1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,399 Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stuff I've never told your production to 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 2: buy Heart Radio, and welcome to another edition of Happier 4 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 2: as always. If you choose to drink or whatever you 5 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 2: choose to do, please do so responsibly. Are you sipping 6 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 2: on anything, Samantha? 7 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 3: So I discovered, you know, I had the complaint about 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,879 Speaker 3: the fact that my bubble water that I would do 9 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 3: from home, I no longer have the pineapple. I found 10 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 3: it in the cane version. So I bought me an 11 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 3: eight pack and so I'm sipping on what of Do's, and. 12 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: I'm quite happy. 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 3: What about you know, just keeping that chill without the alcohol. 14 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 2: I'm drinking my final beer, my final Dragon con beer, 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 2: the last one left over. 16 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: End of an Era flash. 17 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 3: Yeah. 18 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, So this episode is a bit of a grab bag, 19 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 2: and it does have to do with the fact that 20 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 2: Smith and I we've just been rushing about. Sure, we've 21 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,559 Speaker 2: been We've been going. I feel like I've been going 22 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 2: since the end of June. I feel like I have 23 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 2: been going, going, going, and we you are about to 24 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 2: leave for your birthday trip, of which I am hitchhiking 25 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 2: my wagon to part of When we go to Seattle, which, 26 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 2: by the way, again, listeners, if you have any suggestions 27 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 2: for things we should do or eat or whatever. We're 28 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 2: in Seattle, let us now be there at the end 29 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 2: of September. 30 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 3: Oh. 31 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 2: Also, we're doing our Sex and the City listener join 32 00:01:55,680 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 2: us watch party, so enter that soon if you want 33 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 2: to do it. We've already got a list of names. 34 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 2: But if you would like to be considered, we are 35 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 2: doing it soonish, So yes, but yeah, we're kind of 36 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 2: in a rush to get a bunch of stuff done 37 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 2: before we go. And uh, I just have noticed I 38 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 2: have been a bit of a ball of emotion smith 39 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 2: in a way I'm not normally I do get I 40 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 2: do have you know, I get emotional about things. I 41 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 2: can feel like very strong emotions, but I don't normally 42 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 2: feel the things I'm feeling right now. And one of 43 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 2: them is jealousy. Oh, I am experiencing a lot of jealousy. 44 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 2: I'm normally not a very jealous person, but the jealousy 45 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:53,519 Speaker 2: I'm feeling is that I feel I don't understand how 46 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 2: people in my life have time to have fun anymore. 47 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 2: I don't understand how people have time to take care 48 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 2: of themselves anymore. I don't. I'm jealous that they do. 49 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 2: And I know, if you're listening to this, you're like, 50 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,119 Speaker 2: this sounds really hypocritical because you're basically just said you're 51 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 2: going on a vacation. But I feel like that I've 52 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:20,080 Speaker 2: been going on vacations that we have to work really 53 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 2: hard to cover, so there's a stress around them. I'm 54 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 2: talking about like every day or just like every other day, 55 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 2: I don't know, but like just having fun or or 56 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 2: choosing to do something for yourself on a normal day, 57 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: on a non vacation day, and I have been experiencing 58 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 2: some jealousy stha. I'm not proud of it. I just 59 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 2: because I want to be supportive and be like, I'm 60 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 2: very happy for you. People be texting what they're doing, 61 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh no, I'm mad of being a 62 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 2: horrible friend because I just I want to feel that 63 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 2: I used to be good at it, and I'm I'm 64 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 2: really good at time management. I'm really good at time management. 65 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 2: But I think that the issue is I'm really good 66 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 2: with it for work. I'm really good with it. Like 67 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 2: I've said before, I've made my hobbies into work, so 68 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 2: even like things that might seem fun, I've turned them 69 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 2: into work. But I mean, I'm really good at the 70 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 2: time management part. But also I get so tired now 71 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 2: because I've been working so much, because I have all 72 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 2: these things that are fun things that I'm doing. Please 73 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,600 Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, I'm very, very privileged and lucky 74 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,799 Speaker 2: to have this conversation. But by the time I could 75 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 2: do something, I can't do it. I'm too tired to 76 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 2: do it, and so I usually just kind of stare 77 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 2: blankly at my screen and I'm my, gosh, this is 78 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 2: so sad. Yeah, it's I mean, it's a question of 79 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 2: priorities as well. I've talked about this before. I'm really 80 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 2: bad at because a lot of the people I'm talking about, 81 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 2: which if you're listening, I am really happy for you. 82 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 2: It's not it's it's more of a me problem. It's 83 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,359 Speaker 2: a lot of you problem. Yeah, but you know, making 84 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 2: that time, like prioritizing that time to say, hey, I 85 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,239 Speaker 2: need this. I'll work better if I do this, I'll 86 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 2: enjoy life better if I do this. But I thought 87 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,599 Speaker 2: I was good at it for a minute during the pandemic, 88 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 2: and I had just really really fallen off of it. 89 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 2: I don't know, but I have experienced a lot of jealousy. 90 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,679 Speaker 2: I experienced some anger. 91 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,279 Speaker 3: I just like. 92 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 2: Mad people out there having a good old time. 93 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 3: I think it's interesting because I do wonder because I 94 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 3: often think about when hobbies happen and people having interests, 95 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 3: because you have so many interests, and yes, we have 96 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,040 Speaker 3: parlayed a lot of that interest into our podcast because 97 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: having a new episode five days a week is three 98 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 3: hundred every day of the year with no breaks. It's 99 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 3: difficult even with the two of us on here. You know, 100 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 3: we've been together. You've been doing this way longer than 101 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 3: I have. And then we've been together for at least 102 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 3: four five years. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting this. I 103 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 3: keep forgetting that it's been five years. But having that 104 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 3: much content means we have to do things that allow 105 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 3: us to have our joy. So because everything for us 106 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 3: is constantly work. So yeah, we talk about yes it's 107 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 3: a privilege, but it does feel like an overstepping of 108 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 3: sharing too much. Sometimes it feels like we're doing that, 109 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 3: but this is the only way that we can still 110 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,679 Speaker 3: do what we like and share it. But I also 111 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 3: have for me like, I'm very jealous of you having 112 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 3: interests in hobbies because for me, I feel like a 113 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 3: psychopath when I'm like, yeah, I don't do things. I 114 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 3: don't care about things. I don't like those things, like 115 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 3: I never And I thought about this earlier because I, 116 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 3: as a child would make up things in order to 117 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,239 Speaker 3: pretend like I was normal that had a like for something, 118 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 3: and it helped my mother out and being able to 119 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 3: be like kind of placing a label on me and 120 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 3: be like, Okay, I can get her of this now 121 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 3: because she collects these or she likes these things such, 122 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 3: you know, all these things, and even like when I'm 123 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 3: picking out what's your favorite color? 124 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: Was all these I don't really think I have them. 125 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 3: I have things that I enjoyed for the moment that 126 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 3: I like from afar that are pleasing, but I wouldn't 127 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 3: think there's favorites. Same thing as Like again I talked 128 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: about the birthday thing like, oh, I don't want to 129 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 3: be celebrated, but also if you ignore me, I'm gonna 130 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 3: be gonna be sad. 131 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: If you forget, I'm gonna be sad. 132 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 3: I don't need presence and I don't really want presents 133 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 3: because it's probably gonna just take up space. But at 134 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 3: the same time, if you didn't do that for me, 135 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 3: I would also get my feelings hard, like this double 136 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 3: whammy of things, all of those things I'm like, but 137 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 3: this is supposed to be normal, so I have to 138 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 3: play into this. So for the same thing of like 139 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 3: watching you like actually caring about Star Wars, which makes 140 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 3: it easier for me to like help give you gifts. 141 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 3: But you do a great job of giving me gifts 142 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 3: because I'm like, for a person who has no interest, 143 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 3: you sure to do well and finding things like she might. 144 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 3: She probably liked this, you'll like this as well as 145 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 3: the fact, like you know, you have things that you 146 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 3: love so well that it's associated with you and people 147 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 3: find commonality with you like that. I'm like, man, I'm 148 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 3: not relatable, but it is like in that level of 149 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 3: like I am but I'm not, and I feel like 150 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 3: it's almost like I put on But these all these 151 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 3: things culminate into like that other person because they are 152 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 3: doing something that is outside of you. It feels like 153 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:09,559 Speaker 3: they have more whatever, whether it's more friends, more popularity, 154 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 3: more interests, more engagement, all those things which I see 155 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 3: of you that I get jealous of that too, But 156 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 3: again it is that level of like, because you're different 157 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 3: from me this way or how I see or how 158 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 3: I feel it, or how I'm even communicating it. 159 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's interesting to get that viewpoint, because I feel, 160 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: for me a lot of what's happening right now is 161 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 2: that I can't be the level of fan I want 162 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 2: to be. I can't do that. I can't do it, 163 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 2: and I'm watching other people do it, and it makes 164 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 2: me feel bad about myself, to be honest, because I'm like, 165 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 2: I should just be happy that you are enjoying something 166 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 2: I like, but instead I'm mad you have time to 167 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 2: do it and I do not. And this is something 168 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 2: like I've talked about this before, but I don't want 169 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 2: to get too deep into this. I don't think we 170 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 2: should read too deeply into this. But my my dad 171 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 2: was really controlling about like the things that you liked. 172 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 2: Like he was very you have to like it and 173 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 2: be up and show that you like it, or you 174 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:30,319 Speaker 2: have to like not like it and should but anyway, 175 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 2: so it was always kind of a performance of liking 176 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:38,959 Speaker 2: something around, right, And so I am so in my 177 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 2: head about I don't want to do that. I just 178 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: don't want to be that, and so I'm like, I 179 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 2: think I'm like backing off too hard where I'm like not, 180 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,440 Speaker 2: I feel like I can't engage at all, even if 181 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 2: I like we can have healthy disagreements or we can 182 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 2: be like I could tell you I'm jealous of fact, 183 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 2: but I feel so hard that I don't want to 184 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 2: make someone feel guilty or control or control this jump. 185 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 2: I felt like my dad was really controlling, But I 186 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 2: don't think my friends would be easily controlled by anything. 187 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 2: But like that idea of like trying to make you 188 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 2: fit into this is how you enjoy it only on 189 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 2: my terms or else. 190 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 1: Uh. 191 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 2: So I've been like really in my head about that, 192 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 2: and then I'm like, yeah, why can't you just I 193 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 2: can't you just be happy? You know? 194 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 3: Right? 195 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,319 Speaker 2: It does suck, But. 196 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 3: I don't know if I've genuinely met anyone that can 197 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 3: just be happy. And I say this and that I 198 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 3: think you genuinely love that person and are happy for them. 199 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 3: But also there's a piece of you that feels like 200 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 3: you're either missing out on something, or there's a piece 201 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 3: of you that's judging like but I wouldn't do it 202 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 3: this way, or there's a piece of you that's like, 203 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 3: but do you really have time for the Like again 204 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 3: that that that judgment level. And I'm not saying that 205 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 3: maybe I'm just a really bad friend in that, but 206 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 3: like there's always a piece of you that's internalizing because 207 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 3: you are you, and you're inside your own head, and 208 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 3: no matter what, you will not be able to you 209 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 3: can't separate your self interest or your interests in general 210 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 3: from anything. Like it's just it's just you think, this 211 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 3: is why you relate to certain books, This is why 212 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 3: you relate to certain characters, this is why you relate 213 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 3: to certain fandoms, because you're putting in your perspective of 214 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 3: how do I relate to this, and this is how 215 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 3: things happen. And it's also the same way like how 216 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 3: you choose friends, Like there is a bit of set 217 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 3: which you should you should have self interest in that 218 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 3: not that it's all about you, but that you two 219 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 3: together are good together, Like you're not giving too much 220 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 3: or you're not taking too much, like that that should 221 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 3: be both things. But I think it's I don't know, 222 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 3: even for those who are really well adjusted, and maybe 223 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 3: some of the people are just like more of the 224 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 3: curiosity of the huh, so you're doing this that's interesting 225 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 3: and there isn't any judgment or that but more of 226 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 3: like a again that is in your mind, like I 227 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 3: wonder how it would be for me, or that's not 228 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 3: something I would do for myself. I wonder what that 229 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 3: looks like for you know, like this again, you just 230 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 3: can't help but relate to it in what you have 231 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,679 Speaker 3: something in common or not in common, and again that's 232 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 3: related to you and your experience. And I find that 233 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 3: really really interesting in it self. I again, I love 234 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 3: when people do things like I do the same thing, 235 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 3: Like when you and Lauren get more opportunities to travel 236 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 3: or stuff like that, I get jealous, but I don't 237 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 3: want to do. 238 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: It that again, far. 239 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 3: That to that, But at the same time, it feels 240 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 3: like it's a judgment on me, kind of like how 241 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 3: you're holding back so that you don't get judged or 242 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 3: you don't come off of something as like something that's 243 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 3: been nagging at the back of your head because your 244 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 3: father's voice is there to not be this person or 245 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 3: would not be like him, whatever whatnot. 246 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: Both of those things are there, and. 247 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 3: I think is it's hard not to even for those 248 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 3: who are doing the things like my all my it's 249 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 3: not a motto, but my thought of frame was I 250 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 3: would rather be the one that changes instead of being 251 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 3: around everybody else's changing. So like meaning I would rather 252 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 3: be the one that leaves. I would rather be the 253 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 3: one that's, you know, not a part of this and 254 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 3: not people leave me, or in those situations I've had that, 255 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 3: like people would move away and it just crushed me. 256 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 3: But if I move away as much as it crushed me, 257 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 3: it would at least put me in a whole new 258 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 3: scenario instead of feeling like I'm missing out on something 259 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 3: or missing something. So that's that same kind of level two. 260 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 3: I think in both of those things. But again, like 261 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 3: even if you don't want to do it at all, 262 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 3: there's that relief like, oh, thank god, it's not me, 263 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 3: variation of like people are human with a hard time 264 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 3: and seeing different perspectives outside of their own. 265 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible 266 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 1: even with empathy. 267 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 2: It's true. I mean, I also think a part of 268 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 2: this problem for me is that, well it's two part 269 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 2: I and I talked to some of my friends about 270 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 2: this because I've mentioned this, I was going to talk 271 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 2: about it. I probably should come back and do a 272 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 2: much bigger thing about it, but I mentioned it in 273 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 2: our Dragon Con wrap up episode, and I mentioned it 274 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 2: in some previous happier about kind of like friend groups 275 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 2: and fandoms and stuff like that. But one thing that 276 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: I have encountered because a lot of the stuff I'm 277 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 2: mad that I'm messing out on is fandom stuff, right, 278 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 2: whether that's fan fiction or video games or whatever it is. 279 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 2: The one thing I've learned is whish I should have known, 280 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 2: because you have made it clear several times, like people 281 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 2: don't experience it the same way I do, as in 282 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 2: people don't have the same my level is here. Their 283 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 2: level might not be anywhere close today. But to me, 284 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,359 Speaker 2: I'm like, well, you're you're doing. 285 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: Oh. 286 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 2: But then the second part is, and I really do 287 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 2: think we should come back and talk about this because 288 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 2: I had another conversation with a friend of mine. You know, 289 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 2: this has been bothering me for a while that a 290 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 2: lot of stuff I like for me, and I'm going 291 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 2: to say very specifically, I try to keep this to myself, 292 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 2: but there is morality involves and you know, part of 293 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 2: like the attraction that I experience as like an asexual person, 294 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 2: I don't experience it in terms of unless I think 295 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 2: the fictional character is a good person. I don't think 296 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 2: you're attractive, which is not the case for everybody, but 297 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 2: that means like there's been some very strange where we 298 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 2: just are not connecting. And for me it feels like 299 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 2: a moral issue. And I know that that can feel 300 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 2: really to the other person involved, who I think their 301 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 2: point of view sees me as like way too rigid, 302 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 2: But it is been interesting for me too. I mentioned 303 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 2: I had to do like a lot of fandom soul 304 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 2: searching because I was like, I just I need to 305 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 2: really recalibrate in terms of I knew that I knew 306 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 2: people don't experience it the same way no one does. 307 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 2: But I also had to like continually take into account like, yeah, 308 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 2: I'm still learning about as an ACE person and how 309 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 2: I view things and how that fits into fandom stuff 310 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,680 Speaker 2: oddly enough, and then my dad stuff of like, well, 311 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 2: I don't want to be too controlling, so it's just 312 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,399 Speaker 2: kind of a it. It feels like it's holding me 313 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 2: back from really expressing myself because I don't want to. 314 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,199 Speaker 2: I want people to like what they like and I 315 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 2: don't want to ruin that, but I also want to 316 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:28,320 Speaker 2: talk about how I feel. This is a very self 317 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 2: indulgent episode. Please know that I realize it. I want 318 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 2: to find a fandom therapist. I want to find someone 319 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,359 Speaker 2: who I could talk to about the fantoms in question, 320 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 2: who knows what I'm talking about. Who's a therapist that 321 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 2: I would say or I could let loose on some thoughts. 322 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 3: You know, I bet they would make a huge client 323 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 3: list at going to different cons if there was someone 324 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 3: who was specialized in that. 325 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: Either that or they would just get yelled that a lot. 326 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: One of the two. 327 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 3: Don't tell me to be healthy about my fandom relationships, 328 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 3: but one of the deal things would happen. But like, 329 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 3: that's such a niche, but really, like, yeah, that's that's amazing. 330 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,159 Speaker 1: I wonder if there's such a thing. How do you 331 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 1: look for this? 332 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 2: I looked, I looked up some fandom support groups. 333 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: Okay, but I want. 334 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 2: I feel like I just need because again, I'm too 335 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 2: It's a combination of the things I've been talking about. 336 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 2: I'm too intense, like I feel like the people and 337 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,159 Speaker 2: I disagree with a lot of the people I'm talking about, 338 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 2: and so I'm too intense and I disagree. I want 339 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 2: and I don't want to ruin the thing they like 340 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 2: or or I don't want to make them feel bad 341 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 2: about the thing they like. All Right, It's just so 342 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 2: I need somebody who could like just let me let 343 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 2: it out and knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, and 344 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 2: then I think I would better. 345 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 3: That would be funny if y'all know any any of 346 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 3: those specialists that I'd be amazing. I'm sure we have 347 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,880 Speaker 3: some therapists like on hand and in our listenership. That'd 348 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:02,640 Speaker 3: be like, I got you. 349 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: The funny thing is like I do have friends I 350 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 2: do talk to that I feel like I'm on the 351 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 2: same page with, but I still feel like I have 352 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 2: to hold back even with them. I need somebody I 353 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,679 Speaker 2: can really like. And by why holding back, I just 354 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 2: mean I have a lot of thoughts. I would not 355 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 2: be yelling or shouting at anyone, I promise, but just 356 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 2: like I. 357 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 3: Guess I've never experienced impassioned, somewhat drunk Annie talking about 358 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,919 Speaker 3: a big fandom where you know what's happening because she 359 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:36,439 Speaker 3: goes oh and then loss of hands. 360 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, that happens when. 361 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 3: She's talking about something with a theory, yes, that she 362 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,719 Speaker 3: has been thinking about for a while and probably has 363 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,360 Speaker 3: already written an essay or to day. 364 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah. 365 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 2: My essays aren't cutting it for me anymore. 366 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 4: You know, you need to retell it and we need 367 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 4: to call the dude a Patreon because I think that's 368 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 4: my niece just and now that's our extra episodes. 369 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 2: And he like goes to avent therapist. Oh my gosh, 370 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 2: it would be like, I feel like I'm making it 371 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,440 Speaker 2: sound way more intensive. But that was just another thing 372 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 2: that going back to how my dad was if he 373 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 2: didn't agree with what I was saying, you were shut down. 374 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 2: So I just feel like I I need some space 375 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 2: where I feel safe to like really feel right these feelings. 376 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: I wonder too. 377 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 3: Part of this is because of that level of ridicule 378 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 3: you got from your dad, because that really does weigh heavily. 379 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,919 Speaker 3: You know, adolescents that look and they're being like pushed 380 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:51,640 Speaker 3: aside and shut down in any general ways that it's 381 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,919 Speaker 3: more again, more in your head about the fact that 382 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,439 Speaker 3: you feel like you can't do this more so than 383 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 3: people will be like because a lot of the times 384 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,480 Speaker 3: when I'm watching you interact and I know I want 385 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 3: to say, you and my partner go after it like 386 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 3: it just goes. It's quite funny because I'm like all right, 387 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 3: y'all do your thing. I'm going to bed because it 388 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 3: goes into a tail spin of things that I have 389 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:18,119 Speaker 3: no idea what's happening. I have woken up three hours 390 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 3: later to them still talking about this, and I'm sure 391 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 3: they've gotten onto repeat to be like they've talked about 392 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 3: this for the third time round and there's being the 393 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,440 Speaker 3: same conclusions. But also whatever has been playing is now 394 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 3: on its third rerun replay. 395 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,159 Speaker 1: Whether it's like. 396 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 3: If it's like a YouTube video, it's definitely on the 397 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 3: fiftieth replay. If it's a movie, it's on this third replay. 398 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 3: But stuff like that, And I know my partner loves 399 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,360 Speaker 3: it as much as you do. Y'all just don't get 400 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 3: And I've seen other people who engage with you, love it, 401 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 3: love love. 402 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,719 Speaker 1: Seeing animated Annie. 403 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 3: There are friends of yours I know and hours that 404 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 3: would want to argue with you, which is the opposite 405 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,639 Speaker 3: of what you want. But those who truly being enlightened, 406 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 3: Like I can think of one of our old producers 407 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 3: who were not working with this anymore. But I just 408 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,360 Speaker 3: remember when you went, oh, I don't think you want 409 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:11,200 Speaker 3: to know, and they're like. 410 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: No, I don't I want to know and him being 411 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,360 Speaker 1: really engaged. 412 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 3: But you started off with oh no, that's too that's 413 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 3: too much right now, and they're like no, And then 414 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 3: you went into it and I walked away and came 415 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 3: back and you were still into it, and he was 416 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 3: he was inside of your mouth, listening to whatever was happening. 417 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,920 Speaker 3: So I feel like it's not again, this is more 418 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 3: maybe a little more of like my witnessing of you 419 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 3: being like, I think it's more of trauma talking, yeah, 420 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 3: like bad conditioning than it is what you think it is, 421 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,640 Speaker 3: in that no one will listen or no one will 422 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 3: want to do this with you when actually there is. 423 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,360 Speaker 2: I think you're right. I think you're right. I think 424 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 2: it's also like it's it can be hard when you're like, 425 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 2: I need to engage on this very specific point and 426 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 2: no one knows that specific point, and so it's again 427 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 2: like people don't. People are at a different level than me. 428 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 2: So sometimes it feels like I can't even the thing 429 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 2: I need to talk about is here. 430 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,359 Speaker 1: That's fair. 431 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 2: I'm making all of hand gestures, lots of in gestures here. Well, 432 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see how this fandom therapist thing goes. 433 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 2: But but yeah, I mean it also, yeah, since we're 434 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 2: going on a trip. I did recently see because we 435 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 2: were talking about our next conference what we would talk about, 436 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 2: and we did talk about like maybe doing something around 437 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 2: boundaries or is like sharing too much? I did recently 438 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 2: see a new Ish podcast where they were talking about 439 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 2: how stressful and weird it was to like share yourself 440 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 2: and to how it felt strange after you came back 441 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 2: from vacation to do all this stuff, and I was 442 00:24:55,880 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 2: kind of I felt validated us just us, yep, yep, Okay, 443 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:06,919 Speaker 2: not just us, no, nope. Well, thank you all for 444 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:12,679 Speaker 2: listening to this very self indulgent brand. H. If you 445 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 2: have any thoughts about it, please let us know. You 446 00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,200 Speaker 2: can email us a Stephani your mom stuff at iHeartMedia 447 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 2: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mon 448 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 2: Stuff podcast, or Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never 449 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 2: told you. We're also on YouTube. We have a t 450 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 2: Beelic store, and we have a book you can get 451 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,879 Speaker 2: wherever you get your books. Thanks as always too, our 452 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 2: super producer Christina, our executi producer My and your contributor Joey. 453 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: Thank you and reminder, if you want to be a 454 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 1: part of the Sex. 455 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 3: And the City, watch through Yes, go to those things 456 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 3: that any mentioned mavore and let us know. 457 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,800 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, please let us know, And thanks to you 458 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 2: for listening. Stuff I Ever Told You is production by 459 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 2: Heart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio, you 460 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,320 Speaker 2: can check out the ihart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or 461 00:25:49,320 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: where we listen to your favorite shows,