WEBVTT - #145 Stop coddling. Suck it up. 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.760 Like no one would care to listen to a podcast 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.520 of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:09.720 and I hope you get better. But let me dive 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:13.440 into your question. Okay, honestly love you, lindsay, here we go. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:29.600 Suck it up, suck it up. What's up? Guys, Welcome 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:33.040 to the podcast, Episode one forty five. Thanks for coming. 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.879 Wherever you came from, maybe it was TikTok or Instagram, 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:39.480 or maybe you heard about me on The Smiths or where. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:42.600 Maybe you're a longtime listener and you've been listening for many, 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.560 many episodes in a row, binging it. Thank you wherever 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:47.360 you're coming from. Thank you. I love doing this. It's 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.120 one of my favorite things to do. I answer your questions. 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:54.400 You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, and 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.120 we walk through it like two friends in a cab 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.160 of a pickup truck. You say, hey, man, I got 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.680 something I want to talk to you about, and we 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:06.479 just unpack it. So, in no order, with no notes 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:08.360 on the desk, I'm gonna start with the first one. 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:13.959 Sept Decline says question. Question says my fiance has become 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.360 distant to the point we barely talk to each other 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.880 for maybe an hour a week. She says that she's busy. 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.600 I know her schedule, and I don't understand how I've 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:24.679 talked to her parents and they told me that she's 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.600 been hanging out with her friends and lying to me. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:29.880 She seems to be a whole different person than before 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.039 we got engaged. What should I do in this situation. 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:34.600 I've tried to talk to her about it, but never 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:39.520 get anywhere. A question comes from Garrett, and Garrett, thanks 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.280 for emailing, buddy. I this is what I think I 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:47.120 would always tell someone in a marriage if they're struggling, 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:50.080 to fight for your marriage and to do everything you 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:54.760 can to keep the marriage. And I don't say the 0:01:54.800 --> 0:02:01.120 same thing about dating and engagements because I think that 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.160 this engagement period is a really good time for you 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:07.720 to see who it is that you're marrying. This is 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.160 not advice that you're going to want to hear, because 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.119 I'm sure you love her to death and that's why 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.079 you emailed. But I want to point out to you, 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:18.880 just as a friend, that the fact that she is 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:24.240 lying to you and going places other than what she's 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:28.560 telling you is a lack of trust. It's really difficult, 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:32.280 right now in this engagement to put up with, because 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:36.520 that's something that's probably not going to stop in the marriage. 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:39.400 So if you're engaged and she's lying to you and 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:43.880 going places, and even her own parents are calling her 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:47.519 out on that, it's not a good sign. As a friend, 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.120 I would tell you, Garrett, I think it's time to 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:52.880 take a break, and I would go to her and say, hey, 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:55.880 I love you, I'm crazy about you. I want to 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.519 spend the rest of my life with you. That's why 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:01.799 we're engaged, that's why I propose to you. But I 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:06.120 don't know if us being dishonest with each other right 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:09.560 now is something that we need to keep moving forward 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:11.799 with in this relationship, or if it's something we need 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.639 to pull back, hit the brakes a bit and take 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.799 a break. So I'm suggesting that we separate for a 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:22.240 little bit and let some air breathe in this relationship. 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.520 I'm not saying you have to dumper or move on forever. 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.160 I'm just saying maybe time to pump the brakes on 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:31.840 the engagement, like slow down that date coming up on 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:35.120 the wedding, right this is not a good sign. It's 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.280 a really big red flag that she's lying to you 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.480 about where she's going, and I would say the same 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:43.840 thing about her being so distant and being a different person. 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:49.520 The last thing I'll say is make sure that when 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.160 you're talking about her being dishonest and her being distant, 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:56.800 make sure that you're taking accountability for yourself too, because 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.800 it takes two in this relationship. And make sure that 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:03.000 you're not being the nagger or the one that's calling 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:05.600 her out all the time. Make sure you're also looking 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:08.240 at yourself. What are you doing? Don't you can't be 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:10.720 a hypocrite in the situation and you're doing the same thing. 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:15.040 Are you being distant? Maybe not, but just make sure 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:18.159 that you're turning the lens around at yourself at the 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:21.800 same time. It's really important, But I think I think 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:24.000 this is a bad sign in time to take a break. 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:30.080 Next question says Hey Granger. My name is Maddie. I'm 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.799 from Montana. My husband had a deployment a bit ago, 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:35.719 and when he came back, feelings have never been quite 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:38.520 the same as he as they were whenever he left. 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:42.320 It's almost like there's no emotional connection anymore. We've been fighting. 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:45.279 We've been together for almost two years. Narrow now, not 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.279 sure how to go about things. Hope this reaches your 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.760 grangeer love your podcast, and they've really helped me through 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:55.000 my husband's deployment. Okay, So Maddie, so this is this 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:59.120 is the scenario different than the last question because why 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:02.440 because you're married. So I'm always gonna say on this 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.280 podcast to fight for your marriage. That doesn't always mean 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:08.760 it's gonna work, but you have to fight for it, 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.120 tooth and nail with everything you have. You fight for 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.600 this and so that's what I'm gonna tell you, Mattie. 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:18.919 So he comes back from the deployment and you think 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:24.600 that it hasn't felt the same, and I would say 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:28.440 to you, yeah, he just got back from a deployment. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.680 It shouldn't feel the same. He has seen things done, 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.559 things been around, things, been separated from the real world 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:40.840 and you for a long time, so we could all 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:45.840 expect him to be different. Now, this is something that 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:49.200 you sign up for when you marry someone that's in 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:53.280 the armed forces. That doesn't mean he's a bad person. 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:58.000 It doesn't mean this is a bad marriage. Right, So 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:02.039 my suggestion is poor into him. You don't just like 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:04.599 I said to the last question, you don't nag him. 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:06.640 You don't. You don't sit him down and say you're 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.839 different now, you're You're just not the same person. You 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.440 never give me attention anymore? What's wrong with me? Do 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:16.800 you not love me anymore? Avoid those kind of conversations. Instead, 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.400 serve him, pour into him. It's hard to do that, 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:24.680 I would say that in the reverse gender roles. But 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:29.280 pour into him and just say, babe, what what could 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:31.520 I do? What could I do to make your day 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:35.960 a little bit better? And don't don't demand anything. Lower 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:39.680 your expectations of him in the marriage right now now, 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.919 This is not This is not a long term plan 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:44.680 for you lowering your expectations. It is a long term 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.640 plan for serving him. Uh And and he should be 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.960 able to serve back. He should reciprocate when he's when 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.040 he starts feeling that love again and his tank gets full. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:58.000 But right now his tank is empty, and he's searching. 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.480 He's searching for himself, he's searching for this relationship. He's 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.200 seen some things. He doesn't know who he is anymore. 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:10.440 So remind him through love, not criticism, not nagging. Remind 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.920 him who he is and who y'all are as a 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:17.320 relationship with loving him, pouring into him, make him his 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:21.040 favorite meal. Don't nag him when he's When you make 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:22.920 his favorite meal and he's on the couch and he 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.520 acts indifferent about it. He just wants to sit there 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.000 and look at his phone. Don't nag him about it. 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.960 It's hard to do this. It's much easier for me 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:33.920 to tell you than it is for you to do it. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.280 But you make that meal and you get everything prepared, 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.240 and this is his favorite meal. And he's sitting on 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:39.920 the couch and he's looking at his phone and he's 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:43.480 just solemn, and you go, babe, it's ready, and he's like, 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.720 I'm not hungry. Don't nag him at that point. Don't 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:48.560 tell him about how hard it was for you to 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:52.160 make it, because guess what, he knows. He's human, he 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:56.360 knows deep down. So just go, hey, I'm gonna put 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:58.320 some foil on top of this, and I'm going to 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.080 put it in the fridge. If you want me to 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.680 reheat it for you, I can. But otherwise, you do 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:05.680 your thing. It's here for you. Is there anything else 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.760 I could do for you tonight? Now? Can you imagine 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:10.920 if that's if you just pour it into him like 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:15.040 that daily, it's gonna take a lot of effort, but 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.160 that's what it is. You know, a relationship is work. 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:20.040 I would say to this, I would say this, we 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:23.840 thank him for his service for our country, and we 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:28.240 equally thank you for your service to our country by 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:32.000 serving him in this way. Because because it can't be 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:36.240 lost in this situation that the spouses of these military 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:38.640 men and women that come back from deployment, what this 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:42.480 spouses go through is like war in a way. It's 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.720 a relationship war, and you're gonna wage it with love. 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:49.400 So pour into him and you are serving your country 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.600 in that way, and you can get him back. You 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.200 could bring him back, you could do it, or you 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:57.959 can run him away. So many of these situations end 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:01.080 in divorce. I know many of them. I've read many 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.320 of them. I get many of them emailing the podcast. 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:09.040 Many times it ends in divorce because the spouse can understand. 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:11.800 They can't understand why they're not still the same person 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:15.520 because they expected them to. They have really high expectations 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.000 for the spouse because they flip through Instagram and they 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.760 see these couples kissing on Instagram and holding each other 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.160 and saying, here's my ride or die. I love this 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:25.600 person with all my heart. And you see that on 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:29.040 Instagram and you go, that's not me. My husband doesn't 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:33.120 give me the time of day. So you could either 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:36.320 buy into that lie that social media is telling you 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:38.680 and your friends, and you see all your friends are happy, 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:44.880 it seems like, but everybody's struggling in some way. Maddy, 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:48.360 pour into him. I'm so sorry you're in this, but 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:55.880 this is my friendly suggestion to you. Let's hit another 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.040 one here, this one. The subject line says tattoos Biblical 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:02.559 question mark, Hey Grangeer, how do you feel about tattoos 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.520 from a biblical standpoint? I have tattoos prior to being 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.400 in a real relationship with Jesus. I consistently read my Bible, 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.920 and I was baptized at birth based on Scripture Deuteronomy 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:15.720 and Leviticus. I find myself struggling with the fact that 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:18.480 I have them, and I still think about getting more 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:21.520 minor scripture for my own children. I would love to 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:23.800 hear your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing the 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:27.880 Lord's word, your encouragement, and your music. Ee A question 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:31.200 comes from Casey Joe and Pensacola, Florida. Shout out to 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:35.280 Florida Pensacola. Thank you for the question. It's a great question. 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.560 So what we have to know in the Old Testament 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:43.600 in the law when we're talking Deuteronomy and Leviticus, we're 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:48.439 talking mosaic law. In the Old Testament, there is three 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:52.080 kinds of laws, and we have to understand the three 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:56.920 kinds of laws. We have moral law, we have civil law, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.120 and we have ceremonial law. All three laws are very 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.800 different and they're all included in the Old Testament. So 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:05.840 we have to look at this. So, so first we 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:10.440 have moral law. Don't kill, don't come in adultry, don't steal, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:16.240 don't lie by your parents. Okay, all those laws are 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:20.439 the moral laws, and they transcend all cultures, all time, 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:25.800 all everything. Right, we still abide by those today, whether 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:29.360 or not we're a believer or not. Those laws are 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:33.040 written on our hearts, right, Like that's what Jesus says, 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.400 I'm gonna write the law on your heart. And so 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:39.760 whether or not you're a Christian or not or any religion, 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:42.959 these laws are written on your heart because you're a 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.000 human and you're born with this idea that I better 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.440 not lie. That's going to get me in trouble. I 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:55.000 better or not murder. I should probably not covet that. 0:11:55.000 --> 0:12:00.160 These are the moral laws that stand throughout time. Then 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:03.360 there's the civil laws. Right, civil law for instance, right now, 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:07.560 a civil law for us is don't speed. We have 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.160 speed limits. They are set in place by society. These 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:14.560 are civil laws for us to follow. So don't speed 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:19.640 now a thousand year So say two thousand years from now, 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:25.880 when when cars are maybe flying or driving themselves and 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:31.160 there is no speed limit, say right, we could look 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:34.080 back two thousand years from now and go, should we 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.719 still follow that law that says we shouldn't speed. Well, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.400 it's like, no, that was a civil law for twenty 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:45.840 twenty two. It doesn't apply. So you could find a 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:49.120 lot hundreds of those kind of laws that you go, ah, 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:52.720 that's weird, Like a man shouldn't have long hair. Well, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:57.080 we have to understand that in that time, in that civilization, 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.000 that would represent something different, so you shouldn't do it. 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.560 That's where tattoos come in. That's where tattoos fall. And 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.920 before I get to that, there are ceremonial laws, and 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:12.559 so that's the ceremony of that religion at the time 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:18.040 calls for certain things, sacrificing the first born lamb. Right, 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.839 we don't do that anymore. That's not a law that 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.880 applies to us anymore. We don't sacrifice lambs right now, 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:29.040 that's a ceremonial law. So that's obvious that we don't 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.800 do that. So civil is the same way. Now, there's 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:34.480 there's some that still apply, but for the most part, 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:38.199 tattoos fall under that. So tattoos at the time directly 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:42.440 represented the pagan culture. So it's like you do that, 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:45.160 you get a tattoo, you mark your body, and you 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:49.480 are representing a pagan culture. That's who you that's who 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.480 you are associating with if you do that. So don't 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:56.480 do it, Okay, So we don't have that now, that's 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:58.880 it's not you don't look at a tattoo, now go 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:04.199 definitely a pagan unless you see pagan marking. I get it. 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.840 But at the same time, at the same time, Casey Joe, 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.079 I'm with you. I'm with you on the same thing. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:15.280 I got tattoos before my massive rebirth into Christianity and 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.640 I haven't had one since then. And like you, mine 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:24.400 represent my children. So where do we go from here? 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:26.560 Where do where do we go with all of this 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:30.560 information that I just put on the table. At this point, 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:35.480 I would not mark your body unless it was something 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:41.640 that was was eternally changing inside you, Like I have to. 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:43.960 I'm going to put this on my body because it's 0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:49.000 going to represent something that that that I believe wholeheartedly, 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:52.680 and it's a conversation starter with with a stranger maybe 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:56.680 something like that. But but even even then, that's kind 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.640 of iffy, Like I don't know that. Here's here's an 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:03.400 example for me. I have my my three kids on 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.920 the inside of my left arm. They're birthdays, but I 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:10.280 don't have Maverick. He's my latest and I wasn't expecting 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:13.360 to have Maverick. He wasn't expected. We weren't supposed to 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:18.240 have four children. God has that plan, not me. That's 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.320 a different story. But so I'm like, okay, well I 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:24.680 kind of have to get I have to get Maverick's 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:28.000 birthday on my arm, like that's it's one day He's 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:29.680 going to go, Dad, why didn't you? Why didn't you 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:31.680 ever get my birthday? You got the other three kids, 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:36.840 you didn't get mine, And I have to I could say, well, 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:39.680 I don't believe I should you know, mark my body, 0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.640 or I could be like Maverick, I had to get 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.440 your birthday on here. But other than that, I don't. 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.240 I don't feel the need to go get any more. 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.080 Does that make sense? That's kind of the way that 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:55.280 I'm unpacking it here, and we can go way deeper 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.080 on it. But the main thing is we have to 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.760 understand when we read the Old Testament to three different 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:03.280 kinds of laws moral, civil, ceremonial, and we have to 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:07.000 be able to separate them and know the difference. Okay, 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:12.880 By the way New Testament, Jesus he fulfilled the law, 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.520 and he said I could, I could basically sum up 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.600 the ten commandments for you in one commandment, love the 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:24.640 Lord your God, and love others like yourself, like one sentence. 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:26.360 There it is. It's all. It's all wrapped up in 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:33.160 one Okay. Next question, subject line says new to fatherhood. 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:35.480 Hey grand your my name is Andrew. I first want 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:36.880 to say thank you for all the wisdom you share 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:39.400 on this podcast. My question for you is a bit 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.320 of a two part question. The first is how did 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:42.840 you know you were ready to be a dad? And 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.520 the second one is if you can go back in time, 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:47.760 what would be one piece of advice you would give 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:50.840 yourself in the past when you first found out you're 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:52.680 going to be a father again. Thank you for all 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:57.720 you do. Andrew from Virginia shout out to Virginia, great state. Man. 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.800 Andrew sounds like well, I don't no. It sounds like 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:04.480 you may maybe you're expecting or maybe not. But anyway, 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.960 exciting time for you. Brother. Thanks for the email. And 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:11.720 I would say this, here's how I would answer your 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:14.880 first part of your question, how do you know you're 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:18.720 ready to be a dad? Let's say two things, okay, One, 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:23.640 you're married. Two, you love Jesus with all your heart. 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.399 That's me. Those are my two answers to how do 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.480 you know you're ready? You're married and you love Jesus 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:33.879 with all your heart. Everything else, just trust him, just 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.919 surrender it to him. God. If you want me to 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.160 be a dad, if you want us to have a family, 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.560 if you want to bless us in that way, I've 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:45.120 got my arms open, my palms are up, I have 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:48.720 no clenched fists with this situation. If you want to 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:53.280 bless us with this, we're ready. And notice that I 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:56.199 didn't say anything about saving up a certain amount of 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:59.000 money in the bank account, making sure you're living next 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.680 to a really nicellingment entry school. Make sure you got 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:04.960 your job, your dream job wrapped up. Notice I didn't 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:08.359 say any of that because there are great children that 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:12.560 grow up in the dirt. But we have this expectation 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:14.880 now that we need to have a certain amount of money, 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:16.560 we need to have a certain amount of schooling, we 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.439 need to start prepping for college savings, and we need 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:21.200 to we need to have the right job. And we 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.520 got to have a baby's room, you know, in the house. 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:26.480 I just don't. I don't. I don't think we put 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.520 way too much importance on that stuff. We make that 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:32.800 a big priority when we should really just open our 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:34.359 hands and say, God, when you're ready for us to 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:39.320 have a baby, we'll take it. And if not lead 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:43.560 us to adoption, lead us to fostering, and if not 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:46.480 any of that lead us to teaching children in another way, 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.879 let us be able to contribute to society in that 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:53.560 kind of way. But it's just, Andrew, It's just that's 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:56.600 my simplest answer. And I believe with all my heart 0:18:56.640 --> 0:19:00.320 those two things. Married believe in Jesus and with all 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.920 your heart faith in Jesus. If you have those two things, 0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.840 you're ready. You're ready, whether you like it or not. 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:11.600 And I love the way that fatherhood happens in such 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:13.720 slow phases. Like you find out you're pregnant, and you 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:16.960 got nine months to get ready, and then when the 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:20.360 baby's born, you got a year until they're super mobile, 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.360 maybe six months like Maverick. Then you have two years 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.440 before the terrible twos, and then you got six years 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.880 before you got to start thinking about kindergarten. And it's 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:33.800 just everything is staggered out at the perfect pace so 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:36.040 that as a dad, all you really have to do 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:38.960 is be a little bit ahead of the kid to 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:42.240 be ready for whenever they get to that stage in 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:44.879 their life. So you don't right now. You don't have 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.040 to be ready for a teenager. You don't have to 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.480 be ready to send a kid off to college or whatever. 0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:53.240 You don't have to do that. You just need to 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.680 be ready for your wife to be pregnant. That's all 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:59.439 you have to do right now. One step ahead is 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:02.480 all you need be. It's in fact, it's impossible to say, 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:05.760 oh no, it's a girl, she's gonna start dating, like well, 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.359 you don't have to think about that for like for 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:12.680 London's case, twenty seven years. Second part of your question says, 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:14.960 what advice would you give yourself if you can go 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:21.560 back in time? Andrew? What's crazy? Is I just I 0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:24.560 try to live a life without regrets. I've made so 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:29.360 many mistakes in my life. I've learned the hard way 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:33.840 and so many things through the mistakes. And take those 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:37.320 mistakes away, and our life is like a game of 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:40.360 djinga and you start pulling blocks out of the bottom, 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:43.760 things that you shouldn't have done. So take this blockout. 0:20:44.080 --> 0:20:45.959 You wish you could have done this. Better, take this 0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:49.960 block out. Then you get really raggedy as your tower 0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:53.960 starts getting taller. Right, because because your mistakes or become 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:56.880 the foundation that makes you who you are. So if 0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.600 I go back to myself and I say, hey, before 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:03.280 you have be sure that you're doing these things, because 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:06.040 if you don't, you're gonna be in trouble. Well it's like, well, 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.240 if I hadn't learned from those mistakes that I fell into, 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:13.840 then I would be half the dad now because I 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:16.560 wouldn't have learned anything. I wouldn't have grown from that. 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:20.159 I wouldn't have gone man, oh that was bad. I 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:22.840 wish I would have done this and because how do 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:25.399 I know that I would have ever learned that ever 0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:30.920 if the mistake hadn't happened. So that's a very roundabout 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:33.199 way to answer your second part of your question. But 0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:36.240 I don't want to go back. I just want to 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:39.679 go back and just say, enjoy it, man, enjoy every moment. 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:44.119 Soak up every moment, take the pictures, take the videos, 0:21:44.640 --> 0:21:47.600 love them, hold them, put them down, read books to them, 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:51.320 kiss them in the morning, go to work, go on 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.160 a trip, say goodbye, come back in seven days missing 0:21:54.240 --> 0:21:55.880 them so bad, and you get back in the house 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:58.480 and you run and you grab them and you hold them. 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:00.840 I would say, just just ok it up, be in 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.200 the moment, be present. I'll take a break and be 0:22:03.320 --> 0:22:11.120 right back. Thank you for listening to the podcast. If 0:22:11.119 --> 0:22:14.560 you want to sport your EEE apparel to support this podcast, 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:17.880 go to EEE dot com. 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