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Speaker 1: In this week's episode of the Professional Homegirl podcast, we

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Speaker 1: take a deep dive into the world of being the

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Speaker 1: other woman, shedding light on the emotional complications and motivations

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Speaker 1: behind one's choices. During this episode, my guest was shed

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Speaker 1: light on the hidden troops of being the other woman

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Speaker 1: and relationships for almost twenty years and the dynamics at play.

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Speaker 1: Join us as my guest shares her journey as we

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Speaker 1: navigate the tangle web of emotions and human connections, aiming

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Speaker 1: to better understand the intriguing aspect of being the other woman.

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Speaker 1: So to my guests, thank you so much for coming

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Speaker 1: on the show. How you doing, How you feeling.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm feeling great, feeling great.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate you

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Speaker 1: sharing your story.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to it now.

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Speaker 1: A few years ago you shared your experience of being

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Speaker 1: the other woman. What motivated you to open up and

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Speaker 1: share your story with others?

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Speaker 2: Going through perimenopause, facing a eviction and a state that

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Speaker 2: I was brand new to, and realizing for the first

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Speaker 2: time in my life that I had no one MM

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Speaker 2: so it kind of really forced me to take a

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Speaker 2: look at myself and say, okay, I earned it. I

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Speaker 2: earned what I see or don't see around.

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Speaker 1: Me, right, And what were some of the responses you received?

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Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure a lot of that was kind

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Speaker 1: of critical and harsh. So how did you handle that?

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Speaker 1: It was?

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Speaker 2: It was fair. I put my story out there with

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Speaker 2: with the you know, idea that I'm going to get

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Speaker 2: a lot of negative feedback at first, because that's what

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Speaker 2: I really got. For the first few months. I got

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of negative things. You know, I'm not

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Speaker 2: you can say shit, yeah, that shit, but you know,

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Speaker 2: like I said, I'm a resting a lot of hurt.

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Speaker 2: So a lot that was, you know, the lot of

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Speaker 2: comments that were being brought to me was so like

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Speaker 2: purely out of hurt because I could hear it even

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Speaker 2: in the comments. It's like, how could you do this?

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Speaker 2: Or how could you do that? And it kind of

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Speaker 2: put me in the shoes of all of the women

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Speaker 2: that were actually coming at me. And that was I

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Speaker 2: need to have to absorb.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. When I was reading the comments,

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Speaker 1: and I know a lot of people may not agree

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Speaker 1: to cheating or infidelity whatever, but a lot of them

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Speaker 1: comments were mean as hell. I was like, and then

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Speaker 1: especially when you started sharing more in your story, which

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Speaker 1: we're doing here today, I was just like, damn, Like

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Speaker 1: they didn't even give you a chance to Like. I

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Speaker 1: was like, God, damn, straight for the throat, I mean,

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Speaker 1: straight for the juggler.

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Speaker 2: But I expected it. You know. It's one of those

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Speaker 2: things where it's like, right, I was. I've never hidden

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Speaker 2: my relationships, you know, I couldn't hide it with my children,

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Speaker 2: so I had to be honest. I don't like having

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Speaker 2: to you know, of course, be a secret. I didn't

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Speaker 2: like it, but I dealt with it because of where

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Speaker 2: I was at a place in my life. A lot

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Speaker 2: of women they don't want to hear that. They don't

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Speaker 2: want to hear my side of the story. I brought

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Speaker 2: too much pain, Like I.

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Speaker 1: Was like, can you blame them?

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Speaker 2: Though not at all, not all, because it's come up

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Speaker 2: from a place of hurt. Right, having to see what

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Speaker 2: my part in a relationship did to another woman. It

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Speaker 2: took something away from me as a woman because I

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Speaker 2: look at that kind of pain and I couldn't just

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Speaker 2: live with that and not acknowledge it after all of

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Speaker 2: these years. You know what I'm saying, What you feel

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Speaker 2: right to the universe, especially when I'm asking God to please,

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Speaker 2: you know, heal me from the ground up. I got

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Speaker 2: to be able to acknowledge everything.

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Speaker 1: Right, So what impact does the portrayal of side checks

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Speaker 1: in the media and popular culture have on shape of individuals,

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Speaker 1: perceptions and choices in real life. Because I feel like

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Speaker 1: a lot of people glorify being the side chick or

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Speaker 1: being a favorite chick, even if she's not the main chick.

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Speaker 2: I think the problem is nobody really understands how detrimental

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Speaker 2: it can be. But I've had I actually had to

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Speaker 2: do a video about the glorifying. It's not about glorifying,

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Speaker 2: at least not on my behalf. I didn't glorify my

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Speaker 2: relationship because I wasn't proud of the fact that I

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Speaker 2: was causing another you know, I was causing a bunch

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Speaker 2: of people playing. I didn't know this at the time.

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Speaker 2: I really didn't. I was just in love, right, you know.

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Speaker 2: I was in love and in a possible situation. I

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Speaker 2: had my space, he had his space. I had my kids,

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Speaker 2: and it fit for me because I wasn't the type

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Speaker 2: of parent to raise my children around a bunch of men.

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Speaker 2: I didn't, so at the time it was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: he's got somebody. I don't got to worry about him

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Speaker 2: staying over and trying to control me on my kids.

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Speaker 2: He could just go home right right. But it got

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Speaker 2: complicated because then I fell in love, and you know, once.

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Speaker 1: You fall in love earth.

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Speaker 2: It's a rap, it's a riz that you know, and

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Speaker 2: people are like, well, how come you couldn't walk because

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Speaker 2: I just couldn't. I came from an abusive relationship. I

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Speaker 2: knew what that side of the relationship felt like. And

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Speaker 2: when I fell in love, and it was the first

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Speaker 2: time I'd ever felt that I couldn't walk away right no,

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Speaker 2: And it was so funny because the day I really remember,

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Speaker 2: I remember it like it was yesterday. And when I

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Speaker 2: acknowledged to myself that I fell in love with this man,

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Speaker 2: I was so sad because I knew what to expect

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Speaker 2: to expect because I had just come out of a

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Speaker 2: relationship prior to as being a second wife in an

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Speaker 2: Islamic religion. That's all that's all I've known, right, you know, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Going to get into that because I feel like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I share with the listeners, like, hey, I share them,

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Speaker 1: share it with them the topic and like if you

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Speaker 1: have any questions, let me know, and like I said,

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Speaker 1: not till like, like, I just felt like when I

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Speaker 1: was watching your stories and hearing you speaking stuff like

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Speaker 1: heartache is no joke, man, regardless of which end of

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Speaker 1: the stick you're on, like that shit really hurts, Like,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like once we get more into your background,

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Speaker 1: and not to say now I'm condoning or agreeing, but

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Speaker 1: it's just it's it's very unfortunate, it is, and it's hard. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I felt I really did feel for you because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, like I can tell that you was

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Speaker 1: literally you just wanted to be love.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like we all do. Yeah, Sometimes sometimes we look

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Speaker 2: forward in the wrong places. Sometimes we misconshoot what love

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Speaker 2: is supposed to look like or feel like, you know,

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Speaker 2: we have itched in our mind, and then what we

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Speaker 2: do is we project that idea of love onto the

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Speaker 2: person that we want to love us back, and then

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Speaker 2: we kind of wait around, hoping that they're gonna see

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Speaker 2: the same picture we see.

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Speaker 1: Right, or looking for love that we never have exactly.

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Speaker 2: But then again, you know, we don't know what it

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Speaker 2: feels like.

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Speaker 1: We just explore, right, So do you think that a

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Speaker 1: woman can truly love another woman's man.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you hesitate, not at all, not at all, because

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Speaker 2: you couldn't tell me, Because you could not tell me

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Speaker 2: that I did not love that man. And it wasn't

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Speaker 2: about her loving him more than me, you know. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: I was one of those that I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: know that I could love him more than her. You know,

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Speaker 2: that was my goal. It was it was a game

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Speaker 2: from not necessarily a game, but I realized later on

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Speaker 2: that it was my need to compete for love because

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Speaker 2: I was raised around well, I wasn't raised around my father,

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Speaker 2: but whenever I was around, you always made me have

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Speaker 2: to compete with my other siblings just for Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: so I took that and I kind of manifested that

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Speaker 2: into my first relationship and then my second and then

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Speaker 2: so I've been by myself for about five years now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna get into it because I know you've

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Speaker 1: been celiment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. I've been celivating for almost four years.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, yeah, sometimes you just need to just

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Speaker 1: just be with yourself because these niggas.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm like the older I get. It's like

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Speaker 2: it's the conversations just getting simpler and simpler and.

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Speaker 1: Simpler same, especially when you're really doing the work on yourself,

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Speaker 1: like I just you can't go backwards.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So do you believe that there are situations where some

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Speaker 1: women feel like they become the side chick because they

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Speaker 1: feel like they're helping to fix a failing marriage or

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Speaker 1: a relationship.

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Speaker 2: That was never my intention.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that happens sometimes.

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Speaker 2: I do. I think that some people want to be

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Speaker 2: you know, they want to be able to fix somebody.

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Speaker 1: Else, right, like a project.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, because it's a lot easier than working

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Speaker 2: on yourself. But for me, it was it was it

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Speaker 2: wasn't like that, right, It was just he I liked

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Speaker 2: how he made me feel, right, he gave me the

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Speaker 2: space to actually grow into myself as opposed to I

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Speaker 2: was with before, Like he did a lot of first

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Speaker 2: for me. Mhm, I was cooking for Coca clubs, you

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Speaker 2: know behind it.

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Speaker 1: How many situations you been in like this?

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Speaker 2: Two?

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Speaker 1: So the first one was was with your best.

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Speaker 2: Friend, Yeah, we were best friends.

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Speaker 1: And then the second one was with the last guy

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Speaker 1: who's with for like ten years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So what was your childhood like like? Because I know,

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Speaker 1: like your father wasn't really there, But what was the

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Speaker 1: dynamic like with him and your mom.

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Speaker 2: Well, my mom she once she kind of found her spirituality,

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Speaker 2: and my father didn't want to follow suit. She kind

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Speaker 2: of just separated herself from him, eventually moving out of state,

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Speaker 2: taking my sister and I. She moved me and my

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Speaker 2: sister to Arizona. We were there for like three years.

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Speaker 2: Then we moved to California, then we moved to Florida.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, she was like a free spirit.

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Speaker 2: Yes she was. Yes, she was all over the place.

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Speaker 2: I mean I was the only person on the block

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Speaker 2: in Harlem who actually went freaking crystal mining And what

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Speaker 2: was her from a diamond mining? People looked at me

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Speaker 2: like I was insane. I'm like, yes, you just came

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Speaker 2: from Arkansas, right.

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Speaker 1: And now you want to go crystal mining?

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Speaker 2: You know, like, oh, like we have to go, right?

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Speaker 2: But that was who she was.

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Speaker 1: Did she ever talk to you about your dad all

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Speaker 1: the time?

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Speaker 2: Very honest with him, an opportunity to really get to

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Speaker 2: know him as a teenager. One day he was like

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Speaker 2: in California, he was really sick. My mom found him

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Speaker 2: in the hospital because I wanted him, this is how

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Speaker 2: he loved me. Managed to get him up here and

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Speaker 2: he was still you know, still kind of sick. So

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Speaker 2: he stayed us for a while. We were able to

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Speaker 2: get on an apartment. But I kind of really got

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Speaker 2: an idea of who he was, and I understood why

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Speaker 2: she walked away. But she never ever said a mean

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Speaker 2: thing about that man.

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Speaker 1: And who was he.

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Speaker 2: He was just he was a chef, but he was

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Speaker 2: just very hard man. The love I think his problem

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Speaker 2: was he told me that he couldn't love me the

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Speaker 2: way I wanted him to love me because I looked

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Speaker 2: too much like my mother. So that kind of really

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Speaker 2: hit me. Yeah, because my sister, who's half white on

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Speaker 2: my father's side, you know, he always it was like

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Speaker 2: he was like I want her attention. I don't want

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Speaker 2: your attention, and my sister would be like, I don't

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Speaker 2: want his attention at all. Like my sister so nonchalant

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Speaker 2: about him. She could not not necessari I can't say

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Speaker 2: she couldn't stand him, but she just didn't have much

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Speaker 2: like for our father. Right.

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Speaker 1: You know that's so crazy because I'm pretty sure as

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Speaker 1: a kid, they had to really mess with your psyche

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Speaker 1: because you're a light skinned woman. So the fact that

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Speaker 1: like that is crazy you have.

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Speaker 2: Was even crazier was that when we struggled, we never

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Speaker 2: struggled in the ghetto parts of the States. My mom

239
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Speaker 2: always found the trailer parts of the place. Why we

240
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Speaker 2: couldn't struggle around black people, I don't know, right, he

241
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Speaker 2: struggled around white people. So it was extremely hard because

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Speaker 2: I was always called nigger, right, I had to fight.

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Speaker 2: I fought a lot in California. I thought a lot

244
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Speaker 2: because I couldn't understand why I couldn't be liked. I

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Speaker 2: couldn't understand. I couldn't wrap my mind.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he was a kid, yeah.

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Speaker 2: But it was like I heard neighbors calling us niggers

248
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Speaker 2: and I still didn't understand what the word meant right now.

249
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Speaker 2: So when I got here to New York, I went

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Speaker 2: into a culture shop because I didn't realize that there

251
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Speaker 2: was so many black people that came in so many

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Speaker 2: different colors around. I was the darkest at all my

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Speaker 2: friends because all my friends were white.

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Speaker 1: Why she ain't going where the niggas was at.

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Speaker 2: If she had, maybe I'd have a little bit more

256
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Speaker 2: soul I understand about R and B and the black culture.

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Speaker 2: Like when I got up here, I was lost, wow. Lost.

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Speaker 2: My friends tried to get me to understand the concept

259
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Speaker 2: behind soul music, and I just couldn't get it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you wasn't raised on that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, give me rock. You know, I know Nirvana.

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Speaker 1: I do like Nirvana now.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but you know I couldn't wrap myself around a

264
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Speaker 2: lot of it. So I stayed isolated. And that was

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Speaker 2: how I was able. Well I wasn't. That's how the

266
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Speaker 2: first relationship started because he was six years older than me.

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Speaker 2: He was around the front.

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Speaker 1: Now he was black, he was oh yeah, because he

269
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Speaker 1: was Muslim.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my grandmother's no, he was a nigga.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, he definitely was a nigga. I'm like, I

272
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Speaker 1: ain't no white Muslims now, I lie ain't going for that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he was older than me.

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Speaker 1: So do you feel like he took advantage of you?

275
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Speaker 1: Because I feel like when you are born in certain exactly,

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Speaker 1: when you're born in certain neighborhoods, you don't have like

277
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Speaker 1: that that wits about you because you just don't know.

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Speaker 2: He didn't know, but of course he did. Of course

279
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Speaker 2: he did. For three years. He played on me for

280
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Speaker 2: three years, and then one day we got evicted from

281
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 2: our first apartment. That got here and I was devastated.

282
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Speaker 2: They stole all of my stuff, all of our stuff,

283
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Speaker 2: And he told me that in order for us to

284
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Speaker 2: be friends, I had to be his girlfriend. And at

285
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Speaker 2: that time I felt so lost because I didn't have anything.

286
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Speaker 2: I was like, so I had to transition from being

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Speaker 2: his best friend and being his girlfriend.

288
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Speaker 1: So were you living with no?

289
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:08,520
Speaker 2: Hmm, no, no, No. At the time he was married. Wow,

290
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Speaker 2: because he married, he marries in the religion, right, right.

291
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Speaker 2: I didn't realize until after he and I had separated

292
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Speaker 2: that that's just what he does. He's been married about

293
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,800
Speaker 2: five six more times since we got divorced. And yeah,

294
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 2: current wife is about my son's age, and my son's

295
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,200
Speaker 2: about twenty seven, twenty eight years old. Yeah, so he

296
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Speaker 2: likes younger women.

297
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Speaker 1: So when you look back on that, because that's a

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Speaker 1: whole nother story, Like, how does that make you feel? Well?

299
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Speaker 2: I mean, I would love to be able to say

300
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Speaker 2: he grosses me out, but I can't because I have

301
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Speaker 2: my children, you know, like they're the most beautiful part

302
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Speaker 2: of him. Right, So I just I let him do

303
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Speaker 2: his thing because whatever he has done in this lifetime

304
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Speaker 2: and whatever karma comes his way, he's earned it. We

305
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 2: don't speak and spoken to him in over twenty plus years. Yeah,

306
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,400
Speaker 2: once I got over the abuse and being afraid of him,

307
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,400
Speaker 2: there was no reason for us to be in each

308
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,320
Speaker 2: other's space at all.

309
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Speaker 1: And he was physically abusive towards you.

310
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Speaker 2: He was towards the end when he realized that he

311
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Speaker 2: couldn't break me the way he tried. He tried to

312
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Speaker 2: break my spirit, he rocked break my spirit, and when

313
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Speaker 2: he couldn't, he threatened to put my mom in a

314
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Speaker 2: fine box.

315
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Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie. I feel like when I'm sharing

316
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 1: a story, like people were being kind of mean and

317
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,640
Speaker 1: they was like, when you're being sensitive with her because

318
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,480
Speaker 1: she's your guest, but I know you had a hard life, man,

319
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: Like it it really breaks my heart because I just

320
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,680
Speaker 1: feel like just coming from a broken family as well,

321
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,400
Speaker 1: like you just be wanting that love and affection and

322
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,560
Speaker 1: just that security and you just be looking for it

323
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,480
Speaker 1: and you just find it in the wrong places and

324
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Speaker 1: then people take advantage of you and here we are

325
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Speaker 1: twenty years later. Like it's just it's very unfortunate, you know.

326
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 2: I mean it was, but like I said, his car

327
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,320
Speaker 2: was coming for him. It was hard.

328
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Speaker 1: He might be living in his carra yeah, you might

329
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Speaker 1: be right.

330
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Speaker 2: You might be right. Like I said, right now, I'm right,

331
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:13,120
Speaker 2: just because he's the type that once we broke up,

332
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,439
Speaker 2: he quit his job to avoid paying shout support and

333
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: then he won of those Yeah he was a correction officer.

334
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,240
Speaker 1: Oh wow, they make a lot of money.

335
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,720
Speaker 2: He said he wasn't going to allow Uncle Sam to

336
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,040
Speaker 2: put their hand in his pocket for me. If I

337
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 2: wanted to raise my kids, I was going to raise

338
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 2: them by myself. And that's and that is exactly what

339
00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 2: I did.

340
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 1: So how did you leave and what made you leave?

341
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 1: What was the last straw?

342
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:47,240
Speaker 2: I think the last time went okay, So I don't know.

343
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 2: Somewhere down the line, I started feeling a separation, like

344
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 2: almost like an energy of pulling of energy, and I

345
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,320
Speaker 2: started not talking back to sticking up for myself right.

346
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,120
Speaker 2: And one day we got into this really big argument

347
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,520
Speaker 2: and I guess he didn't like what I said, and

348
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,480
Speaker 2: he pushed me. And the way he pushed me, I

349
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,200
Speaker 2: fell on my tailbone. But he pushed me in front

350
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 2: of my daughter m That night I went to go

351
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 2: give her a kiss good night and she and I

352
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,360
Speaker 2: was like, she must have been about five or six

353
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 2: years old. I says, what's wrong? She was like, why

354
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 2: didn't you just be quiet?

355
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 1: Mmm?

356
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 2: You're mad at me because I still love with myself exactly.

357
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 2: So that's what made me say, Nope, I refused to

358
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 2: have him influence my girls anymore. I'm done right, so

359
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 2: do his manipulating. Oh I'm leaving you because you ain't shit,

360
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,080
Speaker 2: and I'm doing this and I'm doing that one. No

361
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 2: one's ever gonna watch you with three kids. Okay, what

362
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 2: I did after so many times of him, you know,

363
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 2: doing this pushing that button. Oh yeah, I know a

364
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,680
Speaker 2: button supports to make her, you know, grovel and begged

365
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 2: me to stay. So he went and did that, and

366
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 2: I politely went in the bathroom. I closed the door

367
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,919
Speaker 2: and I locked it and I stayed in the back

368
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 2: them for an entire hour until he left. I had

369
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:07,800
Speaker 2: to leave, and once he left, he was not coming back. MM. Tried,

370
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,640
Speaker 2: but once I was able to finally get him out

371
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 2: that door, I knew I wasn't gonna let him back in.

372
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 2: I just needed I just needed enough strength to get

373
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,159
Speaker 2: him out the door. I just had to call his.

374
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 1: Bluff, right, and then you also needed your daughter.

375
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 2: Yeah that was Oh yeah, that hurt me so much

376
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 2: because I'm like when I grew when I had an

377
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 2: idea of what a relationship was like, it wasn't supposed

378
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,160
Speaker 2: to be me raising my children by myself. I wanted

379
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 2: to raise my children with both parents so I could

380
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 2: get my kids.

381
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,200
Speaker 1: But I never had Oh, I'd be saying that too.

382
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I wanted to do. I didn't want

383
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 2: to raise my children like the way I raised them,

384
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 2: But it is what it is, because, like I said,

385
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 2: he did not want the children. When he and I

386
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,040
Speaker 2: broke up, he was like, I'm not cut off of this.

387
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,719
Speaker 1: Does he have children with his other wives?

388
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? He had two boys. Well he has to. Well

389
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 2: his one of his youngest son committed suicide two years ago.

390
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

391
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 2: I was kind of like one of those fuck you

392
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 2: dad type things because he tried to commit him. He

393
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 2: tried to commit suicide precisely on the date where they

394
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 2: would have to bury him on his father's birthday, but

395
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,199
Speaker 2: they missed it by a day. I think it was

396
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,679
Speaker 2: because you know they bury their their dead after three days, right,

397
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,719
Speaker 2: and you can't tell him any different. That's what that

398
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 2: boy tried to do. He tried to make that so

399
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: his father would never forget. I mean, his father will

400
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 2: never forget but your birthday. Yeah, but it kind of

401
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 2: gives you an idea of who the type of person he.

402
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: Is, right and what was your relationship like with the

403
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 1: other women with his other wives, like were.

404
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 2: Y'all well I met her? See, all right? This is

405
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 2: how the religion is supposed to go. For what I'm

406
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 2: from what I understand, when muslim man gets ready to

407
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 2: take on a second wife, he's supposed to ask production

408
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,679
Speaker 2: from she's supposed to Basically, it's like almost like a

409
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,200
Speaker 2: religious interview, you know what I'm saying, just to kind

410
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 2: of get each other met you, right? That did not happen.

411
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 2: So I got pregnant and he was like, I guess

412
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 2: we're just gonna get to get married, all right. We

413
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 2: did that in the religion. He moved into my building.

414
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,359
Speaker 2: I had a five what's a tenure in the building

415
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: and on the top floor. I didn't meet her for

416
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 2: about a year and a half. After they had their

417
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 2: second dogter their second kid. I had already had mine.

418
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 1: You think she knew about you or she.

419
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 2: Did because she moved into my building. She couldn't stand me. Well,

420
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,919
Speaker 2: to be fair, we couldn't stand each other because we

421
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,239
Speaker 2: didn't know each other. We just knew of each other, right.

422
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 2: It wasn't until I needed to be in her presence

423
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,959
Speaker 2: because she needed my help for something. She and I

424
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 2: started talking, and two women talking, started comparing notes, starting

425
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 2: to say it. Wait, hold up, he said what to you?

426
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 2: So basically he was playing us both at the same time.

427
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: So what we thought we knew about each other wasn't

428
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 2: even the case, right, Yeah, So once we figured that out,

429
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: it was like all right. Eventually they separated. Eventually he

430
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 2: and I separated and he married, Like I said a

431
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 2: million more times after that. So it was hard because

432
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 2: I tried to become Muslim for him because I thought

433
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 2: maybe that would they would accept me because his family

434
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 2: wouldn't accept me. Wouldn't accept me because his family wouldn't

435
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: accept me.

436
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: Mmm, do you know why now?

437
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't Muslim, Oh, because he chose no. I mean,

438
00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 2: his father was a mom, so he was very very strict.

439
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 2: He just did not like me. He called me a

440
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 2: project right.

441
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, he wasn't even born in the project.

442
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: That man could not stand me. He would walk past

443
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 2: his own grandkid. That's how much we lived in the

444
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,399
Speaker 2: same exact building, and they would walk right by me

445
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 2: and they would not speak to me so much because

446
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 2: I just I didn't fit the bill of what he

447
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 2: wanted his son to have as a wife. You know.

448
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 2: I was like, I mean, I was shaped thin, so

449
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 2: I like shorttops, you know, short, you know any better,

450
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 2: you know, and hate to him. That's disrespectful. You don't

451
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 2: walk around looking like they preferred.

452
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,919
Speaker 1: Most of the women in the community is clothes.

453
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 2: So right, see, I didn't know that. I'm just off

454
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 2: the beach. This is how we get down, you know what.

455
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, my bad. I didn't mean I was a pensive.

456
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 2: They just they're gonna do what their brother wanted, you know.

457
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,719
Speaker 2: And when we were in this building, I would watch

458
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: his family go pile up in the cars, you know,

459
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 2: because his brother lived in one of the apartments upstairs,

460
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 2: so the big family on the top floor, while there's

461
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 2: his second wife with his kids. And I was never

462
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 2: not once invited to one family function because I was

463
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 2: not accepted. He would take the kids. I'd have to

464
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 2: sit there and watch him. I would just sit in

465
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 2: the window and watch him pile up his wife and

466
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 2: his kids.

467
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 1: And how did that feel?

468
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 2: It was heartbreaking because my kids, just as you don't

469
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,200
Speaker 2: have to take me. You won't even take your own kids.

470
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 2: Like this is a like ad, This is something that

471
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 2: you are supposed to show them and educate them. Right.

472
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: No, you just didn't so right, So I'm assuming you're

473
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 1: not Muslim? No more?

474
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 2: That wasn't not nope, no, no.

475
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 3: Why After my dad died, I was like, I was crying,

476
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 3: I was heartbroken, and I was just boohoo, and like

477
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 3: if my dad is my first death ever in life?

478
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: And I was I don't know how to handle us.

479
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 2: He was like, listen, your dad is that get over

480
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: it a word? Okay? And the next day, you know

481
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,199
Speaker 2: what I did. I took off my head scarf and

482
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 2: I pulled out the shortes dressed in my closet and

483
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: that's what I did. That was it for me? Nope?

484
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: Cause you what right?

485
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 2: Are you crazy? After a whole year, you're gonna tell

486
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 2: me get over it? And as a matter of fact,

487
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 2: it wasn't even the whole year. It was actually a

488
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 2: few months. It was a few months after my dad

489
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 2: had died.

490
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 1: Wait, how old were you doing this time?

491
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: See we got together when I was sixteen. I had

492
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 2: THEMANI when I was nineteen. So let's just say we

493
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 2: got together, let's say officially maybe around eighteen nineteen years

494
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 2: old until I was about twenty seven. Wow.

495
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,880
Speaker 1: So then when did you meet the next guy? Because

496
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 1: the next guy he was in a relationship with for

497
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: over ten years.

498
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: I met him about a year later. Wow.

499
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 1: And I feel like this relationship, this is the one

500
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: that really affected you.

501
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it did. It did? It did for a lot

502
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,400
Speaker 2: of reasons.

503
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 1: Because I'm assuming somebody and his family passed away that

504
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 1: you was close to.

505
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: No.

506
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, because I was watching one of the videos

507
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: and you were saying how somebody passed away, but I

508
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: guess they wasn't accepting of the relationship that she was

509
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,040
Speaker 1: with him.

510
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 2: No, that was my mother. Yeah, my mother. Listen, not

511
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 2: did my research on you, so you girl, Yes, my mother.

512
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: My mother was dying, right, And when I told him

513
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 2: I was pregnant, he couldn't handle it. And it was

514
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 2: three days after my mom. I know, it's a week

515
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: after my mom had passed.

516
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: And your brother had passed away recently around.

517
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 2: This past Yeah, he had passed. See, my brother passed

518
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 2: away like on April eighth, right a thousand and eight.

519
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: My mom died April twenty ninth, died literally three weeks

520
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 2: on that two on a Tuesday Day. She had three

521
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:05,479
Speaker 2: weeks later, and five months after that, my grandmother died, right,

522
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 2: all while I was pregnant.

523
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: Wow.

524
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, he walked out on me, and that broke me.

525
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 2: I didn't realize it broke me until much much later,

526
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 2: but it did. I just hadn't had a chance to

527
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 2: really come to the service because I was too busy mourning,

528
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,479
Speaker 2: you know. And then I couldn't even do that because

529
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 2: I didn't have anybody to lean on. Right my mom died,

530
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 2: that was it? Right? Well, he left, so I was like, oh, no,

531
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 2: I really have nobody. You know. Then I'm pregnant.

532
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 1: And wasn't his girl pregnant too?

533
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, they're about five months apart. Wow.

534
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 1: Way, So how did you meet him?

535
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,239
Speaker 2: I met him in the club hanging out.

536
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: You was lit. I wish I could see her face listen.

537
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: One thing for certain, I know you had a good time.

538
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 2: Yo. If i'd have known, just said no, I'm not

539
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 2: going out to night.

540
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: Right, So you met him?

541
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: I met him in the club, which is so funny

542
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 2: because I was working in a ad agency and I

543
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 2: make friends on the phone so I did that, and

544
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: over the course of the year that I was there,

545
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 2: I just made friends with a guy named Johnny. We

546
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 2: was just hanging out. He was like, let's go out.

547
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: I said, okay, let's go right.

548
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 2: He was the slew of his friends. I bring my girls,

549
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: and Bobby was sitting right there. Now, imagine in slow motion,

550
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 2: you know how you see when you finally see somebody

551
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 2: on TV for the first time, and then like she

552
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 2: was and emotion, and that's that's what happened to me.

553
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: M M.

554
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 2: I still remember. I still see him sitting on that table,

555
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 2: the end table, in his calfskin leather jacket, his freaking

556
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 2: blue jeans, his shoes, and his satin button down green shirt.

557
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 2: He was so fun. Damn it.

558
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: I could tell you. I can tell your face so

559
00:28:58,440 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: way you went up to him or he came up

560
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: to you, like.

561
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: I didn't even know who he was. I had no

562
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 2: idea that he was a part of the party that

563
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 2: I was getting ready to meet up.

564
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 1: Oh Johnny's party.

565
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it was Johnny's fault. Yeah, yeah, but that's

566
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 2: what happened. So we met and Johnny wanted to go

567
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 2: somewhere else, and I don't know we just ended up

568
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 2: going to a different club to you know, took my

569
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 2: girls and we just went and hung out. And that

570
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 2: night that was it.

571
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: That was So when did you find out he was

572
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: with someone else?

573
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 2: When he told me she was pregnant when you was pregnant,

574
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 2: she was pregnant and she lost the baby. Oh, three

575
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 2: months into the relationship after I was already knee deep

576
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 2: in love with this man. Mmmm, because I was uh huh, oh, no,

577
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 2: go ahead, I was gonna say, like I when he

578
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: told me this, I for real, you really got one. Wow,

579
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 2: it was you know, and I knew I should have

580
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 2: walked away, but I just couldn't. M M, I couldn't.

581
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: Mmm. So what made you, Like, why do you think

582
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: you stayed?

583
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 2: Oh? I was in love with that man. I could

584
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 2: not help it. I never felt that way before. I

585
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 2: didn't know that I could love someone that much. I

586
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 2: didn't realize that it was that I was capable of

587
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 2: that because of how restricted it's always been for me

588
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 2: have somebody who gives me so much. You know, in

589
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: the beginning, like we went out, you know what I'm saying, Like,

590
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 2: until like he like, okay, he had a fire in

591
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 2: his house and after that it was like, all right,

592
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 2: we stopped going out because he needed to be able

593
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 2: to say, but I would go see.

594
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: Him like a firefire, yeah, like.

595
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 2: His whole household. But oh wow, but during that time

596
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 2: we got really really close m you know, and hearing

597
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 2: his story and it's probably bs now, but hearing his

598
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: story and I just wanted to just love him. You

599
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 2: want to fix him. I never wanted to compete. I

600
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 2: didn't want to be number one. I didn't want a

601
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: space at the table. Really, I just no, I never did.

602
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 2: I never did one of the things that he had

603
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 2: said to me. Once I finally said I wasn't going

604
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,479
Speaker 2: to go to where he had already told me, he

605
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 2: was like, I'm letting you know now I'm never leaving her.

606
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 2: And I said okay, and I respected it. I did

607
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: not want And that's the crazy part. I never wanted

608
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 2: to be number one. It was never my intention. I

609
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 2: just wanted to know that I could love him more

610
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 2: than she could.

611
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: Wow.

612
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: What I did was I took all of those disadvantages,

613
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 2: all those things that he would talk about, Oh yeah

614
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 2: she does, and he didn't talk about her very often.

615
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 2: He was trying. He was as respectful as he could

616
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 2: be in that situation. But the few things he did

617
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 2: tell me, it was like, oh, okay, so I'm going

618
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 2: to be better than that, right, I'm not going to

619
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 2: do that. It was like it was just it was

620
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 2: like a competition for me. It was a comparison and

621
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 2: it was only meant for me.

622
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: Where do you think that stem from?

623
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 2: My dad just constantly needing to feel like, all right,

624
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 2: if I can prove that I'm prettier than my sister,

625
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 2: or i can swim faster than my other sister, then

626
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: maybe my dad will actually love me. Right, because he's

627
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 2: telling me that I'm unlovable because of how I look,

628
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 2: there's got to be something else I got. I have

629
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 2: to have something else to give you. If you're telling

630
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 2: me I'm not pretty enough for you to say you

631
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 2: love me, then what else can I do? Right? So, Yeah,

632
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 2: And it took me a long time to figure that out.

633
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,000
Speaker 2: It took me a long long time to really understand

634
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 2: why I do these things because I don't have a

635
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 2: problem with it at all. You know, I just don't

636
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:18,959
Speaker 2: have the emotions. I'm like a male I just and

637
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: I don't like that about my part because I don't

638
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 2: like being second, right, you know, it was really hard.

639
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 2: And it was even harder because it's like when I

640
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 2: when we started having children together, I had to say, Okay,

641
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 2: I'm gonna swallow my fry, take the baby, and as

642
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 2: long as she's treating her good whatever.

643
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: So wait, so how many cares you have with him too? So?

644
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: And how many cares she have with him too?

645
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: Nah?

646
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 1: You that's I don't even know what to say, because

647
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: you got that couldnot have been as easy as you're

648
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: making this sound like. That had to be hard. Like

649
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: was he there for you throughout your pregnancy and stuff?

650
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 2: He tried to be there the best way he could,

651
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: but when she found out about the pregnancy the first time,

652
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 2: he had to do damage control, and I felt like

653
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 2: I was strong enough. He also ended up in a

654
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: motorcycle accident a few weeks before I was due to

655
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 2: give birth.

656
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 1: Was he really an accident?

657
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: No, he really was. He was like they said that

658
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,440
Speaker 2: out of thirteen people that got hit, he was the

659
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 2: only one that survived out of that month, out of

660
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 2: the motorcycle accidents. So apparently he was waiting for the

661
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 2: light to turn a car came and swiped him and

662
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 2: hit him, and he ended up flying under underneath another car.

663
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: Whata So is he still with her? Now?

664
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, she stayed with him this whole time. Thin, she

665
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: has nothing but respect for me from me.

666
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 1: So do y'all talk?

667
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 2: Not at all? We've never spoke. We spoke one time.

668
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: I can't even say we've never spoken, because after so

669
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 2: many years, she was begging him to let us talk.

670
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 2: So one day he went and put her on the

671
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 2: phone and she went right at me, which was to

672
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: be expected. Which was to be expected because I'm sure

673
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 2: I've overscept a couple of boundaries because I did have

674
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:33,400
Speaker 2: a relationship with or a friendship with their daughter whenever

675
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 2: he would bring her here.

676
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 1: Now, that's a different type of man. That's a different

677
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: type of man.

678
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 2: He was like he was going to be a part

679
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 2: of his kid's life, whether she liked it or not. Right,

680
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 2: So it was hard because I had to get used

681
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 2: to my child calling somebody else mommy.

682
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 1: Why was she calling her mommy?

683
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 2: Because she didn't know any better, or she didn't know

684
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 2: that that wasn't mommy, because she's fallen behind her older sister.

685
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: Right, and.

686
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 2: Jordan was in Brooklyn, like when she was two three

687
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 2: months old, right, you know, I was like look, take

688
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 2: her go ahead, you know, as your child too. I

689
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 2: knew I was going to share her. I just didn't

690
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 2: expect it to be as hard because whenever they would

691
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: go on family vacations, it was just another thing that

692
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 2: I was missing now on because I'm sitting at home

693
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 2: while my child is on family vacation with another family.

694
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 1: But you didn't think that you deserve more, like like

695
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: it never crossed her mind, be like like like why

696
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: not me? Like, am I'm not good enough?

697
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 2: Nope? Because I was raising at the time, I was

698
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 2: raising three children by myself, and then I had my

699
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 2: god children who came over All the time I had

700
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 2: a house full of children. I always thought like I

701
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: was needed, you know. I always had an open door policy.

702
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 2: Whenever my kids had friends that needed someplace to come,

703
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 2: they knew they could come to my house, right I was.

704
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: I always played safe haven for children, right. So it

705
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 2: just never none of those questions, never, not once came

706
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 2: to my mind until after my mom died.

707
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 1: Did your mom know about what was going on?

708
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 2: Ye?

709
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did she say?

710
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,720
Speaker 2: He used to come to family vacate I mean family outings,

711
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,720
Speaker 2: you know, Fourth of July he'd pop up, any events

712
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: I had, he'd find a way to come. He'd find

713
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 2: a way to be here for a holiday. You know,

714
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 2: even if he had to lie about it, he still

715
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 2: he made the effort. My mom the last thing she

716
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 2: said to me before she died, she was like, you

717
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 2: just can't help but compete with that girl, because she knew.

718
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 2: I told her I was pregnant. I just found out

719
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:50,760
Speaker 2: I was pregnant.

720
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: Hm.

721
00:37:52,760 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: So I think that my mom didn't really she never really,

722
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 2: we don't really talked about it, honestly, honestly speaking, now

723
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 2: I think about it, I think I don't know. I

724
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 2: know that I was really in the clouds over this dude.

725
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 2: So she might have I wouldn't remember, but I doubt

726
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 2: it because I probably I feel like I would have

727
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 2: remembered that. Right.

728
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen your mom in like, in a

729
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, Well, the men.

730
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 2: My mother has never been in a relationship.

731
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: Wow.

732
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 2: Once she had us, she swore to protect my sister

733
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 2: and I by not having men around us. Yeah, so

734
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,919
Speaker 2: that's what she did, and that's how I was able.

735
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 2: That's why I think that's the reason why I am

736
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 2: the way I am now, because those types of thoughts

737
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: didn't you know, didn't come for me because I thought that, Okay,

738
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 2: let me have this relationship, but let me keep him

739
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 2: at bath because I don't want any men around my kids. Yeah.

740
00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 2: I didn't raise my children around men at all. You

741
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying us it was just Bobby or family.

742
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 2: I wasn't the type of parent that hung out like

743
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: on my block I was. I was the goofball. I

744
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 2: got teased a lot, I got threatened to get sliced

745
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: in my face because of how different it was. So

746
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 2: I stayed to myself. I rated him by myself.

747
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: That's how my mom was. That's one thing I can say.

748
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 1: She didn't play about men being around us. Yeah, and

749
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: I'm like that with my Yeah, I'm like that with

750
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 1: my nieces, Like I don't play no games with these

751
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: men you ca. Yeah, yeah, So what made you? How

752
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: did the relationship like, how did you stop messing with him?

753
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 2: Believe it or not? I remember, he was just ready.

754
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 2: I think he might have been at that place where

755
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: he might have been ready to commit more.

756
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: To me, you know, while he was still with the

757
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: other woman.

758
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think they were like having so many like

759
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 2: I mean, don't get me wrong, dear relations ship will

760
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 2: never be the same.

761
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, for sure.

762
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 2: So I guess there was a point where he was

763
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 2: ready to actually see about making it work with me,

764
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: but damage was done by then. My son was I

765
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 2: don't even remember how old Matthew was when I finally said,

766
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 2: I just don't want to do this anymore. I just

767
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 2: don't like I fell out of love with him. Why.

768
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 2: I think this just the years of always putting myself

769
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 2: I'm the back burner to please himm you know, going

770
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 2: out of my way of putting my feelings to the side.

771
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: And you're not. It's not being reciprocated exactly.

772
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 2: And when my mom died, something in me died with her.

773
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: That ability to deal with that bullshit, right, because my

774
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 2: mother was my best friend, that was my world, that

775
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,439
Speaker 2: was she She was my everything. And when she died

776
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 2: and then he walked out of me and I had nobody.

777
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that was ub Yeah.

778
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 2: But you know what he taught me a very, very

779
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 2: valuable lesson. He taught me that God will always come

780
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 2: first in my life because if you cannot walk on water,

781
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,800
Speaker 2: then I cannot put you before me. God will always

782
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 2: be for me. And that was the lesson I learned

783
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 2: and I had to go through that. Yeah, and then

784
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 2: being down in Georgia, He'll come, you know, he would

785
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 2: come to see the kids and he'd sit you know,

786
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 2: Can I spend the night on the couch, No problem?

787
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 2: But you know we weren't speaking, so why would you

788
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 2: want to be in the same space as me, Like

789
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 2: we don't speak at all, But you're that cheap you

790
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 2: don't want to go to town, right, right? But it's

791
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 2: just I don't know. After a while, it's like, I'm

792
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 2: going through perimenopause and this is like the worst thing

793
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 2: a woman can possibly go through, especially if you're a

794
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 2: black woman, and to go through this by myself, to

795
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 2: be in the hospital and have nobody.

796
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 1: He just felt alone.

797
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 2: I was. I was, Oh, I was devastating. We were

798
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 2: going forward in our second eviction in three years because

799
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 2: Georgia does not play right, know that. And of course

800
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 2: it was during that time when I was looking out for,

801
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,720
Speaker 2: you know, anyone to help me. You know, I'm always

802
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: there for everybody. Now is my dad didn't love it out?

803
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:25,280
Speaker 2: And nobody nobody, nobody, So, yes.

804
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 1: Where does he live in? Does he Does he live

805
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 1: in Georgia with you like nearby or oh?

806
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: He lives in Brooklyn.

807
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that would have broke my heart just to

808
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: be alone like that.

809
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: I mean, I felt like I earned it because of

810
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 2: all the years that I spent hurting that one, you know,

811
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 2: hurting somebody else, and.

812
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 1: Like that was your karma.

813
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:53,800
Speaker 2: It's just fair mm hmmm, because the last five years

814
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 2: that I've been by myself, working on myself. Now I

815
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,360
Speaker 2: say now that I'm ready for a relationship because that

816
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 2: I'm done. Everything that I've done, I paid for it.

817
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 2: I paid because, when I tell you, going through this

818
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: perimenopause by myself is probably the work. Is the absolute loneliest,

819
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 2: most isolating feeling in the world. It just is. And yeah,

820
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 2: I earned it.

821
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. When you was you made a

822
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: comment in one of your videos. You were saying how

823
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 1: you've been the other woman throughout your entire life, and

824
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 1: I was just like wow, like since you met your

825
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: best friend at thirteen to you being a woman of

826
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: a certain age now and I'm just like, damn, Like

827
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: that's just crazy.

828
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, So how did you know? Oh, go ahead, I

829
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 2: was young and naive. I didn't under I didn't know that.

830
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what manipulation was. I again, my

831
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 2: mother didn't raise me and my sister around things like that,

832
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,359
Speaker 2: so it was I didn't know what it was.

833
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 1: So yeah, I was you got to be around your people.

834
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: You can't be around trailer park. Tray Park Wiss is different, different, different, different.

835
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: Trey Park Wiss is different. Like white people alone is different.

836
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 2: But trailer park, No, I'm telling you.

837
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 1: Like dead ass, like coupule of y'all could have been

838
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: in the.

839
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: Hood, because I mean, you know what, we lived in hotels.

840
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:44,760
Speaker 2: I don't I don't remember growing up having an apartment.

841
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 2: Our first apartment was in New York when I was

842
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 2: about fifteen years old, right, that was the first time

843
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 2: because my mother she just she tried. She just couldn't know.

844
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: It's hard to hair, you know, but she's like that everywhere,

845
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 2: like a Florida. We moved, I mean not Florida and Arizona.

846
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 2: We moved like five times, you know. And then when

847
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: we got to Florida, we just moved into the motel

848
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 2: that was across the street from the beach and we

849
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:13,799
Speaker 2: stayed there for a year wow school. Then she did

850
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 2: the same thing later. You know. It's just it was

851
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 2: hard because it's like, all right, I'm trying to fit in,

852
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 2: you know, and he saw that I was trying to

853
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: fit in, and nobody let me in because I was

854
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: so different, Like everybody wanted to beat me up. I'm like, why, Yeah,

855
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 2: because I talked different, you know, it's different. I didn't

856
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:39,720
Speaker 2: understand about name brands. I mean, my mom Afford Champs.

857
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, I didn't know Champs wasn't a non name brand.

858
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:43,919
Speaker 1: It ain't Champ.

859
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 2: Champs is in now, Yeah, Well they weren't in when

860
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 2: I was younger, right, la gears were I mean, at

861
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 2: least that was a step up, right, But he was

862
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 2: my only friend, and for a long time that was

863
00:45:56,360 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 2: all I knew, right know that he was being dishonest

864
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: about his relationship. How did I know? I've been around

865
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 2: him because he was always around me, Like, always around me.

866
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:15,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, if he had a wife, cow yeah, because girl,

867
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 2: when I say always around me, it was so bad.

868
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: I don't know how these men make the time. I

869
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 1: really don't, because they the fact that these men be

870
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 1: having multiple women in their lives and they spend a

871
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: lot of time with each one of them, it's amazing.

872
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 2: I don't, y'all. I don't know how they do it,

873
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 2: I don't. I mean, I see, I guess. I think

874
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 2: the reason why we stayed together so long is because

875
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 2: he was able to at least be honest with me. Yeah,

876
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 2: I'm not going to come see you. I want gonna

877
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 2: be around for a couple of weeks, you know because whatever, Okay,

878
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 2: because you don't. You're getting on my nerves. She's getting

879
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 2: on my nerves. There have been those times when I'd

880
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 2: go for weeks and he would not want to be

881
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 2: bothered with me.

882
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: M It's like, okay, do you think it's another woman involved?

883
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 2: If there is at this point, it does not because

884
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 2: there was a woman after me, And I told I

885
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 2: said to him, I says, you really think that's a

886
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 2: smart idea now that you have four children? Not too

887
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 2: now you are banking with four, you're going to bring

888
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 2: another woman into a relationship into what your household with

889
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:29,439
Speaker 2: your girl? Now, after everything that she's already been through.

890
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 2: She hasn't cut your dick off, right, she had to

891
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 2: slit your throat. She's stayed with you through two children,

892
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 2: and you want to bring another woman in.

893
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: I wonder why she's staying with him.

894
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 2: This is my personal opinion. The way my kids have

895
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 2: talked to me about how he does. He doesn't respect

896
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 2: her the way he should. He talks down to her,

897
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 2: he's to me. I don't know. I've never heard him

898
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 2: talk to her. I've heard him talk about things about her, right,

899
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:09,479
Speaker 2: But I feel like she is. She's comfortable, she knows

900
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 2: what to expect with him. What worse could he possibly do?

901
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean happening a baby on somebody that's it

902
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 1: right there.

903
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 2: And doing it twice, and then a son literally like

904
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 2: five months. No. No, she found out about Matthew baby

905
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 2: number five the day she came home from the hospital

906
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 2: with her baby.

907
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: Oh.

908
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 2: Man, that's heartbreaking my daughter. She But what was funny

909
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 2: was I told Jordan she wasn't allowed to say anything.

910
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 2: And that was another thing that I do regret. I

911
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 2: had to always try to keep our daughter in the

912
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 2: mix of our stuff so that she wouldn't go to

913
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 2: Brooklyn and snitch. So he found out when I told

914
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 2: everybody that I was pregnant. I told Jordan, you got

915
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 2: to keep it on the down low until after, you

916
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 2: know whatever, this woman has her baby, and she did

917
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 2: just that. Ooh, she must have been every bit of

918
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 2: fix five five six. Wow. Yeah, I think she was five.

919
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,280
Speaker 2: She was young, but she didn't say a word. She

920
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: she stayed tight lips until that woman popped that baby

921
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: out and she said, too.

922
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 1: What do I even talk about that? Because now I'm

923
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 1: assuming she's way older now, Oh yeah, no, Jordan is

924
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 1: twenty one. Do y'all talk about.

925
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 2: It or like, well, I talk about my side with

926
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 2: them all the time. I don't know if their father

927
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: talks about it, because I feel like he's a liar anyway, right,

928
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 2: But I've always been honest. I've always been honest when

929
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 2: it came to at least what's going on over here

930
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:54,240
Speaker 2: with the kids, so that they at least are aware, right,

931
00:49:56,080 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 2: I'd never gotten the way of the relationship with his girlfriend. Know,

932
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 2: I am very thankful to her that she loves him

933
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 2: as much as she does, because it could have been

934
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,479
Speaker 2: a lot worse, and she went out of her way

935
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 2: to make sure that it wasn't. You know. She might

936
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 2: have a little bit of a conflict with my youngest son,

937
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 2: but that's to be expected because of the simple fact

938
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 2: that you're the second baby, right, and the baby and

939
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 2: my son looks the most like him, like takes after

940
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 2: him and everything. It's crazy, My son was even born

941
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 2: with six digits just like his father. Yeah. Wow, oh,

942
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 2: there was no denying that.

943
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 1: You know, one day y'all want y'all want to have

944
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: a conversation who me and her?

945
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 2: Right?

946
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna somethings gonna happen where it's going to

947
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: force you to have a conversation.

948
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 2: My kids always say, Mommy, you and her so much

949
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 2: like because we're both burgos.

950
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: So they always say, are trying to be perfectionist?

951
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,280
Speaker 2: Yeah? But yeah, don't get me started on you're right.

952
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 1: Trying to be number one.

953
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 2: Now. I don't. I don't have that feeling anymore. It's gone.

954
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 2: It's gone, like I don't, I don't care. I don't

955
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 2: want any more men coming in my way. Don't come

956
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 2: to me. If you got a girlfriend, you got a situation,

957
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 2: you got a boyfriend, I don't want to hear it.

958
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 2: I'm not not a boyfriend, yo. Because you gotta ask nowadays. Yeah, yeah, no,

959
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 2: you can't even just ask for your name and your

960
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 2: social I need to know what what are you working with? Right?

961
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 3: Right?

962
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: Do you feel like how you view yourself and how

963
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: you was treated as a child, do you feel like

964
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: your self esteem played a role in any.

965
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:40,919
Speaker 2: Of this, almost definitely I had. It was very hard

966
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 2: for me to figure out where I belonged. I didn't

967
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 2: belong anywhere. You know. I was too back to be white,

968
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 2: and I was too white to be black, and it

969
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 2: forced me to stay to myself and kind of just

970
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 2: you know, just be, just be. I didn't know live.

971
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 2: And even when I was trying to become a model

972
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,320
Speaker 2: early early on, you know, when I was like thirteen,

973
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,799
Speaker 2: fourteen years old, I was told then I was too ugly.

974
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 2: So it hit me hard. So I figured, I'm gonna

975
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 2: have to just not focus on this the physical aspect,

976
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna have to make myself more appealing in

977
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 2: other ways. So I made myself more sexier. I made

978
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 2: myself as scared as I am, or it was I'm

979
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,279
Speaker 2: not as scared, but scared as I was inside. I

980
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: could not let anybody else see that because if I

981
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 2: couldn't at least be funny, would I what could I

982
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: give them? Because I'm not pretty, so I gotta be funny.

983
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 1: But you don't think you're pretty?

984
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 2: I what back that girl?

985
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:44,800
Speaker 1: Please?

986
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: Because I thought I was supposed to be white. I

987
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,439
Speaker 2: was mad. My mom told me I was getting hips

988
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I want a flat ass.

989
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,720
Speaker 1: Right, and your mom is black.

990
00:52:55,560 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: Yes, I am trying to get a button.

991
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 1: Now, Yo, that's crazy. So what is your relationship like

992
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 1: with your sister now, y'all?

993
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:10,960
Speaker 2: Like, Unfortunately, I'm living in her apartment right now and

994
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 2: I haven't been able to pay this rent in over

995
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:17,280
Speaker 2: two years, so it's not that great. Probly don't speak.

996
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:21,400
Speaker 2: I have to be out by September. So I just

997
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 2: actually went to home Base today to try to for

998
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 2: some help because I don't want to end up on

999
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 2: the street with me. Now, I know she wouldn't done

1000
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:32,760
Speaker 2: My sister wouldn't do that, but I know she's tired,

1001
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: and I don't blame her at all at all. Right,

1002
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 2: it should be circumstances. Like when I say this perimenopause

1003
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 2: is really really hard for me because I have BMS.

1004
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: It wasn't for the listeners who don't know.

1005
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 2: That's vastimalar syndrome. That is perimenopause on the extreme. You know,

1006
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 2: there's gonna be like twenty percent of women will never

1007
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 2: have a symptom, and then you're gonna have your sixty

1008
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 2: percent of women that are gonna have like the moderate,

1009
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,360
Speaker 2: the hot flashes and stuff, and then you're gonna have

1010
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 2: that other twenty percent where they have excessive symptoms. I

1011
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 2: have excessive symptoms. I've had hot flashes that come every

1012
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 2: hour on the hour for months, and I lose weight

1013
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 2: because of the stress. You know, the I go through

1014
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 2: so many other symptoms forget about sleeping. Right, So it's

1015
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 2: been a rough, rough last two years for myself.

1016
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 1: Like how long does those symptoms last?

1017
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:36,839
Speaker 2: Well for black women anywhere up between ten to fifteen years.

1018
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 2: It's supposed to be sixty seven years. It's supposed to

1019
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 2: be six to seven years for white women, and it's

1020
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:45,840
Speaker 2: a little bit more for black women. Yes, why because

1021
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 2: our symptoms are always going to be more severe because

1022
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 2: the majority of you, I'm testing this out as we speak,

1023
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:58,879
Speaker 2: it is stressed related. If you're black, you're gonna be stressed, right,

1024
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 2: because there there's so many articles that I've read on

1025
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:07,280
Speaker 2: just how perimenopause and menopause affects the women of color

1026
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 2: as opposed to the white women. We get it, and

1027
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 2: then the problem is we don't get the medical stuff

1028
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 2: that we need because I guess they feel like we

1029
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:18,799
Speaker 2: just don't need it. I don't know.

1030
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:20,440
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you, is there a medication

1031
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: that you can take it for it?

1032
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 2: Well, I tried to take hormone replacement therapy last year

1033
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 2: and I couldn't. I took some estrogen and a week

1034
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 2: into the medication, I passed out. Didn't even yeah, I

1035
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 2: went to go stand up to go walk my dogs

1036
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 2: and woke up on the floor with a mouthful of

1037
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 2: blood and a big old knot. So my doctor took

1038
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 2: me off of that. Then she put me on something

1039
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 2: else and that made me violently sick. Wow. When I say,

1040
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 2: I was in the kitchen because I couldn't make it

1041
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 2: to the bathroom, and my son walked in and hit

1042
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: the look on his face because I had I just

1043
00:55:58,280 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 2: I couldn't get up. I was throwing up all over

1044
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 2: the place. And then it made you drowsy at the

1045
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 2: same time that I'm sweating at the same time. So

1046
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 2: you're pretty you can't work like this, No, But I'm

1047
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 2: gonna have to now because what I did was I cannot.

1048
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 2: In order for me to manage my symptoms, I have

1049
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 2: to fix the problems that are going on withinside of me.

1050
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 2: I feel very bad that I have not been able

1051
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,240
Speaker 2: to pull my weight as a woman. I feel bad,

1052
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 2: and it's my sister who I'm fucking over excuse my language.

1053
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 2: Who I'm no, you're right, well, thank you, and I

1054
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:33,319
Speaker 2: need to do something. I can't stay like this. I'm

1055
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 2: not getting any help financially except for the little bit

1056
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,279
Speaker 2: that I get from public assistance. I'm gonna have to

1057
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 2: work through it. I'm gonna be working with the Parks

1058
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:43,399
Speaker 2: Department and I'm just gonna have to suck it up.

1059
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:46,960
Speaker 2: I have to, right, I have to because I have

1060
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,720
Speaker 2: a skincare business that I want to get off the ground.

1061
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,279
Speaker 2: That's gonna be my life. That's what I want to do.

1062
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 2: I want to create skincare products for women of color.

1063
00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: Right, have you forgiven yourself through everything you've been through?

1064
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 1: Because I feel like just hearing your story and like

1065
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,400
Speaker 1: having the conversation with you, Like I know there's been

1066
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:09,320
Speaker 1: sometimes you've probably been like what the fuck? Like because

1067
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 1: even when it was another video you did and you

1068
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 1: was like, look, I don't have anything, Like I didn't.

1069
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 1: I didn't gain nothing. All I have as my kids, Like,

1070
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 1: have you forgiven yourself?

1071
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 2: Eventually I did, Yes, I have. I had to. Yeah,

1072
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:28,439
Speaker 2: the only way I was gonna stop listening to those

1073
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 2: abusive words that a man had said twenty plus years ago.

1074
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 2: That was the only way I was going to be

1075
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 2: able to see myself for who I wanted to see

1076
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 2: and not what I keep hearing everybody else saying. I

1077
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 2: just yeah, I have because I'd given myself permission to

1078
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 2: love myself.

1079
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you think that you would be able to

1080
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: be in a monogamous relationship because I feel like with

1081
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 1: you being on the other side, I feel like it

1082
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 1: may have impacted your perspective on trust and fidelity and

1083
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 1: the value of just being a committed and transparent relationship

1084
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 1: because you might feel like niggas ain't shit.

1085
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 2: Well, I kind of already feel that now, right, But

1086
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 2: you know I can't. I don't want to give up

1087
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 2: hope that there's somebody out there for me. Do I

1088
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:25,919
Speaker 2: worry about a man cheating on me? Yeah, But I'm

1089
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 2: to the point now in my life where if I

1090
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 2: if who I am isn't enough for you and you

1091
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 2: need somebody else, and knock yourself out, like, I'm not

1092
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 2: gonna chase behind nobody. I don't have it in me.

1093
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 2: I work too hard to gain the type of love

1094
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 2: for myself that I'm a put in me. I'm not

1095
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 2: putting it in anybody else, right, right, and I've earned

1096
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:50,280
Speaker 2: that right.

1097
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 1: So what made you decide to be Sullivan? Because you've

1098
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 1: been silivent for like what five years.

1099
00:58:56,640 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 2: After I just wanted. I felt like if I actually

1100
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 2: just gave myself a chance to really just stay by

1101
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 2: myself and truly get know who I am, I could

1102
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 2: shake that that energy that keeps attracting unavailable ment to me,

1103
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 2: because that was all that was coming at me. So

1104
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 2: I need to have my pick. I could pick. It's like,

1105
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 2: oh I could get Tuesday Wednesday, I can have him

1106
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:24,520
Speaker 2: for Thursday. And that's what I was. I was after

1107
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 2: I broke up with the last one.

1108
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 1: Now I know you was out here.

1109
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 2: I was with my feet in the water for a

1110
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 2: little bit, was right. That didn't last long because I

1111
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 2: guess after a while, I was like, dang, all right,

1112
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,200
Speaker 2: I really I'm coming home, you know, by myself.

1113
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1114
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 2: And once I got past the physical aspect of it,

1115
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 2: because I'm like, all right, you guys just lulling minds, like.

1116
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: Are you happy with these men?

1117
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 2: Oh? But it was just about it was just about

1118
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 2: to get them. That was it. It was just literally

1119
01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 2: that I want to be able to confer you to

1120
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 2: see if I can. That's all I wanted. I didn't

1121
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 2: I don't want I'm not a gold digger. I don't

1122
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 2: want your money. I just want to know that I

1123
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 2: can do it. M you know. So, I feel like

1124
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 2: five years by myself, come away from that type of energy,

1125
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:24,320
Speaker 2: and maybe one day somebody will walk into my life.

1126
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 2: And if they don't, I'm perfectly okay with being by myself.

1127
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: Are you happy now? Yes, that's good.

1128
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 2: I am. I am after a very long time and

1129
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 2: a lot of freaking nasty ass comments. Yes, because nobody

1130
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 2: can take anything to me that is going to take

1131
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 2: away who I am. Right, you know, been there, done that,

1132
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 2: and I've moved on. Right. I want to become an influencer.

1133
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,320
Speaker 2: I want to influence more women to teach them how

1134
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 2: to cope with their ferry menopause. Black women do not

1135
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 2: know how to with this. Yeah. I did not hope

1136
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 2: with this. I did not know what this was.

1137
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 1: I mean, we don't even have access to the resources.

1138
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 2: No. No, my own specialist, who's a white doctor. She's

1139
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,880
Speaker 2: very sweep. By the way, she didn't even tell me

1140
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:17,440
Speaker 2: what VMS was. She didn't use any technical terms. She

1141
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 2: just threw medicine my way, right. You know. So I've

1142
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:24,640
Speaker 2: spent the last year and some change really getting me

1143
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 2: deep into it. Because once I passed out because I

1144
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 2: thought I could. That could have been the train station.

1145
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you could have passed out for good, depending

1146
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,200
Speaker 1: on how bad you passed out. You know what I'm saying,

1147
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: big old goose, not on my.

1148
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 2: Head and blood in my mouth? No, no, no, no no.

1149
01:01:45,480 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 2: I want to be able to teach other women how

1150
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:51,200
Speaker 2: to do this as naturally as possible. I do chocolate healing,

1151
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 2: I do yoga. I just bought the Silver Mind Control

1152
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 2: Method because I'm going to learn how to control these horrible,

1153
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 2: horrible symptoms using my mind. And I know it sounds crazy.

1154
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: You can do a lot if we can manifest positive

1155
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 2: energy to bring things to us, and why can't we

1156
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 2: continue to heal our body? You can exactly, because if

1157
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 2: you're telling me, as a black woman that the only

1158
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 2: way I'm gonna have any peace of mind is if

1159
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 2: I get on medication. That's obviously I'm gonna have to

1160
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,760
Speaker 2: get off eventually, but could potentially give me more problems.

1161
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 2: And then I need I need other alternatives.

1162
01:02:30,600 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: I need anything else, holistic approach.

1163
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 2: So I just started doing my own research, and I'm

1164
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:40,800
Speaker 2: doing it from a cheap because I'm like, all right,

1165
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:43,720
Speaker 2: the way I do my videos, I listen, I'm an

1166
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 2: EBT fanatic, I have an EBT card. Yes, I'm on

1167
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 2: public assistance. I can how to shop. You know. I

1168
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 2: don't give people a chance to come at and be like, oh,

1169
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 2: you're doing this, yeah, because I'm right, show you do this.

1170
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:01,320
Speaker 1: If you grow right, I'm trying to put you on

1171
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 1: the game exactly.

1172
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,920
Speaker 2: This is how my skincare products manifest and this is

1173
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:10,320
Speaker 2: how my business became more than just a hobby because

1174
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 2: I was buying all of my things using my EBT

1175
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 2: card because of how dry my skin was becoming from

1176
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:20,960
Speaker 2: the amount of sweating that I do. Yeah, you know,

1177
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:24,000
Speaker 2: it's just it's crazy, and they don't tell you about this.

1178
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:28,640
Speaker 2: I just oh, yeah. We should not be going through

1179
01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:32,280
Speaker 2: depression the way we go through it hormonally, through this thing.

1180
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 2: We should not be feeling the way we feel. There's

1181
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 2: no reason for us as black women to feel the

1182
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 2: way we feel in our bodies when we're going through

1183
01:03:40,880 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 2: this right else.

1184
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 1: You know, it's just and this is the only way

1185
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: that we're going to be able to do anything about

1186
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 1: it because we're having more conversations surrounding the topic in hand.

1187
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 1: So I think what you're doing is amazing because a

1188
01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 1: lot of women, especially women who don't have the resources,

1189
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 1: don't know where this is or don't even know what

1190
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 1: the hell is going on with them.

1191
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:06,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's hard because I'm actually on a couple

1192
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 2: of Facebook forms for menopause to share my stories and

1193
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:18,880
Speaker 2: my experiences, and I find it very fascinating that I

1194
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 2: know that a lot of black women are having issues,

1195
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:23,400
Speaker 2: but we just don't talk about it. There's so many

1196
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:26,640
Speaker 2: more on their white women who talk more and more

1197
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 2: about their like they they need to even personal in

1198
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 2: some of their symptoms.

1199
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 1: But you know, we was raised not to do that though,

1200
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 1: Like it goes on in the house, stays in the house.

1201
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 2: See, I wasn't raised around that.

1202
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:45,880
Speaker 1: I mean true. Yeah, but from the other black women, yeah,

1203
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:47,520
Speaker 1: a lot of I'm pretty sure a lot of them

1204
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:50,400
Speaker 1: just feel and sometimes they just don't feel comfortable because

1205
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 1: they feel like I feel like one of the reasons

1206
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 1: why I started my platform because I felt like I

1207
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:56,080
Speaker 1: was going through so much stuff and I'm like, damn,

1208
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 1: I'm the only one going through this, and then once

1209
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:01,000
Speaker 1: you start to be transparent and you be open, that's

1210
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 1: how you build your community and you realize that you

1211
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 1: ain't the only one that's going through it, and actually

1212
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 1: somebody's actually going through it a lot worse than what

1213
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:07,000
Speaker 1: you're doing.

1214
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 2: Exactly right, because I could have my periods, and so

1215
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,920
Speaker 2: that's why I put a positive spin on that. I

1216
01:05:16,520 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 2: stopped complaining because this last winter was really really hard

1217
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 2: for me, and it was so bad for me that

1218
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,360
Speaker 2: it actually made me think, maybe it's side for me

1219
01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 2: to check out. Wow, I can't see myself going because

1220
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 2: I was going to I'm like, I can't see myself

1221
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 2: going through this for another ten years. Because I'm sitting here,

1222
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 2: I have nobody that feel sorry for me. I'm sorry

1223
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 2: to say it that way, but there's just very little

1224
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 2: compassion for me, you know, because I guess maybe because

1225
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 2: I'm such a strong mom and been such a strong

1226
01:05:48,800 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 2: mom that they look at me like she got.

1227
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 1: That where are your homegirls saying like do you have

1228
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:54,760
Speaker 1: like best friends?

1229
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:59,280
Speaker 2: I have one friend and she lives we're from phone friends.

1230
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:03,720
Speaker 2: I just once I started kind of doing my spiritual

1231
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 2: cleansing and just changing right universe just removed everybody, you know,

1232
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:16,240
Speaker 2: everybody that was draining on me that I could feel

1233
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:19,640
Speaker 2: myself being pulled in a direction that I just didn't

1234
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:22,000
Speaker 2: want to go into. But because of the person that

1235
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:25,440
Speaker 2: I am, I was being pulled in that direction. I

1236
01:06:25,560 --> 01:06:28,440
Speaker 2: just I didn't know how to say no. So the

1237
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:31,560
Speaker 2: universe says, I'm gonna do it for you. Yeah.

1238
01:06:32,080 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what is your advice that you would like

1239
01:06:34,680 --> 01:06:37,160
Speaker 1: to offer to women who find themselves as the other

1240
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 1: woman and have no plans to leave the situation.

1241
01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:42,720
Speaker 2: Just take a page out of my book and be

1242
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:47,320
Speaker 2: prepared for the reality of being by yourself as long.

1243
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 2: I will never tell another woman to not follow their heart,

1244
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:53,600
Speaker 2: but just understand the consequences behind it, because if you

1245
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:56,000
Speaker 2: stay it for five years, ten years, or twenty years,

1246
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 2: it's still going to be an empty seat in the

1247
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:04,479
Speaker 2: back because either you're going to be tired of him

1248
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:06,439
Speaker 2: or he's going to be tired of you. Because after

1249
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:11,960
Speaker 2: so many years of sneaking and sacrificing and not being

1250
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,160
Speaker 2: able to do this or do that, you can't talk

1251
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:17,200
Speaker 2: to this person, You can't eh who wants to go

1252
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 2: through that and then to be like, Okay, now you

1253
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 2: can have me all to yourself, right, you know, so

1254
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:28,480
Speaker 2: just find value in who you are, you know, take

1255
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:32,560
Speaker 2: a step back and say, is this person really worth

1256
01:07:33,360 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 2: putting them before me? You know? And if that person is,

1257
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 2: then go ahead.

1258
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:41,160
Speaker 1: Do you think.

1259
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 2: It took me a very long time, in a very

1260
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:53,000
Speaker 2: hard road to understand that I deserve to be number one?

1261
01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:56,640
Speaker 2: And I am not going to put myself back in

1262
01:07:56,640 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 2: a situation because there is no more or I'm gonna

1263
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 2: be Amber too. I'm over it because I don't need

1264
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:05,400
Speaker 2: anybody else to love me anymore. I don't need to

1265
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 2: prove that I deserve love. I'm like, I don't have

1266
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:12,440
Speaker 2: to go to that right, none of us too.

1267
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:16,280
Speaker 1: No, Nah, I appreciate you. I think this was a

1268
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:20,639
Speaker 1: very insightful conversation. Like I know a lot of people

1269
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,240
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of times I always

1270
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:26,840
Speaker 1: say that our childhood really affects our adulthood, and I

1271
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:30,200
Speaker 1: feel like this is a great example of, like, you

1272
01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 1: just never know how what we need can fester into

1273
01:08:32,960 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 1: other things as we get older. So I really appreciate

1274
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:37,000
Speaker 1: you telling your story.

1275
01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:39,160
Speaker 2: Well, I am glad somebody was.

1276
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,800
Speaker 1: Yes, No, it was really good. I appreciate you and

1277
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:45,479
Speaker 1: to the listeners. If you have any questions, comments, and concerns,

1278
01:08:45,479 --> 01:08:48,439
Speaker 1: please make sure to email me a hello at thepsgpodcast

1279
01:08:48,479 --> 01:08:52,200
Speaker 1: dot com And until next time, everyone.

1280
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:55,760
Speaker 2: Thank you so very much girl. I had fun.

1281
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:58,960
Speaker 1: Yes yes, yes, no, we are. I'm gonna definitely keep

1282
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:00,240
Speaker 1: in contact with you.

1283
01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:03,160
Speaker 2: Please do. I appreciate it. I really would. That would

1284
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:03,639
Speaker 2: be great.

1285
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:11,160
Speaker 1: But until next time, everyone Later. The Professional Homegirl Podcast

1286
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 1: is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For

1287
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:18,760
Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts,

1288
01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:21,400
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget

1289
01:09:21,439 --> 01:09:24,360
Speaker 1: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect

1290
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:27,240
Speaker 1: with me on social media at the PHG podcast