Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the minisode.
Speaker 2: It's our five hundredth minisode.
Speaker 1: Oh is that even possible?
Speaker 2: It's quite an accomplishment, it is.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of us. I'm breaking the cute little five hundred.
Speaker 2: I'm proud of Corey for this design. So cute, incredible,
Speaker 2: all of it.
Speaker 3: But we're doing a very fun thing for like, especially
Speaker 3: for this episode. Our producers thought it would be fun
Speaker 3: to take all of the different subcategories of minisodes that
Speaker 3: we've asked you all to send in over the years,
Speaker 3: and the ones that they know we like the best.
Speaker 2: They've tried to get two for ones, two subjects in
Speaker 2: one email for us.
Speaker 1: So like a random hero pet meets treasure in the
Speaker 1: wall kind of a thing.
Speaker 2: A grandma meets al Capone.
Speaker 1: That's the only example, the grandma and al Capone, Grandma
Speaker 1: and al Capone. But then you have to have another
Speaker 1: one meets a deathbed confession.
Speaker 2: Glitchen, the matrix, Glitchen the matrix.
Speaker 1: Those are my favorite. So yeah, that's what.
Speaker 3: But here's an even more fun part is that these
Speaker 3: are complete surprises to us. Usually we pick our own
Speaker 3: emails to read to each other. Yeah, but this time
Speaker 3: they've been chosen for us by us.
Speaker 1: Right, So I'm going to read three from Karen that
Speaker 1: Karen chose specifically for me and vice versa. So I've
Speaker 1: never seen these, so they better not be embarrassing. That
Speaker 1: would be really Eryl.
Speaker 2: There are all three emails about your butt.
Speaker 1: I don't know how I did it, but I did it.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you. Okay, so yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's get and do it. Who goes first?
Speaker 2: What do you think you want to go first? Sure,
Speaker 2: they're pure surprises, so we can't even wait.
Speaker 1: Hold on because I have a good one for your
Speaker 1: last one. So if I go, then you go, then
Speaker 1: I go, then you go, then I go, then you go.
Speaker 1: So yeah, me counting, I've got I can't count five
Speaker 1: because you're so good at this. That's right that you've
Speaker 1: done it.
Speaker 3: Also, just for everyone at home, Georgia thought this up
Speaker 3: the first.
Speaker 2: Week we did this podcast.
Speaker 3: What mini soots were an immediate It was a great idea.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that we did it. It's it's brought
Speaker 1: so much joy I think into our lives. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: this is you know, it's my favorite. What better than
Speaker 1: to read other people's grandma's adventures? Totally or whatever. We've
Speaker 1: read so many great stories over the years, the latch
Speaker 1: Key children, Jude, That's just everything that we learn about
Speaker 1: ourselves and our listeners has been so much fun. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the first one that you picked for me is
Speaker 1: a grandma vengeance story with cats. So it's the Sassy
Speaker 1: Grandma's and cats. Those two topics as one one. Sassy
Speaker 1: Grandma's chocolate, cat's vanilla, and you get here. We love
Speaker 1: I want that, okay, Hi all, but especially cats for
Speaker 1: reasons that will soon be clear. Before I begin my
Speaker 1: sincerest apologies to anyone I know irl who listens to
Speaker 1: this podcast, because I've definitely already told you this story. Anyways, onwards.
Speaker 1: My grandmother garepa on the beach in Tampa, Florida, and
Speaker 1: every kid in her neighborhood had their own little row boat.
Speaker 1: It was the thirties, so child safety was not a thing.
Speaker 1: How fun would that be?
Speaker 2: How old did you have to be to get your
Speaker 2: own rowboat?
Speaker 1: Eight? Probably?
Speaker 2: What if it's fine?
Speaker 1: Y'd so easy. One day, when she was about eight
Speaker 1: or nine, Oh, she looked outside and saw another kid
Speaker 1: out in his rowboat, holding a cat by the tail
Speaker 1: and swinging it over the water. Filled with a righteous rage,
Speaker 1: my grandmother jumped into her boat, rowed out to the
Speaker 1: boy with the cat, stood up, and started beating him
Speaker 1: over the head as hard as she could with one
Speaker 1: of her oars. I thought I was gonna say, with
Speaker 1: one of her cats, thinking of the cat. This apparently
Speaker 1: went on for quite a while, but eventually my grandmother
Speaker 1: decided that the boy had been suitedly punished, and she
Speaker 1: grabbed the cat and rowed back to the shore. A
Speaker 1: new home was found with the cat, and the story
Speaker 1: of the boy and the oar passed into family legend.
Speaker 1: That is amazing. Now, my grandmother was known to exaggerate things,
Speaker 1: so my mom and her siblings always took the story
Speaker 1: with several grains of salts. But years and years later,
Speaker 1: my grandparents decided to retire back down to the Tampa area.
Speaker 1: My mom, being a youngest and the only kids still
Speaker 1: at home, got dragged along on various errands. One of
Speaker 1: these errands was to the local bank. When they walked
Speaker 1: into the bank manager's office, he took one look at
Speaker 1: my grandmother's maiden name and started edging around to the
Speaker 1: other side of a desk. It was the same boy
Speaker 1: and he was a fairly still very scared of my grandmother.
Speaker 1: Fifty years later. Fuck yeah, my mom obviously lost her
Speaker 1: entire mind, but my grandmother just laughed and reassured him
Speaker 1: that as long as he didn't have any cats and
Speaker 1: she didn't have any ores, he was probably safe. My
Speaker 1: grandparents opened a new bank account without further incident, and
Speaker 1: they proceeded to have a very happy retirement, and as
Speaker 1: far as I know, the bank manager didn't torture any
Speaker 1: more animals. Thanks for all you do and for getting
Speaker 1: me through many long hours in the lab because I
Speaker 1: work on my PhD. Stay sexy and believe your grandmother
Speaker 1: when she tells you that she wants to meet up
Speaker 1: a kid on behalf of a cat, Cassie. The generations
Speaker 1: of cats that owe their life to this grandmother, Yeah,
Speaker 1: is such a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3: Actually, the cat she saved birth over five thousand kittens.
Speaker 1: That's right, five hundred five hundred kittens. Oh it was
Speaker 1: not a good one. Yeah, okay, I can't remember what
Speaker 1: it picks for you.
Speaker 3: It's so funny that I picked that one for you
Speaker 3: but didn't eat because I was just like trying to
Speaker 3: get it right. And it's like children in little rowboats
Speaker 3: the cutest. There's got to be pictures of that. I mean, like,
Speaker 3: I need to go into that world. Want a tiny
Speaker 3: rowboat that's just for me, Yeah, for me in that ocean.
Speaker 1: Put snacks in it the ocean.
Speaker 3: Okay, ooh, here's my first one. The subject line is
Speaker 3: hidden things in walls. Yes, surprise, it's Grandma Grandma's and walls.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, yeah, okay, I'm over this one now.
Speaker 2: It starts a hoioi pals.
Speaker 3: My grandparents live in an adorable nineteen fifties Cape cod
Speaker 3: split level house. Those two styles put together give you
Speaker 3: a lot of odd little nooks and crannies and places
Speaker 3: you wouldn't expect, which makes for a great hide and
Speaker 3: seek house for the grandkids. Eventually we found all the
Speaker 3: really good hiding places in our hide and seek games
Speaker 3: turned into hide and scare the shit out of each other.
Speaker 3: My dad has always really been interested in old timey shit,
Speaker 3: and I was a poor middle child who just wanted
Speaker 3: some attention for crying out loud, So we would often
Speaker 3: go into my grandparents' attic and spend rainy Saturday afternoons
Speaker 3: looking through old family photos, trinkets, and trasures. This attic
Speaker 3: was more like a hall closet that led to unfinished
Speaker 3: crawl space in the eaves of them.
Speaker 1: I love for the imagination of a kid is like,
Speaker 1: this is a hidden room.
Speaker 3: It was a beautiful Now that was just don't step
Speaker 3: on the pink part exactly.
Speaker 1: It's golation.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One afternoon, when the two of us were up there,
Speaker 3: I pulled out a box and uncovered a small door
Speaker 3: that neither of us knew. I mean.
Speaker 2: Just a door, a small door.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: We had just gone to see National Treasure. So my
Speaker 3: eleven year old self instantly yelled, oh my god, the
Speaker 3: Declaration of Independence might be in there, and then in
Speaker 3: parentheses it says, what a fucking nerd.
Speaker 2: But friends, I am.
Speaker 3: Here to tell you it was way more practical than that.
Speaker 3: What we found was the plumbing access space behind the bathroom.
Speaker 3: You could get into the bathroom from the crawl space
Speaker 3: simply by pushing out the built in wall hamper. Oh.
Speaker 3: I had found the holy grail of hiding places that
Speaker 3: my sister and cousins knew nothing.
Speaker 2: But I could not wait to use it. Holy shit,
Speaker 2: this is awesome.
Speaker 3: My twisted little mind started thinking of the perfect way
Speaker 3: to scare the ever loving shit out of them, and
Speaker 3: play the best prank ever. I had to make sure
Speaker 3: my plan would work, so I picked the best guinea
Speaker 3: pig I could think of.
Speaker 2: Grandma.
Speaker 3: Now I wasn't a complete lunatic, so I made sure
Speaker 3: she wasn't in the shower where she could slip and fall,
Speaker 3: thank you. But while she was cleaning the bathroom, I
Speaker 3: snuck into the crawl space through the attic and started
Speaker 3: lightly tapping on the walls of the shower, then pushing
Speaker 3: on the hamper, and topped it off by making quiet
Speaker 3: groaning sounds.
Speaker 1: Kids think they're so sad, I'll let you know. Grandma
Speaker 1: was like.
Speaker 2: You think one of them's on the wall.
Speaker 3: Then just as I'm ready to jump out and scare her,
Speaker 3: she yanks the hamper out of the wall and scares
Speaker 3: me first. Yes, I couldn't understand how she knew it
Speaker 3: was one of her grandkids when I so clearly sounded
Speaker 3: like a ghost. Apparently this was a prank she would
Speaker 3: play on my Grandpa when they first moved in the house. Grandma,
Speaker 3: relationship goals, Grandma, you have to find someone that you
Speaker 3: can scare constantly. Oh no, this was their empty Nestor's house.
Speaker 3: So the thought of my grandma, in her late fifties
Speaker 3: hiding in the crawl space to scare her husband of
Speaker 3: thirty some years tickles me me too. Just when I
Speaker 3: think she couldn't get any cooler, she says, did you
Speaker 3: know this goes all the way back to the guest
Speaker 3: room closet.
Speaker 2: We could really get them good.
Speaker 3: My oldest sister and cousin were hanging out in the
Speaker 3: guest room being cool teenagers and not letting me in
Speaker 3: because sisters. So my grandma decided to go to that
Speaker 3: end of the crawl space and start tapping on the walls.
Speaker 3: They began screaming and ran to the only room with
Speaker 3: a lock on the door.
Speaker 1: The veg Yeah motherfuckers, Yeah, big sisters, where.
Speaker 2: I was still hidden in the wall making spooky noises.
Speaker 3: Needless to say that two of them had the scare
Speaker 3: of their lives and still have no idea that their
Speaker 3: ghostly encounter was just me and Grandma creeping in the walls.
Speaker 3: That's how hilarious. People were, like, what's your ghost story?
Speaker 3: And it's just their sibling that they don't know.
Speaker 4: I was looking at a copy of Stephen king Rice's
Speaker 4: pet seminary and all of a sudden, no, your shitty
Speaker 4: like little sister, it's your middle sister getting revel right.
Speaker 4: Grandma still loves a good prank and is always down
Speaker 4: for a game of anything with one of her twenty
Speaker 4: two grandchildren or eleven great grandchildren. Her and my grandpa
Speaker 4: just celebrated their sixty first wedding anniversary. When I asked
Speaker 4: how they have stayed together this long, my grandpa says,
Speaker 4: she has the most amazing laugh I've ever heard. And
Speaker 4: I decided a long time ago, Oh.
Speaker 1: No, I know. I was like, Oh, Karen's gonna cry.
Speaker 3: She has the most amazing laugh I've ever heard, And
Speaker 3: I decided a long time ago I wanted to hear
Speaker 3: that laugh every day.
Speaker 5: For the rest of my life, so long as she
Speaker 5: lets me. Oh keep making your laugh, you son of
Speaker 5: a bit. You made me cry on the first That
Speaker 5: is so perfect.
Speaker 1: I know, my god, I'll take that over. I don't
Speaker 1: think I could be in a relationship that scares each
Speaker 1: other like I can't jump out to me jumping out
Speaker 1: and scaring someone's abuse. Really, yeah, that's not They can't
Speaker 1: do it to me, and I won't do it to
Speaker 1: them like that snows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like we'll be
Speaker 1: like I'm right behind you, just to be like, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to scare you.
Speaker 3: It's the opposite of what you would enjoy. Like my
Speaker 3: cousin Stevie and well it's with his daughter's Kim. His
Speaker 3: wife would never have it, right. Uh, that's all they
Speaker 3: do is try to find a place. If that's agreed upon,
Speaker 3: it's great, it's hilarious. And I know Vince too, we
Speaker 3: want no part of it whatsoever.
Speaker 2: They're so bad.
Speaker 3: They do things where it's like you're we're like we
Speaker 3: just went to Dollywood, like we're all walking and they
Speaker 3: always have their eyes out of like I could.
Speaker 1: Run ahead and just get in there, or even if
Speaker 1: you go, what's that like, then they get scared, like
Speaker 1: don't don't do that to me. I don't want that.
Speaker 2: No, I know it's not where you're.
Speaker 1: Enjoying that and tickling, like unless we specifically said that
Speaker 1: those things are okay and enjoyable, like don't fucking.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think that's a good rule for everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't don't tickle people unless you have an express, written,
Speaker 3: direct written permission. Okay, stay sexy and check your cross
Speaker 3: space for grandma's before going to the bathroom. See she her,
Speaker 3: and it says, ps, grandma's name is Zilla. So good, Priscilla,
Speaker 3: so good grandmothering her ass off?
Speaker 1: Great?
Speaker 2: That was awesome. See thank you, well, it's so good.
Speaker 1: Let's see what your next one for me is. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a combo of or so we thought, and cats.
Speaker 1: So I love it.
Speaker 2: Okay, of course you guessed that I did that to you.
Speaker 1: Oh you did. Of course you didn't do that. Okay.
Speaker 1: The time my husband found our lost cat, dot do dot,
Speaker 1: or so we thought, Georgia, Karen, love your gorgeous faces.
Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, a stray cat snuck into
Speaker 1: one of the vans at my husband's work and gave
Speaker 1: birth to a litter of kittens. Oh my god, my dream.
Speaker 1: We had to keep them.
Speaker 2: It's they picked us right.
Speaker 1: Several weeks later, each kitten went home with a different coworker,
Speaker 1: and their mama became the shop kitty. That is how
Speaker 1: we came to own our second cat, Hazel, a brown
Speaker 1: tabby who was afraid of almost nothing. She holds her
Speaker 1: own against our eighty five pound dog. She runs a
Speaker 1: laps around the house with our two wild boys, like children.
Speaker 1: That's funny, and she's a great addition to the family. However,
Speaker 1: Hazel has always been an indoor cat, despite her best
Speaker 1: efforts otherwise. At around a year old, Hazel went through
Speaker 1: a phase where she would run full speed toward any
Speaker 1: door that was opened, just for a taste of the outdoors.
Speaker 1: Oh my fucking god. Well, one Sunday evening, before going
Speaker 1: to bed, I realized I hadn't seen Hazel in a while.
Speaker 1: This is me all the time. Have you seen mo?
Speaker 1: I haven't seen mo in a while. I searched the house,
Speaker 1: so tabby right, yeah, yeah, I searched the house in
Speaker 1: the yard and couldn't find her anywhere. It was clear
Speaker 1: she had snuck out at some point, with Adis realizing it.
Speaker 1: I was so worried about her. The next morning, as
Speaker 1: we drove around looking for her, my husband called to
Speaker 1: tell me he had found her in a neighbor's yard,
Speaker 1: but she was hiding from their dogs and was too
Speaker 1: scared to come out. I grabbed some cat treats and
Speaker 1: headed that way to help coax her out of her
Speaker 1: hiding spot. And at work, she crept out from under
Speaker 1: the shed, and when she did, my husband grabbed her,
Speaker 1: except then she went absolutely wild, biting, scratching, twisting around
Speaker 1: and doing everything she could to get away. It was
Speaker 1: nothing like her, and she was such a sweetheart, so
Speaker 1: it was very unexpected, but she was obviously terrified. The
Speaker 1: neighbor who lived there grabbed a cage and my husband
Speaker 1: somehow managed to put the writing cat inside. His hand
Speaker 1: was bleeding everywhere. There was a deep puncture wound in
Speaker 1: his pinky finger and scratches up his arms. He headed
Speaker 1: to urgent care to get bandage and injected with an antibiotic.
Speaker 1: Then finally we brought Hazel home, or so we thought,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we seen the meme of like I
Speaker 1: found my cat three months ago. It came home today
Speaker 1: and it's just too large, black and white, exactly like that.
Speaker 1: Looked identical. When we opened the cage, she immediately went
Speaker 1: into our laundry room, hid behind our dryer and would
Speaker 1: not come out. As I stood looking at her cowering
Speaker 1: in the corner, I turned to my husband and said,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's Hazel. My husband wasn't sure either,
Speaker 1: so we started the process of getting the cat back
Speaker 1: into the cage and managed to do it without further injury.
Speaker 1: We took her to a nearby vet and had her
Speaker 1: scam for a microchip. She didn't have. Hazel has a microchip.
Speaker 1: This was not our cat. My husband drove back to
Speaker 1: the neighbor's house where he had found this cat and
Speaker 1: talked to the neighbor's wife. He explained the situation and
Speaker 1: the wife responded, yeah, that's our cat. The neighbor's only
Speaker 1: explanation for why he assisted in the cat napping of
Speaker 1: his own pet was that they had several cats. He
Speaker 1: said he thought it looked like one of theirs, but
Speaker 1: my husband seemed so sure that he didn't want to disagree. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's therapy. Got to go to therapy. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: Needless to say, my husband was not happy about the
Speaker 1: injuries he sustained retrieving the wrong cat. Meanwhile, I continued
Speaker 1: the search for Hazel. I did everything I can think of,
Speaker 1: posted online, put up flyers, talked with neighbors, and got
Speaker 1: permission to search their yards, and put out a trap
Speaker 1: that managed to catch two more incorrect cats. Then, a
Speaker 1: couple days later, I walked into her kitchen and Hazel
Speaker 1: was sitting at our back door waiting to be let in.
Speaker 1: After three nights of doing god knows what. I guess
Speaker 1: she was ready to come home.
Speaker 3: That's amazing. It sounds like it was too much totally.
Speaker 1: She was covered in cobwebs. I fucking love that. Hungry
Speaker 1: and thirsty, but none the worse for wear. My husband's
Speaker 1: hand healed, but he still doesn't have complete feeling in
Speaker 1: his pinky finger and does not find the story nearly
Speaker 1: as entertaining as most people do. Oh Thankfully, Hazel has
Speaker 1: mostly outgrown her taste for freedom. She still makes the
Speaker 1: occasional break for an open door, but has mostly accepted
Speaker 1: that she is strictly an indoor cat. I have attached
Speaker 1: a photo of her to share. Thanks for reading my story.
Speaker 1: Stay sexy and don't aid an a bet in catnapping
Speaker 1: your own pet. Josie she her, Oh my goodness, he
Speaker 1: looks just like mo, Just like, look at that's a
Speaker 1: that's a smart, bad cat.
Speaker 2: So cute. She's like, what, I was just under the deck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are we gonna do?
Speaker 2: Why are you guys.
Speaker 3: Freaking out all the time? Stop grabbing all the cats
Speaker 3: that look slightly similar to me?
Speaker 1: God, I love that story so much.
Speaker 2: It's so good.
Speaker 1: So we thought good love cats?
Speaker 2: Oh what the subject line of this.
Speaker 1: I forgot.
Speaker 3: This is a combo hero dog celebrity sighting. Oh yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: I remember now incredible. Should I hold this subject line? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, I wish I hit it from you.
Speaker 2: Too, perfect though.
Speaker 3: Okay, this starts MAM's Hi, I'm obsessed with true crime,
Speaker 3: but his fate would have it. I grew up in
Speaker 3: a quiet southern Californian neighborhood no one's ever heard of,
Speaker 3: which seems like the perfect spot to dig up some
Speaker 3: murder history or should I take a sinkhole? But alas
Speaker 3: here I am.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, this one is so well written. I just
Speaker 1: I thought it was a different one. Okay, so well written. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong.
Speaker 3: I'm super thankful my parents plopped us down in the
Speaker 3: most boring and safest of surroundings, but it leaves me
Speaker 3: very limited on content to send in to super casually
Speaker 3: say hey, and for that, I'm resentful.
Speaker 2: And then it happened.
Speaker 3: I have been summoned in a recent minnesot You guys
Speaker 3: asked for the weirdest celebrity run ins, and I am
Speaker 3: here to answer the call. Imagine it's nineteen eighty eight.
Speaker 3: I'm a teeny tiny baby. Fuck you, I'm graduating from
Speaker 3: high school.
Speaker 2: What were you in sixth grade? You're eight third grade.
Speaker 3: I'm a teeny tiny baby ten months maybe in one
Speaker 3: of those adorable eighties baby onesies with the feet. They've
Speaker 3: literally been around since State of fifteen hundreds. The nineties
Speaker 3: are upon us. Simple times, Growing pains is in full
Speaker 3: teen swing. Everyone's swooning over Kirk Cameron, including my half sister,
Speaker 3: who's fifteen or sixteen at the time, so it's a
Speaker 3: baby and then half sister. My parents have gotten our dog,
Speaker 3: Sarah from some dog breeder trainer who I guess also
Speaker 3: had some sort of celebrity connections. He calls my dad
Speaker 3: and says, hey, Steve, Kirk Cameron is looking for someone
Speaker 3: to watch his dog while he goes off and shoots
Speaker 3: a movie. Would you be interested? Why he chose my
Speaker 3: parents rather than someone entirely more qualified is beyond me,
Speaker 3: and why my parents agreed to do it he's even
Speaker 3: more strange. But wouldn't you know, Kirk Cameron himself delivered
Speaker 3: his sweetheart, fluffball Tibetan mastiff Rex to our house shortly.
Speaker 1: After, Like we fucked that guy, But back then, like, oh,
Speaker 1: she was the heart throb of heart throb.
Speaker 3: This is Timothy shallow May coming and dropping a basset
Speaker 3: hound off at your heart. I mean, it's just like,
Speaker 3: what are we talking about? Yeah, he was the biggest.
Speaker 3: And also Kirk Cameron is from a Hollywood family. His
Speaker 3: sister is also Like it was like they were famous.
Speaker 3: They were famous about being famous.
Speaker 2: Am It was just such a.
Speaker 3: Different It was Okay, my parents have a video of
Speaker 3: baby me sitting in his lap on my sister's bed, who,
Speaker 3: to her simultaneous relief and disappointment, had been.
Speaker 2: At her mom's that day. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine I should have told her and had
Speaker 1: her come home? Don't you saying?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really sucks. I mean I bet she would
Speaker 3: have stepmom. That's a stepmom's fault.
Speaker 2: It seems, yeah, start some shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But also, like I used to I think I admitted
Speaker 3: this to you before, I also had this pict where
Speaker 3: we had when we admit things to each other, we
Speaker 3: had to say welcome to Shamtown, and then we can
Speaker 3: do all segment called welcome to Shreamtown.
Speaker 2: Here's mine.
Speaker 3: I used to get ready just in case Scott bo
Speaker 3: was going to be like we were going to the beach.
Speaker 3: We were going to the beach in northern California.
Speaker 1: This isn't like when you were already in Hollywood and
Speaker 1: maybe he'd be at a.
Speaker 3: Party, couldn't be further away. We'd be like, well, we're
Speaker 3: going out to stint and be fucking Bo's there and
Speaker 3: I'd just be like trying so hard to curl my hair.
Speaker 1: Was he ever there?
Speaker 2: He was never once there.
Speaker 1: Guess who I have for her five hundred to minisode Karen.
Speaker 2: The Great Maga, Republican Scott.
Speaker 1: And Pert Cameron two for Maga.
Speaker 3: Listen we love the heart wants what it wants when
Speaker 3: you're twelve. Okay, So the video is of Kurt with
Speaker 3: the holding the baby, sitting on her bed and saying, Hey, Shannon,
Speaker 3: sorry I missed you. I get to hang out with
Speaker 3: your sister. She told me all about you. Hope we
Speaker 3: meet one day.
Speaker 2: End quote. She was mortified. I was charming.
Speaker 3: The VHS tape proves such as I wouldn't stop touching
Speaker 3: his face and grabbing.
Speaker 2: At those curls.
Speaker 3: From what I gathered later from my mom, we weren't
Speaker 3: told when he'd be back for Rex, but we assumed
Speaker 3: it was going to be for a few months. We
Speaker 3: didn't hear from this motherfucker for years.
Speaker 1: He fucking rocks his dog off, just like New Home Bye.
Speaker 3: I said what I said, Gal's all caps, four period,
Speaker 3: years period later, four years, We're just left to assume
Speaker 3: Rex is our dog. Now when all of a sudden
Speaker 3: we get a phone call that someone will come and
Speaker 3: pick up this sweet monster bear of a dog the
Speaker 3: next week.
Speaker 2: I was heartbroken.
Speaker 1: Unless you specifically say something a year tops, then it's
Speaker 1: their dog. No, maybe a year and a half.
Speaker 3: I would love for all of the film nerds to
Speaker 3: come and tell me what movie has shot that last
Speaker 3: four that you would, as a lead or second lead
Speaker 3: be shooting this movie for four year.
Speaker 1: You're going to abandon your dog and then get it
Speaker 1: back Star Wars made like also, you left it with
Speaker 1: children who now have grown.
Speaker 3: You held that baby that you then weaned onto the
Speaker 3: company of this dog.
Speaker 1: This is all.
Speaker 2: I was heartbroken.
Speaker 3: I rode that good boy like a horse every goddamn
Speaker 3: day of my dog.
Speaker 1: All the dogs like, thank fucking God.
Speaker 2: The dog's like see you.
Speaker 3: Our dog had died a few months earlier. Rex was
Speaker 3: my best friend, and now this asshole had the audacity
Speaker 3: to not even show up and take his dog himself,
Speaker 3: the dog he hadn't seen in years, but sent someone
Speaker 3: to take him away from me. And then in parentheses
Speaker 3: it says, I'm thirty two now, and obviously I haven't
Speaker 3: moved on full circle. It's twenty and five. I'm seventeen
Speaker 3: and sitting in church with some friends from youth group.
Speaker 3: Whose dumb fucking curly gray haired head.
Speaker 1: So angry?
Speaker 3: And who's dumb fucking curly, graying haired head do I
Speaker 3: suddenly realize I'm sitting directly behind the same guy who's
Speaker 3: become more famous in this group of friends for breaking
Speaker 3: my tiny toddler heart than he ever than he was
Speaker 3: or ever will be for growing. I look down the aisle,
Speaker 3: and every single one of my pals is staring at me,
Speaker 3: wide eyed and unexpectant, as if timid, shy high school
Speaker 3: choir nerd me is going to stand up in the
Speaker 3: Lord's House, surrounded by Grandma's in the spirit himself mid
Speaker 3: holy communion and splash that thimble sized plastic cup of
Speaker 3: wine in his face and scream fuck you, Kirk Cameron,
Speaker 3: which is honestly the biggest regret in my life. I
Speaker 3: love you both, stay sexy, and for fuck's sakes, don't
Speaker 3: give Kirk Cameron back his dog Amber.
Speaker 1: I want. I feel like my mom sometimes being a cunt,
Speaker 1: would have been like, fuck you, my daughter is attached
Speaker 1: to him. Now we haven't heard from you in four years. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's our dog now.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's pure reasonable because totally four years, Like,
Speaker 3: how do you not get an end date? And then
Speaker 3: how does that discrepancy? How does anyone believe that they
Speaker 3: had a four year window?
Speaker 1: I hope Kurt Cameron gave him a big, fat, fucking
Speaker 1: growing pains check for that, you.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, really, because that's dog sitting for four years.
Speaker 3: Seriously, as a person that pays a dog sitter, that's expensive.
Speaker 1: All right. So the last one is Sassy Grandma's and cats.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, Karen. It's like you know me,
Speaker 1: Ladies Day one listener here. My grandma lived in Queens,
Speaker 1: New York, and when I was a little girl, I
Speaker 1: would spend parts of the summer with her, and sometimes
Speaker 1: long weekends. She would drag me all over the city
Speaker 1: and we'd see all the Broadway shows. In total. She's
Speaker 1: taken me to see twenty four musical lucky. I haven't
Speaker 1: even seen one. Is that true? I think so. Oh
Speaker 1: I saw cats when I was a little kid.
Speaker 3: Oh right, little that would have turned you off of it.
Speaker 3: They've gotten so much better.
Speaker 1: I came out in the audience. It was terrifying. I okay.
Speaker 1: For my fourteenth birthday, she took me to see cats. Hey.
Speaker 1: We sat in the mezzanine section, right at the edge
Speaker 1: where I could lean over and see the stage. No
Speaker 1: one told my grandma's what the fuck?
Speaker 2: Yeah what?
Speaker 1: No one told my grandma that the actors would climb
Speaker 1: out into the audience and interact with them. That's fucking weird.
Speaker 1: Like a whole generation of children were traumatized. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: she was very surprised, as was I when one of
Speaker 1: the cats crawled into my lap and licked my face,
Speaker 1: all while purring and having me fully believe he was
Speaker 1: in fact a cat. That one came up to me too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my grandma wouldn't have it and reached out and slapped
Speaker 1: this poor actor. It edged through the theater and yelled,
Speaker 1: get the hell off my granddaughter, and continuing to stay
Speaker 1: in character, this actor hissed at her, jumped off my
Speaker 1: lap and crawled back down to the stage for exactly
Speaker 1: four seconds, you could hear a pin drops a fucking professional.
Speaker 2: Yeah, holy shit, someone slapped him.
Speaker 1: Across the faces. She then turned around, fluffed up her hair,
Speaker 1: and sat back in her seat to finish the show,
Speaker 1: holding my hand the whole time. She has taken me
Speaker 1: to see countless shows, but this is the only one
Speaker 1: where she physically assaulted one of the actors. It's a
Speaker 1: story that we've retold over and over again for many
Speaker 1: many years.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: I take my own grandchildren to the theater with the
Speaker 1: promise that I will keep my hands on my lap
Speaker 1: and not try to hurt Anyboddy, my grandmother was a
Speaker 1: redheaded ball of fire. No one could touch her. In fact,
Speaker 1: there's one story where she was mugged and was able
Speaker 1: to fight him off with a stapler that she, for
Speaker 1: some reason kept in her purse. That's amazing because it's heavy.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, her name was Fay and she was my
Speaker 1: bestest friend. Forever, stay sexy and don't ever let a
Speaker 1: full grown man dressed as a cat sit in your lap.
Speaker 1: Then runs Stacy in New Jersey. Stacy, I feel you,
Speaker 1: Let's have a group therapy session, because like I remember
Speaker 1: that too.
Speaker 3: Also how seventies eighties is it for them to be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: you guys, go find children in the audience to.
Speaker 1: Do ry and like, don't put a sign anywhere warning
Speaker 1: the littlest children who are scared of a lot of
Speaker 1: fucking things and don't really like fully comprehend. They're kind
Speaker 1: of like like they're on psychedelics basically all the time.
Speaker 2: Children of just like whoa, this is crazy, Like.
Speaker 1: Get a little warning.
Speaker 2: Don't lick them, don't like them.
Speaker 1: Lick them, don't lick don't like children.
Speaker 2: Don't make us say it, don't make Stacy say it.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, this one is Sisters and winning contest Leur
Speaker 3: Money Machine. Okay, yay, kind of okay, kind so good Karen, Georgia,
Speaker 3: Stephen and furry friends.
Speaker 2: I am so glad.
Speaker 3: I listened to my friend Sarah and started to listen
Speaker 3: to this podcast and became a murder. You know, I've
Speaker 3: passed my love of you onto my friend Morgan, and
Speaker 3: it's great to have others to talk about you, ladies.
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, keep it.
Speaker 3: I no longer listen to the radio, and I need
Speaker 3: to invest in a pair of wireless headphones so I
Speaker 3: can listen to you while I cook dinner. Do the
Speaker 3: dishes so that I don't have to constantly keep hitting
Speaker 3: pause when one of my three young boys walks into
Speaker 3: the kitchen. Yeah yeah, I'm glad you worked that out
Speaker 3: on paper, en he do it. One of the great
Speaker 3: joys of life for me is doing the dishes while
Speaker 3: I listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1: Like I don't think I would do the dishes otherwise.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that is what gets me to do
Speaker 3: you know, Yeah, hey, are you a hoarder? We recommend podcasts.
Speaker 1: So true.
Speaker 3: So, even though I'm the oldest of four siblings, I
Speaker 3: was always picked on growing up because I was very
Speaker 3: gullible and easy target. During the fall of sophomore year
Speaker 3: in high school around two thousand and one, there was
Speaker 3: a contest going on that Tasty Cake was promoting if
Speaker 3: you found green icing in their crimpets, you want to
Speaker 3: meet and greet with one of the Philadelphia.
Speaker 2: Eagles players at the.
Speaker 1: So specific some girls just link. I don't care.
Speaker 2: To preface this.
Speaker 3: I was not a huge football fan and I never
Speaker 3: enter contests because I never win. Well, you can't win
Speaker 3: if you don't play. So people don't know Tasty Cakes
Speaker 3: are East Coast.
Speaker 1: Hostess.
Speaker 3: Yeah, snack cakes, but they're a brand that if you're
Speaker 3: from California, you didn't grow up with them. Usually, so
Speaker 3: I usually don't have dessert after dinner, but one school
Speaker 3: night I had a taste for a tasty cake crippet.
Speaker 3: I go to open the freezer to grab one. It
Speaker 3: tasted way better when they were frozen. But my sister,
Speaker 3: who was sitting at the kitchen table, tells me there's
Speaker 3: one in the pantry. She said she went and opened
Speaker 3: it the day before and changed her mind. That's where
Speaker 3: you know the lie is. That's a fucking lie. So
Speaker 3: she just put it in a baggie and put it
Speaker 3: back in the closet. I didn't really care that it
Speaker 3: wasn't frozen, so I grabbed that one. You can tell
Speaker 3: I was the youngest of what was essentially, at the
Speaker 3: end of the day, five kids, because I had three
Speaker 3: teenager cousins next door and my.
Speaker 1: Older starter trust anything immediately.
Speaker 3: No, I'm already looking for how are they trying to
Speaker 3: summones nowhere? There's no world where my sister would have
Speaker 3: just nicely and kindly offered me.
Speaker 1: Something oh I did, and also a child not wanting
Speaker 1: to eat a tasty cake.
Speaker 3: Oh, I opened it and I changed my mind. You
Speaker 3: never have in your life. Why would you know? Okay,
Speaker 3: I was standing at the island in the middle of
Speaker 3: the kitchen enjoying my crimpet. A couple bites in, I
Speaker 3: noticed the icing inside is green. I start to freak out.
Speaker 3: My sister couldn't believe that I won. I immediately stopped eating
Speaker 3: the crumpet. I quickly start looking for a box to
Speaker 3: find the phone number or contest rules. But of course,
Speaker 3: when we put them in the freezer, my mom takes
Speaker 3: them out of the box.
Speaker 1: Classic.
Speaker 3: So I log on to the computer and find a
Speaker 3: customer service phone number and leave.
Speaker 2: Them a message.
Speaker 3: In the meantime, I'm planning on who I'm taking to
Speaker 3: this meet and greet and which one of my friends
Speaker 3: would enjoy the experience the most. The next day at school,
Speaker 3: I told my friend Tom, who was a huge Eagles fan,
Speaker 3: that I take him with me. Everyone is so excited
Speaker 3: that I want a contest like this. Think Charlie from.
Speaker 2: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory finding the Golden Ticket. We
Speaker 2: get it, you want a contest.
Speaker 3: I get home from school and my mom tells me
Speaker 3: the tasty Cake called and left me a message don't know.
Speaker 2: Oh no.
Speaker 3: I immediately call them back and explain to them, I
Speaker 3: save the crimpet, but I don't have the box, and
Speaker 3: that's the only way that I can prove that I won.
Speaker 3: The lady tells me that I didn't win. All the
Speaker 3: winning boxes have already been claimed, and she apologized for
Speaker 3: the confusion. I just didn't understand there was green icing
Speaker 3: inside my crppet.
Speaker 2: I hung up the phone.
Speaker 3: All I hear is laughter coming from my mom and
Speaker 3: sister in the kitchen. Through tears of laughter, they explained.
Speaker 1: To me them, even the mom.
Speaker 2: The mom, which is just like an of course you prank.
Speaker 1: To child, hahaha, hilarious, can't be.
Speaker 2: Satisfying, okay.
Speaker 3: Through tears of laughter, they explained to me that my
Speaker 3: sister used a straw, sucked out the white icing and
Speaker 3: blue fucking green icing.
Speaker 1: That she sucked it out, put it into a dish
Speaker 1: mixed in green food colorings.
Speaker 2: And her slide back in got a cold. Oh gross,
Speaker 2: and then it for inheseason. It says q vomiting.
Speaker 1: I feel like the joke's on them, because that's fucking disgusting.
Speaker 2: They're gross.
Speaker 1: They went too. They went too far.
Speaker 2: They really did.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: She then wrapped it back up, put it in the pantry,
Speaker 3: hoping I would eat them, but no see.
Speaker 1: And also you should have put it back in the
Speaker 1: original packaging, put a little glue on there, just to seem.
Speaker 3: Like, you know, grab a curling iron, I straightener z
Speaker 3: daren listen. I'm not saying I'm not a devious motherfucker,
Speaker 3: but it's so good it worked anyway. I'm not sure
Speaker 3: if I was more disturbed as to what she did
Speaker 3: or that I actually ate it. Either way, I didn't win.
Speaker 3: Into this day, I will never believe I want anything,
Speaker 3: especially a lottery ticket for fifty five thousand dollars. And
Speaker 3: then in parentheses it says different story for a different day.
Speaker 1: Send us your lottery stories, send us your tricking children stories,
Speaker 1: or being tricked as a child by an.
Speaker 3: Adult, or catching an adult trying to trick you and
Speaker 3: then outsmarting them.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: My favorite word of email could be fun. Wait here's
Speaker 2: the sign off.
Speaker 3: Okay, anyways, thanks for reading this, and remember stay sexy
Speaker 3: and don't eat food that's not in its original packaging.
Speaker 2: Very true, and that is from jen A.
Speaker 3: We can only assume it's Jennifer Anniston writing into the show.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Jennifer, it means the world.
Speaker 1: Does this make you hungry for a tasty cake? Yes?
Speaker 1: Well guess what did you?
Speaker 3: Suck out the frosting and open? I'm sorry, can't eat this.
Speaker 3: Jen told me I can't.
Speaker 1: Cut one in half. And I'll eat one and trust
Speaker 1: me and we'll see who wong here? You want to fork?
Speaker 2: Yes, my snack cake.
Speaker 1: This is our five hundredth anniversary cake. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much. Oh cheers, tears.
Speaker 3: My aunt Jeane used to bring these back from New
Speaker 3: Jersey when she visit her family.
Speaker 1: I've never had one that's fucking good. Crumpits, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I want raspberry? Do you have inside of it?
Speaker 2: The cake is so cakey good.
Speaker 1: It's not super sweet. That's good.
Speaker 2: It seems like a real little cake.
Speaker 1: All right. Well, happy East Coast kids were so lucky.
Speaker 3: Let's not talk about mouthful well happy, well, happy tasty cake,
Speaker 3: all right?
Speaker 1: Happy five hundredth.
Speaker 2: Hey, great job these past five hundred mini.
Speaker 1: So that's right, five hundred more and I'll get you
Speaker 1: a hostess. Also, I think that what was her name? Jen?
Speaker 1: Jennifer jen a if we could get the what was
Speaker 1: the sports team, the Eagles? We get the Eagles, Like,
Speaker 1: give her that prize or tasty Cake to like fulfill it,
Speaker 1: to get back at her siblings and her mood, Like
Speaker 1: how fucking great would that be? Gener all of us.
Speaker 3: It's called prank reversal. Yep, this is a new segment
Speaker 3: on the show Tasty Cake. We would love to talk
Speaker 3: to anybody whoever's manning the one eight hundred hotline. Got
Speaker 3: to be a murdering now, please, somebody in this in corporate,
Speaker 3: let's make it happen. We've got to turn it right
Speaker 3: for Jennifer Aniston. She's had a hard time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll meet her. If the football player or whatever
Speaker 1: team it is, whatever sport it is, doesn't want to
Speaker 1: meet her, will do it. I'll meet her.
Speaker 3: We're just like making here's what we're gonna do. We're
Speaker 3: gonna get some of the most famous people on the planet.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for listening to five hundred episodes of these
Speaker 1: been if it's your first one.
Speaker 3: And truly we want to thank every single person who's
Speaker 3: written in, even if we never used your email, even
Speaker 3: if you've written in twenty times and we've never picked yours. Yeah,
Speaker 3: the idea that we get to feature your guys stories
Speaker 3: and your guys' families and your experiences, and then Nick
Speaker 3: Terry turns around and does animations of them.
Speaker 2: It's just such a joy.
Speaker 1: It is the fact that we've been able to do
Speaker 1: five hundred and can do five hundred more is such
Speaker 1: a testament to the people listening yes, and us getting
Speaker 1: to read them their stories back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for playing this game with us. It's been
Speaker 3: very fun. It has stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 1: Goodbye, Elvis, Do you want to cookie?
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1: Our managing producer is Molly Smith.
Speaker 2: Our consulting producer is Kate Shellenbach.
Speaker 1: Our creative lead is Alison Agousti.
Speaker 3: Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes, and our editor is
Speaker 3: Aristotle Acevedo.
Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Leona s. Gualacci.
Speaker 3: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot
Speaker 3: com and follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 1: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3: Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix Search for
Speaker 3: my favorite murder, add us to your list, and the
Speaker 3: double thumbs up button.
Speaker 4: Goodbye, MH.