Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to
Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we, of
Speaker 1: course break down the psychology.
Speaker 2: Of our twenties. How often do you feel somewhat disconnected
Speaker 2: from your environment or from your thoughts your emotions. How
Speaker 2: often do you find yourself waking up in the morning
Speaker 2: and immediately feeling tense and alert. How often do you
Speaker 2: feel the need to be constantly productive and active, only
Speaker 2: to be exhausted by the end of the day but
Speaker 2: unable to sleep or unable to accept the fact that
Speaker 2: you need downtime, Or maybe you find that no matter what,
Speaker 2: no matter how much caffeine you consume, how much sleep
Speaker 2: you have had, you just cannot absorb new information or
Speaker 2: learn new things. The thing about all these statements, and
Speaker 2: what they all have in common, is that they are
Speaker 2: indicative of a stress response called survival mode. And if
Speaker 2: you feel like you spend more time being hyper alert
Speaker 2: and stressed then relaxed and curious and inspired by life.
Speaker 2: This stress state may be describing exactly what you're going through.
Speaker 2: Survival mode occurs when we basically have no energy left
Speaker 2: to actually be anything more than I would say a
Speaker 2: machine or a survival machine. We just have to shut
Speaker 2: down and push through the day. We are operating normally
Speaker 2: on adrenaline and stress and cortisol and anxiety, basically just
Speaker 2: trying to survive our current circumstances, whether that is work related,
Speaker 2: family related, school related, money related, trauma related. It often
Speaker 2: ends up turning us into someone when not because all
Speaker 2: the things that make us us have to be shut
Speaker 2: down by our brain basically in order to preserve energy
Speaker 2: and survive whatever it is we're going through. The thing
Speaker 2: is is that our body and our mind think that
Speaker 2: they are doing the right thing, but often our nervous
Speaker 2: system has become so just regulated and extremely sensitive from
Speaker 2: repeatedly feeling overwhelmed or threatened that we are in this
Speaker 2: state far more than we perhaps need to be. We
Speaker 2: all have this very primal, ancient system in place for
Speaker 2: helping us through really dangerous moments, but in the modern world.
Speaker 2: These systems are often triggered by things that won't kill you,
Speaker 2: that won't harm you, but which still feel really, really stressful,
Speaker 2: and being in survival mode for too long can create
Speaker 2: chronic stress. It can create extra burnout, emotional, physical, social exhaustion,
Speaker 2: and it can also just make us feel like we're
Speaker 2: a bad person, like we've become a mean person or
Speaker 2: a lazy person, when none of these things are true.
Speaker 2: We're just trying to survive without maybe all the information
Speaker 2: or the support or the resources that could help our
Speaker 2: nervous system find its way back to safe mode. So today,
Speaker 2: let's talk about it. Why do so many of us
Speaker 2: in our twenties find ourselves in survival mode far too
Speaker 2: often when a lot of the world would like to
Speaker 2: think that we don't have too much to be stressed about.
Speaker 2: I think we all know that's not true. But why
Speaker 2: do we feel like we've been this way longer than
Speaker 2: we can remember? And what is actually going on in
Speaker 2: our body and our brain to make us feel this
Speaker 2: dissociated and alienated above all else? How do we find
Speaker 2: our way back to a place of not just safety
Speaker 2: or peace, but of regulation, a place of growth where
Speaker 2: there is room to be human and room to be
Speaker 2: vulnerable and actually enjoy life. I'm definitely no stranger to
Speaker 2: survival mode myself. I feel like I end up in
Speaker 2: that space far more than I would like to, and
Speaker 2: I'm getting better at admitting that's because I'm not great
Speaker 2: at managing stress and there are probably things from the
Speaker 2: past that I don't manage as well as I should be.
Speaker 2: And I've learnt a lot through that process. I definitely have,
Speaker 2: and I have so much to share with you today,
Speaker 2: so much to help you hopefully understand this state and
Speaker 2: maybe also understand yourself a little bit better in the process. So,
Speaker 2: without further ado, let's get into it. Let's talk about
Speaker 2: the psychology the biology of survival mode. You've probably heard
Speaker 2: the phrase survival mode if you're interested in the self
Speaker 2: help or wellness space at all, if you've been in
Speaker 2: therapy before. Definitely, I really like that this concept and
Speaker 2: this experience has become more accessible people, that we actually
Speaker 2: have the language to describe what we're going through, because
Speaker 2: not only is it a lot more common, but it's
Speaker 2: really really scary, and I think having full information is
Speaker 2: probably the first step to getting back to safe mode. So,
Speaker 2: as always, let's start with the basics. Survival mode is
Speaker 2: essentially a psychological and physical state of heightened arousal and awareness,
Speaker 2: and it occurs when our brain basically believes we are
Speaker 2: in danger and so it activates what is known as
Speaker 2: our fight flight or freeze system to basically get us
Speaker 2: through the situation or the threat. This can be in
Speaker 2: response to a lot of things. Firstly, really stressful life periods,
Speaker 2: you know, after a loss, after enduring something traumatic, during
Speaker 2: burnout that's a really huge one for our twenties, when
Speaker 2: we've kind of been pushing ourselves to our limits and
Speaker 2: enduring really extreme mental conditions for far too long. Sometimes
Speaker 2: that can trigger survival mode. And it can also come
Speaker 2: up in response to past trauma or environmental stresses, like
Speaker 2: during natural disasters or during war. A big one that
Speaker 2: we all went through together was, of course, the pandemic.
Speaker 2: So many people found themselves completely exhausted despite being home
Speaker 2: all the time because of how unpredictable and scary the
Speaker 2: circumstances were. It meant that our brains were constantly in
Speaker 2: a state of alertness that eventually took its toll on
Speaker 2: all of our mental, emotional, physical resources. In other words,
Speaker 2: a lot of us were pushed into survival mode. The
Speaker 2: important thing to know about survival mode is that although
Speaker 2: it may feel totally alienating, it actually means that your
Speaker 2: brain is trying to do the right thing or what
Speaker 2: it believes is best given your environment, given the stresses
Speaker 2: your experience, given how it's hardwired. And the way that
Speaker 2: it does that is by essentially switching on the parts
Speaker 2: of us that very ancient and primal, which have evolved
Speaker 2: for millions of years, as a way to protect us
Speaker 2: when it perceives danger. And the other thing that happens
Speaker 2: is that it switches off all those systems that it
Speaker 2: sees as unnecessary or frivolous. That is the really crucial
Speaker 2: word to remember here, survival. We want to survive. That
Speaker 2: is our natural drive, and all of the systems in
Speaker 2: our body that are controlled by our brain are blindly
Speaker 2: trying to do that when they encounter stress. The problem
Speaker 2: occurs when this response is activated for far too far,
Speaker 2: much longer than it should be, or continues to be
Speaker 2: activated even when the immediate danger has disappeared, like when
Speaker 2: you're getting flashbacks or relieving something traumatic. Even though you
Speaker 2: are not currently in danger, there is still this sense
Speaker 2: of urgency and intensity that doesn't subside. There is also
Speaker 2: the fact that these primal instinctuals systems have evolved and
Speaker 2: adapted for a completely different environment than what we are
Speaker 2: in now. So there was this fantastic article written back
Speaker 2: in twenty twelve by doctor John Montgomery, and he wrote
Speaker 2: it for the magazine Psychology Today, which we refer to
Speaker 2: a lot in the podcast, And basically what he suggests
Speaker 2: is that we have the brains that we have evolved
Speaker 2: to have over millions of years and for the majority
Speaker 2: and I mean the sizable majority of human existence, those
Speaker 2: brains were made for hunting and gathering, and they were
Speaker 2: made for encountering threats and either escaping them, running away
Speaker 2: from them, fighting back, and that kind of being the
Speaker 2: end of it. And these threats were very tangible. So
Speaker 2: many of the threats we encounter nowadays are not. And
Speaker 2: the best example of that is a sense of threat
Speaker 2: from social media or online, Like you read a really
Speaker 2: terrible news article and you know you're not in any
Speaker 2: immediate danger, but our brain doesn't know that. Our brain
Speaker 2: can't always tell the difference because it just listens to
Speaker 2: our stress response. And so because it has spent millions
Speaker 2: thousands of years evolving to respond in a certain way.
Speaker 2: It automatically activates that system and it makes us hypervigilant
Speaker 2: and afraid and anxious, even though the threat is something
Speaker 2: pretty intangible and probably very far away. So that is
Speaker 2: where the concept of media overload, to take a little
Speaker 2: have a tangent here. What I'm specifically referring to as
Speaker 2: this idea of news anxiety. Right, the world feels very
Speaker 2: dark and dangerous at the moment, and because we are
Speaker 2: exposed to all the terrible things going on, even though
Speaker 2: they don't immediately threaten us, it can actually trigger a
Speaker 2: survival mode state. So the American Psychological Association actually spoke
Speaker 2: about this all the way back in twenty twelve. There
Speaker 2: is a psychological strength that comes from not only living through,
Speaker 2: but absorbing all that terrible news. It's where terms like
Speaker 2: doom scrolling have come from, because you know, social media
Speaker 2: has definitely heightened that for this generation, and with that,
Speaker 2: it has heightened our automatic states of anxiety and sense
Speaker 2: of overwhelm and subsequent some would say, like a detachment
Speaker 2: from reality in order to cope. So this can eventually
Speaker 2: create a state of hyper arousal where we experience difficulty
Speaker 2: sleeping or switching off. We're in a constant state of
Speaker 2: you know, baseline panic or anxiety. We could also be
Speaker 2: really irritable, and we have these strange emotional outbursts when
Speaker 2: nothing seems to be wrong. We have these heightened emotional
Speaker 2: reactions and sensitivity. We get frightened really easily. And we
Speaker 2: can also be looking for ways to numb ourselves to
Speaker 2: that and really escape all this extreme nervous and misplaced
Speaker 2: energy in our body survival mode. Whatever has triggered it.
Speaker 2: And I said this before, it can turn us into
Speaker 2: completely different people. You may forget to fulfill your most
Speaker 2: basic needs, like eating or sleeping or showering, because all
Speaker 2: of your energy is going towards just getting through what
Speaker 2: you're going through. It's why people who are in like
Speaker 2: the real depths of grief often lose a lot of weight,
Speaker 2: not only because their body is demanding more from them,
Speaker 2: but you also just don't feel hungry because all of
Speaker 2: those hunger queues and digestion is suppressed, right Like, That's
Speaker 2: part of the frivolous, unnecessary systems that our brain is
Speaker 2: switching off. We may also feel more tired than usual
Speaker 2: sleeping ten twelve, hours a day and still feeling exhausted
Speaker 2: because those hours that we are awake are so intense
Speaker 2: and exhausting, we just could never sleep off that exhaustion.
Speaker 2: It can really get us into such a spiral, especially
Speaker 2: if you're you know, survival mode is the result of
Speaker 2: being an overachiever or from perfection. It's burnout. You want
Speaker 2: to keep pushing, right, That's how you have been. You've
Speaker 2: almost trained your brain to perform is to keep pushing,
Speaker 2: but your body is telling you to rest and to
Speaker 2: restore itself, and so you end up just experiencing even
Speaker 2: more guilt. That means that you end up compensating by
Speaker 2: extending yourself even further. And that is how we see
Speaker 2: burnout cycles that turn into survival mode. Our emotional regulation,
Speaker 2: I think I already mentioned this also goes out the window.
Speaker 2: We snap at our loved ones for the smallest things.
Speaker 2: We never know when we're feeling sad or mad or
Speaker 2: bad about a situation. I was actually in preparation for
Speaker 2: this episode. I was speaking to my friends, like when
Speaker 2: I'm about to do an episode, I love to just
Speaker 2: kind of like talk to them. We say bringing up.
Speaker 2: They ask like, how's work doing, and I said to
Speaker 2: one of my friends. I was like doing an episode
Speaker 2: on survival mode, and I was explaining to her, like
Speaker 2: what it feels like, what it means, And she said
Speaker 2: to me, she was like, after I was in a
Speaker 2: car accident. She broke her leg in a car accident
Speaker 2: back in like twenty twenty one. Maybe after she was
Speaker 2: in that accident, even after her leg was healed, she
Speaker 2: still felt so like emotionally fuzzy, and she would be
Speaker 2: angered by the smallest things. And she was like, maybe
Speaker 2: it was because all of my mental energy was being
Speaker 2: devoted to processing that trauma and trying not to feel
Speaker 2: afraid anymore. That's a big part of it. Things like
Speaker 2: multitasking become more challenging. We can't actually relax because there
Speaker 2: always feels like something terrible is going to go wrong.
Speaker 2: We have memory issues, you know. It's almost like a
Speaker 2: zombie state, like a heightened alert zombie state where our
Speaker 2: brain has kind of switched on, but everything else is
Speaker 2: really intense. You know. The other way that I can
Speaker 2: describe it is there is like this filter between you
Speaker 2: and the rest of the world, like a blurriness to
Speaker 2: all your waking hours, all your waking moments, like when
Speaker 2: you get into a car and like you know, when
Speaker 2: you turn on the radio and it can't find a
Speaker 2: channel and it's just this like high frequency noise and
Speaker 2: meaningless chatter. That is what survival mode feels like, this
Speaker 2: specific experience, that buzzing, that high frequency, that noise, that detachment, blurriness,
Speaker 2: that is also indicative of something else going on here, disassociation.
Speaker 2: There is a huge correlation between survival mode and disassociation
Speaker 2: because detaching ourselves from our emotions and our surroundings is
Speaker 2: kind of one of the only ways that our body
Speaker 2: is able to firstly mentally compartmentalize what's going on, but
Speaker 2: also tolerate hard and stressful things. That's why dissociation is
Speaker 2: known as a stress response, often in response to anxiety,
Speaker 2: and it basically occurs when we unconsciously disconnect from our
Speaker 2: reality as a way of surviving. It's very much an
Speaker 2: adapt give, instinct and adaptive process. You know. Disassociation can
Speaker 2: help somebody feel like they can shut off from overwhelming
Speaker 2: circumstances by muting, distorting, going on autopilot and pushing through
Speaker 2: the extreme situation. However, when the trauma is ongoing, even
Speaker 2: if you know the physical trauma has passed. If the
Speaker 2: memories of the trauma are ongoing, disassociation can become what
Speaker 2: some researchers would call fixed and automatic. Your body is
Speaker 2: basically saying, listen, we can't trust you with this right now.
Speaker 2: Trust us. We're going to take over. We're going to
Speaker 2: numb you all these experiences, and you know when it's
Speaker 2: time to come to, we'll wake you up. Don't worry,
Speaker 2: we'll get you there. I feel like that so rarely happens,
Speaker 2: because whilst you're in this survival state, you're going to
Speaker 2: continue to do things feeling like you need to survive.
Speaker 2: That doesn't include things that are important for self care.
Speaker 2: It doesn't include moments of relaxation. It's kind of like
Speaker 2: you are locked in. There's no way out once you
Speaker 2: let this mode take over. So what's actually happening in
Speaker 2: your body and your brain to create this Well, we
Speaker 2: spoke kind of briefly about it before, but it's basically
Speaker 2: the fight or flight response. Now we also tend to
Speaker 2: include freeze or fawn. But this is an automatic physiological
Speaker 2: response to danger. If you have ever done like a
Speaker 2: basic psychology course, you know about this. But when our
Speaker 2: sympathetic nervous system takes over in response to a stressor
Speaker 2: a stressful event. We get a racing heartbeat, we get
Speaker 2: dilated pupils, release of adrenaline and cortisol, our breathing rate
Speaker 2: goes up. This response is meant to prepare our body
Speaker 2: to get away or survive danger. The other thing that
Speaker 2: is meant to happen is that response is meant to
Speaker 2: go away when the danger has passed. But if not,
Speaker 2: if we don't ever perceive the danger as passing, eventually,
Speaker 2: staying in that stress state for too long leads to
Speaker 2: exhaustion and break down. The other thing to note about
Speaker 2: what's happening in your body and your brain when you're
Speaker 2: in this mode is that your brain is operating entirely
Speaker 2: differently than what it would normally be. The amig deala,
Speaker 2: which is the part of the brain responsible for emotional processing,
Speaker 2: especially for things like fear, it becomes hyperactive and hyper reactive.
Speaker 2: It sends signals to hormones like cortisol, which that's what
Speaker 2: really triggers your fight or flight response. But when the
Speaker 2: cortisol tap isn't turned off, you start to get muscle
Speaker 2: tension and pain and sleep problems, and it even sometimes
Speaker 2: means that we get sicker more often. So this is interesting.
Speaker 2: If you've just done a series of exams, if you've
Speaker 2: just graduated, whatever, you've just done midterms, and you've been
Speaker 2: pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing, do you ever
Speaker 2: notice that you immediately get sick straight afterwards. That's basically
Speaker 2: what's happening here. Obviously that's just like a brief period
Speaker 2: of stress, But when we live in survival mode for
Speaker 2: months on end, it's basically like having a stress are
Speaker 2: constantly poking you constantly poking and poking and poking, and
Speaker 2: you can never relax. And over time this disrupts the
Speaker 2: body's natural balance and it puts you at risk for
Speaker 2: a whole lot of mental health issues also physical illnesses.
Speaker 2: Like we spoke about before, there was a series of
Speaker 2: studies published in Scientific America back during the pandemic that
Speaker 2: showed that prolonged stress can even alter our brain's structure.
Speaker 2: It can lead to long term memory issues, reduced academic performance,
Speaker 2: poor decision making. And if you think that wasn't enough,
Speaker 2: our prefrontal cortex, which controls rational thinking, also seems to
Speaker 2: kind of take a back stat It seems to be
Speaker 2: almost overwhelmed by the parts of the amigula or the
Speaker 2: inner cortexes that are just shooting out danger signals at
Speaker 2: all time. This is also why we see a difference
Speaker 2: between what we would call a learning brain and a
Speaker 2: survival brain. If you've ever noticed that the more stress
Speaker 2: you get, the more difficult everyday tasks become, that is
Speaker 2: because you are experiencing this difference, the difference between learning
Speaker 2: brain and survival brain. A learning brain is one that
Speaker 2: is really able to take in new information. It also
Speaker 2: means that you're able to perform daily tasks that you're
Speaker 2: accustomed to without much issue. You don't find those tasks
Speaker 2: stressful or frustrating, and there is all this space for
Speaker 2: creativity and for inspiration and for growth. Your brain is
Speaker 2: clear and it's just soaking everything up. If you're experiencing,
Speaker 2: currently experiencing I will say, a healthy life. You have
Speaker 2: managed to really navigate your stress response, You've taken care
Speaker 2: of your mental health. You're on holiday, you're probably in
Speaker 2: learning brain mode. It's why when you go on vacation, right,
Speaker 2: you suddenly have like a million ideas for your future,
Speaker 2: and you're suddenly so much more relaxed and you're really
Speaker 2: interested in going to museums, and you have all these
Speaker 2: plans and all these ideas, and you're reading your own
Speaker 2: learning brain. Survival brain is what we described before. There
Speaker 2: is no space for anything new, There is no space
Speaker 2: for new information, for curiosity. Everything is done on adrenaline
Speaker 2: and on fear. If you're just trying to survive, your
Speaker 2: brain is focusing only on what it thinks is important
Speaker 2: for your survival. So if you are you have just
Speaker 2: experienced something traumatic, and you step into a classroom or
Speaker 2: you step into work and you have all these tasks
Speaker 2: to do, you're not going to be able to do them.
Speaker 2: And there's this brilliant YouTube video from a creator called
Speaker 2: Jacob Ham and he talks about this so perfectly. He
Speaker 2: talks about how individuals who have endured a lot of
Speaker 2: trauma as children, or people who have just escaped toxic
Speaker 2: situations toxic workplaces, who are burnt out, they are operating
Speaker 2: on an empty tank. It takes so long for that
Speaker 2: tank to be replenished. And so yeah, it may look
Speaker 2: like you're lazy or you're procrastinating and you're disorganized, but
Speaker 2: actually when we have a bit more compassion and we
Speaker 2: look deeper. It's because your brain is still in that
Speaker 2: survival mode and it doesn't see learning as a current
Speaker 2: priority to sum up all this doom and gloom. This
Speaker 2: can have a bleed on effect. It's really hard to
Speaker 2: be a good partner or a good girlfriend or a
Speaker 2: good boyfriend when every part of your brain is looking
Speaker 2: for danger. There is no room for softness when you're
Speaker 2: just trying to survive, and it can mean that you
Speaker 2: often self sabotage your relationship or you know, if you're
Speaker 2: really really irritable. It's not that you have an excuse
Speaker 2: for being angry or agitated, but it's really hard to
Speaker 2: think clearly about what you want from your relationship and
Speaker 2: how to show up as a good partner if there's
Speaker 2: no brain space for that. The same goes for friendship.
Speaker 2: You know, I've seen really great, amazing friendships fall apart
Speaker 2: because one person just had no mental capacity to be present.
Speaker 2: It was for no other reason other than that they
Speaker 2: were stuck in this survival mode and everything to them
Speaker 2: became less important because they were just trying to get through.
Speaker 2: And when all your cues and your drive for sleep
Speaker 2: and hunger and water and socializing, when all those cues
Speaker 2: are out of whack. When your immune system is compromised,
Speaker 2: it's really hard to pull yourself out of that and
Speaker 2: to kind of find your way back to who you
Speaker 2: were before. Who were you without the stress, without the tension,
Speaker 2: without the adrenaline, without the fear. That is exactly what
Speaker 2: we are going to talk about next, Exiting survival mode,
Speaker 2: getting back to safe mode, back to our learning brain.
Speaker 2: I have all of the tips and the psychological advice
Speaker 2: I could find that I could extract from the research
Speaker 2: stay with us after this shortbreak. Being in survival mode
Speaker 2: is not a conscious choice. I really want you to
Speaker 2: know that, and to know that if you've identified yourself
Speaker 2: in these descriptions that I gave, this is not something
Speaker 2: that you are actively putting yourself through it. It's not
Speaker 2: your fault. You're not an angry person, a bad person,
Speaker 2: a mean person. Maybe you're just trying to get to
Speaker 2: the other side. And that's something I can hopefully help
Speaker 2: you with. Getting from survival mode into safe mode means
Speaker 2: finding a way to tell your brain and cut through
Speaker 2: the noise and communicate with it that I'm safe, it's okay,
Speaker 2: there is no threat, I'm not in danger. Thank you.
Speaker 2: For trying to protect me. But you can take a
Speaker 2: backseat now, I can take control. That starts by creating
Speaker 2: an internal and external environment where you don't feel threatened
Speaker 2: or alert, where there is no reason for your brain
Speaker 2: to be on all the time. And I think that
Speaker 2: that really begins in your physical space and in your surroundings.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we can't escape the environment that is keeping us
Speaker 2: in survival mode, but if you can, your mental health
Speaker 2: is going to thank you. Whether that means leaving a
Speaker 2: toxic home, a toxic roommate situation, a toxic work environment,
Speaker 2: those are the places we need to create change first,
Speaker 2: because it is so often outside stimuli and our environment
Speaker 2: and the places that we exist in that are creating
Speaker 2: these high levels of stress. If you're restricted by finances
Speaker 2: or obligations or leases, make the space that you can
Speaker 2: within that create a routine and a room a home
Speaker 2: that prioritizes comfort, that gives you a place to feel
Speaker 2: secure and peaceful. Basically find your oasis. For most people,
Speaker 2: that is going to mean their bedroom or their room.
Speaker 2: I think the first thing that you can do to
Speaker 2: bring a sense of comfort and calm is warm lights.
Speaker 2: And that's like the silliest tip to include, but there
Speaker 2: has been a lot of research in the last ten
Speaker 2: years showing how light can affect our mood and our
Speaker 2: stress response. Just think about how alert you are in
Speaker 2: that intense blue clinical lighting that tends to make us
Speaker 2: feel very awake and very alarmed and overstimulated, versus soft
Speaker 2: lighting that imitates our natural environment that has been shown
Speaker 2: to reduce cortisol levels and to realign us with our
Speaker 2: natural circadian rhythm and melotonin release schedule. All things that
Speaker 2: are big pluses for getting out of survival mode. Less noise,
Speaker 2: less stimulation is also fantastic because that means fewer things
Speaker 2: your brain feels alert to and might perceive as danger.
Speaker 2: Even better, if you can find a space like your
Speaker 2: room that has phone free and you can escape the
Speaker 2: doom scroll, you can escape the work emails, you can
Speaker 2: escape the negative news cycle, the constant to do list
Speaker 2: that is infiltrating your downtime, that can make such a
Speaker 2: small difference. As a reason why a lot of people
Speaker 2: suggest having times and having a big period during your
Speaker 2: day where your phone is not present. I think all
Speaker 2: of these practices can actually help us become very aware
Speaker 2: of the triggers or the stresses which are immediately in
Speaker 2: the moment, pushing you into a fight or flight state.
Speaker 2: That simple act of noticing, you know, do I feel
Speaker 2: better when my phone is off? Do I feel better
Speaker 2: when I'm leaving a certain environment versus another? Do I
Speaker 2: feel better when I'm not seeing this person, when I'm
Speaker 2: taking something off of my to do list? That is
Speaker 2: something to really notice, because when we remove sources of stress,
Speaker 2: even just tiny ones, that can make a real difference
Speaker 2: when you're in survival mode. This is kind of the
Speaker 2: same premise behind why we might value a routine during
Speaker 2: this time. Routine often means less unpredictability, less to be
Speaker 2: uncertain about, less to adapt to out of the blue,
Speaker 2: and it can help us ease into a calmer, less
Speaker 2: alert state where we know what's going on, we know
Speaker 2: what's happening, we feel in control, there is less pressure
Speaker 2: and instinct to be on all the time. Part of
Speaker 2: that is also thinking about what you can take off
Speaker 2: your plate. You know, I've mentioned burnout burnout as a
Speaker 2: huge contributor to survival mode in our twenties. It's such
Speaker 2: a simple philosophy, but if there is less to do,
Speaker 2: less to stress about, there is more mental space for
Speaker 2: honestly healing and just silence. There is more mental space
Speaker 2: to give back to you. Here's something that I want
Speaker 2: to talk about and that I want you to remember.
Speaker 2: Sometimes our busyness is actually hyper arousal in disguise, and
Speaker 2: it's the instinct to be doing something always, to constantly
Speaker 2: be on and constantly be productive and moving forward and
Speaker 2: fixing problems as a way to self soothe and as
Speaker 2: a way to give that anxiety somewhere to go, because
Speaker 2: it feels like you are fixing your stressed state by
Speaker 2: getting rid of triggers or getting things off the to
Speaker 2: do list, or getting the project out of the way,
Speaker 2: or making you know, like maybe I could go to sleep,
Speaker 2: but if I clean my house, I'll just feel a
Speaker 2: little bit better tomorrow morning. It's like, No, the reason
Speaker 2: sometimes we want to be more busy is because we
Speaker 2: are trying our hardest to find a way to reduce
Speaker 2: our sense of arousal and alertness by getting more stuff done.
Speaker 2: That's something that really blew my mind when somebody said
Speaker 2: it to me. They were like, oh, do you think
Speaker 2: that maybe you're busy because your thoughts will spiral if
Speaker 2: you're not, or because you don't know what to do
Speaker 2: with that empty space, or because everything that isn't done
Speaker 2: feels like a stress are you. But when you force yourself,
Speaker 2: and I mean force yourself to just stop, pause, do
Speaker 2: it tomorrow, give yourself in the afternoon off, there becomes
Speaker 2: all this space where you can just really sit with
Speaker 2: your emotions and just be like, Okay, I'm not doing
Speaker 2: anything right now, I'm not trying to fix anything, I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to do anything, and I'm not dying, and
Speaker 2: I'm not in danger and the world has not collapsed.
Speaker 2: It's basically a learning experience for yourself. It's basically being like, Okay,
Speaker 2: when I do force myself to face whatever it is
Speaker 2: I'm going through, when I do force myself to just
Speaker 2: be present and alone and to feel all the instincts
Speaker 2: that I'm feeling, I'm not going to die. This is
Speaker 2: just this constant need to be productive. It's just a
Speaker 2: survival or a defense mechanism, and I need to consciously
Speaker 2: reprogram that. I think it's also really important to put
Speaker 2: time aside to do things for you that are just
Speaker 2: naturally going to make you feel more relaxed and once
Speaker 2: again fight the urge to be prepared for the next
Speaker 2: disaster by doing things. We can't talk about safe mode
Speaker 2: without talking about self care. And I'm not talking about
Speaker 2: the kind of glamorous self care you might see on
Speaker 2: social media, you know, face masks, spa days. If that's
Speaker 2: within your means, you should definitely go for it. But
Speaker 2: we definitely need to prioritize some seriously rich and psychologically
Speaker 2: nourishing self care practices before we do that. We need
Speaker 2: to find a way to self sooth and self regulate.
Speaker 2: A lot of things are beyond our control. That much is,
Speaker 2: you know, probably obvious, But what is within our control
Speaker 2: is how we respond to the things that push us
Speaker 2: into this aroused state, and self soothing and nervous system
Speaker 2: regulation are part of kind of the tools that we
Speaker 2: have in our chest. The premise being if we can
Speaker 2: calm down our stress response deliberately, we stop ourselves from
Speaker 2: automatically entering survival mode, and we stop ourselves from being
Speaker 2: ruled by basically our fight or flight response. The self
Speaker 2: care practices that help us with that should involve filling
Speaker 2: up your cup, but also providing the space to relieve
Speaker 2: some kind of tension or stressor or to find a
Speaker 2: way to kind of I always imagine it's like a
Speaker 2: fiaball is being thrown at you, and you find a
Speaker 2: way to twist it and throw it back. You know,
Speaker 2: you find a way that allows you to process the
Speaker 2: stress and process whatever it is that's being thrown at
Speaker 2: you and essentially get rid of it. Some big ones
Speaker 2: are obviously things like nature walks, exercise. One of my
Speaker 2: favorite episodes of all time is the healing power of
Speaker 2: nature and how nature helps us regulate naturally regulate our
Speaker 2: nervous system. I would definitely recommend movement, and movement that
Speaker 2: you actually enjoy is another one. Movement is a natural
Speaker 2: stress relief. I'm not going to go on about a
Speaker 2: tangent on exercise and its impact for our mental health.
Speaker 2: It is obviously more complex than that, but you know,
Speaker 2: you've got to remember that when you run, when you exercise,
Speaker 2: when you box, when you cycle, when you go to pilates,
Speaker 2: there there's energy required in that and sometimes it helps
Speaker 2: us really burn off some of that adrenaline and burn
Speaker 2: off some of that cortisol. Full body movements, especially like
Speaker 2: progressive muscle relaxation and rhythmic movement that is so valuable.
Speaker 2: If you've ever been to like a what are they called.
Speaker 2: It's like a rhythmic movement class, like a dance class,
Speaker 2: but you basically like respond to where your stress is
Speaker 2: in your body and you move according to that and
Speaker 2: release it. Amazing, amazing. It's so holistic, right, and I
Speaker 2: think sometimes holistic medicine and holistic therapy and holistic healing
Speaker 2: if that sort gets a bad rap until you do
Speaker 2: it and you're like, oh no, no, I totally get this.
Speaker 2: I totally get why so many people do this. Another
Speaker 2: big thing that I love for myself and I will
Speaker 2: always endorse. I have seen the benefits of this in
Speaker 2: my own life, and it's becoming so much or popular
Speaker 2: recently is a thing called emotional freedom technique. It's probably
Speaker 2: better known as tapping. That's probably what you've heard it
Speaker 2: as this is a relatively new practice, but it's basically
Speaker 2: a method of combining tapping certain parts of our body
Speaker 2: whilst restructuring our thoughts. So slowly tapping your forehead whilst
Speaker 2: thinking about something really stressful or feeling panicked about your
Speaker 2: to do list or you know. Another example is slowly
Speaker 2: tapping right underneath your eye whilst you're reliving a really
Speaker 2: awful encounter at your old toxic workplace. So if you
Speaker 2: want to try it right now, think about something you're
Speaker 2: feeling super anxious about, super troubled by, and slowly and
Speaker 2: gently tap just above your eyebrow and then just below
Speaker 2: your eye and above your mouth. Just focus on that
Speaker 2: pressure point and just see if and how your body responds.
Speaker 2: The moment I do this, I'm always brought so much
Speaker 2: peace and calm. And this technique is based on some
Speaker 2: really amazing science firstly, but also traditional Chinese medicine principles,
Speaker 2: and you might think it's placebo. In other words, it's
Speaker 2: all in our head. I get it. I was definitely
Speaker 2: skeptical because I think that we're very used to the
Speaker 2: normal kinds of therapy that we are prescribed. But I
Speaker 2: don't think I would mention it if I if you know,
Speaker 2: it didn't have clinical backing. An EFT definitely does. Basically
Speaker 2: the reason that it feels so good and the reason
Speaker 2: that it does reduce our stress response is because of
Speaker 2: acupoint stimulation, and that acupoint stimulation can promote the release
Speaker 2: of serotonin in the amygdala, which we spoke about before,
Speaker 2: basically the fear center of the brain, and also in
Speaker 2: the prefrontal cortex. It releases quite literally like opioids, serotonin gabba,
Speaker 2: which is a calming neurotransmitter into the bloodstream, So you're
Speaker 2: immediately flooded where the both happy chemicals in your brain
Speaker 2: and then calming chemicals in your body and in your
Speaker 2: brain as well. And it helps regulate cortisol levels, the
Speaker 2: stress hormone, and that tends to rise, as we know
Speaker 2: with psychological stress. So when we counteract, that kind of
Speaker 2: puts a ceiling on how high we can go. You
Speaker 2: can find EFT sessions online and there's been recent clinical
Speaker 2: studies that have shown that this particular kind of technique
Speaker 2: has a lot of promise as a long term therapeutic
Speaker 2: tool for working through past traumas, specifically what we know
Speaker 2: as adverse childhood experiences. It can also also kind of
Speaker 2: help us recover from I've spoken about this one a lot,
Speaker 2: but toxic work environments, toxic relationships, toxic housing situations, so
Speaker 2: many different situations. And the reason why is because EFT
Speaker 2: basically helps us correct trauma responses. So when something that
Speaker 2: resembles a traumatic experience occurs and our FID or flight
Speaker 2: system kicks in, we can basically deliberately, automatically and voluntarily
Speaker 2: desensitize ourselves by imposing relaxation to rewire our response rather
Speaker 2: than feeling like our external environment or this trigger suddenly
Speaker 2: has all the control. This helps regulate our nervous system
Speaker 2: to be in a more parasympathetic which is the opposite
Speaker 2: of sympathetic state, instead of that hyper aroused state where
Speaker 2: you are always on alert. Finally, try and bring forth
Speaker 2: your learning brain when you can. Once you have hopefully
Speaker 2: created that small slice of peace and safety for yourself
Speaker 2: and your little home, oasis of comfort where you know
Speaker 2: you are safe, You know you are secure, you know
Speaker 2: you are in control, try and introduce things to be
Speaker 2: inspired or excited by and see what brings you into
Speaker 2: a state of flow. Whether it's painting or running, or
Speaker 2: video games or lego quite literally, anything that just for
Speaker 2: a few minutes makes you forget about the world around you.
Speaker 2: Please find a way to do more of that, anything
Speaker 2: that helps you switch off. Now, I'm gonna give you
Speaker 2: some rapid fire tips that I've gotten from therapists along
Speaker 2: the way for getting out of survival mode back into
Speaker 2: safe mode. This one might sound really obvious. Just stop
Speaker 2: drinking caffeine. If you can drink less caffeine and drink
Speaker 2: less alcohol self explanatory. I no longer drink caffeine for
Speaker 2: this very reason. It takes a while of getting used to,
Speaker 2: and it's just like amazing when you eventually get accustomed
Speaker 2: to not feeling like your energy levels are relying on
Speaker 2: something that's actually very that could very quickly and very
Speaker 2: easily put you in a stressed state. And I notice
Speaker 2: now even if I have a Marcher or like a
Speaker 2: diet coke, which I rarely do, I get so jittery.
Speaker 2: I immediately feel like the burden and the pressure of
Speaker 2: everything that I have ever experienced and have to do. So.
Speaker 2: Caffeine and alcohol in particular are substances that we want
Speaker 2: to avoid sometimes because we often use these substances to
Speaker 2: self soothe or compensate for our dysregulated nervous system. We
Speaker 2: might feel like they're doing something. They're either calming us
Speaker 2: down or increasing our sense of alertness when we're exhausted,
Speaker 2: but they can actually make it worse in the long term.
Speaker 2: It's just one more artificial interaction or artificial situation that
Speaker 2: we have to become reliant on that interrupts our body's
Speaker 2: natural ability to regulate itself also pursue joyful activities. Kind
Speaker 2: of already mentioned this, but dopamine makes us happy. It
Speaker 2: also makes us calm, and it brings about a state
Speaker 2: of peace because if your brain is experiencing pleasure, it
Speaker 2: basically automatically assumes that you know, we must be safe,
Speaker 2: there mustn't be anything wrong. So that's a great way
Speaker 2: to get back into your safe mode. Activate your parasympathetic
Speaker 2: nervous system, and practice self compassion. Practice radical self compassion,
Speaker 2: loving yourself for no reason, accepting what you're going through
Speaker 2: instead of trying to immediately feel better and get better
Speaker 2: and get back to the person you were before, the
Speaker 2: person who wasn't irritable, the person who could do everything.
Speaker 2: Just takes some time. Like this is an intense state
Speaker 2: to be in, it takes a lot to get here.
Speaker 2: So no matter what you've been through, you still deserve
Speaker 2: love and compassion from yourself. For anybody else can give
Speaker 2: it to you, you deserve it from yourself first, and
Speaker 2: just recognize that you're not superhuman. Your well being is
Speaker 2: still worth prioritizing, despite you not being able to do
Speaker 2: it all at once, Despite what you may have been
Speaker 2: going through. Now at least you have some more information
Speaker 2: about your circumstances and you can see how so often
Speaker 2: it's almost like a domino effect. We just don't realize
Speaker 2: that things are getting that bad. We just don't realize
Speaker 2: how deep in we are, how far into survival mode
Speaker 2: we are, until we kind of around and realize that
Speaker 2: maybe we feel like so disconnected. We felt disconnected for months,
Speaker 2: for maybe years, And the fact that you are even
Speaker 2: able to recognize that shows you that perhaps you're closer
Speaker 2: to escaping that state than you might initially think.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 2: I hope you learned something. I hope you took something
Speaker 2: away from this. I hope there is something within here
Speaker 2: that you can implement in your own life. And as always,
Speaker 2: if you did enjoy the episode, feel free to reach
Speaker 2: out to me at that Psychology podcast if you want
Speaker 2: us to expand on it further. If you have another
Speaker 2: topic suggestion, make sure you're following along on Apple Podcasts
Speaker 2: or Spotify. I'm just going to say it, we've got
Speaker 2: some pretty cool episodes coming out soon, so hopefully you're
Speaker 2: around to listen to them. Make sure you give us
Speaker 2: five starts as well, especially if this is something that
Speaker 2: you found useful, so that other people can reach this
Speaker 2: content and find this content. As always, until next time,
Speaker 2: stay safe, stay kind, and be gentle to yourself, and
Speaker 2: we'll talk soon.