Speaker 1: Hey, that folks, did It is Saturday, June twentieth. In
Speaker 1: a relationship Saturday, today we spend with the people we love,
Speaker 1: whether those we're friends or people we're in relationships with.
Speaker 1: And if we have another dating trend of some kind,
Speaker 1: and this is one that is confusing. It doesn't sound
Speaker 1: attractive and I didn't even take the time to google
Speaker 1: it before we started this episode. So buckle up, folks.
Speaker 1: Here we go on this episode of Amy and TJ
Speaker 1: and Robes. Say the name of this one first of one.
Speaker 2: It's called goblintimacy, goblin.
Speaker 1: Timacy. So goblin intimacy.
Speaker 2: Yes, goblin intimacy, goblintimacy.
Speaker 1: God that sounds Okay, is it as terrible as it sounds?
Speaker 2: Kind of? You're gonna hate this. Uh, that's why it's
Speaker 2: gonna be such a good episode. And by the way,
Speaker 2: you're not alone.
Speaker 3: We'll get into what the dating experts have to say
Speaker 3: about this new dating trend that is taking taking off.
Speaker 3: TikTok is reading all of these hashtags, creating all of
Speaker 3: these dating trend Basically, they're giving it names.
Speaker 1: Okay, don't so, don't give me the details yet, but
Speaker 1: I have to ask this at the top. First of all,
Speaker 1: is it something that's been around and now just getting
Speaker 1: a name or is it new?
Speaker 2: I think this might be new.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is new and that's why the dating experts
Speaker 3: have really strong feelings about it, because they say this
Speaker 3: has arisen because of artificial intelligence and too many perfectly
Speaker 3: curated people and this is the reaction to it.
Speaker 1: Here's my next question. Do you do it to someone?
Speaker 1: And do you have it done to you? Is this
Speaker 1: that kind of a thing? Uh?
Speaker 3: Yes, doing it to someone sounds a little bit not
Speaker 3: the way it's basically being presented.
Speaker 1: It's more about it can happen to you.
Speaker 2: Well, no, it's about making a choice to present yourself
Speaker 2: a certain way.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, last question. Then have I done this or
Speaker 1: you've done this? Oh?
Speaker 3: You are the opposite of this every well, okay, let's
Speaker 3: get a cracking god lent Tomsy.
Speaker 1: What the hell are we talking about?
Speaker 3: Okay, So you make a decision not to show up
Speaker 3: to your first date polished or the best version of yourself. Instead,
Speaker 3: you show up to your first date with all your
Speaker 3: flaws and you're upfront about your baggage from the beginning.
Speaker 3: What basically they described it as the opposite of kitten fishing,
Speaker 3: and we did that dating trend yet last weekend.
Speaker 1: You you wait, what's the okay, wait a minute, bitte
Speaker 1: you show up looking like different than your dating profile
Speaker 1: like worse, well.
Speaker 3: You just show up like however you are, whether it's
Speaker 3: how you look when you wake up. You don't put
Speaker 3: an effort into your appearance. Basically, when you show up
Speaker 3: to the first date and you say, hey, I just
Speaker 3: want to basically you let everything hang out. You come
Speaker 3: up as the unvarnished version of yourself. You aren't basically
Speaker 3: being curated.
Speaker 1: You don't wait, is this something you do on purpose
Speaker 1: as a strategy or is this just a mindset some
Speaker 1: people have that I don't give a damn about how
Speaker 1: I look. I'm a just go take well that.
Speaker 3: Is the mindset is that and then they think that
Speaker 3: that will lead to a more authentic relationship and therefore
Speaker 3: you actually, you know, create this intimacy because the idea
Speaker 3: is that if you reveal your inner goblin off the bat,
Speaker 3: you can weed out you can weed out partners who
Speaker 3: would never be right for you in the long run,
Speaker 3: because once they find out what you really look like,
Speaker 3: when they find out all your ick all your weird tics,
Speaker 3: all your strangeisms. If you just kind of reveal it
Speaker 3: and they still are into you, you probably got a winner.
Speaker 1: Okay. You remind me of a line from Liar Liar
Speaker 1: and Jim Carrey when he couldn't lie and his son
Speaker 1: you go on going. His son says to him, but Dad,
Speaker 1: I thought you said beauty is on the inside.
Speaker 4: He said, that's just something ugly people say exactly.
Speaker 3: So you just you basically, you let this person know
Speaker 3: that here's who I am.
Speaker 1: Come on, man, period. That's fine if Giselle Bun does that.
Speaker 1: But if you're just a little critter anyway, Rodes, you
Speaker 1: got to put on a good face.
Speaker 3: They look, here's the why, and we'll get into the
Speaker 3: warnings and the don'ts if you want to try this trend.
Speaker 3: But the why that everyone's inner goblin comes out eventually,
Speaker 3: so why not get it out of the way sooner
Speaker 3: rather than later.
Speaker 1: What are we talking about? You're like you physically look
Speaker 1: a certain way.
Speaker 3: That's part of it. Yeah, you don't put on this
Speaker 3: big effort. So for a woman, you don't throw on
Speaker 3: a bunch of makeup, you don't wear the sexy dress,
Speaker 3: you don't get your hair blown out. You just maybe
Speaker 3: put yourself in a ponytail, jeans and a T shirt,
Speaker 3: and you're just like, hey, you don't you know, first dates,
Speaker 3: people get all dressed up, they get all gusty.
Speaker 1: Sounded amazing. Just that jeans, T shirt, pull the hair back.
Speaker 1: That sounds perfect.
Speaker 2: Okay, that is perfect, all right, But for.
Speaker 3: A lot of folks, if you're going out you do
Speaker 3: on that first date. You put on your best dress,
Speaker 3: you put on the heels, you put on the makeup,
Speaker 3: you you look your best glamorous version of yourself. Guys,
Speaker 3: you put on the cologne, you wear a new outfit.
Speaker 1: Because women don't like goblins and do.
Speaker 2: Men like goblins?
Speaker 1: No, nobody likes.
Speaker 3: What about if you're just so sick, you're just so
Speaker 3: tired of trying to impress people, and you're just always
Speaker 3: trying to be perfect, and you're burned out and you
Speaker 3: just want to say, hey, here I am, Take me
Speaker 3: or leave me.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm a leaf.
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll drinks.
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be coffee.
Speaker 2: I knew you were.
Speaker 3: Gonna love this. That's hilarious. That's why I don't do
Speaker 3: dinner on the first date. Just drinks so I can
Speaker 3: leave quickly.
Speaker 1: Bro just doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 2: Look, well, here's here are some caveats.
Speaker 3: Look, the idea is that, yes, it could be as
Speaker 3: extreme as literally showing up in whatever like all gross
Speaker 3: and slob like.
Speaker 1: But gross, And wait a minute, how do you present
Speaker 1: yourself in public? Right? If you're some.
Speaker 2: People make some choices.
Speaker 1: But I'm deciding to go meet somebody for the first
Speaker 1: time in pajama bottoms and a Walking Dead T shirt? Right,
Speaker 1: is that what we're talking about?
Speaker 2: Like, I just that is a part.
Speaker 1: Yes, I just don't. But that means you don't care
Speaker 1: or you're actually trying. I'm getting it mixed up with
Speaker 1: the intent.
Speaker 2: No, you're getting right to the heart of it.
Speaker 3: Because the warning about anyone who's employing or just or
Speaker 3: thinking about, Hey, that sounds good, you know what effort
Speaker 3: Here I am and you can let me know what
Speaker 3: you think. And I'm just gonna be able to walk
Speaker 3: away from the beginning and not get too invested because
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to put on airs or make it
Speaker 3: seem like I'm something that I'm not. So Look, this
Speaker 3: is what the warning signs are from some of the
Speaker 3: experts being yourself should not be confused with low effort.
Speaker 3: They say, do not show up to that first date
Speaker 3: like you didn't try, because that can look disrespectful. And
Speaker 3: then they warn that there's a fine line between over
Speaker 3: curating yourself and being a slob, and there's a fine
Speaker 3: line between authenticity and over sharing.
Speaker 1: Okay, go to the first lone. When you started, it
Speaker 1: was something that say.
Speaker 3: The first being yourself should not be confused with low effort.
Speaker 1: Okay, So that was my question about if being yourself
Speaker 1: is this for people who naturally don't give a damn
Speaker 1: and don't put that much effort into their.
Speaker 3: Well, no, actually, this is thought to be people who
Speaker 3: have spent years or however long they've been dating trying
Speaker 3: to impress, trying to make themselves look as best as possible,
Speaker 3: trying to put on and say the right things and
Speaker 3: smile and laugh when he says something funny. They're like,
Speaker 3: it hasn't worked. I've had some I have not had
Speaker 3: any luck trying to make people like me. So now
Speaker 3: here I am and I'll just see if this authentic
Speaker 3: way of pursuing a relationship will work better.
Speaker 1: I think we're getting this twisted. All the efforts you're
Speaker 1: putting in and laughing at his jokes, and I'm getting
Speaker 1: dulled up in all this. That's not your authentic self
Speaker 1: you are putting on. Yes, if you're laughing in a
Speaker 1: joke that ain't funny, you are putting on. Okay, why
Speaker 1: don't we address that? Be yourself, be your natural self,
Speaker 1: where what makes you comfortable and where it makes you
Speaker 1: feel good, makes what makes you feel seem don't dress
Speaker 1: for him, dress for yourself. Okay, Oh that's fine. That's
Speaker 1: a different category than what I'm hearing from goblin stuff
Speaker 1: is that you actually are trying to almost look bad.
Speaker 3: It's like, it feels like this is like this is
Speaker 3: who I'm gonna be in six months when you wake
Speaker 3: up next to me.
Speaker 2: So here I am right now.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you like this. No, but
Speaker 1: I'm you can't with them. I don't understand stand. Is
Speaker 1: it the same? Are you saying, Look, I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you see me at my worst, and if anybody still
Speaker 1: wants to call me for a second date, then they
Speaker 1: must be into me.
Speaker 3: It kind of yes, it's kind of like that. That's
Speaker 3: the goblin, the inner goblin. And look, I don't think
Speaker 3: you're they're trying to look bad, but they're not worried
Speaker 3: about looking good.
Speaker 1: And that is immediately you would you say a green flag,
Speaker 1: yellow flag, yeo, stuff, that's not even a yellow flag.
Speaker 1: That is a flaming red flag that I actually don't
Speaker 1: care enough to show up here looking decent. You and
Speaker 1: what you think about me. I don't don't even care
Speaker 1: what you what impression you have of me. Bro is
Speaker 1: a that is a suggestion that says something about what
Speaker 1: you think about me and what you think about you,
Speaker 1: and I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I don't either. And look, we talk about this.
Speaker 3: I talk to my kids about this, about how you dress,
Speaker 3: and it says something about who you are. You are
Speaker 3: presenting a version of yourself to the world, and it
Speaker 3: says how much you care about yourself. And that's going
Speaker 3: to directly impact what your future employer might think about
Speaker 3: how you're going to care about your job or care
Speaker 3: about how you.
Speaker 2: Treat other people. So I've always believed you don't.
Speaker 3: Have to I go to town and get all done up,
Speaker 3: But yes, there is a level of respect that needs
Speaker 3: to stay in place, and I feel like this takes
Speaker 3: it to another level. And it is this generation of
Speaker 3: younger daters, these zoomers, these they're they're deliberately, they're deliberately saying,
Speaker 3: take me as I am and accept it because I'm
Speaker 3: sick of all this fake stuff. I'm sick of all
Speaker 3: the polished stuff. And it's an over you're doing.
Speaker 1: It, I'm saying, you all are the ones doing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's overreact.
Speaker 1: You can stop doing it, but you don't have to
Speaker 1: flip it back. It's an over correction. We do this,
Speaker 1: and so many major debates and issues in our country,
Speaker 1: we're flipping it robes. How is it you not being
Speaker 1: your authentic self by respecting the person sitting across the
Speaker 1: table from you. We have this attitude that if I
Speaker 1: change anything about me for the sake of you, then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I'm being not.
Speaker 2: Being true to myself.
Speaker 1: That thing which we hear aime human being who's showing
Speaker 1: compassion and consideration for somebody else walking the earth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel that way about people who walk around
Speaker 3: without deodorant.
Speaker 2: I think that's disrespectful.
Speaker 3: I mean in November, but it's like, I'm sorry, Look.
Speaker 2: I could take this runner. Oh yes, over the Arizona.
Speaker 3: That is the smelliest Bridge in America on Marathon Sunday.
Speaker 3: But it is like I do think, like we've we've
Speaker 3: been hearing Europe and they have different hygiene. A lot
Speaker 3: of times there's a lot of body odour, and there's
Speaker 3: a lot of cigarette smoke. Part of that could all
Speaker 3: be also taken into the thought that, yes, it's not
Speaker 3: just about what I want or what I don't want
Speaker 3: to do, but it's also a consideration of the people
Speaker 3: around you have to sit next to, you have to
Speaker 3: walk by you, it's all of that, And I do
Speaker 3: think there is a It seems like they're saying a
Speaker 3: growing group of people who just don't think they should
Speaker 3: have to because they just want to be authentic.
Speaker 1: Yes, you can show up with that dirty T shirt
Speaker 1: and four star shaped pimple patches on your face. Yeah,
Speaker 1: drink's not gonna last long, all right.
Speaker 2: So this is hilarious.
Speaker 3: When we come back, you're gonna appreciate this. We're gonna
Speaker 3: tell you. I was kind of blown away. The dating
Speaker 3: experts had a full consensus, and they all have very
Speaker 3: strong language about this. Particular dating friend will tell you
Speaker 3: what they had to say when we come back.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, we're just discussing our travel plands as they
Speaker 1: come back. You had to head to the airport here shortly. Yes,
Speaker 1: we are still in Europe, by the way, we are
Speaker 1: finally coming back to the US. Sure you all are.
Speaker 3: Excited anyway, So I wanted to get to the expert's
Speaker 3: reaction to this. They had like three or four of them,
Speaker 3: and it was hilarious. The first thing they said is
Speaker 3: thinking you can show up on a first date and
Speaker 3: divulge all your deepest secrets, flaws and issues and then
Speaker 3: expect a stranger is going to embrace That is delusional.
Speaker 2: That was what one expert had to say.
Speaker 1: You don't need to read anymore. I mean that is
Speaker 1: brof That's simply put. Who is there any case you
Speaker 1: ever saw of this working? Have you seen anywhere or
Speaker 1: somebody thinks this is paying off for them? Are there
Speaker 1: any stories out there yet? I know a lot of
Speaker 1: hashtags and stuff gets going online, but is this something
Speaker 1: that somebody said this is working for me?
Speaker 3: I haven't seen the love story the connection that was
Speaker 3: made because of this, but maybe if two people who
Speaker 3: feel that way can find each other amazing.
Speaker 1: I can't wait for a Goblin Tomacy Island, the spinoff.
Speaker 3: Ew Oh my god, that would be so gross that you.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't watch that.
Speaker 3: If people just showed up just a mess, I might
Speaker 3: watch it. Who doesn't love a watching a train wreck? Right?
Speaker 1: There's no makeup in the morning, you can't put the hair.
Speaker 3: I'm there for that. I would so watch that. Here's
Speaker 3: another one. You're gonna love this one. This is a
Speaker 3: full quote from a dating expert. The part I don't
Speaker 3: like is who wants to date a goblin? Sometimes I'll
Speaker 3: hear from daters this attitude of well, I'm not gonna try.
Speaker 3: I just want to be totally real, let it all
Speaker 3: hang out. If you don't like me, then that's your problem.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Next, courtshoop used to look very different even a few
Speaker 3: generations ago. You still have to present yourself in a
Speaker 3: way where the other person feels.
Speaker 2: Like you care.
Speaker 3: Boom, you literally said everything the day experts for saying
Speaker 3: you have.
Speaker 1: To why I don't care? Like I who doesn't want
Speaker 1: to present the best version of themselves at all times
Speaker 1: to all people? No, you're not that all the time.
Speaker 1: But that's not even the goal anymore. Because I'm making
Speaker 1: a statement about.
Speaker 3: What I should just be able to be me and
Speaker 3: someone else said this. I thought this was an interesting
Speaker 3: way to look at it real intimacy because we're talking
Speaker 3: about goblin intimacy, saying that by doing this, by being
Speaker 3: stripped down in every way, you're creating an intimacy with
Speaker 3: this person, and it actually could lead to long lasting appreciation,
Speaker 3: authentic appreciation of one another. But this is what one
Speaker 3: of the experts said. Real intimacy is earned, not owed.
Speaker 3: Just because you reveal your inner goblin, your date might
Speaker 3: not do the same.
Speaker 1: They don't want yours either, do they? Baby? No, at
Speaker 1: the beginning, you do build.
Speaker 4: I mean, there is a thing you just got to
Speaker 4: the next point. You're funny, Okay, there is a reason rogues.
Speaker 4: We go from sometimes attraction to lust to friendship. Intimacy
Speaker 4: comes pretty late in the game.
Speaker 2: You have to have you have to trust each other.
Speaker 3: There has to be real vulnerability that is that is
Speaker 3: basically that's earned over time.
Speaker 1: That it's it's at the end of your relationship cycle.
Speaker 1: There is no insta intimacy. You just can't have it.
Speaker 1: You can go meet somebody tonight and share every physical
Speaker 1: thing you've ever ever had and done and whatever. That's
Speaker 1: not intimacy.
Speaker 2: No that's gross.
Speaker 3: And look, I know, right, yes, I got a lot
Speaker 3: of a lot of things to say about that.
Speaker 2: But what I also just want to say this, And
Speaker 2: people may take issue with this what I'm about to.
Speaker 3: Say, but maybe I just learned this from my mom
Speaker 3: and I've just seen it. I I don't ever want
Speaker 3: to quote unquote let myself go. I always want to
Speaker 3: be as healthy and as fit and look as attractive
Speaker 3: as I can for myself.
Speaker 2: And for you, babe.
Speaker 3: I want you to be attracted to me, and I
Speaker 3: know you can be attracted to me on a deeper level,
Speaker 3: who I am as a person, what we have in common,
Speaker 3: what we enjoy together, all of those things, the friendship
Speaker 3: we've built. But yeah, I also, yeah, I still want
Speaker 3: you to think I'm hot. I do, and I think
Speaker 3: to not care about that is bizarre to me because
Speaker 3: your intimacy, your sexual intimacy, your sexual attraction for one
Speaker 3: another is absolutely an important part of any romantic relationship.
Speaker 3: So to act as if someone should just be attracted
Speaker 3: to you without you giving a shit about how you
Speaker 3: present yourself to me is a very delusional way of
Speaker 3: thinking that this is how relationships work.
Speaker 1: What you said, I would take issue with in a
Speaker 1: couple that had been together for a little while, right,
Speaker 1: That's the beauty of it down the road is that
Speaker 1: this person does love me because they do see all
Speaker 1: this stuff behind the scenes. That's something earned down the road.
Speaker 1: That's way down the road where that thing happens right
Speaker 1: off the bat, it's just not it's it's it's a
Speaker 1: high expectation, robes to have and expect everybody to accept
Speaker 1: anything you present yourself as. And the part of intimacy robe,
Speaker 1: that's a big deal. You respect me like baby, I
Speaker 1: respect you enough to shave my legs. I respect you
Speaker 1: enough to put some dio on. I respect but all
Speaker 1: shower daily. But robes, I am saying that that is
Speaker 1: a part of intimacy. By not doing any of that, Wow,
Speaker 1: this lady really doesn't care about how she presents herself
Speaker 1: to me. So I am that that makes me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm not important enough to you to present yourself
Speaker 1: in a in the best way possible.
Speaker 3: Yes, I agree, and so yes. The better plan, according
Speaker 3: to the experts, instead of doing the full blown goblin
Speaker 3: intimacy is maybe perhaps on that first date you ask
Speaker 3: questions that go beyond the surface, getting the conversation to
Speaker 3: go deeper. And that case, if you want the authenticity,
Speaker 3: then don't talk about the weather, don't talk about the
Speaker 3: nixt win. Actually ask some provoking, thought provoking questions. So
Speaker 3: you're getting on that deeper maybe verbal intimacy at least initially,
Speaker 3: if that's just a better, softer approach. And then this
Speaker 3: is to what you were saying. They said, Sure, obviously,
Speaker 3: we're all eventually going to reveal our inner goblins. You're
Speaker 3: going to see our bad days, you're going to see
Speaker 3: our depressed days, you're going to see our angry days,
Speaker 3: and that's appropriate. Over time, you have to consider that
Speaker 3: you can't just dump all this on somebody and expect
Speaker 3: them to want a second date.
Speaker 2: That's actually laughable.
Speaker 3: I think this is so funny, and I feel like
Speaker 3: this can only be coming from really young folks who
Speaker 3: haven't had experience in relationships and they think that, oh,
Speaker 3: I know, I'm not going to do it like my
Speaker 3: mom did it or like those older I'm just going
Speaker 3: to be my unvarnished self and that's how we're gonna roll.
Speaker 2: And you know what, if it works, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: It's just marriage rates will continue to go down.
Speaker 3: It just doesn't seem like any dating expert I saw
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 2: Thought this was a good idea.
Speaker 1: Knock yourselves out, do your things, everybody. Whatever works. So
Speaker 1: I always say love looks different.
Speaker 2: And goblins deserve love.
Speaker 1: To knock yourselves out, Goblin Timasy Island it is. If
Speaker 1: that gets coming, I'll watch with that.
Speaker 2: Everyone.
Speaker 3: We always appreciate you listening, does I made me Robock
Speaker 3: alongside T. J.
Speaker 2: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.