Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is that you don't need to explain your every
Speaker 1: move and request as long as you are being reasonable.
Speaker 1: Saying less might keep you from causing a bigger problem.
Speaker 1: People are also too wrapped up in their own lives
Speaker 1: to obsess much over your actions, so you can usually
Speaker 1: just live your life. This episode is first airing over
Speaker 1: the holidays. It's a time when extended family and friends
Speaker 1: gather and people go to parties and the like. Often
Speaker 1: in these contexts we feel the need to explain our
Speaker 1: very choices. You might mentally prepare explanations of why you
Speaker 1: are asking visitors to take off their shoes in your mudroom.
Speaker 1: You might come up with a list of bullet points
Speaker 1: about why you gave some folks gift cards instead of presents.
Speaker 1: You tea up arguments about why you are not drinking
Speaker 1: alcohol or eating the brownies that everyone else is raving about.
Speaker 1: Maybe you feel like whatever you are doing is conspicuous,
Speaker 1: and if it is not what everyone else does, you
Speaker 1: might be self conscious about it. But if you ponder
Speaker 1: all the mental energy that you put into your own choices,
Speaker 1: you can quickly see that there isn't a huge amount
Speaker 1: left over for anything else. Have you been obsessing over
Speaker 1: whether your colleague is drinking at that party? Did you
Speaker 1: notice if Aunt Gertrude ate your cheese dip? Did you
Speaker 1: demand an explanation from a relative who gave your kids
Speaker 1: gift cards? My guess is no. Most people are too
Speaker 1: busy worrying about their own lives to worry all that
Speaker 1: much about anyone else's. So if you tend to explain
Speaker 1: yourself a lot, try pulling back, wait to see if
Speaker 1: someone asks for more detail. If so, you can provide it.
Speaker 1: If not, maybe just let it be. For instance, if
Speaker 1: you are getting an end of your eye exam, your
Speaker 1: eye doctor's office doesn't need to know why you are
Speaker 1: asking for a hard copy of your prescription. They don't
Speaker 1: need to know that you prefer an online company's frames
Speaker 1: to the ones in the office, or that you want
Speaker 1: to minimize the cost of glasses this year because you
Speaker 1: are saving up for a down payment for your first home.
Speaker 1: Just request a hard copy of your prescription, and then
Speaker 1: everyone can move on with their lives. Your hairstylist probably
Speaker 1: doesn't care why you need to reschedule your appointment two
Speaker 1: weeks from now. You can just ask whether she has
Speaker 1: another opening later that week. Now, if you are canceling
Speaker 1: your appointment for today, that is a different matter. That
Speaker 1: is a lot more inconvenient to the stylist. So you
Speaker 1: should probably let her know that you woke up with
Speaker 1: a fever and don't want to expose her to your germs.
Speaker 1: There is a good reason you are inconveniencing her, but
Speaker 1: for much else that is not the case. Your boss
Speaker 1: doesn't need to know the exact purpose of the medical
Speaker 1: appointment that is necessitating that you come in late one
Speaker 1: day next week. You can provide a doctor's note documenting
Speaker 1: your absence if need be, but you probably don't need
Speaker 1: to explain about your mole that is being removed. I
Speaker 1: feel like people go through an evolution in their lives.
Speaker 1: We are young, we worry that everyone is thinking about
Speaker 1: what we are doing. At some point we realize that
Speaker 1: most people aren't thinking about us all that much. At first,
Speaker 1: that can be a little alarming, especially if you made
Speaker 1: any big life choices based on what you thought other
Speaker 1: people thought was right. But then you realize the fact
Speaker 1: that no one is thinking about you is absolutely liberating.
Speaker 1: The clerk at the grocery store has seen one hundred
Speaker 1: orders this morning already. He really doesn't care that you
Speaker 1: are buying cookies and soda. He doesn't need to hear
Speaker 1: that you bought broccoli the last time you were there.
Speaker 1: You don't need to explain yourself. You can just live
Speaker 1: your life in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and here's to make you the most of our times.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,
Speaker 1: or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.