WEBVTT - #4 Sext and the City 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.960 Help I Suck Good Dating with Dean Angler and I 0:00:04.040 --> 0:00:08.799 Heart Radio podcast. Hello and thank you for tuning into 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:12.280 episode four of Help I Suck at Dating. I'm Dean Anglert, 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:14.800 and I have two very special guests with me in 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:19.720 studio today. You know where from marriage boot Camp, reality stars. 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:22.840 Dr v Hi, how are you? Thank you for joining us? 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:26.120 I'm great, thanks for having me, absolutely absolutely. We're also 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:28.800 joined by one of my great friends in my roommate. 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:31.000 If you follow me on Instagram, you probably have seen 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:34.120 his face pop up a few times. Jackson. Hey, what's 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.800 up y'all? Thanks for coming, buddy. I'm so excited. This 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:41.680 is great. I feel much more comfortable having Jackson here 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.879 me too. I don't know about that. I don't know 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.839 if I feel more comfortable. Oh okay, so Dr Vie, 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:49.479 do you mind introducing yourself a little bit giving us 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:52.320 a little bit of backstory on who you are. Hi again, 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:55.480 I'm Dr Ving. My full name is Dr Venus Nicolino, 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:58.360 and Venus is a little strange of a name. I 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:01.200 think my mother thought that I would be a stripper, 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:03.840 but when I got the doctor gig, she was like, Okay, 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.119 this is cool, and I just keep telling her. There's 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:09.480 still time, There's there's still you never know, you know, 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:12.840 you never know where one's career can go. Um and 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:16.080 I started on Bravo on a show called l A Shrinks, 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:19.080 which was so much fun, and I became their resident 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:24.840 shrink for a few years and um then I went 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:27.160 on to do other things and I found myself on 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.840 Marriage boot Camp Reality Stars, which is great, and we're 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:34.640 celebrating our eleventh season. I've done six of of of 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:37.320 those seasons, and we have a spinoff, Family boot Camp, 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.920 which is a lot of fun. So it's been a 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:42.200 wild ride. It's been fun. So can you tell me 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.000 a little bit about Marriage boot Camp. I'm not familiar 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:46.000 with the show, so how does it work? Well, it's 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:49.920 a marriage bootcap Reality Stars. So we have couples come 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.440 on the show and they live in a house together 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:57.840 for uh fourteen days, and they decide at the end 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:00.720 of the show whether they want to be together are 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:04.920 or not. So so our goal, you know, we root 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:09.919 for the couples, but it's really about choice and your 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:15.040 ability to make a choice. Is this the person for you? 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:20.320 So we're not trying to fix that relationship, you know, 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.400 We're that that's that's not where our steaks are. You know. 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:25.800 Our steaks are about is this the person you should 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.680 be with? And we run the couples through a series 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:32.880 of exercises where they're able to make choice. And I'll 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:35.760 tell you, you know, people stopping in the street. Um, 0:02:35.800 --> 0:02:38.400 you know, I've learned so much from that show. People 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:41.200 always tell me, you know, there's a great takeaway and 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:42.920 I and I actually do think it's one of the 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:46.200 few shows on television and reality where you do walk 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:50.920 away with communication skills. You do walk away with a takeaway, 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.519 and that's awesome, you know. So do all these couples 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:55.360 that you deal with, every one of them is married 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.240 or are their boyfriend girlfriend? You don't know they're there, 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:00.239 They could be on the verge of divorce. Don't have 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.800 to be married, they could be a girlfriend boyfriend, They 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.160 just have to be in a relationship. So from your experience, 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:08.800 I figure you probably have seen it all. Do you 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:11.959 kind of see reality stars sucking more at dating than 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:17.120 like a normal person? You know? No, that answer is no. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:24.240 I think unconventional people UH need unconventional methods. And it's 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:29.359 really the method in which we choose to help unconventional 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:33.960 people that that matters. But but in essence, the problems 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:37.240 are all very similar. And I think that's why people 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:41.760 love the show because while it's wild and crazy, people 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:45.080 are like, yeah, I can see myself in that person. Yeah, 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:51.240 they can see problems, they can identify exactly exactly. Okay, Um, 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:53.240 so dr View, what is your take? I think we 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:54.960 discussed this at the top a little bit. You want 0:03:54.960 --> 0:04:00.920 to talk about sex, and yeah about you're to talk 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:05.200 about sex thing, which I find quite fascinating because you 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:10.320 don't like to sex. Just Jackson, any confirmation? Yeah, Jack 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:16.920 what do you think you know? I cannot confirm the sex. Well, 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.960 I mean maybe a little risk a photo here and there, 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:23.480 but that's just like a hey buddy, miss you? All right, 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:29.480 so that doesn't qualify as a sex for you. Okay, 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.200 but if a woman said, hey buddy, miss you, I 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:34.080 think it all depends on the circumstance, right, Like if 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:36.520 you're in a long distance relationship, long term relationship, I 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.040 could see it being this is so murky. I need 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:42.360 what a sex really is, Like, I don't think I've 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:48.240 ever sent a pick? Can I say that? Okay? Like, 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:51.120 what are the rules here? What are the rules keep 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:55.040 a clean I've never sent a d pick before, you've 0:04:55.080 --> 0:05:00.200 never said a dean pick okay, um, and I've never 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.520 like act do you want to? Not really? Okay, I 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:05.480 just don't see what the point of it is, Okay. 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:07.640 I don't like I've never asked a girl to send 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.640 me a picture. Okay, But that's picture, that's pictures. That's 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:12.560 I mean, that's what I'm That's what I'm thinking of 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:14.440 a pictures. I guess sex thing is different. So you're 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:17.720 thinking of like photos, like your photos. But I guess, 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.239 so what would sex thing be? Then? Just like talking 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:21.680 dirty to each other, which I still don't do that, 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:24.719 So you still don't do that? No, I just I 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:26.840 don't know. I don't think that. What are you scared of? 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:28.880 What scares you about that? I don't know if, by 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:30.080 the way, and not saying you should be doing that, 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.200 I'm just I'm just asking questions because that's what I'm 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:35.520 here to do. I don't know if I'm scared. I 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:37.799 just don't think that. I'm a very outwardly sexual person. 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:43.120 But inwardly you're a wild animal. I almost think that's 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.120 like we're get we were brought up thinking that type 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:47.520 of stuff is taboo. Where where did you grow up 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:53.920 in Colorado? So, like, I don't know. I just think 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.760 that discussing that is I don't know private matter. I 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:02.240 don't know. Do you are you a sexual person in general? 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.719 Or or or no, Like it's sexting an extension of 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:10.480 how you feel about sex or or is it something 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:12.760 different that you have different views on? Well what do 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.960 you think? I'm asking you the question? Don't deflect. I 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:18.599 just I don't see what the end game of sex 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:20.520 thing is like? Is it supposed to make me aroused? 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:22.520 Is it supposed to just convey interest to the person 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.240 that I'm sexting it too and let them know that 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:27.120 I'm thinking about them like that? I think your roommate Jackson, 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:31.240 needs to come in on on this. You, Jackson, you 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:35.599 enjoy sexting? What do you get from it? So? I 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:40.559 have sexted before, but also I travel a lot for work, 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:42.920 and so if I were to be in a long 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:47.480 distance relationship, it is one way that uh, my partner 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:50.760 and I have found to stay connected and keep the 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:53.680 heat and the passion. So what does the typical sex 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.040 look like to you? I mean, give can you pull 0:06:56.080 --> 0:07:00.640 up your phone? Why does the typical X look like, 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.720 what does a typical sex don't be shy? I mean, 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:10.320 that's what we're here to do. I mean, yeah, yeah, um, 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:14.480 you know it's hey, I'm in bed, I'm thinking about you. 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.240 I definitely wish you were here right now. So that's 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.760 not sex thing. And then and then I think that 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:23.040 is and then it you know, maybe from there let 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:25.680 me just help you. Yeah, so maybe it's something like 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:31.520 I can't wait to taste you. I want to that sex. Yeah, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.960 you know, I love to feel you on my body. 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:41.240 That is I've said, bla blah, can you stroke the pearl? 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:45.160 You know, like okay, okay, So the two if you 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.680 were young, that's what I'm getting at. That's what I'm 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:51.080 picking up here. You're you know, you're you're young, You're 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.760 you're maybe shy about talking about sex. Yeah, so I 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.960 think kind of two Dean's point, Um, we were raised 0:07:57.520 --> 0:08:00.960 in this idea that you don't really talk about sex 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:06.680 as I guess openly and outwardly, as maybe um some 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.680 other people doing so. For me, it's always been something 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.200 I've been a little bit more shy about. And also 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:16.080 as a guy, I sometimes feel, how do I, you know, 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:20.840 broach this sexual topic without coming across too forward and 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:23.400 being respectful. And you're bringing up such a good point, Jackson, 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:26.920 because in our culture and in our society, we don't 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:32.360 have a healthy narrative around sex. We just don't. So 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:35.520 you know, it's either the madonna or the whore, or 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.439 he's a stud or who's effing this person, who's effing 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:43.800 that person, And there's really no real healthy narrative around 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:46.559 what it means for two people to love each other 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:50.840 or not and be in a healthy sexual relationship. So 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:53.280 I think the two of you to be sitting in 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:56.520 the middle of this is interesting because you're you're struggling 0:08:56.559 --> 0:08:59.440 with that, and I think in an American society we 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:02.760 struggle with that a little bit more because we're fox 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:08.160 Puritans really like we pretend to be the puritanical society. Meanwhile, 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:18.959 you know, Dean is a wild animal behind closed So 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:21.199 anyway to get I I didn't mean to derail into 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:25.320 philosophical and and and and and academic so so so 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:30.160 so Jackson, you so you partake in a healthy sexual 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.599 So you think it's partly like our sexual repression that 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:35.960 we have as a society, Like what would another culture 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:37.839 be that has it maybe more healthy do you think 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.200 like europe I do. Uh, you know, Europeans are a 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:45.120 little bit more open about sex. Um, depending on where 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:48.800 you are. Um, there's you know, in in many ways. 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:53.240 You know, Italy has less sexism than the United States. Um. 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:57.320 So I think that our culture doesn't promote to have 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.520 healthy conversations. And I think, Dean, some of your issues 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:04.319 around sexting might be You're just part of a culture. 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:05.720 So I'm going to go out on a limb and 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.800 say that you're pro sexting, you know, pro expression, but 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:13.600 I am. I'm pro expression. I think that sexing is 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:19.760 just another way to be creative and fun um with 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:22.760 someone that you love and who loves you back. And 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:26.480 I do think, just like anything else, um, it can 0:10:26.480 --> 0:10:29.800 cause problems. It can get in the way of actual 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.800 true intimacy because you know, if you have the skill 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:35.760 of sexting, but maybe in person you're just a little 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:39.000 too shy. And you know, here, here you built yourself 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:43.960 up to be this. You know this amazing. You know, 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:46.720 I want to trying to keep this g rated PG rated. 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:52.840 I believe in under promising and over delivering. Do you 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.160 feel you do that, Dean? Do you feel you you 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.840 under promise and over deliver. I don't know about the 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:05.520 over delivery part. If you're over delivering, um, do you 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:09.000 feel like look with the d with the dpics, I 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.360 get that. I mean, that's your that's your body. You know, 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:17.559 there's something about you know, having your body be yours 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.640 and just yours. So I understand that. Um. But if 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:24.720 we're moving into words, which you are, um, you're saying 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:28.959 that you have some other issues around that, And so 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.360 I guess the question is do you want to remain 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.760 that way? Do you like yourself for the way that 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:37.400 you are, or do you I think that if sexting 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:41.719 we're like way to improve a relationship, Like I think 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:45.920 that anything is worth exploring, right, So if if by 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:50.320 adopting sexting as a habit could improve my love life, 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:53.320 then I think that's something worth considering. I mean, have 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:55.480 you ever considered that maybe it's a skill that you 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:59.040 just don't have that I think that's sexting and putting 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.880 how you feel into words is a skill, and maybe 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:04.800 that's just not one that you have. So we did 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:06.800 the love languages test last week, and my number one 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.280 love language is physical touch, And so maybe I like 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:13.520 to express myself more physically than I do verbally, just 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.960 a thought. Okay, okay, well all right, DRV, I'm gonna 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:20.160 I'm gonna step aside and we're moving on. Talk about 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.160 our one of our fantastic sponsors, fab Fit Fun. I 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:24.560 don't know if you have you seen a fab fit 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:30.840 Fun box. No, but it sounds all of the above, 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:34.200 all of the above. So what fab fit Fun is? 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:37.120 It is fab it is fit and it is fun. 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:41.080 But it's a seasonally subscription box. They send it to 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.000 you once every three months. It comes with things like 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.480 summer and rose, black fold over clutch, a sterling forever 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:53.040 wishbone necklace, a spongel, body washing, fused buffer, and French 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:54.760 And I actually got this box and I brought it 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.040 home and Jackson has been using that spongeb body washing, 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:02.320 fused buffer and he's his skin has been silky. It's honestly, 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:06.080 it has been glowing lately. Um, what else are you 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:10.200 get in that box? It looks there's some Himalaan pink salt. 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.160 My other roommate is big at cooking, and you cook 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:13.720 stick all the time. I think he's been using that 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.160 on the stakes lately, and it's fantastic. So what you 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.720 can do mmates thank you know, they're the best. I 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.200 mean they never share any of the food with me. 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:25.240 But so if you want to experience this fab fit 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.319 Fun box for yourself, all you have to do is 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.920 go to fab fit fun dot com and use my 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.319 code Dean at checkout and you get ten dollars off 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:36.840 the editor's box and the boxes. But with my code 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:40.040 d e A N you can get it for and 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.360 each box is a guaranteed value of at least two 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.559 hundred dollars. So you're making out like a bandit dr V. 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:51.840 You're gonna love it. I can promise you that much. Yes, Okay, 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:53.920 So now we're gonna go ahead and jump to the 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.160 phones and take some user calls. I just tweeted out 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:58.880 what is your stance on sexting? Do you condone it 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.920 or do you dislike it? And let's take some phone calls? 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:04.840 So who do I have on the phone here? All right? 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.280 All right, page? What do you think about sex thing? 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:10.360 Tell us about it? Um? I would say that if 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:14.240 you're in a long distance relationship and it's necessary if 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:17.560 you're wanting to do that. Okay, So do have you 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:22.680 ever sent a sex before? Probably in like senior year 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:25.320 high school around that age. Okay, okay, so you've kind 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:27.560 of grown out of it. Yeah, because I had a 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.360 relationship that was like six hours away. Oh so that's 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:33.640 that's so. I have dr V from Marriage boot Camp, 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:37.160 Reality Stars in the Year page. So sexting your relationship 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:39.920 alive and you know, sort of like what Jackson was 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:44.600 expressing earlier. We've gone like two weeks without seeing each other, 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.040 and so it keeps it alive. I'd say, so, are 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:53.080 you in a relationship now? Yes? And do you sex now? No? 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.240 We actually live in the same place now, but before 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.800 we were separate, so yes, So you wouldn't like sex 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:03.240 for in the living room bedroom? What about when you're 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:07.960 at work or something like it or anything? Okay, okay, 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:09.000 so let me ask you this. How long have you 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.480 guys been together? A year and a half? Give us 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:16.160 the story. Oh, we just met and he sent me 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.200 this little gift that said or gift whatever you call it, 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:20.840 and I said, I like your face and it just 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.040 kind of went from there. That's pretty sweet chivalry. Man, 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.480 it's still around. I like your face. And what did 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.280 you say back? What do you say back? Oh? Nothing, 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:34.880 really nothing, And we kind of texted back and forth 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:37.080 for like two weeks and we met and we started 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.240 dating the day we met. So tell us the sex 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:45.440 people with people who won't tell me their sex? What 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.840 was the sex? I don't I don't really know. I 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.960 can't really think of specifically. I mean, was it? Like? 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:55.920 I feel like the basic one is like what are 0:15:55.960 --> 0:16:00.240 you wearing? Do you find that that would be a 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:04.680 typical male question. What are you wearing? Yes? And what 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:08.720 did you tell what you're usually like? What what did 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.640 you say? I hope you said nothing? I'm wearing nothing? 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:18.680 Oh yeah, I said, like nothing under my clothes. All right, Paige, 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:20.160 thank you for calling in. We're gonna jump to the 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.040 next call. I love it and good love with the 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:30.120 relationship commando. Thank you by all Right, who do we 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:33.280 have on the phone now? Him? My name is Arisa 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.640 and Lisa and Lisa so at Lisa, you're on the 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.240 phone with dr V for Marriage boot Camp reality stars 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.640 in my roommate Jackson? Hello, Hi, what do you think 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:46.640 about sex thing? Okay? I called him because I think 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:52.080 it's disgusting? All right? Okay, why why is it so disgusting? 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:58.920 What do you think is disgusting about it? Um? I Okay, 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:03.360 I just don't think it. It's right, honestly, Like maybe 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.800 if you're in the relationship, like if you're in the 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:09.720 relationship with the person for like maybe a year, like 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:13.199 it can inside anything less than that, you know, like 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.840 if you just met them, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, look, 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:19.760 if you just meet someone, it's a little creepy analyst, like, 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.000 I'm with you when you're totally with you. Are you 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:26.280 in a relationship now? So you're not in a relationship now. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:29.399 So if you were to get let's just say you 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:35.560 met someone and um, are you hed a sexual man? Woman? Straight? 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:40.439 You're straight? Okay, So so you meet this man, he 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.119 sent you, you exchange phone numbers, he sends you a 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:47.640 text that that's that's sexy in nature. Let's say it's 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:52.520 not sextyng but sexy in nature. Like, I love the 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:56.920 way you look. Your hips are so sexy. You're such 0:17:56.920 --> 0:18:06.359 a beautiful woman. Is that disgusting? That's different, that's just flirting. Okay, 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.639 So where's your line? Where's your boundary? This is what 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:14.400 I want to know. Where's your boundary? If they were 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:19.240 to send me like a kick without it's so true, 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:24.360 at least you can't say that word. You're on you're 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:31.359 a pick, so so send you an unsolicited pick of 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:36.160 his genitals and your dude, no, no, no, no, I 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:38.600 get you. Okay, I got you, I got you. Okay, Yeah, 0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:40.160 all right on at Lisa, Well, thank you for calling 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:44.760 in O, thank you. You're the best buy, best of 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:51.800 luck with your sexty endeavors, no picks. Okay, let's do this. 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:55.320 So again, we're joined by dr V who you probably 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:58.359 know her from Marriage boot Camp reality Stars on we TV, 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:01.840 and what she does is help reality stars help reality 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:06.280 stars solve their relationship problems on television. So yeah, I 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:09.159 think that's what I do. Dr V. What mistakes do 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:14.000 you typically see these couples making, um, the typical mistakes 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:19.200 that most couples make, uh problems in communication. I think 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:24.160 one that I've been stuck on lately is, you know, people, uh, 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:30.040 their need to be right outweighs the empathy for their partner. 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:33.600 And I see that more and more, And I don't 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:36.640 know if that's from the social climate that we're living in. 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.080 Everyone has a stance and they want to be right, 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.439 and you know, we don't operate in vacuums. So I 0:19:42.520 --> 0:19:46.240 really do believe that some of what we're all feeling 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.240 as a nation enters into how we feel as a 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:52.879 people and enters into our relationships. So how do you 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:56.520 how do you advise on that? Well, I think once 0:19:56.640 --> 0:20:01.960 you acknowledge, you can't fix what you don't acknowledge. And 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:04.480 a lot of times couples don't even realize they're doing 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:07.320 that to one another, and once you sort of pointed 0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:10.119 out they have a third party sort of just point 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:14.720 that out, they're like, oh, yeah, I I do do that. Um. 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.040 So I think the I think some of the hardest 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:21.840 things is dealing with a hard ass, like a hard head, um, 0:20:22.560 --> 0:20:25.360 A lot of those god like all the time, all 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:30.240 the time, um, and so kind of pounding through that. 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:33.120 You know, I take too, you know, I take one 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:36.080 or both approaches. Either I feel like I have to 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:40.000 get to that person by being really really soft, um 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:43.320 and really just pouring empathy and love all over it, 0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:45.880 you know, or I have to be a hard ass 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:48.399 and a badass and I have to say things that 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:52.119 maybe are true that they don't want to hear. Um. 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:55.480 And look, you know, people aren't strolling through the self 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:58.600 help section because they want to hear things about themselves. 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:01.040 They're walking in those actions because they want to hear 0:21:01.080 --> 0:21:04.679 good things about themselves. And so the question really is 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:09.040 what do you do with information that you don't like 0:21:09.160 --> 0:21:13.840 about yourself? And I think as a culture, we need 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:18.000 to address that and as well as you know, self 0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:21.720 empowerment as well as bettering ourselves individuals, what do you 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:25.480 do with information you don't like about your DRV? Do 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:29.679 you feel like reality stars because they're constantly being bombarded 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:34.399 by h all of these outside voices telling them, you know, 0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:35.919 I don't like you for this, I don't like you 0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:38.159 for that. Do you feel like reality stars sometimes have 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:40.920 a stronger wallup? Maybe you know you're bringing up such 0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:44.280 a great question, Jackson, And I'll tell you what I 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:50.119 have seen is people reality stars who have grown up 0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:54.760 as reality stars, sometimes their sense of self is a 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:57.919 little soft, and they come into look like like like 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:00.520 every couple comes into the house as a cup. But 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:04.560 I really do see their individual journey um And a 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:07.280 lot of times, people who have been in the public 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:11.159 eye forever, um, their sense of self is a little soft. 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:14.880 And I feel that it's my job to help strengthen 0:22:15.000 --> 0:22:18.480 that sense of self. Um that no one can tell 0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:20.760 you who you are, who to love, how to act, 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:24.280 how to be that you have a boundary between you 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:29.679 and that social atmosphere that if that makes sense, yeah, absolutely, 0:22:29.680 --> 0:22:33.000 well it's it's so interesting being on the outside and 0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:35.080 looking in because you know, it seems like a lot 0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:38.639 of people feel like they have the the right the 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:41.000 ability to write whatever they want on Dean's wall because 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.320 maybe he doesn't seem like a real person to them, 0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:47.639 but yet he is a real person. I feel like 0:22:47.680 --> 0:22:49.560 that's got to be hard and it's true, and look 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:53.080 like you know, you know a lot of times it's 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:56.800 like quit being the bullying online hole that you don't 0:22:56.800 --> 0:22:59.239 have the guts to be in your real life. And 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:02.520 that's what I find a lot on social media, you know, 0:23:02.560 --> 0:23:05.120 people looking to lash out and they're looking to be angry, 0:23:05.320 --> 0:23:07.639 and it's like, look, you woke up bankry, you know 0:23:07.640 --> 0:23:09.920 what I mean, you woke up that way. Dean didn't 0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:11.919 do that, Jackson didn't do that, I didn't do that. 0:23:12.240 --> 0:23:15.480 You woke up like that. So so much of what 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.520 we see online is a projection of just how people 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:22.240 feel about themselves. So so back to the show then, 0:23:22.280 --> 0:23:25.200 and a little bit more about you. So you basically 0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:27.840 sit down with like these kind of like group therapy sessions. 0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:31.359 That sounds like right, Um, you know there there are 0:23:31.400 --> 0:23:36.480