1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch 2 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,959 Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat. 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: If you are unfamiliar with what couch Talks is, it 4 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: is the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy where 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: I answer questions usually that listeners send to me. And 6 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: quick disclaimer before we get into the episode. Today, the 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: same rules apply as normal, even though I'm answering your 8 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: questions and I'm a therapist. This podcast does not serve 9 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: as a replacement or substitute for any actual mental health services. However, 10 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: we always hope that these episodes are helpful. So today 11 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: it is the second snow day. Well it's Tuesday, and 12 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: Monday was a holiday for a lot of people, so 13 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: I don't know if you still count that as a 14 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: snow day. It did snow, but most people were already 15 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: off work. I wasn't, but that was my choice. And 16 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: so now it's the second snow day. We're looking at 17 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: going on three snow days. And you know, that doesn't 18 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: snow a lot in Nashville, so when it does, it's 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: a really big deal. And every time there isn't any 20 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: kind of inclement weather like this that would cause closures 21 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: for school things like that. I noticed that they just 22 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: have less and less of the same exciting connotation that 23 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 1: they had when I was a kid. Waking out to 24 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: a snow day or going to sleep knowing that tomorrow 25 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: is going to be a snow day or something like that, 26 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: it would be like the most exciting thing ever, because 27 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: one you get out of school, and two you get 28 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: to play in the snow, maybe just do a lot 29 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 1: of things for fun. You kind of get to put 30 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: off responsibility and just stuff, especially if like you had 31 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: a test that day or something. It's a fun day. 32 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: It's a spontaneously fun day, and that's just not the 33 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: way it feels as an adult a lot of times, 34 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: and it feels more like an inconvenience than an invitation 35 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: to slow down and have that spontaneous fun, because for 36 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 1: a lot of adults, life doesn't pause the same way 37 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: that life might pause when you're younger. When there's a 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: snow day, you might still have to work from home. 39 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: And honestly, I will say that is a real blessing 40 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,079 Speaker 1: of COVID, where Like previously, if it was a snow day, 41 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: I just wouldn't work because I didn't do telehealth. Most 42 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: people didn't, and now I get to still for the 43 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: clients that are willing and able to do telehealth, I 44 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: still get to see people, and so I still get 45 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: to work. However, I'm thinking about other things too, just 46 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 1: like getting to certain appointments, whether it's getting your hair 47 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: done or getting going on a doctor's appointment, getting to 48 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 1: certain appointments. And our heat went out, so that was 49 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: another thing. Our heat went out, and then my thought was, 50 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: how is anybody even going to drive to get to 51 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: our house to fix it. It just feels very different. 52 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: The responsibilities feel very different as an adult, and time 53 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: something like this happens and I feel this anxiety somewhat 54 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: or the inconvenience versus the excitement as I felt as 55 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: a kid. I always get reminded of this excerpt from 56 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: a book called A Boys Life that was read to 57 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: me at a training that I went to years ago, 58 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: maybe twenty fifteen twenty sixteen, when I was becoming an 59 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: adventure therapist. I had to go to this training and 60 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: the director of the training read this passage in the 61 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: very beginning of our training, and it really set us 62 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,920 Speaker 1: up to reframe how we were looking at a lot 63 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: of the different initiatives that we were doing and experiences 64 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: that we were doing and as we were training to 65 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: do them. And so I want to read that to 66 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: you because it's supposed to become a really special piece 67 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: of literature to me, and so I'm going to share 68 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 1: that with you. We all start out knowing magic. We 69 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: are born with whirlwinds, forest fires and comments inside of us. 70 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 1: We are born able to sing to birds and read 71 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: the clouds and see our destiny in grains of s. 72 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: But then we get the magic educated right out of 73 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: our souls. We get churched out, spanked out, washed out, 74 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 1: and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow, 75 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: and told to be responsible, told to act our age, 76 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 1: told to grow up for God's sake. And you know 77 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,919 Speaker 1: why we were told that because the people doing the 78 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,559 Speaker 1: telling we're afraid of our wildness and youth, and because 79 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of 80 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: what they'd allowed to wither inside themselves. The truth of 81 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: life is that every year we get farther away from 82 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: the essence that's born within us, we get shouldered with burdens, 83 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: some of them good, some of them not so good. 84 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: Things happen to us. Loved ones die, people get in 85 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,600 Speaker 1: rex and get crippled. People lose their way for one 86 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: reason or another. It's not hard to do. In this 87 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,919 Speaker 1: world of crazy mazes. Life itself does its best to 88 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: take that memory of magic away from us. You don't 89 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: know what's happening until one day you feel you've lost something, 90 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: but you're not sure what it is. It's like smiling 91 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,359 Speaker 1: at a pretty girl and she calls you, sir. It 92 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: just happens. The memories of who I was and where 93 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: I lived are important to me. They make up a 94 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,919 Speaker 1: large part of who I'm going to be when my 95 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: journey winds down. I need the memory of magic. If 96 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: I'm ever going to conjure magic again, I need to 97 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: know and remember. And I want to tell you and 98 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: that again is from A Boy's Life by Robert R. McCammon. 99 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 1: And I just really like that because I feel that 100 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 1: like I think that is true of my experience of 101 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 1: growing up and a lot of people's experiences. And it 102 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: also reminds me these two things feel so hand in hand. 103 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: Of one of my favorite songs that is called Slow Up. 104 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 1: It's by Jacob Banks. It is such a good song 105 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,279 Speaker 1: and probably the most played song when I was a 106 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: cyclic instructor. I probably played that song more than any 107 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: other song, which you might listen to it and be 108 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: like what because it's a very slow song, But it 109 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: was a very special song and a song that if 110 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,160 Speaker 1: you really listen to it will really elicit some feelings 111 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 1: from you. And when I first listened to it, I 112 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,159 Speaker 1: thought he was talking about his kid or a kid 113 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: or something. But he's actually talking about himself. He's speaking 114 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 1: about or speaking to himself, asking himself to slow down 115 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 1: the race that he's running of growing up. And I 116 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 1: do realize that sometimes slowing down can be a privilege, 117 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,599 Speaker 1: and I don't want to take that for granted, but 118 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: sometimes growing up can be somewhat of a cage that 119 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: we lock ourselves in. And the keyword there is we 120 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: do this to ourselves oftentimes unnecessarily. We spend a lot 121 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: of time working in order to, let's say, not get behind, 122 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 1: and I think that isn't a poor thing to do. 123 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 1: A lot of times, you know, we want to stay 124 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: on track. We want to stay on track at work, 125 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 1: I mean, with a laundry anything, in order to not 126 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: be a overwhelmed or you know, get in trouble. There's 127 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: a million reasons why you would want to stay on track, 128 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: and again I don't think that's bad, but sometimes making 129 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: sure we don't get behind does end up robbing us 130 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: of just being. And when we get so worried about 131 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: what we need to do to feel okay in the future, 132 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: we can miss out on what we need to do 133 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: to feel okay in the present, and then we almost 134 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: lose the present. We lose that time, and time is 135 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: a resource that is limited. It's not all the time. 136 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: This isn't I mean, I live in the gray. I 137 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: attempt to live in the gray and encourage other people 138 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,320 Speaker 1: to live in the gray. This isn't all the time thing, 139 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: like most things I talk about, But I want to 140 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: throw out this idea that sometimes it's okay to go 141 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: back to this childlike magic of a snow day, and 142 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: sometimes things are worth being put off until tomorrow, and 143 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: maybe the inconvenience is actually a gift. Maybe not, but 144 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: I do think it's worth considering. And I am going 145 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: to make this well, I guess you're going to listen 146 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 1: to this and it will have already happened, but I've 147 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: committed today because it is this snow day. There's plenty 148 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: of snow outside. I can't really drive to anybody's house. However, 149 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: I can also make some fun out of this day 150 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: that I've been given. That's a little bit different than 151 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 1: the day I might have had if I did drive 152 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: to work and the roads were open and all of that. 153 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: So at first, I was going to spend the rest 154 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: of this day because I had some cancelations with some 155 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 1: of my clients. I was going to spend the rest 156 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,839 Speaker 1: of this day, you know, getting ahead. I was going 157 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 1: to start working on the podcast. I can get it 158 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: done sooner, and I'm not going to do that. I'm 159 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 1: going to hopefully finish a book that I started last week. 160 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: I have not read a full fiction book in months, 161 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,599 Speaker 1: So I'm going to do that and get lost in 162 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: a story that's not reality for half of a day. 163 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: And so hopefully you guys can think about maybe doing 164 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 1: that yourselves, you know, consider that the inconvenience is a gift, 165 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: and then actually allowing yourself to use that gift. Now, Casshalks, usually, 166 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: like I said in the beginning of this episode, is 167 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: where I answer questions from people. Obviously, well not obviously. 168 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: I guess I could still do that I'm not doing 169 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: that today. I wanted to share a little bit about that. 170 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: And then I did get a email from a listener 171 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 1: this morning. I think I got this morning about the 172 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,559 Speaker 1: episode that came out on Monday titled The Bachelor Versus 173 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: the Old Maid, And this episode was about our society 174 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: and our culture's view on marriage and how important it 175 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,199 Speaker 1: is and what time you should get married and all 176 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: of that. And I got this email, and I wanted 177 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: to share it with you guys, because I imagine there 178 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: might be somebody else out there that also had an 179 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: experience like this, and I think it's really valuable. It 180 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: can be really valuable for us to create a conversation 181 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: with each other around this. So I want to read 182 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,319 Speaker 1: this email and thank you so much for the person 183 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: that wrote this in because it is nice sometimes when 184 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 1: I actually get tangible feedback that one, somebody's listening to 185 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, but two, it's helpful because episodes like 186 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,319 Speaker 1: Mondays I kind of just like put out. I even 187 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: said it in there. I'm used to like, I want 188 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,719 Speaker 1: to teach you something or I want to give this 189 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 1: like I don't know, very not finite, but I want 190 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: to give this nicely packaged, informative, useful piece of content 191 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: to you guys. And sometimes it's just me rambling thoughts, 192 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: and it's more about people connecting to those thoughts and 193 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: thinking there's anything else. And so I really appreciate you 194 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: sharing that this was helpful to you. So here's the email. Hey, Kat, 195 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: thank you for the episode on the Bachelor versus the 196 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: Old Maid. The story that you told about a friend 197 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: of a friend's experience when she got engaged really struck 198 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: a chord with me. I had a similar experience when 199 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 1: I was twenty seven and single. I had just graduated 200 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: from law school and got a job as a lawyer. 201 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 1: Keeping my job was contingent on me passing the bar exam. 202 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: By coincidence, my brother proposed to his girlfriend now wife 203 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: on the same day. When I found out that I 204 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: passed the bar, family and family friends asked me questions 205 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: like are you okay? Since my younger brother was engaged 206 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: and I was single. There was a huge amount of 207 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: praise and excitement around my sister in law for being 208 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 1: a newly engaged woman. I was happy to celebrate my 209 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: brother and his future wife. However, I will never forget 210 00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: the lesson I learned that day. For many people in 211 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: my life, getting married was a greater accomplishment than anything else, 212 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 1: especially for a woman. Thank you for discussing negative stereotypes 213 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: about unmarried women or women without children on your most 214 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: recent podcast episode. It is really helpful to hear you 215 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: discuss the reality of the outdated ideals in stereotypes that 216 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: we still deal with one. I'm so sorry that you 217 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,319 Speaker 1: experienced that. I want to say, I can't imagine, but 218 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: I have met I have experienced similar things to that, 219 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: where it almost feels like people feel bad for you 220 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 1: or pity you because you don't have something that they 221 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: assume you should want, but you also have this like 222 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: really awesome thing that might mean you don't even get 223 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: the chance for that to mean more to you because 224 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: people are just assuming that, like it's a consolation prize 225 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 1: or something that you pass the bar exam, which I mean, 226 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 1: I can't imagine how hard that is because I've never 227 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 1: attempted to take that. I'm sure there's so many stories 228 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: like this, and something that I'm hearing in it is 229 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: that we're not alone in it. And also the more 230 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: we talk about how that's not helpful and doesn't feel 231 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,559 Speaker 1: very good. The more we can hopefully start to change 232 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: the messaging we're sending to each other. And I'm assuming, 233 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,319 Speaker 1: which again some mean it's not always the best thing, 234 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: but I'm assuming that because of this experience you had, 235 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: if that were to happen to somebody around you, you 236 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: would be super mindful of congratulating somebody on the things 237 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,840 Speaker 1: that they have going on in their life versus assuming 238 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,679 Speaker 1: that they're upset because they don't have something. And that 239 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,440 Speaker 1: can really impact somebody in the future if it hasn't already. 240 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: So thank you for your email. Again, So sorry that happened, 241 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: and it really is I feel like, I mean upsetting 242 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: that I think for a lot of people, it's hard 243 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: to understand and reconcile that people can one not care 244 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,559 Speaker 1: about the same things that you care about. But also 245 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: when it comes to like people having things that you 246 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: don't have that maybe you one day might want, you 247 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 1: can be happy for other people having those things and 248 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: sad at the same time, and also grateful for other 249 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: things that you have more than you're sad about those 250 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: things that you don't have. That probably made no sense 251 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: to a lot of you guys, But if you understand, great, 252 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: maybe the more you listen to this, the more you 253 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 1: start to pick up on how my brain works. But 254 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: I just think that our society is so like black 255 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 1: and white. You either are this or you're that, and 256 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: we need to invite in the complexity that emotions really 257 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:05,680 Speaker 1: are and also allow people to have their feelings before 258 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: we put feelings on them. Like I talked about in 259 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 1: the episode from Monday Monday, a lot of the feelings 260 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: I think we have around the pressure and when we 261 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: should get married and when we want to get married, 262 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 1: and what we feel about being married or unmarried. A 263 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: lot of the feelings we have, I think are feelings 264 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 1: that we have adopted based on what we are taught 265 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: through our experiences and sometimes legitimately just told what we're 266 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: taught about what we should feel. And it's not the 267 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: same for everybody, and I think that's a good thing. 268 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: So thank you so much for your email, and thank 269 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 1: you guys for listening today. If you have any feedback, questions, stories, 270 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 1: anything you'd like to share with me, you can send 271 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: that to Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. 272 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 1: You can follow me at You Need Therapy podcast and 273 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 1: at cat dot defada, and also if you want to 274 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: follow my therapy page at three Chords Therapy. If you're 275 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: looking for a therapist and you live in Tennessee, you 276 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: can go to three chords Therapy dot com and contact 277 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: one of the therapists that works at my practice. And 278 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: if you feel extra generous today, you could go to 279 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: the bottom of the page that you're listening to this 280 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: podcast on and rate and review it, because that is 281 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: really helpful and means a lot to me, and I 282 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: appreciate it, and I hope you guys have the snow 283 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 1: day that you need to have. I will be back 284 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: with you guys on Monday.