Speaker 1: Like no one would care to listen to a podcast
Speaker 1: of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you
Speaker 1: and I hope you get better. But let me dive
Speaker 1: into your question. Okay, honestly love you, lindsay, here we go.
Speaker 1: Suck it up, suck it up. What's up? Guys, Welcome
Speaker 1: to the podcast, Episode one forty five. Thanks for coming.
Speaker 1: Wherever you came from, maybe it was TikTok or Instagram,
Speaker 1: or maybe you heard about me on The Smiths or where.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're a longtime listener and you've been listening for many,
Speaker 1: many episodes in a row, binging it. Thank you wherever
Speaker 1: you're coming from. Thank you. I love doing this. It's
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things to do. I answer your questions.
Speaker 1: You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, and
Speaker 1: we walk through it like two friends in a cab
Speaker 1: of a pickup truck. You say, hey, man, I got
Speaker 1: something I want to talk to you about, and we
Speaker 1: just unpack it. So, in no order, with no notes
Speaker 1: on the desk, I'm gonna start with the first one.
Speaker 1: Sept Decline says question. Question says my fiance has become
Speaker 1: distant to the point we barely talk to each other
Speaker 1: for maybe an hour a week. She says that she's busy.
Speaker 1: I know her schedule, and I don't understand how I've
Speaker 1: talked to her parents and they told me that she's
Speaker 1: been hanging out with her friends and lying to me.
Speaker 1: She seems to be a whole different person than before
Speaker 1: we got engaged. What should I do in this situation.
Speaker 1: I've tried to talk to her about it, but never
Speaker 1: get anywhere. A question comes from Garrett, and Garrett, thanks
Speaker 1: for emailing, buddy. I this is what I think I
Speaker 1: would always tell someone in a marriage if they're struggling,
Speaker 1: to fight for your marriage and to do everything you
Speaker 1: can to keep the marriage. And I don't say the
Speaker 1: same thing about dating and engagements because I think that
Speaker 1: this engagement period is a really good time for you
Speaker 1: to see who it is that you're marrying. This is
Speaker 1: not advice that you're going to want to hear, because
Speaker 1: I'm sure you love her to death and that's why
Speaker 1: you emailed. But I want to point out to you,
Speaker 1: just as a friend, that the fact that she is
Speaker 1: lying to you and going places other than what she's
Speaker 1: telling you is a lack of trust. It's really difficult,
Speaker 1: right now in this engagement to put up with, because
Speaker 1: that's something that's probably not going to stop in the marriage.
Speaker 1: So if you're engaged and she's lying to you and
Speaker 1: going places, and even her own parents are calling her
Speaker 1: out on that, it's not a good sign. As a friend,
Speaker 1: I would tell you, Garrett, I think it's time to
Speaker 1: take a break, and I would go to her and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I love you, I'm crazy about you. I want to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with you. That's why
Speaker 1: we're engaged, that's why I propose to you. But I
Speaker 1: don't know if us being dishonest with each other right
Speaker 1: now is something that we need to keep moving forward
Speaker 1: with in this relationship, or if it's something we need
Speaker 1: to pull back, hit the brakes a bit and take
Speaker 1: a break. So I'm suggesting that we separate for a
Speaker 1: little bit and let some air breathe in this relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you have to dumper or move on forever.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying maybe time to pump the brakes on
Speaker 1: the engagement, like slow down that date coming up on
Speaker 1: the wedding, right this is not a good sign. It's
Speaker 1: a really big red flag that she's lying to you
Speaker 1: about where she's going, and I would say the same
Speaker 1: thing about her being so distant and being a different person.
Speaker 1: The last thing I'll say is make sure that when
Speaker 1: you're talking about her being dishonest and her being distant,
Speaker 1: make sure that you're taking accountability for yourself too, because
Speaker 1: it takes two in this relationship. And make sure that
Speaker 1: you're not being the nagger or the one that's calling
Speaker 1: her out all the time. Make sure you're also looking
Speaker 1: at yourself. What are you doing? Don't you can't be
Speaker 1: a hypocrite in the situation and you're doing the same thing.
Speaker 1: Are you being distant? Maybe not, but just make sure
Speaker 1: that you're turning the lens around at yourself at the
Speaker 1: same time. It's really important, But I think I think
Speaker 1: this is a bad sign in time to take a break.
Speaker 1: Next question says Hey Granger. My name is Maddie. I'm
Speaker 1: from Montana. My husband had a deployment a bit ago,
Speaker 1: and when he came back, feelings have never been quite
Speaker 1: the same as he as they were whenever he left.
Speaker 1: It's almost like there's no emotional connection anymore. We've been fighting.
Speaker 1: We've been together for almost two years. Narrow now, not
Speaker 1: sure how to go about things. Hope this reaches your
Speaker 1: grangeer love your podcast, and they've really helped me through
Speaker 1: my husband's deployment. Okay, So Maddie, so this is this
Speaker 1: is the scenario different than the last question because why
Speaker 1: because you're married. So I'm always gonna say on this
Speaker 1: podcast to fight for your marriage. That doesn't always mean
Speaker 1: it's gonna work, but you have to fight for it,
Speaker 1: tooth and nail with everything you have. You fight for
Speaker 1: this and so that's what I'm gonna tell you, Mattie.
Speaker 1: So he comes back from the deployment and you think
Speaker 1: that it hasn't felt the same, and I would say
Speaker 1: to you, yeah, he just got back from a deployment.
Speaker 1: It shouldn't feel the same. He has seen things done,
Speaker 1: things been around, things, been separated from the real world
Speaker 1: and you for a long time, so we could all
Speaker 1: expect him to be different. Now, this is something that
Speaker 1: you sign up for when you marry someone that's in
Speaker 1: the armed forces. That doesn't mean he's a bad person.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean this is a bad marriage. Right, So
Speaker 1: my suggestion is poor into him. You don't just like
Speaker 1: I said to the last question, you don't nag him.
Speaker 1: You don't. You don't sit him down and say you're
Speaker 1: different now, you're You're just not the same person. You
Speaker 1: never give me attention anymore? What's wrong with me? Do
Speaker 1: you not love me anymore? Avoid those kind of conversations. Instead,
Speaker 1: serve him, pour into him. It's hard to do that,
Speaker 1: I would say that in the reverse gender roles. But
Speaker 1: pour into him and just say, babe, what what could
Speaker 1: I do? What could I do to make your day
Speaker 1: a little bit better? And don't don't demand anything. Lower
Speaker 1: your expectations of him in the marriage right now now,
Speaker 1: This is not This is not a long term plan
Speaker 1: for you lowering your expectations. It is a long term
Speaker 1: plan for serving him. Uh And and he should be
Speaker 1: able to serve back. He should reciprocate when he's when
Speaker 1: he starts feeling that love again and his tank gets full.
Speaker 1: But right now his tank is empty, and he's searching.
Speaker 1: He's searching for himself, he's searching for this relationship. He's
Speaker 1: seen some things. He doesn't know who he is anymore.
Speaker 1: So remind him through love, not criticism, not nagging. Remind
Speaker 1: him who he is and who y'all are as a
Speaker 1: relationship with loving him, pouring into him, make him his
Speaker 1: favorite meal. Don't nag him when he's When you make
Speaker 1: his favorite meal and he's on the couch and he
Speaker 1: acts indifferent about it. He just wants to sit there
Speaker 1: and look at his phone. Don't nag him about it.
Speaker 1: It's hard to do this. It's much easier for me
Speaker 1: to tell you than it is for you to do it.
Speaker 1: But you make that meal and you get everything prepared,
Speaker 1: and this is his favorite meal. And he's sitting on
Speaker 1: the couch and he's looking at his phone and he's
Speaker 1: just solemn, and you go, babe, it's ready, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not hungry. Don't nag him at that point. Don't
Speaker 1: tell him about how hard it was for you to
Speaker 1: make it, because guess what, he knows. He's human, he
Speaker 1: knows deep down. So just go, hey, I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: some foil on top of this, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: put it in the fridge. If you want me to
Speaker 1: reheat it for you, I can. But otherwise, you do
Speaker 1: your thing. It's here for you. Is there anything else
Speaker 1: I could do for you tonight? Now? Can you imagine
Speaker 1: if that's if you just pour it into him like
Speaker 1: that daily, it's gonna take a lot of effort, but
Speaker 1: that's what it is. You know, a relationship is work.
Speaker 1: I would say to this, I would say this, we
Speaker 1: thank him for his service for our country, and we
Speaker 1: equally thank you for your service to our country by
Speaker 1: serving him in this way. Because because it can't be
Speaker 1: lost in this situation that the spouses of these military
Speaker 1: men and women that come back from deployment, what this
Speaker 1: spouses go through is like war in a way. It's
Speaker 1: a relationship war, and you're gonna wage it with love.
Speaker 1: So pour into him and you are serving your country
Speaker 1: in that way, and you can get him back. You
Speaker 1: could bring him back, you could do it, or you
Speaker 1: can run him away. So many of these situations end
Speaker 1: in divorce. I know many of them. I've read many
Speaker 1: of them. I get many of them emailing the podcast.
Speaker 1: Many times it ends in divorce because the spouse can understand.
Speaker 1: They can't understand why they're not still the same person
Speaker 1: because they expected them to. They have really high expectations
Speaker 1: for the spouse because they flip through Instagram and they
Speaker 1: see these couples kissing on Instagram and holding each other
Speaker 1: and saying, here's my ride or die. I love this
Speaker 1: person with all my heart. And you see that on
Speaker 1: Instagram and you go, that's not me. My husband doesn't
Speaker 1: give me the time of day. So you could either
Speaker 1: buy into that lie that social media is telling you
Speaker 1: and your friends, and you see all your friends are happy,
Speaker 1: it seems like, but everybody's struggling in some way. Maddy,
Speaker 1: pour into him. I'm so sorry you're in this, but
Speaker 1: this is my friendly suggestion to you. Let's hit another
Speaker 1: one here, this one. The subject line says tattoos Biblical
Speaker 1: question mark, Hey Grangeer, how do you feel about tattoos
Speaker 1: from a biblical standpoint? I have tattoos prior to being
Speaker 1: in a real relationship with Jesus. I consistently read my Bible,
Speaker 1: and I was baptized at birth based on Scripture Deuteronomy
Speaker 1: and Leviticus. I find myself struggling with the fact that
Speaker 1: I have them, and I still think about getting more
Speaker 1: minor scripture for my own children. I would love to
Speaker 1: hear your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing the
Speaker 1: Lord's word, your encouragement, and your music. Ee A question
Speaker 1: comes from Casey Joe and Pensacola, Florida. Shout out to
Speaker 1: Florida Pensacola. Thank you for the question. It's a great question.
Speaker 1: So what we have to know in the Old Testament
Speaker 1: in the law when we're talking Deuteronomy and Leviticus, we're
Speaker 1: talking mosaic law. In the Old Testament, there is three
Speaker 1: kinds of laws, and we have to understand the three
Speaker 1: kinds of laws. We have moral law, we have civil law,
Speaker 1: and we have ceremonial law. All three laws are very
Speaker 1: different and they're all included in the Old Testament. So
Speaker 1: we have to look at this. So, so first we
Speaker 1: have moral law. Don't kill, don't come in adultry, don't steal,
Speaker 1: don't lie by your parents. Okay, all those laws are
Speaker 1: the moral laws, and they transcend all cultures, all time,
Speaker 1: all everything. Right, we still abide by those today, whether
Speaker 1: or not we're a believer or not. Those laws are
Speaker 1: written on our hearts, right, Like that's what Jesus says,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna write the law on your heart. And so
Speaker 1: whether or not you're a Christian or not or any religion,
Speaker 1: these laws are written on your heart because you're a
Speaker 1: human and you're born with this idea that I better
Speaker 1: not lie. That's going to get me in trouble. I
Speaker 1: better or not murder. I should probably not covet that.
Speaker 1: These are the moral laws that stand throughout time. Then
Speaker 1: there's the civil laws. Right, civil law for instance, right now,
Speaker 1: a civil law for us is don't speed. We have
Speaker 1: speed limits. They are set in place by society. These
Speaker 1: are civil laws for us to follow. So don't speed
Speaker 1: now a thousand year So say two thousand years from now,
Speaker 1: when when cars are maybe flying or driving themselves and
Speaker 1: there is no speed limit, say right, we could look
Speaker 1: back two thousand years from now and go, should we
Speaker 1: still follow that law that says we shouldn't speed. Well,
Speaker 1: it's like, no, that was a civil law for twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two. It doesn't apply. So you could find a
Speaker 1: lot hundreds of those kind of laws that you go, ah,
Speaker 1: that's weird, Like a man shouldn't have long hair. Well,
Speaker 1: we have to understand that in that time, in that civilization,
Speaker 1: that would represent something different, so you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 1: That's where tattoos come in. That's where tattoos fall. And
Speaker 1: before I get to that, there are ceremonial laws, and
Speaker 1: so that's the ceremony of that religion at the time
Speaker 1: calls for certain things, sacrificing the first born lamb. Right,
Speaker 1: we don't do that anymore. That's not a law that
Speaker 1: applies to us anymore. We don't sacrifice lambs right now,
Speaker 1: that's a ceremonial law. So that's obvious that we don't
Speaker 1: do that. So civil is the same way. Now, there's
Speaker 1: there's some that still apply, but for the most part,
Speaker 1: tattoos fall under that. So tattoos at the time directly
Speaker 1: represented the pagan culture. So it's like you do that,
Speaker 1: you get a tattoo, you mark your body, and you
Speaker 1: are representing a pagan culture. That's who you that's who
Speaker 1: you are associating with if you do that. So don't
Speaker 1: do it, Okay, So we don't have that now, that's
Speaker 1: it's not you don't look at a tattoo, now go
Speaker 1: definitely a pagan unless you see pagan marking. I get it.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, at the same time, Casey Joe,
Speaker 1: I'm with you. I'm with you on the same thing.
Speaker 1: I got tattoos before my massive rebirth into Christianity and
Speaker 1: I haven't had one since then. And like you, mine
Speaker 1: represent my children. So where do we go from here?
Speaker 1: Where do where do we go with all of this
Speaker 1: information that I just put on the table. At this point,
Speaker 1: I would not mark your body unless it was something
Speaker 1: that was was eternally changing inside you, Like I have to.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put this on my body because it's
Speaker 1: going to represent something that that that I believe wholeheartedly,
Speaker 1: and it's a conversation starter with with a stranger maybe
Speaker 1: something like that. But but even even then, that's kind
Speaker 1: of iffy, Like I don't know that. Here's here's an
Speaker 1: example for me. I have my my three kids on
Speaker 1: the inside of my left arm. They're birthdays, but I
Speaker 1: don't have Maverick. He's my latest and I wasn't expecting
Speaker 1: to have Maverick. He wasn't expected. We weren't supposed to
Speaker 1: have four children. God has that plan, not me. That's
Speaker 1: a different story. But so I'm like, okay, well I
Speaker 1: kind of have to get I have to get Maverick's
Speaker 1: birthday on my arm, like that's it's one day He's
Speaker 1: going to go, Dad, why didn't you? Why didn't you
Speaker 1: ever get my birthday? You got the other three kids,
Speaker 1: you didn't get mine, And I have to I could say, well,
Speaker 1: I don't believe I should you know, mark my body,
Speaker 1: or I could be like Maverick, I had to get
Speaker 1: your birthday on here. But other than that, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't feel the need to go get any more.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense? That's kind of the way that
Speaker 1: I'm unpacking it here, and we can go way deeper
Speaker 1: on it. But the main thing is we have to
Speaker 1: understand when we read the Old Testament to three different
Speaker 1: kinds of laws moral, civil, ceremonial, and we have to
Speaker 1: be able to separate them and know the difference. Okay,
Speaker 1: By the way New Testament, Jesus he fulfilled the law,
Speaker 1: and he said I could, I could basically sum up
Speaker 1: the ten commandments for you in one commandment, love the
Speaker 1: Lord your God, and love others like yourself, like one sentence.
Speaker 1: There it is. It's all. It's all wrapped up in
Speaker 1: one Okay. Next question, subject line says new to fatherhood.
Speaker 1: Hey grand your my name is Andrew. I first want
Speaker 1: to say thank you for all the wisdom you share
Speaker 1: on this podcast. My question for you is a bit
Speaker 1: of a two part question. The first is how did
Speaker 1: you know you were ready to be a dad? And
Speaker 1: the second one is if you can go back in time,
Speaker 1: what would be one piece of advice you would give
Speaker 1: yourself in the past when you first found out you're
Speaker 1: going to be a father again. Thank you for all
Speaker 1: you do. Andrew from Virginia shout out to Virginia, great state. Man.
Speaker 1: Andrew sounds like well, I don't no. It sounds like
Speaker 1: you may maybe you're expecting or maybe not. But anyway,
Speaker 1: exciting time for you. Brother. Thanks for the email. And
Speaker 1: I would say this, here's how I would answer your
Speaker 1: first part of your question, how do you know you're
Speaker 1: ready to be a dad? Let's say two things, okay, One,
Speaker 1: you're married. Two, you love Jesus with all your heart.
Speaker 1: That's me. Those are my two answers to how do
Speaker 1: you know you're ready? You're married and you love Jesus
Speaker 1: with all your heart. Everything else, just trust him, just
Speaker 1: surrender it to him. God. If you want me to
Speaker 1: be a dad, if you want us to have a family,
Speaker 1: if you want to bless us in that way, I've
Speaker 1: got my arms open, my palms are up, I have
Speaker 1: no clenched fists with this situation. If you want to
Speaker 1: bless us with this, we're ready. And notice that I
Speaker 1: didn't say anything about saving up a certain amount of
Speaker 1: money in the bank account, making sure you're living next
Speaker 1: to a really nicellingment entry school. Make sure you got
Speaker 1: your job, your dream job wrapped up. Notice I didn't
Speaker 1: say any of that because there are great children that
Speaker 1: grow up in the dirt. But we have this expectation
Speaker 1: now that we need to have a certain amount of money,
Speaker 1: we need to have a certain amount of schooling, we
Speaker 1: need to start prepping for college savings, and we need
Speaker 1: to we need to have the right job. And we
Speaker 1: got to have a baby's room, you know, in the house.
Speaker 1: I just don't. I don't. I don't think we put
Speaker 1: way too much importance on that stuff. We make that
Speaker 1: a big priority when we should really just open our
Speaker 1: hands and say, God, when you're ready for us to
Speaker 1: have a baby, we'll take it. And if not lead
Speaker 1: us to adoption, lead us to fostering, and if not
Speaker 1: any of that lead us to teaching children in another way,
Speaker 1: let us be able to contribute to society in that
Speaker 1: kind of way. But it's just, Andrew, It's just that's
Speaker 1: my simplest answer. And I believe with all my heart
Speaker 1: those two things. Married believe in Jesus and with all
Speaker 1: your heart faith in Jesus. If you have those two things,
Speaker 1: you're ready. You're ready, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 1: And I love the way that fatherhood happens in such
Speaker 1: slow phases. Like you find out you're pregnant, and you
Speaker 1: got nine months to get ready, and then when the
Speaker 1: baby's born, you got a year until they're super mobile,
Speaker 1: maybe six months like Maverick. Then you have two years
Speaker 1: before the terrible twos, and then you got six years
Speaker 1: before you got to start thinking about kindergarten. And it's
Speaker 1: just everything is staggered out at the perfect pace so
Speaker 1: that as a dad, all you really have to do
Speaker 1: is be a little bit ahead of the kid to
Speaker 1: be ready for whenever they get to that stage in
Speaker 1: their life. So you don't right now. You don't have
Speaker 1: to be ready for a teenager. You don't have to
Speaker 1: be ready to send a kid off to college or whatever.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that. You just need to
Speaker 1: be ready for your wife to be pregnant. That's all
Speaker 1: you have to do right now. One step ahead is
Speaker 1: all you need be. It's in fact, it's impossible to say,
Speaker 1: oh no, it's a girl, she's gonna start dating, like well,
Speaker 1: you don't have to think about that for like for
Speaker 1: London's case, twenty seven years. Second part of your question says,
Speaker 1: what advice would you give yourself if you can go
Speaker 1: back in time? Andrew? What's crazy? Is I just I
Speaker 1: try to live a life without regrets. I've made so
Speaker 1: many mistakes in my life. I've learned the hard way
Speaker 1: and so many things through the mistakes. And take those
Speaker 1: mistakes away, and our life is like a game of
Speaker 1: djinga and you start pulling blocks out of the bottom,
Speaker 1: things that you shouldn't have done. So take this blockout.
Speaker 1: You wish you could have done this. Better, take this
Speaker 1: block out. Then you get really raggedy as your tower
Speaker 1: starts getting taller. Right, because because your mistakes or become
Speaker 1: the foundation that makes you who you are. So if
Speaker 1: I go back to myself and I say, hey, before
Speaker 1: you have be sure that you're doing these things, because
Speaker 1: if you don't, you're gonna be in trouble. Well it's like, well,
Speaker 1: if I hadn't learned from those mistakes that I fell into,
Speaker 1: then I would be half the dad now because I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have learned anything. I wouldn't have grown from that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have gone man, oh that was bad. I
Speaker 1: wish I would have done this and because how do
Speaker 1: I know that I would have ever learned that ever
Speaker 1: if the mistake hadn't happened. So that's a very roundabout
Speaker 1: way to answer your second part of your question. But
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back. I just want to
Speaker 1: go back and just say, enjoy it, man, enjoy every moment.
Speaker 1: Soak up every moment, take the pictures, take the videos,
Speaker 1: love them, hold them, put them down, read books to them,
Speaker 1: kiss them in the morning, go to work, go on
Speaker 1: a trip, say goodbye, come back in seven days missing
Speaker 1: them so bad, and you get back in the house
Speaker 1: and you run and you grab them and you hold them.
Speaker 1: I would say, just just ok it up, be in
Speaker 1: the moment, be present. I'll take a break and be
Speaker 1: right back. Thank you for listening to the podcast. If
Speaker 1: you want to sport your EEE apparel to support this podcast,
Speaker 1: go to EEE dot com. We always have new gear
Speaker 1: for you to support the lifestyle that's all about faith, family,
Speaker 1: and the outdoors. If you ever wonder what EEE means,
Speaker 1: it means live life to the fullest. If you've made
Speaker 1: it this far in this podcast, if you listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast at all, that's exactly what you're interested in.
Speaker 1: If you want to get a hold of me and
Speaker 1: have a personal video message made for you, go to
Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash granger Smith. I can make anything
Speaker 1: you want right here on my phone. Send you a
Speaker 1: personalized message, a happy birthday, congratulations, words of encouragement, anything
Speaker 1: you could think of for anybody in your life, including yourself.
Speaker 1: You could also download the cameo app and search for
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith, or go to cameo dot com slash granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Back to the podcast, Okay, diving back in here? Next question,
Speaker 1: subject line says ATV accident setback. Question says, Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: I was in an ATV accident five weeks ago which
Speaker 1: was resulted in a totaled ATV, several injuries, a cut
Speaker 1: up ee sweatshirt. With all this, I've grown more and
Speaker 1: more frustrated and discouraged with each passing day. On why
Speaker 1: this accident had to happen is several opportunities had to
Speaker 1: be missed, like going to Montana for a vacation, interviewing
Speaker 1: for a new job, and a wedding. My question is
Speaker 1: how do you approach a major setback? I am a
Speaker 1: woman of faith, but I don't feel God is with
Speaker 1: me in this It's as if I've been abandoned. Any
Speaker 1: advices appreciated. Thanks Lindsey, Michigan. Shout out to Michigan. Lindsey,
Speaker 1: thank you for the email. I'm sorry about your accident.
Speaker 1: Let me dig into this, Okay, And I say this
Speaker 1: a lot on this podcast, but I'm gonna always give
Speaker 1: you tough love because that's the best way for me
Speaker 1: to do. This is just for me to be honest.
Speaker 1: I don't think this podcast is worth anything if I'm
Speaker 1: not real with you, if I'm not honest with you,
Speaker 1: if I'm just coddling you and telling you things you
Speaker 1: need to hear, I just think this podcast then becomes worthless,
Speaker 1: Like no one would care to listen to a podcast
Speaker 1: of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you,
Speaker 1: and I hope you get better. But let me dive
Speaker 1: into your question. Okay, honestly love you, Lindsay, here we go.
Speaker 1: Suck it up. Suck it up. I have read I've
Speaker 1: talked to so many people in ATV accidents that have
Speaker 1: lost a loved one or a friend, or a son
Speaker 1: or a daughter. I've talked to so many people in
Speaker 1: my life through meet and greets through concerts that have
Speaker 1: been paralyzed through this, that lost the use of all
Speaker 1: their limbs. You are you, You don't you don't get
Speaker 1: to go on vacation to Montana. You you you miss
Speaker 1: an interview for a job, and you miss a wedding,
Speaker 1: like and I know you have injuries, but you see
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Like there's people out there that have
Speaker 1: been killed by an ATV accident, killed or paralyzed. They're
Speaker 1: a vegetable the rest of their life. They're they're eating
Speaker 1: through a straw with a little remote control on a wheelchair.
Speaker 1: And you survived this and you missed a wedding and
Speaker 1: a job interview in a vacation and you're saying, I
Speaker 1: don't know why God put me through this. You feel abandoned.
Speaker 1: You hear what you're saying, lindsay you you were You
Speaker 1: were saved in this and you have a chance, a
Speaker 1: chance to live, a chance to walk. You have plenty
Speaker 1: of chances for another interview or another wedding or another vacation,
Speaker 1: and yet you are looking at life like God left
Speaker 1: you and to get injured on this ATV. Instead of saying,
Speaker 1: instead of saying, lindsay praise God, this could have been
Speaker 1: so much worse. I very easily could not have had
Speaker 1: thumbs to write this podcast email. I've talked to so
Speaker 1: many families that have walked onto my bus, countless families,
Speaker 1: and I know their face they walk up on my bus.
Speaker 1: I could just recognize the way they look. Sometimes they'll
Speaker 1: have a shirt, a memorial shirt on and they'll have
Speaker 1: a picture and they'll say, this is our son and
Speaker 1: he was a big fan, and here's a picture of
Speaker 1: you and him in twenty nineteen at a meet and
Speaker 1: greet and we lost him in an ATV accident. And
Speaker 1: he loved you and he loved your music. So we
Speaker 1: came here because today's birthday, and we're going to celebrate
Speaker 1: today on his birthday with his favorite band, and we're
Speaker 1: going to remember him today. And it breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: Those kind of meet and greets with people has changed
Speaker 1: my life. It's changed the way I look at playing
Speaker 1: music and writing music and performing music. It changed me
Speaker 1: in my band from looking at a full crowd to
Speaker 1: looking at one person and then knowing that that one
Speaker 1: person has a story and they might be remembering someone
Speaker 1: they lost, or they're trying to forget something that's too painful.
Speaker 1: They're trying to remember something again, they're trying to just
Speaker 1: feel normal again. And that is a huge responsibility that
Speaker 1: I love and I feel like it's a gift. It's
Speaker 1: a gift from God that I get to have an
Speaker 1: opportunity to be that for some family. And then lindsay,
Speaker 1: I love you, but I read your email because you
Speaker 1: missed a wedding and you think God left you when
Speaker 1: you have this opportunity to share your testimony and say,
Speaker 1: I lived through something that could have been so bad.
Speaker 1: I was inches away from dying and he spared me
Speaker 1: for what? For what? Meaning? What purpose? I need to
Speaker 1: figure this out? Not why why did he do it?
Speaker 1: Why did he leave me? Why did he abandon me?
Speaker 1: I'm a woman of faith. No you're not. No, you're not.
Speaker 1: That is no faith. That is zero faith. You have
Speaker 1: zero faith. And I hope, I hope this lights a
Speaker 1: fire under you right now when you hear this. I
Speaker 1: hope you hear it, and I pray that it lights
Speaker 1: a fire under you, and you might get mad at
Speaker 1: me and you might never want to email me ever again.
Speaker 1: But I'm doing this because because I truly care for you, Lindsey,
Speaker 1: and I want you to hear this from me, that
Speaker 1: God spared you for a reason, for a purpose. And
Speaker 1: you have breath in your lungs, and you gotta beat
Speaker 1: in your heart, and you obviously have good thumbs because
Speaker 1: you wrote this email. Use it. This is your story.
Speaker 1: Use it. Why are you still here on this earth?
Speaker 1: Fulfill that purpose? Because there's a reason. Then there's a
Speaker 1: meaning behind this. Stop asking why. Go read the psalms.
Speaker 1: I say that so many times. Meditate in the psalms.
Speaker 1: Open up the psalms and start reading them. Slowly, absorb it,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna read about when David writes so many
Speaker 1: of these psalms, he has a felt reality. There's a
Speaker 1: difference between objective, real truth, reality, what's really happening, and
Speaker 1: how we feel. And sometimes if we let our feelings
Speaker 1: take over, our feelings become our reality. So if we
Speaker 1: think we feel sorry for ourselves, then the reality becomes
Speaker 1: that we are feeling sorry for ourselves and that everyone's
Speaker 1: abandoned us and God left us. That's not the truth,
Speaker 1: that's not what the Bible says. Ever, ever, he walks
Speaker 1: us through trials on purpose for a reason. Of course
Speaker 1: we suffer. Of course we go through trials and tribulations.
Speaker 1: That's promised by Jesus himself. In this world, you will
Speaker 1: have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.
Speaker 1: That's amazing truth. We know we're gonna suffer, we know
Speaker 1: we're gonna be persecuted, we know we're gonna have trials
Speaker 1: and be tested, but we also know that He's gonna
Speaker 1: walk us through every step of it. He's not always
Speaker 1: talking in your ear, he's not writing words in the clouds.
Speaker 1: He's not bringing his hand around your head and saving
Speaker 1: you from a fall. Sometimes he lets us fall because
Speaker 1: that's our purpose, to learn from the suffering through it.
Speaker 1: That is what the Bible says over and over, and
Speaker 1: a woman of faith should know that. Okay, I hope
Speaker 1: this message gets to you. And you know what, you
Speaker 1: could email your friend and say, I'm so terribly sorry
Speaker 1: I didn't make your wedding. And you could email the
Speaker 1: interview boss and say, I'm so sorry I missed the interview.
Speaker 1: I hope that when I recover from these injuries, the
Speaker 1: job is still open. But if it's not, I understand
Speaker 1: maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. Lindsey, like
Speaker 1: you ever think about that do you ever think about
Speaker 1: that maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. I
Speaker 1: hope you feel better. I hope you get this message.
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says third Wheel. Hey Granger, my
Speaker 1: name's Ryan from north central Ohio. Recently it started to
Speaker 1: feel like all my relationships have been failing. My friends
Speaker 1: are all engaged in planning weddings. Hanging out with them
Speaker 1: has been very tough because I'm always feeling like I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be hanging out with them. I always wanted to
Speaker 1: have my own family, and seeing them all start one
Speaker 1: has been rough. Where do I go from here? Try
Speaker 1: to find new friends or keep third wheeling them? Ryan,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email, Buddy, shout out to central Ohio.
Speaker 1: And you know I love Ohio. We love That's like
Speaker 1: the heart and soul of yege Nation right there, buddy,
Speaker 1: you are severely falling into the trap of looking at
Speaker 1: everyone around you and thinking you deserve what they have.
Speaker 1: Looking at social media and you're seeing new people getting engaged,
Speaker 1: and you're looking at wedding cakes and these beautiful brides
Speaker 1: with flowers in their hair, and you're looking at your
Speaker 1: friends and they seem so happy, And if you've listened
Speaker 1: to this podcast at all. In any other episode, you'll
Speaker 1: hear me so many times talk to people that are
Speaker 1: not happy, that are lonely in a relationship. So you're
Speaker 1: not any better with a random relationship. You're no better.
Speaker 1: There's a reason you're single right now. But you have
Speaker 1: to find a way to be content and single now,
Speaker 1: secure and single. Now you have to do that, you
Speaker 1: have to go. You know what, I'm single, but I'm
Speaker 1: single for a reason. I haven't found the right one yet.
Speaker 1: And that's okay because I would rather be single and
Speaker 1: secure than find the wrong one and force something. And
Speaker 1: I'm also not attractive as someone that's desperate and looking
Speaker 1: for a relationship at all costs. Please, anyone, Is there
Speaker 1: any girl out there that loves me? I just want
Speaker 1: a relationship so I could be happy, Because once I
Speaker 1: get in a relationship, then finally I'll be happy, and
Speaker 1: then I'll never have to third wheel again, and I
Speaker 1: could double date with people, and I'll be sitting with
Speaker 1: my girl, and we'll be sitting across the table from
Speaker 1: my friend and his girl, and the girls could talk
Speaker 1: and the guys could talk, and will be so happy.
Speaker 1: That is a lot. That's a lie. There's a lie, Ryan,
Speaker 1: You've bought into it. Open your eyes. You've been lied
Speaker 1: to by your own heart. The heart is so wicked,
Speaker 1: the heart is so deceitful, and it will lie to
Speaker 1: you at every turn. It's the same heart that will
Speaker 1: lie to you about this, and then five years down
Speaker 1: the road in a relationship, it'll lie to you again
Speaker 1: and say you don't have feelings anymore. And I don't
Speaker 1: love this girl anymore. She doesn't give me the time
Speaker 1: of day anymore. She's distant, she's not the same girl
Speaker 1: I met. Your heart will lie to you at every turn,
Speaker 1: So don't use your heart to make decisions. Use your brain.
Speaker 1: And as Christians, we pray that we get a new
Speaker 1: heart and we get new desires. Then God turns our
Speaker 1: heart and works in our heart and turns it around
Speaker 1: and makes it more like his and not ours. Your
Speaker 1: heart's lying to you, single and secure. That is so
Speaker 1: much more attractive. You're not gonna find any good girls
Speaker 1: like this. I just want to find a girl. What
Speaker 1: girl wants that? Because then you're emailing me again, all
Speaker 1: nervous going. I just met a girl, but I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna mess it up. I get those same
Speaker 1: kind of emails. I'm gonna mess this up because I
Speaker 1: don't know what to say, and I really like her,
Speaker 1: but now she's not texting me back every ten minutes,
Speaker 1: and so I'm starting to worry, like maybe she doesn't
Speaker 1: love me, but I really love her and I've never
Speaker 1: felt like this before. And then you're desperate, and then
Speaker 1: you're just turning circles. And then what happens. She goes, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm getting out of this one. I'm getting away from
Speaker 1: this guy. This guy's psycho. That's what happens until you
Speaker 1: go I am single and I'm secure, happy with where
Speaker 1: I am now. I'm content. Say that word again with
Speaker 1: me content. I'm content the way I am now in
Speaker 1: my current life situation. I'm content, and I'm also this
Speaker 1: is tough, Ryan. I'm also happy for my friends that
Speaker 1: are in relationships that seem to be good. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for them. I don't need to feel the same
Speaker 1: thing to also be happy for them. Like that is
Speaker 1: so nurturing to the soul when you could just come
Speaker 1: to that realization. My friends, let me read let me
Speaker 1: read your email. All my friends are engaged in planning weddings.
Speaker 1: That's a negative to you, you hate that? What if
Speaker 1: you flip it? All my friends are in relationships and
Speaker 1: engaged in planning weddings, and I'm so happy for them,
Speaker 1: because in this world, a good relationship is hard to
Speaker 1: come by, and my friends have them and I love
Speaker 1: that because I love my friends and I'm just full
Speaker 1: of joy. My joy is so full right now that
Speaker 1: my friends are engaged and planning weddings. That is so cool.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see these little babies that are
Speaker 1: gonna pop out. I'm gonna be like an uncle. What
Speaker 1: if you switched it to that. That's so nurturing, That
Speaker 1: helps you sleep at night. And when you get like
Speaker 1: that and you start going to these weddings and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for my friend. Look, I'm at this wedding,
Speaker 1: the beautiful wedding. We're all dressed up. The mother of
Speaker 1: the bride is crying and the dad is walking the
Speaker 1: girl down the aisle and he's crying, and this is
Speaker 1: just great. I love it. I'm so happy right now.
Speaker 1: And then you look down the aisle and there's this
Speaker 1: cute girl sitting there thinking the same thing that you've
Speaker 1: never seen before. She's a friend of the bride and
Speaker 1: you go, hey, I might you know, at the end
Speaker 1: of the night, when we're all dancing, I might go
Speaker 1: ask her if she wants to dance. Mm. That happens. Ryan.
Speaker 1: See see how this flips. Good luck to you them.
Speaker 1: Let's hit another one. This comes from David and it
Speaker 1: says subject line invest question says if I told you
Speaker 1: my best friend that my grandmother left me three hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars, how would you recommend investing it
Speaker 1: or spending it? I'm thirty seven years old, fully retired
Speaker 1: veteran with two kids, already have five thousand dollars in savings,
Speaker 1: already have a farm with livestock mainly poultry. Sincerely, disabled
Speaker 1: veteran David Smith. David, thank you for your service and congratulations. Man.
Speaker 1: Sounds amazing. You just got gifted three hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: thousand bucks. That is amazing. That is very rare in
Speaker 1: this world. So you have an incredible situation here you're
Speaker 1: asking me how to invest it? Well, would I would
Speaker 1: go to the Dave Ramsey model. I love his ideas
Speaker 1: and I would read If I were you, I'd read
Speaker 1: any book that he puts out, and I would listen
Speaker 1: to the radio show or on YouTube or whatever. But
Speaker 1: the basic steps, he calls them baby steps. You have
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars, that's great, So he would say, out
Speaker 1: of that three point fifty, take three months worth of
Speaker 1: your salary. So whatever you get paid per month times three.
Speaker 1: Take that money and put it in the savings and
Speaker 1: don't touch it. That's your emergency fund. That's like a
Speaker 1: rainy day fund. The world is collapsed, you lost your job,
Speaker 1: problems are happening, and you have three months to be
Speaker 1: able to live at the same rate of living that
Speaker 1: you are now with your kids off of this emergency saving,
Speaker 1: so don't touch it. After that, you take the first
Speaker 1: credit card that you have that has the lowest balance. Okay,
Speaker 1: so the credit card with the lowest balance that you
Speaker 1: still owe, you pay it off completely, and then you
Speaker 1: move up to the next credit card with the next
Speaker 1: lowest balance until you pay that off, and then the
Speaker 1: next credit card, and so on until you get all
Speaker 1: your credit cards completely paid off. Done. They're completely done.
Speaker 1: Then you go to your car and take a look
Speaker 1: at your car, and you either you either trade it
Speaker 1: in and get something a little cheaper, or you love
Speaker 1: your say you love your car, go ahead and pay
Speaker 1: that off completely. Once you do that, you move to
Speaker 1: your house so you have no debt, making sure there's
Speaker 1: no other debt at all until you get to your house,
Speaker 1: and then you hit it with the rest of that
Speaker 1: three hundred and fifty thousand. After you've done all these
Speaker 1: other things, you take the rest of that money and
Speaker 1: throw it at your house, throw it at your mortgage. Now,
Speaker 1: if you're lucky, this three hundred and fifty thousand takes
Speaker 1: care of everything that I just mentioned. If not, you'll
Speaker 1: hopefully get everything done. You definitely will get everything done.
Speaker 1: Unless you have outrageous credit card debt. I don't think
Speaker 1: you do. Then you'll the rest of it is going
Speaker 1: to go to your house, and then you're gonna get
Speaker 1: a big chunk out of your house mortgage, and then
Speaker 1: you could refinance and you have a much much lower
Speaker 1: rate to pay on your house. That's my advice. That's
Speaker 1: my advice. After all that's done, everything's paid for, your
Speaker 1: one hundred percent debt free. Now we could start talking
Speaker 1: about four one ks. If you have that available at
Speaker 1: work or short term investing. You get a good, good CPA,
Speaker 1: a good investment advisor. We could talk about that later,
Speaker 1: but I want to make sure every bit of that
Speaker 1: debt is paid, and I want to I want to
Speaker 1: send you to Dave Ramsey and listen to what he
Speaker 1: says about it. But congratulations, brother, what a what a
Speaker 1: really cool thing. I'm assuming you lost your grandmother, so
Speaker 1: I'm also if you did, I'm terribly sorry about your
Speaker 1: loss because I'm sure that you would rather have your
Speaker 1: grandmother than the money. So although it's a big blessing
Speaker 1: from her, I'm sorry if you did loser. Next question,
Speaker 1: it says in the subject line can you help me?
Speaker 1: Says hey, Grander. My name is Emily. I'm from Maryland.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty four years old. I'm a manager in a
Speaker 1: male dominant field. Most of my employees are old enough
Speaker 1: to be my dad, and I'm the only female in
Speaker 1: the department. Managing them has become very hard, and I
Speaker 1: feel like they don't even respect me as a manager.
Speaker 1: I've tried several different ways of managing nothing seemed to
Speaker 1: be effective. I really love what you do, but I
Speaker 1: could feel me and my fiance this is all affecting
Speaker 1: our home life. Do I try to keep my job
Speaker 1: or find something else? Emily, thank you for the email
Speaker 1: and shout out to Maryland. Love that state, love traveling
Speaker 1: to Maryland. I wish I had some crab cakes right
Speaker 1: now just thinking about this. Congratulations. First of all, I'll say,
Speaker 1: twenty four years old, your manager, you're you're a female
Speaker 1: and a male dominant field and you're only twenty four
Speaker 1: that you must be really smart and you must be
Speaker 1: really good at what you do. So that's amazing. I
Speaker 1: would say this the only scenario in this and I
Speaker 1: would I would not recommend right now just leaving the
Speaker 1: job and finding something else. Your relationship with your fiance,
Speaker 1: if this work is affecting that, you have to tie
Speaker 1: that up first, like deal with that first. Leave the
Speaker 1: work at work and come home and leave it at work.
Speaker 1: Don't bring it home with you. Okay, and now it's
Speaker 1: hard to do, but don't bring that stuff home. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have to learn to get in your car and
Speaker 1: drive home and put on your home face. Forget your
Speaker 1: work face. That's just a job. It's just a paycheck. Okay.
Speaker 1: I know that it's your career and you're passionate about
Speaker 1: it and you love it, otherwise you wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1: But that's just a paycheck at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: It's not your future husband, Okay, So deal with that.
Speaker 1: Deal with that. We're chamellions. As humans, we could be
Speaker 1: such good chameleons and adapt to situations. Adapt this. Leave
Speaker 1: it behind you as far as work itself. Managing in
Speaker 1: a male dominant field when you're a female, I would
Speaker 1: use humility as your number one go to humility, and
Speaker 1: I would walk in here to this office, and I
Speaker 1: would walk up to some of the older guys and
Speaker 1: I would say, let me say, let me preface this
Speaker 1: is difficult. Everything I say seems to be difficult on
Speaker 1: this podcast. But that's because these are good questions, and
Speaker 1: they're deep questions. So you can't ask me deep good
Speaker 1: questions and expect me to be lighthearted and easy answers.
Speaker 1: So I would walk in with humility, and I would
Speaker 1: go up to these guys and I would say, individually,
Speaker 1: I would say, I'm only twenty four, you are thirty five.
Speaker 1: You've been doing this a long time, so I'm truly
Speaker 1: gonna lean on you for some advice and some stuff.
Speaker 1: This is hard for me to manage people that I
Speaker 1: understand have more experience than me. See that that kind
Speaker 1: of humility is very difficult to diffuse if you're on
Speaker 1: the other side of it. I'm not telling you to
Speaker 1: let people run all over you. I'm not telling you
Speaker 1: to not do your job or to let people disagree
Speaker 1: with everything you say and be insubordinate. I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, walk in with humility and go. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna I'm gonna really think about this because
Speaker 1: you've been doing this a lot longer than me, and
Speaker 1: I need, I desperately need to learn from someone like you.
Speaker 1: And then so that that side of it. And then
Speaker 1: the other side is servant leadership. Now you said you've
Speaker 1: tried all different styles of leadership and nothing has been effective.
Speaker 1: But I would lean into servant leadership. That means you're
Speaker 1: leading from the back, right, So when you're telling people
Speaker 1: to do things, don't ever manage and tell people to
Speaker 1: do things that you're not capable of doing yourself. If
Speaker 1: you're telling someone to do something difficult, hey, I need
Speaker 1: you to clean up this whole area. Stack all these
Speaker 1: boxes make it really neat. In fact, I'm going to
Speaker 1: come in here tomorrow about an hour early. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: help you with it. I'm gonna get started on those
Speaker 1: boxes too, because that's a lot. Then I'm expecting you
Speaker 1: to do it, but I'm not expecting you to do
Speaker 1: it alone. So let's dive in together. You can come
Speaker 1: in on time whatever you need to do, but I'm
Speaker 1: going to come an hour early and I'm going to
Speaker 1: get a headstart on this because I also have a
Speaker 1: busy day tomorrow. But I really wanted to take care
Speaker 1: of this with you, so humility slash servant leadership. Watch
Speaker 1: how this changes for you. No one can look at
Speaker 1: you as the young girl that's telling them what to
Speaker 1: do if you're doing it with them and asking for
Speaker 1: advice and coming totally with humility and all of it.
Speaker 1: And you could watch people start falling in line behind you,
Speaker 1: watch people start start letting you lead them from the back.
Speaker 1: That's a true leader. Someone that dives in, gets dirty,
Speaker 1: is not afraid to come in early, stay late, don't
Speaker 1: ask things from anyone that is ridiculous for them to do,
Speaker 1: like make me a cup of coffee. You would never
Speaker 1: do that. You would tell them, hey, before you get
Speaker 1: started on that that I told you to do. Before
Speaker 1: you get started, I'm going to run down to the
Speaker 1: coffee shop. Let me grab you. What do you want?
Speaker 1: What's your favorite coffee? It's on me. I got you.
Speaker 1: Or surprise them, just walk in. If you know what
Speaker 1: they want, surprise them. Boom, here's a cappuccino. I know
Speaker 1: you like it. I even put a little cinnamon on
Speaker 1: top for you like man, Emily, Thank you. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: That's leading from the back, servant leadership with humility. It's
Speaker 1: a good question. Good luck to you. Thank you guys
Speaker 1: for your emails. I love you. I love doing this podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on
Speaker 1: the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig