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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On

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Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our

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Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode ninety nine. We're going

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Speaker 1: to be talking about having kids at different ages and

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Speaker 1: stages and some of the complications that can introduce, and

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Speaker 1: also some of the cool parts as well. Partly, by

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Speaker 1: nature of having bigger families, you're going to wind up

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Speaker 1: with kids at different ages, and we know a lot

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Speaker 1: of people listening to this are dealing with that or

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Speaker 1: are considering having families that might wind up with kids

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Speaker 1: at different ages, and so we thought that would be

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Speaker 1: a great topic to discuss. We originally discussed this Sarah

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Speaker 1: and I together in Miami. This was one of our

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Speaker 1: live episodes that unfortunately succumbed to the same fate as

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Speaker 1: the frugal parenting one, namely our inability to turn our

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Speaker 1: microphone on. We were just so excited to be in

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Speaker 1: each other's presence that we decided not to do a

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Speaker 1: tech check. In any case, here we are making good

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Speaker 1: on this recording, not in the same place, but hopefully

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Speaker 1: our discussion will be better for having had it once before,

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Speaker 1: right Sarah, who knows, maybe we will initiate regular rehearsals.

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Speaker 1: Things turned out to be exactly of much higher quality. Well,

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Speaker 1: I think we need to remind our listeners the ages

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Speaker 1: and stages of our current broods, since not everybody keeps

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Speaker 1: careful track. I have a seven year old entering second grade.

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Speaker 1: That's Annabel. Cameron is five and we'll go into kindergarten

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Speaker 1: this year, and then Genevieve is eighteen months old. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I have Jasper who's twelve and going into seventh grade,

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Speaker 1: Sam who is nine turning ten and going into fourth grade,

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Speaker 1: Ruth who is seven turning eight and going into second grade,

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Speaker 1: and Alex who will be in preschool for another year.

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Speaker 1: One of the cool things about our live recording was

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Speaker 1: that I was able to view Laura's camp spreadsheet live.

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Speaker 1: In fact, it was so live. She was like, remember,

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Speaker 1: don't say out loud, where all my kids are this

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Speaker 1: summer at any given week. Yes, I know, if you

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Speaker 1: can list it all, like from June seventeen to twenty one,

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Speaker 1: they are here. But it was actually really cool. I

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Speaker 1: still think you need to create or share that template

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Speaker 1: so that our listeners can take advantage of filling out

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Speaker 1: a camp spreadsheet of their own. And although you really

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Speaker 1: don't need a template because it's just Excel and it's

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Speaker 1: very easy, like okay, true, but you know sometimes people

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Speaker 1: might not think of all the different well, and you

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Speaker 1: didn't even take advantage of full color coding that you know,

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Speaker 1: this this is basic Excel. I took, like you know,

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Speaker 1: the very simple computer class in high school or whatever,

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Speaker 1: visioning a redo where we change the vacations to a color,

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Speaker 1: and then when they're at the same camps, it's the

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Speaker 1: same colors you can easily visualize. And it was really

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Speaker 1: cool because I was able to see, like there were

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Speaker 1: a few weeks where three of Laura's kids were in

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Speaker 1: one place and one was in the other. There were

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Speaker 1: weeks when the whole family was on vacation, and then

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Speaker 1: there were some really scary weeks where it looked like

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Speaker 1: everyone was going to be veering off in separate directions.

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Speaker 1: I don't think we have went anywhere. All for are

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Speaker 1: in different places. I think we avoided that. But yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I just have the names of the kids across the top.

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Speaker 1: So there's four categories across the top four columns, and

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Speaker 1: then the weeks of the summer down the left hand side,

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Speaker 1: starting from when Alex was out of school because he

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Speaker 1: was the first one out and so he had a

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Speaker 1: week of camp while the others were still in school,

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Speaker 1: and then going through that, so you know, it goes

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Speaker 1: from sort of mid June to Labor Day and what

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Speaker 1: it just it provides a very quick visual, you know,

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Speaker 1: impression of the summer, and you know, I printed up

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Speaker 1: copies for Nanny and for Michael. The kids have looked

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Speaker 1: at it too, because they don't remember where they're going,

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Speaker 1: like they asked for various camps, but they have no

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Speaker 1: clue like which weeks of July that was, you know,

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Speaker 1: and so they look at it and saying, oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then it helped me also figure out when our

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Speaker 1: mommy days could be because obviously you know, it works

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Speaker 1: better if the kid is not in camp that week

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Speaker 1: if I want to do a full day trip with

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Speaker 1: each of the kids. But yeah, I don't think i'd

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Speaker 1: be able to keep it organized on just my calendar.

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Speaker 1: I think it helps to have the spreadsheet it all in. No,

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Speaker 1: once I saw it, it it made sense, like it felt warranted.

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Speaker 1: We didn't need one this summer because I kept it

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Speaker 1: really simple. The two big kids are in one camp,

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Speaker 1: Genevieve was still home, so this might be the last

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Speaker 1: year with no spreadsheet. We'll have to see. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean two kids even you can like enter it

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Speaker 1: in on a calendar. I don't know. It's just by

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Speaker 1: the time there are four people who have sort of

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Speaker 1: their own interests. Yes, And I think that that makes

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Speaker 1: a big difference too. If you know you're just going

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Speaker 1: to send all three to the exact same day camp

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Speaker 1: with you know, the same hours and one drop off,

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Speaker 1: and you're not going to do a in the middle

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Speaker 1: of it, it's much less of a big deal. But

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Speaker 1: as kids get older, as we'll talk about, their interests

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Speaker 1: often diversify and things just are going to get more complex,

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Speaker 1: at least if you let them. Yeah, when we originally

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Speaker 1: recorded this episode. We had our introduction to it, but

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Speaker 1: then in the intervening time between our recording that and

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Speaker 1: discovering that the episode was gone and needing to rerecord,

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Speaker 1: Sarah wrote a blog post talking about the toddler age

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Speaker 1: and mentioning a blog post she'd read by a different

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Speaker 1: blogger who was talking about some of the challenges with

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Speaker 1: you know, early teen and preteen kids that you face

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Speaker 1: kids in those ages and very dedicated best of both world.

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Speaker 1: Listeners would recognize this blogger because she was a guest.

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Speaker 1: It was, oh, never mind, I think, oh no, she

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Speaker 1: shares her blog name. I was going to say she's confidential,

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Speaker 1: but she's not. Anyway, she was a podcast guest, but

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Speaker 1: she talked about her blog while she was a guest,

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Speaker 1: so there you go. And anyway, with that digression, she

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Speaker 1: talked about some challenges her big kids were going through.

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Speaker 1: And I've always read her blog as kind of, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, like looking at my future because her kids

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Speaker 1: are a similar age spacing to mine, And I love

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Speaker 1: her blog and I love the way she thinks, and

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Speaker 1: I love the way she writes, and it's like a

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Speaker 1: fun ride for me, and it still is. But this

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Speaker 1: post just made me think, because she really talked about

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Speaker 1: that classic adage of bigger kids, bigger problems, and how

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Speaker 1: stressful certain things were becoming as her kids were getting older,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, as I was reading it, I

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Speaker 1: was having I don't know, some more stressful times, very

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Speaker 1: centered around my toddler. Not that she was doing anything

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Speaker 1: particularly stressful, just that we had toddler's tough I mean, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess that's what it is. Caring for a toddler

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Speaker 1: is tough, and I just as I read her post,

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Speaker 1: I got it like I got that. I'm not staying

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Speaker 1: up at night stressing about Genevieve's you know, internet habits.

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Speaker 1: That's true, but while I'm awake and she's awake, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm not really doing anything other than like zee freeing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean having kids sort of spanning

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Speaker 1: both of this, because you know, I have older kids

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Speaker 1: who are online. I also have a younger kid who's

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Speaker 1: still sort of like crazy in various toddlerish ways, even

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Speaker 1: though he's getting a little bit older now. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you can acknowledge that various parts of

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Speaker 1: any age can be challenging and there are various parts

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Speaker 1: of any age that can be awesome, and I think

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Speaker 1: the problem comes when people want to like have this

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Speaker 1: narrative that whatever they are currently going through is like

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Speaker 1: the worst possible, and other people just don't understand. I

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Speaker 1: think that's where it gets a problem, because I think

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Speaker 1: you can be then very frustrated as a mom of

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Speaker 1: littles when somebody's telling you, like, oh, you should just

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Speaker 1: enjoy when their kids are one in three because you know,

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Speaker 1: at least they're not crashing your car. And I mean, yes,

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Speaker 1: that's true. But on the other hand, when your kids

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Speaker 1: are old enough to crash your car, they're also old

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Speaker 1: enough to get themselves places, and like you don't have

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Speaker 1: to wipe their bottoms, like you don't have to feed

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Speaker 1: them like that, you don't have to hover over them

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Speaker 1: every second. Like there's just things that are, you know,

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Speaker 1: positives and negatives about both aspects of it. I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about it on my drive today, and I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about your book and Off the Clock specifically, and

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Speaker 1: about the experiencing self. Not only the remembering self so much,

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Speaker 1: but I find that from an experiencing self level, toddlers

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Speaker 1: are much much more difficult than say, a preteen, like

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Speaker 1: you're not going through your hours of your day in

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Speaker 1: the present. I mean, maybe your your your mind is wandering, distressing,

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Speaker 1: but it's more like during those reflective times, right versus

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Speaker 1: when you're kind of maybe at a family gathering with

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Speaker 1: the toddler as I was this past weekend, or just

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Speaker 1: wiling away the hour on Sunday, like your count in

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Speaker 1: minutes literally like oh my god, when is my partner

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Speaker 1: going to come home? I haven't spoken to an adult

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Speaker 1: all day. I am trying to cook dinner. But every

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Speaker 1: time I, you know, try to like relax for more

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Speaker 1: than thirty seconds, there's something out of the dust pan,

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Speaker 1: I mean exactly. And so I think that I think

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Speaker 1: they're just they're almost not comparable challenges in a way.

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Speaker 1: I mean, both involved kids, but but they're very, very different.

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Speaker 1: And in fact, there were even people who commented on

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Speaker 1: my blog post today that kind of said things like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like my seven year old, it's very stressful. Well, I

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Speaker 1: have a seven year old, and I have a five

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Speaker 1: year old, and I have a one year old or

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Speaker 1: an eighteen month old. And for me, and maybe it's

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Speaker 1: just my personality, I find the toddler parenting about ten

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Speaker 1: times more stressful, even though I actually love it too.

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Speaker 1: It's weir. It's like this weird I don't know, combination

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Speaker 1: of things. No, I totally get it. I totally get it.

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Speaker 1: And I think, you know, toddlers are amazingly difficult. They

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Speaker 1: make time go very slowly in some you know, not

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Speaker 1: so awesome ways. I think there's also, you know, the

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Speaker 1: reality of you having to be on them all the time,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes other people don't share that burden. And this

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Speaker 1: is you know, I've I've had this experience at extended

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Speaker 1: family gatherings, like I think that you you went through

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Speaker 1: this past weekend, and you know, it's you're watching the

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Speaker 1: toddler the whole time. Everyone else is relaxing and enjoying themselves,

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Speaker 1: and it's very lonely. It's isolating and it's boring as hell,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it's it's just I think people forget

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Speaker 1: that aspect of it. And I'm not saying, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: adolescents are a you know, piece of cake, because of

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Speaker 1: course they're not. I probably am less inclined to talk

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Speaker 1: about that, just because as they get older, it's them.

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Speaker 1: They have their owns, like their struggle that they may not.

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Speaker 1: They are not as much extensions of you in any way,

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Speaker 1: shape or form. They have their own life, their own

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Speaker 1: you know, digital print or whatever. And so I think

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Speaker 1: part of what could be challenging is we're all out

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Speaker 1: there talking about the toddler struggles and so you definitely

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Speaker 1: know you're going through stuff, whereas often I think what

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Speaker 1: people were reacting to with that blog post that you

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Speaker 1: link to, I mean, many people don't post about their

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Speaker 1: individual people that you may not wish to, you know,

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Speaker 1: have out in the public eye. So I think that

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Speaker 1: can be part of the isolating aspect of that, which

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Speaker 1: you know you could and maybe lean more on your

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Speaker 1: in real life friends for stuff like that and relatives

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Speaker 1: and others who have gone through it. That might be

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Speaker 1: a better support network than the people you meet online. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. No, And I'm in no way minimizing

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Speaker 1: that and in no way arguing with her posts. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it was completely valid and it was her feelings, and

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Speaker 1: she even wrote a very supportive comment on my blog

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Speaker 1: talking about how you know, for her that was just

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Speaker 1: her experience and you know, she actually didn't find parenting

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Speaker 1: toddlers a challenging So I do think that's also a

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Speaker 1: personality thing too, and some people are probably more gifted

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Speaker 1: at it than others, and that's okay. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: think I'm necessarily all that gifted in the baby toddler department.

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Speaker 1: I definitely like big kids better, and you know, I

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Speaker 1: enjoy having conversations, I enjoy doing fun stuff with the

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Speaker 1: bigger kids that you just can't do as easily with

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Speaker 1: littler ones. But we wanted to talk in this episode

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Speaker 1: about some of the challenges of having a spread so

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Speaker 1: not even so much you know, big kids versus little kids,

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Speaker 1: but because it's all hard, because that's all. Yeah, each

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Speaker 1: stage has its own fun and its own challenges. But

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Speaker 1: if you happen to have kids in a different ages,

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Speaker 1: either because you've spread them out, maybe that they are

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Speaker 1: a blended family or whatever, it is, how you deal

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Speaker 1: with those various things. So you've been going through the

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Speaker 1: difficulty of you know, finding activities that everyone can do

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Speaker 1: with you know, the toddler and the past. Yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: at that awkward stage. And again, I think that has

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Speaker 1: a little more to do with toddler. I think maybe

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Speaker 1: it's less of an issue when you've got maybe a

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Speaker 1: similar spread. But maybe if my kids were five, eleven,

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Speaker 1: and nine, although even then, I think by the time

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Speaker 1: you have a middle schooler, they may not be as

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Speaker 1: excited about going to the Zoom for the you know,

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Speaker 1: the tenth time during the summer. Like you can get

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Speaker 1: a lot of mileage out of those places with the

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Speaker 1: young ones. But yeah, things like ice skating. Annabel's expressed

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Speaker 1: a lot of interest in doing that, but I need

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Speaker 1: to be able to take her kind of on her

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Speaker 1: own because that's not something I can bring Genevieve to.

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Speaker 1: Or performances, oh my goodness, refuse. I refuse to bring

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Speaker 1: a Fowler to really any kind of performance lasting longer

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Speaker 1: than five minutes. That's just recipe for misery. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: and then vacations. I mean, our Disney crews worked out

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Speaker 1: really well, and there's certain vacations that are sort of

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Speaker 1: targeted to these situations. But yeah, that's that's been a

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Speaker 1: tough one, and we are keeping things a little bit

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Speaker 1: more low key this summer for that reason. I like

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Speaker 1: your trick, the leaving one at home trick. Yeah, the

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Speaker 1: leaving one at home, Well that solves that problem right there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So we sort of realized that our older kids were

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Speaker 1: going to want to do things that we're just going

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Speaker 1: to be miserable with our youngest. And so given that

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Speaker 1: up until a certain point, he was certainly not going

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Speaker 1: to remember being on like a twelve hour plane trip

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Speaker 1: to Hawaii, but he was going to make us miserable

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Speaker 1: on the twelve hour plane trip to Hawaii, we elected

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Speaker 1: to not take him on some of our longer trips

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Speaker 1: that would have been difficult with a younger one. So

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Speaker 1: obviously many ways you can handle this. If you have

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Speaker 1: a caregiver who stays over night, maybe that person can

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Speaker 1: cover it, or extended family who might be willing to

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Speaker 1: spend some special one on one time with a younger kid,

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Speaker 1: you know it. Obviously not everyone can can do this,

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Speaker 1: and I totally recognize that, but for us, it allowed

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Speaker 1: us to have some of the upsides of having older children,

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Speaker 1: like going to Yellowstone and hiking next to geothermal things

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Speaker 1: that would have been a nightmare with you know kid

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Speaker 1: who doesn't like to stay on paths, which the truth is,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you only get one chance to make those

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Speaker 1: childhood memories with any of your kids, right, so by

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Speaker 1: denying your older kids those experiences because you can't do

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Speaker 1: them with your younger is also giving something up. I

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Speaker 1: think I didn't initially realize that when I heard about

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Speaker 1: your adventures, but now that I know it's more similar,

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Speaker 1: I'm the bad mom. I was not judging you. I

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Speaker 1: was just more like, could I do that? I don't.

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Speaker 1: It's allowed pretty much everyone is allowed. It was a

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Speaker 1: good point, almost everything is allowed, but no, there is

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Speaker 1: actually I mean, you're giving up something if you don't go,

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Speaker 1: so you know, you have to weigh the positives and

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Speaker 1: negatives there. And you're absolutely right that he would not

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Speaker 1: have remembered that torture is stripped Hawaii. But even on

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Speaker 1: a day to day basis, I mean, because you're dealing

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Speaker 1: with the nap time phenomenon, right, Yes, the nap time.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's much better now that we're one nap.

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Speaker 1: The two naps. We abruptly changed to one nap, probably

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Speaker 1: earlier than was officially you know, necessary, just because the

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Speaker 1: more naps you have in the day, the harder that is,

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Speaker 1: because you end up trying to structure things. And I

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Speaker 1: end up in that agel debate, like do I try

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Speaker 1: to protect the nap by you know, messing with the

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Speaker 1: older kids schedule and what they want to do, or

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Speaker 1: is it better to you know, just not worry about

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Speaker 1: the nap at all and then kind of pay for

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Speaker 1: it later. So I don't know, there's no right answer.

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Speaker 1: It varies, but but yeah, we're trying to figure things

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Speaker 1: out as it goes. Yeah, I mean, and some kids,

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Speaker 1: I mean, kids are different with the nap, and there

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Speaker 1: are some kids who absolutely have to sleep at certain

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Speaker 1: times in their crib or life falls apart. My kids

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Speaker 1: were never totally like that, so you know, it's been

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Speaker 1: a little bit more variable. But we definitely would you know,

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Speaker 1: split up the family on the weekend's one parent take

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Speaker 1: the big kids to do something while the others stays

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Speaker 1: home with the younger napping, or we you know, when

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Speaker 1: Alex was much younger, we would have weekend sitters more regularly,

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Speaker 1: precisely for that reason, because you know, it's like a

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Speaker 1: toddler who wants to nap at a wrestling meet is

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Speaker 1: just everything awful about that situation. There's nothing good. And

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Speaker 1: I know people do it, like I see other people's

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Speaker 1: toddlers at the wrestling meets and they don't look happy.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that was you know, I feel bad for them,

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Speaker 1: and I know that that's what they have to deal with.

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Speaker 1: But since we are it's avoidable. If it's avoidable, and

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Speaker 1: since we're in a position where we could either hire

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Speaker 1: a sit or if people have extended family or neighbors,

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Speaker 1: they might trade off or do play dates or something.

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Speaker 1: But like just you know, giving yourself the space to

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Speaker 1: not deal with that and actually be able to watch

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Speaker 1: the big kid do their thing, you know. Yeah, I'll

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Speaker 1: be excited when our nap years are over, which is

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Speaker 1: usually around three at our house. All right, we're going

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Speaker 1: to take a quick break to welcome one of our

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Speaker 1: All right, back to our discussion about the challenges that

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Speaker 1: go with raising kids at different ages and stages. Now,

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Speaker 1: I know one thing we wanted to talk about was

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Speaker 1: something that you thought was a little crazy, right. I

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Speaker 1: guess I'm not judging you know, I'm not judging anyone. However,

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Speaker 1: I thought it was interesting when Sarah sent a note

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Speaker 1: about how Genevieve was going to be starting preschool in

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Speaker 1: the fall. Genevieve, Recall will be about twenty months old

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Speaker 1: in the so I was just curious why one might

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Speaker 1: do this, so Sarah, maybe you can explain that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm divided on it as well. To be completely honest,

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Speaker 1: the school she's going to is a very dedicated and

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Speaker 1: traditional Montessori program, and I love it, so I was

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Speaker 1: excited about that. And she actually will not be the

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Speaker 1: youngest one they are, because I believe they open up

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Speaker 1: at eighteen months, so maybe she'll be the second youngest.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I actually was going to pull her

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Speaker 1: out last minute, because all of a sudden I really

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Speaker 1: realized that the logistical challenges might not be worth the

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Speaker 1: potential benefit and fun she could have in this environment.

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Speaker 1: Josh felt very strongly that he wanted all of her.

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Speaker 1: He felt like it worked for the other kids who

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Speaker 1: did also attend school at a young age. Now, the

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Speaker 1: other kids that happened more by default because Annabel had

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Speaker 1: been in daycare, so we felt like the natural transition

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Speaker 1: was to a school. And then when Annabel was going

429
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 1: to school, Cameron seemed excited and the school was right

430
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 1: near our house, so it was very natural. This feels

431
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 1: a little bit more not forced, but contrived, elaborate to contrive, Okay,

432
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: that's the right word. However, I do kind of love

433
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 1: the school, so on my new plan is, yes, we've

434
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,880
Speaker 1: enrolled her, I fill that amount of paperwork and she's

435
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: going to start. But if it turns out that two

436
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 1: weeks in we're still, you know, dealing with separation issues,

437
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: or it just seems like a big ordeal that's not

438
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 1: worth it, we will pull her out and tell them

439
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 1: nicely that we will send her the next year. And

440
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: my thought is that if she's crying and unpleasant, they

441
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 1: probably won't fight us too hard on that. Yeah. I mean,

442
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: we started Alex much later than the others, and partly

443
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 1: is because last year, when he could have gone theoretically

444
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 1: to preschool, he wasn't potty trained yet. But I guess

445
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 1: we could have tried to push that. My three big

446
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: kids were all in the same elementary school, and I

447
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 1: was sort of like, this is beautiful. I have three

448
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: kids in one school. I only have one set of

449
00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: parent teacher conferences, days off fun users like, let me

450
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 1: just roll with this, and you know we have we

451
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 1: have the nanny, so it's not like he needed to

452
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: go somewhere. They did plenty of classes and all that

453
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: good stuff. So we held off and then enrolled him

454
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: in the fall and of course because he's sort of

455
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: older starting he adjusted to it quite well. There was

456
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 1: no separation anxiety in factor where we drove him the

457
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 1: first day and I'm like, okay, Alex, here you go.

458
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: You're going to preschool and he's like, yeah, ran inside,

459
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: it's like I've been ready for this for two years,

460
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 1: to go for the past year. So he had no

461
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: issues with that whatsoever. So yeah, I don't know. I mean,

462
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: I think it's up to you. We started Sam very

463
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: young and not a day. It was a monassory one too,

464
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: and I think other kids really liked it. Sam did not.

465
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: He refused to put his little slippers on like you

466
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,640
Speaker 1: were supposed to. He kept his jacket on the whole

467
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,959
Speaker 1: time so he could race out as soon as somebody

468
00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 1: came to get home. So well, i'll report back by October,

469
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: so you all know how. She's probably a very gregarious

470
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: little girl and we'll love it. So we'll see you see.

471
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: So all right, challenge, Yeah, that was challenges, And then

472
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: our next category, in a more uplifting way, is theoretical

473
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: challenges that haven't been so bad. Yeah, so room sharing.

474
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: Some of our kids are sharing rooms on both of

475
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: our sides, so you have your older kids sharing, yes,

476
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 1: and the older kids sharing cross gender. They're in bunk beds.

477
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 1: No one's in puberty. I'm hoping they won't be for

478
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: quite some time, and so my plan is to keep

479
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: them together until it becomes awkward, and when that happens,

480
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 1: I will either put the two younger ones together. I

481
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 1: noted from an end of perspective that boys are hormone

482
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 1: free for longer, so that may work, and then potentially

483
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 1: Annabelle and Genevieve or maybe by then we'll move. Who knows.

484
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 1: There's also a downstairs room that I guess if everyone

485
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 1: was hating each other and we didn't need the office,

486
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: someone could live there. I don't know, but yeah, it's

487
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 1: been like a total non issue. In fact, I would

488
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 1: say it makes bedtime a bit more efficient. Yeah, I

489
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: love it. No, No, that's true. So my older two

490
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: boys share, so Jasper who's twelve, and Sam, who's nine,

491
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 1: and they've been sharing for the past like three years.

492
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: Originally we thought that Sam and Alex would share as

493
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: soon as Alex was kind of old enough to sleep

494
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 1: normally and all that good stuff, and so we bought

495
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: a bunk bed for that room in anticipation of those

496
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: two boys sharing. They're sort of temperamentally more matched too.

497
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: It's got the big closet, so that seemed like the

498
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 1: room that they should share. Sam stuff is all in there,

499
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: like his clothes, but they cannot share a room. Alex

500
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 1: snores for starters, which keeps Sam up. It Also he

501
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: wakes up ridiculously early and he's ready to party, and

502
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,400
Speaker 1: he wakes anyone else up who's in the room with him,

503
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: And so we just kept the you know, the big

504
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 1: boys together sort of indefinitely. But poor Sam had been

505
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: sleeping this little trundle bed for like the past three years,

506
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: and finally we realized, like this situation is not changing

507
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,919
Speaker 1: anytime soon, so we bought him a real bed, so

508
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,120
Speaker 1: now he had that. Now there are two real beds

509
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: in this room. They're at a somewhat strange angle configuration,

510
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 1: but the upside of it is that there's a little

511
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: reading nook like in the corner between the two beds.

512
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: So they've kind of enjoyed running with that. And I

513
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: don't know, I mean, I don't see any real way

514
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: around this because we don't have another I mean, he

515
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 1: could move there's a downstairs bedroom, like you were saying,

516
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 1: but it's so far away, it's in the basement. Like,

517
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 1: I don't really think it's the right solution. And maybe

518
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: someday the basement could be like a hangout room, but

519
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: not actually where he sleeps, because that's weird. Yeah, I

520
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: don't know, he felt like he needed a bachelor pad

521
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 1: or something. Well, the problem is, like all the electronics

522
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: are down there, right, so you'd be on the xbox

523
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: all night, the ultimate bet. And he could also get

524
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: out of the house because there's you know, means of

525
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: egress from the basement. So there's just also that's not

526
00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 1: going to work. Speaking of adolescent Yeah, some problems what

527
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 1: I would discover upon going to the basement. So yeah,

528
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: probably that is. That is not but you'll figure something out.

529
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,159
Speaker 1: And I have this feeling that you're not like up

530
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: at night worried about it, like it's going to organically work. Yeah,

531
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: And people have shared much smaller spaces and lived to

532
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 1: tell the tale. I mean, what do they do in

533
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: New York City. I'm sure like everyone shares, everyone shares,

534
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 1: and I don't know, occasionally they're going to have, you know,

535
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: sort of moments. So Jasper is away, this week at something,

536
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: and so Sam is getting the room to himself and

537
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: I'm just enjoy it while you have it, and we'll

538
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: see how this goes. So another sort of interesting challenge

539
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: or not that we've been dealing with is the idea

540
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: of family policies. Yes, we totally had family policies. I like,

541
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: what age can you do X? Right? Like that's and

542
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: I will note that there was some bitterness that my

543
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 1: little brother got to do whatever X is and this

544
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: idea of exes something was your ex I told my

545
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 1: ex well, I just remember, Okay, So here's you know,

546
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: my my sort of tale of woe. I was watching

547
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: Seinfeld one time as a teenager, and my mom came

548
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: in while I was watching it and they were making

549
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 1: a joke that it was funny but perhaps inappropriate, and

550
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 1: she was like, you are not allowed to watch this,

551
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: So off it went. Time passes. I come home from college.

552
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: One time I walk in the living room. My mom

553
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: and my little brother, who was of course younger than

554
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: I was at that time, are watching Seinfeld together, like

555
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: together young who the sheer rail? It was just that

556
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 1: is bad? Yeah, I thought I was mad about not

557
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: getting contacts at the same age. My sister. Actually I

558
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: am mad about that. Parents. If you're listening, it wasn't nice.

559
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, I am determined to keep things very consistent

560
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: between my children. If I've decided it, whatever, ten is

561
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: the age for X, then I am keeping it ten

562
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 1: because it's not cool. It's not cool. Yeah, I'm sure

563
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,239
Speaker 1: if I were a younger child, I would have the

564
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: absolute opposite last it's like, but I'm more mature. I

565
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: can deal with it whatever. Yeah. So, I mean our

566
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,720
Speaker 1: current policy is like you get a cell phone when

567
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: you're eleven, which now has been taken as like gospel, right,

568
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: so the kids are I mean Sam has said multiple

569
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: times like, well, when I get my phone at age eleven,

570
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: So I guess that's what it is. And I know something.

571
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: I know it's gonna have to ask you about her.

572
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: But I just don't see that that's that's going to happen.

573
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: But I actually feel like it's nice because now you

574
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 1: set the line in the sand and then they're unlikely to,

575
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: you know, keep asking. Yeah, I hope they may keep asking,

576
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: Like why wouldn't they keep asking? Like true? Yeah, there

577
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: are some benefits there to having kids spread apart in

578
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 1: age one, we are slowly coming to is the idea

579
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:55,719
Speaker 1: of sibling babysitting. Tell me about the sibling baby mythical

580
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: idea of the sibling babysitting. So, you know, Jasper is twelve,

581
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: and when I I was twelve, I was not only

582
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: babysitting my younger brother, I was babysitting neighborhood children. You know,

583
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: all the time. This is just you know, like a

584
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 1: business I was in. And you know, I'm pretty sure

585
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: no one's going to hire him to sit for their

586
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 1: kids who isn't in our family. But the question is

587
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: could he stay with some of his siblings. He can

588
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: definitely stay home by himself, that's that's totally fine. So

589
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: we this past weekend had him stay with Sam for

590
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: a very short time and it was fine. I mean,

591
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: as far as I know, the house is still here,

592
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: they're both still around, so clearly nothing went really wrong.

593
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: I mean, it was more that I left to go

594
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 1: to Target, like before, Michael was on his way back

595
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: from with Alex from soccer, so it was like, really,

596
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, twenty that's perfect. You can certainly

597
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: piloted out in those little tiny chunks where it would

598
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: kind of feel ridiculous to hire someone anyway. Yeah, and

599
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: so I'm thinking maybe I'll try like going for a

600
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: run or something while you know, Ruth and Alex are

601
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: all with somebody else. You know, It's just something like

602
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: that and see how it goes. And I think definitely

603
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: staying with Sam is gonna be fine. We'll see possibly Ruth,

604
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: that may happen at some point. I think Alex still

605
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: needs adult supervision. I just you know, you have to

606
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: be willing to deal with certain things, and I'm not

607
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: sure you have to be like paying attention consistently, and

608
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: he may he may not because he wants to watch

609
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: TV or do whatever. So I don't know, we're not

610
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: quite there for that. You'll get there, though, You'll get there.

611
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: And you found that younger kids grow up faster though, right,

612
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: It's yeah, I guess I feel like in some regards,

613
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: Genevieve has seemed to sort of copy her older siblings

614
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: and do what they do, And sometimes it feels like

615
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: that's a slight advantage. I think I mentioned like going

616
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: out somehow, maybe it's just her. I mean again, these

617
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: sort of end of one declarations as well. Toddler's the

618
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: third kid knows this, but you know, exactly total anecdata.

619
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 1: But I feel like she's maybe a little easier in

620
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: restaurants than the other two were at her age. But

621
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 1: maybe that's also just because she has the benefit of

622
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: two older kids that are slightly entertaining, whereas Annabel just

623
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: had two adults that were born not entertaining at all.

624
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: So yes, no, that can I think there may be

625
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: something to that. There's definitely you want to keep up though,

626
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: when you're the little kid. And yes, unless you draw

627
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: your identity from being the baby, which sometimes some kids do,

628
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: so that would be the counter to it, because some

629
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: kids that's their definite identity. But just for instance, I mean,

630
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: Ruth really just figured out like riding her bike without

631
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: the training wheels at about the same time Alex did,

632
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: because he so wanted to ride his bike without training wheels,

633
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: and so he was willing to, you know, keep falling

634
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: over to make it happen. And if you're willing to

635
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: fall like fifty times, you will learn to ride that bike.

636
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so that that's what he did, and he

637
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: had an eerily similar like timing thing. Yeah maybe that's

638
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 1: yeah personality thing, and yeah, who knows that you're old,

639
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: your older we learned at the same time. In fact,

640
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: I think he got a little more proficient faster than

641
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: she did. She doesn't like to fall, yes, exactly, it's

642
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: caution and versus recklessness. But one thing we both found

643
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: is cool for dealing with, you know, having making sure

644
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: you have time with older kids, because younger kids will

645
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: take a lot of your time and energy just by

646
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: the nature of being very demanding as younger kids. Doing

647
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: the mommy days. So you've now done this, yes, actually, yeah,

648
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: this is perfect. When we first record this, we hadn't.

649
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: But actually in the interim we have. I did my

650
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: very first set of dedicated mommy days, and that the

651
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: kids knew they were going to happen, that it was

652
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: just going to be one kid at a time. In fact,

653
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: the other kid went to camp as usual, and then

654
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: our nanny was here into care of Genevieve, so they

655
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: got their own days. And man, we packed a lot

656
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,479
Speaker 1: in We didn't do. I mean, Laura, you can talk

657
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: about like you do. Ten have tended to do, like

658
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: day trips. We did stuff that was local, but I

659
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 1: mean during Cameron's day, we went shopping for legos, we

660
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: saw a movie, we went and got ice cream, We

661
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: went swish. That sounds awesome. Yeah, we did a lot

662
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: and on Anambel's Day, we baked cupcakes, we got our

663
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: nails done, and we I don't remember what else, but

664
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: oh yeah, we made we made friendship bracelets. I taught

665
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: her how to We bought embroidery floss at Naples and

666
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 1: I taught her how to make friendship bracelets and we

667
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 1: basically spent the whole day. Both kids had their choice

668
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: of restaurants, so there was a lot of Panera like

669
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: favorite things great, yeah, I mean out of things, yeah, exactly,

670
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,840
Speaker 1: And yeah, they were kids were so happy to just

671
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: have that attention all on that. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. No,

672
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: I mean I started doing this a couple of years

673
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: ago in the summer, just doing you know, one day

674
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: with each of the big kids. And I mean I

675
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: remember the first one that I did. I think it

676
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: was Ruth and I took her to Hershey Park and

677
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: she must have been I think she was four, you know,

678
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: closing in on five, but she was definitely four years

679
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 1: old at the time, and it was just it was

680
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: like magical, I mean, just to have one kid. But

681
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,959
Speaker 1: like I mean, I know parents of only children don't

682
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 1: experience this constant bliss because and you have to entertain

683
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 1: your kid all the time or you're like constantly making

684
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: playdates get them out of your hair. But when you

685
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: have the siblings around all the time, then they're not

686
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,399
Speaker 1: used to it. So it's just this like we can

687
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: do whatever I want, Like we could just go to

688
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 1: this ride if I want to go to this ride.

689
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: We could go to this restaurant if I want to

690
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: keep like con for the Black Black conflict amazing. So

691
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: that was that was really great, And I experienced the

692
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 1: same thing with the others. So we've we've kept doing it,

693
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 1: and some of them may be local this year. I

694
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: think they've they've toned down some of their requests, which

695
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 1: is good because I you know, some of them are tough,

696
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: but you know, it's still fun. So glad we've been

697
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: doing it. Yeah, all right, should we get to our

698
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: Q and A, which and I already answered halfway so

699
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: this will not take too long. I came from a

700
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: reader of my blog and it said we are considering

701
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: adding a third kid. Ours there currently sixteen months and

702
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: three years, and ideally we waited a little longer, but

703
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: I just turned thirty nine, and so we need to

704
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: get going sooner rather than later if we do decide

705
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 1: to go for it. I just read your old from

706
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen about the downsides of the third baby, and

707
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: all of those really resonate with me. Again. For the record,

708
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 1: there are so many upsides that I felt like a

709
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,439
Speaker 1: post needed to be written on the downsides. I feel

710
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 1: that the upsides fully outweigh the downsides times many. But

711
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: you know, still good to talk about everything. Okay, anyway

712
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: back to the post. I do not love the baby stage,

713
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 1: the person writes, and I dread going through it again,

714
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 1: and I expect that the first year would be really

715
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,399
Speaker 1: tough on all of us. So my question is, did

716
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,399
Speaker 1: things get any easier or better once Genevieve started being

717
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: more toddler and less baby? And I think you can

718
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: tell from my initial part is that, actually I will

719
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,760
Speaker 1: add to this because the parts that I talked about

720
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 1: did get a little harder. Like toddlers have a little

721
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 1: bit more. You know, you can't just like throw them

722
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: in an argo and do whatever you were gonna do,

723
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: and you kind of have to be more careful about

724
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,439
Speaker 1: the nap time, et cetera. All the stuff we talked

725
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 1: about already but I will say, and I mentioned previously,

726
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 1: my work life got a million times better once we

727
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: were out of the baby stage. Now you all know

728
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 1: it was because in part of my obsessive needge pump.

729
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 1: So you know, there's that you could not do that.

730
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 1: A lot of people do get caught in that, you

731
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 1: know loop, So I can't just tell you not to

732
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: do it. And even if you're not pumping, babies wake

733
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: up a night and you don't get a lot of sleep,

734
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: and that makes it very hard to really focus and

735
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: be your best self during the workday when you have

736
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 1: to get up at a certain time. So I just

737
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: feel like that part of my life is a million

738
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: times better in the toddler stage, and then oddly my

739
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 1: weekends are maybe harder. So but then I also mentioned

740
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 1: to this writer that you know, it's still short. The

741
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 1: baby stage is like a year. The toddler stage is

742
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: really like two years, kind of maybe from ages one

743
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 1: to three. But I even think two is easier than one,

744
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: and three is easier than two, Four is great, and

745
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: five in my mind is like the Promised Land. So

746
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,799
Speaker 1: really like to me, it's a trade off that still

747
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: has some wonderful positives to it. In exchange for having

748
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 1: a third person in your family, which if that is

749
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: what you want and that is what felt right to us,

750
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: is totally worth it. So yeah, one thing I do

751
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 1: want to want to say here because now I remember

752
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: this from our original conversation when we recorded before, Like

753
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: the point I made, I think part of what's getting

754
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: her here is that she's got a sixteen month old

755
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: who's really draining and the thought of being pregnant while

756
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 1: dealing with a sixteen month old is what is making

757
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 1: her a little bit true concerned about that, and that

758
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 1: might get a little better in six months or so,

759
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: which it could get better in six months to a year.

760
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: And so just because the fact that she turned thirty nine, like,

761
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 1: I think she could give herself six more months at

762
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 1: least to have a little bit more space, because you know, yes,

763
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 1: we've all heard the statistics on declining fertility, but clearly

764
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 1: she has demonstrated post thirty five years old fertility. If

765
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 1: she's had true baby after the age of thirty five,

766
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 1: like odds are you know, it hasn't fallen off a

767
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 1: cliff in the last sixteen months, So she probably can

768
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: give herself another you know, six months, get herself to

769
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 1: where the youngest one is two, and then maybe she

770
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,439
Speaker 1: might feel a little bit more willing to go through

771
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: that when she's out of the stage where the baby

772
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: may still be getting up at night or requiring her

773
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: to chase around constantly. Maybe there'll be a little bit

774
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 1: more mellow when the youngest is two, and then she

775
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: might feel slightly more motivated about the whole pregnancy thing

776
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: at that point. True, although we've also said previously in

777
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: other episodes, and I'm just because I know we've said it,

778
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: which is that you know, you can't plan on when

779
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: you're going to have a baby, so it might take

780
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: longer than you think, so somehow than you think too.

781
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: Maybe well we'll start because it'll take me six months

782
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 1: and then guess what tomorrow. I know it's so hard

783
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: to predict. And I do think there are benefits to

784
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: having really close in age kids, and there are benefits

785
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 1: to spreading them out a little bit more. So it's like,

786
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 1: there's no right answer. Go with your gut here, but

787
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 1: I do agree with Laura that probably the urgency for

788
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 1: a few months isn't isn't going to make a big difference. Yeah,

789
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: all right, So love of the week. I got to

790
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: admire Sarah's love of the weekend person. When I was

791
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: with her, I was wearing my camper like wedge sling

792
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: back things that I were to work all the time,

793
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 1: and I was just showing Laura how they were going

794
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: strong after two years. And I can walk in them

795
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: and they do make me taller, but they're very very comfortable,

796
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: Like I can walk an Abel, you know, a mile

797
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 1: to school in them and then still feel good in

798
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: them at work. So they're kind of miracle shoes. The

799
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: brands Camper, C A, M, P, E R. I am.

800
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: They are not yet a sponsor. I would like to

801
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 1: like to sign on. I'm sure I'd enjoy wearing them too,

802
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: so please. But anyway, hairs, Yes, that is my love

803
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: of the week. What about yours? Oh gosh, I think

804
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 1: I had something and then I've totally forgotten what it was.

805
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,719
Speaker 1: Was it travel related? Was it travel related? It may

806
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 1: have been. One fun thing I did last night is

807
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: that I did a puzzle with each of my two

808
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 1: older children who are home. So Sam and Ruth are

809
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: home this week and did puzzles. I think I'm sure

810
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 1: I've mentioned, like Crocodile Creek, puzzles before as one of

811
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: the things that I enjoy, but I actually enjoyed putting

812
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: the puzzles together with them so much that I went

813
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: on Amazon and ordered more Crocodile created puzzles. So now

814
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: we have a slew of them arriving. Apparently they now

815
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 1: go up to pieces. Is like the right piece to

816
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: two hundred is good for doing in like an evening,

817
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 1: like an hour or forty five minute event, So then

818
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: your kids aren't bored. If they're sort of seven nine

819
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 1: years old, they can do that. I enjoy a challenge,

820
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: so I have ordered some five hundred piece. I may

821
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,320
Speaker 1: be on my own for those, but the two hundred,

822
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: if you have it out and kind of in progress,

823
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 1: then maybe people will kind of join for bits and

824
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: piece maybe yeah, we'll see. Not to use the pun,

825
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: it's terrible, all right. We will end on that. I

826
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 1: hope that everyone enjoyed this Redone episode and that it

827
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: was extra polished and it was even kind of fun

828
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: to go through again, so exactly all right, Well, this

829
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,720
Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds episode ninety nine, talking

830
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 1: about kids at different ages and stages. We will be

831
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 1: back next week with more on making work in life.

832
00:41:55,239 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: Fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah

833
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox

834
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura

835
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both

836
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 1: worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on

837
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: making work and life work together.