WEBVTT - You don't have to explain

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that you don't need to explain your every

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<v Speaker 1>move and request as long as you are being reasonable.

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<v Speaker 1>Saying less might keep you from causing a bigger problem.

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<v Speaker 1>People are also too wrapped up in their own lives

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<v Speaker 1>to obsess much over your actions, so you can usually

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<v Speaker 1>just live your life. This episode is first airing over

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<v Speaker 1>the holidays. It's a time when extended family and friends

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<v Speaker 1>gather and people go to parties and the like. Often

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<v Speaker 1>in these contexts we feel the need to explain our

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<v Speaker 1>very choices. You might mentally prepare explanations of why you

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<v Speaker 1>are asking visitors to take off their shoes in your mudroom.

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<v Speaker 1>You might come up with a list of bullet points

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<v Speaker 1>about why you gave some folks gift cards instead of presents.

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<v Speaker 1>You tea up arguments about why you are not drinking

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<v Speaker 1>alcohol or eating the brownies that everyone else is raving about.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you feel like whatever you are doing is conspicuous,

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<v Speaker 1>and if it is not what everyone else does, you

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<v Speaker 1>might be self conscious about it. But if you ponder

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<v Speaker 1>all the mental energy that you put into your own choices,

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<v Speaker 1>you can quickly see that there isn't a huge amount

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<v Speaker 1>left over for anything else. Have you been obsessing over

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<v Speaker 1>whether your colleague is drinking at that party? Did you

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<v Speaker 1>notice if Aunt Gertrude ate your cheese dip? Did you

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<v Speaker 1>demand an explanation from a relative who gave your kids

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<v Speaker 1>gift cards? My guess is no. Most people are too

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<v Speaker 1>busy worrying about their own lives to worry all that

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<v Speaker 1>much about anyone else's. So if you tend to explain

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<v Speaker 1>yourself a lot, try pulling back, wait to see if

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<v Speaker 1>someone asks for more detail. If so, you can provide it.

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<v Speaker 1>If not, maybe just let it be. For instance, if

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<v Speaker 1>you are getting an end of your eye exam, your

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<v Speaker 1>eye doctor's office doesn't need to know why you are

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<v Speaker 1>asking for a hard copy of your prescription. They don't

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<v Speaker 1>need to know that you prefer an online company's frames

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<v Speaker 1>to the ones in the office, or that you want

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<v Speaker 1>to minimize the cost of glasses this year because you

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<v Speaker 1>are saving up for a down payment for your first home.

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<v Speaker 1>Just request a hard copy of your prescription, and then

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<v Speaker 1>everyone can move on with their lives. Your hairstylist probably

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't care why you need to reschedule your appointment two

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<v Speaker 1>weeks from now. You can just ask whether she has

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<v Speaker 1>another opening later that week. Now, if you are canceling

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<v Speaker 1>your appointment for today, that is a different matter. That

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<v Speaker 1>is a lot more inconvenient to the stylist. So you

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<v Speaker 1>should probably let her know that you woke up with

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<v Speaker 1>a fever and don't want to expose her to your germs.

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<v Speaker 1>There is a good reason you are inconveniencing her, but

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<v Speaker 1>for much else that is not the case. Your boss

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't need to know the exact purpose of the medical

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<v Speaker 1>appointment that is necessitating that you come in late one

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<v Speaker 1>day next week. You can provide a doctor's note documenting

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<v Speaker 1>your absence if need be, but you probably don't need

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<v Speaker 1>to explain about your mole that is being removed. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like people go through an evolution in their lives.

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<v Speaker 1>We are young, we worry that everyone is thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>what we are doing. At some point we realize that

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<v Speaker 1>most people aren't thinking about us all that much. At first,

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<v Speaker 1>that can be a little alarming, especially if you made

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<v Speaker 1>any big life choices based on what you thought other

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<v Speaker 1>people thought was right. But then you realize the fact

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<v Speaker 1>that no one is thinking about you is absolutely liberating.

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<v Speaker 1>The clerk at the grocery store has seen one hundred

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<v Speaker 1>orders this morning already. He really doesn't care that you

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<v Speaker 1>are buying cookies and soda. He doesn't need to hear

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<v Speaker 1>that you bought broccoli the last time you were there.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't need to explain yourself. You can just live

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<v Speaker 1>your life in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's to make you the most of our times.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

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<v Speaker 1>or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura

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<v Speaker 1>vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,

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<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.