WEBVTT - Why Has The Bar Gotten So Low In Dating? 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:18.400 All right, I do Part two. 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.040 Family, I'm back with part two of our last podcast. 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:24.520 I am mister Wright. 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:26.960 I'm here to tell you all the things that men 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:29.120 are thinking about and picking up where we left off 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.280 with our last set of questions. Well, Leslie forty six, 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:35.960 says this. She says, dating takes so much effort in 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:38.960 time time I don't have anymore like when I was 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:42.400 in my twenties. How can we make ourselves more excited 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.519 about dating and take away the stress and anxiety from 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:48.760 it being one more thing to do in our already 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.000 busy day. Now, that's coming from Leslie, who's forty six, 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.640 and right off the jump, I'm gonna say, Leslie, I 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:56.600 don't think maybe right now is a good time for 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:59.400 you to date. It sounds like dating doesn't sound like 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:01.680 fun to you, which I get it, Like there are 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:05.280 times that it just you know, life is too complicated, 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:09.440 or you are still recovering from a breakup or hurt 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:13.680 and you're just not available. Because dating should be exciting, 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:17.160 Dating should cause a little anxiety and a little bit 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.039 of stress and a little excitement, a little bit. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.479 Of all these things. 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.440 And so if dating feels like it is a chore, 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:27.560 if it feels like it's complicated. I think it might 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.759 be just your particular situation and you may need some 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.880 time to heal and work through this. Because if you 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.520 go into dating, if you go out on a date 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:40.200 with somebody and it's not exciting and it's not fun 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:44.480 and you think of it as a chore, it's not 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:47.520 going to go well. And I think that you're setting 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:52.360 yourself up for failure at the very least. And you know, 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.040 if your days are busy and you have anxieties and 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:58.800 you're not excited about it, just wait, just wait, just 0:01:58.840 --> 0:01:59.760 wait until you're ready. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.200 That's fine. You don't have to be ready today. 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:06.200 Give yourself some time to get in a headspace where 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.639 you're looking forward to that anxiety, where you're. 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.000 Looking forward to the excitement. 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.320 Who it is that you're going to meet, What adventures 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.560 are you going to go on, not worried about if 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.959 it's going to fail, Because you have to be optimistic, 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:23.160 especially in chapter two. Optimistic is the ingredient that makes 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:27.040 a relationship possible. If you're going into it already thinking 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:29.560 it's going to fail or it's going to muddy up 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:34.079 your busy day, it probably will all right, Well, Margaret, 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:37.440 who's fifty three, says something that I think a lot 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.799 of us think about that my body in my fifties 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.040 doesn't look like it did when I was younger. I've 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.200 had two kids, I've had tons of loose skin around 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:48.200 my midsection and stretch marks when I was married, and 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:50.960 I wasn't insecure about my body because my husband had 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:54.480 seen me when I was fit, thin, pregnant, all of it. 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:57.600 Now that I'm back in the dating scene, the anxiety 0:02:57.639 --> 0:02:59.959 that I have about my body and knowing men might 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:04.040 age prefer to date younger is sending me into a spiral. 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:07.160 Do men care about loose skin and stretch marks? Or 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:08.960 should I find a way to tell the guys I 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:14.120 date in advance to see how they react. Advice please, now, Margaret, 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.200 this is an interesting way to put it, because I 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:18.040 would often think that it's. 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:19.040 The other way around. 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.800 That your husband that knew you when you were young 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.880 and as you say, fit and you know, without the 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.280 things that happen to a body when having kids or 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:32.640 whatever else, and they've seen you kind of progress. Oftentimes 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:36.800 women are more anxious or worried about that man who's 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:38.720 seen them, you know, when they were young, and that 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.560 you know and see them until they've gotten more mature, 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.520 versus meeting a guy that didn't know you when you 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:47.120 were younger and didn't know you any other way than 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.560 the way you are now. So I think if you 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:53.440 meet a guy now at fifty three, with all of 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.280 your perfections and imperfections and all the things that happen 0:03:56.360 --> 0:04:01.400 to our bodies and our faces and our everything, you 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:02.760 don't need to tell the guys anything. 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:05.440 They know what they see. 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:07.760 You don't need to give them warnings, You don't need 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:11.320 to give them a head's up or anything else. They 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:14.320 can figure it out for themselves. And I think that 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.960 you should be confident in the body that you have, 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.960 and if you're you know, and if you exude that confidence, 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.560 that guy is not gonna care. Don't get worried about 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.719 what you think guys look for. If you think they're 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:27.919 gonna date younger, if you think they're gonna not like 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.520 your your stretch marks or your blue skin or whatever 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.960 it else it is, then you're already starting behind the gates. 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:35.960 So you don't want that. 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.880 Be confident, Margaret, They're gonna love you for the person 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:44.160 that you are, imperfections and all, all. 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:47.880 Right, So, Britt, who's thirty five, says this. 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:50.960 I saw TikTok recently where a man said the bar 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:54.159 is quote unquote so low right now for men to 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:57.320 do anything for women, that women are really just looking 0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:58.280 for simple. 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.960 Things like kindness. To questions here, why is the bar 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.400 so low? In your opinion? And two? Whose fault is 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.719 that that it's so low? Is it the man or 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:10.320 the woman's fault? Now? 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.160 The question is do I think that the bar is very, 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.360 very low? And I'll tell you, mister right right here 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.760 thinks that the bar has been lowered. And I'm not 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:21.840 sure if that's because I'm a bit older, a bit 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:25.520 more mature, and I'm you know, I'm looking at the 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.360 dating world and it does seem as though there is 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:33.760 there is this kind of movement away from kindness and 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:38.160 chivalry and acts of kindness, and maybe I just don't 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:42.279 see it as often anymore. And you know, guys, I 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:44.559 think I don't know if it's social media. I don't 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.479 know if it's just you know, me being an old 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.480 fuddy duddy and looking back, I just think chivalry, if 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.760 it's not dead, it's certainly wounded in a lot of situations. 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.080 And I think that there is you know, if it's 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.240 the man's fault of the women's fault, I think men 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.560 are are women are also wanting to be treated so 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:06.240 much differently than than what I remember, you know, the 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.479 old days of you know, holding the door open or 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:10.920 you know, paying the bill every time, or all those 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.840 sorts of things I think might be looked down as 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:13.599 old fashion. 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:18.520 And so I don't know who's at fault for it. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:20.200 I think that I do see it. 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:22.159 I do think that the bar has been lowered in 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:27.240 terms of the way that guys treat women kind of 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:30.479 early on, and that probably changes, you know, over time, 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.839 but in terms of kind of the dating world, I 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:36.800 think it's I think it the bar has been lowered 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.640 to a certain extent, and I don't know if it's 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.360 just the guy's fault. I think it, you know, I 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.000 think that that women are are also part of this, 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:47.159 and because they are expecting to be treated quote unquote equally, 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:49.720 which is great and I'm all for equal treatment or 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.400 whatever else, but sometimes that will take away some of 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:56.159 these chivalrous things that guys want to do to show kindness, 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:59.479 to show affection because they're worried about stepping over the line, 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:02.919 and you know, I want to bring in a producer, 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.560 Heather on this one. And you know she's a self 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:08.960 proclaimed feminist and single right now, but coming out of, 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:11.520 you know, some long relationships. 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:13.000 What is your take on. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.800 It, producer Heather. This is just my perspective in my 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.000 chapter two. But what do you think? 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:20.880 I mean, I'm not out there actively dating whatsoever looking 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.360 but you see this. But I do see a lot 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.960 of this stuff, and I think that the bar is 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:31.160 really low. I think that it is twofold. I think 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.920 that men. I think that men aren't talking enough to 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.640 each other about standards and how they're treating women. And 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:41.720 I don't think that men are holding other men accountable 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:46.920 when they witness bad behavior or hear bad behavior. I 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:51.400 don't think that they actually call out their buddies or 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:54.960 their friends about this kind of stuff. And I think 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:59.600 that women, unfortunately allow the bad behavior to go on 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.720 for two long. I'm super guilty of this. I'm actually 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:08.920 really guilty of allowing bad behavior to continue for too 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:13.600 long and not address it and not put my foot 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:17.480 down on stuff. So I think, yeah, I think it's twofold. 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:21.440 I think it's I think it's both people's problems, and 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:27.320 I do feel that we've gotten away from common decency 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:31.200 and just you know, everybody is trying to play it 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:35.640 like too cool or like there is you know, another 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.480 you right around the corner. So I don't need to like, 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:43.320 you know, do too much. I feel that like my 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:46.440 perception obviously I'm not a man, but my perception of 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:51.200 men is that sometimes doing too much and being too 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:57.560 vulnerable is perceived as like being a simp or being 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:00.000 a wimp or anything like that. And so I feel 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:04.320 that there's like a hyper awareness around masculinity right now 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:08.400 amongst men and about being as masculine as possible. And 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:14.600 for some reason, I think men equate masculinity to sometimes 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.400 putting women down or keeping women in a in a 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:23.040 spot where they can be dominant, and I think that's 0:09:23.280 --> 0:09:26.199 that's also something that we're seeing play out in the 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:27.360 dating scene right now. 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:30.840 Okay, so you agree that it's both the men and 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:34.480 the women take some responsibility for it. But I think 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:39.320 that you know, this, this treating of women with respect 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:43.480 and kindness and small acts of chivalry, I think that's 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:47.280 oftentimes something that that older guys have an advantage on 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.559 over younger guys. It's a level of confidence it's a 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:55.680 level of experience also vulnerability as well, where guys you 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:58.160 know in my age are probably more willing to be 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:02.520 a little more vulnerable then you know, a younger version 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:03.240 of myself. 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.040 So you're saying that that vulnerability came through your chapter 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:10.400 one or do you think you were acting like this 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:12.960 early on and that's partly how you got to your 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:16.079 chapter one? Was your vulnerability your openness? 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:20.120 No, I think I think that I recognize that probably 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:25.080 not being vulnerable enough and not being mindful enough got 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.400 me to where I am right now, which is in 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:32.000 my chapter two. And so I think that you know, experience, mistakes, 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:35.120 all these things you know are are you know, kind 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.600 of made me the person that I am, certainly from 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:41.280 you know, day one till now. But relationship wise, I 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:44.720 think guys that you know are in their chapter two 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.760 are probably realizing what are some of the things that 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:49.640 got me in the situation, and we go and fix those. 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:51.880 You would hope that men out there are doing the 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:54.720 work in their chapter two. It begs the question, though, 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.720 if a man never gets to chapter one, is he 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.200 still that observed of things that he needs to change? 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.040 You know, these men, you know, we're seeing a lot 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.520 of the time now that I think marriage rates and 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:12.040 traditional kind of things like that are declining. So we're 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.600 seeing men in their mid forties that have never been married, 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:19.000 never been engaged, And so it begs the question of 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:22.920 do they learn those kinds of things about vulnerability if 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:26.839 they've never experienced what you're talking about that you experienced 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.640 in chapter one. That's kind of been eye opening for you. 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.800 Yeah, and I think that those probably, you know, those 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.480 guys probably are the anomaly inasmuch as they've you know, 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.320 they don't they're not looking for relationship, they're not looking 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:41.959 for family, all those sorts of things. But I think 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:46.040 that guys in their chapter two hopefully have learned from 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:47.960 I don't want to say learn from their mistakes, but 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.800 learn from their experience. And you know what, you know 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:55.200 what has what works, what hasn't worked, And then you know, 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.240 as you're going into your you know, in your in 0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:59.960 your chapter two, you're trying to go and not repeat 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.600 those same those same mistakes. 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:04.080 Yeah. 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.440 Interesting, but our listeners should write in if their experience 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.840 is that the bar is super low right there. 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.200 Yeah, And I want to I'm also curious in which 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.680 and what what ways is the bar lower in like 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:17.880 what capacity? Like what what are the things? What are 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.040 the specific things that make the bar lower? 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:22.199 What I see a. 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:25.439 Lot on the internet is that the bar is low 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:30.200 in terms of communication, that men are not moving the 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:34.640 ball forward in terms of you know, if they're let's 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:37.720 say they're online dating and they match with somebody, they're 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.800 not doing that forward movement of now let's get a date, 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:43.920 let's do it on this day, let's do it like 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.480 I see tons and tons of tiktoks of women being like, 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.640 it's six pm and we're supposed to have a date tomorrow. 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.080 Let's see if he actually confirms, and then they'll do 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:59.600 like an hour update the next day, and I see 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.240 nine to ten times these guys don't confirm. So these 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.360 girls don't actually end up going on a date with 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:04.800 these men. 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:06.880 They leave them hanging. 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.439 They say we're going to go get drinks on Wednesday 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.200 at seven, and then they never fully confirm, or they 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.080 never lock it in, or they never tell them the 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:19.480 location or something. I remember last time I was single, 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.760 I had a guy say, you know, after our first 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.400 date that he wanted to go out again the following week. 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:30.040 I think the next day he locked in date and time, 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:34.440 and then proceeded to not communicate with me for the 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:37.720 next couple of days. And I remember, I'm like, Okay, 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:40.000 so it's Friday. I'm supposed to go out with this 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:43.839 guy on Saturday. Haven't really heard anything from him. And 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:48.840 then he waited until Saturday, I want to say, like 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.600 two hours before we were supposed to meet up, to 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:56.440 tell me that he decided he couldn't go out with 0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.880 me anymore because he had decided he was moving to Boston. 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.800 Oh he should he should have to pay like some 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.320 sort of cancelation fee, like like like you know, like 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:08.160 we go to the doctor and you don't show up, 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.840 Like if you waste somebody Saturday night, that should be 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.720 like a two hundred dollars penalty like that it should be. 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:15.960 But again we're talking about the bar being low, and 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:19.800 this was ten years ago. I mean, like, I just 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:23.920 think that it's it's rough out there in terms of 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:28.880 like I mean, I haven't gone through chapter one and 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.840 I will not be getting back out onto the wild 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:36.480 West of dating apps. It was way too much for 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.080 me and my mental health to uh to go through 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:43.000 that again. But I think that I've experienced it, so 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:46.240 I understand what these women are saying and men when 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:49.240 they talk about, you know, the communication going stagnant on 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:50.800 the apps. You want to take it off the apps. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:53.480 You want to communicate. They don't text, they don't call, 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:56.800 they don't you know, set something. It can be very 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.320 robotic feeling. And again it goes back to that previous 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:03.040 question that talked about it being you know, another job, 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:05.720 that's what you know. Modern day dating can kind of 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.040 feel like. And I remember the last time I was 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.360 single that that's how I had to approach it. It 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:14.160 was like every Thursday was my date night. And then 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:17.320 if I booked a date on Thursday, it was like 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:21.080 I went to a place and got my hair blown out. 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:22.440 I had, like. 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:26.120 I remember, and then I like picked up like three 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:29.280 other hobbies so that I had things to talk about 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.120 on set dates. Then I would go out every Friday 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:36.920 night and every Saturday night, mingling, meeting people, hoping that 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:39.600 I would pick up another date for next Thursday. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:40.640 And I mean I. 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:44.720 Was just out there really pounding the pavement. And I 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:46.960 mean I did it all. I did blind dates, I 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:51.080 did setups, I did online dates, I did asking men 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:52.880 out in person. I did. 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.040 Oh yeah, I've asked I've asked men out. 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:59.920 I've i have sent drinks over to men as like 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:03.400 a way of flirting. You know, Ladies, I think that 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:05.560 if you want to give it a try, I think 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.080 it's actually super low pressure. 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:07.560 I don't know why. 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:10.280 I've heard women say that it's like super scary or whatever. 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:14.080 It's like I've been I remember I've been at like karaoke, 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:18.600 pulled over a waitress and been like that guy over 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:21.400 there on the other side of the room is really cute? 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:23.080 Is there a ring on the finger? 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:26.920 And they'll be like no, And I'll be like, great, whatever, 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:29.680 he's drinking right now, get him another one, put it 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.640 on my tab, and when he when you deliver it, 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:36.000 you can just point to me. That's super low pressure, ladies, 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.560 because guess what, it's then up to him if he 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.200 wants to come over and thank you for the drink, 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:45.080 do that whole thing. You are not then having to 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.120 go over and be like did you get the drink? 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:50.480 Yes, you have, you have. You have tossed the proverbial 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:54.440 ball across exactly. They could the guy could just you know, 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.720 sort of raise an arm or a cheers across if 0:16:57.720 --> 0:16:59.120 he's not interested, which. 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.800 I have had I've had some guy just like raise 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.920 his hand and say thanks so much. I've had a 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.320 guy come over to the table and say thank you 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:06.680 so much. 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:11.240 I was really flattering. I'm in a relationship or whatever. Nice, fine, 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:12.040 have a drink. 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.159 Or you could end up singing Islands in the Stream 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.200 together in the karaoke or that. 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:18.400 I mean, it's a backfire. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:20.800 I ended up sending one to a guy once and 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:24.080 then he came over. He thanked me, and then was like, 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.440 we should go out this week so I can get 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:26.880 you a drink. 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:29.359 Da da da dah whatever whatever. So I ended up 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:30.880 going out with him, and then. 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:34.760 It only took one drink for me to find out 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:36.919 that the guy hadn't had a job in eight years 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:40.120 and was CouchSurfing. And I was like, well, no, wonder 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:42.520 he really enjoyed that free drink I sent over. 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:43.400 The guy doesn't have a. 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.960 Job, He's like, let me get some let's good chicken 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:46.840 wings with that next time. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.560 Man, you can't always tell. 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.159 It's not like a fool proof kind of situation, but 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:56.600 it's like, yeah, if the guy's attractive, he's gonna enjoy 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.040 having a drink sent over. I think it's like a 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:02.240 compliment regard. And I think that, you know, going back 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:06.880 to the bar being low, I think that people aren't 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.159 complimenting each other enough, you know what I mean. It's like, 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.960 if somebody's attractive, handsome, whatever, if there's no ring and 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.960 there's no girl on the arm, feel free to give 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:20.200 a compliment. You don't have to be creepy about it. 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.760 Men too, you don't have to be creepy when you 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.680 give a compliment. But like, that's a great those are 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.760 great shoes that you're wearing, you know what. I really 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:30.520 like that hat that you're wearing. It doesn't have to 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:32.560 be like you have a nice ass, you know what. 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:34.399 I mean, Even if they do, you don't have to 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:34.639 say it. 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.360 Eat the rule exactly. 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:39.720 I just think that we as a society have really 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:43.320 pulled back on being complimentary. And I think I'm not 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.600 going to get too far into it with like political 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.159 movements and things like that that have happened in recent 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.280 years where men act like they're not allowed to say 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.520 complimentary things. That's that's actually not what any of these 0:18:56.560 --> 0:19:00.640 big movements have been about. It's about if you're my boss, yeah, 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:03.480 you shouldn't be saying a compliment or something weird about me. 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:06.240 But when we're out in the world and we're engaging 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:09.639 in conversation and you're not intoxicated, and I'm not like 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.640 if I had children, if I'm like not with my children, 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:15.639 and we're just like in an adult environment, and you know, 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:19.840 it's respectful. Yes, people, we can give compliments to each other. 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:23.040 That's not like something of yesteryear that we're not allowed 0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:23.760 to do anymore. 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.720 I feel like, do you feel that way that people 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:26.960 have like stopped? 0:19:27.040 --> 0:19:28.639 I think I think that the moral of the story 0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:31.040 is men and women. Let's raise the bar back up. 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:32.919 I think so too, Let's be flirty. 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:45.960 Our last question coming in here is from Susan, who's 0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:48.560 fifty seven. This is what she says. 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.280 I like the opinions you gave in your last episode 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:55.199 about finances and relationships. I'm in my second marriage and 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:58.080 my husband has three kids from his first marriage, with 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:01.400 the youngest about to graduate from colleg This is our 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:05.040 time to focus and shift into our retirement years. But 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:08.679 my husband is talking about financing their youngest child for 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:12.359 quote unquote a couple more years. I think it is 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:14.480 time for them to fly on their own now that 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:17.680 college is over and it bothers me. How can I 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:20.760 explain this to my husband so he understands my point 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:24.600 of view? All right, Susan, this is always going to 0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:29.520 be the trickiest of conversations, which is how to deal 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:32.960 with children from a you know, the previous marriage, especially 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:35.080 when you've blended a family, or even if you're just 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:39.879 coming with no kids. It is a very touchy subject. 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:47.080 And I'll give you all the warnings. The raising of 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:51.359 a child or children is a delicate thing. And to 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:55.360 go and and to critique, you know, any part of that, 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:57.439 I think is going to be something that you're going 0:20:57.520 --> 0:21:00.000 to want to deal with set with sensitivity. Now you 0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:02.959 a perspective here, because it's you know, it sounds like 0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:05.920