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Speaker 1: Oh, rom Burguny podcast. Hello, my name is Ron Burgundy

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Speaker 1: and you're listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. The Ron

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Speaker 1: Burgundy Podcast podcast pod cast the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Sounds

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Speaker 1: sounds unusual today? Are we sure that that's the pronunciation

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Speaker 1: cast pod? Nope? Nope, Going home by grom Burgundy Podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hello there, my name is Ron Burgundy and you're listening

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Speaker 1: to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I didn't feel right yesterday,

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Speaker 1: so I left, but I'm back today with a new

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Speaker 1: episode and as always by my side. Carolina, if you

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Speaker 1: need a picture, let me paint it for you. She's

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Speaker 1: slovenly dressed in something like a potato sack, with dirty

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Speaker 1: sneakers and hair that looks like she was stuck somewhere

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Speaker 1: for a long time, maybe in someone's miscellaneous drawer. Would

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Speaker 1: you say that that's an accurate depiction of you, Carolina, Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's just about perfect. Great. Word painting is an art

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Speaker 1: form unto itself, and I consider myself a master of

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Speaker 1: the art. Carolina. Do me a favorite point to something,

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Speaker 1: anything in this room, and I will describe it with

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Speaker 1: a word painting. Um, okay um, what about that thing

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Speaker 1: over there? That? Yeah, it's a it's a wall outlet. Okay,

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Speaker 1: should we get on with the show? Podcast? It's called

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Speaker 1: a podcast. You know what. I don't know what happened yesterday.

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Speaker 1: I said the word parton and the word cast and

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Speaker 1: it didn't sound right. It was a It was a

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Speaker 1: bit unsettling. No, I know. You ran out of here.

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Speaker 1: You took my car and then you just left. I did, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I ran out of the studio and straight to your caprius.

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Speaker 1: I drove about a half mile down the road and

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Speaker 1: parked in a home depot parking lot. And guess what

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Speaker 1: I did. I went to sleep. Yeah, I spent the

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Speaker 1: whole night in that parking lot. Speaking of word paintings,

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Speaker 1: let me let me paint a picture of what goes

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Speaker 1: on in a parking lot here in Los Angeles at night. First,

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Speaker 1: the raccoons and smaller varmints come out. They roam the

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Speaker 1: gray surface for trashy food, of which there is plenty.

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Speaker 1: And then the larger animals coyote and mountain lion make

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Speaker 1: their way onto the barren cement grazing grounds. Fashion show,

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Speaker 1: that's the energy they bring. Yes, the squeals and howls

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Speaker 1: are enough to raise the dead, as animals are eaten

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Speaker 1: and gnashed about. And then as the night lingers, men

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Speaker 1: and women appear, ghoulish looking men and women wander aimlessly

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Speaker 1: like zombies in a post apocalyptic world. I was jolted

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Speaker 1: out of my slumber several times by the wrap of dry,

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Speaker 1: dirty knuckles on my window, and a woman coughed a

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Speaker 1: live rat onto the windshield. Yes, so it wasn't until

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Speaker 1: three or four in the morning that I was compelled

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Speaker 1: to join those that had gathered. So I left the

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Speaker 1: safety of your car, Carolina, and I went to share

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Speaker 1: some wine with a group of vagabonds. They were a

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Speaker 1: gay and delightful bunch of revelers who at first thought

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Speaker 1: I was the fuzz and I said, chill, Chill, everyone, chill.

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Speaker 1: But as we drank and I provided more bottles of

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Speaker 1: wine from the trunk of your car, we all became

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Speaker 1: fast friends. A small fire was built and songs were sung.

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Speaker 1: For food, we cooked a raccoon the size of a pig,

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Speaker 1: and then the night gave away to the dawn and

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Speaker 1: the bitter reminder that the world was unfair. But for

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Speaker 1: a fleeting moment, humanity held together in that parking lot

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Speaker 1: under the street lamps in a city known for its cruelty. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: that's how I spent my night, Carolina. What what did

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Speaker 1: you do make a a TikTok video where you're dancing

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Speaker 1: with your cat? No? Yeah, okay? Should we start in

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Speaker 1: on this very special episode that I could barely contain

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Speaker 1: my excitement over. Yes, I mean, um, she's waiting on hold.

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Speaker 1: She is first Lady Jill Biden. We've got Jill and

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be a hell of an interview. I am

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Speaker 1: beyond excited. What what a literal coup for the Ron

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Speaker 1: Burgundy podcast. Should we just get started? I know she's

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Speaker 1: been on hold for a minute, which is like so

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Speaker 1: insane by all means. So here's the Delia. We usually

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Speaker 1: do a little patter right between us before we get started,

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Speaker 1: but in this case, I think it's it's only appropriate

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Speaker 1: that we just dive right in exactly, and she's on hold, So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, the only bit of business I would like

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Speaker 1: to finish off before we get going with this groundbreaking

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Speaker 1: interview is I just would like to establish what I'm

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Speaker 1: going to watch on TV tonight. Great, maybe just decide

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Speaker 1: that tonight. Nope, I promised myself I would I would

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Speaker 1: get this in the books. I want to know exactly

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Speaker 1: what I'm watching when I walk through that door, so

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Speaker 1: there's no time wasted searching. You know, I want to

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Speaker 1: eat my food while I'm watching Chicago Mad. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to eat my food while trying to find an

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Speaker 1: EPP of Chicago Mad episode. But you know, I just

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Speaker 1: think everyone can can sympathize with that. So let let

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Speaker 1: me just make a decision, right, and then on with

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Speaker 1: call with First Lady. Okay, okay, Well have you decided

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Speaker 1: what to watch? Because the First Lady's communications director is

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Speaker 1: texting me and she says that she only has Well,

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Speaker 1: it's it's between the Avengers Age of Ultron or sure.

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Speaker 1: I mean I saw the Avengers Age of Ultron in

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Speaker 1: the theaters fourteen times, so that's something to consider. However,

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Speaker 1: Bridgeton is a series, and it's it's a bit of

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Speaker 1: a commitment. I don't figure you for regency dramas, Are

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Speaker 1: you crazy? I love the regency period. I've oft dreamt

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Speaker 1: of owning a sprawling estate in the English countryside, where

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Speaker 1: I would give chase to foxes and throw elaborate parties

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Speaker 1: and I would be considered a loure Lord ron Burgundy

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Speaker 1: It's not as crazy as it sounds like. I have

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Speaker 1: honorary degrees. You know, I just didn't figure you for

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Speaker 1: like a Jane Austen kind of guy. Jane Austen is

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Speaker 1: my favorite author, hands down. Well, no, Robert Ludlam is

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Speaker 1: my favorite author. Then Peter Benchley who wrote Jaws of Course,

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Speaker 1: then E. L. James, who famously penned the excellently written

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Speaker 1: Fifty Shades of Gray. But Austin is up there. Okay,

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Speaker 1: name one of Jane Austen's books, Easy, this Land of Mine?

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Speaker 1: Or how about Duty Before Shame? Huh No, those aren't

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Speaker 1: Those aren't Jane Austen books, they're not. Okay, Well what

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Speaker 1: about the Third Woman, Pride before Dawn? Actually closer? But

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Speaker 1: now the Golden Onion Situation, The Golden Onion Situation by

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Speaker 1: Jane Austen, Yes, final answer, no, damn it. Well, she's

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite authors. So so I might watch Britain,

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Speaker 1: which she wrote, Or I could watch mind Hunter, which

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Speaker 1: I hear is a real satisfying watch with great characters

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Speaker 1: and some heart pounding moments. Maybe I'll watch that. How

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Speaker 1: many episodes of Mine Hunter are there? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I mean maybe I'm just guessing that's twentys of television.

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Speaker 1: I can't do that tonight. I need something light and breezy.

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Speaker 1: Check in on the first lady, would you make sure

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Speaker 1: she's still there and tell her she'll she'll be right

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Speaker 1: up in one second. Yeah, but she's going to run

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Speaker 1: out of time. I mean, she has a really tight schedule.

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Speaker 1: We need to just something light and breezy. Oh, I know,

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Speaker 1: how about this Carolina. Maybe the marvelous Mrs Mazel. That

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Speaker 1: sounds light and breezy. I like saying it to the

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Speaker 1: marvelous Mrs Maizel. You know who's in that. It's Rachel Brasnie.

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Speaker 1: She's the pest keeper's instant, Mrs Maizel, marvelous. I could

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Speaker 1: watch that, I mean, not tonight, just I just don't

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Speaker 1: feel like it's too silly. Should we just table this

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Speaker 1: for later? No? No, this is important. This is important.

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Speaker 1: We need to get this done so I don't waste

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Speaker 1: time trying to decide tonight. You know what I wish?

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Speaker 1: I wish there was a show called petro Check and

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Speaker 1: the Lady about a tough, street wise X cop named

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Speaker 1: Robert petroc Check and his crime solving partner, a real

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Speaker 1: blue blooded lady in the style of say Samantha Edgar. H.

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Speaker 1: I don't know who's that? What the what's going on here?

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Speaker 1: Is this some alternate universe where humans speak another language?

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Speaker 1: Am I in a zoo? Are there apes running the planet? Now?

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about Samantha Eggar. It's not that complicated. I'm

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Speaker 1: not rattling off the different compound medals that go into

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Speaker 1: making a stealth bomber. It's Samantha Eggar, for sakes. She's

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Speaker 1: an actress. She's known throughout the world. And yes, she's

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Speaker 1: too old to play the part of the lady in

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Speaker 1: petro Check and the Lady. But I was merely using

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Speaker 1: her as a prototype, a Samantha Egger type. Holy Holy,

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Speaker 1: We can move on from this. The end of the

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Speaker 1: world is not imminent because grown men wear sneakers into

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Speaker 1: bank buildings. It's because people like you, Carolina can only

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Speaker 1: think of yourself. I say, go back, understand your history,

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Speaker 1: pay homage to Samantha Eggar, take time to dress in

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Speaker 1: the morning, gargole, learn grooming habits, work with animals when

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Speaker 1: you can, and when the sun is shining, know that

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Speaker 1: it shines for everyone and not just for you. My

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Speaker 1: name is run Burgundy. Anyway, I have a special guest

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Speaker 1: waiting on the phone. She is one of the most

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Speaker 1: beloved women in the land, our first lady. Okay, great,

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Speaker 1: So you want me to connecting? Of course, why wouldn't you, Carolina,

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Speaker 1: it's the first lady. No, no, I know, just you

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Speaker 1: didn't pick a show and to watch tonight. But it's

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Speaker 1: sweet Crimson Tide. I did not. Okay, keep her on hold?

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Speaker 1: What is out there? What's what's hot? What? What are

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Speaker 1: you watching? Carolina? Um, I'm watching this show, The Wild.

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Speaker 1: Let me guess. The Wild is a show about a

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Speaker 1: young lawyer named Peter dan four who opens a law

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Speaker 1: practice deep in the heart of the Amazon Forest. Am

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Speaker 1: I close? It's about teenage girls stranded on an island.

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Speaker 1: Is there a character named Peter dan four? Damn it

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Speaker 1: so close? Okay, well, I'm not watching a show about

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Speaker 1: teenage girls without a Peter dan fourth character. So it's

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Speaker 1: back to the drawing board. There's no escaping the paralysis

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Speaker 1: of indecision. It's so much worse than Hamlet's dilemma in

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Speaker 1: the play Hamlet. Is that on Netflix. No, there's no

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Speaker 1: pain on this planet equal to not being able to

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Speaker 1: decide what to watch. I have suffered gunshot wounds and

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Speaker 1: knife stabbings, slaps in the face by heartbroken women. I've

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Speaker 1: been run through with the sword of an Egyptian prince.

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Speaker 1: I was dragged through the dirt by a horse for

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Speaker 1: six hours. Sharks have bitten me, elephants have trampled my body.

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Speaker 1: But the existential dread I feel staring at my TV

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Speaker 1: each night, with so many choices and no way to choose,

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Speaker 1: is far greater than any pain I've felt. So what's

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Speaker 1: it going to be, Carolina? What show will solve my dilemma?

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Speaker 1: I need something fresh and smart and snappy and sexy

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Speaker 1: and cool and yummy. Cha cha cha ah. Did you

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Speaker 1: ever see Stranger Things? I've seen strange things like a

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Speaker 1: pair of underwear that wrestles turtles. Assume that what you're

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Speaker 1: talking about. No, No, there was a hit show on

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Speaker 1: Netflix and everyone watched it. It's called Stranger Things and

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Speaker 1: it's actually a lot of fun. Oh okay, Well what's

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Speaker 1: it about? Um? Some kids who are into playing dungeons

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Speaker 1: and Dragons and then they discover another dimension Drake one

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Speaker 1: two and three kids games Dimension Next. Yeah, you know what,

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Speaker 1: let's just connect her. Now stop throwing that basic fodder

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Speaker 1: at me, little ce Ron. We talked about that. I

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Speaker 1: am so sorry as soon loon as it left my lips. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I had instant regret because the hr yes please accept

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Speaker 1: talked about that. My sincereus apology for those words. Legally,

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Speaker 1: it's a problem understood, Okay, thank you. No, I have

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Speaker 1: chills right now. I'm just glad that we talked about it, luckily,

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Speaker 1: so we can. I feel great turn the page. You

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Speaker 1: are a patient, lovely human being. I just you know,

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Speaker 1: I lead with my heart and not with my it

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Speaker 1: a lot of times. Yeah, it's passion. It's a passion problem.

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Speaker 1: This is what I was really trying. I want something

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Speaker 1: fresh and sexy, you know, like like too cold water

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Speaker 1: salmon doing it on a wet rock. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: therapy or no, okay, I want something fresh and sexy,

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Speaker 1: like snow white going down on a loaf of bread.

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Speaker 1: Still off. I really don't like that, Okay. I want

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Speaker 1: something fresh and sexy, like driving nude around town in

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Speaker 1: a new Chevy Impala. You get that idea. It's actually

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Speaker 1: not the worst thing you've said today. Okay, good, let's

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Speaker 1: leave it at that. Imagery what what about Shark Tank?

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Speaker 1: Is that is that a show I might like? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Maybe is it about sharks living in tanks? What about

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Speaker 1: The Bachelor? I've heard a lot about The Bachelor. That

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Speaker 1: could be my new show. Tell me about the Bachelor? Um, well,

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Speaker 1: it's a show where they find some bachelor and they

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Speaker 1: surround him with like twenty women that he can choose

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Speaker 1: to marry, and then they make it like a game,

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Speaker 1: I think, and each week he gets rid of one

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Speaker 1: of the women. Oh how he murders them? No, my

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Speaker 1: guess is that they're just told to go home. And

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Speaker 1: and this is a popular show. Yeah, there's like seasons.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Carolina, ate too much fiber this morning. Did

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Speaker 1: you say there were twenty five seasons of The Bachelor?

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Speaker 1: Holy Mother of Earth? There are twenty five seasons of

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Speaker 1: a guy finding a wife from a pool of women

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Speaker 1: chosen for him by a network in a and a

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Speaker 1: show like Studio sixty is only on for one season.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what this is, futile. Let's play a game.

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Speaker 1: You say the name of a show and I'll guess

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Speaker 1: what it's about. If I get it right, then that's

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Speaker 1: what I'm going to watch tonight. Okay, great, let's do it, um,

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Speaker 1: And you just want the title, only the title, and

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Speaker 1: if I nail it, I'll watch it. Okay. How about

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Speaker 1: The Handmaid's Tale British spy draw set in the eighteen

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Speaker 1: forties in the seaside town of Brighton, Um, A young woman,

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Speaker 1: a handmaid, is discovered wandering the beach without any memory

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Speaker 1: of how she got there. Her tail unfolds, um, and

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Speaker 1: that wasn't wasn't close. Let's do Grace and Frankie love it? Okay.

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Speaker 1: Two dogs named Grace and Frankie stir up trouble in

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Speaker 1: a small Alabama town, stealing hot dogs and knocking over stuff.

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Speaker 1: The theme song is sung in barks wonderful, I shall

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Speaker 1: watch that. Dogs make me laugh and I love little

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Speaker 1: little snapshots of folksy hometown life. That's the one, no

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Speaker 1: it actually? It stars Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda. Well

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Speaker 1: then why did they give them dog names? Damn it?

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Speaker 1: These are too hard. You're you're trying to stop me.

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Speaker 1: Give me an easy one. Okay. Love Island, Oh, thank

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Speaker 1: you one. I know each week we are treated to

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Speaker 1: new arrived is looking for love on a magical island.

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Speaker 1: Will they find it? Or will they find out something

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Speaker 1: about themselves? Only the caretaker of the island and his

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Speaker 1: short friend Tattoo know the truth. Special guests include Barbara Eden,

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Speaker 1: Peter Lawford, Linda Carter, Television's Wonder Woman, and Dr Jay.

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Speaker 1: You're describing fantasy Island, So I was this Love Island?

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Speaker 1: Is not fantasy Island? Is it a mix between the

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Speaker 1: love Boat and fantasy Island? And does it take place

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Speaker 1: on a boat? Okay, here's one. The masked singer duh okay.

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Speaker 1: Eighteenth century French lover and thief Pierre Gordeaux, also known

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Speaker 1: as the Mass Singer, romances his way through many body

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Speaker 1: escapades with beautiful Parisian women, are keeping his eye on

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Speaker 1: the prize, the Crown Jewels. It's the born identity meets

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Speaker 1: the Three Musketeers. I love it. It's right up my alley.

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Speaker 1: Sword battles, costumes and women in tight dresses. The Mass Singer.

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Speaker 1: It's a in competition. You inks that a lot of

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Speaker 1: people were enraged when they turned that on and didn't

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Speaker 1: see sword fighting. Look into that. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: you're going to look into that, but let's look at me.

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Speaker 1: We'll try. Okay, give me another one. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm getting more intuitive. Um, what about the undoing? No

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Speaker 1: idea past? You're not going to try? Okay, what about shameless? Oh?

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Speaker 1: The Donald Trump story? Wonderful? I told a joke. Um, yes, good,

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Speaker 1: good joke. This is US sci fi crap about aliens.

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Speaker 1: Give me a break next. I believe this one is

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Speaker 1: a comedy about a family that lives on a boat

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Speaker 1: way out at sea, Homeland. I'd watch that. That's about

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Speaker 1: pilgrims making to the shores of Virginia. You're not good

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Speaker 1: at this, ron, No, I know what I'm doing. You're

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Speaker 1: not good at it. I mean, that's what's happening. I'm

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Speaker 1: just reading titles of TV shows so you can guess

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Speaker 1: what they are about. How am I not good at that?

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Speaker 1: You need to put a little clue into how you

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Speaker 1: read them. You know, for instance, the Mass Singer, you

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Speaker 1: could have sung that one, then then I would have

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Speaker 1: known it was about singing, and I would have guessed

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Speaker 1: a musical contest for sure, or maybe a musical about

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Speaker 1: a swashbuckling rogue named Pierre Gordeaux, which, by the way,

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Speaker 1: someone should make that one. Anyway, try putting something into it.

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Speaker 1: When you give me a title. Okay, okay, okay, I'm ready.

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Speaker 1: Um Paky Blind does mate, No boy, Carolina, that was amazing,

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Speaker 1: Do it again, Pakey Blind. The wonderful, just wonderful and simple.

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Speaker 1: So you made it easy. It's an Australian baking show

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Speaker 1: where everyone is blindfolded but can peak from time to

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Speaker 1: time at the competition. Yes, no, shouldn't you just pick

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Speaker 1: something and we can get onto our call with the

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Speaker 1: first lady. She's been on holds for this whole time.

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Speaker 1: If she's even there, Oh my god? Why? I I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm having fun with our guessing game, young lady. Life

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Speaker 1: throws fun at you. Don't run from the fun funds

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Speaker 1: not consistent like the Sun funds, not the sun. Fun

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Speaker 1: is hard one. So when fun comes, a ton of

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Speaker 1: fun or just one fun, you gotta let it run. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I got it. Okay, give me another one. It's fun. Okay.

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Speaker 1: It's a movie called Molly's Game. Okay. I believe this

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Speaker 1: is about a woman who invents a game like part Cheesy,

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Speaker 1: but the patriarchy won't allow her to profit from it,

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Speaker 1: and that's when she takes matters into her own hand,

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Speaker 1: ends and takes no prisoners. Adult themes and nudity. Don't

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Speaker 1: forget your clues when saying the title. Um, okay, his

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Speaker 1: dark materials, his dark material, dark material, his dark material.

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Speaker 1: Oh I know, I got it. A loser kid works

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Speaker 1: in a photo lab and discovers a murder with his

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Speaker 1: best friend, a video gamer probably named Max Kelly. They

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Speaker 1: set out to capture the killer while being their normal

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Speaker 1: slacker selves. How did you get that? I was doing

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Speaker 1: a British accent and I tried to make it sound serious.

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Speaker 1: Well that one was too hard anyway. I gotta get

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Speaker 1: one of these eventually. Okay, what about this the NBA

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Speaker 1: on TNT people blowing up basketball players? Why would they

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Speaker 1: do that? No, you're not good at this? Uh sports Center.

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Speaker 1: It's a great, down and dirty show about the pain

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Speaker 1: of addiction, and it's toll on families. I'm way off now.

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Speaker 1: It's it's getting harder. I mean, I'm losing focus, Like

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Speaker 1: I gotta figure out what I'm what I'm watching, and

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Speaker 1: I just I just gotta. I can't go home unless

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Speaker 1: I know, and decision is killing me. One more, please

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Speaker 1: but hold on. Let me Let me offer a prayer

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Speaker 1: for my common book of prayer written by me run Burgundy.

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Speaker 1: Let us pray, Please, God, let me decide on a show.

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Speaker 1: Show your heavenly mercy on me, for I am brought

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Speaker 1: low before you, and beseech thee to give unto me

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Speaker 1: the name of a program that will calm the waters

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Speaker 1: of my soul. Okay, one more. If I don't get it,

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Speaker 1: I'm quitting this world. I'll shed my clothes and take

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Speaker 1: to the hills for the life of a hermit, living

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Speaker 1: off nuts and berries and rodents. Go Okay, Last one

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Speaker 1: Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist. Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist. Okay, here goes. After

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Speaker 1: an unusual event, a whip smart computer coder Zoe Clark

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Speaker 1: Yes magically begins to hear people's innermost wants and desires

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Speaker 1: through popular songs, and suddenly strangers, friends, co workers, and

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Speaker 1: family are unknowingly seeing their feelings just to her. Holy Yes,

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Speaker 1: you got it. I did. Yes, It's over. The torture

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Speaker 1: is over. What a release. I'm watching Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist tonight.

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Speaker 1: I can hardly wait. It's It's my new show, Carolina.

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Speaker 1: I love it. I simply adore it. I will watch

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Speaker 1: it every night if I can the same episode over

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Speaker 1: and over I found it the show I want to watch.

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Speaker 1: I was I was this close to eating small rodents,

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Speaker 1: and I was seriously seriously going to fire you this close?

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Speaker 1: Should we just should we see if the first Lady

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Speaker 1: is still on the line. It's almost too embarrassing how

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Speaker 1: long it took me to pick a show? Um, Why

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Speaker 1: don't you lie and say I was attacked this morning

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Speaker 1: by spider monkeys? Wait? No, tell her, Um, tell her

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Speaker 1: I have to emergency coach the Denver Nuggets? Which one

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Speaker 1: do you think she would buy? Either? Ron, You're right,

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Speaker 1: I should just face up to it like a man

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Speaker 1: and tell her the truth. I'm in love with her. Gosh,

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Speaker 1: darn it, what you're in love with the first Lady?

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Speaker 1: Jill Biden? This is too much. It is too much.

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Speaker 1: I'm a married man, but that doesn't stop me from

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Speaker 1: falling head over heels in love. Should I love my wife?

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Speaker 1: I happened to love the first Lady too. Maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: just tell her I've fallen and hit my head and

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Speaker 1: we'll have to have her on another show. I'm just

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Speaker 1: I'm simply too nervous to talk to her. So you

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Speaker 1: not being able to decide on a show was just

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Speaker 1: avoiding talking to the first lady because you are in

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Speaker 1: love with her. Yes, I mean, what do you want

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Speaker 1: me to say? Yes? Yes, then you know what you're

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Speaker 1: gonna watch tonight? Of course I'll catch up on the

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Speaker 1: Good Doctor and then get under the covers with an

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Speaker 1: old episode of Colombo or McMillan and Wife like I

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Speaker 1: do every night. What what are you going to watch tonight? Um?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe I'll just read a book. Wonderful, wonderful,

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Speaker 1: just wonderful. My name is Ron Burgundy. This has been

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Speaker 1: an illuminating podcast. Take time to think about it, tell

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Speaker 1: your friends and stay Glassie