WEBVTT - Breakup Or Make Up? 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:04.360 Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of the Black Effect 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:15.120 Podcast Network and I Heart Radio. So that light was 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:19.840 not on. We didn't the record, all right, all right, 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:21.800 I'm sure, I'm sure that's not We're not the first 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:25.439 one the feature. Okay, So right, podcasts one on one 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:31.360 hit record. Okay, because everything we just did we didn't 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:35.000 get captured. Okay, but that was only ten minutes. Thank god, 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:37.280 we realized it now as opposed to forty five minutes 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.120 from now. So we're gonna give you. Let's let's just 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:43.200 get let's get it on. All right, Welcome to Reasonably Shaky. 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.640 It's your girl, Jazelle Bryant's here. What's up? What's up? 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:50.720 And I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you for joining us. Guys, 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:53.520 this is our second episode. Thank you so much for 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:56.120 coming back because hopefully you listen to the first one 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.960 and now you are back listening to us again. I 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:01.120 just want you to know that we are two girlfriends 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.040 who love each other, and so this podcast is all 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:08.400 about you hearing what girlfriends talk about. So we're gonna 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:10.920 be talking about everything from you know, I don't know, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:13.480 up and down and through. We're gonna talk about everything 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.880 and We're also going to allow at some point for 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.720 our listeners to ask us questions. We'll be able to 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:22.800 give advice. So today is gonna be a good day 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:27.640 because we're talking about relationships. We love talking about relationships, 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.280 Yes we do, Yes we do. But we always want 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:33.400 to start our reasonably Shady podcast off with a little icebreaker. 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:43.839 So it's a reasonably shady moment of the week. Robin. 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:47.400 You want to go first, yes, So my reasonably shady 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:53.200 moment of the week goes to myself. It's nothing major, Um, 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.280 but I just I came back from a trip a 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:59.360 number of days ago, and um, I still have not 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:03.680 unpacked my suitcases suitcases, and so now I'm just pulling 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:08.000 stuff out of my suitcases to get dressed. And I 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.639 just feel like that. And I'm going to be honest. 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:15.079 I had time to unpack my stuff, but I'm I'm 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.160 making life more difficult for myself right now. So you 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:21.280 do realize this podcast is called reasonably shady and not procrastination. 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:23.680 I mean, but I look at it like, Okay, I'm 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.880 reasonable because a lot of people do this. A lot 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:27.640 of people go on trips, trip them back and they 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:31.600 let their suitcases sit and I'm shady because it's just, yeah, 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.720 that's not productive. Okay, So I'm I'm going to just 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.280 say that you this was a three day trip. I 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:41.160 saw your luggage. You had two big old bags a luggage, 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:44.960 and so that was actually reasonable because you had to 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:49.520 put everything in right, shady because I'm shading you because 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:51.480 we were only going for three days. Yes, we're going 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.720 for three days. So now I have like half of 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:58.320 my wardrobe in my luggage. All right. So I was 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:01.560 actually on this trip and my reasonably shady moment of 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:04.760 the week is, you know, I have some friends, and 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.959 I decided to check in on one of my girlfriends 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.000 because she's, you know, kind of been going through a lot. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:13.760 And I realized that checking in on her and being 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.520 a good friend to her in a very reasonable way, 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:19.760 because guys understand just that is typically not reasonable. She's 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:23.840 typically always shady. So I checked in on her. But 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.440 she decided that me checking in on her was just 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:34.680 shady and it wasn't. Okay, I understand where you're coming from, 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:39.680 but I can understand as well, um a person's perspective. 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:43.680 When they hear something negative, they just hold onto the 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:47.240 negative part and they don't hear anything else that was 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.320 being said, and so all they heard was negative, negative, negative, 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:53.520 not hearing I care about you, I'm checking in on you, 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.280 blah blah blah. Right, well, I just want to stay 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:59.880 moving forward. In a relationship with girl friends. You should 0:03:59.920 --> 0:04:01.280 be going to talk about the good, the bad, and 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:05.440 z ugly, Okay, And it's not necessarily always be thrown 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.119 under the caveat of Gills being shady. Okay, I will 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:10.680 let you know what I'm being shady. I was not 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.760 being shady in this particular case. So, Robin, I'm so 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:16.440 excited because you know, I love talking about relationships. It's 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.640 one of my favorite things. And this is called breakup 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.640 or makeup? Okay, Yes, I know a little bit about that. 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:27.320 You do you do? And can you start first? I can, yes. So, 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.800 I mean we're definitely going to go down the list 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:33.440 of just in general, you know, statistics, talking about what 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:37.480 presented to menchi. We're going to get into finances or 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.240 deal breakers. But I think it's good for us to 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:45.400 start with our personal stories experiences. I agree. So, I mean, look, 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:47.920 if we were just gonna talk about my relationship, I 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.559 could be here this this this is like probably two 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:55.560 podcast episodes. You need to talk about my relationship. And 0:04:55.920 --> 0:05:00.479 I say that because it started so okay, and that 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:04.839 one you were and this is two thousand twenty one. 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:06.919 I don't can't count, but let's just say that's a 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:15.200 long day. Time to two oh six to sixteen years, 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:20.160 twenty five years with one dude, one person. Yes, yes, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:26.360 o Saga and a prominent man at that, Yes, yes, yes, 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:32.599 So my boyfriend, fiance, husband, ex husband, fiance. You know 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.560 he's been all those titles. Um, he was an athlete. 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:38.560 We met in high school. He was an athlete. He 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.920 ended up playing college basketball, so he was a college athlete, 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.920 and you know, his life it was already you know, 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.640 soon when when you were an athlete, the lights are bright, 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.200 who attention is on you, and you have all the 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:53.680 attention in the world. And I was there with him 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:55.839 because he had big dreams to make it to the NBA. 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:58.640 So in high school and in college, I was in 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:00.680 the gym with him. You know how they say you 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:02.800 weren't there shooting in the gym. Yeah, I was in 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.479 there shooting in the gym. Rob And why were you 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:06.680 in there? Were you just making sure he was in 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.160 the gym? No? No, I was helping him. I was 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:13.240 rebounding defense. He said, I want to get shots up. 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:16.719 I need somebody to rebound. Robert put on her tennis shoes. People, 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.159 she was in the gym with him. Yes, yes, yes, 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:24.080 so so I was in the gym shooting with one 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:26.160 while he was trying to achieve his dreams to make 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.680 it to the NBA. Okay. So, once he made it 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.080 to the NBA, here comes the thoughts, Here come the hose, 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.440 Here comes the strumpets, Here comes this scali wags, Here 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:42.120 comes to gold. I'm I'm done, I'm done. I'm finished. Okay, okay. 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:43.919 So once he made it to the n B A 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:49.840 you know, okay, So that's so. Okay. If if if 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.200 at any point y'all hear noise, it's my construction. Yes, 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.279 there's a lot of construction going on at my house. 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:59.080 Let's continue one, okay. I mean there's all types of 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:02.240 noises construction in power washing, you know. I mean, it's 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:04.560 it's a lot going on to hear. Yes, that's good, 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.479 it's life. Um okay, So NBA, he made it in 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:10.160 the media. We were, like I said, we were together 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:11.960 since high school. And I was in the gym shooting 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:13.680 with him, and I helped him with his school work, 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.320 and I helped him, you know, achieve his dreams. And 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:18.320 I was there to see him make it to the NBA. 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:20.200 And then he got to the n b A and 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:26.200 all hell broke loose, um and dum dum, dumb. Yes, 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:27.800 I mean this is like, I mean, don't you know 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.600 where this story is going? Right? Yes? I think everybody's 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:33.200 very clear. Don't we know where the story is going? So, 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:36.600 you know, it was it was for me because I 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:39.520 was young and I was dumb, and I felt like 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:42.920 I had some sort of you know, I helped I 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:47.360 was I helped him get to where he was. I 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:53.200 almost didn't want to accept any type of you know, cheating, um, 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:58.160 suspicions or accusations. And so for me it was like, um, 0:07:58.240 --> 0:08:01.120 I'm not walking away from this. In learning, some as 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.840 Giselle calls them, scally wag, come and take my place? 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.400 Who didn't put the work in? So you turned a 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.920 blind eye, I would say, I turned. I would say, 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:13.840 I do not seek. I didn't look for like, I 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.640 didn't look at the signs. You know, I didn't harp 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.080 on him. I wasn't like, you know, digging for information. 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.360 I guess let's turn a blind eye. Yeah. I mean, 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:23.800 and and that's actually new. I've known you for a 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:26.440 long time. That's like new information that I'm finding out 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:29.000 about you. So it's like, so, yes, we got a 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.480 divorce and it was because of you know, just because 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:36.320 of infidelity. But it wasn't like one instance that just 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.120 like set it off and I was like, oh, I'm 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:41.120 I'm I'm leaving because I found out you cheated with Mary. Like, No, 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:44.320 it was it was like, okay, just I'm done with this, 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.040 this is enough. Um. And that happened, and I think, 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.920 you know, for me, we we started dating when we 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:54.120 were very young. Um, so that that mentality was just 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.720 I chalked that up to being young and dumb and 0:08:56.760 --> 0:09:00.240 like I said, attracted to you know, being as an 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.559 NBA player that I helped in my opinion, in my mind, 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:07.160 I was there. I helped him achieve his dreams because 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:10.040 no one believed in them. Um. So I have a question, So, 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:12.120 did you at that point you got you know, you're 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:15.080 an NBA wife, did you fall in love with being 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:19.079 an NBA wife? It became part of I would say, 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:23.440 it became a part of my identity because when you 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.520 are an NBA wife, you don't really have an opportunity 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:30.240 to you know, to have your own job because we 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.560 travel so much, you know, because we moved from city 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:34.600 to city. Um, so it would be hard to like 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:38.079 have a career or a job. So our lives revolved 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:42.480 around being you know, following our husband from city to city. 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:44.880 So we would you know, live in a certain city 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:46.760 for you know, during the season, and then we moved 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.040 back to our hometown and then you're moving again. So 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.440 our since our lives involved around and you're going to 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.280 the games and you're watching the games. Since our lives 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:58.000 revolve around that, um, it becomes your identity. So would 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:01.040 you connect that to self? Your self value and worth 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:05.440 at the time was connected to who you were married to, 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:09.400 the status that gave you, um, the access that gave you. 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.640 Yeah for sure, okay. And not that I needed it 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.200 because I was always you know, I come from good stock, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:18.320 so I didn't need any you know, an NBA player 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:23.160 to make me feel worthy. But it's it's a different 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:25.200 life that you live and you kind of enjoy it, 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.439 you know, like like, you know, I know the life 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:28.920 and my friends are living, and I know the life 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:32.480 that I was living. Your friends was broken, broken, broke, broke, broke. 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.480 But but you know what's interesting is my friends they 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.839 were spending time grinding, you know, going to school, going 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.559 to medical school or law school or business school. And 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.520 now you know, it got to a point where when 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:48.600 my marriage ended, or when one's career was over, we're 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.640 back to square one. We're starting at zero, and my 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:56.320 friends are established, you know, they're they're well into their 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:59.640 career there, you know, buying their big houses and you 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:01.400 know what I mean. So it's like, it's just like 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.560 what do you want? Do you want it that instant gratification, 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:07.320 which is what you know we had UM and that lifestyle, 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.160 or do you want to like grind and work for it? 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.600 So you know, I mean, look, there's there's a whole 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:15.520 bunch of topics we can explore here. But my experience 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:19.839 is a little different than most people's experience because we 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.679 were married. You know, we started dating when we were 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:26.240 in high school, we got married, we got divorced, and 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:30.760 then um, after the divorce, while I came back home 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.360 and was and came back home, moved back in we 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:36.079 were kind of like at a rock bottom place. UM 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.920 professionally financially, and we decided to like pull our resources 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.960 together and just help each other get to a better 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:46.280 place for the sake of ourselves and our kids. And 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:51.360 at some point we rekindled our relationships. They rekindled the flame. Yes, yes, 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:54.040 but going through that experience and I can't say, like, 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.200 you know, I had some tough moments where you know, 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:59.800 you cry yourself to sleep and you're you know, just 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:01.400 just oh my god, what I do next? You know, 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:04.520 earlier on the relationship, at some point I said to myself, 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:06.880 I am never and I don't you know I say this, 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:11.720 I'm never letting a man make me cry again, Robin. 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.720 That's not realistic. Why not because you might cry because 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.000 you look at him and you realize how much you 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:17.640 love him. No, no no, no, no, no, I mean cry 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.040 in a way of like I hurt you exactly. I'm 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:23.120 not letting a man make me cry because of a 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:27.319 breakup or because of infantel whatever it is. So it's like, 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:29.640 if you if you want to break up, if you 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:35.199 want you to me, okay, bye, I'm done. I'm done. Okay, alright, 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:36.560 So we're gonna get back to that. We're gona put 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:38.160 a pin in that and I so I can give 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:41.040 you a little bit of my backstory, um, which if 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.920 you've ever googled me, you've already read. But in the way, um, 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:47.920 you know, I kind of similar. You know. I met 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:52.160 them all when when he was starting his career, which 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.160 was him being a pastor of make a Church, I 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.679 should say, so I was. I was that girl kind 0:12:56.679 --> 0:13:00.000 of like you, Robin. I was there, um making sure 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.520 or that I was handing out flyers in the streets 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:07.560 of Baltimore so that at night at clubs when people 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.880 were coming out, so that you know, people would know 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:14.280 that he was about to launch or not launch a church, 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:18.200 but like open a church. Um. You know, I was 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:20.760 the girl at the meetings in the beginning. It was 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:24.120 like him and like twenty of us. Um, I was 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.040 the one in the beginning when he didn't have a 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:27.800 church and I would go with him to go preach 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:30.280 at another church. I would see that there'd be about 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:33.240 thirty people that would follow him around to any church 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:37.800 between DC, Maryland and Virginia because they just love to 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:40.719 hear him preach. And then when we would go out 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.760 of town, I would be like, wow, like you really 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:45.640 just have a following, And he didn't want to start 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:49.120 his own church. He was like I, he was kind 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:51.880 of scared of failure. He was kind of feeling like, um, 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:54.000 if he does open up a church, are people gonna come? 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.199 Are they gonna come consistently? I mean it's really a 0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:59.720 leap of faith. So you know, I was that girl 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:02.720 for day one. He was broke, and I believed in 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.360 his vision and I believed in his dream. And um, 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:08.240 my mother always says because I always say, you know, 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.400 I believed in Jamal's vision, and she's like, well, you 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:14.679 must have had magnifying glasses because um, when I met him, 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:19.040 I did not think that that was going to happen. Yes, yes, yes, 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:23.520 So long story short. You know, there was clearly infidelity. 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:27.280 We got a divorce. And my feeling about marriage and 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:32.800 relationships has always been, um, a relationship does not define me. 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:36.840 A relationship is not attached to my self worth, my 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.240 self value. Um, who and what I am? I am 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.720 not less than who I am if I'm not in 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:46.320 a relationship. And I think that sometimes, especially when you 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:50.600 are younger, um girls, teenagers, young ladies, as they're trying 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:55.880 to find themselves, they get caught up in um be 0:14:56.080 --> 0:15:00.040 having to be attached to a man like right. And 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.200 and don't get me wrong, I was the first lady 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.560 of a mega church and that that there comes with 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.960 a lot of perse that comes with you know, private planes, 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:12.040 that comes with shopping sprees, it comes with um. I 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:14.520 had a title, you know, I was no longer Giselle. 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.240 I had a title. I was the first lady. So 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.960 you know, that was all nice, But that was never 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:25.960 anything that I was seeking to get off of a relationship. 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:28.120 And I mean it just it just happened. It happened, yes, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:30.800 and you grew into it and I grew into it. 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.440 And you know, when we were getting divorced, I'm gonna 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.880 be honest, just like you, Robin, I thought about, Okay, 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:39.240 if I divorce him, all of that other stuff goes away, 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:41.400 and I am I okay with it, And yeah, I 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:45.360 was okay with it, of course. But I decided, as 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.760 far as infidelity is concerned, that if it's a one 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.520 night thing, meaning you went to Vegas and you lost 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.040 your mind and you slept slept with Mary, or you 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.640 went to a bachelor party and all of a sudden 0:15:56.680 --> 0:16:00.000 strippers came in and you lost your mind, Okay, cool, 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:01.680 we can get through that can do through that. But 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.680 if this is a lifestyle, this is how you want 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.280 to live your life as a married man, I'm just 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:08.720 not signing up for it because I feel like and 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.280 you can call it selfish if you want. How I 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:14.840 feel about me, my values, what I want from my 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.960 life is will always be more important than how I 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:21.320 feel about a relationship. That makes sense for sure, And 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.640 a lot of people feel like that selfish. No, now, 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.080 I think, and I think that comes with age. I 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.600 think it comes with wisdom. I think it's like you 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:31.760 figure out because the man is doing what he wants 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.680 for himself, Yes, so why not you do what you 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:39.280 want for yourself? Right? True? True? So to to be 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:44.320 totally transparent for everybody. We then got back together twelve 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:49.080 years after I got are and you know what, we 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:52.520 have three kids. He is he's been in my life, 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:55.880 um for twenty some years. We're the best of friends. 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:59.320 We do love each other obviously, and you know, we 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:01.680 got back to other. We we we got back together 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:05.000 with the intention of bringing our family back together and 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:08.240 making it work because we do love each other. However, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.640 he lives in freaking uh Atlanta, y'all, and I live 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:14.520 in Maryland. And a long distance relationship in the pandemic 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:16.840 ain't gonna work. And when we couldn't see each other, 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.160 I gotta be honest, I was kind of happy being free. Yeah, 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.119 and I was kind of have to like cook toast 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:23.919 for people. No, I didn't have to make peanut butter 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.440 and jelly sandwiches because that's what he likes. I didn't 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.879 have to, um talk about what we're gonna watch on 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:30.640 TV because I was just gonna watch what I wanted 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.960 to watch. Um. And it's kind of like, I have 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.640 to know who I am, and Gizelle enjoys being just 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:43.520 Giselle and being free and being and not answering to anyone. Yes, 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:47.320 I do. UM. So one day, you know, we I 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:50.360 might be in another relationship, but as for right now, 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:52.880 what's working for me is not being in one. Now. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.800 Robin and I did look up some statistics as it 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.480 relates to relationships, because it's very important that people start 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:05.280 getting into relationships with their eyes wide open, right, So 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:09.080 we looked up what do we look up? Robin, I'm 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:11.280 pulling it on statistics. I do want to say, I 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:13.480 think when you are in a relationship and you really 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:15.359 want to make it work, and you do come into 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:20.560 a situation where there is infidelity. UM. For me, sometimes 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.320 you do have to break up for things to change, 0:18:23.920 --> 0:18:26.320 like as an as an eye opener for the partner 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.359 so that they can't say if you don't break up 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:30.320 and they're like, okay, well I got away with it, 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:34.000 way with it again. I think the breakup helps to 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.480 make sure that that behavior does not happen again. Yes, 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:40.080 And you know, in both of our situations, we met 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:43.720 these guys when they were young and we were young, right, 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:47.119 And and you know, everybody needs everybody's human everybody needs 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:50.440 the ability to grow up and to really figure out 0:18:50.720 --> 0:18:54.000 what's best for them and there what's best for their lives. Right. 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.040 So I think that you know, sometimes you have to 0:18:57.080 --> 0:19:00.400 allow space for a man to get there, right, because 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:03.240 I can say want the change that needed to happen, 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:07.439 and one did not happen until I divorced him, you know. 0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:10.000 So if we had remained married, if we had not 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:14.480 gotten divorced, um, I'd probably be miserable right now, right. 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.239 And I do also want to say that women need 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:21.400 to understand that UM, a lot of a man's behavior 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:25.200 it's based off of how he is, how his profession 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:29.040 is going. Meaning, um, if he's he's he's always going 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:31.359 to be striving to get that right, because that's just 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:35.040 the nature of a man. Typically they are built to 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.879 be providers. Um, I can say speak for experience. I 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.760 know when I was married for Jamal, his main focus, 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:47.560 his like nine focus was his job was his church 0:19:47.760 --> 0:19:50.359 was growing and building it. And you know, to be 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:53.960 quite honest, I wasn't a focus. I wasn't what was 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.359 on the forefront of his mind. Now when we were married, 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:59.879 it was great until it wasn't. But um, just like 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.000 men are getting their hustle on, women need to get 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:03.560 their hustle on too. And I'm gonna tell you, I'm 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:08.080 gonna bring up candy Burrs because I will never forget this. Um. 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:09.879 When I met her, we did some sort of um 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:14.760 stop something together for Bravo, and and I was starting 0:20:14.800 --> 0:20:18.159 every hu and then I started dating Sherman and she 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:19.800 was like, Geselle, let me tell you something. It was 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:21.560 kind of like off the cuff. She was like, don't 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:24.760 let your relationship ever stop your hustle because a lot 0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:27.160 of times women get into relationships with men and then 0:20:27.160 --> 0:20:29.879 all of a sudden they get comfortable and they're like 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:32.239 and they you know, they're in that love mode. They 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:36.280 want to stay because you're so busy, right, They want 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:37.840 to stay in the bed and cuddle. But the man 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:39.600 gets up, put his pants on and goes to work. 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:42.040 And we still like, oh, but I love you and 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:45.320 I want to cuddle. No bitch, no bitch, get your 0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:48.239 hustle on. But I digress. Okay, we want to give 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:51.400 you all statistics. Okay, So Robin and I looked up 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:56.600 how many people are cheating in relationships and what we 0:20:56.680 --> 0:20:58.520 came up with. And I don't know where the hell 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:02.440 these surveys came from. This, okay, So it said that 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:08.840 of men of men cheat. Now I did a mental 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:11.800 survey in my mind of my girlfriends and that number 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:18.640 is okay. I'm just saying. I mean, I don't want 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.520 to be like, you know, Patty Patty or negative Nancy. 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.240 But this is not right. I wonder who did they 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:28.680 interview for this. I don't know who they asked, but 0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:30.680 let me tell you something. They asked the wrong people. 0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:35.919 Now that's number one. Number two is of these said 0:21:36.200 --> 0:21:42.480 cheating infidelities start online. So, ladies, if your man is 0:21:43.080 --> 0:21:45.280 on his phone and he's on the Twitter, and he's 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:47.240 on all the social media and if he's online, I 0:21:47.240 --> 0:21:50.320