1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we, of 8 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,159 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology. 9 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 2: Of our twenties. How often do you feel somewhat disconnected 10 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 2: from your environment or from your thoughts your emotions. How 11 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 2: often do you find yourself waking up in the morning 12 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 2: and immediately feeling tense and alert. How often do you 13 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,960 Speaker 2: feel the need to be constantly productive and active, only 14 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 2: to be exhausted by the end of the day but 15 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 2: unable to sleep or unable to accept the fact that 16 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,760 Speaker 2: you need downtime, Or maybe you find that no matter what, 17 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 2: no matter how much caffeine you consume, how much sleep 18 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 2: you have had, you just cannot absorb new information or 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: learn new things. The thing about all these statements, and 20 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 2: what they all have in common, is that they are 21 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 2: indicative of a stress response called survival mode. And if 22 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,760 Speaker 2: you feel like you spend more time being hyper alert 23 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 2: and stressed then relaxed and curious and inspired by life. 24 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 2: This stress state may be describing exactly what you're going through. 25 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 2: Survival mode occurs when we basically have no energy left 26 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 2: to actually be anything more than I would say a 27 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 2: machine or a survival machine. We just have to shut 28 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 2: down and push through the day. We are operating normally 29 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: on adrenaline and stress and cortisol and anxiety, basically just 30 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 2: trying to survive our current circumstances, whether that is work related, 31 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 2: family related, school related, money related, trauma related. It often 32 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 2: ends up turning us into someone when not because all 33 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: the things that make us us have to be shut 34 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 2: down by our brain basically in order to preserve energy 35 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 2: and survive whatever it is we're going through. The thing 36 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 2: is is that our body and our mind think that 37 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 2: they are doing the right thing, but often our nervous 38 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 2: system has become so just regulated and extremely sensitive from 39 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 2: repeatedly feeling overwhelmed or threatened that we are in this 40 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 2: state far more than we perhaps need to be. We 41 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: all have this very primal, ancient system in place for 42 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 2: helping us through really dangerous moments, but in the modern world. 43 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 2: These systems are often triggered by things that won't kill you, 44 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 2: that won't harm you, but which still feel really, really stressful, 45 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 2: and being in survival mode for too long can create 46 00:02:57,680 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 2: chronic stress. It can create extra burnout, emotional, physical, social exhaustion, 47 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 2: and it can also just make us feel like we're 48 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,800 Speaker 2: a bad person, like we've become a mean person or 49 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,920 Speaker 2: a lazy person, when none of these things are true. 50 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 2: We're just trying to survive without maybe all the information 51 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 2: or the support or the resources that could help our 52 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 2: nervous system find its way back to safe mode. So today, 53 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 2: let's talk about it. Why do so many of us 54 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 2: in our twenties find ourselves in survival mode far too 55 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 2: often when a lot of the world would like to 56 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,360 Speaker 2: think that we don't have too much to be stressed about. 57 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 2: I think we all know that's not true. But why 58 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 2: do we feel like we've been this way longer than 59 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 2: we can remember? And what is actually going on in 60 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 2: our body and our brain to make us feel this 61 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 2: dissociated and alienated above all else? How do we find 62 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 2: our way back to a place of not just safety 63 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 2: or peace, but of regulation, a place of growth where 64 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 2: there is room to be human and room to be 65 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 2: vulnerable and actually enjoy life. I'm definitely no stranger to 66 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 2: survival mode myself. I feel like I end up in 67 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 2: that space far more than I would like to, and 68 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: I'm getting better at admitting that's because I'm not great 69 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 2: at managing stress and there are probably things from the 70 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 2: past that I don't manage as well as I should be. 71 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 2: And I've learnt a lot through that process. I definitely have, 72 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 2: and I have so much to share with you today, 73 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 2: so much to help you hopefully understand this state and 74 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 2: maybe also understand yourself a little bit better in the process. So, 75 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 2: without further ado, let's get into it. Let's talk about 76 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 2: the psychology the biology of survival mode. You've probably heard 77 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 2: the phrase survival mode if you're interested in the self 78 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 2: help or wellness space at all, if you've been in 79 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 2: therapy before. Definitely, I really like that this concept and 80 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 2: this experience has become more accessible people, that we actually 81 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 2: have the language to describe what we're going through, because 82 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 2: not only is it a lot more common, but it's 83 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 2: really really scary, and I think having full information is 84 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: probably the first step to getting back to safe mode. So, 85 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 2: as always, let's start with the basics. Survival mode is 86 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 2: essentially a psychological and physical state of heightened arousal and awareness, 87 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 2: and it occurs when our brain basically believes we are 88 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 2: in danger and so it activates what is known as 89 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 2: our fight flight or freeze system to basically get us 90 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 2: through the situation or the threat. This can be in 91 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 2: response to a lot of things. Firstly, really stressful life periods, 92 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 2: you know, after a loss, after enduring something traumatic, during 93 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 2: burnout that's a really huge one for our twenties, when 94 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 2: we've kind of been pushing ourselves to our limits and 95 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 2: enduring really extreme mental conditions for far too long. Sometimes 96 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: that can trigger survival mode. And it can also come 97 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 2: up in response to past trauma or environmental stresses, like 98 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,040 Speaker 2: during natural disasters or during war. A big one that 99 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 2: we all went through together was, of course, the pandemic. 100 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 2: So many people found themselves completely exhausted despite being home 101 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 2: all the time because of how unpredictable and scary the 102 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 2: circumstances were. It meant that our brains were constantly in 103 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 2: a state of alertness that eventually took its toll on 104 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 2: all of our mental, emotional, physical resources. In other words, 105 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 2: a lot of us were pushed into survival mode. The 106 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 2: important thing to know about survival mode is that although 107 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 2: it may feel totally alienating, it actually means that your 108 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 2: brain is trying to do the right thing or what 109 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 2: it believes is best given your environment, given the stresses 110 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 2: your experience, given how it's hardwired. And the way that 111 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 2: it does that is by essentially switching on the parts 112 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,799 Speaker 2: of us that very ancient and primal, which have evolved 113 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 2: for millions of years, as a way to protect us 114 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 2: when it perceives danger. And the other thing that happens 115 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 2: is that it switches off all those systems that it 116 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: sees as unnecessary or frivolous. That is the really crucial 117 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 2: word to remember here, survival. We want to survive. That 118 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 2: is our natural drive, and all of the systems in 119 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 2: our body that are controlled by our brain are blindly 120 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 2: trying to do that when they encounter stress. The problem 121 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 2: occurs when this response is activated for far too far, 122 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 2: much longer than it should be, or continues to be 123 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 2: activated even when the immediate danger has disappeared, like when 124 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 2: you're getting flashbacks or relieving something traumatic. Even though you 125 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 2: are not currently in danger, there is still this sense 126 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 2: of urgency and intensity that doesn't subside. There is also 127 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 2: the fact that these primal instinctuals systems have evolved and 128 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 2: adapted for a completely different environment than what we are 129 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 2: in now. So there was this fantastic article written back 130 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 2: in twenty twelve by doctor John Montgomery, and he wrote 131 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 2: it for the magazine Psychology Today, which we refer to 132 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 2: a lot in the podcast, And basically what he suggests 133 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 2: is that we have the brains that we have evolved 134 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 2: to have over millions of years and for the majority 135 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 2: and I mean the sizable majority of human existence, those 136 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,559 Speaker 2: brains were made for hunting and gathering, and they were 137 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 2: made for encountering threats and either escaping them, running away 138 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 2: from them, fighting back, and that kind of being the 139 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 2: end of it. And these threats were very tangible. So 140 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 2: many of the threats we encounter nowadays are not. And 141 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 2: the best example of that is a sense of threat 142 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 2: from social media or online, Like you read a really 143 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 2: terrible news article and you know you're not in any 144 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 2: immediate danger, but our brain doesn't know that. Our brain 145 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 2: can't always tell the difference because it just listens to 146 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 2: our stress response. And so because it has spent millions 147 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: thousands of years evolving to respond in a certain way. 148 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 2: It automatically activates that system and it makes us hypervigilant 149 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 2: and afraid and anxious, even though the threat is something 150 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 2: pretty intangible and probably very far away. So that is 151 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 2: where the concept of media overload, to take a little 152 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 2: have a tangent here. What I'm specifically referring to as 153 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 2: this idea of news anxiety. Right, the world feels very 154 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 2: dark and dangerous at the moment, and because we are 155 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 2: exposed to all the terrible things going on, even though 156 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 2: they don't immediately threaten us, it can actually trigger a 157 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: survival mode state. So the American Psychological Association actually spoke 158 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 2: about this all the way back in twenty twelve. There 159 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 2: is a psychological strength that comes from not only living through, 160 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 2: but absorbing all that terrible news. It's where terms like 161 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 2: doom scrolling have come from, because you know, social media 162 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 2: has definitely heightened that for this generation, and with that, 163 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 2: it has heightened our automatic states of anxiety and sense 164 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 2: of overwhelm and subsequent some would say, like a detachment 165 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 2: from reality in order to cope. So this can eventually 166 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 2: create a state of hyper arousal where we experience difficulty 167 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 2: sleeping or switching off. We're in a constant state of 168 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 2: you know, baseline panic or anxiety. We could also be 169 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 2: really irritable, and we have these strange emotional outbursts when 170 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: nothing seems to be wrong. We have these heightened emotional 171 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 2: reactions and sensitivity. We get frightened really easily. And we 172 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 2: can also be looking for ways to numb ourselves to 173 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: that and really escape all this extreme nervous and misplaced 174 00:10:55,600 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 2: energy in our body survival mode. Whatever has triggered it. 175 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 2: And I said this before, it can turn us into 176 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 2: completely different people. You may forget to fulfill your most 177 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 2: basic needs, like eating or sleeping or showering, because all 178 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 2: of your energy is going towards just getting through what 179 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 2: you're going through. It's why people who are in like 180 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 2: the real depths of grief often lose a lot of weight, 181 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 2: not only because their body is demanding more from them, 182 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 2: but you also just don't feel hungry because all of 183 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 2: those hunger queues and digestion is suppressed, right Like, That's 184 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 2: part of the frivolous, unnecessary systems that our brain is 185 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 2: switching off. We may also feel more tired than usual 186 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: sleeping ten twelve, hours a day and still feeling exhausted 187 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:50,959 Speaker 2: because those hours that we are awake are so intense 188 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,680 Speaker 2: and exhausting, we just could never sleep off that exhaustion. 189 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 2: It can really get us into such a spiral, especially 190 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 2: if you're you know, survival mode is the result of 191 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 2: being an overachiever or from perfection. It's burnout. You want 192 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 2: to keep pushing, right, That's how you have been. You've 193 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 2: almost trained your brain to perform is to keep pushing, 194 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 2: but your body is telling you to rest and to 195 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 2: restore itself, and so you end up just experiencing even 196 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 2: more guilt. That means that you end up compensating by 197 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 2: extending yourself even further. And that is how we see 198 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 2: burnout cycles that turn into survival mode. Our emotional regulation, 199 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 2: I think I already mentioned this also goes out the window. 200 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 2: We snap at our loved ones for the smallest things. 201 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: We never know when we're feeling sad or mad or 202 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 2: bad about a situation. I was actually in preparation for 203 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,440 Speaker 2: this episode. I was speaking to my friends, like when 204 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:47,959 Speaker 2: I'm about to do an episode, I love to just 205 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 2: kind of like talk to them. We say bringing up. 206 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 2: They ask like, how's work doing, and I said to 207 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 2: one of my friends. I was like doing an episode 208 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 2: on survival mode, and I was explaining to her, like 209 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 2: what it feels like, what it means, And she said 210 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 2: to me, she was like, after I was in a 211 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 2: car accident. She broke her leg in a car accident 212 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 2: back in like twenty twenty one. Maybe after she was 213 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 2: in that accident, even after her leg was healed, she 214 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 2: still felt so like emotionally fuzzy, and she would be 215 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 2: angered by the smallest things. And she was like, maybe 216 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,840 Speaker 2: it was because all of my mental energy was being 217 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 2: devoted to processing that trauma and trying not to feel 218 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 2: afraid anymore. That's a big part of it. Things like 219 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 2: multitasking become more challenging. We can't actually relax because there 220 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 2: always feels like something terrible is going to go wrong. 221 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,719 Speaker 2: We have memory issues, you know. It's almost like a 222 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 2: zombie state, like a heightened alert zombie state where our 223 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 2: brain has kind of switched on, but everything else is 224 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 2: really intense. You know. The other way that I can 225 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 2: describe it is there is like this filter between you 226 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 2: and the rest of the world, like a blurriness to 227 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 2: all your waking hours, all your waking moments, like when 228 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 2: you get into a car and like you know, when 229 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,599 Speaker 2: you turn on the radio and it can't find a 230 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 2: channel and it's just this like high frequency noise and 231 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 2: meaningless chatter. That is what survival mode feels like, this 232 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 2: specific experience, that buzzing, that high frequency, that noise, that detachment, blurriness, 233 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 2: that is also indicative of something else going on here, disassociation. 234 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 2: There is a huge correlation between survival mode and disassociation 235 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 2: because detaching ourselves from our emotions and our surroundings is 236 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 2: kind of one of the only ways that our body 237 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 2: is able to firstly mentally compartmentalize what's going on, but 238 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: also tolerate hard and stressful things. That's why dissociation is 239 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 2: known as a stress response, often in response to anxiety, 240 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 2: and it basically occurs when we unconsciously disconnect from our 241 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 2: reality as a way of surviving. It's very much an 242 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 2: adapt give, instinct and adaptive process. You know. Disassociation can 243 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 2: help somebody feel like they can shut off from overwhelming 244 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 2: circumstances by muting, distorting, going on autopilot and pushing through 245 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 2: the extreme situation. However, when the trauma is ongoing, even 246 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 2: if you know the physical trauma has passed. If the 247 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 2: memories of the trauma are ongoing, disassociation can become what 248 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 2: some researchers would call fixed and automatic. Your body is 249 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 2: basically saying, listen, we can't trust you with this right now. 250 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 2: Trust us. We're going to take over. We're going to 251 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 2: numb you all these experiences, and you know when it's 252 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 2: time to come to, we'll wake you up. Don't worry, 253 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 2: we'll get you there. I feel like that so rarely happens, 254 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 2: because whilst you're in this survival state, you're going to 255 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 2: continue to do things feeling like you need to survive. 256 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: That doesn't include things that are important for self care. 257 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 2: It doesn't include moments of relaxation. It's kind of like 258 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 2: you are locked in. There's no way out once you 259 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 2: let this mode take over. So what's actually happening in 260 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 2: your body and your brain to create this Well, we 261 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 2: spoke kind of briefly about it before, but it's basically 262 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 2: the fight or flight response. Now we also tend to 263 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 2: include freeze or fawn. But this is an automatic physiological 264 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 2: response to danger. If you have ever done like a 265 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 2: basic psychology course, you know about this. But when our 266 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 2: sympathetic nervous system takes over in response to a stressor 267 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 2: a stressful event. We get a racing heartbeat, we get 268 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 2: dilated pupils, release of adrenaline and cortisol, our breathing rate 269 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 2: goes up. This response is meant to prepare our body 270 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 2: to get away or survive danger. The other thing that 271 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 2: is meant to happen is that response is meant to 272 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 2: go away when the danger has passed. But if not, 273 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 2: if we don't ever perceive the danger as passing, eventually, 274 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 2: staying in that stress state for too long leads to 275 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 2: exhaustion and break down. The other thing to note about 276 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,880 Speaker 2: what's happening in your body and your brain when you're 277 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 2: in this mode is that your brain is operating entirely 278 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 2: differently than what it would normally be. The amig deala, 279 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 2: which is the part of the brain responsible for emotional processing, 280 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 2: especially for things like fear, it becomes hyperactive and hyper reactive. 281 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 2: It sends signals to hormones like cortisol, which that's what 282 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 2: really triggers your fight or flight response. But when the 283 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 2: cortisol tap isn't turned off, you start to get muscle 284 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,880 Speaker 2: tension and pain and sleep problems, and it even sometimes 285 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 2: means that we get sicker more often. So this is interesting. 286 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 2: If you've just done a series of exams, if you've 287 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 2: just graduated, whatever, you've just done midterms, and you've been 288 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 2: pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing, do you ever 289 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:56,240 Speaker 2: notice that you immediately get sick straight afterwards. That's basically 290 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,880 Speaker 2: what's happening here. Obviously that's just like a brief period 291 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,199 Speaker 2: of stress, But when we live in survival mode for 292 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,919 Speaker 2: months on end, it's basically like having a stress are 293 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 2: constantly poking you constantly poking and poking and poking, and 294 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 2: you can never relax. And over time this disrupts the 295 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,919 Speaker 2: body's natural balance and it puts you at risk for 296 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 2: a whole lot of mental health issues also physical illnesses. 297 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,679 Speaker 2: Like we spoke about before, there was a series of 298 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 2: studies published in Scientific America back during the pandemic that 299 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 2: showed that prolonged stress can even alter our brain's structure. 300 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 2: It can lead to long term memory issues, reduced academic performance, 301 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,399 Speaker 2: poor decision making. And if you think that wasn't enough, 302 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:50,000 Speaker 2: our prefrontal cortex, which controls rational thinking, also seems to 303 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 2: kind of take a back stat It seems to be 304 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 2: almost overwhelmed by the parts of the amigula or the 305 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,719 Speaker 2: inner cortexes that are just shooting out danger signals at 306 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,880 Speaker 2: all time. This is also why we see a difference 307 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 2: between what we would call a learning brain and a 308 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 2: survival brain. If you've ever noticed that the more stress 309 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 2: you get, the more difficult everyday tasks become, that is 310 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 2: because you are experiencing this difference, the difference between learning 311 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,800 Speaker 2: brain and survival brain. A learning brain is one that 312 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 2: is really able to take in new information. It also 313 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 2: means that you're able to perform daily tasks that you're 314 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 2: accustomed to without much issue. You don't find those tasks 315 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 2: stressful or frustrating, and there is all this space for 316 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 2: creativity and for inspiration and for growth. Your brain is 317 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 2: clear and it's just soaking everything up. If you're experiencing, 318 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 2: currently experiencing I will say, a healthy life. You have 319 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 2: managed to really navigate your stress response, You've taken care 320 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 2: of your mental health. You're on holiday, you're probably in 321 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 2: learning brain mode. It's why when you go on vacation, right, 322 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 2: you suddenly have like a million ideas for your future, 323 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:05,120 Speaker 2: and you're suddenly so much more relaxed and you're really 324 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 2: interested in going to museums, and you have all these 325 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 2: plans and all these ideas, and you're reading your own 326 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 2: learning brain. Survival brain is what we described before. There 327 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 2: is no space for anything new, There is no space 328 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 2: for new information, for curiosity. Everything is done on adrenaline 329 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,400 Speaker 2: and on fear. If you're just trying to survive, your 330 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 2: brain is focusing only on what it thinks is important 331 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 2: for your survival. So if you are you have just 332 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 2: experienced something traumatic, and you step into a classroom or 333 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 2: you step into work and you have all these tasks 334 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 2: to do, you're not going to be able to do them. 335 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 2: And there's this brilliant YouTube video from a creator called 336 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 2: Jacob Ham and he talks about this so perfectly. He 337 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 2: talks about how individuals who have endured a lot of 338 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 2: trauma as children, or people who have just escaped toxic 339 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 2: situations toxic workplaces, who are burnt out, they are operating 340 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,600 Speaker 2: on an empty tank. It takes so long for that 341 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 2: tank to be replenished. And so yeah, it may look 342 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:09,119 Speaker 2: like you're lazy or you're procrastinating and you're disorganized, but 343 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 2: actually when we have a bit more compassion and we 344 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 2: look deeper. It's because your brain is still in that 345 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,679 Speaker 2: survival mode and it doesn't see learning as a current 346 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 2: priority to sum up all this doom and gloom. This 347 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 2: can have a bleed on effect. It's really hard to 348 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 2: be a good partner or a good girlfriend or a 349 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 2: good boyfriend when every part of your brain is looking 350 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 2: for danger. There is no room for softness when you're 351 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 2: just trying to survive, and it can mean that you 352 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,120 Speaker 2: often self sabotage your relationship or you know, if you're 353 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,680 Speaker 2: really really irritable. It's not that you have an excuse 354 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 2: for being angry or agitated, but it's really hard to 355 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 2: think clearly about what you want from your relationship and 356 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 2: how to show up as a good partner if there's 357 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 2: no brain space for that. The same goes for friendship. 358 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 2: You know, I've seen really great, amazing friendships fall apart 359 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 2: because one person just had no mental capacity to be present. 360 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 2: It was for no other reason other than that they 361 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 2: were stuck in this survival mode and everything to them 362 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 2: became less important because they were just trying to get through. 363 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,959 Speaker 2: And when all your cues and your drive for sleep 364 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 2: and hunger and water and socializing, when all those cues 365 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 2: are out of whack. When your immune system is compromised, 366 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,679 Speaker 2: it's really hard to pull yourself out of that and 367 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 2: to kind of find your way back to who you 368 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 2: were before. Who were you without the stress, without the tension, 369 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 2: without the adrenaline, without the fear. That is exactly what 370 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,200 Speaker 2: we are going to talk about next, Exiting survival mode, 371 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 2: getting back to safe mode, back to our learning brain. 372 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,880 Speaker 2: I have all of the tips and the psychological advice 373 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,320 Speaker 2: I could find that I could extract from the research 374 00:22:52,960 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 2: stay with us after this shortbreak. Being in survival mode 375 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 2: is not a conscious choice. I really want you to 376 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,880 Speaker 2: know that, and to know that if you've identified yourself 377 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 2: in these descriptions that I gave, this is not something 378 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,959 Speaker 2: that you are actively putting yourself through it. It's not 379 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 2: your fault. You're not an angry person, a bad person, 380 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 2: a mean person. Maybe you're just trying to get to 381 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,640 Speaker 2: the other side. And that's something I can hopefully help 382 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:26,199 Speaker 2: you with. Getting from survival mode into safe mode means 383 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,240 Speaker 2: finding a way to tell your brain and cut through 384 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 2: the noise and communicate with it that I'm safe, it's okay, 385 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,239 Speaker 2: there is no threat, I'm not in danger. Thank you. 386 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,639 Speaker 2: For trying to protect me. But you can take a 387 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 2: backseat now, I can take control. That starts by creating 388 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 2: an internal and external environment where you don't feel threatened 389 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,359 Speaker 2: or alert, where there is no reason for your brain 390 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 2: to be on all the time. And I think that 391 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: that really begins in your physical space and in your surroundings. 392 00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 2: Sometimes we can't escape the environment that is keeping us 393 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 2: in survival mode, but if you can, your mental health 394 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 2: is going to thank you. Whether that means leaving a 395 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:12,879 Speaker 2: toxic home, a toxic roommate situation, a toxic work environment, 396 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,640 Speaker 2: those are the places we need to create change first, 397 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 2: because it is so often outside stimuli and our environment 398 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 2: and the places that we exist in that are creating 399 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 2: these high levels of stress. If you're restricted by finances 400 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,920 Speaker 2: or obligations or leases, make the space that you can 401 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 2: within that create a routine and a room a home 402 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 2: that prioritizes comfort, that gives you a place to feel 403 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 2: secure and peaceful. Basically find your oasis. For most people, 404 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 2: that is going to mean their bedroom or their room. 405 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,639 Speaker 2: I think the first thing that you can do to 406 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 2: bring a sense of comfort and calm is warm lights. 407 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,880 Speaker 2: And that's like the silliest tip to include, but there 408 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,679 Speaker 2: has been a lot of research in the last ten 409 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 2: years showing how light can affect our mood and our 410 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,159 Speaker 2: stress response. Just think about how alert you are in 411 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 2: that intense blue clinical lighting that tends to make us 412 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 2: feel very awake and very alarmed and overstimulated, versus soft 413 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 2: lighting that imitates our natural environment that has been shown 414 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,919 Speaker 2: to reduce cortisol levels and to realign us with our 415 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 2: natural circadian rhythm and melotonin release schedule. All things that 416 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 2: are big pluses for getting out of survival mode. Less noise, 417 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 2: less stimulation is also fantastic because that means fewer things 418 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 2: your brain feels alert to and might perceive as danger. 419 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 2: Even better, if you can find a space like your 420 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 2: room that has phone free and you can escape the 421 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 2: doom scroll, you can escape the work emails, you can 422 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 2: escape the negative news cycle, the constant to do list 423 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 2: that is infiltrating your downtime, that can make such a 424 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 2: small difference. As a reason why a lot of people 425 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 2: suggest having times and having a big period during your 426 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 2: day where your phone is not present. I think all 427 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,360 Speaker 2: of these practices can actually help us become very aware 428 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 2: of the triggers or the stresses which are immediately in 429 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 2: the moment, pushing you into a fight or flight state. 430 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,160 Speaker 2: That simple act of noticing, you know, do I feel 431 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 2: better when my phone is off? Do I feel better 432 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 2: when I'm leaving a certain environment versus another? Do I 433 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 2: feel better when I'm not seeing this person, when I'm 434 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 2: taking something off of my to do list? That is 435 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 2: something to really notice, because when we remove sources of stress, 436 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 2: even just tiny ones, that can make a real difference 437 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 2: when you're in survival mode. This is kind of the 438 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,680 Speaker 2: same premise behind why we might value a routine during 439 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:55,439 Speaker 2: this time. Routine often means less unpredictability, less to be 440 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 2: uncertain about, less to adapt to out of the blue, 441 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 2: and it can help us ease into a calmer, less 442 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 2: alert state where we know what's going on, we know 443 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 2: what's happening, we feel in control, there is less pressure 444 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 2: and instinct to be on all the time. Part of 445 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: that is also thinking about what you can take off 446 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 2: your plate. You know, I've mentioned burnout burnout as a 447 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 2: huge contributor to survival mode in our twenties. It's such 448 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 2: a simple philosophy, but if there is less to do, 449 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 2: less to stress about, there is more mental space for 450 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 2: honestly healing and just silence. There is more mental space 451 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 2: to give back to you. Here's something that I want 452 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 2: to talk about and that I want you to remember. 453 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:42,239 Speaker 2: Sometimes our busyness is actually hyper arousal in disguise, and 454 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,160 Speaker 2: it's the instinct to be doing something always, to constantly 455 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 2: be on and constantly be productive and moving forward and 456 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,440 Speaker 2: fixing problems as a way to self soothe and as 457 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 2: a way to give that anxiety somewhere to go, because 458 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 2: it feels like you are fixing your stressed state by 459 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,159 Speaker 2: getting rid of triggers or getting things off the to 460 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 2: do list, or getting the project out of the way, 461 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 2: or making you know, like maybe I could go to sleep, 462 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 2: but if I clean my house, I'll just feel a 463 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 2: little bit better tomorrow morning. It's like, No, the reason 464 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,239 Speaker 2: sometimes we want to be more busy is because we 465 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 2: are trying our hardest to find a way to reduce 466 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 2: our sense of arousal and alertness by getting more stuff done. 467 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,240 Speaker 2: That's something that really blew my mind when somebody said 468 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,880 Speaker 2: it to me. They were like, oh, do you think 469 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 2: that maybe you're busy because your thoughts will spiral if 470 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 2: you're not, or because you don't know what to do 471 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 2: with that empty space, or because everything that isn't done 472 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 2: feels like a stress are you. But when you force yourself, 473 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 2: and I mean force yourself to just stop, pause, do 474 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 2: it tomorrow, give yourself in the afternoon off, there becomes 475 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 2: all this space where you can just really sit with 476 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 2: your emotions and just be like, Okay, I'm not doing 477 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,400 Speaker 2: anything right now, I'm not trying to fix anything, I'm 478 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 2: not trying to do anything, and I'm not dying, and 479 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 2: I'm not in danger and the world has not collapsed. 480 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 2: It's basically a learning experience for yourself. It's basically being like, Okay, 481 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 2: when I do force myself to face whatever it is 482 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 2: I'm going through, when I do force myself to just 483 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 2: be present and alone and to feel all the instincts 484 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 2: that I'm feeling, I'm not going to die. This is 485 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 2: just this constant need to be productive. It's just a 486 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 2: survival or a defense mechanism, and I need to consciously 487 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 2: reprogram that. I think it's also really important to put 488 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 2: time aside to do things for you that are just 489 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,880 Speaker 2: naturally going to make you feel more relaxed and once 490 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 2: again fight the urge to be prepared for the next 491 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 2: disaster by doing things. We can't talk about safe mode 492 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 2: without talking about self care. And I'm not talking about 493 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,080 Speaker 2: the kind of glamorous self care you might see on 494 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 2: social media, you know, face masks, spa days. If that's 495 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 2: within your means, you should definitely go for it. But 496 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 2: we definitely need to prioritize some seriously rich and psychologically 497 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 2: nourishing self care practices before we do that. We need 498 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,560 Speaker 2: to find a way to self sooth and self regulate. 499 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 2: A lot of things are beyond our control. That much is, 500 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 2: you know, probably obvious, But what is within our control 501 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 2: is how we respond to the things that push us 502 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 2: into this aroused state, and self soothing and nervous system 503 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 2: regulation are part of kind of the tools that we 504 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 2: have in our chest. The premise being if we can 505 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 2: calm down our stress response deliberately, we stop ourselves from 506 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 2: automatically entering survival mode, and we stop ourselves from being 507 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 2: ruled by basically our fight or flight response. The self 508 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 2: care practices that help us with that should involve filling 509 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 2: up your cup, but also providing the space to relieve 510 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 2: some kind of tension or stressor or to find a 511 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 2: way to kind of I always imagine it's like a 512 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 2: fiaball is being thrown at you, and you find a 513 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 2: way to twist it and throw it back. You know, 514 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 2: you find a way that allows you to process the 515 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 2: stress and process whatever it is that's being thrown at 516 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 2: you and essentially get rid of it. Some big ones 517 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 2: are obviously things like nature walks, exercise. One of my 518 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 2: favorite episodes of all time is the healing power of 519 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 2: nature and how nature helps us regulate naturally regulate our 520 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,280 Speaker 2: nervous system. I would definitely recommend movement, and movement that 521 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 2: you actually enjoy is another one. Movement is a natural 522 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 2: stress relief. I'm not going to go on about a 523 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 2: tangent on exercise and its impact for our mental health. 524 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 2: It is obviously more complex than that, but you know, 525 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 2: you've got to remember that when you run, when you exercise, 526 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 2: when you box, when you cycle, when you go to pilates, 527 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 2: there there's energy required in that and sometimes it helps 528 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 2: us really burn off some of that adrenaline and burn 529 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 2: off some of that cortisol. Full body movements, especially like 530 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 2: progressive muscle relaxation and rhythmic movement that is so valuable. 531 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 2: If you've ever been to like a what are they called. 532 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 2: It's like a rhythmic movement class, like a dance class, 533 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:30,160 Speaker 2: but you basically like respond to where your stress is 534 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 2: in your body and you move according to that and 535 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 2: release it. Amazing, amazing. It's so holistic, right, and I 536 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 2: think sometimes holistic medicine and holistic therapy and holistic healing 537 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 2: if that sort gets a bad rap until you do 538 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,360 Speaker 2: it and you're like, oh no, no, I totally get this. 539 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 2: I totally get why so many people do this. Another 540 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 2: big thing that I love for myself and I will 541 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 2: always endorse. I have seen the benefits of this in 542 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 2: my own life, and it's becoming so much or popular 543 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:05,440 Speaker 2: recently is a thing called emotional freedom technique. It's probably 544 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,960 Speaker 2: better known as tapping. That's probably what you've heard it 545 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 2: as this is a relatively new practice, but it's basically 546 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 2: a method of combining tapping certain parts of our body 547 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 2: whilst restructuring our thoughts. So slowly tapping your forehead whilst 548 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,520 Speaker 2: thinking about something really stressful or feeling panicked about your 549 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 2: to do list or you know. Another example is slowly 550 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 2: tapping right underneath your eye whilst you're reliving a really 551 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,480 Speaker 2: awful encounter at your old toxic workplace. So if you 552 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,560 Speaker 2: want to try it right now, think about something you're 553 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 2: feeling super anxious about, super troubled by, and slowly and 554 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:50,800 Speaker 2: gently tap just above your eyebrow and then just below 555 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,720 Speaker 2: your eye and above your mouth. Just focus on that 556 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 2: pressure point and just see if and how your body responds. 557 00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 2: The moment I do this, I'm always brought so much 558 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 2: peace and calm. And this technique is based on some 559 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 2: really amazing science firstly, but also traditional Chinese medicine principles, 560 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,080 Speaker 2: and you might think it's placebo. In other words, it's 561 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,520 Speaker 2: all in our head. I get it. I was definitely 562 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,719 Speaker 2: skeptical because I think that we're very used to the 563 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 2: normal kinds of therapy that we are prescribed. But I 564 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 2: don't think I would mention it if I if you know, 565 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 2: it didn't have clinical backing. An EFT definitely does. Basically 566 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,240 Speaker 2: the reason that it feels so good and the reason 567 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 2: that it does reduce our stress response is because of 568 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 2: acupoint stimulation, and that acupoint stimulation can promote the release 569 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 2: of serotonin in the amygdala, which we spoke about before, 570 00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,920 Speaker 2: basically the fear center of the brain, and also in 571 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:55,240 Speaker 2: the prefrontal cortex. It releases quite literally like opioids, serotonin gabba, 572 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:59,239 Speaker 2: which is a calming neurotransmitter into the bloodstream, So you're 573 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 2: immediately flooded where the both happy chemicals in your brain 574 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 2: and then calming chemicals in your body and in your 575 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 2: brain as well. And it helps regulate cortisol levels, the 576 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,840 Speaker 2: stress hormone, and that tends to rise, as we know 577 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,560 Speaker 2: with psychological stress. So when we counteract, that kind of 578 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,560 Speaker 2: puts a ceiling on how high we can go. You 579 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:22,760 Speaker 2: can find EFT sessions online and there's been recent clinical 580 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,919 Speaker 2: studies that have shown that this particular kind of technique 581 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,360 Speaker 2: has a lot of promise as a long term therapeutic 582 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:34,480 Speaker 2: tool for working through past traumas, specifically what we know 583 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 2: as adverse childhood experiences. It can also also kind of 584 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 2: help us recover from I've spoken about this one a lot, 585 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:46,799 Speaker 2: but toxic work environments, toxic relationships, toxic housing situations, so 586 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,760 Speaker 2: many different situations. And the reason why is because EFT 587 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,880 Speaker 2: basically helps us correct trauma responses. So when something that 588 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 2: resembles a traumatic experience occurs and our FID or flight 589 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:04,520 Speaker 2: system kicks in, we can basically deliberately, automatically and voluntarily 590 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:12,879 Speaker 2: desensitize ourselves by imposing relaxation to rewire our response rather 591 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 2: than feeling like our external environment or this trigger suddenly 592 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,800 Speaker 2: has all the control. This helps regulate our nervous system 593 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,880 Speaker 2: to be in a more parasympathetic which is the opposite 594 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 2: of sympathetic state, instead of that hyper aroused state where 595 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 2: you are always on alert. Finally, try and bring forth 596 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,800 Speaker 2: your learning brain when you can. Once you have hopefully 597 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 2: created that small slice of peace and safety for yourself 598 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 2: and your little home, oasis of comfort where you know 599 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,440 Speaker 2: you are safe, You know you are secure, you know 600 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 2: you are in control, try and introduce things to be 601 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 2: inspired or excited by and see what brings you into 602 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:56,799 Speaker 2: a state of flow. Whether it's painting or running, or 603 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,799 Speaker 2: video games or lego quite literally, anything that just for 604 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 2: a few minutes makes you forget about the world around you. 605 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,680 Speaker 2: Please find a way to do more of that, anything 606 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,360 Speaker 2: that helps you switch off. Now, I'm gonna give you 607 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 2: some rapid fire tips that I've gotten from therapists along 608 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 2: the way for getting out of survival mode back into 609 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 2: safe mode. This one might sound really obvious. Just stop 610 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,919 Speaker 2: drinking caffeine. If you can drink less caffeine and drink 611 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,719 Speaker 2: less alcohol self explanatory. I no longer drink caffeine for 612 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 2: this very reason. It takes a while of getting used to, 613 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 2: and it's just like amazing when you eventually get accustomed 614 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,799 Speaker 2: to not feeling like your energy levels are relying on 615 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,120 Speaker 2: something that's actually very that could very quickly and very 616 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 2: easily put you in a stressed state. And I notice 617 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 2: now even if I have a Marcher or like a 618 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 2: diet coke, which I rarely do, I get so jittery. 619 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000 Speaker 2: I immediately feel like the burden and the pressure of 620 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 2: everything that I have ever experienced and have to do. So. 621 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,440 Speaker 2: Caffeine and alcohol in particular are substances that we want 622 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 2: to avoid sometimes because we often use these substances to 623 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:10,160 Speaker 2: self soothe or compensate for our dysregulated nervous system. We 624 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,920 Speaker 2: might feel like they're doing something. They're either calming us 625 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 2: down or increasing our sense of alertness when we're exhausted, 626 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,280 Speaker 2: but they can actually make it worse in the long term. 627 00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 2: It's just one more artificial interaction or artificial situation that 628 00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,400 Speaker 2: we have to become reliant on that interrupts our body's 629 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:34,960 Speaker 2: natural ability to regulate itself also pursue joyful activities. Kind 630 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 2: of already mentioned this, but dopamine makes us happy. It 631 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,279 Speaker 2: also makes us calm, and it brings about a state 632 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 2: of peace because if your brain is experiencing pleasure, it 633 00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,239 Speaker 2: basically automatically assumes that you know, we must be safe, 634 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,240 Speaker 2: there mustn't be anything wrong. So that's a great way 635 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,520 Speaker 2: to get back into your safe mode. Activate your parasympathetic 636 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:59,480 Speaker 2: nervous system, and practice self compassion. Practice radical self compassion, 637 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:04,480 Speaker 2: loving yourself for no reason, accepting what you're going through 638 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 2: instead of trying to immediately feel better and get better 639 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 2: and get back to the person you were before, the 640 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 2: person who wasn't irritable, the person who could do everything. 641 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,120 Speaker 2: Just takes some time. Like this is an intense state 642 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,359 Speaker 2: to be in, it takes a lot to get here. 643 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,600 Speaker 2: So no matter what you've been through, you still deserve 644 00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 2: love and compassion from yourself. For anybody else can give 645 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,000 Speaker 2: it to you, you deserve it from yourself first, and 646 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 2: just recognize that you're not superhuman. Your well being is 647 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,360 Speaker 2: still worth prioritizing, despite you not being able to do 648 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,439 Speaker 2: it all at once, Despite what you may have been 649 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:43,400 Speaker 2: going through. Now at least you have some more information 650 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,400 Speaker 2: about your circumstances and you can see how so often 651 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,440 Speaker 2: it's almost like a domino effect. We just don't realize 652 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 2: that things are getting that bad. We just don't realize 653 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:57,799 Speaker 2: how deep in we are, how far into survival mode 654 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 2: we are, until we kind of around and realize that 655 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,320 Speaker 2: maybe we feel like so disconnected. We felt disconnected for months, 656 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,800 Speaker 2: for maybe years, And the fact that you are even 657 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,840 Speaker 2: able to recognize that shows you that perhaps you're closer 658 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:14,879 Speaker 2: to escaping that state than you might initially think. 659 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 1: So. 660 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,919 Speaker 2: I hope you learned something. I hope you took something 661 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:19,839 Speaker 2: away from this. I hope there is something within here 662 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 2: that you can implement in your own life. And as always, 663 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,160 Speaker 2: if you did enjoy the episode, feel free to reach 664 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,239 Speaker 2: out to me at that Psychology podcast if you want 665 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,760 Speaker 2: us to expand on it further. If you have another 666 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,840 Speaker 2: topic suggestion, make sure you're following along on Apple Podcasts 667 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,239 Speaker 2: or Spotify. I'm just going to say it, we've got 668 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,480 Speaker 2: some pretty cool episodes coming out soon, so hopefully you're 669 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,120 Speaker 2: around to listen to them. Make sure you give us 670 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,440 Speaker 2: five starts as well, especially if this is something that 671 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,359 Speaker 2: you found useful, so that other people can reach this 672 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,279 Speaker 2: content and find this content. As always, until next time, 673 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:57,319 Speaker 2: stay safe, stay kind, and be gentle to yourself, and 674 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:02,400 Speaker 2: we'll talk soon.