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Speaker 1: All right, and and and here we are. We're back.

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Speaker 1: It's Santa University. We've been doing this ship for half

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Speaker 1: a decade now. Welcome back to all returning Santa University

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Speaker 1: cast members, and welcome to new folks on the block

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Speaker 1: as well. Uh. My name is Jamie Loftus. And um,

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Speaker 1: this is a little tradition we do around here. It's

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Speaker 1: from an eighteen hour unproduced so far screenplay that I

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Speaker 1: have been sort of taken around town the last the

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Speaker 1: last ten years, you know, And and each year I

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Speaker 1: sort of try to tease a little bit more. Uh

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Speaker 1: and and you know, we we get a new look

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Speaker 1: into about twenty one pages of Santa University each and

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Speaker 1: every year. So at that rate, we will be doing

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Speaker 1: this for about thirty years, and you know, hopefully the

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Speaker 1: next will will go a little better. Um. I was

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Speaker 1: reflecting on if if I may. I was reflecting on

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Speaker 1: the first Santi University from two thousand seventeen. Everyone from

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Speaker 1: the first Anti you is still here. And I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about how on that day I showed up with

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Speaker 1: two diapers strapped to my torso as they want to

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Speaker 1: remember that I certainly gave me. I've just been trying

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Speaker 1: to take stock of things recently and um, you know

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Speaker 1: today things are things are a little different. I'm just

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Speaker 1: free bleeding. I'm not using a diaper. So this year

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Speaker 1: at Santi University, we we've got a doozy. We've got

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Speaker 1: we've it's the theme of this Santi University. Well it

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Speaker 1: comes out in the script, but a little hint, it's

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Speaker 1: in papyrus font. So before we get started, we've we've

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Speaker 1: got to meet the cast of Santa University six Santa University.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna kick it over to each person

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Speaker 1: and let everyone know what parts you'll be playing this year.

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Speaker 1: And uh, let's get started with with Ana Hostia Hi.

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Speaker 1: I will be reprising my role of Gal Santa. Alright,

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Speaker 1: prop Hey, I will be James Cameron's cameraman and I

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Speaker 1: will be Goth Santa. Alright, Maggie, I will be Scab

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Speaker 1: Santa and Prepper Santa in that order. Okay, we've got Sharene.

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Speaker 1: I will be Intellect Santa reprising that and Ryan O Santa,

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Speaker 1: a new a new character who has one line. Sophie,

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Speaker 1: I will be paying horse Girl Santa and Rocket Computer.

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Speaker 1: All right, Sarah, I will be playing James Cameron Skater

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Speaker 1: Santa and Dead Jack Santa. That's correct. Sure to be

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Speaker 1: a new fan favorite. All right, we've got Chris Crofton

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Speaker 1: back on Santa University. Hi, I'm playing Glory Hole Santa.

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Speaker 1: For those of you who don't remember Santa University three. Uh,

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Speaker 1: that's a reprise role. It was. It's one of my

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Speaker 1: personal favorites. Chris Crofton doesn't remember doing it. But you know,

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Speaker 1: Santa University has a lot in common with the Avatar

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Speaker 1: movies and that no one remembers what happens from from

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Speaker 1: year to year. Glory Gloria Hole Santa to refresh your memory.

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Speaker 1: He was the big villain of Santa University three, ended

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Speaker 1: up being Lazy Mosley's father. I forgot that all coming back,

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Speaker 1: it's not it is not Jack O'Brien, Hey, Jack O'Brien.

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Speaker 1: I will be playing Dean Santa, the old ship head

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Speaker 1: himself quote Jamie loft Us. Also, Sarah is Sarah Marshall,

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Speaker 1: and Maggie is Margaret Killjoys. Everyone was crap. I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to get full names for the new cast member.

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Speaker 1: It's true, It's true, and that's on me. You're welcome,

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Speaker 1: very Dean Santa. Of you Jack students, you'd like to

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Speaker 1: jack Jack's method you guys, Miles Hi Jack O'Brien, And

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be Dan Santa. What man, I was just

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Speaker 1: repeating what you said. Son. I will be playing boy

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Speaker 1: soprano Santa, pretty good DJ Santa. I claimed it. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: Ian and Uh, Nathan for you recap Santa. We've got.

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Speaker 1: We've got Caitlin Durante back, reprising another beloved role. No

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Speaker 1: one remembers, excuse me, everyone remembers Sully okay, as well

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Speaker 1: as arms where his eyes should be. Sat Joel Monique

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Speaker 1: is bat Hey. I'm playing cool Sana related but not

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Speaker 1: related Santa and not like the other Santa's we got.

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Speaker 1: Ian Johnson, another rookie on the s U team. I

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Speaker 1: will be playing the best boy sopranos, boy Santa and

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Speaker 1: good DJ. And finally Uh returning to reprise two rolls

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Speaker 1: and one that we had an argument about before we

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Speaker 1: turned the mic on. It's Robert Evans Hi. I'm Second

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Speaker 1: Amendment Santa and knife Santa, Knife Santa right, Knife Santa right.

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Speaker 1: But then there's also the Australian Santa. Well, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be Australia. Yeah, I've been dusting off once I

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Speaker 1: learned that the Australian accent was just a version of

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Speaker 1: the Boston accent. It really fell into place. That's a

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Speaker 1: separate character, right, character, It's not a direction. I told

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Speaker 1: all of you do not let him do this, tying

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Speaker 1: to warn you. But now we're locked in. It's too late.

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Speaker 1: It's too late that character I gave too many lines

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Speaker 1: to all. Right here it is Santa University six interior,

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Speaker 1: the set of Avatar four. James Cameron enters speaking loudly

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Speaker 1: in front of a green green as a crew works

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Speaker 1: behind him, including all of the actors with all those

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Speaker 1: dots on their faces. Do you really think they use

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Speaker 1: all that stuff? I kind of think they end up

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Speaker 1: using cartoons. Hi, I'm James Cameron. Do you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? Though, there's this really interesting video online of

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Speaker 1: Benedict cumber Badge playing Smile the Dragon in one of

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Speaker 1: those Hobbit movies, and he's just like covered in dots

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Speaker 1: and hissing at the camera. There's no way anyone could

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Speaker 1: have used that for anything other than as evidence for

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Speaker 1: a humiliation kink M and I am one of the

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Speaker 1: executive producers on Santa University. They say, don't bet against

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Speaker 1: this guy. Unless you're looking for a decent portrayal of

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Speaker 1: indigenous communities than ben against him all you want. James

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Speaker 1: Cameron is piste and ripped shit. Look, I've seen the trades.

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Speaker 1: I know Santa University is murdering. Avatar to water water

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Speaker 1: everywhere at the box office, A distant a wulga sounds

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Speaker 1: in the distance. Good job, Jamie. Behind James Cameron on

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Speaker 1: the set of Avatar four, they said, if three made

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Speaker 1: a billion, we could just do straight Henti porn. Sam

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Speaker 1: Worthington appears to have fallen off a crane. It's always

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Speaker 1: sell Donna crying, not my business. Relax, we have a spare.

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Speaker 1: I've been following Santa University carefully since the first eighteen

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Speaker 1: hour draft was leaked five years ago. I thought should

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Speaker 1: have been longer. A musical about a university where forty

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Speaker 1: Santas are admitted every year and only one survives until

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Speaker 1: the end. It's a panic. Cinematographer approaches James and his

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Speaker 1: crying sir um. Sam Worthington is not responding. I said,

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Speaker 1: bring in the spare. That's the last one. That was

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Speaker 1: Sam Worthington's night life. James Cameron snaps the cinematographer's neck

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Speaker 1: shut up already. Yes, Santa University grows three billion dollars

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Speaker 1: in its first minute, but I can accept that it

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Speaker 1: is a superior work of art on every level. It's

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Speaker 1: what I like to call one for the sluts. But

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Speaker 1: it wasn't without its production hiccups. For example, he takes

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Speaker 1: out an envelope labeled sensitive Jingle Information. Within. You might

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Speaker 1: notice that people's ages fluctuate throughout the movie. That is

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Speaker 1: because production was put on hold for six years between

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Speaker 1: page sixty four and sixty five of Santa University when

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Speaker 1: producer Jerry Bruckheimer came onto the production and wanted everyone's

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Speaker 1: teeth removed and replaced with one foot tall veneers. Insert

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Speaker 1: shots of before and after Santa University actors Dan Santa

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Speaker 1: with nubby little teeth under a picture labeled T seventeen

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Speaker 1: then foot tall porcelain monstrosities that appeared to be straining

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Speaker 1: the very limits of his shitty face. They're a little

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Speaker 1: huts on the side of his mouth. There's another side

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Speaker 1: by side comparison of too many DVDs Santa, whose veneers

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Speaker 1: have stretched his head so much as scalp is bleeding. Also,

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Speaker 1: he is holding a copy of Inherent Vice. I'll say it,

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Speaker 1: Titanic is no Santa University. Whether it's Santa University one,

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Speaker 1: Santa University two about the hacker prom that was only okay,

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Speaker 1: Santa University three and four, which were pretty good but

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Speaker 1: very structurally similar, or Santa University five, Santai University. Who

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Speaker 1: could forget this year in the screenplay? I would cut

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Speaker 1: my own head off to have written myself. Oh fuck,

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Speaker 1: oh shit. We find ourselves in that classic movie Pickle.

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Speaker 1: The Mamma Mia, a best boy, approaches James Cameron with

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Speaker 1: a cell phone. Sir, it's Sam Worthington's mother. She's very

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Speaker 1: upset about the ninth Life. James Cameron snatches the phone

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Speaker 1: and screams into it, Oh grow up. He shoots the

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Speaker 1: phone long beat, I'm the best boy. The remainder of

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Speaker 1: this page is covered in ragou sauce in papyrus font.

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Speaker 1: We see the title of this the worst segment yet

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Speaker 1: appear on screen. Uh, and Daniel, if you could just

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Speaker 1: throw in some of the theme music from Avatar, because

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Speaker 1: we are we are stealing it for this second. Um,

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Speaker 1: so just imagine kind of like a James Horner soundtrack. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Santa University six Mamma Mia more like Papa Pilla in space.

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Speaker 1: The theme to Santa University plays like it's a sea

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Speaker 1: shanty for some reason, which is confusing because that doesn't

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Speaker 1: fit with this year's theme at all. Interior Jingle Cafeteria Day.

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Speaker 1: We're back at Santa You. It's early in the movie

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Speaker 1: Santa University, and the whole gang is eating a hearty

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Speaker 1: lunch of jingle bread. I'm tired. Uh Goth Santa eighteen

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Speaker 1: calls Gerard Way Jerry because he feels like he knows him.

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Speaker 1: Gal Santa looks at a salad but can't touch it

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Speaker 1: because a woman eating passes the Bechtel test. And Jerry

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Speaker 1: Bruckheimer told me he'd eat me if I let that happen.

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Speaker 1: Intellect Santa glasses smart and a third thing too, and

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa looks like ship and it never gets old

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Speaker 1: to share with you cannot read. Thinks he's enjoying a

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Speaker 1: hot jingle Ham sandwich, but is actually teething on three

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Speaker 1: of his own fingers. Interesting, Gal Santa, what's wrong You've

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Speaker 1: barely touched your plot salad. We've been experiencing budget cuts

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Speaker 1: due to the writer of standa university writing a music

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Speaker 1: queue for I of the Tiger into every scene. It's

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Speaker 1: not even lettuce. It's piss seaweed. Oh wow, that's not

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Speaker 1: like the other seaweeds. I'll check if it's pissed seaweed.

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa tastes the piss seaweed and frowns. It is

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Speaker 1: pissed seaweed. It is piss seaweed. I know we're going

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Speaker 1: to have so many children together. In the sequel, Cool Santa,

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Speaker 1: the coolest Santa in school? Who is hey, Gal, It's

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Speaker 1: me Cool Santa, the coolest Santa at Santa University, and

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Speaker 1: your boyfriend Gal. Santa and Cool Santa speak in unison

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Speaker 1: in the background of the scene to other Santa's boy

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Speaker 1: Soprano Santa and Soprano's boy Santa start kissing. Our game

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Speaker 1: doesn't notice we're on campus? Or should I say frampus

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Speaker 1: that Santa is going to get drafted to Santa Space today. Really,

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Speaker 1: that's a death sentence. The Santa who sends people to

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Speaker 1: space is a notoriously unstable lunatic with a penchant for

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Speaker 1: human rights abuses. That sounds like a reference to someone

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Speaker 1: No Santa's ever been to Santa Space and survive. Hey, gal, well,

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Speaker 1: isn't your mom drafted to Santa Space before you were born? Yes,

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Speaker 1: but girl can't have mom in movies, so she died.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, I figured out the reference. Of course she did.

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Speaker 1: It's the same reference every movie villain of the last

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Speaker 1: five years has been making, and we're stuck with it

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Speaker 1: for the next decade. What's next? In Elizabeth Holmes pestiche

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Speaker 1: fucking try me anyways, the soprano Santa smooch in the

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Speaker 1: background and sing a song called love Me al Dente.

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Speaker 1: Please love me al Dente, Love me film to the tooth. Hey,

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Speaker 1: just love me al Dente like some pasta flgoul. That's

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Speaker 1: really great. Dean Santa, the Dean of Santa University, the

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Speaker 1: old ship hit himself, burst into the cafeteria, kicking the

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Speaker 1: door down. He's wearing military regalia, just like in the

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Speaker 1: Santa Claus too, and Tim Allen militarizes the north pole

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Speaker 1: and we were like, awesome, Sure the Santa Space draft

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Speaker 1: has been chosen. The door he just kicked down flies

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Speaker 1: across the room and beheads the boy soprano Santa. He

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Speaker 1: hits one last high note. It's very beautiful. Soprano's Boy

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Speaker 1: Santa falls to his knees in horror. My boy Dean

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Speaker 1: Santa throws one of those scary sharp little stars. Note

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Speaker 1: to prop master google this, and it lands in Soprano

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Speaker 1: Boy Santa's neck. Dan Santa gasps, but everyone else cheers.

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Speaker 1: Knife Santa collaps, not realizing he is stabbing himself with

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Speaker 1: his own knife. What amazing leadership. Something is not quite

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Speaker 1: right about this place, but I can't quite put my

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Speaker 1: finger on it just yet. Still early in the movie,

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Speaker 1: Dean Santa strides over to the table and slams down

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Speaker 1: an envelope sensitive jingle information within Dan Santa, can you

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Speaker 1: tell me what that says, sir? He can't he I

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Speaker 1: know damn well what he looks like and what he

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Speaker 1: can and cannot do, and that is why he pulls

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Speaker 1: out the piece of paper. It's identical to the acceptance

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Speaker 1: letter Dan Santa got from Santa. You actually the same

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Speaker 1: letter with a bunch of things crossed out, and Dean

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Speaker 1: Santa struggles to read it. Readings, Dan Santa, we know

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00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:26,640
Speaker 1: you did not apply to Santa Space Force University, but regardless,

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Speaker 1: we have drafted you. Please report to the nearest rocket

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Speaker 1: and bring peace to the war torn country of you

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Speaker 1: Mass Dartmouth. What there's a war? Why is only Dan

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Speaker 1: Santa being drafted? Figure this out later? But you Mass

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Speaker 1: Dartmouth is close by. No, it's not. First I get

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Speaker 1: fired from lids, Now I'm getting drafted to space. What

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Speaker 1: the freaking heck? Well at it this way, Dan Santa.

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Speaker 1: It may by page sixty seven. It maybe city. Wait

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Speaker 1: let me read that again. I think it's a type

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Speaker 1: of look at it like this dance five thousand type

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Speaker 1: of I was like, wait, what does this say? Maybe? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh is this incoherent? Look at it this way, Dan Santa,

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Speaker 1: It may bee page sixty seven of Santa University. But

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Speaker 1: the steaks are still rising. Thanks to my close associate Goth.

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Speaker 1: Please keep saying that, or the writer of Santa University

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Speaker 1: will forget and I will be killed off. A sword

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00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 1: descends from the ceiling, barely missing Goth. Thanks for the reminder,

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Speaker 1: Dan Santa, you are welcome. He walks over to Gal,

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Speaker 1: who makes eye contact with him and gags a little

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00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:05,959
Speaker 1: oh hey, um, so I'll be back. Gal. Santa too

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Speaker 1: slowly grind you down into being my girlfriend. Between pages

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Speaker 1: one sixty and four oh seven of the screenplay Santa University.

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Speaker 1: He's dragged away by the jingle bailiff remember him? No, Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's fine. Santa University four Gal Santa size Dean Santa.

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Speaker 1: My mom died her year at Santa University. She lived

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Speaker 1: until the very end. Do you do you ever feel

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Speaker 1: bad about killing her? Dad? Oh? Shut up, you're right.

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Speaker 1: That was out of line. Who gave her that emergency

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Speaker 1: c section? Huh? I think it was the elves? Well,

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Speaker 1: at least we can have a relaxing lunch now. The

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Speaker 1: vibe in the cafeteria shifts abruptly. With Dan Santa gone,

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Speaker 1: the writer of Santa University sort of forget what to

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Speaker 1: do with everyone else. Um, okay, let's try something. Gal.

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Speaker 1: I read your mother's old diary, and there are two

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Speaker 1: other Santa's who might be your father. Gal nods and

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Speaker 1: decides to raise the stakes a little herself. I need

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Speaker 1: to find out who my real father is in the

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Speaker 1: next ten pages of the whole movie Santa University, or

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Speaker 1: my whole body will turn to goo. Ah. Yes, the

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Speaker 1: little chernobyl from Santa University four Intellect Santa gets a

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Speaker 1: little excited at the idea of a Mamma Mia situation.

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Speaker 1: Who would have thought she wears glasses, so most assume

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Speaker 1: she computer. It's a Papa Pilla bringing the daddies the DJ,

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Speaker 1: Santa's Good DJ and pretty Good DJ. Let the actors

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Speaker 1: decide among themselves who is who and pause the broadcast

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Speaker 1: to have them explain their reasoning. Enter with turntables and

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Speaker 1: they start singing, Mom Santa Bimbo Era. Their beats are

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Speaker 1: they're fine, So wait, could you really quickly explain why um, danil,

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Speaker 1: why you're pretty good? And Ian's good? Um? Yes uh Ian.

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Speaker 1: Ian has a better sense of I know the answer,

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Speaker 1: but I want to hear what Daniel says. Wow, he

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Speaker 1: started Ian started DJing long before I did, and has

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Speaker 1: a better sense of what what the crowd wants to hear.

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Speaker 1: I'm just very excitable and good on Mike, are you

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Speaker 1: that's fair? Humble? No, it's good. I was just gonna

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Speaker 1: say because I feel like white men have had enough.

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Speaker 1: But but Dan's answer was good too. Dan's answer is good.

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Speaker 1: There you go. Okay, good, you guys can hash this

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Speaker 1: out off Mike. For now. We've got You've got a

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Speaker 1: song to sing and it's Mom Santa bimbo Era. Best

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Speaker 1: of luck. Mom Santa bimbo Era. All the Santa's day

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Speaker 1: were scared of Mom Santa bimbo Era, Glory holand Michael Sarah.

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Speaker 1: Just kidding, not that last one he made. Second Amendment Santa,

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Speaker 1: that's right, my bad good DJ. I'm just a pretty

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Speaker 1: good DJ, Mom Santa bimbo Era, I wish I were

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Speaker 1: better at DJ. The potential Daddy's emerged. It's Second Amendment Santa,

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Speaker 1: who we know dies at the Santa prom later, but

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Speaker 1: he doesn't know that yet. All he knows is he's

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Speaker 1: heavily armed and had sex with Mom Santa once. Well, well, well,

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Speaker 1: if it isn't Gal Santa. Second Amendment Santa, I thought

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Speaker 1: you were a student. I don't remember, and the writer

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Speaker 1: of Santa University spilled a caraph of cheddar Broucoli soup

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Speaker 1: on the page of the screenplay that specified it. Then

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Speaker 1: there's Glory Hole Santa, who will later learn committed murder.

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Speaker 1: He does know that he's already planned it. Stop the wedding.

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00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: He realizes there is no wedding happening and tries to

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00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,960
Speaker 1: play it off like nothing happened. He even brushes his

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00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: hair off his forehead, all casual like, but he's bald,

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00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 1: feels nice to get a slimp of fresh air outside

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00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: the old GLAREO he coughs up a hairball. It takes

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00:21:54,800 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 1: a while. Pretty exciting, n Gal Santa, I'm cool Santa,

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Speaker 1: by the way. End of scene exterior Santa University space station.

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00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: Note this scene takes place after the Bruckheimer Veneers incident,

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00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: so the actor playing Dan Santa is both seven years

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00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: older and big teeth. It's an improvement on his looks,

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00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 1: but he still looks like shit. Everyone in the scene

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Speaker 1: has such big, fake glass scary teeth that theater should

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Speaker 1: expect a lot of walkouts. During this scene, Dan Santa

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Speaker 1: enters the Santa Spaceship Field, an area outside of Santa University.

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00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: Script note all rockets should be functional and built to

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Speaker 1: scale to make sure no one's cutting any fucking corners.

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Speaker 1: I will be personally blowing them up for b roll

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00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:50,919
Speaker 1: later on ches get out for good. There I can

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00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: get a job of space best buy. Well, look who

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00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 1: fucking is Ali? The terrifying fucco from Boston who once

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Speaker 1: fired Dan Santa from lids, leans on the side of

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Speaker 1: the rocket. Dan Santa is dismayed, not that he could

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00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: read a word like that ship, Shelly. Why is that?

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00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: Sully notices Dan Santa and slaps the flat brim of

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Speaker 1: his bruins at slaps it, slaps it, slaps it, and

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Speaker 1: each time he slaps it it changes color. Can Sully

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Speaker 1: do magic? We don't have time to know, but his

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00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 1: teeth are so big. Now I've seen been drafted into

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Speaker 1: the Santa space Force, along with these other highly killableb

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Speaker 1: characters who have been on the same Google doc list

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Speaker 1: for years. He gestures over to the other space Santa's

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Speaker 1: who should probably just be wearing proper spacesuits but are

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00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: just wearing crop tops. There's horse girl Santa of Australian Accents, Santa,

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Speaker 1: dead Jock Santa, Woke Santa. This one would have sucked.

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Speaker 1: Scab Santa, really long recaps of old episodes of Nathan

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Speaker 1: for you. I've already seen Santa and Santa who is

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00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 1: convinced you're distantly related, but you're not actually related, Santa,

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00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: the whole gang. It's as should be a mistake on

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00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:26,919
Speaker 1: the protagonist of Santa University. Sully laughs, He keeps laughing.

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Speaker 1: You can't stop laughing, Sully, Snap out of it. That's

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00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: no way to speak to your general manager. No, what

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00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 1: that's not That's a great It stays, but Sully notices

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00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 1: that a woman has spoken to him. But you are

341
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: still fucking beautiful by the way, Dan Santa offensive Australian accents.

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00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: Santa wants to say his name too, Dawn Sweat. I

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00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: told you not to give him that part. Not even close.

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00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:17,360
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, it's Dan Shanty. Hey, that was pretty good.

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00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: I think James Cameron can speak to it. That's just

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00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: kind of part of the process. Sully pulls Dan Santa

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00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: closer to him. His hat changes color again. What the

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00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 1: fund is going on with his hat? Let me tell

349
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:32,439
Speaker 1: you something where opposites buddy, you fucking hear me. I

350
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: look like piss and I can read, and what I've

351
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: been reading in Santa University so far makes it seem

352
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: like old Sully has become a bigger fan favorite than

353
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Speaker 1: Dan Santa himself. And when Santa's gets sent to fight

354
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: at you mass dot myth, he does a performative neck

355
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: cutting gesture, but the noise he makes to ac company

356
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: it doesn't match up. He makes a sound like a

357
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: truck backing up. The beep noise, beep, beep. It's confusing,

358
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: and the other Santa's start to panic. I'm not ready

359
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: to die. I actually am ready to die. So the

360
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,120
Speaker 1: whole show is a rehearsal Right, hold on, I don't

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00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: think you're giving it. Get out of here, Dan Santa,

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00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: you weak son of garbage. The Santa's load up onto

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00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: the rocket, all very nervous because the rocket is about

364
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: to explode. Whoops, spoilers, Dan Santa will be fine though,

365
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 1: Sorry spoilers again. Interior the rocket continuous studio. Note this

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00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: scene was shot pre Bruckheimer. Dan Santa's teeth look even

367
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 1: smaller than usual. The rocket is named after Cornelia Santa,

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00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: someone that no one knows anything about, including me. The

369
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: name has bad vibes. Though. You're flying this thing, right,

370
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: horse girl Santa. Yes, Sully said that flying a rocket

371
00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: is just like riding a horse. Why so your last

372
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 1: name is Santa? Huh the wild My last name is Santa.

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00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 1: Did you ever happen to the hatch shuts? And Dan

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00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: Santa takes a seat on a lawn chair that seems available.

375
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: He's sitting next to Nathan Recap Santa and is extremely uncomfortable.

376
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: So this one is a bit of a send up

377
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: of popular dating shows on network TV. But there's a

378
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: bit of a twist and it's pretty cerebral. I can't

379
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 1: do this more. Nathan recap Santa can start to recap

380
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,239
Speaker 1: the gas station rebate episode. Dan Santa paces away as

381
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 1: the rocket grows louder. In a panic, he heads to

382
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: the cryo chamber, separate from all the other Santa's horge

383
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 1: Girl Santa could be heard over the loudspeaker. Al Right, everyone,

384
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to count down from five, then we'll take

385
00:27:50,119 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: off one. It's counting up. My Dan soul, not not dance,

386
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: they say in Australia, Robert just created a character for

387
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 1: Santa University seven. Oh shit, oh crap, that's right. My

388
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: woman bred is very small. Okay, let's try again. Too late.

389
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 1: The rockets already taken off and immediately explodes. Studio must

390
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: explode rocket with actors in stide. If I see a

391
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: Hollywood Reporter article about how anyone made it out, I

392
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,479
Speaker 1: will have sex with the tailpipe of my car. Except

393
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: for Dance Santa, of course. The cryo chamber breaks off,

394
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: the ship sprouts wings and continues to shoot towards space.

395
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: In the new Tiny spaceship Dance Santa giggles, I knew it.

396
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: I am the protagonist of the movie Santa University. Where

397
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 1: to compute her? He looks to the control panel, which

398
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: is covered in labeled buttons. He frowns way to computer

399
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: terrible the rocket computer Is this a thing just getting

400
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: you don't have to check? Talks back to him. Please

401
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: read instructions, then enter destination. Dan Santa raises his arms

402
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: to this guy still can't read. Script note, Dan Santa's

403
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: inability to read has nothing to do with a lack

404
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 1: of access to higher education, nor does it have anything

405
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: to do with a learning disability on the part of

406
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: Dan Santa. It is simply attributed to wait for it,

407
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: bad writing. Adding to Planet of Lost Santa's exciting cliffhanger

408
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 1: hystereor Santa University space Station continuous. Sully shakes his head

409
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: as he sees Dan Santa's tiny rocket continue to fly

410
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: upwards as the Cornelia Santa spaceship continues to blow up,

411
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: body parts and glass, teeth falling right and left. God

412
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: damn you dance, Santa, It's all He's co worker, Ryan O.

413
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: Santa shows up. He is exactly like Sully, but one

414
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: inch taller, so Sully can't stand his ass. Damn Sully,

415
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: what happened? Do you think you're better than me? Exterior

416
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: the planet of Los Santa's day studio note teeth big again,

417
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: brownie face. Dann Santa spaceship lands on the rough terrain

418
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: of the planet of Los Santa's. It's a little dark,

419
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: a little dirty, but at least the sun is out

420
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: all day and all night. So it's also very disorienting

421
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 1: and it feels like shipped to be there. You have arrived. Damn,

422
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: how the heck did you know where to bring me?

423
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: The writer of Santa University only has two hours to

424
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: finish writing script. Dan gets out of the ship and

425
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: looks around in the blinding sunlight, finding three figures in

426
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 1: the distance. It's the Doomsday Prepper sisters are possibly wives.

427
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 1: It's a bit unclear, and we're going to really play

428
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: that up in the marketing. They look into the distance.

429
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: It's Skater Santa, a tall and willowy roller skater who

430
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: makes a bee line for Dan, not like the other Santa's,

431
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: who has kind of this bangs thing going on. Not

432
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: sure and prepera Santa who's fully armed and gives Santa

433
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: a cute little look. Are you seeing this show about computer?

434
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: Maybe they know where the best buy is? But the

435
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: rocket computer is gone because they forgot to put it

436
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: in the shot. It'll be back, though, and it will

437
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: be jarring. Dan Santa tries to wave the girls down.

438
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: Hey hey, hey, hey, come here on the protagonists of

439
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 1: Shanta University. Skater Santa gets to him first, s getting

440
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: to a stop and getting a bunch of funked up

441
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: space dust into Dan's helmet. He coughs it first, but

442
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: then whereas it tastes good and just kind of licks

443
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: the inside of his helmet instead, so he's kind of

444
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: hard to see for the rest of the scene, like

445
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: nerds or something. Did you say Santa University? I am

446
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 1: Dan Santa? Okay, but did you say Santa University. I

447
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:27,719
Speaker 1: I'm Dan Santa. Jack Nicholson Skater Santa turns to not

448
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 1: like the other Santa's and Prepresanta who are right behind her.

449
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 1: I don't think we should talk to him. Word can't

450
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 1: get back. What did he say? I love strokes by

451
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: the way he said Santa University. Representta looks at Dan

452
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: Santa with curiosity attraction. It couldn't be after all, Dan

453
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: Santa looks like blank and can't even so forth, and

454
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: yet she gets close. Did you say Santa University? I

455
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: am Jan Shanta? H sorry? Could you? Could you lick

456
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: an area of the helmet clean so I could get

457
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 1: a better look at you? Dan Santa is all too

458
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 1: happy to look at helmet. He's very fucking weird. Prepper's

459
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: eyebrows rays. So you come from Santa University? Is that true?

460
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: Dan Santa still does not give a straight answer, but

461
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: his voice is more methodical, lustful this time. It is

462
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: gross for the audience to see, and we all wish

463
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: that Prepper Santa had higher standards. I I'm Dan Santa.

464
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: They say it in Unison. You're not in love unless

465
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: you say it in Unison. I'm in love it. Oh

466
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: for fox sake, a jaunty piano ballad starts playing the

467
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 1: jukebox classic You better not fuck Dance Santa. Oh, you

468
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: better not fuck dance Santa. I don't care how lonely

469
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: you are. It doesn't matter what he looks like or

470
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: what he can't do. But we've already come this far. No,

471
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 1: he you better not fuck dance Santa. We've been hiding

472
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 1: for all these years. You'd have to give Dance Santa

473
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 1: canned goods and those powder meals you say are good,

474
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: but we can all agree aren't good. The girl runnetts

475
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: thing going on, and I think that read in the

476
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 1: performance Dance Santa starts licking his helmet to the rhythm

477
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: as Prepper hits him with the bridge, who says that

478
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: I fuck Dance Santa. Women characters can do lots of things.

479
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: Lie just for something, but she can't think of anything.

480
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: The writer of Santa University has had so much time

481
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: to learn a single thing about women. What the funk

482
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: gives Prepper Santa silent for the rest of her verse,

483
00:34:55,160 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: then just starts again. Girl's I'm going off fuck dance Santa,

484
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 1: skater and not like the other Santa laugh push Dan

485
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 1: Santa to the ground a little longer than intended, but

486
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 1: then just start kicking him because it's fun. That's our Prepper.

487
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 1: Let's get out of here, Dance Santa. I need to

488
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: give you an important plot point about the movie, Santa University.

489
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: I knew that's what he said. Wait, what about the papapilla.

490
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 1: There's only twenty minutes before Santa University starts recording. Oh,

491
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: she smash cut too. Interior Jingle Cafeteria Day, the students

492
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,800
Speaker 1: of Santa. You are enraptured as Gal Santa's three potential

493
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 1: fathers stand at the front of the auditorium in front

494
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,399
Speaker 1: of the jingle guillotine. Intellect Santa paces back and forth

495
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: in front of the three nervous looking fathers, Dean Santa,

496
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: Second Amendment Santa, and Glory Hole Santa. I would like

497
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: to repeat the stakes of the sea, as some people

498
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: have been getting confused, arms whereas I should be. Santa

499
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: walks into the cafeteria a little late for lunch. He gasps,

500
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, boy Soprano Santa and Soprano's boy Santa

501
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 1: are dead. We don't have time to rib is about

502
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: plot point. At least they died together. It's what they

503
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: would have wanted. Dean Santa shoots arms whereas eyes should

504
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: be Santa not mortally though he's a fan favorite. Thank you,

505
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,720
Speaker 1: Dean Santa. We will now have the three potential fathers

506
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: of Gal Santa sing for their lives and for their

507
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,720
Speaker 1: paternity or She points to Gal who's looking a little goopy.

508
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:35,480
Speaker 1: Remember that Gal Santa will turn to goo if she

509
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 1: doesn't learn who her father is. Also, she points to

510
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: the jingle guillotine studio. Note, jingle guillotine must cost three

511
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 1: million dollars. I don't care how you do it, just

512
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:50,959
Speaker 1: do it. Anyone who isn't the father will be beheaded.

513
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: That was my idea. Cool Santa, you're the funniest guy

514
00:36:55,600 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: I know who would like to begin. Dean Santa raises

515
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 1: his hand and Gal Santa, whoops, Go get him, Dad,

516
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: Convince me I'm of your flesh. Dean Santa gets up

517
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: to the mic and puts on his tap shoes. This

518
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: is his moment, he has arrived. He improvises the whole song.

519
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,879
Speaker 1: Uh so quick notes, Uh, Dean Santa's moving. So here's

520
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: where Dean Santa's song. It's a moving, a little bit

521
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 1: funny and heartwarming appeal to Gal Santa as her father

522
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: that also references the fact that he killed her mother

523
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: on purpose and would do it again if given the opportunity.

524
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: And it goes a little like like this, okay, written

525
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 1: specifically for me for my strong improv skills. Gala Santa,

526
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 1: you are my daughter, or at least I think it's true.

527
00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 1: Gal Santa, you are my daughter, and I killed your

528
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: mother while she was making you, and that is, and

529
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: then fast forward a couple like fifteen minutes, and that

530
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,319
Speaker 1: is why we are here to learn if you are

531
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 1: actually my daughter. No one knows how to feel about

532
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:24,239
Speaker 1: Dean Santa song like Gala loves it. She tries to

533
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:28,479
Speaker 1: clap her goopy hands together. That was beautiful, Jack. He's

534
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: just practicing radical honesty everyone. That's what he always said

535
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: when he threw jingle bows at me at my ballet recital, saying,

536
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: if I was any good, I would let me like

537
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,880
Speaker 1: Kunas kill me with a piece of glass like black Swan.

538
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 1: Now everyone just sort of feels bad for Gal Santa.

539
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 1: I'd like to go next. Oh God, this character is

540
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: extremely polarizing, and yet Second Amendment Santa comes to the

541
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:02,800
Speaker 1: stage and improvises his whole song. Unfortunately, Second Amendment Santa

542
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: appears to have forgotten the assignment and sings one too

543
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 1: many verses about different times he almost accidentally shot his

544
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,919
Speaker 1: own arm off in one time where he actually did,

545
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 1: and that song goes something like this, Ohgan, there's a

546
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 1: lot like a penis in this metaphor the bullets or

547
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,240
Speaker 1: come anyway. I don't think I've ever technically had sex,

548
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: but I accidentally shot a jogging through my bay window

549
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: once maybe, then canss this song goes over a little better.

550
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 1: The second amendent. Santa then shoots down a jingle chandelier,

551
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 1: where it falls and crushes three nondescript Santa's that's what

552
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: you get for looking at my daughter. So he did

553
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: know what the song was supposed to be about. Gloria

554
00:39:57,239 --> 00:40:00,479
Speaker 1: Hole Santa Dean Santa killed my mother for me, well,

555
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: not for me, I guess for fun. Second amendment Santa

556
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: killed three teen Santas who weren't even looking at me,

557
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: for me. When they weren't even looking at me, what

558
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: do you have to say? Stop the wedding? A soft

559
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: piano ballad starts playing from nowhere, and he steps forward

560
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: to the mic. He what if I wrote his song

561
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: and no one else's no, that would be mean. He

562
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:30,359
Speaker 1: improvises the entire song. Some facts about this song. It's

563
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 1: a ballad. It's about how Glory Hole guy had always

564
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 1: wanted a daughter. For many long dark nights in the

565
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 1: Glory Hole he wept dreaming of the day his glory

566
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: whole sentence unclear what this means would end, and he

567
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 1: could go forth and sire a Santa of his own

568
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 1: he was so in love with Gal Santa's mom, and

569
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:53,760
Speaker 1: yet the song goes something like this, I wish I'd

570
00:40:53,760 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 1: had a daughter, but I had two suck whatever came

571
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: through the whole because of the things I did, which

572
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 1: I will not say, but it's a long time I

573
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: have to suck things, and I wish I had a daughter.

574
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 1: At the end, everyone is crying. We're really on Glory

575
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: Hole Santa's side. This will change later when he is

576
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: revealed to be a stone cold killer in the Plant

577
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: of Santa University three, but for now, oh hell yeah,

578
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: we're rooting for him. I don't care if you are

579
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,240
Speaker 1: my daughter or not. I want to be your father.

580
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: There's enough room in the glory Hole for us both

581
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: what oh hum. Exterior the planet of Los Santa's later

582
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: Prepera Santa and Dan Santa lay in a pile of

583
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: post coital fuck bliss between carefully organized tools, can't goods

584
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: and whatever else preppers do. I quite honestly do not

585
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: fucking no generators. Maybe, Dan Santa, that was the greatest

586
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 1: sex of my life. Prep Shanta, I am in lovish

587
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 1: hell with you. But it's she sits up, knowing exactly

588
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 1: what he's going to say, After all, she is an

589
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: actor playing Prepper Santa in a movie. What are you

590
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 1: going to say, Dance Santa? When I tell Gal Shanta,

591
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: I'm in loviish hell with her, it's because it's the

592
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 1: line in the movies Sanna University that I am the

593
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: protagonist stuff. But when I say it to you, yes,

594
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 1: Dan Santa. Oh sorry, that was the end of the sentence. Oh,

595
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: I think I got it. Hi, I'm Dan Santa. Dance Santa.

596
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,919
Speaker 1: I don't think you look like shit, and I don't

597
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 1: care that you can't read. I love you just as

598
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: you are. That is freaking nuts. I'm so weird and

599
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: hard to be around, but this, this can never be.

600
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: I only have so many cans and my sisters or

601
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 1: my wives or whatever. It's hard. It's kind of hard

602
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: to it's market, but they never accept our love. We've

603
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 1: been living here for so long after escaping send the university,

604
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 1: and I just I can't go back. Could you? Could

605
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: you give this message to gals Santa? She gives Dan

606
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 1: Santa an envelope labeled sensitive jingle information within. He squints

607
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: at it. Oh, okay, but you know I won't be

608
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 1: able to read it. Well wait, wait, you shouldn't anyway, right,

609
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 1: it's not your mail, but you shouldn't read other people's mail.

610
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: Oh they what Prepersenta gives Dan Santa one last deep

611
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: kiss and licks his helmet for good measure. Don't let

612
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 1: them get you down, Dan Santa. I just know you're

613
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 1: going to make it to the end of the movie

614
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: Santa University. Oh always remember you, Prepper Santa, unless too

615
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: many other things happen, because you know, my head is

616
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: really small. Interior Jingle Cafeteria moments later, really rushed into

617
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 1: the finish here studio. Note everyone's teeth are different sizes.

618
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: Now it's really confusing. When was this scene shot? As

619
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,839
Speaker 1: the three Gal Santa Dad stand, Dan Santa runs into

620
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 1: the Jingle cafeteria with the envelope stop the wedding. He

621
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 1: brings the envelope over to Gal Gal. I have no

622
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: time to explain because Janna University is recording in one minute.

623
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,439
Speaker 1: But this message is from a person I just absolutely

624
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 1: raw dogs on another plan, even though I love you

625
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 1: so freaking much canonically, and you need to read what

626
00:44:55,760 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: it says. Okay, She opens the envelope. Dear Gal Santa,

627
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: this is your mother, Prepper Santa. I'm thrilled to announce

628
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: that after escaping Santa University after Dean Santa thought he'd

629
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: finished me off, I joined a coven on another planet

630
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 1: and I'm doing very well. Please don't worry who your

631
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 1: real father is. They are all choked losers with boring interests,

632
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: and you're better off on focusing on what really matters,

633
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:24,080
Speaker 1: winning the year at Santa University. Love mom ps, I

634
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: had sex with your boyfriend. He is not good at it.

635
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 1: Everyone is on the edge of their seats. Goth Santa

636
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: falls off the edge of his Everyone wants to know

637
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: what this letter says. Hey, what do you say, Gal Santa?

638
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: Gal Santa looks a camera. It's her villain origin story.

639
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 1: Bet you wouldn't I guess that. Oh nothing, Dan Santa,

640
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: nothing at all. Everyone's disappointed. Oh, I guess it's just

641
00:45:52,440 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: another year at this sounds bad on good? Wait can

642
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 1: we get the accordion going? So now? Whistmas