Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am
Speaker 1: the Nicki Glazer Podcast. Hello, it's Thursday. Um. If you're
Speaker 1: this is the first time listening to the show, Um, welcome.
Speaker 1: If it's not. Guys like Hanks are on the mend.
Speaker 1: I was a little cranky and kanky earlier this week.
Speaker 1: I developed massive canker sores on my fucking tongue. That
Speaker 1: all started on Seatre D. I was dining at a
Speaker 1: restaurant I used to work at in college. Killoge. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm talking about St. Louis today, but
Speaker 1: I'm in the mood. You just talk to your mom
Speaker 1: probably yeah, probably that that, even though she's from Cincinnati originally,
Speaker 1: but we definitely adapted a St. Louis kind of accent.
Speaker 1: Um yes, so um I talked to me. It's almost like, uh,
Speaker 1: fire go, you know, have you ever seen fire Go?
Speaker 1: You know? Um? So my mom? Uh yeah, so I
Speaker 1: ate it a Landing cafe in uh Lawrence, Kansas, and
Speaker 1: I took a bite of this, like I think, you know, nightshades.
Speaker 1: I might be allergic to them, even though boba ganos
Speaker 1: is my favorite fucking food and it's made out of
Speaker 1: eggplant any who got h My tongue erupted, like just
Speaker 1: got big swelled on the sides. It like gets bumpy
Speaker 1: and swells when I have an allergic reaction to uh
Speaker 1: tomatoes and lactons, lactons and um. And then I bit
Speaker 1: the side of my mouth because it's swollen, and then boom,
Speaker 1: cankers and then that those cankers just bread more cankies
Speaker 1: and um man. I was just poor little Nikki. I
Speaker 1: got that de bacto debact all, which was like this
Speaker 1: um treatment for it that my ortho hooked up for me,
Speaker 1: so painful. I did it yesterday and like the treatments
Speaker 1: so painful, and then afterwards, for like five to ten minutes,
Speaker 1: it's just stinging so bad that you just it's the
Speaker 1: worst pain I've ever felt, right up there with migraines,
Speaker 1: like worse pain. And I'm just crying on the like
Speaker 1: Kirsten was kind of like rubbing my back. I'm just
Speaker 1: like feeling so sorry for myself. It almost felt good
Speaker 1: because it gave me a reason to cry, which I
Speaker 1: want to cry just about being stressed out, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I can't, so it was nice to just cry and
Speaker 1: be like it earned so bad, and no one understands.
Speaker 1: But canker stores are so painful, and and I can't
Speaker 1: do my two favorite things with her talk and eat um.
Speaker 1: But then I wrote my Orthodox again and I said,
Speaker 1: listen to back to all is not working for me,
Speaker 1: and uh, and they're getting worse. And I sent her
Speaker 1: up a photo that is alarming the mouth source, like,
Speaker 1: I sent this photo to so many people, like on
Speaker 1: this thing that I'm doing, cameras are following me. I
Speaker 1: was like, guys, look at my mouth. You sad for me?
Speaker 1: Maybe canceled the shoot um. And they were all like
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, I mean it is. They were just gigantic
Speaker 1: white blobs in my under my tongue, and if you
Speaker 1: have canker sores, it just like hurts looking at them,
Speaker 1: if you've ever known in that pain. Anyway, I wrote
Speaker 1: to my Orthodonis again center a picture, and she was like,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, Okay, I'm gonna prescribe you this mouthwash, this
Speaker 1: other mouthwash and then another bomb. And man, if you
Speaker 1: get canker source, the mouthwash that really did for me
Speaker 1: was an ant acid, like my Atlanta. That's what she
Speaker 1: was saying. She was saying, you know it's maybe you
Speaker 1: try switching around my Atlanta and I was like, I
Speaker 1: had never heard of that. But she goes, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna give you a prescription for something like it. Boy,
Speaker 1: the soothing it was almost instant where it was just like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the answer. There was like some steroid
Speaker 1: thing too that I took. So I mean, it was
Speaker 1: all just like thank God for my mama, modern medicine
Speaker 1: and Eminem's. I literally said that yesterday, I go thank
Speaker 1: God for thank God that my local pharmacy has something
Speaker 1: on their shelf that will take away this pain that
Speaker 1: radiates through my ear drum in my brain and is
Speaker 1: making me miserable and making me so not able to
Speaker 1: be fun friendly, funny just and you don't even realize.
Speaker 1: I was just like, wow, I just wasn't funny yesterday.
Speaker 1: I guess I've just been not in a good mood,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was because of you know, you
Speaker 1: know I told you this. Now. I was getting upset
Speaker 1: about relationships in my life and it was all cranky, canky,
Speaker 1: and now they're gone. And today I woke up and
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for like, you know, they're still there.
Speaker 1: There's still a little pain, but man better than it was,
Speaker 1: and like God, what like I have so much appreciation
Speaker 1: for like not being in chronic pain, and if you
Speaker 1: are out there in chronic pain, I feel for you
Speaker 1: so much, so so much, I like have all the
Speaker 1: swells for you. My tongue had all the swells too
Speaker 1: this weekend, and that's why I bid it. But it's
Speaker 1: just there's there's nothing like getting well to make you
Speaker 1: appreciate how good life is and how grateful you are
Speaker 1: and how good you have it for about an hour
Speaker 1: or two, and then you go back to bitch and
Speaker 1: about you know that my Instagram is being slow, my
Speaker 1: phone is, like, God, the storage is full. I've heard
Speaker 1: so many people complain about their storage being full on
Speaker 1: their phones recently, Like that's the number one complaint for
Speaker 1: people in my life. I'm like, our lives are pretty
Speaker 1: fucking good. Then, no, you said, you asked me before
Speaker 1: we sent the podcast, how's your cankers? And then you
Speaker 1: said how's your soul in mind? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: we should always do that. We should are like No,
Speaker 1: you said soul body brain bs B s B, Backstreet Boys, body,
Speaker 1: soul brain. Um, So I love that. Let's check in on.
Speaker 1: My body is like an an eight and a half today,
Speaker 1: but I'm appreciating it like it's a twelve. Um, my
Speaker 1: soul is feeling very good, and I'm on a tend
Speaker 1: for my soul and my brain is probably like an
Speaker 1: eight and a half. So I'm I'm really firing. I'm
Speaker 1: fair enough. I'm feeling good. What about you? What what's
Speaker 1: your bsp today? Body feels I would say maybe like
Speaker 1: a seven. Eight soul I'd say like a four because
Speaker 1: I realized I have some like unresolved conflicts that I'm
Speaker 1: just like avoiding and I just got to take care
Speaker 1: of it. What are you? What are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: You're not going into detail. I'm not gonna go into detail.
Speaker 1: I have a call with my therapist today, which is good.
Speaker 1: I didn't have one last week. She was on vacation.
Speaker 1: Um man, I needed it last week, right, Yeah exactly. UM,
Speaker 1: it is so nice to you. What with that? You
Speaker 1: know you don't have to go into any detail whatsoever?
Speaker 1: But what, um did you thought this thing wasn't bothering
Speaker 1: you anymore? Or was it a new thing that you
Speaker 1: never even knew existed? And You're like, holy shit, I've
Speaker 1: got resentments here Was it like that or is it
Speaker 1: something that you thought was resolved and I was bubbling up?
Speaker 1: We already categorize it. So Okay, it's it's two things,
Speaker 1: but I'll talk about one. One of it has to
Speaker 1: do with my mom and like us not speaking, and
Speaker 1: I just have to address it, like I have to
Speaker 1: figure out a relationship that makes me feel comfortable and
Speaker 1: also like not guilty and also not like I'm doing
Speaker 1: something against my will, you know. So I'm just so
Speaker 1: so complex. I'm so torn up about it. I don't
Speaker 1: know what I want from that relationship. Um, but I
Speaker 1: definitely don't want to feel what I feel right now,
Speaker 1: like not speaking to my mother and she's kind of
Speaker 1: like alone. So it's just like it's really tearing me up.
Speaker 1: To be honest, I hear you. That's got to be
Speaker 1: so hard because you're hurt. The things you're hurt about,
Speaker 1: you're probably not going to get them. She's not let me.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna guess that. You know, when I've been
Speaker 1: in these situations you're hurt by someone, Um, they're not
Speaker 1: going to apologize or be accountable for how they've hurt
Speaker 1: you in the way that you need to actually move on,
Speaker 1: or maybe there's no way that they could yet they're
Speaker 1: still alive, they're in pain, um or alone or whatever.
Speaker 1: You feel a guilt for not being there for them,
Speaker 1: but you also, like you said, you don't want to
Speaker 1: just do it because but she's your mom. No, h
Speaker 1: she's blood. Like this whole thing of like, yeah, well
Speaker 1: someone should have said that to her when she did
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. You know, I'm I'm paraphrasing or I'm
Speaker 1: I'm projecting, but it's like, you know, I so often
Speaker 1: I think back on the therapist I had, who was
Speaker 1: pretty terrible to me for a while, but and she
Speaker 1: was the first person to kind of go, oh, you
Speaker 1: know your parents. You you thought they were perfect, which
Speaker 1: is great and it helps you survive, and they are
Speaker 1: so good. I'm like, but they they dropped the ball
Speaker 1: some places and and and maybe in obvious places, others
Speaker 1: not so obvious. And I remember she said that I
Speaker 1: had to mourn the loss of the mom that I
Speaker 1: wanted to have, and that's not you know, if my
Speaker 1: mom watches this, I want her to know that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you're not a great mom, That that means
Speaker 1: that I had you know, we all have this fairy
Speaker 1: tale kind of we imagine our perfect mom and no
Speaker 1: one's ever gonna be that, And so I have to
Speaker 1: mourn the loss of the mom that I wish would
Speaker 1: do this thing and asked me about this thing and
Speaker 1: touch me in this way. And I wish I had
Speaker 1: the dad that would have done this instead of this,
Speaker 1: and you know, and you just go, there's like this
Speaker 1: um anger of like why didn't I get that mom?
Speaker 1: And you almost have to kill her, like you have to,
Speaker 1: like you have to like, um, I remember feeling like
Speaker 1: my mom like died or something like this. I had
Speaker 1: to kill off this person I was waiting for her
Speaker 1: to become. And it was like this, really, I don't
Speaker 1: know if anyone's been through it before, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: you have. No You've done so much work, but this
Speaker 1: kind of morning process of like killing off the expectations
Speaker 1: and it doesn't make everything perfect overnight, but like having
Speaker 1: no expectations. But at the same time, my my old
Speaker 1: therapist wanted me to like cut off things with my mom.
Speaker 1: If things, you know, if I if she doesn't do
Speaker 1: this and change her ways, I have to put a
Speaker 1: boundary and go then I don't want to be around
Speaker 1: you anymore, and that that was her method that she
Speaker 1: wanted me to employ, and I tried it for a
Speaker 1: little bit, and I don't. I just didn't want to
Speaker 1: do that and thank God, like I just, um, my
Speaker 1: mom's not perfect. I still get so aggravated with her
Speaker 1: and it's a different situation than yours. But um, and
Speaker 1: with my dad as well. And I believe if I
Speaker 1: ever have kids, they'll deal with the same thing. Well,
Speaker 1: they they'll have to kill off the version of the
Speaker 1: mom who isn't you know. Whoever I end up marrying's
Speaker 1: going to have to kill off the version of the
Speaker 1: woman that they thought that they were going to marry.
Speaker 1: And I love to do that. Two for the man,
Speaker 1: Like I'm sure there are things that AV does that
Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, I wish he didn't do that, or
Speaker 1: I wish I could change that. That's why I'm very
Speaker 1: fascinated in my friend's husbands and like the people they've
Speaker 1: chosen to be with forever, Like but he's not, Like
Speaker 1: what about when he does something that you're like, why,
Speaker 1: Like how do you just not go? I don't. I
Speaker 1: can't be with someone like this, Like I just want
Speaker 1: to cut it off and go by, and especially because
Speaker 1: they're not. I just I don't know what that is
Speaker 1: about me that wants to just do what you're probably
Speaker 1: doing to your mom right now and going like, well
Speaker 1: fuck you if you're not going to change and you
Speaker 1: don't want to address this by But then there's all
Speaker 1: the things where you're like, I don't know, no, uh,
Speaker 1: do you just feel like there's still a relationship to
Speaker 1: glean from, like reaching out to your mom again? Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's the thing. The answer to that is no,
Speaker 1: I don't see having any kind of meaningful relationship with her.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I do feel I'm like
Speaker 1: there's a pandemic. The whole world seems to be like
Speaker 1: crumbling apart, and she's she's on her own, like she
Speaker 1: she moved to a different state away from all of us,
Speaker 1: and I I just don't feel like a good person.
Speaker 1: I know, I get what you're saying, but and me, like,
Speaker 1: do you ever think about looking at it from like
Speaker 1: a social workers perspective if she was one of your
Speaker 1: like she was on your sheet of people you have
Speaker 1: to check in on, like just a job, not getting
Speaker 1: not just checking in to be like, are you well, like,
Speaker 1: are you good? I want to talk to tell me
Speaker 1: a story about your life, like checklist to make you
Speaker 1: feel like you're not alone and having no because I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I'm guessing you've let a lot of
Speaker 1: the expectations go. It sounds like like you're not expecting
Speaker 1: any kind of relationship, but there must be something holding
Speaker 1: you back from reaching out to her, because there must
Speaker 1: be some kind of feeling that you get after it
Speaker 1: that makes you feel sad or bad yeah, or angry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to be an angry person. And um,
Speaker 1: I think it's just like I have to learn how
Speaker 1: to manage that relationship, how to set boundaries better, and
Speaker 1: how to keep the door open as much as I want,
Speaker 1: because she tends to just like barge in. And I
Speaker 1: don't think it comes from a bad place. I just
Speaker 1: I just can't take it and I have to learn
Speaker 1: how to control how much the door opens. And I
Speaker 1: think you're heading it so like right, like, I want
Speaker 1: to tell you right now, first of all, you're a
Speaker 1: good person, and I know that you telling you that
Speaker 1: is not going to make you just like go okay, thanks, Nicky.
Speaker 1: I'm done feeling that way. But you really are girl,
Speaker 1: Like you're anyone who knows you knows that you're there
Speaker 1: for your friends, and anyone who is loving to you,
Speaker 1: you're loving to them, and even people who aren't loving,
Speaker 1: like just strangers. You're just like such a kind person.
Speaker 1: And if your mom showed you, if your mom deserved
Speaker 1: your kindness, you would give it to her, even like
Speaker 1: even a little bit, like it says a lot that
Speaker 1: you are wanting to put up a boundary there and
Speaker 1: like people make their own beds, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: there's something so sad about living alone and being alone
Speaker 1: and they really don't have a choice, you know, with
Speaker 1: no free will. I do believe like your mom does
Speaker 1: not have a choice but to be alone, Like you go, oh,
Speaker 1: just make some friends, like go out and find a
Speaker 1: hobby and like meet people. It's just like they can't
Speaker 1: fucking get it, and they just it's it. It's so sad.
Speaker 1: It's just sad to think of someone that you know,
Speaker 1: just being alone. Just loneliness is sad um, But it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own But the
Speaker 1: anger thing, dude, I mean I had an anger explosion
Speaker 1: last night that I was just like I did not
Speaker 1: know how to like even deal with the anger that
Speaker 1: spouted out of me because I felt in a moment
Speaker 1: Andrew and I had like a really good talk last night, um,
Speaker 1: right before we went to bed, but it was only
Speaker 1: spurred by the fact that I, like, we were talking about,
Speaker 1: you know, some drama in our lives, and uh, I
Speaker 1: misunderstood something that he was saying, and I felt like
Speaker 1: he was kind of saying, I mean, the only reason
Speaker 1: I hang out with the only reason we hang out
Speaker 1: is because you're my boss. Like otherwise it's you know,
Speaker 1: we we kind of but it's difficult having a best
Speaker 1: friend who is of the opposite sex, who is you know,
Speaker 1: an attractive person for both of us, for both uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and like the thing is, Brenna is so
Speaker 1: cool about it never has made me feel weird. I've
Speaker 1: there's no reason she should feel weird. Anyone who knows
Speaker 1: us knows that that's the way our relationship is. But
Speaker 1: it it seems to be. Um, it's just not something
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people can understand her handle.
Speaker 1: And I am really resentful of the fact that, like,
Speaker 1: do you ever talked about this all week? Like when
Speaker 1: you get married, you just have to like kiss your
Speaker 1: one life goodbye because your your life becomes someone else
Speaker 1: and it's not like you kiss it goodbye completely. But
Speaker 1: it's really hard to integrate the single life, which I'm
Speaker 1: not out like fucking people every night. But it's like
Speaker 1: I if I've always said when Andrew and I get partners,
Speaker 1: that we're going to hang out less, right, like that
Speaker 1: just happens because we're both like the reason we hang
Speaker 1: out so much just because we don't have we're we're
Speaker 1: pretty much filling that role without the sexual stuff. But
Speaker 1: also we're friends. So like if we were just best
Speaker 1: guy friends there, you know, it wouldn't be of discussion
Speaker 1: if if Brenna was cool with it or not what
Speaker 1: she is, but it wouldn't even We wouldn't go, wow,
Speaker 1: she's so cool about you being friends with me. If
Speaker 1: I was a guy, it wouldn't be of note. And
Speaker 1: I was just kind of getting frustrated. And we watched
Speaker 1: Romeo Michell's High School Even and Last Night with Kursten,
Speaker 1: and I was like, with Kirsten, and that movie is
Speaker 1: so sweet about two adult best friends who lived together,
Speaker 1: two women, and you know, in the end of the movie,
Speaker 1: Michelle gets the guy, and Romy is just like hanging
Speaker 1: out with her, and I was like the whole movie,
Speaker 1: Andrew kept saying that Kirsten was a Roomy and I
Speaker 1: was a Michelle, and I'm like, secretly, I was like
Speaker 1: I've always been. I know, I'm a ROMI I'm the
Speaker 1: girl that doesn't get the guy, but who like has
Speaker 1: good ideas and it's like, come on, Michelle, like let's
Speaker 1: do this. And Michelle's just like, Okay, let's do it.
Speaker 1: She's like fun and a little bit more adventure or
Speaker 1: us and like everyone likes her and bubbly, and then
Speaker 1: in the end Michelle gets the guy and then Roman's like,
Speaker 1: can I come along in your helicopter with you? Like
Speaker 1: Roomy doesn't end up with a guy, which I kind
Speaker 1: of like about that, and they end up like opening
Speaker 1: a shop together, and I'm like I want that, and
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, when I'm pursuing my own
Speaker 1: relationship and I see you know, and we talked about
Speaker 1: Andrew moving out. I'm totally fine with us moving out.
Speaker 1: I just don't know that we'll hang out as much.
Speaker 1: And there's a little bit of sadness to me about that.
Speaker 1: But also I think where I got really upset was that,
Speaker 1: you know, he he was saying, like, guys shouldn't even
Speaker 1: have a big problem with us hanging out because you know,
Speaker 1: Brenna is so cool about it, and I probably a
Speaker 1: lot of my life revolves more around you. I spend
Speaker 1: more of my time doing what you want to do
Speaker 1: than you do what I want to do. So a
Speaker 1: guy that might be threatened by me in your life
Speaker 1: if you were, if we're talking about you dating men
Speaker 1: and and having conflict when you tell them that you
Speaker 1: live with your best friend or like you have a
Speaker 1: best guy friend that you're like work partners with, those
Speaker 1: guys shouldn't be as jealous as Brenna has reason to
Speaker 1: be because I spend way more time with you doing
Speaker 1: what you want to do around your schedule than you
Speaker 1: do with me, And I go, yeah, because you work
Speaker 1: for me, Like that would also be like Brenna's so
Speaker 1: cool that I go to work and I'm like, why
Speaker 1: does Brenna have to give you? Why do we even
Speaker 1: have to And the thing is this is not about
Speaker 1: Brenna is cool and has never been an issue. But
Speaker 1: I just took it as like, oh, well, isn't that
Speaker 1: convenient for you? When you know, maybe and let's not
Speaker 1: even say, Brenna, any girl in your life would ever
Speaker 1: get threatened by me, you can throw me under the
Speaker 1: bus and be like, well, I have to she's my boss.
Speaker 1: Whereas when a guy gets jealous of you in my life,
Speaker 1: I go, I want him around because I like him,
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't have the excuse of like
Speaker 1: he's my boss. I got a sorry, babe. And it's
Speaker 1: like that offended me a little bit because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want I want to be able to be friends
Speaker 1: with anyone and have them go, no, she's my friend.
Speaker 1: I like hanging out with her as opposed to I
Speaker 1: don't even want to, but like I gotta make a paycheck.
Speaker 1: She pays me. And I just felt like it was
Speaker 1: do you wonder do you hear what I'm saying? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I just snapped. I was like, oh, I'm so
Speaker 1: so o' Brenna's so sweet to let you go to
Speaker 1: the to let you work for me, and like I
Speaker 1: and you're so thank you so much for hanging out
Speaker 1: with me. And then I like you wouldn't otherwise And
Speaker 1: now I and I even said, I go, I know,
Speaker 1: you fucking throw me under the bus. If she's a
Speaker 1: little bit annoyed that you have to go out of
Speaker 1: town for the weekend, You're not like I want to,
Speaker 1: You're just like, well, NICKI needs me there. Like it's
Speaker 1: like Nikki, she's a lot, like I know how we
Speaker 1: talk about our bosses and listen, I can be a lot,
Speaker 1: but I just I don't want I don't get to
Speaker 1: use men in my life as an excuse like that,
Speaker 1: like I gotta put up with Andrew. He's I don't
Speaker 1: need to make an excuse. I can just be like
Speaker 1: I actually like him a lot and he makes me laugh.
Speaker 1: That's why I want him around. And if you have
Speaker 1: a problem with that, well, then by you know, I
Speaker 1: have to kind of like I have to say the
Speaker 1: harder thing, which is I like someone aside from the
Speaker 1: fact that they pay me or something, and you know,
Speaker 1: that's just the nature of our relationship. And so it
Speaker 1: just made me feel like, fuck, I doubt he would
Speaker 1: hang out with me if I didn't give him an opportunity.
Speaker 1: But I just I just know that's not true. That's
Speaker 1: not true, and that's why we talked. We kept talking,
Speaker 1: and then we got to a place where I was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I know you didn't mean to say that, but it
Speaker 1: just felt like I'm like, I'm the old like ball
Speaker 1: and Chain that you can just go. God, I don't
Speaker 1: even Brenda. I don't want to be with her. I
Speaker 1: just have to. And it's like sometimes you do want
Speaker 1: to hang out with me, and that's okay too, that
Speaker 1: you don't need to make it like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like you should be able to just go get lunch
Speaker 1: with me, and not because I'm your boss, but because
Speaker 1: you want to. And I feel like, you know, men
Speaker 1: and women can't really be friends because are you know,
Speaker 1: if we want to have relationships outside of that, it's
Speaker 1: just too it's too threatening and this and this is
Speaker 1: not talking about anyone in our immediate lives. I'm just
Speaker 1: like kind of examining, you know. I just feel like
Speaker 1: marriages and relationships feel like a trap and feel like
Speaker 1: ownership and I don't want to be owned and I
Speaker 1: don't want to be I feel like I have to,
Speaker 1: you know, well, I have to hang out with Andrew
Speaker 1: because um, he has this thing I need to pick.
Speaker 1: He's bringing this thing from that that I have to
Speaker 1: get from. It's like, can't we just be like I
Speaker 1: like this person and it doesn't mean I don't know.
Speaker 1: But I said to Andrew, I go, would you be
Speaker 1: okay with Brenna having a best friend that's a guy
Speaker 1: that makes her laugh harder than uh? Like, that makes
Speaker 1: her laugh the hardest she's ever laughed. Would you be
Speaker 1: okay with that? And he was like, uh, I go right,
Speaker 1: So I'm kind of it's not a good it's not
Speaker 1: a great position to be in, so I gotta dump him.
Speaker 1: But let's get it in here so I can talk
Speaker 1: to him just kidding. And that brings us to just kidding,
Speaker 1: which we'll talk about for a second. Andrew pay glovey,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Um? Sweet? Look, did you like that
Speaker 1: text I just sent you? Yeah? Well, at first I
Speaker 1: didn't get the It's funny when you send the video.
Speaker 1: You didn't get the video at first, you were just
Speaker 1: freaking out. I'm not freaking out. But I was just like,
Speaker 1: did you get my text? Yeah? So I texted him
Speaker 1: last night after I just told them about our talk. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: and I said that after the after we talked, I
Speaker 1: didn't say this, but I just was like feeling so good.
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, that was the best talk.
Speaker 1: Like we resolved this like really tense moment where I
Speaker 1: got really angry, like really angry, more angry than I've
Speaker 1: been in a really long time, because I felt like
Speaker 1: you were saying you only hang out with me because
Speaker 1: I pay you. And that's how I and I misinterpreted it.
Speaker 1: I mean, if it was more money, no, that's that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it got lost in my mouth. Latian. It's funny,
Speaker 1: like it would probably be with my list. It's probably
Speaker 1: better I just text. Yet if you did, like the
Speaker 1: voice speak, it would just be snakes, um and like
Speaker 1: water splashes and your phone you have to put your
Speaker 1: phone in rice. Um No. But I like, we had
Speaker 1: a good uh, we had a good talk, and so
Speaker 1: I I you know, we rarely express um like. I
Speaker 1: was just feeling like a lot of love for you
Speaker 1: as my friend. I was just like the same way
Speaker 1: I say to my girlfriends all the time, like I
Speaker 1: love you, Like I was just like, I love you,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for that time. I forget what
Speaker 1: I said. I said before we went to bed, and
Speaker 1: he didn't write back because he didn't even deliver. I
Speaker 1: wasn't like, what the funk? And then this morning you
Speaker 1: wrote me back in a really nice thing. But I
Speaker 1: was driving when I got your text. I couldn't write back, um,
Speaker 1: because I was already texting someone else and um, I
Speaker 1: was reading a book as I was on the highway
Speaker 1: and um, you're in the back seat and uh. And
Speaker 1: then I also saw my mom this morning and she
Speaker 1: kept saying her classic jess kidding. My mom does this
Speaker 1: thing Noah, where she will say something really offensive. She
Speaker 1: was like, nicky, that skirt is too short on you,
Speaker 1: jes skidding, like she'll or she'll be like I love
Speaker 1: the Taliban jifkin and she just cuts it with a
Speaker 1: jack kid. And so today I got her to say
Speaker 1: a just kidding, and I filmed it. And I didn't
Speaker 1: even film it knowing that I was going to use it.
Speaker 1: But I wrote back Andrew after he wrote me back.
Speaker 1: So he wrote me back in the morning after I
Speaker 1: had sent it. We had just gone to bed and
Speaker 1: I sent the text, so it's like I figured he
Speaker 1: was going to be still up, but he didn't get
Speaker 1: it till this morning and he wrote back, and I
Speaker 1: just wrote back to be honest, Um, I was really
Speaker 1: upset about your the delay and you getting back to me.
Speaker 1: And then I let it sit and then like two
Speaker 1: seconds later, I sent this, hold on, let me just
Speaker 1: blame my mom. Wait, do you have a Noah? I
Speaker 1: wish you gotta. I wish you posted on like Instagram
Speaker 1: because you could just repeat it over and over. Just kidding,
Speaker 1: just kid, so that I said, Andrew, it should be
Speaker 1: a doll that you like, pulled the string and should
Speaker 1: we make it if anyone makes dolls out there that
Speaker 1: can talk, just kid, make us all dolls. But I
Speaker 1: send that as because I hate pranks, and you know
Speaker 1: that I hate any kind of like you think this
Speaker 1: for a second. I wanted to instill. I sent them together,
Speaker 1: but the video didn't arrive. Yeah, it's always funny when
Speaker 1: videos delayed when you're trying to set up like the
Speaker 1: punch line of the joke, and you're just like fun,
Speaker 1: and then you can't delete, or you try to send up.
Speaker 1: You send a picture and then you write a captain
Speaker 1: for it and it sends and you want the picture
Speaker 1: to go after it and you're like, fun, cancel because
Speaker 1: it just did. That happened to me when I was
Speaker 1: dog walking. I think I told you his story, but
Speaker 1: are sent a picture of his dad and boxers, and
Speaker 1: I was like, and I zoomed in. I got nice
Speaker 1: dad's dick, and then I sent it to a dog
Speaker 1: owner instead of back to the group chat and nice
Speaker 1: dad's dick just a zooming of a dad's dick and box,
Speaker 1: and so I tried to like, I was like unsend
Speaker 1: und because I could see it's still working. Because I
Speaker 1: was in a basement for a comedy show, so I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I have time. And then I didn't
Speaker 1: say anything, you know, like I didn't you can't write
Speaker 1: to that, Hey, sorry about the dad's dick. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: on a chat with my friends. And he said a
Speaker 1: picture of his dad's stick. And there's no explanation. I mean,
Speaker 1: even even knowing you guys, I'm a little confounded at it.
Speaker 1: So that was on the weekend, and so then I
Speaker 1: went in on Monday to walk the dogs and I
Speaker 1: could tell he wouldn't like look me in the eye,
Speaker 1: like I felt like a weird vibe from him that
Speaker 1: I never felt before. And I was like, hey, but
Speaker 1: you didn't write anything. I didn't write anything. I just
Speaker 1: let it say because I didn't know because I thought
Speaker 1: I might have deleted it before it got there. Oh,
Speaker 1: I thought, maybe is there any way to stop a
Speaker 1: text from sending mid scent. I don't know Jon grudenone
Speaker 1: like that, Uh for an email? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know who that is. He's the one that just
Speaker 1: got fired for your writing misogynistic and homophobic. He was
Speaker 1: a football coach. Oh, I don't know. They went through
Speaker 1: his private emails. This our sports moment. Can we get
Speaker 1: it over with? No, this isn't this email through private
Speaker 1: more of an email thing. Okay, gotcha? Oh gotcha? So anyway,
Speaker 1: so I end up going the guy and go, hey, man,
Speaker 1: did you get a text from me over the weekend?
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, yeah, I got it. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, it was a friend thing. And the
Speaker 1: dad like it was his dad. I know this is insane,
Speaker 1: but I my friend and like, I feel like, guys
Speaker 1: understand he was. He's a cool guy. He got he
Speaker 1: got it, Like, but it definitely could have gone very awry. No,
Speaker 1: what do you have the video that one of our
Speaker 1: listeners sent of their dogs Penis? Did I ever send
Speaker 1: you that? Yes? You did? Do you have it? Because
Speaker 1: I really want to show Andrew I've been done. I
Speaker 1: cannot believe I've forgotten. I've sat on this for so long.
Speaker 1: I mean I couldn't. It would seriously come up through
Speaker 1: my throat. Um, I don't. I mean some dogs have hogs. Wait,
Speaker 1: what's the biggest dick you can think of a dog having?
Speaker 1: Just give me, give me what you think you believe,
Speaker 1: because I gotta say when rolled in and said because
Speaker 1: I was talking about Luigi's pa too big, I mean,
Speaker 1: they're usually thin for a dog. If it's a thick
Speaker 1: thick have never seen anything like that? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm excited. Well when no one finds it, well we'll
Speaker 1: watch it. But until then, stay tuned for this dog
Speaker 1: dick because it's going to blow your mind literally. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I was really, um, I we we got through such
Speaker 1: a good talk last night. That was like a really
Speaker 1: perfect a friend uh conflict, and I just feel like
Speaker 1: we're at a really good place right now. And I
Speaker 1: and I and I don't you know whatever, like like
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing like towards me, like like nice one,
Speaker 1: like not like I need to andrew off. But I
Speaker 1: have the dog's dick. Do you want to see? Please do?
Speaker 1: Because that was getting too sincere and I was getting
Speaker 1: really I feel like dogs dick in my mouth. I
Speaker 1: was like okay, no, are you gonna put it up
Speaker 1: on the screen? Yes, if this thing allows me to.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is like big foot footage, you like,
Speaker 1: I can't even did the dog sign of consent. I'm
Speaker 1: feeling a little nervous, I know. I asked the girl
Speaker 1: if we could show it, and she said yes, So
Speaker 1: this is totally consensual. The carpet that it was dragging
Speaker 1: on did not consent to have to be penetrated this way,
Speaker 1: way too. Hold on it. Where does this dick? So
Speaker 1: like it's oh my god, it's not that it's not
Speaker 1: going to let me show it. It's that big, because
Speaker 1: oh it won't let you show it. No, if you
Speaker 1: text it to me, I can just hand it to him. Okay,
Speaker 1: And I don't think it's gonna fit. I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to go get my iPad. It is so big. Andrew,
Speaker 1: should we put it on the big screen? I mean
Speaker 1: we will later, will transfer it on there, but um yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean too many gigabytes. It was. When this girl
Speaker 1: sent it to me, I just go, Okay, your dog
Speaker 1: is a big dick. Let me just watch this video.
Speaker 1: And I was I tell you all the time, Rott
Speaker 1: Wilders have sex, but the butt. They start doggy style,
Speaker 1: and then the male rott wilder will turn around and
Speaker 1: bang her through his own legs backwards because then he
Speaker 1: gets more. I guess they do the reverse doggie. They
Speaker 1: do your style. Yeah, but they're both dogs. But but
Speaker 1: that's so weird. I know. But that's how thick and
Speaker 1: longer cocks are. My god, wait do they put it
Speaker 1: in doggiest island? Then they step over their own and
Speaker 1: they twisted around. Oh yeah, I guess I guess that's
Speaker 1: how it would have to happen. Yeah, no, assented to me. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, this is unbelievable. I'm like, I can't wait
Speaker 1: for you your reaction. Okay, you have a glove on,
Speaker 1: by the way. Okay, let's see this. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Andrew, describe what you're seeing. It's purple.
Speaker 1: It's a monster. It's how big absolute monster. It's probably
Speaker 1: no joke. I mean, the dog isn't a huge dog.
Speaker 1: I'm going with like about a seven inch thick hog.
Speaker 1: And then he blows himself at the end, which is
Speaker 1: he doesn't, Yes, he does, Yeah, he sucks his own kind.
Speaker 1: I mean, why how couldn't you? You're right there? I
Speaker 1: mean it's already in his mouth pretty much. It looks
Speaker 1: like an old like kind of sheep dog. Dude, he's
Speaker 1: walking he just got off a horse. I mean maybe
Speaker 1: he's maybe he's a quarter horse. I mean that that is.
Speaker 1: I would be embarrassed to walk that dog around. Yeah,
Speaker 1: especially i'd be embarrassed to be her husband. I couldn't
Speaker 1: live with that dog in the house. I'd have to
Speaker 1: new her everything I knew her as Penis and leave
Speaker 1: the balls. I'll tell you that. I mean every morning
Speaker 1: I wake up and be like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 1: So we're back to a good place. Yes, Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: in a good place. Last night he was all kids,
Speaker 1: all gravy. It was all gravy. I was just yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just I'm I'm really just struggling with just having
Speaker 1: Kirsten come back and hang out so much. I love
Speaker 1: it so much, and I'm just get so sad when
Speaker 1: she leaves, and I blame like monogamy for it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: like I just blame I blame the only friends I
Speaker 1: hang out with, our single girls like once my friends
Speaker 1: getting relationships and like get married. It's just like, I know,
Speaker 1: I've brought this up all this week but it just
Speaker 1: why does it have to be that? Why can't we
Speaker 1: all live? If you very serious relationship, you might end
Speaker 1: up doing the same ship. I want to stay friends
Speaker 1: with everyone. That's why I won't get in a relationship
Speaker 1: because I don't want I don't like that when when
Speaker 1: it starts to be like no, now it's just us
Speaker 1: and we're creating our own new thing, Like I want
Speaker 1: to take all of our friends with us. I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say goodbye to this life and
Speaker 1: I but I don't have to. That's the thing. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, Oh, I have a satisfying sex life. We
Speaker 1: were even talking about, you know, if I was in
Speaker 1: a long distance relationship, or if I was with someone
Speaker 1: and we couldn't be together all the time because of
Speaker 1: my schedule or their schedule, how many times I would
Speaker 1: need to see that person a month for intercourse? Honestly,
Speaker 1: twice a week on AV would be great to have
Speaker 1: sexual intercourse and hang out with that person. I don't
Speaker 1: need more than that. I think I could just say
Speaker 1: in a relationship where we see each other two days
Speaker 1: a week and then some days you know, obviously have
Speaker 1: weeks where we're together. But I generally think that's a
Speaker 1: good and I don't mind if they hooked up a
Speaker 1: little bit with that. With your friends with Kirsten, you
Speaker 1: get three solid, amazing friendship days. You almost get exclusively
Speaker 1: rather than a little bit here and there. If you
Speaker 1: if you lived in the same town, you might not
Speaker 1: see you know, when we live in New York or whatever,
Speaker 1: we see friends all the time. No, I was, dude,
Speaker 1: I was if you went to the Olive Tree, I
Speaker 1: guess No, I was meeting up with Sara, Lena and
Speaker 1: Elena and Anya every night. Yeah. To Andrew's point, as
Speaker 1: Stare Pearl talks about this, and you can't have your
Speaker 1: partner be your everything, your emotional support, and that's what
Speaker 1: I think the partner, Yeah, exactly. So imagine how much
Speaker 1: richer your partnership with whoever you choose to be in
Speaker 1: in a you know, sexual relationship with and all that.
Speaker 1: How much richer it would be if you did have
Speaker 1: of friends who fulfilled the things that your partner couldn't
Speaker 1: really fulfill. Yeah, and then and and to go back
Speaker 1: to your point, Noah, of you know kind of or
Speaker 1: the thing we were talking about before about like mourning
Speaker 1: the loss of the moms we wanted or the partners
Speaker 1: we wanted, and like, yes, it would be amazing to
Speaker 1: have a partner who just checks every fucking box and
Speaker 1: so you don't need anyone else. It just doesn't exist,
Speaker 1: and so you know there's gonna be I might end
Speaker 1: up with someone who isn't funny, let's say, but like, okay,
Speaker 1: I have funny friends. It seems absurd that I would
Speaker 1: be with someone who isn't funny, would want a romantic
Speaker 1: relationship with someone who isn't funny. But I also have
Speaker 1: friends who aren't funny that give me other things that
Speaker 1: I don't I don't expect them to be funny, you know,
Speaker 1: or you know, there's some things that I think are
Speaker 1: just deal breakers, like I need a guy who again
Speaker 1: you know, goes down on me. But you can have
Speaker 1: like your friends for that. What's her name, alant of
Speaker 1: laser like she married like a scientist who she like
Speaker 1: met on a train, who like is the antithesis of
Speaker 1: what you would think, got to take more trains. Sounds
Speaker 1: like he's plans ain't getting no. You would think like
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean I think like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: find someone that they don't have to fulfill everything. I
Speaker 1: just think at the end of the day, for me,
Speaker 1: I just want someone that can get along with everyone.
Speaker 1: Like that's the number one for anything. Easy going, easygoing,
Speaker 1: not someone that you have to worry about when you
Speaker 1: bring them to something, because you know what I'm I
Speaker 1: can offer that to Like, I love when I've been
Speaker 1: in relationships and I've been brought into like a kind
Speaker 1: of high stress. I don't know anyone's situation where they
Speaker 1: know everyone and they say to me afterwards, and I've
Speaker 1: gotten this comping in a couple of times. I never
Speaker 1: had to worry about you being like, oh, I gotta
Speaker 1: go make sure she's okay, and not like feeling alone.
Speaker 1: Even if I am feeling alone, I just said there alone,
Speaker 1: I'm okay. Like I love that I can offer people
Speaker 1: that and I'm self assured enough. And I wasn't always
Speaker 1: like that. I would have been like, why are you
Speaker 1: leaving me? Like you'd talk to me at all. It's
Speaker 1: like now I can really be secure enough in those
Speaker 1: settings and and and give that gift to someone who
Speaker 1: you know has to do a lot of heavy lifting
Speaker 1: around family and friends or whatever. And also even if
Speaker 1: I am feeling left out, they know that I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be like pouty ladies and be like because
Speaker 1: I've done that before too, I've just being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was fun, it's fine, and just like well yeah,
Speaker 1: and and they might leave you alone and they know
Speaker 1: you're okay, but they know that you're gonna have resentment
Speaker 1: about it. Like I can truly now let go of that,
Speaker 1: I think and realize going into a situation, this isn't
Speaker 1: the Nikki Show. Like you can have that when you
Speaker 1: get home. He's not gonna be doting on you all
Speaker 1: the time. You can't. If you want that you got,
Speaker 1: you're asking for a pushover and you don't you're not
Speaker 1: attracted to mend that are like that. Um So I
Speaker 1: think that that's kind of something I've had to do,
Speaker 1: and I think that it depends on like how obviously
Speaker 1: with COVID now, but like there's nothing worse than being
Speaker 1: wried about someone else when you bring someone and you're
Speaker 1: like having to like just make sure that they're not
Speaker 1: feeling awkward or and I listen. But that's but saying that,
Speaker 1: I also want to say, Noah, if you ever go
Speaker 1: to something with me, like an event where you feel
Speaker 1: awkward and I go no, I got you. I like that,
Speaker 1: but like a partner that you're just like, you can
Speaker 1: do this. It's not as big of a deal as
Speaker 1: you're making it. I'm not disrespecting you by leaving you
Speaker 1: over there. I want you to come along, But if
Speaker 1: you want to go over there, I'm gonna leave you
Speaker 1: there and know that you're gonna be okay. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be by the shrimp cocktail party over there, eating some shrimp.
Speaker 1: You go hang out with people, I'll be fine. I'll
Speaker 1: be with the shrimp. But I also love someone who
Speaker 1: is willing to admit that they're scared going into social
Speaker 1: situation and is going to say, hey, listen, this is
Speaker 1: what I need from you, and I'll go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: thank you for like this is what I can give you.
Speaker 1: Let's compromise. Yes, there's a difference between here are my
Speaker 1: fears and I don't want to go because dude, I
Speaker 1: hate talking to people and I hate this and I
Speaker 1: hate just using the word hate all the time as
Speaker 1: opposed to like, oh no, I'm just scared. Like there's
Speaker 1: a difference between those two things. And you know, I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I get it. Some social interactions, some social parties are
Speaker 1: the fucking worst, and you don't know anyone there, and
Speaker 1: you feel like you're out in left field. So you
Speaker 1: want to feel intended to by your significant other because
Speaker 1: you're so uncomfortable. But like, there's a way to just
Speaker 1: be like flow, let's all just flow. But then it's
Speaker 1: interesting because then on the other end of that is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just fucking flow. Let's sucking eat acid at the party,
Speaker 1: you do whatever, and it's like, well, well that's too
Speaker 1: much flow. Yeah we drank. They drink a little too much.
Speaker 1: They get to be they're they're taking chances on the
Speaker 1: dance floor that you're like, I don't think that. You
Speaker 1: don't want to see the still photo of that later on? Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's you just want someone. And I think this comes
Speaker 1: back to the best relationships are ones where each individual
Speaker 1: would be fine without the other person. You're not dependent
Speaker 1: in any way. Like That's what my old abuse of
Speaker 1: therapist used to say, and I really do believe that
Speaker 1: was the one nugget I got from her, aside from
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm not a beauty and that's okay,
Speaker 1: is that the best relationship is one that you can
Speaker 1: live without with or without and you'll be fine. Like
Speaker 1: the way Share describes men, She's like, I think they're
Speaker 1: a luxury, They're not a necessity. My life is good.
Speaker 1: I might get a nice Bentley, but I don't need
Speaker 1: a Bentley to get around like I feel for the
Speaker 1: first time ever that Um and that's why Shared dated
Speaker 1: Vid David Geffen for eighteen months in the fucking seventies.
Speaker 1: David Gvin was gay. Eighteen months. He was in a
Speaker 1: love affair with Shair. They were the most in love
Speaker 1: he's ever been. They were deeply in love, lived together,
Speaker 1: came out of nowhere. He the first woman he'd ever
Speaker 1: been attracted to. And um, and I just I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's why Share was just like, this guy actually adds
Speaker 1: to my life. Come along. I don't even care if
Speaker 1: you're before, Like, I just want you around and until
Speaker 1: you until I fall in love with. Um? Who did
Speaker 1: she fall in love with? Uh? That? What are those brothers?
Speaker 1: The not Doobie brothers, That Alan brothers, That Alan Parson
Speaker 1: are the some one of those brother man? She fell
Speaker 1: in love with one of those Greg. She fell in
Speaker 1: love with Greg Almond and kicked old Geff into the curb.
Speaker 1: But I just like that because ever since I heard herself,
Speaker 1: she said so many great things of like, Mom, I
Speaker 1: am like, I just want you to marry Richmond. Mom,
Speaker 1: I am a rich man, and like the men are
Speaker 1: a luxury that she goes. I love men. They're like dessert.
Speaker 1: I love dessert. Do I have it? Do I need dessert? No?
Speaker 1: But it's nice to have sometimes, like and that's not
Speaker 1: insulting men of like, you're not ship. We don't need you.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, you like you would make my life better.
Speaker 1: But if I don't have you, I can still be Okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like women for me are just a hole in
Speaker 1: the wall, yes, with hair in the wall. Although I
Speaker 1: do sometimes when I'm in a physical relationship, I miss masturbating.
Speaker 1: I miss like having a little quiet orgasm by myself
Speaker 1: in bed, like laying like a in a sarcophagus. But
Speaker 1: why can't you have that in related because if you
Speaker 1: live with someone, because I I'll have to suck a dick,
Speaker 1: like I have to like service someone, which I like
Speaker 1: doing as well. What about when you have like two
Speaker 1: days off from that person, do you feel like, okay,
Speaker 1: it's time to masturbate or you're like okay, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of tired now. I don't even feel sexual. No, Sometimes
Speaker 1: I just yeah, Sometimes I'm like, oh no, I just
Speaker 1: came a couple of times the other day, so I
Speaker 1: don't need to. But they're sometimes where I'm like, I
Speaker 1: just I want to see what King dot com has out,
Speaker 1: Like they put out some new videos probably, and they've
Speaker 1: been making more videos steering towards my preferences because I
Speaker 1: think they're learning that, you know, Gang Bang should be
Speaker 1: supportive purchases they connected. Oh god, I've a couple of
Speaker 1: bondage pieces saved on there. Okay, let's get to the news.
Speaker 1: That news you your first day. Happy Thursday, folks. It
Speaker 1: is Thursday, so we all know what that means. It
Speaker 1: is Thursday. I hope you're having all the swells out there.
Speaker 1: Nikki Is I just got a canker sore burn in
Speaker 1: my ear. It's like coming up through my ear. It's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm being a little bit of a baby. No, you're
Speaker 1: not baby. What do you want your bottle to? The
Speaker 1: sick roll? In psychology? Remember yet last night when you
Speaker 1: told we confirmed that we would both be really good psychologists,
Speaker 1: and then you said that there was math involved. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of math, but I remember
Speaker 1: I remember I took one psychology class in college that
Speaker 1: I cheated every time on, and I think I actually
Speaker 1: was given the final. I think I said, my grandma
Speaker 1: died again, and uh she ate her like an older
Speaker 1: new banana or something, and then like she had hamburger,
Speaker 1: and then like you know, no, but but they gave me.
Speaker 1: I got to take the test by myself, and I
Speaker 1: snuck in notes and I still failed the test with
Speaker 1: the information in front of me. I think the numbers
Speaker 1: that you saw that the math was just the time
Speaker 1: of the class that that's true, showed up for and
Speaker 1: I didn't know what time it was. Okay, a house
Speaker 1: where have all those swells? Okay, a house when team
Speaker 1: violently murder Oh, a house where team violently murdered his
Speaker 1: mom and sisters features chilling Halloween display twenty years after
Speaker 1: the killings. Okay, well that's awful. Yeah. So John Cecilin
Speaker 1: twenty years ago beat his mother and teen sister with
Speaker 1: a baseball bat. I guess it's the sports moment and
Speaker 1: stabbed him. That's so funny, And stabbed him with a
Speaker 1: kitchen knife before he plunged a blade into his distraught
Speaker 1: six year old sister's throat. Okay, I mean we don't
Speaker 1: need to hear distraught distraught his call and placid six
Speaker 1: year old sister who just watched her mother get beaten
Speaker 1: with a bat. I mean this specifics make things so
Speaker 1: much worse. And they don't know what she was at
Speaker 1: the time. They don't know if she was distraught. They're
Speaker 1: adding things before baby cam and like TikTok where she
Speaker 1: filmed it. There are three gravestones around so nowadays, so
Speaker 1: the people that live there now are owning homage to
Speaker 1: the murders, decorating it for Halloween. It was their family's home,
Speaker 1: they've lived in it, they rented to this family where
Speaker 1: the killings happened, so it was there. It was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make it better. I mean, I think the
Speaker 1: sad thing here is is that, um now, this is
Speaker 1: so now. They have three gravestones that surrounded by police tape.
Speaker 1: There's evidence marker of a baseball bat on the porch,
Speaker 1: the front door, and silhouettes on the glass would help
Speaker 1: us written and dripping red paint no on the front windows.
Speaker 1: The woman who grew up And now, okay, so this
Speaker 1: is the thing. What is the thing? Because this is
Speaker 1: not This house is well known for these killings, right,
Speaker 1: and so constantly they live in the house now constantly
Speaker 1: people will drive by and you know, oh John killed
Speaker 1: the girl or whatever. You know. So this woman that
Speaker 1: owns it is like, I'm aware would happened here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a triple because three died. But she wants
Speaker 1: to go I'm aware what happened here. We know what
Speaker 1: happened here. She leaned into it to show like whereat
Speaker 1: that a child died makes it like not okay? And
Speaker 1: I and I hate to be the person that's like, well,
Speaker 1: it's fine if it's adult like having these caveats of
Speaker 1: like cancel culture or whatever. I don't. I just think
Speaker 1: it's it's so fucking tragic, especially since the six year
Speaker 1: old was distraught. I didn't know that until that. Um,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's just it just is
Speaker 1: tacky and and and insensitive. What did you think of?
Speaker 1: This kind of reminds me of the backlash that Kim
Speaker 1: Kardashian is getting for the o J joke because she
Speaker 1: said I can take a stab at it, and she said,
Speaker 1: you know, he was the first black man I met,
Speaker 1: let me a stab in the dark something. What other
Speaker 1: jokes she made something about him being distraught. No, I
Speaker 1: don't think he was. He was he was if anyone, yeah,
Speaker 1: he was straught. Um No, I think, well, I think
Speaker 1: I don't know. Your glove that you're wearing looks shittier
Speaker 1: than the Bruno'malley gloves found at the crime scene. Look,
Speaker 1: it does fit. So I can't quit. I want to quit. Um,
Speaker 1: Wait a second, I really think that there's something about
Speaker 1: like murders where you're just like God, I just think
Speaker 1: when there are children involved, we don't we don't need to.
Speaker 1: Like the baseball bad It's just it's too much. It's
Speaker 1: so sad and it makes it almost everyone else can
Speaker 1: joke about it. But then if you're close to it,
Speaker 1: you can't joke, like you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: there's been thousands of jokes, but because j jokes. It's like, listen,
Speaker 1: if I ever get stabbed by, if I ever died tragically,
Speaker 1: and the murder is just like so horrible, so um brutal,
Speaker 1: look so sad. I'm distraught. I'm six. I'm telling you
Speaker 1: I'm okay with jokes being made about it, because that's
Speaker 1: how you deal with pain, That's what I'm saying. So yeah,
Speaker 1: but if you're close to it, that laceration, you can't.
Speaker 1: A joke ain't going to solve that kind of pain.
Speaker 1: But yes, that is how people. I hope people make
Speaker 1: jokes about whatever kind of befalls me in the end.
Speaker 1: You know. Um, I remember Sarah Silverman did a joke
Speaker 1: at one of the roasts about Jennifer Love Hewitt and
Speaker 1: she said that, you know, Jennifer love It, you're Jennifer
Speaker 1: Love Hugh It is here. Ah, hi doll. People call
Speaker 1: you a a young Audrey Hepburn. Do you is that
Speaker 1: weird to you that knowing you're going to die of
Speaker 1: colon cancer? M hmm, because Audreyburn died of colon cancer
Speaker 1: and I remember that getting a lot of um. It's
Speaker 1: just like she didn't kill her, She's just acknowledging she died.
Speaker 1: The word cancer people are like, my great uncle died
Speaker 1: of cancer. When Sarah says it cancer, it sounds cute.
Speaker 1: It is really fun to talk like her because it's
Speaker 1: like it just makes things like like just more cute
Speaker 1: and silly and liked. Yeah. Um so, but I know,
Speaker 1: I just think it's interesting that like with Kim. Kim
Speaker 1: was close to it, So that's her joke to make.
Speaker 1: I think her dad died to cancer or oh yeah
Speaker 1: cancer and then can and then this woman it's her house.
Speaker 1: She should be able to make the joke, Like if
Speaker 1: anyone can make the jokes, she should be able to
Speaker 1: make the joke. But I also think, like it's interesting
Speaker 1: when like people put up scary decorations, but when there's
Speaker 1: a true story behind it, it had so much more.
Speaker 1: Would you rather someone stab you or be with a
Speaker 1: baseball bat to kill you? I just wanted you to, like, pick,
Speaker 1: you've been stabbed, okay, and so you know what that
Speaker 1: feels like. I don't yet though, So I want to
Speaker 1: just see what it would feel like to spend it
Speaker 1: all depends on where you're stabbed and where where the baseball?
Speaker 1: Did you? Wait? Okay, so let me just say, let
Speaker 1: me offer you some choices of okay, thanks. Uh. So,
Speaker 1: let's say you have to be put to death, right gallows?
Speaker 1: What's the gallows again? Head chopped off? Keep guessing, Vincent Gallo?
Speaker 1: He stabbed you know? Yes? Hung so hung um uh
Speaker 1: firing squad okay um u um lethal injection. So we're
Speaker 1: going by like or um electric chair. Uh, let's throw
Speaker 1: it in, but you're not going to choose that one.
Speaker 1: Who's who is going to choose that? Or um uh
Speaker 1: um getting hit by a jump jumping off a building
Speaker 1: like a tall building, or um a semi truck running
Speaker 1: you over at like sixty. I don't think no one's
Speaker 1: going to pick pace about that. I mean, we've we've
Speaker 1: those would be fine. I think I think it's pretty easy.
Speaker 1: Lethal injection really yea, I have heard lethal injections really painful.
Speaker 1: I think I don't think it's like that humane. I
Speaker 1: would probably go firing range for you. Oh from me. No,
Speaker 1: I would do firing range for myself too. But here's
Speaker 1: the thing. It depends where they're shooting you. That's like well,
Speaker 1: I mean I would say, please aim for my head.
Speaker 1: I get the firing range. This is very Graham. The
Speaker 1: reason why I wouldn't do it for you is because
Speaker 1: I want to know that I'm twitchy and they might
Speaker 1: miss it and hit my jaw. No, I just if
Speaker 1: I did it with like six other guys, i'd be
Speaker 1: upset that I don't know if I'm the one. That's
Speaker 1: why they do it, you know, so they don't know
Speaker 1: who did it. You want to know, you want to
Speaker 1: know one all right, let's get to the next story. Halloween.
Speaker 1: That's a good Halloween section. That was a really good
Speaker 1: Halloween segment. Sorry for the gruesome nature of it, but yeah,
Speaker 1: your honestly, I just have one thing to say. Can
Speaker 1: we send that Black Mirrors killer robot dog grows huge penis?
Speaker 1: No think robot with a giant cock became a reality
Speaker 1: terrifying four legged robot dog with a sniper rifle. I
Speaker 1: never saw the Black Neror episode they're referencing, but okay,
Speaker 1: on its back was unveiled at a trade ship, unveiled, unveiled.
Speaker 1: I wish the lambs would be unveiled. Um, okay, So
Speaker 1: there was a why are people making murderous robots when
Speaker 1: we are so close to the robots being like just
Speaker 1: turning their heads, being like, I am smarter than you. Now,
Speaker 1: my roombot would never hurt me. Well, then they're going
Speaker 1: to say the robot dog would never hurt you. I
Speaker 1: mean if you, But I'm not striking strubbing a rifle
Speaker 1: to my room, bas back, maybe we should and sell it.
Speaker 1: That'd be pretty bad if one day my room but
Speaker 1: was just like and then it just slowly was like right, yeah, Nikki,
Speaker 1: time to die. And it just like started like vacuuming
Speaker 1: over my feet and I'd be like, room, but this
Speaker 1: is fucking ridiculous. What are you even doing? Get back
Speaker 1: to that dust, getting rid of bu trying to eradicate bunyan.
Speaker 1: It would be funny. No, and then it just like
Speaker 1: rolls over me and I get sucked into it and
Speaker 1: it just climbs over. That would be like a horror
Speaker 1: movie where a roomba just is like and I'm like no,
Speaker 1: and it's like my leg and it's just crawling up
Speaker 1: my leg and then it just like makes me all bloodied.
Speaker 1: So then I bleed out and then it cleans it up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then it goes like me perfect crime now cleaning
Speaker 1: room feeling, and then Luigi high fives it. Hey, look
Speaker 1: this is a little dark. Okay, what's the next new?
Speaker 1: But I love that they called this thing a dog
Speaker 1: to like like it's kind of like Sarah's woman saying cancer.
Speaker 1: It's like it's just a dog, second murderous little dog dog.
Speaker 1: It's just a robot that's gonna destroy us all. But
Speaker 1: it looks so clue yeah, it's a little um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we're probably gonna definitely die by that. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're gonna blame these nerds for being for hooking guns
Speaker 1: up to these robots, like those robots that they that
Speaker 1: look like the NFL one. Yeah, it's it's like they
Speaker 1: always have a dynamics uld drive by it all the
Speaker 1: time where I worked in ye Boston, Taunton, Massachusetts, would
Speaker 1: drive by it and you're like, God, there's nothing good
Speaker 1: going on up in that road. Well, yeah, you gotta
Speaker 1: take a break. We'll be right back. It's time. You
Speaker 1: know what time it is? Sports Gears Andrew's weekly sports Moment. Wait, boy,
Speaker 1: I love Thursdays. Yeah, and you put on your little
Speaker 1: sport glove for this one and your your golf hat.
Speaker 1: My I got it all boy, getting ready for my
Speaker 1: golf trip. I feel like if I wear it more,
Speaker 1: I'll beat my brothers. Okay. A fan caught a ball
Speaker 1: in her friends prosthetic leg during a White Sox game.
Speaker 1: So they were waving this girl's leg at the outfielder
Speaker 1: with a mid of the end, no, just the whole
Speaker 1: of the prosthetic leg. Way. Yeah, I think it's a
Speaker 1: thigh thickness that the top of it the tip. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Yeah, it does look like one of those scoops,
Speaker 1: those like lacrosse kind of netted. Oh my god, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I love this. I love I love a prosthetic leg
Speaker 1: being used as a prop and just own it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fine. I wish I if I lost my legs,
Speaker 1: I pray to God that I could have a sense
Speaker 1: of humor about it. I saw this one, this TikTok
Speaker 1: where this guy gets on the leg machine at at
Speaker 1: like him and he has no legs and he's like
Speaker 1: like he forgot today. That's so funny, and it's just like,
Speaker 1: oh my fun that ship. There's just something so hot
Speaker 1: about a guy with one leg that's like in shape.
Speaker 1: No offense to people that are like being I would
Speaker 1: think that most people. But there's like a really fit
Speaker 1: guy that has has you think it's lost in the
Speaker 1: war or like he blew it off cleaning his gun
Speaker 1: or whatever, like or some robot dog bit it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: attack that one guy that one dog dick hit it.
Speaker 1: There's just it's so hot for someone. I love a
Speaker 1: guy with a limp. I got it, And I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to like sexualize or um, what's it called fetishize that?
Speaker 1: Because I know that I once had a friend that
Speaker 1: was really into women with stumps and like prosthetics, like
Speaker 1: actively was horned up for it, and so why not
Speaker 1: that's great? Yeah, but I don't when when does a fetish?
Speaker 1: Why is a fetish bad? I'll tell you I would not.
Speaker 1: I would like to. I would definitely think about being
Speaker 1: with someone younger. But if they had a mill fetish
Speaker 1: where they're like, I like that you're older, like that's
Speaker 1: the reason they wanted to be with me, it would
Speaker 1: feel icky. And I think that a lot of that's true.
Speaker 1: If that was why then because I if they liked
Speaker 1: my little stumpy lashes. I pretty no. I don't want
Speaker 1: to fake ones on right now, by the way, I don't.
Speaker 1: Don't you dare to blame me for that? Um, I
Speaker 1: wear them on my theater shows. I wear fake ones.
Speaker 1: But I will say that I think I can't speak
Speaker 1: for the Asian women, but I do hear that Asian
Speaker 1: women it's it sucks for them because sometimes they're fetishized
Speaker 1: when they think it's just a guy wanting to go
Speaker 1: out with them, but it's really about and it it
Speaker 1: just makes it not about you. Like when I got
Speaker 1: upset last night, it was because I thought you were
Speaker 1: saying you only hang out with me because you're I'm
Speaker 1: your boss, And I was like, that makes me feel
Speaker 1: that is a facet of our relationship and that you
Speaker 1: do like about me, probably, but in that I give
Speaker 1: you opportunity and believe in you and all the things
Speaker 1: that come with being your employer. But also that's it, Like,
Speaker 1: that's what I would feel if it was like if
Speaker 1: someone had a mill fetish. My thing is that if
Speaker 1: you're a prosthetic, if you have a prosthetic leg right,
Speaker 1: a lot of people are instantly ruling you out because
Speaker 1: of that. So if there's a small percentage of people
Speaker 1: that are like really turned on by it, if I
Speaker 1: had a prosthetic, I'd be like, yeah, I will say
Speaker 1: if men were into bunyan's, I would if you only
Speaker 1: like me for my bunyans, so do I. I only like.
Speaker 1: My point being is like a lot of people rule
Speaker 1: you out, probably after they saw your feet, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: probably would. I went to a foot fetish party for
Speaker 1: Not Safe, and the guy was just like, you've never
Speaker 1: seen that clip. He just goes, that's not for me
Speaker 1: and it was it was actually offensive. And then one
Speaker 1: guy was massaging my feet and he said he was
Speaker 1: getting excited. What can we go through? What happens at
Speaker 1: a foot fetish party? Like you go in and they
Speaker 1: go take off your shoes, and then you go in
Speaker 1: and there's women hired to either be like kind of models,
Speaker 1: foot models that walk around and they'll walk on guy's feet.
Speaker 1: They're like, you know, a guy will land the ground
Speaker 1: and a woman will just put her feet on the
Speaker 1: man and they'll suck their feet and they get tipped
Speaker 1: and things there and then they're, um, it's mostly men
Speaker 1: paying to be there and women being paid probably by
Speaker 1: you take your shoes off and the guy goes. He
Speaker 1: was just like yikes, okay, and I go and then
Speaker 1: I put I put my feet together. It was a
Speaker 1: really funny clip. I put my toes together and did
Speaker 1: this like this, like I was contracting of the evil
Speaker 1: plane because I can. I'm pretty, but I'm pretty dextrous
Speaker 1: with me with my toes. Um. Yeah, so but yeah,
Speaker 1: anyone that owns that ship, that's awesome. And I like that.
Speaker 1: It was the girl's friends too. The girl is just like,
Speaker 1: I just stop it. They were bullying her, and we're like,
Speaker 1: that's fucking cool. Man, Like my friend who used to
Speaker 1: pee her pants when she laughed, Like that was like
Speaker 1: a true disability she had. Every time she left to
Speaker 1: ar she would kiss her pants, all full bladder, not
Speaker 1: just a little squirt, full bladder. And we used to
Speaker 1: like we used to just surround her when we thought
Speaker 1: it was happening and try to get it. I mean,
Speaker 1: Kirsten would fight each other to be like, no, I
Speaker 1: was the one that made her pee, almost like a
Speaker 1: firing range, like no, it was me, it was mine.
Speaker 1: I'm like something about a full bladder that just makes
Speaker 1: it so much sadder because it takes that's a thirty second. Like, dude,
Speaker 1: she didn't have that. She didn't have any power to
Speaker 1: stop her peace stream because one time I was peeing.
Speaker 1: She was over my house and I went in the
Speaker 1: bathroom and was peeing. We were talking and I couldn't
Speaker 1: hear her, so I stopped my stream and be like,
Speaker 1: what did you say? And she goes, did you just what? Did? You?
Speaker 1: Just stopped and started again and they go, yeah, everyone
Speaker 1: can do that. Then she's like, I can't. Once it starts,
Speaker 1: it all goes out and I was like, oh, um, okay,
Speaker 1: ever controlled it or not, you know, And when those
Speaker 1: commercials came out that we're like, gotta go, gotta go,
Speaker 1: gotta go right now, I gotta go, gotta go. I
Speaker 1: was like, get on that stuff. Talk to your doctor
Speaker 1: about laracell or whatever the funk it was. Your ears
Speaker 1: fall off, but then can stop your piss. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean she was born prematurely. So she also has this
Speaker 1: thing on her eye that her doctor said that one day.
Speaker 1: I start laughing because it's so funny the way the
Speaker 1: doctor described it. But they said that like one day
Speaker 1: her eye will she'll just she'll go blind in one
Speaker 1: of her eyes, and that the curtain will close. It'll
Speaker 1: be like and we just always pictured like two little
Speaker 1: guys on the side of her eyes being like and
Speaker 1: it's time to like the end of the show, and
Speaker 1: then like people come out and bow and flowers. Like
Speaker 1: one time we were swimming in the pool and she
Speaker 1: was like, guys, the curtains closing. The carden is closing,
Speaker 1: and we were like, but it hasn't closed yet. So
Speaker 1: she's she's okay for now. There's got to be something
Speaker 1: you can do about that, some kind of stitches, cool eyepatch.
Speaker 1: She'll be fine, that's pretty cool. No, she'll she'll deal.
Speaker 1: But it is sad. I mean blindness. I can't think
Speaker 1: of anything. Honestly, I really would rather lose my ability
Speaker 1: to walk than to be to go blind. But I've
Speaker 1: never heard someone blind just because their eyelids don't work. No,
Speaker 1: it's not their eyelids, dude. It was like it was
Speaker 1: just a it's like macular deilation. But it would happen
Speaker 1: like I thought when you were talking about curtains, like
Speaker 1: there were two little guys pulling the eyelids together, like sane.
Speaker 1: That is insane that you thought that that might be
Speaker 1: a thing that your eyelids would just permanently closed and
Speaker 1: we just surgically remove your eyelid if it refused to
Speaker 1: like a stingy clam. Oh my god. We used to
Speaker 1: call this one guy quam eyes because he kind of
Speaker 1: tore to dish. He talked to his mouth just like
Speaker 1: because he wanted to, And we used to call him
Speaker 1: quam eyes because his eyes. A lot of people do
Speaker 1: have clam eyes. I'm jealous of them because their eyes
Speaker 1: meet the same up as down, do you know, like
Speaker 1: they come together in the middle instead of mine go
Speaker 1: the top comes down. But quam I people, because he
Speaker 1: had that us we called him Clammis and his eyes
Speaker 1: were like Unda dust Si and they were widow quams.
Speaker 1: And then there are times Steve Shemmy has quam eyes.
Speaker 1: You know where It's like it both. So send in
Speaker 1: your quam I submission for our next Fan Trex. Hey,
Speaker 1: can I go to the bathroom before we get to
Speaker 1: fan trax or maybe um Andrew can just harald us in? Okay,
Speaker 1: you hold the show? Why I It's gonna be very
Speaker 1: very fast. Okay, yeah, I got it all right, No,
Speaker 1: let's get it. Let's let's start out Fan Trax. Oh
Speaker 1: Man obviously sounds happier than ever. So what do we
Speaker 1: got first? Here? Excited? Okay, I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like we need to wait for Nikki to come back. No,
Speaker 1: start her up, I'll fill her in. So Noah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's read this one. Noah's famouss Tucson famous, which is
Speaker 1: you're like a R rated celebrity. Nikki is the alphabet.
Speaker 1: Nikki is so famous that she got me recognized in
Speaker 1: Tucson at an a in my life, Story of my life.
Speaker 1: I gotta put back on my Tailor Swift shirt. I
Speaker 1: put over my jumper because you know, I'm going strong now.
Speaker 1: I think this is like day seven of Taylor of
Speaker 1: a Tailor Swift shirt, and some might be a repeats,
Speaker 1: but they're different shirts. I want to get to take
Speaker 1: off your holes, to take off the shirt, to get
Speaker 1: up to the rumper. But I'm back. Okay, no, what, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got spotted at ari I by someone who recognized
Speaker 1: your voice. It was so cute that can I just
Speaker 1: read this part of the message, which is already giving
Speaker 1: me a hot flash. Okay, he goes. I just realized
Speaker 1: I saw you and av at ari I tonight. I
Speaker 1: was listening to the pod before I got there and
Speaker 1: overheard you talking. I was like, man, that voice sounds
Speaker 1: really familiar. Then I looked you up on Instagram and
Speaker 1: sure enough it was you. Oh my god, and you
Speaker 1: remember this guy? So yes, because I then, of course
Speaker 1: I go and I look him up on Instagram and
Speaker 1: we like, I went to, do you know that this
Speaker 1: guy was on Instagram from from the from the message
Speaker 1: that he sent. Picked him up from the message? Got it?
Speaker 1: Got it? I thought you were like saw him in
Speaker 1: r e I and there was a new kind of
Speaker 1: shazam for people's faces. No, no, no, And then like
Speaker 1: I do remember I was looking at like the leggings
Speaker 1: and stuff, and I just like, see this guy kind
Speaker 1: of like looking at me. But I didn't like I was,
Speaker 1: I don't know nothing of it. You were just like,
Speaker 1: oh you might think I'm cute, or you might have
Speaker 1: overheard a conversation or yeah. And I just find that
Speaker 1: people here in Tucson are very um, sociable and like
Speaker 1: just friendly, you know. They just imagine tell us friends
Speaker 1: in a parking lot, six of them. I met six
Speaker 1: like well eventually became six friends. Um so yeah, so
Speaker 1: high and thank you. I hope that I didn't say
Speaker 1: anything weird. I love that. And can I just beg
Speaker 1: our listeners, if you see us out and about maybe
Speaker 1: you're nothing, maybe you don't even want to, but like say, hi,
Speaker 1: we would love it. Would you have loved it? Or
Speaker 1: what do you feel? I would have been like, okay,
Speaker 1: So you remember I was, um, my sister in law
Speaker 1: and my brother took me on vacation when we were
Speaker 1: doing the radio show. It was maybe like two months
Speaker 1: in and uh, it was like a Ritz Carlton. It
Speaker 1: was like a very nice hotel. Remember that we were
Speaker 1: at breakfast and my nephew just kept going Auntie Noah,
Speaker 1: Auntie Noah. And someone at a table nearby overheard. I
Speaker 1: think her name was Steph. And she comes over and
Speaker 1: she goes, are you the Noah from the Nikki Glaser
Speaker 1: radio show? And I was just like my whole world.
Speaker 1: It was like you know, um in the Wonder Years
Speaker 1: when where they like zoom out of Kevin's head and
Speaker 1: there's that like narrator, that that narrator voice. Yes, it
Speaker 1: was just like what is happening? And she was so sweet.
Speaker 1: She said she would listen every morning, and I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe that I got recognized that that point. That's how famous.
Speaker 1: I mean, people do love you, and they love your
Speaker 1: voice as I'm talking over it. No, it's like it
Speaker 1: makes me so happy when people give me letters to
Speaker 1: give to you, which, by the way, I do have. Um,
Speaker 1: actually I have it. No, please don't, okay, but I do.
Speaker 1: I do have more letters from our our fans this
Speaker 1: past week. Maybe these are from last week. Anyway, Let's
Speaker 1: get to our Let's get to one of the voice
Speaker 1: memos or you're gonna read one. Let's um let's play
Speaker 1: a voice memo from Kristen. Hey, Jukie, bestie, kristin here,
Speaker 1: long time listening, And so I have a mispronunciation story,
Speaker 1: and I also want to shut you guys out for
Speaker 1: giving me some courage recently. So my mispronunciation story takes
Speaker 1: place like ten years ago. I was in middle school
Speaker 1: and my long distance bestie and I were hanging out
Speaker 1: with your grandparents doing what we always did, making updates
Speaker 1: to our tumbler pages. I was googling something and I
Speaker 1: needed to minimize a pop out window, but instead and
Speaker 1: saying that, I said minimize and I've pretty much pronounced
Speaker 1: that way ever since. I hope that next thing is NICKI.
Speaker 1: I have to shout you out. You brought me so
Speaker 1: much light during COVID and I can never thank you
Speaker 1: enough for being my Taylor Swift. I remember how you've
Speaker 1: openly talked about attending comedy shows alone and how much
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it, and so you inspired me to get
Speaker 1: tickets to your show this Friday in Durham, North CAPLACKI
Speaker 1: I spent more than I've ever spent on shows or
Speaker 1: tickets so that I could get a seat in row A.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for Andrew and Anya in the whole game.
Speaker 1: So thank you for giving me the courage to attend
Speaker 1: the show alone. Look out for me because I'm going
Speaker 1: to be wearing these snakes scanned boots I bought after
Speaker 1: seeing how hot you looked in your pink ones. Also, Nikki,
Speaker 1: your voice sounds adorable and you'll be welcome with open
Speaker 1: arms and Durham no matter what Canker swore procedure you
Speaker 1: just had. Also, ps, I love how that one best
Speaker 1: bet wrote in one time said how they wrote out
Speaker 1: their voice message before recording, and so I did the
Speaker 1: same thing. Love you guys can tell I love her.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I don't want to minimalize that, but
Speaker 1: that was fantastic. I'm just like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: if if I if our listeners get the same joy
Speaker 1: from hearing these as we do. But Jesus Christ, what
Speaker 1: was her name? Kristen? Kristen? Um, make sure you um
Speaker 1: you DM me girl and and let me know um
Speaker 1: uh you're I want to meet you. So I'll give
Speaker 1: you a little meet and great um bump up um,
Speaker 1: because thank you so much for did she say she
Speaker 1: want four tickets? I didn't hear four tickets, but she
Speaker 1: said that it was Um, you know, she had saved
Speaker 1: up and spent a good amount of money and she's
Speaker 1: looking forward to I mean, I am like overwhelmed by
Speaker 1: people spending their hard earned money on a ticket to
Speaker 1: see me. I am going to that show is going
Speaker 1: to be super special now, more so than ever because
Speaker 1: in swear night and my brother and my little brother
Speaker 1: and his wife's gonna be that's awesome. No, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: really give it my all now because no, not really. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm taking it back down a couple of notches, Crystal.
Speaker 1: But what she says she's gonna be wearing pink boots,
Speaker 1: Um she got oh yes, yes, yes, mine the minor.
Speaker 1: I hope they're not real, but I'm assuming they're not
Speaker 1: because it's all right, I have I'll allow it. This
Speaker 1: girl can do no wrong in my book. I loved
Speaker 1: that note. I love that she wrote it out. I
Speaker 1: love that another bestie kind of encouraged her to do that,
Speaker 1: because I bet there's a lot of people that are like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fuck it up and I'm gonna say something
Speaker 1: stupid and then it's gonna like beep, and then it's
Speaker 1: gonna be too late, and then no one's gonna play it.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get made fun of. We won't do that
Speaker 1: to you. By the way, and if you come to
Speaker 1: my show, let me just make sure you know I
Speaker 1: am never if you need to go to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and get up in the middle of me telling a
Speaker 1: story and it's really quiet, I'm never going to be like,
Speaker 1: look at this guy taking a fucking dump or this
Speaker 1: girl's way out. Where are you going, missy. I'm never
Speaker 1: going to call you out. I understand and panic disorders,
Speaker 1: I understand anxiety, I understand having to do the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I want you to be as comfortable as possible and
Speaker 1: never feel trapped. You can run out screaming, and I
Speaker 1: will never be like, fuck you bitch, like, I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna do that. So feel free to come to my
Speaker 1: show and sit in the middle and don't be worried about,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna be trapped. She's gonna like
Speaker 1: it's gonna be too weird for me to get up,
Speaker 1: and then everyone's gonna see and she's gonna make fun
Speaker 1: of me. I will not do that to you, I promise,
Speaker 1: Unless you're wearing a really dumb shirt. Just kidding, but
Speaker 1: I really won't. Yeah, I will don't do it during
Speaker 1: Andrews bit, but mine, I promise, just hold it for Andrews.
Speaker 1: But during mine, I will not make fun of you. Um,
Speaker 1: all right, let's get to uh, do you want to
Speaker 1: read the next one? Yeah? That one, or maybe it's
Speaker 1: not the one that I think, But do you want
Speaker 1: to read the like one of the letters that someone
Speaker 1: gave you? Oh? Yes, sure, I'll read this. Sure, okay,
Speaker 1: this says Nikki. Hold on, let me open the card. I. Um,
Speaker 1: someone gave me a New York a um Starbucks ornament
Speaker 1: that says New York on it, and she'll got me
Speaker 1: a Star Wars S gift card. Another person also got
Speaker 1: me a Nikki Glazer survival pack or like what are
Speaker 1: those things where it's like the emergency emergency yet thank you?
Speaker 1: And it was yeah, and it was a Starbucks gift card.
Speaker 1: Um a the ordinary uh hydrating serum that I talked about.
Speaker 1: And what was the other thing on? Oh maybe also
Speaker 1: one with the tailor's with dog leash and it was
Speaker 1: something else that was really funny. God damn it, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Maybe candy or no, it was a protein bar. It
Speaker 1: was a vegan protein bar. So good. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Forget the name of the person that gave it to me,
Speaker 1: but it was really really nice. Shake it off. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is a tailor swift card. I know
Speaker 1: cards can be overwhelming for you, so I'll keep this short.
Speaker 1: You saved me from one of the darkest periods of
Speaker 1: my life simply with a podcast episode. Your your feature
Speaker 1: on Esther's Weird Adults podcast. Oh awesome. So um, guys,
Speaker 1: check out me on Weird Adults with Esther. Um, Little Esther.
Speaker 1: No matter what path you take in your career, you're
Speaker 1: five fans, true fans. I was like, five fans. Your
Speaker 1: true fans will always have your back. We love you
Speaker 1: for you. Your stand up does not make up your
Speaker 1: entire identity. Thank you for forgetting me tickets to the
Speaker 1: sold out show your Bustie, Christine. Christine, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for that. And read this one other one really quickly. Um.
Speaker 1: This girl gave me. This was from Jen. She gave
Speaker 1: me them the cup. She said, I'm not always creative
Speaker 1: with gifts, but I know you like Starbucks. Maybe you'll
Speaker 1: spot down, Maybe you'll spot John Mullaney again. Oh the
Speaker 1: old Don Milaney at Starbucks yesterday. Actually, um, sometimes I
Speaker 1: draw what a whole grain looks like for my patients,
Speaker 1: but I secretly think it looks more like a vagina.
Speaker 1: Thought you may enjoy my dual artwork that does look
Speaker 1: like a vagina a whole grain. What does this bitch do? Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe she's a nutritionist or a gluten um. Uh yeah.
Speaker 1: The guy that looks like us stressed out? Uh like
Speaker 1: Starbucks barista John Mlaney John Laney four months ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: um he I saw him yesterday with Kristen at the Starbucks,
Speaker 1: and I did the thing that I hate when people do,
Speaker 1: where I whispered to Curson, I go look behind you,
Speaker 1: John M. Laney And and then she looked up and
Speaker 1: he was looking at us right when he after he
Speaker 1: saw me whisper doer. And I hope that he thought
Speaker 1: that I was like, like, guy looks like John Laney
Speaker 1: because John Laney's hot. It's not it's not bad, but
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, it was just it seemed like
Speaker 1: we were making fun of him. Because then she laughed
Speaker 1: because it was so uncanny, but not because it felt
Speaker 1: so bad. Then you almost want to say something, Yes
Speaker 1: I did, but I didn't and I should have. My
Speaker 1: canker stores were hurting so bad. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna let him think that we're bullying him.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have another voice one you
Speaker 1: and that glove. What's up? So many voice messages? Um?
Speaker 1: This one comes from Maddie. Hey, guys, how are you doing?
Speaker 1: And Okay? First of all, I just want to say
Speaker 1: that I'm the tooth who made all of those posts
Speaker 1: in the Nikki sub reddy um. But none of them
Speaker 1: are negative though, So I just want to say that. Also,
Speaker 1: you just put my story on your story, and if
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to do that, I probably
Speaker 1: would have written something cur so I'm glad that I didn't. UM.
Speaker 1: But yeah, anyway, I just want to say, uh, like
Speaker 1: during the whole pandemic, when you were, when you were
Speaker 1: still doing the your podcast, I was. I was in
Speaker 1: the exact same situation as you, because I was living
Speaker 1: this amazing life in a different city with lots of
Speaker 1: friends that I've always wanted, and I had to move
Speaker 1: back in with my parents even though I felt like
Speaker 1: we're too old and I didn't know what was going
Speaker 1: to happen next. I was like, so, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I was sort depressed and listening to you up every day.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, like you haven't no idea? How oh god,
Speaker 1: like what that did for me? It really really helped me.
Speaker 1: So yeah, like that's what I really wanted to say,
Speaker 1: and yeah, all the swells and don't be curt mm
Speaker 1: hmmm what was his name? Maddie. Oh my god, Maddie,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. I get really tear eyed when
Speaker 1: people talk about um uh last year and like listening
Speaker 1: to that podcast, because that podcast was really hard for
Speaker 1: me to do because I was so depressed and some
Speaker 1: days it was like running a marathon with prosthetic legs,
Speaker 1: which I don't understand what that would be like, but
Speaker 1: it really was like the last a lot easier. Um.
Speaker 1: It was the last thing I wanted to do, and
Speaker 1: it was so hard and I was so sad, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it got me through it too, because
Speaker 1: I just I guess I was thinking about those people
Speaker 1: that were listening. I can't even believe people were listening.
Speaker 1: I was in such bad place. I'm glad that it
Speaker 1: helped people, but man, I was so alone then too.
Speaker 1: It just it makes me people feel better in retrospect,
Speaker 1: even though maybe I wouldn't didn't know it at the time,
Speaker 1: I think that like I felt like the hands of
Speaker 1: all the people on my back when I was sitting
Speaker 1: in that chair and my dad's office, and like it
Speaker 1: was a hot summer day. I just remember being so
Speaker 1: depressed and being like, I don't want to do this
Speaker 1: fucking podcast. I have to just talk by myself. I
Speaker 1: don't have anything to talk about, and poor Noah would
Speaker 1: have to like edit it later on and like listen
Speaker 1: to me ramble about like I was. My brain was
Speaker 1: so in a bad place. But there's something when I
Speaker 1: picture that time, I honestly start picturing like all these
Speaker 1: people listening and like how I wasn't alone, and like
Speaker 1: that podcast actually probably saved me. And honestly, thank you
Speaker 1: to everyone who listened to that and who listens to
Speaker 1: me now still and and because you put up with
Speaker 1: a lot here too. But I really love you, know,
Speaker 1: I promise I've met everything. But just get in is
Speaker 1: really fun to just drop it. Are you excited about
Speaker 1: my brother me at the show tomorrow? So let's get um. No.
Speaker 1: I know, of course, I know that I was supposed
Speaker 1: to say yes and then just kidding, but it's funnier
Speaker 1: that thing you excited to me to do. No, I
Speaker 1: got it, just getting wait what did you say? Just
Speaker 1: wait one time? More time? I'm just kidd final thought.
Speaker 1: Do we have one more? Yes? Wait? Can you read
Speaker 1: the one that we you sent to us today from Andrew?
Speaker 1: Andrew you should read it? Yeah, well you read that one? No? Uh, okay,
Speaker 1: just kid, just getting just getting get that dog's dick
Speaker 1: out of your mouth and bread before Andrew. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: here it is. I had gallbladder surgery yesterday and when
Speaker 1: I woke up in my room, my nurse kept asking
Speaker 1: me random thing about you. I was answering all their questions,
Speaker 1: but I a little confused. Then when one of my
Speaker 1: doctors came in, he was telling me that during the
Speaker 1: whole surgery recovery, I was telling them that Nikki Glazer
Speaker 1: is my best friend. Just geting no l O L
Speaker 1: really having all the swells. I hope you guys are
Speaker 1: staying well this girl. And from Amanda, what's Amanda? Amanda? Dude?
Speaker 1: That makes me so happy that you even like the
Speaker 1: stuff we say when we're in uh, you know, anesthesia
Speaker 1: state fantasia. When we're an a Stasia Kominski. No, when
Speaker 1: we that is, that's just so embarrassing, even the stuff
Speaker 1: like Kirsten said that a couple of times last night.
Speaker 1: She said, I was saying full sentences. I was just
Speaker 1: like talking in my sleep, and I know what I
Speaker 1: was dreaming about. I'm really scared of what I might
Speaker 1: have said. I can only imagine the ship that I
Speaker 1: would say to an ill that she can she tell
Speaker 1: you what you said? She said, it was just like
Speaker 1: me being like and I just think that, and it's
Speaker 1: just like I was talking that loud, but she said
Speaker 1: it was nothing specific, But I was like, who, because
Speaker 1: I had some incestual dreams, kind of incestuous. Do you
Speaker 1: know what that means? No? Yes, Like that's a common
Speaker 1: I'm not embarrassed to admit that sometimes my dreams get
Speaker 1: a little incesty. You've never had that happened where you're like,
Speaker 1: something happens with a family member sexual kes Nikki just admitted,
Speaker 1: you know what you don't know, And honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: mean any of this. I was so but I have
Speaker 1: incest dreams sometimes and I'm not I'm serious, dude. No,
Speaker 1: have you ever had a dream where you're like you
Speaker 1: I have. Okay, I'll give this one to you. I
Speaker 1: never had incests dreams, but I had a dream that
Speaker 1: I was like kissing someone and I was sharing a
Speaker 1: bed with my sister and I woke up and I
Speaker 1: was kissing her head. Oh my god, that's so you
Speaker 1: just actually had an incest moment. That's hilarious. It's so humiliating,
Speaker 1: but we can't help it. Okay, listen, I had a
Speaker 1: dream that I was blowing my brother while his dog
Speaker 1: watch and when I woke up, just blowing his dog.
Speaker 1: Oh god, be so embarrassed. Okay, look at this. This
Speaker 1: literally name a family member. I've dreamed of banging them
Speaker 1: shut the front door. And I come from a Catholic family.
Speaker 1: We've got many many uh have a lot of relatives.
Speaker 1: These are five common sex dreams aren't actually about sex.
Speaker 1: Number one sex with your boss. Number two cheating. This
Speaker 1: is an article from archive dot a t tn dot com.
Speaker 1: Three sex with your best friend. I've I haven't had
Speaker 1: a sex dream about you. Four incests. Incests maybe the
Speaker 1: most unsettling sexual act to dream about. You will gon
Speaker 1: up horrified from a dream about sex with a parent
Speaker 1: or other family member. It doesn't mean that you are
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to them on a subconscious level. These dreams
Speaker 1: tend to reflect tension or distance influence familial relationships. Sex
Speaker 1: with a parent may have to do with transitioning into
Speaker 1: adulthood or becoming a parent yourself. Sex with any family
Speaker 1: member can be about acceptance, deep forgiveness, a longing to
Speaker 1: be closer, or just what you really want. I'm just kidding,
Speaker 1: or healing a rift. So just kidding, but um, I
Speaker 1: am really flattered that someone thought they're friends. You are
Speaker 1: friends with me, honestly you are. You don't have to
Speaker 1: live a gallbladder to admit it. What is the gallbladder?
Speaker 1: And like what why why? I guess we don't need it.
Speaker 1: I think it's one of those which is weird. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the trial of God giving you a oregan you don't need. Well,
Speaker 1: you have the bladder and then the gall bladder. The
Speaker 1: gall bladder, I think, is the one that gives you bile,
Speaker 1: which you definitely need. You definitely need that to know
Speaker 1: you lost your gall You need to stop throwing up.
Speaker 1: If your blieming out there, I mean that's hopefully she's okay.
Speaker 1: I guess she's okay. I guess I think, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: let us know what if your gall bladder is okay,
Speaker 1: and if you had it removed or what was going
Speaker 1: on and how we can all prevent that from happening
Speaker 1: to us. We gotta go. Um that is so. But
Speaker 1: I'm so flattered by that. I what a treat that
Speaker 1: someone thought about me when in there, Like have you
Speaker 1: ever been under anesthesia? Yeah? With my asshole? Oh that's right, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's weird, you say anything weird. I did have visions.
Speaker 1: I had visions of like they knew like I was
Speaker 1: awake while they were flipping me around, and I had
Speaker 1: like visions of them like pointing at my and laughing
Speaker 1: at my penis. Okay, well that but it was my uncle.
Speaker 1: So it's completely It's just about familiar. Is there a
Speaker 1: thing called ancest where it's like incest but with like
Speaker 1: ghosts of your ancestors whoa like you blow your old
Speaker 1: like uncle, great uncle who met before Tony. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, but he would he might have been in
Speaker 1: that surgery room. But I just kind of have a
Speaker 1: weird memory of them like flipping me around and like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to hear if you're a bestie
Speaker 1: and you've witnessed people on Antesesia. What's the weirdest thing
Speaker 1: you've heard someone say? And did you tell them afterwards
Speaker 1: what they said? Let us know. Uh, we'll hear from
Speaker 1: you next week with fan Trax on Thursday. We have
Speaker 1: so many there's piling up. We gotta get thrown faster.
Speaker 1: Next week, maybe we do a whole episode of them.
Speaker 1: Pretty coming up. Um, thank you for dealing with my
Speaker 1: canker sword drama this week. We are healing up. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to see you in Durham tomorrow night and
Speaker 1: then in Charleston on Saturday night. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for going to shows, and then Indianapolis next weekend, Milwaukee
Speaker 1: next weekend, and um, yeah, I can't wait. And I
Speaker 1: love you guys, and gee Florida or organ you meaning