WEBVTT - Bonus: Dani's Listening, Episode 3

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<v Speaker 1>Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Danny's

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<v Speaker 1>Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets.

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<v Speaker 1>So I've been listening to Family Tickets for a long

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<v Speaker 1>time and I really enjoyed it. The day I heard

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<v Speaker 1>Danny's interview with Kelly and I thought, Okay, it's probably

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<v Speaker 1>time to deal with a huge secret that needs to

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<v Speaker 1>be shared. The backstory is that I was marriage for

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<v Speaker 1>many years, three children, wonderful wife. I was gay in

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<v Speaker 1>the closet, and my greatest fear was that somebody would

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<v Speaker 1>find out that I would be rejected. Well, they did

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<v Speaker 1>find out, because I was outed by my two sons

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<v Speaker 1>and my brother at one point about fifteen years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>It was a nightmare and traumatic. We got true it,

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<v Speaker 1>but for various reasons. Now there is estrangement between me

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<v Speaker 1>and my three children. Apart from that, about eight years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>I found out that my wife at the time and

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<v Speaker 1>been having an affair throughout the marriage. I suspected something,

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<v Speaker 1>but I had no right or room to say anything

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<v Speaker 1>given my own circumstances. My children don't know about this.

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<v Speaker 1>The point about if it's mentionable, it's manageable, And the

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<v Speaker 1>point about toxic waste made today both resonated with me.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm right now dealing with how to share this with

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<v Speaker 1>the kids. In the meantime, I'll keep listening. Thanks so much, Hi,

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<v Speaker 1>it's Danny. First of all, thanks for being such a

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<v Speaker 1>loyal listener. It's people like you who make sitting in

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<v Speaker 1>my basement and record reading this podcast such a deep pleasure,

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<v Speaker 1>knowing that it's landing where it's needed most. I'm glad

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<v Speaker 1>my conversation with Kelly Corrigan prompted you to call okay

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<v Speaker 1>onto the story you shared. It's such a striking example

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<v Speaker 1>of the way secrets grow and fester and become more

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<v Speaker 1>and more damaging the longer we keep them. You describe

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<v Speaker 1>your ex wife as wonderful. What a beautiful thing to

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<v Speaker 1>be able to say about someone with whom you've had

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<v Speaker 1>such a complicated relationship, and it's clear how much you

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<v Speaker 1>love your children. You say that your greatest fear during

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<v Speaker 1>your marriage was that somebody would find out and you'd

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<v Speaker 1>be rejected. We all have that secret fear that there's

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<v Speaker 1>something about us or within us, that if people knew,

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<v Speaker 1>they'd find unacceptable. I remember once years ago, when I

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<v Speaker 1>was teaching a large group of writers. I gave them

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<v Speaker 1>an exercise on the spot and asked them to write

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<v Speaker 1>their single biggest secret on a piece of paper that

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<v Speaker 1>afterwards could rip up or burn or fold away, do

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<v Speaker 1>whatever they wanted with no one would see it. And

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<v Speaker 1>nobody hesitated or looked at me with puzzlement. Everybody started writing,

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<v Speaker 1>because this is our human nature. The sad irony is

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<v Speaker 1>that those secrets are what keep us apart from the

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<v Speaker 1>people we love, and from ourselves from loving ourselves fully

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<v Speaker 1>and completely for who we are. Indeed, if it's mentionable,

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<v Speaker 1>it's manageable. So now there's estrangement between you and your

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<v Speaker 1>three children, and you're carrying this information that your wife

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<v Speaker 1>had been having an affair throughout your marriage, keeping a

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<v Speaker 1>secret of her own. You're wondering how to share this

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<v Speaker 1>with the kids. Have you talked with your ex wife

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<v Speaker 1>about it? Might she be able to share it with them?

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<v Speaker 1>I wonder if you're angry that while you were feeling

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<v Speaker 1>so trapped and guilty by your secret, you were also

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<v Speaker 1>married to someone who was living a lie. Maybe if

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<v Speaker 1>all this could be air it out, that traumatic nightmare,

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<v Speaker 1>as you describe it, could finally come to an end.

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<v Speaker 1>I know It won't be easy, and it may get

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<v Speaker 1>harder before it gets better. But I do believe that

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<v Speaker 1>ultimately we all want to connect with one another and

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<v Speaker 1>be freed of the toxic waste of anger, betrayal, and secrecy.

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<v Speaker 1>It hurts more to hold onto that stuff than to

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<v Speaker 1>let it go. I wish you luck, and I'll be

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<v Speaker 1>thinking of you. If you have a family secret story

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<v Speaker 1>you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please call eight

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<v Speaker 1>eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight S E c

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<v Speaker 1>R E T and the number zero