WEBVTT - New Dating Trend Alert: “Globlintamacy” 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:04.640 Hey, that folks, did It is Saturday, June twentieth. In 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:08.760 a relationship Saturday, today we spend with the people we love, 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.480 whether those we're friends or people we're in relationships with. 0:00:11.720 --> 0:00:16.360 And if we have another dating trend of some kind, 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.760 and this is one that is confusing. It doesn't sound 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:23.360 attractive and I didn't even take the time to google 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:27.240 it before we started this episode. So buckle up, folks. 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.080 Here we go on this episode of Amy and TJ 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:32.319 and Robes. Say the name of this one first of one. 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:35.960 It's called goblintimacy, goblin. 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:39.600 Timacy. So goblin intimacy. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:42.200 Yes, goblin intimacy, goblintimacy. 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:45.200 God that sounds Okay, is it as terrible as it sounds? 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:48.879 Kind of? You're gonna hate this. Uh, that's why it's 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.320 gonna be such a good episode. And by the way, 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:52.120 you're not alone. 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:55.280 We'll get into what the dating experts have to say 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.080 about this new dating trend that is taking taking off. 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:02.680 TikTok is reading all of these hashtags, creating all of 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:06.119 these dating trend Basically, they're giving it names. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.240 Okay, don't so, don't give me the details yet, but 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:11.440 I have to ask this at the top. First of all, 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.440 is it something that's been around and now just getting 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:15.640 a name or is it new? 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:17.160 I think this might be new. 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:20.480 Okay, this is new and that's why the dating experts 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:23.039 have really strong feelings about it, because they say this 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:28.960 has arisen because of artificial intelligence and too many perfectly 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:32.120 curated people and this is the reaction to it. 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.919 Here's my next question. Do you do it to someone? 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:37.680 And do you have it done to you? Is this 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:38.720 that kind of a thing? Uh? 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:43.720 Yes, doing it to someone sounds a little bit not 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.440 the way it's basically being presented. 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.080 It's more about it can happen to you. 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:52.920 Well, no, it's about making a choice to present yourself 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:53.600 a certain way. 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:57.160 Oh okay, last question. Then have I done this or 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:57.920 you've done this? Oh? 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:02.040 You are the opposite of this every well, okay, let's 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:03.440 get a cracking god lent Tomsy. 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:04.520 What the hell are we talking about? 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:07.440 Okay, So you make a decision not to show up 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:11.640 to your first date polished or the best version of yourself. Instead, 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:13.919 you show up to your first date with all your 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:17.080 flaws and you're upfront about your baggage from the beginning. 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:23.120 What basically they described it as the opposite of kitten fishing, 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:25.639 and we did that dating trend yet last weekend. 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.600 You you wait, what's the okay, wait a minute, bitte 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:32.760 you show up looking like different than your dating profile 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:33.600 like worse, well. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.200 You just show up like however you are, whether it's 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.120 how you look when you wake up. You don't put 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:43.600 an effort into your appearance. Basically, when you show up 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.440 to the first date and you say, hey, I just 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.720 want to basically you let everything hang out. You come 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:53.880 up as the unvarnished version of yourself. You aren't basically 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:55.520 being curated. 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:59.079 You don't wait, is this something you do on purpose 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:02.760 as a strategy or is this just a mindset some 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:04.680 people have that I don't give a damn about how 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.440 I look. I'm a just go take well that. 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:09.359 Is the mindset is that and then they think that 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.880 that will lead to a more authentic relationship and therefore 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:17.520 you actually, you know, create this intimacy because the idea 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.160 is that if you reveal your inner goblin off the bat, 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.320 you can weed out you can weed out partners who 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:24.840 would never be right for you in the long run, 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.160 because once they find out what you really look like, 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.600 when they find out all your ick all your weird tics, 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:33.760 all your strangeisms. If you just kind of reveal it 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:36.120 and they still are into you, you probably got a winner. 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:38.720 Okay. You remind me of a line from Liar Liar 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:42.160 and Jim Carrey when he couldn't lie and his son 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.880 you go on going. His son says to him, but Dad, 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.440 I thought you said beauty is on the inside. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.840 He said, that's just something ugly people say exactly. 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.720 So you just you basically, you let this person know 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:56.280 that here's who I am. 0:03:56.440 --> 0:04:00.720 Come on, man, period. That's fine if Giselle Bun does that. 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.240 But if you're just a little critter anyway, Rodes, you 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:05.520 got to put on a good face. 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:09.480 They look, here's the why, and we'll get into the 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:12.600 warnings and the don'ts if you want to try this trend. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:15.760 But the why that everyone's inner goblin comes out eventually, 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:17.880 so why not get it out of the way sooner 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:18.640 rather than later. 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.599 What are we talking about? You're like you physically look 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:22.279 a certain way. 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.240 That's part of it. Yeah, you don't put on this 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.080 big effort. So for a woman, you don't throw on 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.640 a bunch of makeup, you don't wear the sexy dress, 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:32.360 you don't get your hair blown out. You just maybe 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.400 put yourself in a ponytail, jeans and a T shirt, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.839 and you're just like, hey, you don't you know, first dates, 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.040 people get all dressed up, they get all gusty. 0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:42.760 Sounded amazing. Just that jeans, T shirt, pull the hair back. 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:43.680 That sounds perfect. 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.320 Okay, that is perfect, all right, But for. 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:49.320 A lot of folks, if you're going out you do 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:51.520 on that first date. You put on your best dress, 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:54.239 you put on the heels, you put on the makeup, 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:57.839 you you look your best glamorous version of yourself. Guys, 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.680 you put on the cologne, you wear a new outfit. 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.360 Because women don't like goblins and do. 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:04.359 Men like goblins? 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.479 No, nobody likes. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:09.920 What about if you're just so sick, you're just so 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:13.760 tired of trying to impress people, and you're just always 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.320 trying to be perfect, and you're burned out and you 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.919 just want to say, hey, here I am, Take me 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:19.680 or leave me. 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:20.640 Okay, I'm a leaf. 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:24.760 Okay, we'll drinks. 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:25.680 It's just gonna be coffee. 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:26.280 I knew you were. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.279 Gonna love this. That's hilarious. That's why I don't do 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.840 dinner on the first date. Just drinks so I can 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:32.320 leave quickly. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:33.680 Bro just doesn't make sense to me. 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:36.360 Look, well, here's here are some caveats. 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:38.480 Look, the idea is that, yes, it could be as 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:43.039 extreme as literally showing up in whatever like all gross 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:44.400 and slob like. 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.760 But gross, And wait a minute, how do you present 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.720 yourself in public? Right? If you're some. 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:51.080 People make some choices. 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:53.800 But I'm deciding to go meet somebody for the first 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:59.240 time in pajama bottoms and a Walking Dead T shirt? Right, 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:00.600 is that what we're talking about? 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:01.760 Like, I just that is a part. 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.960 Yes, I just don't. But that means you don't care 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.479 or you're actually trying. I'm getting it mixed up with 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:08.880 the intent. 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:10.920 No, you're getting right to the heart of it. 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:14.360 Because the warning about anyone who's employing or just or 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:17.000 thinking about, Hey, that sounds good, you know what effort 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:20.000 Here I am and you can let me know what 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.080 you think. And I'm just gonna be able to walk 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.279 away from the beginning and not get too invested because 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.400 I'm not trying to put on airs or make it 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.240 seem like I'm something that I'm not. So Look, this 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:31.440 is what the warning signs are from some of the 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.039 experts being yourself should not be confused with low effort. 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:37.640 They say, do not show up to that first date 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.159 like you didn't try, because that can look disrespectful. And 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.720 then they warn that there's a fine line between over 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:47.320 curating yourself and being a slob, and there's a fine 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:49.960 line between authenticity and over sharing. 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.040 Okay, go to the first lone. When you started, it 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:52.960 was something that say. 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:56.239 The first being yourself should not be confused with low effort. 0:06:56.520 --> 0:07:00.680 Okay, So that was my question about if being yourself 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:04.119 is this for people who naturally don't give a damn 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:06.560 and don't put that much effort into their. 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.400 Well, no, actually, this is thought to be people who 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:13.160 have spent years or however long they've been dating trying 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:17.600 to impress, trying to make themselves look as best as possible, 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.880 trying to put on and say the right things and 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:24.600 smile and laugh when he says something funny. They're like, 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.080 it hasn't worked. I've had some I have not had 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:30.119 any luck trying to make people like me. So now 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:33.440 here I am and I'll just see if this authentic 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:37.000 way of pursuing a relationship will work better. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.720 I think we're getting this twisted. All the efforts you're 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.440 putting in and laughing at his jokes, and I'm getting 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.160 dulled up in all this. That's not your authentic self 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.080 you are putting on. Yes, if you're laughing in a 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:51.320 joke that ain't funny, you are putting on. Okay, why 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:55.040 don't we address that? Be yourself, be your natural self, 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.000 where what makes you comfortable and where it makes you 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:00.559 feel good, makes what makes you feel seem don't dress 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.600 for him, dress for yourself. Okay, Oh that's fine. That's 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:09.200 a different category than what I'm hearing from goblin stuff 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:12.840 is that you actually are trying to almost look bad. 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:15.240 It's like, it feels like this is like this is 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.120 who I'm gonna be in six months when you wake 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:17.760 up next to me. 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:19.000 So here I am right now. 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:21.560 I don't want to see you like this. No, but 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:24.720 I'm you can't with them. I don't understand stand. Is 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:27.120 it the same? Are you saying, Look, I'm gonna let 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.640 you see me at my worst, and if anybody still 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:31.200 wants to call me for a second date, then they 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:31.920 must be into me. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.160 It kind of yes, it's kind of like that. That's 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:37.240 the goblin, the inner goblin. And look, I don't think 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:40.760 you're they're trying to look bad, but they're not worried 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:41.800 about looking good. 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:48.560 And that is immediately you would you say a green flag, 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:50.600 yellow flag, yeo, stuff, that's not even a yellow flag. 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:54.200 That is a flaming red flag that I actually don't 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:58.280 care enough to show up here looking decent. You and 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.800 what you think about me. I don't don't even care 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:04.600 what you what impression you have of me. Bro is 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:07.319 a that is a suggestion that says something about what 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.440 you think about me and what you think about you, 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:12.240 and I don't like that. 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:14.840 I don't either. And look, we talk about this. 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.840 I talk to my kids about this, about how you dress, 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.800 and it says something about who you are. You are 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:24.360 presenting a version of yourself to the world, and it 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.080 says how much you care about yourself. And that's going 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:30.720 to directly impact what your future employer might think about 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:32.760 how you're going to care about your job or care 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.839 about how you. 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:38.280 Treat other people. So I've always believed you don't. 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:41.040 Have to I go to town and get all done up, 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.800 But yes, there is a level of respect that needs 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.160 to stay in place, and I feel like this takes 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:49.680 it to another level. And it is this generation of 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:54.760 younger daters, these zoomers, these they're they're deliberately, they're deliberately saying, 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.920 take me as I am and accept it because I'm 0:09:57.960 --> 0:09:59.800 sick of all this fake stuff. I'm sick of all 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:03.119 the polished stuff. And it's an over you're doing. 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:05.320 It, I'm saying, you all are the ones doing it. 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:06.840 Yeah, it's overreact. 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.040 You can stop doing it, but you don't have to 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.600 flip it back. It's an over correction. We do this, 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.080 and so many major debates and issues in our country, 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:19.640 we're flipping it robes. How is it you not being 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.360 your authentic self by respecting the person sitting across the 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.640 table from you. We have this attitude that if I 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:28.000 change anything about me for the sake of you, then 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:29.240 all of a sudden, I'm being not. 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:30.640 Being true to myself. 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:35.720 That thing which we hear aime human being who's showing 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.560 compassion and consideration for somebody else walking the earth. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.040 Yeah, I feel that way about people who walk around 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:41.839 without deodorant. 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:43.559 I think that's disrespectful. 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:49.360 I mean in November, but it's like, I'm sorry, Look. 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.640 I could take this runner. Oh yes, over the Arizona. 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.160 That is the smelliest Bridge in America on Marathon Sunday. 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:59.560 But it is like I do think, like we've we've 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:02.040 been hearing Europe and they have different hygiene. A lot 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.160 of times there's a lot of body odour, and there's 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.240 a lot of cigarette smoke. Part of that could all 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.840 be also taken into the thought that, yes, it's not 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.000 just about what I want or what I don't want 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.080 to do, but it's also a consideration of the people 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.000 around you have to sit next to, you have to 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.439 walk by you, it's all of that, And I do 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.040 think there is a It seems like they're saying a 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:23.200 growing group of people who just don't think they should 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.160 have to because they just want to be authentic. 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.640 Yes, you can show up with that dirty T shirt 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:33.680 and four star shaped pimple patches on your face. Yeah, 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.599 drink's not gonna last long, all right. 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:37.400 So this is hilarious. 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:40.560 When we come back, you're gonna appreciate this. We're gonna 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.800 tell you. I was kind of blown away. The dating 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:49.040 experts had a full consensus, and they all have very 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:53.120 strong language about this. Particular dating friend will tell you 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:54.640 what they had to say when we come back. 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:05.800 Okay, yeah, we're just discussing our travel plands as they 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.640 come back. You had to head to the airport here shortly. Yes, 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:10.439 we are still in Europe, by the way, we are 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.160 finally coming back to the US. Sure you all are. 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:18.600 Excited anyway, So I wanted to get to the expert's 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:20.920 reaction to this. They had like three or four of them, 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:26.080 and it was hilarious. The first thing they said is 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:28.640 thinking you can show up on a first date and 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:33.360 divulge all your deepest secrets, flaws and issues and then 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.880 expect a stranger is going to embrace That is delusional. 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:39.760 That was what one expert had to say. 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.840 You don't need to read anymore. I mean that is 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:47.480 brof That's simply put. Who is there any case you 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.600 ever saw of this working? Have you seen anywhere or 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.160 somebody thinks this is paying off for them? Are there 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.319 any stories out there yet? I know a lot of 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:58.840 hashtags and stuff gets going online, but is this something 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.040 that somebody said this is working for me? 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.720 I haven't seen the love story the connection that was 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:05.840 made because of this, but maybe if two people who 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.720 feel that way can find each other amazing. 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:13.240 I can't wait for a Goblin Tomacy Island, the spinoff. 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.800 Ew Oh my god, that would be so gross that you. 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:17.480 Wouldn't watch that. 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:20.679 If people just showed up just a mess, I might 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:25.320 watch it. Who doesn't love a watching a train wreck? Right? 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:28.000 There's no makeup in the morning, you can't put the hair. 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:31.280 I'm there for that. I would so watch that. Here's 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:33.760 another one. You're gonna love this one. This is a 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.600 full quote from a dating expert. The part I don't 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:40.160 like is who wants to date a goblin? Sometimes I'll 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.880 hear from daters this attitude of well, I'm not gonna try. 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:44.760 I just want to be totally real, let it all 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.120 hang out. If you don't like me, then that's your problem. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:47.719 Thank you. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:51.520 Next, courtshoop used to look very different even a few 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:54.560 generations ago. You still have to present yourself in a 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.679 way where the other person feels. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:57.080 Like you care. 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.720 Boom, you literally said everything the day experts for saying 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:03.120 you have. 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:07.079 To why I don't care? Like I who doesn't want 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:10.440 to present the best version of themselves at all times 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.199 to all people? No, you're not that all the time. 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:17.240 But that's not even the goal anymore. Because I'm making 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:18.439 a statement about. 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.080 What I should just be able to be me and 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:22.920 someone else said this. I thought this was an interesting 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.080 way to look at it real intimacy because we're talking 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.680 about goblin intimacy, saying that by doing this, by being 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:32.480 stripped down in every way, you're creating an intimacy with 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:37.440 this person, and it actually could lead to long lasting appreciation, 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:40.760 authentic appreciation of one another. But this is what one 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:45.000 of the experts said. Real intimacy is earned, not owed. 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:48.800 Just because you reveal your inner goblin, your date might 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:49.760 not do the same. 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:53.280 They don't want yours either, do they? Baby? No, at 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.120 the beginning, you do build. 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.560 I mean, there is a thing you just got to 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.920 the next point. You're funny, Okay, there is a reason rogues. 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:09.920 We go from sometimes attraction to lust to friendship. Intimacy 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:11.920 comes pretty late in the game. 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.000 You have to have you have to trust each other. 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.320 There has to be real vulnerability that is that is 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:20.760 basically that's earned over time. 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:25.360 That it's it's at the end of your relationship cycle. 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:29.360 There is no insta intimacy. You just can't have it. 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.480 You can go meet somebody tonight and share every physical 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:36.120 thing you've ever ever had and done and whatever. That's 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:37.000 not intimacy. 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:38.920 No that's gross. 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:44.840 And look, I know, right, yes, I got a lot 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:46.080 of a lot of things to say about that. 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:48.400 But what I also just want to say this, And 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:50.480 people may take issue with this what I'm about to. 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.520 Say, but maybe I just learned this from my mom 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:56.880 and I've just seen it. I I don't ever want 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:01.240 to quote unquote let myself go. I always want to 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:04.520 be as healthy and as fit and look as attractive 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:06.920 as I can for myself. 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:07.480 And for you, babe. 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:09.720 I want you to be attracted to me, and I 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.760 know you can be attracted to me on a deeper level, 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:13.640 who I am as a person, what we have in common, 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.280 what we enjoy together, all of those things, the friendship 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.880 we've built. But yeah, I also, yeah, I still want 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:21.080 you to think I'm hot. I do, and I think 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.520 to not care about that is bizarre to me because 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:28.040 your intimacy, your sexual intimacy, your sexual attraction for one 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:32.239 another is absolutely an important part of any romantic relationship. 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:34.960 So to act as if someone should just be attracted 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:37.240 to you without you giving a shit about how you 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:41.320 present yourself to me is a very delusional way of 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.920 thinking that this is how relationships work. 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:46.240 What you said, I would take issue with in a 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:49.160 couple that had been together for a little while, right, 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:52.360 That's the beauty of it down the road is that 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.920 this person does love me because they do see all 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:59.840 this stuff behind the scenes. That's something earned down the road. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.640 That's way down the road where that thing happens right 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:05.840 off the bat, it's just not it's it's it's a 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:12.840 high expectation, robes to have and expect everybody to accept 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:18.240 anything you present yourself as. And the part of intimacy robe, 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:23.520 that's a big deal. You respect me like baby, I 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:28.840 respect you enough to shave my legs. I respect you 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.679 enough to put some dio on. I respect but all 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.639 shower daily. But robes, I am saying that that is 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:40.399 a part of intimacy. By not doing any of that, Wow, 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:46.479 this lady really doesn't care about how she presents herself 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.920 to me. So I am that that makes me feel 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:53.760 like I'm not important enough to you to present yourself 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:55.880 in a in the best way possible. 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:59.119 Yes, I agree, and so yes. The better plan, according 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.000 to the experts, instead of doing the full blown goblin 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:05.840 intimacy is maybe perhaps on that first date you ask 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:08.960 questions that go beyond the surface, getting the conversation to 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:11.200 go deeper. And that case, if you want the authenticity, 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.240 then don't talk about the weather, don't talk about the 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:17.159 nixt win. Actually ask some provoking, thought provoking questions. So 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:21.240 you're getting on that deeper maybe verbal intimacy at least initially, 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.879 if that's just a better, softer approach. And then this 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:26.840 is to what you were saying. They said, Sure, obviously, 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:30.280 we're all eventually going to reveal our inner goblins. You're 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:32.080 going to see our bad days, you're going to see 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.760 our depressed days, you're going to see our angry days, 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:38.560 and that's appropriate. Over time, you have to consider that 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:42.080 you can't just dump all this on somebody and expect 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:43.160 them to want a second date. 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:44.840 That's actually laughable. 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.439 I think this is so funny, and I feel like 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:50.360 this can only be coming from really young folks who 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.720 haven't had experience in relationships and they think that, oh, 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.040 I know, I'm not going to do it like my 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.359 mom did it or like those older I'm just going 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.000 to be my unvarnished self and that's how we're gonna roll. 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:02.680 And you know what, if it works, that's amazing. 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:05.520 It's just marriage rates will continue to go down. 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:10.000 It just doesn't seem like any dating expert I saw 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:10.440 at all. 0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:12.200 Thought this was a good idea. 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:15.800 Knock yourselves out, do your things, everybody. Whatever works. So 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.400 I always say love looks different. 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:20.560 And goblins deserve love. 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:25.480 To knock yourselves out, Goblin Timasy Island it is. If 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:28.320 that gets coming, I'll watch with that. 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:28.720