if you've
Speaker 1: done that. I actually I listened to the ice hockey thing,
Speaker 1: but I was different. I actually had a way because
Speaker 1: that was that's an issue, right if you big time,
Speaker 1: big time issue? So how I dealt with that, Like
Speaker 1: if you're a performer, you're performing in the evening and
Speaker 1: it finished, game finishes at ten thirty at night or whatever.
Speaker 1: I would continue. I would work out after games because
Speaker 1: you're so ramped up, like you're saying, you do a show,
Speaker 1: You're ramped up, crowds, fired up, your intensity is going,
Speaker 1: your adrenaline is going, and then the show ends or
Speaker 1: the game ends like that? What do you do with
Speaker 1: all of that energy? Still if you don't do anything,
Speaker 1: I would, so I learned in my career I'd go
Speaker 1: work out for thirty forty hour, hour and a half
Speaker 1: sometimes after a game to get the rest of that
Speaker 1: out so I could go home and just pass right out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's an issue for me. The other thing is, I
Speaker 1: have another question about the guy because since since the job,
Speaker 1: the type of job that I that I've got, you
Speaker 1: have um has to do with being around people all
Speaker 1: the time. When I get that opportunity to be alone,
Speaker 1: even if I'm dating somebody, I'll just want to be
Speaker 1: by myself for hours, you know what I mean? I
Speaker 1: need some alone time. I made a decompressed because throughout
Speaker 1: the day, you had a great day, but you're you're
Speaker 1: mingling with people, you're working, you're seeing your team, You're
Speaker 1: spending your day with your band, your crew, your fans, right,
Speaker 1: and you need that sort of at least I do.
Speaker 1: I need that hermit time. So if I was to say,
Speaker 1: not even a plan, like I want to sleep on
Speaker 1: the couch just because I kind of just I need
Speaker 1: to be just watch the TV and zone out, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, that wouldn't be a reflection on
Speaker 1: the person I'm with. It would have to do more
Speaker 1: like I need some alone time. But after two years
Speaker 1: of doing it. Yeah, that's tough. That's that's a real problem.
Speaker 1: That's an issue. Yeah, that's the thrill is going. So
Speaker 1: let's let's go. I do uh, I do have a
Speaker 1: comment on the TV. I do have a comment on
Speaker 1: the TV in the in the bedroom. So I used
Speaker 1: to have a TV in the bedroom. We recently did
Speaker 1: some stuff to our house and we do not have
Speaker 1: a TV in the bedroom. We did put the plugs
Speaker 1: in area to have a TV in the bedroom, but
Speaker 1: we decided not to put a TV in the bedroom
Speaker 1: because it Hey, we have our phones or our devices
Speaker 1: and iPad, iPhone or whatever, but we it actually brings
Speaker 1: or gives that opportunity to be intimate or to have
Speaker 1: a conversation. So if you walk in and your wife
Speaker 1: or I'm watching Sports Center and my wife's watching news
Speaker 1: or whatever. It like it immediately like takes away from
Speaker 1: any sort of that, oh, hey, how is your day?
Speaker 1: What's going on? You know, how is work? Or how
Speaker 1: was in Los Angeles? Or how was wherever? And so
Speaker 1: to me. And we've sort of decided recently that hey,
Speaker 1: we get the TV and it's like, you know what,
Speaker 1: we kind of like how it is right now? You know,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's good. You know. We actually have more conversations.
Speaker 1: I mean, don't get me wrong, Like on a Sunday
Speaker 1: when the kids are downstairs watching you know, cartoons or whatever,
Speaker 1: a movie, I definitely want to come up and catch
Speaker 1: The Masters or whatever. But you know I can watch
Speaker 1: that on my phone. Um. But in terms of relating
Speaker 1: to my wife or as significant other or whatnot, I
Speaker 1: feel like not having a TV in the bedroom actually
Speaker 1: does a lot of good. Have you never been intimate
Speaker 1: to an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a TV. I have TVs in a lot of rooms.
Speaker 1: I definitely have a TV in the bedroom. Um, and
Speaker 1: we will more times than that we will put it on,
Speaker 1: and um, it's usually I can't fall asleep if I'm
Speaker 1: watching something new. So I can't put on like you know,
Speaker 1: something new that I'm following, a new a movie that
Speaker 1: I haven't seen. It has to be like an old
Speaker 1: episode or something, and I can mindless that I can
Speaker 1: hear it and fall asleep. Um. And and my wife
Speaker 1: likes that too, she watched We don't always have it on,
Speaker 1: but we will often it on. Um And there are
Speaker 1: times well where where we won't and we'll talk and whatever.
Speaker 1: But it become it became a habit where we would
Speaker 1: turn it on and just leave it on for a while.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night and realize it's still on and turn it off.
Speaker 1: And that kind of bugged me a little bit. But
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a comfort for us all we
Speaker 1: don't have one. I have never had a TV in
Speaker 1: my bedroom my entire life. UM, So for me, that's
Speaker 1: a hard no. My my thought on a bedroom, it's
Speaker 1: for two things. It's one where it's going to go on.
Speaker 1: Look at me, like I got three heads described on
Speaker 1: where we're gonna have some fun as a couple. Buddy TV.
Speaker 1: I've never done that with an old episode of something.
Speaker 1: No recommended. Um, So it's it's for it's for being intimate,
Speaker 1: or it's for sleeping, you know. And I even have personally,
Speaker 1: we even like my wife and I even said a
Speaker 1: rule that there's no emails or in agram or social media.
Speaker 1: When you walk in the bedroom door, your phone is off.
Speaker 1: You're not doing work. Um, and that's kind of our
Speaker 1: sacred no work, no whatever. That's a connection, a place
Speaker 1: for connection, because it's very easy for it to go
Speaker 1: us to go to our devices or to a TV
Speaker 1: and to have that that connection or that intimacy fizzle
Speaker 1: even just a little bit, year after year after year,
Speaker 1: until you're just very separate people sleeping in the same
Speaker 1: room or as Amy you said, sleeping in different rooms.
Speaker 1: I sleep very little. I go to sleep at like eleven.
Speaker 1: Between eleven and twelve is when I fall asleep, and
Speaker 1: I'll wake up around five. When I first met my wife,
Speaker 1: I was, I'm like you, Rick, I'm early to bed,
Speaker 1: early to rise, fish like hell and makeup lies, right,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Total Yeah, Um, but
Speaker 1: I'm an early to bad guy. We'd have to get
Speaker 1: up early and practice workout, perform So for me and
Speaker 1: we should do a whole episode on this because people
Speaker 1: struggle mightily with sleep. For me, rest is a weapon.
Speaker 1: Rest is a weapon. It's the number one thinging that
Speaker 1: I prioritize in my life, more than fitness, more than nutrition.
Speaker 1: I prioritize sleep. So if I don't get proper sleep
Speaker 1: the night before the next night, it's high priority I
Speaker 1: have to have. And I try and get nine hours
Speaker 1: a night. I don't have kids. We don't have kids,
Speaker 1: so I can do that. I'm in control of my sleep.
Speaker 1: But nine hours a night, um, and then the next
Speaker 1: day I don't miss if I get nine hours. If
Speaker 1: I get anything less than seven, it starts to shift.
Speaker 1: And they've actually done studies on I think m I
Speaker 1: T did a study. UM. They had a group of
Speaker 1: people they deprived sleep deprived. They had a group of
Speaker 1: people that they fed fast food too, and they had
Speaker 1: a group of people that they could not exercise, and
Speaker 1: they tested these people over a duration of time and
Speaker 1: I think it was after one week of being sleep
Speaker 1: deprived that group became pre diabetic. It's incredible what sleep
Speaker 1: does to your body, how it helps you perform, and
Speaker 1: how it limits your performance. Sleep. Like I said, rest
Speaker 1: is a weapon, and I will tell you I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and I sleep, and maybe it sounded like I was
Speaker 1: giving a hard time. I don't sleep well. I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily get five hours sleep because I want to. I
Speaker 1: don't sleep well. And if I go away and I'm
Speaker 1: in a hotel room, if I'm out of town for
Speaker 1: work and I have a hotel room myself, you think, oh,
Speaker 1: this is it, I'm gonna sleep in. I don't. I
Speaker 1: just for some reason, I wake up a lot and
Speaker 1: I and so I would that would be very interested
Speaker 1: in figuring out how to get better sleep. But I
Speaker 1: know the first thing everything can say, get the TV
Speaker 1: out of your bedroom. Cash for sure. Um, But I
Speaker 1: think we should dive into especially to you, buddy, if
Speaker 1: you have trouble sleeping time, If sleep is in line,
Speaker 1: you are rested, you will make better nutrition choices you
Speaker 1: will make, You're more likely to be active and work out.
Speaker 1: And also your cognition level, your thought process at work
Speaker 1: is going to be a lot better, and you're probably
Speaker 1: a lot better around your family. Well. The funny thing
Speaker 1: is I always slept great in school, just great in
Speaker 1: school in school, man, I went not it was amazing.
Speaker 1: I don't see well at all. I see I I
Speaker 1: have my mind right, it has a hard time relaxing,
Speaker 1: um and so I it's not anxiety. I just have
Speaker 1: like a ton of ideas at all times, um and
Speaker 1: so and so I I have it's hard to shut off,
Speaker 1: you know, um and um, I don't know. Actually no,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm like, Like I when I get to bed,
Speaker 1: and it's just just constantly constant ideas. But when you
Speaker 1: get to bed, is is do you not focus any
Speaker 1: like attention on? I need to shut this system down,
Speaker 1: power this system down so it can perform again tomorrow.
Speaker 1: It's really hard for me because I I basically go
Speaker 1: until I can't. Essentially, I'll go until I can't stay
Speaker 1: awake anymore. And that's just kind of how I how
Speaker 1: I I live. And UM like, I'll stay awake until
Speaker 1: my eyes are just watering, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and then I go, okay, I'll probably be able to
Speaker 1: fall asleep. Now have you ever tried reading? That's a
Speaker 1: terrible idea. I mean, you can do picture books because
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be actually you have anything with crayons.
Speaker 1: You can see what Yogi bear is doing before before
Speaker 1: we get down the rabbit hole, there we got the
Speaker 1: welcome back to how man think. My name is Brooks,
Speaker 1: and I've got Gavin eating Gavin's eating an organic nutrition
Speaker 1: bar slash. We got Dmitri and Rick, and we have
Speaker 1: Amy and Danielle. Here are producers. We have East and
Speaker 1: our engineer, and they're going to tee us up for
Speaker 1: something that we do not know what's coming. This is
Speaker 1: off the cuff. This happens quite often. I'll put on
Speaker 1: an outfit and I'll say, how does this look fantastic?
Speaker 1: Standard good? Or does it look good? Good? It looks good,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, sod over top of it. So
Speaker 1: let me go with this because this is something for
Speaker 1: dudes listening. This is something that I learned because I
Speaker 1: was that guy. I was that guys like, yeah, it
Speaker 1: looks good. Like I never thought, how's my hair great?
Speaker 1: That's awesome. I never gave a lot of that stuff.
Speaker 1: Thought that it matters to my wife what my input is,
Speaker 1: because to me, it doesn't. If I put on a
Speaker 1: suit or something or sure or something like how does
Speaker 1: this look? She says that it's good, I'm like, great,
Speaker 1: let's rock and roll. Um. But I have learned and
Speaker 1: been educated on that it does matter, that our words
Speaker 1: do matter, and also how we say them, how the
Speaker 1: intonation and the emotion behind it matters. So if she
Speaker 1: puts something on she says, how does this look? Love it? Baby,
Speaker 1: you look dynamite, she feels an immense sense of confidence
Speaker 1: and appreciation and like she is seen and that the
Speaker 1: effort she has put in has been noticed. And that's
Speaker 1: something I've had to learn. I was not naturally that way,
Speaker 1: but I have learned that. And I'm probably the married
Speaker 1: guys here can attest to that. The single guy he
Speaker 1: has not learned. I haven't. I have not gotten to
Speaker 1: that point where I'm like a dynamite and this and that.
Speaker 1: But I have noticed, and this may be a selfish
Speaker 1: point of view, but I have noticed. If we need
Speaker 1: to get out of the house, and and I'm honest
Speaker 1: with my answers, but if we need to get out
Speaker 1: of the house, and she asked me how do I look?
Speaker 1: And I say you look good? I realized that she's
Speaker 1: going to go back in and change. If I say
Speaker 1: that looks really good, I like that, then I know
Speaker 1: we can leave. So if I, obviously I don't want
Speaker 1: to go out and have her be uncomfortable, or being
Speaker 1: something that doesn't look good. But if I I realized
Speaker 1: that there's a difference in how you say and if
Speaker 1: I say that looks really good, I like that, then
Speaker 1: I know she's gonna be comfortable, and then she'll be
Speaker 1: she won't think about it the rest of the night.
Speaker 1: And I think that's to your point. I think that's
Speaker 1: a nice thing to do, is to give a little
Speaker 1: bit more than just that that one canned answer of
Speaker 1: it looks good, let's go. I also feel like it's
Speaker 1: some sometimes a set up, you know, like if they're saying, hey,
Speaker 1: you look good or how do I look? And then
Speaker 1: you say, uh, you know, I really like that other jest,
Speaker 1: then it's like you're all like then it comes back
Speaker 1: to you to bite you no matter what's going on
Speaker 1: the whole entire night, like you are screwed. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're if you hold on. I want to
Speaker 1: touch on this because I actually just had this conversation
Speaker 1: with my brother in law about this thing. So he said,
Speaker 1: and our female listeners are the women listening, you can
Speaker 1: weigh in on this. But he said that, um, his wife,
Speaker 1: So my sister loves to be told what to wear,
Speaker 1: so he'll like lay out a red dress. He's like, Babe,
Speaker 1: can you put that red dress on tonight for this day?
Speaker 1: Because you look sexy as hell in that dress. And
Speaker 1: she'll put that thing on, put some pumps on, like
Speaker 1: she's looking good. When they go out, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: a great night. So I think for guys, you can
Speaker 1: instill confidence into him, like when my wife will put
Speaker 1: something on Rick. She'll put something on him, like, Babe,
Speaker 1: put that other green one back on that was sexiest,
Speaker 1: Like throw that on. But if you do that and
Speaker 1: then she goes, I don't really feel like that wearing that,
Speaker 1: and she doesn't wear it, then okay, But then it's like,
Speaker 1: well I gave it, and now I tried and it
Speaker 1: didn't work, and now she wants and then and then
Speaker 1: the energy is off after well. And I think the
Speaker 1: other thing to add also to what makes them feel good? Right,
Speaker 1: what dress makes them feel good? If it's the red
Speaker 1: dress or the green dress. You know, like you may
Speaker 1: want the green dress, but when she puts that green
Speaker 1: dress on and she's like, oh god, you know the
Speaker 1: green dre it's just not vibing, you know, And then
Speaker 1: right there she's going to make a decision herself. But
Speaker 1: you can also offer reassurance right there, like no like
Speaker 1: because my wife does it to me. I'd put on
Speaker 1: like a suit or something, go to hockey game and
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't think that one looks put and
Speaker 1: then I'll put on different ties like boom gold Babe,
Speaker 1: that is dynamite. I'm like, all right, let's rock and roll.
Speaker 1: So like, the significant other can offer a lot of
Speaker 1: reassurance and don't be afraid to say no, I like
Speaker 1: this one better or that one better. Um, it helps direction,
Speaker 1: I believe help alright, Jen, it's got another question from Athena.
Speaker 1: Athena wants to know one day I want to get married,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to change my last name. Most
Speaker 1: men would never change their last name after marriage, but
Speaker 1: expect their wife to change hers. I've heard guys say
Speaker 1: it's disrespectful not to take your husband's name. I don't
Speaker 1: believe that's true at all. How do you guys feel
Speaker 1: about this subject? You guys are both married, Yeah, Um,
Speaker 1: to be honest, when we got married, I left it
Speaker 1: up to my wife. I deep down I really wanted
Speaker 1: her to take my name. Um, but I left it
Speaker 1: up to her I didn't put any presure on around.
Speaker 1: I said listen. Actually I didn't even say listen. I
Speaker 1: just let it go and see and decided to see
Speaker 1: what she would think. Um. She did bring up at
Speaker 1: one point, you know, you could take my name, and
Speaker 1: you know that I was not on board when she
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting it. But she I mean she was semi serious,
Speaker 1: but she wasn't so um, And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: here's the thing I said to me, being a guy,
Speaker 1: I feel like I have I had a close relationship
Speaker 1: with my dad, and I feel like I would kind
Speaker 1: of be turning my back on the family and the
Speaker 1: legacy that we have. So I was not up for that.
Speaker 1: But I did not put pressure on her to take
Speaker 1: my name, even though that's what I really wanted. And
Speaker 1: she ended up doing that. She come back and say, well,
Speaker 1: I had a powerful, strong relationship with my father, so
Speaker 1: why can I not on her his last name? By No,
Speaker 1: she didn't. No, she didn't. Um, But I mean if
Speaker 1: she did, then I would have been I guess I
Speaker 1: would have been understanding of that. Um. You know what, Okay,
Speaker 1: go ahead, you know what some people do. Some people
Speaker 1: nowadays have been taking parts of both names. Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have friends have done I have friends have done that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's I mean. I have a trouble coming up with
Speaker 1: screen names for Twitter and stuff. I don't need to
Speaker 1: be concocting last name. Carlos and Alexa Pena Vega do
Speaker 1: you know them? They're very cool. Yeah. So Carlos Penya
Speaker 1: was in Big Time Rush and Alexa Vega is an
Speaker 1: actress and was from Spike Kids. And they're fantastic and
Speaker 1: I'm super used to their last name being Penia Vega.
Speaker 1: Now would you ever do like Dash Huff? I would
Speaker 1: probably not. No. Um. So the question was do we
Speaker 1: find it disrespectful not to take your husband's last name.
Speaker 1: So right now, my wife, Julianne Huff does not have
Speaker 1: my last name, So all her legal documents, her passport,
Speaker 1: her driver's license, everything just say Huff and everybody still
Speaker 1: refers to her as Julie Anne Huff. Um. I initially
Speaker 1: to be honest, fully transparent. When we first mad and
Speaker 1: we're got engaged and stuff, we had this conversation and
Speaker 1: I was like, I want you to take my last name.
Speaker 1: I said that, like I it was important to me. Um,
Speaker 1: And just over time of talking about it and what
Speaker 1: and what have you. I don't think we ever before
Speaker 1: we got married, we resolved the issue was was she
Speaker 1: gonna take my last name or not? And then we
Speaker 1: got married and to me right now, it's not that
Speaker 1: big of an issue. So my wife does not have
Speaker 1: my last name. We don't have any kids right now,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't have my last name, and to me,
Speaker 1: it's not that big of an issue. UM, I will
Speaker 1: say I didn't think that initially. I figured it would
Speaker 1: be an issue, but I'm surprised for myself now that
Speaker 1: it's not an issue. Um, but it'll be interesting to
Speaker 1: see when we have kids. When we have children, UM,
Speaker 1: I would want them to have my I last name,
Speaker 1: our last name. Do you think that she would want
Speaker 1: them to have huff? I don't know, maybe hyphen. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure. You know what's fun about that? Huff? Like
Speaker 1: it sounds like like eight is h it's kind of tough,
Speaker 1: like huh, Mike is like, uh, it's kind of a
Speaker 1: I don't know. We I don't like one syllable last
Speaker 1: names either. I don't know why I don't like one syllable.
Speaker 1: My last name is a one syllable last name. But
Speaker 1: this could be the this could be the stars of
Speaker 1: a line. Do you get help? Like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what else is fun about you guys, both of you
Speaker 1: this time, I knew you were meant to be. Both
Speaker 1: of you have names that are pronounced differently than they're spelled.
Speaker 1: Huff and like if you just read them, you're prenout.
Speaker 1: You're saying how or whatever? And what about rough like
Speaker 1: like to r O U g h h h mind
Speaker 1: blown there it is, I just blew your mind so
Speaker 1: well we did. But we took my wife's maiden name
Speaker 1: and gave it to my oldest daughter as a middle name,
Speaker 1: so that kind of okay. Yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: would to be To be fully honest, I would like
Speaker 1: my wife to have my last name, whether it's now
Speaker 1: or sometime in the near future or far future. But
Speaker 1: like I would I refer to the house is like
Speaker 1: the like household. Welcome to the like household is what
Speaker 1: I would say to somebody that comes in or something.
Speaker 1: Because she always did she yell from the back room huff, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's it's oddly. I'm actually kind of surprised that it
Speaker 1: hasn't become an issue in our relationship. Because I do
Speaker 1: as a man, I take pride in the last name
Speaker 1: and being having that last name as the family name. UM,
Speaker 1: and especially when we have kids, I think that will amplify.
Speaker 1: I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming it
Speaker 1: might amplify for me. But I think it will always
Speaker 1: being ongoing discussion. And listen, I'm not going to make
Speaker 1: my wife change her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: But I don't think that creates a division within our relationship.
Speaker 1: So to Athena's question, I don't find it disrespectful. I'm
Speaker 1: obviously open to it, but at the start, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a little jarring for me. So I said that,
Speaker 1: UM that I didn't put any pressure on and I didn't,
Speaker 1: you know, ask had she decided not to, I think
Speaker 1: I would not have felt disrespected, but I would have
Speaker 1: been probably severely disappointed, not in her, but in the
Speaker 1: fact that was because I'm like you, I would have
Speaker 1: I liked that to be You're a unit, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, family unit, And when people have different
Speaker 1: last names to me, that just something feels a little off.
Speaker 1: It's not disrespect, but it's off to me. Yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: it was always just understood. There was never a conversation.
Speaker 1: It just was this is what you do. Ye drives
Speaker 1: me insane though. I have an apostrophe in my last name,
Speaker 1: and whenever my wife is on the phone with the
Speaker 1: cable company or any telemarketer or anyone, anyone, she doesn't
Speaker 1: say when she spells the last name, the apostrophe. And
Speaker 1: I'm always in the background yelling there's an apost like
Speaker 1: that would drives and it would probably drive me and
Speaker 1: say too, because it's your name. You want your name honored.
Speaker 1: And then and when they see with that the apostrophe,
Speaker 1: they think it's the most bizarre name. But the apostrophe
Speaker 1: separate the letters. It's easier to read. Just use the apostrophe.
Speaker 1: I have one thing I do want to say, and
Speaker 1: it's something that came to me just while I was
Speaker 1: traveling looking at the success of the last couple of episodes,
Speaker 1: the Intimacy X episode with my wife, these kinds I
Speaker 1: want to acknowledge, just the fact that we have female
Speaker 1: producers running our show. So that's you, Amy Tori, that's Danielle,
Speaker 1: that's Hanna um And and Easton is the only male
Speaker 1: aside from the panel that's involved with this show, and
Speaker 1: our show would not even be remotely as successful without
Speaker 1: the female producers that we have. Would we, gentlemen, have
Speaker 1: ever picked intimacy as a topic to discuss. No, never, never.
Speaker 1: And then the amount of like feedback and emails and
Speaker 1: comments and insight we've received from the listeners has been
Speaker 1: incredible with how that's touched their lives and shape their lives.
Speaker 1: And that is a testament to you, Amy, and to
Speaker 1: you Danielle and Tori and Hannah. So thank you guys
Speaker 1: for making this show better because we wouldn't even be
Speaker 1: close to this without female producers. And you know, it's
Speaker 1: that old saying that behind every successful man is a
Speaker 1: you know, a strong woman or successful woman, And I
Speaker 1: think that's gone away because there's so many successful women
Speaker 1: that people don't use that phrase anymore. But if you
Speaker 1: were to look at it, I think women can do
Speaker 1: way better on their own and be successful and strong,
Speaker 1: and men still do this. This is a prime example
Speaker 1: we still do need, you know, women behind us kind
Speaker 1: of you know, giving us that that ability. I mean,
Speaker 1: like you said, would we be sitting here doing this
Speaker 1: talking about these things and be headed in the direction
Speaker 1: that we're headed, which I think is this is doing well? Right? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: so I mean without them, so I mean it's You're
Speaker 1: exactly right. Yeah, I'm I'm blown away. I would have
Speaker 1: never got there. I have no idea what we'd be
Speaker 1: talking about, but I would have never got to something
Speaker 1: like that could be that, that could be that powerful
Speaker 1: without um amy you propos is that? So it's your
Speaker 1: The kudos goes to you, so um But yeah, I
Speaker 1: just want to say thank you. That was really an
Speaker 1: insightful thing that came to me while I was traveling,
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to say thank you to the
Speaker 1: to the ladies that are involved in the making of
Speaker 1: this show. That means a lot. Thank you. Can I
Speaker 1: tell you something I've been thinking about the test that
Speaker 1: you and Julianne took a lot since the podcast, and
Speaker 1: I can't get over how when you are intimate, you're
Speaker 1: not going through a checklist. When you know these are
Speaker 1: like the seven things that get out of your head,
Speaker 1: you gotta be going through it. Well, technically, when you're
Speaker 1: are you talking about getting intimate, like sexually intimate, Technically
Speaker 1: all that blood flow shouldn't be going to your head.
Speaker 1: It should be going to somewhere you know, these are
Speaker 1: the seven things that the results have yielded. I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: like George Costanza, here is like counterclockwise the swirl motion
Speaker 1: like this, that she's going to come on with us,
Speaker 1: and I think we make Ryan our guinea pig and
Speaker 1: you have to do the test. Would Mrs Ryan come
Speaker 1: on with us? Maybe? Will you ask her? Sure? I'm
Speaker 1: concerned that Ryan can't get Brooks and Julianne's checklist out
Speaker 1: of his head. Now are you a were you a
Speaker 1: coachable kid? I don't know when you played sports. Did
Speaker 1: if a coach said I just want you to do this?
Speaker 1: Did you just like I'm kind of like, are you
Speaker 1: just a soldier? If somebody just says just do this?
Speaker 1: You will just follow? So this up that applies here.
Speaker 1: If you read something, do you have to strictly apply it? No,
Speaker 1: you still have the choice to decide does this work
Speaker 1: for me? Do I agree with this? And do I
Speaker 1: choose to apply this? Yeah? But but we're to me.
Speaker 1: The conversation that we had when Julianne was here was
Speaker 1: that you admitted that one of the things you want
Speaker 1: most is to please You want her to feel satisfied.
Speaker 1: So when you know the seven things that satisfy her most.
Speaker 1: Then it's not that you're some like soldier who's who's
Speaker 1: a robot? You you get pleasure out of her pleasure,
Speaker 1: and therefore you are presumably gonna do the things that
Speaker 1: she loves most. So that's what I'm asking is are
Speaker 1: you not thinking about those things that you've found from
Speaker 1: the test throughout the time of your being intimate. But
Speaker 1: it's fine if your wife, Ryan, if your wife has
Speaker 1: this dish that she really loves to eat, and you
Speaker 1: have the recipe of how she likes it best, will
Speaker 1: you only follow that recipe or will you just cook
Speaker 1: it up? Sometimes that's a various student analogy. That's actually
Speaker 1: I was going food with this too. Yeah, and when
Speaker 1: I get the word of stute out of you, I
Speaker 1: feel like I wanted. No, it's it's gonna it's gonna
Speaker 1: contain the main ingredients, but maybe I might throw some
Speaker 1: human in there. But are you thinking, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm oh my gosh, I'm going off the recipe. This
Speaker 1: is so crazy. No, that's an interesting because I don't
Speaker 1: like to follow a recipe because then I'm like, then
Speaker 1: it's just the recipe. This is what everyone else does like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put my signal just answered your own question
Speaker 1: instead of checklist, Let's call it a sexual recipe. How
Speaker 1: robotic is your sex life? Are you like just tell
Speaker 1: us like, are you like thinking or are you just know?
Speaker 1: Not at all? But I've never done that test, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what what the specific things that you
Speaker 1: found out from the test st are. So maybe it's
Speaker 1: more ambiguous things tuned everybody, let's put can we put
Speaker 1: Ryan through the test? And can we see that test?
Speaker 1: Because I want to see what's on his checklist? Sorry, recipe?
Speaker 1: All right, I know we're running at a time. I
Speaker 1: have one last thing. I want to just quickly get
Speaker 1: your guys thoughts on UM really because so many people
Speaker 1: have reached out to us on Instagram and to our
Speaker 1: email h with respect to Brooks and and myself telling
Speaker 1: our own IVF stories. And I have a friend, UM,
Speaker 1: a good friend who just went through something that I
Speaker 1: think was really really complex and dynamic and interesting that
Speaker 1: I'm curious what you guys think about this. So basically,
Speaker 1: he's recently married his current wife uh is is divorced,
Speaker 1: and uh the two of them desperately want to have children.
Speaker 1: Now they have gone through two rounds of IVF together
Speaker 1: my buddy and his his now wife UM and have
Speaker 1: been unsuccessful in all of the pregnancies up until today.
Speaker 1: So just recently she said to him, Look, we've gone
Speaker 1: through two more rounds of IVF. I'm getting older. I
Speaker 1: don't know that biologically and physiologically the car it's in
Speaker 1: the cards for us. But I really want to have
Speaker 1: a kid. And I want to know if you're okay
Speaker 1: with the following. My ex husband and I went through
Speaker 1: IVF as well. We have four embryos on ice that
Speaker 1: are fertilized, very strong embryos. Are you okay with me
Speaker 1: implanting one of those viable, strong embryos, coming to term
Speaker 1: and us raising this baby together. I really want to
Speaker 1: do that and this currently is the only way for us.
Speaker 1: We've we've given it a good try. We've failed two times.
Speaker 1: What do you think now? My buddy is just his
Speaker 1: head is spinning because he despises her ex and there
Speaker 1: are reasons for despising the accent And is he going
Speaker 1: to be um? Is he he going to feel as
Speaker 1: if every time he sees this child he sees her
Speaker 1: ex husband and on the on the flip side, it's
Speaker 1: he really wants to have a kid himself, and he
Speaker 1: wants to do right by his wife who really wants
Speaker 1: to have her own child, biological child. But what do
Speaker 1: you do? I mean, I think it that's the point.
Speaker 1: I think at that point you consider adopting and finding
Speaker 1: a child that needs a good home. If he has
Speaker 1: resentment towards the x um, I don't know that, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, can he can he shake that? Can?
Speaker 1: What about you? Could I if I had sentiment towards
Speaker 1: my wife's ex and then we I mean, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I guess maybe not because I was gonna say yes,
Speaker 1: probably I would have a problem with that. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. If you were a stepfather, if this wasn't
Speaker 1: from birth right, if you married someone that had a
Speaker 1: child with somebody else and that husband or her ex
Speaker 1: was a jerk, would I have a problem with a
Speaker 1: step child or you know? Or I probably wouldn't call it.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't contential you know what I mean? Um No,
Speaker 1: I would not. So, but you didn't have a choice
Speaker 1: in that, you know this one, I wouldn't. I don't
Speaker 1: know that I would be able to open up that
Speaker 1: kind of worms. I think there's so many babies out
Speaker 1: there that need a home, but could you argue that
Speaker 1: they have four babies and embryos on ice? Right? We
Speaker 1: need a lawyer because isn't the child technically the ex
Speaker 1: husband's child. Unless you sign before you go through I
Speaker 1: v F, you sign away, you basically have to. They
Speaker 1: lay out to you, these are all the areas. Whether
Speaker 1: it's divorce, this is what's going to happen with the embros.
Speaker 1: If it's one of the two parties is uh dies tragically?
Speaker 1: You are you allowing the other half to have that child?
Speaker 1: Are you discarding them all? Completely destroying? We had to
Speaker 1: do that. And the third option is or do you
Speaker 1: donate it to science? Like everything? I mean, it's a
Speaker 1: twenty page document that you have to go through. And
Speaker 1: the other thing that that I'm you know, and I
Speaker 1: said that the other thing that I'm missing here is
Speaker 1: that this the wife, your buddy's wife, could feel very
Speaker 1: strongly about well why not that she wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: adopt the child in need. But she's saying, I have
Speaker 1: I can have a biological connection to this child. You
Speaker 1: won't but I can't. So then you're telling her that
Speaker 1: you don't want that to That's a tough one, man.
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to talk about too. So
Speaker 1: because how you guys both have children. I don't how
Speaker 1: rewarding is it to see a reflection of the love
Speaker 1: of your life in a child, like elements of your
Speaker 1: wife in your child must be just UNRENDI I hope,
Speaker 1: like I can't wait to see that someday with my wife. Um.
Speaker 1: But then also the thought of the X who you
Speaker 1: said he has resentment and a problem with to see
Speaker 1: that too. That's honestly, man, that's a super heavy one. Like,
Speaker 1: that's a heavy, heavy life decision that I don't know
Speaker 1: if I I don't know if I could get there.
Speaker 1: And I agree with you, Dmitri. I think there's many
Speaker 1: kids in the world, so many kids in the world
Speaker 1: that could be adopted. I don't know if I could
Speaker 1: personally get there to say yes, use one of those
Speaker 1: other embryos. Um. But this is I love this topic.
Speaker 1: This is heavy, and I think it needs more time.
Speaker 1: I'd love to, like, I mean, we pick this up
Speaker 1: on another episode next week, We're going to keep this going. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is heavy. So, um, if what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts on it? Please give. We're gonna touch based
Speaker 1: on this again coming up, so send us your thoughts
Speaker 1: Men at I Heart radio dot com. This is How
Speaker 1: Men Think Podcast. We want to get into topics like these.
Speaker 1: We want to help you guys, and and in the
Speaker 1: in the process ourselves learn and share things. So men
Speaker 1: at I Heart radio dot com do you believe that?
Speaker 1: Or if it was your relationship, could you go ahead
Speaker 1: with now the embryo from an X or would you not? Um? Also,
Speaker 1: you can hit us up on Instagram at how Men
Speaker 1: Think Podcasts send us your comments there as well. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's it for today. We'll pick this topic up again
Speaker 1: until next week. Take care of one another, Love one another.
Speaker 1: This is How Men Think. Hey guys, it's Brooks and
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Speaker 1: know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on
Speaker 1: this show. Send us an email at men at I
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Speaker 1: back right here next week for the next episode.