1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Reasonably Shady, a production of the Black Effect 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: Podcast Network and I Heart Radio. So that light was 3 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: not on. We didn't the record, all right, all right, 4 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: I'm sure, I'm sure that's not We're not the first 5 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:25,439 Speaker 1: one the feature. Okay, So right, podcasts one on one 6 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: hit record. Okay, because everything we just did we didn't 7 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: get captured. Okay, but that was only ten minutes. Thank god, 8 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: we realized it now as opposed to forty five minutes 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: from now. So we're gonna give you. Let's let's just 10 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,200 Speaker 1: get let's get it on. All right, Welcome to Reasonably Shaky. 11 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 1: It's your girl, Jazelle Bryant's here. What's up? What's up? 12 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: And I'm Robin Dixon. Thank you for joining us. Guys, 13 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 1: this is our second episode. Thank you so much for 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: coming back because hopefully you listen to the first one 15 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: and now you are back listening to us again. I 16 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: just want you to know that we are two girlfriends 17 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: who love each other, and so this podcast is all 18 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 1: about you hearing what girlfriends talk about. So we're gonna 19 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: be talking about everything from you know, I don't know, 20 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: up and down and through. We're gonna talk about everything 21 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: and We're also going to allow at some point for 22 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: our listeners to ask us questions. We'll be able to 23 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: give advice. So today is gonna be a good day 24 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 1: because we're talking about relationships. We love talking about relationships, 25 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: Yes we do, Yes we do. But we always want 26 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: to start our reasonably Shady podcast off with a little icebreaker. 27 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:43,839 Speaker 1: So it's a reasonably shady moment of the week. Robin. 28 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: You want to go first, yes, So my reasonably shady 29 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: moment of the week goes to myself. It's nothing major, Um, 30 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: but I just I came back from a trip a 31 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: number of days ago, and um, I still have not 32 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: unpacked my suitcases suitcases, and so now I'm just pulling 33 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 1: stuff out of my suitcases to get dressed. And I 34 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 1: just feel like that. And I'm going to be honest. 35 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 1: I had time to unpack my stuff, but I'm I'm 36 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: making life more difficult for myself right now. So you 37 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: do realize this podcast is called reasonably shady and not procrastination. 38 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 1: I mean, but I look at it like, Okay, I'm 39 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: reasonable because a lot of people do this. A lot 40 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: of people go on trips, trip them back and they 41 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: let their suitcases sit and I'm shady because it's just, yeah, 42 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: that's not productive. Okay, So I'm I'm going to just 43 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 1: say that you this was a three day trip. I 44 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: saw your luggage. You had two big old bags a luggage, 45 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 1: and so that was actually reasonable because you had to 46 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 1: put everything in right, shady because I'm shading you because 47 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: we were only going for three days. Yes, we're going 48 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: for three days. So now I have like half of 49 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 1: my wardrobe in my luggage. All right. So I was 50 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: actually on this trip and my reasonably shady moment of 51 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 1: the week is, you know, I have some friends, and 52 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: I decided to check in on one of my girlfriends 53 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: because she's, you know, kind of been going through a lot. 54 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: And I realized that checking in on her and being 55 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: a good friend to her in a very reasonable way, 56 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: because guys understand just that is typically not reasonable. She's 57 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: typically always shady. So I checked in on her. But 58 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: she decided that me checking in on her was just 59 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 1: shady and it wasn't. Okay, I understand where you're coming from, 60 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: but I can understand as well, um a person's perspective. 61 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: When they hear something negative, they just hold onto the 62 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: negative part and they don't hear anything else that was 63 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: being said, and so all they heard was negative, negative, negative, 64 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: not hearing I care about you, I'm checking in on you, 65 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Right, well, I just want to stay 66 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: moving forward. In a relationship with girl friends. You should 67 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: be going to talk about the good, the bad, and 68 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: z ugly, Okay, And it's not necessarily always be thrown 69 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,119 Speaker 1: under the caveat of Gills being shady. Okay, I will 70 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: let you know what I'm being shady. I was not 71 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: being shady in this particular case. So, Robin, I'm so 72 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 1: excited because you know, I love talking about relationships. It's 73 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: one of my favorite things. And this is called breakup 74 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: or makeup? Okay, Yes, I know a little bit about that. 75 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: You do you do? And can you start first? I can, yes. So, 76 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: I mean we're definitely going to go down the list 77 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: of just in general, you know, statistics, talking about what 78 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: presented to menchi. We're going to get into finances or 79 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,240 Speaker 1: deal breakers. But I think it's good for us to 80 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: start with our personal stories experiences. I agree. So, I mean, look, 81 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: if we were just gonna talk about my relationship, I 82 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,559 Speaker 1: could be here this this this is like probably two 83 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: podcast episodes. You need to talk about my relationship. And 84 00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: I say that because it started so okay, and that 85 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: one you were and this is two thousand twenty one. 86 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 1: I don't can't count, but let's just say that's a 87 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: long day. Time to two oh six to sixteen years, 88 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: twenty five years with one dude, one person. Yes, yes, 89 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: o Saga and a prominent man at that, Yes, yes, yes, 90 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: So my boyfriend, fiance, husband, ex husband, fiance. You know 91 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 1: he's been all those titles. Um, he was an athlete. 92 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: We met in high school. He was an athlete. He 93 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 1: ended up playing college basketball, so he was a college athlete, 94 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: and you know, his life it was already you know, 95 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: soon when when you were an athlete, the lights are bright, 96 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: who attention is on you, and you have all the 97 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 1: attention in the world. And I was there with him 98 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: because he had big dreams to make it to the NBA. 99 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: So in high school and in college, I was in 100 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: the gym with him. You know how they say you 101 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: weren't there shooting in the gym. Yeah, I was in 102 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,479 Speaker 1: there shooting in the gym. Rob And why were you 103 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: in there? Were you just making sure he was in 104 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: the gym? No? No, I was helping him. I was 105 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: rebounding defense. He said, I want to get shots up. 106 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: I need somebody to rebound. Robert put on her tennis shoes. People, 107 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 1: she was in the gym with him. Yes, yes, yes, 108 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: so so I was in the gym shooting with one 109 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,160 Speaker 1: while he was trying to achieve his dreams to make 110 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: it to the NBA. Okay. So, once he made it 111 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: to the NBA, here comes the thoughts, Here come the hose, 112 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: Here comes the strumpets, Here comes this scali wags, Here 113 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: comes to gold. I'm I'm done, I'm done. I'm finished. Okay, okay. 114 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,919 Speaker 1: So once he made it to the n B A 115 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 1: you know, okay, So that's so. Okay. If if if 116 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: at any point y'all hear noise, it's my construction. Yes, 117 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,279 Speaker 1: there's a lot of construction going on at my house. 118 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: Let's continue one, okay. I mean there's all types of 119 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: noises construction in power washing, you know. I mean, it's 120 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: it's a lot going on to hear. Yes, that's good, 121 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 1: it's life. Um okay, So NBA, he made it in 122 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 1: the media. We were, like I said, we were together 123 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: since high school. And I was in the gym shooting 124 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: with him, and I helped him with his school work, 125 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: and I helped him, you know, achieve his dreams. And 126 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: I was there to see him make it to the NBA. 127 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: And then he got to the n b A and 128 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 1: all hell broke loose, um and dum dum, dumb. Yes, 129 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 1: I mean this is like, I mean, don't you know 130 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: where this story is going? Right? Yes? I think everybody's 131 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: very clear. Don't we know where the story is going? So, 132 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: you know, it was it was for me because I 133 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: was young and I was dumb, and I felt like 134 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: I had some sort of you know, I helped I 135 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: was I helped him get to where he was. I 136 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: almost didn't want to accept any type of you know, cheating, um, 137 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: suspicions or accusations. And so for me it was like, um, 138 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: I'm not walking away from this. In learning, some as 139 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: Giselle calls them, scally wag, come and take my place? 140 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: Who didn't put the work in? So you turned a 141 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: blind eye, I would say, I turned. I would say, 142 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: I do not seek. I didn't look for like, I 143 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 1: didn't look at the signs. You know, I didn't harp 144 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: on him. I wasn't like, you know, digging for information. 145 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 1: I guess let's turn a blind eye. Yeah. I mean, 146 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: and and that's actually new. I've known you for a 147 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: long time. That's like new information that I'm finding out 148 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: about you. So it's like, so, yes, we got a 149 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: divorce and it was because of you know, just because 150 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: of infidelity. But it wasn't like one instance that just 151 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: like set it off and I was like, oh, I'm 152 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: I'm I'm leaving because I found out you cheated with Mary. Like, No, 153 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 1: it was it was like, okay, just I'm done with this, 154 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: this is enough. Um. And that happened, and I think, 155 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: you know, for me, we we started dating when we 156 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: were very young. Um, so that that mentality was just 157 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: I chalked that up to being young and dumb and 158 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: like I said, attracted to you know, being as an 159 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: NBA player that I helped in my opinion, in my mind, 160 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: I was there. I helped him achieve his dreams because 161 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: no one believed in them. Um. So I have a question, So, 162 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: did you at that point you got you know, you're 163 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: an NBA wife, did you fall in love with being 164 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 1: an NBA wife? It became part of I would say, 165 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: it became a part of my identity because when you 166 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: are an NBA wife, you don't really have an opportunity 167 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 1: to you know, to have your own job because we 168 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: travel so much, you know, because we moved from city 169 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: to city. Um, so it would be hard to like 170 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:38,079 Speaker 1: have a career or a job. So our lives revolved 171 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: around being you know, following our husband from city to city. 172 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: So we would you know, live in a certain city 173 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: for you know, during the season, and then we moved 174 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 1: back to our hometown and then you're moving again. So 175 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: our since our lives involved around and you're going to 176 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: the games and you're watching the games. Since our lives 177 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: revolve around that, um, it becomes your identity. So would 178 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: you connect that to self? Your self value and worth 179 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: at the time was connected to who you were married to, 180 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: the status that gave you, um, the access that gave you. 181 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: Yeah for sure, okay. And not that I needed it 182 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: because I was always you know, I come from good stock, 183 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: so I didn't need any you know, an NBA player 184 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: to make me feel worthy. But it's it's a different 185 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: life that you live and you kind of enjoy it, 186 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: you know, like like, you know, I know the life 187 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: and my friends are living, and I know the life 188 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: that I was living. Your friends was broken, broken, broke, broke, broke. 189 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: But but you know what's interesting is my friends they 190 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,839 Speaker 1: were spending time grinding, you know, going to school, going 191 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,559 Speaker 1: to medical school or law school or business school. And 192 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: now you know, it got to a point where when 193 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: my marriage ended, or when one's career was over, we're 194 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: back to square one. We're starting at zero, and my 195 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: friends are established, you know, they're they're well into their 196 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: career there, you know, buying their big houses and you 197 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it's like, it's just like 198 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: what do you want? Do you want it that instant gratification, 199 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: which is what you know we had UM and that lifestyle, 200 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: or do you want to like grind and work for it? 201 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: So you know, I mean, look, there's there's a whole 202 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 1: bunch of topics we can explore here. But my experience 203 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,839 Speaker 1: is a little different than most people's experience because we 204 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: were married. You know, we started dating when we were 205 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 1: in high school, we got married, we got divorced, and 206 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: then um, after the divorce, while I came back home 207 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: and was and came back home, moved back in we 208 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: were kind of like at a rock bottom place. UM 209 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: professionally financially, and we decided to like pull our resources 210 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: together and just help each other get to a better 211 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: place for the sake of ourselves and our kids. And 212 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: at some point we rekindled our relationships. They rekindled the flame. Yes, yes, 213 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: but going through that experience and I can't say, like, 214 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: you know, I had some tough moments where you know, 215 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: you cry yourself to sleep and you're you know, just 216 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: just oh my god, what I do next? You know, 217 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: earlier on the relationship, at some point I said to myself, 218 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: I am never and I don't you know I say this, 219 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: I'm never letting a man make me cry again, Robin. 220 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 1: That's not realistic. Why not because you might cry because 221 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: you look at him and you realize how much you 222 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: love him. No, no no, no, no, no, I mean cry 223 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 1: in a way of like I hurt you exactly. I'm 224 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: not letting a man make me cry because of a 225 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 1: breakup or because of infantel whatever it is. So it's like, 226 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: if you if you want to break up, if you 227 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 1: want you to me, okay, bye, I'm done. I'm done. Okay, alright, 228 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 1: So we're gonna get back to that. We're gona put 229 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: a pin in that and I so I can give 230 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: you a little bit of my backstory, um, which if 231 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: you've ever googled me, you've already read. But in the way, um, 232 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: you know, I kind of similar. You know. I met 233 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: them all when when he was starting his career, which 234 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 1: was him being a pastor of make a Church, I 235 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 1: should say, so I was. I was that girl kind 236 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: of like you, Robin. I was there, um making sure 237 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: or that I was handing out flyers in the streets 238 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: of Baltimore so that at night at clubs when people 239 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: were coming out, so that you know, people would know 240 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: that he was about to launch or not launch a church, 241 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: but like open a church. Um. You know, I was 242 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: the girl at the meetings in the beginning. It was 243 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: like him and like twenty of us. Um, I was 244 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 1: the one in the beginning when he didn't have a 245 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 1: church and I would go with him to go preach 246 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: at another church. I would see that there'd be about 247 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 1: thirty people that would follow him around to any church 248 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 1: between DC, Maryland and Virginia because they just love to 249 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,719 Speaker 1: hear him preach. And then when we would go out 250 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: of town, I would be like, wow, like you really 251 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 1: just have a following, And he didn't want to start 252 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: his own church. He was like I, he was kind 253 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 1: of scared of failure. He was kind of feeling like, um, 254 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: if he does open up a church, are people gonna come? 255 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,199 Speaker 1: Are they gonna come consistently? I mean it's really a 256 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: leap of faith. So you know, I was that girl 257 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: for day one. He was broke, and I believed in 258 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: his vision and I believed in his dream. And um, 259 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 1: my mother always says because I always say, you know, 260 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: I believed in Jamal's vision, and she's like, well, you 261 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 1: must have had magnifying glasses because um, when I met him, 262 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: I did not think that that was going to happen. Yes, yes, yes, 263 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: So long story short. You know, there was clearly infidelity. 264 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: We got a divorce. And my feeling about marriage and 265 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: relationships has always been, um, a relationship does not define me. 266 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: A relationship is not attached to my self worth, my 267 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: self value. Um, who and what I am? I am 268 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: not less than who I am if I'm not in 269 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 1: a relationship. And I think that sometimes, especially when you 270 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 1: are younger, um girls, teenagers, young ladies, as they're trying 271 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 1: to find themselves, they get caught up in um be 272 00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:00,040 Speaker 1: having to be attached to a man like right. And 273 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 1: and don't get me wrong, I was the first lady 274 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 1: of a mega church and that that there comes with 275 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: a lot of perse that comes with you know, private planes, 276 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: that comes with shopping sprees, it comes with um. I 277 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 1: had a title, you know, I was no longer Giselle. 278 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: I had a title. I was the first lady. So 279 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: you know, that was all nice, But that was never 280 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: anything that I was seeking to get off of a relationship. 281 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 1: And I mean it just it just happened. It happened, yes, 282 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: and you grew into it and I grew into it. 283 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: And you know, when we were getting divorced, I'm gonna 284 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 1: be honest, just like you, Robin, I thought about, Okay, 285 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: if I divorce him, all of that other stuff goes away, 286 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 1: and I am I okay with it, And yeah, I 287 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 1: was okay with it, of course. But I decided, as 288 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: far as infidelity is concerned, that if it's a one 289 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: night thing, meaning you went to Vegas and you lost 290 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: your mind and you slept slept with Mary, or you 291 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: went to a bachelor party and all of a sudden 292 00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: strippers came in and you lost your mind, Okay, cool, 293 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 1: we can get through that can do through that. But 294 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 1: if this is a lifestyle, this is how you want 295 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 1: to live your life as a married man, I'm just 296 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: not signing up for it because I feel like and 297 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,280 Speaker 1: you can call it selfish if you want. How I 298 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: feel about me, my values, what I want from my 299 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: life is will always be more important than how I 300 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: feel about a relationship. That makes sense for sure, And 301 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: a lot of people feel like that selfish. No, now, 302 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: I think, and I think that comes with age. I 303 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: think it comes with wisdom. I think it's like you 304 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,760 Speaker 1: figure out because the man is doing what he wants 305 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: for himself, Yes, so why not you do what you 306 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: want for yourself? Right? True? True? So to to be 307 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: totally transparent for everybody. We then got back together twelve 308 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: years after I got are and you know what, we 309 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: have three kids. He is he's been in my life, 310 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 1: um for twenty some years. We're the best of friends. 311 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: We do love each other obviously, and you know, we 312 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,680 Speaker 1: got back to other. We we we got back together 313 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 1: with the intention of bringing our family back together and 314 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: making it work because we do love each other. However, 315 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,640 Speaker 1: he lives in freaking uh Atlanta, y'all, and I live 316 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: in Maryland. And a long distance relationship in the pandemic 317 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: ain't gonna work. And when we couldn't see each other, 318 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,160 Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, I was kind of happy being free. Yeah, 319 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: and I was kind of have to like cook toast 320 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 1: for people. No, I didn't have to make peanut butter 321 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 1: and jelly sandwiches because that's what he likes. I didn't 322 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,879 Speaker 1: have to, um talk about what we're gonna watch on 323 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,640 Speaker 1: TV because I was just gonna watch what I wanted 324 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,960 Speaker 1: to watch. Um. And it's kind of like, I have 325 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 1: to know who I am, and Gizelle enjoys being just 326 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: Giselle and being free and being and not answering to anyone. Yes, 327 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: I do. UM. So one day, you know, we I 328 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,360 Speaker 1: might be in another relationship, but as for right now, 329 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 1: what's working for me is not being in one. Now. 330 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: Robin and I did look up some statistics as it 331 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: relates to relationships, because it's very important that people start 332 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 1: getting into relationships with their eyes wide open, right, So 333 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: we looked up what do we look up? Robin, I'm 334 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: pulling it on statistics. I do want to say, I 335 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 1: think when you are in a relationship and you really 336 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 1: want to make it work, and you do come into 337 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: a situation where there is infidelity. UM. For me, sometimes 338 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: you do have to break up for things to change, 339 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: like as an as an eye opener for the partner 340 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: so that they can't say if you don't break up 341 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: and they're like, okay, well I got away with it, 342 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: way with it again. I think the breakup helps to 343 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: make sure that that behavior does not happen again. Yes, 344 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: And you know, in both of our situations, we met 345 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 1: these guys when they were young and we were young, right, 346 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 1: And and you know, everybody needs everybody's human everybody needs 347 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 1: the ability to grow up and to really figure out 348 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: what's best for them and there what's best for their lives. Right. 349 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: So I think that you know, sometimes you have to 350 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,400 Speaker 1: allow space for a man to get there, right, because 351 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: I can say want the change that needed to happen, 352 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 1: and one did not happen until I divorced him, you know. 353 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: So if we had remained married, if we had not 354 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: gotten divorced, um, I'd probably be miserable right now, right. 355 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,239 Speaker 1: And I do also want to say that women need 356 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 1: to understand that UM, a lot of a man's behavior 357 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: it's based off of how he is, how his profession 358 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: is going. Meaning, um, if he's he's he's always going 359 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 1: to be striving to get that right, because that's just 360 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 1: the nature of a man. Typically they are built to 361 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 1: be providers. Um, I can say speak for experience. I 362 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: know when I was married for Jamal, his main focus, 363 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: his like nine focus was his job was his church 364 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,359 Speaker 1: was growing and building it. And you know, to be 365 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: quite honest, I wasn't a focus. I wasn't what was 366 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 1: on the forefront of his mind. Now when we were married, 367 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 1: it was great until it wasn't. But um, just like 368 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: men are getting their hustle on, women need to get 369 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,560 Speaker 1: their hustle on too. And I'm gonna tell you, I'm 370 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: gonna bring up candy Burrs because I will never forget this. Um. 371 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: When I met her, we did some sort of um 372 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: stop something together for Bravo, and and I was starting 373 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,159 Speaker 1: every hu and then I started dating Sherman and she 374 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 1: was like, Geselle, let me tell you something. It was 375 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: kind of like off the cuff. She was like, don't 376 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: let your relationship ever stop your hustle because a lot 377 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,160 Speaker 1: of times women get into relationships with men and then 378 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,879 Speaker 1: all of a sudden they get comfortable and they're like 379 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,239 Speaker 1: and they you know, they're in that love mode. They 380 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 1: want to stay because you're so busy, right, They want 381 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: to stay in the bed and cuddle. But the man 382 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: gets up, put his pants on and goes to work. 383 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: And we still like, oh, but I love you and 384 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: I want to cuddle. No bitch, no bitch, get your 385 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,239 Speaker 1: hustle on. But I digress. Okay, we want to give 386 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,400 Speaker 1: you all statistics. Okay, So Robin and I looked up 387 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: how many people are cheating in relationships and what we 388 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,520 Speaker 1: came up with. And I don't know where the hell 389 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: these surveys came from. This, okay, So it said that 390 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: of men of men cheat. Now I did a mental 391 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 1: survey in my mind of my girlfriends and that number 392 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 1: is okay. I'm just saying. I mean, I don't want 393 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: to be like, you know, Patty Patty or negative Nancy. 394 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: But this is not right. I wonder who did they 395 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 1: interview for this. I don't know who they asked, but 396 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 1: let me tell you something. They asked the wrong people. 397 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: Now that's number one. Number two is of these said 398 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: cheating infidelities start online. So, ladies, if your man is 399 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: on his phone and he's on the Twitter, and he's 400 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: on all the social media and if he's online, I 401 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 1: don't know. Oh if he's on the Instagram, uh check 402 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: his d M s because he hitting somebody else. I'm 403 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 1: just trying to tell you now, that's that, now, Robin. 404 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,479 Speaker 1: This is what struck me, and this is for me 405 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 1: and you because us. What I really wanted to know 406 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:09,159 Speaker 1: was when men cheat? Do they cheat again? Right? And 407 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: it said three hundred of men that cheat? What cheat again? 408 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 1: Three of men that cheatat again? I don't if I 409 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,399 Speaker 1: might be making that up, you are, how can of 410 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: a group of people let me that's like that one 411 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 1: per So what they're saying is, okay, maybe it's these 412 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,360 Speaker 1: people cheat three point five more times. And I'm saying 413 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,919 Speaker 1: I didn't get involved in that. But I just started 414 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 1: thinking about my life and I said, what goddamn, somebody 415 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,679 Speaker 1: should tell me that about two years ago, just saying 416 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 1: I'm just saying it would have saved you some time 417 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,639 Speaker 1: and some hard It have saved me some time and 418 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 1: energy and money now. But but but that's real, though, 419 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: and that's real for you as well, right, And I think, 420 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, who knows why men eat or 421 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: what makes them stop cheating or what makes them change 422 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 1: from a cheater to a non cheater. I think a 423 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 1: lot of it it's just growth. I think a lot 424 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,400 Speaker 1: of it is, you know, going through experiences where maybe 425 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,200 Speaker 1: they they're you know, hindsight, they look back they lost 426 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 1: someone because they cheated on them, and they're like, man, 427 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 1: I messed that up. That was like my wife, that 428 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: was gonna be mine forever and I lost her. So 429 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: then when they get in their next relationship, they don't 430 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 1: want to and they have a good woman that they 431 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: really love and appreciate, they don't want to lose her. 432 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: So it's like sometimes, yeah, when you're leaving that man 433 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: because he cheated, you're actually setting up the next woman 434 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,000 Speaker 1: for a better man. Okay. So I just want you 435 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,160 Speaker 1: all to know something because I don't think i've ever 436 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 1: shared this. Every dude that I've ever broken up with 437 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: and I've broken up with a line, Oh god, did 438 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: they get married their next girlfriend? They're married. They're very 439 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,919 Speaker 1: next girlfriend. They married them. Okay, And I kind of 440 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: at first I was like, well, damn, this is weird. 441 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: But actually I take that as like, um, a badge 442 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 1: of but not like you to get there. Yes, you 443 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: helped him get to the help point where he's ready 444 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: to be married. Yes, I whipped that dude into shape 445 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 1: for the next woman. So so ladies, y'all send me 446 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: some gifts, okay, because I didn't hook a whole lot 447 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,119 Speaker 1: of y'all up. Okay, Now they don't even know Okay, no, 448 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,720 Speaker 1: they know. They know that the last girlfriend was. They're 449 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: clear on that. I get daggers and stairs all over 450 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: the place when I walked down the streets. Now anyway, listen, 451 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: I think the statistic is interesting. Um it says thirty 452 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: six percent of cheaters have affairs with their coworkers. And 453 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: I believe that. I believe that. I mean, because you're 454 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,439 Speaker 1: spending so much time with each other thre you're spending 455 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,679 Speaker 1: more time at work and more you know, you know, 456 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 1: just you're going through work issues and you have a commonality, 457 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,160 Speaker 1: which is the job. Yes, and and I believe that. 458 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 1: So I remember when I used to work, I you know, 459 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,200 Speaker 1: even though WMA was in the NBA, like, I still would, 460 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: you know, try to find jobs when I could or whatever. Um. 461 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,199 Speaker 1: So I worked an office job and I would go 462 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: to lunch every day with the same group of guys. 463 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: Are you hearing this? Oh he knew because he would 464 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 1: be like, you a lunch again, like you know who 465 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: you at? Like he did not like that at all. Right, 466 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: it would drive him bonkers that I would go to 467 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: lunch with the same group of guys and I'm like, dude, 468 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,439 Speaker 1: chill out. But I get it because I think in 469 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 1: his his mind's going crazy, like God, you're at work, 470 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: you're hanging out, You're you're spending all this quality time 471 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: with these people. Um. But he used to drive me 472 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: crazy and I'm like, okay, but wait, did any of 473 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: the guys try to hit on you? No, but they would, 474 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,680 Speaker 1: you know, say nice. They was flirty, flirty. Okay. So 475 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,399 Speaker 1: another statistic is thirty I'm sorry thirteen. So we already 476 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,880 Speaker 1: established it said that of men cheat. We think that's 477 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: a lie. We think it's but percent of women cheat. Now, 478 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 1: if of men are cheating, they're cheating with women, right, 479 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,879 Speaker 1: So there this is I don't understand they statistics, but 480 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: I get it like women, like I believe the women. 481 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,400 Speaker 1: It might I feel like it might be a little 482 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,800 Speaker 1: bit low, but I feel like maybe women No, I 483 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 1: think women is forty and I would tell you why 484 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: whatever the men? Whatever, the statistic is from men. Women 485 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 1: is double. Women know how to cover their tracks better 486 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 1: than men. Okay, So I feel like women do stuff 487 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: and they take it to the grave. Women know how 488 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: to cover their tracks. Anything about that. Women know how 489 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: to um. Make sure that they cleared the history on 490 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,359 Speaker 1: their phone. They cleared the history on their navigation in 491 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 1: their car. Um And I am I telling them you are? 492 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,439 Speaker 1: I will say I did, I did get caught. You 493 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: know what I did about to give you a tip. 494 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,879 Speaker 1: I'm sure you'll probably already know this tip. So I 495 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,360 Speaker 1: had a person I was talking to. This is during 496 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: a rocky moment. Were you with one or not? We 497 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: were together? They were together? But said me, but I 498 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: had enough, Okay, she said, I gotta I gotta do me. Okay, 499 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 1: I had enough. So I had a person I was 500 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 1: talking to and I changed his name to a female's 501 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 1: name in your phone in my phone. Yeah, Robin, that's 502 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: the old news. Whatever knew? Yes, I mean, you know 503 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: how many people in the film as Sally and Jim 504 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 1: and Larry and Teresa. Somebody just learned something. Okay, okay, okay, 505 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: So wait a minute, So wait a minute, So did 506 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,920 Speaker 1: you when you said you you jumped out there Were 507 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 1: you cheating on wine? Were you having sex with this man? No? No, no, 508 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 1: we were We probably would have gotten there, but we 509 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 1: were just communicating. And he found out and found out 510 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 1: Wine found out, and he didn't want to like break 511 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,480 Speaker 1: up or anything. But it was an eye opener for him, 512 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 1: you know, because you know, at that point, I'm like, 513 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,439 Speaker 1: you're not giving me the attention that I need or 514 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: that I want. So um, So that was an eye 515 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 1: opener for him. But this was like years and years 516 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,359 Speaker 1: and years ago, and he like still will never forget that. 517 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: That So notice not too ladies. Man want to do 518 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,399 Speaker 1: what they want to do, but they I'm sure I 519 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: don't want you doing what you want and if and 520 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: and the quickest way to get a man to get 521 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 1: himself together is for him to think you doing something 522 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: else exactly exactly. And I feel like, um, actually, when 523 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 1: when Jamal and I broke up, that that that's what happened. 524 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 1: Like he would he'd be outside, like waiting for me 525 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,280 Speaker 1: to drive off. I lived in this apartment and it 526 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,479 Speaker 1: had a garage. He'd be waiting outside the garage like 527 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 1: where's she going? Right's she going to see? What's she 528 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,920 Speaker 1: gonna do? They cannot handle it. They can't. And it's 529 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: such a double standard. It's so crazy. It's like, Okay, 530 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,399 Speaker 1: y'all can do what you want. You can run around. 531 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: It's like, okay, you know, especially if you have kids, 532 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 1: if we have kids, Okay, I gotta come home. I 533 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: gotta be with my kids. But the man, he can 534 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 1: just be like, all right, well i'm gonna I'm gonna 535 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: play the video game. I'm going too, you know, play basketball. 536 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this. What what? Why is that? Why 537 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: can you just come and go as you please? And 538 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 1: I can't. So I'm like, oh, how would you like 539 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: it if I was just like, Okay, well i'm gonna 540 00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: do this. I'm gonna do that, right. I totally it's 541 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: a very it's a huge double standard. We have to 542 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: understand that men are babies. Their egos are easily fragiled, 543 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,480 Speaker 1: fragiled I think I made up a word. Their Their 544 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 1: egos are easily fragiled. Is that easily broken? Sure? Broken? 545 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 1: And I you know, if you're not stroking their fractured fractured, 546 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: easily fractured. Yes, yes, there we go. Um. They always 547 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: want their ego stroked. They always want to feel like 548 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 1: they're so very important, they're so needed, they're so wanted. 549 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: But let them think you're getting attention from somebody else. 550 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: Let me tell you something, so ladies, you heard it 551 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: from me first. If you're in a relationship, and even 552 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: if that relationship is amazing, that is your boo. He's 553 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: got your back and you are you rightly so have 554 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,720 Speaker 1: his back. That is that is just your main man. 555 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: And y'all are y'all are doing the dog on thing 556 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: every now and again. Gone and put that freaking dress 557 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: and put them high heels on, and call all of 558 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,640 Speaker 1: your girlfriends and let him know that you've called all 559 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,719 Speaker 1: of your girlfriends, and y'all are going out and do 560 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: not come home until the sun comes up. Okay, just 561 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: do it. And let me tell you something. That's just 562 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,959 Speaker 1: a little check in. It's just a little let him know, like, 563 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: don't get froggy, buddy, because other people are out here 564 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 1: who think I am sexy. He needs to know that 565 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 1: at all times. And when you come home, he is 566 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: gonna be like, you have a good time. Let me 567 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: say that. I think I can say this. I think 568 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 1: I can say this, so you know I have a 569 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,479 Speaker 1: good girlfriend. Eric Allows and Kevin and like, you know, 570 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 1: I think they won't mind me telling this story. But um, 571 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 1: one day I was coming into New York just to 572 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: hang out and with a with a couple of girlfriends, 573 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: you know Erica. Tokevin, like, if we're gonna hang out 574 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: this girl's night out? He was like all right, So 575 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: he was like, you know what y'all need. So we 576 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: actually needed for him to get us a v I 577 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: P section in the club. So he, you know, Kevin Lyles, 578 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: Mr Kevin Lyles, he goes into the club when we 579 00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 1: got there, he came, he paid for everything, He talked 580 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 1: to all the security guards, he was like, take care 581 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 1: of them. He put down the black card, so we 582 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,719 Speaker 1: were like free to do us for the nights. Okay, 583 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: kind of kind of because clearly he'd probably pay some 584 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,479 Speaker 1: people to take pictures of us. Well whatever. Um, so 585 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: long story, sure, we didn't expect the night to go 586 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 1: this way. Long story short, it went the way of 587 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: eric Allows didn't get home into the sun. It was 588 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: literally like five thirty in the morning. So the funny 589 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: part about it was I had like, let's say, a 590 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: seven am flight, so I literally went to the hotel, 591 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: packed my bags and went straight to the airport. And 592 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: as I'm at the airport, I get I get a 593 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: call from Kevin an Erica, and the call went a 594 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: little something like this, because Kevin, if you really wants 595 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 1: to talk to me, he calls me from Erica's phone. 596 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 1: So when when I look at it and says Erica. 597 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,080 Speaker 1: But then when I pressed um answer, it's Kevin. So 598 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: she's sitting there right there with him, and he was like, really, 599 00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: this is what we're doing. Oh my god, is that 600 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: what we're doing. So I've been home all night, my 601 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: wife didn't get home. It's your fault. It was your fault. 602 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: I mean know it was the collective fault of girl's 603 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: night out, but you know what that was. That was 604 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:20,440 Speaker 1: cool for me to know that not cool, but it 605 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: was like a good Like every now and again, you 606 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: gotta let these dudes know for sure, Hey, they are 607 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 1: married to a hot girl that be they can go 608 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 1: out and have fun and tear the club up and 609 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: see they're gonna come home when they come home. And 610 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,240 Speaker 1: trust me, when you're out, their mind is going crazy. 611 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,720 Speaker 1: Their imagination is running wild. They are like she is 612 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,600 Speaker 1: being lifted, someone is lifting her, and she striding his 613 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: face and there's humping on the floor. Oh my god. 614 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,840 Speaker 1: And you know what, these guys are tormenting themselves when 615 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: we're out and having our having our hot girl fun. 616 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: But we're not thinking about them, right, We're just having fun. Right. Meanwhile, 617 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 1: the phone is in the in the purse and they 618 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: on face time to call twenty times, so they're ready 619 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 1: to call the police because they're scared to think you're, like, 620 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: you know, missing, but really they know you're really not. 621 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: And then and then let me tell you what what 622 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 1: they do, so they'll be like, I say, it's five girlfriends. 623 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 1: The single single hot girl is posting all night on 624 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 1: her Instagram, so like, yeah, so all the husbands are 625 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 1: like scrolling through China see oh my gosh. In the background, 626 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 1: who's that dude? And in the background corner, who's that dude? 627 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 1: So you know, I mean, you know, long story short, ladies, 628 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: do not lose yourself in whatever relationship that you're in. 629 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 1: Make sure you maintain your strength, your independence, your self 630 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: worth because it can easily get wrapped up into him. 631 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you right now that I did it. 632 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: You know, I was in a shadow. You know. Jamal 633 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 1: Bryant is a huge personality a huge figure. Any room 634 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 1: he walks in, he sucks out all the air. And 635 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: I didn't have my own sense of who I am 636 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: and who I want to be. So you know, I 637 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: tell my children a don't date an athlete robin um 638 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,520 Speaker 1: or or a or a megapath um those two things 639 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: jack chack or a rapper check um. But make sure that, 640 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: no matter what, you always maintain who and what you are. 641 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: And that gets confusing sometimes because we all want to 642 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: grow and develop, right, we all want to strive to greatness. 643 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,320 Speaker 1: But make sure that whatever relationship you're in, if he's 644 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: not helping you get to your individual greatness, you need 645 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,759 Speaker 1: to leave. That's a word, because he will suck it 646 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,360 Speaker 1: out of you. Right. If your man is not cheering 647 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,319 Speaker 1: you on, if he's not supporting you, if he's not 648 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: encouraging you, you know he ain't for you. He's not 649 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,239 Speaker 1: for you. He's not for you. But I'm but I 650 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 1: will say, like I said, sometimes you do have to 651 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:59,000 Speaker 1: split up. Yeah, but break up, file for divorce, move on. 652 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,320 Speaker 1: That's not to say that you'll never get back together, 653 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,120 Speaker 1: but sometimes they need, you know, that's that smack on 654 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: the head to wake themselves up. And realize what they 655 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 1: had and how to be a better man for that 656 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,280 Speaker 1: person that you are becoming or that you are destined 657 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,000 Speaker 1: to be. Yeah, and let's be clear, you know, breakup 658 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,080 Speaker 1: or makeup. I mean, the reality of it is, relationships 659 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:24,320 Speaker 1: are tough. It's a it's a it's a everyday journey. Um. 660 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:28,080 Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, Jamal and I we broke up 661 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:33,279 Speaker 1: our marriage based off of, um, you know, infidelity, But 662 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 1: if that had not happened, I always think, you know, 663 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,920 Speaker 1: because I was being swallowed in this marriage what I 664 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 1: have eventually snapped and wanted to leave because that's just 665 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,839 Speaker 1: not it was sucking out who I am and who 666 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:49,240 Speaker 1: I feel like her become. Um, I don't know. But 667 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 1: but he and I both say that us getting a 668 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,360 Speaker 1: divorce was the best thing that ever happened to him 669 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: and to me individually. Um. But you know, of course, 670 00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,600 Speaker 1: we have three beautiful kids, so it was all worth 671 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,319 Speaker 1: it in the in And I feel like I don't 672 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: make no mistakes. No, he sure doesn't. He sure does not. 673 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 1: But it would be nice if we could, you know, 674 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,759 Speaker 1: figure out how to reduce the divorce rate, how to 675 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,520 Speaker 1: keep families together. But it's hard, it's hard. It's hard. 676 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: I always say that relationships are work, and unfortunately for me, 677 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: sometimes I just get throw my hands in the air 678 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: and give up and I don't want to work. You know. 679 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 1: I was saying this recently to one of our girlfriends 680 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 1: and you were there, and she said, she's been married 681 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 1: for like seven No, she's been married for two years, 682 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,040 Speaker 1: but she's been with this guy for about seven years. 683 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,799 Speaker 1: And she said, um, I don't ever feel like our 684 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,880 Speaker 1: relationship is work. And everybody else in the room was like, 685 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: wait on it, wait on it, because it's coming. Um. 686 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,640 Speaker 1: And not to say that work is a bad thing exactly, 687 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,880 Speaker 1: but you gotta work to make sure that you're happy, 688 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,359 Speaker 1: that he's happy, that collectively y'all are happy. The kids come, 689 00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 1: that derails things. I mean, it's toss indeed, right, and 690 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 1: you grow and you evolve, and you know, sometimes you 691 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,560 Speaker 1: grow apart, but that doesn't mean that's the end of 692 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,040 Speaker 1: your relationship. When you grow apart, you gotta figure out, Okay, well, 693 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: how can I grow with that person and meet them 694 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,160 Speaker 1: where they are and adapt and change and so it takes. 695 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,520 Speaker 1: It's a lot of give and take. It's a lot 696 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: of um. You know. I always say you know, no 697 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:23,480 Speaker 1: human is perfect, and so I think sometimes when people 698 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,359 Speaker 1: do mess up, people get so angry about what that 699 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,840 Speaker 1: person did to them. But I always say, that person, 700 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,440 Speaker 1: because they're not perfect, would have done that to anyone. 701 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 1: So you always have to take out like the personal 702 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: feeling like he hurt me, Like no, he would have 703 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:45,160 Speaker 1: hurt anyone because he's not where he should be in life, 704 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: or because you know, he would have made this mistake anyway. 705 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,600 Speaker 1: So I think sometimes when women get so so bitter 706 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:52,799 Speaker 1: and angry and then they you know, cause problems with 707 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 1: you know, the seeing the kids, and they want to 708 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,280 Speaker 1: you know, retaliate, that's when things get worse. So if 709 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 1: if you know, let's go for a woman or a man, 710 00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,879 Speaker 1: like when the other person hurts you, just realize they're 711 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,320 Speaker 1: not hurting you intentionally. They're doing it because they're not perfect. 712 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:11,359 Speaker 1: And when you can remove that element, it helps just 713 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,319 Speaker 1: in in moving forward. And then also you know, let's 714 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,279 Speaker 1: let's be clear, like if you find your dude cheating 715 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: on you, do you then circle back and if if 716 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,360 Speaker 1: you're all gonna make it, you know, y'all, y'all are 717 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,799 Speaker 1: gonna you know, go down this journey and go down 718 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: this test of time. Do you sit set new boundaries? 719 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:32,120 Speaker 1: Do you set ultimatums? Do you say, okay, this happened 720 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: in order for us to make it right? Um, I 721 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:40,120 Speaker 1: want a trip to the French riviera, or I want 722 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,320 Speaker 1: a new pair of shoes, or I want a Cartier bracelet? 723 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,920 Speaker 1: Like do you set do you set parameters? That's a 724 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,319 Speaker 1: band aid? Like do you know asking for I mean, 725 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: that's not okay if the guy messed up, like, that's 726 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:52,560 Speaker 1: nice if he wants to give you stuff, But that 727 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,799 Speaker 1: shouldn't be like, Okay, just give me this and I'm 728 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,319 Speaker 1: fine and we can move forward. Um, but a lot 729 00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 1: of women do that. I I mean is that materialistic? Yeah? Like, 730 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,400 Speaker 1: how does that solve? Just just for the record, I 731 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: don't do that. No, I mean it doesn't know, it 732 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:10,800 Speaker 1: doesn't solve the problem. You're right, it does put a 733 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,560 Speaker 1: band aid on it. But do you say, okay, let's 734 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,359 Speaker 1: do a post nup. Let's put in writing that if 735 00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:20,120 Speaker 1: this ever happens again, it's a wrap. I'm for it 736 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,160 Speaker 1: right now. Mind you? Speaking of nups, ladies, don't you 737 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,040 Speaker 1: ever get married. I don't care what you don't care 738 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,760 Speaker 1: if you got five hours and he has seventeen, don't 739 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 1: you ever get married without a prenup, okay, because you 740 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,279 Speaker 1: do not know where this relationship is going financially, and 741 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 1: finances are important and you want to protect yourself if 742 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 1: and when you got you get a divorce, you want 743 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: to protect yourself. So you want to make sure that 744 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: you are that there's no fight. We we ain't fighting 745 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,200 Speaker 1: over money, like I didn't. I didn't have a prenup, 746 00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:53,399 Speaker 1: so you didn't. I did not because it was a fight. Yeah, 747 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,080 Speaker 1: it was a fight, but like I just said, like 748 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: we didn't have much, like we grew it all together. Um, 749 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,360 Speaker 1: and it wasn't a fight over money necessarily, it was 750 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,879 Speaker 1: a fight over I guess it was over money. Okay, 751 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,160 Speaker 1: who am I lying? Yes? Okay, so we're fighting over money. 752 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,640 Speaker 1: You're fighting over that's why I say the kids. But like, no, 753 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,839 Speaker 1: it was a fight over money, and I will that's 754 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,880 Speaker 1: that's a never. I will never ever do that to myself. 755 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,160 Speaker 1: A game. Okay, So that's that. I mean, that's good 756 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,080 Speaker 1: advice because you could get married, like you said you could. 757 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,839 Speaker 1: You could get married when you're twenty one and you're 758 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: both young and you're growing, and then one of you 759 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 1: can turn into a mogul. You can start a company 760 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,560 Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, it's a fight, you know. 761 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: So so yeah, it's it's definitely good to have that 762 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,400 Speaker 1: stuff up front. And I feel like that that makes 763 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:44,120 Speaker 1: the when their kids involved, that makes it even harder, 764 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 1: you know, to get to a good place when it 765 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,040 Speaker 1: comes to the kids. It's like you're fighting over the money. 766 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: Now you're being bitter and you're fighting over the kids 767 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,400 Speaker 1: and and you all. You also need to understand that 768 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: marriage is marriage and even just any relationship, it's it's 769 00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 1: a transaction. It's it's you know, you can't break it 770 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,200 Speaker 1: down for it to be like a business transaction so 771 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,720 Speaker 1: to speak. Right, So you have to decide for yourself, Ladies, 772 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,480 Speaker 1: how many times if you if you're gonna talk cheating, 773 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 1: how many times it's too many times? Like, don't just 774 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,520 Speaker 1: go down this road and say, um, well I'm just 775 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 1: in a relationship and whatever happens happens, and I'll just 776 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,560 Speaker 1: deal with it when it happens. No, you need to 777 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,520 Speaker 1: set boundaries for yourself. You need to set a precedent 778 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,919 Speaker 1: for yourself. Um, because this is your life. Don't ever 779 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: And it's going back to that cam allows. He taught me, Giselle, 780 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,920 Speaker 1: live your movie, don't live no man's movie. This is 781 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,480 Speaker 1: your life, this is your road. And it's nice if 782 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:42,400 Speaker 1: y'all can live the movie together, but don't live somebody 783 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: else's life. Have your own. Yes, you know he didn't 784 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:50,759 Speaker 1: say that at five o'clock in the morning when I 785 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: was like, what I said about leaving a movie, I 786 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:56,640 Speaker 1: didn't mean in the club, right, But I mean just this, 787 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,719 Speaker 1: just word word for a while. So I think we've 788 00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:01,279 Speaker 1: given people a lot of stuff. I know, I know, 789 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 1: am I And like I said, my my um final 790 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,720 Speaker 1: word on this, Like when we're talking about forgiveness, Um, 791 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 1: if you choose to take someone back who cheated, then 792 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,720 Speaker 1: you chose to take them back. So don't don't hold 793 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,520 Speaker 1: those bitter feelings moving forward. You have to be willing 794 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,640 Speaker 1: to say, you know what, that happened in the past, 795 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 1: and we're moving forward from it, so you don't need 796 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 1: to bring it up over and over again. You don't 797 00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,839 Speaker 1: need to be walking around pouting angry. You don't need 798 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:34,600 Speaker 1: to be like, well, well tell me again what happened. Nope, 799 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,920 Speaker 1: let it go and move on. If you choose to stay, 800 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,440 Speaker 1: then let it go. Yes, not that I agree with that. 801 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,319 Speaker 1: Now I'm not good with that, right because I will 802 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,359 Speaker 1: let you live in purgatory for the rest of your life. 803 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,839 Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind them what 804 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,880 Speaker 1: they were capable of, or you know, sometimes you know 805 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,799 Speaker 1: like oh right, okay, remember when you did that? Okay, Yeah, 806 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,799 Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't hurt to remind them. But I'm saying, like, 807 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,840 Speaker 1: don't hold on to like the bittern and the pain 808 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,239 Speaker 1: and the anger, um, because it's not going to help you. 809 00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:06,320 Speaker 1: It's not gonna help you, and it's not going to 810 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,279 Speaker 1: help the relationship. And to be honest with you, and 811 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: I got this from Oprah Winfrey, forgiveness is for you, 812 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 1: forgiveness of what somebody has done to you. It's for you, 813 00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:18,080 Speaker 1: it's for your peace, it's for your sanity. Um. Yes, 814 00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:20,759 Speaker 1: it's great for for them to know that you forgive them, 815 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:25,160 Speaker 1: but it's really for yourself. Um. Okay. So we want 816 00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:30,560 Speaker 1: to always end any of our podcasts with a reasonable 817 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,399 Speaker 1: situation and a shady situation. And to be quite honest, Robin, 818 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:35,840 Speaker 1: you should be very proud of me because I was 819 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,719 Speaker 1: not shady at all in this second episode. I mean, 820 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 1: you have a little bit shady a little bit. Okay, 821 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,400 Speaker 1: So it was reasonable. So it's fine. Okay, So do 822 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,319 Speaker 1: you want to give our So because this podcast is 823 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:56,440 Speaker 1: about relationships, we wanted to give our reasonable relationships. Okay. Okay, 824 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,719 Speaker 1: you're going, I'm gonna give the shady. Okay, good, Yes, 825 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,040 Speaker 1: so you can get the reasonable. So my reasonable relationship 826 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:06,319 Speaker 1: goes to Will and Jada Pinkett. They have a wonderful 827 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:11,840 Speaker 1: relationship with Will's first wife, who they have a child with. Um, 828 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,480 Speaker 1: they have a wonderful family unit. It seems like, you know, 829 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: they're they're pretty open with their experiences, and I think 830 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:22,040 Speaker 1: they are. Um. You know, of course we don't know 831 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:26,120 Speaker 1: every little detail about what happens behind closed doors, but 832 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,000 Speaker 1: I think what they've shared with us is something for 833 00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:32,319 Speaker 1: us to all, you know, learn from and grow from 834 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,920 Speaker 1: and strive to be if you're ever in a situation 835 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:37,640 Speaker 1: like that. Yes, I love that. I love that Will 836 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,239 Speaker 1: and Jad I mean Will and Jada for whatever it's worth, 837 00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:44,399 Speaker 1: their goals, their relationship goals fortuately. Um, okay, So let's 838 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: talk about some shady couples out here. Industry. You have, man, 839 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,880 Speaker 1: So I have actually a couple I have to So 840 00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:53,480 Speaker 1: first I want to say, and I kind of really 841 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,240 Speaker 1: don't want to say this because she has passed away, 842 00:44:55,280 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 1: but with me and Bobby. Oh and the only reason 843 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,520 Speaker 1: why I say is shady because I was hurt when 844 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: they broke up. I thought they would be together forever 845 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,279 Speaker 1: because they were both the right kind of crazy right 846 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:14,040 Speaker 1: to make a relationship work with each other. Okay, um, 847 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,399 Speaker 1: you know see I felt like they were almost each 848 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 1: other's worst enemy. They weren't good for each other. Okay, 849 00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 1: So and that's that's rob shady take. And then we 850 00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,600 Speaker 1: have ray J and Princess. Princess found out that she 851 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,600 Speaker 1: was getting divorced on Instagram. Yeah, what is it? But 852 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,400 Speaker 1: now aren't they back together? What is that? I feel 853 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,760 Speaker 1: like I keep hearing the make up a breakup? Okay, 854 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,680 Speaker 1: I have an issue when couples just air out their 855 00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:44,400 Speaker 1: issues on social media. Stop it anyway? Like, yeah, so 856 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,360 Speaker 1: we could go down the line, right, ray J and 857 00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:50,560 Speaker 1: Princess super shady because because the problem is when you 858 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:54,600 Speaker 1: let the public into your relationship problems and then you 859 00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,719 Speaker 1: get back with that person, well, the public did not 860 00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:58,960 Speaker 1: forget about your relationship problem. Yes, because ray J, I'm 861 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,200 Speaker 1: sideye and you sir, right side eye on you. So 862 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,920 Speaker 1: aren't they back together? I don't know what always be 863 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:08,400 Speaker 1: shady and but that's the same thing like Quabo and Sweetie, 864 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:11,279 Speaker 1: Like Quebo. You was talking about taking the Bentley back 865 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:15,360 Speaker 1: boy by right, Yeah, I had love for you. I 866 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 1: mean I was gonna make you my wife. Yes, but 867 00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:21,480 Speaker 1: then when people come in, you don't want to hear 868 00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,960 Speaker 1: it because but you just let it all in. Anyway, 869 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,000 Speaker 1: all right, we are out of here. We absolutely love 870 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,239 Speaker 1: you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Too 871 00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:33,160 Speaker 1: Reasonably Shady next week we're probably going to be talking 872 00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:37,960 Speaker 1: about We're gonna be talking about confidence. Um. Over confidence 873 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,319 Speaker 1: is confidence a killer when it comes to relationships, you know, um, 874 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:46,279 Speaker 1: romantic relationships and friendships and and professional relationships and professional relationships. 875 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,160 Speaker 1: So um. And at some point we're gonna start taking 876 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:54,279 Speaker 1: viewer advice questions indeed, so so look out for that 877 00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,759 Speaker 1: on social media because we want to know what you 878 00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,719 Speaker 1: are thinking, what you're feeling, and we gonna answer them 879 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:04,560 Speaker 1: them shady questions. Alright, girl, Yes we will, yes, yes indeed, 880 00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,959 Speaker 1: so all right, bye, see you later until next week, 881 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:20,319 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Reasonably Shady is a production of the 882 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:24,640 Speaker 1: Black Affect podcast. Network. For more podcasts from our Heart Radio, 883 00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,240 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 884 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,240 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows, and you can connect 885 00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:35,440 Speaker 1: with us on social media at Robin Dixon ten, Giselle Briant, 886 00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:44,320 Speaker 1: and Reasonably Shady