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Speaker 1: I let my girlfriend share a bed with her ex,

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Speaker 1: but now I want.

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Speaker 2: To break up. Sharing is caring? Yeah, Riley, you want

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Speaker 2: to share with you? Yes? Me? Yeah, exactly, That's what

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say. So did I mess this up?

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Speaker 2: Or is this just a case of two of us

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Speaker 2: wanting different things? Or was I gaslet?

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Speaker 1: I'm interested to see what people think about this one,

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Speaker 1: and I'd like different opinions on this.

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Speaker 2: That's what we do here. My relationship of two years

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Speaker 2: just ended.

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Speaker 1: Me thirty six male, and my ex thirty four female,

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Speaker 1: just ended it mutually, but it was a slow burn.

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Speaker 2: From the last couple of months.

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Speaker 1: She moved to my country from her country, she met

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Speaker 1: me and we started dating. I asked it around three

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Speaker 1: months into dating if we were official, and she told that.

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Speaker 1: She told me she wanted to take it, so I

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Speaker 1: agreed because I thought we were good together.

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Speaker 2: And was willing to wait.

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Speaker 1: At six months, we agreed that this was good and

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Speaker 1: that we were officially a couple, which was great.

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Speaker 2: Nice.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Eastern being five forty

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Speaker 1: on the Arslas Shokeay story.

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Speaker 2: I'm separated.

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Speaker 1: So then she tells me that she scheduled a holiday

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Speaker 1: with her ex boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: Just casual.

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Speaker 1: We're just gonna like spend like think, you know, like

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Speaker 1: like the Christmas Christmas together, you know where you just

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Speaker 1: got like the lover's suite at the lie.

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Speaker 2: No family's feel like.

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Speaker 1: Listen, I love they're like literally like my own parents,

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Speaker 1: like almost like something. So this just set my alarm

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Speaker 1: bells off. I was very annoyed and nervous, but she

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Speaker 1: asked me not to be being a natural worrier. I

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Speaker 1: asked her what the sleeping arrangements were. She said that

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Speaker 1: they were staying in a hostel in separate dorms for

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Speaker 1: the first few days, and then rented an airbnb near

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Speaker 1: the town they used to live in.

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Speaker 3: No, you don't, you don't know, you don't need an airbnb.

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Speaker 2: Just go to the town used to live in and

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Speaker 2: stay with friends separately, or just do that.

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Speaker 1: Go to the town you used to be in and

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Speaker 1: then sleep in his bed. That's free, that's economical, Riley,

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Speaker 1: It's so such a perfect solution. This is where I

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Speaker 1: feel like an idiot and should have ended it and ran.

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Speaker 1: So I asked about what exactly the street sleeping arrangements

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Speaker 1: were in the airbnb, and she said that she'd be

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Speaker 1: sharing a bed, but nothing would happen.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, nothing would have is nothing was going

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Speaker 2: to happen. Get out nothing that is that cannot be

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Speaker 2: an option. Rither. They're sharing a bed, but like this

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Speaker 2: is gonna happen, though, are you ready? Are you ready?

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Speaker 2: Are you ready? OPI?

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Speaker 1: Or like Op's girlfriend the X pillows, dude, the pillow,

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Speaker 1: the pillow. Uh, separation is is absolutely impenetrable.

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Speaker 2: But Sophia, so a quick deal. They are for you.

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Speaker 1: The rice lord is that OPI had this relationship. They

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Speaker 1: they did break it off. We're now kind of getting

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Speaker 1: like the backstory, and uh, Opie's girlfriend was like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: just want to let you know I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: going on a holiday with my ex. No big deal,

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Speaker 1: it is what it is. And I was like, oh, so,

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Speaker 1: like what's the arrangements. You're like, oh, there's going to

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Speaker 1: be a hostel for part of it and then like

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Speaker 1: an airbnb for a second half.

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Speaker 2: And then he's like.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, like what's the like what's the sleeping rangers

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Speaker 1: of the AIRBB She's.

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Speaker 2: Like, look, we'll be sleeping in the same bed and

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Speaker 2: that's gonna happen. Nothing's gonna happen in a hostel. In

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Speaker 2: the Airbnb.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so the hostel they have less people. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: in the hostel, there's like separate norms. But then on

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Speaker 1: the second.

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Speaker 3: Half, No, I was just like they were they were

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Speaker 3: sharing the same bed in a.

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Speaker 1: Hostitle, Yeah, they wouldn't fit, they wouldn't fit. But the Airbnb,

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing it's a bigger bed.

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Speaker 3: But like even if they were in hostele, people do

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Speaker 3: nasty stuff in hostile.

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Speaker 2: That is true, Like, yeah, that is true.

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Speaker 3: That's not public no, like when people like, okay, so

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Speaker 3: in a I had a couple of friends when I

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Speaker 3: was traveling who like told the stories about being in

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Speaker 3: a room with you know, sharing a room with multiple

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Speaker 3: people in a hostel, and some some people were.

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Speaker 2: Going at it they were doing.

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Speaker 3: Which she's crazy.

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Speaker 1: But so they're gonna do a hostile share a bed

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Speaker 1: in the airbnb, yep, arly, no economical economicals. They're gonna

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Speaker 1: have a pillow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're gonna do like feet to head to feet. Yes,

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Speaker 3: it's totally fine, and it's kind of like it's kind

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Speaker 3: of like a twin bed. But like they're gonna be

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Speaker 3: so far.

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Speaker 2: Apart, so far, it's gonna it's gonna be fine. Yes,

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Speaker 2: this old classic.

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Speaker 1: I protested massively at this and told her that I

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Speaker 1: don't mind her going on vacation with her ex, but

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Speaker 1: this is.

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Speaker 2: Not fair to me. That's where to draw the line.

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Speaker 1: She insisted she wasn't going to do anything, and then

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Speaker 1: I had to trust her.

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Speaker 2: For some reason, I went along with this.

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Speaker 1: Damn you are trusting Yeah, right, My family and friends

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Speaker 1: try to convince me to leave, but I didn't. In retrospect,

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Speaker 1: I should have, so that should have happened, and I was,

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Speaker 1: and I was a worried mess for a whole weekend.

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Speaker 1: She insisted nothing happened and thanked me for understanding. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know what you're thinking, dear reader. This is great, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're probably wondering how I got here.

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Speaker 1: Also, I misread that this isn't great, right, Agree, that's

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Speaker 1: actually correct.

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Speaker 2: Eventually I met her parents.

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Speaker 1: They invited, uh, they invited me to their country, and

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Speaker 1: I stayed at their place. But something about this previous

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Speaker 1: trip soured me and mentally made me keep my distance

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Speaker 1: a bit from her.

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Speaker 3: Something about I can't quite put my finger on it.

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Speaker 2: It'll be weird. I know I should have ended it.

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Speaker 1: She's the second girlfriend I've ever had, so I'm not

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Speaker 1: very experienced with these emotions, and I definitely felt in

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Speaker 1: over my head. So another thing that we started to

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Speaker 1: disagree on was housing. There was a massive housing crisis

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Speaker 1: in my country. I mean really bad. Renting is utterly terrible.

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Speaker 3: She's like, let's just move in with my eggs. It's

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Speaker 3: so economical. We can share the same bedroom and also.

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Speaker 1: Bed like me and him, Like you can sleep like

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Speaker 1: on the floor there, but like we'll be in this bed.

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Speaker 3: There's just not enough room on the bed for all

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Speaker 3: three of us.

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Speaker 1: And like to save money on light, like gym costs, right,

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Speaker 1: Like he's gonna be like giving me wrestling lessons like

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Speaker 1: in the bed, you know, And that's just like saving

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Speaker 1: on it's just.

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Speaker 3: Saving on it. And also like, I know you've been

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Speaker 3: talking about wanting to, you know, have better to relieve

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Speaker 3: your back pain.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And so it's.

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Speaker 3: Actually you're kind of getting the better deal by sleeping

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Speaker 3: on the floor.

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Speaker 2: It's it's like literally so good. You'll see, you'll see

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Speaker 2: it's great for your bossure.

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Speaker 1: She suffered with this and was living in a house

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Speaker 1: share and she was living in a shared house when

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Speaker 1: I met her. She really wanted to get out of

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Speaker 1: that shared house and into her own place. So eventually

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Speaker 1: she found a one bedroom studio and I spent days

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Speaker 1: helping her get it, get it, getting it set up,

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Speaker 1: and moved in. At least Opie didn't sign the least

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Speaker 1: with her yet.

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Speaker 2: Thank god, I.

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Speaker 1: Helped her deal with her depression through all of this.

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Speaker 1: Her studio is freezing cold in the winter and has

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Speaker 1: no insulation. It broke my heart to see her there,

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Speaker 1: but it was her own place. It was expensive, but

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Speaker 1: not too much more expensive taking uh, taking this studio

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Speaker 1: didn't impoverish her. She was still saving half of her

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Speaker 1: wages every month, So in my mind, she achieved what

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Speaker 1: she wanted in terms of having her own place and

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Speaker 1: she could finally start feeling a bit better. Then she

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Speaker 1: starts messaging me saying things like when we move in together.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna need X, Y and Z. And I thought we.

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Speaker 1: Hadn't discussed this at all, and I told her when

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Speaker 1: I met her that I'm buying a house and I

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Speaker 1: moved home with my parents, especially just to say for this.

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Speaker 1: This was another thing that she didn't like.

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Speaker 3: So she's kind of trying to disrupt his plans. Of

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Speaker 3: staying at home and saving saving and saving saving house,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, no, no, no, just move into my bad

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Speaker 3: apartment right now, or maybe like or maybe.

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Speaker 2: It would be so now I can afford the place

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Speaker 2: that I want.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of using him a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Well, yes, I do live at home, but this is

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Speaker 1: true for forty one percent of the people eating to

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Speaker 1: eighteen to thirty four in this country stootistics statistics.

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Speaker 2: I'm not happy about it, but life is life.

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Speaker 1: She didn't think I was very independent compared to her,

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Speaker 1: who moved out at twenty three twenty four, so had

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Speaker 1: a preconception that I am not experienced in life.

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Speaker 3: That is incredibly what a privileged take.

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Speaker 1: So anything I say is probably going to be wrong.

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Speaker 1: She questioned everything, and it was exhausting. She started really

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Speaker 1: pushing me to be away from my family and spend

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Speaker 1: more nights at her place, which I don't mind.

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Speaker 2: I see, you would be a YopE.

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Speaker 1: I was happy with Wednesday and at the weekends to

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Speaker 1: drive in after work and to be with her and

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Speaker 1: the random odd night when I just wanted to see her.

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Speaker 1: I did enjoy being there. So she started referring to

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Speaker 1: everything as ours. My car became our car, for example.

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Speaker 1: She started to push me. She started to push me

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Speaker 1: to be there, Marsh we could build our schedule together.

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Speaker 1: I don't mind this, but she wanted me to live

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Speaker 1: there with her in that tiny studio. So I would

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Speaker 1: eventually say, well, it's too small, let's move in together

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Speaker 1: somewhere else. But this was not going to happen, to

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Speaker 1: my opinion. I told her, I'm not moving in with

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Speaker 1: you six months after you go on a holiday with

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Speaker 1: your ex. Wait, okay, confused talk to me.

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Speaker 3: So op was like said one thing, but saying that, they.

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Speaker 1: M yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm not moving in with

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Speaker 1: you six months.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Initially he was like, let's move somewhere else, and then

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Speaker 1: he's like, I'm not going to move it in with

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Speaker 1: you six months after you went on holiday with you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, a little bit weird, A little bit weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: a little bit strange.

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Speaker 3: I mean, sounds what you're thinking. Then just communicate that first.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they'll be like, oh, let's move in, but in

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Speaker 1: your apartment and then like, oh, well it's like.

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Speaker 2: Not moving at all. Yeah, that's a little weird.

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Speaker 1: She told me she wanted to build a slow relationship,

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Speaker 1: and now I have to hurry up and move in

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Speaker 1: with her.

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Speaker 2: That annoyed the heck out of me.

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Speaker 3: It seems like they're just kind of going back and forth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, these are They're just mismatching and frustrating each other

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Speaker 1: with their own Yeah, weird expectations.

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Speaker 2: Then she said, I wasn't spontaneous enough.

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Speaker 1: How dare you like? Okay, let's see what this means.

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Speaker 1: A few surprises here and there, the odd surprise dinner.

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Speaker 1: So I tried, I start. I started coming in random

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Speaker 1: nights for a month, completely messing up my schedule. I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you, folks, I was exhausted. I tried to book restaurants,

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Speaker 1: and then I tried to book a night away from

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Speaker 1: her birthday, which she made me's postponed.

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Speaker 2: Still not good enough.

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Speaker 3: Just don't stay with her?

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Speaker 2: Leave, Yeah, this is lease.

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Speaker 1: So that still wasn't good enough, and she brought up

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Speaker 1: renting together again. I said, look, things are bad at

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Speaker 1: this minute. I don't think moving in together is a

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Speaker 1: good idea for us right now. I prefer to move

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Speaker 1: in when things are more stable and we're both happy.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that first smart thing that the op said, Or

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Speaker 3: we throw.

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Speaker 1: Caution to the wind, and what's what's the most they

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Speaker 1: could like like be chained together.

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Speaker 2: Probably else marriage, getting a kid, go straight to marriage.

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Speaker 2: We need to do we need to do the three first.

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Speaker 3: What did she say, wasn't being he was in being

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Speaker 3: a spontaneous spontaneous enough, Yes, so he's like spontane, get

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Speaker 3: married and have a kid.

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Speaker 2: And buy a house and then all on the same day.

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Speaker 3: Be super spontaneous and get divorced.

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Speaker 2: WHOA that would be the most spontaneous. It wouldn't see

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Speaker 2: it coming.

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Speaker 3: She wouldn't see it coming.

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Speaker 1: Well, xd random. I told her I didn't want to rent,

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Speaker 1: which she hated. As all of this was going on,

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Speaker 1: I started the house search again. I felt things getting

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Speaker 1: unstable with her, and I really didn't want to mess

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Speaker 1: up finally getting a place of my own. So I

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Speaker 1: saw a new build on a house I liked and

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Speaker 1: it worked for me, so I went for it. I

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Speaker 1: recognized I didn't consult with her about this, but it's

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Speaker 1: my money, and I feel, maybe selfishly, that I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: need her permission.

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Speaker 2: To buy my place. I'm gonna talk about that in

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Speaker 2: a second.

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Speaker 1: This was around eighteen months of dating and one year

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Speaker 1: of being a couple. Sophia, I want to I want

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Speaker 1: to I want to talk to you real quick on

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Speaker 1: that talk to me so on that thing that op

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Speaker 1: just said, I don't need her permission. I don't need

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Speaker 1: a permission as I'm buying it. It's my money. But

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Speaker 1: there talks of moving in together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think?

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Speaker 3: Yes, Op, it is Opie's money and he doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to ask permission. But I think that when you're in

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Speaker 3: a relationship, especially seemingly a long term, I feel like

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Speaker 3: I would tell my partner that I was moving if

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Speaker 3: I was just like literally just moving apartments, I'd be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm moving. Yeah, and this is ops buying a house,

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Speaker 3: which is a huge step. And also does I mean

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Speaker 3: if they want a long term relationship does kind of

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Speaker 3: affect Yeah, it does have implications. So I feel like

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Speaker 3: if he doesn't even have the I don't know, doesn't

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Speaker 3: have the trust or desire to tell her that he

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Speaker 3: wants to buy a house, then this relationship is not

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Speaker 3: going anywhere.

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Speaker 1: What we do in yeah, it's like, uh, definitely, like

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Speaker 1: tell and inform her the same way that you tell

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Speaker 1: and inform your partner about any big major Oh I'm

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Speaker 1: going on a trip, or like I don't know anything

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Speaker 1: big missing this is a huge one. But that doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that she's entitled to control how you do that.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't get to say you can't buy a house,

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Speaker 3: but it's just telling her that you are.

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Speaker 2: I agree, Yeah, wholeheartedly.

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Speaker 3: Excellent on the same page.

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Speaker 2: So she hated this.

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Speaker 1: She hated this, said I wasn't serious about her, and

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Speaker 1: that said I don't see a future with her.

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Speaker 3: Maybe honestly, doesn't seem like OP does see a future

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Speaker 3: with her.

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Speaker 2: Good, good, yeah, just and it.

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Speaker 3: Seems like you don't want a future with this person,

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Speaker 3: which is fine because you know there's a lot of

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Speaker 3: problems going on in this relationship. But just end it,

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Speaker 3: just just do it.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she was right, but I offered her to move

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Speaker 1: in with what I said, it would be my house,

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Speaker 1: but our home. Uh, we would be we will be

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Speaker 1: out of the renting market and she could replenish for funds.

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Speaker 1: But this would have given her plenty of finances to

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Speaker 1: visit her family whenever she wanted. She disagreed complete and

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Speaker 1: said I was selfish. I was a bit selfish. Yes,

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Speaker 1: by completely covering her rent, it sounds like and having.

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Speaker 3: Her PA's a little bit selfish.

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Speaker 1: But in my country, someone would bite your arm off

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Speaker 1: for that offer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, free rent in a house.

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Speaker 1: You know what's an offer that many people bite their

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Speaker 1: arms off for.

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Speaker 3: I've got enough for you can't refuse.

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Speaker 1: Ooh joining our lives every week to have three bmpst

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Speaker 1: just have her profile it. Oh, yes, as it was

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Speaker 1: something I wanted. I would pay for all of the upkeep,

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Speaker 1: all of the mortgage, and she would just need to

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Speaker 1: pay split between US groceries and bills.

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Speaker 2: She rejected this offer.

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Speaker 3: Your relationship is not ready, is not ready for this step,

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Speaker 3: I think, Sorry, sharks, I'm gonna need a better deal.

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Speaker 2: How about you pay me to be your girlfriend?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm actually I would like you to go even

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Speaker 3: further than what you are right now. I want more money.

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Speaker 3: I want I don't know how to continue this metal.

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Speaker 2: You know, I.

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Speaker 1: Appreciate that you hopped on the train, even though you

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Speaker 1: didn't hold on.

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Speaker 3: The train was gone, but I hopped on.

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Speaker 1: So eventually this led to a slow distancing between us.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't happy with her being erratic and all over

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Speaker 1: the place. She wasn't happy with me because she thought

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Speaker 1: I wasn't serious about her. We had a few arguments,

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Speaker 1: and I brought up the trip with her ex. She

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Speaker 1: apologized again.

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Speaker 3: Opie's never gotten over that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, just leave our Yeah totally.

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Speaker 3: We're in the right for feeling uncomfortable with her going

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Speaker 3: on a trip with her ex. But you can't keep

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Speaker 3: bringing it up if you're going to maintain a relationship

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Speaker 3: with her.

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent. Yeah, I think it's like and especially

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Speaker 1: not in like these instances, like he's like getting frustrated

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Speaker 1: and they're arguing, and then he.

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Speaker 2: Just like polls to that.

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Speaker 1: It's like, yes, you should like sit her down and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, I am not like getting over this,

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Speaker 1: so I need to like think of either we need

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Speaker 1: to leave or like I need to work on myself

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Speaker 1: with this, or need to like I.

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Speaker 2: Don't know, at least talk it out in a context not.

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Speaker 3: Literally, no, Opius, honest, Okay, the girlfriend is a problem,

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Speaker 3: but also appeas really frustrating me because he keeps going back.

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Speaker 3: He's being very spontaneous with his thought pattern because he's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I don't want to move in because we're not ready

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Speaker 3: for that. But I invited her to move in and

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Speaker 3: I pushed past her going on a trip with the Rex.

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Speaker 3: But I'm still over it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, too much very too much. Flop it is too much.

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Speaker 1: She apologized again and wished that she had handled it

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Speaker 1: better at the time, but things never improved. She grew cold.

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Speaker 1: I got annoyed because I felt I was setting us

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Speaker 1: up for a great future, which she was rejecting because

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Speaker 1: she wanted to rent in this terrible market. She told

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Speaker 1: me that I was hopeless because even though she pushed

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Speaker 1: for me to be in her place, trying to quote

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Speaker 1: unquote build a life together, she said, I always looked

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Speaker 1: like I wanted to leave and go home. I protested

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Speaker 1: this and told her that yes, I didn't live there,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes I do just want to go home. So

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Speaker 1: we had this trip to Latin America book since Christmas,

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Speaker 1: and we were both worried about it.

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Speaker 2: It went half and half and we made the most

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 1: She went to her parents place after the holiday, and

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Speaker 1: since she flew back to my country, we haven't really

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Speaker 1: spoken since. So this is where I'm at. I'd like

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Speaker 1: some analysis. Do you think I've messed up? What have

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Speaker 1: I done right? I would appreciate all of your input, folks,

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Speaker 1: because I'm very tired. Many thanks, folks, and I hope

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Speaker 1: you are all on the path of healing.

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Speaker 3: Hmmm, I think everyone messed up here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, talk to me.

393
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 3: I I sorry. There's a motorcycle.

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Speaker 1: I think I know who it is, Christian the cool cat.

395
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Speaker 3: Christian's gone, yeah, mister motorcycle man thinks he's so cool.

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Speaker 2: Thanks you so much.

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Speaker 3: She's got a motorcycle and a dog.

398
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Speaker 2: Shut up?

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Speaker 3: Oh boy?

400
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Speaker 2: Okay.

401
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 3: I think this is a problem on both of the

402
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 3: parts because yeah, they're both just being incredibly immature and

403
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 3: they're going back on their words and they're crossing boundaries. Yeah,

404
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 3: and they're trying to one up each.

405
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Speaker 2: Other, like one mapping to me is like the biggest.

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00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 3: Yes, the biggest problem in this relationship because we have

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Speaker 3: the girlfriend being like I want you to move in

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Speaker 3: with me, and he's like, well, no, I want you

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Speaker 3: to move in with me, and they keep going back

410
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Speaker 3: and forth trying to insert like dominance or a cert dominance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and the thing of like what was it?

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00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: He was like, uh, oh, I'll move in with you,

413
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Speaker 1: but only if we move into a place we get together,

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Speaker 1: and then hope he's like, I can't even move in

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00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: with you until six months after this X incident.

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Speaker 3: And then he takes that back and is like I

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Speaker 3: want you to move in with me, but I didn't

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Speaker 3: tell you about the house that I just bought.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, this is too much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah but it's our home, but our you had. If

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Speaker 3: you have this desire to share a home with your partner,

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00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 3: then it Why wouldn't you tell them that you were

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Speaker 3: like planning on buying a.

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Speaker 2: Home literally literally like.

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00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 1: YAYI given me headache. So final question, break up or

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00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 1: no break up?

427
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:09,800
Speaker 3: Break up?

428
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:10,399
Speaker 2: Just do it?

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00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 3: The theme of this episode break.

430
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 2: Up, break the freak up, freak.

431
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 3: The freak out. But that is the end of this episode.

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Speaker 2: It's over.

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Speaker 3: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

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Speaker 2: We love you and Sinamaw