Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Danny's
Speaker 1: Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets.
Speaker 1: So I've been listening to Family Tickets for a long
Speaker 1: time and I really enjoyed it. The day I heard
Speaker 1: Danny's interview with Kelly and I thought, Okay, it's probably
Speaker 1: time to deal with a huge secret that needs to
Speaker 1: be shared. The backstory is that I was marriage for
Speaker 1: many years, three children, wonderful wife. I was gay in
Speaker 1: the closet, and my greatest fear was that somebody would
Speaker 1: find out that I would be rejected. Well, they did
Speaker 1: find out, because I was outed by my two sons
Speaker 1: and my brother at one point about fifteen years ago.
Speaker 1: It was a nightmare and traumatic. We got true it,
Speaker 1: but for various reasons. Now there is estrangement between me
Speaker 1: and my three children. Apart from that, about eight years ago,
Speaker 1: I found out that my wife at the time and
Speaker 1: been having an affair throughout the marriage. I suspected something,
Speaker 1: but I had no right or room to say anything
Speaker 1: given my own circumstances. My children don't know about this.
Speaker 1: The point about if it's mentionable, it's manageable, And the
Speaker 1: point about toxic waste made today both resonated with me.
Speaker 1: I'm right now dealing with how to share this with
Speaker 1: the kids. In the meantime, I'll keep listening. Thanks so much, Hi,
Speaker 1: it's Danny. First of all, thanks for being such a
Speaker 1: loyal listener. It's people like you who make sitting in
Speaker 1: my basement and record reading this podcast such a deep pleasure,
Speaker 1: knowing that it's landing where it's needed most. I'm glad
Speaker 1: my conversation with Kelly Corrigan prompted you to call okay
Speaker 1: onto the story you shared. It's such a striking example
Speaker 1: of the way secrets grow and fester and become more
Speaker 1: and more damaging the longer we keep them. You describe
Speaker 1: your ex wife as wonderful. What a beautiful thing to
Speaker 1: be able to say about someone with whom you've had
Speaker 1: such a complicated relationship, and it's clear how much you
Speaker 1: love your children. You say that your greatest fear during
Speaker 1: your marriage was that somebody would find out and you'd
Speaker 1: be rejected. We all have that secret fear that there's
Speaker 1: something about us or within us, that if people knew,
Speaker 1: they'd find unacceptable. I remember once years ago, when I
Speaker 1: was teaching a large group of writers. I gave them
Speaker 1: an exercise on the spot and asked them to write
Speaker 1: their single biggest secret on a piece of paper that
Speaker 1: afterwards could rip up or burn or fold away, do
Speaker 1: whatever they wanted with no one would see it. And
Speaker 1: nobody hesitated or looked at me with puzzlement. Everybody started writing,
Speaker 1: because this is our human nature. The sad irony is
Speaker 1: that those secrets are what keep us apart from the
Speaker 1: people we love, and from ourselves from loving ourselves fully
Speaker 1: and completely for who we are. Indeed, if it's mentionable,
Speaker 1: it's manageable. So now there's estrangement between you and your
Speaker 1: three children, and you're carrying this information that your wife
Speaker 1: had been having an affair throughout your marriage, keeping a
Speaker 1: secret of her own. You're wondering how to share this
Speaker 1: with the kids. Have you talked with your ex wife
Speaker 1: about it? Might she be able to share it with them?
Speaker 1: I wonder if you're angry that while you were feeling
Speaker 1: so trapped and guilty by your secret, you were also
Speaker 1: married to someone who was living a lie. Maybe if
Speaker 1: all this could be air it out, that traumatic nightmare,
Speaker 1: as you describe it, could finally come to an end.
Speaker 1: I know It won't be easy, and it may get
Speaker 1: harder before it gets better. But I do believe that
Speaker 1: ultimately we all want to connect with one another and
Speaker 1: be freed of the toxic waste of anger, betrayal, and secrecy.
Speaker 1: It hurts more to hold onto that stuff than to
Speaker 1: let it go. I wish you luck, and I'll be
Speaker 1: thinking of you. If you have a family secret story
Speaker 1: you'd like to share on Danny's Listening, please call eight
Speaker 1: eight eight Secret zero. That's eight eight S E c
Speaker 1: R E T and the number zero