1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,800
Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas Is Sam your og Okay Storytime

2
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:03,559
Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

3
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,640
Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

4
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,000
Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

5
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,160
Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My husband

6
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 1: refuses to help with our baby at night. Wake him up,

7
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,800
Speaker 1: Wake him up, my husband, we will call. Brad and

8
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,800
Speaker 1: I have been together for two and a half years.

9
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,200
Speaker 1: We had our son in January. Things have been pretty great,

10
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,400
Speaker 1: but this had me feeling kind of annoyed. Brad is

11
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 1: diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which can make communication between

12
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:34,519
Speaker 1: us challenging at times, but we do our best. We

13
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,000
Speaker 1: live in Europe, not the US. By the way, this

14
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,680
Speaker 1: comes from throw a boundary or not and if you

15
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,159
Speaker 1: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

16
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:46,559
Speaker 1: slash Okay Storytime Separate it. So, since Brad has autism

17
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,960
Speaker 1: and ADHD, he only works at fifty percent. The other

18
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,280
Speaker 1: half is covered by health insurance here on a temporary basis,

19
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,040
Speaker 1: and every few months he has to keep applying for more.

20
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,880
Speaker 1: It's stressful as we wait for him to hopefully get

21
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,120
Speaker 1: on a permanent cuve bridge since this is so up

22
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,200
Speaker 1: in the air. Instead of me taking a full year

23
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,360
Speaker 1: of Matt leave maternity leave. He took a majority of

24
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,840
Speaker 1: the days in case his temporary health insurance is denied

25
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 1: for some reason, then he can keep his work schedule

26
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,920
Speaker 1: at fifty percent and still get paid on the days

27
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,759
Speaker 1: he is off, which means I went back to work

28
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,880
Speaker 1: part time. I work from home as a private teacher.

29
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,440
Speaker 1: I choose my hours since my students usually live in

30
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,760
Speaker 1: different countries. I chose some in the afternoon when Brad

31
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,800
Speaker 1: is home with our son, and at nights when my

32
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,680
Speaker 1: students would be awake and Brad is also home. I

33
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,960
Speaker 1: only have one student in the evening eleven to eleven

34
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,399
Speaker 1: thirty dayg that's late twice a week. Op said she

35
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,120
Speaker 1: teaches EESL to students in Asia, so that's why the

36
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,280
Speaker 1: time is the way it is. Ah. This is to

37
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:49,640
Speaker 1: help with some income, and we discussed this before I

38
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,800
Speaker 1: even went back to work. He had asked no students

39
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,560
Speaker 1: past midnight, so if baby is having issues sleeping, he

40
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,480
Speaker 1: can take care of him and hopefully get him to

41
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,000
Speaker 1: sleep well. Rad got back on a schedule where he

42
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,960
Speaker 1: wants to go to bed at eleven every night. We

43
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,639
Speaker 1: try to, but with the baby, sometimes it just does

44
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,280
Speaker 1: not happen. Baby sometimes we'll stay asleep. When I put

45
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 1: him to bed, I nurse him to sleep, and sometimes

46
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,600
Speaker 1: he wakes up screaming. Well, last night I told Brad

47
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,440
Speaker 1: I had my student at eleven and I would try

48
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,320
Speaker 1: to have baby sleeping by then. He asked me, what

49
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,960
Speaker 1: is your plan if baby wakes up? My bedtime is eleven,

50
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 1: so hopefully, hopefully you have thought of something. I've thought

51
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:36,560
Speaker 1: of you the baby's dad. Wow, you can't just stay

52
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 1: asleep when you have a newborn baby. I said, well,

53
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 1: hopefully he stays asleep. If not, you'll just have to

54
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,520
Speaker 1: take care of him or put him on his play

55
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:49,560
Speaker 1: mat and entertain him. He resolutely said, bedtime's eleven o'clock

56
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,320
Speaker 1: and I'll go to bed. Come eleven o'clock. Baby is

57
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,359
Speaker 1: in bed and Brad is just getting out of the shower.

58
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 1: I guess he woke up moments after I started with

59
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,400
Speaker 1: my student, as when I came out of the office,

60
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,919
Speaker 1: he was working around with baby. He was walking around

61
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,519
Speaker 1: with baby. I took him, nursed him back to sleep,

62
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,760
Speaker 1: and went to bed, all so shortly after eleven thirty

63
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,560
Speaker 1: this morning. He was a bit annoyed with me when

64
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,520
Speaker 1: I tried to hug him goodbye. As he was leaving

65
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,280
Speaker 1: to work, he did not hug me back. We always

66
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,680
Speaker 1: do this before he leaves. So I said, are you

67
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:23,519
Speaker 1: still upset with me? He replied, yes, you crossed my boundary.

68
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,640
Speaker 1: My bedtime is eleven. We discussed this. I go to

69
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,760
Speaker 1: bed and anything passed that is your problem to solve.

70
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,880
Speaker 1: That baby wakes up. He left for work, and I

71
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,920
Speaker 1: was just thinking, what, that's not a boundary. It's absolutely

72
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,800
Speaker 1: not about it. You can't have a boundary for when

73
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,119
Speaker 1: you go to bed with a baby. Yeah, that'll ah.

74
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,880
Speaker 3: Boundaries are like hey, when you talk to me this way,

75
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 3: that hurts my feelings like that. It's not a boundary

76
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,680
Speaker 3: of being like, hey, this is my shift. I'm deciding this.

77
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,400
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna talk to you about this. You have

78
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,960
Speaker 3: to freaking figure it out. You get the night shift always.

79
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,080
Speaker 1: I feel I need to have some discussion with Brad

80
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,120
Speaker 1: about this. But would I be the a hole if

81
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,520
Speaker 1: I told him he has no more brown, he has

82
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,720
Speaker 1: no more boundaries with his sleep, and he's being ridiculous.

83
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,800
Speaker 1: Uh And some of Opie's comments, A commoner says everyone

84
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,520
Speaker 1: sucks for not sorting this out before there was a baby.

85
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,440
Speaker 1: Opie says, we did no students past midnight and only

86
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,479
Speaker 1: when he's home. It was only recently he decided he

87
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,520
Speaker 1: wanted to go to bed at eleven and he knew

88
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,040
Speaker 1: my potential work schedule weeks before I even went back

89
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,440
Speaker 1: to work. Previously, bedtime for us was between eleven thirty

90
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,320
Speaker 1: to midnight. He also does get his eight plus hours

91
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,800
Speaker 1: of sleep almost every night. Almoner says, not the a

92
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,839
Speaker 1: hole your husband is being ridiculous. He is a father.

93
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,960
Speaker 2: He should act like it. Babies wake up in the night.

94
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,000
Speaker 1: It's not fair to expect you to take care of

95
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,360
Speaker 1: it all by yourself while he peacefully sleeps every night.

96
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,320
Speaker 1: He's a parent. He needs to parent his child. Opie responds,

97
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,560
Speaker 1: what my mother said. If it means he has to

98
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,040
Speaker 1: walk around with baby to comment, he just has to.

99
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,160
Speaker 1: My schedule is not a surprise either. It was something

100
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,920
Speaker 1: we discussed weeks before I even went back. Commoner says,

101
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,880
Speaker 1: not to mention the fact that you're having to return

102
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,680
Speaker 1: to work early after pregnancy because of the financial issues

103
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,280
Speaker 1: caused by him only working part time. Opie says, well,

104
00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:20,359
Speaker 1: the thing is in our country. In Europe, he is

105
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,080
Speaker 1: technically employed full time, but due to his disabilities. He

106
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,000
Speaker 1: only works fifty percent and the other fifty percent is

107
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,640
Speaker 1: covered by health insurance here. Yes, his work knows all

108
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,320
Speaker 1: of it is legal. I am not from Europe originally,

109
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,719
Speaker 1: so I might be explaining this badly. But if he

110
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,640
Speaker 1: loses the income from the health insurance, he only gets

111
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,760
Speaker 1: paid fifty percent from work, Opie said in another comment

112
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 1: they lived in Sweden. But before we get into more

113
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,800
Speaker 1: of them, do you have any thoughts?

114
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,080
Speaker 2: I just would be so mad. Yeah, she just gave

115
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,120
Speaker 2: birth to this baby.

116
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,800
Speaker 3: Okay, it's not even like it's one thing that, yes,

117
00:05:57,839 --> 00:05:59,800
Speaker 3: they're both parents, and they both need a parent this

118
00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:00,240
Speaker 3: time out.

119
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,640
Speaker 1: That's a whole thing in itself.

120
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:08,799
Speaker 3: But also one of these parents though, has to literally

121
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,840
Speaker 3: like rest and recover from all of the changes that

122
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,400
Speaker 3: have been happening to her body for the past nine months.

123
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's.

124
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:20,279
Speaker 2: Like, girl, like, you gotta step up for your wife.

125
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,800
Speaker 1: You gotta. And also people and in the comments in

126
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:27,440
Speaker 1: the chat are making a great point. He gets a

127
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 1: full eight hours with a newborn baby. Yeah. I've never

128
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,159
Speaker 1: had a kid, but I know that literally every parent

129
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,680
Speaker 1: ever has who I've talked to with this about has

130
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,520
Speaker 1: said that you don't get any sleep when you have

131
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,479
Speaker 1: a baby, right, so they all say this shit, that's

132
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:48,280
Speaker 1: like common knowledge no sleep. Top voted commenter Opie says,

133
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,680
Speaker 1: thing is he's great dad. He's a great dad. Just

134
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,279
Speaker 1: this incident is ruffling my feathers a bit because he

135
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,479
Speaker 1: normally is not like this and he almost always gets

136
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,800
Speaker 1: his eight plus hours of interrupted sleep. If baby was

137
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,599
Speaker 1: waking him up, I could see it, but that is

138
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,880
Speaker 1: not the case. Cominer says, is he a great dad

139
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,880
Speaker 1: if he uses emotional blackmail against the mother of his child?

140
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,600
Speaker 1: Is he a great dad if he refuses to care

141
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,400
Speaker 1: for the child he helped create. I don't think so.

142
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,920
Speaker 1: I think maybe getting yourself to a counselor solo for

143
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,320
Speaker 1: perspectives from a professional may be useful too. Opie says,

144
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,000
Speaker 1: I think you're right on me needing to see a

145
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,160
Speaker 1: professional on dealing with some of this. Of course, he

146
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,280
Speaker 1: did not let baby cry, he did take care of him,

147
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,480
Speaker 1: but he was annoyed with me that he even had

148
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,680
Speaker 1: to be awake to walk around with baby. I love

149
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,680
Speaker 1: my son and I need to know if I cannot

150
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,960
Speaker 1: be there, someone who loves him is there with him.

151
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,480
Speaker 1: My family is far away, so I only have my husband.

152
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 1: Cominer says, not the ale. If you decide to have

153
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,160
Speaker 1: a child, you have to take all the old one

154
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,040
Speaker 1: twos that are involved, and a perfect sleep schedule is

155
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:57,720
Speaker 1: something you lose. And why is this always men? I mean,

156
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,080
Speaker 1: I know why, but yet why a father baby in

157
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:05,400
Speaker 1: the baby's needs come first? Opi says. After I had baby,

158
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,480
Speaker 1: we were in hospital for five days. Baby soiled a

159
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 1: few clothes he had and Brad left to go home

160
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,480
Speaker 1: for the night. Hospital room not large enough for him

161
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,200
Speaker 1: to stay, and as he was getting home to bed,

162
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,920
Speaker 1: I called told him baby had nothing clean anymore and

163
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,560
Speaker 1: he'd drove at three am to bring him clean clothes.

164
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,200
Speaker 1: So this is an issue. But the one in the

165
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,600
Speaker 1: hospital was not Bometerer. Did he want the baby to

166
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,600
Speaker 1: Did he understand what having a child means to his

167
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 1: boundaries and lifestyle? Opie says, yep. Before we had baby,

168
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,000
Speaker 1: my parents had a long talk about it with him.

169
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,480
Speaker 1: He said he did and he would make the logical decision.

170
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:46,000
Speaker 1: We've talked about it. How sleep, routine, free time, work etc.

171
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,640
Speaker 1: Goes out the window. We try our best, and even then,

172
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 1: how babies are day to day changes. I never know

173
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,320
Speaker 1: how baby will be any given day, so you just

174
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,520
Speaker 1: do what you can. I thought he understood, but then

175
00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,679
Speaker 1: he reacted like this, and I was just commoner, says

176
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,719
Speaker 1: not the a hole being autistic and having ADHD are

177
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,160
Speaker 1: not licensed to be a wiener. He is a father now,

178
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,560
Speaker 1: and the baby's needs come first. Moreover, the reason that

179
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,800
Speaker 1: you can't help is because you have already bent over

180
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:18,000
Speaker 1: backwards and made every single accommodation possible for him. He

181
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:22,120
Speaker 1: should be grateful. Instead, he's weaponizing therapy language to make

182
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,640
Speaker 1: you seem like the bad guy you are not, Opie

183
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,720
Speaker 1: says comment limit prevented a lot of extra But I

184
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,280
Speaker 1: keep the house clean, look after our cat, have baby

185
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,760
Speaker 1: when he works. When he works from home, I keep

186
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,200
Speaker 1: baby happy and content as I can so he can work.

187
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 1: Let him have his weekly game session with his best friend.

188
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,080
Speaker 1: We hang out with our friends. I often have babies

189
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 1: so they can play games. I am just happy to socialize,

190
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 1: not a huge board game person. I make sure we

191
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:51,920
Speaker 1: have our alone time when baby is happy playing in

192
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,520
Speaker 1: this play area, Feed him and keep him quiet at

193
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 1: night so Brad can sleep. And so on. What does

194
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,959
Speaker 1: he do? He cooks, does all of that lunch, dinner.

195
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,760
Speaker 1: He will help me with the cleaning. The cat at

196
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,600
Speaker 1: times takes baby so I can nap if I'm tired.

197
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 1: Since baby is only breastfeeding, I am with him all night.

198
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 1: Thankfully he sleeps most of the night now, but I'm

199
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,240
Speaker 1: still up at like six thirty to seven am with him.

200
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,240
Speaker 1: Commoner says husband should not have had a child. What

201
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,440
Speaker 1: will he do if something happens to you? Opie says, well,

202
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,480
Speaker 1: my parents would have to fly over from where they

203
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:26,800
Speaker 1: live and likely take custody of our son.

204
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,120
Speaker 2: Oh wow, husband's parents are too old and in poor

205
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:30,839
Speaker 2: health mine or.

206
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,400
Speaker 3: Not, I'm I'm what Maybe she was thinking, like if

207
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,800
Speaker 3: something happens to the husband too, Unless.

208
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,920
Speaker 1: She misread that, I'm sorry, what will happen if you

209
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,880
Speaker 1: something happens to you? Your husband can't take care of

210
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,680
Speaker 1: your kid and it has to go to one of

211
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,080
Speaker 1: the parents.

212
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,200
Speaker 3: That I really am hoping that she just misread that

213
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,840
Speaker 3: because she mentioned his parents too.

214
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,480
Speaker 1: Opie says, if I passed away or was hospitalized, I

215
00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,480
Speaker 1: know he would try his best with baby, but in

216
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,960
Speaker 1: the long term it would be a disaster. You would

217
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,680
Speaker 1: probably move nearest sisters and parents with baby, or my

218
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,400
Speaker 1: parents would step up a lot.

219
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,960
Speaker 2: Okay, so she didn't misterad it.

220
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:09,160
Speaker 1: She's just wow with a why would you baby with

221
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,719
Speaker 1: someone who you didn't think was capable of taking care

222
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:17,840
Speaker 1: of a baby? That's crazy, that's how man see. Man, No,

223
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,240
Speaker 1: they couldn't have planned this.

224
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,960
Speaker 3: They couldn't have planned this, or maybe she just picked

225
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:23,720
Speaker 3: the wrong partner.

226
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and realized later that he wasn't capable of taking

227
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,199
Speaker 1: care of a child. There is an update six hours later.

228
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:35,680
Speaker 1: So he came home and we had a long, long

229
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,720
Speaker 1: talk about how his words can be easily misunderstood, especially

230
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,920
Speaker 1: if he does not clarify to me or I ask

231
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,600
Speaker 1: him to how a baby equals no boundary with sleep.

232
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,439
Speaker 1: We do our best, all we can do. We need

233
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,160
Speaker 1: to spend more time as a family together, and explained

234
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,440
Speaker 1: how to a neurotypical person his words and actions hurt,

235
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: even if that is not his intent. That baby is

236
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 1: the priority, always, even over our mental health. We only

237
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,560
Speaker 1: have each other and even though I can sympathize with

238
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,560
Speaker 1: the mental health, you just have to push past it.

239
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,600
Speaker 1: I am doing all.

240
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,840
Speaker 2: I can and if you need help, ask for it.

241
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,080
Speaker 1: He's willing to get extra support at the neuropsyche where

242
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 1: we live, beyond what he has. He is medicated and

243
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,800
Speaker 1: getting all the help he can and will seek ways

244
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,920
Speaker 1: to cope. I make it clear that no way, in

245
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,640
Speaker 1: no way was his reaction okay, and it cannot happen

246
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:30,520
Speaker 1: again for the baby's sake. He seemed to understand as

247
00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:34,520
Speaker 1: some of you suggested him getting extra support for his AUDIHD.

248
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,280
Speaker 1: He will. I will ask also for some counseling on

249
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,439
Speaker 1: how to communicate better with him around the house. He

250
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,280
Speaker 1: will spend less time alone more with us. Free time

251
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:50,880
Speaker 1: happens after after or when baby sleeps, not before. Games

252
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,120
Speaker 1: can be played in the living room where we are together. Also,

253
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,400
Speaker 1: my mother offered to be on call if she has

254
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,640
Speaker 1: the time, so if husband is alone with baby, she

255
00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:01,280
Speaker 1: can video chat with baby, which she likes. I talk

256
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,319
Speaker 1: with her on a video almost every day and sometimes

257
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,360
Speaker 1: it can snap baby into a better mood when he

258
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,640
Speaker 1: sees gram Grammy. And yes, we live in Sweden, so

259
00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,559
Speaker 1: we get four hundred and eighty days between us. Wow,

260
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,400
Speaker 1: and we can share in trade, so I can get

261
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,600
Speaker 1: some days back if it comes to it. I was

262
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,200
Speaker 1: never forced to give my days. It was my choice

263
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,200
Speaker 1: due to what was happening at the time. He only

264
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,440
Speaker 1: works fifty percent because that is what he feels he

265
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,400
Speaker 1: can do without burning himself out. He has other health

266
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:34,400
Speaker 1: issues diabetic yes, that make him more exhausted. His job

267
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,640
Speaker 1: pays pretty well, but on just half his wage is

268
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,400
Speaker 1: not enough. If he can get permanent health insurance, it

269
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 1: could take a few years. We hope I am with

270
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,360
Speaker 1: him because when I met him, he was under less pressure.

271
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 1: He is fully capable, had a job, cleaned, his apartment,

272
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,240
Speaker 1: has a social life. I think the stress of having

273
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,640
Speaker 1: the health insurance and our sons sometimes just being a

274
00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:00,000
Speaker 1: baby got to him. Prior to this, he had been

275
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,960
Speaker 1: a good husband. Bother consider it. I am not stupid.

276
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,600
Speaker 1: I was in a harmful relationship prior. My parents love him,

277
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,559
Speaker 1: just not his behavior at times like now, he messed

278
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:12,679
Speaker 1: up with his words.

279
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:18,439
Speaker 3: He has acknowledged that. I wonder how severe his autism

280
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:21,600
Speaker 3: is because I mean, she said he was fully peopled. Honestly,

281
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 3: I forgot that he was autistic. So that does make

282
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,720
Speaker 3: sense that maybe he doesn't realize how his words are

283
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,840
Speaker 3: affecting other people.

284
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:35,040
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, Like probably doesn't. Yeah, Like, uh, you just

285
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,160
Speaker 1: I mean she's said that she wanted to work on

286
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,960
Speaker 1: how they can communicate better and stuff. Yeah, yeah, I

287
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 1: think that was great, but I would be a lot

288
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,000
Speaker 1: more worried about the fact that you're you don't think

289
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,360
Speaker 1: that your partner can take care of your guy's child

290
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,160
Speaker 1: on his own.

291
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,600
Speaker 2: And yeah, maybe it is just a stress thing.

292
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,760
Speaker 3: Like I wonder if she's thinking, maybe before all this

293
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 3: stress stuff was happening, he would be able to Yeah,

294
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 3: but then now that she's seeing how he's acting, like

295
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,600
Speaker 3: she's like, nah, it would be bad.

296
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, I don't know.

297
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 3: I feel like there's a chance, but that does definitely

298
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,640
Speaker 3: still worry me as well.

299
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:15,040
Speaker 2: Very worrisome, Yeah, very worrisome. Um, but there is a

300
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,520
Speaker 2: little bit left to the story.

301
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,200
Speaker 1: Some of you thought it might be a deeper issue,

302
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,880
Speaker 1: but no, I asked, and he just said he was

303
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 1: upset because to him, I was working at a time

304
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 1: he did not agree to, but I had to remind him.

305
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 1: Him wanting to go to bed at eleven was recent,

306
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 1: as in back in May when I started to go

307
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 1: back to work. He's just stressed from work, baby and

308
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,880
Speaker 1: day to day things. He apologized for how he rejected

309
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 1: my hug by standing there. He was annoyed, which is

310
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,080
Speaker 1: why he didn't reciprocate and how he worded things last

311
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,800
Speaker 1: night and this morning, I promised no students past eleven thirty.

312
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,920
Speaker 1: He said, of course he would never let her son

313
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,440
Speaker 1: just cry if he was going to bed. I had

314
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,840
Speaker 1: a student and baby was awake. Well, it's stick. I

315
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,000
Speaker 1: don't know. We just take one day at a time.

316
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 1: I'm next step is couple's counseling as opposed to individual

317
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,320
Speaker 1: and involving my parents, whom he respects, and some of

318
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:11,880
Speaker 1: Opie's comments Commeder says, good luck, OPI. This is a

319
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 1: nice update, and it sounds like you have the resources

320
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 1: and communication skills to work through the stressful time. Keep

321
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,960
Speaker 1: it up and things will get easier. Opie says, I hope.

322
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 1: So my parents help as best as they can six

323
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:28,080
Speaker 1: thousand kilometers away. We have resources here too, for all

324
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,800
Speaker 1: of us. Commoner says, diabetes does not cause fatigue unless

325
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,440
Speaker 1: he is not taking care of himself. Do not let

326
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,840
Speaker 1: him use that as an excuse. This is coming from

327
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 1: a diabetic Opie says. We're trying to manage it now.

328
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 1: Has been hard have a dietician going swimming one time

329
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 1: a week all three of us. Commoner says, thank you

330
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,240
Speaker 1: for giving your husband grace. I also have AUDIHD and

331
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,520
Speaker 1: the sleepless nights were awful for me. I was undex

332
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 1: at the time and really struggled with lack of sleep.

333
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 1: I still do and my husband did the of the

334
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,520
Speaker 1: night shifts, and I will be eternally grateful for that.

335
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,719
Speaker 1: I think being bluntly honest with him is good. If

336
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,400
Speaker 1: he's exhausted and which new parent isn't and burned out,

337
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 1: then it's going to be harder for him to regulate himself.

338
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm not using I'm not excusing his actions at all,

339
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,440
Speaker 1: but I just wanted to show my appreciation for you

340
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,960
Speaker 1: that you are handling his disabilities. I wish you all

341
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 1: the best. Opie says he has his own office space.

342
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,399
Speaker 1: Baby's routine usually means he falls asleep at eight after

343
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,479
Speaker 1: eight free time. Commoner says, do not frame it like this.

344
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,680
Speaker 1: Remember the whole post started because of a rigid time mindset.

345
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,159
Speaker 1: Free time after eight means he gets to do what

346
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 1: he wants, including sleeping. The schedule is baby time until

347
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:45,080
Speaker 1: eight on call time from eight to eleven thirty pm.

348
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,920
Speaker 1: On call means he can do other things, but must

349
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 1: stop those things if baby wakes up. Then eleven thirty

350
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 1: is sleep time. Opie says, yeah, yeah, that sounds pretty good.

351
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,119
Speaker 1: I think that's actually a very good comment. Yeah, because

352
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 1: you're finding ways to communicate with them better. Right, So

353
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 1: if you have that kind of more straightforward language of

354
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,120
Speaker 1: not saying like, oh, free time, whatever you want, it's like, no, yeah,

355
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 1: baby still exists, so you're gonna have to help out, right,

356
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 1: go to sleep eleven thirty shore.

357
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it is kind of funny, like we were

358
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 2: joking about calling.

359
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,600
Speaker 3: It shifts earlier, but like it's funny to refer to

360
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 3: it like that, but at the same time, it's honestly

361
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,440
Speaker 3: a good way to describe it, just being on call.

362
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,399
Speaker 1: Yeah. So yeah, so that was good. All the best

363
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 1: luck to these people. Hey, it's Sam.

364
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,439
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories.

365
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

366
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 3: My wife refuses to be intimate with me, and she

367
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 3: won't tell me why.

368
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:42,959
Speaker 1: There's gotta be a reason.

369
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 3: My wife thirty five female, and I thirty five male,

370
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,800
Speaker 3: have been married for fifteen years and we've been together

371
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,880
Speaker 3: for twenty years. We have two kids, twelve and fourteen.

372
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 3: We absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best

373
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:56,680
Speaker 3: possible life for them.

374
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from the Machu good Jar.

375
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 3: I don't know man Machuca Junior. Yeah, And if you

376
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,359
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the our

377
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 3: slash storytime sepread it. So for the past three years

378
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 3: things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids

379
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 3: are at an age where they require a ton of

380
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,159
Speaker 3: our attention and resources with school, band, club, sports, and

381
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 3: other extracurriculars. And I'm aware of physical and I'm aware

382
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 3: of the physical and emotional toll that that can have

383
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 3: on marriages. However, for these past three years, my wife

384
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 3: and I have had very little intimacy and very little

385
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 3: spicy sleep, and we've been trying very hard to work

386
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 3: on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has

387
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 3: been the most difficult and by far the darkest year

388
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 3: in our marriage. We didn't talk very much. We essentially

389
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 3: became roommates, co parenting our kids under the same roof.

390
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,239
Speaker 3: It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to

391
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 3: the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became

392
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 3: very dark and gloomy in the household. Because of that,

393
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 3: we began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples

394
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 3: and it seems to have helped the Little by little,

395
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,879
Speaker 3: we started to get along and started to have deeper

396
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 3: conversations about what our marriage looks like and what.

397
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 1: We would love for it to look like. This is

398
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: where it.

399
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 3: Gets tough as this As time passed, my wife started

400
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 3: to tell me that she no longer was in love

401
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 3: with me, and that she only saw me as a

402
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 3: best friend, that she only loved me in a very

403
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 3: platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons

404
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 3: that she didn't have any desire for intimacy and let

405
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 3: alone spicy sleep.

406
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 2: This was very shocking to me, and quite frankly, I

407
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 2: was devastated.

408
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 3: I became angry and depressed, and I couldn't fathom the

409
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 3: thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by

410
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 3: the person I felt completely in love with. Things began

411
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 3: to deteriorate again, and not long after we were back

412
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 3: to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon

413
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: and had a heart to heart and began to ask

414
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 3: questions about where the root of this problem lies, and

415
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 3: her answer was I don't know, and that I have

416
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 3: built up resentment towards you, but I don't know where

417
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,360
Speaker 3: it stems from. As you can imagine, this provides very

418
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 3: little to know insight about how to approach this. Yeah,

419
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 3: that sounds very difficult to do it. Yeah, I'm puzzled,

420
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 3: I'm frustrated, and I do not know what to do.

421
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,360
Speaker 3: At this point, currently, we've arrived at a place where

422
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,679
Speaker 3: she says that she has no spicy sleep drive and

423
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,680
Speaker 3: no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all

424
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 3: she wants is simply companionship, which basically means our co

425
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 3: parenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly

426
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 3: do or what it is about me that is so

427
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,439
Speaker 3: unattractive or undesirable, and her response is always I don't know.

428
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 3: She stated that she does love me, but it's not

429
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 3: the same, that she has been feeling disconnected for years,

430
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 3: and that our marriage just takes up too much work.

431
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 3: Her focus is only the children for now, and that

432
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 3: my co parenting contributions are meaningful to her in our home.

433
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 3: In regard to intimacy and or spicy sleep, she basically

434
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 3: told me that it's not something she's interested in or

435
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 3: Once at this time, she mentioned that the only way

436
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 3: to get to a point for any of that is

437
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 3: to be intoxicated, which.

438
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 1: I believe is incredibly awful and very wrong.

439
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 3: I told her, I do not think forcing herself to

440
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 3: have spicy sleep or being intimate by drinking or smoking

441
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 3: is good, and I declined to be a part of that, which,

442
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 3: to my surprise, upset her and made her more distant.

443
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: Interesting, y'all need to break divorce. You think she doesn't

444
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 1: love you like that anymore, and it's turning you because

445
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: you're trying to. You're searching for some reason of why

446
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 1: she doesn't love you. She doesn't seem to know. Maybe

447
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: she does know and she's lying. Yeah, but either way,

448
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. She doesn't love you anymore, she's

449
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: not physically attracted to you anymore. Yeah, there's but it's.

450
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,399
Speaker 3: Not much she can do because it kind of sounds

451
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 3: like she just doesn't want that at all. So it

452
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 3: doesn't even sound like she wants that with another person,

453
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 3: which ye sure might might be true.

454
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: In either case, it isn't doing Ope any good to

455
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: stay there, and she gets what she wants out of

456
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,200
Speaker 1: the relationship with which is like a companion friend, yeah,

457
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: a co parent, But that's not what Ope wants so,

458
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: and that doesn't mean you can't coparent effectively.

459
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:06,120
Speaker 3: To continue, We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never

460
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,199
Speaker 3: cheated on each other, and we are always free to

461
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 3: look through each other's phones, emails, socials, et cetera, and

462
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 3: we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was

463
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 3: someone else, and she declined honestly.

464
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: I believe her.

465
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 3: We then peacefully went through each other's things, and as expected,

466
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 3: it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with

467
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 3: the hard topics, so I don't smell nor feel any

468
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 3: foul play or in fidelity. I'd love some outside perspective

469
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 3: on this matter and some insight on how to address

470
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 3: something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted

471
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,199
Speaker 3: and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it, and

472
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 3: we do have an update, but man, I feel like

473
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 3: I don't know. I wouldn't jump to divorce just yet.

474
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 3: I feel like if they've been married for such a

475
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 3: long time, I don't know. I feel like I've just

476
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 3: heard that happened with married couples, where it's just like

477
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 3: here's you go for a long time things. Maybe sometimes

478
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 3: you just I don't know, maybe you're growing apart in

479
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 3: certain ways, or maybe it's just some sort of like

480
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 3: like which that can lead to divorce for sure, But

481
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,399
Speaker 3: I feel like i've heard of it just being a

482
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 3: kind of phase in their lives as well.

483
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 1: It totally could be, which is why I think separation

484
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: would be helpful. Yeah, maybe it seems like this has

485
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 1: been going on for longer than a minute.

486
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 2: Yeah he said it for like three years.

487
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: It's been three years. Is not just a phase? Well,

488
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 1: you know, at that point, it's like that she's lost

489
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 1: feelings brim.

490
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 3: We haven't heard a lot about like how their therapy

491
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 3: has been going, so I'm curious to here. We do

492
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 3: have an update, okay, and a lot more to the story,

493
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 3: So let's see how this goes, all right, So on

494
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 3: to the update. One of the main things that is

495
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 3: the buzzword of this has been the term of resentment,

496
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,640
Speaker 3: and it has been really eating me up inside knowing

497
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 3: my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's

498
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,920
Speaker 3: resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally

499
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 3: and mentally. Brought this up with our therapist once again

500
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 3: and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long

501
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 3: fifteen years and being together since we were fourteen years old.

502
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: Oh wow, which, honestly, I think even makes more sense

503
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: why she's having these feelings. This is the only person

504
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,919
Speaker 1: that she's ever been with. Yeah, No, that's so common.

505
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: It's so common for people to be like, wow, you're

506
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: the only person I've ever been with. They're only thirty.

507
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: Five and having these these uh questions, Like I think this.

508
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: Is super common for people who have only ever had

509
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: one relationship to realize, Wow, I really not like settled,

510
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:28,159
Speaker 1: but yeah, I didn't like I didn't Yeah, I know, any,

511
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about love when you're fourteen. Yeah.

512
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 3: Our long history of growing up and how having children

513
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: when she was nineteen years old and me twenty significantly

514
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 3: changed the trajectory of our lives. We experienced severe poverty

515
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 3: and many hardships in the process, and we essentially had

516
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 3: zero social life for the past ten years because we

517
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 3: were so busy raising two raising babies, two kids now

518
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 3: ages twelve and fourteen. She followed up with tons of

519
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: questions directed mostly of my wife about her feelings towards this,

520
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 3: and ninety percent of the responses were very our kids focused.

521
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 3: It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying yes,

522
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 3: it sucked because she would feel guilt or shame because

523
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 3: it would imply that she regrets the kids. I mentioned

524
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 3: this in the session, and the therapist encouraged her to

525
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: look to look at this outside of the lens of

526
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 3: being a mother and try to view it a bit

527
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 3: more selfishly and individually. And it was a very and

528
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 3: it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she

529
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 3: was very frustrated with the facts that we did miss

530
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 3: out on many things in life. She also was very

531
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: clear in saying, I do not think I missed out

532
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 3: on other partners or dating or partying, but I certainly

533
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 3: lost all my friends. This was huge because one of

534
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 3: the big pieces that has caused a strain in our

535
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 3: lives is how siloed and isolated we've been again busy

536
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 3: raising kids.

537
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

538
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 3: I followed up by reminding her that it's important to

539
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 3: have good friends and to make time for herself and

540
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,479
Speaker 3: her friendships. For the past three plus years, we've had

541
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 3: multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to

542
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 3: have them in life, especially when you have similar peers

543
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,360
Speaker 3: that can help in many areas of life that perhaps

544
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 3: we have no experience navigating, and even simply for enjoyment.

545
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 3: It has always been something my wife avoids, even though

546
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 3: she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The

547
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 3: main reason for her not investing in friends or even

548
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: herself has always been the kids. Like I mentioned earlier

549
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 3: in the post, ninety percent of the answers have to

550
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 3: relate to the kids to some degree. At this point

551
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 3: in our session, I started to feel like there was

552
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 3: a common denominator the kids in most of the frustrations

553
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 3: and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her,

554
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,880
Speaker 3: do you think you may be upset at me? Because

555
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 3: I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that we

556
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 3: got children so young in life. I wasn't ready, but

557
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 3: she said that she was upset at me for that.

558
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 3: She also followed up with the facts so that she

559
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 3: knows that's unreasonable because it takes two to tango. I

560
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 3: did feel like it was progress because it kind of

561
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 3: gave us something to work on and help alleviate some

562
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: of these burdens. So we agreed to invest more time

563
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 3: in nurturing good friendships, both together and individually. Towards the

564
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 3: end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable

565
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 3: items we would take from the session. At this point,

566
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 3: it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to

567
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 3: what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very

568
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 3: forward and asking my wife what her plan is moving forward.

569
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 3: Note I had decided prior to the session that should

570
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 3: that should my wife say the same thing about being

571
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 3: a co parenting roommate, that I would take the one

572
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 3: to eighty approach and essentially do me. She started basically

573
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 3: saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire

574
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: to be intimate or spicy related with me as of now,

575
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 3: and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad

576
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 3: for not being there for me. As mentioned in my

577
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 3: first post, I also brought up the brief swinging that

578
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,199
Speaker 3: happened to which, for the fiftieth time, she said it

579
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 3: wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. That

580
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 3: was something that was a mechanical approach for a solution

581
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 3: to a problem that was very much in existence when

582
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 3: we tried this. We both really have no issue to this.

583
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 3: We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped

584
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 3: and turned the page. I also brought up other life

585
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 3: events that may cause resentment and really we ended up

586
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 3: not getting anywhere else as far as the route for resentment,

587
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 3: which was discouraging. I then basically expressed to my wife

588
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 3: that I will not be okay with that arrangement. I

589
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 3: told her that I've really done everything I can and

590
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 3: that this issue really has reached a point where it

591
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 3: has nothing to do with me or require me to

592
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 3: do anything that I am currently not doing. I was

593
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 3: very direct in saying that I will not be accepting

594
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: this dynamic and that I need to be with someone

595
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 3: who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions,

596
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 3: and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy

597
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: and spicy related relationship. However, I made it clear that

598
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 3: if this dynamic continues, that divorce will be the only outcome.

599
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: Of course, tears were involved.

600
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: And it was a very bleak and sad ending to

601
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: the session.

602
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 3: Still nothing was said, and I walked out very discouraged

603
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 3: and very determined to start working on the one eighty

604
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 3: as soon as we left the room. It's painful and

605
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 3: very difficult because much of the one eighty requires you

606
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 3: to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest

607
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 3: part is realizing this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.

608
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: Uh here is where it gets very interesting.

609
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 3: I started working on implementing many of the one eighty record.

610
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 3: That same date, I mentioned to my wife that, hey,

611
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 3: things are going to be a bit different moving forward.

612
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 3: I'm going to honor her roommate co parenting dynamic without reproach,

613
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 3: and that it should be no mistake that I am

614
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 3: not happy here and I'm never going to be okay

615
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: with it, but I am done working on it. If

616
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: she wasn't going to work on it, she agreed and

617
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 3: went to bed. I started to build distance and started

618
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 3: to basically focus on myself, very short and transactional. She

619
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 3: asked for help on some of her personal things, to

620
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 3: which I declined, and it really shocked her. She was upset,

621
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 3: saying that I was being petulant. I explained to her

622
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 3: that she is now fully in charge of her own

623
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 3: life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day

624
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 3: and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep

625
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 3: this going, and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I

626
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 3: typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing,

627
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 3: but I didn't this time.

628
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: That night, she was.

629
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 3: Crying, telling me that she's stressed and she thinks something

630
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 3: is wrong with me because I'm quote indifferent. I'm simply

631
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 3: I simply listened, and I told her that this is

632
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 3: the dynamic that she proposed, and that I'm simply much

633
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 3: like her, taking care of myself and focusing on myself.

634
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: I'm not going to lie.

635
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 3: It has been very hard to be cold and distant, because,

636
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 3: as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish

637
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 3: I could hold her and love on her. However, I

638
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 3: know this is someone manipulative in a way just to

639
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 3: get her way and still keep me in the friend zone.

640
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 3: So I've been staying the course. We're not going on

641
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 3: a week of this one to eighty, and let's just

642
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 3: say there have been many changes on her side. I

643
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 3: think she's starting to realize that there is more to

644
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 3: me than just friends and co parenting. I sent her

645
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 3: a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and

646
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 3: separating the financial responsibilities fifty to fifty, and she.

647
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: Lost her crap.

648
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 3: She basically told me it was out of left field,

649
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 3: to which I responded, Hey, friends go in fifty to

650
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 3: fifty and as your friend, I expect nothing less and yeah,

651
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 3: especially if they're gonna be co parents too.

652
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: That would be what that is. Don't know if I

653
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: like this? Yeah, what do you think? It just feels

654
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 1: like a roundabout way of separating.

655
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I think that's kind of his idea, but

656
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, why are we?

657
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: It feels kind It does feel kind of like I

658
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: don't want to say that it's all on him, because

659
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 1: it absolutely is not. Yeah, she is definitely, you know,

660
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: absolutely in the wrong here, But it does feel kind

661
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: of petulant instead of being like, Hey, we're gonna because

662
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: you want this dynamic from now on, this is how

663
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: it's gonna be. Let's go down, Like I'm we're gonna

664
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: be splitting things fifty to fifty. I'm not gonna be

665
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 1: helping you on things because like having that conversation like.

666
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 2: A forehand maybe, Yeah, it just feels like he's like,

667
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 2: oh nah, you want my help?

668
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, just a friend. I can't help you. Maybe if

669
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: I were, you're as I can. That's what it feels like. Yeah,

670
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: I agree.

671
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 3: I think maybe a conversation about this stuff before he's

672
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 3: doing this sure would definitely help. Yeah, but I don't

673
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 3: think that this approach is like like I feel like

674
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: the approach is definitely it's it doesn't feel like the

675
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 3: worst idea to me, but definitely with the conversation, I'm

676
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 3: like I said, Teddy, just separate, just divorce. This was

677
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 3: very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of

678
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 3: how I'm really taken for granted and how her level

679
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 3: of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked,

680
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: pushed through anyways, and basically told her that this is

681
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 3: the new dynamic she asked for and that it's still

682
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 3: a bargain because she would have to be one hundred

683
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 3: percent if it was on her own. I I've noticed

684
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 3: that she's making more time for herself aside from being

685
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 3: a mom, which is huge because she pretty much neglected

686
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 3: herself for years.

687
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: That is great.

688
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself.

689
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 3: My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the

690
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 3: marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point

691
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 3: where this will go. We are very much cordial and

692
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 3: amicable even to this day, and that's a very good sign.

693
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 3: Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear, and I

694
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 3: feel that no mounter of the outcome, I will be

695
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 3: at peace with everything that has been done. We're still

696
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 3: going to continue the couple's therapists until we either rekindle

697
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 3: our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like

698
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 3: having this non biased third party really helps as a

699
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 3: witness and as a guide through this.

700
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: Thank you all for the.

701
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: Kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my

702
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 3: last post on this topic, and I wish you all

703
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: the best. And there is another update. Definably not the

704
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 3: last post because this is a long Yeah, this we're

705
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 3: exactly halfway through this story.

706
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. I still have hope for.

707
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 3: This, honest, you have so much, so much because listen,

708
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 3: it's like I kind of feel like, Okay, early on

709
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 3: in relationships, even just like a few years, you know

710
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 3: what I mean, Yeah, it's harder to get through things

711
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 3: like this, But I've not been married.

712
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: I haven't been with anyone for twenty years.

713
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 3: Sure, and I know they're super young, but like I

714
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 3: just I feel like problems I've heard from married people.

715
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 3: If I was going through that, i'd be like bye, yeah,

716
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 3: But then again, these married it's different for them, you know,

717
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 3: because they're married. Yeah, and they've been together for so long,

718
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 3: and I feel like she has it a feeling like

719
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 3: she's got individual problems and then she discussed you know,

720
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 3: like not having friends and like and that being a thing,

721
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 3: like maybe.

722
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: She is just tired of being around him twenty four

723
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 2: to seven.

724
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 1: I think that nothing will change until she figures out

725
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: who she is. She's been with him since she was fourteen, Yeah,

726
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: very young. She had kids at nineteen. She has never

727
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 1: had a chance to figure out who she is as

728
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: an individual, because from fourteen to like twenty, you know,

729
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 1: I want probably they're thirty five, twenty five or like

730
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: twenty eight is when you.

731
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 2: Figure out who you are. Yeah, that is prime, Like.

732
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: What is my personality? What do I want to do?

733
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: Who do I want to be? Right?

734
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 2: She has not had that time. We have a whole

735
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: half left of this story.

736
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: Is so a lot of storyline.

737
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 3: Very curious how they figure this out. So update number two.

738
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,840
Speaker 3: I debated for a long time on whether to submit

739
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 3: an update on this matter. A few significant changes have

740
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 3: taken place, and I felt it would be good to

741
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 3: not only share with you, but also to allow myself

742
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 3: to process all of this in a uniform way. We're

743
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 3: almost nine weeks in on the one to eighty method

744
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 3: I mentioned I was starting, and it started to render

745
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 3: some positive reactions from my wife.

746
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 1: I explained in the.

747
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 3: Previous posts that she started to notice things that she

748
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 3: previously took for granted, started to ask more about my whereabouts,

749
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 3: and also started to notice that I would go out

750
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 3: with the kids more often without her, and she started

751
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 3: to invite herself, which I didn't decline.

752
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 2: So so much has changed, and it has changed for

753
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 2: what seems to be for the better.

754
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 3: This past Memorial Day weekend, my wife asked me if

755
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 3: I wanted to go out for coffee because she wanted

756
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 3: to talk to me about something. This was huge because

757
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 3: I can't recall when the last time my wife asked

758
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 3: to talk to me about something important. I must admit

759
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 3: I was very nervous and worried about what this could

760
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 3: be about, and my mind was racing with the plethora

761
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,399
Speaker 3: of scenarios of what it could possibly be. Of course,

762
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 3: I agreed, and we took some time away from the

763
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,479
Speaker 3: kids to have this conversation at a local coffee shop.

764
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 3: The talk was very constructive in nature. There was a

765
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 3: ton of insightful information about herself that helped me further

766
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 3: understand where she is in life, both emotionally and mentally.

767
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 3: We summarized with the core issues we are encountering on

768
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 3: and she asked me for help. This is new and

769
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 3: I cannot tell you how excited I was hearing something

770
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 3: so sincere coming from my wife, who for the last

771
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 3: two plus years has been absent. So after she was

772
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 3: through sharing all her thoughts, I proposed a plan that

773
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,800
Speaker 3: I felt was right for us. This is something that

774
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 3: I had been thinking about these last few weeks, and

775
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,399
Speaker 3: I was planning on bringing this up in a few

776
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 3: months if I noticed that things were not changing for

777
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 3: the better. This date felt like the right place to

778
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 3: share it since it goes hand in hand with what

779
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 3: she talked about, and it also relates to the help

780
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: that she was.

781
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: Asking me for.

782
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 3: I started by first acknowledging her feelings and concerns. I

783
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 3: told her that they are valid and how she feels

784
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 3: is personal to her, and then I care that she

785
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 3: feels this way because I don't like the thought of

786
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 3: her being sad or depressed. I also told her that

787
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 3: MY goal still is and will always be for us

788
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 3: to reconcile and be the happily ever after we vowed

789
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,480
Speaker 3: to be for each other, and that MY love for

790
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 3: her is as strong, if not stronger, as it was

791
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 3: the day, we said I too. I continue the conversation

792
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 3: by telling her how I felt about the whole situation

793
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 3: read my previous posts for details, and how it affects.

794
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: Me every day.

795
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,719
Speaker 3: I also clarified some things that she mentioned as she

796
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 3: was feeling because how I have been very distant and

797
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 3: monotone which transactional lately. I explained to her that I

798
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,720
Speaker 3: was very much trying to protect my feelings and emotions

799
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 3: from the rejection and neglect, that it wasn't personal, and

800
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 3: that it was simply me safeguarding myself because I cannot

801
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 3: control her, I can only control myself. This was a

802
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 3: perfect segue to the core of this approach, which is

803
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,840
Speaker 3: focused on self accountability. I told her that for the

804
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: longest time, I was always working hard to make her

805
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 3: happy and do things that I knew she enjoyed or wanted. However,

806
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 3: I was always met with rejection and disappointment because which

807
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 3: caused a load of stress on me. I explained to

808
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 3: her that I had to make a change for myself.

809
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 3: After all, I can only control myself and make the

810
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 3: changes that I want or myself. I mentioned how I

811
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 3: was starting to implement new habits and routines that will

812
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 3: help edify me, all while still executing all of our

813
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 3: shared responsibilities, including parenting, finances, and daily living activities. I

814
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 3: explained that the goal is to continue to improve myself

815
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 3: both as a husband and father, learn more, and be healthier,

816
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 3: amongst other things.

817
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: See this is why I love, This is great. This

818
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 1: is the self improvement. Yeah, they need like focus on

819
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: yourselves exactly.

820
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 3: I totally agree. She was very receptive to this. She

821
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 3: told me that she sees what I'm doing and that

822
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 3: she's proud of the changes she has seen. She also

823
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 3: told me that she's starting to realize that she feels

824
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 3: left behind and that much of the things that have

825
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 3: affected her negatively are her own fault. Towards the end

826
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 3: of the conversation, which was about three hours, there was

827
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 3: a very high spirit of reconciliation in the room. I

828
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,240
Speaker 3: told her that MY goal is to ultimately make this work. However,

829
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 3: I was very clear that I was not going to

830
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 3: live under the current circumstances. I told her that my

831
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 3: heart wants her to be happy, even if it means elsewhere,

832
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 3: and then I also deserve to be my happy self. Yes.

833
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,720
Speaker 3: I also explained that I do not want our children

834
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 3: to grow up thinking that this was okay or normal

835
00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 3: because they deserve better as well.

836
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 1: She told me that she doesn't either.

837
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 3: She told me she doesn't know what to do, to

838
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 3: which I replied, let's see some clear Oh, let's set

839
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 3: some clear goals. However, the goals will be for ourselves,

840
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 3: not for each other. So here's what we established. We

841
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,359
Speaker 3: are in charge of our own happiness. The key here

842
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 3: is that she's not responsible for making me happy, and

843
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 3: vice versa. We both need to seek what that personal

844
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 3: plan looks like individually. Also, we are both encouraged to

845
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 3: include each other in taking those steps if we want,

846
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 3: but it's not required. We are in control of our

847
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 3: own individual lives and our own journey. This means that

848
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 3: we're both responsible in finding the resources necessary to grow, change,

849
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 3: and heal. We can definitely help one another when help

850
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 3: is requested. However, unsolicited advice or help will not be rendered.

851
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 3: We are responsible for communicating. This ensures nothing is left unset.

852
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 3: If it was never brought up or discussed, it never happened.

853
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 3: We are not mind readers, and we need to take

854
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 3: ownership when we fail to communicate.

855
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: I wonder what his.

856
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 3: Job is because this all feels very like these there

857
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 3: like this feels like legal jargon that we're in therapy

858
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 3: for two years, so they probably haven't present therapy books.

859
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 3: Memori r B make a list of needs and wants.

860
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: This gives us both clear direction about meeting each other's needs.

861
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: This also gives us a choice as to what we

862
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 3: want or choose to do, compromise on, or decline to do.

863
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 3: This list also will not serve as a checklist for accountability.

864
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,320
Speaker 3: We made it clear that we would not be bringing

865
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 3: this list up for the purpose of arguing, and it

866
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 3: was up to the other person to use the list

867
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 3: as a tool for growth, transparency, or clarification.

868
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 1: We concluded that.

869
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 3: It was up to us to decide if we will

870
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 3: be happy doing these things for ourselves because we care

871
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 3: not to simply check a box. This was very important

872
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 3: in order to establish long term habits and not short

873
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 3: term band aids, because you cannot make someone change or

874
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 3: do something that they do not believe is important.

875
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've definitely been the therapy a long time.

876
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: Is crazy.

877
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 3: We will also establish a deadline Memorial Day twenty twenty five.

878
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 3: Whoa at the end of the conversation, and we conclude

879
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 3: by setting memorial Day twenty twenty five is a hard

880
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 3: stop to evaluate our lives in our progress. We agreed

881
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 3: that we would do this with the clear understanding that

882
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 3: we will independently decide if we are happy here. If

883
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 3: we determined we aren't happy, we will be getting a divorce.

884
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 3: We would also both assume full responsibility for what happened

885
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,439
Speaker 3: should we get divorced. For example, if needs were not met,

886
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 3: it would mean my partner chose not to meet them.

887
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: This place is full responsibility on each other in all areas.

888
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 3: Their whole process requires that if needs were not met,

889
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 3: next question should be did we do everything to address

890
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 3: this issue? If yes, then we will have a clear

891
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 3: conscience of what transpired and know that we left no

892
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 3: stone unturned.

893
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: If, however, we didn't.

894
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 3: Do everything to address the issue, it will mean the

895
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 3: issue was not important enough for you or didn't care

896
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 3: to meet those needs. This goes both ways in all areas.

897
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 3: Like everything else, we established that the main motivator for

898
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: change should be ourselves, and that if we did that,

899
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 3: we would in turn begin to see beneficial changes towards

900
00:42:59,239 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: each other.

901
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: The goal is to ensure that everything we are.

902
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 3: Doing for one another to meet each other's needs is

903
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 3: being done because we want to do it for our spouse,

904
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 3: not because he or she asked. Instead, it was done

905
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 3: because I know it makes him or her happy, and

906
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 3: I love seeing them happy. I felt it was important

907
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 3: to mention to her that we are no longer required

908
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 3: to do anything for each other. It is now more

909
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 3: of a I want to do these things for each other. Ultimately,

910
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 3: I felt the conversation was very positive and productive. Many

911
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 3: tears were shed and lots of hugging ensued. I know

912
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 3: this doesn't mean or guarantee anything. However, this has never

913
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 3: happened before, and I can honestly attribute it to the

914
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 3: one hunt the one eighty method. I cannot give any

915
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 3: more insight on this method other than it's the only

916
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 3: thing that I did different and something new happened for

917
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 3: what seems to be the better I've decided I will

918
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 3: conclude and we'll refrain from this method moving forward. As

919
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 3: the plan now has changed. I'm planning to devote myself

920
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 3: entirely to not only myself and my growth, but to

921
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 3: also work on her needs and once because I want

922
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 3: her to be happy by my side, She said and

923
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 3: agreed that she do the same for herself. We agreed

924
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 3: that we would help and build each other wherever we

925
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 3: request for it, and that we will be approaching this

926
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 3: as a team.

927
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 1: Memorial Day twenty twenty five has passed. Yeah, are they together?

928
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: I'm so cuse they're n up there? Do you think

929
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: they are? I don't know. I don't know.

930
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 3: I it's because listen, Yeah, I'm not weeding out divorce

931
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:24,280
Speaker 3: as possible.

932
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 2: You just want them to do everything possible exactly to

933
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: prevent Yes, that's exactly.

934
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: It seems like they're working on I agree. So I again,

935
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: unfortunately do things that they're doing a great job. Yeah,

936
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: at being copered. They are doing everything that they can

937
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: to be effective, you know, in maintaining any sort of relationship. Yeah,

938
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: like this is great to do in general. Right, but

939
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:57,439
Speaker 1: I just we literally haven't had any conversation about whether

940
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 1: or not she makes emotions or any change in the

941
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: com of you know, emotions. And then yeah, that is that.

942
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 1: That was his thing. He said, you don't love me,

943
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: you don't want to to, you know, sleep with me. Yeah,

944
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 1: I want those things. And if we are at an impass,

945
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: then yeah, yeah you can't. There's only so much you

946
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: can fix in a relationship. If you don't have those

947
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: two things, especially when yeah, once we do have a

948
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 1: little bit more to the story. So I hope we

949
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: get an answer.

950
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

951
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 3: So, as of today, some of the biggest changes I

952
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 3: have noticed are her commitment to therapy and mental health.

953
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 3: She is taking some antidepressants that are helping her. She

954
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 3: is also more confident and in a far better mood.

955
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 3: More frequently. We have started to explore more ways of

956
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 3: intimacy in multiple areas, such as physical touch and words

957
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 3: of affirmation. Spicy sleep is starting to make appearance, which

958
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: is exciting. Side note, spicy sleep was very, very awkward

959
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 3: to start when you've been absent for so long, I

960
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 3: can imagine.

961
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:53,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

962
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 2: We've also started to work out together, which is great,

963
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 2: and have lost weight.

964
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 1: Which is also very exciting.

965
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 3: Overall, communication has improved, and I cannot wait to see

966
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 3: where the sleeps.

967
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,359
Speaker 1: I hope this helps someone out there.

968
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 3: I'm still very much interested in your feedback and thoughts

969
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 3: on this. You all have been a huge help in

970
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 3: giving me hope and insight in this tough journey. Trolls aside,

971
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 3: many of you have really been instrumental in my journey,

972
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 3: both emotionally and mentally. I will not be providing any

973
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 3: more updates until Memorial Day next year. I think it's

974
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:25,240
Speaker 3: now time to keep focusing on myself and start working

975
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 3: on all the new opportunities that hopefully will arise with

976
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 3: my wife. I wish you all the best in your

977
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 3: life and your relationships with those you love.

978
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 2: Okay, on, please tell me there's an update?

979
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: Please?

980
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 2: So oh oh is there?

981
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 5: We get something from Opeace.

982
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 1: Okay.

983
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:47,800
Speaker 5: It says marriage update coming Dummer twenty twenty.

984
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,839
Speaker 1: Stobab it's so big. It is Semmar twenty twenty five.

985
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 1: I know I looked into it. It's a little short thing.

986
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 5: I'm going to read it.

987
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 1: Okay.

988
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 5: I've received many messages asking about an update on how

989
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 5: my marriage is going. Okay, I'm releasing a final post

990
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 5: about this topic in the summer.

991
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 1: I hate you. Oh Okay, Okay, maybe I don't hate you.

992
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 5: I'll need to figure out what subs to post on,

993
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 5: considering some have blocked my updates in the past. Feel

994
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:15,919
Speaker 5: free to recommend more.

995
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: Than posted on.

996
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 5: Okay story time. Yes, please, this is the final tidbit.

997
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 5: Thank you for all your kind words of hope and encouragement.

998
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:26,240
Speaker 5: I want to encourage you as well to keep fighting

999
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 5: for your marriages.

1000
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 2: Okay, talk soonest.

1001
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: Like little like movie trailer. Okay, So it seems oh

1002
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 1: they're still he's still working on still working on it,

1003
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: which and maybe he rains. Yeah, I will say it

1004
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:47,919
Speaker 1: seems like there's been some improvement, especially because they're adding

1005
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: intimacy in different forms. Yeah, back into their relationship. Yeah,

1006
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: so that that is a change. I mean, it seems

1007
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 1: like she has some sort of attraction, whereas before it

1008
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:02,959
Speaker 1: seemed like she had none. Right, Opie does not give up. Yeah,

1009
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: and maybe maybe you know, definitely commend you for that.

1010
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:11,839
Speaker 1: Sure that will you know, be successful? Yeah, John here

1011
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but

1012
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: a quick three minute break from as from our sponsors.

1013
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 6: I revoked my daughter's college fund and she didn't take it. Well,

1014
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 6: maybe you should go back to college. I know it

1015
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,919
Speaker 6: sounds bad, but please hear me out. When my wife

1016
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 6: and I divorced, my daughter, fourteen female took my wife's side,

1017
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 6: which I was pretty upset about and surprised by. She

1018
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 6: was twelve when we separated and we were very close,

1019
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:40,240
Speaker 6: unlike her and her mother. I didn't hold it against

1020
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,439
Speaker 6: her because she's a kid and didn't know any better,

1021
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 6: and I make the effort to see her. I love

1022
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 6: spending time with my daughter. By the way, this comes

1023
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,800
Speaker 6: from deleted and if you want to submit your own stories,

1024
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 6: go to the r slash.

1025
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 1: Okay storytime separated. So I met my current wife four

1026
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: years ago. She was pre law and was planning on

1027
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 1: taking loans to pay for law school. However, about two

1028
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: years ago, we were engaged and I didn't want her

1029
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: to take on any loans, so I offered to pay

1030
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: for law school. She was apprehensive, but I wanted a

1031
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 1: good start to our married life and did not want

1032
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 1: any loans hanging over our heads, so she agreed. I

1033
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:17,240
Speaker 1: used my daughter's college fund to pay for my wife's

1034
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 1: school and planned on replenishing it so that my daughter

1035
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:22,800
Speaker 1: would have a fund when it was her turn to

1036
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,359
Speaker 1: go to college. I put a little money each month.

1037
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: I honestly thought this was okay because when I had

1038
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: asked her about college at the time of doing this,

1039
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 1: she said that she wanted to go to makeup school

1040
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: and be a makeup artist and that college sucks. Well,

1041
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:39,839
Speaker 1: apparently her mindset changed because on Sunday we met up

1042
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: and she was talking about ap classes. I was surprised

1043
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: because I didn't think she was interested in school. You

1044
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: should go to school. I asked her if she was joking,

1045
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: but she said that she's aiming for a computer science

1046
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 1: at some top private college and that her dream is

1047
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 1: to start a startup business. She then asked me if

1048
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: she had a college fund, and she wanted to know

1049
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 1: if she should add on an EC or get a job.

1050
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,800
Speaker 1: I told her the truth about her college fund and

1051
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: that right now there's not enough money for even a

1052
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: year out of private college. She then started crying and

1053
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 1: making a scene and told me that she couldn't believe

1054
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: that I chose my wife over her mom, and now

1055
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 1: I'm choosing her again over my daughter again, which is

1056
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 1: not true since my daughter is getting a fund, just

1057
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 1: not private school tuition. She then called my wife a

1058
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 1: bunch of awful names that I won't say here. I

1059
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:27,919
Speaker 1: told her that she's probably not going to get into

1060
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: a private school because she wasn't even serious about school

1061
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: two years ago. She called me a crap dad yep,

1062
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 1: and ran away until her mom came to get her.

1063
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: Her mom later called me angrily about what I said

1064
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: to her and said that my daughter is on track

1065
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: to win some prestigious Science Fair award, and I was

1066
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,800
Speaker 1: way out of line with what I said, and that

1067
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 1: I obviously don't know her. I was honestly so done

1068
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: with the bs she pulled and her attitude towards my

1069
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 1: wife never has been good, and said that I'm probably

1070
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,280
Speaker 1: going to revoke my daughter's college fund since she obviously

1071
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 1: doesn't deserve it with what she pulled today, my daughter

1072
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 1: is now refusing to see me and calling me by

1073
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: my first name. I still stand by my decision. Am

1074
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: I the A hole? Yes? Yeah, yeah, point blank period

1075
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: A hole?

1076
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1077
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: Uh?

1078
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 1: And there is an edit oh boy, oh boy, I

1079
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: know that op to the comments at it. I'm done

1080
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: with the rude comments about my wife. It's am I

1081
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: the A hole? Not is my wife the A hole?

1082
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:27,759
Speaker 1: That's what you both heard about the ale. Not that

1083
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 1: you guys deserve any additional information. But my wife really

1084
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,320
Speaker 1: is great. I'll accept an a whole judgment for me cheating.

1085
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 1: I was a super a hole for cheating happy my

1086
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 1: wife wasn't. When we met, so I was thirty two

1087
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 1: and she was twenty. We had a casual relationship and

1088
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to start it, but she was so

1089
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,600
Speaker 1: amazing she was twenty and I had such a vibrant

1090
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,719
Speaker 1: personality and I was really depressed at the time, but

1091
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 1: she helped uplift me. I didn't really tell her I

1092
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 1: was married, only that I had a daughter. And I

1093
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 1: know that's bad, but I didn't feel married to my

1094
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:00,760
Speaker 1: ex wife at the time. I was so oh unhappy,

1095
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: and she was too. My wife and I had an

1096
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: amazing relationship, and as she was going to be graduating

1097
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 1: college soon, she wanted to get serious. I told her

1098
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,400
Speaker 1: the truth and my wife was upset, but she decided

1099
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:15,520
Speaker 1: to forgive me. I proposed and introduced her to my daughter,

1100
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: and she hoped we would be a family. She was

1101
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: nothing but kind my daughter, but my daughter was hostile

1102
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 1: from the minute she met her. Never gave her a chance.

1103
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 1: My daughter and my mom would play cruel pranks on her,

1104
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,839
Speaker 1: like organizing a date and never showing up, ruining her

1105
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: wedding dress, spreading rumors about her to all my relatives,

1106
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 1: making fun of her to her face. My wife took

1107
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: the high route and forgave all that, only speaking highly

1108
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 1: of my daughter, even to her friend. She'll brag about

1109
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: how pretty and amazing my daughter is and how she's

1110
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,800
Speaker 1: sure my daughter will accept her when she's a bit older.

1111
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 1: So yes, my wife is a saint and an amazing person.

1112
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 1: Stop trapping on her. Read it. You got your backstory

1113
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 1: at it number two.

1114
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 2: I will keep my.

1115
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:56,840
Speaker 1: Daughter's fun and try to add enough money for private

1116
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 1: school if she doesn't apologize and consider my wife her family,

1117
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 1: though she won't be getting it. I'd rather her be

1118
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: hostile to me and hate me rather than my wife

1119
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 1: since I affd up. But my wife is feeling guilty

1120
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: over something that's not her mistake. And there is an update, folks.

1121
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 4: I'll try to add to my college fund so that

1122
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 4: your college fund doesn't exist.

1123
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 1: Your college fund is zero.

1124
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:24,240
Speaker 4: Your college fund can't even fund probably a semester of school.

1125
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it's zero, but Opius said it

1126
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 1: can't fund a semester of private school. So that's it's it's.

1127
00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 4: Just because he was putting like two hundred a month

1128
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 4: in that, as though that would even pay that would

1129
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 4: not even having looked into special effects makeup school before,

1130
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 4: would not even fund that.

1131
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 2: And also if he's saying, you put two hundred a

1132
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 2: month and this is probably she's like twelve when they divorced,

1133
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 2: she's probably like sixteen seven since she was like a sophomore.

1134
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 2: Now yeah, okay, so she's probably about sixteen, So it's

1135
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 2: four years.

1136
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he has saved four.

1137
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:04,399
Speaker 2: And he's threatening. He's like, maybe you'll get that four

1138
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:05,959
Speaker 2: thousand if you're good.

1139
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 1: Who is it? That's two years up from board here

1140
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 1: in the US, insane at a public university that doesn't

1141
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: even get you, like if you went to another country,

1142
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 1: like let's say you go freaking study in Australia. That's

1143
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 1: not even that's not even a year there. Okay, there's

1144
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 1: an update. So a lot of crap went down after

1145
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 1: I posted this, or because I posted this. Actually, my

1146
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 1: wife called my daughter's mother because she felt bad about

1147
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:37,239
Speaker 1: the situation and he's sad about my relationship with my daughter.

1148
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:40,800
Speaker 1: She insisted on the remaining money in the account, about

1149
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:43,720
Speaker 1: forty five K, going to my daughter in a separate

1150
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:46,320
Speaker 1: fund controlled by her mother. Her mother didn't take that

1151
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:48,360
Speaker 1: well and hung up on my wife after telling her

1152
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: that she didn't need her charity. My wife now won't

1153
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,080
Speaker 1: talk to me because she feels that I put her

1154
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: in a bad position and should have told her before

1155
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 1: that the money was my daughter's because do you figure

1156
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,399
Speaker 1: that it was just extra money I had left over

1157
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,800
Speaker 1: and not my daughter's fund. She's saying that I caused

1158
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 1: unnecessary drama and could have handled the situation way better,

1159
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 1: and that she's trying her best to fix what I broke,

1160
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,520
Speaker 1: but she's exhausted. She's currently packing to go stay with

1161
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 1: her parents for the time being. So that's that my

1162
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 1: ex wife is furious at me because my wife called

1163
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,720
Speaker 1: her and she didn't want to hear my wife's which voice.

1164
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: She blew up at me for taking everything so far

1165
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 1: and is blaming me for ruining everyone's happiness. She says

1166
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: that I can't fix anything anymore and not to even

1167
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: worry about my daughter's fund because she didn't raise her

1168
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: daughter to get on all four knees and beg, and

1169
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 1: that she is everything figured out for her daughter now.

1170
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: She thanks me for putting everything into perspective and said

1171
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 1: that I'm no longer permitted to visit or contact my daughter.

1172
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: She is full custody. I'm now sitting here typing all

1173
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: this out and figuring out ways to contest custody. That's

1174
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: what's happening in my life right now. I just don't

1175
00:55:57,960 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 1: get how everything got all messed up. When my heart

1176
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: is in the right place, I don't feel wrong. What

1177
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: day the ex wise post? Yeo?

1178
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 2: I Oh, she's gonna be like he's a freaking liar.

1179
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 1: We've never played tricks on his I Oh, all right, folks,

1180
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 1: we've got the ex wife's post. This is about to

1181
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 1: get even crazier. Am I the ahle for not dropping

1182
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 1: out of med school for my ex's mental health? Oh?

1183
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 4: Okay, so this isn't in relation to the story we

1184
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 4: read necessarily?

1185
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:30,759
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's gonna give us a little bit

1186
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,279
Speaker 1: more background. So a family member not gonna say who

1187
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:38,920
Speaker 1: so my ex won't burst them out boarded me Victor's post. Victor,

1188
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 1: if you're reading this, I honestly can't believe you, you know,

1189
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 1: give two craps about Rachel, and now neither does she.

1190
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,360
Speaker 1: I debated about posting this, but I want an answer

1191
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:51,520
Speaker 1: from unbiased people who are not close to me. Also,

1192
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 1: this is not about our relationship, but if I was

1193
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: the ale in this situation. My ex Victor and I

1194
00:56:56,239 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 1: got married when we were only twenty years old. We've

1195
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,320
Speaker 1: been dating. It's our freshman year of high school, and

1196
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: we were in love at the time. I had aspirations

1197
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 1: towards med school, while Victor wanted to work in the

1198
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 1: tech field. However, I had to put a hold for

1199
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:11,719
Speaker 1: med school for many reasons, including the birth of my daughter.

1200
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 1: After college, Victor found a nice tech job, so we

1201
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 1: moved to another city across the country. I found biotech

1202
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,960
Speaker 1: jobs in the same city, but I was not happy

1203
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 1: with the move because of how far I was from

1204
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 1: my family and friends. I felt lonely and was unable

1205
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: to make any lasting friends. Victor heard me, but he

1206
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 1: loved his job and new friends, and we didn't move

1207
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: until I got into med school a few years later.

1208
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 1: Although I had another offer from a school in the

1209
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: city we were currently at, I missed my family and

1210
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 1: support system and asked Victor if he could compromise for

1211
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 1: me this time, since we moved last time. For him,

1212
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 1: his company was offering the same position with higher pay

1213
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 1: if we moved too. He was unhappy about it, but

1214
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 1: agreed once Rachel also expressed her desire to be closer

1215
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: to her grandparents and a chance to get a bigger house.

1216
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:04,000
Speaker 1: After I started med school, Victor's unhappiness grew exponentially, and

1217
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 1: this is probably when he started to feel like he

1218
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: wasn't married. I guarantee it. He missed his friend, he

1219
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 1: didn't like his new workplace, and didn't like the toll

1220
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: med school was taking on me. There's so much work

1221
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 1: in hours, and I barely at any time other than

1222
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: for my daughter Rachel. After my first year, Victor encouraged

1223
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 1: me to drop out of medical school as I clearly

1224
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 1: didn't like it because of how much work I had,

1225
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 1: and that he wanted to move back to where we

1226
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 1: were previously living. I told him that I hated it

1227
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 1: there and would only think about moving back for residency.

1228
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,919
Speaker 1: After finishing three more years of med school, Victor told

1229
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:40,919
Speaker 1: me that he was worried that this move could cause

1230
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: him could give him depression, and that we had to

1231
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: move back. He said I was being unreasonable and that

1232
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: I don't care about him.

1233
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 4: Oh my god, well wow, I mean, he sounds like

1234
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 4: he never wanted to take care of his kid.

1235
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 2: He just wants to hang out with his bros.

1236
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 4: He doesn't care about his now ex wife.

1237
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad she got out. I know, I like,

1238
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 2: literally is just the worst person ever and doesn't see it.

1239
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:10,880
Speaker 4: I don't understand how he's so Someone earlier said maybe narcissist,

1240
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 4: and I'm like, one hundred percent, like he only thinks

1241
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 4: about himself.

1242
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,439
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised that he's married to a freaking twenty

1243
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 1: year old No, because he's not mature at all.

1244
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 4: And the thing is is, as she matured and he

1245
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 4: still continued not to she was like, oh my god,

1246
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 4: So he's just gonna keep finding.

1247
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 2: Maturing people and then they're gonna mature and be like

1248
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 2: you suck.

1249
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 1: Like he got married when he was twenty to a

1250
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:36,520
Speaker 1: twenty year old, yeah, and then has stayed in that mindset.

1251
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:40,200
Speaker 1: He has not moved twelve years. Yeah, but there's a

1252
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 1: little bit left to the story. Reddit, was I the

1253
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 1: Ahle for not dropping out of medical school and moving

1254
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: back to my old city for the sake of my

1255
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 1: ex After this, you can guess what happens by going

1256
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 1: on Victor's post. It's am I the ale for a

1257
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: whole for revoking my daughter's college fund. So we got

1258
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 1: married in two thousand and four when we were twenty,

1259
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,480
Speaker 1: and had Rachel in two thousand and After that, we

1260
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 1: moved and we stayed for about eight to nine years.

1261
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 1: Around twenty fourteen to twenty fifteen, I started med school

1262
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: and by twenty eighteen, we were divorced. He's now thirty

1263
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,520
Speaker 1: six and I'm still thirty five, about to be thirty six.

1264
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 1: I'm doing my residency right now and get paid basically nothing.

1265
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 1: I just paid for four years of med school with

1266
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 1: my savings. Luckily, my parents had saved money for me

1267
01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 1: from med school, which I didn't use, and I have

1268
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,880
Speaker 1: some of my own savings left over. So Rachel's taken

1269
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 1: care of. We resolve this issue and we won't be

1270
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 1: needing her father's help. Ah. And there are some comments

1271
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 1: to finish the story off. Comment one says it's crazy

1272
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: how he doesn't mention why daughter took mom's side, like

1273
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 1: he leaves out the cheating and affair as if they

1274
01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 1: don't matter, and reply says he knew he was the

1275
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 1: a hole. I do actually wanna quickly check the beginning

1276
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: of the story. If he said that he cheated, he

1277
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 1: didn't say it. I caught him the first. He didn't

1278
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 1: say why they got separate. He just I don't understand

1279
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 1: why my daughter won't, you know, it, doesn't want to

1280
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 1: be with me.

1281
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 4: Wow.

1282
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1283
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 2: And then he said, but it's fine because I didn't

1284
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 2: feel like.

1285
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,000
Speaker 1: I was married.

1286
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 4: But I feel like I so is fond, so my

1287
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 4: daughter can't actually hate me for being so bad.

1288
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 1: Yikes.