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Speaker 1: Hey lady, is doctor Dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: fm to get started. Hey lady, If you're looking for

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Speaker 1: an extra dose of that behind the scenes content Terry

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Speaker 1: and I put out after every episode, go to perspacepodcast

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Speaker 1: dot com. Click Wisdom Wednesdays with Terry and you will

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Speaker 2: And it kind of speaks to what we've been saying

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Speaker 2: for the longest time about you know, black people are

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Speaker 2: not monolithic, you know what I mean? Like, we have

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Speaker 2: so many different experiences and I mean shit, I think

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Speaker 2: about my siblings.

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Speaker 3: We grew up in the same damn household.

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Speaker 2: You could have the same damn parents and have still

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Speaker 2: such a different experience, a different expression, just be a

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Speaker 2: different individual, right, We're so unique at the same time,

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Speaker 2: we also have many similarities. I thought it was a

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Speaker 2: really great episode. It was so neat. I wish we

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Speaker 2: could have kind of like dove in deeper because as

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Speaker 2: each person shared, you know, what their experiences were like

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Speaker 2: with their dad.

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Speaker 3: I just kind of wanted to jump in, like, how

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Speaker 3: did that make you feel? Let's dive in deeper.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, let me not put anybody on my

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Speaker 2: proverbial couch now, let me just But it was so

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Speaker 2: good though to hear that.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Brussard, a college

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Speaker 1: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techy motivational speaker. In a world

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Speaker 2: where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please join

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Speaker 2: us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from fibroids

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Speaker 2: to fake friends, and create a safe space where black

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Speaker 2: women can just be.

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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here? From the Herspace podcast.

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Speaker 1: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get

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Speaker 1: feedback on do you want an unbiased perspective on a

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Speaker 1: situation you're facing. If so, visit herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 1: click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: I'll choose a few questions and answer them at random.

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Speaker 1: Our quote of the day. They're called daddy issues because

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Speaker 1: your dad had issues, and that quote comes to us

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Speaker 1: from cancer.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady, so today's a very special episode. We're

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Speaker 2: going to have a juicy conversation and we have two

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Speaker 2: very exciting ladies that are going to be here to

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Speaker 2: join us. And you may already be familiar with them.

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Speaker 2: So Dom and I recently connected with Erica and Miela

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Speaker 2: from the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcasts, and they are

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Speaker 2: such a vibe. Okay, you got to stay until the

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Speaker 2: end so you can learn more about them. But they're

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Speaker 2: the kind of women where you see them at the party,

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Speaker 2: you're like, I want to be their friends.

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Speaker 3: I want to hang out with them.

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Speaker 2: So to learn more about these uncensored sex and cannabis

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Speaker 2: positive parents, you've got to stay until the end. So

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Speaker 2: Dom just introde us with our quote of the day,

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Speaker 2: which I love, So I'm like, yes, don't put it

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Speaker 2: on the woman or the person with the daddy issues,

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Speaker 2: like where did it come from? So let's just go

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Speaker 2: ahead and talk about what does that even mean? Like

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Speaker 2: what does that quote even mean to you?

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Speaker 4: Hey, ladies, thank you for having us? Yes, thank you?

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Speaker 4: And that quote I really you know that, Yeah, that

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Speaker 4: really breaks it down. Really it's as simple as terms,

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Speaker 4: and it's so funny that I never thought about it.

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Speaker 4: Just as simple as that, you know. I think that

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Speaker 4: it really plays shows what an immense role the father

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Speaker 4: has in a woman's life, and what an immense responsibility

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Speaker 4: men have to heal themselves for their daughters, you know.

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Speaker 4: And it's one thing to you know, acknowledge the issue,

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Speaker 4: but like, yeah, you go deeper than that and even

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Speaker 4: further into it, it kind of makes you soften your heart.

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Speaker 4: I think sometimes, as even as children, even now as parents,

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Speaker 4: there comes a time in every adult's life, hopefully where

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Speaker 4: suddenly you see your parents as as just people, as

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Speaker 4: human and I think, you know, in your twenties or

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Speaker 4: even in your teenage years, it's so hard to understand

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Speaker 4: that notion because I think, you know, we build them

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Speaker 4: up as this larger than life like our parents and

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Speaker 4: even younger you look back and you think, like, at

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Speaker 4: what time you thought thirty was old when you heard forty,

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Speaker 4: and you think they're these wise and all knowing people ages.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and we forget that.

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Speaker 4: They're still healing or not healing, and they're still human

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Speaker 4: and that their experiences are only that's all they got.

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Speaker 4: And so it's such a really thank you. I appreciate that.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that is so deep, and I love that you

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Speaker 2: brought up the compassion part too. But you ever have

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Speaker 2: that moment in life where you're like, yo, my mom

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Speaker 2: or dad, was this the age that I am right

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Speaker 2: now with this many kids and doing that and I've

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Speaker 2: done that before.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 3: And like you said, it makes you more compassionate, like

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Speaker 3: they are a human.

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Speaker 2: Being with their own I mean, I think all the

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Speaker 2: should I be going with the room, I'm like, they

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Speaker 2: were going through their own stuff too. So yes, very interesting.

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Speaker 2: Now I want to pass it over to you so

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Speaker 2: that you can tell us more about what does daddy

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Speaker 2: issues really mean?

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Speaker 3: Because I was doing some research in this. One article

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Speaker 3: was like, it's.

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Speaker 2: Beyond just wanting to call your partner daddy in the bedroom,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, yeah, that's not that's not what we're

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Speaker 2: talking about here.

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Speaker 3: Okay, let's talk.

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Speaker 2: About right, We're just having some fun.

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Speaker 3: So what does daddy issues really mean? O?

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Speaker 6: Child lord?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so my best friend and I have had conversations

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Speaker 1: about that about calling your male partner daddy, and for me, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just not a fan and that we can maybe

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Speaker 1: dive into that a little bit later, but I'm not

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Speaker 1: a fan of that. What I know though, is that,

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Speaker 1: like going back to this quote, is that this idea

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Speaker 1: of this notion of saying that as women, part of

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Speaker 1: our relationship issues stem from daddy issues. To me, what

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Speaker 1: that does is it puts the responsibility on us as

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Speaker 1: opposed to looking at how our dads did or did

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Speaker 1: not show up for us and who they were as

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Speaker 1: a person. Right. But then I also think about it

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Speaker 1: from this perspective of, well, we live in a patriarchal

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Speaker 1: society where the expectation is for the women to kind

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Speaker 1: of shoulder a lot of the blame and responsibility for

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Speaker 1: things that might not necessarily be on us, right, And

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Speaker 1: so this concept of daddy issues really does come from

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Speaker 1: that patriarchal place of saying that a woman has problems

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Speaker 1: in her relationships due to her relationship with her father, right,

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Speaker 1: And that could be that she had a really positive

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Speaker 1: relationship with her father, and so now all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: her expectations for male partners are extremely high and possibly

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Speaker 1: unattainable because her dad came to her right. But then

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Speaker 1: we have the other extreme, and that's the one that's

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Speaker 1: more commonly talked about, is that a woman had a

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Speaker 1: negative or problematic or unhealthy relationship with her father, and

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Speaker 1: because of that, her self esteem is impacted, how she

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Speaker 1: approaches relationships is impacted, and until she fixes those issues,

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Speaker 1: she's not going to be healthy in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I've actually didn't think about daddy issues coming from the

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Speaker 2: positive perspective. I always thought like, oh my gosh, you're

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Speaker 2: this bad relationship with your dad. But I have seen

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Speaker 2: some of those women where their dad's at the bar high,

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Speaker 2: like even some of the men in my family is

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Speaker 2: at the bar high. And then you go out looking

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Speaker 2: for that same thing, and then you're like, dang, you know,

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Speaker 2: not satisfied. So when you hear daddy issues, let's go

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Speaker 2: to you, Erica, what does that mean to you? Like,

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Speaker 2: when you've heard daddy issues, I mean.

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Speaker 4: For sure, the negative never the dad was there and

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Speaker 4: catered to the daughter and it was just all too much.

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Speaker 4: But in some ways, but in some ways that it's

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Speaker 4: interesting that you say that, because I have heard that,

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Speaker 4: and I.

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Speaker 5: Mean it makes sense. No, I's never heard, but both

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Speaker 5: are negative.

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Speaker 4: Whether your dad did a great job, or your dad

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Speaker 4: wasn't there, or your dad did a shitty job. The

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Speaker 4: moral of the story is that the daddy issues implies that,

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Speaker 4: no matter what, our dads are the root of our

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Speaker 4: issues and our film antic relationships.

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Speaker 5: And I guess that I've never even thought about that.

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Speaker 4: It is like we do live in a patriarchal society,

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Speaker 4: and then there's that, and then we hear that shit

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Speaker 4: so much that I can see how that you know

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Speaker 4: it is unhelpful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So this Psychology Today article said the daddy issues

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Speaker 2: is a term that describes the effects of the emotional

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Speaker 2: wounds inflicted on a child from an emotionally unavailable father.

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Speaker 2: So they kind of focus on that sort of negative

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Speaker 2: aspect and talked about how those wounds, if unhealed, may

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Speaker 2: lead to looking for external validation from men to know

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Speaker 2: your worth. Now, the thing about this is, I'm really

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Speaker 2: excited for this conversation because we have four different women,

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Speaker 2: with four I'm sure like different experiences, right, unique experiences

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Speaker 2: with their daddies. Now, I will say, we have some

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Speaker 2: questions that we're going to dive into. But I had

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Speaker 2: an abundance of dads, and we can get into that

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Speaker 2: little later. Don knows some of that story. But I've

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Speaker 2: had a lot of dads and male figures and energy

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Speaker 2: in my life. But I had mommy issues to make

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Speaker 2: up all that. So I have a ton of issues

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Speaker 2: in that regard. So I'm interested to see how these

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Speaker 2: questions go based on each person's experience. So Maala, let's

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Speaker 2: hop over to you with the kind of jump start

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Speaker 2: us with this conversation. What kind of relationship did you

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Speaker 2: have with your dad or the male figure?

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Speaker 5: You know what I haven't. I have a really good

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Speaker 5: relationship with my dad.

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Speaker 4: He's always been the parent that like kya, let me

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Speaker 4: do with like, let me do what I wanted to

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Speaker 4: do one year, I want my dad, let me go

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Speaker 4: to Paris. The first week school started and with my

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Speaker 4: cousin and my mom wouldn't want me to go because

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Speaker 4: I was going to this school. Told her the morning

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Speaker 4: as I was packing my suitcase to.

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Speaker 5: Move to Paris. What Yeah, like in that regard, you know,

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Speaker 5: like you know, we.

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Speaker 4: We have similar personalities and we're probably closer in retrospect,

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Speaker 4: but then other times, like I felt like a lot

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Speaker 4: of times we just.

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Speaker 5: Be like I don't want to use the term. That's

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Speaker 5: when I use but niggah, yeah your friend.

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Speaker 4: I know, like.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 4: The word, but that's describe it. You know, like just

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Speaker 4: ship like drop me off, say he's coming back, not

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Speaker 4: come home for days, ship like that, make promises he

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Speaker 4: can't keep, you know, just a lot of ship like that.

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Speaker 4: Like there's a lot of promises, a lot of like

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Speaker 4: you lion, and a lot of issues that were within

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Speaker 4: and within the romantic relationship between my parents that ultimately,

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Speaker 4: you know, affected us because he probably wasn't avoiding us,

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Speaker 4: probably but he didn't want to be at the house

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Speaker 4: because they had shit going on, so he would he

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Speaker 4: would leave. But other than that, like he's always he's

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Speaker 4: always been in my life, and you know, he's a good.

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Speaker 3: Day for me, my dad.

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Speaker 5: So I don't my earliest memory I have of my dad,

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Speaker 5: like me meeting him.

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Speaker 4: I was probably about four and he my dad was

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Speaker 4: a pro athlete and so he was kind of like

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Speaker 4: off living his pro atholete life. And you know, my

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Speaker 4: mom had a very allatile and difficult relationship for all

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Speaker 4: those things, DNA tests that whole situation, although they were

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Speaker 4: in love and together, but because of all of that,

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Speaker 4: there's a lot of resentment and in order to I

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Speaker 4: guess punish her, he wouldn't see me.

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Speaker 5: So I didn't see.

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Speaker 4: Him for a long time, and then when I did,

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Speaker 4: it was kind of like few and far between.

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Speaker 5: And that that was his first child.

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Speaker 4: So it was and he was young, and my dad

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Speaker 4: has definitely changed a lot since then. He made a

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Speaker 4: lot and has acknowledged a lot of the mistakes that

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Speaker 4: he made. But the damage is done, not done, but

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Speaker 4: like it has, I have had to bear that pross

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Speaker 4: for a long time.

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Speaker 5: And work on those issues.

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Speaker 4: And even now being in a relationship and being in

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Speaker 4: previous relationships, I've seen how they pop up. I've seen

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Speaker 4: the like the type of men that I date for sure,

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Speaker 4: And so my dad he has I think my dad

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Speaker 4: now has you know, I have brothers and sisters that

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Speaker 4: are considerably younger than me, So he's kind of had

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Speaker 4: a second chance at parenthood, which is I think the

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Speaker 4: reason why he's transformed in many ways because he had

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Speaker 4: a second chance and saw like, oh, this is what

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Speaker 4: it's like for your child to live in your home. Oh,

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Speaker 4: these are all the responsibilities and it takes like tee.

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Speaker 7: Okay, I'm not trying to interrupt the show, but I

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Speaker 7: had this random idea I want to share with you

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Speaker 7: and I don't want to forget it.

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Speaker 3: Tell me, tell me what is it? Okay?

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Speaker 7: So you know how at the start of every New Year, birthday,

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Speaker 7: new moon, anniversary, new month, new anything, people find themselves

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Speaker 7: wanted to have a reset, but they're not sure where

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Speaker 7: to start.

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Speaker 3: I sure do What are you thinking?

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Speaker 7: What if we hosted a workshop where we could interact

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Speaker 7: with our listeners to talk about stuff like self care

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Speaker 7: and self love, oh and g.

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Speaker 2: And we could even have a session about manifestation, leaving

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Speaker 2: toxic relationships and becoming our best selves.

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Speaker 3: Girl, I am so excited. I'm sold.

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Speaker 2: We could call it the Vibrate Higher Empowerment Workshop.

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Speaker 7: Yes, yes, that is it. And we could even host

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Speaker 7: our live quarterly wind down to check in and build

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Speaker 7: community as we vibrate Higher all year.

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Speaker 1: Yo.

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Speaker 3: I love it, I love it. I'm so let's do it. Lady.

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Speaker 3: If this sounds like fun to you.

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Speaker 2: Visit New Year Workshop dot com and join us for

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Speaker 2: the Vibrate Higher Empowerment Workshop.

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Speaker 3: If you want to.

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Speaker 2: Release baggage, set intentions, and manifest the life you desire.

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Speaker 3: This is just for you, lady.

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Speaker 7: That's New Year Workshop dot Com. We can't wait to

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Speaker 7: connect with you.

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Speaker 5: Money, you can't.

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Speaker 4: You can throw money at a kid, but like it's

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Speaker 4: time and quality time that really impacts them. So yeah,

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Speaker 4: like my relationship with my dad, I would say, was

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Speaker 4: more friendship. I never was a daddy's girl. Really I

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Speaker 4: wanted to be, and I think that's why I was

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Speaker 4: so hurt by it and confused.

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Speaker 5: But also I was so young and I didn't know

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Speaker 5: how to verbalize it.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: I would just get upset, Like anytime he would have

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Speaker 4: come around, I would just immediately I would just cry,

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Speaker 4: Like my mom would ask me about like so how

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Speaker 4: you do how are you guys? And it was just

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Speaker 4: like tears, like it was. Yeah, it was very triggering

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Speaker 4: for me, and so I think even now we have

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Speaker 4: a much better relationship and respect for one another. But

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Speaker 4: it's definitely not like the relationship that I guess, like

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Speaker 4: I hope for, which is like you know, you see

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Speaker 4: these relationships, I don't see them like with my friends.

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Speaker 5: You know, who have really fortunately their father.

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Speaker 4: You watch TV, you see like you know, these ideas

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Speaker 4: of what father and daughterhood looks like.

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Speaker 5: And I didn't get that.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, that was so interesting. It's so deep too.

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Speaker 2: I feel like people often don't think about how their

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Speaker 2: behavior will impact their kids when they grow up. And

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Speaker 2: I'm glad we're having these conversations because it makes me

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Speaker 2: more sensitive. So I'm like, when I have kids, I'm

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Speaker 2: being in mind for like, all right, they gonna grow up.

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Speaker 2: And I remember when you did X y Z you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: Kids don't forget and to it now, but just to

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Speaker 4: go back really quickly though, Like as I got older,

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Speaker 4: I really start to understand the way my father was

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Speaker 4: raised and the trauma that he has and he still

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Speaker 4: hasn't really based and acknowledge, and it all all makes sense,

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Speaker 4: you know. So this like cycle that has to be broken.

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Speaker 4: It's so deep. It's so rooted in so much shit

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Speaker 4: like slavery and blackness or black man where my daddy's from,

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Speaker 4: and his family and education and just trying to survive

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Speaker 4: and like yeah, yeah, so it's it's really really deep,

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Speaker 4: especially within like daddy issues I feel are there, there's

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Speaker 4: a commonality amongst them, whether you're white or black or

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Speaker 4: whatever you are. But then there's also the black daddy issue.

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Speaker 4: So for sure, I feel like that has helped me

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Speaker 4: forgive him anyways, and just you know, converse talking conversations

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Speaker 4: and things.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, oh, thank you for sharing, ladies, what about

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Speaker 2: you down pass it over to you before I go

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Speaker 2: into my all the daddies that I have, all my daddies.

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Speaker 1: So for me, I didn't meet my dad until I

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Speaker 1: was twenty seven, and so my experience was one in

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Speaker 1: which I grew up trying to figure out like who

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Speaker 1: is my dad? Like where is he? Why is he

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Speaker 1: not present? And recognizing that like in my household, I'm

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Speaker 1: the oldest with my mom's kids, I'm the oldest of five,

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Speaker 1: and all of us had different dads and some of

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Speaker 1: them were present, some of them weren't. And so for me,

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Speaker 1: I would observe and I recognized also like that I

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Speaker 1: was a parentified child, So there were a lot of

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Speaker 1: adult issues that I knew about and was aware of

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Speaker 1: that probably as a child, I shouldn't have had that

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Speaker 1: access to that information right, But then I also, like

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Speaker 1: we were saying earlier, I also recognize where my mom

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Speaker 1: was at that time, right. And so for me, part

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Speaker 1: of my process has been one trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to get to know my dad as an adult

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Speaker 1: and knowing that who he was when I was born,

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Speaker 1: when I was conceived and all of that is different

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Speaker 1: than who he is now. And then also just working

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Speaker 1: through what it means for me to now have this

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Speaker 1: father in my life and this whole new family and

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Speaker 1: finding ways to connect, but also simultaneously allowing myself to

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Speaker 1: grieve not getting the things that they got that my

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Speaker 1: sister's on my dad's side, that they were able to

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Speaker 1: have the relationship that they were able to have with

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Speaker 1: him because he was present in their life. And so

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Speaker 1: for me it's been as a therapisting like the importance

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Speaker 1: of going through my own therapy to kind of work

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Speaker 1: through that, and also noting that a lot of the

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Speaker 1: relationship dynamics that I've had throughout my life are rooted

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Speaker 1: in observing my mom and observing my grandparents, because my

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Speaker 1: grandfather was like the major father figure in my life.

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Speaker 1: And then I have some uncles that have also been

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Speaker 1: really present for me as well. But having this comparison

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Speaker 1: and seeing all of these different relationship dynamics and how

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Speaker 1: the men engaged in those dynamics really helped kind of

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Speaker 1: shape and some of that. A lot of that. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I'm still kind of unpacking and working through what Erica

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Speaker 1: you mentioned about forgiveness and compassion and really in compassion

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Speaker 1: not just for them, but for myself to allow myself

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Speaker 1: to feel all the feelings that come up as I

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Speaker 1: learn more information about who they are as people and

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Speaker 1: like the decisions that they made at those times.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, that's I think. I think the forgiveness

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Speaker 4: part for me is obviously the hardest. You know, there's

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Speaker 4: times where I feel like I've resolved, and then there's

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Speaker 4: moments where I'm like, not right, still mad, I'm like you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you know, or.

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Speaker 4: They pop up when he's not even it's not even him,

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Speaker 4: like I'm dealing with a man in my life, and

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Speaker 4: I'm like, this is because.

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Speaker 5: Of this shit, you know.

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Speaker 4: So you know, I think it's the constant, like working

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Speaker 4: progress that think. I mean, it's did you meet your father,

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Speaker 4: did you find him? Did you seek him out? Or

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Speaker 4: how did if you don't mind sharing, like, how did you,

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Speaker 4: Actually this actually happened.

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Speaker 1: So I did seek him out. And so one of

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Speaker 1: the things for me as a kid was just this

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Speaker 1: this need to know. Now, some of that probably also

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Speaker 1: has influenced why I became a psychologist, because I'm just

403
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Speaker 1: curious and I just need to know things, right, But

404
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Speaker 1: I just I needed to know, and so periodically I

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Speaker 1: would ask my mom, so, Okay, can we look for

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Speaker 1: him and can we figure out where he is? And

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Speaker 1: then in college, I remember, now this is gonna this

408
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Speaker 1: will definitely show my age. But in college I remember

409
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Speaker 1: like looking up in the phone book and like or

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Speaker 1: this was before Google was a thing, but on the internet,

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Speaker 1: like searching for like the phone book in Atlanta because

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Speaker 1: that's where I thought that he was, and so looking

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Speaker 1: up his name and calling all of those people that

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Speaker 1: had his name, and then I finally found him actually

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Speaker 1: through my space. Oh my god, I know, right, taking

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Speaker 1: back right. So he's a musician, and so I reached

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Speaker 1: out to him, and I was kind of like, I

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Speaker 1: was pretty vague in the email the initial message to him,

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Speaker 1: because I was like, well, if this isn't him, then

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Speaker 1: I'm not putting all my business out there for the stranger, right, right,

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean, and then he immediately responded and said,

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Speaker 1: you know, we've been looking for you. And so it

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Speaker 1: was a situation where I was immediately embraced. But I

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Speaker 1: know that that doesn't always happen for folks because certain

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00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: situations like your dad might have been having an affair,

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Speaker 1: or there may have been so many other circumstances, and

427
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Speaker 1: so your dad for whatever reason, again this is like

428
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 1: why it's its issues and not yours, then your dad

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to claim you, and so then when you

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Speaker 1: reach out, there's no embracing more acceptance. But fortunately for me,

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Speaker 1: like I was like immediately accepted.

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Speaker 5: That's amazing. I mean, I mean that's all you could

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Speaker 5: hope for, really, right.

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Speaker 2: And I never even knew that story down that's so

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Speaker 2: interesting to think about how that all played out. And

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Speaker 2: I'll just jump right into because I felt this was

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Speaker 2: a good segue down right into my story, which.

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Speaker 3: We had a lot of similarities around.

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Speaker 2: So growing up, my mom was in and out of

440
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 2: jail since I was eight years old, and her husband

441
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,439
Speaker 2: he what I call my bonus dad, because in my

442
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,959
Speaker 2: family we don't do the step parent thing.

443
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: It's like you, my dad, you're here. Her husband.

444
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 2: He was my prominent mail figure and so he was

445
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: the one that I had a very close relationship with

446
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 2: who took me on my first day, taught me how

447
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,120
Speaker 2: to drive all that stuff. And then my biological father,

448
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 2: who I thought was my biological father, he was definitely

449
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 2: there financially, sending in money and things like that, and

450
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 2: I knew him, but we didn't have a super close relationship.

451
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 2: We got closer in adulthood. So as far as I know,

452
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 2: I had two dads my whole life. Bonus dad passed

453
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 2: away when I was seventeen, and my biological father and

454
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,120
Speaker 2: I got closer. So when I was twenty seven, being

455
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 2: curious like domb, I decided to send in my DNA

456
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 2: to ancestry. So I'm like, I want to start a family,

457
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: I want to learn more about my I want to

458
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 2: learn more about my history, blah blah blah. And the

459
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 2: test comes back and says that this random guy I've

460
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 2: never seen in my life is my dad. I was

461
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 2: just like, wait what, I'm like, this will be my life.

462
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 2: My life is just what is what was that moment?

463
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 1: Like?

464
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 4: Not like if you got that you opened that email,

465
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 4: Because I've done that test and I've heard this happened.

466
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 5: Before Jack family and you weren't looking for that reason.

467
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 5: He had no at all.

468
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 2: I mean I was looking because I wanted to see

469
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: where did I come from in Africa?

470
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: Like literally that's it? And I was like, what is this?

471
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 2: I'm literally I remember September fifteenth. It was when I

472
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 2: was twenty seven. It's like dom and I remember literally

473
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 2: just being stuck in bed and I text my best

474
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: friend his picture.

475
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, do I look like this guy?

476
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 2: Because I kind of felt I had these like a

477
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 2: little thin top lip with his little thin top lip

478
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: was you know, thin too?

479
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh man, he like these big eyes.

480
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh man, I don't know.

481
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 5: Guys, do you not now knowing? Do you see the

482
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 5: differences and.

483
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 4: Like the way you look compared to your who you

484
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 4: thought was your biological father?

485
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 5: Like does it not?

486
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 3: What's funny?

487
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 2: So my who I thought was my biological father was

488
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 2: still super close, and he told me that when I

489
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 2: was younger. I don't remember this.

490
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 3: He told me.

491
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: I was like, what if you're not my biological dad?

492
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 2: Like my biological father, and I did always notice that,

493
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 2: like my brothers on his side, they just had certain

494
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 2: traits like on that side of the family that I saw,

495
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 2: but I didn't really see myself in them the way

496
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 2: I saw myself on my mom's side. So I think

497
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 2: it was in the back of my head, but like

498
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 2: as a kid, you don't really know how to express that, yeah, intuition, right,

499
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 2: So I text my best friend and she's like, oh

500
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 2: my gosh, who is this your uncle? You guys have

501
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: just to like And I was like, oh my god.

502
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,439
Speaker 2: So long story short, I called my mom. She was like,

503
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,679
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on. Like, I have no idea.

504
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 3: I was a mom. You gotta remember because DNA said, like,

505
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 3: you were good. You gotta go back home.

506
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 2: We gotta go back thirty or twenty seven years ago.

507
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: So long story short. We ended up finding out that

508
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: I was a one nice stand baby in the Navy,

509
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 2: and this man has a whole family and.

510
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 3: Kids and all that. So I did decide to reach out.

511
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 3: I went online. I didn't know I could be a

512
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 3: stalker like this.

513
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 2: I went online and like looked his family up, looked

514
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: everyone up, trying to figure out and find answers because

515
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, I wasn't looking for this, but it came

516
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 2: and it was emotional. I did tell who I thought

517
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 2: was my biological father as well, because I felt like,

518
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 2: even though I thought it would hurt him, like it

519
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 2: was important to know. So I say all that to

520
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 2: say an abundance of like dad energy and male energy there.

521
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 2: But I do believe that my mommy issues in the

522
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 2: relationship with my mom and her absence and the things

523
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 2: that we've gone through, I think that has definitely impacted

524
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 2: my relationships for sure. So I feel like we should

525
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 2: just kind of segue into like how did our specific

526
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: experiences with our dad and possibly even mom, Like how

527
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 2: did that impact the way you showed up in relationships?

528
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 4: For me, it's the men I chose, the men I choose.

529
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 4: So I think, well, the men I choose, and I

530
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 4: think I've always felt more I think because I've always

531
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 4: love I've always wanted male attention. At a young age,

532
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 4: I was promiscuous at a young age. I wanted validation

533
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 4: from men from women. I never saw that, you know,

534
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 4: I even I think I've talked about this on our

535
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,119
Speaker 4: podcast before that you know, I think my mom was

536
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 4: a great, great mother, but you know, no parents perfect,

537
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 4: and I think there were times where she thought she

538
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 4: was encouraging me to be to empower me, like I

539
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 4: was being teased, or if a girl didn't like me

540
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 4: and she would say, oh, that person is jealous of you,

541
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 4: and so that made me be like, oh, all these

542
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 4: women are all these girls are jealousy, Like, oh, we're

543
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 4: in competition. So I always felt like I had a

544
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 4: lot more male friends when I was younger. And I

545
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,720
Speaker 4: also felt like, I feel like my father what I

546
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 4: knew of him because he would come in and out

547
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 4: of my life.

548
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 5: He was like this, like kind of like this. He's

549
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 5: definitely like.

550
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 4: An alfa male who's big, he's strong, like athletic, and

551
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 4: he walked into a room like people like you know,

552
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 4: they shut down.

553
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 5: And I noticed that always.

554
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 4: In fact, I was scared of him because like I

555
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 4: didn't really know him that well, and I would go

556
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,959
Speaker 4: over my mom would send me to this like stranger's

557
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 4: house who I would see every five months, and like

558
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 4: I didn't look at him like I mean, I knew

559
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 4: he was my dad, but it was like, you know,

560
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 4: and he's from Texas and he don't play that shit,

561
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 4: and I'd be like, oh my god, what the fuck.

562
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 5: And so the men that I sought out or I

563
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 5: mean I have.

564
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 4: Been historically attracted to are very like they are big

565
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 4: presence or they are intimidating, and a lot of times,

566
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 4: unfortunately men that had carried these traits sometimes there's a

567
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 4: lot of insecurity involved. And for me, like I'm a nurturer,

568
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 4: and I don't know if that's because of like me

569
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 4: wanting to me wanting that relationship, you know, with that

570
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 4: male figure. I've often chosen men that are powerful from

571
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 4: the outside but very broken inside. And you know, my

572
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 4: dad would obviously beect to different, but he's a broken

573
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 4: man and I don't think he is. My Dad's an

574
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 4: incredible human, but there's definitely traumas that he has in acknowledge.

575
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 4: And for me, like I just I noticed that that's

576
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,479
Speaker 4: the trend that I that I seek out and men,

577
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 4: and I think, like me being promisk, he was young too,

578
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 4: was also like a cry for help and cry for attention.

579
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 4: I wanted that male attention and made me forget to

580
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 4: get it. The more I could get it, the better

581
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 4: I felt. So I would say that those are probably

582
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 4: my daddy issues. Oh not trusting messy, because my dad

583
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 4: would do that a lot and say he was going

584
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 4: to do something and then he wouldn't do it. So

585
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 4: I got when I was like, I don't believe believe you.

586
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 4: So I think that's how it's shown up in my life.

587
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 4: I'd like to say first of all, that we've come

588
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 4: to the conclusion that basically all of our traumas are

589
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 4: our parents fault. And now parents so great was like,

590
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 4: is there can we avoid it? I was closer with

591
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 4: my dad. I was and I till this day, and

592
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 4: I didn't feel like my mom understood me much. I

593
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 4: felt like she was always like chasing my dad and

594
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 4: like putting up with dumb.

595
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 5: Shit, and you know.

596
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 4: And now they were together since my mom was like

597
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 4: fourteen and my dad was seventeen, and I realized when

598
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 4: you get with someone that young, you do become codependent

599
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 4: if you don't allow yourself the space to grow and

600
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 4: be an individual.

601
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 5: So probably a lot of.

602
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 4: My observation was true, but I think it kind of

603
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 4: made me look at relationships.

604
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 5: In general, like, eh, like I don't.

605
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 4: I just don't want to be that girl chasing and

606
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 4: like I had very little expectation. One of my famous

607
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 4: quotes is I expect nothing just because I don't. I

608
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 4: just I've been previously like from Miss You as saying

609
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 4: I was very sexual very early, probably seeking attention in

610
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 4: love because I felt like they were so involved with

611
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 4: each other, and my dad would like, you know, dip

612
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 4: out for a long time, make empty promises. So I

613
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 4: just don't have a lot of expectations. I haven't had

614
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 4: a lot of expectations from men because I don't trust

615
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 4: men because he'd be lying, you know, lies come, and

616
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 4: then it just feel like the more fun the better,

617
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: and the less attachment the better. I just got a

618
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: relationship recently, and I told him that, and he was like,

619
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 4: you realized that's like fucked up, right, But I thought

620
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 4: that was safe and.

621
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 5: Healthy, honestly kind of.

622
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 4: But I realized that probably a lot of that has

623
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 4: to come with the relationship that I saw them have,

624
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 4: just very back and forth and forever, forever, forever. I'm like,

625
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 4: aren't y'all fucking tired of fighting? I'm tired of hearing

626
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 4: this shit Shut the fuck up. I was like, I'm

627
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 4: never signing it for this shit. If it's not fun,

628
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 4: I don't want it, you know. And I just felt

629
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 4: like my mom didn't really know who she was, and

630
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 4: there were just like things that I thought that didn't

631
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 4: look like anything I wanted to have. But on the

632
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 4: flip side, like I have very close friendships with women,

633
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 4: you know, I have very close friends that I've grown

634
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 4: up with.

635
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 5: Like a long time.

636
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 4: I don't have a problem making girlfriends. I almost I

637
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 4: have like so many close girlfriends. So I think in

638
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 4: that aspect, maybe I was and I do still crave

639
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 4: that closeness and like and somewhat that partnership. But I've

640
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 4: rejected it so much with men a lot of times

641
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 4: because I have it in my friendships.

642
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, so thank you so much for sharing me. It's

643
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 2: so interesting hearing the different experiences and how it sort

644
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 2: of prompts us to show up in life. But I

645
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 2: think that it's interesting that even though you had some

646
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: sort of I want to say, is tension. It sounds

647
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 2: like some tension between your mom you were closer to

648
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 2: your dad, it didn't really impact the relationships that you

649
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 2: had with women, which I think is pretty cool.

650
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 3: So Dom you want to.

651
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 2: Go ahead and just share like how your relationship or

652
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 2: maybe lack of relationship with your dad and maybe the

653
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 2: men that were in your sort of circle, how that

654
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 2: impacted your relationships too.

655
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: Well, I think, honestly It left me confused because I

656
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: had so many different types of models. So I had

657
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: my dad who wasn't there right, and I didn't know

658
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: whether it was on him or my mom or who,

659
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 1: like why right? So there was that piece. But then

660
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: I hadn't. Like I mentioned before, my grandfather and my

661
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 1: grandparents were married fifty one years before my grandfather died,

662
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 1: and they had this amazing relationship that for me was like,

663
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 1: I don't see any other man in the world doing

664
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: some of these things right, And that was through my

665
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: child eyes right of recognizing certain things, like my grandfather

666
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: always put gas in my grandmother's car. She could drive

667
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: past five gas stations on her way home, but she

668
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to worry about putting gas in her car.

669
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: My grandfather would do that for her, right. And even

670
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: now I don't live in the same place as my grandmother,

671
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: but I think my uncle has stepped in and does that,

672
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 1: Like I don't even know. I need to ask her

673
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: now that we're saying this, I need a second in

674
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: the past.

675
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 3: But when's the last time.

676
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: Have you ever pumped your own gas?

677
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 5: And you know how.

678
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 4: You know?

679
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 1: And but my grandmother is also someone who is fully

680
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: capable of doing a lot of things right, but that

681
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: was just one thing that he would do for her,

682
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: And so for me, it was like, Okay, so I

683
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 1: have this example, and then I watched TV and I

684
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: read books, and I see all these examples of men

685
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: who aren't doing right by their women. And then my mom,

686
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 1: you know, was dating other men, and I saw those relationships,

687
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 1: and I saw moments when my mom was crying and

688
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: she might have been trying to hide it from us,

689
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 1: but she was crying because she was upset about something

690
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 1: that happened in the relationship. And so I've walked away

691
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: not really knowing what to do, not knowing how to

692
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 1: really think about relationships. And so I think for years,

693
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: I've had this like back and forth of how I

694
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: show up in relationships. So there's times where I show

695
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: up and I become a caretaker, right, you know, attracting

696
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 1: someone who needs fixing. And I get to points where

697
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm a therapist. I'm not here to

698
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 1: fix you, Like that's what I do in my professional life,

699
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 1: not my personal life. But then I have moments where

700
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 1: I've been in relationships with guys who have been completely

701
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 1: unavailable or they articulate their needs, but I don't articulate

702
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: mine because I'm not articulating what my needs are. Then

703
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: we end up having need these this complicated relationship where

704
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: I'm not really happy because I haven't said what my

705
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: needs are. And then eventually I get to a point

706
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:14,840
Speaker 1: where then I like have this explosion of like anger

707
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: because I'm like, well, you're not showing up in the

708
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: way that I need. But if I never communicated that,

709
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: if I never said, here are my expectations and let's

710
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it, then how do they know

711
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: what's needed, what they need to do, how to show up.

712
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: So I've kind of been all over the place, and

713
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 1: a lot of that is reflective of the relationships that

714
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 1: I've seen growing up.

715
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 2: That's so interesting too, because you said you saw so

716
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 2: many different types of men, and I feel like I

717
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 2: definitely did too, dom And I feel like one of

718
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 2: the things I remember when I was younger is seeing

719
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 2: different uncles dog women out and I was like, yo,

720
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be that motherfucker chick that you know

721
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: what I mean?

722
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 3: And that's literally in my mind.

723
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 2: I was like, y'all, I'm not going to be that

724
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 2: person because I would see them bring a cirt like

725
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,919
Speaker 2: bring somebody home for Thanksgiving and then bring a different

726
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,320
Speaker 2: chick for Christmas, and it was just like real shady moves.

727
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, Erica were like I learned at a

728
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: very young age, like don't mention who you saw previously,

729
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 2: Like just keep it, keep it on the low. You

730
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: don't say anything. I'm just like, oh, nice to meet you.

731
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 2: And I'm thinking, like, god, damn another one. So I

732
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 2: I did see good men, and so I was like, Okay,

733
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 2: I know this is possible. And then I saw you know,

734
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,280
Speaker 2: other men that were playing like dogging and playing women

735
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 2: and then having this interesting relationship with my mom. I

736
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 2: feel like I did often feel safer with like more

737
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 2: male friends. I just felt safer being one of the guys,

738
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 2: not necessarily in like a dating lay, but just like

739
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 2: being with the fellas.

740
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 3: It just felt.

741
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 2: Safer because sometimes girls just seemed like they had more

742
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 2: drama with them. And I think for me, for a

743
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 2: long time, I found that being cold. I know I

744
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 2: look nice and sweet, but like being cold and relationships

745
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 2: was like my defense mechanism. It was like, yo, you're

746
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 2: gonna love me before I love yo. Ass Like I'm

747
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: gonna you know, I just play all the games, like Okay,

748
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 2: I really want to call you, but I'm not going

749
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 2: to car I got to wait, you know, just playing

750
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 2: hard to get and like really trying to control the situation.

751
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 2: I didn't have a lot of control growing up, so

752
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 2: I feel like that's definitely something I did. And I

753
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 2: often heard a lot of guys and people that I

754
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 2: know my best friend's like, you're like the guide in

755
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 2: the relationship, and like a lot of the relationships I

756
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 2: would get into because they would be more I guess

757
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 2: pressed is probably the word that we use today, whereas

758
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 2: I'd be like all right, cool, like I won because

759
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 2: I like conquered this person. So just just sick ass

760
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: stuff based on my experiences of you know, what happened

761
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 2: growing up.

762
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,720
Speaker 3: So I know that I'm sure that we've all learned

763
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 3: some valuable tips.

764
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 2: And before we dive into more information about our amazing

765
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 2: I want to say, like co hosts, this feels like

766
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 2: a goals conversation, so our amazing co host and we

767
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: learn more about you and what you do where folks

768
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 2: can find you. I would love for us to dive

769
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 2: into maybe some tips for someone who is in that

770
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: stage in life, was like, oh damn, I think I

771
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 2: might have some daddy issues, Like what can I do?

772
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 3: So what are some tips that I.

773
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 2: Know we got some wisdom up in the room based

774
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 2: on our experience, and so what are some tips that

775
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 2: you were sharing Mela, I.

776
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 4: Would definitely say just forgive, forgive, forgive, and if compassion.

777
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 5: You know, her parents are not.

778
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 4: Some superhero entity and they're all like really suffering from

779
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: their own shit. And even I had like a breakdown

780
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 4: because I asked my grandmother recently to co sign for

781
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 4: an apartment for me, and she agreed and then renick

782
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 4: at the last minute, and literally E would have thought

783
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 4: I was five years old. I like was so mad.

784
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not speaking to her. I mean, like

785
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 4: it's like a seventy eight year old.

786
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 3: I was just.

787
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 4: So angry, and then I had to catch myself, you know,

788
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 4: and I just had to think for a moment, like

789
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 4: just all the shit that she's been through and even

790
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 4: going back and just generational cycles, like my grandfather cheated

791
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 4: on my grandmother with the babysitter, went off had kids

792
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,760
Speaker 4: with her, and she lived like in the neighborhood, would

793
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 4: like go on camping trips, with this other family and

794
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 4: did and like basically very blatant bullshit. So there were

795
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 4: three kids from his from my dad's you know, their

796
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 4: initial kids from my grandmother, and they all dealt with

797
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 4: it really differently, but all really fucked up. And my

798
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 4: dad showed a lot of those similar traits even in

799
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,839
Speaker 4: his married relationship with my mom because he would did too.

800
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 4: So I had to check myself and just be like,

801
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,400
Speaker 4: all right, what's next, And that as angry and upset

802
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 4: that I was, it's just like, I know, she's such

803
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 4: a sweet woman. You have to get along so well,

804
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 4: but there are some really ugly undertones there, you know,

805
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 4: there are some really sometimes like some I'm like, oh, child,

806
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,840
Speaker 4: you're evil? Where did that come from? If we just

807
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 4: we're talking about Jesus? But I just know you can

808
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 4: almost feel sometimes when it comes from just like an angry,

809
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 4: sad place. And I think we have to also acknowledge

810
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,919
Speaker 4: we come in a place where like therapy is being normalized,

811
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 4: we're looking at generational cycles and curses and looking at

812
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 4: at ourselves as black people, Like I know, I think

813
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 4: we've been operating knowing that we're black because but in

814
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 4: a way where you just got to keep going. But

815
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 4: we finally come to a place as a people, I

816
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 4: think where we're giving ourselves a little bit of like

817
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 4: acknowledgement for the pain and for the things that aren't right,

818
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 4: and for just like the pain that we felt we

819
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:24,760
Speaker 4: feel every day and we hold every day and the trauma,

820
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,799
Speaker 4: and like giving ourselves more more acknowledgement and more gentleness

821
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 4: and normalizing therapizing ourselves, normalizing therapizing our friends, normalizing therapy period.

822
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 5: And I think with that we have to also offer that.

823
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 4: To our parents and to other people you know, and

824
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 4: everybody you take as much. You know, you do what

825
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 4: you can while you still allow yourself to grieve and

826
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 4: to love and to forgive.

827
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 5: But it's necessary.

828
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 4: I think that we just look at it in that

829
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 4: full way and not just from our inner child, because

830
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 4: that's what the fuck I was doing this week. I

831
00:42:56,920 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 4: was freaking out like a child. Side That's that's what

832
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 4: I think.

833
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 3: I love it.

834
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 4: I agree with Meila. Therapy I think is a huge

835
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 4: one for sure. I mean, I wish that therapy for

836
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 4: a team was normal when I was a teenmaker. I

837
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 4: mean it just maybe it was that I my mom,

838
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 4: it was even on the table you know, and like

839
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 4: I was having a hard time. I was like hysterically

840
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,800
Speaker 4: crying at the mention of my dad, and that is trauma.

841
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 4: And I think back on that, and I wish I

842
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,800
Speaker 4: could like hug myself because like and I wish I

843
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 4: could hugg my mom because she.

844
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 5: Didn't know what to do. She was just trying her best.

845
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 5: She was trying to be my therapist essentially.

846
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,760
Speaker 4: And I hope that if you're listening and you have children,

847
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 4: who's maybe parents whose the dads are already starting these

848
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 4: have already caused trauma, or mom or have or moms

849
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 4: or moms a cause trauma, or you notice that there's

850
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 4: a pattern happening, like don't be afraid to check in

851
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 4: with your kid and offer therapy honestly, even if they're not,

852
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 4: even if they're not, Like if I'm therapy, yeah, everybody

853
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:13,839
Speaker 4: needs therapy starting or I believe I do believe that's too,

854
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 4: Like don't wait to sun till something is wrong to

855
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,919
Speaker 4: go to therapy, like normalize having conversations and talking about

856
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 4: your feelings, whether it's with your own child or if

857
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 4: they feel comfortable talking to someone else about it, like

858
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 4: they need an outlet.

859
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:27,879
Speaker 5: So I think therapy is a big one.

860
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 4: And you know, writing helps me, like writing things out,

861
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 4: writing things down, writing your feelings out is another good

862
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:42,720
Speaker 4: way I think to find answers and resolutions and things

863
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 4: pease sometimes. So I don't know, I mean, whatever it

864
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 4: is that you know is your release, I think do

865
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 4: that as one as it's not like.

866
00:44:56,320 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 1: Nor what about you, dom Well, I think that you know,

867
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 1: therapy is always my immediate answer, and so I do

868
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 1: think that therapy can be a global solution in terms

869
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:23,040
Speaker 1: of one for you as the individual to kind of

870
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 1: process the things that are happening for you or have

871
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 1: happened for you, maybe even family therapy to bring in

872
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 1: your parents to do that work with your parents, recognizing

873
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: that sometimes parents are not going to be willing to

874
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,399
Speaker 1: do that, right, but there are some parents that are

875
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: open to it, and so being willing to bring your

876
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: parents into the conversation and then also with each potential

877
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: partner having that conversation around okay, so are we going

878
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 1: to do therapy? And that's a whole other conversation for

879
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: literally literally here.

880
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,839
Speaker 4: Right now with my partner where he wants us to

881
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 4: have therapy. And you know, I am obviously an advocate

882
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 4: for therapy. But it's scary. It's a scary idea to

883
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 4: go into therapy because me and who haven't been together

884
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 4: for that long. So I'm just like, is it too

885
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 4: early for there?

886
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: I think it's is it just not working?

887
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 3: Is it just not.

888
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 5: Working and we just need to just we need therapy.

889
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,839
Speaker 5: That's early. Wait, so it's a therapy, not like it's

890
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:24,439
Speaker 5: not too early.

891
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: It's never too early. I mean I think it's a.

892
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 4: Beautiful trouble in a relationship. Therapy is normal as a

893
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 4: normal idea.

894
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, So for me, what what usually happens is

895
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: couples will go into therapy when there's a huge problem

896
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: and they may be on the brink of ending the relationship,

897
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 1: and somebody in that relationship is hoping that the therapist

898
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 1: will help them break up with that other partner. Mmm.

899
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: And so when you go into therapy earlier on and

900
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: both parties are committed to doing the work, then to me,

901
00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: I think that that helps lay the foundation for a healthy,

902
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 1: long lasting relationship because it allows you that space to

903
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,360
Speaker 1: work through the troubles. Because every relationship is going to

904
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: have troubles, no matter how perfect they may present on

905
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 1: the outside. Every relationship is going to have issues. I

906
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: think it's dope that your partner is like, nah, let's

907
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: go talk about this right now, and let's figure out

908
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: how to communicate better with one another from the beginning

909
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 1: so that we can be healthy. But I get that

910
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: it's scary, do it.

911
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 3: I love it.

912
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,919
Speaker 2: That's good now, that's good stuff down. I appreciate that.

913
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 2: I would just add on to the list. I love

914
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 2: the list that we've come up with. I would just say, grieve,

915
00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 2: like grieve the space or give yourself space to agree

916
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 2: what you didn't get as a child. I feel like

917
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 2: for me, a lot of the things that I've been

918
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 2: healing over the past two years, they've come without an

919
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 2: apology from the perpetrator. So I haven't had, you know,

920
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 2: acknowledgment or an apology from certain people in my life

921
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 2: who've gone me wrong as far as childhood trauma, and

922
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 2: so I feel like just grieving and like going back

923
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 2: to different moments where I was abused, and like saving

924
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 2: myself as an adult, and like doing these different exercises

925
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 2: have been really helpful. So I think that could be

926
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 2: really helpful when you have a situation, especially where like

927
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 2: dad or mom is not taking responsibility or maybe dad

928
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 2: or mom has passed away, like you can still get

929
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 2: healing and you can still grow and evolve without an

930
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,280
Speaker 2: apology or acknowledgment. And so just to kind of circle

931
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 2: back on our list here, we have forgiveness. Yes, yes,

932
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 2: therapy came up a couple of times. We have therapy

933
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 2: and family therapy. We have writing, we have I put

934
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 2: this as a separate tip chatting with your partner about

935
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 2: therapy because I feel like that's a whole different level

936
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 2: right there. So we have that there because like mm hmm,

937
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 2: then we have and then we have finally greed, greed

938
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 2: in your self space degree what you didn't get.

939
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 3: So when we close out.

940
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 2: This episode Good Mom's Bad Choices, we just want you

941
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 2: to tell our listeners more about you, where can they

942
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 2: find you, and just tell us.

943
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 3: About all the dope stuff you have going on. Well

944
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 3: so much sunse Well, you.

945
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 4: Can find us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices,

946
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 4: and you can find us on all podcast platforms. When

947
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 4: we listen to a podcasts, search our name and we're

948
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 4: always up to something.

949
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 5: Come on our.

950
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 4: Page where we were doing all different types of stuff.

951
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 4: We have actually have a driving movie event for the

952
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 4: kids coming up. We have a Patreon if you find

953
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 4: us at ww dot patreon dot com. Good Mom's Bad

954
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 4: Choices backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices with there's extra content

955
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 4: over there.

956
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:51,760
Speaker 5: You do a lot of meetups.

957
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously the times of change is a little

958
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 4: bit different, but we still do like we do virtual meetups.

959
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 4: We also do like you know, social distancing meet up

960
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 4: with our community.

961
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 5: They are small if you don't.

962
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 4: Got to be a mom to could it over on

963
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,120
Speaker 4: our on our platform, we have a lot of people

964
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 4: that are not parents that you know, are looking for community.

965
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 4: They just want a place to feel safe and unjudged.

966
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,800
Speaker 4: And we are not perfect people. We're not perfect mothers.

967
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 4: We're not going to be and I think that's kind

968
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 4: of the beauty of you know, the space that we've

969
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 4: created is that people feel like they can, you know,

970
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 4: be themselves without judgment, but also learn. We're all healing,

971
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 4: we're all trying to be better all the time. We're

972
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:40,320
Speaker 4: trying to learn from our bachelices, not relish in them.

973
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 5: So yeah, that's that's as so sus I'm Erica and.

974
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 3: This is me.

975
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 2: Okay, awesome, Well, thank you so much, lady. This was

976
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 2: so much fun, of course, with four different perspectives. And

977
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 2: maybe we'll add their information in the show notes and

978
00:50:57,080 --> 00:51:01,959
Speaker 2: we'll see you next time. By Hey, lady, it's Terry

979
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 2: here from the Herspace podcast and I have a question

980
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 2: for you.

981
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 6: Do you want to start your own podcast? Have you

982
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 6: been thinking to yourself? You know what, I want to

983
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 6: start a podcast, but you just haven't taken the leap.

984
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 6: If that's you, I got you. I'm hosting a free

985
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 6: podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how to

986
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 6: create your own podcasts from start to finish. So visit

987
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,439
Speaker 6: Terry Limax dot com and click on the pink link

988
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 6: in the middle of your screen and register for my

989
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 6: free podcasting masterclass. Today's episode is sure to provide you

990
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 6: with motivation, inspiration, or even a fresh perspective. If you

991
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,720
Speaker 6: have any AHA moments, or if you feel comforted throughout

992
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 6: the episode, lady, please leave us a review and tell

993
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 6: us what we're doing right so we can stay on track. Also,

994
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,320
Speaker 6: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

995
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 6: on iTunes and visit herspacepodcast dot com and enter your

996
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:56,360
Speaker 6: email address to get updates about our live events and

997
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 6: all of the new beginnings that we have for this year.

998
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 1: Thanks thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please

999
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

1000
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

1001
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

1002
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

1003
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

1004
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

1005
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider.

1006
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1007
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

1008
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast or check out our website

1009
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

1010
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 2: after me. Although my plans may change, I will stay

1011
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,240
Speaker 2: committed to my purpose.

1012
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, Lady