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Speaker 1: So then New Year's Eve, I'm invited by friends to

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Speaker 1: go on a boat, like an extraordinary, outrageous, stunning boat,

3
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Speaker 1: and we go. And ironically, because the people add on

4
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Speaker 1: those boats, the big, giant, major boats that aren't docked

5
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Speaker 1: with the normal billionaires on land, that are another level

6
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Speaker 1: because they're so big that they're you know, magnificent crazy vessels.

7
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Speaker 1: Those are out in the water and you have to

8
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Speaker 1: take a tender and it probably takes like twenty minutes.

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Speaker 1: Those people aren't really the people that are at the

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Speaker 1: douchey lunch. They'll do a douchey lunch, but they're on

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Speaker 1: their boats with their chefs and their friends, and it's

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Speaker 1: another level. It's another planet, ironically, because everyone on social

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Speaker 1: media is criticizing them because of the wealth and the

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Speaker 1: humulation those people. From my perspective, those people are like

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Speaker 1: nice people, like they're like nice, interesting people that do charity.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to know them all intimately, but they're wealthy.

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Speaker 1: They're allowed to be wealthy. You would be wealthy if

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Speaker 1: you could too. You would make the kind of money

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Speaker 1: they have if you could too, you might not check

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Speaker 1: all the boxes.

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Speaker 2: Do it that way.

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Speaker 1: But like going out there was the most peaceful experience

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Speaker 1: of the entire process. Okay, but like doing that was

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Speaker 1: the most intimate experience. The most elaborate, unrelatable boat experience

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Speaker 1: that you could ever even fathom that in seventy million

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Speaker 1: lifetimes you could never afford and I likely could never afford,

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Speaker 1: was the most intimate experience. It was people with their families,

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Speaker 1: with their kids, that were out there doing things the

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Speaker 1: way that they want to with their friends, in this

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Speaker 1: case on New Year's Eve, and intimate group people. And

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Speaker 1: that's where I had the most meaningful time. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, this is the upside down, Like this is

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Speaker 1: the upside down.

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Speaker 2: This is where it's the most common and meaningful.

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Speaker 1: It's the people on land that I guess maybe are

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Speaker 1: some version of wealth or want to prove it they're wealthy,

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Speaker 1: or want to compete about being wealthy, or want to

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Speaker 1: show off that they're wealthy. Like it was the hunger

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Speaker 1: games of something that I've never seen in my entire life.

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Speaker 1: And I've been there before on Christmas, and people who

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Speaker 1: own major fashion brands, who are wealthy, who have planes,

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Speaker 1: they were like, I've never seen it like this, No

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Speaker 1: one need this is unrelatable I know that I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you a story that you could like read in like

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Speaker 1: a novel. It's not supposed to be something you're ever

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Speaker 1: supposed to experience or relate to. I'm just explaining to

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Speaker 1: you what happened to me. So I'm stripped and exhausted

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Speaker 1: because this was supposed to be like an intimate time

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Speaker 1: with my daughter, to have a little bit of fun

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Speaker 1: in action. And by the time New Year's Eve comes

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Speaker 1: in my daughter's shot, I'm shot. Kids are trying to

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Speaker 1: include her and she's just wanting to be with me,

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Speaker 1: and both of us are kind of like on fumes.

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Speaker 1: And I get off this boat and everyone's going to

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Speaker 1: go to like where the DJs are, and that's where

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Speaker 1: her friends are, and now I'm gonna have to fucking

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Speaker 1: jockey for position and for bracelets and for name dropping

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Speaker 1: and to try to go into places and I don't

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Speaker 1: even want to be. And I'm grateful enough to know

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Speaker 1: all the people that are there that I get to

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Speaker 1: just go sit at their table, and I'm going and

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Speaker 1: chasing it around for my daughter and I got to

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Speaker 1: take her. And as I'm in the middle of all

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Speaker 1: of this, this man that I had been seeing flies

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Speaker 1: in to be with me on New Year's Eve. He

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Speaker 1: spends all kinds of money just to be with me,

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Speaker 1: just to ring in the New year with me, to

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Speaker 1: be there for myself and Brynn. And he treats me

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Speaker 1: like no and has ever treated me, which is a

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Speaker 1: massive statement, And like he flies into this vortex, okay,

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Speaker 1: and he's like just helping me heard cats and help

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Speaker 1: me heard DJs and bracelets for my daughter, and like

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Speaker 1: being a chaperone and just getting us everything we need,

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Speaker 1: and like honestly putting too much on him. It's like exhausting,

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Speaker 1: such a great man. And so now in the middle

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Speaker 1: of all this, I get a message that Jason Kaplan,

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Speaker 1: my makeup artist, and I don't even know what's been reported,

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Speaker 1: so I don't really want to say, but has died

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Speaker 1: in a very unpleasant way, is what they're reporting. Let's

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Speaker 1: just say, okay, Like, and I'm so tired, and I've

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Speaker 1: got my daughter and I've got her out on plans

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Speaker 1: and I'm worried about safety and security and everybody her

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Speaker 1: age is doing these things and I'm the fucking constant

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Speaker 1: nag and pain in the ass where I want her

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Speaker 1: home and I want to know where she is, and

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Speaker 1: I want to have like a leash on her, you know,

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Speaker 1: like her location, because it's just too many people. And yes,

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Speaker 1: most things don't happen, but sometimes things do happen. And

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Speaker 1: I just like, it's New Year's Eve and it's older

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Speaker 1: men and younger women, and I'm just like, I got

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Speaker 1: to be out on watch with her while I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to process information about this death. Like, so this is

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Speaker 1: my New Year's Eve, and we have to leave our

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Speaker 1: car somewhere because we can't get anywhere, and there's seventy

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Speaker 1: five other things that I can't go into, like so

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Speaker 1: many other things that were so unfortunate and so outrageous

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Speaker 1: and so anxiety producing that it was like almost not real.

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Speaker 1: It was. I walked thirty thousand steps on New Year's

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Speaker 1: Eve like it was just endless. And we get back

100
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Speaker 1: into the room and the room is closing in on us.

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Speaker 1: It's just feeling gross. I'm feeling gross. Been breaking out

102
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Speaker 1: a little on this trip, which never happens. I never get,

103
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Speaker 1: like any kind of acne. And one pimple's going away

104
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Speaker 1: and another's coming in twour in its place, and that's

105
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Speaker 1: starting and that's making me feel dirty. And gross, and

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Speaker 1: my daughter's like, I just I don't want to be here.

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Speaker 1: I miss the dogs. And I'm like I miss the

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Speaker 1: dogs too, you know, And like finally somebody says something

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Speaker 1: out loud. Now we're on this fortune vacation. This man

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Speaker 1: has come to spend a fortune think peak season with

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Speaker 1: all these fucking billionaires at this place, booking the last minute,

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Speaker 1: booking a car, all this stuff, like a lot of

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Speaker 1: money he's spent just to spend Year's Eve with us,

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Speaker 1: And I'm now about to stay days upon days more

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Speaker 1: upon the death of someone because I'm feeling so guilty

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Speaker 1: and telling my daughter, oh my god, he came here,

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Speaker 1: like he flew here, he spent so like I say

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Speaker 1: it out loud, and I'm like, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be here. And I'm thinking I'll pay him back, I'll

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Speaker 1: get a plane, I'll do whatever. Like I'm so exhausted

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Speaker 1: from the year. This is supposed to be the time

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to connect with her and relax and

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Speaker 1: just recover. And I'm so fucking exhausted, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: I don't care.

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Speaker 2: I have to say it. I have to say it

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Speaker 2: out loud.

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Speaker 1: This is this is literally three o'clock in the morning,

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Speaker 1: January first, twenty twenty six. I'm literally can't breathe right

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Speaker 1: now thinking about it. And none of this is relatable,

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Speaker 1: and I really don't care. It was my own experience

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Speaker 1: and I'm exhausted and we've been drinking and retired and like,

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Speaker 1: now we're going to get online. I don't have like

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Speaker 1: someone helping me. I don't have an assistant who I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna call on New Year's Eve to help get me

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Speaker 1: the fuck out of there. I've just experienced it death.

136
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Speaker 1: Like that's unrelatable too. People have to do things for themselves.

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Speaker 1: I know that, but I'm not like the best at

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Speaker 1: online travel. I'll always get something wrong. It'll be the

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Speaker 1: wrong destination, I'll have two stops, like i just get

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed by the process and I'm about to check out,

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Speaker 1: and then it won't take my credit card, I have

142
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Speaker 1: the wrong billing address, whatever. Something always goes wrong. And

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Speaker 1: I started a process. I was like, I don't care

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Speaker 1: about the money we're going to lose for the flights.

145
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Speaker 1: I'll get that back later. I do have trip insurance.

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Speaker 1: It was a death whatever.

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Speaker 2: So now I.

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Speaker 1: Start booking something and he gets involved and he looks online.

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Speaker 1: He's like, well, there's nothing left. I'm like, no, it's

150
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Speaker 1: because I just took it. He's like, I know, but

151
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Speaker 1: I just saw the way you booked it. You did

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Speaker 1: Brint twice Like now I'm booking and I'm booking it wrong.

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Speaker 1: But I can't get more seats because these are the

154
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Speaker 1: only three seats literally out of Saint Barts on January first,

155
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Speaker 1: and I fucked it up because I took them up

156
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Speaker 1: but I did the names wrong. So now I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how are we going to fix this? Because we can't

158
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Speaker 1: get anybody on the phone in the middle of the

159
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Speaker 1: night and it's international and I'm like, listen to me.

160
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Speaker 1: We're packing and we're showing up at that airport in

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Speaker 1: the morning. My daughter's asleep. It's for She's like, Mama,

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Speaker 1: I'll get up soon. I just tell me what I'm

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Speaker 1: a brin pack and we're packing. This was a ten

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Speaker 1: day trip. Okay, this was a ten day trip. You

165
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Speaker 1: had a minimum it was so expensive, So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: get the get up, pack your bag. Like I'm not

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Speaker 1: even processing the death. I am inside because I'm swirling

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Speaker 1: and I'm having anxiety, but I'm displacing it and I

169
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Speaker 1: find myself just like methodically packing every single thing and

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Speaker 1: packing what we bought and packing this and packing that

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Speaker 1: and packing stuff and leave me stuff and tipping in

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Speaker 1: the room, and my skin is gusting.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's escalating. And now we're packed.

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Speaker 1: This man who flew in yesterday and spent all this

175
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Speaker 1: money is now online all night booking the travel, booking

176
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Speaker 1: the things, eating his tickets, eating his thousands of dollars.

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Speaker 1: He's booking our travel. He's fixing it. We all show

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Speaker 1: up at the airport like a fucking pit crew. This

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Speaker 1: guy is amazing because we show up like we're gonna

180
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Speaker 1: not fill up the car with gas.

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Speaker 2: Who cares? Get charged for that?

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Speaker 1: Bring the rental car, ask them if they'll forgive it,

183
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Speaker 1: try to fix the names on the thing, show up

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Speaker 1: at the desk.

185
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Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah.

186
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Speaker 1: We all get out and we get home on January first,

187
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Speaker 1: like in daylight, middle of the day, luggage being sent after.

188
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Speaker 2: We can't care.

189
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Speaker 1: We're coming in on such fumes, okay, and I don't

190
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Speaker 1: even know now, trying to like at the insurance, get

191
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Speaker 1: the whatever coming in on fumes. Then we start hearing

192
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Speaker 1: that her friends and everybody is stuck there for days

193
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Speaker 1: because of the Venezuela thing. Like when I tell you

194
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Speaker 1: and I'm on the plane trying to talk to the

195
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Speaker 1: family of the person who passed away, trying to help them,

196
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,040
Speaker 1: trying to get them information they need to get into

197
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Speaker 1: the apartment and to get things they need, and I

198
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Speaker 1: have to tell them that I'm not going to be

199
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Speaker 1: able to go to New York. I have a surgery

200
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,760
Speaker 1: that I have to do that I'm not sharing with

201
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,600
Speaker 1: people because I don't have to. And so I'm and

202
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,439
Speaker 1: God forbid and knockwood because it's now over, God forbid,

203
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:20,840
Speaker 1: and I don't want to say this. I was like,

204
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,120
Speaker 1: they were like, are you nervous to say that I

205
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,280
Speaker 1: was looking forward to the surgery because I was going

206
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Speaker 1: to be an anesthesia, take a fucking nap, and know

207
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Speaker 1: that I was going to be nailed to my bed

208
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,760
Speaker 1: with my dogs for a week. Like that's how sad

209
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,040
Speaker 1: empathetic it was like, and be able to like mourn

210
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Speaker 1: and be said and process. Surgery was something I was

211
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Speaker 1: looking forward to comprit to what we were feeling, Like

212
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Speaker 1: we get home and then everyone's there. Just thinking about

213
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:44,960
Speaker 1: it gave me anxiety, Like I don't know what I

214
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Speaker 1: would have done, Like I would have craw eaten my

215
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Speaker 1: own arm off to be home. So we get home

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Speaker 1: before the surgery. The night before I my face breaks

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Speaker 1: out in a and like something that once happened to

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Speaker 1: brit when she was on a volleyball camp in a

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Speaker 1: hotel room with towels, and the towels where we were

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Speaker 1: did not look like white.

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Speaker 2: They looked dingy.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter because I will never ever use

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Speaker 1: a hotel towel or a pillowcase again. And it's not

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Speaker 1: about it's a good hotel. It's a bad hotel. In

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Speaker 1: a five star hotel that was two thousand dollars a night.

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Speaker 1: Brin once lost her blanket and we had to go

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Speaker 1: in the back and the bins where those towels are

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Speaker 1: sitting in disgusting filth and food and gross and heat

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Speaker 1: and outdoor and like then they get washed, but they

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Speaker 1: hold bacteria no matter what, whether they're washed, they're not washed,

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Speaker 1: how often they're washed, makeup, sponges, brushes, towels, whole bacteria.

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Speaker 1: My facialist told me that she's like, it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: A washcloth holes bacteria, even if washed. I'm like, gross,

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Speaker 1: so these towels were like graying in this place, and

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Speaker 1: it was a five star place that was on the water,

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Speaker 1: was thousands of dollars. It wasn't like, it wasn't like insane,

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Speaker 1: but I don't care. I will never use a hotel

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Speaker 1: sheet or a towel again on my face, my hand

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Speaker 1: to god. I felt vile, and I'm going into Surgeia

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Speaker 1: the next day, so I'm gonna look disgusting, feel disgusting.

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Speaker 1: But I have this all these bumps. And then the

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Speaker 1: next day I went into this procedure and I did anesthesia,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the type that is supposed to relax, but

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Speaker 1: like after coming out of anesthesia, I'm like up and

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Speaker 1: wondering why I'm up, and I'm like advancing healing from

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Speaker 1: any kind of surgery and have to be told like

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Speaker 1: you need to stop and you need to relax. I

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Speaker 1: got out of anesthesia, and the anesthesiologist and the doctor

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Speaker 1: had to kick me out, had to tell people to

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Speaker 1: take me out. I slept for five hours after the anesthesia.

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Speaker 2: Would not get out. I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I was delirious, unconscious, could not open my eyes. Went

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Speaker 1: to my house and slept for five days in a row.

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Speaker 1: For twenty four hours, did not like literally would wake up,

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Speaker 1: go back to sleep, wake up, go back to sleep,

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Speaker 1: lost weight, wasn't eating like literally was on a sleep

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Speaker 1: healing journey of more than just like the thing that

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Speaker 1: I had to get done, the health thing that I

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Speaker 1: had to get done. It was more about just like

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Speaker 1: healing from the last year and that Christmas New Year's debacle.

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Speaker 1: And then shared the experience, got a decent amount of hate.

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Speaker 1: Realized how many people actually hate me on the internet.

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Speaker 1: It's actually I could be on the Internet and say

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Speaker 1: like haters or motivators and haters or money, and they

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Speaker 1: are they like make me money, They're engaged or obsessed

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Speaker 1: with me. They're fixated on me. It's almost like I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've made it. It's almost like you feel

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Speaker 1: a list. You feel like wait, only people like you

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Speaker 1: know Kardashians, or like Jennifer Lopez or Megan Markle like

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Speaker 1: get this level of hate. But like where there are

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Speaker 1: like pages and people and like their entire life is

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Speaker 1: dedicated to hating you. But that was my coming into

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. It did not start the way that

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Speaker 1: I wanted. I am rested, never going back to that

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Speaker 1: physical place on season again. I'm not sure when I'll

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Speaker 1: go off season again. It kind of left a bad

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Speaker 1: taste in my mouth, even though I really loved that place.

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Speaker 1: Saint Barts was my most favorite place. You would ask me,

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Speaker 1: I'd like, it's my favorite place. It was like getting

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Speaker 1: so violently ill and sick on your favorite food. And

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Speaker 1: there were people there that I adore, that I love,

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Speaker 1: that I love being with, and it just was not

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Speaker 1: who I am. It is not the parent I am.

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Speaker 1: It felt like bad parenting.

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Speaker 2: But I want to.

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Speaker 1: Mention that on New Year's Eve, someone way more famous,

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Speaker 1: way more successful, way more wealthy than I am, that

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Speaker 1: i've I don't think I've criticized them, but I've criticized

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Speaker 1: choices people they know I've Like, you know how I'll

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Speaker 1: do a video about someone and say something and people

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Speaker 1: love my brutal honesty, and like, I don't think I

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Speaker 1: love my brutal honesty because there is a word brutal

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Speaker 1: there and I don't really know the situation or the

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Speaker 1: person I'm talking about in some situations, and I have

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Speaker 1: so many haters, and like, yeah, I can have an

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Speaker 1: opinion and not love someone's choices.

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Speaker 2: And what they do. But like, definitely, not everything needs

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Speaker 2: to be said.

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Speaker 1: But one of the people that certainly has been affected

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Speaker 1: by things that I've said, I don't believe that they

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Speaker 1: buy a large care. They're so major, so beyond a

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Speaker 1: list and connected, and I was gonna say, I don't

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Speaker 1: live rent free in their heads.

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Speaker 2: But I also know that they've seen my content.

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Speaker 1: I think that sometimes we create content and don't realize

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Speaker 1: that like people do see it. People see the content

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Speaker 1: of everyone. For me, of course, because I have a

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Speaker 1: big reach. But like this person that like I think

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Speaker 1: I have an opinion of, you know, based on really

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Speaker 1: not knowing anything, not knowing anything more than what we

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Speaker 1: all see, came up to me to say hello, I

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Speaker 1: mean know people in common and to say the Happy

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Speaker 1: New Year, And like, I can't explain it.

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Speaker 2: There was such a class.

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Speaker 1: To it, such an elegance to it, such a New

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Speaker 1: Year's Eve turning point moment for me to it that

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Speaker 1: like it stopped me dead in my tracks because I

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Speaker 1: was like, wait, this person is a real one. Like

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Speaker 1: you're allowed to be successful, You're allowed to go grab

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Speaker 1: your bag, you're allowed to like be what everybody else

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Speaker 1: would want to be, and you're allowed to do it

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Speaker 1: in your own way, and like, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: it is.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it was that moment.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's my age, my success, my wisdom,

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Speaker 1: my knowledge, my softening.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.

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Speaker 1: But like I take back anything negative that I ever posted,

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Speaker 1: even having an opinion on something that you probably didn't

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Speaker 1: like that this person or people around them did, like

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Speaker 1: a choice that they made, or you know, like I

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Speaker 1: don't really care.

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Speaker 2: I make a lot.

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Speaker 1: Of choices a lot of people don't like, Like we're

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Speaker 1: not going to hit everything right, and why do I

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Speaker 1: have to say something about another person that I never

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Speaker 1: would think that they would see and that would hurt

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Speaker 1: their feelings or just like sting for a minute and

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Speaker 1: be like, wait, why is this person coming for me?

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Speaker 1: You know, I've had it happen in so many different

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Speaker 1: ways where like because of social media, I'll just like

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Speaker 1: express my opinion about something and it won't be like

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Speaker 1: the finite opinion. I'm never really I'm never saying someone's

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Speaker 1: unattractive or attacking someone's you know, like physically or anything

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Speaker 1: like that. I'll just say like why did they make

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Speaker 1: this choice? You know, and it could be mega Markle.

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Speaker 1: It could be Blake Lively. It could be a number

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Speaker 1: of people and like I'm sorry, like I'm not, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do it anymore. I'm no, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm not like one of these like trash journalists or anything.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's always I always tread lightly with care,

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Speaker 1: but like I am not doing it anymore.

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Speaker 2: I really don't know these people.

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Speaker 1: And if my content is boring as a result, It's

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Speaker 1: like I just this moment when this person walked up

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Speaker 1: to me and had the class and dignity and elegance

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Speaker 1: to say like hello, it hit. It was really the

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Speaker 1: ultimate killing with kindness. And this person you could see

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Speaker 1: behind their eyes they weren't like killing it with kindness.

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Speaker 1: They would just there's an element to like who comes

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Speaker 1: up to who, Like who approaches who, and who walked

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Speaker 1: ups to who, And like it would be me walking

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Speaker 1: up to this person kissing the ring, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's there's just a way to things.

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Speaker 2: It could be respect your elders.

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Speaker 1: It could be Martha me walking up to her, although

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Speaker 1: she's come up to me in moments, it wasn't Martha.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like it was a moment and I

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Speaker 1: will never forget it, and it changed me. It was

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Speaker 1: in the flurry of all the crazy shit that was

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Speaker 1: going on, but like this person that you may love

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Speaker 1: or may respect or mixed bag, I don't care, there

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Speaker 1: was an elegance to this that like, I'm team this

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Speaker 1: person now. It fully stopped me dead in my tracks

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Speaker 1: and it has affected me and changed me. PS to

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Speaker 1: befou to walk into the fat of turn