Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever, and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Laura Zema comedy You from the home
Speaker 1: office in Austin, Texas, And today I'm excited about this
Speaker 1: episode because Elsie, we haven't done this in a while,
Speaker 1: and that is Q and a Q and Hey, Q
Speaker 1: and Hay, shardon Hey. We take your questions which we
Speaker 1: have gathered and.
Speaker 2: Pay thank you for getting right into shardon Hay.
Speaker 1: Jesse.
Speaker 2: You almost did that like a reflex. I don't know why.
Speaker 2: I love If anybody watched the show, I did Roses
Speaker 2: and Rose. I love Rose, I love Shardonay, but I
Speaker 2: really like to say them with a little hey at
Speaker 2: the end. I've always said if we ever had a boat,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to both, but I'd name it
Speaker 2: the shardon Hey. Well, let's get into some very not
Speaker 2: stupid good questions. So Q and a Q and Hey
Speaker 2: today and we are taking questions from you all that
Speaker 2: you sent into us via Instagram at the most dramatic
Speaker 2: pod ever. Thank you for sending them. And I haven't
Speaker 2: seen any of them. Chris Harrison has them, so my
Speaker 2: actions are going to be real in real time.
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny is the questions. We've done
Speaker 1: this Q and A a few times, and they were very
Speaker 1: generic as we started and people were getting to know
Speaker 1: us together, and clearly people know we're about to get married.
Speaker 1: So I feel like these questions have gotten very personal.
Speaker 1: Oh so they're very good. I mean they're very but
Speaker 1: they seem very specific to us, but something we can
Speaker 1: all relate to.
Speaker 2: Great. I love it people doing their research.
Speaker 1: So Jojo, I don't think it's Jojo Fletcher or Jojo Rodgers.
Speaker 1: I guess has has reached out and says, do you
Speaker 1: think it's important for separate bank accounts? Ooh for a
Speaker 1: couple to have separate bank accounts, have your own money?
Speaker 2: I can should I be in.
Speaker 1: Yes, Yeah, you should have an opinion on this.
Speaker 2: We've never discussed this.
Speaker 1: No, we should right now happening live and if we
Speaker 1: break up, we're going to edit this.
Speaker 2: I do. I think it's very couple dependent, and I
Speaker 2: do not think it is necessary to have separate bank accounts.
Speaker 2: I do think it's nestssary to have access to your
Speaker 2: own finances in a way where it's not that the
Speaker 2: partner is controlling everything and you're totally unaware of what's happening.
Speaker 2: I actually have a friend who she's still married to
Speaker 2: this guy, and it's been tough on our friendship. It's
Speaker 2: kind of I've had to pull back on our friendship
Speaker 2: a little bit because I'm sort of so concerned about
Speaker 2: this marriage. Various things concerned me, But one thing that
Speaker 2: concerned me was he would not if she is not
Speaker 2: allowed her own credit card in any way, and she
Speaker 2: has a debit card, but he controls how much money
Speaker 2: gets put on it, and like if she's out, he
Speaker 2: kind of scolds her and says, like, what were you
Speaker 2: spending it on? And you know, I just said to her, babe,
Speaker 2: it scares me that if you needed to, you couldn't
Speaker 2: like buy a plane ticket on your own. Like that
Speaker 2: was kind of my barometer. If you can't get yourself
Speaker 2: somewhere with like a card and you've got your own
Speaker 2: money to do it, that's a little scary. So I
Speaker 2: fear the control. And I also fear if one partner
Speaker 2: has zero idea of the finances of the partnership. I
Speaker 2: think that's a dangerous place to be.
Speaker 1: My advice, Jojo be it's okay to be dependent. One
Speaker 1: may be dependent on the other because there's a stay
Speaker 1: at home dad, stay at home mom, whatever. So it's
Speaker 1: okay to be dependent on someone, but I think it's
Speaker 1: very important to be independent no matter what. And what
Speaker 1: I mean by that is a little bit of what
Speaker 1: Elz is saying right now. I'll be honest. We don't
Speaker 1: have a mutual account, but LZ and I know exactly
Speaker 1: what's in each other's accounts. We're very accountable, and we're
Speaker 1: very open and transparent about very accountable, very accountable. But
Speaker 1: it's important I think that we know what the financial
Speaker 1: picture is for so many reasons. So you live within
Speaker 1: your means, so you know what's going on, and you
Speaker 1: can see problems that you know ahead of time. You
Speaker 1: can help each other. So I think it's okay to
Speaker 1: be independent, keep your independence, but it's important to understand
Speaker 1: and I think I have taught my daughter and my
Speaker 1: son to always be accountable, to always understand what's going
Speaker 1: on in your finances so the rug is not pulled
Speaker 1: out from under you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I know people who a partner has
Speaker 2: suddenly died and they had no idea how to access things,
Speaker 2: and they were totally lost, and it's very overwhelming. I
Speaker 2: know people who turns out their partner was in secret
Speaker 2: gambling all the money away and they didn't realize they
Speaker 2: were broke. Like I just think you have to be
Speaker 2: as open as possible and feel like you're both just
Speaker 2: aware of the situation.
Speaker 1: They're responsible conversations you need to have and sometimes they
Speaker 1: can be sensitive. Sometimes it's emotional because money does that
Speaker 1: to people, even within relationships.
Speaker 2: Wow, will we get a joint account we get married.
Speaker 1: I don't think we need one, but I think we
Speaker 1: can if you want one.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm like feeling I'm good to go.
Speaker 1: You're good.
Speaker 2: I'm also very I will say.
Speaker 1: Again, I think it's just important to understand where the
Speaker 1: money is, who has it? You know there is a
Speaker 1: flow should anybody need it. That's the most important thing.
Speaker 2: Agreed, I accounted for Hannah.
Speaker 1: How would you handle a friend or family member who
Speaker 1: doesn't like your partner, that's as a wedding is coming
Speaker 1: up on the horizon.
Speaker 2: My family hates Chris, your family kind of likes me.
Speaker 1: Luckily we are in the camp of our families love
Speaker 1: each other and love us.
Speaker 2: So but have you ever been in that situation? And
Speaker 2: so what did you do? Because I'll be honest, I've
Speaker 2: never really been in that situation.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing at the end of the day, and
Speaker 1: I'll take this, you know, out of my family so
Speaker 1: I don't get anybody in trouble. But I've run into
Speaker 1: this before. And my advice to people is this, All
Speaker 1: you can say is your piece. One time. You can
Speaker 1: explain to your brother, sister, cousin, best friend. One time, Hey, Lauren,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe I'm not seeing what you're seeing in Chris.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe I just want to say, you don't
Speaker 1: have to do this. If you want to get in
Speaker 1: the car and get out of here, I have the
Speaker 1: car running. If you tell me you love Chris and
Speaker 1: that you see something I don't, et cetera, this will
Speaker 1: be the last time we talk about it. And I
Speaker 1: love you. And if you marry this person, they're my
Speaker 1: family too. You get one take at this. That's it.
Speaker 2: Well, I totally agree. And also like, once you've said
Speaker 2: your piece, the thing is the person's heard you and
Speaker 2: they're going to do what they want to do, right,
Speaker 2: And so if you keep repeating it and you say
Speaker 2: you don't like them, then you're creating toxicity.
Speaker 1: It's not that they didn't hear you the first time I've.
Speaker 2: Said it before. No one in the history of time
Speaker 2: has ever broken up with someone because their family told
Speaker 2: them to. They got to come to it in their
Speaker 2: own time. But I think this question, if I may
Speaker 2: go back, and that was very good advice, But is
Speaker 2: this question asking what you do personally if you are
Speaker 2: dating someone your family doesn't.
Speaker 1: It, just as how would you handle a friend or
Speaker 1: family member who doesn't like your partner?
Speaker 2: Okay, well, so you were in that situation you gave
Speaker 2: the advice on when you didn't like your family member's person,
Speaker 2: But you were also in the situation where you dated
Speaker 2: someone and your family did not like the person you
Speaker 2: were dating. What were you aware of it? And if so,
Speaker 2: what did you do in that moment? Did you take
Speaker 2: it seriously? Did you discount it?
Speaker 1: What I would have respected? Because there was someone I
Speaker 1: dated there where my friends especially didn't love her and
Speaker 1: didn't did they tell you?
Speaker 2: Were you aware?
Speaker 1: No? That's the thing is Here's the thing is I
Speaker 1: look back, I realized they kind of ghosted me a
Speaker 1: little bit. There were times when we'd be on the
Speaker 1: road or whatever and they're like, oh, yeah, we avoided
Speaker 1: you like the plague. They told me this later, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, man, like, why didn't y'all say something?
Speaker 1: And of course the obvious answer is, you know, you
Speaker 1: don't want to make people choose sides. You don't want
Speaker 1: to cause problems. So I get that, But at the
Speaker 1: same time, I wish they had respectfully just pulled me
Speaker 1: aside and say, hey, I'm going to say this once
Speaker 1: I don't see what you say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you should say it. I will in
Speaker 2: my I had a past relationship where yeah, I should have.
Speaker 2: I let me clarify my earlier statement. I've never been
Speaker 2: in this situation where I knew my friends and family
Speaker 2: didn't like the person I also found out later, and
Speaker 2: I wish they would have said something, But I also
Speaker 2: know if they'd said something, I don't think it would
Speaker 2: have made a difference.
Speaker 1: And you know now they think about it. I feel
Speaker 1: like a hypocrite because I had a phone call yesterday
Speaker 1: with someone I really love and they just went through
Speaker 1: a breakup. And it's something It's something I felt long before.
Speaker 1: It's when they were dating, and I never said anything
Speaker 1: to them while they were dating.
Speaker 2: M h.
Speaker 1: I said it yesterday on the phone call, thankes. So
Speaker 1: I'm a hypocrite. I need to start taking some of
Speaker 1: my own advice. I advocate I should have said something.
Speaker 2: We should have sayd that I would advocate and say,
Speaker 2: if you think there's an issue in your friend or
Speaker 2: family member's relationship with their partner, you should say something.
Speaker 2: But like you said, say it one time. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: yeah you have you have to say it for them,
Speaker 2: and you have to say it so you can put
Speaker 2: your head on your pillow at night and.
Speaker 1: Not to go too deep on all these layers. But
Speaker 1: it is difficult too. When someone's just dating. You're like, well,
Speaker 1: we'll see if this is even yeah, and then it's like.
Speaker 2: Oh, cra by the way, not to go do deep.
Speaker 2: That's literally the point of this podcast.
Speaker 1: You're going to You're going deep.
Speaker 2: Okay, what's next?
Speaker 1: Connor Gentlemen says, are sparks a thing? How many dates
Speaker 1: should you give it for sparks to fly?
Speaker 2: Oh? Sparks butterflies?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I love it first sight? That immediate?
Speaker 2: Do you believe in love it first sight?
Speaker 1: I believe it a crush and a heavy, heavy crush,
Speaker 1: and then later you can look back and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I knew, Like honestly, that's how I felt with you,
Speaker 1: like I knew it was different right away. I knew,
Speaker 1: and you know, I can look back in hindsight and
Speaker 1: be like.
Speaker 2: But you mean our first date. I mean we worked
Speaker 2: together for years before. I don't think we had that right.
Speaker 1: We worked the first time you and I intimately went
Speaker 1: out with the object of this is romantic.
Speaker 2: I'm saying I don't believe in love at first sight.
Speaker 2: I've heard stories from people before who say, Oh, she
Speaker 2: walked in and I looked and said, that's the woman
Speaker 2: I'm going to marry. I don't know if that's that
Speaker 2: you like knew, or if then your mind just manifested
Speaker 2: that and you were like, okay, this is and then
Speaker 2: you went with it. You know what came first, the
Speaker 2: chicken or the egg. But I do think I believe
Speaker 2: an incredible attraction at first sight and sparks. How do
Speaker 2: you know when to let the sparks fly? I actually
Speaker 2: have a rule on this. I am an advocate of
Speaker 2: always giving a second date. I think first dates can
Speaker 2: be really weird. It's like a job interview. It's awkward.
Speaker 2: People are nervous, like they can.
Speaker 1: Go really great.
Speaker 2: But I also know people who had like a disaster
Speaker 2: of first date and then ended up with that person.
Speaker 2: I think it's just like you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying it's a big, high stake situation, and
Speaker 2: sometimes people aren't totally themselves because they're very nervous. So
Speaker 2: I think, if you get through a first date and
Speaker 2: it seems okay, don't be worried if there aren't.
Speaker 1: Sparks, yeah, that you're not madly in love.
Speaker 2: Yeah, give it a second date.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and see i'd say three dates really yeah.
Speaker 2: If I'm not doing.
Speaker 1: That, that's not trying to like really salvage something. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, if you're not sure, it's okay to give
Speaker 1: it three dates, If you're really not feeling it after
Speaker 1: date two or three, then that's a big sign. That's
Speaker 1: a big red flag.
Speaker 2: To me, because I do think for me, even for us,
Speaker 2: like I thought our first date went really well, yeah.
Speaker 1: And there was chemistry and there were sparks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I still wasn't like probably by you know,
Speaker 2: the second or third date. Then I then I kind
Speaker 2: of went home and thought, oh, I really like for
Speaker 2: me it.
Speaker 1: Was after Yeah, definitely had a conversation with some people
Speaker 1: after date one, but after day two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then I was in restaurant for sure. Yes, Then
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I really like him. And then
Speaker 2: I actually became more nervous about us dating because then
Speaker 2: I really liked you well.
Speaker 1: And date one, if you remember, we did the modern
Speaker 1: version of we met at the place.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then on day two and day two I picked.
Speaker 1: You up, Yes, which is more my speed.
Speaker 2: The thing is, I think sparks have to be to
Speaker 2: a certain extent created.
Speaker 1: You should have that excitement, though you should if you're
Speaker 1: not feeling the excitement.
Speaker 2: No, no, totally. But I'm saying like, don't discount someone
Speaker 2: after the first date if you feel like there's no sparks,
Speaker 2: because a sparks can happen, Oh you just see someone
Speaker 2: in a bar and you think they're they're hot.
Speaker 1: But also sparks.
Speaker 2: Can happen because you've created a connection and an environment,
Speaker 2: and the sparks can grow from there.
Speaker 1: For sure, A good conversation can all of a sudden create.
Speaker 2: You can be building that fire.
Speaker 1: Don't be so don't succumb to the the movie version
Speaker 1: of if I'm not feeling this. As soon as we
Speaker 1: met at the Empire State Building, We're going to take
Speaker 1: a little bit of a sideways turn here. This is
Speaker 1: really having to do with you. Oh, this is from Elijah.
Speaker 1: Not love related, but have to know favorite Harry Potter character.
Speaker 2: Oh why gosh.
Speaker 1: Please don't make this an hour long answer.
Speaker 2: I will just go with my gut, which is what
Speaker 2: I always It's very difficult.
Speaker 1: Okay, my gut is choosing your favorite child.
Speaker 2: I'm doing my annual re listen. I re listened to.
Speaker 1: The books everywhere. This is Elijah. This is perfect timing.
Speaker 2: I'm on my favorite book right now, which is Book four,
Speaker 2: Gobblet of Fire. I always re listen in the fall
Speaker 2: through the holidays because it's the perfect festive listen. I
Speaker 2: can't take too much time with this. He's looking at me. Okay,
Speaker 2: my gut instinct answer is Dobby. I love Dobby the elf.
Speaker 2: Chris is looking at me confused.
Speaker 1: Really no, no, I know, I know who that is,
Speaker 1: but I'm just that's not one of the main characters.
Speaker 1: It's not one of the main actors. It's why why
Speaker 1: Now I have to follow up why?
Speaker 2: Because Dobby is so heartbreakingly like sweet and funny, and
Speaker 2: you kind of get all the emotions from Dobby. You're
Speaker 2: rooting for Dobby you're laughing.
Speaker 1: You're gonna ask a stupid Harry Potter question. Potterheads don't
Speaker 1: come at me. Is Dobby in all the books? Okay,
Speaker 1: so don't you know, don't don't don't no spoiler alerts
Speaker 1: of where Dobby goes away, but Dobby is at least
Speaker 1: through book four because that's where you.
Speaker 2: Are spoiler alert. It's like it's been out so long.
Speaker 2: They're talking about making a new TV series, which I
Speaker 2: have thoughts on. I could rant about that. I don't
Speaker 2: think we should just be recycling the material. Why are
Speaker 2: we doing a Harry Potter TV series Because it's lazy
Speaker 2: and so they're just trying to make money and I
Speaker 2: think they should be doing a Marauder series and doing
Speaker 2: something more original. But anyway, let's get back to what
Speaker 2: people got.
Speaker 1: Elijah, thank you for bringing up because I learned something
Speaker 1: today I never knew. Dobby Elena, how do I navigate
Speaker 1: challenging in laws? Also, how do I not let this
Speaker 1: cause tension between my husband Andy?
Speaker 2: Ooh okay, so I've gotten some good advice about this
Speaker 2: in the past, so I will repeat the advice that
Speaker 2: I was told years ago, which was one when it
Speaker 2: comes to your parents and in laws, be very careful
Speaker 2: what you share because I do think that people have
Speaker 2: like that's family, you know, and like say with your
Speaker 2: own parents. I think if you get in a fight
Speaker 2: with your spouse, your parents might be you might forgive
Speaker 2: your spouse more quickly than your parent does. I think
Speaker 2: be careful with your in laws on like what you're
Speaker 2: saying about their child. Even if you feel comfortable with them,
Speaker 2: they it's still that's their kid. And then another portion
Speaker 2: of that piece of advice was, look, even if this
Speaker 2: person is driving you nuts, if your partner knows that
Speaker 2: their parent is wild, then just let it go. Try
Speaker 2: not to repeat it and feed into it because they know,
Speaker 2: you know, they know, And what are they going to do,
Speaker 2: like not stop talking to their mom or their dad.
Speaker 2: It's not going to happen. So navigate it together. And
Speaker 2: I think it's a tougher situation. And I have some
Speaker 2: friends who maybe mom is why and their husband like
Speaker 2: is totally lacking an awareness and like things mom among
Speaker 2: the moon And that's a tough situation.
Speaker 1: Well, and it's you know, hopefully you can have a discussion.
Speaker 1: It's I know, it's a tough thing because if we
Speaker 1: are sensitive about anything. It's coming after our moms or dads.
Speaker 1: So that's a difficult conversation to have. But if you
Speaker 1: can set some boundaries, I mean, for if they don't
Speaker 1: live near you, it's hey, let's all just keep in
Speaker 1: perspective the fact that this is like one two three
Speaker 1: percent of our time. We deal with it when we
Speaker 1: have to. It's like dealing with an X. But sometimes moms, dads,
Speaker 1: in laws have to live near you with you, so
Speaker 1: that makes it a little bit tougher.
Speaker 2: I think boundaries and creating successful situations are important. Like
Speaker 2: I do think it's okay no matter how tough your
Speaker 2: in law is to draw a boundary, like they can't
Speaker 2: come over to your house any time they want for
Speaker 2: you know, without telling you. I also think that you
Speaker 2: can create in any relationship a successful situation, like if
Speaker 2: you know you're in your mother in law loves to
Speaker 2: shop and she kind of drives you crazy, offer to
Speaker 2: take her shopping for an hour and that should like
Speaker 2: fill a bucket for a little bit and it'll hopefully
Speaker 2: be hur at her best. And then I also think
Speaker 2: I find it in any situation it helps to be
Speaker 2: like vulnerable yourself, Like if you think that your partner
Speaker 2: doesn't see some issues that their parents have. I would
Speaker 2: share like issues that you think about your own parents
Speaker 2: and see if you being open inspires them to open up,
Speaker 2: and then two morek and then through that you can
Speaker 2: get on the same page about the parent.
Speaker 1: Interesting question here from Jacqueline. I'm interested to get your reaction.
Speaker 1: Is it okay for your partner to tell you that
Speaker 1: they prefer you without makeup?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, it sounds like a nice thing to say,
Speaker 2: doesn't it? Like I love you?
Speaker 1: Yes, I have. I have a theory about this, as
Speaker 1: I wanted to hear you should I go first, go
Speaker 1: for it? So Jacqueline, and I don't mean this to
Speaker 1: be roal fod And maybe this doesn't pertain to you,
Speaker 1: but if somebody says I prefer you with less makeup
Speaker 1: or without makeup, maybe it just means they don't love
Speaker 1: the way you do your makeup. I saw this on
Speaker 1: The Bachelor and Bacherette for twenty years, left to our
Speaker 1: own devices, we're not always great at doing our own
Speaker 1: makeup and hair and all those things there. You know,
Speaker 1: for a long time, you know, people ask me on
Speaker 1: the show did you dress these people? Did you do there?
Speaker 1: The first night, we really wanted to leave the women
Speaker 1: to their own devices because it's important to see where
Speaker 1: they are, where they're from, they're going to dress kind
Speaker 1: of I'm from the South, I'm from New York, I'm
Speaker 1: from San Francis.
Speaker 2: To be themselves genuinely, not a TV change of themselves.
Speaker 1: But oftentimes the idea of makeup for people is more
Speaker 1: is more, and especially when they think they're going to
Speaker 1: be on TV or whatever. So, you know, Jacqueline, again,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying specifically, I don't know you, and so
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is for you, but I
Speaker 1: think sometimes maybe a partner's trying to say, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe a little less or maybe like go to the
Speaker 1: department store and maybe get a tutorial. Maybe you know,
Speaker 1: the bright, bright red lipstick you wear every single day
Speaker 1: is a lot.
Speaker 2: Maybe you say back to them, why.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just soay? Yeah, what is there anything interesting?
Speaker 1: That's a good point.
Speaker 2: I never thought about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So, I you know, maybe this person's trying to
Speaker 1: say something else, and Lauren's right, what you should say
Speaker 1: back to them is say, hey, just tell me, is
Speaker 1: there anything specific? Because I kind of would like to
Speaker 1: look good for you and with you. So if there's
Speaker 1: something that bugs you, please tell me. All right on
Speaker 1: to the next that's a tough one. You nailed it, Wendy.
Speaker 1: How do you feel this will be a quick one.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about women being called cougars when
Speaker 1: they date younger men? Not a fair li.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not a I mean, not a fan. It's with anything.
Speaker 2: I guess it depends on the way you're saying it,
Speaker 2: like if it's kind of funny or affectionate. But I
Speaker 2: don't love it because I do think inherently it has
Speaker 2: this negative connotation, and it seems generally to be more
Speaker 2: accepted by society for men to day younger women than
Speaker 2: it is for women today younger men.
Speaker 1: Renee asked, how did you navigate integrating into the lives
Speaker 1: of Chris's kids.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean We've talked a lot about this before,
Speaker 2: but just the literal integration into their daily lives. I
Speaker 2: think that I really tried to like find out what
Speaker 2: their likes and interests were, honestly, Like I would try
Speaker 2: to talk to Josh about Star Wars because I knew
Speaker 2: he was into Star Wars. I didn't know all his
Speaker 2: video games, but I'm a Star Wars fan, so I
Speaker 2: tried to connect with him on that. Taylor was, you know,
Speaker 2: a teenage girl in high school, so I talked to
Speaker 2: her about crushes she had and also I just tried
Speaker 2: to Yeah. I mean it was like about putting them first,
Speaker 2: like what their interests were in their activities where I
Speaker 2: remember Taylor had her driver, was getting her permit, so
Speaker 2: I said, like, I'll help you learn to drive, or
Speaker 2: she and I both love coffee, so we go get coffee. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess that was it. I think you're never in
Speaker 2: any relationship with anybody. You're going to create a relationship
Speaker 2: if you ask that person about themselves and show interest
Speaker 2: in what they're interested in.
Speaker 1: So true, but just great advice in general. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is interesting and I think I know the answer for you,
Speaker 1: but I need to find out. Paige says, have either
Speaker 1: of you ever gone on a date or had a
Speaker 1: crush with someone from the Bachelor franchise?
Speaker 2: Well, me with you.
Speaker 1: I think what they're saying is outside of each other.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I never dated or had a crush on
Speaker 2: anyone else in the franchise.
Speaker 1: I did, and I have multiple dates, multiple crushes. This
Speaker 1: is when they were single with Wells and ben true
Speaker 1: love them in very different ways. And I guess I
Speaker 1: could throw Bob Guiney and Andrew Firestone in there too.
Speaker 2: God, you've done so many that's so many affairs.
Speaker 1: One more serious one was Lauren intimidated or nervous to
Speaker 1: meet my ex wife.
Speaker 2: I'm sure I was probably a little nervous.
Speaker 1: Definitely not intimidated.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I think I've just wanted to go well.
Speaker 2: I'm a really big believer in like beautiful blended families
Speaker 2: and build bridges, don't burn them, and I'd rather have
Speaker 2: love than animosity. So I just really wanted it to
Speaker 2: go well. I wanted to show her the respect that
Speaker 2: I knew she was your kid's mom and I and
Speaker 2: she raised beautiful, wonderful kids, and I wanted to compliment
Speaker 2: her on that. And yeah, again going back to like
Speaker 2: in any relationship, show interest in what that person's into
Speaker 2: and try to get to know them. So that's all
Speaker 2: that I wanted to do. But I was probably nervous
Speaker 2: just because like, that's your kid's mom. I mean, that's
Speaker 2: a big I certainly didn't want to have a bad relationship,
Speaker 2: so I wanted it to go well. If you and
Speaker 2: I were going to be serious that I knew that
Speaker 2: was going to make life a lot easier.
Speaker 1: And I have to just gush a little bit on
Speaker 1: the job Elsie did with the kid, bridging the gap
Speaker 1: with the kids, with the X all of it just
Speaker 1: I mean, just again a masterclass. We've talked about it before,
Speaker 1: but just so brilliant.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's I think a lot of it
Speaker 2: was like I was really raised by my parents to
Speaker 2: be a bit maybe it's a Midwestern or I don't know,
Speaker 2: but to be sort of overly, like when you first
Speaker 2: meet someone, overly ask them questions about themselves. When you
Speaker 2: are thanking someone, go over the top with the thank
Speaker 2: you gift in the card, like do It's like it's
Speaker 2: better to be overdressed than underdressed. I totally agree, you
Speaker 2: know so, I think like when I was meeting your ex,
Speaker 2: for example, and then as our relationship grew, like I
Speaker 2: sent her stuff on mother I sent her gifts on
Speaker 2: Mother's Day, or I sent her texts because and by
Speaker 2: the way, I really do she's an incredible mom. I
Speaker 2: wanted her to know that. I think if you praise
Speaker 2: people and show them love, like I don't know, that's
Speaker 2: also a great way to keep your side of the
Speaker 2: street clean and feel good, and then also hopefully it
Speaker 2: opens them up and makes them vulnerable to show that back.
Speaker 1: We just did and you can go back and listen
Speaker 1: to this podcast with Brian Austin Green and Sharna, and
Speaker 1: Sharna talked about running into Megan Fox and reaching out
Speaker 1: to her and just creating that environment in that bridge
Speaker 1: that hey, I respect you, Stan, You've done a good job.
Speaker 1: I just want to be a value add here. This
Speaker 1: isn't a competition because I think immediately we all just
Speaker 1: feel competitive. You know, no one's replacing anybody. And I
Speaker 1: think as soon as you feel like, hey, I just
Speaker 1: want to bolster what you've already done and it's out
Speaker 1: of kindness and love, it definitely helps. And then I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, Sharna talked a lot about that with Megan.
Speaker 1: I thought it was very very apropos I'll take you
Speaker 1: out the hot seat and I'll bring it back here.
Speaker 1: Catherine asked, Chris, I have to ask, how do you
Speaker 1: feel when people say the show is not the same
Speaker 1: without you? Does that make you happy? You know, it's
Speaker 1: it doesn't make me happy or sad, honestly, Catherine, It well,
Speaker 1: that's not true. I guess it makes me feel appreciated.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel loved, and I appreciate when people
Speaker 1: do say that. I know where it comes from, and
Speaker 1: I do. I do hear that a lot. It makes
Speaker 1: me feel like we had because I always felt like
Speaker 1: we had a connection for twenty years. It's a relationship
Speaker 1: that I worked on really hard with all of you,
Speaker 1: and it meant a lot to me. And I tried
Speaker 1: to be very transparent. You know, I knew I was
Speaker 1: doing a show, and sometimes I kind of needed to
Speaker 1: mislead you so it'd be more entertaining or exciting. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I tried to be very honest,
Speaker 1: and when I was doing interviews, I tried to ask
Speaker 1: the question that I thought you were screaming and yelling
Speaker 1: from your couch. And so when people come up to
Speaker 1: me and say we miss you, I miss you, I
Speaker 1: miss your voice. You know, we grew up with you. You
Speaker 1: were there when I bonded with my mom or whatever
Speaker 1: those stories are that I hear so often. That definitely
Speaker 1: warms my heart because it makes me feel like that
Speaker 1: relationship that was so important to me was also important
Speaker 1: to you, if that makes sense. And here's an interesting
Speaker 1: one a noon as an anonymous Oh, you've mentioned Call
Speaker 1: Her Daddy on the podcast to Call Her Daddy podcast?
Speaker 1: Would you ever be a guest on Call Her Daddy
Speaker 1: if they ever asked you? Are you open when it
Speaker 1: comes to talking about sex? So for sure I would
Speaker 1: go on their podcast if they asked me. It's fun.
Speaker 1: I think they do a great job. I think it
Speaker 1: hits their target audience, and they're really good. I always
Speaker 1: respect anybody who's good at what they do and creating
Speaker 1: a show and hitting their audience and really driving. I
Speaker 1: always pay attention to what other hosts are doing. So
Speaker 1: if anyway, if I ever got asked to do Call
Speaker 1: Her Daddy, for sure. The sex thing is interesting. I
Speaker 1: don't mind talking about sexual things. I'm not embarrassed by
Speaker 1: it or whatever. I am old school when it comes
Speaker 1: to talking about sex between the woman I love and
Speaker 1: I I'm not open about them.
Speaker 2: That's such a good point. And you and I have
Speaker 2: talked about this before because I was just sort of
Speaker 2: as I was listening to you, I'm picturing what would
Speaker 2: I say to this. I I'm pretty openly talk about
Speaker 2: sex with my friends. I don't know if I would
Speaker 2: with like the whole world, and I think especially, yeah,
Speaker 2: there's something about your relationship when it's your partner. For
Speaker 2: me anyway, it's maybe just this respect thing or that
Speaker 2: that's intimate and just for us. I would sort of
Speaker 2: be more open to talking about my past than I
Speaker 2: would me too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, present totally and if I could speak in generalities
Speaker 1: about things, and I would.
Speaker 2: Never name someone specific. I don't love what people like
Speaker 2: go on podcasts and like I know is.
Speaker 1: To get to out people. It's like, yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: get to do that, just because I think information is
Speaker 1: power and it's powerful and it needs to be used
Speaker 1: very carefully. And this comes from someone who kept secrets
Speaker 1: for twenty years about the show they were hosting. In
Speaker 1: that my whole life with secrets, I think it's important
Speaker 1: that people can trust you and value that, so, you know,
Speaker 1: it would be difficult. I agree, it would be easier
Speaker 1: to talk about my past. I'm you know, if someone said, hey,
Speaker 1: what is Lauren like, you know, what are the things
Speaker 1: she really likes in bed? It's like, I'm never going
Speaker 1: to talk about that.
Speaker 2: It feels weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like that's none of your damn business. That's
Speaker 1: between you know, Laura and I.
Speaker 2: You know, it's going to be really exciting for us
Speaker 2: to have sex the first time on the wedding line.
Speaker 1: I can't wait. I've heard so many good things about it.
Speaker 1: You know. It kind of reminds me about Howard Stern.
Speaker 1: Howard Stern is someone I really admire as a host.
Speaker 1: And I know some people might be like, are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? But whether you love him or hate him,
Speaker 1: and that's I think that's a good thing about having
Speaker 1: a visceral reaction to somebody. He is genius at what
Speaker 1: he does. He created a niche he filled a hole,
Speaker 1: and he's one of the best interviewers of our time.
Speaker 1: Whether you love or hate him, you have to understand
Speaker 1: the power he's had in our world. And I've always
Speaker 1: thought about sitting down with him. He was a huge
Speaker 1: Bacher fan. Maybe he still is. I don't know if
Speaker 1: he talks about the show, but he used to be
Speaker 1: a massive, massive Bacher fan, and I always thought about
Speaker 1: going on his show. But I was always reluctant because
Speaker 1: I think I know the interview Howard would want, and
Speaker 1: also the interview Howard deserves, and I don't know if
Speaker 1: I can give him that.
Speaker 2: What do you mean like revealing stuff about the franchise.
Speaker 1: Yeah, revealing stuff about the franchise. He'd probably get a
Speaker 1: little sexual. He'd probably get, you know. And I just
Speaker 1: there's certain things I won't talk about. Again. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to go, you know, talk about Ben Higgins and
Speaker 1: Sean Lowe. I just you know, if I knew some
Speaker 1: dirt about them, I'm not just going to bury those
Speaker 1: guys because I think it would make a good clickbait
Speaker 1: headline and make me popular. So I always was. And
Speaker 1: again Howard has not asked me, but I would be
Speaker 1: reluctant because I would be afraid I would let him down.
Speaker 1: And the last thing I would want to do is
Speaker 1: not give Howard Stern the interview that he deserves because
Speaker 1: he's so good and I wouldn't want to suck it.
Speaker 1: Kind of reminds me of David Letterman. You know, I've
Speaker 1: done Kimmel a bunch, I've done a million talk shows,
Speaker 1: and you can kind of get through those. But there's
Speaker 1: certain people that I would not want to let down.
Speaker 2: So I remember Larry King was on your bucket list,
Speaker 2: and you did Larry I did Larry.
Speaker 1: King, although on one time I sat down with Larry King,
Speaker 1: which was a highlight before he passed away. It was
Speaker 1: a dream. It was everything I wanted because he's also
Speaker 1: one of the great interviewers of our time. And then
Speaker 1: Dennis Miller was filling in for Larry King when I
Speaker 1: went on the second time, Big Dennis Miller fan and
Speaker 1: that was very interesting as well.
Speaker 2: Let's pipe in with this one because somebody DMed me
Speaker 2: this just asking for my advice, and I said, wow,
Speaker 2: this is so interesting. Can I bring it to the pod?
Speaker 2: And she said yes, So she DMed me, I wanted
Speaker 2: to ask your advice. I'm a thirty three year old
Speaker 2: single woman who someday wants kids, so she's thinking about relationships.
Speaker 2: But she said, I just went through a really traumatic
Speaker 2: breakup with the person I thought was my forever person.
Speaker 2: I have made my peace with waiting for the right
Speaker 2: person to come into my life. But my family is
Speaker 2: saying the most hurtful things. They're saying I'm the problem.
Speaker 2: I'm probably crazy, asking me what did I do. Even
Speaker 2: one person said to me that I can't keep a man.
Speaker 1: Oh yikes.
Speaker 2: She said, I'm really questioning my worth and my value
Speaker 2: because of this breakup, and this is making it even
Speaker 2: worse and destroying me. What do I do?
Speaker 1: Shall I go first?
Speaker 2: Go for it?
Speaker 1: Does this person have a name?
Speaker 2: Christine?
Speaker 1: Christine number one. Give yourself some grace and give yourself
Speaker 1: some time trying to find answers immediately when anything traumatic
Speaker 1: has happened in your life, whether you've lost somebody, broken up,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, lost a job, Trying to find an
Speaker 1: answer the next day or that night is impossible. Give
Speaker 1: yourself a little time and a little grace. Take a
Speaker 1: deep breath, Go find your happy place, go paddleboarding, go hiking,
Speaker 1: whatever it is that takes you away from things. Read
Speaker 1: a book, go go into your defense mechanism for a
Speaker 1: little bit. Do some self care, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: You need to heal when the shock wears off. I
Speaker 1: do think it's important to look in the mirror and
Speaker 1: take some self stock of because it's easy for us
Speaker 1: to say, oh, she did this, he was that. But
Speaker 1: I think it's always important that it's it's there's always
Speaker 1: it takes two to tango, and so it is important
Speaker 1: to look in the mirror and where there are things
Speaker 1: that you overlooked, Where the red flags you overlooked, Where
Speaker 1: are there things that you are doing in your life,
Speaker 1: or maybe things habits you have or things that are
Speaker 1: driving a wedge between you and the people you love.
Speaker 1: So I think it is healthy to look inside, but
Speaker 1: be careful about those demonstrative statements of you can't keep
Speaker 1: a man. I mean, you know, what did you do?
Speaker 1: You know the blame game, and that is quite silly
Speaker 1: to me, and that's very superficial. And I'm sorry you
Speaker 1: have people in your life that would say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry that your family is saying that, and
Speaker 2: I just I'm yes, I'm sorry that your family is
Speaker 2: saying that. And I I think at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, nobody knows what's going on in a relationship
Speaker 2: other than the two people who are really in it.
Speaker 2: So important, I think you just need to be really
Speaker 2: if you haven't, you need to be really clear with
Speaker 2: your family and say what you're saying is not helping
Speaker 2: me right now. You're saying it too bluntly. It's not productive.
Speaker 2: If you want to really, like have a deep conversation
Speaker 2: with me, I would love that because I have value
Speaker 2: your opinion. But you're actually hurting me. I found with
Speaker 2: my own family, Like, if you say you're hurting me
Speaker 2: right now, if that family member loves you, they do
Speaker 2: they take a step back real quick, or just say
Speaker 2: they calm down real quick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the way you're saying that I can't keep a man,
Speaker 1: can we have a real conversation of do you think
Speaker 1: there's things in my life that are causing this?
Speaker 2: Like feel like that person also needs to have a
Speaker 2: real conversation about why they think it should be whether
Speaker 2: a woman can quote keep a man.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing too, when people are so demonstrative
Speaker 1: and they're so emotional, and it sucks for you because Christine,
Speaker 1: this just happened to you, so you're the one going
Speaker 1: through this, Yet you have to console people. Maybe these
Speaker 1: people really loved the person you were with and they're
Speaker 1: just they're upset too, and they're just kind of firing
Speaker 1: from the hip because they're emotional about it. It's not fair,
Speaker 1: it's not right. But maybe also give them a minute
Speaker 1: because maybe they're just upset.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you might want to pull back. I mean, look,
Speaker 2: sometimes relationships ebb and flow. You don't have to be
Speaker 2: in constant contact with certain family members all the time.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we need a little break from people.
Speaker 1: Let's end on this one. As our wedding approaches It's
Speaker 1: a very good question, and that is when did you
Speaker 1: know you were the one? When did you know I
Speaker 1: was the one? Was there a moment?
Speaker 2: Wow? This is a hard question.
Speaker 1: I know it's kind of interesting.
Speaker 2: Do you know that your answer, I don't.
Speaker 1: Think there was ever that one flip of the switch
Speaker 1: as opposed to a steady assent.
Speaker 2: I was going to say the exact same thing. It's
Speaker 2: hard because I think people want to know what was
Speaker 2: that moment because everyone hopes for that moment. We all
Speaker 2: hope for that clarity and relationship.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can tell you the moment where I
Speaker 1: thought I if I go back to that spark plug moment,
Speaker 1: but I still wouldn't have if you had stopped me
Speaker 1: and interviewed me in a reality TV moment of in
Speaker 1: the moment interview, I wouldn't have said I'm probably gonna
Speaker 1: marry her.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, which moment?
Speaker 1: Uh? In the parking lot after our first.
Speaker 2: Date, what when I kissed you? Yes, you knew from
Speaker 2: the kiss.
Speaker 1: It wasn't the kiss. It was the conversation we had
Speaker 1: had for probably two hours leading up to that, and
Speaker 1: then the brief conversation we had in the parking lot
Speaker 1: that led to the first kiss where I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: she's different. She's different than anyone I've ever dated before.
Speaker 2: What did we say that conversation?
Speaker 1: We just had a conversation if we were going to
Speaker 1: do this.
Speaker 2: Oh and did go out again?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Not have sex. We did not have sex. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you remember we did not want sex
Speaker 1: our first date.
Speaker 2: No, we didn't.
Speaker 1: And by the way, we drove separately and went home separately,
Speaker 1: Yes we did.
Speaker 2: And I do recommend that, Actually.
Speaker 1: Yes, I do too.
Speaker 2: I think when you bring up I'm not a like, listen,
Speaker 2: I'm not like, wait for this or you have to
Speaker 2: wait a long time. But I don't think sex on
Speaker 2: the first date is a good idea. I think you
Speaker 2: get physical too quickly and it sort of over states
Speaker 2: the connection, you.
Speaker 1: Know, what, I think is fun and great texting afterwards
Speaker 1: or calling them afterwards, being excited of what you may
Speaker 1: have just discovered, like all that stuff.
Speaker 2: So I do think there were things on our first date,
Speaker 2: for sure, that made me new I was potentially very
Speaker 2: interested in you, like, and it was sort of simple
Speaker 2: things like the fact that when we got home we
Speaker 2: drove separately. You texted me and asked if I was
Speaker 2: you got home okay, and you right away said like,
Speaker 2: I want to see you again. I thought, I thought, oh,
Speaker 2: this guy's different, Like this is a man, like he
Speaker 2: is making it clear what he wants. He isn't playing games.
Speaker 2: I mean, some games are fun. And also, as you
Speaker 2: just mentioned everybody, I went in for the kiss. I
Speaker 2: went and kissed Chris Harrison. One of the questions we
Speaker 2: had earlier was you know, how how do you know
Speaker 2: when there are sparks? I wanted to find out. I
Speaker 2: really liked the conversation, and I thought, I'm going to
Speaker 2: kiss him because A you don't always have to wait
Speaker 2: for the kiss. First of all, when you go in
Speaker 2: for the kiss as the woman, then that kind of
Speaker 2: puts the control in your hands, which I like, I'm
Speaker 2: like a big shoot your shot and own your situation.
Speaker 1: It's sexy as hell, by the way, thank you.
Speaker 2: And then I just wanted to see Okay. I feel
Speaker 2: like I had good conversation, But do I have a
Speaker 2: physical connection. I think, especially because we had done interviews
Speaker 2: for years and I had never felt that attraction in interviews.
Speaker 2: I thought, I've got to like take this next physical
Speaker 2: step to see see.
Speaker 1: This kiss gonna feel like one of our long interviews
Speaker 1: or is there going to be a spark here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like did we just do a long interview in
Speaker 2: this date and was it a date or was in
Speaker 2: an interview?
Speaker 1: I don't know, Eli, it felt different, yes.
Speaker 2: But I agree with you that it was such a
Speaker 2: steady progression. I think honestly, I think I don't have
Speaker 2: a time point when it happened, but I know the
Speaker 2: reason in large part that I knew you were the one,
Speaker 2: I mean, all of your qualities, But a huge part
Speaker 2: of it has been that our relationship has always been easy,
Speaker 2: that that natural, steady progression did happen Like this whole
Speaker 2: time that we've been together, We've never questioned. We've never
Speaker 2: ever questioned like should we break up? Is this going right?
Speaker 2: I've never questioned is this guy the right guy?
Speaker 1: It hasn't been a roller coaster ride where either one
Speaker 1: of us have had to be like, well, she's not this,
Speaker 1: but she's this red flats.
Speaker 2: So I think that that the fact that there's never
Speaker 2: been questions like that.
Speaker 1: And that's not to say we don't fight. It's not
Speaker 1: to say we don't disagree, Lauren does. There's many times
Speaker 1: I've been wrong, but I appreciate that, and I think
Speaker 1: we both agree. Thank you so much for your questions, Elsie,
Speaker 1: think you for your answers. Love hearing from everybody, and
Speaker 1: I love where these questions have gone. You can tell
Speaker 1: they've definitely turned and gotten a little bit more serious
Speaker 1: and a little bit more personal as we've gone along.
Speaker 2: Heck, yes, and we love hearing from you all always.
Speaker 2: I feel thy selfishly like it because these questions kind
Speaker 2: of make me reflect on our relationship as well, and
Speaker 2: we can't wait to get married and share all that
Speaker 2: with you guys too.
Speaker 1: And look as I read through some of these questions,
Speaker 1: a lot of them, many of them come from traumatic
Speaker 1: moments and breakups and pain. And just know that we
Speaker 1: love you, we feel you, we can all relate to it.
Speaker 1: That's what makes listening to this podcast and doing this
Speaker 1: podcast so helpful. You're not alone, and just know that
Speaker 1: you are loved and whatever you're going through, this too
Speaker 1: shall pass. You will get through it and we are
Speaker 1: right there with you. And take care of yourself. Take
Speaker 1: care of yourself. And if you know someone is hurting,
Speaker 1: reach out to them. As Lauren just said, your words
Speaker 1: have power and they have meaning, so use them. And
Speaker 1: choose them carefully. Love you all, Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and we'll talk to you again next time because we
Speaker 1: have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod Ever,
Speaker 1: and make sure to write us a review and leave
Speaker 1: us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.