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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. You never know. It

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Speaker 1: could be yours, could be could be. Buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for ye here It

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Speaker 1: is the Strawberry Letter. Thanking FH You. My children are

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Speaker 1: inconvenient is the subject. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm fifty one

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Speaker 1: years old. I'm a married woman, and I've been with

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Speaker 1: my husband for seven years. We met at a rap

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Speaker 1: concert while picking up our daughters, who were both sixteen

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Speaker 1: at the time. He and I started talking about how

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Speaker 1: we shouldn't have let our daughters go on chaperone. My

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Speaker 1: daughter and her friends came out first, and he got

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Speaker 1: my number before I walked away. We instantly clicked, and

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Speaker 1: he proposed a year after a year. After a year

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Speaker 1: of dat, our daughters didn't know each other, so they

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Speaker 1: demanded separate bedrooms. As we struggled to blend our families

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Speaker 1: after marriage. Right now we live with two twenty three

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Speaker 1: year old women, and he has a son that is nineteen,

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Speaker 1: and he comes and goes as he pleases. When he

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Speaker 1: breaks up with this girl, he's back on our couch

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Speaker 1: for a few weeks. All of our bedrooms, all of

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Speaker 1: our closets, and two storage rooms have been taken over

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Speaker 1: by grown children. My husband and I are a decent couple,

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Speaker 1: and my man works hard, and so do I. We

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Speaker 1: brought our children up in the church, and we made

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Speaker 1: sure they went to college. All three of them dropped out.

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Speaker 1: Our girls smoke weed, and I'm sure our son does too,

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Speaker 1: but he's just better at hiding it. The girls smoke

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Speaker 1: on our backyard, and the neighbors used to complain, but

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Speaker 1: now they just accept it like we do. I talk

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Speaker 1: to my husband about us selling our house and downsizing

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Speaker 1: to a condo so these freeloaders won't have any space,

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Speaker 1: but he's got a soft spot for these grown, lazy women.

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Speaker 1: I want to redo our kitchen and din, but I

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Speaker 1: refuse to make our home nicer until the freeloaders leave.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel bad for them because they're a major inconvenience.

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Speaker 1: At this point, they have no way to take care

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Speaker 1: of themselves if we put them out. What can we

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Speaker 1: do to get these grown ups out of here? Wow,

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Speaker 1: this is a really sad letter. Smoking weed in the

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Speaker 1: backyard not working. This has got to stop right now. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and downsizing to a nice condo sounds really nice. And

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Speaker 1: I gotta ask where is their mother? She probably doesn't

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Speaker 1: let them take advantage of her space like you guys,

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Speaker 1: You and your husband have to present some sort of

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Speaker 1: united front. I know you said your husband has a

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Speaker 1: soft spot, but you all got to get this together

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Speaker 1: so you can talk to these entitle, spoiled kids. You

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Speaker 1: gotta let them know things are about to change. The

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Speaker 1: free rides over. You gotta set a deadline for them

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Speaker 1: to get it together and get out. They need jobs,

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Speaker 1: they need apartments so they can get out as soon

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Speaker 1: as possible. They should start looking now. You as parents

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Speaker 1: are enabling them. That's what you're doing. You have these

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Speaker 1: kids have no incentive to get out. They have free meals,

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Speaker 1: free room and boards. They can smoke weed whenever they

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Speaker 1: want to. You guys, don't say anything. I mean, what's

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Speaker 1: their incentive to leave? I mean, the sun does have

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Speaker 1: a place to live, so you definitely shouldn't be letting

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Speaker 1: him come and go as he pleases. I know you

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Speaker 1: love your kids. We all love our kids, but there

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Speaker 1: does come a time when we have to let go

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Speaker 1: so they can spread their wings and get started on

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Speaker 1: their own paths, on their own journey. They'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: They will figure it out as we all did, and

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Speaker 1: they'll thank you later. All right, but you've got to

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Speaker 1: tell them to get out now. Set that deadline and

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Speaker 1: stick to it. You and your husband together as a couple, Steve.

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Speaker 1: All of us on this show that have adult children

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Speaker 1: know what this letters about and were sick of this

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Speaker 1: type of letter. Yeah, we feel for you, we understand you,

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Speaker 1: we empathize with you. But at the same time, I've

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Speaker 1: had to do some things. Now, let me tell you

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Speaker 1: something that ain't all ease because I'm all through this letter.

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Speaker 1: I had blended family all this here, so you know,

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Speaker 1: here we go. Y'all met at a rap concert. Both

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Speaker 1: of y'all sixteen year old daughters. Was at the concert.

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Speaker 1: Y'all met waiting on them to come outside. Your daughters

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Speaker 1: came out first with her friends. You all clicked. He

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Speaker 1: asked for your number before you walked away. A year later,

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Speaker 1: you all were married. Your daughters, who were both sixteen,

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Speaker 1: didn't really know each other, so they demanded separate bedrooms.

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Speaker 1: As we struggled to blend our families after marriage. Blending

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Speaker 1: the families not easy, especially the older they get, the

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Speaker 1: more opinionated they are, and they have personalities, and they

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Speaker 1: not necessarily would have been friends. They just became family. Thing.

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Speaker 1: With families, you don't get to pick your family. You

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Speaker 1: do get to pick your face. So when you throw

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Speaker 1: them into this situation, it is going to be some difficulties.

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Speaker 1: Right now, after seven years, you live with two twenty

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Speaker 1: three year old women, and yeah, as a son is nineteen,

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Speaker 1: come and go as he pleases. He break up with

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, he's back on our couch for a few weeks.

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Speaker 1: All of our bedrooms, all of our closes, two stories

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Speaker 1: rooms have been taken up our grown children. My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have a decent couple, and my man works

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Speaker 1: hard and so do I. It's just so much going

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Speaker 1: wrong in this letter. First of all, they've been at

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Speaker 1: y'all's house way too long. Now I'm off for your

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Speaker 1: solution when we come back. But let me say this first.

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Speaker 1: We brought our children up in the church Okay, so

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Speaker 1: much for that, So much for that. I don't even

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Speaker 1: know why you put that in there. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if that was supposed

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Speaker 1: to change something. Because you bought them up in the church,

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Speaker 1: you can back them up in the church, and you

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Speaker 1: can bring them up in the club when they ain't

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Speaker 1: doing what they supposed to do. They ain't or what

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Speaker 1: they're supposed to do. And we made sure they went

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Speaker 1: to college. All three of them dropped out. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: now you're making adult decisions on your own, then it

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Speaker 1: is time for adult consequences when I come back to me.

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Speaker 1: This whole letter is about consequences and you have to

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Speaker 1: allow and I've learned this as a parent. You have

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Speaker 1: to allow for the consequences to occur. It's the only

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Speaker 1: way they're gonna learn. And it's not consequences that you inflict.

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Speaker 1: It's consequences that happen from their decisions. We'll go over

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Speaker 1: this when I come in. Hang on, Steve. We'll have

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Speaker 1: part two of your response coming up at twenty three

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Speaker 1: minutes after the hour subject my children are inconvenient. We'll

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Speaker 1: get back into it right after this. You're listening to

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Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show. All right, come on, Steve,

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Speaker 1: let's recap today's strawberry letter. And my children friends are inconvenient. Well, well, well,

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Speaker 1: well ain't they all? Sometimes your children get on your

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Speaker 1: last damn nerves. Oh they don't think they do, but

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Speaker 1: they do. And guess what the good news is they

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Speaker 1: children gonna get on they damn nerves too, nan nan.

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Speaker 1: So that's how I've been. I'll be looking at my

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Speaker 1: son when kids now, and he'd be talking to me.

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Speaker 1: I don't even be listening ahead the time, when listening

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Speaker 1: whatever whatever, you was, that same damn problem, you tell me. So.

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Speaker 1: Now we got these couple that gotten married. They have

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Speaker 1: two daughters. At sixteen, they blended the family. They're having difficulties.

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Speaker 1: The daughters demanded each separate bed rooms. Uh, they struggle

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Speaker 1: with their marriage. They got a nineteen year old boy

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Speaker 1: that comes and go when he pleased. If he break

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Speaker 1: up with his girlfriend, he back on their couch for

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Speaker 1: a few weeks. All the bed rooms and closets and

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Speaker 1: storage is taken up by grown children. And you all

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Speaker 1: are decent couple, you and your husband. Y'all raised your

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Speaker 1: kids in church, which whatever, anyway, we made sure they

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Speaker 1: went to college. Now all three of the kids have

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Speaker 1: decided to drop out of college. This is where your

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Speaker 1: consequences have to begin. The one thing I've taught my

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Speaker 1: children is this, the older you get them more die

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Speaker 1: of the consequences. So you can make these mistakes at

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Speaker 1: a child, and then your parents are helping. But the

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Speaker 1: older you get, my man, the more die of the consequences.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not gonna stop the consequences from happening to you.

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Speaker 1: So once they decided to drop out of college, then

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Speaker 1: guess what they needed to develop then was a plan

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Speaker 1: of action since you don't want to go to college,

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Speaker 1: but they ain't had one, and you all didn't allow

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Speaker 1: them to have one because you all let them come

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Speaker 1: back to the home. Now all three of them then

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Speaker 1: dropped out, and now they smoking weed, and you sure

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Speaker 1: your son does too. He just that hiding it. The

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Speaker 1: girls smoke weed in y'all's backyard, and the neighbors used

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Speaker 1: to complain, but now they just accepted, like we do.

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Speaker 1: Really seem to me, like you need some rules at

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Speaker 1: your house. See, you can stay here, but these are

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Speaker 1: the rules at our house. You can't smoke weed in

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Speaker 1: the backyard. It's no longer acceptable, and if you smoke

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Speaker 1: weed in the backyard, we're gonna put you out. But

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Speaker 1: they ain't got no consequences, so they do what they

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Speaker 1: want to do. Now, you say you've talked to your

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Speaker 1: husband about selling your house and downsizing so you can

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Speaker 1: get rid of these freeloaders because they won't have any space.

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Speaker 1: But he got a soft spot for these grown lazy women.

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you don't. That's why you wrote the letter.

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Speaker 1: You want to redo your kitchen and then, but you

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Speaker 1: don't want to make the place nice until the freeloaders league.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel bad for them because they have a

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Speaker 1: major inconvenience. At this point, they have no way to

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Speaker 1: take care of themselves. This is where you and I

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Speaker 1: have some problems. They have no way to take care

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Speaker 1: of themselves. Well, that's not true. They do have a

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Speaker 1: way once they have to find a way. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: repeat that, they do have a way once they have

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Speaker 1: to find a way. But as Shirley said, you've enabled them,

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Speaker 1: so now they ain't got to find a way. We're

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Speaker 1: in the backyard smoking weed. We got a roof over

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Speaker 1: our head, we got some need and we can get around.

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Speaker 1: So what do we need to do anything for if

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Speaker 1: we put them out? What can they excuse me? I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: we have no way to take They have no way

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Speaker 1: to get care of themselves if we put them out.

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Speaker 1: What can we do to get these grown ups out

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Speaker 1: of here? First of all, you need to set a deadline.

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Speaker 1: That's for starters. You all have six months to find

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Speaker 1: a job. Whoever doesn't have a job will be stayin

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Speaker 1: with the one that does have a job. But everybody

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Speaker 1: got six months to find a job. Secondly, you and

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Speaker 1: your husband stop cooking at home and y'all go out

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Speaker 1: to dinner. I don't care if it's to go up

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Speaker 1: and Popeyes. I don't give a damn. If it's to

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Speaker 1: go get salad at Wendy's Ball salad Ball, I don't

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Speaker 1: give a damn if it's go to Jermy Nicks, I

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Speaker 1: don't care what it is. Y'all need to stop cooking.

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Speaker 1: Starved their ass out. See stop making conveniences. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: stop cooking, go out to dinner, set of day inline

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Speaker 1: and then they have to realize consequences. You have to

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Speaker 1: allow life to hand them what they're putting in. See

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Speaker 1: you get out of life what you put in. So

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Speaker 1: if you don't allow your kids to suffer consequences, Daddy,

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Speaker 1: can I baw some money? But what you need? And

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Speaker 1: then they tell me, I'm gonna know ibmation to give

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Speaker 1: you the money. It depends on what's happening in your life.

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Speaker 1: And I'm telling you right now, for the most part,

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Speaker 1: I forced them to figure it out. I forced them

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Speaker 1: to figure it out. And you know what, they go do?

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Speaker 1: They go and figure it out because you know what

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Speaker 1: we all did. We all struggle to give our kids

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Speaker 1: a better life than the one we had. And in

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Speaker 1: that process, you all, we created a safety net for

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Speaker 1: them that we didn't have. And so now guess what

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Speaker 1: they do. They keep diving and laying in the damn net.

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Speaker 1: And that's all they do because they think they're smart

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Speaker 1: and they take advantage of the safety net. You have

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Speaker 1: to remove the net. I'm sorry. It's the only way

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Speaker 1: to make it happen and let them figure it out.

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Speaker 1: That's the only way to do it. Deadline, you gotta

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Speaker 1: get your ass out, that's right, Steve. Post your comments

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Speaker 1: on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand,

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Speaker 1: coming up at forty six minutes after the hour, Sports

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Speaker 1: Talk with you Know Who Junior. Right after this, you're

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Speaker 1: listening to The Steve Harvey Morning Show