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Speaker 1: Fuckle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 1: you here. It is the Strawberry Letter. Subjects should I

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Speaker 1: ask for permission or forgiveness? Dear Stephen Shirley. I am

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Speaker 1: married to a great man and I am truly blessed

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Speaker 1: to have him in my life. But there is one issue.

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Speaker 1: He is a very proud man and he now is

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Speaker 1: the sole provider for our family. We were both in

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Speaker 1: the military, but I retired to be home with the

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Speaker 1: children full time. He's still enlisted and he makes good money,

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Speaker 1: but it does not always cover all of our expenses,

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Speaker 1: so money and finances are becoming an issue with us

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Speaker 1: for the first time. My husband has gone a lot

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Speaker 1: because he is on base on the weekends and he

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Speaker 1: works a part time job during the week This man

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Speaker 1: has sacrificed so much for me and the family, but

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Speaker 1: I can't stand to see him work so hard. I

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Speaker 1: have told him that I could get a job for

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Speaker 1: a few hours during the day while the children are

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Speaker 1: at school, but he always tells me no. I feel

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Speaker 1: awful because if I had stayed in the military, we

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Speaker 1: would not have these issues. He is deploying next month

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Speaker 1: and he will be gone for seven months, so I

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Speaker 1: am dying to get a job and pay down some

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Speaker 1: of our bills while he's gone without him knowing it.

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Speaker 1: I believe in submitting to my husband and letting him

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Speaker 1: lead our family, but I am also a strong woman

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Speaker 1: that can help take care of our family. Before I

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Speaker 1: jump out there and defy my husband, I want your opinion.

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Speaker 1: I am not one to lie or keep things from him,

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Speaker 1: but in this case, I am willing to do that

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Speaker 1: because I just want to help. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: embarrass him or defy his orders, but I want to

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Speaker 1: work as a wife or a husband. Would you be

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Speaker 1: mad if your spouse went out and got a job

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Speaker 1: without telling you? No, I wouldn't be mad if you know,

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Speaker 1: if my spouse went out and got a job without

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Speaker 1: telling me. I would be mad if they lied about it, though,

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Speaker 1: if they went out didn't tell me about it and

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Speaker 1: kept it from me. We're in a marriage, this is

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Speaker 1: a partnership. This is two nineteen. And if you guys

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Speaker 1: need more money to make ends meet, and you're willing,

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Speaker 1: you're able, You're perfectly healthy and ready to work to

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Speaker 1: keep your family afloat. What is wrong with that? Okay?

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Speaker 1: What we are in twenty nineteen like I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you got to talk to your husband. I mean, you

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Speaker 1: really have to talk to him. You got to tell

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Speaker 1: him that you're a family. This is a partnership for

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Speaker 1: better or worse. Remember those vowels that you took when

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Speaker 1: you got married, you know. Tell him that working right

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Speaker 1: now would be good for the entire family. What is

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Speaker 1: the problem. You guys can work out childcare. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: do it while they're at school anyway, like you said.

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Speaker 1: And you can work and make sure your family is good.

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Speaker 1: And guess what, this is a great part. He can

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Speaker 1: still lead the family, he can still be headed a

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Speaker 1: family if you go to work. This is two thousand nineteen.

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Speaker 1: What is he talking about? Uh, come on, you're working

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Speaker 1: is not going to diminish that in the least. So

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Speaker 1: let him know how you really feel, how you love

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Speaker 1: and appreciate the fact that he works so hard and

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Speaker 1: he makes all these sacrifices. Uh, you know you love

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Speaker 1: that and that you have his back, and uh, you

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Speaker 1: want to do your part, Steve, Yeah, this is a

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Speaker 1: real easy one for me. This letter is not even

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Speaker 1: difficult at all. First of all, most families statistically are

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Speaker 1: two checks from serious problems. Serious problems two checks, and

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Speaker 1: we learned that doing the government shutdown, that some people

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Speaker 1: develop some serious problems because you know, when you when

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Speaker 1: you work in a job that pays you enough to

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Speaker 1: take care of your living expenses and a limited lifestyle,

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Speaker 1: that money can't come up missing twice. Now you face

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Speaker 1: with eviction choices of selling your cards to stay in

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Speaker 1: your home, moving out. And then you know, we have

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Speaker 1: a president who's out of touch because he's never struggled

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Speaker 1: like that, so he's sending it, sending this stuff out

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Speaker 1: messages by his staff. Remember saying just go get a loan,

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Speaker 1: call all your creditors and tell them you know that

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be a little late, and asked him to

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Speaker 1: work with you. He's out of touch. Banks don't loan

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Speaker 1: people money who are not working. Hello, and your landlord

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Speaker 1: don't give a damn that is to shut down. He

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Speaker 1: won't owe you at the government. Oh it's okay, just

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Speaker 1: pay me when you get it. Ain't nobody doing it.

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Speaker 1: So let's let's let's be real. Most families are two

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Speaker 1: checks away from serious problems. A lot of people money

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Speaker 1: don't cover all expenses. I've been in it. I know

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Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying, now, your man is committed. He's

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Speaker 1: everything you ever wanted. He's the man of your dreams.

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Speaker 1: He's hard working. He's on the base on weekn and

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Speaker 1: you've been a loving wife. You stayed home to be

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Speaker 1: with the kids. You're tired from the military, and you

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Speaker 1: can't stand to see him work so hard. Okay, we

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Speaker 1: don't really have finances. Can cause some big problems, but

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Speaker 1: you ain't nobody cheating. This ain't infidelity, that's ain't trust issues.

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Speaker 1: But you didn't told him you want to work. He

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Speaker 1: says no. Now you're saying, because he's a proud man.

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Speaker 1: Now he's so you want to work. He don't want

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Speaker 1: you to work. He's about to get deployed. You want

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Speaker 1: to work while he's gone. But would I be mad

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Speaker 1: if you worked and didn't tell me? Yeah, So what's

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Speaker 1: the solution to this. It's very simple. You're a grown woman.

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Speaker 1: Here's what's gonna happen. Just gonna tell him this is

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Speaker 1: all you got to do while you're gone. I'm gonna work.

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Speaker 1: Now he gonna be mad, he gonna kick his pride,

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Speaker 1: gonna come up. He gonna tell you that I don't

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Speaker 1: want my wife working. I got this. I'm a man. Okay.

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Speaker 1: When you get through saying that, then I want you

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Speaker 1: to say this again. I want you to say, Honey,

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Speaker 1: I love you, I respect you. You're the head of

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Speaker 1: the family. I've got to go back to work so

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Speaker 1: I can feel complete, because right now I feel like

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Speaker 1: I put us in this position. So I want to

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Speaker 1: go back to work. Now he's gonna be mad. He

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Speaker 1: gonna tell you this right here. I want you doing that.

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Speaker 1: I'm a head of family. But then we have another

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Speaker 1: problem though, lady, that I picked up in the letter.

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Speaker 1: You said you don't want to defy his orders? Right, y'all?

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Speaker 1: Really on some serious military sugar honey iced tea? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: real serious military sugar honey iced tea. I told my

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Speaker 1: wife not to do a lot of stuff I never

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Speaker 1: had told her she can't defy my orders. Do you

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Speaker 1: know what it happen? If I tell this isn't look

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Speaker 1: crazy if I'm married too, Come on, don't define my orders. Boy,

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Speaker 1: come back. I'm gonna find another way to say it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: should I ask for permission or forgiveness? Well, you know

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Speaker 1: my wife has taught this to me. This is about

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Speaker 1: a couple who's struggling financially because she retired from the military.

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Speaker 1: Her husband stayed in the military. She feels like it's

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Speaker 1: her fault that they're struggling because she could have just

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Speaker 1: kept working, but she retired to stay home with the kids. Boom,

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Speaker 1: she feels it, though not she hates to see her

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Speaker 1: husband working so hardly, working a couple of jobs here

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Speaker 1: on the base all weekend and they don't have enough

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Speaker 1: to cover the expenses. I told her, relax that most

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Speaker 1: families are two checks away from serious problems. We learned

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Speaker 1: just doing the shutdown of the government, which is absolutely ridiculous,

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Speaker 1: and most people can't cover all their expenses. So she

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Speaker 1: can't stay and work. That her so to work. He's

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Speaker 1: a very proud man, he says, he got it. He

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Speaker 1: don't want his wife work, and you ain't got to work.

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Speaker 1: I got to it. Okay, cool, he's a very proud man.

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Speaker 1: So you want to work, and he's about to get

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Speaker 1: deployed and gonna be gone for months, and so you

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Speaker 1: want to work while he's gone. The question is do

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Speaker 1: I tell him I'm gonna work, or do I just

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Speaker 1: go to work and ask for forgiveness then try to

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Speaker 1: ask for his permission that he won't give me. Here's

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Speaker 1: the troubling line in this letter. You said you don't

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Speaker 1: want to defy his artist. I said, y'all on some

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Speaker 1: real military, sugar, honey. I used to that, and I'm

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Speaker 1: consuming because you've been in the military so long that

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Speaker 1: that's what you consider. This is defying orders. But the

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Speaker 1: marriage happens to be a compromised I don't know how

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Speaker 1: I could say to this woman, I'm married too. Come

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Speaker 1: on say it, though, don't defy my orders, margree, I

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Speaker 1: would be don't define my damn ardor so hard as

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Speaker 1: you don't define my ardor even if we were in

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Speaker 1: the middle of a fight, I would be laughing hard.

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Speaker 1: You just told you what you do that for. You

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Speaker 1: define a direct ordor thing. Again, you don't define my orders.

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Speaker 1: A military I'll bet him. I can't fix my man.

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Speaker 1: Come on, man, so listen to me. Here's my solution

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Speaker 1: for you. Tell your husband, honey, I love you, I

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Speaker 1: respect you, and it surely said you're still the man

165
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Speaker 1: of the house. But I want to contribute, and I'm

166
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Speaker 1: miss working and I miss feeling because just sitting at

167
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Speaker 1: the house is not fulfilling to me as I thought

168
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Speaker 1: it was. Gonna be I want to go back to work,

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna take a job and help us out. Now,

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Speaker 1: when he goes and gets deployed, you go to work,

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Speaker 1: he gonna be all right. See, you can't stay mad

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Speaker 1: your that says at work and what you're doing working

173
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Speaker 1: your body out? What help out? What's some money? Help me?

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Speaker 1: You know who I am. I'm Jesse Octavius Gustin. You

175
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:30,760
Speaker 1: don't need no damn help from no woman. Yes you do, sir, Yeah,

176
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,880
Speaker 1: you all need help from women. She happens to be

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Speaker 1: the mother of your children. She has a skill set

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Speaker 1: that none of us have. She has a mind of

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Speaker 1: her own. She's very bright, and she's very helpful. And

180
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Speaker 1: women know a lot about raising a family than men do. Now,

181
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Speaker 1: men may know a lot about protecting a family, but

182
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Speaker 1: women also have had to be the protector and the

183
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:57,640
Speaker 1: provider of families when men walk away. So, sir, I

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Speaker 1: understand that you may have a higher rank than your wife,

185
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Speaker 1: but that's at your job. You do not have a

186
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:09,280
Speaker 1: higher rank and a bigger vote than her at home. Now,

187
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,080
Speaker 1: Margie would tell you that I'm the head of the

188
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Speaker 1: house and we mostly compromise, which means I mostly do

189
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Speaker 1: what she wants to do exactly now, when it comes

190
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Speaker 1: down to some real serious stuff that we just can't

191
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,920
Speaker 1: compromise and I just can't bring myself to do what

192
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,440
Speaker 1: she do, then I make a call. I pull, I pull,

193
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Speaker 1: you know, card out, and I go, look, baby, I

194
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,600
Speaker 1: heard what you said. But I just think that if

195
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,720
Speaker 1: the sink a swim comes down to it, I'm gonna

196
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,320
Speaker 1: make that decision because I can't. We can't sink. And

197
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,520
Speaker 1: you told me stay home. But even the way you

198
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,400
Speaker 1: said it just then, it wasn't don't define my word.

199
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Speaker 1: It was you were talking to your wife like a

200
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Speaker 1: human being. Well that's because I have to do. Yeah,

201
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,840
Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying in this letter. It seems

202
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,320
Speaker 1: a little different, she said. She also said she believes

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00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,560
Speaker 1: in submitting to her husband and letters the family. And

204
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Speaker 1: that's okay, Oh that's cool, that's very spiritual. That's not

205
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Speaker 1: that's not how y'all are though. It's really not even churchwomen,

206
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,160
Speaker 1: the mother of the church that's submissive, but not at

207
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:18,840
Speaker 1: the house in front of people. You make baby and

208
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Speaker 1: carry it to me. That's power that cannot be held

209
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:29,720
Speaker 1: by anybody else except women. That trumps everything. We can do.

210
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Speaker 1: Our money making power, our decision making power, our physical strength.

211
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Speaker 1: The fact that you all make babies trumps everything we do.

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Speaker 1: You can be a billionaire. I gave you a son

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Speaker 1: that trumps it, or a daughter that trump's it. I

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Speaker 1: just climbed Mount Everest with four of my buddies and

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Speaker 1: none of us died on the trip and we back. Okay, Cool,

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Speaker 1: I had a baby while you were gone, and I

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Speaker 1: nurse that baby. I'm just trying to figure out what

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Speaker 1: you can say. I had twins. I just broke the

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Speaker 1: world record for the hundred yard dash. I beat you,

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Speaker 1: saying boats time and I'm sixty two. Okay, cool? Why

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Speaker 1: you were running? I had a baby. I'm the damn

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Speaker 1: president or the United States. Okay cool? While they were

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Speaker 1: voting for you, I had a baby. Yeah, I had

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Speaker 1: carried it for nine months. I'm telling you to talk.

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Speaker 1: That's a very very powerful position. I had a baby.

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Speaker 1: What the hell you talking about? Just a direct order?

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Speaker 1: I had your children. That's it, all right, Steve. I

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Speaker 1: think we get the message. Absolutely, she should go to work.

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Speaker 1: She should go to work, all right. Listen, guys, email

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Speaker 1: us or instagram us your thoughts. It's on Today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter At Steve Harvey f M. You're listening to the

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show