1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff Mom Never Told You from housetop works 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Caroline 3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: and I'm Kristin. Kristin, you and Molly a while back 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 1: talked about your brain on a breakup and how all 5 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 1: the wonky things that happened to you and that the 6 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: pain you feel is it's all on your on your mind. 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,159 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, man, But because it hurts so much and 8 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: your brain is telling you that you're hurting, it can 9 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,520 Speaker 1: actually kind of feel like you are physically hurting. Yeah. 10 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,159 Speaker 1: Breakups are really hard on the brain. They are a 11 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: poor brain, and that's why we feel so bad. Because um, 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: emotional rejection actually stimulates similar pathways in our brain as 13 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 1: as physical pain. Right, that's why heartache that's a real thing. Heartache, 14 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: I know, it's really like it becomes body ache and 15 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: tummy ache when you eat too much ice cream. Yeah, 16 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: and um. Evolutionary biologists would probably chalk this up to 17 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: our body's way of making sure that we, as a 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: mammalian species avoid social isolation, saying, hey, you know what, 19 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 1: they d incentivizes our being alone so that we will 20 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: reproduce at some point. Yeah, yeah, we we become lonely 21 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: so that we will go hang out with other people. 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: But still, man, I know, not easy. Well, so today 23 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,960 Speaker 1: we're going to talk about something completely related, very similar. 24 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about breakup songs and what they 25 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: do to your brain. Right. I think that probably everyone 26 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: out there can relate to the soothing effect of a 27 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,839 Speaker 1: breakup song, or not necessarily soothing but just cathartic um. 28 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: Or they can be empowering. Sometimes they can have a 29 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: lot of different impacts. And I think this topic is 30 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,559 Speaker 1: especially relevant for the listener who wrote in recently saying, 31 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: you know, I'm going through a really tough break cup 32 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: and you guys explained to me how the brain works 33 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: and all of these neurological things are happening in my brain. 34 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: But I need more than this the pain go by. 35 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: So brother, this one's for you, exactly. You should You 36 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: should turn on the radio. Turn on the radio, or 37 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: you could turn to my first breakup album What is It? 38 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: It was so high school angsty uh, and I may 39 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: or may not have returned to it since then. Elliott 40 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: Smith's XO was just I mean, I played that thing 41 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: to death and junior year of high school and I 42 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: have played some of that since it's a yeah it's sad, 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: you can't go back to some of that music. I know. Well, 44 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: it's like if I if I listen to XO now, 45 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: it kind of provokes a little bit of worry in 46 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 1: my head of like where are you are you doing? Okay? 47 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: Are you doing okaid? Are you doing in? Let's change channel? Right. Well, 48 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: music has very strong effects on its whether whether it 49 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: is sad breakup music or or or you know, pop 50 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: or whatever. Music actually stimulates the release of dopamine. So 51 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: when you're going through a tough time a breakup or whatever, 52 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: and you listen to a sad song or one that 53 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: that's talking about like oh I hate you called you 54 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: broke off, feedings up um, because yeah, that's what I 55 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: would write dream and half. I'm also apparently a member 56 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 1: of nickel Back Um. But anyway, you you have these 57 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: strong feelings about music because your brain reacts positively to it. 58 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: It's sort of music can act, can sort of be 59 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: a Catharsis for you. It's the same thing that you 60 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: experience when you have a more tangible um experience like 61 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: with sex, food, or drugs. Those those are actual things 62 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: that can affect your body whereas music is just like 63 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: up in the ether. Yeah, and it's not just the 64 00:03:55,040 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: magic of Chad Kroger of nic Magical mach Uh. But 65 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: in fact, studies have confirmed that music has an analgesic 66 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: effect on physical pain. And there were two studies that 67 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: were linked to in a Scientific American blog post that 68 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: was published recently UM, one of which demonstrating the pain 69 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: mitigating effects of cold compresses, in one of hot compresses, 70 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: I don't know which study I would rather participate in, 71 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: d of dealing with freezing Probably cold? Yeah, probably cold? 72 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,840 Speaker 1: Would you rather free stuff or yeah? Well no, but 73 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: I mean if you're listening to me that the whole 74 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,800 Speaker 1: point is that if you're listening to music, your perception 75 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: of pain is reduced and you'd probably just want to 76 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: live forever. Yep, yeah, what she just said. So in 77 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: the studying music is an analgesic for physical pain. Emotional 78 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: veilance contributes to loud music induced analgesia from the University 79 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: of Montreal. Essentially, it's own that a listening to pleasant 80 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: music helped study participants deal with hot compress thermal pain 81 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:15,679 Speaker 1: as it's referred to UM. Even the anticipation of listening 82 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: to music that you like can contribute to this effect. 83 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 1: You can you have a release of dopamine if you 84 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: just think I'm about to listen to you know whatever, 85 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: whatever you like, I'm not gonna just since you've been 86 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 1: Gone by Kelly Clarkson, a favorite breakup anthem of yeah, 87 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: it's form an empowering one. I thought this was interesting too. 88 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 1: There was a study that was testing pain soothing um 89 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: from cold compresses and the effects of music on that 90 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: and it found that when listeners when or when the 91 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,280 Speaker 1: study participants were listening to uh musical piece of their 92 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: choosing that they listened to in everyday life, and they 93 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: knew the lyrics to especially like Basically, the more familiar 94 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 1: they were with a song and the more that they 95 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: liked this song, the more it suited soothed that pain, 96 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: which is probably why I don't know about you, Caroline, 97 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: but a lot of times will return to the same 98 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 1: breakup anthems like I love um Gone by Ben Folds. Yeah, 99 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: that's such a good one, like that piano and there. So, 100 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: now that we know that music can can lower these 101 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: this physical pain, let's talk a little bit about what 102 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: is going on more specifically in the brain. Like how 103 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: how those musical notes have that kind of power? And 104 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: this is coming from a book by Daniel J. Levinton, 105 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: who was a neuroscientist, audio engineer, and production consultant for 106 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: Steely Dan and he wrote, this is your brain on music, 107 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 1: and the process is is pretty simple. The musical notes 108 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 1: coming through your ear, it is processed in your cerebellum, 109 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 1: which is full of dopamine receptors, and then uh, it 110 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: activates your mesolymbic system, which meso olympic system is the 111 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: brain's seat of pleasure and dopamine production. So we get 112 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: a little bit of a reward from songs that we 113 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: really like. Um. According to an article on Everyday Health 114 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: sort of um talking about these these effects that music 115 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: can have on you. Um, there's music therapy, which is 116 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: a whole field. There are accredited music therapy programs. You 117 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: can be a music therapist. Um. But they did studies 118 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: and patients of music therapists have been found to require 119 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: actually less pain medication and have more improvements in their respiration, 120 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 1: blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle relaxation. So I mean 121 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 1: it's no wonder after you go through some sort of 122 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: traumatic experience that you might just want to kind of 123 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 1: zone out from the world for a little while and 124 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: put your headphones on and listen to some Kelly Clark 125 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: cent or whatever, or some some Elliott Smith and that 126 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: Scientific American UM blog post where we found those links 127 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: to the um the initial studies that we talked about. 128 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: The author also discusses the comfort that she found in 129 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: not only listening to break up songs, but even making 130 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: breakup songs, writing out the lyrics, playing her guitar right. UM. 131 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: Self expression can definitely help after a traumatic experience, and 132 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: six study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that 133 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: students who wrote about traumatic events they had experienced ended 134 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: up having fewer visits to the health center six months 135 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: after writing, in comparison with those who just wrote about 136 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: something trivial. In the moment, their blood pressure went up 137 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: because I mean, that makes sense, you're reliving what happened 138 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: to you. But after the fact, you know, you're calmer, 139 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: you've gotten it out. Maybe you've worked out some things 140 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,079 Speaker 1: in your head and you've gotten it down on paper, 141 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: so it's sort of like you've gotten rid of it. 142 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: It's out there in the world. UM. What's interesting is 143 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:02,319 Speaker 1: that this effect is actually amplified when you share your 144 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: writing with other people. So you write about your traumatic experience, 145 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 1: it helps you. You write about your traumatic experience, and 146 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: then you share it with people and you you read 147 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: what you wrote, or you just relay the story to people, 148 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: it helps even more, which is why I am such 149 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 1: a complainer a lot people. I'm trying to do is 150 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: stay healthy. It makes complete sense to me that sharing 151 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 1: that kind of writing would would be so psychologically soothing 152 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: for us, because we're mourning the loss of a very 153 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: personal and close connection with someone else, and it's a 154 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: connection that you feel in that moment when it's the worst, 155 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: you feel like you're never going to find with anybody else, 156 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: and there is really no exciting reason to wake up 157 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: in the morning because you are by yourself among a 158 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: sea of you know, acquaintances and who cares. Yeah, I'm 159 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: just gonna start to cry now. But by listening to 160 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 1: breakup songs perhaps and writing that and communicating the emotions, 161 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: it rebuilds that kind of emotional connection that you are mourning. 162 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,839 Speaker 1: Um For instance, there was an essay that we found 163 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 1: about the psychology of breakup songs and talks about how 164 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: it woos us into a calmer mental state by co 165 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 1: regulating our affect and recreating the affective connection like a 166 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,719 Speaker 1: mother soothing her infant. Interesting. I mean, it's basically we 167 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: want to be because we want to be comforted. And 168 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: it's hard during breakups because typically the person that we 169 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,559 Speaker 1: would initially run to for comfort if something external happened 170 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: to us, that we had a bad day at work 171 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: or a fight with our best friend, they would be 172 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: the person that was incorrect grammar. He or she would 173 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: be the person that we would that we would run 174 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,079 Speaker 1: to and write. And eventually your friends are going to 175 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: get sick of listening to so yeah, you probably should 176 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,679 Speaker 1: just listen to music. So you might want to set 177 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,599 Speaker 1: up a playlist on iTunes, right, Um, And you know, 178 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: along the lines of what you were just saying, Stephen 179 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: Brown from Carolinska Institute said that music is a powerful 180 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 1: device for promoting a group identity, cognition, coordination, and catharsis. 181 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,319 Speaker 1: Like we said earlier, it kind of draws you back 182 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 1: to other people. Um. You know, music didn't start necessarily 183 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: as a solitary activity. Back when we were cave men 184 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: and women, you know, we were we were hanging out, 185 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: banging the drums together, right. Um. And there's an essay 186 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: that I found about breakup songs written by tal from 187 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: Talent to Get Downstay Down, and she's talking about the 188 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: pleasure break up up songs. And I really liked her 189 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: perspective because she's writing from the perspective of of being 190 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: a musician. And um, she says that the best breakup 191 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: songs tap into thousands of years of the romantic tradition, 192 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 1: the questioning, the regret, the disappointment, and then the moaning, 193 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: and it kind of keeps you rooted in the heartache 194 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: for a little while because you want to wallow from 195 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: me and breakup songs. How to give you that space? Well, 196 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: you should wallow, Yeah, wallowing. If you're not wallowing, okay, 197 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 1: maybe eventually wallowing is is too much and you should 198 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: just try to get that. But you know, I mean, 199 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 1: if you don't deal with it, you're just gonna have 200 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: I mean, it's gonna come do at some point. I mean, 201 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 1: we all I told my stories in the Rebound episode. Okay, yeah, 202 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,679 Speaker 1: you have to deal with your heartache. And and so 203 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: listening to this music, hearing what other people have gone through, 204 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,599 Speaker 1: and you feel like someone else is putting words and 205 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: and a melody to your feelings. You know it can 206 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,839 Speaker 1: be helpful, absolutely, and as far as people who aren't 207 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 1: yet feeling better. A two thousand four German study looked 208 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: at what kind of love songs men and women chose 209 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: to listen to in the context of their romantic situations, 210 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:50,079 Speaker 1: and as you might expect, romantically frustrated men listen to 211 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: love lamenting music longer than did more content men, and 212 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 1: the same was true for romantically disenchanted women versus the 213 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: hopeful ones. But something that I found was a little interesting, 214 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 1: and it kind of kind of made me think about 215 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: what music I listened to when I'm in a happy relationship. 216 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,719 Speaker 1: Women and happy relationships exhibited an unexpectedly strong preference for 217 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: music denouncing love. Really, I don't know, I don't know 218 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: what that's about. So you're in a good real you're 219 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,959 Speaker 1: saying you're in a content relationship and but you're but 220 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: you're kind of musically steering clear of it. Mustang maybe 221 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: you're avoiding attachment or something. But I'm just by you, 222 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 1: I mean just she means the general you. Participants that is, 223 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: that's fascinating. Well, why don't we offer some um, some 224 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 1: of the top rated breakup songs. Let's do it among 225 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: some different genres to get the conversation started, because listeners, 226 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: you're probably gonna guess the question I'm asking to ask 227 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: right now, which is what are your go to breakup songs? 228 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: Because they're also the different kind of categories of the 229 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:56,080 Speaker 1: breakup song. There's a really sad and mournful breakup song, 230 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 1: and then there's more bitter, don't like Don't Think Twice 231 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: It's All Right by Bob Dylan, which is also a 232 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 1: go to of mine, and then we have the awesome 233 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 1: lady empowerment songs such as Destiny's Child, survivor Kelly Clarkson. 234 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: We've already mentioned um Oh Cielos a song which is 235 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: screw You. I think in radio PC terms, yeah, I 236 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: think it's forget you, Forget you, That's what it is. 237 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: Um Oh, the classic Alanis Morissett. You ought to know 238 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 1: that Dave Coolier really screwed her. We did a number 239 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 1: Gloria Gainers, I Will Survive. And for the more more 240 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: indie rock um listeners out there, We've got a list 241 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: from NPRS all songs considered, and they recommend the district 242 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: sleeps Alone Tonight by the Postal Service, parting Gift by 243 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 1: Fiona Apple, No Children by the Mountain Goats. Oh yeah, 244 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: I love that song. Oh yeah, I do. I love 245 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 1: that song. And if you're in a little bit more 246 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 1: of a mood to laugh and cry or cry laugh 247 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: as we like to do sometimes here on Mom Mom stuff, 248 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 1: there's always I'm Not Crying by Fly of the Concords, 249 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 1: which was on more than one breakup songs list that 250 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: I ran across, so it resonates with a lot of 251 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: people apparently. But yeah, let us know your favorite breakup 252 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: songs and really what resonates with you, because yeah, like 253 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 1: I said, my my go to was always Elliott's Smiths XO, 254 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: although I did go through a Forget You phase at 255 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: some point. It's a good one to run to if 256 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: you want a double like an empowerment combo, go running 257 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 1: while listening to Celo's Forget You. I love that whole album. 258 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: Yeah that's great. Well, I know this is slightly off topic, 259 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: but I also want to know about music that you 260 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: can't listen to anymore because either you listen to it 261 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: during a breakup or you listen to it during a 262 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: relationship and then that guy broke your heart and like 263 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: I it took me forever to be able to listen 264 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: to Mates of State again. Some se left it. Oh yeah, 265 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: because I was listening to it while we were so happy, 266 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: and then the next thing, I know, like we're not 267 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: so happy, and then I just yeah, every time I 268 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: listen to that album, because music can cause such strong 269 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: uh feelings, You can have such a strong connection between 270 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: music and an event. Um, Yeah, I just it brought 271 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 1: up all sorts of bad memories and whatever. Yeah. I 272 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: had an experience like that with the album Minds from Phenomena, 273 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: and yeah, I think about it sometimes and have to 274 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 1: sort of avoid that album. But it only speaks again 275 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:37,200 Speaker 1: to that visceral reaction that that music can elicit from 276 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: our our SaraBellum, in our Mesolympic system. Now I can 277 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: have that word exactly. So on that note, send us 278 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: to songs, folks, or post them over at at Facebook. Um, 279 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 1: I'd like to get a nice mom stuff breakup playlist 280 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: ready for it together. Yeah. Uh So in the meantime, 281 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: let's read a cup of emails. I have one here 282 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,719 Speaker 1: from John in response to our episode on romance novels. 283 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 1: He said, I have been waiting ever since I first 284 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: started listening to your podcast for an episode on romance novels. 285 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,680 Speaker 1: Thank you in all caps, I'm a heterosexual male who 286 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 1: just so happens to enjoy reading romance novels. Um. I 287 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 1: like the romance novels that have the fully fledged female 288 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: characters that are intelligent, have their own views, and not 289 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 1: just some meek little thing that cowers and waits for 290 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: someone to come save them. I guess I prefer that 291 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: to the female characters who you described as static hollo shells, 292 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: because I'm a male and generally don't have the same 293 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 1: thought processes, and it's kind of boring if the female 294 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: is just a wet dish rag all the time. I know. 295 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 1: I think my favorite romance novel would be the Paranormal 296 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: Romance Twist by Colby Hodge. Involves time travel to a 297 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: future where vampires have pretty much taken over and you 298 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:05,119 Speaker 1: live by the samurai store. Well interesting combination. Yes, this 299 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 1: one is from Danielle. She says, my two sisters and 300 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: I enjoy romance novels and have talked about the most 301 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: common themes we've noticed in the books and thought there 302 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,959 Speaker 1: should be a study down of how many couples use 303 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 1: a condom but still end up pregnant. Because the fail 304 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 1: rate in these books tends to be staggeringly high, but 305 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: we enjoy them. We have sort of made it a 306 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 1: game to find the most ridiculous romance romance titles, which 307 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: usually falls under Harlequin, and I thought I would share 308 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 1: these with you. Be aware these are actual book titles. 309 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: Here we go, Oh my goodness, all right, willingly betted, 310 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 1: forcibly wedded, innocent wife, baby of shame, pregnant by the 311 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:50,560 Speaker 1: boss exclamation point, the Millionaires, inexperienced love slave millionaire and 312 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,879 Speaker 1: the pregnant paper and our favorite rancher and the amnesiac bride. 313 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,959 Speaker 1: Hope these made you laugh as much as they did 314 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 1: for us. And who keeps the podcast coming? Thank you 315 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: ranch Your ambiac Brad might be that's the most specific title. 316 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: You know exactly what you're getting into it. That one. 317 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: I just love the unnecessary use of an exclamation point. 318 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: Pregnant by the blass I've been amnes is a pretty 319 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: common condition in romance novels too, Yeah, anything like soaps. Well, 320 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 1: thank you everyone who's written in about romance novels and 321 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: so much more, and thank you in advance for your 322 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 1: your breakup song stories. Again. Our email address is mom 323 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 1: Stuff at how stuff works dot com. You can always 324 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: hit us up on Facebook as well and follow follow 325 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: us on Twitter at Mom's Stuff podcast, and you can 326 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: check out what we're writing during the week on the 327 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 1: blog It's stuff Mom Never told You from how stuff 328 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 1: works dot com. Be sure to check out our new 329 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: video podcast, Stuff from the Future. Join how stuf work 330 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 1: staff as we explore the most promising and perplexing possibilities 331 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: of tomorrow. The house Stuff Works iPhone app has a ride. 332 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,879 Speaker 1: Download it today on iTunes.