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Speaker 1: Like no one would care to listen to a podcast

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Speaker 1: of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you

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Speaker 1: and I hope you get better. But let me dive

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Speaker 1: into your question. Okay, honestly love you, lindsay, here we go.

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Speaker 1: Suck it up, suck it up. What's up? Guys, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the podcast, Episode one forty five. Thanks for coming.

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Speaker 1: Wherever you came from, maybe it was TikTok or Instagram,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you heard about me on The Smiths or where.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you're a longtime listener and you've been listening for many,

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Speaker 1: many episodes in a row, binging it. Thank you wherever

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Speaker 1: you're coming from. Thank you. I love doing this. It's

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite things to do. I answer your questions.

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Speaker 1: You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, and

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Speaker 1: we walk through it like two friends in a cab

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Speaker 1: of a pickup truck. You say, hey, man, I got

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Speaker 1: something I want to talk to you about, and we

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Speaker 1: just unpack it. So, in no order, with no notes

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Speaker 1: on the desk, I'm gonna start with the first one.

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Speaker 1: Sept Decline says question. Question says my fiance has become

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Speaker 1: distant to the point we barely talk to each other

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Speaker 1: for maybe an hour a week. She says that she's busy.

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Speaker 1: I know her schedule, and I don't understand how I've

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Speaker 1: talked to her parents and they told me that she's

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Speaker 1: been hanging out with her friends and lying to me.

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Speaker 1: She seems to be a whole different person than before

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Speaker 1: we got engaged. What should I do in this situation.

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Speaker 1: I've tried to talk to her about it, but never

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Speaker 1: get anywhere. A question comes from Garrett, and Garrett, thanks

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Speaker 1: for emailing, buddy. I this is what I think I

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Speaker 1: would always tell someone in a marriage if they're struggling,

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Speaker 1: to fight for your marriage and to do everything you

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Speaker 1: can to keep the marriage. And I don't say the

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Speaker 1: same thing about dating and engagements because I think that

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Speaker 1: this engagement period is a really good time for you

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Speaker 1: to see who it is that you're marrying. This is

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Speaker 1: not advice that you're going to want to hear, because

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you love her to death and that's why

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Speaker 1: you emailed. But I want to point out to you,

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Speaker 1: just as a friend, that the fact that she is

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Speaker 1: lying to you and going places other than what she's

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Speaker 1: telling you is a lack of trust. It's really difficult,

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Speaker 1: right now in this engagement to put up with, because

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Speaker 1: that's something that's probably not going to stop in the marriage.

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Speaker 1: So if you're engaged and she's lying to you and

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Speaker 1: going places, and even her own parents are calling her

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Speaker 1: out on that, it's not a good sign. As a friend,

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Speaker 1: I would tell you, Garrett, I think it's time to

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Speaker 1: take a break, and I would go to her and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I love you, I'm crazy about you. I want to

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Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with you. That's why

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Speaker 1: we're engaged, that's why I propose to you. But I

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Speaker 1: don't know if us being dishonest with each other right

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Speaker 1: now is something that we need to keep moving forward

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Speaker 1: with in this relationship, or if it's something we need

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Speaker 1: to pull back, hit the brakes a bit and take

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Speaker 1: a break. So I'm suggesting that we separate for a

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Speaker 1: little bit and let some air breathe in this relationship.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying you have to dumper or move on forever.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying maybe time to pump the brakes on

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Speaker 1: the engagement, like slow down that date coming up on

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Speaker 1: the wedding, right this is not a good sign. It's

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Speaker 1: a really big red flag that she's lying to you

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Speaker 1: about where she's going, and I would say the same

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Speaker 1: thing about her being so distant and being a different person.

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Speaker 1: The last thing I'll say is make sure that when

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Speaker 1: you're talking about her being dishonest and her being distant,

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're taking accountability for yourself too, because

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Speaker 1: it takes two in this relationship. And make sure that

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Speaker 1: you're not being the nagger or the one that's calling

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Speaker 1: her out all the time. Make sure you're also looking

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Speaker 1: at yourself. What are you doing? Don't you can't be

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Speaker 1: a hypocrite in the situation and you're doing the same thing.

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Speaker 1: Are you being distant? Maybe not, but just make sure

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Speaker 1: that you're turning the lens around at yourself at the

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Speaker 1: same time. It's really important, But I think I think

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Speaker 1: this is a bad sign in time to take a break.

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Speaker 1: Next question says Hey Granger. My name is Maddie. I'm

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Speaker 1: from Montana. My husband had a deployment a bit ago,

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Speaker 1: and when he came back, feelings have never been quite

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Speaker 1: the same as he as they were whenever he left.

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Speaker 1: It's almost like there's no emotional connection anymore. We've been fighting.

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Speaker 1: We've been together for almost two years. Narrow now, not

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Speaker 1: sure how to go about things. Hope this reaches your

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Speaker 1: grangeer love your podcast, and they've really helped me through

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Speaker 1: my husband's deployment. Okay, So Maddie, so this is this

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Speaker 1: is the scenario different than the last question because why

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Speaker 1: because you're married. So I'm always gonna say on this

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Speaker 1: podcast to fight for your marriage. That doesn't always mean

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Speaker 1: it's gonna work, but you have to fight for it,

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Speaker 1: tooth and nail with everything you have. You fight for

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Speaker 1: this and so that's what I'm gonna tell you, Mattie.

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Speaker 1: So he comes back from the deployment and you think

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Speaker 1: that it hasn't felt the same, and I would say

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Speaker 1: to you, yeah, he just got back from a deployment.

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Speaker 1: It shouldn't feel the same. He has seen things done,

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Speaker 1: things been around, things, been separated from the real world

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Speaker 1: and you for a long time, so we could all

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Speaker 1: expect him to be different. Now, this is something that

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Speaker 1: you sign up for when you marry someone that's in

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Speaker 1: the armed forces. That doesn't mean he's a bad person.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean this is a bad marriage. Right, So

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Speaker 1: my suggestion is poor into him. You don't just like

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Speaker 1: I said to the last question, you don't nag him.

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Speaker 1: You don't. You don't sit him down and say you're

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Speaker 1: different now, you're You're just not the same person. You

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Speaker 1: never give me attention anymore? What's wrong with me? Do

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Speaker 1: you not love me anymore? Avoid those kind of conversations. Instead,

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Speaker 1: serve him, pour into him. It's hard to do that,

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Speaker 1: I would say that in the reverse gender roles. But

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Speaker 1: pour into him and just say, babe, what what could

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Speaker 1: I do? What could I do to make your day

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Speaker 1: a little bit better? And don't don't demand anything. Lower

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Speaker 1: your expectations of him in the marriage right now now,

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Speaker 1: This is not This is not a long term plan

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Speaker 1: for you lowering your expectations. It is a long term

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Speaker 1: plan for serving him. Uh And and he should be

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Speaker 1: able to serve back. He should reciprocate when he's when

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Speaker 1: he starts feeling that love again and his tank gets full.

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Speaker 1: But right now his tank is empty, and he's searching.

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Speaker 1: He's searching for himself, he's searching for this relationship. He's

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Speaker 1: seen some things. He doesn't know who he is anymore.

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Speaker 1: So remind him through love, not criticism, not nagging. Remind

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Speaker 1: him who he is and who y'all are as a

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Speaker 1: relationship with loving him, pouring into him, make him his

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Speaker 1: favorite meal. Don't nag him when he's When you make

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Speaker 1: his favorite meal and he's on the couch and he

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Speaker 1: acts indifferent about it. He just wants to sit there

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Speaker 1: and look at his phone. Don't nag him about it.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to do this. It's much easier for me

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Speaker 1: to tell you than it is for you to do it.

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Speaker 1: But you make that meal and you get everything prepared,

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Speaker 1: and this is his favorite meal. And he's sitting on

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Speaker 1: the couch and he's looking at his phone and he's

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Speaker 1: just solemn, and you go, babe, it's ready, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not hungry. Don't nag him at that point. Don't

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Speaker 1: tell him about how hard it was for you to

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Speaker 1: make it, because guess what, he knows. He's human, he

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Speaker 1: knows deep down. So just go, hey, I'm gonna put

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Speaker 1: some foil on top of this, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: put it in the fridge. If you want me to

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Speaker 1: reheat it for you, I can. But otherwise, you do

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Speaker 1: your thing. It's here for you. Is there anything else

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Speaker 1: I could do for you tonight? Now? Can you imagine

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Speaker 1: if that's if you just pour it into him like

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Speaker 1: that daily, it's gonna take a lot of effort, but

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Speaker 1: that's what it is. You know, a relationship is work.

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Speaker 1: I would say to this, I would say this, we

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Speaker 1: thank him for his service for our country, and we

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Speaker 1: equally thank you for your service to our country by

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Speaker 1: serving him in this way. Because because it can't be

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Speaker 1: lost in this situation that the spouses of these military

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Speaker 1: men and women that come back from deployment, what this

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Speaker 1: spouses go through is like war in a way. It's

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Speaker 1: a relationship war, and you're gonna wage it with love.

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Speaker 1: So pour into him and you are serving your country

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Speaker 1: in that way, and you can get him back. You

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Speaker 1: could bring him back, you could do it, or you

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Speaker 1: can run him away. So many of these situations end

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Speaker 1: in divorce. I know many of them. I've read many

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Speaker 1: of them. I get many of them emailing the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Many times it ends in divorce because the spouse can understand.

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Speaker 1: They can't understand why they're not still the same person

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Speaker 1: because they expected them to. They have really high expectations

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Speaker 1: for the spouse because they flip through Instagram and they

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Speaker 1: see these couples kissing on Instagram and holding each other

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Speaker 1: and saying, here's my ride or die. I love this

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Speaker 1: person with all my heart. And you see that on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and you go, that's not me. My husband doesn't

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Speaker 1: give me the time of day. So you could either

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Speaker 1: buy into that lie that social media is telling you

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Speaker 1: and your friends, and you see all your friends are happy,

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Speaker 1: it seems like, but everybody's struggling in some way. Maddy,

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Speaker 1: pour into him. I'm so sorry you're in this, but

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Speaker 1: this is my friendly suggestion to you. Let's hit another

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Speaker 1: one here, this one. The subject line says tattoos Biblical

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Speaker 1: question mark, Hey Grangeer, how do you feel about tattoos

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Speaker 1: from a biblical standpoint? I have tattoos prior to being

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Speaker 1: in a real relationship with Jesus. I consistently read my Bible,

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Speaker 1: and I was baptized at birth based on Scripture Deuteronomy

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Speaker 1: and Leviticus. I find myself struggling with the fact that

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Speaker 1: I have them, and I still think about getting more

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Speaker 1: minor scripture for my own children. I would love to

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Speaker 1: hear your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing the

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Speaker 1: Lord's word, your encouragement, and your music. Ee A question

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Speaker 1: comes from Casey Joe and Pensacola, Florida. Shout out to

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Speaker 1: Florida Pensacola. Thank you for the question. It's a great question.

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Speaker 1: So what we have to know in the Old Testament

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Speaker 1: in the law when we're talking Deuteronomy and Leviticus, we're

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Speaker 1: talking mosaic law. In the Old Testament, there is three

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Speaker 1: kinds of laws, and we have to understand the three

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Speaker 1: kinds of laws. We have moral law, we have civil law,

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Speaker 1: and we have ceremonial law. All three laws are very

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Speaker 1: different and they're all included in the Old Testament. So

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Speaker 1: we have to look at this. So, so first we

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Speaker 1: have moral law. Don't kill, don't come in adultry, don't steal,

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Speaker 1: don't lie by your parents. Okay, all those laws are

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Speaker 1: the moral laws, and they transcend all cultures, all time,

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Speaker 1: all everything. Right, we still abide by those today, whether

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Speaker 1: or not we're a believer or not. Those laws are

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Speaker 1: written on our hearts, right, Like that's what Jesus says,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna write the law on your heart. And so

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Speaker 1: whether or not you're a Christian or not or any religion,

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Speaker 1: these laws are written on your heart because you're a

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Speaker 1: human and you're born with this idea that I better

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Speaker 1: not lie. That's going to get me in trouble. I

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Speaker 1: better or not murder. I should probably not covet that.

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Speaker 1: These are the moral laws that stand throughout time. Then

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Speaker 1: there's the civil laws. Right, civil law for instance, right now,

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Speaker 1: a civil law for us is don't speed. We have

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Speaker 1: speed limits. They are set in place by society. These

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Speaker 1: are civil laws for us to follow. So don't speed

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Speaker 1: now a thousand year So say two thousand years from now,

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Speaker 1: when when cars are maybe flying or driving themselves and

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Speaker 1: there is no speed limit, say right, we could look

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Speaker 1: back two thousand years from now and go, should we

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Speaker 1: still follow that law that says we shouldn't speed. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's like, no, that was a civil law for twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty two. It doesn't apply. So you could find a

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Speaker 1: lot hundreds of those kind of laws that you go, ah,

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Speaker 1: that's weird, Like a man shouldn't have long hair. Well,

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Speaker 1: we have to understand that in that time, in that civilization,

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Speaker 1: that would represent something different, so you shouldn't do it.

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Speaker 1: That's where tattoos come in. That's where tattoos fall. And

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Speaker 1: before I get to that, there are ceremonial laws, and

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Speaker 1: so that's the ceremony of that religion at the time

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Speaker 1: calls for certain things, sacrificing the first born lamb. Right,

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Speaker 1: we don't do that anymore. That's not a law that

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Speaker 1: applies to us anymore. We don't sacrifice lambs right now,

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Speaker 1: that's a ceremonial law. So that's obvious that we don't

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Speaker 1: do that. So civil is the same way. Now, there's

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Speaker 1: there's some that still apply, but for the most part,

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Speaker 1: tattoos fall under that. So tattoos at the time directly

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Speaker 1: represented the pagan culture. So it's like you do that,

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Speaker 1: you get a tattoo, you mark your body, and you

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Speaker 1: are representing a pagan culture. That's who you that's who

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Speaker 1: you are associating with if you do that. So don't

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Speaker 1: do it, Okay, So we don't have that now, that's

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Speaker 1: it's not you don't look at a tattoo, now go

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Speaker 1: definitely a pagan unless you see pagan marking. I get it.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, at the same time, Casey Joe,

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Speaker 1: I'm with you. I'm with you on the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I got tattoos before my massive rebirth into Christianity and

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Speaker 1: I haven't had one since then. And like you, mine

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Speaker 1: represent my children. So where do we go from here?

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Speaker 1: Where do where do we go with all of this

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Speaker 1: information that I just put on the table. At this point,

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Speaker 1: I would not mark your body unless it was something

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Speaker 1: that was was eternally changing inside you, Like I have to.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to put this on my body because it's

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Speaker 1: going to represent something that that that I believe wholeheartedly,

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Speaker 1: and it's a conversation starter with with a stranger maybe

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Speaker 1: something like that. But but even even then, that's kind

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Speaker 1: of iffy, Like I don't know that. Here's here's an

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Speaker 1: example for me. I have my my three kids on

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Speaker 1: the inside of my left arm. They're birthdays, but I

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Speaker 1: don't have Maverick. He's my latest and I wasn't expecting

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Speaker 1: to have Maverick. He wasn't expected. We weren't supposed to

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Speaker 1: have four children. God has that plan, not me. That's

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Speaker 1: a different story. But so I'm like, okay, well I

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Speaker 1: kind of have to get I have to get Maverick's

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Speaker 1: birthday on my arm, like that's it's one day He's

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Speaker 1: going to go, Dad, why didn't you? Why didn't you

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Speaker 1: ever get my birthday? You got the other three kids,

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Speaker 1: you didn't get mine, And I have to I could say, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't believe I should you know, mark my body,

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Speaker 1: or I could be like Maverick, I had to get

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Speaker 1: your birthday on here. But other than that, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel the need to go get any more.

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Speaker 1: Does that make sense? That's kind of the way that

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Speaker 1: I'm unpacking it here, and we can go way deeper

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Speaker 1: on it. But the main thing is we have to

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Speaker 1: understand when we read the Old Testament to three different

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Speaker 1: kinds of laws moral, civil, ceremonial, and we have to

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Speaker 1: be able to separate them and know the difference. Okay,

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Speaker 1: By the way New Testament, Jesus he fulfilled the law,

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Speaker 1: and he said I could, I could basically sum up

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Speaker 1: the ten commandments for you in one commandment, love the

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Speaker 1: Lord your God, and love others like yourself, like one sentence.

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Speaker 1: There it is. It's all. It's all wrapped up in

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Speaker 1: one Okay. Next question, subject line says new to fatherhood.

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Speaker 1: Hey grand your my name is Andrew. I first want

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Speaker 1: to say thank you for all the wisdom you share

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Speaker 1: on this podcast. My question for you is a bit

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Speaker 1: of a two part question. The first is how did

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Speaker 1: you know you were ready to be a dad? And

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Speaker 1: the second one is if you can go back in time,

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Speaker 1: what would be one piece of advice you would give

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Speaker 1: yourself in the past when you first found out you're

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Speaker 1: going to be a father again. Thank you for all

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Speaker 1: you do. Andrew from Virginia shout out to Virginia, great state. Man.

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Speaker 1: Andrew sounds like well, I don't no. It sounds like

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Speaker 1: you may maybe you're expecting or maybe not. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: exciting time for you. Brother. Thanks for the email. And

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Speaker 1: I would say this, here's how I would answer your

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Speaker 1: first part of your question, how do you know you're

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Speaker 1: ready to be a dad? Let's say two things, okay, One,

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Speaker 1: you're married. Two, you love Jesus with all your heart.

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Speaker 1: That's me. Those are my two answers to how do

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Speaker 1: you know you're ready? You're married and you love Jesus

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Speaker 1: with all your heart. Everything else, just trust him, just

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Speaker 1: surrender it to him. God. If you want me to

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Speaker 1: be a dad, if you want us to have a family,

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Speaker 1: if you want to bless us in that way, I've

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Speaker 1: got my arms open, my palms are up, I have

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Speaker 1: no clenched fists with this situation. If you want to

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Speaker 1: bless us with this, we're ready. And notice that I

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Speaker 1: didn't say anything about saving up a certain amount of

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Speaker 1: money in the bank account, making sure you're living next

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Speaker 1: to a really nicellingment entry school. Make sure you got

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Speaker 1: your job, your dream job wrapped up. Notice I didn't

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Speaker 1: say any of that because there are great children that

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Speaker 1: grow up in the dirt. But we have this expectation

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Speaker 1: now that we need to have a certain amount of money,

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Speaker 1: we need to have a certain amount of schooling, we

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Speaker 1: need to start prepping for college savings, and we need

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Speaker 1: to we need to have the right job. And we

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Speaker 1: got to have a baby's room, you know, in the house.

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Speaker 1: I just don't. I don't. I don't think we put

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Speaker 1: way too much importance on that stuff. We make that

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Speaker 1: a big priority when we should really just open our

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Speaker 1: hands and say, God, when you're ready for us to

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Speaker 1: have a baby, we'll take it. And if not lead

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Speaker 1: us to adoption, lead us to fostering, and if not

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Speaker 1: any of that lead us to teaching children in another way,

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Speaker 1: let us be able to contribute to society in that

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Speaker 1: kind of way. But it's just, Andrew, It's just that's

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Speaker 1: my simplest answer. And I believe with all my heart

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Speaker 1: those two things. Married believe in Jesus and with all

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Speaker 1: your heart faith in Jesus. If you have those two things,

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Speaker 1: you're ready. You're ready, whether you like it or not.

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Speaker 1: And I love the way that fatherhood happens in such

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Speaker 1: slow phases. Like you find out you're pregnant, and you

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Speaker 1: got nine months to get ready, and then when the

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Speaker 1: baby's born, you got a year until they're super mobile,

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Speaker 1: maybe six months like Maverick. Then you have two years

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Speaker 1: before the terrible twos, and then you got six years

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Speaker 1: before you got to start thinking about kindergarten. And it's

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Speaker 1: just everything is staggered out at the perfect pace so

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Speaker 1: that as a dad, all you really have to do

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Speaker 1: is be a little bit ahead of the kid to

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Speaker 1: be ready for whenever they get to that stage in

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Speaker 1: their life. So you don't right now. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to be ready for a teenager. You don't have to

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Speaker 1: be ready to send a kid off to college or whatever.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to do that. You just need to

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Speaker 1: be ready for your wife to be pregnant. That's all

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Speaker 1: you have to do right now. One step ahead is

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Speaker 1: all you need be. It's in fact, it's impossible to say,

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Speaker 1: oh no, it's a girl, she's gonna start dating, like well,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to think about that for like for

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Speaker 1: London's case, twenty seven years. Second part of your question says,

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Speaker 1: what advice would you give yourself if you can go

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Speaker 1: back in time? Andrew? What's crazy? Is I just I

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Speaker 1: try to live a life without regrets. I've made so

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Speaker 1: many mistakes in my life. I've learned the hard way

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Speaker 1: and so many things through the mistakes. And take those

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Speaker 1: mistakes away, and our life is like a game of

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Speaker 1: djinga and you start pulling blocks out of the bottom,

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Speaker 1: things that you shouldn't have done. So take this blockout.

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Speaker 1: You wish you could have done this. Better, take this

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Speaker 1: block out. Then you get really raggedy as your tower

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Speaker 1: starts getting taller. Right, because because your mistakes or become

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Speaker 1: the foundation that makes you who you are. So if

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Speaker 1: I go back to myself and I say, hey, before

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Speaker 1: you have be sure that you're doing these things, because

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Speaker 1: if you don't, you're gonna be in trouble. Well it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: if I hadn't learned from those mistakes that I fell into,

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Speaker 1: then I would be half the dad now because I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have learned anything. I wouldn't have grown from that.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have gone man, oh that was bad. I

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Speaker 1: wish I would have done this and because how do

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Speaker 1: I know that I would have ever learned that ever

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Speaker 1: if the mistake hadn't happened. So that's a very roundabout

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Speaker 1: way to answer your second part of your question. But

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go back. I just want to

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Speaker 1: go back and just say, enjoy it, man, enjoy every moment.

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Speaker 1: Soak up every moment, take the pictures, take the videos,

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Speaker 1: love them, hold them, put them down, read books to them,

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Speaker 1: kiss them in the morning, go to work, go on

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Speaker 1: a trip, say goodbye, come back in seven days missing

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Speaker 1: them so bad, and you get back in the house

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Speaker 1: and you run and you grab them and you hold them.

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Speaker 1: I would say, just just ok it up, be in

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Speaker 1: the moment, be present. I'll take a break and be

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Speaker 1: right back. Thank you for listening to the podcast. If

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Speaker 1: you want to sport your EEE apparel to support this podcast,

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00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,880
Speaker 1: go to EEE dot com. We always have new gear

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00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: for you to support the lifestyle that's all about faith, family,

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00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: and the outdoors. If you ever wonder what EEE means,

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00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: it means live life to the fullest. If you've made

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00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: it this far in this podcast, if you listen to

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00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: this podcast at all, that's exactly what you're interested in.

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Speaker 1: If you want to get a hold of me and

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00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 1: have a personal video message made for you, go to

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00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash granger Smith. I can make anything

396
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: you want right here on my phone. Send you a

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00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: personalized message, a happy birthday, congratulations, words of encouragement, anything

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00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 1: you could think of for anybody in your life, including yourself.

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00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,399
Speaker 1: You could also download the cameo app and search for

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00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 1: me Grangersmith, or go to cameo dot com slash granger Smith.

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Speaker 1: Back to the podcast, Okay, diving back in here? Next question,

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Speaker 1: subject line says ATV accident setback. Question says, Hey Granger,

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Speaker 1: I was in an ATV accident five weeks ago which

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Speaker 1: was resulted in a totaled ATV, several injuries, a cut

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Speaker 1: up ee sweatshirt. With all this, I've grown more and

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Speaker 1: more frustrated and discouraged with each passing day. On why

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Speaker 1: this accident had to happen is several opportunities had to

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Speaker 1: be missed, like going to Montana for a vacation, interviewing

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Speaker 1: for a new job, and a wedding. My question is

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Speaker 1: how do you approach a major setback? I am a

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Speaker 1: woman of faith, but I don't feel God is with

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Speaker 1: me in this It's as if I've been abandoned. Any

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Speaker 1: advices appreciated. Thanks Lindsey, Michigan. Shout out to Michigan. Lindsey,

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Speaker 1: thank you for the email. I'm sorry about your accident.

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Speaker 1: Let me dig into this, Okay, And I say this

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Speaker 1: a lot on this podcast, but I'm gonna always give

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Speaker 1: you tough love because that's the best way for me

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Speaker 1: to do. This is just for me to be honest.

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Speaker 1: I don't think this podcast is worth anything if I'm

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Speaker 1: not real with you, if I'm not honest with you,

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Speaker 1: if I'm just coddling you and telling you things you

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Speaker 1: need to hear, I just think this podcast then becomes worthless,

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Speaker 1: Like no one would care to listen to a podcast

424
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 1: of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you,

425
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 1: and I hope you get better. But let me dive

426
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: into your question. Okay, honestly love you, Lindsay, here we go.

427
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:42,959
Speaker 1: Suck it up. Suck it up. I have read I've

428
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: talked to so many people in ATV accidents that have

429
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: lost a loved one or a friend, or a son

430
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: or a daughter. I've talked to so many people in

431
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 1: my life through meet and greets through concerts that have

432
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: been paralyzed through this, that lost the use of all

433
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: their limbs. You are you, You don't you don't get

434
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: to go on vacation to Montana. You you you miss

435
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,959
Speaker 1: an interview for a job, and you miss a wedding,

436
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 1: like and I know you have injuries, but you see

437
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Like there's people out there that have

438
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: been killed by an ATV accident, killed or paralyzed. They're

439
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: a vegetable the rest of their life. They're they're eating

440
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,919
Speaker 1: through a straw with a little remote control on a wheelchair.

441
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: And you survived this and you missed a wedding and

442
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 1: a job interview in a vacation and you're saying, I

443
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: don't know why God put me through this. You feel abandoned.

444
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: You hear what you're saying, lindsay you you were You

445
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: were saved in this and you have a chance, a

446
00:25:55,119 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: chance to live, a chance to walk. You have plenty

447
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 1: of chances for another interview or another wedding or another vacation,

448
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 1: and yet you are looking at life like God left

449
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,399
Speaker 1: you and to get injured on this ATV. Instead of saying,

450
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: instead of saying, lindsay praise God, this could have been

451
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: so much worse. I very easily could not have had

452
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: thumbs to write this podcast email. I've talked to so

453
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 1: many families that have walked onto my bus, countless families,

454
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 1: and I know their face they walk up on my bus.

455
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: I could just recognize the way they look. Sometimes they'll

456
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 1: have a shirt, a memorial shirt on and they'll have

457
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,239
Speaker 1: a picture and they'll say, this is our son and

458
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: he was a big fan, and here's a picture of

459
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: you and him in twenty nineteen at a meet and

460
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: greet and we lost him in an ATV accident. And

461
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,479
Speaker 1: he loved you and he loved your music. So we

462
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: came here because today's birthday, and we're going to celebrate

463
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 1: today on his birthday with his favorite band, and we're

464
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: going to remember him today. And it breaks my heart.

465
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 1: Those kind of meet and greets with people has changed

466
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: my life. It's changed the way I look at playing

467
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 1: music and writing music and performing music. It changed me

468
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: in my band from looking at a full crowd to

469
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 1: looking at one person and then knowing that that one

470
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: person has a story and they might be remembering someone

471
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,479
Speaker 1: they lost, or they're trying to forget something that's too painful.

472
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 1: They're trying to remember something again, they're trying to just

473
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: feel normal again. And that is a huge responsibility that

474
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: I love and I feel like it's a gift. It's

475
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: a gift from God that I get to have an

476
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: opportunity to be that for some family. And then lindsay,

477
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: I love you, but I read your email because you

478
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 1: missed a wedding and you think God left you when

479
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 1: you have this opportunity to share your testimony and say,

480
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: I lived through something that could have been so bad.

481
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 1: I was inches away from dying and he spared me

482
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: for what? For what? Meaning? What purpose? I need to

483
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: figure this out? Not why why did he do it?

484
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: Why did he leave me? Why did he abandon me?

485
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: I'm a woman of faith. No you're not. No, you're not.

486
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: That is no faith. That is zero faith. You have

487
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: zero faith. And I hope, I hope this lights a

488
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: fire under you right now when you hear this. I

489
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: hope you hear it, and I pray that it lights

490
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: a fire under you, and you might get mad at

491
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: me and you might never want to email me ever again.

492
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: But I'm doing this because because I truly care for you, Lindsey,

493
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: and I want you to hear this from me, that

494
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: God spared you for a reason, for a purpose. And

495
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: you have breath in your lungs, and you gotta beat

496
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: in your heart, and you obviously have good thumbs because

497
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: you wrote this email. Use it. This is your story.

498
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 1: Use it. Why are you still here on this earth?

499
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: Fulfill that purpose? Because there's a reason. Then there's a

500
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: meaning behind this. Stop asking why. Go read the psalms.

501
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: I say that so many times. Meditate in the psalms.

502
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: Open up the psalms and start reading them. Slowly, absorb it,

503
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 1: and you're gonna read about when David writes so many

504
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: of these psalms, he has a felt reality. There's a

505
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: difference between objective, real truth, reality, what's really happening, and

506
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: how we feel. And sometimes if we let our feelings

507
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: take over, our feelings become our reality. So if we

508
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: think we feel sorry for ourselves, then the reality becomes

509
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: that we are feeling sorry for ourselves and that everyone's

510
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: abandoned us and God left us. That's not the truth,

511
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: that's not what the Bible says. Ever, ever, he walks

512
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: us through trials on purpose for a reason. Of course

513
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: we suffer. Of course we go through trials and tribulations.

514
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: That's promised by Jesus himself. In this world, you will

515
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.

516
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 1: That's amazing truth. We know we're gonna suffer, we know

517
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: we're gonna be persecuted, we know we're gonna have trials

518
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 1: and be tested, but we also know that He's gonna

519
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: walk us through every step of it. He's not always

520
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: talking in your ear, he's not writing words in the clouds.

521
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: He's not bringing his hand around your head and saving

522
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: you from a fall. Sometimes he lets us fall because

523
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: that's our purpose, to learn from the suffering through it.

524
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: That is what the Bible says over and over, and

525
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: a woman of faith should know that. Okay, I hope

526
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: this message gets to you. And you know what, you

527
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 1: could email your friend and say, I'm so terribly sorry

528
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 1: I didn't make your wedding. And you could email the

529
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: interview boss and say, I'm so sorry I missed the interview.

530
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: I hope that when I recover from these injuries, the

531
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: job is still open. But if it's not, I understand

532
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. Lindsey, like

533
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: you ever think about that do you ever think about

534
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: that maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. I

535
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: hope you feel better. I hope you get this message.

536
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: Next question, subject line says third Wheel. Hey Granger, my

537
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: name's Ryan from north central Ohio. Recently it started to

538
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: feel like all my relationships have been failing. My friends

539
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: are all engaged in planning weddings. Hanging out with them

540
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: has been very tough because I'm always feeling like I

541
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,239
Speaker 1: shouldn't be hanging out with them. I always wanted to

542
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 1: have my own family, and seeing them all start one

543
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 1: has been rough. Where do I go from here? Try

544
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: to find new friends or keep third wheeling them? Ryan,

545
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: thanks for the email, Buddy, shout out to central Ohio.

546
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: And you know I love Ohio. We love That's like

547
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: the heart and soul of yege Nation right there, buddy,

548
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: you are severely falling into the trap of looking at

549
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: everyone around you and thinking you deserve what they have.

550
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 1: Looking at social media and you're seeing new people getting engaged,

551
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 1: and you're looking at wedding cakes and these beautiful brides

552
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: with flowers in their hair, and you're looking at your

553
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: friends and they seem so happy, And if you've listened

554
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: to this podcast at all. In any other episode, you'll

555
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: hear me so many times talk to people that are

556
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: not happy, that are lonely in a relationship. So you're

557
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: not any better with a random relationship. You're no better.

558
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: There's a reason you're single right now. But you have

559
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 1: to find a way to be content and single now,

560
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,959
Speaker 1: secure and single. Now you have to do that, you

561
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: have to go. You know what, I'm single, but I'm

562
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: single for a reason. I haven't found the right one yet.

563
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: And that's okay because I would rather be single and

564
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: secure than find the wrong one and force something. And

565
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: I'm also not attractive as someone that's desperate and looking

566
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 1: for a relationship at all costs. Please, anyone, Is there

567
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: any girl out there that loves me? I just want

568
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 1: a relationship so I could be happy, Because once I

569
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: get in a relationship, then finally I'll be happy, and

570
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 1: then I'll never have to third wheel again, and I

571
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: could double date with people, and I'll be sitting with

572
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: my girl, and we'll be sitting across the table from

573
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: my friend and his girl, and the girls could talk

574
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: and the guys could talk, and will be so happy.

575
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: That is a lot. That's a lie. There's a lie, Ryan,

576
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: You've bought into it. Open your eyes. You've been lied

577
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: to by your own heart. The heart is so wicked,

578
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: the heart is so deceitful, and it will lie to

579
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: you at every turn. It's the same heart that will

580
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: lie to you about this, and then five years down

581
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: the road in a relationship, it'll lie to you again

582
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: and say you don't have feelings anymore. And I don't

583
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 1: love this girl anymore. She doesn't give me the time

584
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: of day anymore. She's distant, she's not the same girl

585
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: I met. Your heart will lie to you at every turn,

586
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 1: So don't use your heart to make decisions. Use your brain.

587
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 1: And as Christians, we pray that we get a new

588
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 1: heart and we get new desires. Then God turns our

589
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 1: heart and works in our heart and turns it around

590
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 1: and makes it more like his and not ours. Your

591
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 1: heart's lying to you, single and secure. That is so

592
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,800
Speaker 1: much more attractive. You're not gonna find any good girls

593
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 1: like this. I just want to find a girl. What

594
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 1: girl wants that? Because then you're emailing me again, all

595
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 1: nervous going. I just met a girl, but I feel

596
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna mess it up. I get those same

597
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: kind of emails. I'm gonna mess this up because I

598
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: don't know what to say, and I really like her,

599
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,720
Speaker 1: but now she's not texting me back every ten minutes,

600
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: and so I'm starting to worry, like maybe she doesn't

601
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: love me, but I really love her and I've never

602
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: felt like this before. And then you're desperate, and then

603
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: you're just turning circles. And then what happens. She goes, Oh,

604
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 1: I'm getting out of this one. I'm getting away from

605
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 1: this guy. This guy's psycho. That's what happens until you

606
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: go I am single and I'm secure, happy with where

607
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 1: I am now. I'm content. Say that word again with

608
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 1: me content. I'm content the way I am now in

609
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: my current life situation. I'm content, and I'm also this

610
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: is tough, Ryan. I'm also happy for my friends that

611
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: are in relationships that seem to be good. I'm so

612
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 1: happy for them. I don't need to feel the same

613
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 1: thing to also be happy for them. Like that is

614
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: so nurturing to the soul when you could just come

615
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 1: to that realization. My friends, let me read let me

616
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 1: read your email. All my friends are engaged in planning weddings.

617
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: That's a negative to you, you hate that? What if

618
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: you flip it? All my friends are in relationships and

619
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: engaged in planning weddings, and I'm so happy for them,

620
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: because in this world, a good relationship is hard to

621
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: come by, and my friends have them and I love

622
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: that because I love my friends and I'm just full

623
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 1: of joy. My joy is so full right now that

624
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: my friends are engaged and planning weddings. That is so cool.

625
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see these little babies that are

626
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 1: gonna pop out. I'm gonna be like an uncle. What

627
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 1: if you switched it to that. That's so nurturing, That

628
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: helps you sleep at night. And when you get like

629
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: that and you start going to these weddings and you're like,

630
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for my friend. Look, I'm at this wedding,

631
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: the beautiful wedding. We're all dressed up. The mother of

632
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 1: the bride is crying and the dad is walking the

633
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 1: girl down the aisle and he's crying, and this is

634
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 1: just great. I love it. I'm so happy right now.

635
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: And then you look down the aisle and there's this

636
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,839
Speaker 1: cute girl sitting there thinking the same thing that you've

637
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 1: never seen before. She's a friend of the bride and

638
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 1: you go, hey, I might you know, at the end

639
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: of the night, when we're all dancing, I might go

640
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:55,720
Speaker 1: ask her if she wants to dance. Mm. That happens. Ryan.

641
00:37:55,840 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: See see how this flips. Good luck to you them.

642
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 1: Let's hit another one. This comes from David and it

643
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: says subject line invest question says if I told you

644
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: my best friend that my grandmother left me three hundred

645
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars, how would you recommend investing it

646
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: or spending it? I'm thirty seven years old, fully retired

647
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: veteran with two kids, already have five thousand dollars in savings,

648
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: already have a farm with livestock mainly poultry. Sincerely, disabled

649
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:34,399
Speaker 1: veteran David Smith. David, thank you for your service and congratulations. Man.

650
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 1: Sounds amazing. You just got gifted three hundred and fifty

651
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: thousand bucks. That is amazing. That is very rare in

652
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 1: this world. So you have an incredible situation here you're

653
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: asking me how to invest it? Well, would I would

654
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 1: go to the Dave Ramsey model. I love his ideas

655
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 1: and I would read If I were you, I'd read

656
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: any book that he puts out, and I would listen

657
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,879
Speaker 1: to the radio show or on YouTube or whatever. But

658
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: the basic steps, he calls them baby steps. You have

659
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,439
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars, that's great, So he would say, out

660
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 1: of that three point fifty, take three months worth of

661
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,440
Speaker 1: your salary. So whatever you get paid per month times three.

662
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 1: Take that money and put it in the savings and

663
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 1: don't touch it. That's your emergency fund. That's like a

664
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 1: rainy day fund. The world is collapsed, you lost your job,

665
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 1: problems are happening, and you have three months to be

666
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: able to live at the same rate of living that

667
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:38,720
Speaker 1: you are now with your kids off of this emergency saving,

668
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:43,800
Speaker 1: so don't touch it. After that, you take the first

669
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: credit card that you have that has the lowest balance. Okay,

670
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: so the credit card with the lowest balance that you

671
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: still owe, you pay it off completely, and then you

672
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: move up to the next credit card with the next

673
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: lowest balance until you pay that off, and then the

674
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: next credit card, and so on until you get all

675
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: your credit cards completely paid off. Done. They're completely done.

676
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: Then you go to your car and take a look

677
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 1: at your car, and you either you either trade it

678
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: in and get something a little cheaper, or you love

679
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: your say you love your car, go ahead and pay

680
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: that off completely. Once you do that, you move to

681
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 1: your house so you have no debt, making sure there's

682
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: no other debt at all until you get to your house,

683
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 1: and then you hit it with the rest of that

684
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 1: three hundred and fifty thousand. After you've done all these

685
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 1: other things, you take the rest of that money and

686
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: throw it at your house, throw it at your mortgage. Now,

687
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: if you're lucky, this three hundred and fifty thousand takes

688
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: care of everything that I just mentioned. If not, you'll

689
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: hopefully get everything done. You definitely will get everything done.

690
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: Unless you have outrageous credit card debt. I don't think

691
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 1: you do. Then you'll the rest of it is going

692
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: to go to your house, and then you're gonna get

693
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 1: a big chunk out of your house mortgage, and then

694
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 1: you could refinance and you have a much much lower

695
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 1: rate to pay on your house. That's my advice. That's

696
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 1: my advice. After all that's done, everything's paid for, your

697
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 1: one hundred percent debt free. Now we could start talking

698
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: about four one ks. If you have that available at

699
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: work or short term investing. You get a good, good CPA,

700
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 1: a good investment advisor. We could talk about that later,

701
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: but I want to make sure every bit of that

702
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: debt is paid, and I want to I want to

703
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: send you to Dave Ramsey and listen to what he

704
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: says about it. But congratulations, brother, what a what a

705
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: really cool thing. I'm assuming you lost your grandmother, so

706
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: I'm also if you did, I'm terribly sorry about your

707
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: loss because I'm sure that you would rather have your

708
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:58,360
Speaker 1: grandmother than the money. So although it's a big blessing

709
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 1: from her, I'm sorry if you did loser. Next question,

710
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: it says in the subject line can you help me?

711
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: Says hey, Grander. My name is Emily. I'm from Maryland.

712
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,839
Speaker 1: I'm twenty four years old. I'm a manager in a

713
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: male dominant field. Most of my employees are old enough

714
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 1: to be my dad, and I'm the only female in

715
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: the department. Managing them has become very hard, and I

716
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: feel like they don't even respect me as a manager.

717
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: I've tried several different ways of managing nothing seemed to

718
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: be effective. I really love what you do, but I

719
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 1: could feel me and my fiance this is all affecting

720
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: our home life. Do I try to keep my job

721
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:48,240
Speaker 1: or find something else? Emily, thank you for the email

722
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 1: and shout out to Maryland. Love that state, love traveling

723
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: to Maryland. I wish I had some crab cakes right

724
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: now just thinking about this. Congratulations. First of all, I'll say,

725
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:03,720
Speaker 1: twenty four years old, your manager, you're you're a female

726
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: and a male dominant field and you're only twenty four

727
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 1: that you must be really smart and you must be

728
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 1: really good at what you do. So that's amazing. I

729
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: would say this the only scenario in this and I

730
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 1: would I would not recommend right now just leaving the

731
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: job and finding something else. Your relationship with your fiance,

732
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,919
Speaker 1: if this work is affecting that, you have to tie

733
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: that up first, like deal with that first. Leave the

734
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,479
Speaker 1: work at work and come home and leave it at work.

735
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: Don't bring it home with you. Okay, and now it's

736
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 1: hard to do, but don't bring that stuff home. You're

737
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: gonna have to learn to get in your car and

738
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: drive home and put on your home face. Forget your

739
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: work face. That's just a job. It's just a paycheck. Okay.

740
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: I know that it's your career and you're passionate about

741
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 1: it and you love it, otherwise you wouldn't do it.

742
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 1: But that's just a paycheck at the end of the day.

743
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 1: It's not your future husband, Okay, So deal with that.

744
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 1: Deal with that. We're chamellions. As humans, we could be

745
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: such good chameleons and adapt to situations. Adapt this. Leave

746
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: it behind you as far as work itself. Managing in

747
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 1: a male dominant field when you're a female, I would

748
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: use humility as your number one go to humility, and

749
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: I would walk in here to this office, and I

750
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: would walk up to some of the older guys and

751
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: I would say, let me say, let me preface this

752
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 1: is difficult. Everything I say seems to be difficult on

753
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: this podcast. But that's because these are good questions, and

754
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: they're deep questions. So you can't ask me deep good

755
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 1: questions and expect me to be lighthearted and easy answers.

756
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: So I would walk in with humility, and I would

757
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 1: go up to these guys and I would say, individually,

758
00:44:54,960 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 1: I would say, I'm only twenty four, you are thirty five.

759
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 1: You've been doing this a long time, so I'm truly

760
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,720
Speaker 1: gonna lean on you for some advice and some stuff.

761
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 1: This is hard for me to manage people that I

762
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: understand have more experience than me. See that that kind

763
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 1: of humility is very difficult to diffuse if you're on

764
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 1: the other side of it. I'm not telling you to

765
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 1: let people run all over you. I'm not telling you

766
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:29,320
Speaker 1: to not do your job or to let people disagree

767
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 1: with everything you say and be insubordinate. I'm not saying that.

768
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: I'm saying, walk in with humility and go. You know

769
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,959
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna I'm gonna really think about this because

770
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: you've been doing this a lot longer than me, and

771
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 1: I need, I desperately need to learn from someone like you.

772
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 1: And then so that that side of it. And then

773
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 1: the other side is servant leadership. Now you said you've

774
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: tried all different styles of leadership and nothing has been effective.

775
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: But I would lean into servant leadership. That means you're

776
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 1: leading from the back, right, So when you're telling people

777
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: to do things, don't ever manage and tell people to

778
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: do things that you're not capable of doing yourself. If

779
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 1: you're telling someone to do something difficult, hey, I need

780
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: you to clean up this whole area. Stack all these

781
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 1: boxes make it really neat. In fact, I'm going to

782
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: come in here tomorrow about an hour early. I'm gonna

783
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: help you with it. I'm gonna get started on those

784
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 1: boxes too, because that's a lot. Then I'm expecting you

785
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: to do it, but I'm not expecting you to do

786
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: it alone. So let's dive in together. You can come

787
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,359
Speaker 1: in on time whatever you need to do, but I'm

788
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: going to come an hour early and I'm going to

789
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: get a headstart on this because I also have a

790
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 1: busy day tomorrow. But I really wanted to take care

791
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 1: of this with you, so humility slash servant leadership. Watch

792
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: how this changes for you. No one can look at

793
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: you as the young girl that's telling them what to

794
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: do if you're doing it with them and asking for

795
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: advice and coming totally with humility and all of it.

796
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,440
Speaker 1: And you could watch people start falling in line behind you,

797
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 1: watch people start start letting you lead them from the back.

798
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: That's a true leader. Someone that dives in, gets dirty,

799
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 1: is not afraid to come in early, stay late, don't

800
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: ask things from anyone that is ridiculous for them to do,

801
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: like make me a cup of coffee. You would never

802
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 1: do that. You would tell them, hey, before you get

803
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 1: started on that that I told you to do. Before

804
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 1: you get started, I'm going to run down to the

805
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:40,439
Speaker 1: coffee shop. Let me grab you. What do you want?

806
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: What's your favorite coffee? It's on me. I got you.

807
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 1: Or surprise them, just walk in. If you know what

808
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 1: they want, surprise them. Boom, here's a cappuccino. I know

809
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: you like it. I even put a little cinnamon on

810
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: top for you like man, Emily, Thank you. That's amazing.

811
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: That's leading from the back, servant leadership with humility. It's

812
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: a good question. Good luck to you. Thank you guys

813
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 1: for your emails. I love you. I love doing this podcast.

814
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: We'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on

815
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,720
Speaker 1: the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys.

816
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

817
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that

818
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you

819
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have

820
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,

821
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 1: email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig