Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy CENTRALOW.
Speaker 2: Are you a busy person who's always on the go.
Speaker 2: This next podcast is for you. No bull, no filler,
Speaker 2: just news and analysis that's straight to the points. No
Speaker 2: beating around the bush, no wasting your time, no repetition.
Speaker 2: We know you're a busy person who's always on the go,
Speaker 2: This next podcast is for you. Buckle your seat belts.
Speaker 2: Dasi Lightek and Michael Costa present Podcast Today.
Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to Podcast Today, where we cut through
Speaker 3: the noise and bring you real talk about what's happening today.
Speaker 4: I'm Desi Lightik, I'm Michael Costa. Before we get to
Speaker 4: today's episode, some quick housekeeping. Thursday's pod will be released
Speaker 4: at six pm instead of one pm because I have
Speaker 4: to say my dog to the dentist.
Speaker 3: Also a little more housekeeping. Friday's show is a listener
Speaker 3: mail bag, sending those questions to Pod Today letters at
Speaker 3: MindSpring dot email.
Speaker 4: One last bit of housekeeping, Thursday's pod will be at
Speaker 4: one pm again, my dog no longer has a cavity.
Speaker 1: Terrific.
Speaker 4: Turns out my dog didn't have a cavity, he just
Speaker 4: stated a sharpie.
Speaker 3: We should also mention tickets are now on sale to
Speaker 3: our live shows in Oklahoma City, Minneapolis, and Hartford.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: Use code.
Speaker 3: I'm with Podcasts San Antonio, Jacksonville, Biloxi, Philadelphia.
Speaker 4: Right, and you can use Cone.
Speaker 3: Roight, Miami, Green Bay, Providence, Atlanta, Chesapeake, Fresno, Norfolk and Boise.
Speaker 2: Is that all?
Speaker 4: Can I announce the code?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 5: Use code?
Speaker 3: I'm with Pannapolis, Saint Louis and Providence. We'll see you soon.
Speaker 4: Use code. I'm with Podcasts for two percent off early
Speaker 4: bird tickets.
Speaker 3: We got to mention Branson, Missouri. We're also going to
Speaker 3: be in Branson, Missouri.
Speaker 4: Hey, just a reminder that you should follow at podcast
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Speaker 3: This episode of Podcast Today is brought to you by
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Speaker 3: Before we get started, we have an exciting announcement about
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Speaker 3: You know, I think it's time to introduce our guest, Dessie.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right. He's a correspondent for The Daily Show
Speaker 4: with Trevor Noah Jabooki, Young White.
Speaker 6: Thanks so much for having me. You know, the studio
Speaker 6: is a lot smaller than I thought it would be.
Speaker 4: Now, Jibuuki, before we talk shop, you have a book
Speaker 4: to promote.
Speaker 6: Yes, well, it's actually more like a Twitter account. It's
Speaker 6: my Twitter account at jibuuki.
Speaker 3: Cool and where can our listeners find your Twitter account
Speaker 3: on Twitter?
Speaker 4: Fantastic?
Speaker 3: I can't wait to read it.
Speaker 1: Assi.
Speaker 4: Before we get to Jabuki, we just have a little
Speaker 4: more housekeeping. Podcast Today is looking for new theme music.
Speaker 3: So if you're an amateur composer and you want to
Speaker 3: compose our theme song for free, you can submit your
Speaker 3: compositions at podcast Today Music at prodigy dot net.
Speaker 4: Just a few guidelines. Your theme song has to be original.
Speaker 3: It has to be less than thirty seconds, has to
Speaker 3: be funky. You must include a flute.
Speaker 4: There can't be any screams in the background, and it
Speaker 4: must be in a frequency that sends marine life into
Speaker 4: a frenzy. Lyrics cannot include slurs against Macedonians or terms.
Speaker 3: But they must include at least two references to Sigourney Weaver.
Speaker 4: Get those submissions in. Guys, can't wait to hear that.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 3: We want to remind our listeners to check out our
Speaker 3: sister pod podcast this week.
Speaker 4: This week on Podcasts Today. This week, we'll have some
Speaker 4: amazing guests, including Montana governor and former presidential candidate Steve Bullock.
Speaker 3: Is he related to Sandra Bullock?
Speaker 4: That's what we're gonna find out.
Speaker 6: Tune in.
Speaker 3: You know what I was thinking, if Sandra Bullock were
Speaker 3: the first lady she turned the White House into the
Speaker 3: lake House.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I don't think I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what does that mean?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 3: The lake House two thousand and six, Keanu Reeves and
Speaker 3: Sandra Bullock exchange love letters through a mysterious time space
Speaker 3: portal inside of a lake house's mailbox.
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Speaker 5: And now it's.
Speaker 3: Time to get to the point. As always, Get to
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Speaker 4: That ad for Henry's Rusty Shave Club is sponsored by
Speaker 4: buck Banger, the fastest easiest way to send money. Costa
Speaker 4: used buck Banger this week.
Speaker 3: I sure did so. Monday, I went to the movies
Speaker 3: with my We saw Aladdin again.
Speaker 4: You love a genie.
Speaker 3: I can't help it anyway. We get the tickets, We
Speaker 3: see the movie. It's magical, and on the way out
Speaker 3: of the parking lot, I run over a rare bird.
Speaker 3: A rare bird, yeah, and Ivory build woodpecker crazy endangered,
Speaker 3: huge fine for turning it into a road pancake. So
Speaker 3: naturally I opened my wallet to buy the silence of
Speaker 3: all the witnesses. But oh, I spent my last Jackson
Speaker 3: on mister will Smith's heartwarming and humorous Tour de Force.
Speaker 1: So what do I do?
Speaker 3: I opened the buck Banger app send fifty dollars bribes
Speaker 3: to everyone who saw me do it. And I'm home
Speaker 3: by dinnertime googling when is Aladdin too coming out? By
Speaker 3: the way, The answer not soon.
Speaker 4: Enough, Costa. You just confess to a crime.
Speaker 3: What the crime of loving Aladdin? If that's a crime,
Speaker 3: then lock me up. In solitary confinement, preferably with a
Speaker 3: blu ray of Will Smith's Aladdin buck Banger, The Easiest
Speaker 3: way to send money.
Speaker 4: All right, let's get to the point.
Speaker 3: But before we do, we need to address something we
Speaker 3: said on Monday's show. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 4: It's Monday, and before we get started, we have some housekeeping.
Speaker 3: Right Tuesday show, will we push back to three pm
Speaker 3: instead of one pm?
Speaker 4: I have to be home at one pm to get
Speaker 4: my latest shipment from Shrimp Fix.
Speaker 3: Hey, is it bad if hypothetically a dogie is a sharpie?
Speaker 4: Just some housekeeping on that bit of housekeeping, Tuesday Show
Speaker 4: was actually released at three point thirty pm instead.
Speaker 3: Of three pos instead of one pm because we had.
Speaker 4: More housekeeping than we anticipated, and just a bit more housekeeping.
Speaker 3: We are aiming to have less housekeeping going forward. That's right,
Speaker 3: Fewer housekeeping, fewer housekeepings.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 6: By the way, it's actually houses keeping like Attorneyes General
Speaker 6: or asaps Rocky, just so you know.
Speaker 3: And now let's get to the point.
Speaker 4: Quick reminder if you like, get to the point as
Speaker 4: well as other great podcasts today, segments like check this out?
Speaker 4: Is this real life? It's only Tuesday, and that just happened.
Speaker 4: Rate and review Us, Rate and review us, Rate and
Speaker 4: review us on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, Breaker Pod Squad,
Speaker 4: Hewlett Packer, POD's Prodigy, CompuServe casts and earthlink Dot website,
Speaker 4: Backslash podcasts, backslash reviews, backslash backslash, And just to clarify
Speaker 4: because there's been some confusion, that's the backslash symbol followed
Speaker 4: by the word backslash. If you end that URL with
Speaker 4: two backslash symbols, it sends you to a pretty out
Speaker 4: there website.
Speaker 3: That's real jarring stuff. Actually. Anyway, those reviews really help
Speaker 3: us out. They boost our rankings, which allow us to
Speaker 3: be discovered by more people, and they also can serve
Speaker 3: as powerful character statements for us during court proceedings, can't they?
Speaker 4: By the way, shout out to listener David the dave
Speaker 4: Man eighteen your reviews saying we were quote awesome help
Speaker 4: me get back custody in my kids?
Speaker 6: Can I go now? Or do you guys want me
Speaker 6: to weigh in on something?
Speaker 3: No, we're ready for you.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Sure are our guests today? He is Jabuoki, young white, Jabuoki,
Speaker 4: how are you doing?
Speaker 7: Oh? You know.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good.
Speaker 6: I'm doing pretty good and I just wanted to throw
Speaker 6: in there. My appearance today is brought to you by
Speaker 6: Just the Packaging. Do you love coming home to something
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Speaker 1: It's just the packaging.
Speaker 4: Thanks. Before we move on, we've got some sad personnel
Speaker 4: news we do. This is Michael Costa's final episode of
Speaker 4: Podcasts Today.
Speaker 3: Wait was I fired?
Speaker 4: We are super excited about our permanent new host, Jabbookie Young.
Speaker 5: Why what's up?
Speaker 6: I'm super excited to break down all the issues of
Speaker 6: the day with y'all. Costa, could you please get your
Speaker 6: shit out of your office now?
Speaker 4: You can stick we don't Listen to Michael Kossa on
Speaker 4: our brand new international sister pod podcast Today Kosovo up
Speaker 4: to the date news and commentary live from the Balkans.
Speaker 3: Kosovo, Kosovo like the country, just read the paper. Hello
Speaker 3: Podcast Today Kosovo Fans. Tickets are now on sale. For
Speaker 3: our live shows in Sarajevo, Debrevnik, Chernobyl, Bucharest in Northern Chechnya,
Speaker 3: use code Hallo Kosovo for twenties, laddles off and so
Speaker 3: I don't even have a passport.
Speaker 6: By the way, a bit of housekeeping. There is now
Speaker 6: an emergency bonus pod for our Titanium tier supporters on.
Speaker 5: Patriot That's right.
Speaker 4: Head to our fan page right now to hear an
Speaker 4: exclusive five alarm bonus pod that features our extended interview
Speaker 4: with Podcast Today Kosovo host Michael Costa, who will have
Speaker 4: secretly infiltrated at Chechen terrorist group people point of order.
Speaker 3: Please has the new Aladdin even been released in Kosovo?
Speaker 4: Podcast Today is produced by Tom Baylor and Shila Mansfield
Speaker 4: and recorded at Daily So Studios in the heart of
Speaker 4: Manhattan's Little Belgrade. Trevor Noah is our managing editor. Our
Speaker 4: research is provided by Miroslav Berkovich and Bogdan Drakovic. Our
Speaker 4: audio engineer is Petra Mastorovich.
Speaker 6: Legal services provided by the law firm of and Am Melosovich.
Speaker 6: A man known only as the Scorpion is our lookout,
Speaker 6: and unsuspecting uber driver named Cynthia is our Wheelman and
Speaker 6: laundry and pet sitting is handled by Zivko Vuyadinovich.
Speaker 4: Our fabulous interns are Greg Rasputen, Lizzie bord In the
Speaker 4: third and Lyle Menendez Costa. Want to leave us with
Speaker 4: any parting words?
Speaker 3: Yeah, actually I just google and Aladdin is not in
Speaker 3: Kosovo right now, there's nose doesn't seem to be showtimes
Speaker 3: or movie theaters. This is kind of what keeps me grounded.
Speaker 3: And oh, you have nothing to say now, both of
Speaker 3: you guess.
Speaker 6: You could wait for it to show up on Prime.
Speaker 3: And now you're the fucking host all of a sudden.
Speaker 3: I mean you didn't even know even know that you
Speaker 3: were going to.
Speaker 1: Be the host.
Speaker 3: But I wait, dude, years of hard work and then
Speaker 3: you see what that.
Speaker 6: Well, you know, I stepped up to the plate, and
Speaker 6: I think maybe that could be.
Speaker 3: A part of the reason pronounced Zerjanovich.
Speaker 2: People come up to me all the time and say, Trevor,
Speaker 2: how did you learn to crush it so hard? I
Speaker 2: always give them the same answer, Mister Ronnie Chang in
Speaker 2: hashtag Crushing a success podcast for winners. Ronnie will give
Speaker 2: you the motivation, the life hacks, and the FDA pending
Speaker 2: dietary supplements that you need to live epically.
Speaker 7: Testing Testing diabetes is a mindset and a hoax. Test
Speaker 7: one two, What's Up? Chain Gang your Boy? Run Chang
Speaker 7: here with another episode a hashtag Crushing a success podcast
Speaker 7: for winners. A lot of people ask me, Hey, Ronnie,
Speaker 7: how can I crush it as hot as you're crushing it.
Speaker 7: The answer is you can't. I'm crushing it. How then
Speaker 7: scientists thought possible. I've written thirteen books, delivered twenty eight
Speaker 7: TED talks, and I follow fifty eight thousand people on Twitter.
Speaker 7: I post over four hundred inspiversal quotes that dow on Instagram,
Speaker 7: and I own over four thousand t shirts from Ed Hardy.
Speaker 7: I'm a NonStop dynamo of epic winning. Okay, I'm not
Speaker 7: eating muss without the weird anime fetish Fuck you Elonney Bom.
Speaker 7: But hey, if you listen to this pecast and follow
Speaker 7: my advice, maybe you too can write this crush chain
Speaker 7: to crush Town and the train conductor.
Speaker 5: It's Jeremy Piven. All right, I'm ready to pound. Let's
Speaker 5: start the show.
Speaker 4: Success Money, Instagram, airpots.
Speaker 5: Faking.
Speaker 7: Whoa, I'm still buzzing you guys, I just delivered the
Speaker 7: keynote and Power Thought Summit, presented by Forbes and Lin Cuisine.
Speaker 7: In fact, if you're interested, you can stream my speech
Speaker 7: right now. It's titled why every entrepreneurs to try uffing
Speaker 7: spray paint? Check that out on YouTube. All cash me
Speaker 7: at my next live event, pumping up the crowd at
Speaker 7: a winter assembly for Pembroke Middle School. Missus Goldstein's class
Speaker 7: is gonna be singing Christmas carols and I'm gonna be
Speaker 7: shooting red bulls out.
Speaker 5: Of a T shirt cannon.
Speaker 7: Hell, yeah, you know what that means. It's time for
Speaker 7: the cleanse report. Right now, I'm doing a solids and
Speaker 7: liquids cleanse. I'm not eating or drinking any solids of
Speaker 7: liquids for two weeks. I mean, for breakfast, I had
Speaker 7: some vape smoke, and for lunch, I think I'm gonna
Speaker 7: suck the heel him have a balloon animal. I gotta
Speaker 7: tell you, thanks to this cleanse, Hey, my energy's up,
Speaker 7: my blood pressure is down, and my mortal skills are shot.
Speaker 7: If any of that sounds appealing to you, why don't
Speaker 7: you check out my website Ronnie Chang Dot Protein Powder
Speaker 7: I've got exclusive recipes and an interview with Auston Kutcher.
Speaker 3: Oh right, I'm jacked.
Speaker 5: Let's take some calls.
Speaker 7: If you've got a question about anything, entrepreneurship, muscle, mass manscaping.
Speaker 1: Right now.
Speaker 5: If a line is busy, doll horder, it's all right.
Speaker 7: We got a call on the line with James from Danbury, Connecticut.
Speaker 7: Hello James, Hi, ron a longtime fan. Of course you are.
Speaker 7: I'm an alpha's alpha. I'm an alf Alfa. So I'm
Speaker 7: about to be a college freshman and i want to
Speaker 7: become a doctor.
Speaker 8: Uh, I'm thinking neurosurgeon.
Speaker 7: Maybe do you have any advice for how I can
Speaker 7: make that happen? James, I do have some advice, and
Speaker 7: that advice is don't go to college, bro. Student debt
Speaker 7: is for suckers. You can learn everything you would in
Speaker 7: medical school by purchasing a corpse on the doc web.
Speaker 7: You buy the corpse, you cut it open, you poke
Speaker 7: around inside, and hey, you'll be ready to operate on
Speaker 7: live humans after four to five corpses. No debt required.
Speaker 7: That said, you should pledge a frat. Next call up.
Speaker 8: Hey, Ronnie, this is Mike from Staten Island.
Speaker 7: What's up, Mike from Staten Island. How can I improve
Speaker 7: your life today?
Speaker 8: I want to be an Instagram influencer. Right now, I
Speaker 8: have two hundred followers, mostly high school friends. How can
Speaker 8: I gain more?
Speaker 7: Okay, I get this a lot. The answer is simple.
Speaker 7: Instagram loves sex appeal and it loves travel. So I
Speaker 7: always tell people, quit your job and become a pirate.
Speaker 7: Go somewhere sexy, like Somalia. Your Instagram will explode.
Speaker 8: Trust me, bro, Oh okay, is there a way I
Speaker 8: can gain Instagram followers without the I'm a pirate?
Speaker 7: No, bro, are you kidding me? I just gave you
Speaker 7: advice that's worth like a billion dollars. You're off the
Speaker 7: phone and gone the next flight to Mogo d Shoe. Okay,
Speaker 7: I've had enough of you.
Speaker 5: Next caller, Hello, nine one one.
Speaker 8: My husband.
Speaker 5: He's gripping at his chest. I think he's having a
Speaker 5: heart attack. Oh hell yeah.
Speaker 7: Okay, some context for our listeners. I recently got a
Speaker 7: life hack from post Malone. You pay a guy the
Speaker 7: phone company to read direct number one calls to your
Speaker 7: personal line. Instant growth had one.
Speaker 4: My husband is real bad.
Speaker 7: Wow, it sounds like he's really suffering from a bad aude.
Speaker 6: I don't know how I get connected to you, but please.
Speaker 5: Send an ambulance.
Speaker 3: I don't think he's gonna.
Speaker 7: Make You're definitely not with that negativity. Don't hate job
Speaker 7: create Okay.
Speaker 8: Next caller, mister Chang, this is Agent Jim Peterson again
Speaker 8: with the Internal Revenue Service.
Speaker 5: Okay, that was a wrong number.
Speaker 7: You know, I've got a lot of haters at the
Speaker 7: IRS because of how successful I've been. Like, seriously, I'm
Speaker 7: the mother Teresa of giving and the Wesley Snipes of
Speaker 7: paying taxes.
Speaker 5: All right. Next scholar is Ryan from Nashville. What's up, buddy?
Speaker 5: Hey man, I just finish reading your book. Nice.
Speaker 7: Thank you so much. For those who don't know, my
Speaker 7: new book, The Success Virus How to Infect Yourself with
Speaker 7: Winning is in stores now. Is two under and twenty
Speaker 7: pages of pure knowledge.
Speaker 5: Yeah about that.
Speaker 2: The first twenty pages were just foes of you at
Speaker 2: Plant Fitness, and then the last un pays were just
Speaker 2: a knockoff of the Babysitters Club.
Speaker 7: Hey, don't knock the Teenage Childcare Society. I mean talks
Speaker 7: with Disney Plus to make it into a mini series.
Speaker 2: There's no advice in the book at all.
Speaker 5: I want my money back.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and I want my former assistance to stop telling
Speaker 7: people I have a lifetime ban from Jiffy Lube. But
Speaker 7: we don't always get what we want. We get what
Speaker 7: we crush. Let's crush an ad break right now. And
Speaker 7: when we're back, what have my special guest Daily Show
Speaker 7: correspondent And I'm gonna ask him if he's ever snorted
Speaker 7: dog trunquilizers WHOA. Today's episode is sponsored by Doctor Manhood's
Speaker 7: Tissues for Men. Are you tired of girly tissues that
Speaker 7: looked like they were designed by Nancy Myers, director of
Speaker 7: Something's God Give and the Holiday or whatever those are,
Speaker 7: Then you need Doctor Manhood's tissues for Men that test
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Speaker 7: a vote for a female politician? And why are you
Speaker 7: blowing your nose with a woman's kleenex? Doctor Manhood's Tissues
Speaker 7: for Men, don't blow your nose, brow your nose. Today's episode,
Speaker 7: a hashtag crushing, is brought to you by Ronnie Chank's
Speaker 7: Cursed healing crystals.
Speaker 5: Listen, bros.
Speaker 7: These crystals will change your life. I recently mowed down
Speaker 7: a witch with my tesla, and when I went to
Speaker 7: go check for the body, all that was there was
Speaker 7: a burlap sack filled with these crystals. Now I'm selling
Speaker 7: them to you for literally any amount of money. Please,
Speaker 7: I need them out of my house. I just tried
Speaker 7: to throw them in a river, but when I got
Speaker 7: back to my place, there was more of them. Ryan
Speaker 7: Shank's curse hilling crystals. Oh god, they're glowing again. All right,
Speaker 7: we're back, and we're joined now by a legendary guest.
Speaker 7: He's a correspondent on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,
Speaker 7: and he looks like he could bench. I don't know
Speaker 7: two thirty. Royal Junr is here.
Speaker 1: I actually I think I can bench for a slight
Speaker 1: one seventy five last I try.
Speaker 5: Okay, well that's pretty weak.
Speaker 1: What is that smell?
Speaker 5: It's dear caucas Roy, you are crushing it.
Speaker 1: You crushing it too? Running?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 7: It's it's actually a problem. How hot I'm crushing it.
Speaker 7: It's starting to affect the people around me and the
Speaker 7: people I love. Uh, Roy, let me, let me ask
Speaker 7: you something. Uh, you're like a stand up comedian, right,
Speaker 7: A lot of nights on the road lonely. How do
Speaker 7: you stay emotionally connected to your loved ones while containing
Speaker 7: focus on your career.
Speaker 1: I think the important thing when you're traveling is to
Speaker 1: take something from home on the road.
Speaker 6: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 7: No one cares about take my first real question, Hey,
Speaker 7: you ever done d MT? No, you have an inject
Speaker 7: horse platelest I don't even know what that. You have
Speaker 7: a free base of stuff inside glow sticks.
Speaker 1: I'm not into that, Ronnie. I just can we just
Speaker 1: talk about some of the stuff I'm working on. I
Speaker 1: got a web series.
Speaker 7: But before that, Roy, let me just ask you. You
Speaker 7: ever take LSD and have a three someome inside and aquarium?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna just answer the question about travel, Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, question, all right, answer the travel question.
Speaker 5: Okay, go ahead, but you might if I crack out
Speaker 5: some chin ups while you talk.
Speaker 1: Fine, do whatever you need to do. Man. Look, when
Speaker 1: I'm on the road, I do my best to make
Speaker 1: sure that my family has my number one priority. I
Speaker 1: FaceTime with my I try to make sure that my
Speaker 1: son knows that I love him. So I FaceTime with the.
Speaker 5: Pain is just weakness exiting the bottom.
Speaker 1: So for me, it comes down to one question. When
Speaker 1: I'm looking at what gigs would take, will this opportunity
Speaker 1: negatively affect my family life? Because I have to consider
Speaker 1: how many days I'm going to miss mine? For sure? Man? Great? Great?
Speaker 7: I did three hundred chin outs by the way, not
Speaker 7: sure if you notice me over there, just pulling up,
Speaker 7: just just ripping metal.
Speaker 5: So I gotta ask, you're doing no PA November?
Speaker 1: What the hell is no P November?
Speaker 5: It's where you don't urinate for an entire month of November.
Speaker 5: I'm doing it.
Speaker 1: It's sick running November was last year, dude.
Speaker 5: November is a state of mind.
Speaker 1: Is that like no nut November where you don't masturbate
Speaker 1: to It's.
Speaker 7: Like that because it involves the penis, but instead of nutting,
Speaker 7: it's urine, so you having pee for an entire month.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 7: The only P I'm into is P ninety X. It's
Speaker 7: a powerful world because it's got numbers and letters in it.
Speaker 7: Speaking of power, you ever eat a bald eagle? They're
Speaker 7: an endangered species. Why would I eatn patriotism?
Speaker 1: Bro?
Speaker 7: I eat bald eagle? And I feel America coursing through my.
Speaker 1: Veins even buy a bald.
Speaker 7: Okay, So I was watching your last standout special. Very
Speaker 7: funny stuff, by the way.
Speaker 1: Appreciate that. Thanks.
Speaker 7: I especially love the part where you talk about the
Speaker 7: nutritional benefits of elk meat.
Speaker 1: Ire that was me you were watching. I didn't talk
Speaker 1: about elk in my special. I didn't talk about elk meat.
Speaker 7: Oh okay, Well maybe I'm confused because I watched it
Speaker 7: on ten x speed finished a whole hour in six minutes.
Speaker 5: Anyway, you ever do an elk binge.
Speaker 7: It's the way you kill an elk and you have
Speaker 7: seventy two hours to eat the entire thing, including the bones.
Speaker 5: It's how cavemen lived.
Speaker 1: Caveman also had an average lifespan of seventeen years. They
Speaker 1: didn't have Tesla as a podcast. They didn't even speak English.
Speaker 5: That's a really good point.
Speaker 7: Elk meat is really lean and dense and nutrients.
Speaker 1: It feels like I'm saying things and then you're just
Speaker 1: hearing words completely different from the words I'm.
Speaker 5: Saying, Like totally that was so nineties, you.
Speaker 1: Know, all right? Can I ask you a question? Shoot,
Speaker 1: why are you like this? Why are you obsessed with cavemen,
Speaker 1: fitness routines, masculine diet fads, and drugs inside of glow
Speaker 1: sticks and eagle jerky. What happened to you? What made
Speaker 1: you this way?
Speaker 5: Wow? No one's ever asked me that before. Actually, you
Speaker 5: know what, I don't know if I can talk about this.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, you can, you can, man, you.
Speaker 5: Can just okay.
Speaker 7: Well, ever since I was a teenager, I knew I
Speaker 7: was different. I was rebellious, and I fell in with
Speaker 7: the wrong crowd. I got into fast cause, extreme sports,
Speaker 7: trusty women.
Speaker 1: Okay, but that's pretty on par for a young guy.
Speaker 7: That's then one day my life changed. The government needed
Speaker 7: my extreme sports expertise to infiltrate a Russian terrorist cell
Speaker 7: in Central Europe.
Speaker 5: Okay, hold up, please, Roy, let me get through this.
Speaker 7: The terrorist group known as Anarchi ninety nine had acquired
Speaker 7: a biochemical weapon and there was only one one way
Speaker 7: to this, on the missile, using my extreme sports capabilities
Speaker 7: and racing cars through streets of prog.
Speaker 1: Wait, so Anarchy ninety nine, Yeah, and you shure that
Speaker 1: was the name of the terrorists group. Yeah, okay, that's
Speaker 1: just the plot to Triple X. That was Vin Diesel,
Speaker 1: who did all that? You didn't do that shit? Yeah?
Speaker 5: They based that movie on me.
Speaker 1: You're full of shit.
Speaker 5: Nah, man, I'm full of urine. No p November. Remember
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1: Man, this is weird.
Speaker 5: Well the doors a lot from the outside, so that's
Speaker 5: not happening.
Speaker 7: Okay, that's another episode of hashtag Crushing a success podcast
Speaker 7: for winners.
Speaker 1: Can't Lea's plug my website.
Speaker 7: I hope you learn some new ways to hack your
Speaker 7: way through the jungle we call life. Wow. Thanks to
Speaker 7: my guest, Ray Woods Junior didous movie. Thanks everyone. I
Speaker 7: gotta go do CrossFit with the founder of we Work.
Speaker 7: We're best friends until next time. Keep crushing that shit.
Speaker 3: Whoa.
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Speaker 3: Get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcastow