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Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went

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Speaker 1: on sale. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I

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Speaker 1: will be starting debuting my new material in February of

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Speaker 1: next year, So I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,

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Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,

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Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

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Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,

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Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and

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Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

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Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June. Those are

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Speaker 1: the cities that I'm in, So go get your tickets

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Speaker 1: now if you want good seats and you want to

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Speaker 1: come see me perform, I will be on the High

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Speaker 1: and Mighty Tour. Hi Catherine, Hello Chelsea. I am fresh

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Speaker 1: off of Vegas. I came in a car service I

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Speaker 1: was supposed to. My flight was redirected here. No, no,

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Speaker 1: I did not drive here. I was in Vegas. I

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Speaker 1: forgot to leave Vegas immediately after my show. So I

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Speaker 1: went to go see Alanis last night. So yes, So

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Speaker 1: I went to Vegas for my show, my residency. I

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Speaker 1: do what I do every time I have my show.

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Speaker 1: I had, like, you know, fifteen friends came out.

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Speaker 2: We go.

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Speaker 1: When we gamble, I supply the money for everyone to gamble.

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Speaker 1: Everyone lost my money. Oh, every single person lost, myself included,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, you guys are bad juju Like whatever, fine,

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Speaker 1: it's no problem. That's that money was there to lose.

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Speaker 1: That's right. I haven't allotment that I'd never spend over.

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Speaker 1: I only take out twenty five hundred dollars and I

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Speaker 1: give it to everyone and then I don't ever take

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Speaker 1: out more. So then the next night we went to

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Speaker 1: see Alanis, and right as as soon as the show

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Speaker 1: is rapping, they all wanted to go out, and I say,

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Speaker 1: I have to go win back the money you guys

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Speaker 1: all lost of mine last night. Have fun. So I went.

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Speaker 1: I had no money left because it was gone. So

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Speaker 1: I sat down at a table and looked at the

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Speaker 1: guy next to me and said, I need to borrow

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Speaker 1: a thousand dollars and I will pay you right back.

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Speaker 1: And he was like sure, and I won right away.

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Speaker 1: I paid him back a thousand, and then I won

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Speaker 1: my three thousand back, and as soon as I did,

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Speaker 1: I went upstairs and went to sleep.

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Speaker 2: I gotta say, you just like to decide you're going

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Speaker 2: to win your money back and then it happens like

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Speaker 2: I've seen it in action.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I know, I like it. It's karmicle because

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Speaker 1: I'm not being greedy. I just want everyone to have

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Speaker 1: a good time, and I want to break even, break

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Speaker 1: even exactly. That's what women can teach men, to not

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Speaker 1: be so avaricious, to just be happy with what you

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Speaker 1: have and be grateful exactly. I mean, that's not true.

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Speaker 1: I'm not grateful. I mean, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I am grateful, but I'm not grateful enough for all

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Speaker 1: the things I have. I have to remind myself to

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Speaker 1: be grateful.

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Speaker 3: That's why you have the gratitude journal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude, gratitude, keep saying it, say it

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Speaker 1: all day long.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm grateful for our guest today.

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Speaker 1: She's very cute. Oh my god, she's the cutest. I

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Speaker 1: love her. I really like Raisar Spirit. She yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: this is such a fun interview. You'll know her from

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Speaker 1: The White Lotus probably, and she's in a lot of

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Speaker 1: other stuff, but that's how I was introduced to her.

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Speaker 1: And she's just a little buttercup and we I mean,

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Speaker 1: she's now living in Arizona, so that's the only questionable

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Speaker 1: decision of hers that I have a problem with. But

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Speaker 1: no offense to Arizona. But there's no reason to live there,

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Speaker 1: you know. And she has a cute book called I'm

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Speaker 1: Sad and Horny, which is a great title. Yeah, so yes,

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Speaker 1: welcome Haley Lou Richardson. Hi, Haley Lou, how are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm a breath of fresh air. That's nice. That's what

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Speaker 1: you are, fresh air.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 5: Imagine if someone's just like, how are you today, and

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Speaker 5: you're like, I'm a breath of fresh air.

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Speaker 1: But it's nice to hear. Thanks. Yeah, do you feel

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Speaker 1: like a breath of fresh air?

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Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm trying to think if I feel that way today.

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Speaker 1: I think you have to feel that way today, because.

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Speaker 5: Sink I'm a breath of air. Yeah, I don't know

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Speaker 5: if it's fresh today. It's like I'm breathing.

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Speaker 1: So yeah. Sometimes, you know, when I'm walking through the world,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I can definitely lift other people up,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: What I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like some there are days where I'm like, oh I can.

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Speaker 1: There are days where I'm like, oh I can infuse

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Speaker 1: that person, like even a stranger, with like happiness and

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Speaker 1: just spread joy. And then when I'm in a shitty

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Speaker 1: mood or a bad mood, I'm like, I hope no

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Speaker 1: one makes eye contact with me and catches what I'm

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Speaker 1: traveling around with. Yeah, I know what I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know it's spread. Yeah, it's like that.

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Speaker 5: The best thing you can do on those types of

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Speaker 5: days is not spread whatever.

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Speaker 3: Negativity you have, like maybe just hermit at home.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just like just like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what

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Speaker 1: I do. I usually it involves a xanax and an edible.

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Speaker 1: I like to pair those two things together just to

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Speaker 1: take it down, and so that way, I'm almost I

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Speaker 1: have to numb out, Like if I'm in that state,

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Speaker 1: I just have to numb out because otherwise I become

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Speaker 1: it like hysterical and I just want then and there's

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Speaker 1: like a feeling of rage.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, crafts help me. I don't know if you're into crafts,

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Speaker 5: but crafts are like mind like beating, crocheting, and like

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Speaker 5: making fridge magnets. Like I don't know if maybe it's

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Speaker 5: like something about resorting to your inner child that like,

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Speaker 5: but maybe try xanax an edible and a fridge.

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Speaker 1: Magnet making and making a bracelet and making a bracelet.

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Speaker 1: You know, I was reading through your new book of poetry.

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Speaker 1: Haley Lou has a new book of poetry called I'm

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Speaker 1: Sad and Horny, which is a great fucking title. It's

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Speaker 1: a great title for a tour. I'm sorry that you

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Speaker 1: took it, although I could probably still use it, but

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Speaker 1: I won't. And which is a surprise, because we know

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Speaker 1: you your your most famous role, not your only role.

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Speaker 1: You've been in tons of stuff, but your most sweat

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Speaker 1: that that's very welcome here. It was a whole bit

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Speaker 1: of like a tear. My rapids were crying, your armpits

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Speaker 1: were crying. Yeah, I'm really that sad. Yeah, and that horne.

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Speaker 3: How you are?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're most well known from playing Porscha on White Lotus.

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Speaker 1: That was a huge role for you. I know you've

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Speaker 1: been in tons of stuff. You were in a you

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Speaker 1: were in unpregnant, you were I mean, there's a whole

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Speaker 1: litany of you've been acting since you were a kid.

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Speaker 1: But everyone found out about you during White Lotus. So

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Speaker 1: you're coming out with this book of poetry, which is

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Speaker 1: very unexpected. I would never have expected that from anyone, really,

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Speaker 1: so I think, yeah, guessing people on their tone? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so can I just read one of the poems

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Speaker 1: out loud or would you prefer to read it?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: Please? Do you want to have it regularly? I'm okay,

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Speaker 1: because there's lots of art too in this. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to pick one of the ones at the top because

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Speaker 1: I didn't like there was all. There's beautiful artwork in this.

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Speaker 1: Thank you my friend Lily. Yeah, shout out to your

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Speaker 1: friend Lily. Okay, this one's called New Place Alone in

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Speaker 1: South Africa. Put my underwear in a drawer and bought

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Speaker 1: some throw pillows. Maybe it'll finally feel like home. It

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Speaker 1: never felt like one when we were together. Now I

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Speaker 1: want to take your last name and fall asleep to

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Speaker 1: the sound of your deviated septum. The Mandela effect or

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Speaker 1: am I a spoiled brat. I know myself deeper than that.

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Speaker 1: To be alone in South Africa is better than being

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Speaker 1: lonely with you. That's really cool.

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Speaker 3: I liked it better.

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Speaker 1: That's cool. So that poem is about it sounds like

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Speaker 1: it's about a breakup. It sounds like it sounds like

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Speaker 1: it sounds like.

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Speaker 5: You moved to South Africa under a breakup. But I

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Speaker 5: was living in South Africa for a movie. And yeah,

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Speaker 5: I mean, it's it's kind of self explanatory. It's interesting

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Speaker 5: because that one is about to me personally, multiple relationships

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Speaker 5: and just like this journey of like accepting just like

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Speaker 5: actually being on your own baha.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that was cool hearing you read it.

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Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 2: I think that we have a lot of people who

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Speaker 2: call in and write in with similar questions to that,

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Speaker 2: where it's like they're afraid of being alone. And I

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Speaker 2: mean they might be like thirty two and they're like,

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Speaker 2: and if I leave this relationship, I'll be alone forever,

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Speaker 2: and it's like.

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Speaker 3: First of all, not likely true.

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Speaker 2: Actually, it's better to be alone and be with yourself

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Speaker 2: than be in a relationship where you're lonely, where.

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Speaker 5: You're feeling lonely with that with someone else is like

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Speaker 5: the most empty feeling in the world, and being feeling

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Speaker 5: lonely on your own is actually okay, Like it's actually

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Speaker 5: proving to be not super awful all the time.

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Speaker 1: It's awful sometimes, but I like it a lot of

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Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, and I think, I mean this book

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Speaker 1: you kind of covers the transition I think from your

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Speaker 1: twenties to your thirties, right for sure, like a comprehensive.

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Speaker 5: Well, I mean I just turned thirty, so it's not

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Speaker 5: like I.

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Speaker 1: Moving into thirties. So from your twenties moving into your thirties,

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Speaker 1: which is a really integral part of like becoming a woman,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like I didn't really feel like a woman

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Speaker 1: until I turned fifty this year. Wow, Like now I

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Speaker 1: feel like a woman, but like, oh god, who like

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Speaker 1: a lion? Yeah, like a lioness. Actually no, I feel

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Speaker 1: like a male lion.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that is fine. I can't wait to get there.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, because I like, I don't feel like a woman,

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Speaker 5: I feel like a woman.

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Speaker 1: Feel like I'm excited to feel like a male lion.

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Speaker 1: And do you feel like do you feel like a

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Speaker 1: woman or do you feel like a girl? Do you

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Speaker 1: feel you feel like a woman okay, that's good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel like a not a woman, right, but a woman.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I do, and that's yeah I do. I mean

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Speaker 1: I think what is so underappreciated or so we don't

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Speaker 1: speak enough about it in like the female space is,

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Speaker 1: and men of course don't want to talk about it

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Speaker 1: because men don't want us to be alone, you know,

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Speaker 1: they want us to pair up with them. But the

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Speaker 1: value of spending time by yourself, the value of going

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Speaker 1: through breakups, reflecting about back on them, understanding that you survived,

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Speaker 1: that you're okay, that you're gonna do that no matter

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Speaker 1: what happens, you will overcome it, unless you're diagnosed with

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Speaker 1: some of your She's super horny right now. She's do

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Speaker 1: you need a tissue? Do we need a tissue for

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Speaker 1: a hand?

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Speaker 5: She's everyone from my pit It's okay, okay, but that's

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Speaker 5: what it is.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm not hot. Did you have coffee? I find

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Speaker 1: coffee makes me.

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Speaker 5: But you know what, I will thank you so much.

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Speaker 5: I think it's truly because of my deodorant I use,

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Speaker 5: Like it's not it's a deodorant, it's not an anti persper,

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Speaker 5: and so like my sweat smells good, but it's just

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Speaker 5: like it almost makes me more wet.

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Speaker 1: Ye are you using organic deodorant? Because I don't. I know,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't, it doesn't.

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Speaker 5: I just don't want whatever, what is it the setting

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Speaker 5: it anyway?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I know I might as well just surrender.

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Speaker 1: I might as well, you know, with all this organic stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's like, that's a great idea if my whole life

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Speaker 1: was cleaned out by some sort of organic you know,

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Speaker 1: Buddha or some sort of shaman that was going to

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Speaker 1: come in and clean out my whole house.

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Speaker 5: But that's kind of impossible because we live in this

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Speaker 5: world at this time, and it's like, yeah, we do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've just learned to accept it.

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Speaker 3: Right, Like what else can we do? It's like okay, okay,

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Speaker 3: keep it ranic.

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Speaker 1: I'll try. I'll get some dove. I'll try one step

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Speaker 1: at a time. So back to your womanhood. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: because you were in a long relationship. You were in

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Speaker 1: a seven year relationship right at one point. This was

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Speaker 1: you broke up a long time ago from that, I think,

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Speaker 1: but you were in a seven year relationship in which

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Speaker 1: you thought, as many young people in their twenties thing,

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna be with the person that you love

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Speaker 1: like that forever.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was all I saw in my life was

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Speaker 5: just this person for the rest of it. Like I

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Speaker 5: actually never even went to the place where I would

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Speaker 5: be like, but what if it doesn't work? I just

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Speaker 5: never from the second I met him, I never I

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Speaker 5: never went there. I was like, always, this is my

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Speaker 5: person and this is the rest of my life.

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Speaker 1: And how did you deal with that breakup? Being dealt information?

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Speaker 1: Which is okay, now, this is not what you had

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Speaker 1: to you know, had planned, you know. I think I

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Speaker 1: dealt with it the best I could. I dealt with it.

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Speaker 5: I dealt with it, which is important, Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 5: And it was like obviously, uh like up and down

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Speaker 5: roller coaster journey.

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Speaker 1: I think that was We're coming up on like almost

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Speaker 1: five years since that breakup.

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Speaker 5: And there's been a lot of like realization since then,

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Speaker 5: like a lot of aha moments, and obviously the like

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Speaker 5: it's felt lonely and painful and confusing and all of

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Speaker 5: the feelings to be able to get to the different

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Speaker 5: aha moments, But like I do feel like I've let

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Speaker 5: him go and let that like dream of that future

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Speaker 5: go at this point when I was five years later,

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Speaker 5: which was pretty.

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Speaker 1: Cool and do you feel stronger because of the breakup?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I do feel I feel stronger, and I feel

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Speaker 5: like I've always had some level of connection to myself

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Speaker 5: and love for myself. Sometimes it's felt deeper down than

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Speaker 5: other times, but like it's gotten that tethered, Like myself

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Speaker 5: has gotten so much stronger, which in turn, I think

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Speaker 5: makes you stronger, made me stronger. So yeah, actually, I

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Speaker 5: know this sounds super dumb and cliche, but like, I'm

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Speaker 5: really happy it happened.

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Speaker 1: But that's I think. That's that's the point I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to make to all of our listeners is that you know,

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Speaker 1: when you do break up, and we have these ideas

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Speaker 1: and we have these attachments to outcomes, not even to

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Speaker 1: the person necessarily, but to the outcome of the situation.

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Speaker 1: It's like if you knew if you weren't looking at

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Speaker 1: a relationship and you were just looking at like a

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Speaker 1: math equation, and you're like, okay, two plus two, Okay,

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Speaker 1: break a relationship plus a breakup is going to equal this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: meaning you're going to get stronger, you're going to get wiser,

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Speaker 1: you're going to get closer to yourself. These are all

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Speaker 1: the things that are going to happen because of this heartbreak.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and the journey of the heartbreak is so nonlinear

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Speaker 5: that and sometimes feels impossible and pitiful and just hopeless.

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Speaker 5: That It's like it is when you're in that position

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Speaker 5: in the low times, it seems impossible to believe that equation.

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Speaker 1: But you know what I did last night, actually that

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Speaker 1: is on this topic.

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Speaker 5: I journal a lot, which is where a lot of

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Speaker 5: my poetry comes from.

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Speaker 1: And you can write everything, and I handwrite.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I love handwriting because I feel like, like when

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Speaker 5: I'm angry, like my writing's angry when I'm like feeling grounded.

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Speaker 1: My writing is beautiful when I'm and.

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Speaker 5: Like it's just just a cool cathartic expression. But every

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Speaker 5: time I finish a journal, I have this like ritual

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Speaker 5: where I go through it and I kind of read

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Speaker 5: back what I was writing about and experiencing, and then

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Speaker 5: I rip up the pages. Sometimes I burn them. Sometimes

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Speaker 5: I flush them down the toilet, throw it all away,

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Speaker 5: and it's like a light sage. It's like a whole

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Speaker 5: like thing to cleanse from that. And last night I

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Speaker 5: finished a journal and I went through it, and I

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Speaker 5: was reading the things at the beginning of my journal

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Speaker 5: and you know, my current.

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Speaker 1: Kind of things that I'm like a heartbreak journey that

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Speaker 1: I'm on.

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Speaker 5: I'm like I was having all these same thoughts that

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Speaker 5: kind of reoccur that I feel now, but I was

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Speaker 5: having so much more of them and they were so

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Speaker 5: much more like hysterical and had like a stronger hold

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Speaker 5: on me than they do now. Just like nice to

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Speaker 5: see like even though I'm still feeling these things and

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Speaker 5: having these thoughts, like there's been a growth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, and I like what you say about going through it,

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Speaker 3: because that is a choice.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 2: You can choose to like do the work journal, go

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Speaker 2: to therapy, cry about it whatever, or you can choose

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Speaker 2: to like distract yourself just jump into another relationship. Like

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Speaker 2: it is an act of choice to decide to deal

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Speaker 2: with the feelings as they come up, and.

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Speaker 1: Also to blame, like to blame the X or you know,

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Speaker 1: so many people can do that, whether you're you know,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not about just being a woman. Men

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Speaker 1: can do that too, Like, it doesn't matter whose fault

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Speaker 1: it is when something's over, it matters how you pick

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Speaker 1: yourself back up, Like that's the most important thing is

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Speaker 1: how you are going to restore your energy, your faith

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Speaker 1: in yourself and how you're going to provide for yourself,

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Speaker 1: Like it's not about other people coming in to see,

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Speaker 1: it's about you saving yourself. And I think that's something

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Speaker 1: that we always forget, you know, like we always forget

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Speaker 1: you want to be like, well, he's an asshole, and

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Speaker 1: even your friends will be like he's I can't believe

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Speaker 1: he's strung you along like that, or he's he's garbage.

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Speaker 1: It's like, it's not about him, and it doesn't help

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Speaker 1: to have that energy towards anyone.

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Speaker 5: Anyway, although I will say I think that that is

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Speaker 5: sometimes a necessary phase of the getting too definitely, you know,

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Speaker 5: like it's it's not the end goal, and it's not

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Speaker 5: the core of what's happening, right, it's everyone's you know,

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Speaker 5: trying their best.

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Speaker 1: Trying their best. I don't know.

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Speaker 5: The thing is like it's actually sad. I'm kind of feeling.

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Speaker 5: And look, maybe when I'm a male lion I will

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Speaker 5: have a different perspective, but I'm kind of feeling right

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Speaker 5: now in my life like everyone is trying their best,

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Speaker 5: and even the really shittiest of the shitty, like awful,

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Speaker 5: vile people of the world, Like it's actually sad. To

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Speaker 5: realize is that because of whatever their circumstance.

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Speaker 1: That is that a service like the best.

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Speaker 5: It's kind of heartbreaking to to realize that, but it

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Speaker 5: also is almost like a relief, and it also is

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Speaker 5: it makes it easier to kind of have empathy for

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Speaker 5: myself that like even in my past, so when I've

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Speaker 5: handled things now not the way I would handle it

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Speaker 5: now or not the way like even now I handle

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Speaker 5: things Like I sent a text last week and my

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Speaker 5: therapist was like, now, what would you rate that text?

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Speaker 5: Like what grade would you give that text?

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Speaker 1: I was like, probably a B minus. She was like, hmm, interesting.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, but you know, in that moment, I

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Speaker 1: was trying my.

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Speaker 5: Bet, like I literally could not have done better in

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Speaker 5: that moment, and I'm trying to learn from how if

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Speaker 5: that type of moment comes up next time, maybe my

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Speaker 5: best would be better.

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Speaker 1: I think in those moments, if you're in a B

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Speaker 1: minus mood, don't send the tex. You don't send the text.

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Speaker 1: You're like, I have to wait for my mood to

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Speaker 1: get back to recalibrate.

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Speaker 5: BE minus is a passing grade, like I was like,

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Speaker 5: I feel like this is better to do it and

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Speaker 5: act upon then to well, we didn't ignore her, but

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Speaker 5: you know.

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Speaker 1: B minus is it's not the thing. This is what's

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Speaker 1: cool is that three years ago, if I was.

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Speaker 5: In this exact same position, I would have done something

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Speaker 5: that was like an f.

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Speaker 3: Right like so you know improvement.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I like to think that at all times I am

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Speaker 5: doing the best I can in the moment. And if

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Speaker 5: I'm doing that, then that's how we all are, no

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Speaker 5: matter what our predisposition is that the right word?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and your personality. I'm going to read another poem

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Speaker 1: that I want to share with our audience. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: like this, Chelsea.

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Speaker 3: It's excited to read to each other a lot on

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Speaker 3: this show.

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Speaker 1: About books a lot on this show, and you read

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like I want to ask you because you

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Speaker 2: recently poem. I don't know how long ago this was,

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Speaker 2: but posted like a very cute thirst trap with a

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Speaker 2: Brandon Sanderson novel.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, are you like.

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Speaker 1: I've ever posted? I was like, is this born?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: My friends were like do it?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 2: Are you loving those books? Did you get through? Because

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Speaker 2: I'm sort of toying with reading. It's like a sack

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Speaker 2: of books that's like as tall as a person.

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Speaker 1: The way of Kings.

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Speaker 5: I haven't gotten. To be honest with you, I haven't.

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Speaker 5: I then got distracted and got into more Cord of

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Speaker 5: Thorns and Roses books, but I have read probably like

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Speaker 5: ten Brandon san have you read any.

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Speaker 2: Of rand I haven't read any because I'm like, if

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Speaker 2: I read one, I'm probably gonna to read that.

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Speaker 5: That's the I would start with the miss Born trilogy.

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Speaker 5: Those are actually my three favorite books of all Tage

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Speaker 5: What kind.

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Speaker 1: Of genre is? It's fantasy.

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Speaker 5: It's like pure fantasy, like world building, but it's also

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Speaker 5: like the way that Brandon Sanderson writes. It's not like

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Speaker 5: it's not smut. It's very PG sometimes PG thirteen, Ok,

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Speaker 5: but it's like very metaphorical. It's like deeply thought provoking

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Speaker 5: and powerful, but also just like so fun and I

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Speaker 5: love just getting lost and magic and there is romance,

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Speaker 5: but it's again it's like, this reminds me of a

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Speaker 5: Disney World post you once posted when you went to

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Speaker 5: Disney World.

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Speaker 1: You're obsessed with Disney love it, you love it today.

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Speaker 1: I remember seeing you post that and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: because I am not, I am not, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: to Disneyland. You know, I've been there, done. But let

437
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 1: me Okay, this is a really cute one and every

438
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: audience member or audience listener is going to relate to this.

439
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: It's called Bestie, Hot, Pink Heart, Blue, I come home,

440
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 1: I come for you. Plug you in twice a month,

441
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 1: plug me up twice in a row, just me. Can't

442
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: sleep hard week? You're always hard? Aren't you? A little

443
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 1: less empty inside? That is really really cute. I just

444
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 1: love it. And I'm talking about my best friend. Yes, yes, yes,

445
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 1: I love that.

446
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,159
Speaker 2: You said your team would not let you put a

447
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 2: vibrator on the cover of this.

448
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a real conversation. It was a real conversation.

449
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 1: But you know my Lily.

450
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 5: Kravitz, who designed the book and has been my friend

451
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 5: since well, I say at the beginning of the book,

452
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,680
Speaker 5: she's was the first person to ever see me dangle

453
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,679
Speaker 5: car keys off my erect nipple.

454
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: And that's trip erection, like a pretty impressive erection. They

455
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: can handle a whole gisha. Yeah, I was just thinking

456
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,120
Speaker 1: about my own nipples when you were saying that, because

457
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: my nipples can get really hard and I've never used

458
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: the word erect with my nipples, and I will start

459
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 1: doing that.

460
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like some nipples are deserving of the word

461
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 5: erects get really hard, they are serious of substantial.

462
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 1: They don't say that way very long. It's just like

463
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: a seven year old man, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah,

464
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 1: so you probably won't get You don't know what I mean.

465
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 1: You haven't had sex with a seven year old. I

466
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: haven't had sex with a seven year old. Yeah, and

467
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 1: neither have I. Yeah, but I have had sex with

468
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: men who could be seventy or act like they're seventy,

469
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 1: or have the same erections as a seventy year old

470
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 1: exactly that. I hear what you're saying. Yeah, And okay,

471
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: wait back to your book. I want to talk about

472
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,399
Speaker 1: how you So you've been writing, You've been journaling your

473
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: whole life, Like how did you leave my whole life?

474
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: When did you?

475
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 5: I really started committing to the journal after the big

476
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 5: breakup almost five years ago, uh huh, because that was

477
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 5: a huge turning point in my life because I was

478
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 5: a kid and then I met that person and was

479
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,640
Speaker 5: with him for almost eight years and then we broke

480
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 5: up and I was like out in the world for

481
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 5: the first time, like as just human, and so that

482
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 5: was a lot to process and you're an only child,

483
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 5: and I'm an only child.

484
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: So do you have a really are you tight with

485
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 1: your parents? I'm tight with my parents. Yeah, I love them.

486
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 1: I really love them.

487
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

488
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're good people and they've tried, they've done their best,

489
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 5: you know, like they are.

490
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 1: They've been really.

491
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 5: Loving, supportive parents, which is and you know they still

492
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:47,239
Speaker 5: love each other.

493
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: They've been together since they were seventeen and eighteen. Wow

494
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: isn't that like amazing and also weird. I'm going, yeah, yeah, yeah,

495
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 1: but it's amazing. Yeah I like them.

496
00:22:58,200 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 5: So yeah, I was a kid with my parents, and

497
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,360
Speaker 5: I was a young adult with a man, and now

498
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 5: I'm a Haley person.

499
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 2: Now you're a Haley li ch or like catapults you,

500
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 2: like a breakout can sometimes like catapult you into adulthood,

501
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: especially if you were just a kid when you got

502
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 2: into that relationship.

503
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 1: And did you lean on your parents a lot during

504
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: like or during any difficult time? Do you lean on

505
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,439
Speaker 1: your therapist the most? Like who's your go to person?

506
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 5: I think I've had different different people throughout my life,

507
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 5: like in relationship obviously, like your partner that you rely

508
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 5: on is your partner and my mom's like want the

509
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 5: closest person in my life and honestly has really grounded advice.

510
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 5: Like my mom's not really in it for the drama

511
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 5: with things I tell her about, she's like really productive,

512
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 5: but with her advice to me, it's nice. Obviously my therapist,

513
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 5: I shout out love her.

514
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: Saw her this morning.

515
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 5: And you know, friends, although sometimes that can I think

516
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 5: lead to if you rely on a friend too much,

517
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 5: it can lead to you know, codependent things and weird

518
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 5: patterns that happen and then they just get sick and

519
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 5: tired of you, or vice versa, and then it ruins

520
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 5: the friendship in a way.

521
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: Let's talk about the difference between codependence and interdependence for

522
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 1: a second, because I thought interdependence was codependence, and somebody

523
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 1: schooled me the other day and said, no, interdependence healthyvers

524
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,479
Speaker 1: is a healthy But also I was reading this thing

525
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: that like when you couple up with someone, right when

526
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: you become you're in a relationship, it's almost impossible not

527
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: to become codependent. Even though codependent has a negative connotation,

528
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 1: when you look the phrases up, they're mostly identical interdependency

529
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: and codependency. So what do you have an idea of

530
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: what the different differentiation is.

531
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 2: I kind of see it through my own lens, because

532
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 2: I mean, my husband and I we are a little

533
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 2: bit codependent, but I think mostly interdependent because we have sort.

534
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 3: Of opposite skill sets and so and it's sort of

535
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 3: like when one of us isn't able.

536
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 2: To sort of pick up their end of the slack,

537
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: the other one kind of goes double time and you

538
00:24:58,800 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 2: can put into.

539
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 3: The back here. That's why that's right. So, but I

540
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 3: think it's like mostly healthy.

541
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 2: I think codependence is when it's like almost like needy

542
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 2: and you can't do anything without this other person, and

543
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,919
Speaker 2: then that gets into like the other person sort of

544
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 2: being a little controlling sometimes, oh I.

545
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,719
Speaker 1: See, or when their problems become your problems and then

546
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 1: you have to like basically like you sacrifice your own

547
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: life for their life. That's correct or my worst form,

548
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: like I can't make a decision without this howing.

549
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 5: Yes, And I definitely felt that in relationships totally. There's

550
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 5: a book called Codependent No More that I actually didn't finish.

551
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: Reading, maybe because but there is I'm reminded of that.

552
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should revisit that book.

553
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 5: But there's this concept that actually my very first meeting

554
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 5: with my therapist that I still talk to now. This

555
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 5: was probably almost ten years ago now. She listened to

556
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,919
Speaker 5: me talk for like forty five minutes and then she

557
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 5: was like, I'm gonna get thing and show it to you,

558
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 5: and I was like okay, and she came back from

559
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,880
Speaker 5: her little drawer with this piece of paper that had

560
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 5: a triangle on it. It's called the drama triangle. I'm

561
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 5: forgetting the dude that like invented it the concept of it.

562
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 5: Have you guys heard of the drama triangle?

563
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: To speak more, it might be it might resident.

564
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 5: There's like the dramatic codependent version of the triangle, which

565
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 5: has three points. One of the points is the bully,

566
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 5: one of the points is the victim, and one of

567
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 5: the points is the rescuer. And when you get sucked,

568
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 5: Like it's not like any of us right are like

569
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 5: always or naturally like anxious attached. It's like different situations

570
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 5: and relationships that bring things out in us, and so

571
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 5: like it's kind of the same idea with this triangle.

572
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 5: It's like there are certain people or situations dynamics that

573
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,360
Speaker 5: like draw you onto the triangle, and then once.

574
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: You draw or you're onto the triangle.

575
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 5: You're just doing this dance, this like musical chairs dance,

576
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 5: you know, like around like playing these different roles, which

577
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 5: I think kind of ties into codependency and triangulation and

578
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 5: for everyone. Yeah, and then I was like she was

579
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 5: telling this to me, and I was like mind blown

580
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 5: because I was like, oh my god, I live like

581
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 5: ninety percent of my life on this gosh darn triangle, Like,

582
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 5: how the fuck do I get off? And she was like, well,

583
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 5: let me show you another piece of paper that she

584
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,719
Speaker 5: showed me this other piece of paper that had like

585
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 5: the healthy triangle, which instead of the rescuer, there was

586
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 5: the cheerleader instead of the victim.

587
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not remembering, we just look it.

588
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 5: Up, but the cheerleader was very important for me because

589
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,880
Speaker 5: I think the way I got tied onto the triangle

590
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 5: all the time was wanting to rescue. And I'm like, now,

591
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 5: how can I like not take responsibility for you, but

592
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 5: like encourage you as someone that loves you so much

593
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 5: and wants the best for you to like make these

594
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 5: decisions for yourself.

595
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:57,719
Speaker 1: There's the coach instead of the bully.

596
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 3: Oh there, oh yeah.

597
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 1: You've picked my care curiosity. I'm curious well, I see

598
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: all more work to do.

599
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 5: I have to finish the codependent, finish, finish of Kings.

600
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: I'll put a link to I'll find this online, put

601
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 2: a link to it in the triangle.

602
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 1: I know you're a big dancer, like you kind of

603
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 1: came out here to dance, right, original dance and act. Yeah,

604
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: but my first like year here was mainly danced work

605
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: because I remember seeing your People magazine shoot and I

606
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't know you were a dancer, and

607
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: that was just a really beautiful shoot. Yeah, there's like

608
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 1: video attached to it and everything. Yeah, I did. It

609
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: was a really beautiful and I had no idea. And

610
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: then you were in a Jonas Brother's video dancing because

611
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 1: you're a huge Jonas Brothers fan. Yes I am, and

612
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: I was. Some of my friends are like, Heley, are

613
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: you gonna like finally let that go now? And I'm

614
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: like I wish I could, but no, being such a

615
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: rabbid Jonas Brothers fan, how because I know they asked

616
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 1: you a question once like if you had to choose

617
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 1: one of their albums to take away on a dessert

618
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: on an island, which one would it be? And I

619
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: was like, they should have asked you which Jonas brother

620
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: it would have been. That's a better question, and so

621
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: let's figure out who that is. If you had to go,

622
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: I forget about their marriages, which and they're not married.

623
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: We're living in a different alternate reality. Which Jonas brother?

624
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: Would you want to be trapped on deserted island getting excited?

625
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 3: We're going to make this a reality, by the way.

626
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 5: So well, the thing is, obviously, you know, since I

627
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 5: was like eleven, I've been obsessed with Nicholas, So I

628
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 5: think I like kind of have to say him.

629
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 6: I have never heard anyone Nicholas Nicholas, Jerry Jonas, that's

630
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 6: his name. There's just certain things you just don't forget

631
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 6: and you don't like, you know, I think we have

632
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 6: the answer.

633
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: It's Nick Nicholas. Nicholas. How were you able to retain

634
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: your composure when you were on the set of that?

635
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. I had no self control.

636
00:29:55,760 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 5: I was, like, fully just like my teeny bopper eleven

637
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 5: year old me like came out and that's how I

638
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 5: was behaving, and I had I had.

639
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: No I had no control.

640
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 5: So I was I was eleven, like I really was,

641
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 5: And honestly, it was beautiful.

642
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: It was amazing. I wouldn't have wanted it to be

643
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: any other way.

644
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have wanted to like been processing it as

645
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 5: like twenty eight or hoever old I was at the

646
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 5: time year old me, Like I was just fully seeing

647
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 5: it through these like eyes of this little teeny bopper.

648
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they deal with that a lot.

649
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: I was crying all.

650
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 5: The time, and I make the artist Jenna like just

651
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 5: kept having to like wipe the mask eara under my

652
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 5: eye because I was like just like smiling and my

653
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 5: cheeks are and I was just like constantly just like.

654
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: Tears would come out. Yeah, that was special. I was

655
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: once in a music video. I don't know if I've

656
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: ever spoken about that. I'm podcast this is funny story, Okay,

657
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: I did. I was like seventeen years old. I was

658
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: in New York City and I auditioned for this. It

659
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: was a band called Natural Selection, and I was hired

660
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: as like the pretty girl. The lead singer had to

661
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: like just sing to my face. So he was standing

662
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: across from me, and I had never worked before, never

663
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: done any gigs, and as soon as he started looking

664
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: like singing towards me, I my lips just they like

665
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: just were quivering, and it was so like embarrassing because I.

666
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 6: Could feel it and I knew they were feeling just nerves,

667
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 6: so nervous, comfortable, and yeah, like I wouldn't be able

668
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 6: to do that if it were someone I knew saying

669
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 6: to me like that, I don't think.

670
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean maybe now I could, but not smiling,

671
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: like that's fucking weird. Yeah, but at the time, I

672
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 1: just had no experience. It was almost like, you know, spasming,

673
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 1: like my face was smassming and I knew everyone could

674
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: see me, but I was seventeen years old. I had

675
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: no resources to be like. I was just like, fuck,

676
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fall and burn right now. And then they

677
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: finally removed me and they're like, we'll just have you

678
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: as a background extra, you know, and they replaced me,

679
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: and it was, you know, one of my very first humiliations. Wow.

680
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, got it. If I had known

681
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: about beta blockers, you know, that would have been a

682
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: much different story.

683
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 3: You were not meant to be a video ho.

684
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: Wow. You know I was a video ho a couple

685
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: of times.

686
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was, it's like seventeen, Yeah, for dance, like

687
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 5: there was like this. Actually there was supposed to be

688
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 5: a These boys had a band. They were brothers. They

689
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 5: were called Sonis. They were these Argentinian boys.

690
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: Sounds a lot like another band.

691
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 5: Well, they honestly were like very inspired by and like

692
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 5: hoping to be like the Jonas Brothers, like which was

693
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 5: a big draw for me. Which but they did this

694
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 5: music video on the Venice boardwalk and I was like

695
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 5: each brother had like a love interest and I was,

696
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 5: I think the oldest brother's love interest.

697
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: And uh, there was some singing to my face. Not

698
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: like that closed.

699
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 5: I don't think I would have been able to handle that,

700
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 5: but there was like a lot of serenading and then

701
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 5: I would randomly like do a leap in the middle

702
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 5: of the boardwalk and yeah, I was a video.

703
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 4: Ho.

704
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I feel like music videos well I

705
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: guess they still do that, but I just like it

706
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: feels like it's a dated thing to be singing into

707
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: someone's face, you know what I mean. I mean, I'm

708
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: sure that still happens. When I was reading your book

709
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: of poetry, I was thinking that you remind me a

710
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: lot of Taylor Swift, like cool in terms of writing

711
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: all these things down like a lyricist, a poet, you

712
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: know that. And then I found out you wanted to

713
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: be a singer, right or you want to be a singer.

714
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 5: There's like a a delusional dream I've had probably my

715
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 5: whole life that I would be an amazing pop star

716
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,920
Speaker 5: because I'm like mall and I you know, can dance,

717
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 5: and I would look good in like metallic body suits,

718
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 5: and I have a lot of feelings. But I really

719
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 5: just can't sing, Like I don't have that skill set.

720
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 1: And I've tried.

721
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 5: My parents have spent a lot of money throughout the

722
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 5: course of my childhood on voice lessons and didn't work.

723
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 1: It never worked. Hmmm.

724
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a few other talents, that's okay.

725
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 5: I have a couple others that I'm focusing on now.

726
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 5: But but yeah, I mean I love Taylor Swift.

727
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you swifty? I guess I am now. I

728
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 1: mean it's kind of hard to be like, it's hard

729
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: not time swifty, I think now too, like my level

730
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 1: of interest and the understanding of the impact that she's

731
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: had not only on the music industry and for women

732
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 1: coming after her, on all women and all these little girls,

733
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: like this is the happiest news we've gotten in six

734
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: months engagement. First of all, she was on the podcast

735
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,959
Speaker 1: that was like happiness, and then you find out about

736
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 1: the engagement. It's like she's almost singularly responsible for our joy, right.

737
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 5: Yes, because like thinking we've been rooting for her, like

738
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: because we relate through her heartbreak and these things that

739
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:39,440
Speaker 5: she like honestly very generously shares with us, like so

740
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 5: that we can feel like not alone, which is a

741
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 5: big inspiration for me wanting to like give these you know,

742
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 5: poems to the to the world because it's like, I

743
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 5: know what that can do for me when I listen

744
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 5: to music like Taylor.

745
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 1: And so we're like rooting for her to.

746
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 5: Like be happy and like have someone choose her, and

747
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,280
Speaker 5: this fucking haughty chose her.

748
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: And then the exact way the only way to go

749
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: after someone like that, which is what he did, Like

750
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 1: he shot his shot. Yeah, and it fucking worked out.

751
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 4: I met you.

752
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: No one else did that, I know, no one else

753
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: tried to do that except for him, you know what

754
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:14,839
Speaker 1: I mean.

755
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 5: And he seems obviously don't know these people, but he

756
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 5: seems like a pretty secure dude, ye, And she deserves

757
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 5: that and needs that.

758
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's I mean I'm really happy for her.

759
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

760
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is happy making. It's happy making. And when

761
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 1: I was watching this Instagram video about this little girl

762
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: and her she was asking her mom if they were

763
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: going to Taylor Swift to travel Taylor Swift's wedding. She

764
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: was like, Mommy, are we going to the wedding? And

765
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: she's like, no, honey, We're probably not going to the

766
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: wa And then she's like, but why wouldn't we go?

767
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 1: Like we love Taylor? And I was like, the mom

768
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: was like, no, like, honey, we love Taylor because we've

769
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 1: seen we listened to her music and her pictures, but

770
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: she doesn't know who we are. And then the little

771
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: girl goes, huh, anyway, can you put on hot to go?

772
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: I was like, what a cute video?

773
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 5: Is cute?

774
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: I want to see that? Wow?

775
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean she is very poetic, and I honestly like,

776
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 5: I've always listened to Taylor Swift throughout my life. When

777
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 5: I was like thirteen or something was probably it was

778
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 5: like pivotal that song for me and so, but I

779
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 5: never really considered myself a swiftye or really like gave

780
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 5: into my like full like love and respect for Taylor

781
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 5: Swift as like a artist and like amazing force person

782
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 5: in the world. But I went to the Era's tour

783
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 5: in Atlanta because I wanted to see b Badoobie, who's

784
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 5: this sweet girl I know who was opening for her

785
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 5: and I love her music, and she got me a

786
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:42,800
Speaker 5: ticket and so I was like, sure.

787
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 1: I'll fly to Atlanta and watch b Badooby and then

788
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: stay for the Taylor Swift concert.

789
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 5: And I stayed for the freaking Eras tour and I

790
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 5: was just like, I knew maybe a third of the songs,

791
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 5: but I was like, cause I kind of missed like

792
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 5: the folklore other albums Eras. But I was like, I

793
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 5: was like, it's possible to be at that concert and

794
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 5: watch her presence and her impact and like.

795
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: Not be so blown away. Yeah yeah, and inspired and impressed.

796
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 5: And then I ended up going to the Aerostore in

797
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,399
Speaker 5: LA and at that point I knew every single song

798
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 5: and was.

799
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: Swifty so and the other thing I do love not

800
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: that this is a podcast about Taylor Swift on you

801
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: never talked about Taylor Swift on this podcast, ABHIV, But

802
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 1: because your poetry does remind me of her writing, like

803
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: it is kind of you know, her writing is poetry.

804
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: But the other thing is how beautiful the family dynamic.

805
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 1: It was, how her parents have crafted like and it

806
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: sounds like you come from a similar structured, loving, normal

807
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 1: family that are like solid because it could go one

808
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: of two ways. And we've seen the disasters with all

809
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 1: of these, you know, young people who become famous and

810
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 1: when their parents aren't on solid ground and they aren't grounded,

811
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: it's a disaster. And then look at like the beauty

812
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: and like you're such a like ray of light. Look

813
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 1: at what your parents did for you, you know, they ray

814
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 1: of light. I'm a breath of fresh air. You're a

815
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: ray of light. Yeah, a woman, You're you're a Yeah,

816
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 1: you're a well man. So like, I mean, it's just

817
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: nice to see the impact of good parenting. I chose

818
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: not to become a parent because I would don't have

819
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: time for that ship, you know, And I feel like

820
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 1: that's a very responsible decision to make good for you.

821
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: If you're not going to be an A plus parent,

822
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 1: then you should have become a parent.

823
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 5: Yeah. If you're not going to send the A plus text,

824
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 5: then don't send the text.

825
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. I got to learn these things now so I

826
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: don't become a B plus or minus minus our B

827
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 1: minus person. Yeah, yeah, you're not a B minus person.

828
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 1: Thank you, B plus or definitely.

829
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're in the A zone you But yeah, my

830
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 5: parents shout out to them.

831
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, I can tell that you have good parents.

832
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: I can already tell that.

833
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 5: They They have like always believed in me and always

834
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 5: loved me. And I think that that is unfortunately rare.

835
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 5: It's something that now like thirty and looking back and

836
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,359
Speaker 5: now having this like adult relationship with my parents, I'm like,

837
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 5: you guys were really great. Like you guys really like

838
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 5: supported me and made this life that I live possible,

839
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:16,919
Speaker 5: and they're great.

840
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,399
Speaker 1: They're also like a fun hang. Do you really think

841
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: that's rare to be loved and believed in?

842
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 5: I do think being like deeply believed in, Like the

843
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,879
Speaker 5: sacrifice my parents made to like let me leave high

844
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 5: school at sixteen and move to LA and like give

845
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 5: up whatever money they were saving for a college experience

846
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 5: for me and like be away from each other for

847
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 5: a year and a half while my mom lived with

848
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 5: me in LA and my dad was back in Arizona,

849
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 5: like put their lives on hold to like make that

850
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 5: Like that is something that I like people that I

851
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 5: know their parents didn't do that for them and wouldn't right.

852
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 5: And there's people that I even know that they wanted

853
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 5: to like do something unconventional or more like not even unconventional,

854
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 5: but just like arts or something not good and their

855
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 5: parents like encouraged them not to because of X, Y

856
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 5: and Z. And it's like, my parents didn't just encourage me,

857
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 5: not they they sacrificed and like made it possible for me,

858
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 5: which I do think is rare.

859
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:17,439
Speaker 4: Right.

860
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, on that note, we're going to take a break

861
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Haleelu Richardson. And we're

862
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: back with Haleelu richards and her new book of poetry,

863
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 1: which is called Sad and Horny. Oh sorry, which you

864
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 1: so what?

865
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 5: That was a question in my publisher was like, are

866
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 5: you sure you don't want to call it sad and Horny?

867
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 5: And I really thought about it because actually, originally I

868
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 5: wanted to call the book I'm sad and horny by

869
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 5: this book because like I just wanted the desperate, the

870
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,240
Speaker 5: like aware desperation to be a part of the title.

871
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 5: And they really I had multiple people encouraged me to

872
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 5: get rid of the buy this book, and I agreed

873
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 5: with that, but my publisher was like, are you sure

874
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 5: you want that? I'm because sad and horny is just

875
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 5: so like a thing, and I'm like, you know, I

876
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:06,879
Speaker 5: thought about it, and I was like, I really want

877
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 5: the I'm because it's so personal.

878
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 1: You own it and I own it.

879
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 5: And then it's like also the question of like, oh,

880
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 5: what are you reading I'm sad and horny.

881
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: I liked that conversation. Yea happening, So yeah, great, great,

882
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 1: we're going to take some callers and we're going to

883
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 1: give some advice. There's callers.

884
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh cool.

885
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I'm glad you're all therapies because that's

886
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: going to help you give out some of the Okay, cool.

887
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:32,439
Speaker 4: Yes.

888
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 3: So our first caller is Brie. She's thirty seven.

889
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 2: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty seven year old woman,

890
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 2: and I found myself in a precarious situation. For my

891
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 2: entire adult life, I prided myself on my ability to

892
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 2: remain faithful in any and all of my relationships. I

893
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 2: had never cheated and had a very negative perspective toward

894
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 2: the idea of cheating. I was in a faithful and

895
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 2: monogamous although toxic relationship from twenty five to thirty three,

896
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 2: and after ending that, I spent four months being single

897
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 2: and dating my now ex Adam. After almost two and

898
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 2: a half years together, I started to realize that Adam

899
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 2: and I were not compatible, However I didn't initially act

900
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 2: on it.

901
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 3: About four months ago, I started to pay more.

902
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 2: Attention to one of my male coworkers, Bryce, even though

903
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 2: we've worked together for years. Something changed and I found

904
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 2: myself thinking about him outside of work. After finding a

905
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 2: work related reason to initiate a text to him, we

906
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: began texting regularly.

907
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 3: Within a few weeks, we.

908
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: Were talking all day at work, taking private walks on

909
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,439
Speaker 2: our breaks, and texting all night.

910
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 3: Needless to say, my partner had no idea.

911
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 2: This quickly led to us confessing our feelings for one another,

912
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 2: kissing when we had the chance, holding hands on walks,

913
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 2: and pretty soon admitting that we were falling for one another.

914
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 2: I decided at this point that I needed to end

915
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 2: things with Adam and chose not to move forward physically

916
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:46,319
Speaker 2: with Bryce until I did so. However, that did not

917
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,839
Speaker 2: stop us from making verbal plans to be together. Once

918
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 2: I ended things with Adam, Here's where things change. Fast

919
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 2: forward to about eight weeks ago. I broke things off

920
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 2: with Adam and moved out into my own place. Following this,

921
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 2: things between Bryce and I began to slow down, and

922
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 2: I noticed a growing distance between us, which I assumed

923
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 2: was because both of us kind of had a realization

924
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 2: that things were moving along quite quickly. Day by day,

925
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 2: our communication dwindled until last week and we decided to

926
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 2: take a step back with things until we both have

927
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:14,760
Speaker 2: our shit figured out and we know what we want.

928
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 2: I'm the one who suggested this because I sensed him

929
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 2: pulling away, almost as if I was trying to beat

930
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 2: him to the punch my dilemma.

931
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 3: I feel heartbroken.

932
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: I know that ultimately I'm likely still grieving the relationship

933
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 2: with Adam as well, but I cannot get Bryce off

934
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 2: my mind. I recognize that my abandonment issues and attachment

935
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 2: style tie into this, but my question is how can

936
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: I find a way to move forward with Bryce?

937
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 3: Given that we work together. When I say we're coworkers,

938
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 3: we do not just work for the same company.

939
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: We sit next to each other a few feet away

940
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 2: multiple days a week. Although I'm grateful that I still

941
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 2: get to see him, I know that working with him

942
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 2: is going to make this very difficult. We're both fairly

943
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 2: mature and are serious about our careers, so I know

944
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 2: that we'll both do our best to try and maintain

945
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 2: an amicable dynamic at work, especially given that we ended

946
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 2: things mutually. However, I'm having a hard time seeing his

947
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 2: face on a day basis. I've never been in a

948
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 2: situation like this, both in terms of infidelity and the

949
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 2: relationship with a coworker.

950
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 3: Any advice to help me navigate this challenge, Brie?

951
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: Right, Oh my gosh, you're a real person. Bray, we're here,

952
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 1: You're real. Oh my god. This is Haley lou Richardson,

953
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 1: our special guest today.

954
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:20,799
Speaker 3: Hi, nice to meet you.

955
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Brie. Thanks for sharing that. Somebody

956
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 1: once told me, when you're in a relationship that's kind

957
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: of stale, there's a person who gets you out of

958
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: that relationship, and you can sometimes confuse that with like, oh,

959
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm in love. Like sometimes you just need to get

960
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: out of the position A and move into position B.

961
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,439
Speaker 1: And sometimes that only will happen if somebody else comes

962
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: around and like lures you away. So this is a

963
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 1: huge opportunity for you for growth, for learning, forgetting to

964
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 1: know yourself, you have to embrace your womanhood, which we've

965
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 1: been discussing. You have to embrace your womanhood right now.

966
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 1: You can handle anything. You're a woman. We can fucking

967
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: do anything. You're fierce, powerful and you're resilient. That's what

968
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 1: you have to sell yourself every single morning when you

969
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: wake up or before you walk into the office and

970
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 1: think you're gonna melt when you see him. You're stronger

971
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: than him. Okay, just remember women are stronger than men.

972
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 1: And that's not sexist, it's true. So I guess so

973
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 1: so like you have the total you're in the driving

974
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 1: driver's seat. You ended things, you know, and the driver's

975
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: seat isn't important. But you just have to know as

976
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 1: a woman, you are so powerful you if you want

977
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 1: this to happen with this guy at work, it can happen.

978
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 1: But respect the fact that you just got out of

979
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,800
Speaker 1: something and going straight into something isn't really going to

980
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: be the most valuable lesson in your life. The more

981
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 1: valuable lesson. And if you want to, like I always say,

982
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: I like, I like to make the first time the

983
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 1: last time, Like I don't want to learn the same

984
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 1: lessons twice, and I don't want to go to summer school.

985
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 1: I want to go to Maerica, you know what I mean.

986
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: So when there's an opportunity to be mature or easy

987
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 1: and like give in to your lustfulness or your desires,

988
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 1: it's not forever. It's not like you have to do

989
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: this for months and months or whatever. But just choose

990
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 1: your higher self and be like, Okay, I just got

991
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: out of a long term relationship. The most sensible thing

992
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 1: to do is like, what would you tell your daughter

993
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: to do in this situation? If you had a daughter,

994
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: what would you say to her? You would say, take

995
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: some time regroup. You can have this little flirtation. You

996
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 1: had a flirtation with this guy. It's going to redevelop you.

997
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: Just keep your distance and be in the driver's seat

998
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,479
Speaker 1: because that's what you are. You are in the driver's seat,

999
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,280
Speaker 1: and you could completely control yourself. I know you can.

1000
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 7: I like that, you know what. That's actually great advice.

1001
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 7: You are kind of making the point that I feel

1002
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 7: like maybe I'm almost giving him the power. Yeah, and

1003
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 7: I need to kind of take that back.

1004
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:41,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

1005
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 4: Really that's really good advice.

1006
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 7: And also to your first point, sometimes we just need

1007
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 7: that one person to get us out of the initial

1008
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 7: you know, uh, slow loading scale. I like that.

1009
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 3: I'm going to hold on to that.

1010
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 4: That's actually really great advice.

1011
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: It was a guy that was having an affair and

1012
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: he said, I was with two guys who had both

1013
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,839
Speaker 1: left their wives for other women, and they had been

1014
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 1: married to their new wives forever. But they said they

1015
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,399
Speaker 1: both had the woman they had an affair with got

1016
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: them out of their marriages and then they ended up

1017
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 1: with different women. And there was like and they had

1018
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: a term for it, and I was like, oh, I'm like, well,

1019
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: I'm going to take that for women. Hayley, Do you agree?

1020
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: What do you think I agree with?

1021
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 5: I mean, you want you to be my therapist, but

1022
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 5: you also just like you say really like emotionally deep

1023
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 5: true things, but you say it like it fucking is

1024
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,399
Speaker 5: that's so cool to like it must feel so nice

1025
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 5: to be getting that advice in that way.

1026
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely agree.

1027
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 5: And I also just like actually really commend you because

1028
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 5: I think you seem like a like a very aware,

1029
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,439
Speaker 5: thoughtful person, like the way you go through life, even

1030
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 5: like your awareness of the ways that you were unfaithful

1031
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,439
Speaker 5: in the end of the relationship. Like I'm impressed by

1032
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 5: the fact that whatever it was that this guy Bryce

1033
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 5: was showing and that attraction was showing you, that was

1034
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 5: making it clear to you had to get out of

1035
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 5: the relationship with Adam. You know, there were times where

1036
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 5: the powerful woman that was making the decisions and in

1037
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 5: control of your actions maybe went to the uh, you know,

1038
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 5: passenger seat or in the back seat and something else

1039
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 5: was taking over. But like you never let you get

1040
00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 5: like stuffed in the trunk and just like fully act

1041
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 5: out of passion, need instinct, lust, out of control, And

1042
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,320
Speaker 5: like I find that really press honorable.

1043
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 1: So I mean, whatever, if.

1044
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 5: There's a part of you, I don't know, if there's

1045
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 5: a part of you that like feels guilty or like

1046
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 5: a shame, like see that as like whatever, healthy shame,

1047
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 5: So you don't do that again and hurt yourself and

1048
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 5: someone else in a way that you wouldn't want to

1049
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 5: again if you were in a similar situation. But also

1050
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 5: just like really like, I think it's pretty cool the

1051
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 5: awareness you had through through all of that.

1052
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 3: Right to not like go full throttle with an affair

1053
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 3: sort of thing.

1054
00:48:55,400 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, agreed, So good for you on both fronts. Yeah,

1055
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 1: So just gear up and go back to work like

1056
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: the badass woman that you are and handle.

1057
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 7: It you so much. I feel like I just needed

1058
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 7: a little bit of a push. I actually really appreciate.

1059
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,879
Speaker 7: This is not something that obviously I can talk to about.

1060
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, with most people, right, I know, you know what

1061
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 3: I mean, I can't. I'm not calling up my.

1062
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 7: Mom or another coworker or friends. So I appreciate it.

1063
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 7: I just kind of needed another woman's perspectives and that

1064
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 7: all makes a lot of sense. And also, thank you

1065
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 7: for touching on the guilt and the shame, because of

1066
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 7: course that's you know, kind of floating around in the

1067
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 7: back of my head or in my part, I should say, so,

1068
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 7: I appreciate that.

1069
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1070
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:38,719
Speaker 1: I awesome. Awesome you guys, well, thanks for calling in.

1071
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 3: Thank you, ladies.

1072
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 7: I appreciate your time today.

1073
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:47,839
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Vibrie, I've got this if I feel the same

1074
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 2: way I've had, like you got it.

1075
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 3: You got it.

1076
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 1: That was like a perfect color. Yeah, wow, perfect Because

1077
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 1: people call in with these kinds of serious things. I mean,

1078
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: that is serious. But she wasn't broken, you know what

1079
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: I mean. Some people do call in and they're broken

1080
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 1: and like and then it's like you can't talk to

1081
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 1: them like that she had like a real like awareness.

1082
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 5: It was really even like through that hard time because

1083
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 5: like the end of her Like it's hard to be

1084
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 5: at the end of a relationship and something not working,

1085
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 5: especially if you can't admit it to yourself, then you

1086
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,280
Speaker 5: can't admit it to the other person and then something

1087
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 5: out of control happens. That's like hurtful, And I feel

1088
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 5: like she actually had a lot of self self awareness.

1089
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: There's also this idea that like when there's an attraction,

1090
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 1: like we we can't help ourselves and it's just so silly.

1091
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 1: It's like we can all help ourselves. You don't have

1092
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: to fuck your fucking coworker while you're still in a relationship.

1093
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 1: That's such a man thing to do, you know, like

1094
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 1: you have to have accountability, like leaving the relationship.

1095
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:49,399
Speaker 5: What Well, I just had this like hearing you say

1096
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 5: you can't help I can't help myself is like I

1097
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 5: just had another meaning of that of like, but you

1098
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 5: can help yourself, like whatever you are searching for in

1099
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 5: that connection and are trying to get from that external thing,

1100
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 5: Like it's like I can't help myself, but actually you

1101
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 5: can always help your right WHOA, Yeah, I cave.

1102
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 1: It as now I have a double meaning too.

1103
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 3: Wow.

1104
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: Okay, great, Well.

1105
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Lauren, and she says, Dear Chelsea,

1106
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 2: I'm a thirty three year old therapist in Saint Louis.

1107
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 2: I love my job and the life I've built here,

1108
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 2: but the dating scene is so challenging. I ended a

1109
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 2: long term relationship three years ago and have been trying

1110
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 2: everything to meet new people dating apps, singles, events, networking parties,

1111
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 2: you name it, I've done it.

1112
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 3: I'm also in maybe the only career that I can't

1113
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 3: meet people at work, confidentiality and all. She's a she's

1114
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 3: a therapist. I realized that, but yeah, she's a therapist.

1115
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 3: I made the decision to move to a new city.

1116
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 2: To experience dating somewhere else. I love advice on how

1117
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 2: to make connections and meet singles in a city I

1118
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 2: don't know anyone in. You're such an inspiration things for

1119
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 2: all you do, Lauren.

1120
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: Well, that's easier than Hi. Hi, Lauren, Hi, Hi, This

1121
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: is Haley lou Richardson our special guest today, Aldy.

1122
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 4: It's so good to see guy.

1123
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: It's nice to meet you.

1124
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 2: Hi.

1125
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 1: Lauren. First of all, great for taking the situation and

1126
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: doing something about it and moving to a different city.

1127
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:16,280
Speaker 1: That's great proactive behavior. And as a therapist you probably

1128
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 1: already know that. But I think you just have to

1129
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,839
Speaker 1: put yourself out there in every way possible. You have

1130
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: to join all sorts of clubs you don't give a

1131
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 1: shit about, just like you start join a runners club,

1132
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: join a biker. What city are you in, by the way.

1133
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 4: I'm in Saint Louis, but I'm moving to Madison, Wisconsin.

1134
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: Okay, great, jeez, you can you can? I mean you

1135
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 1: can join like kayaking, you know, on Saturday mornings. You

1136
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: could do a paddle board class. You could do all

1137
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 1: sorts of shit. But think about things in that like

1138
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 1: that are going to yield a more of like an

1139
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: intersexual kind of community. You don't want to obviously, take

1140
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 1: ballet class lessons, you know, like that's not gonna I mean,

1141
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: you're not gonna meet men. But think of things, and

1142
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 1: I'm just saying things off the top of my head,

1143
00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 1: but really sit down and make a list of like

1144
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 1: activities that you'd be down to do. Tennis. If you

1145
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 1: want to take like tennis lessons, join a tennis club.

1146
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: You don't have to join a country club. You can

1147
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 1: join a tennis club, and you can join a biking club,

1148
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 1: you can join a runner's club. All of those are

1149
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: going to yield both sexes. So you're going to meet friends,

1150
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:16,839
Speaker 1: and you're going to and if you're in a new city,

1151
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna need some new friends. Anyway, you're going to

1152
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: meet people that way, and don't give up on the

1153
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:24,000
Speaker 1: dating sites. Like I understand that they sometimes feel like,

1154
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:27,560
Speaker 1: oh god, you know, like it's overwhelming or it's so

1155
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 1: depressing because you go on these dates and you're like,

1156
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: this is all that's out there. It's it's trial and

1157
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: error like everything else in life. And like, if you

1158
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: really have a desire to meet somebody, then it's up

1159
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 1: to you to make that happen. And you're gonna, like,

1160
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 1: you know, push yourself a little bit further. Even if

1161
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,719
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, like I don't want to do my

1162
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 1: fucking Spanish homework. I'm not in the mood, but I

1163
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 1: know I'm gonna do it because I want to get

1164
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 1: better at learning Spanish. You're going to go on that date.

1165
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:51,919
Speaker 1: Maybe you don't feel like up for it, but that's

1166
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: one step closer to finding the person that you want.

1167
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: And if a partner. Is that important to you, then

1168
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 1: you have to make that like a top line priority.

1169
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 3: Likeat it, like yeah, treat it like a job. And

1170
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 3: also I think.

1171
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,439
Speaker 2: People forget the value of like asking the cute guy

1172
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 2: in line at the coffee shop for his number, you know,

1173
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 2: like just be ballsy and make some like conversation and.

1174
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 3: They're like, can I guess your number?

1175
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,480
Speaker 1: Yes. That's a great point, Catherine, because everyone would think

1176
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: that I do whatever I want when I want, and

1177
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,319
Speaker 1: I have all this confidence, right, I have missed so

1178
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: many opportunities by not addressing a man that I've seen

1179
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: at a party or in a store or something like

1180
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 1: where I've wanted to be like, oh that guy's hot,

1181
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 1: you know, or like I'm trying to catch his eye

1182
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 1: and just stupid, Like I should have just walked up

1183
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 1: to the table and been like, hey, I think you're

1184
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 1: pretty cute. Here's my number. That's what the advice I

1185
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 1: would give to anyone. Yet there are many times where

1186
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 1: I have not done that, and all I do when

1187
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 1: that's the only thing I think I regret in my

1188
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: life is not actually being as bold as people think

1189
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 1: I am with regard to like meeting guys or hooking up.

1190
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 1: What do you have to lose? Who gives a shit?

1191
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 1: You don't even know the person. So if if they're

1192
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 1: not into you, who cares? You know what I mean?

1193
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: Like you kind of have to grab life by the balls.

1194
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,399
Speaker 1: Especially now, it's like if that's such an important thing

1195
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: to you, you really have to just do everything to

1196
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: make it happen. So that would be my advice. I mean,

1197
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,439
Speaker 1: Haley's single too. Right now, I'm gonna say I'm kind

1198
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: of in your boat.

1199
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 5: Kind of in your boat, but I do actually feel

1200
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 5: like I act on on the boldness, I guess, or

1201
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:23,440
Speaker 5: just like the saying like my thing is, I just am.

1202
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 1: Like, hey, I just wanted to tell you you're really handsome.

1203
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:32,120
Speaker 5: And you know, sometimes it unless it's like a nice

1204
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 5: response and there's like maybe just like a little night

1205
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,879
Speaker 5: like maybe they don't ask for my number or nothing

1206
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 5: ever happens, but it's just like, oh, I had a

1207
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 5: little connection and they told me I was cute too,

1208
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 5: and that's like kind of.

1209
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: A nice little That's actually a perfect way to do

1210
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: it because that's so and like that's that's such a

1211
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: sweet way to do it because it's so charming, like

1212
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: it's not like, Hey, I want to fuck you, here's

1213
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: my phone number, which is what I would do. But

1214
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,000
Speaker 1: I mean I haven't exercised that right and nearly as

1215
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:59,399
Speaker 1: much as I but I think you're really handsome. Who's

1216
00:55:59,440 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: that gonna love?

1217
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 4: You?

1218
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?

1219
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, no one, No one that I've done that too

1220
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 5: hasn't loved it. Like the worst that I get is

1221
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 5: like a.

1222
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 1: Oh, thanks, right to go on with their life. And

1223
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah exactly, but yeah, I'm

1224
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: really in your boat, so I don't.

1225
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 5: I feel like I was listening to her advice and

1226
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,879
Speaker 5: maybe the same way you were, but just I guess

1227
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 5: if there's.

1228
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 1: Anything no that you're not alone.

1229
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 5: There are a lot of us out on the apps

1230
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 5: getting sick and tired of the apps, deleting the apps,

1231
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 5: thinking they're in love with a waiter because he looked

1232
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 5: at her in a certain way, like sliding into someone's

1233
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,880
Speaker 5: DMS that's on love Island and never getting a response.

1234
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 5: Like I mean, like I've done, I've done wild things

1235
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 5: and none of it's been really successful yet, and I'm

1236
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 5: just like trying to hold on to hope and not

1237
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 5: become bitter.

1238
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:52,919
Speaker 2: So right there with you, Lauren, I've tried sliding into

1239
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 2: some dms of Love Island because.

1240
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 4: I not always Love Island, but definitely other shows for

1241
00:56:58,239 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 4: sure amazing.

1242
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 1: Have you gotten responses? Because I literally haven't, and I'm like, wait, what.

1243
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 3: I have a new check mark?

1244
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,359
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, you're like, what's this same thing for? If

1245
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 1: I can't get what I want.

1246
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 4: I definitely need to try to be more bold. I

1247
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:14,799
Speaker 4: feel like I fall into the friendship aspect, like I

1248
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 4: need to, you know, up my flirting and just like

1249
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 4: be confident with it and fake it till I make it.

1250
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:22,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, and be active on those dating sites, like just

1251
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:24,600
Speaker 1: get on all of them and be active and be

1252
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 1: forward about what you're looking for, Like I'm looking for

1253
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: a relationship. I just always think the more you do

1254
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 1: of something, the quicker you're going to get to where

1255
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: you're going. There's gonna be a lot of rejects or

1256
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 1: people that you're not interested in, But in doing that,

1257
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 1: you're kind of getting all that stuff out of the

1258
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 1: way and getting closer to the person that you will

1259
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 1: be into and that you will want to have a

1260
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: relationship with.

1261
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 3: It's a total number name and you listen.

1262
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: You have everything on your side. You're in a brand

1263
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 1: new city. The options are endless, you know, and you're

1264
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:55,919
Speaker 1: acutie and beauty and people are getting divorced every single day,

1265
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 1: so there's something else to think about, you like what

1266
00:57:58,520 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 1: I do?

1267
00:57:58,920 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 3: Think about that?

1268
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you'll get someone on their second time around. Yeah,

1269
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: oyster is our oyster, all.

1270
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 2: Right, Lauren and Hayley. We'll need you both to follow

1271
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 2: up when you put this into practice.

1272
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see.

1273
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 5: I'll let you know if any of the Love Island

1274
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 5: contestants ever get back, and.

1275
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 1: I'll see you. I'm coming on tour next year to Madison,

1276
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 1: so I'll see you there hopefully.

1277
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,320
Speaker 4: Oh amazing. Yes, I will definitely see you there. Thank you.

1278
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: Okay, have a great day, bye, Lauren, Hie.

1279
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 2: You know what my my sister in law did, which

1280
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 2: obviously worked out for her because she's my sister in

1281
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 2: law now. She came home from like visiting family in

1282
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 2: Ireland who were like teasing her because she was thirty

1283
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 2: and not married, which is silly, but she felt some

1284
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 2: kind of way about it, so she just decided to.

1285
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:44,959
Speaker 3: Like make it her job to go on all these days.

1286
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 2: She went on like one or two dates every single day,

1287
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 2: and here was her trick, she goes, I had in

1288
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 2: order to not repeat outfits with the same guy. She goes,

1289
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 2: I had a first date outfit that I would wear

1290
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 2: on all my first dates, a second date outfit, a

1291
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: third date outfit, and most of them didn't get past

1292
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 2: dight three. Eventually she found my brother in law and

1293
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 2: they were like, how are you so single? And you know,

1294
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 2: fell in love and got married, but she goes by

1295
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 2: the end of that, my first date outfit was like

1296
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 2: raggedy because they weren't so many times, but it was just.

1297
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,480
Speaker 1: Like, she's just a numbers game. Yes, wow, armpitstains.

1298
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:16,960
Speaker 5: Wow. Okay, I mean honestly, that is hopeful to me

1299
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 5: because there's so many like especially like my parents and

1300
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 5: people of their generation, don't get that, like don't get

1301
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 5: the dating apps of putting yourself out there, so they're like, well,

1302
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 5: don't you just want to just live your life and

1303
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 5: let the person find you?

1304
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's what I've.

1305
00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 8: Been doing it for years and ideally yes, but we

1306
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 8: live in and we live in the technology age, so

1307
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 8: it's just like a numbers game, and like, that's how

1308
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 8: so many people are operating.

1309
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: They don't want to waste a night going out to

1310
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 1: a bar or going out to a restaurant or whatever,

1311
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 1: because they're like, oh, I'm going to save that for

1312
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 1: my date night, you know what I mean. Some people

1313
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 1: or like orchestrate their entire or organize their lives around that.

1314
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 1: So it's like kind of like that's the age we're

1315
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 1: living in. So there's nothing wrong with it. We're going

1316
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 1: to take a break and we're going to be right

1317
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 1: back to wrap up with Haley Loop and we're back

1318
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 1: with Hailey lu Richardson. Who's gonna I guess, you know,

1319
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 1: turn on all your apps when you leave here and

1320
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 1: just get I mean ready, I'm actually enjoying. I'm actually

1321
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 1: enjoying yourself. I'm enjoying myself. I know, I'm like and

1322
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 1: also I'm so as your vibrator, So I'm enjoying myself.

1323
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 1: I'm enjoying.

1324
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 5: I have multiple besties these days, different shapes for different moods.

1325
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 1: I love them all equally, so I have a pretty

1326
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: good crew. We're in a polyamorous relationship. I love different

1327
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: shapes for different moods. I would love to see a

1328
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: chart on that at some point. Wow. The book is

1329
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 1: called her Book of Poetry, which is great and really

1330
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 1: funny and sad at times but poignant. It's called I'm

1331
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 1: Sad and Horny and so please get yourself a copy.

1332
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: And well, I mean you're just absolutely delightful. Thank you,

1333
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 1: so are you both? Yes, thank you for coming. You

1334
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 1: really brightened up my day to day. I was having

1335
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: a shit show this morning. Yes, yes, yes, I wouldn't

1336
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 1: you've I felt that at all. Great, but sorry, but

1337
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: thank you. I mean you really came in like a

1338
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 1: ray of sunshine. Okay, I meant that, thank you. I

1339
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: feel the same way. This was fun. Now I want

1340
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 1: a podcast. This is so fun.

1341
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 9: The word of the week is avaricious adjective greedy of gain,

1342
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 9: excessively seeking to hoard riches, avaricious zorin Mamdanie won the

1343
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,920
Speaker 9: New York City mayoral race because people are tired of

1344
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 9: landlords who have become too avaricious avaricious.

1345
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went

1346
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 1: on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.

1347
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 1: I will be starting in February of next year, so

1348
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June. So go

1349
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:01,360
Speaker 1: get your tickets now if you want good seats, and

1350
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 1: you want to come see me perform, I will be

1351
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 1: on the High and Mighty tour.

1352
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1353
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1354
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.

1355
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea Pod.

1356
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1357
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 2: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our

1358
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 2: merch at Chelseahandler dot com