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Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to shake things up a little bit.

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Speaker 1: It's a jewel show and I need to break format

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Speaker 1: for a moment here. September was Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month,

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Speaker 1: and it's something that I've struggled in my own life with,

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Speaker 1: so I wanted to share something that I wrote with you.

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Speaker 1: I'll be find it helpful, and I hope it encourages

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Speaker 1: people to stop calling suicide selfish. And I hope it

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Speaker 1: encourages people who are struggling to get some help. This

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Speaker 1: poem that I wrote is actually inspired by my real

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Speaker 1: life journey, so I hope it helps. This is not

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Speaker 1: about you how selfish. This is about me, about me

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Speaker 1: being selfless, me feeling helpless, me knowing me and I'm hopeless.

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Speaker 1: Me showing you less of me, lets you actually be

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Speaker 1: free from me, so broken, so rotten, I'll be easily forgotten.

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Speaker 1: I weigh a ton a heavy burden. You'll be sad

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Speaker 1: for a day of that. I'm certain. This smile so

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Speaker 1: phony outside, I'm grinning inside. I'm lonely and exhausted from existence.

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Speaker 1: Cry tonight because tomorrow it'll be good riddance. This life

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Speaker 1: is a sentence that needs my omission. This death and equation, subtraction,

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Speaker 1: no addition, simple math, minusing me the correct answer in

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Speaker 1: every instance. You'll weep for an hour, but don't grimace.

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Speaker 1: This fate, it seems, is my saintly penance. Problems solved.

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Speaker 1: It's just math, my omission, a curtain called the final act,

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Speaker 1: a permanent intermission. You'll claim this hurts for the evening

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Speaker 1: the next day, thanks for leaving breathing relief, no doubt.

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Speaker 1: So I take a breath in, then I breathe out.

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Speaker 1: No anxi, just attack, just closed eyes, a click and

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Speaker 1: a clack bang, Hang on a second. That's the wrong method,

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Speaker 1: room for error. I might move at the last minute

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Speaker 1: instead of kaote, I'd just be badly dented. I'm a

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Speaker 1: failure even at this, and I won't let my triggers

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Speaker 1: bust a shell that might be a straight up miss.

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Speaker 1: Plus that's reckless. And the last thing that I want

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Speaker 1: is for you to be cleaning up another one of

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Speaker 1: my messes. Bad idea, more distraught. Don't worry, though, I

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Speaker 1: got you. These are not second thoughts. I'm too tired,

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Speaker 1: too tired to think, too determined to turn back. How

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Speaker 1: long is this movie? Roll? The credits fade to black.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry. You'll see the hurt of my end will

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Speaker 1: only be a minor disappointment, a scrape, a skin knee

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Speaker 1: that won't even need ointment. You'll shed a tear in

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Speaker 1: the morning, but you won't miss your afternoon appointments. Enjoy

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Speaker 1: the sunshine. I'll remove this rain, so stop, let me off.

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Speaker 1: I just want off of this train. I've got it.

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Speaker 1: Time for a serious game of hangman. Oops, I lose.

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Speaker 1: I fit the noose, kick the chair out from under

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Speaker 1: my shoes. I'm in control. That's the method all use.

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Speaker 1: Get ready, spread the wonderful news. It's working. The veins

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Speaker 1: in my temples bulging my face in intense shade of red.

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Speaker 1: Are my eyes gonna pop out of my head? This

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Speaker 1: is sad, but that would be funny. Wow, everything is

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Speaker 1: so quiet. This room is so fuzzy. That smile that

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Speaker 1: I wore as a prop it's real now as I

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Speaker 1: listen to my pulse slowly chugged to a stop. In

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Speaker 1: case you forgot the plot, this isn't selfish. This is

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Speaker 1: for you. You're welcome. This is selfless. Wait stop, hold on,

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Speaker 1: what was that? Jolted awake by a cough? A gag

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Speaker 1: in a hack, the dreadful realization that something went wrong

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Speaker 1: and I'm back. What time is it the next morning?

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Speaker 1: But I thought, but I thought I forgot. I never

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Speaker 1: learned how to tie a good knot. Still here, dazed, confused,

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Speaker 1: lying on this cold wooden floor, crying not again, realizing

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Speaker 1: no more, agonizing, this must stop. Someone give me a mop,

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Speaker 1: time to clean up this slate. Somehow, some way, apparently

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Speaker 1: I'm meant to stay. And all I can say is

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that I can't tie a knot ten toes

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Speaker 1: on the ground. I've been saved by the bell twelfth round.

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Speaker 1: Thank God that I've up that knot. I see it now,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. You wouldn't be throwing a party. I

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Speaker 1: could finally see. I need you, you love me. I'm

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Speaker 1: actually seen. My trauma taught me that I'm broken and worthless,

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Speaker 1: not worth a thought. Thank god, I never learned how

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Speaker 1: to tie a proper not. Let your lungs run dry.

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Speaker 1: Then revive and realize how much you like breathing. Appreciate

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Speaker 1: every breath. It's breathtaking. I've been you, the despair, just

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Speaker 1: surviving with no home, all those crowded days alone, counting

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Speaker 1: hours with no purpose. Know this. There is someone, even

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Speaker 1: if it's you, that will pick you up when you fall.

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Speaker 1: Make a call, tell a friend. Don't suffer in silence,

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Speaker 1: quietly wishing this will end. Ask for help and be

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Speaker 1: amazed when you see the love on their face telling

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Speaker 1: you that they want you to stay. It's worth it.

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Speaker 1: A new outfit, Ask for help, share your thoughts, where

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Speaker 1: the support with pride like it was store bought oot D.

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Speaker 1: You're not alone. Let them know and you'll see how

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Speaker 1: much support you've got. I shouldn't know, I did so,

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Speaker 1: and that's the reason I'm thankful that I'm really terrible,

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Speaker 1: absolutely horrible, ridiculously miraculously bad at tying a kne