1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,080
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

2
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,080
Speaker 1: the podcast where we discuss the big life changes and

3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 1: transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

4
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,040
Speaker 1: So today it's a kind of a different episode. I've

5
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,520
Speaker 1: got some special guests joining me shortly, Meg and Jack,

6
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,080
Speaker 1: some nearest and dearest friends of mine. What are you

7
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,000
Speaker 1: going to do? A slightly different episode today, it's a

8
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:37,960
Speaker 1: loveline episode. We asked you to send in your love queries, conundrums, problems, questions.

9
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:43,080
Speaker 1: With our combined wisdom, we decided to answer some of them,

10
00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,280
Speaker 1: So I really hope you enjoy listening to us spill

11
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:51,240
Speaker 1: some wisdom into your headphones or speakers or however you're listening. Also,

12
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,240
Speaker 1: don't forget to subscribe if you're listening right now, so

13
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,880
Speaker 1: you know when new episodes get posted. And a really

14
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,920
Speaker 1: great way to help this podcast grow is to leave

15
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,640
Speaker 1: us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really

16
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,360
Speaker 1: helps the podcast grow. So if you feel cool to

17
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:12,479
Speaker 1: leave a review, I'd obviously feel very grateful. But with

18
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,600
Speaker 1: that being said, I hope you guys enjoy the episode,

19
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,000
Speaker 1: and if you want us to do more like this,

20
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:23,559
Speaker 1: let us know. Meg Meg, the Uniting Force of Meg.

21
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,120
Speaker 1: It's our first time on the podcast Meg. How are

22
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,880
Speaker 1: you feeling about I'm a bit nervous. I'm a bit nervous,

23
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,959
Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm with two podcasts experts now

24
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,679
Speaker 1: and I really enjoyed your episode, so I'm glad i'd

25
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,600
Speaker 1: like to join the mix. Yeah. We've been wanting to

26
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,720
Speaker 1: do this for a while. I think this is a

27
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,880
Speaker 1: much better idea than the ideas that we had. Yeah, obviously,

28
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,560
Speaker 1: because it's like we're going to answer people's questions. Yeah,

29
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,840
Speaker 1: I feel like you two are very good bestowers of wisdom. Oh,

30
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,600
Speaker 1: thank you. It's a little bit more guided too, I

31
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,680
Speaker 1: have clearer expectations. Yeah. Yeah. So basically today's episode is

32
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,240
Speaker 1: a love line episode where I had to kind of

33
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,160
Speaker 1: explain this to you. That's what this was. So basically

34
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,120
Speaker 1: I posted on a few platforms and was like sending

35
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:09,640
Speaker 1: your love queries and conundrums and then us three twenty

36
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,080
Speaker 1: year olds people in our twenties is going to provide

37
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,880
Speaker 1: you expert advice. So if you did send something in like,

38
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,320
Speaker 1: please keep your expectations low because we're not qualified, we're

39
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:23,000
Speaker 1: not experts, we're not expert. Who's in life. That's really wise.

40
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:34,840
Speaker 1: Yea thank you mag maybe makes pretty good? Yeah? Pretty

41
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:46,880
Speaker 1: Tim first? Yeah, just Tim Joe a podcast, Ben Sapi definitely.

42
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what straight man like that doesn't have

43
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:55,239
Speaker 1: a podcast. True, And here I am. I'm trying to

44
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,600
Speaker 1: diversify this. Yeah, break it up, break it up. Um.

45
00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,840
Speaker 1: So basically, people send it and they're like love things

46
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,320
Speaker 1: that are going on in their love lives, and we

47
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,000
Speaker 1: like discuss it and try and provide explanations and advice.

48
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,520
Speaker 1: And we've got quite a few responses. We got like

49
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,280
Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen people and we had a little read of

50
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:16,519
Speaker 1: them already. Now it's time to get into it. Sounds good.

51
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,000
Speaker 1: What's what's your love wisdom to start off with? Should

52
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,200
Speaker 1: we all go around and say our love I don't

53
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,239
Speaker 1: have much love wisdom? You got a riff off? Okay,

54
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:29,440
Speaker 1: riff yeah about that. My favorite piece of love wisdom

55
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,760
Speaker 1: is live laugh love. Yeah, that's maybe that could be.

56
00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,960
Speaker 1: I thought this was a serious. Yeah, yeah, that's fantastic.

57
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,200
Speaker 1: It is serious. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a white woman, of course. Yeah,

58
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,600
Speaker 1: but who's lived? Whose laugh? And whose love? Mm? Tack

59
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:51,720
Speaker 1: yourself yeah, tag yourself definitely laugh? Yeah yeah, okay, So yeah,

60
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:56,120
Speaker 1: you'd be loved Jim. Oh, thanks, and you'll live. Yeah,

61
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,600
Speaker 1: this is nice. We're getting the tattoos. Throw another one

62
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 1: out there, yeah yeah, yeah, and we'll get it on

63
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,520
Speaker 1: our wrists like our fingers will come together. It joins us.

64
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,160
Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, but I actually don't think this is a

65
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,400
Speaker 1: bad idea. Oh yeah, let's let's let's do it with

66
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:16,719
Speaker 1: pencil first. Always changed our mind. They give me elect reactions,

67
00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:26,560
Speaker 1: anything temporary. Maybe that's your love advice, commitment. That's a

68
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,479
Speaker 1: good start. There we go, well, minds e. Prey Love.

69
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:34,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I watched I watched that movie in India

70
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:38,279
Speaker 1: when I was finding you. Watched Prey Love, the version

71
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 1: with What's It was fantastic. It was the prey part

72
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:46,120
Speaker 1: was in India and it was really cool. Oh and

73
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,000
Speaker 1: I was in nash room when I saw it. Was Yeah,

74
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,920
Speaker 1: it was really realistic. I had no idea anyway. It

75
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 1: was quite cool. Well, Well, now you guys have all

76
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,920
Speaker 1: summarized it in three words, but I don't think I can.

77
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:08,479
Speaker 1: I don't try. I try. Um love love you too,

78
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,360
Speaker 1: that's love you too, because I feel like that's what

79
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:20,320
Speaker 1: you like. Maybe you know you know when you started,

80
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,800
Speaker 1: when you start a sentence. Yea, when you, when you?

81
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:28,720
Speaker 1: When you? When you? Yeah, he love you too, I

82
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,440
Speaker 1: love you too, love you. It's like reciprical megs. It's like,

83
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,800
Speaker 1: don't be temporary. Mind's reciprical. Jackson's that he found himself

84
00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:41,520
Speaker 1: in India and that's why he doesn't need love exactly. Yeah.

85
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:46,080
Speaker 1: I'm so happy. Yeah, No, I'm just pretty spiritual. Just

86
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:50,120
Speaker 1: getting to myself right now. Yeah, I'm just working on myself. Yeah,

87
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,400
Speaker 1: that was what I said, literally, Meg before you came

88
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,520
Speaker 1: in and I was like to Jack, I was like, yeah,

89
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,440
Speaker 1: this is has been fun, but I really need some

90
00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:00,839
Speaker 1: time by myself, like desperately. Cliches, but they're true, aren't they.

91
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes you do mean some alone time? Yeah, yeah enough. Yeah.

92
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,000
Speaker 1: I was going to quote Justin Bieber because he's the

93
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:13,040
Speaker 1: king of good marriages as we know, and um, I

94
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,040
Speaker 1: was going to say, um, you should go and love yourself,

95
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,679
Speaker 1: and I thing, that's yeah, that's I don't know about

96
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,480
Speaker 1: that one, Dustin Bieber. It doesn't fit in with me. Yeah,

97
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm a Taylor Swift stand Okay, of course, what's a

98
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,240
Speaker 1: quote from Taylor Swift. She's got a lot of my

99
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,080
Speaker 1: odds so much, Oh my recent lyric that I've been

100
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,359
Speaker 1: obsessed with two. I'm sorry if you're listening to this

101
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,520
Speaker 1: and you have no interest to this, but one of

102
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,200
Speaker 1: them is, Um, you kept me like a secret, but

103
00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:42,880
Speaker 1: I kept you like an oath. And that's just like,

104
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,840
Speaker 1: that's really sad and just between us. Did the love

105
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,960
Speaker 1: affair mame you two? That's pretty cool? Yeah, very tragic,

106
00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,360
Speaker 1: but not really happy to intimate, isn't the songwriting? That's

107
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,560
Speaker 1: not even the there's like not even the best bit,

108
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,039
Speaker 1: the juiciest bit. Yeah. Anyhow, my favorite lyrics from the

109
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,080
Speaker 1: new version of All Too Well Taylor Swift version Jake. Okay,

110
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,479
Speaker 1: we already got into Taylor Swift in six minutes in

111
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,400
Speaker 1: we talked about how Jake Jillen Hall is the most

112
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,400
Speaker 1: hated man in America, in the world. What love advice

113
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,760
Speaker 1: would you give Jake Jillen Hall right now? Um, o'd

114
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 1: be having a tough time if he's not in your

115
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:25,680
Speaker 1: relationship to turn this. Imagine imagine getting outed like that, Yeah,

116
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,040
Speaker 1: for being for doing what he did. Stop finding your

117
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:33,240
Speaker 1: girlfriends at high schools. Yeah, that's a good one. That's

118
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:37,600
Speaker 1: a good one for everyone that is in high school. Yeah. Yeah,

119
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:42,360
Speaker 1: Jake in particular, but also all human beings. Yeah, unless

120
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,680
Speaker 1: you are also in high school. Yeah, in which case,

121
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:53,200
Speaker 1: grow don't date someone who's not Ben. There's no over circles.

122
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,120
Speaker 1: It's true. Yeah, that's funny. It's true. Yeah. That was

123
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,320
Speaker 1: a really good that was really solid advice, and thank you.

124
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,280
Speaker 1: My advice would be, Um, show up at your girlfriend's

125
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,200
Speaker 1: twenty first birthday party. Yeah when you said that you

126
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,120
Speaker 1: were going to go. Yeah, just because yeah, standards standard

127
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,320
Speaker 1: sand stuff, isn't it. Yeah. Yeah, twenty first is coming up, guys.

128
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,760
Speaker 1: So if my if my future boyfriend, who's listening, yeah,

129
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,760
Speaker 1: be there, listen, I'll write a hate album about you. Yeah.

130
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:22,440
Speaker 1: It was not a hate album. It was a hot

131
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:29,040
Speaker 1: so I was like, it was not a hate album. Well,

132
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 1: if your boyfriend doesn't show up, I'll do like a

133
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,360
Speaker 1: full rendition of the moment I knew for you. Yeah,

134
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,640
Speaker 1: he won't show up to her twenty first birthday party.

135
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,480
Speaker 1: And if one of us doesn't show up, oh yeah

136
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,360
Speaker 1: we will, we will. We will because I don't want to.

137
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with the drama that Jake's

138
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,480
Speaker 1: going through right now. Yeah. Um, so do we want

139
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:47,920
Speaker 1: to look at some of the questions that have been

140
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,600
Speaker 1: sent to us by our lovely friends and sure people

141
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,439
Speaker 1: that we know. So yeah, sorry, I have my phone,

142
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,240
Speaker 1: so well how about we use me? Well, I have

143
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,160
Speaker 1: one percent, so I'm also not going to be that

144
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,959
Speaker 1: much hues. But Jack's phone is literally right behind him

145
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,439
Speaker 1: when he says he doesn't, well, yeah, I didn't want

146
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,760
Speaker 1: to because I'm doing a podcast. I wanted to be

147
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,080
Speaker 1: in the zone and so I didn't get distracted by messages,

148
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,600
Speaker 1: so I put it behind me. Oh that's really yeah,

149
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:19,360
Speaker 1: but now but no, we can use money. So okay,

150
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,440
Speaker 1: just a quick thing. So I screenshot at all of

151
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,760
Speaker 1: them and they're all anonymous because I had a feeling that, like,

152
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,319
Speaker 1: we obviously know some of the same people. Yeah yeah,

153
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,040
Speaker 1: and some of them would have been submitting and we

154
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:35,040
Speaker 1: would have known it. Yeah, absolutely, So go on, make

155
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,679
Speaker 1: to choose the first one. I actually, I know this

156
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:43,400
Speaker 1: one is kind of a joke, but the question the

157
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,000
Speaker 1: guy I'm dating is actually nice question mark, is this

158
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,040
Speaker 1: for real? There's lots of capitalization in it. I think

159
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:57,400
Speaker 1: that's a really interesting question to unpack. Actually, because um, Jack,

160
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,520
Speaker 1: I don't know if you have alternative thoughts on this,

161
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,720
Speaker 1: but I think there's like a tendency to like, when

162
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,280
Speaker 1: you expect the worst from people, you have had the

163
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,720
Speaker 1: worst from people, Yeah, you want to create that situation

164
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,319
Speaker 1: for yourself, if that makes sense. So like there is

165
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,360
Speaker 1: actually nothing bad in the situation, but you've created like

166
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,320
Speaker 1: you are so unwilling to believe that there is anything

167
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,079
Speaker 1: good that you're going to manifest this like weird bad

168
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,920
Speaker 1: situation that doesn't actually exist. And I've seen so many

169
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,840
Speaker 1: people do it now, and I think it's like such

170
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,360
Speaker 1: a process to actually be like, Okay, well maybe this

171
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: person is just nice and we can accept that at

172
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,600
Speaker 1: face value. Yeah. Absolutely. It's like you become comfortable with

173
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,120
Speaker 1: the idea of like them, of people not treating you well,

174
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,080
Speaker 1: and then when they don't treat you well, you're like

175
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,800
Speaker 1: that actually gives me anxiety, yeah, because this is not

176
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,040
Speaker 1: what I've been accustomed to. Yeah, so it's like really strange.

177
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,080
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, or there's a I think and there

178
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,520
Speaker 1: can sometimes be a suspicion about it when past experiences

179
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,880
Speaker 1: have been bad, definitely, And I think that almost leads

180
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,520
Speaker 1: to you not being a nice person, Like I would say,

181
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,840
Speaker 1: when you're when you're expecting the worst of somebody, Yeah,

182
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,520
Speaker 1: and that's what sort of you're internalizing. But you're spending

183
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,400
Speaker 1: all this time with this person, but you're wanting them

184
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,079
Speaker 1: to be awful. Yeah, how could you give? Like how

185
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,479
Speaker 1: could you be the best for them? It's like quite interesting,

186
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,000
Speaker 1: but it's also about like un learning. I think the

187
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,280
Speaker 1: big thing here is that like in your twenties, you're

188
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,120
Speaker 1: going to have like shit relationships with people who are

189
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,560
Speaker 1: going to treat you badly. Yeah, And I think that

190
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 1: what happens is when you meet someone who's actually nice,

191
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,760
Speaker 1: it's like you have to unlearn all the patterns that

192
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,760
Speaker 1: allowed you to kind of like survive to that time

193
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,720
Speaker 1: in which you were like, oh, this is what I deserve. Yeah,

194
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,600
Speaker 1: and it's like almost adjusting your entire self concept to

195
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,000
Speaker 1: this new standard of like how you should be treated. Yeah.

196
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,679
Speaker 1: And it's like so almost like uncomfortable because it also

197
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 1: means that you have to sit back and be like,

198
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,880
Speaker 1: oh my god, the whole time I was being treated

199
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,320
Speaker 1: really badly, I actually probably didn't deserve that, but I

200
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,960
Speaker 1: tolerated it. Yeah, And it's like having to sit back

201
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,880
Speaker 1: with yourself and be like wow, that can be like

202
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,920
Speaker 1: a really uncomfortable moment. Yeah. Definitely think that create the

203
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,880
Speaker 1: anxiety around it. Yeah, I think I've been quite lucky.

204
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,000
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had any relationships where I've been

205
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:17,240
Speaker 1: treated badly ending or maybe. But I also I don't

206
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,079
Speaker 1: even think you have to have had it. I think

207
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,440
Speaker 1: if you have an anxiety, whether it's been from a

208
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,680
Speaker 1: previous friendship or you know, like an argument with a

209
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,720
Speaker 1: parent or whatever, a sibling falling out or whatever, and

210
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,679
Speaker 1: you have that sort of expectation of people who I

211
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,040
Speaker 1: care about don't care about me, or and it can

212
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,840
Speaker 1: just be like I honestly think, like I mean, I'm

213
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 1: not a psychologist, you have to because I definitely everything,

214
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,559
Speaker 1: you know, like a people who are born with particular

215
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,280
Speaker 1: sort of propensities for I don't know, like anxiety around

216
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,760
Speaker 1: their social relationships or whatever, Like the act actually accepting Okay, well,

217
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 1: this is a person who I care about and they're

218
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,360
Speaker 1: actually just nice and there's nothing inherently like cooked about

219
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,960
Speaker 1: them or something that I have to worry about, and

220
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,560
Speaker 1: just like accepting that could actually be a really big thing.

221
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,120
Speaker 1: And I think if you don't, then you're just going

222
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,440
Speaker 1: to be like creating a different relationship in your head

223
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,600
Speaker 1: the one that actually exists. Yeah, it's quite yeah, like

224
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,040
Speaker 1: you can't change someone else's behavior, but you can change

225
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 1: your expectations. Yeah, and it couldn't be improving your expectations

226
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,680
Speaker 1: and yeah, actually this is like this new level. Yeah,

227
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,720
Speaker 1: it's important. Yeah. Yeah. There are nice guys out there.

228
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,520
Speaker 1: There are yea and nice women and I'm nice not

229
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,640
Speaker 1: buying people. Yeah, nice people. Yeah, in the world, there

230
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,280
Speaker 1: are very nice people. Yeah. But it's funny when you

231
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 1: meet one and you're like, oh, like like this is

232
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:42,000
Speaker 1: what I deserve. Yeah. Yeah, really shocking because it's and

233
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:43,880
Speaker 1: it also can leave you like I think a lot

234
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,839
Speaker 1: of times people have like we're saying this tendency to

235
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,800
Speaker 1: self sabotage yeah and be like I actually don't deserve this,

236
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,559
Speaker 1: Like this must be a mistake yeah, yeah, or you're

237
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,000
Speaker 1: lying or this kind of I'm looking for the thing

238
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,240
Speaker 1: that's wrong about this, because there must be one, and

239
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,680
Speaker 1: I don't think that always has to be the case,

240
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 1: or even if it is, I don't think it's like,

241
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 1: even if it ends up that that person wasn't very

242
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 1: nice two years down the track, I don't think you

243
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,640
Speaker 1: can go that whole two years waiting for that moment

244
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,880
Speaker 1: to arrive, for something to switch. Yeah, I'm often in

245
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:18,200
Speaker 1: that state where I'm like, well, what's not like chop?

246
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,560
Speaker 1: And sometimes you push them a little bit to be

247
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,680
Speaker 1: like I'm sick of waiting, like just show me your

248
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,720
Speaker 1: bad side now so I can get and decide and

249
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:29,600
Speaker 1: then we can move on. Yeah. Yeah, kind of sad

250
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,800
Speaker 1: ideal not ideal. But whoever that person was, obviously I

251
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,480
Speaker 1: know who it was. But I'm glad that you're happy

252
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,480
Speaker 1: in your relationship. Yes, yeah. And also you're nice. Doesn't

253
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 1: have to be everybody else's nice. I think it's the thing.

254
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,280
Speaker 1: And this is like a whole other thing, but I

255
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,320
Speaker 1: think there's a tendency, especially in like a place like

256
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,000
Speaker 1: Canberra where everyone kind of knows each other and it's

257
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,000
Speaker 1: a very insular sort of community of twenty something year

258
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,800
Speaker 1: olds who are like all very connected, to be like, Okay,

259
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 1: well this person was really like I really hated them

260
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,960
Speaker 1: and they're really awful to me and blah blah blah

261
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,000
Speaker 1: line it just didn't work out. But that person might

262
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,440
Speaker 1: you might have been awful for each other, and that's like,

263
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean it will be the same thing

264
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,760
Speaker 1: for another person. And this whole sort of thing of like,

265
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,600
Speaker 1: oh they were really awful, So like, you know, I

266
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,720
Speaker 1: can't be with them because they must not be nice.

267
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,640
Speaker 1: But it's people have different standards and different like metry,

268
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,560
Speaker 1: and maybe they like that new person a bit more

269
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,240
Speaker 1: and they're like willing to change their Yeah. Yeah, but

270
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,560
Speaker 1: I remember, like I don't know if you said this

271
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,440
Speaker 1: to me or maybe we said it in like a discussion,

272
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,920
Speaker 1: but it's like, no one like what maybe some I

273
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 1: think some people are, but in general, people aren't inherently

274
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,040
Speaker 1: toxic or bad. They just have friction with each other. Yeah,

275
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, the wrong person for you

276
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,720
Speaker 1: might act like the perfectly right person for someone else. Yeah, definitely,

277
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 1: like huge anyhow, congratulations to this person. It is I'm

278
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:58,800
Speaker 1: sure very exciting, very exciting. Um, okay, this is nice.

279
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 1: One actually reach out and wants to have a closure chat.

280
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,400
Speaker 1: But I've fully moved on what should I do? Should

281
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 1: I chat with her or just say I'm not interested?

282
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 1: What should this person do? You don't owe your ex shit,

283
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,280
Speaker 1: You owe them nothing, I'm sorry, Like that might be controversial.

284
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 1: You don't owe them fucking anything. I think that's I

285
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,880
Speaker 1: completely agree. I think I think it's like it depends

286
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 1: on what you want to get out of the next phase,

287
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 1: you know, of the dynamic between you two. I think

288
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 1: it's a really really good way to make sure things

289
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 1: i'm awkward between you two, and a good way to

290
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,680
Speaker 1: even have a friendship with them if you want that. Like,

291
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,520
Speaker 1: I'm good friends with one of my exes from high school,

292
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 1: and I'm very happy for that friendship, and I'm glad

293
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 1: that we did have that closure chat, which happened quite

294
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 1: a while after actually, so it depends a while after

295
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 1: being the fact that you guys probably had already moved on. Yeah,

296
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 1: both of you. Yeah, yeah, it was it was like

297
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:05,480
Speaker 1: a two months or something. Oh yeah, yeah, so yeah, No,

298
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 1: it depends on what kind of relationship you want to

299
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 1: have with them. But then also it's important I think

300
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 1: if you if the relationship is nasty and you don't

301
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 1: want to take yourself back to that place, don't do it,

302
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,680
Speaker 1: because it's gonna be really bad for you. Yes, that's true.

303
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,399
Speaker 1: I also think you get into an habit of like

304
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 1: having repeated closure chats. Yeah, yeah, you have one chat

305
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,639
Speaker 1: and then it's like, ah, but I have all these

306
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,560
Speaker 1: unanswered questions. You're probably never This is perhaps we're giving

307
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,800
Speaker 1: advice to the person who's asking for the closure chat.

308
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 1: But it's kind of like you're never actually going to

309
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: get an answer, Like you just have to move on.

310
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 1: Like human behavior is entirely irrational. There's like absolutely no

311
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,399
Speaker 1: explanation and coherent narrative that's going to explain why your

312
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 1: relationship ended. Yeah, and at there's a point where you

313
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 1: can get really unhealthy as well, when you like want

314
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 1: to ask questions that aren't there and it can just

315
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,040
Speaker 1: be bad for you. Yeah, I had that. I was like,

316
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 1: you know, when you're really hurt, it makes sense that

317
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 1: you're like I need an answer, I need an answer,

318
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,119
Speaker 1: but they're never going to give you an answer, and

319
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 1: it just yeah, yeah, number one, you know, you've already

320
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 1: decided what you wanted to hear and they're never going

321
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,919
Speaker 1: to say that. So I would say, don't don't have

322
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 1: the closure chat, just be like I don't think it's

323
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,119
Speaker 1: the right time for us. Give her some chance to

324
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 1: like actually heal. And it's Yeah, it sounds like by

325
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,640
Speaker 1: the fact that this person is asking the question, they

326
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 1: probably don't feel like they want to have the chat. Yeah. Well,

327
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 1: the whole thing is as well, like there's so many

328
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,440
Speaker 1: there's many dimensions to this question. Yeah, So I think

329
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 1: the first thing is like obviously that there's like inequity

330
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 1: in the playing fields, right, because you've got somebody who's

331
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 1: like evidently not over or a field that they haven't

332
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,960
Speaker 1: closed that door, and then someone who feels that they have. Yeah,

333
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,200
Speaker 1: and then that's where the issues stem from. I think

334
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,120
Speaker 1: if you're both in the same place about the situation,

335
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 1: I think if you're both coming from an equal place

336
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,240
Speaker 1: of you know, I'm a little bit hot, but I'd

337
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,040
Speaker 1: like to have this conversation because I'd like to build

338
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,560
Speaker 1: a friendship with you, or because i'd like to whatever,

339
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. Right. Then if it's like you

340
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 1: know that you're going to walk into that conversation and

341
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 1: be interrogated for answers that you can't give, well, then

342
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,159
Speaker 1: that's weird. But I think if you did want to

343
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 1: do it, I think it would then be really important

344
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,359
Speaker 1: to set boundaries, like really clear expectations of this is

345
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 1: what I want to get out of this, what do

346
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 1: you want to get out of this, so that that

347
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 1: way there's like an end to those expectations, which is

348
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 1: really clinical and like gross, but I think it's like

349
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where it's sort of like, Okay,

350
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to have this conversation which is gonna be

351
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,360
Speaker 1: difficult for me. I you know, Like my favorite one

352
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 1: is like, you know, you book somewhere to go afterwards,

353
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 1: so like if you're going to be having this difficult conversation,

354
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,240
Speaker 1: you like, I've got to be somewhere at three thirty,

355
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 1: so I have an hour and that way things don't

356
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 1: drag on or get unnecessarily weird. It's sort of like

357
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 1: that's an end. And if you set out and start

358
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 1: what you want to cover in that time, which is

359
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 1: really weird. It's like an agenda for like a work meeting.

360
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,880
Speaker 1: But if you set out what you want to cover

361
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 1: and you have to be somewhere, it can't drag on

362
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 1: or get we all like, oh we didn't finish, so

363
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: we have to catch up again. It's like, no, I

364
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 1: have an hour. M yeah, that's so yeah, that's actually

365
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:12,640
Speaker 1: such solid advice. Thanks. I think the other issue with

366
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: like closure chats is that often it can mean that

367
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 1: that person is actually looking for you to be their

368
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 1: emotional support to the breakup, Like because if they're looking

369
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 1: to you for the closure chat, yeah, it might just

370
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 1: be that they really do need an answer just cheated

371
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:28,639
Speaker 1: on them or if something, if you've done it out

372
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: of the blue, perhaps you do probably owe them an

373
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 1: explanation if you can't about this person. But it's also

374
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,840
Speaker 1: like I need to have this closure chat not because

375
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,600
Speaker 1: I need answers, but because I actually need you to

376
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 1: provide me with some emotional support. Yeah, because it's like

377
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 1: you've gone from dating this person then being that you're everything,

378
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 1: to going through something that is really hard that naturally

379
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 1: you would actually lean on that person for yeah, And

380
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 1: so like I definitely I did this in my last

381
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 1: relationship where I was like, oh my god, I'm so hurt,

382
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,399
Speaker 1: but the only person I want to talk about it

383
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,439
Speaker 1: with is you. Yeah, So like and I think he

384
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: was probably on the same page. It's like, we'll just

385
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 1: talk about it together. And it's well now, like the

386
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: closure chat has just like meant that we never really

387
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 1: truly like moved on or stopped communicating. Yeah, because if

388
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 1: someone like ran over you with a car or something

389
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 1: and you ended up in hospital, right, very extreme example,

390
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 1: but you wouldn't go to them and be like can

391
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,119
Speaker 1: you sit with me in hospital? Like, yeah, I just

392
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: need you that Like it makes no sense. It's like

393
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,120
Speaker 1: if someone has actively really hurt you, why, like, why

394
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,080
Speaker 1: is it logical for you to be like why do

395
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:33,199
Speaker 1: you expect them to hurt you? Yeah? Um, but the

396
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: person who asked this question, i'd say, probably don't do it,

397
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 1: or if you do, take makes advice. It's like clear

398
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 1: expectation and have someone to go mutual meeting place? Did

399
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: you say? No? Not with the person like talk about

400
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 1: mutual meeting place is good like coffee, it's weird if

401
00:21:53,680 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 1: they cry? Yeah, you guys are brutally what does she

402
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 1: need some tears? I don't know? Can I can? I?

403
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 1: Can I ask the next question? Wait from your brain

404
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 1: or from the from the thing I don't remember them,

405
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: go for it? Okay, like if you can ask one

406
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:17,959
Speaker 1: as well? If you okay, Oh, he's a really good one.

407
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 1: Okay in your ex Oh no, I feel like I

408
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 1: want to do that one later. Okay. I'm in a

409
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,920
Speaker 1: situation ship with this guy who won't commit. What should

410
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 1: I do? I think I love him? Oh, I have

411
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 1: no advice? Okay, can you can you read it again? Yeah?

412
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: Let me find I'm in a situationship with this guy

413
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 1: who won't commit. What should I do? I think I

414
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: love him, red flag dump him. Yeah, I think I'm sorry.

415
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: I have been in so many situation ships. I feel like, see, yeah,

416
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, you only want Maybe you're a little

417
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: bit been in a situation ship, do you not? If yeah,

418
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Yeah, so you're not a relationship?

419
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: A few small ones, yeah, but nothing crazy. But it's

420
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: it's yeah, it's it's. It's really tough because I think

421
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,199
Speaker 1: it depends on what the parameters are, and I think

422
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 1: the parameters almost always um, hey, I'm not looking to

423
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: get into a relationship. I don't want to commit um,

424
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: but the spending time with you sort of yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

425
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 1: I think I actually agree. I think that you need

426
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: to set up really clear boundary about what you're looking for,

427
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: and if it's not the same thing, they are not

428
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,440
Speaker 1: going to change their mind. Yeah, they're not going to

429
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: change their mind. They're not going to If they do,

430
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: like the situations that I've seen where they do change

431
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: their mind later, it becomes this constant like resentment of

432
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: like I didn't want to be in a relationship, and

433
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: I'm like this relationship because you wanted me to do this,

434
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: and it's just weird, Like I just yuh, yeah, No,

435
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 1: that's a good point. That's a good point. I think. Yeah,

436
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 1: I think I think it's important to like, I guess,

437
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: be open with how you feel, but they're not to

438
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 1: pressure them into anything. Yeah, because the boundaries are probably

439
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: already set. Good. Yeah, that being said, it sounds like

440
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 1: they probably already talked about this, maybe have been shut down.

441
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: Which well, the other thing which I always say, come

442
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: up is people so like what kind of what you

443
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: were saying gem about, Like someone like they say they

444
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: don't want a relationship, but then they kind of indicate

445
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: that they do, and then they don't, and then they

446
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: do and then they don't, and then so you get

447
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,159
Speaker 1: into this situation where you're like, oh, well they will

448
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 1: because they said that they might or they said they could,

449
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 1: and it's just like sort of and again it builds

450
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,959
Speaker 1: shake you foundations. Right, just like they don't know what

451
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: they want. I think it's what you take out of that,

452
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 1: and that's not a bad thing. It's genuinely they don't

453
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: know whether they want a relationship or not. Anything. You

454
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 1: know that that's what you want, well, then you have

455
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 1: different expectations. So yeah, exactly, And I think if they're

456
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 1: not there and they're not on the same page as you,

457
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: and they don't want to commit into anything. You just

458
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: like as sad as it is, and like it's you

459
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 1: as it will be. You have to get out of

460
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: that because otherwise you'll you'll be you're trapped in a

461
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 1: situation where you're intimate with someone. Do you love that

462
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: you know it doesn't love you back. Yeah, I feel

463
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 1: really I feel really bad for this. Obviously I know

464
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: who this person is, but I feel because I like,

465
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to be like I feel really

466
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,880
Speaker 1: bad for you, because I feel like that's weird. But like,

467
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: I think the other important thing to realize is that

468
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: like if they wanted to, they would, if they wanted

469
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with you, they would be

470
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 1: in a relationship with you. And it has absolutely nothing

471
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: to do with you. Yeah, totally, they aren't ready, and

472
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: to be honest, they're going to fucking probably regret it. Like, yeah,

473
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: if you have this like very beautiful feeling for them,

474
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: that is like really precious and pure and you have

475
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: to see the best parts of someone else to feel

476
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: that way, and they're saying, no, take that and give

477
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,919
Speaker 1: it to someone who really deserves it. And I bet you,

478
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: I bet you some good money that in a few months,

479
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: a few years time, that person's going to still be

480
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: thinking about you, being like damn, yeah, like that person

481
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,360
Speaker 1: really cared about me and I just like didn't. I don't.

482
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: That so sounds a bit toxic. Also, like you know,

483
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 1: move on, because you won't find that person that you'll

484
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: be able to share that love with until you move

485
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: on from this person ye who clearly doesn't want that,

486
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: right yeah. Yeah, And it ends up yeah to say,

487
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,400
Speaker 1: it's sort of like you have to do some like

488
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: damage control for yourself. And like maybe if you're a

489
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: person who just gets over those kinds of things really

490
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: quickly and just moves on with their lives, okay, fair

491
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: like full steam ahead, like do whatever you want, like

492
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: live your life like this story inspiration. Yeah, but I

493
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: think like you have to sort of be like, Okay, well,

494
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: this person is flip flopping. Even if they do decide

495
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: that they do want a relationship somewhere down the track.

496
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: This whole period where like you've been chasing them sets

497
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 1: up this weird power dynamic relationship which is just going

498
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: to persist for the duration of the relationship, and you're

499
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: just like setting yourself up for a crap situation regardless

500
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: of whether it grows, if it turns into relationship or not.

501
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: And that's just really sad. That's so true. It's and

502
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: it's like there are people who are not like that

503
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: out there in the world that would be so much

504
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: better and more lovely and wonderful. Yeah, and would appreciate

505
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 1: your Yeah, because you deserve better, yea better yeah. Yeah.

506
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: And it's although they might not have necessarily done anything wrong,

507
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,360
Speaker 1: you deserve to be in a better situation. Totally. That's

508
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: so true. And like, I'm sorry that you're in that

509
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: situation because I like know what that feels like, and

510
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 1: it really really sucks. And you're just sitting there being

511
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: like is this not enough? And you are enough for

512
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: the right person? This person obviously isn't the right person. Yeah,

513
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 1: well they're frank, Yeah, there's not enough for your expectations

514
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: are higher than what they want. It's like the exact

515
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: opposite is they're not meeting your expectation. Yeah, it's like

516
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,920
Speaker 1: you're actually the one. Yeah, you're so right, Like yeah,

517
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: it's not like it's not like, oh my god, like

518
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough for them. It's like no, like

519
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: if they're not going to meet and obviously there's not

520
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 1: like they're a demon, they're a devil, they're a villain.

521
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 1: Like if they've set up clear expectations and somehow you've

522
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: kind of lost your way a little bit, it is

523
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: kind of your responsibility to be like, Okay, well they

524
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: were really open with me about what they wanted. If

525
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: they were open with if they think, it's a different

526
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 1: question if they were gaslighting and ye, which I know

527
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: you hate the word gaslight. I know, but in the

528
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: situation it kind of yeah, yeah, you'd be like that.

529
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 1: But I hope that's enough. Good luck? Yeah, question? Yeah,

530
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: I love it. It's so fun. Yeah, were you liking it?

531
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 1: What's the next question? The next one we could do? Um? Okay,

532
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 1: we got Okay, here we go. This is a friendship one. Yeah, Oh,

533
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 1: spice it up. I feel like I've lost a lot

534
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: of friends and drifted from people during lockdown. I feel

535
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: like people hate me and don't want to be around me.

536
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: How do I make new friends? Yeah? Oh, so, okay,

537
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 1: I think I think there's kind of it. It feels

538
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: like a two part It feels like that they're yeah,

539
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: you feel you feel very disconnected from your current friends

540
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: and you feel like you've drifted from them, and maybe

541
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: you feel like you've done something to do that or

542
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 1: partly responsible. And then there's how do I make new friends? Yeah,

543
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: and I think jam is one of the best people

544
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: I know. I'm making new friends well, so well, I

545
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: think if you think that people hate you, you probably

546
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: shouldn't be around them. Yeah. Well, this is what I

547
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: was going to say, is like, because I think I've

548
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: had a similar experience with this where I sort of

549
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: what felt like I lost touch with a lot of

550
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: people and tried to sort of rekindle those friendships and

551
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: was like, I feel like these people hate me. And

552
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 1: I think if you interrogate that feeling a little bit

553
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: more and you're like, Okay, well, maybe I actually they

554
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: don't hate me. Maybe I'm insecure about this friendship because

555
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel quite right, and I think sort of

556
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: like interrogating that a little bit more and like sort

557
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: of thinking about, well, why is it that I feel

558
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,239
Speaker 1: this way, and like what is communicating that feeling to me?

559
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: And sometimes I found like I'm like, you know, I

560
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: don't know, like to my mom and sort of like, oh,

561
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: someone sorry hates me, and she's like, why do you

562
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: think that? And I was like, I don't know, Like

563
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 1: I just feel like that today. I'm like, oh, like, well,

564
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: actually I think that they don't like me because they

565
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: said this thing that I just really hate or and

566
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: then I'm like, okay, well I don't I don't want

567
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: that friendship anymore because you know that whatever they're doing

568
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: that makes me feel like I hate Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

569
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: I think yeah, using as a growth opportunity, like clearly,

570
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: clearly you didn't value friends enough and maybe your friends

571
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: didn't value enough to stay connected during lockdown. Yeah. One

572
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: thing lockdown told me was that I I I figured

573
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: out who I really want to spend time with during

574
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: lockdown and use it as an opportunity to be like,

575
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: well maybe I can have better friends. That sounds kind

576
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: of to like better friends and let's make some new

577
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: friends and develop new connections. Yeah. I've set your intentions

578
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: really clearly with what you want out of your new friends. Yeah,

579
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: and then go for it. Yeah. And also I'm like,

580
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: so this is a quote that like Sam, my friend Sam,

581
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: friend of the show, my beautiful friend Sam and Melbourne, Um,

582
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: he has said to me before, and it's kind of

583
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: I've said on the podcast before, like, if you're not

584
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: losing friends, you're not growing. Yeah, And I do think

585
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: that's really true, because there was also that saying people

586
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime,

587
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: and I think that it's important to be like, firstly,

588
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 1: it might not be that they hate you. It might

589
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: just be that you are a bit socially anxious because

590
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: you haven't seen people for a while, and in that case,

591
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 1: it's always better just to be like, what's up, let's

592
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: talk about it. Yeah, And like I never did this,

593
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: but I wish that I did, So there's my advice.

594
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: And if they, like Meg was saying, if they're giving

595
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: you the eco making you feel like you're not appreciated,

596
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 1: it's better to be like alone than to be in

597
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: the company of people who make you feel lonely. Yeah, Like,

598
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: I really I think that is so port And sometimes

599
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: you lose friends, and sometimes you lose a lot of

600
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: friends all at once, and it just means you have

601
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 1: so much more opportunity to put yourself in situations where

602
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 1: you can make Like I had this where I had

603
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: like a mass exodus almost and then I just was like,

604
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: this is like a really good sign that I need

605
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: to like I've I've changed. These people have changed in

606
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: their own ways. We haven't changed in the same direction.

607
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: It's time to find people who suit this part of

608
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: me now, this new this new version of my life.

609
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: And I think I think it's like in your twenties,

610
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: your friends with people who you either work with, who

611
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: you know from like high school and university, yeah, or

612
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: who have shared hobbies, experiences, or you live with. Yeah.

613
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 1: So I think it's getting getting into a shared experience

614
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: or a shared hobby. It's a fantastic way to do it. Yeah.

615
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: So like find your hobby. It's really you'll make some

616
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: really good friends. Yeah, I do. I do theater. I

617
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: made some fantastic friends through that, and it's really really

618
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: special even if your life, you will know them for

619
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: like a really interesting time. Yeah. And it makes you

620
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: feel less only it makes you feel sene Yeah. And

621
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: would you would you say similar things? Yeah? Yeah, definitely.

622
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: And I think it's like it's good once you start

623
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 1: developing those separate circles of friends, because it's also like

624
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 1: you're not going to be stoked with every single one

625
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: of your friends at every single point in time. I think, Yeah,

626
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: you need Megan our friends in first year, and I

627
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 1: was a bit of I was a bit weird in

628
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: first year. I'm sure. Um, yeah, No. I think the

629
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: other thing that I will say, though, is that, um,

630
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: just because you've lost touch during lockdown doesn't inherently mean

631
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: that you shouldn't be friends with those people anymore, because

632
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: I think I've certainly done this, Like I like probably

633
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: when I went home for lockdown last year, I didn't

634
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 1: talk to people for like months at the time, and

635
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: that wasn't a product of, you know, the fact that

636
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be friends with those people anymore.

637
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: It's sort of like there are some people who are

638
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 1: really good at texting and staying as touch and face timing,

639
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: and then there are people who that doesn't quite work

640
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: for them, or you know, it feels you know, I

641
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: don't know, and I think that's you know, but you

642
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: also should try and work on that, I think as

643
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: something that is The other thing is sort of being like, Okay,

644
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: well I didn't talk to people for an extended period

645
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: of time. That's now I'm feeling cramp about that. So

646
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 1: next time when this if you know there's a lockdown again,

647
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 1: or you go in an overseas holiday, you start a

648
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 1: new job or move you. Yeah, that's something to kind

649
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: of push a little bit more. And I would say

650
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 1: that this time during lockdown, I've made you so much. Yeah. Yeah,

651
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 1: And I think you sort of you go through it

652
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:36,919
Speaker 1: once and you're like, oh, well, you know I could

653
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,919
Speaker 1: have done x Y zed better and you're like, you know, no, Therese,

654
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 1: these really are people. There are friends that I didn't

655
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: stay in touch with in Lockdown who I really do

656
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: want to stay in touch with and just reach out

657
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 1: just be like yeah, yeah, and if they're good friends,

658
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: aren't understand right. Yeah. And also I think that people

659
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 1: are going through their own ship yeah during lockdown and lockdown,

660
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 1: Like I lost my granddad during lockdown and like had

661
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: other things happen. It was like, it's not a reflection

662
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: on the people I didn't keep in touch with. It's

663
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: more of like I'm just overwhelmed. Yeah, and it's like

664
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: I just can't do the same, Like I don't have

665
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: as much space and places to go to recharge. Yeah.

666
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: But mag you did do a much better job. I

667
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: remember when first Lockdown you hermitted hard. Yeah. Yeah, she

668
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: really took the order very seriously in and then this lockdown,

669
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,320
Speaker 1: you were like really good about him. Yeah. Yeah, I

670
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,240
Speaker 1: think it's sort of being like, okay, well calling people

671
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: feels a little bit weird for me, so I'm like, okay,

672
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: well this time I could go and walk so people.

673
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: Yeah I could. We did FaceTime. Yeah yeah, so like

674
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: do like you know that sort of thing. I found

675
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 1: a lot more fun. So I think it's sort of yeah,

676
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 1: it's a learning experience. Yeah, it's kind of cringe. But yeah, yeah,

677
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,760
Speaker 1: we got another question here. It's actually actually a statement.

678
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 1: There's no question involved. My boyfriend likes rock climbing more

679
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: than me. That's it. Um, yeah, that's it. I think.

680
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: I think, honey, you've got to be the paper. Yeah,

681
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: it feels feeling very advice sage. You got to be

682
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: the paper that beats the rocks. I think you got

683
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: to you gotta step it up. Oh I gotta know

684
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,720
Speaker 1: who wrote this job? Is it bad? It's fine? Places

685
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: this paper rock with him, and if you get paper,

686
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: he has to stopped going rock Yeah, climb like you

687
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: know what. Also, it's good that your boyfriend has a hobby. Yeah,

688
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: it's good that he has a hobby and that it's exercise. True, true,

689
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: because I play games as a hobby. Yeah, play video games.

690
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: And then we see you and it's like I'm like,

691
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 1: have you been crying? And You're like, no, I've just

692
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 1: been playing video It could it could be worse hobby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

693
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: And I also think men are really bad and just

694
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 1: this is a broad generalization. Young men are really bad

695
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: at like building healthy routines and healthy lifestyles and being like, okay,

696
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: well when I sit and play video games for eight

697
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,399
Speaker 1: hours straight, that makes me feel kind of gross and

698
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:10,879
Speaker 1: like I never never feel good. You don't. You're quite

699
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: good with like going to the gym and stuff like that,

700
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: and it's about your friends. Yeah, yeah, doing a theater

701
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 1: and like you know, it's going to work and having

702
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: like a routine that gives you lots of space to

703
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 1: grow and do other names and keep stimulated and you know.

704
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 1: And so I feel like a hobby is good. Um yeah,

705
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: but if he likes rock climbing more than he likes you, yeah,

706
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: relationships grow over time. Yeah, maybe go rock climbing with him,

707
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: or at least just hang out with him at the rocks. Yeah.

708
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: They I mean, you know who it is. Do they

709
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: go rock climbing together? I can't divulge personal information about Okay,

710
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: but they don't, so okay, but I feel like maybe

711
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: also it's okay if you have two separate if you

712
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: have separate, lie, that's really good. Yeah, true, it's actually yeah, yeah,

713
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: because you can use that as space to be like, Okay,

714
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: well I'm going to go and climb rocks and things

715
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 1: and think about my feeling. Yeah yeah, and just decompress

716
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: um and then yeah, spend quality time together. Also, rocks

717
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: don't have a pulse. Yeah, that's that's important. That's a

718
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 1: yeah rocks. Rocks don't have a pulse. Rocks don't have

719
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 1: a pulse. You have a pulse. You have writ that

720
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,839
Speaker 1: on your wall, Yeah, rocks, So there's your affirmation. Yeah,

721
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: rocks don't have a pulse. I have a pulse. So

722
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 1: this is super niche. But it also makes gifting really

723
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: easy because oh yeah the rock Yeah five this fuckers.

724
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: There's so much stuff to get around rocky little gloves

725
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 1: and things. Yeah, yeah, ropes, I love I love the

726
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: little pouches with chalk. Yeah, obviously I will face gloves,

727
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: little shoes, shoes. It's great gifting. Yeah, protein bars when

728
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: the yeah after after after the rock Rock yeah, or

729
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: mid rock. Um, there's so much to unpacky and I'm

730
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:08,280
Speaker 1: glad we have rock Jack. You're moving through these questions.

731
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I just like, what was

732
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: that conclusion that is? Well, I start started with be

733
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: the paper to the rock, but what are we ending on? Yeah?

734
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 1: I feel like as long as he's not like sleeping

735
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 1: on the rocks or like pund yeah, that would be

736
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 1: bad for I mean, you know who wrote is it

737
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 1: a genuine concern? I think it is, Okay, okay, oh, okay,

738
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: I think it's simich Okay. Well, yeah, as long as

739
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: he's not falling around with the rocks, I think I think, yeah,

740
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 1: I think boundaries around the rocks about how much he

741
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: can go rock climbing, yeah, and how much yeah, how

742
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: much he should be climbing you instead? Yeah yeah, well yeah,

743
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 1: because you don't want to get into a stage where

744
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 1: he's one of those people that are sleeping with the

745
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:08,479
Speaker 1: rocks where they pitch alex Aude. Yeah oh that okay,

746
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: I'm sorry much. And that's just dangerous. It's danger scary

747
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: for you when he's doing that. Also, if you think

748
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 1: that he likes rocks more than he likes you, you

749
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: should watch that documentary with that Alex Holland guy where

750
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: he like, he like has this beautiful girlfriend. He's like,

751
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: I love you. I want to start a family with you.

752
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 1: And he's like, I want to summit the one of

753
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: the tallest mountains in the world without using a harness. Sorry, baby,

754
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: if I die, Yeah, and he does it. See that's

755
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 1: a bit much, right, Yeah, don't want a different story. Don'

756
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: want to get to that point where yeah, he's one

757
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,879
Speaker 1: of those rock people. Yeah, just sound like a get

758
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:48,439
Speaker 1: those little rock things and frozen you know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

759
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,879
Speaker 1: that's cute. That's what your babies will look like, those

760
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 1: little rock things. No, I don't like Yeah, and sorry,

761
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: sorry for calling you honey at the start. I wasn't

762
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:05,439
Speaker 1: trying to be patronizing. I just felt very sage. Yeah, King, thanks, thanks, King, Thanks.

763
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 1: I got called king ironically. Un ironically the other day

764
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 1: it was quite funny. Yah, just someone. Yeah, it was

765
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 1: my favorite thing to be doing. I was telling one

766
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: of my friends this the other day. My favorite thing

767
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 1: is to go on like Instagram lives of like guys

768
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: doing like who are like DJs and be like we

769
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: love a short king. Yeah, yeah, I saw it on

770
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: ticked off and I started doing it. Ye, Like, yeah,

771
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 1: Superstar is Superstar or muscles is a classic when you

772
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: got from from like from like your uncle's when you

773
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: when you were playing rugby stuff, hanging rugby muscles. I

774
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: wish that was my experience with us. Yeah, don't worry, muscles,

775
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: you still got it. Okay, So our next question, it's

776
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 1: a really big one. Let's to unpack here. Um sorry

777
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: this anonymous um question asking human said, my girlfriend and

778
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: I broke up, but I miss her mom. Pretty sure

779
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: mom misses me too. Yeah, what do I assume that?

780
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: I think? I think the starting point I'm going to

781
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: recommend a song called Stacy's Mom. Yeah, yeah, I think

782
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:20,320
Speaker 1: it might be it might be a good text to

783
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: look at. Yeah, good, good. There's some homework for you,

784
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: some reading, Yeah yeah. Or if you can't rebuild connections

785
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: with her mom and like say it, you know, yeah,

786
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 1: you know that, that's fine. I would suggest setting your

787
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: age range higher on tender. Yeah. I think you'll meet

788
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: plenty of you. Oh, you have a lot of mummy

789
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 1: figures to replace the old one. I also think that,

790
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 1: like you know, the girlfriend gets the mom and the breakup. Yeah,

791
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: you don't get clear. Yeah, yeah, so mom, Yeah it

792
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 1: is at the end of the day, she did love

793
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 1: you as much as she loved her daughter. So yeah,

794
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it is it is

795
00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: her mum and that's that's finale. But if you need

796
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: the mouth energy, yeah, just because there's plenty of mums

797
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: out there. There's plenty of mum's out there that you know, Yeah,

798
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: that have daughters that you didn't go out with, or

799
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: have sons you can go out with. Yeah, and I

800
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 1: think channel that hone into that. Yeah, you don't need

801
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:20,720
Speaker 1: to stop projecting, babe. Yeah, you need to chill. Also,

802
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: does her mum miss you? Probably not, so maybe you

803
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: need to do I think, yeah, yeah, Well you can

804
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: just find a new girlfriend who mothers you. Yeah, that's

805
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,319
Speaker 1: a hot tip. That's true. That's true. Yeah, find find

806
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: a girlfriend with mother. But I'm such a mother e

807
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: girlfriend too. Yeah. I was going to say, we can't talk,

808
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: we can't say ship the queen my mother, even the

809
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: guys I'm not in a relationship with. It's ridiculous. I'm

810
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 1: teaching someone how to fucking drive right now. What was

811
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: more mummy energy than that? That's very mummy energy. Yeah,

812
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: that exceeds my mum. Yeah, I've never been that fatherlym

813
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 1: when you called the question ask a honey before, Yeah,

814
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: that was that was your peak fatherly. I've been told

815
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: be a good dad. You would be such a good dad.

816
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: I love to be a dad. Oh you would be

817
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 1: so much fun. Yeah, kids be there like not their dad,

818
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: but like god. Okay, okay god father. For any pod

819
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,919
Speaker 1: listeners who are looking who we're missing their ex's dad,

820
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: you have feel free to give advice or play Lego.

821
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: I love with the kids. I just love playing with

822
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 1: my little cousins and the kids there so fun to

823
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: hang out with. And I wanted keen to do all

824
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: the kid things that I did when I was a kid.

825
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: When Ye, that's the only reason you when I yeah,

826
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,399
Speaker 1: introducing them to all this cool stuff like Star Wars. Yeah,

827
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 1: I know you're going to say star Yeah, Lego and

828
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: like Batman video game, the Marble movies. I'm so kane.

829
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: That would be really fun. Meg do you want little leggies? Yeah?

830
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 1: Sont meg lingsglings loved tiny running down like a leaden

831
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: leg like shrunk. That's the most terrifying thing ever. Well like,

832
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 1: but I was like a kind of cute kid. I

833
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: feel like, oh my god, you're so over the face

834
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: with Yeah, so the computer pictures the funniest one. You guys,

835
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 1: I'm working every day, I'm depressed. Was like it's like

836
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: every day we're hustling, or like it's about staying hungry.

837
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 1: That was Nag when she was a kid, And oh

838
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: my god, what was like me organized saying an entire

839
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 1: like performs with tickets for me to sing I'm a

840
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 1: Barbie girl, Like children, did you did you do this?

841
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 1: Because I did, like did you do little plays performances? Yeah?

842
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: But I took it to the next level, like I

843
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: left my prep classroom and invited the whole school. I

844
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: made tickets and invited the whole school to my performance

845
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: about a Barbie Girl. And then like two classrooms full

846
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 1: of kids, and my prep teacher was like, why are

847
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,720
Speaker 1: all these people here? And I commissioned my entire class,

848
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: and they made all of the guys that I hated

849
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 1: in my class dress up as photographers pretend to be

850
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 1: like my paparazzi came to pick me up from prep,

851
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: and I think my teacher was like, you have raised

852
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:48,840
Speaker 1: a psychopo like this child psychic talent. Talent was questionable organizations,

853
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 1: and they have carried you here. Yeah, continue to use

854
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 1: those in your daily life now, yeah, because I feel

855
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: like you would have done the same and maybe even

856
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 1: knew Jema. But I was having a conversation with my

857
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: mum this week when I was in Sydney about when

858
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: I used to put on little performances when I was

859
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 1: like magic shows and I used to do a little

860
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,879
Speaker 1: like act out little scenes from like like movies. I like, yeah,

861
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: did you do that? Yeah? So I would commission performances

862
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 1: with my brother as well. Yeah, and love commission Yeah,

863
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 1: I did him. I would organized out him. I think

864
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: my parents were probably sick of them, they were having

865
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: so frequently. But my dad also would record like songs

866
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 1: and I singing with all his like sound recording. Yeah,

867
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 1: so we have Hayden and I are singing love Shack

868
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 1: like you know, like five something student like that. It's

869
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: so funny because we do all of the parts, it's

870
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: like and it's on a full like recording. Baby. Yeah,

871
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: my favorite is that coming out with twenty first. I

872
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 1: would be surprised if you didn't. If she's listening with

873
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: mum and dad, do you know give us the goods.

874
00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 1: I want to see the love shack ten minutes in

875
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:06,840
Speaker 1: the bolts. Yeah, you don't get it, Taylor. Sorry to

876
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: exclude you again. That's all right. I used to do

877
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: your Well. There's photo of me doing a fake wedding

878
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: where I married my dog. You know that that dog

879
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:21,200
Speaker 1: I have, toy dog I still have in my bed.

880
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 1: Wasn't a real dog. No it was. It was a

881
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: toy dog. It was not weird. Yeah, it still was

882
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: a little bit weird. And I made my grandma. I

883
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: made my grandma make me a full, like child sized

884
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: wedding gown. Wow, I'm like a veil to a photo. Yeah,

885
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 1: I'll show you. I'll find it for you. And then

886
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: she also made my dog. Funnily enough, it was like

887
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: a bit of a lesbian wedding with the dog because um,

888
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: the dog was also wearing well maybe I shouldn't be presumptuous,

889
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: but the dog was also wearing a dress and a veil.

890
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: So there was two brides, one of us was a dog,

891
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: in one of which was me. So technically I think

892
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 1: very progressive, thank you, thank you. I was very progressive child.

893
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 1: I was a very progressive child bride. I feel like

894
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 1: we can forgive child Brian's if if it's like yeah,

895
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 1: and marrying children, if it's like LGBTQ friends, that was

896
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 1: such an yeah. Yeah, that's a good moment. It really

897
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: was a good moment. I've been an ally since day dot. Yeah,

898
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put it everyone from Prime Minister and I'm

899
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 1: gonna need to get like some brownie points that yeah,

900
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 1: hic policy. Yeah, go to the parades, even bring your

901
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 1: bring my lover. Yeah, Napoleon the Dog. I feel like

902
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 1: it's very parks in Reck, like, oh my god, the Penguin.

903
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: I forgot about that episode the Penguins. Yeah, yeah, and

904
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 1: cause that was quite funny course of st Yeah with that,

905
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 1: what's that the uptight lady who's married. I'm such a

906
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: Leslie note. I oh you so are like yeah, yeah

907
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 1: with with with better social skills, we hope. Do you

908
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 1: think I'm Anne Perkins or I'm my Tammy? You're in, Yeah,

909
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 1: you're in. I don't think I'm an I think and

910
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 1: it is a little bit not Tammy. No one's yeah,

911
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 1: no one's as fad as everyone's a little bit. Maybe

912
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 1: I'm Diane, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you're like I'm

913
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: sorry I'm going to say, like a huge smart Andy energy. Yeah,

914
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:36,919
Speaker 1: you're totally I like that though. He's got really nice Yeah,

915
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: I can see that, maybe a bit of Chris and

916
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: He's and he's lovely. Be happy for that. It'd be

917
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 1: a really good Andy. And and he wants to be

918
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:46,359
Speaker 1: a dad like you. True and Andy's child at heart

919
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 1: like you. Yeah, that's so sad. Track Oh did Yeah, No,

920
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: it's all about the So we do one final question? Yeah,

921
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 1: well we have one final question. Okay, we don't have

922
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: one final question about this one. So I've been sleeping

923
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 1: with this girl for a couple of months doing that? Yeah,

924
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 1: of course not. We're not doing that, so Jack, I

925
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: don't want to answer that question. Well we can. I'm

926
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: not doing that, Okay, so you can. Sorry that sounded

927
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 1: very aggressive. I didn't mean to be s aggressive. First five. Yeah,

928
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: in your expert opinion, should we stay friends with our exes? Oh? Yeah,

929
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 1: I think I think so. Um, Actually it really depends

930
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: on the nature of the relationship, like yeah, yeah, it

931
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 1: like like I think that that is almost the condition

932
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 1: of if you can be friends or not you're friends

933
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 1: with your one of your exes. I'm yeah, I've got

934
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 1: a spectrum. I'm friends with one of my exes, I

935
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: am on good terms with another, and then I don't

936
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: speak to one of my other exes. I'm trying to

937
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,440
Speaker 1: fill the banks. Huh does that make sense? Yeah, yeah,

938
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: it does make sense. Yeah. Yeah, what about you, I've

939
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 1: I've got a two extreme spectrum. I've got to never

940
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 1: look at me. If you come within five feet of me,

941
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 1: might try and throw you off something large. I've got

942
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:14,439
Speaker 1: another extreme of like we get along fine and yea, yeah,

943
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: would be happy to hang out like I yeah, have

944
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 1: no issues like good pals. Yeah, no beef because because

945
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 1: I think I think like fundamentally and it's something I like.

946
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: I remember getting coffee with my most recent X after

947
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: we broke up and be like, oh wow, like I

948
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 1: really I missed her company a lot. We really go

949
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 1: along well. And I think the reason why xs can

950
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: be friends is because there's such a good baseline friendship

951
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: there and banta that note like you'll definitely get along

952
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 1: with them. Um, it's just like if it was a

953
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: shit relationship yeah yeah, and or it was about anything,

954
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 1: or if you still have feelings for them, yeah, then

955
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: you cannot be friends with them. I have this I'm

956
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 1: either like I until my most an X, I was like,

957
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:05,320
Speaker 1: when I finished something with someone I was seeing, I'm like,

958
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: I do not speak to me anymore. Yeah, I don't

959
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 1: like you. I don't want any part of you in

960
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: my life. In some ways, I do a bit of

961
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: back and forth. But that sucks. But I actually think

962
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 1: that that's a really good baseline to have, right because

963
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 1: I think if you're two naive about it and you're like,

964
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: I mean to be friends with everyone who I've broken

965
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:29,320
Speaker 1: up with, it's like, okay, well, yeah, maybe really re

966
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:34,120
Speaker 1: evaluate that. Yeah. Yeah. It's also like the nature of

967
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: the relationship doesn't have to like, at least in my case,

968
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: doesn't impact whether or not I'm friends with them. I think,

969
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:45,399
Speaker 1: like the worst breakup I had, like I'm still friends

970
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 1: with that person out of the three relationships I've had. Yeah. Interesting, Yeah,

971
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 1: which which is nice. I'm still I would say I

972
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: went through a period with my most recent accent, like

973
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: I don't feel we're talking about this because we've talked

974
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: about it, where I was like, went through this period

975
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: of being like I really do not like you. I

976
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: like you are a terrible person, don't speak to me anymore.

977
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:10,240
Speaker 1: But then when the time passes, you're like, oh, actually,

978
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 1: like we all make mistakes, and you can become very

979
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 1: good friends with them, but you have to be careful.

980
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 1: You have to care for with it because you don't

981
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 1: want to become reliant on them promotional support again, the

982
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: way that you would have if you were an elationship. Yeah,

983
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 1: they are just another friend. Like, I think it also

984
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 1: matters the position that you were in prior to the relationship,

985
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:32,439
Speaker 1: because I think the trap that a lot of people

986
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 1: fall into is they were really good friends before they

987
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: started dating. Then they started dating, and there was a

988
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,319
Speaker 1: whole thing when they started dating about oh, they didn't

989
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 1: want to lose their friendship, et cetera, et cetera. And

990
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 1: then they break up and they try and revert to

991
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: that immediately and it always goes badly, and it happens

992
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 1: to so many people. I don't Yeah, yeah, it's also

993
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: like I totally get why, but also that's such a factor.

994
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 1: And then I think the other key thing is time, right,

995
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,800
Speaker 1: yea time. Time's definitely the biggest one. Yeah, you're not

996
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 1: going to be besties the next day, and if you're

997
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 1: trying to be Yeah, there was a two year out

998
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: between when I last spoke to one of my exes

999
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:14,799
Speaker 1: and the friends yeah, wow, actually yeah, and it's like yeah,

1000
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 1: and she just popped up and was like, want to

1001
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,760
Speaker 1: want to grab coffee? Yeah. I think that is actually

1002
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: makes an excellent point. You need to have had enough

1003
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:25,479
Speaker 1: time to like with Jack and his lady old lady friends,

1004
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: not old lady friends, no mummy mummy connecting with that

1005
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 1: last question, yeah really, but like you need you need

1006
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,320
Speaker 1: have had enough time to have been able to settle

1007
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: your resentments and to also have let feelings lessened. Yeah,

1008
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: because if you still have feelings for them, you're going

1009
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 1: to want from them what you wanted from them when

1010
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,239
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship. Yeah, and it's not going

1011
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 1: to work. But then I do think in the long

1012
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 1: time you can be friends of the exodes. I totally

1013
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 1: see myself being friends with my ex now, like, yeah,

1014
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 1: because we were such good friends when we were dating

1015
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:08,400
Speaker 1: and now that things have been fixed, yeah, we can

1016
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 1: just move. I don't know, maybe I'm saying this and

1017
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: this is like in three months, we'll be listening back.

1018
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 1: But it depends. It just depends if you want to

1019
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,799
Speaker 1: have a friendship with them. Yeah, Yeah, don't have to yeah,

1020
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,440
Speaker 1: the other things. If you can't be if you can't

1021
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 1: be freaked and you have too many friends already, don't

1022
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, because my whole thing is like I

1023
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,840
Speaker 1: don't like the feeling of being like I had this

1024
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 1: friendship with this person, I had this like you, we

1025
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 1: really got along, and then now we're on ey terms.

1026
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: Like that doesn't sit well with me. But I think

1027
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 1: I could definitely do the whole like we're not in

1028
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: bad terms, were not in good terms. We just exist.

1029
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 1: I think it's just for me, the ikeyness. I just

1030
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 1: I don't think I could cope with, Like I feel

1031
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 1: like I'd have to sort of feel like things were

1032
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:55,359
Speaker 1: at least really old. Yeah, I think right. Yeah. Yeah,

1033
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of the block. Your block Yeah,

1034
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 1: oh yeah, You're block really doesn't unfollowed, So yeah, I

1035
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 1: like the unfollowed too. Yeah. Yeah, I just anyone I've

1036
00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 1: been in a romantic relationship or anything with, I'm always like,

1037
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 1: I just cannot interact with you for at least a while,

1038
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 1: But then with time, time heals everything, and then you

1039
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: can be the same way as them, and then it's

1040
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 1: fun to stop them on social media. Yeah, yeah, they've

1041
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 1: got Yeah, Yeah, all the people i've previously like dated

1042
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:33,439
Speaker 1: or like to have all gotten really ugly. Yeah. See

1043
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:35,960
Speaker 1: sorry if you're listening, but it's true. Yeah. Well I

1044
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 1: think it's also just the thing if you're not attracted

1045
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 1: to them anymore. Well that's troubly, isn't it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

1046
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: they probably point out the obvious also, and that was

1047
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: a joke, like they haven't all gotten they're still very

1048
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: nice people. So yeah, anyhow, we did some great We

1049
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 1: covered some ground. We covered some ground really and also

1050
00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 1: aren't we like three really wise people? Yeah, quite cool.

1051
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 1: Three wise mice, three wise mice, ye wise three blind

1052
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 1: mine Yeah, three wise mice is cooler. We had a cheeseboard,

1053
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: it would be yeah wise mice. We had the fattest

1054
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 1: feed before this though, So we did yeah tofu out

1055
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: of ten eleven. Wow, it's pretty good. I had some mixed.

1056
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:33,400
Speaker 1: It was really nice. I think I had half of it.

1057
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 1: Thank you much, Bread anyhow, thanks for joining us. Yeah,

1058
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:47,560
Speaker 1: thanks thanks for stopping in and asking questions. Yeah, how

1059
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: was your first podcast experience? I really I really enjoyed it.

1060
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: I definitely couldn't do this by myself like I would

1061
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:56,400
Speaker 1: be It's a lot harder about yourself. Yeah, yeah, I

1062
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: could drink the chats. Yeah, well, me too. This was

1063
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: really intrigued Jackson. Now he's good, his master's he's done

1064
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:05,080
Speaker 1: a Yeah, because the first one I went on, I

1065
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 1: was pretty nervous. But yeah, I think having appear in

1066
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 1: person was a lot better because we did it over

1067
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: the phone the first time. Yeah, you did really good though.

1068
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:16,880
Speaker 1: It got really good feedback. Oh yeah, you were. You

1069
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:18,800
Speaker 1: guys were really good to listen to. Yeah, And I

1070
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: think it was because I knew so many of the

1071
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,600
Speaker 1: stories as well that like or like i'd heard of

1072
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 1: them and like hearing you guys interact and talk about

1073
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 1: them was really sweet. Well, now maybe you got to

1074
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 1: make your debut. And I hope if you sent him

1075
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 1: a question. There was like maybe three or four that

1076
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: we didn't answer because they were just like a bit

1077
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 1: miss or not really questions. But if you did send

1078
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 1: it a question, I hope we answered it. Well. I

1079
00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 1: hope we didn't offend you. I hope that you got

1080
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 1: some solid advice. Yeah. And also to I just want

1081
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 1: to do a quick shout out to the person who's

1082
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 1: in a situation ship. Yeah, yeah, true, true Europe. I

1083
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: don't know if it's a girl or a guy. But

1084
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 1: I think that I think that's important to mention though, Yeah,

1085
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 1: because like I'm feeling for you right now. Yeah, and

1086
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: you deserve a lot. Yeah yeah to all those people,

1087
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 1: you all deserve a lot. Rock climb yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.

1088
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: It was a girl, boy, it was a girl. Lonely,

1089
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 1: lonely person. Oh that was Thanks again for listening. Don't

1090
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 1: forget to subscribe wherever you subscribe to this podcast, wherever

1091
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Meg, where can we get this podcast? Spotify,

1092
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: couple of music Spotify that that was really beautiful. Um,

1093
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 1: and follow us on Instagram as well. It's twenty twenties

1094
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 1: Psycho twenties podcast. I don't even know my own Instagram handle.

1095
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,160
Speaker 1: And um. Thanks for listening, and thanks to Jack and

1096
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:49,240
Speaker 1: Meg again for joining us. And we'll see you yeah,

1097
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 1: see you guys next week. Bye,