1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:05,760
Speaker 1: This is how men think? And Gavin and I heard

2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 1: radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. We appreciate you

3
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:14,320
Speaker 1: guys tuning in. We're here for how men think. My

4
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,240
Speaker 1: name is Brooks, like and I'm sitting here. He's already smiling.

5
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,360
Speaker 1: I love it. I can't even get to you and

6
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,200
Speaker 1: you're already laughing by my my gracious co host, Mr

7
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,680
Speaker 1: Gavin de Gros. Good to be here. So we have

8
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,600
Speaker 1: a new topic we want to discuss here. Uh Dmitri

9
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,760
Speaker 1: is gonna tee it up for you guys listening. Okay,

10
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,839
Speaker 1: so um, the other night over the weekend, I went

11
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,120
Speaker 1: out with my family and another family. So it was

12
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,040
Speaker 1: you know, my wife, myself and the kids, and then

13
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,599
Speaker 1: another couple and their kids. And we went to this

14
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:49,320
Speaker 1: restaurant and the guy, the other husband, when the waitress

15
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,080
Speaker 1: came around, he ordered. First he just jumped. She's like, oh,

16
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,880
Speaker 1: are you guys read already? Goes yeah, yeah, I'll take

17
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,120
Speaker 1: uh and then he ordered. And then when the food

18
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,280
Speaker 1: was placed on the time like to me that I was.

19
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 1: I was raised kind of old fashioned. My father was

20
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,800
Speaker 1: a gentleman. It's like. And then when the food came

21
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,120
Speaker 1: and they put it on the table, he reached over

22
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 1: and grabbed it. He ate before the kids, that he

23
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 1: ate before the like and then wait and so at

24
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 1: that point my senses were heightened. And then when we

25
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 1: left the restaurant, he walked out the door first, like,

26
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 1: didn't hold the door for the women or for the kid.

27
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,160
Speaker 1: To me, as a guy, as a guy, as a dude,

28
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,080
Speaker 1: that's a deal breaker. Man, Like I don't there's few

29
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,720
Speaker 1: things that that men are supposed to that I think

30
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,120
Speaker 1: they have to do, and I think they have to

31
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,360
Speaker 1: be somewhat of a gentleman with with women and with kids.

32
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,760
Speaker 1: And the fact that this guy just started doing everything first,

33
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,120
Speaker 1: it's like, to me, I've lost all respect for you.

34
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,200
Speaker 1: Have you? How long have you known this guy? A while?

35
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,240
Speaker 1: But probably I don't know, close to ten years. Wow,

36
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,520
Speaker 1: So it would he like be somewhat of a friend

37
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 1: that you would hang out with quite often. Is this

38
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,480
Speaker 1: her first time out for supper with this guy? He's

39
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,480
Speaker 1: done it before, but I feel like it's gotten worse.

40
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,560
Speaker 1: And and to me, it's like, my schedule is so

41
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,880
Speaker 1: busy and the kids and like, I don't have a

42
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,680
Speaker 1: lot of time to hang out in general, so when

43
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,559
Speaker 1: I do, I wanted to be people with I feel

44
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,920
Speaker 1: comfortable it that are that are funny that I respect,

45
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,400
Speaker 1: And now it's like I don't even want to hang

46
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,440
Speaker 1: out with this dude because he don't. He's rude to

47
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,880
Speaker 1: the waitress, Like the waitress comes over and goes, um, sir,

48
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,120
Speaker 1: can I get you another? Can I get you another beer? No?

49
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,280
Speaker 1: I'm driving? And it's like, okay, hey, you're not driving.

50
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,520
Speaker 1: I know that your wife drove, and b It's like

51
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,919
Speaker 1: she's just that's she's doing her job, Like why why

52
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,960
Speaker 1: you like you're condemning her for asking you if you

53
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,200
Speaker 1: that's her job is to ask you if you want

54
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,000
Speaker 1: another drink? And if she didn't do that, then you'd

55
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,200
Speaker 1: be like, I can't believe she didn't ask if I

56
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,440
Speaker 1: want another drink? Like, what's the problem? So can I

57
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,480
Speaker 1: ask you a question? So I I agree with you.

58
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,160
Speaker 1: I don't find his behavior acceptable. What is it about

59
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,119
Speaker 1: his behavior that really irritates you that it's a lack

60
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,480
Speaker 1: of respect, it's a lack that he puts himself before

61
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:46,560
Speaker 1: his family? What is it? Mainly that's that's like you're

62
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,040
Speaker 1: not gonna hang Clearly you're not gonna hang out with

63
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,880
Speaker 1: this guy again. Yeah. I mean I feel like, like

64
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,200
Speaker 1: I said, my father raised me a certain way, and

65
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,080
Speaker 1: I feel like it's it's you have as a as

66
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,400
Speaker 1: a guy, you have a responsibility to be a gentleman.

67
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,280
Speaker 1: And when you're doing that, I feel like you're taking

68
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,840
Speaker 1: advantage of other people, and I feel like you're just

69
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,000
Speaker 1: trying to put yourself first. And I think the world

70
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,240
Speaker 1: is crazy enough. I think there's a lot of bad

71
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 1: people in the world. I think, what does it take

72
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 1: to put someone first? What is it? What is it? Like?

73
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,960
Speaker 1: Why is that a big deal? Why? Like, he's gonna

74
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,480
Speaker 1: get his food, You're gonna get your order in? Like,

75
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:18,840
Speaker 1: why do you have to do it first? Why are

76
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,240
Speaker 1: you only thinking about yourself for some reason? This is

77
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 1: a pet peeve of mine and it makes me. It

78
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:25,920
Speaker 1: drives me nuts to see stuff like that happen. Can

79
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,280
Speaker 1: I jump in? I got a devil's advocate for you. Okay.

80
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,359
Speaker 1: I've done both, by the way of the things you're

81
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,839
Speaker 1: talking about. Not every meal obviously, um, but I've done

82
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,400
Speaker 1: the gentleman thing and I've done the non gentleman thing.

83
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,280
Speaker 1: And sometimes when I order first, it's when everybody looks

84
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,200
Speaker 1: confused about what to do. So I jump in. I go, hey,

85
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,440
Speaker 1: I'll do it because I know what I want that

86
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 1: I'll give everybody a minute to think this and that.

87
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,360
Speaker 1: And that was not that I have an outward very open.

88
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 1: I'm very like forward in general. I'm socially aggressive right

89
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,960
Speaker 1: as you know. So so while other people are thinking

90
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 1: and wondering what I'm going to order, I'll go, hey,

91
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,040
Speaker 1: I'll just you know, you guys cool, vible, you know

92
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 1: what I mean. But you at least preface that not

93
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,880
Speaker 1: the case, though this is preface. This was hey, you guys,

94
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,320
Speaker 1: right to order. Yeah, I'll take the burgers. So I

95
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,120
Speaker 1: get that totally. But also that isn't learned. That is

96
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,920
Speaker 1: a learned behavior, you know, if you're not brought up

97
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,400
Speaker 1: with that sort of thing around you. Let's say you

98
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,080
Speaker 1: didn't grow up going out to dinner where you're where

99
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,000
Speaker 1: your father would or your mother would teach you that

100
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,720
Speaker 1: there's a pecking order involved in that regard or there

101
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:33,400
Speaker 1: is a certain thing, some form of chivalrous behavior at

102
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,800
Speaker 1: the dinner table, you know what I mean. Like I didn't,

103
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,480
Speaker 1: I didn't go out to a whole lot of dinners

104
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,040
Speaker 1: growing up, you know what I'm saying. So, so some

105
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,039
Speaker 1: people that's there for there the first generation of of

106
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,479
Speaker 1: spending money. So they haven't even learned that behavior yet,

107
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,840
Speaker 1: so it may seem archaic to people who grew up

108
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,520
Speaker 1: with more money in their pocket. Right, I'm just, I'm just,

109
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,400
Speaker 1: and I get what you're saying. But I think that

110
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,640
Speaker 1: that makes that makes sense. But I I to me,

111
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,240
Speaker 1: I don't think it's I guess I referenced how I

112
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 1: was brought up in the said to me, it's just

113
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,320
Speaker 1: a matter of putting yourself first. I don't disagree with

114
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,320
Speaker 1: you at all. And I think that whatever that behavior was,

115
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,359
Speaker 1: obviously he certainly sees himself as the most important person

116
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,159
Speaker 1: person in the room, probably everywhere he goes. Right, yeah,

117
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,160
Speaker 1: so and so and and I mean that's a whole

118
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,800
Speaker 1: another personality type. Rick, what you got on this one?

119
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,200
Speaker 1: You have, you have a wife and kids. I think

120
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:31,560
Speaker 1: he sounds like a dick. Do not hang out with

121
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:36,239
Speaker 1: that guy again, the guy, not you, Dmitri or Gavin,

122
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:42,640
Speaker 1: But yeah, completely disrespectful to his family, to his wife,

123
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,000
Speaker 1: to his kids, and to his guests, or to you

124
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,279
Speaker 1: and and the other people that are at the dinner table.

125
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,880
Speaker 1: I think that's completely disrespectful and to the waitress and

126
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 1: the restaurant that you went to. I mean she's or

127
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,000
Speaker 1: he is the waitress is they're working their ass off,

128
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 1: trying to make a living, you know. And I think

129
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 1: whether it's somebody that's at McDonald's or Wendy's or at

130
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,840
Speaker 1: the finest restaurant in Paris, you treat that person in

131
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,640
Speaker 1: the exact same way. And I agree with you. I

132
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,360
Speaker 1: don't think there are I think there are a lot

133
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,920
Speaker 1: of people out there that are putting themselves first now, um,

134
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,000
Speaker 1: because they think they can for some reason. I don't know,

135
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,600
Speaker 1: like I've always kind of uh, you know, experienced similar,

136
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,200
Speaker 1: similar situation, but it's it's just it's wrong. Would you

137
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,880
Speaker 1: like to come to are we? Are we going tonight?

138
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,680
Speaker 1: Wait till you reach for a chicken wing before everybody else.

139
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:40,080
Speaker 1: Demitri's gonna rip your hat off. Howey you get in

140
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,120
Speaker 1: the car we're leaving. Yeah. I agree with what you

141
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,280
Speaker 1: guys said. I agree exactly. I'm not gonna say much

142
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,640
Speaker 1: more in it. I think as a as a husband

143
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,520
Speaker 1: to my wife, I want her to feel safe and

144
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,560
Speaker 1: protected at all times, and that I put her first.

145
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,760
Speaker 1: Go ahead, you know, I was gonna say, I mean,

146
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,880
Speaker 1: our responsibilities as parents or adults when there are children around,

147
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,679
Speaker 1: to teach them the right way. And obviously it sounds

148
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,600
Speaker 1: like your parents and your dad specifically taught you that

149
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,240
Speaker 1: that way. And and if we're at a dinner table

150
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,520
Speaker 1: and my kids are there or with other families and

151
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,440
Speaker 1: and that kid's doing you know, the dad's grabbing the food,

152
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, I definitely don't want my children to think

153
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,760
Speaker 1: that that's normal. And I have three daughters and one son,

154
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 1: and I don't want him to think, yeah, you know,

155
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,120
Speaker 1: I want him to to understand that. And it's not

156
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,280
Speaker 1: just a chivalry thing. It's not just men and women.

157
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 1: It's not just adults and kids. How about just think

158
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,480
Speaker 1: of someone else before you think yourself. I've been on

159
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,880
Speaker 1: some vacations with some friends and family and and there

160
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:36,320
Speaker 1: are times when my kids food comes and somebody in

161
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,120
Speaker 1: the party goes and grabs the French fight or the

162
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,600
Speaker 1: or the chicken wing or whatever off of their plate

163
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:46,200
Speaker 1: before my kid can even like, go, it's my kids food.

164
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 1: And they're in there swooping up to grab the French

165
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,800
Speaker 1: fries or swooping up to grab the It's like, absolutely not. No.

166
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,520
Speaker 1: I also do think on this, if we Honestly, if

167
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,840
Speaker 1: you see somebody doing something that's in a pro for it, um,

168
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,840
Speaker 1: it's on us to also step in and change that.

169
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,160
Speaker 1: Otherwise we're just enabling it. So I'm yeah, like if

170
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:17,760
Speaker 1: sting with the four and clearly clearly here you were

171
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,040
Speaker 1: an alpha when the check came, were you? You know

172
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:25,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, So here you go. So true, he's driving,

173
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:30,800
Speaker 1: so we should just drink. But I agree, I've I've

174
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,079
Speaker 1: I've been on teams where I've played with some guys

175
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 1: that aren't that polite, and it's I can't just you know,

176
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,800
Speaker 1: you can't enable that behavior and maybe it causes riff.

177
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,439
Speaker 1: But hey, like you need wrestle, Yeah, this arm wrestle

178
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,000
Speaker 1: right here under the games jump jump over the table.

179
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,800
Speaker 1: But you can't say that time you didn't know? You

180
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:55,760
Speaker 1: could say, you could say, now you know Mr Manners

181
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,439
Speaker 1: last names? Would you say something? Would you say something?

182
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,960
Speaker 1: If it's if it's really like if it's just a

183
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,800
Speaker 1: small little thing that you notice and you just catch

184
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,880
Speaker 1: wind of it once or something, Okay, maybe not, But

185
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,280
Speaker 1: if it's if it's blatant and this guy is being

186
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,679
Speaker 1: ignorant and you can see on the person that it's affecting,

187
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,360
Speaker 1: you know, like then you have to step in or

188
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,840
Speaker 1: you you say something to that the person that it's affecting, Like,

189
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 1: I apologize for him. That's not the way we are.

190
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,480
Speaker 1: I have done that. So what's a hard scenario to

191
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,280
Speaker 1: being You gotta get you to the dinner. You know,

192
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,000
Speaker 1: you may have to see them again in the neighborhood.

193
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,040
Speaker 1: You want to check them obviously verbally, but there's a

194
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,880
Speaker 1: way to do it. I mean, the guy live in

195
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,600
Speaker 1: your town, You're gonna bump in on him, he'll see

196
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,439
Speaker 1: him again. What if you saw a husband being inappropriate

197
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,880
Speaker 1: to his wife, would you say something that's a tough

198
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:48,080
Speaker 1: one to Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't be aggressive about

199
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 1: it because I think men someone aggressive towards the many

200
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,840
Speaker 1: they're aggressive back. But I think it's like, hey, come on, man,

201
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,520
Speaker 1: like that's it a little strong? Yeah. And also things

202
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,840
Speaker 1: bothered me a lot. You're saying he's being obnoxious to

203
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,560
Speaker 1: the server. That pisces me off to no end. You

204
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I've worked, I have worked. I

205
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 1: have worked in restaurants before, and man, I mean you know,

206
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,920
Speaker 1: I mean I remember I served a guy he was

207
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,080
Speaker 1: being such a douche to me. I was twenty one

208
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,720
Speaker 1: years old. I just moved to New York City. I'm

209
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,400
Speaker 1: wearing my ridiculous, you know, waiting tables uniform that I

210
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 1: had to wear. And the guy was being such an

211
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,120
Speaker 1: absolute douche to me. Right it was him and his girl,

212
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,000
Speaker 1: and I just stopped. Finally, I just stopped because he

213
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:37,360
Speaker 1: was being so disrespectful to me. And I said, hey, man,

214
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 1: is this your first date? And he said what I said,

215
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,280
Speaker 1: is this your first date? And he was like, I

216
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,400
Speaker 1: shall ask your date? Is this your first date? And

217
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,920
Speaker 1: she said, yes, it is. I said, I just wanted

218
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,480
Speaker 1: to let you know, and I looked at the guy.

219
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,000
Speaker 1: I said that my uniform comes off. That's all I'm

220
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,080
Speaker 1: gonna tell you. And it was just a soor rate

221
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,760
Speaker 1: you or what I mean, because he was just he

222
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,680
Speaker 1: was just stepping on the person that he thought he

223
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,640
Speaker 1: could step on in that scenario, you know, And there's

224
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:11,400
Speaker 1: nothing there's no smaller person than the person who takes

225
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,679
Speaker 1: the opportunity to just step on the one person they

226
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,440
Speaker 1: think that they can in the room. Now do you

227
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,640
Speaker 1: think he's behavior? Do you think you thought you were

228
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,520
Speaker 1: suggesting a three ways? Is this your first day? This

229
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:24,720
Speaker 1: uniform comes totally. I started with my bill start kicking

230
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:30,319
Speaker 1: off the boots by the way. Okay, okay, we're getting

231
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 1: out of this one. Okay, let's get into some questions. Here.

232
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,520
Speaker 1: We have our producer, Danielle is going to ask us

233
00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,120
Speaker 1: our first question, what you got? The first question is

234
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,680
Speaker 1: from Hope and she needs some advice. She has been

235
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,880
Speaker 1: together with her now husband for nine years. Two of

236
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,920
Speaker 1: those years they've been married, and for those past two

237
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,160
Speaker 1: years her husband has been sleeping on the couch. What

238
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,240
Speaker 1: should she do? So we're assuming this guy sleeps on

239
00:11:55,360 --> 00:12:00,439
Speaker 1: overnight on the couch, and she said he didn't before

240
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,680
Speaker 1: they got married. He didn't do that. Well, so she

241
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,480
Speaker 1: says they've been gathered for nine years, almost two of

242
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,400
Speaker 1: them married, but for the past two years. So it

243
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,040
Speaker 1: sounds like so as soon as they got married, he

244
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,080
Speaker 1: started sleeping on the couch. Yeah, that that doesn't sound

245
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,880
Speaker 1: like a healthy relationship. Ever heard of the BB King

246
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:22,199
Speaker 1: song the Thrill Is Gone? Do tell elaborate for us? Buddy?

247
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,719
Speaker 1: That's the only line you need to know. I mean,

248
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,560
Speaker 1: I guess the obvious question for me other than if

249
00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,520
Speaker 1: he've heard that song, uh, is how big is the

250
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:35,000
Speaker 1: TV in the bedroom? Or is there no TV in

251
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,160
Speaker 1: the bedroom? What what are you going tobe like to

252
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:44,480
Speaker 1: watch TV? Maybe he's watching maybe he needs a little

253
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:49,800
Speaker 1: bit light on or something. Maybe here's my thought. Is

254
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,840
Speaker 1: it possible so many people put pressure on marriage? They

255
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,600
Speaker 1: were they were together for seven years, no problem, And

256
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,600
Speaker 1: when you get married, the first thing everyone says is

257
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:02,120
Speaker 1: how's it different? How's everything different? So maybe he got

258
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,640
Speaker 1: nervous that things were going to change when they got married,

259
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,840
Speaker 1: and so he's felt all this pressure. Now he's like,

260
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: and now he feels like things have changed and it's

261
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 1: not fun anymore. And I it's too bad she's not

262
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,920
Speaker 1: a caller if you're listening, calling, because I'd be curious

263
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,320
Speaker 1: to know if has she gone out there and like

264
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,280
Speaker 1: lay it on the couch with him? Have before this

265
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,520
Speaker 1: were they were they being intimate and now they're not,

266
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,920
Speaker 1: Like she could and I'm not saying this is on her,

267
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 1: but she could go out there and they could mix

268
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,520
Speaker 1: it up a little bit. Maybe he's like, if I

269
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,600
Speaker 1: just go in the bedroom, we're gonna get into bed,

270
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,200
Speaker 1: we're gonna have sex and then and then and it's

271
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,240
Speaker 1: gonna feel a very repetitive. And this is this what

272
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,400
Speaker 1: married life is like, so maybe if they mix it up.

273
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,120
Speaker 1: Maybe if she went out there and they you know,

274
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,839
Speaker 1: they cuddled, had sex whatever, on the couch and mix

275
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,600
Speaker 1: things up a little bit. I'm not a couch in

276
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:52,680
Speaker 1: the bedroom in the living room. What are those pollouts

277
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:57,800
Speaker 1: that college kids have? Um, are you guys just avoiding

278
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,920
Speaker 1: that something is not right? That's what I was going to.

279
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,400
Speaker 1: There's definitely something not right there. I mean, if you

280
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,439
Speaker 1: marry somebody, if you were somebody for nine years and

281
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,880
Speaker 1: you're married for two, there should you should have an

282
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,520
Speaker 1: attraction to want to go to bed with that person,

283
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,720
Speaker 1: to fall asleep with that person. Um, certainly to be

284
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,560
Speaker 1: intimate with that person, to fall asleep with that person

285
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,680
Speaker 1: and wake up next to that person. And if there,

286
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,560
Speaker 1: if he's resisting that and fighting for let me sleep

287
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,960
Speaker 1: on the couch. I mean, that's a pretty cold relationship

288
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,760
Speaker 1: in my opinion. But it's weird that it started almost

289
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 1: to the tea of when they got married, Like, I mean,

290
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,760
Speaker 1: what really, nothing changes besides paperwork when you get married

291
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,200
Speaker 1: if you've been together that long. So something triggered that

292
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,520
Speaker 1: that it's almost to the tea, almost to the day

293
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,440
Speaker 1: of when they got married. So I don't know. Is

294
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,840
Speaker 1: he is he? Is he having an affair and he

295
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,760
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be he doesn't want it sex with

296
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,720
Speaker 1: her anymore. I don't know. But there's something that's strange

297
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,280
Speaker 1: to me that had happened as soon as they got married.

298
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,120
Speaker 1: So what does she do? Well, see that you can

299
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 1: answer that one way, But I also don't think it's

300
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:01,320
Speaker 1: just on her. So the the thing to say would be, well,

301
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,120
Speaker 1: she can try and entice him. She can be and

302
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,760
Speaker 1: both partners need to do that. So she can try that.

303
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,480
Speaker 1: She could try and entice him with some lingerie or

304
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 1: some candles, or not allowing him even to turn a

305
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 1: TV on, like put some music on and connect do something.

306
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 1: She could try that. I believe it's on both partners

307
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,680
Speaker 1: to try things when partners aren't connecting. But also from

308
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 1: his from the dude standpoint, I mean, he's got to

309
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,320
Speaker 1: put in some effort. Let's be real, like you, that's

310
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,040
Speaker 1: that's disrespectful to your partner. Imagine if she was sleeping

311
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 1: on the couch and you were in bed, Like, how

312
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 1: would that make you feel? He wouldn't be happy with that.

313
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 1: So that's a good point. This This can't make her

314
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,920
Speaker 1: obviously she's reached out. This can't make her feel good

315
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 1: just in general, like that will affect her. Next day

316
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,040
Speaker 1: she gets up, she's like, my husband doesn't want to

317
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,880
Speaker 1: get into bed with me like that, that's that's feeling. Yeah,

318
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,120
Speaker 1: I have a question, what about the old school relationships

319
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 1: you here about or some of the husbands and the

320
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,920
Speaker 1: wives they sleep in different rooms. Even maybe she smells

321
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,600
Speaker 1: good once again, but he listened to her first couple podcast,

322
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 1: I love of your hypotheticals. Like I basically I got

323
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 1: into the brush your teeth before bid and he doesn't

324
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:11,240
Speaker 1: want to her mouth beating on him. Uh this idea. See,

325
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 1: I got stretched. I got into up doing like I

326
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,000
Speaker 1: signed up to do these podcasts, to join the show,

327
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,720
Speaker 1: to like impact and serve people and have some laughs

328
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,560
Speaker 1: and and grow and like learn myself. But now it's

329
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,040
Speaker 1: changed to just hearing hypotheticals come out of yours are important.

330
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 1: If you've displayed that, thank you very much. I don't

331
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 1: I don't know what the answer to this is, but

332
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 1: I think he needs to make an effort otherwise that

333
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 1: that marriage is not hidden in the right direction. And

334
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,120
Speaker 1: I think the question is has she like has she

335
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,840
Speaker 1: said listen what's wrong, what's happening here? But yeah, it

336
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 1: sounds she has I agree. I mean, I think it

337
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 1: all starts with a conversation. You need to find out

338
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 1: what where they are in their marriage, you know, and

339
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,920
Speaker 1: where they are in life. Like maybe he's bummed out

340
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 1: and he's sitting on the couch and he doesn't want

341
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,640
Speaker 1: to interact because if he opens up to her, then

342
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,880
Speaker 1: maybe he has to tell her how how bad work

343
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,400
Speaker 1: is or how bad his you know, his childhood was

344
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 1: or whatever that is. And he's trying to figure this

345
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,439
Speaker 1: out right now. And maybe he feels stuck in a

346
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,639
Speaker 1: situation where he got married and maybe he wants to

347
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:09,959
Speaker 1: get out of it, but he doesn't know what to do,

348
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 1: and so he's trying to show it in another way

349
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,679
Speaker 1: without having a conversation. So he's basically sitting on the

350
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 1: couch blowing her off, which is not the right thing

351
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: to do, and avoiding it at all costs, not saying

352
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,719
Speaker 1: that's the right thing, but that is some ways that

353
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 1: people do interact and want to try to get their

354
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 1: point across. I have a follow up question to this question, Um,

355
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 1: do you guys have a TV in the bedroom and

356
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 1: do you believe it's right or proper or okay to

357
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:43,240
Speaker 1: have a TV in your bedroom. Mann's got one in

358
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 1: every room in the house. You probably have one in

359
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 1: the bathroom. No, I mean bedroom bedroom TV. Uh yeah, man,

360
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,080
Speaker 1: I mean it depends. I mean, but I I have

361
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: stayed places extended periods of time where there was no

362
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,959
Speaker 1: TV in the bedroom, and I would sleep on the

363
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 1: couch just because I you know, I was having a

364
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 1: hard time fall asleep and leave the TV on. He

365
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 1: kind of wake up and you know, don't wake up.

366
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,640
Speaker 1: I have a very very uncomfortable sleep schedule, so I wouldn't.

367
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,160
Speaker 1: It's hard for me to weigh in and have anybody

368
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 1: understand my sleep schedule because I'm in different time zones

369
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 1: every other day. Um, sometimes I'm working late at night.

370
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 1: You do a show, you won't be sleeping for another

371
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 1: eight hours just because you're wired. You know, if you've

372
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 1: done that. I actually I listened to the ice hockey thing,

373
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 1: but I was different. I actually had a way because

374
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,360
Speaker 1: that was that's an issue, right if you big time,

375
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 1: big time issue? So how I dealt with that, Like

376
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,399
Speaker 1: if you're a performer, you're performing in the evening and

377
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,119
Speaker 1: it finished, game finishes at ten thirty at night or whatever.

378
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 1: I would continue. I would work out after games because

379
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 1: you're so ramped up, like you're saying, you do a show,

380
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,159
Speaker 1: You're ramped up, crowds, fired up, your intensity is going,

381
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,920
Speaker 1: your adrenaline is going, and then the show ends or

382
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 1: the game ends like that? What do you do with

383
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 1: all of that energy? Still if you don't do anything,

384
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,639
Speaker 1: I would, so I learned in my career I'd go

385
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,640
Speaker 1: work out for thirty forty hour, hour and a half

386
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 1: sometimes after a game to get the rest of that

387
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 1: out so I could go home and just pass right out. Yeah,

388
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 1: that's an issue for me. The other thing is, I

389
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 1: have another question about the guy because since since the job,

390
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 1: the type of job that I that I've got, you

391
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,359
Speaker 1: have um has to do with being around people all

392
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 1: the time. When I get that opportunity to be alone,

393
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: even if I'm dating somebody, I'll just want to be

394
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,439
Speaker 1: by myself for hours, you know what I mean? I

395
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 1: need some alone time. I made a decompressed because throughout

396
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 1: the day, you had a great day, but you're you're

397
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 1: mingling with people, you're working, you're seeing your team, You're

398
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 1: spending your day with your band, your crew, your fans, right,

399
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 1: and you need that sort of at least I do.

400
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 1: I need that hermit time. So if I was to say,

401
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 1: not even a plan, like I want to sleep on

402
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 1: the couch just because I kind of just I need

403
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 1: to be just watch the TV and zone out, you

404
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,200
Speaker 1: know what I mean, that wouldn't be a reflection on

405
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 1: the person I'm with. It would have to do more

406
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: like I need some alone time. But after two years

407
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 1: of doing it. Yeah, that's tough. That's that's a real problem.

408
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 1: That's an issue. Yeah, that's the thrill is going. So

409
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: let's let's go. I do uh, I do have a

410
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 1: comment on the TV. I do have a comment on

411
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 1: the TV in the in the bedroom. So I used

412
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,800
Speaker 1: to have a TV in the bedroom. We recently did

413
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 1: some stuff to our house and we do not have

414
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,160
Speaker 1: a TV in the bedroom. We did put the plugs

415
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 1: in area to have a TV in the bedroom, but

416
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,399
Speaker 1: we decided not to put a TV in the bedroom

417
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,920
Speaker 1: because it Hey, we have our phones or our devices

418
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: and iPad, iPhone or whatever, but we it actually brings

419
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 1: or gives that opportunity to be intimate or to have

420
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 1: a conversation. So if you walk in and your wife

421
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 1: or I'm watching Sports Center and my wife's watching news

422
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: or whatever. It like it immediately like takes away from

423
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 1: any sort of that, oh, hey, how is your day?

424
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: What's going on? You know, how is work? Or how

425
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 1: was in Los Angeles? Or how was wherever? And so

426
00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: to me. And we've sort of decided recently that hey,

427
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,959
Speaker 1: we get the TV and it's like, you know what,

428
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 1: we kind of like how it is right now? You know,

429
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: it's it's it's good. You know. We actually have more conversations.

430
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 1: I mean, don't get me wrong, Like on a Sunday

431
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: when the kids are downstairs watching you know, cartoons or whatever,

432
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 1: a movie, I definitely want to come up and catch

433
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 1: The Masters or whatever. But you know I can watch

434
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 1: that on my phone. Um. But in terms of relating

435
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,719
Speaker 1: to my wife or as significant other or whatnot, I

436
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: feel like not having a TV in the bedroom actually

437
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,959
Speaker 1: does a lot of good. Have you never been intimate

438
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: to an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I'm I'm

439
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 1: a TV. I have TVs in a lot of rooms.

440
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 1: I definitely have a TV in the bedroom. Um, and

441
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,959
Speaker 1: we will more times than that we will put it on,

442
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 1: and um, it's usually I can't fall asleep if I'm

443
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 1: watching something new. So I can't put on like you know,

444
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: something new that I'm following, a new a movie that

445
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: I haven't seen. It has to be like an old

446
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: episode or something, and I can mindless that I can

447
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: hear it and fall asleep. Um. And and my wife

448
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 1: likes that too, she watched We don't always have it on,

449
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,439
Speaker 1: but we will often it on. Um And there are

450
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: times well where where we won't and we'll talk and whatever.

451
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: But it become it became a habit where we would

452
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: turn it on and just leave it on for a while.

453
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of

454
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 1: the night and realize it's still on and turn it off.

455
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,959
Speaker 1: And that kind of bugged me a little bit. But

456
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a comfort for us all we

457
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: don't have one. I have never had a TV in

458
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: my bedroom my entire life. UM, So for me, that's

459
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: a hard no. My my thought on a bedroom, it's

460
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 1: for two things. It's one where it's going to go on.

461
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: Look at me, like I got three heads described on

462
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 1: where we're gonna have some fun as a couple. Buddy TV.

463
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: I've never done that with an old episode of something.

464
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: No recommended. Um, So it's it's for it's for being intimate,

465
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 1: or it's for sleeping, you know. And I even have personally,

466
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: we even like my wife and I even said a

467
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 1: rule that there's no emails or in agram or social media.

468
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: When you walk in the bedroom door, your phone is off.

469
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: You're not doing work. Um, and that's kind of our

470
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: sacred no work, no whatever. That's a connection, a place

471
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: for connection, because it's very easy for it to go

472
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: us to go to our devices or to a TV

473
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 1: and to have that that connection or that intimacy fizzle

474
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: even just a little bit, year after year after year,

475
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: until you're just very separate people sleeping in the same

476
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: room or as Amy you said, sleeping in different rooms.

477
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: I sleep very little. I go to sleep at like eleven.

478
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 1: Between eleven and twelve is when I fall asleep, and

479
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 1: I'll wake up around five. When I first met my wife,

480
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 1: I was, I'm like you, Rick, I'm early to bed,

481
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: early to rise, fish like hell and makeup lies, right,

482
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Total Yeah, Um, but

483
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: I'm an early to bad guy. We'd have to get

484
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: up early and practice workout, perform So for me and

485
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: we should do a whole episode on this because people

486
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: struggle mightily with sleep. For me, rest is a weapon.

487
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 1: Rest is a weapon. It's the number one thinging that

488
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 1: I prioritize in my life, more than fitness, more than nutrition.

489
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: I prioritize sleep. So if I don't get proper sleep

490
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,239
Speaker 1: the night before the next night, it's high priority I

491
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 1: have to have. And I try and get nine hours

492
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 1: a night. I don't have kids. We don't have kids,

493
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 1: so I can do that. I'm in control of my sleep.

494
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: But nine hours a night, um, and then the next

495
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 1: day I don't miss if I get nine hours. If

496
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: I get anything less than seven, it starts to shift.

497
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,159
Speaker 1: And they've actually done studies on I think m I

498
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: T did a study. UM. They had a group of

499
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 1: people they deprived sleep deprived. They had a group of

500
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: people that they fed fast food too, and they had

501
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 1: a group of people that they could not exercise, and

502
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: they tested these people over a duration of time and

503
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 1: I think it was after one week of being sleep

504
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: deprived that group became pre diabetic. It's incredible what sleep

505
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: does to your body, how it helps you perform, and

506
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: how it limits your performance. Sleep. Like I said, rest

507
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 1: is a weapon, and I will tell you I'm saying,

508
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 1: and I sleep, and maybe it sounded like I was

509
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 1: giving a hard time. I don't sleep well. I don't

510
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: necessarily get five hours sleep because I want to. I

511
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,239
Speaker 1: don't sleep well. And if I go away and I'm

512
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: in a hotel room, if I'm out of town for

513
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,679
Speaker 1: work and I have a hotel room myself, you think, oh,

514
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,439
Speaker 1: this is it, I'm gonna sleep in. I don't. I

515
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 1: just for some reason, I wake up a lot and

516
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 1: I and so I would that would be very interested

517
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: in figuring out how to get better sleep. But I

518
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 1: know the first thing everything can say, get the TV

519
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 1: out of your bedroom. Cash for sure. Um, But I

520
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: think we should dive into especially to you, buddy, if

521
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: you have trouble sleeping time, If sleep is in line,

522
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 1: you are rested, you will make better nutrition choices you

523
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: will make, You're more likely to be active and work out.

524
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: And also your cognition level, your thought process at work

525
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 1: is going to be a lot better, and you're probably

526
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: a lot better around your family. Well. The funny thing

527
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: is I always slept great in school, just great in

528
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: school in school, man, I went not it was amazing.

529
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: I don't see well at all. I see I I

530
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 1: have my mind right, it has a hard time relaxing,

531
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,399
Speaker 1: um and so I it's not anxiety. I just have

532
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 1: like a ton of ideas at all times, um and

533
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 1: so and so I I have it's hard to shut off,

534
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: you know, um and um, I don't know. Actually no,

535
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: that's what I'm like, Like I when I get to bed,

536
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: and it's just just constantly constant ideas. But when you

537
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 1: get to bed, is is do you not focus any

538
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: like attention on? I need to shut this system down,

539
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: power this system down so it can perform again tomorrow.

540
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: It's really hard for me because I I basically go

541
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:49,360
Speaker 1: until I can't. Essentially, I'll go until I can't stay

542
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 1: awake anymore. And that's just kind of how I how

543
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: I I live. And UM like, I'll stay awake until

544
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: my eyes are just watering, you know what I mean,

545
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: and then I go, okay, I'll probably be able to

546
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 1: fall asleep. Now have you ever tried reading? That's a

547
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: terrible idea. I mean, you can do picture books because

548
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be actually you have anything with crayons.

549
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: You can see what Yogi bear is doing before before

550
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 1: we get down the rabbit hole, there we got the

551
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: welcome back to how man think. My name is Brooks,

552
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: and I've got Gavin eating Gavin's eating an organic nutrition

553
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 1: bar slash. We got Dmitri and Rick, and we have

554
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: Amy and Danielle. Here are producers. We have East and

555
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 1: our engineer, and they're going to tee us up for

556
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 1: something that we do not know what's coming. This is

557
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: off the cuff. This happens quite often. I'll put on

558
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: an outfit and I'll say, how does this look fantastic?

559
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 1: Standard good? Or does it look good? Good? It looks good,

560
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, sod over top of it. So

561
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,959
Speaker 1: let me go with this because this is something for

562
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 1: dudes listening. This is something that I learned because I

563
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: was that guy. I was that guys like, yeah, it

564
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 1: looks good. Like I never thought, how's my hair great?

565
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 1: That's awesome. I never gave a lot of that stuff.

566
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: Thought that it matters to my wife what my input is,

567
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: because to me, it doesn't. If I put on a

568
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 1: suit or something or sure or something like how does

569
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: this look? She says that it's good, I'm like, great,

570
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: let's rock and roll. Um. But I have learned and

571
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 1: been educated on that it does matter, that our words

572
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 1: do matter, and also how we say them, how the

573
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: intonation and the emotion behind it matters. So if she

574
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: puts something on she says, how does this look? Love it? Baby,

575
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: you look dynamite, she feels an immense sense of confidence

576
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: and appreciation and like she is seen and that the

577
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: effort she has put in has been noticed. And that's

578
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: something I've had to learn. I was not naturally that way,

579
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: but I have learned that. And I'm probably the married

580
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: guys here can attest to that. The single guy he

581
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: has not learned. I haven't. I have not gotten to

582
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: that point where I'm like a dynamite and this and that.

583
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: But I have noticed, and this may be a selfish

584
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: point of view, but I have noticed. If we need

585
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: to get out of the house, and and I'm honest

586
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: with my answers, but if we need to get out

587
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: of the house, and she asked me how do I look?

588
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: And I say you look good? I realized that she's

589
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: going to go back in and change. If I say

590
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: that looks really good, I like that, then I know

591
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: we can leave. So if I, obviously I don't want

592
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: to go out and have her be uncomfortable, or being

593
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: something that doesn't look good. But if I I realized

594
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,239
Speaker 1: that there's a difference in how you say and if

595
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: I say that looks really good, I like that, then

596
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: I know she's gonna be comfortable, and then she'll be

597
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: she won't think about it the rest of the night.

598
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: And I think that's to your point. I think that's

599
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: a nice thing to do, is to give a little

600
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: bit more than just that that one canned answer of

601
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: it looks good, let's go. I also feel like it's

602
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: some sometimes a set up, you know, like if they're saying, hey,

603
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: you look good or how do I look? And then

604
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: you say, uh, you know, I really like that other jest,

605
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 1: then it's like you're all like then it comes back

606
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: to you to bite you no matter what's going on

607
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: the whole entire night, like you are screwed. I don't

608
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: know if you're if you hold on. I want to

609
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: touch on this because I actually just had this conversation

610
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: with my brother in law about this thing. So he said,

611
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,719
Speaker 1: and our female listeners are the women listening, you can

612
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: weigh in on this. But he said that, um, his wife,

613
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: So my sister loves to be told what to wear,

614
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: so he'll like lay out a red dress. He's like, Babe,

615
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: can you put that red dress on tonight for this day?

616
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: Because you look sexy as hell in that dress. And

617
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 1: she'll put that thing on, put some pumps on, like

618
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: she's looking good. When they go out, it's gonna be

619
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: a great night. So I think for guys, you can

620
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 1: instill confidence into him, like when my wife will put

621
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: something on Rick. She'll put something on him, like, Babe,

622
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: put that other green one back on that was sexiest,

623
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: Like throw that on. But if you do that and

624
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: then she goes, I don't really feel like that wearing that,

625
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,239
Speaker 1: and she doesn't wear it, then okay, But then it's like,

626
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: well I gave it, and now I tried and it

627
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: didn't work, and now she wants and then and then

628
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: the energy is off after well. And I think the

629
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: other thing to add also to what makes them feel good? Right,

630
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 1: what dress makes them feel good? If it's the red

631
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 1: dress or the green dress. You know, like you may

632
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: want the green dress, but when she puts that green

633
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: dress on and she's like, oh god, you know the

634
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: green dre it's just not vibing, you know, And then

635
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: right there she's going to make a decision herself. But

636
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: you can also offer reassurance right there, like no like

637
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: because my wife does it to me. I'd put on

638
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: like a suit or something, go to hockey game and

639
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't think that one looks put and

640
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: then I'll put on different ties like boom gold Babe,

641
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: that is dynamite. I'm like, all right, let's rock and roll.

642
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 1: So like, the significant other can offer a lot of

643
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: reassurance and don't be afraid to say no, I like

644
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: this one better or that one better. Um, it helps direction,

645
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: I believe help alright, Jen, it's got another question from Athena.

646
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 1: Athena wants to know one day I want to get married,

647
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: but I don't want to change my last name. Most

648
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: men would never change their last name after marriage, but

649
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 1: expect their wife to change hers. I've heard guys say

650
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: it's disrespectful not to take your husband's name. I don't

651
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: believe that's true at all. How do you guys feel

652
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: about this subject? You guys are both married, Yeah, Um,

653
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: to be honest, when we got married, I left it

654
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: up to my wife. I deep down I really wanted

655
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: her to take my name. Um, but I left it

656
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: up to her I didn't put any presure on around.

657
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: I said listen. Actually I didn't even say listen. I

658
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: just let it go and see and decided to see

659
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: what she would think. Um. She did bring up at

660
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: one point, you know, you could take my name, and

661
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: you know that I was not on board when she

662
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting it. But she I mean she was semi serious,

663
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: but she wasn't so um, And I was like, well,

664
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: here's the thing I said to me, being a guy,

665
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I have I had a close relationship

666
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: with my dad, and I feel like I would kind

667
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: of be turning my back on the family and the

668
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 1: legacy that we have. So I was not up for that.

669
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: But I did not put pressure on her to take

670
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: my name, even though that's what I really wanted. And

671
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: she ended up doing that. She come back and say, well,

672
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: I had a powerful, strong relationship with my father, so

673
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: why can I not on her his last name? By No,

674
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: she didn't. No, she didn't. Um, But I mean if

675
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 1: she did, then I would have been I guess I

676
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: would have been understanding of that. Um. You know what, Okay,

677
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: go ahead, you know what some people do. Some people

678
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: nowadays have been taking parts of both names. Oh, yeah,

679
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: I have friends have done I have friends have done that. Yeah,

680
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: that's I mean. I have a trouble coming up with

681
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: screen names for Twitter and stuff. I don't need to

682
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: be concocting last name. Carlos and Alexa Pena Vega do

683
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: you know them? They're very cool. Yeah. So Carlos Penya

684
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: was in Big Time Rush and Alexa Vega is an

685
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: actress and was from Spike Kids. And they're fantastic and

686
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm super used to their last name being Penia Vega.

687
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: Now would you ever do like Dash Huff? I would

688
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: probably not. No. Um. So the question was do we

689
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: find it disrespectful not to take your husband's last name.

690
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: So right now, my wife, Julianne Huff does not have

691
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: my last name, So all her legal documents, her passport,

692
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: her driver's license, everything just say Huff and everybody still

693
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:08,280
Speaker 1: refers to her as Julie Anne Huff. Um. I initially

694
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: to be honest, fully transparent. When we first mad and

695
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: we're got engaged and stuff, we had this conversation and

696
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 1: I was like, I want you to take my last name.

697
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: I said that, like I it was important to me. Um,

698
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: And just over time of talking about it and what

699
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: and what have you. I don't think we ever before

700
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: we got married, we resolved the issue was was she

701
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: gonna take my last name or not? And then we

702
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: got married and to me right now, it's not that

703
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: big of an issue. So my wife does not have

704
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: my last name. We don't have any kids right now,

705
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: but she doesn't have my last name, and to me,

706
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: it's not that big of an issue. UM, I will

707
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: say I didn't think that initially. I figured it would

708
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: be an issue, but I'm surprised for myself now that

709
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 1: it's not an issue. Um, but it'll be interesting to

710
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 1: see when we have kids. When we have children, UM,

711
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: I would want them to have my I last name,

712
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: our last name. Do you think that she would want

713
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: them to have huff? I don't know, maybe hyphen. I'm

714
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: not sure. You know what's fun about that? Huff? Like

715
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 1: it sounds like like eight is h it's kind of tough,

716
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: like huh, Mike is like, uh, it's kind of a

717
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. We I don't like one syllable last

718
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: names either. I don't know why I don't like one syllable.

719
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 1: My last name is a one syllable last name. But

720
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: this could be the this could be the stars of

721
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: a line. Do you get help? Like, I don't know

722
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: what else is fun about you guys, both of you

723
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: this time, I knew you were meant to be. Both

724
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: of you have names that are pronounced differently than they're spelled.

725
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: Huff and like if you just read them, you're prenout.

726
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: You're saying how or whatever? And what about rough like

727
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 1: like to r O U g h h h mind

728
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 1: blown there it is, I just blew your mind so

729
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: well we did. But we took my wife's maiden name

730
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 1: and gave it to my oldest daughter as a middle name,

731
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 1: so that kind of okay. Yeah, I don't know. I

732
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: would to be To be fully honest, I would like

733
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,439
Speaker 1: my wife to have my last name, whether it's now

734
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: or sometime in the near future or far future. But

735
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: like I would I refer to the house is like

736
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: the like household. Welcome to the like household is what

737
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: I would say to somebody that comes in or something.

738
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: Because she always did she yell from the back room huff, no, no, no, no,

739
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 1: it's it's oddly. I'm actually kind of surprised that it

740
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 1: hasn't become an issue in our relationship. Because I do

741
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,399
Speaker 1: as a man, I take pride in the last name

742
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 1: and being having that last name as the family name. UM,

743
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 1: and especially when we have kids, I think that will amplify.

744
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming it

745
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: might amplify for me. But I think it will always

746
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: being ongoing discussion. And listen, I'm not going to make

747
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: my wife change her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable.

748
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: But I don't think that creates a division within our relationship.

749
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 1: So to Athena's question, I don't find it disrespectful. I'm

750
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: obviously open to it, but at the start, yeah, it

751
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: was a little jarring for me. So I said that,

752
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: UM that I didn't put any pressure on and I didn't,

753
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: you know, ask had she decided not to, I think

754
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: I would not have felt disrespected, but I would have

755
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: been probably severely disappointed, not in her, but in the

756
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: fact that was because I'm like you, I would have

757
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: I liked that to be You're a unit, you know

758
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: what I mean, family unit, And when people have different

759
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 1: last names to me, that just something feels a little off.

760
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 1: It's not disrespect, but it's off to me. Yeah, I said,

761
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 1: it was always just understood. There was never a conversation.

762
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 1: It just was this is what you do. Ye drives

763
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,399
Speaker 1: me insane though. I have an apostrophe in my last name,

764
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 1: and whenever my wife is on the phone with the

765
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: cable company or any telemarketer or anyone, anyone, she doesn't

766
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: say when she spells the last name, the apostrophe. And

767
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: I'm always in the background yelling there's an apost like

768
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: that would drives and it would probably drive me and

769
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: say too, because it's your name. You want your name honored.

770
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 1: And then and when they see with that the apostrophe,

771
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: they think it's the most bizarre name. But the apostrophe

772
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: separate the letters. It's easier to read. Just use the apostrophe.

773
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 1: I have one thing I do want to say, and

774
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: it's something that came to me just while I was

775
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: traveling looking at the success of the last couple of episodes,

776
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: the Intimacy X episode with my wife, these kinds I

777
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 1: want to acknowledge, just the fact that we have female

778
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 1: producers running our show. So that's you, Amy Tori, that's Danielle,

779
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: that's Hanna um And and Easton is the only male

780
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: aside from the panel that's involved with this show, and

781
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: our show would not even be remotely as successful without

782
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: the female producers that we have. Would we, gentlemen, have

783
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:47,959
Speaker 1: ever picked intimacy as a topic to discuss. No, never, never.

784
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: And then the amount of like feedback and emails and

785
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:56,240
Speaker 1: comments and insight we've received from the listeners has been

786
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: incredible with how that's touched their lives and shape their lives.

787
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: And that is a testament to you, Amy, and to

788
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 1: you Danielle and Tori and Hannah. So thank you guys

789
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: for making this show better because we wouldn't even be

790
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 1: close to this without female producers. And you know, it's

791
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: that old saying that behind every successful man is a

792
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: you know, a strong woman or successful woman, And I

793
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 1: think that's gone away because there's so many successful women

794
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: that people don't use that phrase anymore. But if you

795
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: were to look at it, I think women can do

796
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: way better on their own and be successful and strong,

797
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 1: and men still do this. This is a prime example

798
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 1: we still do need, you know, women behind us kind

799
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: of you know, giving us that that ability. I mean,

800
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 1: like you said, would we be sitting here doing this

801
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: talking about these things and be headed in the direction

802
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: that we're headed, which I think is this is doing well? Right? Yeah? Okay,

803
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 1: so I mean without them, so I mean it's You're

804
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 1: exactly right. Yeah, I'm I'm blown away. I would have

805
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: never got there. I have no idea what we'd be

806
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: talking about, but I would have never got to something

807
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 1: like that could be that, that could be that powerful

808
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 1: without um amy you propos is that? So it's your

809
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: The kudos goes to you, so um But yeah, I

810
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: just want to say thank you. That was really an

811
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 1: insightful thing that came to me while I was traveling,

812
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to say thank you to the

813
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: to the ladies that are involved in the making of

814
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: this show. That means a lot. Thank you. Can I

815
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: tell you something I've been thinking about the test that

816
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 1: you and Julianne took a lot since the podcast, and

817
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: I can't get over how when you are intimate, you're

818
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: not going through a checklist. When you know these are

819
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,800
Speaker 1: like the seven things that get out of your head,

820
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,399
Speaker 1: you gotta be going through it. Well, technically, when you're

821
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: are you talking about getting intimate, like sexually intimate, Technically

822
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: all that blood flow shouldn't be going to your head.

823
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 1: It should be going to somewhere you know, these are

824
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: the seven things that the results have yielded. I'm thinking,

825
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 1: like George Costanza, here is like counterclockwise the swirl motion

826
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: like this, that she's going to come on with us,

827
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: and I think we make Ryan our guinea pig and

828
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 1: you have to do the test. Would Mrs Ryan come

829
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: on with us? Maybe? Will you ask her? Sure? I'm

830
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 1: concerned that Ryan can't get Brooks and Julianne's checklist out

831
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: of his head. Now are you a were you a

832
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 1: coachable kid? I don't know when you played sports. Did

833
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,359
Speaker 1: if a coach said I just want you to do this?

834
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: Did you just like I'm kind of like, are you

835
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 1: just a soldier? If somebody just says just do this?

836
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: You will just follow? So this up that applies here.

837
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 1: If you read something, do you have to strictly apply it? No,

838
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 1: you still have the choice to decide does this work

839
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: for me? Do I agree with this? And do I

840
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: choose to apply this? Yeah? But but we're to me.

841
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 1: The conversation that we had when Julianne was here was

842
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 1: that you admitted that one of the things you want

843
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: most is to please You want her to feel satisfied.

844
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 1: So when you know the seven things that satisfy her most.

845
00:41:56,840 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 1: Then it's not that you're some like soldier who's who's

846
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: a robot? You you get pleasure out of her pleasure,

847
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: and therefore you are presumably gonna do the things that

848
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: she loves most. So that's what I'm asking is are

849
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 1: you not thinking about those things that you've found from

850
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: the test throughout the time of your being intimate. But

851
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,439
Speaker 1: it's fine if your wife, Ryan, if your wife has

852
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: this dish that she really loves to eat, and you

853
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: have the recipe of how she likes it best, will

854
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: you only follow that recipe or will you just cook

855
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 1: it up? Sometimes that's a various student analogy. That's actually

856
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 1: I was going food with this too. Yeah, and when

857
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 1: I get the word of stute out of you, I

858
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: feel like I wanted. No, it's it's gonna it's gonna

859
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: contain the main ingredients, but maybe I might throw some

860
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 1: human in there. But are you thinking, oh my gosh,

861
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 1: I'm oh my gosh, I'm going off the recipe. This

862
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: is so crazy. No, that's an interesting because I don't

863
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: like to follow a recipe because then I'm like, then

864
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: it's just the recipe. This is what everyone else does like,

865
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put my signal just answered your own question

866
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: instead of checklist, Let's call it a sexual recipe. How

867
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: robotic is your sex life? Are you like just tell

868
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 1: us like, are you like thinking or are you just know?

869
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,279
Speaker 1: Not at all? But I've never done that test, Like,

870
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: I don't know what what the specific things that you

871
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,959
Speaker 1: found out from the test st are. So maybe it's

872
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 1: more ambiguous things tuned everybody, let's put can we put

873
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: Ryan through the test? And can we see that test?

874
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 1: Because I want to see what's on his checklist? Sorry, recipe?

875
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: All right, I know we're running at a time. I

876
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 1: have one last thing. I want to just quickly get

877
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: your guys thoughts on UM really because so many people

878
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: have reached out to us on Instagram and to our

879
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: email h with respect to Brooks and and myself telling

880
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 1: our own IVF stories. And I have a friend, UM,

881
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: a good friend who just went through something that I

882
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 1: think was really really complex and dynamic and interesting that

883
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm curious what you guys think about this. So basically,

884
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 1: he's recently married his current wife uh is is divorced,

885
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: and uh the two of them desperately want to have children.

886
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: Now they have gone through two rounds of IVF together

887
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: my buddy and his his now wife UM and have

888
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 1: been unsuccessful in all of the pregnancies up until today.

889
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: So just recently she said to him, Look, we've gone

890
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: through two more rounds of IVF. I'm getting older. I

891
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 1: don't know that biologically and physiologically the car it's in

892
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: the cards for us. But I really want to have

893
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,720
Speaker 1: a kid. And I want to know if you're okay

894
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 1: with the following. My ex husband and I went through

895
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 1: IVF as well. We have four embryos on ice that

896
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: are fertilized, very strong embryos. Are you okay with me

897
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 1: implanting one of those viable, strong embryos, coming to term

898
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: and us raising this baby together. I really want to

899
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: do that and this currently is the only way for us.

900
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,320
Speaker 1: We've we've given it a good try. We've failed two times.

901
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: What do you think now? My buddy is just his

902
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 1: head is spinning because he despises her ex and there

903
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: are reasons for despising the accent And is he going

904
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 1: to be um? Is he he going to feel as

905
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: if every time he sees this child he sees her

906
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 1: ex husband and on the on the flip side, it's

907
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: he really wants to have a kid himself, and he

908
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,800
Speaker 1: wants to do right by his wife who really wants

909
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 1: to have her own child, biological child. But what do

910
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: you do? I mean, I think it that's the point.

911
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: I think at that point you consider adopting and finding

912
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: a child that needs a good home. If he has

913
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 1: resentment towards the x um, I don't know that, Like,

914
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, can he can he shake that? Can?

915
00:45:55,800 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: What about you? Could I if I had sentiment towards

916
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 1: my wife's ex and then we I mean, here's the thing.

917
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,399
Speaker 1: I guess maybe not because I was gonna say yes,

918
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: probably I would have a problem with that. But here's

919
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 1: the thing. If you were a stepfather, if this wasn't

920
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: from birth right, if you married someone that had a

921
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 1: child with somebody else and that husband or her ex

922
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 1: was a jerk, would I have a problem with a

923
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 1: step child or you know? Or I probably wouldn't call it.

924
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 1: I wouldn't contential you know what I mean? Um No,

925
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,720
Speaker 1: I would not. So, but you didn't have a choice

926
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 1: in that, you know this one, I wouldn't. I don't

927
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: know that I would be able to open up that

928
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 1: kind of worms. I think there's so many babies out

929
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: there that need a home, but could you argue that

930
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: they have four babies and embryos on ice? Right? We

931
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 1: need a lawyer because isn't the child technically the ex

932
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: husband's child. Unless you sign before you go through I

933
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 1: v F, you sign away, you basically have to. They

934
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: lay out to you, these are all the areas. Whether

935
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 1: it's divorce, this is what's going to happen with the embros.

936
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 1: If it's one of the two parties is uh dies tragically?

937
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: You are you allowing the other half to have that child?

938
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: Are you discarding them all? Completely destroying? We had to

939
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: do that. And the third option is or do you

940
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: donate it to science? Like everything? I mean, it's a

941
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 1: twenty page document that you have to go through. And

942
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: the other thing that that I'm you know, and I

943
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: said that the other thing that I'm missing here is

944
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: that this the wife, your buddy's wife, could feel very

945
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: strongly about well why not that she wouldn't want to

946
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,319
Speaker 1: adopt the child in need. But she's saying, I have

947
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: I can have a biological connection to this child. You

948
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: won't but I can't. So then you're telling her that

949
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 1: you don't want that to That's a tough one, man.

950
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to talk about too. So

951
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: because how you guys both have children. I don't how

952
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 1: rewarding is it to see a reflection of the love

953
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 1: of your life in a child, like elements of your

954
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 1: wife in your child must be just UNRENDI I hope,

955
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 1: like I can't wait to see that someday with my wife. Um.

956
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: But then also the thought of the X who you

957
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: said he has resentment and a problem with to see

958
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: that too. That's honestly, man, that's a super heavy one. Like,

959
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 1: that's a heavy, heavy life decision that I don't know

960
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,279
Speaker 1: if I I don't know if I could get there.

961
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:28,879
Speaker 1: And I agree with you, Dmitri. I think there's many

962
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 1: kids in the world, so many kids in the world

963
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 1: that could be adopted. I don't know if I could

964
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: personally get there to say yes, use one of those

965
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: other embryos. Um. But this is I love this topic.

966
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 1: This is heavy, and I think it needs more time.

967
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 1: I'd love to, like, I mean, we pick this up

968
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: on another episode next week, We're going to keep this going. Yeah,

969
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 1: this is this is heavy. So, um, if what are

970
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 1: your thoughts on it? Please give. We're gonna touch based

971
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 1: on this again coming up, so send us your thoughts

972
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 1: Men at I Heart radio dot com. This is How

973
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,879
Speaker 1: Men Think Podcast. We want to get into topics like these.

974
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: We want to help you guys, and and in the

975
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 1: in the process ourselves learn and share things. So men

976
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: at I Heart radio dot com do you believe that?

977
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: Or if it was your relationship, could you go ahead

978
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:21,320
Speaker 1: with now the embryo from an X or would you not? Um? Also,

979
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: you can hit us up on Instagram at how Men

980
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: Think Podcasts send us your comments there as well. Uh,

981
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,280
Speaker 1: that's it for today. We'll pick this topic up again

982
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: until next week. Take care of one another, Love one another.

983
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 1: This is How Men Think. Hey guys, it's Brooks and

984
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: one last thing before you take off. We want to

985
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on

986
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: this show. Send us an email at men at I

987
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 1: heart radio dot com and follow along with us on

988
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: Instagram at how Men Think podcast and we'll see you

989
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: back right here next week for the next episode.