Speaker 1: Hello, it's I Do Part two. I'm Jenny Garth that
Speaker 1: I'm here with the beautiful, lovely Janna Kramer.
Speaker 2: My friend.
Speaker 1: He This is gonna be a fun chat because we
Speaker 1: have a newly I think not so newly, but a
Speaker 1: single man a coming on and we are going to
Speaker 1: just get to the bottom of what it's like to
Speaker 1: be a single guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we always hear a lot from the single
Speaker 2: women m M exactly, so it'll be nice to hear
Speaker 2: from him and what, you know, how things have been going,
Speaker 2: from his divorce and everything that he's been going through.
Speaker 2: So it's a little a man's perspective, because.
Speaker 1: A man's perspective. We need it because I don't know.
Speaker 1: I certainly don't know what a man's looking for out there,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure a lot of women can relate if
Speaker 1: you're not out there, you know, dating and going through
Speaker 1: the apps and all that stuff. I'm so curious. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: let's bring him in. Okay, let's do it today. We're
Speaker 1: going to chat with someone who is in their own
Speaker 1: I Do Part two era. You got to know this
Speaker 1: guy back on Season seven of the Bachelorette when he
Speaker 1: proposed to and married Ashley but like most of us
Speaker 1: on this podcast, he got divorced a few years ago,
Speaker 1: and we're going to catch up with him and hear
Speaker 1: what's going on. Please welcome JP Rosenbaum Podcast. Hey, hey, okay,
Speaker 1: let's give our listeners a little background, if he would,
Speaker 1: in case they aren't huge Bachelor Nation fans and they
Speaker 1: live under a rock like me. You were a contestant
Speaker 1: on Ashley's season of The Bachelorette. Tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about how long you guys were married and your
Speaker 1: sort of family as it turned out.
Speaker 3: Sure, so we met in twenty eleven on the show.
Speaker 3: We got married end of twenty twelve. We were married
Speaker 3: for about seven and a half years, happily had two
Speaker 3: kids who are now ten and a half and eight
Speaker 3: and a half.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were living up in Jersey for a little bit,
Speaker 3: in New York for a little bit, moved down to
Speaker 3: Miami in the summer of twenty fourteen. And then I'm
Speaker 3: going to skip over a few years, but about about
Speaker 3: two weeks before COVID hit, we decided to get divorced.
Speaker 1: So, oh wow.
Speaker 3: February of twenty twenty. Is that about right? It's all a.
Speaker 1: Blurb, but yeah, what happened for COVID. Then if you guys,
Speaker 1: right before COVID you decided, did you guys separate and
Speaker 1: have two houses?
Speaker 3: That kind of thing. So that was the tricky thing, right,
Speaker 3: So the kids were coming back from school, how are
Speaker 3: we going to sell the house? There were all these things,
Speaker 3: all these unknown questions that we just kind of had
Speaker 3: to navigate. So no, I ended up moving into the
Speaker 3: guest room for six months on a place. We sold
Speaker 3: the house, I moved out, I found a place, and so,
Speaker 3: you know, it was it was an interesting year.
Speaker 2: But that was before because you guys, didn't you do
Speaker 2: a GMA about your I don't want to mispronounce the Giambret. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that was that was before so then because I'm like,
Speaker 2: you guys were still technically married at that point, right,
Speaker 2: because it was did you guys get back together or
Speaker 2: what was that?
Speaker 3: So that was right before. So I we were away
Speaker 3: for our anniversary in December that in nineteen when I
Speaker 3: had gotten sick, and so you know, it was obviously
Speaker 3: it was downward spiraling, but before that, but so I
Speaker 3: got sick and then two months later, three months later,
Speaker 3: we decided to get divorce. So it was it was
Speaker 3: a rough year, Like my mom was diagnosed with cancer,
Speaker 3: I had Giambaret, Like we decided to get divorced. It
Speaker 3: was a rough couple of years.
Speaker 2: So what do you think, because Johnny and I were
Speaker 2: just talking about this, what do you think was the
Speaker 2: hardest year of marriage for you? Obviously the end was hard,
Speaker 2: but like when you can kind of look back, was like,
Speaker 2: was it the first year? Was it the second year?
Speaker 2: Like what was what was the hardest that you're like,
Speaker 2: this is maybe you.
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, I think twenty nineteen, you know, the last
Speaker 3: year just because of everything that was going on in
Speaker 3: our lives. You know, we we were happy, but you know,
Speaker 3: kids came around and made things more difficult and we
Speaker 3: stopped talking, we stopped communicating, and that permeated every aspect
Speaker 3: of the marriage. And so, you know, the last year
Speaker 3: with with my mom, with my illness, then deciding to
Speaker 3: get divorced, it was and then and then COVID it
Speaker 3: was all. The last year to two was certainly the hardest,
Speaker 3: just because of the you know, the special circumstances of
Speaker 3: those two years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting too because you say the seven and
Speaker 2: a half, it's like that seven year itch that like
Speaker 2: that statistic. I don't even know what the statistic is
Speaker 2: around it. I was just going to google it. But
Speaker 2: so many people it's like, all right, that's where it's
Speaker 2: the breaking point of their communication or the breaking point
Speaker 2: of what things are. It's like that, it's interesting.
Speaker 3: Wow, we've heard about that recently really.
Speaker 1: Like, of course, why did you guys stop talking? Like,
Speaker 1: what do you think from your perspective, was the initial
Speaker 1: like the communication breakdown? Why does that happen?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is very I have so much perspective now.
Speaker 3: You know, in the moment, you don't know why. You know,
Speaker 3: you just know that things are not working. You know
Speaker 3: that you start resenting each other and you start just
Speaker 3: just everything just starts breaking down. So, now that I've
Speaker 3: had time to reflect and heal, and you know, I've
Speaker 3: done my own self healing and certainly spoken to therapist
Speaker 3: and read a lot and way too many podcasts and
Speaker 3: gone down the Instagram rabbit holes, I think that, you know,
Speaker 3: the the baseline of it all is that we are
Speaker 3: very different people. We have very different perspectives on life
Speaker 3: and so many aspects of life. We have different love languages,
Speaker 3: we have different just we are just very different and
Speaker 3: that doesn't really mesh. And when you start butting heads
Speaker 3: on those things that don't mesh, it becomes very frustrating
Speaker 3: and you don't know how to get past it, even
Speaker 3: if you're supposed to get past it, like you don't
Speaker 3: know how to process it. You don't know how to
Speaker 3: accept the other person's perspective, you don't how to understand
Speaker 3: the other person's perspective, and you just start butting heads
Speaker 3: and it becomes like, oh, here we go again, and
Speaker 3: we're not going to get anywhere, and you know and yeah,
Speaker 3: and it just goes around and round and round. And
Speaker 3: unless you are both the types of people that understand
Speaker 3: what's going on, understand the problems, are motivated to fix
Speaker 3: the problems, I think it can just spiral out of control.
Speaker 3: Then it becomes like I don't really care what you
Speaker 3: have to say because I know what you're going to
Speaker 3: say anyway, and I don't want to understand it because
Speaker 3: you don't understand me, and it just spirals into every
Speaker 3: aspect of the marriage.
Speaker 2: What I find so interesting about that, though, is even
Speaker 2: when you go into the next relationship, you have to
Speaker 2: still I mean, yeah, you know more things, you know
Speaker 2: more tools, and you know, you hopefully do the work individually,
Speaker 2: but then when you go into a new relationship too.
Speaker 2: I mean, just like we were talking about with you know,
Speaker 2: our husbands, it's like, you know, you still there's still
Speaker 2: things that come up. So it's like, what work are
Speaker 2: you going to put into to help with the communication,
Speaker 2: right because our styles are so different or we're both
Speaker 2: so stubborn and to go all right? Because the love
Speaker 2: is still there. So I wonder when you look back
Speaker 2: and go, now that I know all this, you know,
Speaker 2: do you think you guys have because to my knowledge,
Speaker 2: I don't remember there ever being some big scandal like that,
Speaker 2: namely cheated or there was like something really bad. So
Speaker 2: it's like, is the love still there? Would that have
Speaker 2: been maybe fixed?
Speaker 3: That's such a hard question to answer because at the
Speaker 3: core of it, like I said, we're just different and
Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, if if the me of
Speaker 3: today were the me of ten years ago, would it
Speaker 3: be different? Would she see things differently? Would I react differently?
Speaker 3: Like that is an endless thought cycle that I stopped
Speaker 3: thinking about years ago because there I hate not having
Speaker 3: an answer something that can't be answered, right, can't answer that,
Speaker 3: Like I definitely would have been more prepared to deal
Speaker 3: with it, and I certainly would have done more on
Speaker 3: my end, knowing what I know now, But would it
Speaker 3: have changed any result? I have no idea. You know,
Speaker 3: that's a tough one to answer.
Speaker 1: How are you guys doing now? Your co parenting, which
Speaker 1: is a whole another type of relationship. I think Jane
Speaker 1: and I both know a lot about that, and it's
Speaker 1: not easy. It's not easy. How are you guys doing today?
Speaker 1: And how are you handling co parenting? And what would
Speaker 1: you tell somebody out there who's listening, who's in your
Speaker 1: position and trying to co parent with somebody that is
Speaker 1: very different than they are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're actually in a really great place right now,
Speaker 3: really great, And I will admit it took me a
Speaker 3: long time to get there.
Speaker 1: Like how long?
Speaker 2: What was taking you so long to get there?
Speaker 1: We have questions about what was it? How long?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I was in a definitive like funk where
Speaker 3: it's like I'm mad, I resent.
Speaker 2: Her, like a defensive stance, all of.
Speaker 3: It, all of yeah, and even things where I didn't
Speaker 3: need to say no to her on I would do
Speaker 3: it by like I was in a really bad place.
Speaker 3: She started dating something someone that got you know, that
Speaker 3: made things even worse, And so I had my own
Speaker 3: going on, and so it was very difficult for me
Speaker 3: to get to that next place where I don't want
Speaker 3: to speak for her, but she was seemingly there much
Speaker 3: quicker than I was, And so I would say it
Speaker 3: took me a good at least two years. I mean
Speaker 3: at least, you know, even when it came to dating.
Speaker 3: But that's a whole, other, whole other discussion. So it
Speaker 3: took me a few years to get there. And you know,
Speaker 3: now we are at a place where I harbor no
Speaker 3: anxiety for it, no resentment. I'm not mad, I am
Speaker 3: I'm in a I'm in I'm in a really great place.
Speaker 3: When it comes to her and.
Speaker 1: She and I, do you think, what do you think
Speaker 1: it was though that made you be able to switch
Speaker 1: to this.
Speaker 2: You turn the anger off? I guess yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I have, like, I've done a lot
Speaker 3: of healing, right, I've spoken to therapists, I have read,
Speaker 3: I have listened to podcasts, I have reflected I have
Speaker 3: you know, I've changed my perception of it all and
Speaker 3: what everything that I'm holding onto, what is it is?
Speaker 3: Any of it really hurt or is it all just me?
Speaker 3: And unless I learned to let go of all that,
Speaker 3: I'm never going to feel any better. And so it
Speaker 3: wasn't as if I woke up one morning and I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I'm all better. You know. It was
Speaker 3: definitely the biggest cliche of them all time, like but time.
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, I wish I could go back and
Speaker 3: tell me of three years ago, like, look, look where
Speaker 3: you are in three years from now. There is a
Speaker 3: light at the end of the tunnel, Like you don't
Speaker 3: need to feel all this and just know that it
Speaker 3: will get better.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I just have to go through it. You
Speaker 1: have to, you have to wage your way through it.
Speaker 1: But I think everybody's different.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's hard when there is someone
Speaker 2: else too, like another man around your kids, and you know,
Speaker 2: I'm it's hard for the woman too, and there's another
Speaker 2: woman around the kids, and so I think that adds
Speaker 2: a whole other element. But then when you start to
Speaker 2: separate and go okay as long as they're loved, but
Speaker 2: if there's issues within that, then it just adds more complication.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I remember when they first started dating, I was like,
Speaker 3: I don't want him to come to any baseball games.
Speaker 3: I don't like no, no, no, no, no, ye, I
Speaker 3: will make a scene like I was. It was ridiculous,
Speaker 3: you know. Now, like they've been together for for a
Speaker 3: while and he's you know, the kids love him and
Speaker 3: his family's nice to the kids, and like it's a
Speaker 3: it's a good dynamic. So but but two three years ago, man,
Speaker 3: like no, I was you Yeah, but.
Speaker 2: I think that's a great place to be to be
Speaker 2: because it's like I have, you know, I know also
Speaker 2: that feeling of just being so angry. But then and
Speaker 2: another friend too that's dealing with it as well. That's
Speaker 2: like what is that actually doing for us? Like that's
Speaker 2: not good for us. And there's no anything that I
Speaker 2: say to my act isn't going to change. He's not
Speaker 2: going to ever. He didn't understand me when we were married.
Speaker 2: It's not he's gonna understand me now post divorce, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's it's like, what why am I wasting my
Speaker 2: energy on something where it's like what is the point?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: No, I totally agree, Like I've explained it to some
Speaker 3: people who are like that, you know, the triggers are
Speaker 3: still there. She's still her I just give less of
Speaker 3: a now, and you know, and that's not going to change.
Speaker 3: So I just have to change. I just have to
Speaker 3: think about it differently and process it differently, and I
Speaker 3: can only control how I react, you know.
Speaker 2: So I like to do a lot of unsent messages
Speaker 2: and emails, Like I just wrote one the other day
Speaker 2: where it was just an email. I end up not
Speaker 2: sending it, but I needed to just say it out
Speaker 2: loud because I know that what if I pressed and
Speaker 2: he wouldn't care what I said, right, it doesn't it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter, but it mattered to me to get it out.
Speaker 2: Wait can you wait?
Speaker 1: Can you unsend emails?
Speaker 2: I'm so curious what I'm saying, like, so I don't
Speaker 2: actually press that. I just kind of write like a note,
Speaker 2: you know. I wish I could actually it's like a
Speaker 2: five appreciate Yeah, but that's these are we're talking years ago.
Speaker 2: I'd like to get rid of that evidence of anger.
Speaker 3: No, I think you're screwed.
Speaker 1: Thanks thanks a lot. Speaking of screw do are you
Speaker 1: dating anyone?
Speaker 3: Thank you? No? No, I I.
Speaker 2: You know there was a pause because it's a no no.
Speaker 3: It's like I'm the team, but it's not there's no
Speaker 3: one serious. You know, I'm going through the motions of dating.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, so this is exciting. You're dating? Are you
Speaker 1: on any apps?
Speaker 2: Because I have to be Yeah, but which apps are
Speaker 2: you on? I'm curious?
Speaker 1: Why are you getting red?
Speaker 3: Because it sucks, like I feel, I.
Speaker 2: Just every guy says this, by the way, it does. Yeah,
Speaker 2: really do you prefer hinge to bumble or bumble the hinge?
Speaker 3: I'm indifferent. I don't care. I think they are equally triggering.
Speaker 3: They trap you, Like it's like nobody's serious. You know,
Speaker 3: there's fake profiles, like everyone really endless options, so like
Speaker 3: no one really pays attention. So you kind of got
Speaker 3: to sift through the haystack to find the needle. And
Speaker 3: you know, every once in a while you meet someone
Speaker 3: that that that you know makes sense and then you
Speaker 3: can date. It is it's exhausting and it sucks. And
Speaker 3: not being from South Florida, from Miami, I don't exactly
Speaker 3: have a huge network and the age of at I
Speaker 3: don't exactly have a new huge network of friends and
Speaker 3: single friends. I want to set me up with friends
Speaker 3: and it's not like I'm going out to bars. I'm
Speaker 3: not you know, meeting people organically. I would love to
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's also you're kind of limited to It's not
Speaker 2: like you can move, right, So it's like I always
Speaker 2: when I started dating Alan, it's like I he lived
Speaker 2: in England, Like I can't move. I have to stay
Speaker 2: in Nashville. So that was kind of where when I was,
Speaker 2: you know, dating, it's like it if it doesn't make sense,
Speaker 2: like why continue on? You know, because it's like if
Speaker 2: this person is landlocked there and I'm landlocked here, what
Speaker 2: is actually the point?
Speaker 3: Right? Totally?
Speaker 2: You know, So it's like when you're on there, it's
Speaker 2: like how you know, it's like you obviously wouldn't move
Speaker 2: from your kids there at a beautiful fun age, like
Speaker 2: you wouldn't move.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not until college.
Speaker 1: Right, that's a while. That's a while.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: How old are the kids?
Speaker 3: Ten and a half and eight and a half?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're stuck there for a while. So you
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of friends that are setting you up,
Speaker 1: so talk to us. I don't know, Jane, have you
Speaker 1: ever been on a dating app?
Speaker 2: I was on Riyah. You're on Riah Okay, yeah, but
Speaker 2: that app was ridiculous, ridiculous.
Speaker 1: It was just a funny Riya story. My ex husband,
Speaker 1: Peter uh Was, I was told was on Ria and
Speaker 1: his age whatever range that he was looking for was
Speaker 1: also the age range of his oldest daughter. So she
Speaker 1: they came, she came across him on her thing. Stop. Yeah, no, okay,
Speaker 1: So what's your what's your age limit? I don't know
Speaker 1: how it.
Speaker 3: Works, so I'm pretty be honest.
Speaker 1: After that story, you can ask me anything.
Speaker 3: I'm an open book. I'm thirty two to my age
Speaker 3: I'm forty eight, so I'm all over the place, but
Speaker 3: only because it's a needle in a haystack. And you know, technically,
Speaker 3: if you make the haystack bigger than needles.
Speaker 1: Do you believe the age is just a number? Do
Speaker 1: you date older women? These are two questions.
Speaker 3: Let's attack the first one. So it depends where you
Speaker 3: are in life, right. I think that you can certainly
Speaker 3: fall in love with with with a woman that's you know,
Speaker 3: significantly younger. But you know, if she hasn't been through
Speaker 3: a lot from a relationship standpoint, if she wants a family,
Speaker 3: if she doesn't have her career is not getting going yet,
Speaker 3: like there's there. It depends where you are, Like the
Speaker 3: timing has to be right, and then age is but
Speaker 3: a number if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Would you like the person to be a mom or
Speaker 2: does that not?
Speaker 3: I think it helps, but it's not a prerequisite. Like
Speaker 3: I think it helps.
Speaker 1: What have you met somebody that had like five kids?
Speaker 3: Do I have to support them? Because if I have
Speaker 3: to support them, then it's probably a hard no. But
Speaker 3: it depends on the dynamic too. Right is she a
Speaker 3: full time mom? Does she has the all five kids
Speaker 3: the entire time? Is it fifty to fifty? So there
Speaker 3: are so many factors, Like I don't want to rule
Speaker 3: people out, but that's I mean a single moms are
Speaker 3: the hardest working people I know. And so if the
Speaker 3: father's not in the picture and she doesn't have help,
Speaker 3: like that's hard to navigate, right, you know, Like how
Speaker 3: is she ever going to have enough time for us
Speaker 3: when she has that? So there are so many factors
Speaker 3: And I don't like to pigeonhole and I don't have
Speaker 3: checklists and I don't have any of that. It's kind
Speaker 3: of you have to play it by year and see
Speaker 3: see who this person really is and what they can
Speaker 3: offer and what.
Speaker 1: We talked about younger, But you didn't talk about older
Speaker 1: yet JP, I'm waiting.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think he said to his age, right,
Speaker 2: how do you that's my age forty eight?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but would you date older?
Speaker 3: I don't know. Again, I think it's it's not a no. Look,
Speaker 3: I don't I don't rule anything out because people are people.
Speaker 3: I like if I'm exposed to an older woman and
Speaker 3: we click, like sure, but there's not much much exposure
Speaker 3: to it given I guess how I'm meeting people, and
Speaker 3: you know, I'm not in a position where I'm meeting,
Speaker 3: you know, a fifty five sixty year old woman. It
Speaker 3: just doesn't happen. So am I opposed to it? I
Speaker 3: don't like to say no, but you know, you never know.
Speaker 1: I guess I feel a little excited because I feel
Speaker 1: like we've got a lot of listeners out there who
Speaker 1: are looking for love.
Speaker 2: Maybe there's also a lot of people too in the
Speaker 2: you know, Miami Ish area.
Speaker 3: It's a disaster, really disaster.
Speaker 2: What makes it exact because I'm like, man, there's so
Speaker 2: many people that go there that you could that well, let's.
Speaker 3: Just put it this way. It's the only fans capital
Speaker 3: of the world. There's a lot of that around. Like
Speaker 3: I'm not a Miami beach guy either. I'm in the suburbs.
Speaker 3: I'm on the mainland, so I don't know. I feel
Speaker 3: like there is a lot more. And I'm sure every
Speaker 3: major city has this, but i just feel like there's
Speaker 3: a lot more superficial bullsh to navigate in Miami. So
Speaker 3: it's not as easy as one might think.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get to the nitty gritty. We need
Speaker 1: this info straight from a man. What gets you to
Speaker 1: swipe right on someone's page?
Speaker 3: How am I supposed to make a decision based upon
Speaker 3: five photos and a pr set up bio that like
Speaker 3: is or is not how the person really is in
Speaker 3: real life. For me, it's as long as obviously I'd
Speaker 3: like to be attracted to or so some level of
Speaker 3: attraction and something witty I'm swiping because again, and I'm
Speaker 3: sure you've heard this before, it's kind of all about
Speaker 3: the numbers, Right, You're gonna swipe thirty times, and how
Speaker 3: many times are you really going to match? And so
Speaker 3: if there's something there that's intriguing and and that just
Speaker 3: you know, I don't have like a formula. If I'm
Speaker 3: attracted and they say something kind of funny and you know,
Speaker 3: it gives.
Speaker 2: You what gives you the ick? On dating apps.
Speaker 3: Do so so on dating apps.
Speaker 2: Like that they that they would do in their profile,
Speaker 2: Like for me, I if a guy had a mirror
Speaker 2: selfie and like you're out, like no mirror selfies we
Speaker 2: or selfies you do you.
Speaker 3: Look back ass shot in a bikini? Like no, stop
Speaker 3: like stop.
Speaker 1: Wait you don't want any ass photos?
Speaker 3: Well not like if not if that's how you're attracting men,
Speaker 3: like of course you're gonna get a million swipes, right,
Speaker 3: Like I'm not like that is it nice eventually? Sure,
Speaker 3: but like that's not that's that's not gonna cause me.
Speaker 3: It doesn't give me the ick, but it's like you're gone.
Speaker 3: You're gone, You're gone because they're looking for.
Speaker 2: Also adat to you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like that right all that, Yeah, you know there are
Speaker 4: people that and again I don't know if these are
Speaker 4: fake bios or not, but they'll be like, you know,
Speaker 4: not vaccinated, Like.
Speaker 3: Why are like is that important today? Like why is
Speaker 3: that so important that you're limited space in your bio?
Speaker 2: You're gonna put not vaccinated a lot like a warning.
Speaker 3: It does like you're you're you're ruling out a whole
Speaker 3: lot of people on one thing, and is it really
Speaker 3: that important to you today? I don't know. There are
Speaker 3: little trigger things. I'm not a political guy, but you know,
Speaker 3: no trumpers like okay, like is that that important to you?
Speaker 3: Or you're not going to meet someone so they are.
Speaker 3: I guess I just want to meet cool people that
Speaker 3: I click with and we get along and you know
Speaker 3: that at the end of the day we make each
Speaker 3: other laugh. I can see being their best friend and
Speaker 3: you know we're in it for the long All that
Speaker 3: stuff matters. But does it do?
Speaker 1: You said?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Ask pictures? What kind of pictures make you swipe? I
Speaker 1: got I really need to give our listen. Yes, let's
Speaker 1: see it. Let's see who's in your feed? Am I
Speaker 1: using the right terminology because I've never been on an app.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to see it, that's right, because is it
Speaker 1: a feed?
Speaker 3: I'm trying to see if there's an obvious of course,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to come up with any I'm trying
Speaker 3: to see if there's an obvious one where it was like,
Speaker 3: this is what I'm talking about. This is what you
Speaker 3: get A lot of.
Speaker 1: You're likes you? Yeah, who's liking you? Do you liking.
Speaker 2: I'm curious with being on the apps too, because I
Speaker 2: when I thought about doing Hinge for a second because
Speaker 2: it seems, you know, kind of cool or whatever. But
Speaker 2: uh and I really was did not like Riya. But
Speaker 2: is it hard for you when the people recognize you?
Speaker 2: Do you have anything about Bachelor on yours?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, I would hope that, I mean, but like yeah,
Speaker 2: but like do you do you like it when people
Speaker 2: don't know who you are?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Like the anonymity, yeah yeah, and the kind of
Speaker 3: like yeah, because they've already got something in their brain
Speaker 3: as far as like who I am. And yes, but
Speaker 3: it's been so long now, I mean we're talking fourteen
Speaker 3: years ago, so people either forgot like oh you look
Speaker 3: so familiar, but it doesn't get there.
Speaker 2: Certainly thirty year olds probably wouldn't know. The forty year
Speaker 2: olds know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, true, true. So it happens.
Speaker 1: Have you let anybody like flip out and be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I met you that then they finally
Speaker 1: meet you and like you're on the Bachelor.
Speaker 3: No, I haven't had that happen. I mean I've had
Speaker 3: a couple where they didn't know and then after like
Speaker 3: the second or third date, they're like, oh, what's your Instagram?
Speaker 3: Was like mmmm, okay, and then they're like wait a second,
Speaker 3: and then it clicks and it's kind of it's a
Speaker 3: funny conversation, but it's never it's never in the way,
Speaker 3: and it's never in your face, and it's never you know,
Speaker 3: anyone crazy about it. It's kind of like, Oh, that's
Speaker 3: a fun story, and you move on.
Speaker 1: Show us your app.
Speaker 2: Jenny's living vicariously through you.
Speaker 1: I want to see. I want to know what what
Speaker 1: it is you're swiping on.
Speaker 3: Oh, you want to see my matches.
Speaker 1: Everybody's listening. They want to know, like, how could I
Speaker 1: match with something like JP.
Speaker 2: If you live in the Florida Miami area.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let me see.
Speaker 1: I feel like if I ask you a question, it's
Speaker 1: going to distract you. So I'm trying to just give
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm holding my question.
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to her, but this is someone where
Speaker 3: the pictures were not Miami, right, there was like normal
Speaker 3: pictures in the wild, like kind of like this is
Speaker 3: terrible word to use, but normal, right. So I don't
Speaker 3: like sunglass pictures because I think that's kind of a
Speaker 3: cop out.
Speaker 1: But don't wear sunglasses. You guys, okay, don't wear sunglasses.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like she's adventurous. Oh that's yeah, she's beautiful, normal.
Speaker 1: Pretty like bikini in your face.
Speaker 3: He with a bikini shot.
Speaker 1: Like there and she's out of nature.
Speaker 3: But Miami, I mean you will see. I mean it is.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: It's like the bathing suit capital of the world.
Speaker 3: It's absurd.
Speaker 1: I've just titled it. Yeah, yeah, sounds out buns out.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 3: So I have to take breaks from the apps too,
Speaker 3: just because.
Speaker 2: It affects your mental health. I really does, Yes, I
Speaker 2: one thousand percent. I talked to a girlfriend who's on
Speaker 2: the apps and she's and I remember what it does.
Speaker 2: It affects you, know, your your mood and has to
Speaker 2: pass out. Does it make you feel like, oh I'm
Speaker 2: not good enough or no, It's just it's kind of
Speaker 2: an endless pit of just yeah out, like I can't
Speaker 2: even know. I mean, it's just that that aren't your person,
Speaker 2: and so it kind of gets defeating and yeah.
Speaker 3: You feel yeah, agreed. I mean you know, I'll swipe
Speaker 3: and swipe and then like twenty minutes ago by I'm like,
Speaker 3: what am I doing? Like I just like I got
Speaker 3: to get my brain a break, and you know it's
Speaker 3: I don't know how successful they really are and define
Speaker 3: success from it, but like it's you know, they're just
Speaker 3: seemingly an endless supply and nobody cares, and like it
Speaker 3: certainly is a self esteem killer.
Speaker 1: You know, what's your like first date? When you do
Speaker 1: find a match and you set up that first encounter,
Speaker 1: what is it? Is it a coffee date? Are you
Speaker 1: going out to get a drink?
Speaker 3: It depends, Like I've had so I don't want to
Speaker 3: waste anyone's time, their time, my time, you know. I
Speaker 3: think that if you're if there's witty banter and you're talking,
Speaker 3: you're texting, and you meet up for the first time.
Speaker 3: I don't really drink these days, so going for a
Speaker 3: drink is not ideal. But coffee or a walk on
Speaker 3: the beach or grab a smoothie, or it's something where
Speaker 3: it's enough time to get to know them. But you know,
Speaker 3: you're not stuck three three hours on a dinner date
Speaker 3: with someone that you don't really know if you want
Speaker 3: to be around, I think you can tell a lot.
Speaker 3: You know, you can certainly gauge in that first hour,
Speaker 3: no matter what you're doing whether you want to spend
Speaker 3: more time with this person. I'm not saying they have
Speaker 3: to be the one, but like, oh that was cool,
Speaker 3: she's fun. I'd see her again, you know. So it varies,
Speaker 3: but simple coffee smoothie walks just.
Speaker 1: To like test the water, yeah, and find out if
Speaker 1: there's an attraction there at all, like in person. Because
Speaker 1: have you ever gone and met somebody and they look
Speaker 1: entirely different than their pictures?
Speaker 3: That's never happened.
Speaker 1: Okay, good.
Speaker 3: I have never been catfished. I have had a couple
Speaker 3: where I was like, oh, you know, let's let's go
Speaker 3: grab a coffee. Like I don't do coffee, but you
Speaker 3: can take me for dinner. I'm like you like you.
Speaker 1: Like no, So if they want you to buy them dinner,
Speaker 1: they're out.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like why don't we go for dinner? It
Speaker 3: was like buy me dinner? And I was like, look,
Speaker 3: I I would like, I'm not going to let you pay,
Speaker 3: but how do you where do you how do you
Speaker 3: have the balls to say that to somebody? We're like
Speaker 3: I'm not going to meet you coffee, but you can
Speaker 3: buy me dinner.
Speaker 1: Like now, well, maybe she doesn't like coffee. First of all,
Speaker 1: and maybe she knows her worth and she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: worth more than.
Speaker 2: I would also say if she ended it with a winky,
Speaker 2: I would say that like my personalities like I don't
Speaker 2: I actually don't drink coffee, but I'll take dinner if
Speaker 2: you winky like that.
Speaker 3: So that's it's different. And personality is very hard to
Speaker 3: gauge in a text unless you're over emoji, right, So
Speaker 3: this was not There was no winki, no smiley face,
Speaker 3: none of that. It was like I received it as
Speaker 3: that serious, like I don't do coffee, but you can
Speaker 3: buy me dinner. That's how I share.
Speaker 2: So it's interesting all for self worth, Yeah, but like.
Speaker 3: This is these are two people here, like we're we're
Speaker 3: in this together, and I'm not saying you're worth any
Speaker 3: less because I don't want to commit to three hours
Speaker 3: with somebody I don't know that, we don't even know
Speaker 3: if we're gonna like each other, Like why would you
Speaker 3: want to do that? So once we know that there's
Speaker 3: something there, like I will make it known how what
Speaker 3: you're worth, like like I will recognize your worth. But
Speaker 3: I don't agree with the self worth analysis off of
Speaker 3: the first date. Like the first encounter.
Speaker 2: Do you want to get married again?
Speaker 3: So I would? I don't have to. I want everything
Speaker 3: that comes with it, the legal side of it. If
Speaker 3: she does, great, if she doesn't, great. I want the partnership,
Speaker 3: the friendship, the love, the you know, I want everything
Speaker 3: that comes along with it. But it doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be legally bound.
Speaker 2: From all the things that you've listened podcast wise and
Speaker 2: read books on that, you've learned from your previous relationship,
Speaker 2: what would make you be like I would be a
Speaker 2: good husband because I'm you know, great at this, Like
Speaker 2: that you've learned that maybe you weren't the best with Ashley.
Speaker 3: I am. It's a good one. I was not the
Speaker 3: best listener. I was not the best. Not only was
Speaker 3: I not the best listener, but I would also judge
Speaker 3: based upon somebody else's perspective that wasn't my own, Like no,
Speaker 3: you're going wrong, Like how do you not see it
Speaker 3: my way? I have done a complete one ad on that,
Speaker 3: so I know when to listen. I know when to
Speaker 3: shut up. I know when to you know, I know
Speaker 3: when to when when my advice is desired. You know,
Speaker 3: I've dated a woman where she just wanted to vent
Speaker 3: and like it took me a while to understand, like
Speaker 3: she didn't want me to try and fix it, but
Speaker 3: I was able to communicate to get to the point
Speaker 3: to know what she really wanted for me. So I
Speaker 3: think my communication and listening has gotten night and day better.
Speaker 1: You know, that's good. That's good. That's such an important
Speaker 1: quality because a lot of them think that. A lot
Speaker 1: of men think they want me to fix it, and
Speaker 1: then you get frustrated and then you get angry, and
Speaker 1: you know, it just is this unhealthy cycle.
Speaker 3: And I used to be like that, I can fix it.
Speaker 3: I can fix it, and that's not necessarily what needs
Speaker 3: to happen.
Speaker 1: So so you've learned to be a better listener.
Speaker 2: I've learned to be a better I love that listener. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's great, and that's an amazing quality in a man.
Speaker 1: So you do you think chivalry is dead? Are you
Speaker 1: a chivalrous guy?
Speaker 3: Totally open doors? And you know, like I am all
Speaker 3: about manners and it's how I was raised, you know,
Speaker 3: I think, And I think it's about how you pass
Speaker 3: it on to your kids too, so it but for
Speaker 3: me it's not. I mean, I'm all about that.
Speaker 2: So do you have a a a timeline of when
Speaker 2: you would introduce something like have you ever introduced someone
Speaker 2: to the kids, and then what would that timeline be, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I haven't.
Speaker 3: I haven't yet.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: Initially I was like, no, you know, no one's meeting
Speaker 3: my kids unless this is going somewhere and this is serious.
Speaker 3: And so for a few years it was like, well,
Speaker 3: they haven't met anybody, And I think it's important. You know,
Speaker 3: I'm glad that Ashley's in a relationship where the kids
Speaker 3: see her, you know, social with a partner, and I
Speaker 3: think that's important for the kids. But I do think
Speaker 3: it's important for them to see that I am happy
Speaker 3: that you know that I can't that that I date.
Speaker 3: I'm more open to having them meet someone earlier now
Speaker 3: than I was years ago, because I think it's important
Speaker 3: for them to see that it doesn't necessarily have to
Speaker 3: be this is my girlfriend. It could meet a friend
Speaker 3: at the park and she just happens to be there
Speaker 3: and they go, oh, this is my friend, so and so.
Speaker 3: So I am more open to it these days than
Speaker 3: I have ever been. I was pretty guarded, and you know,
Speaker 3: I wanted to shield them from it, and so I
Speaker 3: feel differently today than I did back then makes.
Speaker 1: Sense, But can we get a specific again for a second.
Speaker 1: I want people to really understand what a guy is
Speaker 1: looking for, Like you like, what a guy like you
Speaker 1: was really looking for? What?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What what does she look like? What are you attracted
Speaker 1: to physically?
Speaker 3: I have dated the spectrum, so I honestly, at this
Speaker 3: stage of my life like the attraction comes with the personality.
Speaker 3: So you know, just because twenty years ago maybe I
Speaker 3: had a type.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have a type anymore.
Speaker 3: I really don't. I really have dated the spectrum, ethnicities, heights,
Speaker 3: I mean, you name it, like, I've dated the spectrum.
Speaker 3: And I'm big on personality. I like when there's banther.
Speaker 3: I like when there's sarcasm. I like that we you
Speaker 3: know that she can make fun of me and I
Speaker 3: can make fun of her, and you just kind of
Speaker 3: keep going. And you know, I like when you can
Speaker 3: tell that somebody is engaged in a conversation and wants
Speaker 3: to know more about you and asking questions and so
Speaker 3: I try to skip precipitate and do the same. And
Speaker 3: so I'm looking for that flow.
Speaker 1: And yeah, emotional intelligence sounds important.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, I yes, I have to be
Speaker 3: physically attracted to them, but that also can evolve too,
Speaker 3: you know, because in twenty years from now, like that's
Speaker 3: all gone for both of us, and it's like, you know,
Speaker 3: we're left with the other person. And I think the
Speaker 3: way you communicate and the way you.
Speaker 1: You make that sound so awful. I'm just gonna say
Speaker 1: what you said twenty years ago. Face in twenty years
Speaker 1: it's all gone and just.
Speaker 3: Five years old. And I don't look the way that
Speaker 3: I look right now, and I guess she doesn't look
Speaker 3: the way she looks right now, like you know.
Speaker 1: Sorry, No, I'm married to a younger man, so I get.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, Look, so it was a terrible way
Speaker 3: of paying play. It looks fade, like you know, and
Speaker 3: the attraction just comes on many levels. So I'm I'm
Speaker 3: attracted to the personality type and that's that's what I'm
Speaker 3: looking for.
Speaker 1: That sounds very mature, you very evolved. I know when
Speaker 1: I got divorced. I don't know, Jane if this happened
Speaker 1: to you, but one of the times I got divorced,
Speaker 1: I started dating all different types of guys like short, tall, big, little,
Speaker 1: like it was people were so confused. It was like
Speaker 1: whiplash because each one was so different than the next one.
Speaker 1: But I had to do that because I didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't know. I didn't know. And I also was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, their body doesn't really matter to me.
Speaker 1: It's what's inside and what's what that connection is that
Speaker 1: stimulates me. So yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 3: I agree. I mean, look, I ultimately like, yes, you
Speaker 3: want them to take care of themselves and like make
Speaker 3: an effort and you know, be active, because that's what
Speaker 3: I want to do. And so your your interests also
Speaker 3: need to align and lifestyle, right, thank you, That's what
Speaker 3: I meant to say. So that's all important. But I
Speaker 3: am I am so tired of all the noise that
Speaker 3: is out there with regards to like, you know, red
Speaker 3: flags and like like they didn't respond to via text,
Speaker 3: and like I can't overanalyze anymore. I can't overthink. I
Speaker 3: can't I can't do any of that. I can't handle.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, there's too much out there, and so
Speaker 3: and it creates a sense of me not being me,
Speaker 3: and so I've I'm back to just really me being me,
Speaker 3: and I know what clicks and what works and feels
Speaker 3: good and and I'm just going to focus.
Speaker 2: On that love that. How is your health too, is
Speaker 2: it something where does that syndrome? Does it ever come back?
Speaker 2: Or is it.
Speaker 3: A one time Yes, so there is a chronic condition
Speaker 3: that you can get. I don't have that, So for me,
Speaker 3: it was a one time thing in like two hundred
Speaker 3: thousand people get it or something like that. So I've
Speaker 3: had no you know, ever since I learned how to
Speaker 3: walk in button buttons again, and I've been fine.
Speaker 1: That's like terrible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard you mention something about alcohol too, as
Speaker 2: your relationship changed with that.
Speaker 3: I mean I was never a big drinker to begin with,
Speaker 3: but I had dated someone for four or five months
Speaker 3: where she was sober for five years, and so whenever
Speaker 3: we hung out and went out like, we never drank.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, holy, like I feel great,
Speaker 3: Like I don't need this to connect with anybody. I
Speaker 3: don't need this to have fun. And I wake up
Speaker 3: the next morning after a great night's sleep and I
Speaker 3: feel fantastic. I was like, wow, like what do I
Speaker 3: really want this for? So from that point I just
Speaker 3: really stopped.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean agree, I'm the same way. I rarely
Speaker 2: drink now just because I don't want to feel like
Speaker 2: crap the next day, and it's it doesn't just it's
Speaker 2: not just one day. It lingers on for for weeks,
Speaker 2: you know. So I'm just like, what for what reason?
Speaker 2: And I've got a little so I'm just like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to be tired. No, But I feel like
Speaker 2: there is more conversations about alcohol. I don't know if
Speaker 2: it's just us in our forties, you know, and plus
Speaker 2: but or if it's but I feel like I've heard
Speaker 2: that it's that's dropping a little bit too.
Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm forty. I'm gonna be forty two in December.
Speaker 1: Every birthday. Wait, okay, so if the opportunity came around,
Speaker 1: would you be open to finding love or even getting
Speaker 1: married in your case on TV, like if.
Speaker 2: They did like a forty like if they did like
Speaker 2: a golden because.
Speaker 1: We're gold gold sparkling, sparkling.
Speaker 2: You guys are shimmering, okay, a shimmering bachelor in paradise.
Speaker 2: Would you do it?
Speaker 3: So I never say no, right, I don't want to
Speaker 3: closed doors. But I'm in the stage of my life
Speaker 3: where I have kids to think about, I have a career,
Speaker 3: like I can't put any of that on told to
Speaker 3: go on a reality show, right, so I never say no,
Speaker 3: But I think odds are low slim. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: I'm about I'm all about opening doors and never know
Speaker 3: unless you do it. You know, you don't know. I
Speaker 3: don't know, but there are there are different factors at
Speaker 3: play today than there were when I went on the show,
Speaker 3: you know, fourteen years ago or whatever it's been. So
Speaker 3: never say never, never, I've got other priorities right now.
Speaker 1: This is so exciting because if someone is listening right
Speaker 1: now and they're and they're maybe interested, what, how could
Speaker 1: could they slide into your DMS? Do you do that?
Speaker 3: It's happened, you know it's happened. But if look this
Speaker 3: is the silliest cliche, but like I, you got to
Speaker 3: shoot your shot, right, even if you get shot down.
Speaker 3: So if there's no other way that we're ever going
Speaker 3: to meet other than doing that, I would say, yeah,
Speaker 3: do it now? You know, am I going to answer?
Speaker 3: Am I going to be open to it? Are you get?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: I don't know? But uh, you know, I would say,
Speaker 3: you've got to create opportunity if none exists, so go
Speaker 3: for it.
Speaker 2: So there's that everyone JP Rosenbaum. I mean DM I'm
Speaker 2: on Instagram. Give him a slide in its forty eight
Speaker 2: years old, lives in Miami, Florida, real estate developer, father
Speaker 2: of two, So like, let's let's look our friend up here.
Speaker 3: I'm not flying on that, but thank you.
Speaker 1: We'll see what we can do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love matchmaking, so I'm going to really keep my
Speaker 1: mind open.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're out in LA though, so right yeah, right,
Speaker 3: and you're in you're still in natural right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
Speaker 1: There's this is a thing called airplanes.
Speaker 3: So I've heard of that.
Speaker 2: There is, I've heard it.
Speaker 1: I think, what do you think about a long distance relationship?
Speaker 1: Would do that? Would you be open to it?
Speaker 3: I think there has to be an endgame, right, I
Speaker 3: think to just do that indefinitely, And like Johanna said earlier,
Speaker 3: like you live here, if no one's moving but no
Speaker 3: potential for us to live together, that's that's hard to do.
Speaker 3: I don't want to waste time on.
Speaker 2: That, right Yeah.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well we have to say goodbye. Oh but
Speaker 1: this has been fun and really interesting to get inside
Speaker 1: at the head of a single man in his boardies
Speaker 1: what he's looking for. So thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're doing the work and doing awesome and
Speaker 2: you know, like you're a great dad and though just
Speaker 2: you deserve a great love within all of that.
Speaker 3: Thank you, so thanks for having me on guys. I
Speaker 3: appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks.
Speaker 2: JP so sweet, he's really sweet. Do you have someone
Speaker 2: you think would make a great fit for JP? Are
Speaker 2: you interested in JP? We'll shoot your shot, Email us
Speaker 2: or call us. All the infos in the show notes
Speaker 2: and we're going to put some info about JP up
Speaker 2: on our socials. Follow us on socials, make sure to
Speaker 2: rate and a review the podcast I Do Part two
Speaker 2: an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.