WEBVTT - Checking In Replay: Pastor Mike Todd 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.040 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:19.560 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey, y'all, I think this 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:25.520 conversation with Pastor mic Todd is going to be transformative 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.120 for those that will listen with an open mind and 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:32.760 an open heart. That you will listen with an open 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:36.360 mind and an open heart. And if you're able to 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:41.400 get to the end of my conversation, I'm gonna surprise 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:45.000 him too. But I'm going to surprise you, and I 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.400 want you to listen to the end of the conversation 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:51.880 for some specific instructions that I am going to give. 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:55.240 Pastor mic Todd is a number one New York Times 0:00:55.320 --> 0:01:00.000 bestselling author, pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, oakal lie 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:07.720 A Homer, a phenomenal musician and producer, and it's good 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:12.360 to hear him picking up music again. And we'll talk 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:15.280 about that. We'll talk about how sometimes, you know, do 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:17.720 you feel like you have to lay something down for 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:21.840 a season because of something else that you're maybe called 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:23.800 to do a purpose to do. So you gotta lay 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:27.319 one thing down, do your assignment, and then come back 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:30.559 up and pick up the other thing that you're also 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:33.800 gifted at too. So I'm excited to hear his take 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:36.800 on all of that. And so y'all stay locked in. 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:44.319 Pastor Mike Todd is in the building, y'all listen. I 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:52.080 am very excited to have on checking in Pastor Mike Todd. Now, 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:55.560 if you read the book, he tells you his whole 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.520 government name. Okay, on like the first page of Damage 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.000 but Not Destroyed, y'all. I'm so excited because Damage but 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:08.880 Not Destroyed is available now today. T U h d 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.880 A y okay. So I'm gonna make him blush a 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:14.760 little bit. But all I'm gonna do is speak facts. 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:16.160 Oh no, okay. 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.400 He is the number one New York Times bestselling author. 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:26.120 All right, two million now, two million copies sold of 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:29.200 his first book, Relationship Goals. 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:32.440 That's crazy, right, I'm so excited. 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:33.880 How do you feel. 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:37.799 About that number one? I'm talking to Michelle Willions. 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:41.639 It's good to be on the New York Times bestseller list. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:43.200 I thought I was gonna make it. I didn't make it. 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:45.240 I want I could have been number twenty nine on 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:46.399 the best but you number one. 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.960 But this is better than the New York's Time bestseller list. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.680 Because I'm on a podcast with Michelle Williams. Do you 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.520 know how much of an intricate part you were of 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.600 my upbringing? Okay, save my name and save my name. 0:02:57.919 --> 0:02:59.720 I just needed you to know. 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:02.320 That's one of the chapters of the book. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:04.800 Okay, keep going, Okay, we don't give it away yet, 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:06.480 don't give it away yet. We talked about that in 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.560 a minute. But I am so excited to be here 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:11.400 with you. I feel like you're my sister. We got 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:14.320 to meet for just a little moment in Atlanta, and 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:16.840 it was like, where have you been all my life? 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:20.160 And it's just really one of those cool, cool moments 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.840 to connect with people who actually care about doing the 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:26.440 inner work as well as all the things that are 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:29.680 happening in public. So yeah, I wrote a book about 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.839 relationship goes about me and my wife, who I've been 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:35.520 dating since I was fourteen years old. Is when I 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:40.520 met her, and literally all the ups and downs, trials, tribulations, 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:44.160 crazy moments and our story of redemption and just some 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:48.320 things that people could be helped in relationship because people 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.480 kind of fail at that a lot in this day 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:53.640 and age. And I put it out in the middle 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.280 of a pandemic. I'd never written a book before I 0:03:56.320 --> 0:04:01.080 barely passed math, math, and English high school. So it 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:03.760 was like, I mean, let me just share something that 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.200 I think is valuable, and I mean it went crazy 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.360 and people bought it all over the world. And to 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.920 think that's the first time I've heard the two million number. 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.360 That's ridiculous. Like the fact that that book has gone on. 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.640 I just pray that it's a blessing to people for 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:18.920 a long long time. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.960 And help people win. In Mayorage dating and checks that's it. 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:27.160 And he smiled really big too when he got to 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.120 say that because he got somebody, he gets to go 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:29.720 home to. 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:32.640 His wife, Glory to the living God. 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:38.640 Listen, listen, listen, Lord, help me too. Oh don't and 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:42.599 I have. It wasn't nothing. It wasn't y'all listening. It 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.400 wasn't none of your business. But yes, okay. 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:49.240 Another fact is. 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:53.560 That you are the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.560 I am, okay, I am, and I love it. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.800 And there's so many ways I can go relationship, go 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.040 the faith testimony of how you guys acquired the building 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:06.880 and just your whole journey. It would take hours to 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:10.120 talk about it. But I also want to tell people. Y'all, 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:14.320 he is a phenomenal musician, producer. I say, a. 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:17.719 Musician, Michelle, you're doing too much, too much. I know 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:18.280 we're here to. 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.320 Talk about damage but not destroyed, from trauma to triumph. 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.520 I get it, and we're gonna get there. But y'all, 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:28.520 he's more than pastoring. 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.480 Is that's the thing. 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:36.080 And we'll talk about a choice that you might have 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.039 had to make. Okay, let's just let's do that. 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:40.800 The choice just going. Let's go and do it. 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:43.400 The choice that you possibly had to make to lay 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:47.960 down music to go into ministry. Now, music can be ministry, 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:49.760 but I'm just saying in the form of ministry that 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:52.320 you now you had to lay down the desire to 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.760 be the artist and producer musician. 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:58.280 So part of part of my journey is I tell 0:05:58.320 --> 0:05:59.920 people all the time, you are not what you do 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.400 only and a lot of people so many times they 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:07.520 wrap their entire identity off of whatever became successful. And 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:12.400 one of the things that I a six minutes in, oh, 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:14.560 I thought we was I thought we came to do 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:17.880 it like I thought this was that podcast, so we 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:18.800 could go all the way in. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:19.680 Okay. 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.680 So, and so the truth of the matter is a 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.760 lot of people, whatever successful, they think that's where they 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:29.320 should rest all of their identity and purpose. But the 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:32.320 one thing I learned very early on is that God 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.679 never gives people just one seed. He gives so many 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.119 seeds on the inside. It depends on what you water. 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:40.960 And on the inside of me, there were so many 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:45.080 seeds music and speaking and creative and all these things, 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:47.279 and I decided that at a young age, I was 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:49.120 going to water all of them. And so when the 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.640 fruits started coming from all of them, I had to 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:55.080 make a decision to begin to ask God what was 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:58.320 my assignment, not my opportunity. And a lot of people 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:03.080 right now are caught because they have so many opportunities 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:06.320 and they don't know what an assignment is. And that's 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.839 where I'm here to really tell this generation that you 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:10.920 only can get an assignment from God. 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:13.280 But if you good, you can have tons of opportunities. 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.200 And so my my journey took me to a place 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:20.120 where the greatest thing that I do is never what 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:20.720 can I do? 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.240 It's what does God want me to do? 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:25.000 And that's where I think a lot of people are 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:26.960 off right now. Somebody could offer me a lot of 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:28.840 money to do something I'm good at but I knew 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.480 it wouldn't be my assignment, and so that thing wouldn't 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:34.040 be blessed for me. And so I just know that 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.720 for me, that's what happened. In the music and ministry. 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:39.920 I would have been successful as a music producer. I 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:42.640 probably would have produced your third album. I probably would 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.280 have done all of those different things. And now there's 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.440 still an opportunity I would I would have been I 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.800 would have been there. But at the same token, God's 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:54.640 timing is perfect. When you obey him, he brings everything 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:57.920 back around. He wastes nothing. There is nothing that he's 0:07:58.000 --> 0:07:59.520 going to put on the inside of you that he's 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:00.320 going to leave on the. 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.240 Inside of you. Is just about timing. 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:04.520 And so now is the season where I'm getting to 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.480 walk into a whole bunch of music opportunities. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:07.560 People that I love, like. 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.120 Michelle Williams, I'm sitting on the phone with So if 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:11.600 I had a track, I could text it to you 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:11.960 right now. 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:13.120 Did you understand what I'm saying? 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:17.600 Like, following his purpose leads me into the thing that 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:19.400 I love, and that's a passion. 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:22.680 Wow. I don't have no title or anything in church, 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:27.000 but I'm hearing Seki first, the kingdom, Oh yeah, I've got. 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:28.200 In Matthew six thirty three. 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:31.840 Yes, And then everything else gets at it, and a 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.520 lot of people are seeking the things. They're going after 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:37.680 the things instead of him, and they go after the 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.000 things what I say, instead of the king. And the 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.200 King actually knows the playbook, he knows the lay of 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.120 the land, he knows what he wants for you to do. 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:47.839 And I've just found in my short little life of 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:51.319 a lot of impact comes from places I didn't think 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:53.480 it was gonna come from because I did it in 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:55.560 the timing that God wanted it to happen, not in 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.240 the timing that I wanted it to happen. And the 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:01.440 more you like lean into that and get into that lane, 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.280 you don't have to worry nothing I'm doing right now. 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.040 I have to hold up. I just got to show 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:09.200 up like I'm not trying to hold things together. I'm 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.400 not trying to finesse and do all of these things 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:13.840 that a lot of people have to do. And that's 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.839 what causes stress, that's what causes burnout, and that's what 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.040 causes trauma. And so a lot of people have to 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:23.079 really real themselves back in to figure out what's my assignment, 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:24.599 not just what's my opportunity? 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:28.240 Well, am I allowed to say your word success fueled 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:29.880 by the wrong source is. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.760 Just stress that that's it. 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:35.959 Is taken from damage but not destroyed. 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:38.640 Yeah, you know that's the truth. 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:41.720 And I'm so excited about that. I want to pivot 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:45.520 back to something you said about assignments versus opportunities. Do 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:48.640 you feel that's why so many people maybe are not 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:52.120 fulfilled or they don't ever complete anything. 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:57.160 Yeah, that's exactly the reason is because if you're not 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:00.000 attached to something bigger than you, something that's outside of you, 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.960 something that is for somebody else that benefits you, but 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:06.520 it honestly helps the world. We were built with that 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:08.760 on the inside of us, Like we were built to 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:09.480 be generous. 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:12.240 We were built to give what God's given us away. 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.200 And so many times, like people chase after bags and 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:20.040 they lose the blessing, Like the bag is not the blessing. 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:22.959 The blessing is I'm doing what i was called to do. 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:25.800 I'm helping somebody, I'm walking in purpose. And so if 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.440 I could give any message to my peers in this 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.840 generation is like you've tried it, You've tried to go 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:32.600 after the bag. 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:33.600 You've gone on. 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:38.640 Vacations, you catching flights, you burkinged up, you got Louie 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:41.719 and Dewey and gooy. You've done everything, and at the 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:44.200 end of the day, sitting in that penthouse apartner, you 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:48.560 still feel empty, Like there's no way that that was 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:49.959 the thing that was supposed to fill you. 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:51.880 It has to be something else. And that's why I'm 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:52.720 telling people right. 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.320 Now, a lot of those things that we're talking about, 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.960 they're coping mechanisms for trauma we've experienced. If we want 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.200 to be honest about it, like a lot of us 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.800 going after the opportunities and the thing is because I 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.040 don't really want to deal what's going on inside of me. 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.199 So let me go and be successful. 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.040 Come on, let me go out here and let me 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:14.240 try to prove that I'm worth something, that I still 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:17.720 have value that when I post on Instagram with old. 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:19.840 Boy or old girl like that validates me. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.520 And I'm telling you all that stuff is a quick 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:26.520 way to just burn out and not actually have any 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.280 real fulfillment in life. And so I'm just encouraging people like, 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.679 evaluate what you do for real and then see if 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.240 there's anything attached to it. That is traumatizing to you, 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:39.600 and it's the reason you do it, because if we 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:41.360 don't deal with the root of it, we'll never be 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:42.280 able to get better. 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:42.559 Fruit. 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:46.080 Listen, I would have say this. There's something I was 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.560 gonna say to Okay, let's be transparent. 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.760 Humble, open and transparent. Let's go. Yeah. 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.400 I was gonna go into that too. I used to buy, 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.120 especially cars, every time I would break. 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:01.559 App Yes, everybody not, but everybody, I just need to 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:04.040 let you know this can This may not be your testimony, 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:06.040 but we are talking to Michelle Williams. 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:11.120 Go ahead, listen, and my mama, my mama, start your amen. 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:14.640 My mama noticed a pattern. And one day I bought 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:17.280 a car and she said, who'd you break up with? 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:23.920 And so I had to trauma wise, what was in 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:28.520 me that was trying to replace something that's gone on, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:32.800 something that's left. Now, when you get on assignment and 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.080 you get in purpose the things that you thought you 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.480 even wanted, you don't even want him no more. 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.079 You don't even want it no more. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:45.720 You don't want him her or the car. You don't. 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:47.080 You don't. 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.200 So, by the way, and I didn't read the room. 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:53.560 I did not say that to to flex, I pray 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:54.480 on my heart. 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.760 No, that's her real life. Everybody that that was her 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.080 real life. Okay that that that may not be your 0:12:59.120 --> 0:12:59.959 real life, but that's her. 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:01.400 Well some of y'all. 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:04.520 You you might be standing in the Michael Kors line, 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.640 the Louis Maton line to get their purse to get. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:11.120 Or or Michelle they may they may be in front 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.640 of the refrigerator. Because the truth of the matter is, 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.840 many times, a lot of the things that we put 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:19.760 in our mouth are because of what we don't have. 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:20.439 In our lives. 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:23.800 Yes, sir, a lot of times it's it's we're eating 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.000 I'm gonna get some cake because I'm gonna feel good today, 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:29.680 Like I'm gonna I'm gonna go have me a double 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:32.720 dip of whatever this ice cream is and I feel 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:33.960 better because they say it's vegan. 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:35.280 But that don't take the sugar out of it. 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.800 The under sad what I'm saying, And the truth of 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.280 the matter is a lot of times we need to 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:42.920 evaluate what we put in because what we don't feel 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:48.200 like we have within that is a real value metric 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:53.880 that everybody needs to evaluate. More clothes, more friends, more opportunities, 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.840 more success. Do you actually need more or are you 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.439 trying to feel a god hole is what I call it, 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.920 with things that will never be able to fit in 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:04.040 that space in your life. 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:08.000 And y'all listen, don't be like me, because I was 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:11.320 always upside down in every trade because the Lord didn't 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.680 want me. It never worked out for me, you know, 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.199 always trying to replace stuff. So don't do that, y'all. 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.800 To finish out the loan, finish out the least of 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:22.960 the thing, and it's so you won't be upside down. 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:27.160 And really the lesson is we dig ourselves into financial holes, 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.520 we dig ourselves into emotional pits and stuff like that. 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:35.280 So fine purpose get healed, so that way we're not 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.880 trying to replace stuff. You said some things that were 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:40.640 also snippets to y'all. I gotta keep talking about the 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:44.320 book I personally passed through my TID. I asked for 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:49.320 an advanced copy of the book because they got it 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.520 to me, and because I despise when I write a 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.160 book or put out music, the person that's interviewing me, 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.120 they don't read or listen to it, and then they 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.360 got to ask me dumb questions. I appreciate that, so 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:02.680 I want the interview, to go beyond what surface. What 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.080 we can google, you can't get a book get So 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.920 there are some things. I won't give the book away, 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.200 but it really you can give it away. 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:14.320 You can give it away. I want them to be here. 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:19.640 Listen. It touched me so much, damaged but not destroyed, 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:24.960 from trauma to triumph. You talk about so much, you're 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:29.480 so honest. I just transparent, and you get so vulnerable. 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:35.680 You get so vulnerable, y'all the endorsements preached. 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.800 I got some good friends, I got some good endorsements preach. 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.880 Okay, so y'all get the book so you can know 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:46.200 what I'm talking about, and you'll be like, okay, I 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:48.200 gotta get a chapter one. But let me let me 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:50.960 tell you what I said. I said, you are very honest, transparent, 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.280 and you get very vulnerable in this book, to the 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.800 point where I read the book with one hand over 0:15:56.840 --> 0:16:00.560 one eye A little bit. Yeah, because when someone gets 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:05.480 there's a difference between vulnerable and being transparent. Being transparent 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:08.760 is yeah. I used to buy cars when I would 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:12.240 break up with people. But being vulnerable, being vulnerable. You 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.280 tell how you felt about the thing. I felt like crap, 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.680 I felt horrible. I felt used, I felt less than 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:23.280 and you say all so many things about yourself, yourself aware, 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:28.600 you don't blame shift and blame anybody else. And it 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.480 also rattled a thing or two in me that let 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.600 me know, Sis, oh you need to process this hit. 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:37.520 You took a little more. 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:41.680 This is actually I'm getting goosebumps because this is the 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:46.240 reaction that I wanted, because I said, if somebody's gonna 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.640 get healed, you know, when you're going through something and 0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:52.000 you're like, well, who's gonna go to the dance floor first? 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.640 Like it's a party, but everybody's standing on the side 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.080 and the music is going, and everybody looking who's. 0:16:57.880 --> 0:16:59.440 Gonna go to the buffet line? Because you don't want 0:16:59.440 --> 0:16:59.960 to look greedy? 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.320 Yeah, who's gonna do it first? Yeah? 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:06.560 And everybody hungry and everybody is hurting, But who's gonna 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:10.440 go first? And And for me, even with the position 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.800 that I hold this pastor many times pastors we put 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.080 it on people we know y'all are struggling with and 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:17.560 we know y'all a da da da. And I was like, 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.080 I want to take a whole different approach. I'm gonna 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.280 put myself on blast. I'm gonna I'm gonna say everything 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:25.720 that the Lord has been doing in me from the 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:28.639 time of two years old all the way up to 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.880 almost forty. I want to use this as a playbook. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.080 This is the book that people write when they're seventy. 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.680 And I said, the problem is it's too far removed 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:39.760 from when I need to do the work. And so 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:42.040 I want to remember this fresh and I want I 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:45.040 want to hopefully inspire somebody to do the work, because 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.119 the life on the other side of doing the work 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.800 of walking out this healing journey, It's like my life 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.720 went from black and white to color. And I tell 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:54.720 people in the book, I said, there's nothing like a 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:58.240 hit you don't see coming. And many of us don't 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:01.600 recognize that A lot of the things when we're one 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.159 hit away from totally breaking because we haven't dealt with 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:07.159 none of our issh excuse me for my language, but 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.320 I'm just telling you that some of you are one 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:15.280 disappointment away, one frustration away, one job loss away, one 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.520 breakup away from your whole world crumbling. Not because it 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:20.960 has to, it's me because you've been holding so much 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:24.640 stuff together that you have not really dealt with. You've 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:28.479 pushed it down you've buried it. You visit your family 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.640 every Thanksgiving and every Christmas with problems, but you never 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.719 say anything. And when you get in the car, you 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:37.800 just cuss and scream and get frustrated. There's so much 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.879 on the inside of us, but we're not letting that 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.320 thing out in a way that would be healthy. And 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.760 I'm just telling people, like, listen, this is the season 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:50.240 where you allow everything that's happened to you no longer 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:50.879 to find you. 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:53.679 But you cannot ignore it. You gotta face it. 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.160 You gotta walk up to it and say you are 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:59.280 no longer the thing that will be able to put 0:18:59.320 --> 0:18:59.960 me in my ship. 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:01.040 I'm gonna deal with you. 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:03.879 I'm gonna handle you, and with God's help and God's 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:07.800 grace and counseling and community and being honest, those things 0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:11.720 can actually turn your pain into your platform. I'm here 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:15.000 talking about all the crap that I went through and 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.720 it's going to help people and it's gonna see me and. 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:18.600 My wife on vacation. 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.440 So I'm just saying, like, the pain can become your platform, 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:24.840 and God can use all of your trauma and turn 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:25.639 it into your trump. 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:29.560 Come on, listen, listen, y'all, y'all should see my posture. 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.040 I'm making that ugly face you make in church when 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:35.119 the pastor is just dropping gems. And that that's another 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.240 thing I want to say when you. When I was 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:42.080 reading reading your new book, first of all, I want 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.720 to say, I was reading it in your voice, because 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:45.199 you have to. 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:46.480 You got you gotta. 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:49.160 Read it in his voice, in his manner asm. And 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:51.840 then there's a portion in the book where I was like, oh, 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:54.600 he preaching, and I read it. I was like, oh, 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.240 I'm gonna take this, and I'm a hoop with a 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:56.640 little bit. 0:19:56.920 --> 0:19:58.840 So I'm there you ready to go ahead and do it? 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:00.639 So listen because then your the book you say that 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.119 no matter what happened to you, no matter who hurt you, 0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:05.679 no matter how you feel, I want you to know 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:07.720 if this value is still in you, touch it ever 0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:10.000 say say it's sin, you a sin, it's. 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:11.960 Genuine, send you, it's sending you, it's send you to 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:13.560 It is in. 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:16.119 You, and so thank you. I thought I went to 0:20:16.240 --> 0:20:19.560 enough therapy and I volunteer at a healing retreat. But again, 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:23.399 damage but not destroyed definitely, says sus. You need to 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:31.720 unpack this, you need to process this. Now, remember I said, 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.400 we got to read the book in your voice. Will 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:35.480 there be an audiobook? 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:39.560 There is already an audio book. It is done, it 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:42.320 is finished. I gave you my whole thing. When I 0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:44.240 write a book or when I do something. I was 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.840 never a big book reader when I was younger. I 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:49.960 like to watch things. I like to see them. I 0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:53.760 like to visualize it. And as I got older and 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.720 got into the professional pastoring and had to open businesses 0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.359 and do anything, reading is fundamental. You got to be 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:01.840 able to read. So I started reading a lot more. 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.280 But one of the things that I realized is that 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.040 you can read in a way that it seems live like, 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:08.160 it seems real. 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:10.520 You can put the picture in people's mind. 0:21:10.760 --> 0:21:13.480 And so for anybody who's not a big reader, I'm 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:15.880 telling you, when you read this book, like Michelle said, 0:21:15.920 --> 0:21:20.359 you'll see it. You'll hear me, You'll see it. It's vivid. 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:24.280 I pull on cultural things to be able to bring 0:21:24.320 --> 0:21:27.000 your mind to where I'm at, and I think it's 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:29.960 all important so that we can actually get the message. 0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:32.560 And I really do believe the message of my life 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:35.080 is no matter how much you've been damaged, they're still 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.480 value in you. I literally had somebody Michelle, give me 0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:43.080 a gift that was a regift. It was an expensive gift, 0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:46.520 but the box was jacked up and the wrapping paper 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:49.920 was messed up. And the truth of the matter is 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:53.399 is that no matter that the wrapping paper was ripped 0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:56.919 and the box was tattered, the value of that gift 0:21:57.160 --> 0:22:00.119 was in the content that was inside of it. 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:01.720 And so many people. 0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:05.720 In this life, they've had their relationships ripped up, they've 0:22:05.760 --> 0:22:08.880 had their character scarred and marred. 0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:10.920 But the truth of the matter is who God's really 0:22:10.960 --> 0:22:11.720 created you to be. 0:22:11.840 --> 0:22:15.320 That essence of who you are is still good and 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:19.680 is still valuable, And the price of the thing did 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:22.720 not change because the box or the rapping was jacked up. 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:25.320 You take those things out that God has placed on 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:27.159 the inside of you, and you got to realize that 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:30.800 the value is still in you. And that's my encouragement 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:34.160 to people who've lost, who've gone through divorce, who've had 0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:36.600 bad relationships, who have not been able to see the 0:22:36.640 --> 0:22:39.560 success that they wanted to see. Yeah, you got some scratches, 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:41.600 and you've got some ribs, and you've got some tatters, 0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:44.520 but I promise you who you really are the most 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:48.720 valuable part of you is still waiting for the world 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:51.959 to see it. And if you would allow yourself to 0:22:52.080 --> 0:22:54.240 heal from some of the things that have happened, I 0:22:54.400 --> 0:22:56.760 promise you you're gonna be able to help so many people. 0:22:57.040 --> 0:23:01.720 Listen, everything that you need is on the other side 0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:06.359 of your healing. And we talked about loss. I wanted 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:10.080 to ask you definitely how what you're saying can also 0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:14.480 apply to grief, but you kind of touched it a 0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:14.920 little bit. 0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:18.800 I'm touching it because I feel the audience that is 0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:20.879 listening to this, and I know that many people have 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:24.199 lost things. I mean, we're coming we're three years removed 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:28.439 from COVID, where that literally shifted the life of so 0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:31.680 many people, whether it was you lost an actual loved one, 0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:34.280 you lost business, you lost money, and that was a 0:23:34.359 --> 0:23:36.320 time for some people that they gained a lot, but 0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:41.480 they lost priority and they lost focus. So you got 0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:43.439 a bunch of money, but your children got lost in 0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:45.680 the mix of all of that stuff. A loss comes 0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:48.280 at a lot of different ways. The thing that you 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:52.240 have to understand is the fact that you're still existing 0:23:52.920 --> 0:23:56.240 does not mean that you're actually thriving. And a lot 0:23:56.240 --> 0:23:59.879 of people I'm finding are existing, they're going through the 0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:04.040 they're doing what's necessary, but they're not actually living the 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.680 life that I believe God intended for them to live. 0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:10.560 And that's why I think trauma makes you numb like 0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:15.199 that's what it does. It makes you not feel the 0:24:15.240 --> 0:24:18.199 things that you actually feel. And just think about a 0:24:18.240 --> 0:24:20.320 car accident. A lot of times when if you ever 0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:22.360 get in a car accident, and I pray nobody does, 0:24:22.400 --> 0:24:24.840 but if you've ever been in one, you can sometimes 0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:27.719 jump out of the car on adrenaline. You don't feel 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:30.360 what's going on. Oh no, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine, 0:24:30.400 --> 0:24:33.679 I'm fine. Everything is moving, but it's not until you 0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:37.119 sit still. It's not until you get into a relaxed position. 0:24:37.160 --> 0:24:42.280 It's not until the heightened moment passes that you actually 0:24:42.440 --> 0:24:45.520 start to feel what happened. And may I submit to 0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:47.800 us that many of us are so busy that we 0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:50.000 never let ourselves get into the point where we can 0:24:50.000 --> 0:24:55.399 feel it. We stay so inebriated with being outside and 0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:59.960 going from event to event and being in relationship to relationship. 0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:03.280 You're in your third relationship in two years, and you 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:05.840 never hear from the one before it, and so you're 0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:09.880 moving trash to another area that would have and could 0:25:09.920 --> 0:25:12.719 have been good. But you're taking the toxic into the 0:25:12.760 --> 0:25:15.399 next And God is saying to many people that are 0:25:15.440 --> 0:25:17.560 listening right now, could we just get rid of some 0:25:17.680 --> 0:25:19.960 of the weight, some of the damage. I'm not saying 0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:22.159 that it all got to change today, but let's go 0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:24.320 on a journey of dealing with this thing. And because 0:25:24.320 --> 0:25:27.520 of loss, many times people think that loss is the end. 0:25:28.320 --> 0:25:32.120 Loss is never the end. Loss gives you the opportunity 0:25:32.200 --> 0:25:34.480 to find a new beginning, Yes, sir, And a lot 0:25:34.520 --> 0:25:37.359 of times the greatest things in my life that I 0:25:37.480 --> 0:25:42.000 lost were literally the stages for the greatest revelations, changes 0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:45.800 and renewals in my life. But if you get stuck 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:47.600 in the loss, that's when you lose. 0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:47.920 Yes. 0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:49.280 But I'm encouraging. 0:25:48.800 --> 0:25:51.840 Somebody that's listening to this right now, don't get stuck 0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:54.920 in the loss. Don't get stuck in who left. This 0:25:54.960 --> 0:25:56.919 is the season where God's saying I got more for you, 0:25:57.240 --> 0:26:00.280 and there's value still in what's ahead of you. And 0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:03.359 that's why your damage can no longer define you. But 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:06.600 this damage can be the thing to push you to destiny. 0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:09.680 And I don't know, Michelle, somebody's pulling on me right now. 0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:12.240 But you are about to give up, You are about 0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:15.040 to stop, you are about to throw in the towel. 0:26:15.160 --> 0:26:18.280 And this podcast came on to let you know that 0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:21.360 there is more in you. That you are not at 0:26:21.359 --> 0:26:23.879 the end of your rope. You're actually at the beginning 0:26:24.040 --> 0:26:25.240 of your new life. 0:26:25.400 --> 0:26:26.640 This is a new. 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:30.040 Season, this is a new day, and you may be damaged, 0:26:30.240 --> 0:26:33.640 but you are not destroyed destroy I feel. 0:26:33.440 --> 0:26:40.320 It Pastor byke Todd, one of the best communicators, motivators 0:26:40.720 --> 0:26:47.199 encouraging men of God that this planet currently has right now, 0:26:47.440 --> 0:26:53.280 the courage to be honest, open and transparent. Everybody can't 0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:56.280 be that, and we need more of that in church. 0:26:57.200 --> 0:26:58.840 We got to have it in church. If we don't 0:26:58.880 --> 0:27:00.960 got it nowhere else, we got to have it in church. 0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:03.200 And that's why a lot of people are jacked up. 0:27:03.280 --> 0:27:06.200 But are we really ready? Because when someone is honest, 0:27:06.280 --> 0:27:07.919 open and transparent in church. 0:27:08.119 --> 0:27:08.720 It's wrong. 0:27:08.760 --> 0:27:10.280 It's like, well, what do you want? Do you want 0:27:10.320 --> 0:27:10.960 him to fake it? 0:27:11.480 --> 0:27:11.720 Yeah? 0:27:11.720 --> 0:27:16.000 So the truth of the matter is when somebody is honest, transparent, 0:27:16.560 --> 0:27:20.000 and I want to even go a little a little 0:27:20.040 --> 0:27:23.760 further and say like violently vulnerable, Like I feel like 0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:27.040 I'm violently vulnerable, Like I try to say it to 0:27:27.080 --> 0:27:29.959 the point where it moves something in you, like I 0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:32.960 want you to understand that this is what really happened. 0:27:33.440 --> 0:27:36.280 And when you are like that, what it does and 0:27:36.320 --> 0:27:40.840 why people fight against it is because it actually triggers 0:27:40.840 --> 0:27:44.000 something on the inside of them. It becomes a mirror 0:27:44.520 --> 0:27:48.080 and they're like, hold on, if they talking about that, 0:27:48.080 --> 0:27:50.160 that means I need to talk about that. Uh, let's 0:27:50.240 --> 0:27:53.440 talk about them instead of talk about me. And so 0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:56.760 that's where comments go. That's where people did you hear 0:27:56.800 --> 0:27:59.560 about such and such? All it is is deflection. All 0:27:59.600 --> 0:28:02.679 they're trying to do is make that came too close 0:28:03.320 --> 0:28:05.880 to an issue I might really have that tame too 0:28:06.000 --> 0:28:08.440 close to what me and my family may have been 0:28:08.440 --> 0:28:11.080 dealing with. And so a lot of times the natural 0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:13.760 response the Bible says it like this, if you're going 0:28:13.840 --> 0:28:16.880 to point out the spec in your brother's eye, why 0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:18.960 don't you start by taking the log out of your 0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:21.640 own eye. And it's very hard because I don't want 0:28:21.640 --> 0:28:23.920 to deal with this log, but I do want to 0:28:24.040 --> 0:28:26.400 talk about the dust that's over there, and that if 0:28:26.400 --> 0:28:27.760 it keeps it off of you. 0:28:27.880 --> 0:28:31.800 Listen, first of all, thank you for the encouragement that 0:28:31.840 --> 0:28:36.879 you gave every listener. Heck, me and the producers that 0:28:36.960 --> 0:28:39.560 are sitting on here, thank you for what you just 0:28:39.760 --> 0:28:43.800 imparted into us. I want to ask you this question, 0:28:43.840 --> 0:28:45.320 and I want to hold you. Of course, we've got 0:28:45.360 --> 0:28:48.680 to ask you relationship questions, but. 0:28:48.880 --> 0:28:51.280 Mom, I'm here for you. Well, I'm here whatever you need. 0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:54.320 It's something that you were saying about how we don't 0:28:54.360 --> 0:28:57.040 like to deal with our own stuff, but yet we will. 0:28:57.440 --> 0:28:59.800 We'll talk about what everybody else is going through and 0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:03.480 to make us feel better. I wanted to ask you 0:29:04.160 --> 0:29:10.240 about anger and judgment. Yeah, when you are angry, why 0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:15.720 does it seem so easy to go into judgment of 0:29:15.920 --> 0:29:20.000 others their situation and that judgment turns right back around 0:29:20.160 --> 0:29:21.160 and it hits your house. 0:29:21.760 --> 0:29:22.040 Yeah. 0:29:22.160 --> 0:29:25.920 The truth of the matter is anger is a secondary 0:29:25.920 --> 0:29:29.000 emotion and it's an easy one. And when I say 0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:32.760 a secondary emotion, it's like, usually anger is the thing 0:29:32.840 --> 0:29:36.120 that I feel after I feel something real, like I 0:29:36.160 --> 0:29:40.720 feel neglected, and so I get angry or I feel 0:29:41.760 --> 0:29:44.960 I feel devalued, so I get angry. And a lot 0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:48.200 of people have tapped into anger because an anger. Studies 0:29:48.240 --> 0:29:50.440 show that anger is an easy emotion to tap into 0:29:50.440 --> 0:29:52.880 when you don't understand, even as a child. So you 0:29:52.960 --> 0:29:55.400 might not understand why your mom left, but it made 0:29:55.400 --> 0:29:59.280 you angry. You might not have understood why y'all don't 0:29:59.320 --> 0:30:02.120 have food, but made you angry. You might not understood 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:04.800 why they're picking on you for wearing that name brand, 0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:07.960 but it made you angry. And so anger becomes an 0:30:08.000 --> 0:30:11.160 ally for many people from a young age. And so 0:30:11.360 --> 0:30:15.360 when anger is your ally, what happens is you talk 0:30:15.440 --> 0:30:19.160 to the people you know the most because you with 0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:21.840 them the most. And so if anger is the thing 0:30:21.880 --> 0:30:23.920 that you've been with since you were five years old 0:30:23.920 --> 0:30:26.000 the most, even when you don't even want to go 0:30:26.120 --> 0:30:28.760 to that emotion, it's the quickest one that comes up. 0:30:29.240 --> 0:30:32.480 And so a lot of people have to actually tell 0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:36.120 anger that they are no longer best friends. We're going 0:30:36.160 --> 0:30:38.440 to have to search for a different emotion to be 0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:41.840 able to express what's going on, because when you get 0:30:41.840 --> 0:30:45.000 into anger, a lot of things happen in anger that 0:30:45.040 --> 0:30:47.680 you don't even really mean. Come on, everybody, listen. When 0:30:47.680 --> 0:30:50.880 you get angry, you say some stupid stuff, you do, 0:30:50.920 --> 0:30:53.200 some stupid stuff you done, broke stuff that's your own, 0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:55.000 stuff like that. 0:30:56.520 --> 0:30:59.320 Why we create more damage. And this is my aunt 0:30:59.320 --> 0:30:59.920 I'm gonna have to be. 0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:02.360 You don't punch the hole in your own wall, Like, 0:31:02.480 --> 0:31:04.960 what in the what kind of sense do that make? 0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:08.400 But the truth of the matter, I'd. 0:31:08.320 --> 0:31:12.880 Rather punch and then punch and punch my girl. Man, 0:31:12.920 --> 0:31:14.719 you over ready to push the hole in the wall, bro. 0:31:15.040 --> 0:31:18.840 But the truth of the matter is that especially for 0:31:18.960 --> 0:31:23.640 men that that has been an ally from adolescents, and 0:31:23.720 --> 0:31:27.440 if anger has been your ally from adolescence, it's going 0:31:27.520 --> 0:31:30.120 to turn into something that nobody needs to be walking 0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:33.320 in rage because when you get into rage, you don't 0:31:33.400 --> 0:31:35.880 understand why you do what you're doing. You're just doing 0:31:35.960 --> 0:31:38.840 things and that's where it switches. And so a lot 0:31:38.920 --> 0:31:42.440 of times when you get anger as an ally from adolescence, 0:31:43.000 --> 0:31:45.640 it means that if I'm not gonna physically act this out, 0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:47.680 I have to judge everybody that's around me. 0:31:48.000 --> 0:31:48.440 I have to. 0:31:48.640 --> 0:31:50.920 I have to show them and tell them, and even 0:31:50.960 --> 0:31:52.240 if I don't say it out loud, I have to 0:31:52.280 --> 0:31:55.360 have secret things of what I feel about them because 0:31:55.400 --> 0:31:58.640 it makes me feel better about myself. And this is 0:31:58.640 --> 0:32:01.320 why I'm saying, especially to men out there, man, yo, 0:32:01.840 --> 0:32:06.240 we are destroying families because we are not actually dealing 0:32:06.240 --> 0:32:09.640 with our issues. It hurts us and we have been 0:32:09.920 --> 0:32:13.560 told that we cannot express those emotions and we've only 0:32:13.640 --> 0:32:18.400 been given applause when we do it one way. And 0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:20.880 I'm telling you anger is not the way to do this. 0:32:21.040 --> 0:32:24.040 We need counseling, we need therapy, we need community, we 0:32:24.080 --> 0:32:25.800 need to talk to each other, we need to ask 0:32:25.840 --> 0:32:30.040 ourselves real questions because we're out here putting families together 0:32:30.160 --> 0:32:32.720 that many times we're not in because of our issues. 0:32:33.160 --> 0:32:36.200 And at the same time, we're the only ones that 0:32:36.240 --> 0:32:39.320 can fully heal what's been going on in this world. 0:32:39.320 --> 0:32:41.239 And this is what I say to people. What's not 0:32:41.360 --> 0:32:45.960 transformed in you is transferred. So everything you won't deal with. 0:32:46.480 --> 0:32:50.800 The Bible talks about it visiting the generations, and we've 0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:53.400 seen it. Some of us are angry, but it's because 0:32:53.480 --> 0:32:55.960 our big mama was angry and our uncle was angry, 0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:57.440 and that stuff just passes down. 0:32:57.640 --> 0:32:59.120 And so I'm just encouraging everybody. 0:32:59.120 --> 0:33:02.240 If you cannot find within yourself to do your work 0:33:02.320 --> 0:33:05.640 for you, at least do it for them children that 0:33:05.720 --> 0:33:08.320 you love. At least do it for that next generation 0:33:08.400 --> 0:33:11.800 who's watching you. Because the pattern is being repeated if 0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:13.280 we do not deal with our data. 0:33:13.320 --> 0:33:18.240 One you actually said transformed instead of what's not transform 0:33:18.360 --> 0:33:22.200 is transferred. That was actually something that I was supposed 0:33:22.240 --> 0:33:24.600 to get to, and you hit the nail on the head. 0:33:24.600 --> 0:33:27.880 That's why I know this conversation is spirit led. I'm 0:33:27.920 --> 0:33:28.960 so sociaid no, this. 0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:31.160 Is real, so so excited. 0:33:35.640 --> 0:33:40.080 What are your thoughts on what's not transformed can be transferred? 0:33:40.560 --> 0:33:43.080 I'm assuming your meaning. So what's not transformed in me? 0:33:43.160 --> 0:33:47.000 If I go and have children, can I transfer to 0:33:47.040 --> 0:33:50.440 them based on how I respond to when life? 0:33:50.560 --> 0:33:53.360 Yes, So this is I have four kids, and the 0:33:53.440 --> 0:33:55.720 one thing I can't do with my four kids is hide. 0:33:56.360 --> 0:33:58.720 I can't hide. They're with me all the time. 0:33:58.800 --> 0:34:01.080 They might be as cool, but they see when I'm angry, 0:34:01.080 --> 0:34:02.080 they see when I'm happy. 0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:04.320 They see I'll respond in. 0:34:05.160 --> 0:34:08.160 Hard times, and they see how I respond in happy times. 0:34:08.200 --> 0:34:10.640 The truth of the matter is, if you want to 0:34:10.680 --> 0:34:14.120 know who you really are, ask your kids. I mean, 0:34:14.200 --> 0:34:15.959 the truth of the matter is you know your mama 0:34:16.000 --> 0:34:18.600 better than your mama. Probably know your mama like because 0:34:19.280 --> 0:34:22.600 like they think, they are responding yourself. I was good 0:34:22.640 --> 0:34:24.600 to you, I was like mama, you was mean every 0:34:24.640 --> 0:34:27.960 time you came home after word you was mean, and 0:34:28.000 --> 0:34:29.600 they don't want to hear that. And then they start 0:34:29.600 --> 0:34:31.960 saying stuff like you're not going to disrespect me, and 0:34:32.000 --> 0:34:35.239 they start doing all of these things that are generational 0:34:35.320 --> 0:34:38.320 patterns that once I said, so all that stuff is dumb. 0:34:38.600 --> 0:34:41.759 It's all things that you do when you have a 0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:45.000 little language of emotion, when you do not have a 0:34:45.120 --> 0:34:49.479 large vocabulary emotionally, you say stuff to make people shut down. 0:34:49.960 --> 0:34:52.640 And a lot of times, you think, especially in black households, 0:34:52.920 --> 0:34:55.000 a lot of the language we were told was shut 0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:57.640 down language, shut up before I give you something to 0:34:57.640 --> 0:35:00.480 cry about, you ain't really ain't never. I had no 0:35:00.520 --> 0:35:05.080 problem like literally minimizing whatever is real to you at 0:35:05.080 --> 0:35:08.680 that moment, which teaches you to not deal with real 0:35:08.719 --> 0:35:11.719 issues like and so the truth of the matter is 0:35:12.440 --> 0:35:16.359 in my living, I am teaching my children how to live, 0:35:16.960 --> 0:35:19.480 whether I say it directly or indirectly. 0:35:20.080 --> 0:35:21.440 And so if. 0:35:21.320 --> 0:35:24.080 Every time I'm faced with the hard situation between me 0:35:24.120 --> 0:35:29.480 and their mama, I leave the house, they're learning when something. 0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:33.120 Gets hard, relationally dip like. That's what they're learning. 0:35:33.440 --> 0:35:35.680 And don't matter if I tell them no, you stay 0:35:35.680 --> 0:35:37.800 and you work it out you dah da da da. 0:35:37.880 --> 0:35:39.560 They're going to do what they see. 0:35:39.640 --> 0:35:43.640 So what is what's not transformed in me will be 0:35:43.719 --> 0:35:46.920 transferred into them. I cannot be surprised when my daughter's 0:35:46.920 --> 0:35:49.359 in her relationship and she show up in my house, Daddy, I. 0:35:49.360 --> 0:35:52.719 Left, hold on you married? Why did you leave? I 0:35:52.760 --> 0:35:54.560 didn't want to deal with it. I didn't Da da da. 0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:56.200 And the truth of the matter was she really just 0:35:56.239 --> 0:35:59.000 that I saw you do that with Mammy, and people 0:35:59.040 --> 0:36:03.080 don't have that real conversation. And so that's the That's 0:36:03.120 --> 0:36:05.960 the thing that I really want people to understand. Like 0:36:06.520 --> 0:36:09.839 you affect everybody around you when you act like it 0:36:09.880 --> 0:36:12.560 doesn't affect you. I'm gonna say it one more time. 0:36:13.040 --> 0:36:16.839 You affect everyone around you when you act like it 0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:17.640 doesn't affect you. 0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:19.239 Yes, yes, me. 0:36:19.280 --> 0:36:23.200 And you actually deal with whatever affects you. It has 0:36:23.239 --> 0:36:25.839 a ripple effect. And I talk about that in the book, 0:36:26.200 --> 0:36:29.480 like good things can happen and ripple out to be 0:36:29.520 --> 0:36:32.640 able to help so many people if you actually deal 0:36:32.920 --> 0:36:35.560 with what hurts you or what what hindered you, or 0:36:35.560 --> 0:36:38.799 what made you like like want to stop. Like when 0:36:38.880 --> 0:36:41.920 you do that, you gonna you ain't even met yourself. 0:36:42.040 --> 0:36:44.919 You don't even know you yet, Like I'm telling you, 0:36:45.120 --> 0:36:47.000 it'll change your whole life. 0:36:47.120 --> 0:36:49.399 You know, when you. 0:36:49.560 --> 0:36:54.840 Can have the heart conversations with yourself and have the 0:36:54.960 --> 0:36:57.680 hard conversations with each other. 0:36:58.360 --> 0:36:58.760 Yikes. 0:36:59.440 --> 0:37:02.279 In your book you mentioned I don't want to give 0:37:02.320 --> 0:37:05.680 everything away, but there was something going on in your 0:37:05.719 --> 0:37:10.040 family with one of your precious children. And you know 0:37:10.640 --> 0:37:13.440 your wife, missus Natalie, She's telling you one thing and 0:37:13.480 --> 0:37:17.839 you're like, no, I'm good. But it's like you had 0:37:17.840 --> 0:37:18.080 to go. 0:37:18.600 --> 0:37:20.920 Let's go, let's go and say it. Let's go and say. 0:37:21.000 --> 0:37:23.920 I was I was just saying how you had to 0:37:23.960 --> 0:37:26.160 go get some self awareness to be like, my bad, 0:37:27.000 --> 0:37:27.560 I was wrong. 0:37:27.760 --> 0:37:31.560 Yeah, like I was arrogant. This is the true yes, 0:37:31.840 --> 0:37:33.439 and then be When you can do. 0:37:33.360 --> 0:37:35.839 That, you can go to that person and have a 0:37:35.880 --> 0:37:37.200 hard conversation. 0:37:38.560 --> 0:37:41.120 And that's the thing. Humility starts all of this. 0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:44.000 And most people will never reach purpose, not because of 0:37:44.040 --> 0:37:44.759 their performance. 0:37:44.800 --> 0:37:46.120 It'll be because of their pride. 0:37:47.239 --> 0:37:50.400 Like like most people won't reach their God given purpose, 0:37:50.920 --> 0:37:53.600 not because they couldn't produce whatever it is, it's because 0:37:53.600 --> 0:37:57.520 of pride. They will not allow anybody else to speak 0:37:57.560 --> 0:38:00.319 into their life. You see me now, and I don't 0:38:00.360 --> 0:38:03.280 see myself. And if I had something on my face 0:38:03.360 --> 0:38:05.759 right now and you saw it, but I'm denying that 0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:10.759 it's there. That level of delusion keeps me from destiny. 0:38:11.160 --> 0:38:13.200 And that's what a lot of people do in their 0:38:13.239 --> 0:38:16.719 own lives. They don't allow anybody to speak because you 0:38:16.719 --> 0:38:18.239 younger than me, you older than me, you ain't got 0:38:18.280 --> 0:38:20.080 as much money as me, and all this other stuff. 0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:22.080 And one thing that I found out is that if 0:38:22.120 --> 0:38:24.320 I'm going to be healed, I have to be humble. 0:38:24.760 --> 0:38:30.200 Like it's like healing takes humility, and that is where 0:38:30.280 --> 0:38:32.240 I think a lot of us have to like stop 0:38:32.280 --> 0:38:35.880 the cart and really recognize, like not this fake humble 0:38:36.000 --> 0:38:38.759 thing that people talk about, Like I'm talking about, Can 0:38:38.800 --> 0:38:43.720 somebody lovingly tell you that you're mean and you actually evaluated? 0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:47.840 Can somebody tell you that lovingly. I'm not talking about 0:38:47.840 --> 0:38:50.200 going off on you or anything like, but lovingly say 0:38:50.320 --> 0:38:52.839 like you run away every time it gets hard and 0:38:52.880 --> 0:38:55.040 you like what you mean, or run away like matter 0:38:55.080 --> 0:38:56.680 of fact, I gotta go. I got a trip to Atlanta. 0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:58.960 It's like see right there, I got you're running away 0:38:59.080 --> 0:38:59.760 right now. 0:39:00.200 --> 0:39:01.400 You're giving us a lesson. 0:39:02.239 --> 0:39:07.000 I want this conversation this is good, I'm not the way. 0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:10.800 And the tone that you're saying, Hey, you're mean. 0:39:12.320 --> 0:39:16.840 Yeah, you're hey, And tone is everything. Tone is everything. 0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:21.200 If you don't want somebody to hear you go off, 0:39:21.840 --> 0:39:25.600 like defenses come up immediately, like the way that you 0:39:25.719 --> 0:39:29.200 approach it, it allows them to have an excuse to 0:39:29.239 --> 0:39:32.319 not deal with the real issue, because you become the issue. Now, 0:39:33.360 --> 0:39:36.120 I need everybody to understand that. A lot of times 0:39:36.120 --> 0:39:39.680 we want to help somebody, the best thing you can 0:39:39.719 --> 0:39:41.960 do is not become an issue trying to help them 0:39:41.960 --> 0:39:46.120 with their issue. And tone is a big part of that. 0:39:46.360 --> 0:39:49.640 And that's why, again, it's hard to help somebody when 0:39:49.719 --> 0:39:52.680 you haven't helped yourself because the only reason I can 0:39:52.719 --> 0:39:56.000 have that tone is because I've had to have empathy 0:39:56.440 --> 0:39:59.239 because I've gone through it, and I know somebody has 0:39:59.280 --> 0:40:02.920 had to say to me, hey, you're not listening. No, no, no, no, 0:40:03.000 --> 0:40:04.759 I hear what you're saying. I understand it, but you're 0:40:04.800 --> 0:40:07.000 not listening. Like and it's like, what you mean, I'm 0:40:07.040 --> 0:40:08.719 not listening. I'm like, here, I hear you. No, you're 0:40:08.719 --> 0:40:10.880 hearing me, but you're not listening to what I'm saying. 0:40:11.280 --> 0:40:14.799 And so now, oh oh, oh, he did something. 0:40:14.880 --> 0:40:16.800 Go on listening. 0:40:18.160 --> 0:40:19.840 Those are two totally different things. 0:40:20.560 --> 0:40:23.280 Right now, even as I'm here, there's some people outside 0:40:23.320 --> 0:40:26.239 working on different things. I hear them, but I'm not 0:40:26.320 --> 0:40:29.200 listening to them. I'm listening to you. Like I hear 0:40:29.719 --> 0:40:33.799 a lot of noise, but I'm listening. My listening is 0:40:33.840 --> 0:40:37.719 where I'm focused. And a lot of times when we're 0:40:37.760 --> 0:40:41.400 in specially heated discussions or discussions that have to do 0:40:41.480 --> 0:40:45.840 with the soul and our real emotions, we're not listening anymore. 0:40:45.840 --> 0:40:49.359 We're just hearing. And until you start listening, you'll never 0:40:49.480 --> 0:40:52.279 actually be led to a place of healing. And so 0:40:52.400 --> 0:40:54.520 for me, the reason why I come at stuff a 0:40:54.560 --> 0:40:56.680 certain way is because I know what it is to 0:40:56.800 --> 0:40:59.440 have to deal with issues and have my wife or 0:40:59.480 --> 0:41:03.000 my friend or people I pay. Let me just say this, 0:41:03.239 --> 0:41:05.640 it doesn't matter where it comes from. If it's good 0:41:05.800 --> 0:41:09.839 for you, it needs to be received. And that's why 0:41:09.840 --> 0:41:13.439 I said this whole healing journey starts with humility. This 0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:15.840 is the only reason I was able to write damage 0:41:15.880 --> 0:41:19.480 but not destroyed. It's because I had to humble myself. 0:41:19.680 --> 0:41:22.479 And the Bible says it like this. It says you're 0:41:22.520 --> 0:41:25.600 either going to humble yourself or you will be humbled. 0:41:26.239 --> 0:41:29.480 It's gonna happen either one way or another. And before 0:41:29.520 --> 0:41:32.919 I was humbled, and before I had to to take 0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:36.200 losses that were unnecessary, I said, let me do this work, 0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:40.200 let me start talking to somebody, let me journal a 0:41:40.200 --> 0:41:43.160 little bit. Let me and for me, like journaling is 0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:44.719 not a thing, and for a lot of guys it's 0:41:44.719 --> 0:41:46.560 like I don't sit down in journal. So what I did, 0:41:46.600 --> 0:41:51.000 I voiced journal. I would just start my phone on 0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:53.160 the notes app and I would say today, I feel 0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:57.960 like crap. I feel like nobody's for me. And I 0:41:58.000 --> 0:41:59.719 really don't want to go to counseling. I don't want 0:41:59.719 --> 0:42:01.960 to deal with this situation, but I know I need 0:42:01.960 --> 0:42:04.719 to talk about it. And I really want my wife 0:42:04.719 --> 0:42:07.200 to have sex with me tonight, but we've been in 0:42:07.239 --> 0:42:09.680 an argument, so like I don't know if that's going. 0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:14.239 Like I was just being honest with myself, honest with 0:42:14.280 --> 0:42:17.080 where I was at. And the thing that I tell 0:42:17.120 --> 0:42:20.440 people all the time, this journey in life is about progression, 0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:21.480 not perfection. 0:42:22.320 --> 0:42:25.040 So many people are trying to leave this perfect life. 0:42:25.040 --> 0:42:28.600 It's impossible you live in this world with all of 0:42:28.640 --> 0:42:29.920 its issues in troubles. 0:42:30.200 --> 0:42:31.560 What you need is. 0:42:31.560 --> 0:42:36.040 To just make a step forward, progression over perfection every 0:42:36.160 --> 0:42:38.960 single day. And so as you do that, that's how 0:42:39.000 --> 0:42:41.680 you go from your trauma to triumph. That's how you 0:42:41.719 --> 0:42:46.040 turn your damage into destiny. Not one miracle, it's one 0:42:46.080 --> 0:42:48.640 step out of time. And that's why in this book, 0:42:48.719 --> 0:42:51.680 I want to be your coach, Like I have gone 0:42:51.760 --> 0:42:53.960 through it, and I got the scars and they have 0:42:54.080 --> 0:42:56.439 healed now and now I can point to them and say, 0:42:56.440 --> 0:43:00.480 you see this. This is why you do this in community, 0:43:00.520 --> 0:43:03.600 because when you isolate and through it alone, that's where 0:43:03.640 --> 0:43:06.160 you can get your a whooped. Like that's like like, 0:43:06.600 --> 0:43:09.120 that's where I want to show you so that you 0:43:09.200 --> 0:43:11.080 can be able to walk this out because I believe 0:43:11.160 --> 0:43:14.000 there's so much value still in everybody listening. 0:43:14.040 --> 0:43:18.160 And I feel listen, it says it's in you. It's 0:43:18.200 --> 0:43:21.000 in you, and y'all, y'all are so going to enjoy 0:43:21.080 --> 0:43:25.160 the visuals and the diagram of even that of the 0:43:25.280 --> 0:43:29.320 value being in you. And I believe pastor Mike type 0:43:29.320 --> 0:43:33.919 because you are on the journey of healings, it might 0:43:33.960 --> 0:43:35.040 be a lifelong thing. 0:43:35.280 --> 0:43:37.799 It don't stop, don't stop, it don't stop. 0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:42.200 You know, it does not stop. But being an emotionally intune, 0:43:42.400 --> 0:43:47.680 emotionally healthy pastor, I can only imagine and get excited 0:43:47.719 --> 0:43:50.120 to visit your church one day to see all the 0:43:50.680 --> 0:43:54.080 all the emotionally healthy people, all the people that are 0:43:54.239 --> 0:43:57.440 starting to get emotionally healthy because of what you are 0:43:57.480 --> 0:44:00.680 willing to talk about. I feel like, like, ain't no 0:44:00.719 --> 0:44:03.879 need of us doing all this shouting and praising. If 0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:08.880 you what now? Now? You sound like your brother mentor 0:44:08.960 --> 0:44:09.680 Tim Ross? 0:44:09.760 --> 0:44:14.960 That was the first what yeah? Were we? 0:44:14.600 --> 0:44:17.360 We we don't need just to do something, so we 0:44:17.400 --> 0:44:18.400 need more deodorant. 0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:20.200 We need to deal with our damage so we can 0:44:20.239 --> 0:44:21.680 get to destiny. Do you hear me? 0:44:22.000 --> 0:44:29.160 Like? Well? I I am just super super super excited 0:44:29.280 --> 0:44:32.239 for everybody to hear this podcast. I am super I 0:44:32.440 --> 0:44:37.960 want one hundred people that listen to this podcast. I 0:44:38.040 --> 0:44:40.879 want you to d m me so that I can 0:44:40.960 --> 0:44:44.359 send you damaged but not destroys. 0:44:45.000 --> 0:44:49.919 No, Mochelle, all you're going to do is all you're 0:44:49.920 --> 0:44:50.480 gonna do. 0:44:51.480 --> 0:44:53.600 Now, let me let me tell you. If you're listening, 0:44:54.080 --> 0:44:59.000 you're gonna d m me damaged but not destroyed. You're 0:44:59.040 --> 0:45:02.640 also gonna d m me your name and the maling 0:45:02.719 --> 0:45:06.560 address when you do that, that lets me know you 0:45:06.640 --> 0:45:10.240 listen to this episode, So the first one hundred people 0:45:10.239 --> 0:45:16.200 that do that, because we are about healing forever. I 0:45:16.400 --> 0:45:19.319 know what the healing power of Jesus Christ has done 0:45:19.360 --> 0:45:22.759 in my life. I know what it's doing in the relationships, 0:45:22.960 --> 0:45:27.960 business and personally. And I have I, like I said, 0:45:28.200 --> 0:45:31.520 even me reading his book. Since you need to unpack 0:45:31.600 --> 0:45:33.920 this a little more. You need to. You need to 0:45:34.000 --> 0:45:37.160 unpack this a little more. And uh, pastor Mike to 0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:39.440 thank you. It just seems like you have fun in 0:45:39.680 --> 0:45:42.279 everything you Oh. 0:45:42.239 --> 0:45:45.120 That's it. We got to. We got to. 0:45:45.239 --> 0:45:48.240 I believe that life is to be enjoyed, not endured, 0:45:48.719 --> 0:45:51.520 and I believe that the freedom in Christ allows you 0:45:51.560 --> 0:45:53.680 to do that. So that that means you can't listen 0:45:53.719 --> 0:45:55.600 to a bunch of people because they think it's different. 0:45:55.640 --> 0:45:58.600 But I am grateful for you. You are a blessing. 0:45:58.640 --> 0:46:01.600 You are helping so many people right now be able 0:46:01.640 --> 0:46:05.600 to just approach their healing journey. And it's because of 0:46:05.640 --> 0:46:11.520 your personality, your words, you using your platform. It really 0:46:11.600 --> 0:46:16.480 is refreshing to see people actually use what God's given 0:46:16.560 --> 0:46:19.400 them to help people and not just throwing money at 0:46:19.440 --> 0:46:24.440 it or just throwing an endorsement, like you're actually in 0:46:24.480 --> 0:46:27.319 here doing the hard work and helping people. And I 0:46:27.400 --> 0:46:29.000 just want to say thank you on behalf of all 0:46:29.040 --> 0:46:31.200 the people that won't be able to be on the podcast, 0:46:31.239 --> 0:46:34.839 which I want to say, thank you. 0:46:34.840 --> 0:46:38.200 Your value is great to our world and we really 0:46:38.239 --> 0:46:39.680 appreciate the work that you do. 0:46:39.960 --> 0:46:43.000 Thank you, thank you. And let me tell y'all I'm 0:46:43.040 --> 0:46:48.040 excited his book is out right now. His book is 0:46:48.080 --> 0:46:53.759 out now today October third, Tuesday. It is out, so 0:46:53.920 --> 0:46:56.080 number one hundred people that's gonna hit me. But this 0:46:56.239 --> 0:46:58.360 book we're gonna add to themselves. 0:46:58.600 --> 0:47:00.759 Let's go to be a another. 0:47:00.560 --> 0:47:03.680 New York Times bestseller. I'm so happy that the timing 0:47:03.760 --> 0:47:07.959 of this conversation could take place for the release date 0:47:08.160 --> 0:47:10.359 of your book Damage, but not this. 0:47:10.440 --> 0:47:14.520 Hey, Michelle, Yeah, let me say one thing. Every black 0:47:14.560 --> 0:47:17.879 male needs this book. Yes, And I want to say 0:47:18.000 --> 0:47:19.840 I want to say this as well, because I know 0:47:19.920 --> 0:47:22.960 my ladies they gonna already go, y'all are y'all are 0:47:23.280 --> 0:47:26.879 next level when it comes to like emotions. Oh, we're 0:47:26.920 --> 0:47:30.279 gonna get better. Oh y'all gonna already do it. My 0:47:30.440 --> 0:47:33.320 request for all the listeners. The back of this book 0:47:33.360 --> 0:47:35.800 is the coolest part. And you can't see it right now, 0:47:36.400 --> 0:47:39.200 but but but this is this is a picture. If 0:47:39.200 --> 0:47:41.919 you see the book, it's a picture of three generations 0:47:41.920 --> 0:47:46.240 of Todd men. It's my dad's face, my four brothers face, 0:47:46.640 --> 0:47:50.399 my face, and my son's face, and and and it 0:47:50.480 --> 0:47:53.200 looks like me. But it's all of us together, which 0:47:53.320 --> 0:47:55.279 you look like you, But you're the sum of all 0:47:55.280 --> 0:47:58.759 the people that have ever affected you. And there are 0:47:58.840 --> 0:48:02.759 so many men who need the puzzle pieces of their 0:48:02.800 --> 0:48:05.640 life put back together and need to deal with their trauma. 0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:08.040 So if you're listening to this and you are a man, or. 0:48:07.920 --> 0:48:10.200 You love a man, you got a young boy, you 0:48:10.280 --> 0:48:12.919 got a high school student, you got a college student, 0:48:12.960 --> 0:48:15.840 your baby, daddy, whatever, you need to get this book 0:48:16.000 --> 0:48:18.560 because it's gonna help them be able to at least 0:48:19.200 --> 0:48:22.120 start seeing the value in trying to deal with some 0:48:22.160 --> 0:48:24.360 of the things that happen to them. And I believe 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.799 when the men and women get their health emotionally and 0:48:27.840 --> 0:48:31.520 spiritually right, it's gonna change everything in your family, in 0:48:31.560 --> 0:48:34.200 your community, and in your world. Michelle, I love you, 0:48:34.320 --> 0:48:36.760 dammage been not destroyed. Y'all are the best ever. 0:48:37.000 --> 0:48:37.560 Thank y'all. 0:48:37.640 --> 0:48:45.760 Let's go Okay, listen, I mean, what do you say? 0:48:46.520 --> 0:48:47.320 What do you say? 0:48:48.360 --> 0:48:48.440 So? 0:48:48.520 --> 0:48:52.239 I hope to the person that feels like you've done 0:48:52.280 --> 0:48:55.600 too much wrong or that you've sabotaged every good thing 0:48:55.680 --> 0:48:58.400 in your life, that you are encouraged to know that 0:48:58.440 --> 0:49:01.200 it's not too late. The folks that sit on these 0:49:01.239 --> 0:49:06.040 platforms as pastors, or even me with the podcast, and 0:49:06.560 --> 0:49:11.680 who authored a book, you know, who's had gospel albums out, 0:49:12.200 --> 0:49:15.040 just I hope that you could hear our hearts as 0:49:15.040 --> 0:49:22.440 far as the healing journeys and knowing that nobody escapes trauma. 0:49:23.080 --> 0:49:26.360 I'm sorry, nobody is immune to Now there are some 0:49:26.440 --> 0:49:30.280 people in my life who say, Michelle, I've honestly, I've 0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:33.399 had a great childhood. My parents were awesome. They taught 0:49:33.440 --> 0:49:35.640 us how to be loving, they taught us how to 0:49:35.680 --> 0:49:39.120 be emotionally healthy, and they instilled that in us. So 0:49:39.160 --> 0:49:41.759 I do not want to minimize that. There are some 0:49:41.840 --> 0:49:46.359 people who actually have that testimony. Yes, that's a testimony, 0:49:47.200 --> 0:49:50.239 that is a testimony. But there are some folks who 0:49:50.360 --> 0:49:55.399 have endured some abuse, some trauma, some neglect, some abandonments, 0:49:55.400 --> 0:50:00.640 some betrayal, lost. You are trying to find your way, 0:50:01.840 --> 0:50:04.040 so just want you to know that we hear you, 0:50:04.680 --> 0:50:07.640 we see you, and we feel you. That's why I 0:50:07.640 --> 0:50:10.200 passed for Mike Todd. Had to take a moment to 0:50:10.280 --> 0:50:14.640 speak in to the person's listening who might feel like 0:50:14.840 --> 0:50:18.759 you're too far gone, that too much has happened to you. 0:50:18.920 --> 0:50:23.359 Or maybe you're one who's made up team mistake after 0:50:23.440 --> 0:50:26.759 mistake after mistake, and I'm telling you you can go 0:50:26.920 --> 0:50:32.200 from trauma to triumph. All right. There's nothing you can 0:50:32.280 --> 0:50:38.319 do that separates you from God's love. Okay, all right, 0:50:39.160 --> 0:50:46.000 I love y'all. Checking In with Michelle Williams is a 0:50:46.000 --> 0:50:49.880 production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts 0:50:49.920 --> 0:50:54.719 from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or 0:50:54.719 --> 0:50:56.680 wherever you listen to your favorite shows.