WEBVTT - RETRO EPISODE No. 13: The Culture of Dating in the Black Community w/B. Jamelle

0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:04.279
<v Speaker 1>Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts,

0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:07.800
<v Speaker 1>so Friends and Ken to kick off the month of February,

0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:11.440
<v Speaker 1>which is a month where we celebrate Black History Month,

0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:17.160
<v Speaker 1>of course, and we celebrate love. Why not, I thought,

0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:20.480
<v Speaker 1>why not go back in time or go back into

0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:26.279
<v Speaker 1>the catalog and share one of my favorite episodes with

0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:32.720
<v Speaker 1>you guys about black love and dating in our community.

0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:36.320
<v Speaker 1>And this episode is with a very good friend of mine.

0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:40.559
<v Speaker 1>Her name is Bianca, and I hope that you enjoy it.

0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:42.800
<v Speaker 2>This is old school, so if you.

0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Have not gone back into the catalog, and you have

0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:51.519
<v Speaker 1>not gone back into season one, the first year of

0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:53.960
<v Speaker 1>hand Me My Purse, this will give you some insight

0:00:54.640 --> 0:01:00.160
<v Speaker 1>into where I've come from. It's a wonderful conversation. I

0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.000
<v Speaker 1>hope you guys like it. I really love some feedback

0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.560
<v Speaker 1>and just to find out what you guys think about it.

0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:30.319
<v Speaker 1>Enjoy it and happy Black History Month, y'all.

0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:36.039
<v Speaker 2>Me I can't see the thing that Okay, what's up?

0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:36.440
<v Speaker 3>Y'all?

0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:39.240
<v Speaker 2>Welcome to hand Me My Purse the podcast.

0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I am Mimi Walker, and I will be your forever

0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:46.000
<v Speaker 1>host each and every single time you tune into this podcast,

0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.760
<v Speaker 1>So go ahead and get comfortable, get yourself a glass

0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:54.880
<v Speaker 1>of your favorite beverage, whether that's alkaline water, red kool aid,

0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.000
<v Speaker 1>a hot cup of tea with honey, a glass of

0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Cabernet Salvignon or Hannessy, light yourself a candle, some incense

0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:07.080
<v Speaker 1>or burn some stage and just get ready to chill.

0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:08.680
<v Speaker 2>Out and have a good time.

0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:22.200
<v Speaker 1>What's up, friends and ken. It is Memi resident Auntie

0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:26.160
<v Speaker 1>Supreme here at Handy my Purse, the podcast, and today

0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:29.760
<v Speaker 1>I am sipping on a quick little sangreeas situation that

0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I put together because you know, I need to relax

0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.959
<v Speaker 1>a lot happening. There are a lot of moving pieces

0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:41.240
<v Speaker 1>happening in the world today and yesterday and last week

0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:45.760
<v Speaker 1>and this week and probably next week, and SIS needed

0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:50.080
<v Speaker 1>to relax, and not relax like hardcore relax. I just

0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:52.840
<v Speaker 1>needed to calm my spirit. So what I did was

0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:58.480
<v Speaker 1>my good friends that can collective. They have a mixed

0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:02.919
<v Speaker 1>berry punch mixer and it is entitled Boon vivont. How

0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:05.080
<v Speaker 1>do I know how to say that like that? Because

0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:06.800
<v Speaker 1>you may not know this, but your girl has been

0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:10.520
<v Speaker 1>studying French since March. Because I wanted to come out

0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.080
<v Speaker 1>of this COVID with some new skills, some skills that

0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:13.720
<v Speaker 1>I could use.

0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:14.960
<v Speaker 2>I love Paris.

0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:18.880
<v Speaker 1>I have not talked about traveling on this on my podcast,

0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:22.760
<v Speaker 1>but I love to travel. Paris is my city. I

0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.880
<v Speaker 1>love Paris, and I wanted to learn how to speak

0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:28.880
<v Speaker 1>French so that the next time I go there, I'm

0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.359
<v Speaker 1>not using Google Translate the entire time that I'm there.

0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:35.680
<v Speaker 1>So that's how I know that it is pronounced boem Vivont,

0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.760
<v Speaker 1>but it is spelled b n v I v a

0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:43.560
<v Speaker 1>n t s. So I use their bone Vivont mixed

0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:47.280
<v Speaker 1>berry punch. I use the nineteen Crime Snoop Dogg wine

0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:52.120
<v Speaker 1>and nineteen Crimes is this wine where it's an interactive wine.

0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:56.680
<v Speaker 1>You download the app and you put the phone your phone.

0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:58.520
<v Speaker 1>Once you you open the app and you put the

0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:00.440
<v Speaker 1>phone up to the front of the wine bottle, and

0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.480
<v Speaker 1>the wine bottle talks. First time I saw it, second

0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.600
<v Speaker 1>time and third time I saw it, it freaked me

0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:06.880
<v Speaker 1>the hell out.

0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:08.840
<v Speaker 2>So I don't really fool with it. I didn't download

0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:09.560
<v Speaker 2>the app or anything.

0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:12.600
<v Speaker 1>But because you know, in my spirit, I'm a West

0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Coast girl, I had to get this.

0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.000
<v Speaker 2>Snoop Dogg wine. I had to. I had to do

0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:16.679
<v Speaker 2>it for the West.

0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:20.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So I got that mix those together, added some

0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.440
<v Speaker 1>bubbly grapefruit seltzer, which is one of my favorite. And

0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.039
<v Speaker 1>know they are not paying me, None of these people

0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.360
<v Speaker 1>are paying me. But these are things that I'm using.

0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:28.839
<v Speaker 1>I want you to know what I'm using, just in

0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:31.359
<v Speaker 1>case you want to try it. So mix all of

0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:34.560
<v Speaker 1>those together in like a half gallon pitcher.

0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:36.279
<v Speaker 2>Was it a half gallon?

0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:38.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm pretty sure it were sixty four ounces. I poured

0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:41.680
<v Speaker 1>the whole bottle of the bon Vivance Punch, the whole

0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.400
<v Speaker 1>bottle of the Nineteen Crimes wine. And here's the thing

0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:48.680
<v Speaker 1>about the Snoop Dogg Nineteen Crimes wine. It's I don'tmember

0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:53.360
<v Speaker 1>it being as dry as a Merleau, but it was

0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:54.640
<v Speaker 1>kind of like a pino noir.

0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:56.480
<v Speaker 2>I could be wrong. I didn't look it up.

0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.200
<v Speaker 1>If you want to look it up, feel free, but

0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.919
<v Speaker 1>just know it was a dry wine, not like a

0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.600
<v Speaker 1>sweet wine or anything. So it was kind of good

0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:07.599
<v Speaker 1>because the mixberry poncho is sweet, the wine is dry,

0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.000
<v Speaker 1>and then the grapefruit bubby kind of gave it some

0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.120
<v Speaker 1>citrus notes versus giving it a lot of like more

0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.640
<v Speaker 1>berry notes and making it more sweet. Because I don't

0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:19.200
<v Speaker 1>really like sweet wine. So I added the grapefruit bubbling,

0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:23.640
<v Speaker 1>and then I cut up some apples, oranges and some

0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:27.160
<v Speaker 1>lemons and put that in there, and sis had a situation.

0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:31.960
<v Speaker 1>And when I tell you, it was good, it was delicious. Okay,

0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:36.160
<v Speaker 1>So what I'm gonna do. The thing about the grapefruit

0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:39.279
<v Speaker 1>selter and why I use grapefruit and cut up lemons

0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.400
<v Speaker 1>and oranges was because I didn't want to make it

0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.360
<v Speaker 1>too sweet, so the grapefruit seals are kind of made

0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:47.960
<v Speaker 1>it pop. Anyway, it was good, it was a situation.

0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.039
<v Speaker 1>I want you to try it out if you can.

0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:54.599
<v Speaker 1>Cane's Collective is pretty local, and when I say local,

0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean like Maryland, like the DMV area. I think

0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.920
<v Speaker 1>you can get it in Philly as well. I'm not

0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.960
<v Speaker 1>really sure, but I'm going to put a link to

0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:06.560
<v Speaker 1>their website and their Instagram information in the show notes.

0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:09.560
<v Speaker 1>If you reach out to them, they're really cool. I'm

0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:11.360
<v Speaker 1>sure you know they'll let you know like where you

0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.039
<v Speaker 1>can find it or if you can find it in

0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.719
<v Speaker 1>your area or whatever. But if you can try it,

0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.400
<v Speaker 1>I want you. I am going to give you a

0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.960
<v Speaker 1>homework assignment. I want you to make this little drink

0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:25.320
<v Speaker 1>that I have. Find yourself some cane collective, bon Vivant

0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:30.200
<v Speaker 1>berry mixer, get yourself that Nineteen Crimes Snoop Dogg Wine,

0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:33.159
<v Speaker 1>get yourself some grapefruits seltzer. It doesn't have to be

0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.640
<v Speaker 1>bubbly if you don't want it to. Or get lemon,

0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:39.919
<v Speaker 1>or get lime or lemon lime and make this. I

0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:41.400
<v Speaker 1>want to know if you try it out. I want

0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:43.440
<v Speaker 1>to know what you made. And here's the thing I

0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:47.560
<v Speaker 1>didn't tell you. It has gold sparkles in it. One

0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:51.440
<v Speaker 1>thing you don't know about me. I love gold. Okay,

0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.920
<v Speaker 1>that's the Africa in me. I love gold, and I

0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:57.440
<v Speaker 1>love shiny stuff. I love gold. It has gold sparkles.

0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:59.520
<v Speaker 1>So it touched my heart in a different kind of way.

0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.080
<v Speaker 2>I want you to go out. I want you to

0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:04.440
<v Speaker 2>try it. I want you to try it. I want

0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:05.680
<v Speaker 2>you to try it. Okay.

0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:07.960
<v Speaker 1>It was delicious and I only did I drink it once,

0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.120
<v Speaker 1>but I drank it twice. Okay, So I want you

0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:13.080
<v Speaker 1>to go ahead and try that. Tell me what you think.

0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:17.520
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, let's go ahead and get into this jam.

0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:18.200
<v Speaker 2>Why don't we.

0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.680
<v Speaker 1>Both friends and ken For this episode's jam, I decided

0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:32.960
<v Speaker 1>to go with one of those like quintessential love songs.

0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.760
<v Speaker 1>For me, I feel like it is a quintessential love

0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:39.920
<v Speaker 1>song because it kind of is evoke in the spirit

0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:40.600
<v Speaker 1>of like.

0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:41.960
<v Speaker 2>Just let me know what's up.

0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:47.280
<v Speaker 1>And for myself, I can say that this is essentially

0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.000
<v Speaker 1>how I am right. And it gets in a way

0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:52.480
<v Speaker 1>when it comes to dating for me because like I

0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:54.440
<v Speaker 1>know that dating, like I suck at dating.

0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:57.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm not good at it. I feel like it is bullshit.

0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:03.200
<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's too much of an inauthentic dance

0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.600
<v Speaker 1>when you could just be upfront and direct with people,

0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:10.160
<v Speaker 1>right like I like you, you like me, or we

0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:12.480
<v Speaker 1>had sex. It might have been too early, but guess what,

0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:14.800
<v Speaker 1>I still like you and I kind of want to

0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:17.559
<v Speaker 1>see where this goes. Or we haven't had sex yet.

0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:19.480
<v Speaker 1>I really want to have sex with you, but if

0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:21.360
<v Speaker 1>that's going to make things weird, I don't want to

0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:25.280
<v Speaker 1>do it. Or you know, just about being direct and

0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.000
<v Speaker 1>that song is Bob Marley's Waiting in Vain for me love.

0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:32.439
<v Speaker 1>I love Bob Marley. First of all, He's fine. His

0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:37.120
<v Speaker 1>kids are beautiful, them sons gee Mo nitty, those Marley

0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:41.240
<v Speaker 1>sons are fine as frog hair. But I wouldn't touch

0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:42.840
<v Speaker 1>one of them with a ten foot pole because they

0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:45.640
<v Speaker 1>put some kind of houchikuchie hoodoo on you because you

0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:47.360
<v Speaker 1>don't be right after you date them, it seems like.

0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.839
<v Speaker 2>But anyway, shout out to Lauren Hill.

0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:54.600
<v Speaker 1>But anyway, I love this song because, like, essentially he's

0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.120
<v Speaker 1>just saying, you know, I've been checking for you for

0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.440
<v Speaker 1>a while. Even if he's saying it like we've been

0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.880
<v Speaker 1>friends for a while and I've had like a twinkle

0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:05.920
<v Speaker 1>in my eye for you, and I'll keep on checking

0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:07.880
<v Speaker 1>for you. I don't have a problem with it. But

0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.520
<v Speaker 1>here's what I really need to know, Like, how do

0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:12.839
<v Speaker 1>you feel about me? Because I'm not about to keep

0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.920
<v Speaker 1>doing this if it's all for nothing. I don't want

0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:18.320
<v Speaker 1>to wait in vain for you. From the moment I

0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:22.040
<v Speaker 1>saw you, my heart said, you know, follow through with this.

0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh I love this song. His heart told him to

0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.480
<v Speaker 1>follow through. He followed through. But at the end of

0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.280
<v Speaker 1>the day, like I just don't want to do this

0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.360
<v Speaker 1>for nothing. If you don't feel the same way that

0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:33.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel, or if you don't feel something, I don't

0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.640
<v Speaker 1>want to wait in vain. I love this song, and

0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.600
<v Speaker 1>let me tell you something. I look for a cover

0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:40.840
<v Speaker 1>for this song. I looked and I looked and I looked,

0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:45.360
<v Speaker 1>and none of them really did anything for me, like

0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:48.199
<v Speaker 1>real talk. And so I've learned that I have to

0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.480
<v Speaker 1>keep digging and keep digging, and I really try to

0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:51.679
<v Speaker 1>keep my covers.

0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:54.880
<v Speaker 2>I try to look for covers.

0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.440
<v Speaker 1>Done by black people, you know, and if I can't

0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.360
<v Speaker 1>find one by a black person, then I will do one,

0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:03.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, by a person of color. So I found

0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:08.000
<v Speaker 1>this cool band from New Zealand. They were black. I

0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.280
<v Speaker 1>hate saying aboriginal because they are original. I'm not gonna

0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:14.040
<v Speaker 1>call them ab original their original. But anyway, this band

0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.200
<v Speaker 1>from New Zealand, and I liked what they did, but

0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.440
<v Speaker 1>it didn't it wasn't quite hitting on it for me.

0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.040
<v Speaker 2>Right, kept looking.

0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:22.439
<v Speaker 1>I found this sister and I'm gonna call her sister

0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.920
<v Speaker 1>because she, you know, she's brown. I found this young

0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:30.600
<v Speaker 1>sister from Hawaii and she did an acoustic version and

0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:34.320
<v Speaker 1>she was using a beat machine and she was singing

0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:36.840
<v Speaker 1>and playing the guitar and I really liked it. And

0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:38.840
<v Speaker 1>the reason that I picked it, I think, is because

0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:44.920
<v Speaker 1>I know a lot of Hawaiian Polynesian, you know, islanders,

0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:50.439
<v Speaker 1>and they really love Jamaican Rastafarian culture.

0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:52.560
<v Speaker 2>So I said, you know what, I'm gonna go with this.

0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:58.800
<v Speaker 1>Her name is Joanna g or Joanna, Joanna, Joanna, I

0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:00.800
<v Speaker 1>don't know. I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that,

0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:04.160
<v Speaker 1>but anyway, her name is Joanna or Joanna Gee. I'm

0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.560
<v Speaker 1>going to link the cover, of course in the show notes,

0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.360
<v Speaker 1>but I'm also going to link her Instagram in the

0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:13.680
<v Speaker 1>show notes, and I want you to just get into it.

0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Her voice is beautiful and she does the song justice.

0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:19.640
<v Speaker 1>Like I said before, sometimes when I post these covers

0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:24.080
<v Speaker 1>in here, like I'm like, man, this is some Mickey

0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Mouse fraggle nago, you know what. But sometimes when I

0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:30.120
<v Speaker 1>get it right, or when they get it right, they

0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.199
<v Speaker 1>get it right, or I get it right because it's

0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.360
<v Speaker 1>my show. But I got it right this time. I

0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:39.240
<v Speaker 1>really really love this version. And I will say I'm

0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.760
<v Speaker 1>only posting a snippet, but do yourself a favor and

0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.080
<v Speaker 1>go listen to her entire version.

0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:45.440
<v Speaker 2>It's really, really, really.

0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Good and I hope you like it, and let's get

0:11:48.080 --> 0:12:20.000
<v Speaker 1>into it right now. So Sins excuse me for interrupting

0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:23.760
<v Speaker 1>your listening experience, but Sins has this is the longest

0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.920
<v Speaker 1>intro to the song ever, and if you watch the video,

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.680
<v Speaker 1>you will understand why because she is setting it up

0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.840
<v Speaker 1>and she's using her feet. I love people who use

0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:34.680
<v Speaker 1>their feet to do things. But she's using her feet

0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.440
<v Speaker 1>to set her tone and do all her buttons and

0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.240
<v Speaker 1>all that stuff. But good God says like it's taking

0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:43.360
<v Speaker 1>too long. People want to hear the song, so I

0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:45.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of broke it up for y'all, but I wanted

0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.560
<v Speaker 1>y'all to hear how it comes in with that acoustic guitar.

0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:52.160
<v Speaker 2>So go ahead, let's get back into it. Sorry about that, right.

0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:11.760
<v Speaker 4>TV on a strange there's no hip message and then

0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:18.640
<v Speaker 4>talk to me, yes if you can come down.

0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:18.880
<v Speaker 3>Or not?

0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 4>My friends nd I of mona ways, so.

0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:41.520
<v Speaker 3>Out of lon way. I don't wanna waits you go,

0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:45.079
<v Speaker 3>I don't.

0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.360
<v Speaker 4>Wanna h.

0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:13.640
<v Speaker 2>Now, let's get into the show.

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:24.280
<v Speaker 1>Friends and Ken, we are here today with my friend Bianca.

0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 1>Some people call her be, some people call her b Jamel,

0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.800
<v Speaker 1>some people call her Bianca. I call her Bianca because

0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.240
<v Speaker 1>that is how I met her, and that is how

0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:37.880
<v Speaker 1>I address her. Or I call her siss because she

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:43.320
<v Speaker 1>is my sister. And we are talking today about This

0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:45.640
<v Speaker 1>is part two in a series of three or four

0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:50.600
<v Speaker 1>game pot on the culture of dating in the black community,

0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.200
<v Speaker 1>and we're going to talk a lot about love and

0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:57.880
<v Speaker 1>actually friends and ken. We have been talking for an

0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:04.000
<v Speaker 1>hour and yours truly did not record it on zoom

0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:08.080
<v Speaker 1>because you know what, sometimes things happen, and so we

0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:11.760
<v Speaker 1>are going to try to have this conversation again. And

0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, that was just like a rehearsal, you know,

0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:18.640
<v Speaker 1>And I'm thankful that she is flexible and she is

0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 1>understanding that I am a human being, and you know,

0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:23.200
<v Speaker 1>sometimes we make mistakes.

0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:24.720
<v Speaker 2>And we are going to get into this thing.

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 1>And I am going to say, Okay, in the name

0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:32.760
<v Speaker 1>of Jesus, as God looks down upon us from uh

0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:38.200
<v Speaker 1>sitting on high the universe, our ancestors, We're gonna bless

0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:43.080
<v Speaker 1>this conversation. It's gonna be amazing. Okay, that's right. So

0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have Bianca introduce herself and then we are

0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:52.360
<v Speaker 1>gonna go ahead and get started with this conversation. Bianca

0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.240
<v Speaker 1>introduced herself to my friends.

0:15:54.360 --> 0:16:00.760
<v Speaker 3>Okay, please, I can try. So all of sort of

0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:03.040
<v Speaker 3>friends in pasting know me as to be on them.

0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:05.080
<v Speaker 3>People that know me a bit more intimately called me

0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:06.920
<v Speaker 3>b and the people that know me from music, which

0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.640
<v Speaker 3>is what I do know me as b Jamel.

0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 2>She has the voice of a goddess.

0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:19.120
<v Speaker 1>And I am going to link her instagram in the

0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.800
<v Speaker 1>show notes and if you have time, no make time,

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.480
<v Speaker 1>go and go just go look on her Instagram and

0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:27.880
<v Speaker 1>listen to this woman sing.

0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:29.720
<v Speaker 2>She has such a beautiful voice.

0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:34.320
<v Speaker 1>Her mother was a backup singer or a background singer,

0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.960
<v Speaker 1>a background vocalist for Richard Smallwood.

0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:40.600
<v Speaker 3>Right, yes, the Richard Smaller. She was actually a part

0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.000
<v Speaker 3>of the original Rick Richard Smallwood Singers. They were a group.

0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.360
<v Speaker 2>She wasn't no background singer. Her mama ain't no background singer.

0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:54.720
<v Speaker 3>She m part of the original Richard smallwot singer. So

0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:55.800
<v Speaker 3>I was a road baby.

0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:57.040
<v Speaker 2>She was a road baby.

0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:58.720
<v Speaker 1>And so that lets you know that we're gonna get

0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:00.600
<v Speaker 1>a little churchy up in here today. And when I

0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:03.200
<v Speaker 1>say churchy, I don't mean it in the judgmental way.

0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:06.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean I'm gonna be shondeauing up in here. Okay,

0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.920
<v Speaker 1>it's because it already did happen.

0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:12.399
<v Speaker 2>But guess what, I wasn't recording it. But guess what,

0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:14.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm a Shondeau again because some of.

0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.400
<v Speaker 3>These just like in the service, we're gonna go all day.

0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:21.720
<v Speaker 2>You're gonna go all night. So goe, so listen, gone,

0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:22.720
<v Speaker 2>get you something to drink.

0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:29.160
<v Speaker 1>Sit down, sat down, as as church mother say, sat down,

0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.919
<v Speaker 1>Go get you something to drink. Sat down, pull up

0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:35.120
<v Speaker 1>a seat and get ready. The first thing I want

0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.640
<v Speaker 1>to ask Banca is I want you to tell me about.

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:41.119
<v Speaker 2>Your favorite thing to drink. And it could be anything.

0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.600
<v Speaker 1>That be water, It could be tea, It could be coffee,

0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.600
<v Speaker 1>It could be milk, it could be kafir, it could

0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:47.760
<v Speaker 1>be tequila.

0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:49.200
<v Speaker 2>What is your favorite thing to drink?

0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:51.760
<v Speaker 3>Well? When might just gonna talk about what I'm finished

0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.320
<v Speaker 3>gonna write this second which is uh, this wonderful good,

0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:57.600
<v Speaker 3>Come on.

0:17:59.200 --> 0:17:59.760
<v Speaker 1>Cha in it?

0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:02.920
<v Speaker 3>You know, like a little sweet. I like sweet and creamies.

0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:03.920
<v Speaker 3>I see.

0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:07.800
<v Speaker 1>She likes a sweet and creamy drink and I am

0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:15.639
<v Speaker 1>the exact opposite. I do not like creamy liquorish.

0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.959
<v Speaker 2>Be I do not. I don't drink Bailey's. Now.

0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.520
<v Speaker 1>I did go to Canada. I went to Niagara Falls.

0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:22.080
<v Speaker 1>If you guys ever get a chance to go to

0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:26.440
<v Speaker 1>Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls has amazing vineyards and they have

0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:32.520
<v Speaker 1>amazing wineries. And Wayne Gretzky, who used to play with

0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.960
<v Speaker 1>the I don't even know what they're called.

0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:38.480
<v Speaker 2>But who did he play for? Whatever?

0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:41.960
<v Speaker 1>That's a Generation X thing. Yeah, Wayne Gretzky. If you're

0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.080
<v Speaker 1>a Generation EX or you know about Wayne Gretzky. But

0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:47.400
<v Speaker 1>whoever he played for, I can't remember. But he has

0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:54.399
<v Speaker 1>a whiskey distillery and winery in Niagara Falls, and I

0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:57.560
<v Speaker 1>went there and I did a whiskey tasting and I

0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>tasted their like clem liqueur, and it's kind of like Bailey's,

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.359
<v Speaker 1>but it made Bailey taste like sour milkchail when I

0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:07.359
<v Speaker 1>tell you, it was delicious and.

0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:10.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't drink stuff like that, but it was so good.

0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:12.680
<v Speaker 1>So if you ever get a chance when outside open

0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:17.679
<v Speaker 1>back up and other countries allow our peasantly American selves

0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:19.200
<v Speaker 1>to visit their countries.

0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:23.040
<v Speaker 2>And listen, listen, that's really what it is.

0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:27.080
<v Speaker 1>Once other countries allow our raggedy ass American selves to

0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.080
<v Speaker 1>come visit them again, make your way to Niagara Falls

0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:31.760
<v Speaker 1>and go on a wine tasting tour.

0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:32.920
<v Speaker 2>It's so amazing.

0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:37.119
<v Speaker 1>And make sure you go to Wayne Gretzky's distillery. It

0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.639
<v Speaker 1>is really, really, really nice. But anyway, I digress. So

0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:42.160
<v Speaker 1>we know what she likes to drink.

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:44.359
<v Speaker 2>We know about her mama.

0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:48.040
<v Speaker 1>She was beautiful. She is beautiful like her mama. And

0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:52.240
<v Speaker 1>today we are going to be talking about love and

0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:57.480
<v Speaker 1>relationships and dating in the black community. And as I

0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:01.240
<v Speaker 1>sit here saying this to you, I'm really internally beating

0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:04.480
<v Speaker 1>myself up for not recording that first conversation we had.

0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:06.800
<v Speaker 2>And just trying to figure out, like, how do we

0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:07.840
<v Speaker 2>move on from this?

0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.920
<v Speaker 1>And that's kind of like what dating is. It's like,

0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:14.119
<v Speaker 1>you know, you have a good time, you know, and

0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:17.520
<v Speaker 1>things are beautiful and they go really well, and then

0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:22.440
<v Speaker 1>something reminds you that you just did not do something right,

0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:26.639
<v Speaker 1>something ain't right, and if you look up and everything

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:30.480
<v Speaker 1>is gone to ship and then you're wondering, how.

0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:32.600
<v Speaker 2>Do I move on from here? That is exactly what

0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:36.000
<v Speaker 2>this That is exactly what happened. Am I lying the uncle?

0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:38.040
<v Speaker 3>It sounds pretty accurate.

0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm in I'm in here recording I you know, I

0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:42.000
<v Speaker 2>went out.

0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:46.320
<v Speaker 3>Of yourself.

0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:49.159
<v Speaker 1>I went out today and I went out and I

0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:51.040
<v Speaker 1>hung out with my cousin and I'm actually in her

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:53.480
<v Speaker 1>room now, so we actually have a third party in here.

0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:57.119
<v Speaker 1>You might hear making black lady noises like m I

0:20:57.280 --> 0:21:00.560
<v Speaker 1>know that's right in the background, and you know, there's

0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:06.359
<v Speaker 1>always somewhere, somebody there to witness the deterioration of your relationship.

0:21:05.800 --> 0:21:08.119
<v Speaker 2>And that is what happened today, you know. But you

0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:10.359
<v Speaker 2>know what this is, This is us moving forward.

0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:12.480
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So we are going to move forward. I'm not

0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:16.359
<v Speaker 1>gonna harbor any ill will for myself. I'm not gonna

0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.960
<v Speaker 1>beat myself up for not doing this right. I'm just

0:21:19.000 --> 0:21:20.760
<v Speaker 1>gonna move forward and we're just gonna get into it.

0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:23.920
<v Speaker 1>So the first thing that I would like to talk

0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:30.320
<v Speaker 1>about is the shifts in dating, Like there's there's there's

0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:34.240
<v Speaker 1>been a shift in in dating and in relationships in

0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:37.880
<v Speaker 1>our community. Things are very very different than they were

0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:40.520
<v Speaker 1>when I was in high school. Things are very very

0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:42.960
<v Speaker 1>different than they were when I was in college. Things

0:21:42.960 --> 0:21:45.480
<v Speaker 1>are different than they were when I was in my twenties. Okay,

0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:47.399
<v Speaker 1>and that's when I got a little I got a

0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:48.440
<v Speaker 1>little wild.

0:21:48.280 --> 0:21:48.879
<v Speaker 2>In my twenties.

0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:50.920
<v Speaker 1>I got a little while in my late twenties, I

0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:54.879
<v Speaker 1>was late to the wild party. Okay, but even then, like,

0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.840
<v Speaker 1>things are so much different now, what do you think

0:21:57.920 --> 0:21:58.159
<v Speaker 1>that is?

0:21:58.240 --> 0:22:03.280
<v Speaker 2>What do you think that's about the shift? Let's name

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:03.760
<v Speaker 2>the shift?

0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:05.800
<v Speaker 3>What is the shift? See?

0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:07.800
<v Speaker 2>What do we call it? Oh?

0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:10.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm not even gonna repeat what my cousin just said

0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:13.920
<v Speaker 1>because it's not appropriate. Okay, I definitely want to know,

0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:18.880
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna see if I can paraphrase that she said,

0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:22.639
<v Speaker 1>because dudes are starting to act like chicks.

0:22:23.240 --> 0:22:25.600
<v Speaker 2>And you can use your imagination and put one and

0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:28.680
<v Speaker 2>two together and imagine what she really said.

0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna say it, but basically she said, dudes

0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.120
<v Speaker 1>be acting like chicks. Now, what I will say as

0:22:34.119 --> 0:22:36.600
<v Speaker 1>a disclaimer is that para hand me my purse. We

0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:37.919
<v Speaker 1>are not here to bash men.

0:22:38.200 --> 0:22:40.440
<v Speaker 2>It is not what we do. I love black men.

0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 2>I came from a black man, and you can run

0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:45.720
<v Speaker 2>with that whatever you want.

0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:51.480
<v Speaker 1>Did you hear where I was going. I came from

0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:53.680
<v Speaker 1>a black man, and I came for a black man

0:22:55.359 --> 0:22:57.600
<v Speaker 1>actually recently, and it was amazing.

0:22:59.280 --> 0:23:02.280
<v Speaker 2>The drought is over. The draft is over, Friends and Ken,

0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:07.399
<v Speaker 2>The draft is over. That COVID draft is over. Hallelu Okay, okay,

0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:09.000
<v Speaker 2>it's over. I'm on now.

0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:11.520
<v Speaker 3>It's over.

0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Because I was in the background, come on with the

0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:18.280
<v Speaker 2>over drought. COVID draft is over.

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:20.520
<v Speaker 1>So I would say this that was so inappropriate and

0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:23.199
<v Speaker 1>for my actual auntour listening, I'm very sorry. I did

0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:25.480
<v Speaker 1>not mean to say that. Please don't spank me and

0:23:25.720 --> 0:23:27.159
<v Speaker 1>still give me presents on Christmas.

0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:32.480
<v Speaker 2>Auntie's listen, Wait a minute, did you hear what she said?

0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:35.320
<v Speaker 2>She said, aunties be throwing it back too. That's right.

0:23:37.880 --> 0:23:39.720
<v Speaker 3>With the best of them, most taking that.

0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:43.560
<v Speaker 2>I wish I wish the aunties would teach me how

0:23:43.600 --> 0:23:45.159
<v Speaker 2>they threw it back, because they're the ones with the

0:23:45.240 --> 0:23:46.399
<v Speaker 2>husbands for thirty.

0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:48.200
<v Speaker 3>Years, loyal husbands.

0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:53.840
<v Speaker 2>Listen, they they driving kids, the appointments. Tell me how

0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:57.760
<v Speaker 2>to be like you? Oh, great sensation. Listen.

0:23:58.119 --> 0:23:59.720
<v Speaker 3>I mean I've been throwing it in the circle. Should

0:23:59.720 --> 0:24:01.040
<v Speaker 3>it be an me?

0:24:01.200 --> 0:24:02.640
<v Speaker 2>Should it be in a rectangle?

0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:04.560
<v Speaker 3>Your age? Yes?

0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.040
<v Speaker 2>Your ways? O grace sent say, but so what do

0:24:09.119 --> 0:24:11.720
<v Speaker 2>you what do you attribute let's name this shift? What

0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:13.760
<v Speaker 2>is the shift? Do you think? So my cousin seems

0:24:13.760 --> 0:24:16.200
<v Speaker 2>to think that the shift is that dudes be acting

0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:21.000
<v Speaker 2>like ladies. Okay, and I mean there may be some.

0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:24.440
<v Speaker 3>They could never I feel like they act.

0:24:24.440 --> 0:24:28.760
<v Speaker 1>Like listen, because acting like a woman. If men acted

0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:31.920
<v Speaker 1>like women, we will probably be in good relationships. Right.

0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:38.879
<v Speaker 3>They acting like they're acting like the societal stereotype of

0:24:39.080 --> 0:24:42.239
<v Speaker 3>women and the societal ideal of women like they they

0:24:42.320 --> 0:24:47.920
<v Speaker 3>do enjoy a certain amount of like you said in

0:24:48.000 --> 0:24:52.160
<v Speaker 3>the in the Lost Recordings, the Lost Files very much

0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:56.040
<v Speaker 3>them coming into sort of the awareness of the scarcity,

0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:02.399
<v Speaker 3>the imbalanced and just availability of they know.

0:25:04.080 --> 0:25:04.800
<v Speaker 2>So here's the thing.

0:25:04.960 --> 0:25:08.200
<v Speaker 1>In the Loss Recordings we talked about how you know,

0:25:08.440 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 1>brothers know now that like they do hot shit on

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:13.800
<v Speaker 1>the streets, like it used to be a thing where

0:25:14.240 --> 0:25:18.239
<v Speaker 1>like women were the thing, right and where like if

0:25:18.320 --> 0:25:20.720
<v Speaker 1>there were brothers, and there were uncles and the father

0:25:21.040 --> 0:25:23.439
<v Speaker 1>and the cousins and even the mamas and the sisters,

0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:24.840
<v Speaker 1>like you need to come over here. We need to

0:25:24.880 --> 0:25:27.160
<v Speaker 1>bring this dude over here. Let's check him out. Let's

0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:29.959
<v Speaker 1>see if he is good enough for you. Men nowadays,

0:25:30.000 --> 0:25:32.480
<v Speaker 1>don't let him have no little funky job, that little

0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:37.240
<v Speaker 1>funky degree. Don't let him wash his ears and wear cologne.

0:25:37.440 --> 0:25:42.480
<v Speaker 1>Child and have au bill think that they are doing

0:25:42.600 --> 0:25:45.240
<v Speaker 1>something Chia. They looking at it like, oh no, Sis,

0:25:45.520 --> 0:25:48.800
<v Speaker 1>you need this, you need me. That is based on

0:25:48.880 --> 0:25:52.040
<v Speaker 1>what society tells us about our men. I don't necessarily

0:25:52.119 --> 0:25:55.840
<v Speaker 1>subscribe to that concept. I do not believe that all

0:25:55.920 --> 0:25:58.400
<v Speaker 1>men are dogs, especially all black men. I don't believe

0:25:58.440 --> 0:26:00.320
<v Speaker 1>that all black men are bad fathers. I do not

0:26:00.440 --> 0:26:02.239
<v Speaker 1>believe that all black men are in jail, or all

0:26:02.280 --> 0:26:04.119
<v Speaker 1>black men are gay, or all black men are cheaters,

0:26:04.200 --> 0:26:05.360
<v Speaker 1>or all black men or anything.

0:26:05.840 --> 0:26:07.800
<v Speaker 2>I believe that all black men are beautiful, but.

0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:08.800
<v Speaker 1>Some my may right.

0:26:12.720 --> 0:26:16.800
<v Speaker 3>We're all victims of the same poor conditioning, like we're

0:26:16.880 --> 0:26:20.440
<v Speaker 3>all trying to unlearn, you know, sort of the value

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.920
<v Speaker 3>systems of the larger culture, the culture we've been sat

0:26:23.000 --> 0:26:28.280
<v Speaker 3>down then forced to adhere to. Is that very much?

0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:30.760
<v Speaker 3>I don't think it's a matter of I agree with you,

0:26:30.840 --> 0:26:32.200
<v Speaker 3>and I want to make sure that I voice that

0:26:32.280 --> 0:26:35.880
<v Speaker 3>I agree that. I have no delusions about black men

0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:39.240
<v Speaker 3>being ain't shit, men are trash, they all lost, that

0:26:39.400 --> 0:26:42.040
<v Speaker 3>they all get. I don't have that. That don't believe that.

0:26:42.200 --> 0:26:46.119
<v Speaker 3>That's not been that my experience. I know, wonderful black men, delightful.

0:26:46.359 --> 0:26:48.280
<v Speaker 3>I mean, hell, why would we be looking for one?

0:26:48.840 --> 0:26:51.920
<v Speaker 3>You know? You know, I don't harbor the belief that

0:26:52.000 --> 0:26:55.880
<v Speaker 3>all that black men are worth anything. I don't at all. However,

0:26:56.480 --> 0:26:59.200
<v Speaker 3>availability is an issue. Like we talked about skill, I

0:26:59.200 --> 0:27:02.520
<v Speaker 3>think it's really just the sheer quantity. It is a

0:27:02.680 --> 0:27:05.240
<v Speaker 3>matter of not being enough to meet the demand for

0:27:06.080 --> 0:27:09.040
<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean? Every woman to have and

0:27:09.320 --> 0:27:13.560
<v Speaker 3>eligible and willing black man.

0:27:13.720 --> 0:27:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Like.

0:27:13.840 --> 0:27:21.040
<v Speaker 3>The ideas are changing the idea of monogamy, long term relationship,

0:27:21.600 --> 0:27:25.200
<v Speaker 3>lifelong commitments. It's are starting to become past save a bit.

0:27:25.480 --> 0:27:29.359
<v Speaker 1>This whole idea of monogamy like it has that that

0:27:29.560 --> 0:27:33.320
<v Speaker 1>is that is one of the mayor shifts and not

0:27:33.480 --> 0:27:38.480
<v Speaker 1>that polyamory and polyamorous love. And you know it is

0:27:38.600 --> 0:27:40.879
<v Speaker 1>new because it's not because people have been doing this

0:27:41.000 --> 0:27:43.320
<v Speaker 1>for ages. We're gonna track this all the way back

0:27:43.359 --> 0:27:48.320
<v Speaker 1>to where Africa. Let's gone back. Okay, so it has

0:27:48.359 --> 0:27:50.879
<v Speaker 1>been done and it's still done there, you know. And

0:27:51.160 --> 0:27:54.080
<v Speaker 1>Islam men can take multiple wives and it's and it

0:27:54.400 --> 0:27:57.840
<v Speaker 1>is not frowned upon. It is it is welcomed, you know.

0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:01.040
<v Speaker 1>And in non black culture it is a thing. But

0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:07.280
<v Speaker 1>now younger black people are adapting and deciding to live

0:28:07.400 --> 0:28:08.200
<v Speaker 1>those lifestyles.

0:28:08.480 --> 0:28:13.119
<v Speaker 2>Now, as for me and my house, I ain't gonna

0:28:13.119 --> 0:28:16.119
<v Speaker 2>be able to do. I ain't gonna be.

0:28:21.040 --> 0:28:24.600
<v Speaker 1>Let me explain something to you. That's when I become

0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:25.959
<v Speaker 1>an original head bussa.

0:28:26.359 --> 0:28:29.560
<v Speaker 2>It's me and it's you. Now, don't get me wrong.

0:28:29.680 --> 0:28:32.520
<v Speaker 1>Now, I you know, you never know what you will

0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:35.600
<v Speaker 1>be open to, Like down the road, and you know,

0:28:35.840 --> 0:28:38.520
<v Speaker 1>but in this bedroom, it's gonna be me and it's

0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:41.400
<v Speaker 1>gonna be you. In this house, it's gonna be me

0:28:41.520 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 1>and you if you decide. Yeah, in this neighborhood, okay,

0:28:48.680 --> 0:28:50.640
<v Speaker 1>but you know, you know, And it's funny, you know.

0:28:50.840 --> 0:28:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel like there's been a shift in the way

0:28:53.120 --> 0:28:56.000
<v Speaker 1>that I see things. I'm not married, I'm not even

0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:59.080
<v Speaker 1>in a long term relationship, but I do view like

0:28:59.200 --> 0:29:01.640
<v Speaker 1>I start I I have started to look at like

0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:06.200
<v Speaker 1>the concept the marriage differently. Like, you know, we are

0:29:06.320 --> 0:29:09.840
<v Speaker 1>taught as women or as humans, but I'm talking about

0:29:09.840 --> 0:29:12.320
<v Speaker 1>women because I'm a woman. We are taught as women

0:29:12.480 --> 0:29:14.880
<v Speaker 1>that you find a husband and you are with him,

0:29:14.960 --> 0:29:17.040
<v Speaker 1>and y'all are together, and you stay together and you

0:29:17.120 --> 0:29:19.520
<v Speaker 1>don't divorce, and you have kids and it is good,

0:29:19.560 --> 0:29:21.480
<v Speaker 1>and you stay together and you grow old together and

0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:23.560
<v Speaker 1>by any means necessary, it's just the two of you.

0:29:24.160 --> 0:29:25.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, as I get.

0:29:25.000 --> 0:29:28.040
<v Speaker 1>Older, Like I don't really know, Like I'm not even

0:29:28.080 --> 0:29:31.040
<v Speaker 1>gonna lie, Like sometimes I wonder like being with the

0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:33.480
<v Speaker 1>same man, sleeping with the.

0:29:33.560 --> 0:29:38.520
<v Speaker 2>Same man for forty years. I like it too many.

0:29:38.400 --> 0:29:44.960
<v Speaker 1>Different things only eaten fried chicken, French fries with ketchup

0:29:45.640 --> 0:29:48.520
<v Speaker 1>and lemonade every day for forty years.

0:29:49.120 --> 0:29:49.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't want that.

0:29:51.280 --> 0:29:54.240
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to all what I'm And this is.

0:29:54.200 --> 0:29:56.520
<v Speaker 1>A conversation that I've had with myself on a minia day.

0:29:56.800 --> 0:29:59.239
<v Speaker 1>What I'm praying is that one day, because I've never

0:29:59.320 --> 0:30:02.120
<v Speaker 1>been married, I said, I'm praying that one day I

0:30:02.200 --> 0:30:04.320
<v Speaker 1>meet a man, that I meet him and I say,

0:30:04.360 --> 0:30:06.040
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I don't even.

0:30:06.000 --> 0:30:07.800
<v Speaker 2>Want to be with nobody else but you for the

0:30:07.880 --> 0:30:10.800
<v Speaker 2>rest of my life. Now, God bless me, because I

0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:12.800
<v Speaker 2>would like to. I would like for that to happen.

0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I do. I want. I want that, but I don't

0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:16.120
<v Speaker 2>really know.

0:30:17.680 --> 0:30:20.240
<v Speaker 3>I can't even envision, like and I really just try

0:30:20.440 --> 0:30:22.760
<v Speaker 3>try and shape in my brain in my imagination. I

0:30:22.840 --> 0:30:25.720
<v Speaker 3>try to imagine a man that I'll meet and feel, like,

0:30:25.800 --> 0:30:31.080
<v Speaker 3>you know what, every second the rest of my life.

0:30:31.320 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>And I don't want but women. Here's another thing. I

0:30:34.840 --> 0:30:36.800
<v Speaker 2>don't even want nobody else.

0:30:37.320 --> 0:30:37.560
<v Speaker 3>Just you.

0:30:38.000 --> 0:30:40.480
<v Speaker 2>That just you is real that.

0:30:42.080 --> 0:30:46.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if I'm wired that way. I don't.

0:30:46.120 --> 0:30:48.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I have to be honest, I don't

0:30:48.280 --> 0:30:50.720
<v Speaker 1>know so, but but you know, like, what does that

0:30:50.880 --> 0:30:53.360
<v Speaker 1>mean for a relationship, Like what would that look like?

0:30:53.600 --> 0:30:55.760
<v Speaker 1>And if if the shift is there with us as

0:30:55.920 --> 0:31:00.680
<v Speaker 1>as young relatively young black women like I can only

0:31:00.840 --> 0:31:04.880
<v Speaker 1>imagine what the shift is like for black men our

0:31:04.960 --> 0:31:10.440
<v Speaker 1>age right, because men are not men are not raised

0:31:10.720 --> 0:31:16.960
<v Speaker 1>and taught to seek out monogamy or seek out at

0:31:17.000 --> 0:31:22.240
<v Speaker 1>all monogamous relationships and to seek out, you know, relationship.

0:31:22.480 --> 0:31:26.280
<v Speaker 1>Men are taught from a young age, especially in our culture,

0:31:27.160 --> 0:31:30.120
<v Speaker 1>live your life, partner, live your life player, have all

0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:30.640
<v Speaker 1>the ladies.

0:31:30.720 --> 0:31:33.280
<v Speaker 2>I hate when I hear you know, I've had this.

0:31:33.320 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 1>Conversation many times when you hear like women say things like, oh,

0:31:38.440 --> 0:31:41.360
<v Speaker 1>my son is cute. All the girls in kinnygarten like

0:31:41.520 --> 0:31:45.760
<v Speaker 1>my son. My son, or my son a pimp, all

0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:47.400
<v Speaker 1>the little girls in his class like him.

0:31:47.800 --> 0:31:49.960
<v Speaker 2>Excuse me, he's a baby.

0:31:50.200 --> 0:31:51.720
<v Speaker 3>What are you talking about? A baby?

0:31:52.720 --> 0:31:55.600
<v Speaker 1>And like for women, it's like, you need to find

0:31:55.600 --> 0:31:58.160
<v Speaker 1>a boyfriend. You can't have all these different boyfriends. And

0:31:58.240 --> 0:32:00.160
<v Speaker 1>because it looks bad and you look like a but

0:32:00.520 --> 0:32:01.200
<v Speaker 1>let me tell you something.

0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:02.040
<v Speaker 2>I coach cheerleader.

0:32:02.080 --> 0:32:04.240
<v Speaker 1>I tell them little girls all the time, don't have

0:32:04.320 --> 0:32:06.600
<v Speaker 1>no boyfriend, or if you do have a boyfriend at

0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 1>all the different schools in the in the cate have

0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:12.719
<v Speaker 1>a boyfriend in DC, if you could find one. It's technology.

0:32:12.880 --> 0:32:15.280
<v Speaker 1>Find your DC boyfriend, I drive you down there and

0:32:15.400 --> 0:32:16.800
<v Speaker 1>go on a date and sit in the back with

0:32:16.880 --> 0:32:19.600
<v Speaker 1>you if you want, you know, find you see what

0:32:19.760 --> 0:32:20.160
<v Speaker 1>you like?

0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:24.120
<v Speaker 2>Why do women have to be caught up in in

0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:27.000
<v Speaker 2>search of a monogamous relationship?

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:30.000
<v Speaker 1>But men get to quote unquote like King Joffy Joe

0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Firth told to Prince.

0:32:32.040 --> 0:32:35.960
<v Speaker 2>I can your royal oats. I tell my cheerleaders.

0:32:36.040 --> 0:32:38.640
<v Speaker 1>I tell them you need to sew them otesys and that,

0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:40.280
<v Speaker 1>and I tell them that does not mean that you

0:32:40.440 --> 0:32:43.600
<v Speaker 1>sleep with them, because everybody should not be privy and there.

0:32:45.000 --> 0:32:46.120
<v Speaker 2>Because everybody should not be.

0:32:46.200 --> 0:32:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Privy to your business. But go out, date a bunch

0:32:51.600 --> 0:32:54.080
<v Speaker 1>of guys, have a good time. And whoever says that

0:32:54.120 --> 0:32:55.760
<v Speaker 1>you're a slut, you can tell them to call me

0:32:57.000 --> 0:32:59.000
<v Speaker 1>and I'll explain to them that that you are not

0:32:59.200 --> 0:33:01.360
<v Speaker 1>and why you are not. Why is a woman a

0:33:01.400 --> 0:33:03.720
<v Speaker 1>slut if she dates a lot of guys? But like

0:33:04.160 --> 0:33:05.120
<v Speaker 1>boys are pimps.

0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:11.320
<v Speaker 2>That little Patnotna got all a little holes in his class,

0:33:11.480 --> 0:33:12.560
<v Speaker 2>all little holes up in.

0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:16.840
<v Speaker 3>School like they are four. What are you talking about

0:33:17.720 --> 0:33:18.120
<v Speaker 3>there in the.

0:33:18.160 --> 0:33:22.400
<v Speaker 2>Second grade, sir? You know that I don't think that

0:33:22.560 --> 0:33:27.800
<v Speaker 2>we should be saying that it's okay, no, oh goodness,

0:33:28.480 --> 0:33:31.560
<v Speaker 2>but that and I feel that way. What do you

0:33:31.640 --> 0:33:33.320
<v Speaker 2>think do you feel the same way like when it

0:33:33.400 --> 0:33:35.600
<v Speaker 2>comes to monogamy, Like, I don't know, it's a little

0:33:35.640 --> 0:33:36.120
<v Speaker 2>bit different.

0:33:36.720 --> 0:33:38.959
<v Speaker 3>That's a conversation I was having just the other day,

0:33:39.000 --> 0:33:43.360
<v Speaker 3>in fact, talking to one of my brothers about the

0:33:43.400 --> 0:33:47.960
<v Speaker 3>whole idea that the fact that culture focuses on and

0:33:48.240 --> 0:33:51.400
<v Speaker 3>pushes forth the idea that men are by nature non

0:33:51.520 --> 0:33:54.720
<v Speaker 3>monogamous and noncommittal, like they're wired and they're just the

0:33:54.840 --> 0:34:02.200
<v Speaker 3>bio biological makeup is to desire, seek out, engage multiple women. Okay,

0:34:02.400 --> 0:34:06.880
<v Speaker 3>and I believe it, believe that's true. However, there's been

0:34:06.960 --> 0:34:10.600
<v Speaker 3>no investigation into, you know, the biological makeup of women.

0:34:11.920 --> 0:34:14.239
<v Speaker 2>It's not of their concern. It doesn't matter because we're

0:34:14.280 --> 0:34:17.840
<v Speaker 2>supposed to exactly lay on our backs, catch these babies,

0:34:18.200 --> 0:34:21.239
<v Speaker 2>lay on our back, push out these babies, and get

0:34:21.320 --> 0:34:23.440
<v Speaker 2>up on your feet and take care of these babies

0:34:24.040 --> 0:34:25.920
<v Speaker 2>and consider that.

0:34:29.239 --> 0:34:32.920
<v Speaker 3>It's mutual. No, I don't believe humans are wired to

0:34:32.960 --> 0:34:36.960
<v Speaker 3>be monogamous. We all have capacity to seek out, engage,

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:42.400
<v Speaker 3>enjoy multiple partners and every which way. Maybe maybe for

0:34:42.600 --> 0:34:45.080
<v Speaker 3>some sense of time. It is with one person you

0:34:45.160 --> 0:34:48.160
<v Speaker 3>are engaged for a duration of time, but sometimes there's

0:34:48.200 --> 0:34:50.560
<v Speaker 3>several However you choose to move I believe we all

0:34:50.640 --> 0:34:53.200
<v Speaker 3>have capacity to move about that way. But for some reason,

0:34:53.680 --> 0:34:56.640
<v Speaker 3>the focus you know what I mean, the law quote

0:34:56.680 --> 0:34:59.799
<v Speaker 3>unquote is being shaped around the fact that men are normal,

0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:08.080
<v Speaker 3>but ours, our non monogamous capacity desire is never disconsidered.

0:35:08.560 --> 0:35:13.759
<v Speaker 2>Discuss for discussion, it's not a discussion.

0:35:14.120 --> 0:35:16.080
<v Speaker 1>And part of that, like if you want to get

0:35:16.239 --> 0:35:18.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, ugly, it's so funny, like I'm on this

0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:24.000
<v Speaker 1>whole uh ancestral and like genealogical quest like I'm doing

0:35:24.080 --> 0:35:26.480
<v Speaker 1>all this research, I'm taking all these DNA tests, all

0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:30.640
<v Speaker 1>they doing all this stuff and so wonderful it is.

0:35:31.560 --> 0:35:33.560
<v Speaker 3>Podcast now, it's a wonderful journey.

0:35:33.640 --> 0:35:35.880
<v Speaker 1>Keep on it is, and I'm gonna do I'm gonna

0:35:35.920 --> 0:35:38.239
<v Speaker 1>do a show or two that might be a series too,

0:35:38.320 --> 0:35:39.800
<v Speaker 1>but I'm trying to just get all my ducks in

0:35:39.840 --> 0:35:42.440
<v Speaker 1>a row before i can like actually talk about it

0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:46.400
<v Speaker 1>because it is very heavy. Uh it's it's very heavy

0:35:46.480 --> 0:35:49.799
<v Speaker 1>spiritually for me. But I but in a good way,

0:35:49.880 --> 0:35:52.279
<v Speaker 1>not in a negative way. But I digress, which is

0:35:52.360 --> 0:35:55.279
<v Speaker 1>what we do here at handy mappers. We digress. So

0:35:56.320 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 1>I was talking to my grandmother the other day and

0:35:59.719 --> 0:36:01.839
<v Speaker 1>my grandfather, may he rest in peace, who passed away

0:36:01.880 --> 0:36:02.320
<v Speaker 1>in January.

0:36:02.320 --> 0:36:03.520
<v Speaker 2>I've spoken about him before.

0:36:03.840 --> 0:36:05.600
<v Speaker 1>He was in the Air Force, and he spent some

0:36:05.719 --> 0:36:09.680
<v Speaker 1>time in Japan, okay, And so we always joke not

0:36:09.880 --> 0:36:13.040
<v Speaker 1>with my grandmother, of course, because that would be totally disrespectful,

0:36:13.280 --> 0:36:16.319
<v Speaker 1>but we always joke about him possibly having some little

0:36:16.400 --> 0:36:20.400
<v Speaker 1>Japanese babies running around by me having some cousins and

0:36:20.440 --> 0:36:23.200
<v Speaker 1>some aunties and some uncles over there, right. And so

0:36:23.360 --> 0:36:25.680
<v Speaker 1>for the first time ever the other day, she knows

0:36:25.719 --> 0:36:28.200
<v Speaker 1>that I'm, you know, doing like this work, and she

0:36:28.360 --> 0:36:30.879
<v Speaker 1>said to me, well, did you ever uncover anything about

0:36:30.880 --> 0:36:34.240
<v Speaker 1>your grandfather having any kids in Japan? And I froze

0:36:34.880 --> 0:36:38.600
<v Speaker 1>because it's like h and I said, well, no, I haven't,

0:36:38.760 --> 0:36:38.960
<v Speaker 1>you know?

0:36:39.200 --> 0:36:41.880
<v Speaker 2>And if I did, you know? You know, if I do,

0:36:42.080 --> 0:36:43.759
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'll let you know. We'll talk about it,

0:36:43.960 --> 0:36:44.120
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:36:44.600 --> 0:36:47.840
<v Speaker 1>But that was the first time that I have not

0:36:47.960 --> 0:36:50.880
<v Speaker 1>ever heard of her speak of my grandfather not being monogamous.

0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:53.800
<v Speaker 2>But you know, like we like had a real conversation

0:36:53.920 --> 0:36:54.279
<v Speaker 2>about it.

0:36:54.719 --> 0:36:57.960
<v Speaker 1>And I think that it's just so much more acceptable

0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:02.200
<v Speaker 1>for men to step out of their marriage and their

0:37:02.280 --> 0:37:04.560
<v Speaker 1>relationship than it is for women.

0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:22.800
<v Speaker 2>But let me tell you what I know. Women do it. Listen,

0:37:24.400 --> 0:37:29.520
<v Speaker 2>aunties be getting they freak out, and you know, I wonder,

0:37:29.600 --> 0:37:30.200
<v Speaker 2>I wonder.

0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:33.000
<v Speaker 1>If it's a because you know, like I am a

0:37:33.120 --> 0:37:38.000
<v Speaker 1>big time conversationalist, right, I feel like a way to

0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:41.200
<v Speaker 1>maintain a healthy relationship, any relationship, whether it's with your doctor,

0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:45.240
<v Speaker 1>your maleman, your grandmother, your friends, your husband, your boyfriend,

0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:49.440
<v Speaker 1>your girlfriend, whatever, is that communication is vital, Like healthy

0:37:49.480 --> 0:37:51.040
<v Speaker 1>effective communication is vital.

0:37:51.680 --> 0:37:53.239
<v Speaker 2>Do they have conversations about this?

0:37:54.280 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 1>Like do they sit down and say, look like, I

0:37:56.560 --> 0:37:58.200
<v Speaker 1>love you, I want to be with you, but I

0:37:58.320 --> 0:38:00.960
<v Speaker 1>need this step. I gotta get some new penis, so

0:38:01.080 --> 0:38:02.839
<v Speaker 1>I need to get some new coochie like some got

0:38:02.880 --> 0:38:04.560
<v Speaker 1>to give I need to get I need him for

0:38:04.640 --> 0:38:05.120
<v Speaker 1>something else?

0:38:05.640 --> 0:38:06.600
<v Speaker 2>Like do they talk about that?

0:38:06.760 --> 0:38:06.960
<v Speaker 1>See?

0:38:07.280 --> 0:38:10.359
<v Speaker 3>I think I think that it probably there's probably more

0:38:10.440 --> 0:38:14.799
<v Speaker 3>occurrences of the women confront of the men, just letting

0:38:14.840 --> 0:38:16.480
<v Speaker 3>them know, I know you, I know you out here.

0:38:16.520 --> 0:38:19.400
<v Speaker 3>Hell you think I'm a fool, you think I'm on

0:38:19.480 --> 0:38:20.080
<v Speaker 3>my head like.

0:38:21.719 --> 0:38:21.759
<v Speaker 1>That.

0:38:22.120 --> 0:38:28.320
<v Speaker 3>But I don't think men really have the where like

0:38:28.400 --> 0:38:31.759
<v Speaker 3>they're not gonna be okay, like tell him. I just

0:38:31.840 --> 0:38:36.040
<v Speaker 3>want you to know, Carolyn, I know, I know you've

0:38:36.040 --> 0:38:37.640
<v Speaker 3>been out here, like I know you've been out here

0:38:37.680 --> 0:38:40.080
<v Speaker 3>sneaking around with John from up the street, like because

0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:43.480
<v Speaker 3>that's that's a you know, especially.

0:38:44.400 --> 0:38:47.520
<v Speaker 2>He's gonna go brust John's head to the white man, right.

0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:49.239
<v Speaker 3>That ain't gonna be no discussion. He gonna be like,

0:38:49.280 --> 0:38:51.360
<v Speaker 3>you know, I just I whooped John's ass down the

0:38:51.400 --> 0:38:57.399
<v Speaker 3>streets because I know you've been slipping around like knowing

0:38:57.440 --> 0:38:59.480
<v Speaker 3>the whole time you've been sleeping with Harry and I put,

0:38:59.560 --> 0:39:01.719
<v Speaker 3>I'll be put knowing you got a step in family.

0:39:01.760 --> 0:39:03.799
<v Speaker 3>I've been sending the money the whole time. You think

0:39:03.840 --> 0:39:06.279
<v Speaker 3>I'm stupid, Like women are more like that, Like, well

0:39:07.000 --> 0:39:10.560
<v Speaker 3>that's a real thing, it is, I know, so like

0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:13.759
<v Speaker 3>so it's different, and it's it's funny, like there's so

0:39:13.840 --> 0:39:17.560
<v Speaker 3>many occurrences of that pepper throughout our history just that

0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:19.239
<v Speaker 3>you know, we don't talk about it in the day, like,

0:39:19.320 --> 0:39:23.840
<v Speaker 3>but the understanding is there so much. We we know

0:39:24.040 --> 0:39:27.840
<v Speaker 3>how we wire. We know people aren't built to just

0:39:27.960 --> 0:39:31.840
<v Speaker 3>be with each other forever and ever. Yeah, you know

0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:33.959
<v Speaker 3>what I mean. And even sometimes I don't even argue

0:39:34.000 --> 0:39:38.560
<v Speaker 3>that stepping out strengthens your bond, and I think that

0:39:38.960 --> 0:39:42.520
<v Speaker 3>there's a delicate, sort of nuanced way to go about

0:39:43.000 --> 0:39:45.920
<v Speaker 3>discussing it implementing it. There's a certain amount of I

0:39:46.000 --> 0:39:49.960
<v Speaker 3>feel there's a certain amount of reference you still have

0:39:50.080 --> 0:39:53.279
<v Speaker 3>to maintain, yeah, or hoping, you know what I mean,

0:39:53.360 --> 0:39:56.439
<v Speaker 3>for home base or household. Like, I think that's that's

0:39:56.480 --> 0:39:58.560
<v Speaker 3>where things start to spiral a lot of controllers, when

0:39:58.600 --> 0:40:02.440
<v Speaker 3>you start to feel like your loved one is prefers

0:40:03.360 --> 0:40:09.959
<v Speaker 3>you know that the person outside of Yeah, but women,

0:40:10.120 --> 0:40:12.200
<v Speaker 3>especially women go ahead.

0:40:12.640 --> 0:40:13.680
<v Speaker 2>I think I think that.

0:40:16.000 --> 0:40:19.240
<v Speaker 1>When it comes to like that shift in that whole,

0:40:19.560 --> 0:40:22.959
<v Speaker 1>like you're saying that we're not really wired to only

0:40:23.080 --> 0:40:25.359
<v Speaker 1>be with someone. I want people to be clear when

0:40:25.400 --> 0:40:29.920
<v Speaker 1>we say that, you know, only be with one person,

0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:32.040
<v Speaker 1>it may not only be physical.

0:40:31.760 --> 0:40:32.279
<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean.

0:40:32.400 --> 0:40:34.560
<v Speaker 1>So it may be a thing where exactly you don't

0:40:34.600 --> 0:40:37.279
<v Speaker 1>physically step outside of your marriage, but you have a

0:40:37.400 --> 0:40:43.200
<v Speaker 1>friend and emotionally you step out, or spiritually you may

0:40:43.239 --> 0:40:46.239
<v Speaker 1>step up because maybe your spouse doesn't understand who you

0:40:46.360 --> 0:40:48.760
<v Speaker 1>are from a spiritual level, but you have a friend

0:40:48.960 --> 0:40:51.120
<v Speaker 1>or you meet somebody who understands you.

0:40:51.320 --> 0:40:52.840
<v Speaker 2>Does that mean that you don't love your wife or

0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:55.600
<v Speaker 2>your husband. Absolutely not, absolutely not.

0:40:56.080 --> 0:40:59.080
<v Speaker 1>But that means that maybe they just don't show up

0:40:59.120 --> 0:41:01.080
<v Speaker 1>in that way because I don't believe that anybody can

0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:06.319
<v Speaker 1>be everything to anybody, nor should that that's too much

0:41:06.400 --> 0:41:08.880
<v Speaker 1>of a burden, that's too much of a heavy weight

0:41:09.400 --> 0:41:12.640
<v Speaker 1>to carry. But I do believe that in some instances,

0:41:13.320 --> 0:41:17.040
<v Speaker 1>especially now, especially from a physical sense, because when you

0:41:17.160 --> 0:41:20.759
<v Speaker 1>are physically intimate with someone outside of your relationship, that

0:41:20.880 --> 0:41:23.040
<v Speaker 1>can pose a problem because you can bring stuff home

0:41:23.160 --> 0:41:27.120
<v Speaker 1>that you know can can make us sick. You can

0:41:27.280 --> 0:41:29.400
<v Speaker 1>you can, as my grandmother says, did you know that

0:41:29.480 --> 0:41:31.600
<v Speaker 1>so and so's husband got a baby on her? Like

0:41:31.719 --> 0:41:33.160
<v Speaker 1>you could get a baby on me, And then that's

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:34.800
<v Speaker 1>a problem because now you got to take care of

0:41:34.800 --> 0:41:37.560
<v Speaker 1>another baby, and that's dipping in the family's uh dividend.

0:41:37.680 --> 0:41:40.240
<v Speaker 2>I have a problem. There's a problem. That's a problem

0:41:40.239 --> 0:41:40.440
<v Speaker 2>for me.

0:41:40.760 --> 0:41:42.960
<v Speaker 1>But I wonder, like, do you feel like people should

0:41:43.040 --> 0:41:46.279
<v Speaker 1>talk to their spouse or their loved one if they

0:41:46.320 --> 0:41:50.360
<v Speaker 1>are in an emotional situation outside of their marriage.

0:41:50.840 --> 0:41:52.000
<v Speaker 2>Is that like is that a thing?

0:41:52.160 --> 0:41:54.160
<v Speaker 1>Like should they go to their wife or their husband

0:41:54.200 --> 0:41:58.360
<v Speaker 1>and say, look, I really love Bianca and you know

0:41:58.520 --> 0:42:00.759
<v Speaker 1>it's not going to get physical, but like I love

0:42:00.800 --> 0:42:02.000
<v Speaker 1>her and I love to talk.

0:42:01.920 --> 0:42:04.600
<v Speaker 2>To her, and I hope it's okay. I think this

0:42:04.680 --> 0:42:06.320
<v Speaker 2>is dumb to do that personally, I don't think you

0:42:06.400 --> 0:42:06.800
<v Speaker 2>need to do that.

0:42:07.360 --> 0:42:10.920
<v Speaker 3>So I think that things like this, this very scenario

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:13.320
<v Speaker 3>are a part of the shift we're talking about in

0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:16.319
<v Speaker 3>sort of awareness and ideals and value systems and all

0:42:17.000 --> 0:42:19.160
<v Speaker 3>the new monogamy, you know what I mean. Because I

0:42:19.160 --> 0:42:21.400
<v Speaker 3>don't think it's that people are departing from it altogether.

0:42:21.719 --> 0:42:25.560
<v Speaker 3>I think that it's starting to mutate into something that

0:42:25.760 --> 0:42:28.080
<v Speaker 3>it better suits sort of the time and space where

0:42:28.080 --> 0:42:30.880
<v Speaker 3>and we're in social media culture. You have constant access

0:42:30.920 --> 0:42:33.440
<v Speaker 3>to people from every edge of the earth. You do

0:42:33.600 --> 0:42:36.759
<v Speaker 3>you expect anybody not to end up emotionally even if

0:42:36.760 --> 0:42:39.640
<v Speaker 3>it's not their intention to become emotionally invested in another person.

0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:42.279
<v Speaker 3>Like now, you have access to you know, people who

0:42:42.320 --> 0:42:44.440
<v Speaker 3>are like you, you know what I mean, like it

0:42:44.719 --> 0:42:47.120
<v Speaker 3>and waste it. May be a partner and you love

0:42:47.200 --> 0:42:48.600
<v Speaker 3>them to death, you know what I mean.

0:42:48.680 --> 0:42:51.000
<v Speaker 1>They don't get you on that level, or they don't

0:42:51.200 --> 0:42:53.320
<v Speaker 1>they don't bring that out of you. And here's the

0:42:53.360 --> 0:42:56.120
<v Speaker 1>thing about that, Like, I think that I love that

0:42:56.200 --> 0:42:59.040
<v Speaker 1>you called it the new monogamy because because it is.

0:42:59.360 --> 0:43:01.919
<v Speaker 1>And here's the proof that people are not shying away

0:43:01.920 --> 0:43:06.080
<v Speaker 1>from monogamy, because if you look at the wedding industry,

0:43:06.960 --> 0:43:15.520
<v Speaker 1>whole industry, it's booming them dresses, them venues, the bride'smaid's dress, flowers,

0:43:16.560 --> 0:43:20.960
<v Speaker 1>food cakes, like that industry is constantly booming. Even being

0:43:21.040 --> 0:43:24.320
<v Speaker 1>in this pandemic or mixt excuse me, being in this pandemic,

0:43:24.680 --> 0:43:25.760
<v Speaker 1>it's still thriving.

0:43:26.880 --> 0:43:27.120
<v Speaker 3>People.

0:43:27.320 --> 0:43:28.840
<v Speaker 2>People ain't running from monogamy.

0:43:28.880 --> 0:43:31.759
<v Speaker 3>People likes to get married. Marrying at a protest, like

0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:33.239
<v Speaker 3>people like people get married.

0:43:34.600 --> 0:43:36.320
<v Speaker 2>Let me just let me just give me five seconds.

0:43:36.400 --> 0:43:38.600
<v Speaker 2>Let me be clear. I did not like that at all,

0:43:39.000 --> 0:43:41.439
<v Speaker 2>Like sit down. My cousin just says, sit your ass down.

0:43:44.719 --> 0:43:51.040
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, cousin, that's it sad much.

0:43:51.640 --> 0:43:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I digress, which is like I said, what we do here?

0:43:54.120 --> 0:43:56.480
<v Speaker 1>But I think that I like how that sounds the

0:43:56.560 --> 0:43:59.000
<v Speaker 1>new monogamy because when the time comes for me to

0:43:59.080 --> 0:44:03.720
<v Speaker 1>get married, like I have male friends that are very important.

0:44:03.320 --> 0:44:05.160
<v Speaker 2>To me, I'm not gonna want to give that up,

0:44:06.040 --> 0:44:06.200
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:44:06.920 --> 0:44:10.520
<v Speaker 1>And that doesn't mean that the relationship that I have

0:44:10.880 --> 0:44:14.160
<v Speaker 1>with them is going to be a problem in my marriage.

0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:17.239
<v Speaker 1>But I feel like my husband should understand, like this

0:44:17.440 --> 0:44:19.719
<v Speaker 1>is my friend and he understands me on the level

0:44:20.239 --> 0:44:22.480
<v Speaker 1>in a way that nobody else understands me, and it

0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:25.200
<v Speaker 1>should not get in the way. But on the flip side,

0:44:26.560 --> 0:44:29.919
<v Speaker 1>me scorpidity. Yeah, my moon is in scorpio, I said,

0:44:29.960 --> 0:44:31.000
<v Speaker 1>my moon is in scorpidity.

0:44:31.040 --> 0:44:31.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know.

0:44:34.360 --> 0:44:35.840
<v Speaker 3>I don't even know what that means.

0:44:36.640 --> 0:44:37.840
<v Speaker 2>My moon is in scorpio.

0:44:38.200 --> 0:44:39.960
<v Speaker 1>If my man told me that he had a friend

0:44:39.960 --> 0:44:42.920
<v Speaker 1>who understands him in a way that I don't serious,

0:44:43.120 --> 0:44:43.440
<v Speaker 1>I have a.

0:44:43.480 --> 0:44:46.160
<v Speaker 3>Problem with it right now.

0:44:46.400 --> 0:44:50.200
<v Speaker 2>No, I know, I know, but he should understand that

0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:55.719
<v Speaker 2>if I have a man who is nothing. But however, however, yeah,

0:44:55.760 --> 0:44:57.640
<v Speaker 2>I know it's bad. God is still working on me.

0:44:57.800 --> 0:45:00.239
<v Speaker 2>That's why I go to therapy. Okay, so I don't know.

0:45:00.360 --> 0:45:03.400
<v Speaker 3>But that's the conversation we're having exactly right now. Though.

0:45:03.400 --> 0:45:06.279
<v Speaker 3>It's trying to fit in, trying to figure out realistically

0:45:06.360 --> 0:45:08.960
<v Speaker 3>how do we fit into the new monogamy because there

0:45:08.960 --> 0:45:11.080
<v Speaker 3>are benefits to it. So when you get to enjoy

0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:14.720
<v Speaker 3>the benefits, yeah, we can talk about, you know, coloring

0:45:14.800 --> 0:45:16.800
<v Speaker 3>this a little differently, making it look a little different.

0:45:16.840 --> 0:45:20.080
<v Speaker 3>But am I equipped to do? I have the stomach

0:45:20.200 --> 0:45:25.880
<v Speaker 3>for reciprocating, you know, open myself and offering my partner

0:45:26.280 --> 0:45:30.600
<v Speaker 3>the freedoms I intend, very much intend to enjoy even

0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:31.320
<v Speaker 3>if I'm married.

0:45:31.600 --> 0:45:34.200
<v Speaker 1>And one of the questions when I thought about this,

0:45:34.560 --> 0:45:37.080
<v Speaker 1>and when I thought about this conversation, is you know,

0:45:38.120 --> 0:45:42.000
<v Speaker 1>this whole new dating shift in this culture of dating

0:45:42.120 --> 0:45:44.840
<v Speaker 1>and love in the Black community, Like.

0:45:45.040 --> 0:45:47.160
<v Speaker 2>Who do I have to become to fit into this

0:45:47.320 --> 0:45:51.360
<v Speaker 2>new box? Personally? I don't like fitting in the no boxes.

0:45:51.360 --> 0:45:52.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm a big lady. I don't really fit in the

0:45:53.000 --> 0:45:54.080
<v Speaker 2>box now what I do.

0:45:54.600 --> 0:45:57.920
<v Speaker 1>But in addition to that, like my freedom is compromised

0:45:57.960 --> 0:46:00.320
<v Speaker 1>when I'm asked to fit into a box. I have

0:46:00.400 --> 0:46:02.839
<v Speaker 1>a problem with my freedom being compromised.

0:46:03.560 --> 0:46:08.200
<v Speaker 3>Everything sort of marketed now as it's freedom, you know

0:46:08.200 --> 0:46:10.320
<v Speaker 3>what I mean, It's it's it's freedom and fluidity and

0:46:10.400 --> 0:46:15.080
<v Speaker 3>everyone have, you know, being being able to come and

0:46:15.160 --> 0:46:16.960
<v Speaker 3>go and do and feel as.

0:46:16.960 --> 0:46:20.880
<v Speaker 1>Please, that concept of so in the Loss recordings, friends

0:46:21.040 --> 0:46:25.920
<v Speaker 1>and we talked about fluidity and and and and and

0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:30.800
<v Speaker 1>love and dating from a from the concept of meanness

0:46:31.000 --> 0:46:34.680
<v Speaker 1>and selfness and eyness and basically from from dating from

0:46:34.760 --> 0:46:36.680
<v Speaker 1>your ego versus dating from your heart.

0:46:37.840 --> 0:46:39.000
<v Speaker 3>Boom that's that's good.

0:46:39.239 --> 0:46:40.040
<v Speaker 2>See, let me tell you something.

0:46:40.080 --> 0:46:40.359
<v Speaker 3>It's good.

0:46:40.360 --> 0:46:41.400
<v Speaker 2>We had them lost recordings.

0:46:41.480 --> 0:46:45.320
<v Speaker 1>But guess what we're ready now dating from your ego self,

0:46:45.719 --> 0:46:48.080
<v Speaker 1>Dating from your ego self, because that's really what it is,

0:46:48.239 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 1>because you're dating, like we talked about brothers, knowing that

0:46:51.640 --> 0:46:53.640
<v Speaker 1>like brothers is the hot day, the hot ship.

0:46:54.160 --> 0:46:54.960
<v Speaker 2>We want them.

0:46:55.360 --> 0:46:57.879
<v Speaker 1>We are seeking them out and like I said, don't

0:46:57.920 --> 0:47:03.880
<v Speaker 1>let them look good halfway, don't let him smell halfway, don't.

0:47:03.760 --> 0:47:06.600
<v Speaker 2>Let them be and listen, I'm a sucker for I

0:47:06.600 --> 0:47:07.680
<v Speaker 2>almost said that word.

0:47:07.960 --> 0:47:09.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm a sucker for a man that take care of

0:47:09.719 --> 0:47:12.160
<v Speaker 1>his kid because don't have no whole bunch of kids, please,

0:47:12.160 --> 0:47:14.879
<v Speaker 1>because I don't have time for that. A man who

0:47:14.960 --> 0:47:17.080
<v Speaker 1>got a kid and he take care of that kid

0:47:17.200 --> 0:47:18.360
<v Speaker 1>and he is a good daddy.

0:47:19.520 --> 0:47:23.520
<v Speaker 2>Jesus, jesus. It makes me hot. Why because even though

0:47:23.560 --> 0:47:25.239
<v Speaker 2>I don't really want no children.

0:47:25.040 --> 0:47:28.400
<v Speaker 1>If and so I decide that I'm gonna pop a

0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:31.719
<v Speaker 1>little chocolate baby out for you, I know that you're

0:47:31.719 --> 0:47:32.000
<v Speaker 1>gonna be.

0:47:32.000 --> 0:47:32.480
<v Speaker 2>A good daddy.

0:47:32.520 --> 0:47:32.880
<v Speaker 3>I like that.

0:47:33.440 --> 0:47:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it is because you know why sexy though, because

0:47:37.560 --> 0:47:38.280
<v Speaker 2>it's a commitment.

0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:41.799
<v Speaker 1>Come on, wait a minute, what we want to see

0:47:41.840 --> 0:47:46.480
<v Speaker 1>as black women, as black men committing to blackness, to

0:47:47.200 --> 0:47:49.520
<v Speaker 1>black babies that we make black.

0:47:49.320 --> 0:47:52.160
<v Speaker 2>Babies that they may we want to see. We want

0:47:52.200 --> 0:47:55.439
<v Speaker 2>to see black men committing two things that look like them.

0:47:55.920 --> 0:48:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Wait a minute, man, we want to see them committing

0:48:00.880 --> 0:48:02.440
<v Speaker 2>to things that look like them.

0:48:02.560 --> 0:48:04.680
<v Speaker 1>So if it's the black baby, if it's the black

0:48:04.719 --> 0:48:08.400
<v Speaker 1>baby mama, if it's me, like whatever it is, we want.

0:48:08.280 --> 0:48:09.920
<v Speaker 2>To see that that turns us on.

0:48:10.320 --> 0:48:12.000
<v Speaker 1>Look at him being a good dad. Look at him

0:48:12.040 --> 0:48:15.319
<v Speaker 1>coaching football with these little black kids. Look at him

0:48:16.120 --> 0:48:17.400
<v Speaker 1>preaching Sunday school.

0:48:18.000 --> 0:48:20.080
<v Speaker 2>What come on?

0:48:20.360 --> 0:48:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Now?

0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:23.120
<v Speaker 2>We want that because we want to be.

0:48:23.239 --> 0:48:26.520
<v Speaker 1>Loved by black men so bad. We don't understand, Like,

0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:29.120
<v Speaker 1>why don't y'all just love us in the same way

0:48:29.200 --> 0:48:31.040
<v Speaker 1>that we love you. And that's not to say that

0:48:31.160 --> 0:48:33.200
<v Speaker 1>all of them don't. Let's do this disclaiming so that

0:48:33.360 --> 0:48:35.040
<v Speaker 1>nobody's whining and seeing.

0:48:37.239 --> 0:48:38.799
<v Speaker 3>A man all men.

0:48:39.200 --> 0:48:43.120
<v Speaker 1>Clearly we're not talking about all black men. Clearly we

0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:45.759
<v Speaker 1>are not in no way, shape or form here.

0:48:45.920 --> 0:48:49.360
<v Speaker 3>How do you know all men? I'm not talking about

0:48:49.400 --> 0:48:49.839
<v Speaker 3>all men.

0:48:50.080 --> 0:48:52.320
<v Speaker 1>But even on that, like I'm not this is not

0:48:52.520 --> 0:48:55.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't even come from a place of male bashing,

0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:58.359
<v Speaker 1>especially black male bashing because I love black men. They

0:48:58.440 --> 0:49:03.239
<v Speaker 1>are beautiful, they are they are royal, They smell good,

0:49:03.840 --> 0:49:06.879
<v Speaker 1>the lips is good, like everything about them. I ain't

0:49:06.880 --> 0:49:08.920
<v Speaker 1>want to say they taste good because it's nasty, but

0:49:09.040 --> 0:49:11.600
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying, they skin.

0:49:11.520 --> 0:49:16.040
<v Speaker 2>Taste good when you lick on her heads. My cousin

0:49:16.080 --> 0:49:17.719
<v Speaker 2>looks up, she was like, what you talking about? You

0:49:17.800 --> 0:49:20.400
<v Speaker 2>know what I'm talking about. You got kids, I know

0:49:20.560 --> 0:49:22.840
<v Speaker 2>you know what I'm talking about. But I'm just saying, like,

0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:25.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, like, I love black men. But if we're

0:49:25.160 --> 0:49:28.560
<v Speaker 2>gonna have here's the tea. Okay, So we we.

0:49:30.120 --> 0:49:32.560
<v Speaker 1>I work at a school and we started PD and

0:49:32.680 --> 0:49:35.719
<v Speaker 1>we were having a conversation about implicit bias, right, And

0:49:35.960 --> 0:49:38.719
<v Speaker 1>the comment that I had in the conversation is that

0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:43.839
<v Speaker 1>we have to get very comfortable with having very uncomfortable conversations.

0:49:44.280 --> 0:49:46.360
<v Speaker 1>If we want to try to even create a ripple

0:49:46.480 --> 0:49:48.400
<v Speaker 1>in the water is a change, It's the same thing

0:49:48.440 --> 0:49:51.120
<v Speaker 1>in our community. If we are going to make ripples

0:49:51.200 --> 0:49:53.880
<v Speaker 1>which lead to waves and the waters are change in

0:49:53.960 --> 0:49:54.560
<v Speaker 1>our community.

0:49:54.800 --> 0:49:56.920
<v Speaker 2>We got to say shit that people don't want to hear.

0:49:57.400 --> 0:50:01.919
<v Speaker 2>Somebody gotta throw us downe. The truth of the matter

0:50:02.000 --> 0:50:04.560
<v Speaker 2>is that we love you. We just want y'all to

0:50:04.640 --> 0:50:07.880
<v Speaker 2>love us the same way, and clearly some of you do.

0:50:08.120 --> 0:50:10.360
<v Speaker 1>But I wouldn't say this if I felt like we

0:50:10.480 --> 0:50:12.520
<v Speaker 1>all felt like y'all love us the way that we

0:50:12.640 --> 0:50:14.800
<v Speaker 1>love y'all. And I'm gonna speak for black women and

0:50:14.840 --> 0:50:17.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna say we don't feel that way exactly.

0:50:18.080 --> 0:50:20.279
<v Speaker 3>Something is And even if they do believe in their

0:50:20.320 --> 0:50:22.480
<v Speaker 3>heart of hearts, which I don't believe they do like

0:50:23.719 --> 0:50:26.480
<v Speaker 3>that not all men things thrown in it to deflect

0:50:26.560 --> 0:50:29.759
<v Speaker 3>from whatever conversations we had at the time. That's neither though.

0:50:29.840 --> 0:50:33.000
<v Speaker 3>But maybe you do believe that you are, in earnest

0:50:33.200 --> 0:50:35.840
<v Speaker 3>providing the best love to put off for the black women.

0:50:36.080 --> 0:50:38.879
<v Speaker 3>Even if that's true, if it's not translating, if we're

0:50:38.920 --> 0:50:41.200
<v Speaker 3>telling you that it's not translating on our end, If

0:50:41.239 --> 0:50:43.319
<v Speaker 3>your true intention is to love us, then you need

0:50:43.400 --> 0:50:45.799
<v Speaker 3>to revise the way you love us. You don't get

0:50:45.840 --> 0:50:49.640
<v Speaker 3>to decide how the person you love needs to be loved, you.

0:50:49.680 --> 0:50:50.880
<v Speaker 2>Know what I mean. You don't get.

0:50:54.040 --> 0:50:56.400
<v Speaker 1>You don't get to God, you don't get to negate

0:50:56.520 --> 0:50:59.839
<v Speaker 1>my feelings. Basically, you don't get the gaslight me. If

0:50:59.880 --> 0:51:02.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying that when you did X, X made me

0:51:03.040 --> 0:51:05.520
<v Speaker 1>feel why and now we are here at Z. You

0:51:05.640 --> 0:51:07.759
<v Speaker 1>don't get to say that when you did X, it

0:51:07.840 --> 0:51:09.680
<v Speaker 1>shouldn't have made me feel like why. It should have

0:51:09.719 --> 0:51:12.799
<v Speaker 1>made me feel like w And now we are hey.

0:51:13.080 --> 0:51:14.000
<v Speaker 1>You don't get to do that.

0:51:14.960 --> 0:51:15.440
<v Speaker 3>You don't.

0:51:16.440 --> 0:51:19.640
<v Speaker 2>You do not Because what I am feeling is this.

0:51:20.680 --> 0:51:24.560
<v Speaker 1>And so if collectively we are saying and it is happening,

0:51:24.840 --> 0:51:26.759
<v Speaker 1>and like I said, there will be a conversation about

0:51:26.800 --> 0:51:29.080
<v Speaker 1>this down the road. If we are feeling that we

0:51:29.200 --> 0:51:32.040
<v Speaker 1>are not protected, we are not honored, we are not cherished,

0:51:32.080 --> 0:51:36.200
<v Speaker 1>we are not loved. Collectively as a unit, black women

0:51:36.280 --> 0:51:38.840
<v Speaker 1>are feeling that way when it comes to you, brothers

0:51:39.040 --> 0:51:41.080
<v Speaker 1>like y'all got to kind of check yourself before you

0:51:41.160 --> 0:51:44.680
<v Speaker 1>wreck yourself. And if we are going to address the issue,

0:51:44.800 --> 0:51:48.320
<v Speaker 1>then we have to start from great Granddaddy all the

0:51:48.400 --> 0:51:53.480
<v Speaker 1>way down to Tayte in kindergarten when it comes to protecting, honoring, cherishing,

0:51:53.600 --> 0:51:57.600
<v Speaker 1>and loving Black women holistically. And in order to do that,

0:51:57.719 --> 0:51:59.640
<v Speaker 1>we got to go to the root of the situation.

0:51:59.719 --> 0:52:03.320
<v Speaker 1>Because when it comes to creating a healing love energy

0:52:03.360 --> 0:52:05.520
<v Speaker 1>in our community, we got to go to the root

0:52:05.560 --> 0:52:07.680
<v Speaker 1>of the problem. And at the root of the problem.

0:52:08.360 --> 0:52:12.239
<v Speaker 1>There's a breakdown of the black fams. And sure we

0:52:12.360 --> 0:52:16.920
<v Speaker 1>can go back by five hundred years, okay, five hundred,

0:52:17.480 --> 0:52:20.719
<v Speaker 1>And I ain't saying five hundred, five hundreds.

0:52:21.360 --> 0:52:26.320
<v Speaker 2>That spelled f I g H five hundred is h

0:52:26.440 --> 0:52:27.160
<v Speaker 2>U n n it.

0:52:27.680 --> 0:52:31.200
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna go back about five hundred years, okay, to

0:52:31.360 --> 0:52:34.719
<v Speaker 1>when all of these things began, and the uprooting of

0:52:35.360 --> 0:52:38.200
<v Speaker 1>people on the continent of Africa and bringing them here

0:52:38.680 --> 0:52:44.759
<v Speaker 1>for capitalists gain or capital gain, and splitting families up.

0:52:44.880 --> 0:52:48.840
<v Speaker 1>The destruction of the black family is at the nucleus

0:52:49.080 --> 0:52:52.719
<v Speaker 1>of the breakdown of relationships between black men and black

0:52:52.760 --> 0:52:55.080
<v Speaker 1>women period.

0:52:56.200 --> 0:52:59.000
<v Speaker 2>Period. Po why do we both do that at the

0:52:59.040 --> 0:53:02.279
<v Speaker 2>same time? Somebody called that.

0:53:02.400 --> 0:53:04.880
<v Speaker 1>A comedian called that snatching in your dreams. Black one

0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:07.000
<v Speaker 1>will snatch your dreams out the air. We did it

0:53:07.120 --> 0:53:09.240
<v Speaker 1>at the same time. And that's on period.

0:53:09.680 --> 0:53:12.440
<v Speaker 2>Like at the end of the day. And as they say,

0:53:12.560 --> 0:53:14.840
<v Speaker 2>fight me, who gonna who want? Who won't check me?

0:53:15.960 --> 0:53:16.759
<v Speaker 1>Who won't check you do?

0:53:17.120 --> 0:53:18.160
<v Speaker 2>It's nothing you can say.

0:53:18.440 --> 0:53:23.160
<v Speaker 1>The breakdown of communication, of love, of understanding ooh, the

0:53:23.200 --> 0:53:27.080
<v Speaker 1>breakdown of understanding one another comes from the demise, the

0:53:27.200 --> 0:53:31.600
<v Speaker 1>destruction and the breakdown of our family.

0:53:32.520 --> 0:53:39.359
<v Speaker 3>Offer the reluctance to engage. The fear of investing, you know, right,

0:53:39.760 --> 0:53:42.680
<v Speaker 3>comes from the fear of having it snatched away from you.

0:53:43.200 --> 0:53:44.960
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean, If I don't invest in it,

0:53:45.040 --> 0:53:47.600
<v Speaker 3>it won't hurt as much when it's ripped from my grasp.

0:53:47.760 --> 0:53:51.040
<v Speaker 3>In our genetic memory, a certain amount of fear, fear

0:53:51.120 --> 0:53:54.600
<v Speaker 3>of investing, and really feeling for, you know, engaging in

0:53:54.840 --> 0:53:58.160
<v Speaker 3>love for our family, for the people nearest. That's because

0:53:58.160 --> 0:54:00.800
<v Speaker 3>at any moment, you know, wake up and they be

0:54:00.960 --> 0:54:01.399
<v Speaker 3>ripped away.

0:54:03.680 --> 0:54:05.760
<v Speaker 2>And guess what, we still have to deal with it today.

0:54:05.920 --> 0:54:07.319
<v Speaker 2>All you got to do is turn on the TV.

0:54:07.920 --> 0:54:11.120
<v Speaker 1>Because the police could shoot the man that you love,

0:54:11.560 --> 0:54:14.000
<v Speaker 1>the man that you gave birth to, the man that

0:54:14.120 --> 0:54:17.440
<v Speaker 1>you taught how to play basketball, whatever that looks like,

0:54:17.600 --> 0:54:20.319
<v Speaker 1>the man that helped you bring a life into this world,

0:54:20.520 --> 0:54:23.000
<v Speaker 1>could shoot him in his back seven or eight times,

0:54:23.640 --> 0:54:27.319
<v Speaker 1>like it's still happening. At any given time. Our men

0:54:27.400 --> 0:54:30.400
<v Speaker 1>can be snatched away from us still, or at any.

0:54:30.280 --> 0:54:33.360
<v Speaker 2>Given time we can be snatched away from them because

0:54:33.400 --> 0:54:38.400
<v Speaker 2>we ain't exempt they killing us too. Justice for Breonna Taylor.

0:54:38.480 --> 0:54:41.040
<v Speaker 1>They still ain't locked them bastards up that shot that

0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:44.240
<v Speaker 1>girl in her sleep, in her bed, in her house.

0:54:44.880 --> 0:54:46.960
<v Speaker 2>So I mean like that, we're still.

0:54:46.840 --> 0:54:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Being hunted for different purposes now, but we're still being

0:54:50.160 --> 0:54:52.480
<v Speaker 1>hunted and at any You know, this was not on

0:54:52.600 --> 0:54:54.800
<v Speaker 1>the lost recording because we didn't even get here, but

0:54:55.320 --> 0:54:57.840
<v Speaker 1>I get that, and you know, that's something that I

0:54:57.960 --> 0:55:00.880
<v Speaker 1>have thought about as well beyond and that is painful

0:55:01.280 --> 0:55:02.400
<v Speaker 1>and that makes me sad.

0:55:03.200 --> 0:55:04.359
<v Speaker 2>It makes me really sad.

0:55:05.520 --> 0:55:08.120
<v Speaker 3>Something you did mention in the Lost Recorders is talking

0:55:08.160 --> 0:55:10.239
<v Speaker 3>about we were sort of dealing with the well why

0:55:10.320 --> 0:55:12.880
<v Speaker 3>you said, well, why is it? The fear of the vulnerability?

0:55:13.040 --> 0:55:15.600
<v Speaker 3>Like why are they so scared? And that speaks to

0:55:15.680 --> 0:55:18.400
<v Speaker 3>that for me. I'm very very much one of the

0:55:18.480 --> 0:55:21.879
<v Speaker 3>belief that your soul remembers, your your DNA remembers even

0:55:21.920 --> 0:55:23.680
<v Speaker 3>if you don't have it in your conscious awareness, you

0:55:23.719 --> 0:55:26.239
<v Speaker 3>don't have access to it, like the memory is there,

0:55:26.960 --> 0:55:28.160
<v Speaker 3>you know what I mean. So a lot of our

0:55:28.239 --> 0:55:30.799
<v Speaker 3>men do function from a place of just fear of investment,

0:55:31.600 --> 0:55:34.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, in general, and howso fear of not being

0:55:34.040 --> 0:55:35.920
<v Speaker 3>able to live up to you know what I mean,

0:55:36.120 --> 0:55:37.719
<v Speaker 3>the expectations of heaving home.

0:55:37.880 --> 0:55:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I talk about this all the time. They were snatched

0:55:40.200 --> 0:55:42.600
<v Speaker 1>away and women had to band together. And you can

0:55:42.640 --> 0:55:45.200
<v Speaker 1>even see that now, Like you said, it's in your DNA,

0:55:45.280 --> 0:55:49.359
<v Speaker 1>it's in our DNA and our structural DNA. Those things

0:55:49.480 --> 0:55:52.520
<v Speaker 1>live on that whole like strong black independent woman that

0:55:52.600 --> 0:55:56.200
<v Speaker 1>didn't just that wasn't just born out of us getting jobs.

0:55:56.719 --> 0:56:01.320
<v Speaker 2>That came from us not having a choice. Yes, he

0:56:01.360 --> 0:56:02.440
<v Speaker 2>didn't have a choice.

0:56:02.920 --> 0:56:06.040
<v Speaker 1>Now we have options, right, but there was a time

0:56:06.080 --> 0:56:08.200
<v Speaker 1>where we didn't have a choice. We had to be

0:56:08.440 --> 0:56:12.360
<v Speaker 1>strong black independent women because there was no man around.

0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:16.960
<v Speaker 1>Because somebody slave owner, some slave, I don't want to

0:56:17.000 --> 0:56:21.640
<v Speaker 1>call him a master, some owner of human capital decided

0:56:21.640 --> 0:56:23.560
<v Speaker 1>they were going to take our fathers and our brothers

0:56:23.600 --> 0:56:26.359
<v Speaker 1>and our uncles and our sons away, and we as

0:56:26.440 --> 0:56:29.000
<v Speaker 1>women had to band together and say, look, sis, we're

0:56:29.000 --> 0:56:30.200
<v Speaker 1>gonna have to get this shit together.

0:56:30.280 --> 0:56:32.200
<v Speaker 2>We were CMB. We all we got.

0:56:32.560 --> 0:56:34.440
<v Speaker 1>You don't know what movie that's from, you know, get

0:56:34.480 --> 0:56:37.200
<v Speaker 1>your life, but we all we got, so we're gonna

0:56:37.200 --> 0:56:37.839
<v Speaker 1>figure this out.

0:56:38.239 --> 0:56:40.759
<v Speaker 2>That is the birth of the strong Black women. Don't

0:56:40.760 --> 0:56:42.200
<v Speaker 2>be mad at us because we are.

0:56:42.239 --> 0:56:46.880
<v Speaker 3>Such Absolutely we're talking about these are the things that

0:56:46.920 --> 0:56:49.600
<v Speaker 3>are being called to the mat in this current shift.

0:56:49.920 --> 0:56:53.080
<v Speaker 3>Is the ideals such as that the strong black woman,

0:56:53.560 --> 0:56:55.840
<v Speaker 3>the absent black men and people. We really are getting

0:56:55.840 --> 0:56:58.400
<v Speaker 3>to a place now where we're realizing that the context

0:56:58.480 --> 0:57:01.640
<v Speaker 3>has changed completely and we're still function like you know

0:57:01.640 --> 0:57:03.560
<v Speaker 3>what I mean, Like we realizing that, like why are

0:57:03.640 --> 0:57:04.680
<v Speaker 3>we acting like it?

0:57:06.200 --> 0:57:09.319
<v Speaker 2>Come on, come on, get your tabourine. We need tambourine.

0:57:11.120 --> 0:57:12.239
<v Speaker 2>We need tambourines.

0:57:13.880 --> 0:57:16.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was getting ready say why we need tambourines.

0:57:16.000 --> 0:57:18.640
<v Speaker 1>Because see, Beyonca grew up she was a tour baby.

0:57:18.720 --> 0:57:21.400
<v Speaker 1>Her mother was was a gospel singer, and I grew

0:57:21.480 --> 0:57:24.280
<v Speaker 1>up in the Holy Church. In high school. In high school,

0:57:24.320 --> 0:57:26.560
<v Speaker 1>I was in a colder church. And as a small child,

0:57:26.640 --> 0:57:29.160
<v Speaker 1>my godmother took me to a church child. The name

0:57:29.200 --> 0:57:31.600
<v Speaker 1>of the church was Revival Mission in the Holy Ghost.

0:57:31.360 --> 0:57:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Station Baptist Church. Okay, let me exca you something to you.

0:57:36.920 --> 0:57:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you what we did that.

0:57:40.480 --> 0:57:45.520
<v Speaker 1>Revival Mission and the Holy Ghost Station Baptist Church. Okay,

0:57:46.240 --> 0:57:49.800
<v Speaker 1>made my godmother resident power, Sadie Bradley.

0:57:49.920 --> 0:57:54.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Sadie made Bradley. We would be at church all

0:57:54.800 --> 0:57:56.360
<v Speaker 2>day and all night. They let me tell you what

0:57:56.440 --> 0:57:57.400
<v Speaker 2>kind of church that was.

0:57:57.760 --> 0:58:00.760
<v Speaker 1>That was the kind of church where they played warushboards

0:58:01.000 --> 0:58:04.320
<v Speaker 1>with bent up hangers I know about going to church, Okay,

0:58:04.960 --> 0:58:07.760
<v Speaker 1>I know about getting pinched on the backside of your arm.

0:58:09.560 --> 0:58:12.120
<v Speaker 2>Because you can't keep still. But you've been there for

0:58:12.240 --> 0:58:15.680
<v Speaker 2>six hours, so you're gonna pinch I've been there. I'm six.

0:58:17.800 --> 0:58:19.680
<v Speaker 3>Like old.

0:58:20.320 --> 0:58:23.880
<v Speaker 1>More than likely I had attention deficit hyperactive disorder.

0:58:24.440 --> 0:58:27.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, and you're gonna.

0:58:26.880 --> 0:58:42.400
<v Speaker 1>Pinch me because we've been here for six hours. Let

0:58:42.440 --> 0:58:45.400
<v Speaker 1>me explain something to you. So that's why we need tambourines.

0:58:45.440 --> 0:58:46.040
<v Speaker 2>I digress.

0:58:46.120 --> 0:58:49.959
<v Speaker 1>That's why we need these tambourines. That's what we were saying.

0:58:50.080 --> 0:58:54.000
<v Speaker 1>We operating from a place of slavery, mental slavery. Wait

0:58:54.000 --> 0:58:57.320
<v Speaker 1>a minute, stop emotional slavery.

0:58:58.800 --> 0:59:00.480
<v Speaker 3>Waittea that.

0:59:02.640 --> 0:59:05.240
<v Speaker 2>Emotional slavery. We are bound.

0:59:06.160 --> 0:59:09.040
<v Speaker 1>We are bound and at no fault of our own.

0:59:09.440 --> 0:59:11.800
<v Speaker 1>Because the truth of the matter is, how do we

0:59:11.920 --> 0:59:14.000
<v Speaker 1>correct this. I'm gonna tell you how we correct it.

0:59:14.080 --> 0:59:15.720
<v Speaker 1>We got to go straight to the wound. You got

0:59:15.760 --> 0:59:18.240
<v Speaker 1>to go straight to the hall. Like there's a nucleus.

0:59:18.680 --> 0:59:21.320
<v Speaker 1>The wound is a thing at the nucleus, at the

0:59:21.480 --> 0:59:23.000
<v Speaker 1>very center of this wound.

0:59:23.440 --> 0:59:25.000
<v Speaker 2>That is where we need to go. And it is

0:59:25.040 --> 0:59:25.880
<v Speaker 2>an ugly place.

0:59:26.640 --> 0:59:31.480
<v Speaker 1>It stinks, it's an open, nasty funky, nasty abscess of

0:59:31.520 --> 0:59:33.400
<v Speaker 1>a wound. But we gotta go there if we're gonna

0:59:33.400 --> 0:59:36.320
<v Speaker 1>heal it. And the unfortunate part is that people don't

0:59:36.360 --> 0:59:36.920
<v Speaker 1>want to go there.

0:59:37.000 --> 0:59:39.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't think we know how, you know, like looking

0:59:39.080 --> 0:59:42.720
<v Speaker 3>at couple's therapy for example, No, just literally just people therapy,

0:59:42.920 --> 0:59:45.280
<v Speaker 3>like people two people who have been in something and

0:59:45.520 --> 0:59:47.720
<v Speaker 3>their relationship has taken a turn for whatever reason, and

0:59:47.760 --> 0:59:50.560
<v Speaker 3>then they end up in couple's therapy, no matter how

0:59:50.680 --> 0:59:52.440
<v Speaker 3>much they know the truth to be true about how

0:59:52.520 --> 0:59:54.880
<v Speaker 3>much they contributed to the downfall of this matter, like

0:59:55.040 --> 0:59:57.280
<v Speaker 3>what what areas they fell short? It could have done wrong.

0:59:57.560 --> 1:00:00.720
<v Speaker 3>It's something about staying that shit out loud in real time,

1:00:00.960 --> 1:00:03.800
<v Speaker 3>letting it out into the air. It's something. It's a

1:00:03.920 --> 1:00:09.600
<v Speaker 3>vulnerable place admitting fault, admitting and inadequacy of any sort,

1:00:11.360 --> 1:00:14.840
<v Speaker 3>admitting your blind spots. And I think it's even more

1:00:14.920 --> 1:00:18.640
<v Speaker 3>difficult to admit when when when you were acting with

1:00:18.800 --> 1:00:22.040
<v Speaker 3>best intentions, when you believed it were doing good. You

1:00:22.080 --> 1:00:24.160
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean? You know to say, I think

1:00:24.200 --> 1:00:26.560
<v Speaker 3>that's where we come to a screeching hall. Every time

1:00:26.680 --> 1:00:29.320
<v Speaker 3>black men and black women make the attempt to try to,

1:00:29.720 --> 1:00:32.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, hash this thing out when we start getting

1:00:32.040 --> 1:00:34.720
<v Speaker 3>into having to really really pick apart the points that

1:00:34.880 --> 1:00:37.040
<v Speaker 3>make up the timeline of us, you know what I mean,

1:00:37.080 --> 1:00:39.840
<v Speaker 3>and the ways we've been sort of derailed and thrown

1:00:39.840 --> 1:00:41.560
<v Speaker 3>off and pulled the bat like. It's it's difficult to

1:00:41.720 --> 1:00:45.160
<v Speaker 3>pull like name each one of those things. Take owners like,

1:00:45.280 --> 1:00:49.200
<v Speaker 3>take ownership for them without feeling humiliated and far in

1:00:49.280 --> 1:00:52.760
<v Speaker 3>front of one another. The person, the person. I value you,

1:00:53.000 --> 1:00:56.880
<v Speaker 3>black man, it's your opinion I value most about anything

1:00:57.400 --> 1:00:59.480
<v Speaker 3>while we exist here on this planet. Either y'all hold

1:00:59.520 --> 1:01:02.280
<v Speaker 3>you in the high God. It's difficult for me to

1:01:02.320 --> 1:01:04.600
<v Speaker 3>sit still and here. You tell me you don't feel

1:01:04.720 --> 1:01:06.920
<v Speaker 3>like I was there for you didn't feel safe with me.

1:01:07.000 --> 1:01:08.800
<v Speaker 3>You didn't feel like you could tell me your stuff.

1:01:09.160 --> 1:01:11.080
<v Speaker 3>I didn't feel like you.

1:01:12.560 --> 1:01:12.760
<v Speaker 1>Women.

1:01:13.520 --> 1:01:15.320
<v Speaker 2>Go ahead, no, no, no, go ahead, say that.

1:01:16.720 --> 1:01:18.040
<v Speaker 3>I don't want you to lose your train of thought.

1:01:18.680 --> 1:01:19.920
<v Speaker 2>What you got to say? That's how.

1:01:20.120 --> 1:01:22.160
<v Speaker 1>That's how you know somebody loves you for who you

1:01:22.240 --> 1:01:24.440
<v Speaker 1>are because she knows that I will lose this.

1:01:24.520 --> 1:01:28.240
<v Speaker 2>Damn train of thought. I will. But I was gonna

1:01:28.240 --> 1:01:30.600
<v Speaker 2>say and and vice versa, for.

1:01:32.280 --> 1:01:37.800
<v Speaker 1>I could only imagine the burden that black men carry,

1:01:38.920 --> 1:01:42.720
<v Speaker 1>knowing that there's a stigma around their entire existence, that

1:01:42.840 --> 1:01:45.120
<v Speaker 1>they are not good fathers, that they are not good men,

1:01:45.440 --> 1:01:47.680
<v Speaker 1>that they are not they don't show up for the

1:01:47.880 --> 1:01:50.560
<v Speaker 1>their their women, that they are, they don't protect us.

1:01:50.800 --> 1:01:53.520
<v Speaker 1>I can't imagine how it makes them feel, especially the

1:01:53.640 --> 1:01:56.120
<v Speaker 1>men who do show up for us, the men who

1:01:56.600 --> 1:01:59.560
<v Speaker 1>who who are willing to stand in the gap for

1:01:59.720 --> 1:02:04.280
<v Speaker 1>black women. It has to hurt them in like a

1:02:04.440 --> 1:02:07.880
<v Speaker 1>dark place to hear those things being said. Even though

1:02:07.920 --> 1:02:12.000
<v Speaker 1>it's uncomfortable to be vulnerable with one another, and in

1:02:12.160 --> 1:02:15.480
<v Speaker 1>those spaces like therapy or even in bed at night,

1:02:15.840 --> 1:02:18.680
<v Speaker 1>or at the dinner table, or in the car or wherever,

1:02:19.120 --> 1:02:21.880
<v Speaker 1>it's hard to be vulnerable in those spaces. But when

1:02:21.920 --> 1:02:24.160
<v Speaker 1>we are not vulnerable in those spaces with the people

1:02:24.240 --> 1:02:26.400
<v Speaker 1>that we say we love the most and the people

1:02:26.480 --> 1:02:28.360
<v Speaker 1>that we say we cherish the most, then are we

1:02:28.520 --> 1:02:31.600
<v Speaker 1>operating from a place of emotional ego? Because I have

1:02:31.840 --> 1:02:34.040
<v Speaker 1>to take my ego and set it to the side

1:02:34.520 --> 1:02:36.640
<v Speaker 1>if I want to try to make this work with you,

1:02:36.960 --> 1:02:40.000
<v Speaker 1>Because I can't operate from a place that goes back

1:02:40.040 --> 1:02:42.520
<v Speaker 1>to that place of meanness and that place of selfness

1:02:42.640 --> 1:02:45.240
<v Speaker 1>and that place of eydness. I have to move beyond that,

1:02:45.480 --> 1:02:48.120
<v Speaker 1>because if I don't, we won't get to the root,

1:02:48.680 --> 1:02:50.800
<v Speaker 1>and at the root is the first point of healing.

1:02:51.040 --> 1:02:54.240
<v Speaker 3>I agree. But in order to be able to set

1:02:54.280 --> 1:02:56.960
<v Speaker 3>aside the ego, in order to engage in those conversations,

1:02:57.040 --> 1:03:00.720
<v Speaker 3>there has to be sort of the element of culture safety.

1:03:01.320 --> 1:03:03.640
<v Speaker 3>You have to have seen examples from one another, you know,

1:03:03.920 --> 1:03:06.400
<v Speaker 3>you have to feel safe, and I feel like I

1:03:06.480 --> 1:03:08.120
<v Speaker 3>had to not feel like I know. I had that

1:03:08.200 --> 1:03:11.480
<v Speaker 3>conversation recently with somebody that I used to deal with,

1:03:11.680 --> 1:03:14.680
<v Speaker 3>you know, for many years, like where he we're lon

1:03:14.800 --> 1:03:16.560
<v Speaker 3>not messed with each other at this point, but we're good,

1:03:16.600 --> 1:03:19.880
<v Speaker 3>good friends, And to have him tell me, you know,

1:03:20.760 --> 1:03:22.840
<v Speaker 3>I never felt like I could come to you and

1:03:22.960 --> 1:03:25.960
<v Speaker 3>talking about X y Z because I don't feel for

1:03:26.080 --> 1:03:28.200
<v Speaker 3>as much as you think that you're a safe space

1:03:28.280 --> 1:03:30.400
<v Speaker 3>and you think you created an atmosphere of but I

1:03:30.480 --> 1:03:33.760
<v Speaker 3>always felt like I would disappoint you. I felt like

1:03:33.880 --> 1:03:36.280
<v Speaker 3>you'd be upset with me. I felt I never felt.

1:03:36.080 --> 1:03:38.360
<v Speaker 2>Like I could bring you my heart, and that's gotta

1:03:38.400 --> 1:03:42.120
<v Speaker 2>hurt you, right exactly. And I was just like like, well.

1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:49.040
<v Speaker 3>Damn, because you could not tell me I'm not space right,

1:03:49.120 --> 1:03:57.120
<v Speaker 3>what you talking about? Exactly, And in that moment, I'm

1:03:57.600 --> 1:04:00.400
<v Speaker 3>extremely defensive everything in me. Rory that because you now

1:04:00.400 --> 1:04:03.200
<v Speaker 3>you're challenging what I what I believe is my identity.

1:04:03.480 --> 1:04:04.960
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean that the picture I've painted

1:04:05.040 --> 1:04:06.720
<v Speaker 3>of myself? You know what I mean that I am

1:04:06.800 --> 1:04:07.640
<v Speaker 3>this wait.

1:04:07.560 --> 1:04:11.320
<v Speaker 2>Warm and say, I mean the picture that has one

1:04:11.360 --> 1:04:12.080
<v Speaker 2>of your I.

1:04:12.120 --> 1:04:13.440
<v Speaker 3>Have painted myself.

1:04:13.640 --> 1:04:15.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's but that.

1:04:15.480 --> 1:04:18.680
<v Speaker 1>That is operating from that space of emotional ego, because

1:04:18.720 --> 1:04:21.240
<v Speaker 1>in my mind, this is what I have created. This

1:04:21.400 --> 1:04:23.640
<v Speaker 1>is the mask that I wear for the world and

1:04:23.840 --> 1:04:27.520
<v Speaker 1>on in this mask I Bianca am loving and warm,

1:04:27.600 --> 1:04:30.480
<v Speaker 1>and I create a space, a safe space of openness

1:04:30.960 --> 1:04:33.680
<v Speaker 1>for people to be free to be themselves.

1:04:34.160 --> 1:04:36.320
<v Speaker 2>But this man is saying, I know you didn't sist.

1:04:36.440 --> 1:04:42.760
<v Speaker 2>I didn't feel it telling you, but let you finish.

1:04:42.840 --> 1:04:44.880
<v Speaker 3>But that's not you know what I got for you?

1:04:45.400 --> 1:04:49.160
<v Speaker 3>You know and what you know? And in that moment,

1:04:49.200 --> 1:04:52.800
<v Speaker 3>I had a decision to make, you know, either defend myself,

1:04:52.920 --> 1:04:56.080
<v Speaker 3>defend my identity so that I could be comfortable you know, yes,

1:04:56.440 --> 1:04:58.200
<v Speaker 3>because I did. How can how you gonna tell me?

1:04:58.600 --> 1:05:01.439
<v Speaker 3>Or because we're doing this work now, we're talking about

1:05:01.480 --> 1:05:04.440
<v Speaker 3>shifting into something that we're not operating from a space.

1:05:04.280 --> 1:05:07.760
<v Speaker 2>Of you know what I mean emotional ideas like.

1:05:07.800 --> 1:05:10.560
<v Speaker 3>If we're wanting to make this, make it together and

1:05:10.720 --> 1:05:13.280
<v Speaker 3>resolve things, not so that him and I can move

1:05:13.320 --> 1:05:15.400
<v Speaker 3>forward together because we've longed part of ways. But it's

1:05:15.440 --> 1:05:19.080
<v Speaker 3>my duty to help him recover, you know, from moments

1:05:19.120 --> 1:05:22.680
<v Speaker 3>where I have made him disempowered, you know, disempowered him,

1:05:22.720 --> 1:05:25.120
<v Speaker 3>made him feel it's my job to if I can

1:05:25.760 --> 1:05:28.520
<v Speaker 3>now fixed or help him move toward being able to

1:05:28.880 --> 1:05:30.919
<v Speaker 3>heal a wound so that now he can move forward

1:05:30.960 --> 1:05:32.640
<v Speaker 3>and be good to one of our assistants so that

1:05:32.720 --> 1:05:34.760
<v Speaker 3>he's not And I say this one of my cuanator

1:05:34.840 --> 1:05:38.280
<v Speaker 3>other day, that people have the habit of not not

1:05:38.680 --> 1:05:41.560
<v Speaker 3>resolving things in their situations and moving forward and then

1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:45.920
<v Speaker 3>trying to retroactively recover power from them for themselves from past.

1:05:46.000 --> 1:05:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Herds say that one more time in the.

1:05:49.720 --> 1:05:56.120
<v Speaker 3>Back retroactively address moments and occurrences in the past where

1:05:56.120 --> 1:05:59.600
<v Speaker 3>they felt disempowered and they're in other relationships. Rather than

1:05:59.680 --> 1:06:03.080
<v Speaker 3>dealing with the person the incident that cast that wound,

1:06:03.160 --> 1:06:05.600
<v Speaker 3>they just try to move forward. And what they do

1:06:05.840 --> 1:06:09.920
<v Speaker 3>is create a you know where they're over vigilant, over

1:06:10.040 --> 1:06:13.920
<v Speaker 3>protective of themselves overreacting to everything, and now they've become

1:06:14.400 --> 1:06:15.480
<v Speaker 3>the very person.

1:06:15.320 --> 1:06:18.080
<v Speaker 2>That they were talking that they were and that they

1:06:18.160 --> 1:06:18.800
<v Speaker 2>ran away from.

1:06:18.880 --> 1:06:21.479
<v Speaker 1>Right. We all know what happens when you suppress things.

1:06:21.760 --> 1:06:24.840
<v Speaker 1>So when you suppress things, you know there's pressure, you

1:06:24.960 --> 1:06:27.040
<v Speaker 1>put pressure on it, you push it down, you put

1:06:27.080 --> 1:06:28.680
<v Speaker 1>pressure on it, you push it down, push it down,

1:06:28.760 --> 1:06:33.480
<v Speaker 1>push it down, and then eventually it's gonna blow up.

1:06:35.080 --> 1:06:37.400
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna blow up, and who knows what's gonna happen

1:06:37.840 --> 1:06:38.480
<v Speaker 1>when it.

1:06:40.000 --> 1:06:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Blows up.

1:06:40.840 --> 1:06:42.600
<v Speaker 1>I do want to make sure that something that we

1:06:42.760 --> 1:06:45.200
<v Speaker 1>touched on. We went a little bit to church on

1:06:45.360 --> 1:06:52.520
<v Speaker 1>the Loss recordings. We were talking about when men say

1:06:53.840 --> 1:06:55.439
<v Speaker 1>when they get to that place. We were talking about

1:06:55.480 --> 1:06:59.360
<v Speaker 1>commitment and when they say that they are not ready

1:06:59.440 --> 1:07:02.000
<v Speaker 1>to commit it. And Bianca said something that was so

1:07:02.200 --> 1:07:04.560
<v Speaker 1>powerful and amazing, and I'm gonna have her say it again.

1:07:04.560 --> 1:07:05.600
<v Speaker 1>Tell me about the lasagna.

1:07:06.520 --> 1:07:10.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. See, I can't take credit for that, but hit me.

1:07:12.680 --> 1:07:14.720
<v Speaker 1>You see, you know, this is why the Internet is good,

1:07:14.760 --> 1:07:18.040
<v Speaker 1>because you see things and you think to yourself, whoever

1:07:18.120 --> 1:07:21.760
<v Speaker 1>said this is a genius, And I personally would like

1:07:21.840 --> 1:07:24.400
<v Speaker 1>to thank them from the bottom of my heart because

1:07:24.880 --> 1:07:27.520
<v Speaker 1>it struck a nerve in. Me's gonna tell you what

1:07:27.640 --> 1:07:28.320
<v Speaker 1>this thing said.

1:07:28.520 --> 1:07:31.560
<v Speaker 3>Okay, many of you, I'm sure have seen it and

1:07:31.600 --> 1:07:34.280
<v Speaker 3>said when the man says he's not ready to be

1:07:34.720 --> 1:07:37.320
<v Speaker 3>in a relationship that with you, it's silent like the

1:07:37.400 --> 1:07:38.240
<v Speaker 3>GM Lasania.

1:07:39.040 --> 1:07:41.960
<v Speaker 2>This sister do un said, come on now that I'm

1:07:42.000 --> 1:07:43.520
<v Speaker 2>not ready whatever it is.

1:07:43.640 --> 1:07:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm not ready to have a child. I'm not ready

1:07:46.480 --> 1:07:49.320
<v Speaker 1>to get married. I'm not ready to move in with you.

1:07:50.040 --> 1:07:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not ready to take a bath with you. I'm

1:07:53.160 --> 1:07:56.120
<v Speaker 1>not ready to be engaged to you. I'm not ready

1:07:56.200 --> 1:07:58.720
<v Speaker 1>to go out in the daytime with you because you're.

1:07:58.920 --> 1:08:01.440
<v Speaker 3>I'm not ready to call it's a relationship, even though

1:08:01.480 --> 1:08:04.120
<v Speaker 3>we spend twenty four hours days and seven days a

1:08:04.160 --> 1:08:05.840
<v Speaker 3>week together and I live in your house and I

1:08:05.920 --> 1:08:07.760
<v Speaker 3>faith fields here. My name is on Steven, your name

1:08:07.880 --> 1:08:12.400
<v Speaker 3>is on my step. Well, we got to call this something, Oh, I'm.

1:08:15.280 --> 1:08:17.280
<v Speaker 1>Because the truth is and the reason that we got

1:08:17.320 --> 1:08:20.240
<v Speaker 1>to this conversation and the loss recordings is because we

1:08:20.439 --> 1:08:25.880
<v Speaker 1>were talking about how we will be in a situationship, right,

1:08:26.120 --> 1:08:28.920
<v Speaker 1>because that's what the people are called. And entanglement, dare

1:08:29.040 --> 1:08:33.760
<v Speaker 1>I say, get entangled? Come on in the upper room,

1:08:34.080 --> 1:08:36.840
<v Speaker 1>Come on in the upper room and get entangled. For God,

1:08:36.960 --> 1:08:40.360
<v Speaker 1>do you understand me? So you cut yourself in a situation, right,

1:08:40.880 --> 1:08:44.000
<v Speaker 1>and so you in the situation. And I can only speak,

1:08:44.040 --> 1:08:47.439
<v Speaker 1>and can only speak from a black woman's perspective because

1:08:47.479 --> 1:08:49.160
<v Speaker 1>that's who we are. But I know I have been

1:08:49.200 --> 1:08:51.000
<v Speaker 1>in a situation where I wanted a black man to

1:08:51.040 --> 1:08:53.200
<v Speaker 1>love me so bad. God have mercy that I was

1:08:53.280 --> 1:08:56.000
<v Speaker 1>willing to jeopardize and sacrifice and put everything on the

1:08:56.080 --> 1:08:59.519
<v Speaker 1>line in hopes that maybe there was a time and

1:09:00.120 --> 1:09:02.759
<v Speaker 1>say something this just happened. I'm willing to put everything

1:09:02.800 --> 1:09:04.559
<v Speaker 1>on the line because I want this man to love

1:09:04.640 --> 1:09:07.680
<v Speaker 1>me so bad. I want him to love me that

1:09:07.800 --> 1:09:11.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna excuse all of the things that are

1:09:11.400 --> 1:09:14.400
<v Speaker 1>important to me because I want him to love me.

1:09:14.520 --> 1:09:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna provide a space of relationship for him. He

1:09:17.680 --> 1:09:19.840
<v Speaker 1>ain't really doing it for me, but I'm gonna provide

1:09:19.840 --> 1:09:21.680
<v Speaker 1>a space of relationship with him. So I'm gonna treat

1:09:21.760 --> 1:09:23.439
<v Speaker 1>him like he my man, because if I treat him

1:09:23.479 --> 1:09:25.160
<v Speaker 1>like he my man, he might feel like he my man,

1:09:25.200 --> 1:09:26.800
<v Speaker 1>and then we might be together because he might say,

1:09:26.800 --> 1:09:27.040
<v Speaker 1>oh my.

1:09:28.160 --> 1:09:29.640
<v Speaker 2>He gonna be like, oh my God, I want to

1:09:29.680 --> 1:09:32.759
<v Speaker 2>be with her because she treats me so good. No, Sis,

1:09:33.680 --> 1:09:36.200
<v Speaker 2>that ain't how it worked. So you in a situation

1:09:36.240 --> 1:09:38.160
<v Speaker 2>where you are creating a space for a man, where

1:09:38.360 --> 1:09:40.160
<v Speaker 2>you are treating him like he is your boyfriend, like

1:09:40.200 --> 1:09:43.200
<v Speaker 2>he is your husband, like he is your long term whatever.

1:09:43.720 --> 1:09:45.200
<v Speaker 2>But he ain't really doing that for you.

1:09:45.880 --> 1:09:48.280
<v Speaker 1>And he's telling you, and he has told you, come

1:09:48.320 --> 1:09:50.080
<v Speaker 1>on beyond because we can really catch the Holy ghost

1:09:50.080 --> 1:09:53.360
<v Speaker 1>because we don't have this conversation. We both have been

1:09:53.400 --> 1:09:55.439
<v Speaker 1>in situations where we kind of like have put a

1:09:55.479 --> 1:09:56.599
<v Speaker 1>whole lot on the line.

1:09:57.160 --> 1:10:00.719
<v Speaker 2>But you know, brothers told us like we you ain't ready.

1:10:01.680 --> 1:10:04.360
<v Speaker 3>You really want me there? You know I'm down here,

1:10:04.520 --> 1:10:05.400
<v Speaker 3>but I ain't here.

1:10:05.560 --> 1:10:08.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they want that, Like we don't really want that.

1:10:09.000 --> 1:10:09.920
<v Speaker 2>And see, here's the thing.

1:10:11.040 --> 1:10:13.200
<v Speaker 1>So many times, and maybe this happens with men too,

1:10:13.560 --> 1:10:16.599
<v Speaker 1>But you sacrifice so much yourself, or you sacrifice things,

1:10:16.760 --> 1:10:19.640
<v Speaker 1>or you know, you overlook things them bread, flags and

1:10:19.720 --> 1:10:22.960
<v Speaker 1>flags for a reason. You do all those things in

1:10:23.120 --> 1:10:27.200
<v Speaker 1>hopes of you dating the potential you are dating. Who

1:10:27.280 --> 1:10:29.960
<v Speaker 1>you want this person to be, or who you have dreams,

1:10:30.040 --> 1:10:33.280
<v Speaker 1>aspirations and the imagination that this person could one day

1:10:33.360 --> 1:10:36.599
<v Speaker 1>be if they flush out or if everything works out.

1:10:37.040 --> 1:10:38.960
<v Speaker 1>But the truth of the matter is most of the

1:10:39.040 --> 1:10:42.360
<v Speaker 1>time they don't flush out, and once they do flesh out,

1:10:42.439 --> 1:10:43.560
<v Speaker 1>they don't want to be with you.

1:10:44.280 --> 1:10:47.280
<v Speaker 3>I find that a lot of them don't value nothing

1:10:47.320 --> 1:10:50.280
<v Speaker 3>they can have come up. Their sense herself is so

1:10:50.439 --> 1:10:52.519
<v Speaker 3>fucked up. It's just like if she wants me, and

1:10:52.560 --> 1:10:56.000
<v Speaker 3>I only even think it's something they have awareness, it's

1:10:56.160 --> 1:10:59.080
<v Speaker 3>very much a devaluing of you because they can have you.

1:10:59.080 --> 1:11:01.719
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean? Why she I don't trust

1:11:01.800 --> 1:11:03.599
<v Speaker 3>the person that would want me the way I am,

1:11:03.680 --> 1:11:05.560
<v Speaker 3>the way I'm showing up in this moment and she

1:11:05.720 --> 1:11:09.320
<v Speaker 3>wants me to wrong with her? All come on, and.

1:11:09.400 --> 1:11:11.960
<v Speaker 1>That's gonna We're gonna keep that because that that right?

1:11:12.040 --> 1:11:16.640
<v Speaker 1>That was a word a word on high Okay, Like

1:11:17.000 --> 1:11:18.760
<v Speaker 1>if we I said, this is the last show. If

1:11:18.840 --> 1:11:23.720
<v Speaker 1>we are socially conditioned to not honor, value, and cherish ourselves,

1:11:24.680 --> 1:11:28.720
<v Speaker 1>why would I honor, value, and cherish you and to

1:11:28.880 --> 1:11:34.680
<v Speaker 1>add some paper rica on top of that, Yeah, some

1:11:34.840 --> 1:11:40.719
<v Speaker 1>paper on top of that if in turn you do value, cherish,

1:11:40.960 --> 1:11:44.840
<v Speaker 1>honor and love me, I can't value honor and cherish

1:11:44.920 --> 1:11:47.960
<v Speaker 1>and love you because I don't value and honor and

1:11:48.080 --> 1:11:50.960
<v Speaker 1>cherish me, So why I don't trust you.

1:11:51.040 --> 1:11:55.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't trust you me showing up I know behind

1:11:55.160 --> 1:11:56.840
<v Speaker 3>that message. I know how I'm showing up here and

1:11:56.920 --> 1:11:59.880
<v Speaker 3>you and you groveling for me.

1:12:00.439 --> 1:12:04.360
<v Speaker 2>And you want this. Yeah, what kind of fool is you?

1:12:05.160 --> 1:12:09.240
<v Speaker 1>But that's because black women are the queens of seeing

1:12:09.400 --> 1:12:13.200
<v Speaker 1>through a black man's trouble. Like we will see some

1:12:13.400 --> 1:12:17.040
<v Speaker 1>goodness in him, and we will come home appreciate to yourself.

1:12:17.760 --> 1:12:19.679
<v Speaker 1>We will see the goodness in him, and we will

1:12:19.720 --> 1:12:22.320
<v Speaker 1>say to ourselves, you know what, he ain't right right now.

1:12:22.520 --> 1:12:24.760
<v Speaker 1>But once I just put all this love on him.

1:12:25.000 --> 1:12:29.439
<v Speaker 1>And I don't even mean physically hold on hot butts.

1:12:29.960 --> 1:12:33.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, once I love him and nurture him and

1:12:34.360 --> 1:12:37.479
<v Speaker 1>nurse him back to health or to health, he gonna

1:12:37.479 --> 1:12:38.960
<v Speaker 1>be okay, and then he gonna want me, and I'm

1:12:38.960 --> 1:12:41.000
<v Speaker 1>gonna want him, and we gonna skip off into the

1:12:41.080 --> 1:12:44.760
<v Speaker 1>African Saharan sunset. Nope, sense, because now that you done

1:12:45.080 --> 1:12:47.760
<v Speaker 1>done nurture them and nurse them, he don't want your

1:12:47.840 --> 1:12:48.439
<v Speaker 1>dust ass.

1:12:48.520 --> 1:13:04.120
<v Speaker 3>Now you don't want it. And that's for a number

1:13:04.120 --> 1:13:07.400
<v Speaker 3>of reasons in my experience, in my theory. Number one

1:13:07.680 --> 1:13:10.439
<v Speaker 3>that resent you for doing it. No man, like like

1:13:10.479 --> 1:13:14.200
<v Speaker 3>we talked about in that dynamic, yeah, where no one

1:13:14.280 --> 1:13:18.679
<v Speaker 3>wants to be there naked, inadequate week before the person

1:13:18.760 --> 1:13:21.840
<v Speaker 3>that they they want you, they want to be held

1:13:21.880 --> 1:13:24.200
<v Speaker 3>in the highest esteem with you. Now, did you've seen

1:13:24.320 --> 1:13:27.479
<v Speaker 3>him in all of his mess and his scat At

1:13:27.520 --> 1:13:29.840
<v Speaker 3>this point, I resent you for you.

1:13:29.920 --> 1:13:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Know, for.

1:13:31.840 --> 1:13:36.240
<v Speaker 3>Come on, not me, because toddling illustrates a certain amount

1:13:36.240 --> 1:13:38.479
<v Speaker 3>of you don't trust me, you don't believe, you don't

1:13:38.479 --> 1:13:41.080
<v Speaker 3>believe I can get myself up on my own two feet.

1:13:41.080 --> 1:13:42.800
<v Speaker 3>There's a certain amount of let me do it for you,

1:13:42.920 --> 1:13:45.360
<v Speaker 3>Let me do it for you, don't man one, you

1:13:45.479 --> 1:13:48.800
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean? Give me toddled and nurtured. Well,

1:13:49.040 --> 1:13:52.640
<v Speaker 3>we think, we think we're doing this wonderful thing, and

1:13:52.760 --> 1:13:53.679
<v Speaker 3>he's you're.

1:13:53.600 --> 1:13:55.800
<v Speaker 2>Doing a good thing. We think you are doing a

1:13:55.840 --> 1:13:56.200
<v Speaker 2>good thing.

1:13:56.320 --> 1:13:58.160
<v Speaker 1>We think we are doing the things that our mothers

1:13:58.240 --> 1:14:00.120
<v Speaker 1>and our mother's mother's and our mother's mother's mother his

1:14:00.200 --> 1:14:02.880
<v Speaker 1>mothers told us that we are supposed to do, when in.

1:14:02.960 --> 1:14:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Reality, that black man don't want that. He want to

1:14:05.120 --> 1:14:06.160
<v Speaker 2>pull his own self up.

1:14:06.120 --> 1:14:08.320
<v Speaker 3>And he wants you to get him to do it.

1:14:08.760 --> 1:14:12.439
<v Speaker 1>That's what listen, that's let a word right there, s

1:14:12.560 --> 1:14:16.599
<v Speaker 1>p A C E space, but let him tell you something.

1:14:16.760 --> 1:14:19.960
<v Speaker 1>Even when you do that, sometimes though, they still don't

1:14:19.960 --> 1:14:23.479
<v Speaker 1>want your dusty althose.

1:14:23.640 --> 1:14:27.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm not ready, it was. I'm not ready to commit

1:14:27.840 --> 1:14:29.640
<v Speaker 2>in that way to you.

1:14:30.080 --> 1:14:31.719
<v Speaker 3>I'm not ready. I'm not willing.

1:14:32.160 --> 1:14:34.639
<v Speaker 2>Ooh, and men, you too. I'm sure some of y'all

1:14:34.720 --> 1:14:34.880
<v Speaker 2>do it.

1:14:35.200 --> 1:14:37.479
<v Speaker 1>Y'all be taking care of these ladies, with all these kids,

1:14:37.560 --> 1:14:39.840
<v Speaker 1>y'all be being with them and all these things and

1:14:40.080 --> 1:14:41.560
<v Speaker 1>paying all their bills.

1:14:41.240 --> 1:14:43.000
<v Speaker 2>And doing all of these things. And she out here

1:14:43.080 --> 1:14:47.639
<v Speaker 2>treating you like a piece of old, chewed up bubble gum. Stop.

1:14:47.960 --> 1:14:49.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna tell y'all to stop to it ain't right.

1:14:51.080 --> 1:14:53.840
<v Speaker 3>I agree, excuse. We want to make sure that we're

1:14:53.840 --> 1:14:57.200
<v Speaker 3>having a balanced conversation, like you said, were not about

1:14:57.280 --> 1:15:00.160
<v Speaker 3>mail bashing. We not want to see us all I'll

1:15:00.160 --> 1:15:04.320
<v Speaker 3>be having with more another one honesty, leading with more honesty,

1:15:05.120 --> 1:15:07.120
<v Speaker 3>and having more integrity and the way the ways we

1:15:07.160 --> 1:15:08.880
<v Speaker 3>engage each other because we tend to hit your bets

1:15:09.040 --> 1:15:12.960
<v Speaker 3>and operating a way of just making sure that I'm safe, uncomfortable.

1:15:13.600 --> 1:15:15.479
<v Speaker 3>Mine needs are met for how whatever long I need

1:15:15.520 --> 1:15:18.799
<v Speaker 3>them to be until I moved toward what I actually

1:15:18.880 --> 1:15:19.680
<v Speaker 3>want what until I.

1:15:19.760 --> 1:15:22.800
<v Speaker 1>Decide on what I actually wanted, once again operating from

1:15:22.800 --> 1:15:26.040
<v Speaker 1>a place of emotional ego. So, guys, I want to

1:15:26.200 --> 1:15:30.840
<v Speaker 1>thank Bianca for sharing her time with me, for giving me,

1:15:31.640 --> 1:15:35.160
<v Speaker 1>uh two rounds. Okay, two rounds. That's an inside joke,

1:15:35.640 --> 1:15:37.360
<v Speaker 1>not one, but two rounds.

1:15:37.920 --> 1:15:42.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay. We did that, yeah, because the first time it

1:15:42.800 --> 1:15:45.080
<v Speaker 2>ain't quite it wasn't for show.

1:15:45.479 --> 1:15:48.240
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we were just talking. But this time, for you guys,

1:15:48.320 --> 1:15:50.640
<v Speaker 1>we did it again. I hope you guys enjoyed the conversation.

1:15:50.800 --> 1:15:53.000
<v Speaker 1>I hope you guys got something out of the conversation.

1:15:53.880 --> 1:15:58.960
<v Speaker 1>And I did this thing last week where I posted

1:15:59.120 --> 1:16:01.720
<v Speaker 1>oppose the question and on my Instagram, and you know,

1:16:01.920 --> 1:16:05.960
<v Speaker 1>the title or the lead on the on the post

1:16:06.160 --> 1:16:09.360
<v Speaker 1>was let me ask y'all something. So I'm gonna do

1:16:09.439 --> 1:16:11.280
<v Speaker 1>that again and it will be in relation to the

1:16:11.360 --> 1:16:14.160
<v Speaker 1>conversation that we had, and I will ask you guys

1:16:14.200 --> 1:16:15.920
<v Speaker 1>a question and I want us to talk about it,

1:16:16.240 --> 1:16:19.640
<v Speaker 1>and so I want you guys to look look for that.

1:16:19.760 --> 1:16:22.360
<v Speaker 1>I want to thank Bianca, like I said, for joining

1:16:22.560 --> 1:16:25.880
<v Speaker 1>us today. It was a beautiful conversation. It was a

1:16:25.960 --> 1:16:29.400
<v Speaker 1>great follow up from part one of this conversation about

1:16:29.439 --> 1:16:32.880
<v Speaker 1>the culture of dating in the black community and about

1:16:32.960 --> 1:16:37.479
<v Speaker 1>love and about how that looks. You know, I really

1:16:37.560 --> 1:16:41.160
<v Speaker 1>appreciate her. I appreciate her for being vulnerable. I appreciate

1:16:41.240 --> 1:16:43.040
<v Speaker 1>her for her time because she did not have to

1:16:43.120 --> 1:16:44.519
<v Speaker 1>do this we're trying.

1:16:46.240 --> 1:16:48.040
<v Speaker 3>It was my privilege.

1:16:48.080 --> 1:16:50.040
<v Speaker 1>It was actually fun for me. I enjoyed it, So

1:16:50.320 --> 1:16:53.200
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate it. And it was a different kind of perspective,

1:16:53.360 --> 1:16:57.040
<v Speaker 1>you know. And and here with my podcast, I'm trying

1:16:57.120 --> 1:17:02.240
<v Speaker 1>to normalize conversations that people are very uncomfortable with having,

1:17:02.560 --> 1:17:04.920
<v Speaker 1>or they have in private, you know, just so that

1:17:05.000 --> 1:17:07.960
<v Speaker 1>people know that it's okay to have ugly conversations, because

1:17:08.560 --> 1:17:09.639
<v Speaker 1>that's the only way to heal.

1:17:10.479 --> 1:17:13.479
<v Speaker 3>It's only wrong in public. Also, I think that that's

1:17:13.479 --> 1:17:15.600
<v Speaker 3>another thing that we need to offer each other space for.

1:17:15.720 --> 1:17:19.240
<v Speaker 3>We live in a cancel culture. My God lovingly correct

1:17:19.280 --> 1:17:22.360
<v Speaker 3>one another, lovingly USh or one another to you know,

1:17:22.960 --> 1:17:25.280
<v Speaker 3>right thinking if we feel like they're wrong. So people

1:17:25.320 --> 1:17:28.240
<v Speaker 3>shouldn't be shamed out of expressing how they feel what

1:17:28.320 --> 1:17:31.040
<v Speaker 3>they believe in real time. So I do appreciate you

1:17:31.200 --> 1:17:35.560
<v Speaker 3>creating spaces for like you said, that more uncomfortable, unsavory,

1:17:35.640 --> 1:17:37.800
<v Speaker 3>difficult conversations.

1:17:38.200 --> 1:17:39.760
<v Speaker 2>Because it's okay to talk about it.

1:17:40.120 --> 1:17:43.200
<v Speaker 1>Like I think for so long our elders have told

1:17:43.280 --> 1:17:45.760
<v Speaker 1>us it's not okay to talk about certain things. It

1:17:45.920 --> 1:17:48.439
<v Speaker 1>is okay to talk about those things because that is

1:17:48.479 --> 1:17:50.479
<v Speaker 1>the only way that we are going to get better.

1:17:50.840 --> 1:17:54.200
<v Speaker 1>And my thing is all about I want to heal

1:17:54.920 --> 1:17:59.200
<v Speaker 1>my community. However that looks, that is really the legacy

1:17:59.280 --> 1:18:01.240
<v Speaker 1>that I want to leave. I want you to heal

1:18:01.360 --> 1:18:04.000
<v Speaker 1>my community. I'm figuring it out as I go along.

1:18:04.360 --> 1:18:07.160
<v Speaker 1>So if this medium is a is a force and

1:18:07.520 --> 1:18:09.519
<v Speaker 1>a means for me to do that, so be it.

1:18:09.680 --> 1:18:13.519
<v Speaker 1>And I don't mind starting having ugly conversations and saying

1:18:13.720 --> 1:18:17.840
<v Speaker 1>things that people may not want to hear, especially from

1:18:17.880 --> 1:18:18.479
<v Speaker 1>a black woman.

1:18:19.000 --> 1:18:21.519
<v Speaker 2>So I love you, sis, I appreciate you.

1:18:21.920 --> 1:18:23.920
<v Speaker 3>I love you. This is wonderful.

1:18:24.360 --> 1:18:28.320
<v Speaker 2>Hopefully we will find you guys today by the end of.

1:18:28.280 --> 1:18:32.160
<v Speaker 3>The yearn Darnella came in. We're gonna double.

1:18:32.439 --> 1:18:34.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh, we will go on to double day. Will you

1:18:34.280 --> 1:18:35.960
<v Speaker 2>go to the Lord of the Rings convention with me?

1:18:37.160 --> 1:18:37.640
<v Speaker 3>Let's do it?

1:18:38.200 --> 1:18:43.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay, okay, all right, you guys, say bye to say

1:18:43.880 --> 1:18:44.559
<v Speaker 2>bye to my friends and.

1:18:44.560 --> 1:18:47.200
<v Speaker 3>My cane people and.

1:18:47.880 --> 1:18:50.839
<v Speaker 1>My cousin who I'm here and I'm in her bedroom recording.

1:18:51.120 --> 1:18:54.960
<v Speaker 1>She put her girl up and wave, she said, she

1:18:55.080 --> 1:19:11.679
<v Speaker 1>said bye. So let's go ahead and just get into

1:19:11.800 --> 1:19:17.400
<v Speaker 1>this because this question today for straightfas people is off

1:19:17.439 --> 1:19:20.400
<v Speaker 1>the richter. Okay, let's just go ahead and get into it.

1:19:20.560 --> 1:19:24.120
<v Speaker 1>So Kelly from Philadelphia says, I have been with my

1:19:24.240 --> 1:19:27.760
<v Speaker 1>man for three years. We have a healthy relationship, lots

1:19:27.800 --> 1:19:31.599
<v Speaker 1>of open communication, and we thoroughly enjoy each other's company.

1:19:32.000 --> 1:19:36.320
<v Speaker 1>We've maybe argued twice lately, though, I have found myself

1:19:36.360 --> 1:19:37.280
<v Speaker 1>attracted to women.

1:19:38.240 --> 1:19:38.559
<v Speaker 2>Child.

1:19:40.600 --> 1:19:43.200
<v Speaker 1>It started when this woman at my gym started hitting

1:19:43.280 --> 1:19:46.200
<v Speaker 1>on me. I made it clear I have a whole

1:19:46.320 --> 1:19:48.320
<v Speaker 1>man at home, like a whole man, not a half

1:19:48.360 --> 1:19:49.720
<v Speaker 1>of man. So just got a whole man. Do you

1:19:49.800 --> 1:19:52.560
<v Speaker 1>understand me? He in three fourths of a man. He

1:19:52.760 --> 1:19:54.360
<v Speaker 1>is an entire whole man.

1:19:54.920 --> 1:19:55.240
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

1:19:56.479 --> 1:19:59.839
<v Speaker 1>And she backed off, But we became friends and workout partners.

1:20:00.400 --> 1:20:03.600
<v Speaker 1>One day we went for smoothies after a workout. We

1:20:03.760 --> 1:20:08.280
<v Speaker 1>talked for hours and ended up making out in my car. John, Kelly,

1:20:08.360 --> 1:20:09.479
<v Speaker 1>you are off the chains.

1:20:11.120 --> 1:20:11.320
<v Speaker 2>Now.

1:20:11.600 --> 1:20:14.720
<v Speaker 1>I find myself fantasizing about her all the time. I've

1:20:14.760 --> 1:20:17.920
<v Speaker 1>been avoiding her because again, I have a whole man

1:20:18.439 --> 1:20:21.479
<v Speaker 1>that I adore However, I do want to take it

1:20:21.520 --> 1:20:23.120
<v Speaker 1>a little further with homegirl.

1:20:24.200 --> 1:20:24.720
<v Speaker 2>Should I.

1:20:26.280 --> 1:20:28.720
<v Speaker 1>Tell my man that I'm attracted to women? Kiss the

1:20:28.800 --> 1:20:30.680
<v Speaker 1>girl liked it and would like to see what it do,

1:20:31.720 --> 1:20:35.920
<v Speaker 1>or act like none of this shit happened. Listen, Kelly,

1:20:37.040 --> 1:20:42.000
<v Speaker 1>I come from two places or two perspectives with this one.

1:20:42.920 --> 1:20:44.879
<v Speaker 2>If you know for sure.

1:20:46.600 --> 1:20:49.880
<v Speaker 1>This is not going to go anywhere and you can

1:20:50.000 --> 1:20:52.240
<v Speaker 1>stop right here, it can be a hard stop, like

1:20:52.360 --> 1:20:55.320
<v Speaker 1>all right, I gotta leave this alone because this is

1:20:55.400 --> 1:20:57.760
<v Speaker 1>troublesome and I love you said yourself, you got a

1:20:57.800 --> 1:21:01.160
<v Speaker 1>whole man at home, and if you listen to this show, Kelly,

1:21:01.240 --> 1:21:08.160
<v Speaker 1>you'll understand the struggles of being single, okay, and also

1:21:08.320 --> 1:21:10.920
<v Speaker 1>friends again. It sounds like Kelly is about to enter

1:21:11.000 --> 1:21:15.400
<v Speaker 1>into that new monogamy, enter into that space of emotional ego,

1:21:15.800 --> 1:21:19.400
<v Speaker 1>you know where that sense of selfness and meanness. But

1:21:20.439 --> 1:21:22.519
<v Speaker 1>if you know you can stop this and like, never

1:21:22.640 --> 1:21:25.720
<v Speaker 1>do this ever again, then I would say take it

1:21:25.800 --> 1:21:28.280
<v Speaker 1>to the grave, just bury it, take it to the grave,

1:21:28.360 --> 1:21:32.000
<v Speaker 1>don't do it no more ever ever. And if you

1:21:32.040 --> 1:21:34.120
<v Speaker 1>see Sis again, let her know, like you know, it

1:21:34.240 --> 1:21:36.320
<v Speaker 1>was fun, you know, you know I kind of got

1:21:36.360 --> 1:21:38.200
<v Speaker 1>feelings for you, but I got a man at home

1:21:38.240 --> 1:21:39.800
<v Speaker 1>and I love him, I adore him, and I don't

1:21:39.840 --> 1:21:42.960
<v Speaker 1>want to do him dirty. However, if you know you

1:21:43.040 --> 1:21:47.000
<v Speaker 1>don't have a lot of self control, okay, I would

1:21:47.000 --> 1:21:48.720
<v Speaker 1>go ahead and say you need to tell you man,

1:21:48.960 --> 1:21:51.800
<v Speaker 1>because the way you look at it is if he

1:21:52.760 --> 1:21:56.200
<v Speaker 1>was going to the gym and he started working out

1:21:56.240 --> 1:21:59.200
<v Speaker 1>with somebody, and it could be a man or a woman.

1:21:59.280 --> 1:22:01.400
<v Speaker 1>But because you're here's the same sex. Let's make his

1:22:01.520 --> 1:22:03.840
<v Speaker 1>same sex. Let's let's make it hot. Let's put the

1:22:03.920 --> 1:22:04.679
<v Speaker 1>dope on the table.

1:22:04.760 --> 1:22:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Says.

1:22:05.479 --> 1:22:07.200
<v Speaker 1>Let's say you dude was going to the gym and

1:22:07.280 --> 1:22:09.080
<v Speaker 1>he was working out, and he started working out with

1:22:09.160 --> 1:22:11.640
<v Speaker 1>this guy, and he started to have these feelings for

1:22:11.720 --> 1:22:13.759
<v Speaker 1>this guy that he had never felt for a man before.

1:22:14.240 --> 1:22:16.960
<v Speaker 1>And they made out in the car and he started

1:22:17.000 --> 1:22:21.800
<v Speaker 1>having feelings for him, and he decided, you know, I'm

1:22:21.840 --> 1:22:23.600
<v Speaker 1>gonna see what this do. I'm gonna see what to do.

1:22:23.800 --> 1:22:26.200
<v Speaker 1>In your words, Kelly, what would you want to happen?

1:22:26.320 --> 1:22:27.680
<v Speaker 1>Of course, you wouldn't want him to do it in

1:22:27.760 --> 1:22:30.360
<v Speaker 1>the first place, But would you want him to tell

1:22:30.439 --> 1:22:33.920
<v Speaker 1>you if he planned on continuing this or he really

1:22:34.000 --> 1:22:36.439
<v Speaker 1>wanted to pursue it, or see where it went, or

1:22:36.560 --> 1:22:38.320
<v Speaker 1>would you not want him to tell you if he

1:22:39.200 --> 1:22:41.639
<v Speaker 1>was going to be able to like make a hard stop.

1:22:42.360 --> 1:22:44.760
<v Speaker 2>Were not doing this no more? Ever, again, I got

1:22:44.800 --> 1:22:46.320
<v Speaker 2>a whole woman at home. I don't want to do this.

1:22:46.800 --> 1:22:49.760
<v Speaker 2>So in this situation, I can't really tell you what

1:22:49.880 --> 1:22:51.439
<v Speaker 2>to do. I can tell you what I would do.

1:22:53.200 --> 1:22:57.080
<v Speaker 1>I would do the hard stop like I wouldn't like

1:22:57.160 --> 1:22:59.000
<v Speaker 1>whether it was a man or a woman, or whoever

1:22:59.040 --> 1:23:01.160
<v Speaker 1>it was. If I did something where I stepped outside

1:23:01.160 --> 1:23:05.040
<v Speaker 1>of my relationship, I would have to pump them brakes.

1:23:05.200 --> 1:23:08.320
<v Speaker 1>And I'm not pumping the brakes. I'm hitting the brakes.

1:23:09.000 --> 1:23:11.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm not sliding on the dime. I'm gonna stop on

1:23:11.320 --> 1:23:15.599
<v Speaker 1>a nickel. I gotta stop because my relationship hopefully would

1:23:15.640 --> 1:23:18.840
<v Speaker 1>be more would mean excuse me, more to me than

1:23:19.360 --> 1:23:21.479
<v Speaker 1>you know, a little bit of fun. If I know

1:23:21.600 --> 1:23:24.680
<v Speaker 1>that I don't have that willpower, that that controller. If

1:23:24.720 --> 1:23:26.800
<v Speaker 1>this person just does something to me and just makes

1:23:26.880 --> 1:23:30.840
<v Speaker 1>me feel hot all over my skin, then I'm gonna

1:23:30.840 --> 1:23:32.559
<v Speaker 1>have to tell my dude. I'm gonna have to tell them.

1:23:33.400 --> 1:23:35.479
<v Speaker 1>But I think that just knowing who I am, I'm

1:23:35.560 --> 1:23:38.160
<v Speaker 1>just gonna stop. I'm gonna stop, and I'm gonna be like, look,

1:23:38.200 --> 1:23:39.960
<v Speaker 1>you gotta stay away from me. I gotta stay away

1:23:39.960 --> 1:23:41.840
<v Speaker 1>from you. I would go so far as to switch

1:23:41.920 --> 1:23:44.479
<v Speaker 1>gems if I had to to avoid it, because I

1:23:44.640 --> 1:23:47.920
<v Speaker 1>don't want to really do that, you know, because when

1:23:47.960 --> 1:23:50.000
<v Speaker 1>I think about it happening to me, like it would

1:23:50.040 --> 1:23:52.000
<v Speaker 1>infuriate me and make me live in and make me

1:23:52.040 --> 1:23:54.479
<v Speaker 1>want to hurt somebody, So why even do that?

1:23:56.360 --> 1:23:57.920
<v Speaker 2>So that's what I would say, Kelly, this is a

1:23:58.000 --> 1:24:01.080
<v Speaker 2>hum danger. But you know, you had a little bit

1:24:01.120 --> 1:24:03.320
<v Speaker 2>of fun. If you can stop. Stop. If you can't,

1:24:03.360 --> 1:24:05.280
<v Speaker 2>you kind of got to talk to your man about it.

1:24:05.520 --> 1:24:06.000
<v Speaker 2>You really do.

1:24:06.960 --> 1:24:09.760
<v Speaker 1>And the only thing about talking to your man about it, though,

1:24:10.400 --> 1:24:12.519
<v Speaker 1>is that that opens up a can of worms. Man,

1:24:13.080 --> 1:24:15.719
<v Speaker 1>it does, because I come from the train of thought

1:24:15.760 --> 1:24:17.639
<v Speaker 1>that I'm not a cheater.

1:24:17.800 --> 1:24:19.160
<v Speaker 2>It's just it's not what I really do.

1:24:20.280 --> 1:24:23.160
<v Speaker 1>However, you know, if I'm in a relationship, you know,

1:24:23.920 --> 1:24:26.240
<v Speaker 1>and you cheat on me, like you open up the

1:24:26.280 --> 1:24:30.559
<v Speaker 1>floodgates for you know, anything to happen.

1:24:30.680 --> 1:24:31.719
<v Speaker 2>Anything is possible.

1:24:32.080 --> 1:24:34.080
<v Speaker 1>So if you don't want me to ever cheat on you,

1:24:34.280 --> 1:24:37.080
<v Speaker 1>I really suggest that you have some self control because

1:24:37.600 --> 1:24:40.560
<v Speaker 1>you don't want me to turn that on. And I

1:24:40.600 --> 1:24:42.040
<v Speaker 1>don't want to turn it on. I would just want

1:24:42.080 --> 1:24:45.080
<v Speaker 1>to be with you. You know, I really want to

1:24:45.120 --> 1:24:48.120
<v Speaker 1>try to just be with you and only you. If

1:24:48.160 --> 1:24:50.320
<v Speaker 1>you really don't want me to do that, then I

1:24:50.439 --> 1:24:53.760
<v Speaker 1>suggest that you have some respect for our relationships. So, Kelly,

1:24:53.840 --> 1:24:56.320
<v Speaker 1>good luck. I'm gonna want to follow up the same

1:24:56.360 --> 1:24:58.439
<v Speaker 1>way I had to follow up a few months ago

1:24:58.560 --> 1:25:02.200
<v Speaker 1>with Miss Levo uh from Las Vegas. Y'all remember miss

1:25:02.320 --> 1:25:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Levo miss LeVaux was getting her whole freaking amids the

1:25:04.760 --> 1:25:07.640
<v Speaker 1>COVID right with the neighbor, Kelly, I'm gonna need a

1:25:07.640 --> 1:25:11.639
<v Speaker 1>follow up. So I'm gonna email you because I'm gonna

1:25:11.640 --> 1:25:13.080
<v Speaker 1>need to follow up. I'm gonna wait a little while,

1:25:13.160 --> 1:25:16.680
<v Speaker 1>but I'm gonna need to follow up either next episode

1:25:17.320 --> 1:25:19.360
<v Speaker 1>or like in a couple episodes, because I want to

1:25:19.400 --> 1:25:22.519
<v Speaker 1>know what you did. Okay, So y'all just be prepared

1:25:22.640 --> 1:25:24.840
<v Speaker 1>for me to get some more information from Kelly because

1:25:25.040 --> 1:25:35.000
<v Speaker 1>I want to know what she decided to do. So,

1:25:35.120 --> 1:25:38.000
<v Speaker 1>friends and Ken, I'm gonna go straight to it. This

1:25:38.280 --> 1:25:41.000
<v Speaker 1>poet has been featured before during Hour We Gotta Do

1:25:41.120 --> 1:25:44.880
<v Speaker 1>Better segment, and I love her work. I've said it before.

1:25:45.400 --> 1:25:47.600
<v Speaker 1>It's no secret I own both of her books. I

1:25:47.680 --> 1:25:49.800
<v Speaker 1>think a new book is coming out. I'm gonna check

1:25:49.840 --> 1:25:51.800
<v Speaker 1>it out. I'm gonna do some research because i haven't

1:25:52.240 --> 1:25:54.439
<v Speaker 1>really been focused on it. But I've said it before,

1:25:54.479 --> 1:25:57.160
<v Speaker 1>so let me just get to the dough. This is

1:25:57.600 --> 1:26:01.520
<v Speaker 1>a perfectly selected quote for this episode and the conversation

1:26:01.640 --> 1:26:03.479
<v Speaker 1>that I had with Bianca, and I kind of want

1:26:03.520 --> 1:26:05.679
<v Speaker 1>to pat myself on the back and go get myself

1:26:05.720 --> 1:26:08.040
<v Speaker 1>a treat for this, So let's just get into it.

1:26:11.720 --> 1:26:14.559
<v Speaker 1>Someone can be madly in love with you and still

1:26:14.720 --> 1:26:17.519
<v Speaker 1>not be ready. They can love you in a way

1:26:17.600 --> 1:26:20.200
<v Speaker 1>you have never been loved and still not join you

1:26:20.360 --> 1:26:24.360
<v Speaker 1>on the bridge, and whatever their reasons, you must leave

1:26:25.360 --> 1:26:29.599
<v Speaker 1>because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet

1:26:29.640 --> 1:26:33.559
<v Speaker 1>you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince

1:26:33.680 --> 1:26:37.000
<v Speaker 1>someone to do the work to be ready. There is

1:26:37.160 --> 1:26:41.400
<v Speaker 1>more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen

1:26:41.600 --> 1:26:45.559
<v Speaker 1>out here in this wide and wild universe. And there

1:26:45.680 --> 1:26:49.840
<v Speaker 1>is the love that will be ready. Now you're Awaid

1:26:50.479 --> 1:26:54.200
<v Speaker 1>is a bad Mamma, jamma. If you are a fan

1:26:54.280 --> 1:26:57.160
<v Speaker 1>of poetry and prose, you gotta get into her stuff.

1:26:57.200 --> 1:26:59.240
<v Speaker 1>You've got to own both of her books, and when

1:26:59.280 --> 1:27:01.760
<v Speaker 1>the next one comes out, I'm definitely buying it. Matter

1:27:01.800 --> 1:27:02.960
<v Speaker 1>of fact, let me get off of here and go

1:27:03.120 --> 1:27:05.200
<v Speaker 1>see if it's out already. And if you know if

1:27:05.200 --> 1:27:07.720
<v Speaker 1>it's out already, send me a DM or something. Let

1:27:07.800 --> 1:27:10.000
<v Speaker 1>us just to know if you got the inside track,

1:27:13.680 --> 1:27:17.280
<v Speaker 1>friends and ken. I want to say thank you first

1:27:17.320 --> 1:27:20.880
<v Speaker 1>of all to God, of course, because that's how we

1:27:21.000 --> 1:27:23.920
<v Speaker 1>get down here and hand me my purse. I also

1:27:24.120 --> 1:27:26.720
<v Speaker 1>want to say thank you to my guest Bianca B

1:27:26.880 --> 1:27:29.400
<v Speaker 1>Jamil B whatever you want to call her. I'm a

1:27:29.520 --> 1:27:32.880
<v Speaker 1>caller sis, I'm a caller friend. I'm a caller homegirl.

1:27:33.200 --> 1:27:33.840
<v Speaker 2>That's my boo.

1:27:34.280 --> 1:27:36.400
<v Speaker 1>I want to thank her for taking time out of

1:27:36.439 --> 1:27:40.880
<v Speaker 1>her busy day to be in space and share energy

1:27:40.960 --> 1:27:42.840
<v Speaker 1>with me and have this conversation with me.

1:27:43.280 --> 1:27:44.120
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it.

1:27:44.200 --> 1:27:47.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna link like I said her Instagram in the

1:27:47.200 --> 1:27:50.400
<v Speaker 1>show notes sook, because I implore you to go check

1:27:50.439 --> 1:27:51.040
<v Speaker 1>her voice out.

1:27:51.320 --> 1:27:52.479
<v Speaker 2>She has a beautiful voice.

1:27:53.280 --> 1:27:55.959
<v Speaker 1>I also want to thank my family, my friends, my supporters,

1:27:55.960 --> 1:27:58.759
<v Speaker 1>and of course you guys out there listening. I appreciate

1:27:58.840 --> 1:28:01.880
<v Speaker 1>you so much more than you'll ever understand, and I

1:28:02.000 --> 1:28:03.760
<v Speaker 1>can't wait until the next time we get to do

1:28:03.840 --> 1:28:07.240
<v Speaker 1>this again. Don't forget that this is part two in

1:28:07.360 --> 1:28:11.679
<v Speaker 1>a three and maybe four part series about the culture

1:28:11.760 --> 1:28:15.000
<v Speaker 1>of dating in the black community. And so I want

1:28:15.040 --> 1:28:19.080
<v Speaker 1>you to definitely check the third part out, which is

1:28:19.160 --> 1:28:21.519
<v Speaker 1>the next episode that's coming out. And if you haven't

1:28:21.560 --> 1:28:24.559
<v Speaker 1>listened to the first episode in the series, go back

1:28:24.600 --> 1:28:27.759
<v Speaker 1>and listen to it. So it's episodes twelve, thirteen, and fourteen,

1:28:28.040 --> 1:28:32.519
<v Speaker 1>and possibly fifteen. Now, before you exit out of whatever

1:28:32.560 --> 1:28:35.320
<v Speaker 1>streaming service you are using to listen to this episode,

1:28:35.600 --> 1:28:38.320
<v Speaker 1>I want you to stop for a second, go click

1:28:38.400 --> 1:28:42.040
<v Speaker 1>subscribe or follow if it's possible, And then I want

1:28:42.080 --> 1:28:44.080
<v Speaker 1>you to get on over to Instagram and follow me

1:28:44.280 --> 1:28:47.560
<v Speaker 1>at hand Me My Purse Underscore Podcast.

1:28:48.120 --> 1:28:50.559
<v Speaker 2>You can also follow me on Twitter at.

1:28:51.880 --> 1:28:58.439
<v Speaker 1>HMMP Underscore podcast and on Facebook just search for hand

1:28:58.520 --> 1:29:01.639
<v Speaker 1>Me My Purse podcast. And if you listen on Apple

1:29:01.720 --> 1:29:05.080
<v Speaker 1>Podcasts or Stitcher or any other medium that allows you

1:29:05.200 --> 1:29:08.599
<v Speaker 1>to do so, please rate and review the show. Another

1:29:08.720 --> 1:29:10.280
<v Speaker 1>thing I want to you guys to do for me.

1:29:10.840 --> 1:29:13.400
<v Speaker 1>Share the show with your friends. Share the show with

1:29:13.479 --> 1:29:15.960
<v Speaker 1>people that you care about, Share the show with people

1:29:16.000 --> 1:29:18.400
<v Speaker 1>that you think would enjoy it. Tele a friend to

1:29:18.439 --> 1:29:22.479
<v Speaker 1>tell a friend, because real friends share their jewels with

1:29:22.680 --> 1:29:26.360
<v Speaker 1>each other. And I love you for it show notes

1:29:26.400 --> 1:29:31.880
<v Speaker 1>are available at hand mempurse dot buzzsprout dot com. And

1:29:32.160 --> 1:29:35.280
<v Speaker 1>also the opening and closing music that you hear that

1:29:35.520 --> 1:29:38.200
<v Speaker 1>so many of you have asked me about is provided

1:29:38.360 --> 1:29:42.120
<v Speaker 1>by Gloomy Tunes. Here's the awesome thing about gloomy Tunes.

1:29:42.479 --> 1:29:46.599
<v Speaker 1>Gloomy Tunes is actually comprised of a few students, really

1:29:46.720 --> 1:29:50.040
<v Speaker 1>just two students that graduated from the school where I work,

1:29:50.479 --> 1:29:52.720
<v Speaker 1>and I wanted to pay it forward, so I paid

1:29:52.760 --> 1:29:55.240
<v Speaker 1>them to make me some beats, and I gotta say they.

1:29:55.200 --> 1:29:56.200
<v Speaker 2>Hit the nail on the head.

1:29:57.040 --> 1:29:59.519
<v Speaker 1>Please submit all of your questions for the straight facts

1:29:59.600 --> 1:30:03.200
<v Speaker 1>segment and photos, stories or quotes from your aunties too.

1:30:03.479 --> 1:30:06.640
<v Speaker 1>Hello at hand memipurse dot com, or feel free to

1:30:06.720 --> 1:30:10.400
<v Speaker 1>send me a DM on Instagram. If you're interested in

1:30:10.479 --> 1:30:13.040
<v Speaker 1>being included in any of the polls that I take

1:30:13.280 --> 1:30:15.840
<v Speaker 1>or surveys that I take, send me an Instagram or

1:30:15.880 --> 1:30:17.920
<v Speaker 1>a DM so that I can add you to our

1:30:18.040 --> 1:30:18.760
<v Speaker 1>survey list.

1:30:19.360 --> 1:30:22.880
<v Speaker 2>And just an fy just in case you forgot, you.

1:30:22.920 --> 1:30:25.120
<v Speaker 1>Can expect a brand new episode of Hand Me My

1:30:25.200 --> 1:30:28.519
<v Speaker 1>Purse the podcast on the first and fifteenth of every

1:30:28.560 --> 1:30:32.400
<v Speaker 1>single month, so the same way you expected those checks

1:30:32.439 --> 1:30:35.000
<v Speaker 1>on the first and the fifteenth early in the morning.

1:30:35.360 --> 1:30:36.920
<v Speaker 1>You already know your girl is going to have you

1:30:37.000 --> 1:30:40.320
<v Speaker 1>covered on those days again the first and fifteenth of

1:30:40.439 --> 1:30:47.160
<v Speaker 1>every month on your podcast streaming services such as Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

1:30:47.720 --> 1:30:51.560
<v Speaker 1>stitcher Ds are for my international friends and Ken and

1:30:51.720 --> 1:30:54.320
<v Speaker 1>anywhere else you may even think that you can find it,

1:30:54.920 --> 1:30:57.439
<v Speaker 1>or you can just go straight to my bus Sprout

1:30:57.520 --> 1:30:59.360
<v Speaker 1>website and find it there.

1:31:00.000 --> 1:31:03.240
<v Speaker 2>I look forward to you, looking forward to listening, and

1:31:03.360 --> 1:31:04.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm out this bitch.