Speaker 1: Motherfucking many year. So motherfucking mini episo. Yep, yep, yep,
Speaker 1: there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome
Speaker 1: to another phenomenal mini episode. And my mama told me
Speaker 1: the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
Speaker 1: black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to prove the
Speaker 1: theories that you the listener have at home. It's your time, baby.
Speaker 1: You're a superstar. You're a goddamn You're a goddamn angel.
Speaker 1: And you know what we want to hear. What you
Speaker 1: gotta say. We love you, We love you, You're special
Speaker 1: to us. Well, we'll go down on you. Fuck it,
Speaker 1: we'll go. We'll flip it over. We'll go to the
Speaker 1: back too. Why not? Why not? If we feel the
Speaker 1: way we feel about you, why wouldn't we smack it up,
Speaker 1: flip it, rub it down. Oh no, I'm David Boring
Speaker 1: and I'm Langston Kerman and and boy, is that a
Speaker 1: greeting we need to learn to replicate? Huh? Should we?
Speaker 1: Shall we do that on every episode? I think that's
Speaker 1: about as good as it's gonna get. Yeah, smack it up,
Speaker 1: flip it, rub it down. Oh no, I'm David boring.
Speaker 1: What a fucking way to introduce yourself. Yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: know where I'm coming from, not at all. I will
Speaker 1: say that that. Uh. We we've gotten a few messages.
Speaker 1: Last time we spoke. I believe we we talked about
Speaker 1: a bit of a debate you and I had about
Speaker 1: the math from from driving from Denver to the middle
Speaker 1: of Wyoming, the undecided middle of Wyoming, right, And I
Speaker 1: have now gotten three, I think upwards of three emails
Speaker 1: from various listeners who all wanted to make it clear
Speaker 1: that you, David, were in fact correct about and I
Speaker 1: don't even drive like that. A person named Asia said, Hey, David,
Speaker 1: and Lankson loved the podcast. Keep up the good work, David.
Speaker 1: You never said where in the middle of Wyoming? So
Speaker 1: I picked Riverton on a good day. Uh. Denver to
Speaker 1: Riverton is three hundred and forty nine miles via I A,
Speaker 1: I E. D West or US to eighty seven North.
Speaker 1: Two thousand six Honda Civic Basic Bitch Model No Fast,
Speaker 1: no Furious has a fuel tank capacity of thirteen point
Speaker 1: to gallons and gets thirty miles per gallon in the
Speaker 1: city and forty on the highway. We're gonna use thirty
Speaker 1: because ain't no way we're going to risk it and
Speaker 1: run on fumes in the middle of Wyoming. If you're
Speaker 1: driving from a full tank three hundred ninety six miles
Speaker 1: per tank, you can make it to Riverton with forty
Speaker 1: seven miles left on empty. If this math is wrong,
Speaker 1: oh well, but I'm pretty sure it is. It is anyway,
Speaker 1: by bitches what Asia wrote, and to all of that,
Speaker 1: I say, fuck you, Asia. You didn't have to do
Speaker 1: none of that. You could have mind your motherfucking business.
Speaker 1: I stayed the funk out of grown folst business. Asia.
Speaker 1: Fuck you, fuck uh fuck uh uh Padre because Pedro
Speaker 1: had a whole bunch of say about this ship talking
Speaker 1: about two nine miles from Denver to Jefferson City. Fuck, oh, y'all.
Speaker 1: I don't give a ship. I think you all. You
Speaker 1: guys are great. I appreciate you doing math, calculating in
Speaker 1: the lab, whatever you had to do to because you
Speaker 1: could be wrong. I don't know, but I trust you.
Speaker 1: That's what I gotta say about that. You couldn't be wrong,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. I trust you. Yeah, I I
Speaker 1: didn't care for you dorks involving yourselves at all, but
Speaker 1: you want to appreciate you listening. We're big fans that
Speaker 1: you're not at these dorgs for doing research. You're the
Speaker 1: one who does the research for this pod. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: only to my advantage, not not for other people to
Speaker 1: sauce on me. You know what I mean. They were
Speaker 1: saucing that we're saucing. She started. She said, if a
Speaker 1: train is traveling at a hundred and thirty six miles
Speaker 1: per hour in one direction, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: She hit me with some fucking word problems. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: was a lot to unpack there. Man, God blessed it.
Speaker 1: I gotta drive to Wyoming now, get some fireworks. Gets
Speaker 1: some fireworks. That's right. You said that's the big thing
Speaker 1: for Wyoming for y'all. Yeah, I mean, I guess. I
Speaker 1: assume there's some type of industry, but for me, it
Speaker 1: was mostly for fireworks. I want to get into this
Speaker 1: unrelated I guess conspiracy theory. Oh, this is another thing
Speaker 1: that I should address before we get into the conspiracy theory.
Speaker 1: I also received a message, and this relates to our
Speaker 1: conversation around milk. When you remember we were talking about
Speaker 1: the dangers of milk recently. An unrelated A person named
Speaker 1: Brian sent me a message about my puffy nipples. Maybe
Speaker 1: you remember we had a I do remember discussion about
Speaker 1: puffy nipples as well and Brian. Brian said, I too
Speaker 1: used to suffer from puffy nipples until one day I
Speaker 1: read a Darwind's blog post that talked about how he
Speaker 1: used to be badly afflicted with acne until he quit dairy.
Speaker 1: So I did the same, and not only did my
Speaker 1: acne clear up, but my nipples calmed the funk down.
Speaker 1: I figured it was because I no longer uh was
Speaker 1: no longer second handing some sort of nipple based hormone,
Speaker 1: and because I was lactose and tolerant my conspiracy theory.
Speaker 1: Milk can fuck you up? Love the podcast. Thanks, that's
Speaker 1: from Brian. I don't I think that, Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's I think there's legitimate saying like he did
Speaker 1: the research. Yeah no, he he did the experiment on himself.
Speaker 1: He gave up the milk and them titties turned to
Speaker 1: went flat on him. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong if
Speaker 1: you got puffy nipples, you know, there's no shame in it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't ever feel bad about your pooffy nipples. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but but still you know you could change it. You
Speaker 1: can do something about it. And I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: do something about it now. Thank you Brian for your inspiration. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should like track your nipple puff progress. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna get a real small ruler and uh
Speaker 1: say you take every pictures every day for them. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make an inspirational Instagram account for for the titties
Speaker 1: that I've transformed my titties into. Oh man, put like
Speaker 1: a like a grind hustler motivate. Yeah exactly. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like that going down. And then after a while I'll
Speaker 1: start getting sponsorships or things that have nothing to do
Speaker 1: with puffy nipples, you know what I mean. It'll yeah,
Speaker 1: it'll just be like temporary tattoos that are like asking
Speaker 1: me to promote their ship. So yeah, motor oil for nipples.
Speaker 1: All right. I want to get into our actual big
Speaker 1: email for the day. This is. This came from a
Speaker 1: person who requested to remain anonymous. They yeah, they didn't
Speaker 1: want to share their name, and you'll see why pretty quickly.
Speaker 1: They sent a message they said, high length high lengths
Speaker 1: in the David, please don't use my name. Smiley face
Speaker 1: I love the show, and for all the silliness, YouTube
Speaker 1: really stimulate productive conversation about the effect of white supremacy
Speaker 1: on black people. I don't know if that was our goal,
Speaker 1: but I'm glad that that's what you're getting out. I
Speaker 1: also don't think you've heard the last episode. We were open,
Speaker 1: we were aiming for chaos. We weren't really. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: but that said, it means the world to us that
Speaker 1: that you feel that way. They went on to say,
Speaker 1: my conspiracy theory that I've been quietly spreading for months
Speaker 1: is that black families with lots of kids become Jehovah's
Speaker 1: witnesses to avoid purchasing Christmas and birthday gifts. They realized
Speaker 1: they should. They could still love Jesus and not have
Speaker 1: to buy into commercialism or Hollywood or holidays or birthdays.
Speaker 1: Please find some examples to support this idea below, Serena
Speaker 1: Williams family, Donald Glover's family, Michael Jackson's family. I rest
Speaker 1: my case, man, that feels that feels pretty possible to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never known somebody who was like, it was just
Speaker 1: me and my single mom, we were Jehovah's witnesses right
Speaker 1: right away. There was always well, yeah, it's always a
Speaker 1: ton of kids that that are Jehovah's witnesses, Like they're
Speaker 1: buying vans, you know. I like how you made it
Speaker 1: seem like it's a fleet of vans just to move
Speaker 1: these children from school to not holiday parties. You never
Speaker 1: you never grew up with like you never had weird
Speaker 1: van families. We did have weird van families. It was
Speaker 1: really a fleet. But I I hear you that they talk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they had like a mini van that was much older
Speaker 1: than it seemed like it should be. Yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 1: then I was just like eight lds kids packed in
Speaker 1: there at all time. My question, or at least what
Speaker 1: what immediately popped in my head because I agree with you,
Speaker 1: it does feel like it holds a little bit of weight.
Speaker 1: Is My question is do the kids come before or
Speaker 1: are they a byproduct of like Jehovah's witness practices, right,
Speaker 1: because I think some of it is also like and
Speaker 1: maybe this is not true, but I think they're like, ah,
Speaker 1: you ain't gotta come on, man, I ain't gotta wear
Speaker 1: no condoms. Oh they're fucking row. I think that that's
Speaker 1: the main reason people become crazy religious. It's the is
Speaker 1: anti condom ship. Yeah, God says, I don't have to
Speaker 1: win one baby. Yeah, Like you know, I think that's right.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all about fucking. It's the same reason
Speaker 1: like Mormons they're polygamous because they like fucking a lot,
Speaker 1: Like that's the that's the thing, right, So like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I cannot imagine Jehovah's Witnesses where condoms or use any
Speaker 1: kind of birth control other than gravity. Right, And so
Speaker 1: with that, I guess the question is, are are you
Speaker 1: becoming Jehovah's witness afterwards or are you actually like already
Speaker 1: that and then all these kids become a part of
Speaker 1: it because y'all are just raw dog in each other.
Speaker 1: I bet it's later. I would I would bet that
Speaker 1: it's like damn five, all right, we gotta do something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like fuck, who who would make sure that
Speaker 1: we don't have to buy these kids gifts? Sweet Jehovah gyro? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because what because that's the only thing I even know
Speaker 1: about Jehovah's Witnesses mm hmm, Like is it? What's what
Speaker 1: else is different about them? Like are they just are
Speaker 1: they just Christians? They believe that Heaven has like a
Speaker 1: capacity that like there's it's a limited number of people
Speaker 1: that can get into Heaven. And that's why they go
Speaker 1: door to door spreading the word is because number one,
Speaker 1: they're trying to recruit new members, but number two that
Speaker 1: is part of like their mission to earn their spot
Speaker 1: into Heaven is by getting more people to believe in God. Okay,
Speaker 1: but if there's a capacity, couldn't they be like what if,
Speaker 1: like you, you bring ten people in and then now
Speaker 1: there's no space for you. That's always been my issue
Speaker 1: with it, is like I think that the number is
Speaker 1: like a hundred and eighties something thousands, So it feels
Speaker 1: like you already the doors already shut, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like they're already being like, hey, no more
Speaker 1: if you ain't got no girls, which you can't come
Speaker 1: in at the way, you know what I'm saying. But
Speaker 1: that's why they got all those kids and wives, ten chicks.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm not showing up alone. We're buying bottles
Speaker 1: peach SI rock for me and all my family. Right
Speaker 1: you're saying, you're saying, right now we're at normal capacity,
Speaker 1: but if you're willing to drop the bread, you can
Speaker 1: still get in the club, right, No, I mean because yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's definitely something that happens afterwards though.
Speaker 1: It's definitely like you have a few kids, money is
Speaker 1: getting tight. They got birthdays every year, and like, let's
Speaker 1: say you have six kids evenly spaced out, that's a
Speaker 1: birthday every other month. Yeah, that's not good. And and
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I'll be honest. I'm feeling anxiety just
Speaker 1: uh with my one child and buying a birthday gift
Speaker 1: and like something that's appropriate to a one year old.
Speaker 1: And and also it's going to impress my wife enough
Speaker 1: not to make and make her feel like she needs
Speaker 1: to leave me. So it's like, yeah, no, it stinks.
Speaker 1: But having to do that six times a year, that's
Speaker 1: and then Christmas, that's that's crazy. Wait, what are you
Speaker 1: gonna get the one year old? Have you decided? No?
Speaker 1: I haven't. I'm not. I'm not landed on nothing. But
Speaker 1: if you got pitches, I'm taking them. Baby. That's see,
Speaker 1: that's the problem. My wife already got her like some
Speaker 1: bracelets and ships, so I'm yeah, I'm coming in. You know,
Speaker 1: Oh you should buy some ship that you can't nail down,
Speaker 1: like get her name a star after some do. No, man,
Speaker 1: that's a scam at the zoo or some ship in
Speaker 1: her name or some ship. That's a scam you can
Speaker 1: only pull on like sick kids and grandma's. You can't.
Speaker 1: You can't do that to discerning adults who know you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It does sound like a scam. Ship.
Speaker 1: What are we gonna What are you gonna get your daughter? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I gotta figure it out and fast.
Speaker 1: Have you bronzed any of her ship? No, nothing's bronzed yet.
Speaker 1: You should bronze something. Okay, that's I'm now. I'm liking
Speaker 1: where you're heading. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, dip
Speaker 1: some baby shoes and and uh, the first ones get
Speaker 1: the first ones. You guys got whoever diplomatic bronze it
Speaker 1: for you. I got a guy. I got a bronzing guy.
Speaker 1: I got, I got bronze, gold plated whatever you need. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let's stalk after the podcast. We might we might be
Speaker 1: able to find something here. But as far as he's
Speaker 1: Jehovah's witnesses, man, I because it just seems like I
Speaker 1: don't know a lot of everybody I've ever known that
Speaker 1: was Jehovah's witnesses seemed to be some type of late
Speaker 1: life conversion via their parents. Like I don't I but
Speaker 1: and maybe that's because I'm not close to the church,
Speaker 1: But I don't know a lot of people who are
Speaker 1: like I grew up with it. Like it seems like
Speaker 1: a lot of people grow up with it and then
Speaker 1: they leave that ship. Princeps have the birthday parties. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I I've known a few people who grew up that
Speaker 1: way and then didn't stay committed to it. And then
Speaker 1: there are people who I knew who grew up that
Speaker 1: How many kids do they have? Uh A lot? Actually not, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they kept sucking. They were like, now that parts cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like I hear y'all on this. I party. Yeah,
Speaker 1: birthday party would be tight too. But that said, I
Speaker 1: also have a family member too who grew up that way.
Speaker 1: And then what we're like excommunicated from the church. And
Speaker 1: that's that's like a real thing that the church tends
Speaker 1: to do, and it is one of the things. And
Speaker 1: Quinta is a person who grew up that way, but
Speaker 1: she she's not the excommunication person, but she's talked about
Speaker 1: this or she and I talked about this of like
Speaker 1: how it is one of those things that I do
Speaker 1: respect about their commitment to the religion. Were like, if
Speaker 1: you do what they don't like, they kick you the
Speaker 1: funk out. They don't like play that thing where they're like, no,
Speaker 1: you can still save yourself. They're like, no, you ain't
Speaker 1: making the cut. Get the funk out of here. I mean,
Speaker 1: I respect the discipline for sure. I respected even the
Speaker 1: discipline of of no birthdays and holidays. I even respect
Speaker 1: the discipline of that. I think there's a great case
Speaker 1: to be made for it, right, I mean, but I
Speaker 1: think that it's like it seems to be like based
Speaker 1: in frugal, being frugal, you know, yeah, it doesn't seem
Speaker 1: completely altruistic, not at all. You're not just looking out
Speaker 1: for the kids greater good by taking away birthdays, you
Speaker 1: you truly are saving hundreds of dollars, if not thousands
Speaker 1: of dollars a year. Jesus celebrated holidays. Yeah, Jesus loved
Speaker 1: a good holiday. Well wait are they but are they
Speaker 1: do they read the Bible? Do they believe in like
Speaker 1: the Covenant of the New Testament? Are they Old Testament people?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think they I don't know a
Speaker 1: hundred percent, but I know that they read the Bible.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that they're they have like their own
Speaker 1: extra chapters if I'm remember like the Catholic Apocryphone whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's similar to And that's essentially what Mormon situation is too.
Speaker 1: That like, it's not that they don't read the same Bible,
Speaker 1: they just have some extra like stuff that they have.
Speaker 1: The stuff from the tablets though, Yeah, may I don't
Speaker 1: know where it's from. He looked through the thing and
Speaker 1: what Joseph Smith or whatever he was, he was a
Speaker 1: snake oil salesman. That's not what we're getting into. Everybody
Speaker 1: knows being a Mormon is a scam. They wear magic underwear.
Speaker 1: Jehovah's witnesses, I do, I I'm I'm I'm with this one.
Speaker 1: You you respect the Jehovah's witnesses, but you also acknowledge
Speaker 1: their frugality in their decision making. Yeah, and I think
Speaker 1: that's fine. Okay, that's a good little take on it.
Speaker 1: You're like, look, yeah, I think you're right that they
Speaker 1: probably are turning to Jehovah's witness beliefs in order to
Speaker 1: save money. But that doesn't make them any less committed
Speaker 1: because of the level of work that they're putting in
Speaker 1: to stay part of the church. I couldn't have said
Speaker 1: it better myself. All right, Well, that that seems legit
Speaker 1: to me. I think that's fair. If I have to
Speaker 1: go door to door and and try to convince very
Speaker 1: angry people that my way of interpreting the Bible and
Speaker 1: religious text is correct, then yeah, I deserve not to
Speaker 1: buy my daughter a birthday gift exactly. That seems that
Speaker 1: seems fair. I don't I don't got no issues with that.
Speaker 1: So listener, anonymous listener, I hope this satisfies your your theory,
Speaker 1: and I hope you've learned a lesson about judging the
Speaker 1: Jehovah's witnesses unfairly. Maybe they're not cheap, maybe they're they're
Speaker 1: just making necessary sacrifices for uh not going broke and
Speaker 1: broad dog and their wives exactly. Well, we did it
Speaker 1: all right, BORI. Could you tell the people where they
Speaker 1: can find you what cool ship you have going on? Uh?
Speaker 1: You know, just gonna just follow my Instagram cool by
Speaker 1: jokes seven and I have all my dates up there coming.
Speaker 1: I got a lot of different dates I'm not sure
Speaker 1: of right now, but yeah, go to go to go
Speaker 1: to my Instagram. I would appreciate it great. As always.
Speaker 1: You can follow me at Langston Kerman uh and you
Speaker 1: can come see me at Lyric Hyperion on September and
Speaker 1: that's gonna be a really fun show. And then you
Speaker 1: can see me in New York on September nineteen at
Speaker 1: City Winery. And if you want to send us your
Speaker 1: own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to
Speaker 1: accuse other religions of being cheap, you can send those
Speaker 1: theories to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We
Speaker 1: would love to hear from you. That's it. That's all, bye, bitch.
Speaker 1: Mother motherfucking many years so, mother fucking mini herself many
Speaker 1: years so, Mother fucking miny years so.