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Speaker 1: If you can catch an owl, you have fully earned

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Speaker 1: the right to dunk them a couple times.

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Speaker 2: Campsite media arg.

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Speaker 3: Rory. In this lighting, it's a little hard for me

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Speaker 3: to tell. Do you still have your mustache?

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Speaker 1: I do, but I haven't had a shoot for a

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Speaker 1: few days, so it's kind of filling.

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Speaker 3: In well, considering that today's episode is extremely relevant content

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Speaker 3: for you and your facial hair. Oh good, So here goes.

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Speaker 3: If we lived in the same city and I snuck

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Speaker 3: up on you and like shaved half your mustache off,

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Speaker 3: you'd probably punched me, and I deserve it. But would

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Speaker 3: you also call the cops? No, so I haven't committed

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Speaker 3: a crime.

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Speaker 1: I I mean, I know you. You're not a stranger.

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Speaker 3: So well, okay, let's imagine that I was a stranger.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I kill you. I kill you.

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Speaker 3: When I shave half of your mustache? Are you calling

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Speaker 3: the cops? Or You're going to deal with it in

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Speaker 3: your own way?

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Speaker 1: You're asking a comic, So there's a part of me

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Speaker 1: that really appreciates the effort and the high jinks. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I actually don't know if I would call

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Speaker 1: the cops. I don't know. That does seem extreme but

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Speaker 1: that is also an absurd thing to do to somebody

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Well, I ask because a version of this happened, and

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Speaker 3: not just to one comedian in Denver, to numerous people,

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Speaker 3: Amish people in Ohio.

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Speaker 1: Oh here we go.

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Speaker 3: Their beards were attacked shorn, which raises one of the

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Speaker 3: most important questions in the extremely long history of Crime Lost,

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Speaker 3: America's foremost podcast for the analysis of nuanced criminal justice issues.

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Speaker 3: That's right, one of those burning questions I think that

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Speaker 3: haunts nearly every American. Is it a crime to cut

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Speaker 3: someone's hair without their permission? And what if that person

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Speaker 3: is a cat?

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Speaker 1: God, that's all. This is great for some reason. I

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Speaker 1: feel like if it's a cat, it's more of.

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Speaker 3: A crime, hopefully, I would say, shamefully undercover matter of

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Speaker 3: unauthorized grooming. After the break, Hello and welcome back to

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Speaker 3: Crime List, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of

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Speaker 3: the world's dumbest criminals.

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Speaker 1: I'm Josh Dean and I am Rory Scopel.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Rory, Yes, when it's time to lose your state

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Speaker 3: cops dash, how are you gonna do it?

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Speaker 1: Uh? You know what, I'm gonna blend it back in

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Speaker 1: I don't want to shave it off. I'm gonna grow

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Speaker 1: the beard around it so it gets to hide amongst

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Speaker 1: its peers.

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Speaker 3: I know you're on the edge of your seat waiting

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Speaker 3: for this week's top story, and here it is. On

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Speaker 3: February eighth, twenty thirteen, the FBI Press Office proudly reported

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Speaker 3: the end of a wild conspiracy in northeastern Ohio, and

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Speaker 3: I quote, Sixteen individuals were sentenced today for hate crimes

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Speaker 3: involving attacks against Amish residents in Ohio, some carried out

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Speaker 3: by the victim's children, and the group's leader received a

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Speaker 3: fifteen year prison term. In response to a religious dispute

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Speaker 3: among members of an Amish community, the sixty six year

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Speaker 3: old bishop of an Amish congregation in Bergholt's, Ohio, directed

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Speaker 3: his followers to forcibly cut the hair and beards of

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Speaker 3: other members of the Amish faith.

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Speaker 1: Oh And I.

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Speaker 3: Omitted one bit of information from that second paragraph because

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Speaker 3: I didn't want you to gloss over it.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: The name of the mastermind behind this ring of ruthless

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Speaker 3: beard choppers. His name from the Extremely on the Nose

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Speaker 3: Department is Samuel Mullett, Senior.

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Speaker 1: YEP for Good Good.

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Speaker 3: Also named in the case were Johnny Mullet, which is

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Speaker 3: just an all timer of a fake name to use.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that just seems like a kid who started smoking

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Speaker 1: cigarettes at about nine years old.

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Speaker 3: So we got Johnny Mullett, Lester Mullett, and Daniel Mullett

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Speaker 3: in addition to Samuel Mullett. Then there were a variety

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Speaker 3: of Millers, a couple Shocks, and a Burkeholder. First of all,

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Speaker 3: this is an adjudicated matter, so I can say with

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Speaker 3: confidence that the sixteen people convicted in this case did

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Speaker 3: what the government claimed.

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Speaker 1: They cut by.

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Speaker 3: Force, Okay, But Jerry heard the evidence and found them

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Speaker 3: all guilty in the fall of twenty twelve, so we're

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Speaker 3: not falsely accusing anyone here of beard cutting. And before

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Speaker 3: I get into the details, though, I gotta ask you

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Speaker 3: a question. Do you know why the Amish grow those

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Speaker 3: extremely long, kind of unruly beards.

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Speaker 1: I don't know the reason for it, unless it's just, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is a signifier that you're in our group.

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Speaker 3: It's because of the Bible basically, okay, which isn't to

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Speaker 3: say that this is a particularly Christian quirk.

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Speaker 1: Either.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna make a gross generalization here and risk cancelation

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Speaker 3: by numerous global religions.

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Speaker 1: I love getting brought down with other people. Please go ahead.

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Speaker 3: No, but I think you can often tell how fundamentalists strict.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna dare I say unfun a religious group is

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Speaker 3: by the unruliness of their beards, Like the longer the beard,

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Speaker 3: the more seriously religious.

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Speaker 1: The more committed they are to the religion. Do you

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Speaker 1: think there's any chance any of the Amish got their

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Speaker 1: beards shorn and we're like, oh my god, I look great.

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Speaker 1: Like they had any moment, like there's any epiphany of like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, look who's underneath there. I haven't seen

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Speaker 1: that guy in years. Oh my god, look who's been

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Speaker 1: hiding under that face blanket? Wow? And I think that's

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Speaker 1: the voice of a lot of Amish people. When you

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Speaker 1: think Amish person, you're like, oh my god. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean if they look like Civil War soldiers who

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Speaker 3: are abandoned in a remote cave or Tom Hanks and castaway,

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Speaker 3: probably a tough hang.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely a tough hang. For sure.

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Speaker 3: Those are the kind of people who would disapprove of

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Speaker 3: many of your habits.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I think your theory is correct.

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Speaker 3: So the Amish see the beard as a symbol of masculinity. Apparently,

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Speaker 3: beards are mentioned nineteen times to the Bible. Okay, and

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Speaker 3: the founder of the Amish sect, Joseph Ahman, I guess

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Speaker 3: that's where we get the term Amish. He decided it

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Speaker 3: was God's will to grow a beard, and it's a

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Speaker 3: sin to shave one off. But there's an important caveat

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Speaker 3: married men. Single Amish dudes do not grow beards, which

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Speaker 3: makes it very easy for the ladies. Oh so, no,

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Speaker 3: you can't, like, there's no excuse, like I didn't know.

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Speaker 1: He was married. Yeah, it's my Amish voice. By the way,

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Speaker 1: that was actually right, he was married.

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Speaker 2: Oh I didn't know.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. This is good voice work that we're

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Speaker 1: doing here. Oh my god, he's married.

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Speaker 3: It's also the only way to tell an Amish guys

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Speaker 3: married because they don't wear rings. Okay, I'm teaching you

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Speaker 3: so much today. There is a lot of education happening

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Speaker 3: right now. But you know what, the Amish don't like

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Speaker 3: rory what a mustache?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you want to guess why that is.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm only just now realizing that that's

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Speaker 1: the case.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Because like Amish people have the big beard and

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Speaker 3: no mustache, which is a look.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely a look. But for some reason, it never

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Speaker 1: occurs to me that there's a reason for it. Obviously

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Speaker 1: it's because they're pacifists. Rory, Okay.

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Speaker 3: Apparently, back in the nineteenth century when the Amish came

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Speaker 3: about in Europe, the British and French military is required

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Speaker 3: their soldiers to have mustaches. Oh, all right, feelings about that.

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Speaker 1: So the Amish are a little more rebellious than we

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Speaker 1: have ever been led to believe. Yeah, because the fact

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Speaker 1: that they completely live inside their own cultures and never

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Speaker 1: interact with us.

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Speaker 3: Or use electricity or any modern machines.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, outside of those things you're telling me

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Speaker 1: they're rebellious.

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Speaker 3: So the Amish hate war, so they banned mustaches. That's

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Speaker 3: a statement.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. I can get behind that. As

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Speaker 1: a guy who only has a mustache, you're the opposite

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Speaker 1: of the Amish. I love war. I love it. I

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Speaker 1: just love it.

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Speaker 3: So that concludes the religious history lesson for today. I'll

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Speaker 3: get back to our crime. According to the US Attorney's

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Speaker 3: Office for the Northern District of Ohio, which is based

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Speaker 3: in Cleveland, the group, led by Sam Mullett, yes his

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Speaker 3: real name, carried out five separate beard and hair assault

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Speaker 3: in four Ohio counties between September and November twenty eleven.

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Speaker 3: In each assault, the defendants quote forcibly removed beard and

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Speaker 3: head hair from practitioners of the Amish faith with whom

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Speaker 3: they had ongoing religious disputes. Wow, so that's the crux

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Speaker 3: a bit. It was a religious dispute. Mullet was the

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Speaker 3: bishop of one specific group of about twenty Amish families

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Speaker 3: who lived on two hundred acres near Bergholtz, Ohio, which

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Speaker 3: is about one hundred miles south of Cleveland. The problem

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Speaker 3: seemed to stem from some family troubles in the Mullet clan,

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Speaker 3: specifically a messy breakup huh. After the estranged husband of

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Speaker 3: Wilma Mullet, Sam's daughter was granted custody of their children.

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Speaker 3: It led to the kids moving out of the community,

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Speaker 3: and this did not go over well with Sam Mullet,

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Speaker 3: who sounds like a bit of a dick.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just gonna say it. Well, he is wanting

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Speaker 1: to keep his grandkids close by, right, I mean yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean that's fair. I would also be upset, but

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't go.

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't do this because he decided to mete out

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Speaker 3: some of his own justice, a little like custom Amish

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Speaker 3: violence here he I mean, look, he's a mullet. This

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Speaker 3: is the mullet way. This is the mullet way. Here's

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Speaker 3: what he told The New York Times a year after

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Speaker 3: his convey in a jailhouse interview. We felt God was

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Speaker 3: against us, the community was sinning, and men were not

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Speaker 3: leading Christian lives. The inference there, I think is that

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Speaker 3: Wilma's ex was stepping out and wasn't the only one.

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Speaker 3: Sam feared that his flock was overly randy, and he

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Speaker 3: really spun out over this. He instituted a series of

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Speaker 3: pretty radical practices, like he canceled the bi weekly church

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Speaker 3: services that are typical in Amish settlements and instead required

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Speaker 3: members to attend regular meetings that, according to the Times,

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Speaker 3: were quote filled with accusations and confessions. Going to keep

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Speaker 3: reading from the Times here. In that tormented climate, Wilma

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Speaker 3: Mullett concluded that her brother Johnny and other men were

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Speaker 3: mistreating their wives and children and having impure thoughts about

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Speaker 3: other women. One night in early twenty ten, Wilma and

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Speaker 3: another woman took it upon themselves, she said, to force

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Speaker 3: her brother and six other husbands to rethink their ways

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Speaker 3: cutting off their beards in front of others.

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Speaker 1: Huh huh.

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Speaker 3: It's like an ari astor horror movie kind of.

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Speaker 1: I gotta say, there is a vibe, there is a

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Speaker 1: little bit that there's a splash of that. I gotta say,

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Speaker 1: outside of the assault element of it, I bet it

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Speaker 1: is really fun to just shave off a massive beard.

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Speaker 1: I would think.

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Speaker 3: So it's like a like a like a topiary, right,

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Speaker 3: like when you have like a big hedge and you

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Speaker 3: just like, ah, look at those.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like there's a chance they like shaved a dude

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Speaker 1: and they were like, my god, you look fifteen. I

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Speaker 1: mean might be fifteen with the beard. We thought you

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Speaker 1: were fifty eight shaved. I thought you were in high school.

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Speaker 3: It's like when you see the images of like a

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Speaker 3: wet owl. Have you ever seen like a bird without

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Speaker 3: its feather?

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Speaker 1: It's such a specific example of rash, such a wildly yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, it reminds me of a wet owl. I

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Speaker 1: feel like that's our next T shirt. I bet you

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Speaker 1: right now. One listener was like, I was just gonna say,

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Speaker 1: wet owl.

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Speaker 3: So during the trial, prosecutors and witnesses described how some

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Speaker 3: of the defendants Sam Mullet's sons in this case, pulled

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Speaker 3: one guy out of bed and chopped off his beard. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 3: some female followers surrounded their mother in law and cut

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Speaker 3: off two feet of her hair. Hmm, man, Yeah, they

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Speaker 3: also started making quote errant men. Not sure if that's

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Speaker 3: cheaters or just men who dream of bare ankles sleep

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Speaker 3: in chicken.

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Speaker 1: Coops from up to two weeks. Okay, now it's gotten.

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Speaker 1: Now it's a little more aster than we had previously.

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Speaker 3: Now Sam claimed the door was never locked. He did

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Speaker 3: admit to one other very weird rule, which is that

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Speaker 3: when he caught two men fistfighting, he insisted they work

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Speaker 3: out their issues by spanking each other with wooden paddles.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this is There's so much coming to light the

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Speaker 1: more that we dig.

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Speaker 3: I feel like Sam has some stuff to work out

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Speaker 3: in therapy.

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, Sam does not know fully, he has

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Speaker 1: not fully formed in his mind what it is he's

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Speaker 1: truly into, and he's just trying everything. Throw every noodle

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Speaker 1: at the wall, let's see what sticks. I gotta say

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Speaker 1: I was pretty relieved.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I loved the headline, but then to learn

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Speaker 3: that it was Amish on Amish crime because otherwise, you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm sure there have been some asshole teens out there

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Speaker 3: in Ohio or two. Yeah, but it would be a

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Speaker 3: much less funny story if it was outsiders or the English,

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Speaker 3: as I believe they called Harrison Ford and Witness.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you. It does feel like it makes

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Speaker 1: it more like, uh, I don't know, palatable.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, otherwise it would be kind of mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, otherwise it feels Yeah, otherwise, it feels like a

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Speaker 1: hate crime, despite the fact it's clearly fucked up.

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Speaker 3: In the aftermath, some of the local Amish definitely did

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Speaker 3: not want to claim Sam Mullet as one of their own.

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Speaker 3: One woman, whose husband is an Amish bishop and had

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Speaker 3: his beard cut off, called Sam's disciples a cult and

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Speaker 3: accused him of quote programming their minds.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that.

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Speaker 3: These attacks were never just about hair, said assistant US

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Speaker 3: Attorney Bridget Brennan after the convictions were announced. They were

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Speaker 3: about religion, which is, by the way, why this was

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Speaker 3: a crime. Coming full circle here, Rory. This was, according

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Speaker 3: to the US government, a form of religious persecution. The

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Speaker 3: state argued that These were hate crimes, religiously motivated assaults,

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Speaker 3: which is why they were handled by the DOJ's Civil

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Speaker 3: Rights Division. Sam got fifteen years in the slammer, four

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Speaker 3: other dudes got seven years, and the rest of the

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Speaker 3: gang up between one and four years.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 3: Meanwhile, back home, some of those who stayed in Bergholtz

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Speaker 3: seemed to feel like justice was not served at all,

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Speaker 3: Like Sam's unmarried and therefore unbearded nineteen year old grandson

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Speaker 3: Edward mast who talked to a reporter from WKYC in

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Speaker 3: Cleveland and said, the beard, what it stands for me?

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Speaker 3: What I know about it? Once you're married, you just

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Speaker 3: grow a beard. That's just the way, jamshit love how

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Speaker 3: fucking just right to the point that is Oh for me,

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Speaker 3: it just means you're married.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: As for the victims, he added, quote, they got their

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Speaker 3: beard back again, So what's the big deal about it?

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Speaker 1: Interesting?

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Speaker 3: Very interesting, That, of course, is not how the US

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Speaker 3: government felt. Yeah, from day one, this case has been

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Speaker 3: about the rule of law in defending the right of

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Speaker 3: people to worship in peace. This was never about haircut,

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Speaker 3: said US attorney Stephen Deddleback. These were violent, religiously motivated

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Speaker 3: home invasions that left the victims bloody, bruised and beaten.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. Someone's like a it's just haircuts,

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Speaker 1: the guy is it?

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Speaker 4: Is it?

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Speaker 1: Maybe not quite? Yeah.

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Speaker 3: He called the verdicts a triumph for one of the

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Speaker 3: most basic and sacred freedoms in this country, the freedom

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Speaker 3: of religion, and the judge. US District Judge Dan Aaron

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Speaker 3: Poulster also pulled no punges. Here's what he said to

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Speaker 3: Sam Mullet before his sentencing. You deserve the longest and

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Speaker 3: harshest sentence. Sadly, I consider you are a danger to

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Speaker 3: the community.

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Speaker 1: Well, you're right. He really didn't hold back in those

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Speaker 1: two sentences. He let them have it. He really laid

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Speaker 1: it on him with words. And then fifteen years in prison. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean that's I gotta say, that's impressive. Didn't I

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Speaker 1: don't know that I saw fifteen coming.

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Speaker 3: No, I feel like no one did. I think Sam.

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Speaker 3: Sam's gonna come out of prison as like a tattooed

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Speaker 3: gang member.

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Speaker 1: There's no way he's not going to change. He's he's

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Speaker 1: into like colts. I think that one guy's right. It

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Speaker 1: does just feel very cultish.

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Speaker 3: I feel like this is the start of another really

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Speaker 3: good movie, which is like the kind of breaking bad homage.

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Speaker 3: Guy goes to prison for beard shaving fifteen years later,

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Speaker 3: comes out and becomes like an Amish mafia gang boss.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, tat's on his knuckles, but he springs from jail

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Speaker 1: and it's called rum Springer. Oh yes, and his rum

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Speaker 1: Springer is in prison. So it wasn't fun at all.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I can't believe we got to the very

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Speaker 3: end of the segment in rum Springer has only now

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Speaker 3: come up.

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Speaker 1: It was well, hey, I'm glad we got there better

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Speaker 1: late than ever it was bound to because.

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Speaker 3: We would have gotten letters. Otherwise they'd be like, wait,

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Speaker 3: you did a whole Omish segment. There was no discussion

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Speaker 3: of rum Springer. Yeah, that's right, all right. Well after

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Speaker 3: the break, we've got a very different kind of barber

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Speaker 3: shop ambush. Okay, Rory, I'm gonna show you a picture now, okay,

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Speaker 3: Well Lane Is I don't have that kind of power.

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Speaker 1: Can you see what that is? Oh my god, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god.

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Speaker 3: The caption says, my friend's cat got shaved at the

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Speaker 3: vet and now she looks like a game of exquisite corpse. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it has nothing to do with our story. So that,

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Speaker 3: as the caption clearly states, this cat's shaving was totally

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Speaker 3: above board. But what are we what are we looking

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Speaker 3: at here, Rory?

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Speaker 1: It's a cat. It's really hard to even fully understand,

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Speaker 1: but it's a cat that is shaved. In the middle

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Speaker 1: mid section of the cat body, the cat is like

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Speaker 1: standing up leaned against a screen door. In the middle

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Speaker 1: part is shaved like for a surgery kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: And so the full upper half of the cat is

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Speaker 1: still full with hair and the lower half is full

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Speaker 1: of hair. And it looks like, in a cartoonish way,

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Speaker 1: someone just stretched the cat out right shaved or not shaved.

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Speaker 1: That looks like a long cat.

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Speaker 3: Well, that has nothing to do with our story. I

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Speaker 3: just felt like you needed to see that, and you're right,

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Speaker 3: I did need to see that. Are you a cat guy?

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Speaker 1: I am not. I'm allergic to cats, and therefore I've

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Speaker 1: never developed any sort of warmth with any cats.

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Speaker 3: So you've never tried to shave a cat or trim

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Speaker 3: a cat's nails, put a cat into a carrier. No, no, okay.

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Speaker 1: But I've you know, I've tried to as a kid,

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Speaker 1: tried to hold a cat unaware that they're not like

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Speaker 1: puppies and I've been scratched. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think people who don't spend time around cast need

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Speaker 3: to understand how hard those things are. Yeah, really understand

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Speaker 3: the depravity of our second tale Today, here's Bill Fitzgerald

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Speaker 3: from WTVR in Richmond, Virginia with our story from the

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Speaker 3: spring of twenty seventeen in the small rural town of Waynesboro.

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Speaker 5: A bizarre mystery to share with you tonight. Someone's going

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Speaker 5: around a small Virginia city abducting pet cats, shaving them,

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Speaker 5: and then returning them to where they were found. Police

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Speaker 5: in Waynesboro say it's happened at least seven times to

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Speaker 5: different cats since December.

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Speaker 1: So wow.

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Speaker 3: Rebecca Martin, the cat owner who you just saw pop

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Speaker 3: up there at the end, said that what she found

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Speaker 3: motes upsetting was the shaving of her cat, Tiger Lily's belly,

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Speaker 3: not once, but twice in the previous year. Hurt her

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Speaker 3: not like physically, but it must have been mentally hard

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Speaker 3: on her, which she deduces because the cat doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Like to be picked up anymore. Huh.

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Speaker 3: Anchor Bill Fitzgerald closes his segment with the most important

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Speaker 3: question of all at least for US.

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Speaker 5: Police say they're not even sure what crime has.

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Speaker 3: Been committed, cutting amash Beard's crime shaving cat maybe not yet.

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Speaker 1: What are we? I love that the cops are like, look,

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Speaker 1: we don't even know the law.

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Speaker 3: So this bizarre spade of cat shaving comes on the

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Speaker 3: heels of report from w HSVTV in which another Waynesboro

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Speaker 3: cat owner was interviewed about her cat having its undercarriage shape.

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Speaker 3: When the station called the local police, they weren't super helpful,

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Speaker 3: but did pause it. One theory as to what might

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Speaker 3: be happening. Want to guess what the cops theorized. I

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Speaker 3: don't even have a guess. No, they believed it could

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Speaker 3: have been someone checking to see if the cats were

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Speaker 3: spade or neuters.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, it was always the belly, it seemed in

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Speaker 1: this case.

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Speaker 3: Yes, okay, So how do you do that?

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Speaker 1: Why would that work? Looking at the scars? I guess scars? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Does this mean if a cat had no scars they'd

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Speaker 3: take it a step further and spay or neuter the cat.

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Speaker 1: They would kill the cat. They would just have to

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Speaker 1: kill the cat. There's nothing else you can do, absolutely

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Speaker 1: no other options.

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Speaker 3: Lest you think this is only something that troubled American

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Speaker 3: teens would do. I offer you this twenty twenty three

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Speaker 3: report from ITV in the UK.

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Speaker 4: To the mystery surrounding what cat owners have described as

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Speaker 4: a disturbing space of attacks on their pets. There are

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Speaker 4: more than fifty reports of pet cats having had their

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Speaker 4: furs shaven off across the southeast of England.

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Speaker 3: More than fifty reports.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it funny how just her accent alone gives so

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Speaker 1: much more credence to like the nightly news, Like over here,

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Speaker 1: it just seems so performative. But that just because of

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Speaker 1: an accent, We're like, this is real news.

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Speaker 3: Oh you know, you're right, Like every one of ours

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Speaker 3: makes Anchorman seem like a documentary exactly.

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Speaker 1: Then you hear a British accent, You're like, shut up,

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Speaker 1: something important is being told to us.

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Speaker 3: So that Anchor goes on to Warren that it could

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Speaker 3: become quote a daily occurrence.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 6: Coco has always been a playful, happy cat who liked

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Speaker 6: her tummy being tickled until she was attacked two days ago.

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Speaker 7: I was stroking her and then felt kind of this

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Speaker 7: stubbly area on her tummy, and I actually realized that

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Speaker 7: they've actually shaved the insides of their thighs and her

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Speaker 7: tummy area as well.

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Speaker 6: Since the shaving, Coco has been unsettled and become reclusive.

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Speaker 1: Man, I'm sorry that I'm laughing at that, But what

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Speaker 1: that makes me think you did it? I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: exactly what you said.

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Speaker 3: It's the toad, the accent, the tone that makes it

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Speaker 3: seem like they're taking it so serious.

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00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 1: It's just like, this is so much more real and dramatic.

439
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 8: But over here tonight we've got cats getting shored. What

440
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 8: are Presley saying about it? Right after these messages and

441
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 8: like you're like, all right, no.

442
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 3: That seemed like, I mean the close up of the

443
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 3: cat's face as they were saying the cat had become

444
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 3: unsettled and reclusive.

445
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: But these cats have such a different struggle. You're like

446
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: immediately like, oh my god, yeah, i gotta say. It

447
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 1: does seem evil, the element of learning that it changes

448
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 1: the cat's psyche. It's like, Okay, that's one, why are

449
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 1: you doing this? But two now it's got an evil

450
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 1: element to it where you're like, oh, you're like fucking

451
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 1: with these cats' brains again.

452
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 3: We're applying human emotions to cats. Here, but so with

453
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 3: the news people.

454
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, and I look at it. I

455
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,640
Speaker 1: don't even like cats, and I'm here to vending cats

456
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: and not just these cats, the musical cats, anything involving cats.

457
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 3: In the case of these cats in Kent, the shavings

458
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 3: were more random. The shaver or shavers targeted different areas.

459
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 1: Of the many cats.

460
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,719
Speaker 3: There were bellies, sure, but also backs, sides, legs. An

461
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 3: organization called Animals Lost and Found in Kent went so

462
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 3: far as to map the attacks in twenty twenty four

463
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 3: and counted as many It was one hundred and seventeen,

464
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 3: stretching from the south of England all the way to Scotland.

465
00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 3: Natasha McPhee, director of the organization, said on fortunately we

466
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 3: have no idea why anyone would do this. There was

467
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 3: once an elderly ladies shaving cats that would come into

468
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 3: her garden, but she was cautioned and stopped. I doubt

469
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,239
Speaker 3: she's traveling the UK shaving cats. Well, I'm not a

470
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,640
Speaker 3: crazy large country, you know, England. Just to just England alone,

471
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 3: could you could really get around and really work a

472
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 3: number on a lot of cats. It always starts with

473
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 3: one too, right, like that lady's got to be on

474
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,640
Speaker 3: the suspect list.

475
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: The drug kicks in, you know what I mean, you're

476
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: gonna let's go one town over, suddenly you're an hour away.

477
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 3: I mean, I also doubt it was her, but that

478
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 3: would make a great BBC limited series. You're right, whatever

479
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 3: is happening here, Rory, I think we can agree this

480
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 3: is creepy as hell.

481
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: Yeah to even want to do this, Yeah, it's I

482
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: don't know the belly. It's got a serial killer vibe

483
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 1: to it with no murder.

484
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 3: The thing about these cat atacks in England, they're still

485
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 3: going on because earlier this year the problem flared up

486
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 3: again as more cats in the South of England were

487
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 3: targeted by this mysterious weirdo or Weirdo's.

488
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: The South Holland.

489
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 3: Police released a statement. It has been brought to the

490
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 3: attention of the local policing team that some cats have

491
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,200
Speaker 3: been returning to owners addresses in the morning with parts

492
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 3: of their fur having been shaven off. This appears to

493
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 3: be in the Pinchback area. There's also been a case

494
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 3: of this in Curtain near Boston. The motivation behind this

495
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 3: is not known. The cats do not appear physically harmed,

496
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 3: and the shaven areas appears to be small and caused

497
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 3: by some form of hair clippers.

498
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 1: Don't they have like CCTV everywhere? Like, don't they No

499
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: one's got anything on this, apparently not. It seems insane.

500
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 3: The wildest and most disturbing theory I found was that

501
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 3: these cats were somehow being marked for future injury, perhaps

502
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 3: to be killed, which is some very dark shit.

503
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 1: That now it's getting a little that's a little too far, now, wow,

504
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't have a theory here, do you?

505
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: I have no theory at all. Like if this is

506
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 1: someone's like weird thing they just do with cats, it's

507
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: like what, I don't know. It's so confusing. Well, at

508
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,400
Speaker 1: least the local.

509
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 3: Cops are delivering a stern warning to these cat shaving sickos.

510
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,440
Speaker 3: This police statement comes from a story with the headline

511
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 3: police tell people to stop shaving cats.

512
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 1: I was about to make the joke. Police give stern warning,

513
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: Hey cut it out, greatly misinterpreted crime continues.

514
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 3: They also said, quote this behavior is completely unacceptable. Whatever

515
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 3: the motivation behind this is, it's not something that should

516
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 3: be taking place. And also this is not a bit

517
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 3: of fun and needs to stop now, which.

518
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: All sounds like something seems like it seems like someone

519
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: who knows someone's in trouble, but they don't even really

520
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: know what they did. All right, Well, change and be better.

521
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 3: I guess I should have done that in a British accent?

522
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 3: Can you do in a British accent?

523
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: Cut it out? This is not a bit of fun.

524
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: These kissy cats. Leave these kitty cats.

525
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 8: Be we let you drink outside of pubs on public

526
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 8: sidewalks with glass pint glasses.

527
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: Can't that be enough?

528
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 3: So, whether it's a crime or not, the British cat

529
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 3: attacks are still unsolved. So get after it crime less nation, Yeah,

530
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 3: get after.

531
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: It solved, or hire that don't fuck with Cats team

532
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: from that documentary those people did. Like that was insane research.

533
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: Those people did that documentary I did. And that guy

534
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: was a killer and they got him. That guy was

535
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: a murderer. They should be able to get this guy.

536
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: That's I think this would be even easier. Season two,

537
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: Season two, Stop Shaving Cats by Josh the Wet Owl Dean.

538
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 3: All right, after the break our final segment.

539
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: This is crimeless Lane.

540
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: What's our final segment?

541
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: Lane's game?

542
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: So I have more of a rabbit hole than a game.

543
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 2: But I have one question I'm going to ask you,

544
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 2: so don't completely check out.

545
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: I love that when we get to Lane's games, Lane

546
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: goes more of a rabbit hole.

547
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 2: Here we go, I'm in the driver's team.

548
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 1: Now we go where I say.

549
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,120
Speaker 3: I've got this theory about the twenty twenty elections.

550
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: So a fun fact from the Crime List staff is

551
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 2: Josh and I both lived around Namish Country.

552
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:35,640
Speaker 3: Josh remind me where western Maryland, Western Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio district. Like, basically,

553
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 3: the Amish were in southwestern Pennsylvania, Okay.

554
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,400
Speaker 2: And I grew up about fifteen minutes outside of Sugar Creek, Ohio,

555
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 2: which is due with a gateway to Amish Country, Okay,

556
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 2: which means over the years there's been a lot of

557
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 2: like tourism popping up, lots of there's like new hotels, restaurants, shops,

558
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: and a five hundred seat theater. And in twenty sixteen,

559
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 2: this is when it opened. They were one of the

560
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 2: first performances was a musical called Josiah for President. And

561
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: this musical I drove by this billboard so many times

562
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 2: and it was just like an image of an Amish

563
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 2: man in front of the White House with his horse

564
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 2: and buggy, and I was always like, what the fuck,

565
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,199
Speaker 2: what is this? This can't be real. So I'm very

566
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: grateful to Crime List because I finally got to get

567
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 2: to the bottom of what this musical was about. And

568
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 2: I want to share a video with you.

569
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 9: Yes, okay, Yes, I am Congressman Mark Steedman, And as

570
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 9: you know, I have withdrawn my candidacy for President of

571
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 9: the United States. The man I am endorsing will take

572
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 9: America back back to basics, back to what is important

573
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 9: in life. I am endorsing Josiah for President.

574
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: I am in shock. This is not a daily show sketch.

575
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: This is so real.

576
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: And you're telling me that you drove passed this all

577
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: the time and never once bought a ticket to go

578
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: see Wow Wow. I mean, because that was an extended

579
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: run there, March, April, May, June, July. Come on. It

580
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: also begs the question what act could follow that It's

581
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: always going to be Josiah for Commissioner, Josiah for comptroller comptroller.

582
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 2: So yeah, you get the gist of it. A presidential

583
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 2: candidate drops out, taps this amish man, Josiah runs on

584
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 2: a plane truce platform, and the question is asked, can

585
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 2: he heal a broken nation? And that would be all

586
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 2: a broken nation? Twenty twelve when this book was written,

587
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: the musicals based off any questions before I move on

588
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 2: about Josiah.

589
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: Is the soundtrack available streaming anywhere?

590
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 2: Nope, but you can buy it on eBay for ninety dollars.

591
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: And I will.

592
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 3: Okay, did an Amish person write this?

593
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 1: No? Just a woman even better.

594
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 3: Because they'd have to write it on paper because they can't.

595
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah.

596
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 3: Also I like that. I asked was it an homage person?

597
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 3: He said, no, just a woman. Nope, it was a woman.

598
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: Okay. So yeah.

599
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: This has been running for like a decade now and

600
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 2: I've only read positive reviews for it, and I found

601
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 2: one that Rory, I was wondering if you could read

602
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 2: for us in your best Southern accent, which I know

603
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 2: you have.

604
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 1: Is he doing this? Is? What region? Is this?

605
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 3: South Carolina, Georgia, Florida.

606
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 2: This means from Michigan, but I think.

607
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: A southern action, but southern makes the most sense. Yeah.

608
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: I'm not much of a fan of live plays. At

609
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 1: age seventy seven and a half, I would rather honestly

610
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: sit at home at my computer and look at what

611
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: I will you know what I want to watch in

612
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: my computer chair and hot pad to sue, then aching back,

613
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 1: then go about anywhere else. But my sweetheart of forty

614
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: two years yes on June nineteenth, twenty twenty four, wanted

615
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: me to take her to the play at Shipshee for

616
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: our four second wedding anniversary. So I took her there

617
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 1: from Grand Rapids Mish with my making back slash leg

618
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: numbness issues, and it was a hot ninety eight degrees outside,

619
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: so the air conditioning was not the coldest for me,

620
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: though it was fine for my sweetie. I started feeling

621
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: like leaving and taking a nap might be a better

622
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: use of my time. I'm so glad I did it. However,

623
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,959
Speaker 1: the play takes a very intriguing twist as it comes

624
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,719
Speaker 1: to an end which I dare not give away. Just

625
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 1: want to say that for an old country redneck not

626
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: into musical plays, I would give this one one hundred

627
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: out of one hundred likes. So again I would just

628
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: like to reiterate my score here is one one hundred

629
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: out of one one hundred likes, which many could interpret

630
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: as the lowest score.

631
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 3: Also out of one hundred likes, not a unit of

632
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 3: measure for popularity.

633
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: That I use a lot.

634
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 3: How many of one hundred likes would you give it?

635
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 1: Yeah? Hundred?

636
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: So your single question for the day is something that

637
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 2: Norm brought up. What is the very intriguing twist that

638
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 2: is great? Josiah does win the election, so that's not

639
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 2: the twist.

640
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: Yes he has to I have multiple.

641
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 2: Choice, but I'm willing to hear your theories.

642
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: All right, here you go. First, he wins the election

643
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: and we find out this whole time he was an

644
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: undercover cop. But let me finish one of those AI cops. Wait,

645
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: what year was this?

646
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 2: Twenty twelve is when it was written.

647
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: All right, forget the AI thing. Undercover cop stays.

648
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 3: My twist is he grows a mustache and declares war

649
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 3: on Canada. Smart Smart wants the mustache. He doesn't have

650
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 3: to be a pacifist anymore. Finally, all right, give us

651
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 3: the multiple choice because I'm sure that I was right

652
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 3: and Rora was not.

653
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 2: None of those are right.

654
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: If this musical is written by an Amish man, believe

655
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: you me, undercover cop would have been the ending.

656
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 2: Too bad it was a woman.

657
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: It was a woman who has a more practical storyline

658
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: that fits the ending.

659
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: Okay, so is the twist A During Josiah's Rumspringer, he

660
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 2: was arrested for a hit and run while driving a

661
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 2: stolen vehicle. His opponents leak this to the press, ruining

662
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 2: his wholesome reputation in chances of reelection. That's a b.

663
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 2: Josiah's bishop urges him to drop out of the race,

664
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 2: saying his candidacy will bring shame to his community and

665
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 2: dilute his faith. But when Josiah wins the election, the

666
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 2: bishop is close to shunning him, So Josiah resigns from

667
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 2: office and returns home or c. After the State of

668
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 2: the Union address, President Josiah is assassinated by a deranged blogger.

669
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 2: He dies outside the Capitol Building in his wife's arms.

670
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 2: She does not ride in the ambulance with him because

671
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 2: she is Amish and it is a car that's see.

672
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 1: Okay, But before we guess, Josh, I would just like

673
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: to point out again this reviewer, based on one of

674
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 1: those three options thought one hundred out of one hundred.

675
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 1: Now I know, Josh, you've sat here and you heard

676
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: all three potential endings, and zero of them sound one

677
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 1: hundred out of one hundred.

678
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 3: Well, to be fair, I'm not familiar with the one

679
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 3: hundred like scale.

680
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: So oh my god, I what blew this guy's mind.

681
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 1: I'm going to go with the assassination because it seems

682
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,479
Speaker 1: like that would be the most Oh my god. Maybe

683
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: the production of the assassination was significant, That's my guess.

684
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: The others are kind of like, why would that guy

685
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: be so blown away by that?

686
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, the like disappointed bishop, but I.

687
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: Feel like that. But the twist at the end what

688
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,879
Speaker 1: the bishop is judgmental.

689
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 3: I'm going assassination too.

690
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 2: It is assassination. It is assassination. He is shot by

691
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:29,720
Speaker 2: a by a blogger whose name is storm Cloud four four,

692
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 2: which seems weird.

693
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,280
Speaker 1: Not also, just to be very clear, not the online

694
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: profile name. That person's real name is storm Cloud for four.

695
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 2: Oh you've read the book too.

696
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of Josiah goes to Washington.

697
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 2: As I have a president.

698
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 8: Ye.

699
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: So he's shot and he dies of his wife's arms,

700
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 3: but she refuses to.

701
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: Get in the ambulance. The ambulance Yeah, like, do you have.

702
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 3: A horse powered ambulance that we could take?

703
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: I would go see this I would go see this

704
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: show if I was in town. How you were able

705
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: to avoid it? I don't know.

706
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 2: I was in college at the time, you know, I was,

707
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 2: I was above theater.

708
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: I think it's got one hundred out of one hundred likes.

709
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,280
Speaker 3: Somebody is going to hear this, and we're gonna remake.

710
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 3: We're gonna bring We're gonna do Josiah too.

711
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: Just yeah, this is going to be a film before

712
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 1: you know it. Crap.

713
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,399
Speaker 2: Let's you know what, Rory, do you want to be Josiah?

714
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 3: Yes, obviously, you guys just got to reverse the mustache

715
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 3: to Beard.

716
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: I'll do whatever Hollywood needs. H you'd make a good Josiah.

717
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 2: I think, thank you, thank you for coming down this

718
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 2: rabbit hole with me. I feel like I could I

719
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 2: could breathe again.

720
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. This felt more therapeutic for you than a quiz.

721
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 2: Yeah it really was.

722
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 3: Crime Less is a production of SmartLess Media, Campside Media,

723
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 3: and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. It's

724
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 3: hosted by Rory Scovel and me Josh Dean. Our senior

725
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 3: producer is Lane Rose. Emma Simonov is our associate producer.

726
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 3: We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support

727
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,800
Speaker 3: from Ewan letram Ewen Mark McAdam composed.

728
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: Our theme song.

729
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 3: The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriatis, Matt

730
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 3: Cher and me Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart

731
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 3: Podcasts and Big Money Players are Jack O'Brien, Lindsay Hoffmans,

732
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 3: and Matt Appadaka. For SmartLess Media, the executive producers are

733
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 3: Will Arnette, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Richard Corson. Bernie

734
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 3: Kaminski is head of Production. The associate producer is Mattie McCann.

735
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 3: A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and

736
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 3: Sabina Marra. Do you have a question, comment, or confession

737
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 3: for the Crimeless team, Email us at Crimeless at campsidmedia

738
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 3: dot com and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and

739
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 3: review the show wherever you.

740
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: Get your podcasts.

741
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 3: It helps people find the show and also makes us

742
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 3: feel validated, unless you're mean, in which.

743
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,399
Speaker 1: Case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week.

744
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: Crime List Nations